#that it's a result of trauma and not a Neutral way to exist

[bioethicists]

beer killed my father . he had a disease which destroyed his body and strained his relationships with his wife, his friends, and his children. Alcohol destroys everything it touches, theres a reason you see so many liquor stores in poor neighborhoods. don’t be fucking obtuse. Prohibition obviously doesn’t work, but I wish alcohol was taxed higher. And i want the CEO of Heineken on the guillotine right after Jeff Bezos.

before anything, i want to let you know that i am incredibly sorry about your father. alcohol has decimated entire generations of my family, played a crucial role in the neglectful family structure i spent the first 19 years of my life suffering under, + played a minor but not insignificant role in my brother's death. i would never undermine or dismiss that in anyone.

i used to feel very similarly to you, in large part because my mother is a recovering alcoholic who raised me to believe that alcohol is a magic poison which turns people into monsters + i, being her child, probably inherited a disease which would also turn me into a monster if i chose to drink. it's a deeply painful + understandable response to the pain that alcohol can cause.

my first question is, does alcohol really "destroy everything it touches"? are there not millions of people who engage with alcohol, in varying degrees of recreational use, who experience minimal or no negative impacts? or do you believe that everyone who drinks alcohol in any capacity is experiencing severe destruction in their lives as a result? does the existence of people for whom alcohol enriches their lives (or is a neutral presence) at all invalidate your experience, or your father's?

my second question is, you've identified that there are 'so many liquor stores in poor neighborhoods' (i would add there is a lot of alcohol in rich neighborhoods, just distributed in less stigmatized ways, like boutique wineries + fancy bars), do you think that companies are strategically attempting to create alcohol dependencies among poor people, or do you think that poverty creates the pain, hopelessness, + desperation which can fuel an alcohol habit (which is then exacerbated by intergenerational trauma + community alcohol culture).

i feel no allegiance to liquor companies- they absolutely do make the bulk of their profits off of people who are drinking in a way that is destroying their lives (unsure if i trust the exact scope of the research in that link but i trust the gist). however, liquor companies love the disease model, because it exempts them from responsibility. if alcoholism is truly a genetic disease, then liquor companies, bars, package stores hold no fault in the development of destructive drinking habits + community norms (natasha Schüll discusses this in her book about gambling addiction)- the people were already sick + would be getting it somewhere else, anyway, right? but as you have correctly identified, liquor companies help create the structures which turn alcohol use into an accessible + normalized mode of self-destruction.

my third question is, will taxing liquor help the real problem? yes, it reduces alcohol consumption, but does it reduce addiction? or does it make cheapskates like me say "i'm not fucking paying for that" while individuals who consume alcohol compulsively either eat the cost or turn to more illicit ways of obtaining alcohol. or, rephrased, is the problem that alcohol is too accessible? is alcohol a magical poison which turns 'normal' people into 'alcoholics'? alternatively, is alcoholism a genetic condition, unrelated to any outside circumstances, which is triggered by drinking?

or: is alcoholism one of many ways in which people who are experiencing hopelessness, pain, grief, poverty, trauma, etc use to numb themselves, harm themselves, + make life feel more bearable? at this point, i do believe there is at least a temperament factor which makes people more likely to use substances over other forms of escape (hence why my brother used substances while i turned to anorexia + do not struggle with substance use). are we actually addressing the problem if we make it more expensive (thus, mind you, further impoverishing people with alcohol addictions!)? or are we shifting the pain these people are experiencing to either other avenues (opioids, other drugs, totally different ways of coping which are often just as destructive) or an unregulated, underground alcohol market.

the way you are viewing alcohol, alcohol is a unique substance which is manufacturing or feeding illness in people in order to make them behave in ways which destroy their lives + the lives of others. the way i am viewing it, alcohol is a presence which can fill a void that is being created in people's lives as a response to structural, communal, or social suffering. when alcohol is painted as the cause of this pain, we are able to look the other way from a which world is structured to cause an immense amount of people to suffer needlessly. at the same time, the common sense observation that many of us engage with alcohol in ways which do not destroy our lives, as well as the knowledge that prohibition does not work, prevents the erasure of alcohol from public or private life.

who benefits from the belief that alcohol is a uniquely corrupting substance? what lessons did we actually learn from prohibition- is trying to do it to a lesser degree (make alcohol less accessible) actually going to do anything? when the price of opioids went up due to dea crackdowns, did people stop buying opioids or did the market flood with cheap + deadly fentanyl? is the problem that people are drinking or that they are suffering?

[sepublic]

            It really feels appropriate that TOH’s entire conception sparked from spiteful defiance towards misogyny; Towards a peer’s misogynistic claim that nobody would be interested in a story about an older woman and her young female apprentice.

            There are plenty of prominent female characters of different arcs and motives and backgrounds. The story is about a young girl meeting this older woman whom society hates, because she doesn’t conform to their expectations. Eda’s someone whose age does not disclude her from being viewed as attractive, as a response to the misogynistic double standards of older being being seen as gray foxes, while older women are decried as hags. Eda is clearly proud and open about her sexuality and isn’t shamed for it; She’s had past exes and while the exes themselves are embarrassing, Eda herself is described as flirty and someone Luz looks up to.

            It’s fitting that in the first episode that establishes the themes and conflicts of the show, Luz and Eda go up against this controlling creep who immaturely hates anyone and anything that’s different, who presents himself as serious with his mask, but when it falls off he’s revealed to be just as freakish as everyone else, while also betraying a sniveling core beneath it all. And of course Warden Wrath is a misogynist, not literally because of the setting, but his actions blatantly represent these ideas; He is entitled towards Eda and demands he can control her, yet proves how he doesn’t care with how quickly he defaults to violence when Eda doesn’t go along; Sound familiar?

            Meanwhile you have Jacob Hopkins who is the blatant precursor/foreshadowing to Belos; He’s an ineffectual Belos, but still dangerous because of that idiocy. The way he puts his hand on Camila’s shoulder, and her having to move it away, speaks volumes. He spends his time on conspiracy sites. Men who are racist are so often misogynistic. He is from our world, where these values exist.

            The villain foreshadowed by these characters had his start as a white boy who, in order to feel better about himself, idolized his community’s violence against women; Make no mistake, while the show acknowledges that witches are gender-neutral, and this does apply to the Salem Witch Trials, the witch hunts were still misogynistic with their statistical skew towards women. In S3, the writers make a point that Gravesfield’s witch hunters had the same motives and targets as IRL witch hunters.

            A young girl not much older is targeted for violence by the community as an outsider, and by the boy because she chose to fall in love with his brother; An expression of romantic agency. Philip falls back on an ideology that validates white men such as himself as superior and in charge of all others, while framing even a child like Evelyn as an evil temptress, because to rob children of their status as children is a form of dehumanization. His misogynistic violence furthers when he sees that Evelyn has also expressed sexual agency in having a child with Caleb, and wants to kill Evelyn and her soon-to-be-born child (and Caleb as well) to violate a mother’s bodily choice.

            But the whole time, Evelyn got away; She chose to go back to Gravesfield even if in secret, because she had someone she wanted to be with. She didn’t let anyone or anything stop her from loving, even post-mortem, because Evelyn got revenge by beating up Philip so badly he never confronted her again out of trauma. She got to raise her child, who lived a full life of their own, and spawned a lineage that resulted in other characters as mentioned. Evelyn Clawthorne was a young girl who expressed agency, who took initiative in exploring another world, and ultimately set up others to do the same, especially Luz.

            The Emperor is a patriarchal figure who Luz even suggests a similarity towards with Warden Wrath. The need for control and domination, the desire to kill monsters, is a way of asserting his manhood; Philip’s statue shows him as scrawny within his brother’s shadow, implying an insecurity over his masculinity that he compensated for in punishing women and minorities, just like any incel.

            And this would even extend to jealousy in killing Caleb and subsuming his masculine identity via his coat; Not because he’s secretly GNC but because he wants to be a macho man. His effeminate voice likely brought him shame, and he grew his scraggly beard out. Despite this, Philip almost exclusively resorts to underhanded means when fighting people, such as hiding behind a hostage, possessing/manipulating others, lowering their guard, etc. Philip flees against an actual challenger like Evelyn, and the only ones he menaces directly are literal children and even they end up outsmarting and humiliating him.

            Lilith has to deal with the petty hatred and spite of Belos, who refuses to comprehend that what she did to him was in any way warranted; Of all his atrocities, across his entire life, his only remorse is for fellow white men, whose abuse he’s not even truly repentant about. Lilith escapes her abuser, using her experience to warn Luz before delivering retribution upon the man who harmed her. Like her sister, Lilith avoids the ageism towards women like her; She doesn’t care for love and her main friend is Hooty, but she’s treated with full dignity and respect, not as some crazy cat lady, but as a middle-aged woman who’s just as capable of turning her life around and finding new meaning in it, as anyone else.

            Against Belos, Luz is accused of having her sense of reasoning being messed with by the witches; Thereby undermining Luz’s agency by calling her insane, gaslighting the girl as essentially hysterical. Otherwise, he claims that all of Luz’s decisions are mistakes that just harm people. Belos is entitled towards Luz, believing he should be able to control Luz, her decisions, how she lives her life, etc.

            When Luz refuses, he immediately defaults to killing her with sadistic glee, and only relents when she convinces him that he genuinely needs her; Not because it’s the right thing to do or Luz plans to change her mind, because her wellbeing was never his consideration. It was just control, as the Titan puts it. It’s this entitlement that has Belos insinuate to Luz repeatedly that she is helping him, that this is her intended role by his side, to support him.

            And in the end, Luz asserts her agency; She does not owe Belos anything. He is not entitled to anything about her. She will not grant him time, sympathy, or understanding. She will let him be laid bare for what he really is, and let him slowly, painfully die in humiliation as he pleads for mercy. Her rage against this patriarchal figure is a triumph, as is that of Eda, who is the successful descendant of the girl who got away with it; She gets to murder this man with her child and nonbinary lover.

            Older women like Gwen and Camila are present and humanized. Kikimora, for all her vicious and pathetic flaws, is recognized as another victim of Belos, and one who successfully gets revenge on her abuser by undoing his entire life’s work and catalyzing his eventual demise. Amity and Boscha start off as cruel and mean, but are allowed to be more than shallow Popular Girl archetypes, having their own motives and vulnerabilities. Willow frets over being a caring, borderline maternal figure, and this crisis reaches a climax with Hunter, who rejects his uncle’s teachings by taking responsibility for his emotional hostility and relieving Willow of her burdens.

[raointean]

Funniest responses* to the "What does "Blorbo" mean?" question

(In reference to my silmarillion fandom linguistics project, the results of which you can find in my "survey says" tag)

*not necessarily the full response, some are just fragments from longer responses. Also, I'm not filtering by "correct" or "incorrect" responses

Special Little Guy (gender neutral)

Lmao. That's like, my special little guy. He takes up my brain space. I'm rotating him.

you know how lilo from lilo and stitch has that doll she made, complete with backstory? basically like that

one's blorbo is a character one cares a lot about. it kind of has like... condescending or woobifying connotations? like expressing that Maedhros is your blorbo is sort of uh... one imagines like, a chibi Maedhros. cute, not scary. but it doesn't necessarily imply the speaker has distorted perception of the character in general, just a sort of fondness

The character a person wants to use as a doll/stuffed animal

A character who the author loves too much (and knows it)

"OMG Blorbo was in the new trailer for 5 seconds!" is a common statement

which often provokes... strange thoughts at 11pm.

Beloved character who you think about entirely too much and also enjoy putting in Situations

It implies some degress of being pathetic as well.

No relation to Blorbo Baggins.

The character you put under a microscope, put through the cheese grater, put into the salad spinner, and squeeze like a plushie.

A beloved character whom you want to both stick in a microwave and protect with all you have

character one fangirls* over (*gender neutral)

Just a little guy, whom I am deeply enamored of and just want to squish on the head and see what happens.

Favourive character, often pathetic, someone to pity as much as love

obsessed. baby. Will run my mouth off about them

the word "favorite" wasn't enough to encapsulate "the exact kind of character made specifically for me in the lab" either. my friendgroup started calling those types of characters "callouts" because they were calling you out by existing Exactly To Your Tastes

(not necessarily in a way that condones their actions, but deeply beloved nonetheless)

The "cinnamon roll" kind. Idk I love Namo but I'd never call him a blorbo, it just wouldn't feel right.

??

dear?

My personal favourite character, whom I want to adopt even if he's a dark lord

A particularly beloved (or beloathed-in-a-positive-way) character.

Generally seem to be problematic favs.

I think it was originally meant to be somewhat mocking, but it was wholeheartedly adopted and is now used unironically.

A favored character that usually is subjected to great amounts of trauma and or fluff.

A favourite character, usually male

The obsession character

Feanor/character you are unreasonably attached to esp. if they are a Bad Person TM

The character who is most special and beloved to you (and often that means you're gonna put them through The Horrors)

a character that makes you chew on the bars of your enclosure

Special little character from my shows(tm)

usually having an aura of kicked wet puppy (brimby)

You'd build a shrine to them

Idk, ask the children 😹. Er. Hot character you like? I'm sure people have very complex definitions explaining why they like the hot character but I don't take fandom that seriously.

Your guy (gender neutral), not a comfort character, but perhaps a character you would like to see experience the worst situations possible (affectionate)

occasionally blorbo from my floor (my cat)

Just a widdle pathetic guy 🥺😈

A favourite character, thuogh usually one you squash like a stress ball or squeaky toy rather than put gently on a shelf

Ungoliant

Guy (gender neutral) who I hold in my hand like a neat rock and look at

character whom i will put in a glass and shake

character you are putting in the metaphorical salad spinner

A favourite character, often a war criminal treated like they did nothing wrong, they are a little kitty

(character you're particularly attached to and usually put in physically and/or mentally torturous situations for fun)

A character you’ve imprinted on and like seeing in misery. They’re your wet cat you enjoy pouring water on but also toweling off

Your favorite character, to whom no harm may come (except in the service of angst)

my guy. my friend my buddy. the person

Literally your favourite ever character, but not like you want to f*ck them, more like "how much can i let them suffer?"

Your favouritest character from media that you like to put in all kinds of situations, but is not morally problematic.

favourite character you want to bully

a fictional character that you like to an obsessive amount, typically more than other favourite characters; your specialist little guy; someone you are unwell about; you don’t always have to like your blorbo per day but they must take up constant thought space

[winxanity-ii]

CONTINUATION OF CH.40

I ran out of space, so here's all the fanart i got recently ❤️❤️😩😩😩😩

from Rizzlord (@v4mpn11on tumblr)

AHHHHH this piece still has me floored every time I look at it 😭✨ the details??? The shading??? Her EYES??? You captured something so powerful and grounded in her expression—I can see the weariness and strength all at once. And don't even get me started on the hair and those intricate floral clasps on her shoulders?? Like HELLO??? You really snapped with the texture there 😩

I legit saved this straight to my computer the moment I got it. Thank you sm again! She looks like she walked straight out of a manga panel and I'm obsessed 😭❤️

from gab137507

AHHHH-----the symbolism is so perfect 😭😭😭 The way you drew MC's expression—so hollow and calm, almost resigned—it's haunting in the best way. I love how each hand has a story to tell without even needing words. I already went a lil coo-coo in your commnt section of how much i loved/thought each one represented so i'm not gonna bore everyone with it here (may repaste in the comments) but yeah, I just—ugh, it''s so stimulating seeing the strings of all these interactions MC has to navigate drawn to life like this. You nailed the entire pressure of her role in a single, quiet image. Thank you so much again❤️‍🔥

from Acheron

ACHERON???? Be serious. Be so serious. This is actual cinema. The way the light frames him—no, devours him—like a halo and a wildfire all at once??? The motion, the tilt of his head, the drama in that silhouette... it's unhinged in the most divine, tragic way. I'm staring at this like it's an actual animated movie still 😭🔥This is Apollo's tantrum. This is grief-split-open-and-turned-solar. You nailed the energy of Ch.39 without showing anything explicitly, and that's what makes it hit even harder. Like how am I supposed to emotionally recover from this?? 😭❤️‍🔥 Thank you endlessly for this masterpiece.

from DragonWhiskers12

DO NOT EVER APOLOGIZE FOR HOW YOU EXECUTE YOUR ART—like ever. It's the intent, the design, the final result that hits—and this??? This hit me like a meteor from Olympus. I'm OBSESSED with your interpretation of Apollo 😭 the eerie elegance, the chaotic divinity, the multiple eyes??? That's godhood. That's prophecy. That's ✨trauma✨. I'm so in love with this vision I'm be using in another fic i have coming up😭😭🙏🏾 thank you for sharing this with me, truly.

PLEASE. Don't even apologize for the camera quality or anything about this—do you know how golden this page is??? The way I had to squint and then suddenly BURST OUT LAUGHING??? The "No more sun until I get my wife back" Apollo design coming back with extra eyeballs and those reaction doodles of the Olympians??? ICONIC 😭 Like no because the vibe of this whole thing?? Raw sketch energy, chaotic divine commentary, a masterpiece journal page of doom... I'm saving this to my personal shrine of chaos. It feels like something I'd find tucked in the library of Delphi on a scroll titled "Signs That the Sun God is Spiraling" 😭💀

from iconic-idiot-con

OH MY GODDDD I GASPED—THE WAY YOU CAPTURED HERMES' SMUG LITTLE CHARM??? The wink?? The pose?? The delivery??? 😭😭 This entire scene looks like it was yanked straight out of a visual novel and I would pay real currency to read it. Also the way you illustrated MC with such softness in that panel?? Ugh. You get her. You get them. And I am currently sobbing over the fact that this exists in my lil arts folder 🥹💌🪽 Thank you SO much.

STOP—YOU'RE TELLING ME I GET A WHOLE CHARACTER LINEUP??? A WHOLE CAST SHEET??? This is like opening the bonus content at the end of a deluxe edition graphic novel and just sinking into the lore. First off—Hermes??? ICONIC. The exact chaotic-neutral energy. His smirk?? Unmatched. Apollo is serving radiant golden retriever in the best possible way, and I love how you made him look just slightly off-kilter, like there's something behind that smile (which is so him). Also HELEN?? She's giving effortlessly smug and I know she knows it. Odysseus' sadness is in his shoulders. That's storytelling. His "sad, wet, pathetic puppet man" energy literally LEAPS off the page. Penelope looks tired but gorgeous, which is exactly what I envisioned. Telemachus looks like he just got done internally monologuing about duty and also how pretty the MC is. I'm obsessed. And finally, MC?? Soft, grounded, radiant. Just there. And still effortlessly magnetic. I'm sobbing. Truly—thank you for this. It's beyond perfect. Your brain has 100% divine blessing status now.

SHUT UP—Hermes Bird with the lil satchel and cloak?! I'm LOSING it. And MC?? The blank expression? The visible cuts and wraps? That side-eye like she just survived divine nonsense and still has errands to run? Peak characterization. She looks like she's just recovered from a gods-given concussion and is about to commit arson in retaliation. I don't care if it's "unfinished," it's got more energy and story in it than most completed pieces. Post the rest whenever you want—I'm eating this up sketchy or not and WILL be giving the same enthusiasm once done cuz YESSS!

[xparalynx]

Some anti-abuse paraphilia flags

!!tw: mention of abuse!! cw: mention of pedophilia and similar paraphilias

Beforehand I'll say the obvious: children can't consent and therefore the antt-abuse stance doesn't allow adults to engage with children in a sexual context.

As someone who experienced sexual abuse as a child, I know first-hand the trauma that such experiences can cause. My own experience, while not as extreme as others, left me traumatised and I am still effected today. It’s because of this that I feel so strongly about creating a space where we can address sensitive topics with both empathy and responsibility.

We should create the understanding that some attractions or feelings, such as those involving minors, can be incredibly difficult to process for those who experience them, especially with many people calling them monsters or predators for just experiencing attraction can lead to serious mental health issues including depression or even suicide. But just as we work to create support systems for those struggling with mental health issues, it’s crucial that we also address these feelings in a safe, healthy, and non-abusive way.

I do not condone harmful actions. Children must be protected, and abuse of any kind is unacceptable. That said, I believe that simply having these attractions does not make someone inherently evil or a monster, but rather a person who needs help, understanding, healing, and clear boundaries. People can be struggling with feelings they have no control over, but that doesn’t mean we should ignore the fact that acting on those feelings can easily cause harm.

Obviously people are individuals and in that not all people have the same struggles, experiences and thoughts meaning that while some people attracted to minors might

As I explained in a different post I'd like to propose the term minophilia instead of MAP since MAP seems like it want's to take the paraphilia name away from paraphilias related to minors but instead of doing that we should destigmatise and educate about paraphilias. Often Pedophilias is used is often used as a catch-all for attraction to minors, but technically, it refers only to prepubescent children. Other terms like Infantophilia (attraction towards babies), nepiophilia (attraction towards toddlers), hebephilia (attraction to early pubescent minors) and ephebophilia (attraction to mid-to-late adolescents) exist, but there isn't a widely used neutral term to describe all paraphilias related to minors where the term minophilia would be aplied.

I created the following flags and this conversation to highlight that we can acknowledge the complexities of these feelings without enabling harm. This is about showing care for those who are struggling, giving visibility to those who are the most stigmatised and demonised, while still maintaining clear boundaries to protect children and ensure responsibility. I hope these flags can serve as a symbol of ethical accountability, where people can express themselves responsibly without fear of stigma, while also emphasizing that harmful and abusive actions are never okay.

What is going on in one's mind, what fantasies they have, etc. is up to them alone. Having certain attractions or fantasies itself is not harmful. Acting on one's attraction through fiction or roleplay with consenting adults is not harmful. Fantasies should not be policed, what matters is how people act on their fantasies.

I also created the auto- versions which means being aroused by imagining oneself as a minor rather than being attracted to minors (one can be both tho). I myself am a autminophile as a result of my trauma from sexual abuse as a child. Since that can be a result of trauma I included trauma recovery in the meaning of the autominophilia flag. All other flags have the same meaining as the umbrella terms anti-abuse minophilia and anti-abuse autominophilia.

anti-abuse minophilia

anti-abuse autominophilia

anti-abuse infantophilia

anti-abuse autoinfantophilia

anti-abuse nepiophilia

anti-abuse autonepiophilia

anti-abuse pedophilia

anti-abuse autopedophilia

anti-abuse hebephilia

anti-abuse autohebephilia

anti-abuse ephebophilia

anti-abuse autoephebophilia

Note: Ephebophilia doesn't necessarily fall under the minophilia umbrella but it can be under it.

This is not radqueer.

To learn about my stance on the radqueer community click here.

[yinyuedijun]

end notes for zero-sum game (tw: slavery, sexual abuse)

hi if you're here it means you read my deranged aventurine smut. thank you for reading that abomination lmao I hope you enjoyed it 😭 once again I've touched on really sensitive topics and don't want to be misread so I'm writing some disclaimers/explanations below:

In the act of gambling with human stakes, as well as doing business with human traffickers, Aventurine is essentially himself engaging in human trafficking. This is not something he particularly enjoys doing or wishes to exploit (which I did try to indicate in the narrative); he only does this for his role with the IPC. 

The reason I made this a narrative about human trafficking is not because I wish to glamorize this crime. I framed the narrative this way because I wanted to point out how Aventurine actively perpetuates the kind of capitalistic violence that ruined his life by being a Stoneheart. This is something that is implicit in the game but not openly explored, hence I expanded on it here.

Somewhat thematically related: the reader actively engages in self-objectification—using it neutrally as a tool for their espionage work at times, but also positively in order to eroticize their one-sided and exploitative relationship with Aventurine. This was not intended to condone the objectification of human beings; rather, I wanted to show how a lifetime of sexual objectification and extreme dehumanization as a slave has led them to objectify and dehumanize themselves, sometimes even in the capacity of enjoying it. 

Aventurine in canon similarly engages in self-objectification and dehumanization as a trauma response  (i.e. he refers to himself as a chip in a positive manner, clearly as a reaction to how his owner referred to him callously as a chip when he was a slave), though in my opinion he's not really implied to derive any real joy from the idea.

Related to the point of objectification: Aventurine and the reader clearly do not engage in particularly safe, sane or consensual sexual dynamics (specifically referring to how he started undressing them before they fully consented to public sex and just kind of decided what to do with them without prior discussion). This is not because I think this is acceptable behaviour; it is a reflection of their unequal power dynamic that the reader actively encourages and Aventurine is fine with perpetuating. It is also implied to be the result of his own distorted relationship with sex—he has literally been coerced into doing exactly the same thing in the very same establishment, and assumed that the reader would be fine with doing it too because they generally enjoy it when he exercises "ownership" over them, which they both associate with sexual control for traumatic reasons.

I've seen discourse around the fandom where people interpret the act of kissing Aventurine’s commodity code as a purely sexual or fetishizing action. I thus feel compelled to explain that the act of Aventurine and reader kissing each other’s codes in this story served a specific purpose within the wider narrative about dehumanization. I wrote a lot of things in this fic purely because I was ungodly levels of horny for Aventurine (lol), but those particular actions actually had narrative weight lol 

With all this being said, I hope it is clear that the reason I chose to focus on themes of slavery and dehumanization is not because I intend to promote or glamorize them, but because I wanted to explore specific points of Aventurine’s characterization that exist in canon. The theme of sexual abuse (and its psychological fallout) is also something that is a natural extension of his story arc in canon. I have no wish to perpetuate any of these things, and I have faith that my audience can distinguish fiction from reality and thus will not have their perspectives on real life issues be seriously influenced by my dumb horny fic on tumblr dot com. 

Also I should hope this is obvious but do not use your regular everyday gloves to finger someone! I like to imagine that Aventurine’s expensive science fiction gloves has the incredible ability to remain sterile in everyday circumstances 👍

[4sqadia-8anthen]

Hey heyyy

Saw you were partially endogenic, and I was curious, what does that even mean?

I've seen so much anti endo stuff and I want to hear both sides because I want to be neutral about this whole syscourse thing

Not judging or being all "grr endos suck", i want to understand you !!!

Thanks :)

-🐟 anon

well, the most simple definition of endogenic is just having formed a system/headmate without the help of trauma

(THIS DOES NOT MEAN THAT THE SYSTEM DOES NOT HAVE TRAUMA — JUST THE FORMATION WAS NOT THE DIRECT RESULT OF TRAUMA)

and some things that most anti-endos believe is that all endogenics claim to have DID or any other dissociative disorder without trauma, which is just wrong there are some traumaendos that have both a dissociative disorder AND have endogenic headmates, but not all traumaendos have a disorder

when I (Neb) first heard of endogenic systems, I never saw a problem with their existance

and one thing that really confuses me is how anti endos there is only 1 way that you can be plural, no other way but how is there only a single way that the consciousness can be split? the brain is very complex and there are many ways that it can change, alter, and split

such as our system, we started as willogenic, forming 2 headmates then after a while our brain just realized that it was able to split and become multiple, and it formed Jordan | after than it just went off on its own because THERE IS NO WAY THAT THERE IS ONLY A SINGLE WAY FOR THE MIND TO SPLIT

and as for spiritual systems/headmates — spiritual things are according to the individual/plural/system — their spiritual beliefs are none of your business and nobody has the right to deny that

(we apologize for responding late — saved in drafts for a while and forgot abt it)

[zazozaliad]

ramble I keep saying I'd make about sunday wrt adoptee trauma

so this is the promised screed where I talk a little (a lot) on the way society treats adoptees, which Sunday and Robin are & which I think is uhh a detail we're kind of easily prepped by Orphans As Media Trope to not really dwell upon on a deeper level. and I get it. but star rail is in fact writing these two on a level where this is an extremely important detail of who they are as people, it's intrinsically part of how they TICK. they don't just have a Complicated Flock of Dad Situation, they don't just have religious trauma, they have the adopted child version of these things which is every normal part of it but also backwards on roller skates while someone calls you ungrateful for wanting to stop and fix your skates' laces when they start coming untied.

from my own admittedly limited perspective — I am one, but it was a kinship adoption; I thus recognize the limits in my point of view and also want to try and elevate the voice of other adoptees whose experiences of displacement were different than mine. for instance: here's a great article by mirah riben, that also comes full of links for further reading.

anyway. they're adopted. this is an extremely critical decision in the halo sibs' design, and going further into the narrative foils territory the Aventurine and Sunday similarities don't stop at 'Aventurine and Sunday both lost their home and parents.' There is a next step, and it is 'Aventurine and Sunday were both once trafficked children.'

Soooo let's get to it! Ahem. Adoption, as it exists in modern society, is a multi-billion dollar industry. it is not, in fact, a noble act of salvation, undertaken by adopter on behalf of adoptee. It is, in blunt distillation, an intentional act of putting a human being under another's care — or, "mercy," how about we call it? That's a great word, isn't it.

With them at his mercy, Gopher Wood treats Sunday and Robin, these 'twins of Order,' as his golden opportunity. He used power and influence to secure the chance to raise them, after the senseless disaster that uprooted their lives. This last bit is a fact neutral statement, by the way; even if he turned out to be the coolest flock of birds dad ever, he still plucked them up like they were some choice shinies left laying around. They perfectly suited his personal needs, so that's the whole reason he's in their lives, and that they're in his.

I'm framing this merest act of adoption in a highly uncomplimentary way for a reason. By the way, peep the bits of canon showing Robin and Sunday as really young children, and how they aren't explicitly being called 'Robin' and 'Sunday' there. But moving on!

Adoption, and not just the circumstances leading toward adoption, is traumatic. It doesn't always result in unresolved trauma, because different people have different levels of resiliency to different things; a stressor is a stressor, whether you tanked it well or not. It is a disconnect with, or even a destruction of a portion of one's personal identity. The places we are from, the way those before us lived, these are intrinsic parts of our selves an adoptee loses partial or full access to.

Star Rail is pretty decent at showing this, actually; we've met adoptees in every major area (even arguably Amphoreus, if we stretch for the case of Pasithea) and each and every time you can see how the experience complicates. Bronya discovers the bittersweet answer to that hollow in herself in front of us in real time. Yanqing is maybe one of the Softest depictions of this, and he is still a relentless workaholic who itches to show himself as worthwhile. Because that's the thing.

Because society frames adoption as benevolent sacrifice, there's that weight, always there, in the mind.

In truth, adoption is acquisition, the factual motion of a supply (of people. of a person) meeting a demand. You don't, actually, pledge to take care of a child on accident. That's not a real thing. A child adopter is, when we ignore all pretentious sentiment, a person enacting a desire to acquire a child.

Sunday, I think, is my favorite depiction of a Star Rail adoptee thus far. He continues to commodify himself into adulthood to the point we see him literally turn himself into a big craftwork of unfeeling metal and porcelain. But they specifically chose to Not make him unrelentingly gracious toward his 'rescuer,' a move that has given me terminal brainrot about him, irrevocably, forever! ...And actually, by the time we meet him, he's gotten kinda fuckin' bitey at his "father," while still carrying out his Big Plan? It's a fascinating thing to see and a breath of fresh air, because it would have been pretty easy to write him a different way, and may have even made him more 'sympathetic' by showing him as just being some poor misled soul waiting for a wake-up call in the form of a train to the face.

but instead we have who Sunday actually is.

Sunday is, in fact, well aware of the wrongness of his own lived experience getting exploited for the Oak Family Order Conspiracy's ends, but ….

...he still chooses to do what he does because sure. You can know. You can know it's all fucked up, you can have that conversation until everyone involved is blue in the face, but there is a version of reality you would prefer to be true and then there's the version of reality that you personally live in, and Sunday, if anything, is quite used to feeling like he's the person starkly forced into facing the latter, so much so, he thinks, okay. What if I could make it so that I was the only one who ever had to live that, from now on?

…

there are no easy answers to tragedy. The 'answer' Sunday has dedicated the majority of his life to is that if he could simply personally suffer enough, conform enough even through the bitterest moments, everything will become easier and more harmonious for the world at large. this belief propels him on through acts of great endurance, into doing some real mean shit, and also, into crafting a fake fantasy version of reality ("I am okay with this state of affairs") to push other people to live in because things will be more convenient that way.

This is, in fact, "the vibe," of being an adoptee, In The RL. It doesn't matter if you win the fucking lottery and get adopted by the sweetest person to ever live, the messaging of society at large is still gonna blare ever in your ear: you're so lucky. you should be grateful. aren't you grateful? why aren't you grateful? what's wrong with you? if you won't appreciate what you have, you should imagine what it's like if it gets taken away.

an adoptee doesn't have to imagine what its like to lose what they have, by the way. even if their adoption happened when they were an infant. and even as sunday tries to seize the mantle of becoming 'the strong,' to reforge himself into a guiding star, he speaks from the perspective of one who has been 'the weak.'

I do not have my fandom PhD in Robin studies yet so I don't feel like I can get as in depth here as I like, but also, the trauma of being an adoptee is where I feel that a lot of Robin's more implicit characterization comes from, and also where a lot of potential misunderstanding of her comes from, because people I think.. don't very easily relate to the adoptee perspective, and instead think of it like a more 'normal' (bunny ears) (massive. massive bunny ears) family dynamic where there isn't that particular sword over the head. I am extremely understanding of this! if you haven't lived it, it can be hard to grasp how bone deep it goes into you. in everything. every moment. every day.

but. uh. TO ME, there are so many moments she is saying "blink twice" to Sunday while being very careful to not potentially have him pull away, because she sees him as way more 'in deep' and indoctrinated than she is. I think Robin sees her brother for most of the plot and fears she's looking at a Grateful Adoptee(TM), and it is a brick wall between their ability to communicate earnestly with one another. have you seen the letter Sunday almost-but-didn't-send her by the way? ho-ho-holy shit. I need someone to write that canon divergence yesterday, but that's also me huffing copium over the idea that that letter would have ever made it off planet when people were canonically reading sunday's mail.

...by the way, I think it's really interesting that robin's activist work seems to be aimed to try and stabilize areas in need, rather than rescue people from those places. this, too, is a mark of someone who understands The Problem With Adoption, To Me,

uhh. I don't really know how to end this. I just really need people to think more about this specific angle of his character other than it just being a source of sadness in his background he has moved past because it's actually extremely formative of his Everything and also I stare into the darkness between stars when we talk about Welt signing adoption papers. It's fine. I'm not gonna come for you for saying that even if I try to remove it from my own vocabulary. But oh my God. Oh my God. Please commit to EXPLORING THE CONNOTATIONS I would love to see people make fanworks of him reckoning with the extremely mixed and difficult emotions that "Welt attempts to dad at him explicitly" would inspire.

ok... peace..... I've spent way too much time writing this when I am sick and should be resting....

[howlsofbloodhounds]

I was thinking about killer and his emotionlessness in st2. And people struggling to portray that in writing (for those who wanna portray it), but based off some personal experiences I won’t go into specifically, maybe here’s some ideas for anyone who needs them.

Maybe write his emotionlessness aspects as a firm belief, integral to his sense of self. Write it as a deeply ingrained coping mechanism that was only encouraged and reinforced by the people around him, who wanted him to be and behave that way because it meant they got what they wanted from him—consistently shamed or invalidated or worse if he showed an emotion that wasn’t wanted.

He has detached from himself, the body, his surroundings; most things don’t feel or seem real, including himself.

because killer thinks of himself as emotionless, and he very likely doesn’t feel some emotions such as guilt or remorse or even love in an emotional way and struggles with empathy which are things trauma can absolutely cause, its also important to keep in mind that it is abuse and trauma that has caused this.

Trauma and abuse has led him to dissociating and numbness, repeated everyday violence and murder and abuse has been completely normalized and accepted as a part of his existence.

His apathy is a result of all of this, constantly being pushed to his limits emotionally, physically, and mentally over and over.

Due to the circumstances of his world, the abilities of Resetting and the like, even death has become the norm. Both of himself and others. He is surrounded by so much of it that it no longer means anything to him.

His thoughts of things being ultimately meaningless, his knowledge of the Players making him believe that no one really has free will in the end. It all only makes him disconnect from himself and his body.

However. Just because killer does not believe himself capable of emotion, does not mean he isnt expressing any. His body can still react to things—crying when stressed, flinching and wincing in pain—even if Killer himself just doesn’t understand stress or enjoys his own pain. Especially if the pain wasn’t “that bad” in his eyes.

You can write it as if Killer believes his body sometimes does things on its own without his say so. Grabbing things without his awareness to fidget with because he needs stimulation, attempting to stab someone if even being touched causes his body to react negatively, as if the touch was painful or frightening. Constant fidgeting and shifting, and getting frustrated about why it can’t just stay still.

(He might eventually face a bit of resigned acceptance to this, eventually just having to accept that the body apparently needs to do these things. And no matter how hard he or anyone else tries to get it to stop, it’s impossible, and likely to just make the fidgeting ‘worse’.)

If his body cries from stress, he’d probably be extremely confused; steadfast believing he doesn’t feel anything, and just wipes it away—perhaps dissociating even further or getting frustrated, because he doesn’t believe thats something he’d do.

Experiencing cognitive dissonance, because the action of crying suggests something’s wrong but he feels..nothing. Neutral, as he always does. Or if hes physically hurt during a mission, his body could be crying from the physical sensations and yet killer is mentally riding the high of “finally” experiencing emotion.

If someone is berating him or verbally abusing him, he might be confused by the body’s tears because there is no physical harm. He doesn’t feel offended or hurt by what this person is saying to him, so why would he cry. He doesn’t think it’s logical, and thus will rationalize it away as just something up with the body.

He might look back during his moments in Stage 1–happiness, fear, guilt—with either a sense of detached confusion or maybe amusement, believing that other side of him to have been rather dramatic. Maybe he’s even curious about why the world seems so much brighter when someone like Color is around.

Because killer doesn’t connect the body to himself in his mind, he probably has a hard time visualizing it or showing any care for it beyond making sure it’s functioning and still useful. And he doesn’t really feel any empathy for it either.

It is also very possible to have people react to the way he doesn’t react—such as simply standing and quietly watching whenever nightmare punishes someone in the gang, not seeming bothered by it at all, as opposed to anyone else who is witnessing. This can be compounded by any signs of dismissiveness and downplaying what happened.

You can have people treat him differently, react to him differently, either being disturbed/uneasy by his appearing to not have any emotions—no anger, fear, hatred, disgust—in situations they feel he should.

Appearing unbothered or unphased by things said or done to himself or others as if they don’t matter—either because it is normal for him, or because he is so commonly dissociated that no one notices that he dissociated in these moments.

Others may even be outraged and offended by his apparent lack of concern or compassion, and even more may interpret him as being arrogant. Others may make it a personal thing to try and provoke from what they believe an appropriate response to be from him. (They’ll probably end up being killed or mortally wounded in this case.)

Writing people’s reactions to him and his lack of reactions, besides those big dead black eyes and empty grin, will definitely help set him apart from others around him.

He will likely struggle to accept the idea that he can feel genuine emotions; and may outright reject or rationalize/intellectualize away anything that contradicts this belief of his. He may avoid anything or anyone that provokes reactions he doesn’t understand—as a form of self protection. Especially if someone or something has convinced him that his emotions are inconvenient, useless, weak, or dangerous.

It’s also quite possible that hed be reluctant to acknowledge his body’s needs or emotions, to let it “speak” in a way, uncertain of how it will react or what it will make him do. Especially if his body has destructive breakdowns when repressed stress and pain catch up to him, and it makes him feel out of control.

Automatic responses like sweating, shaking, changes in breathing, temperature fluctuations; all are likely to be observed in a detached way and not really linked to any specific emotional state. Insomia, changes in eating habits, and chronic pain are likely to be some biggies for him.

He probably doesn’t actually know why his body appears to be in so much pain—besides the amount of DT accumulation and the history of physical trauma—but he’s more likely to take some twisted glee in being able to feel it than care about where its coming from or why.

He’s probably also likely to have a decreased immune system and might be prone to sickness, due to the results of chronic stress and the results of repressing it all; but he’ll probably over intellectualize it away.

Another form of self protection for him could be his typical silly, dumb, hyperactive facade being a deliberate choice on his end. Because it not only leads to people overlooking or underestimating him, it protects him by keeping people away.

If he pretends to feel what others seem to want him to feel in certain situations, they’re less likely to start pestering him and trying to provoke reactions from him. It also helps keeping people entertained, makes him seem unpredictable, and most of all, doesn’t allow anyone to look at him and find him lacking. Find him boring. Enough to potentially get rid of him, or replace him.

He may not may not actually care about others’ opinions of him—praise or criticism—but people sure seem to want him to, so he’ll pretend to if it’s beneficial.

[xenodelic]

An attempt to describe emotions with polyfragmented DID

Big disclaimer up top that this is just our experience, and we can only speak for ourselves. We were motivated to write this based on a conversation we had with a loved one, trying to explain how we experience strong emotions as a polyfragmented DID system.

This revolves mainly around the existence of emotional fragments, and the structures they take on within our system. Keep in mind, any plural person can have fragments, but having complex structures of many fragmented parts is, of course, a key feature of polyfragmentation.

1.) Trigger

Cue any sort of emotional trigger. Fragments can either split right in that very moment, or already existing ones can be brought up by the trigger. Typically several will appear at a time, each embodying a different reaction to the trigger.

2.) "Hijacking"

This is perhaps a bit of a loaded word, but this is what it feels like for us once the fragments start to front. Whoever else is fronting will typically still be there, but their reactions and behaviors will be heavily influenced by the fragments. Our mindset will very suddenly change, and we'll be thinking through the lens of whatever emotion or memory that fragment embodies.

3.) Dissociative Barriers

We can be experiencing very obvious signs of acute distress - i.e., blood pressure and heart rate increase, flushed skin, dizziness, headache, etc. But still be completely unaware that we're in distress. This is because even when the fragment is hijacking, it is still separated by a "wall" of dissociation. We often cannot perceive that its there, or identity the actual emotion associated with it, because of this dissociation.

(This was the part our loved one was most shocked by - because we had expressed before that we can be distressed and not realize it, but they had no idea why or how that worked!)

At best, we realize that there is something wrong, but severely struggle to identify what emotions are actually there. Attempting to identify the emotion can result in strong resistance, as we have parts that specifically exist to stop us from identifying other parts.

4.) Rapid sequence

Depending on the trigger, there will usually be several fragments that come up in succession. This can often be a pre-determined sequence that is tailored to the specific trigger. So for example, they may come up in the order of anxiety > fear > lashing out > self loathing > depression. After the sequence is finished, we are often "reset" to a neutral state.

We can experience a severe trauma trigger, play out a sequence of intense emotions, and return to a neutral within the span of 10-20 minutes (its not always that short, but it usually lasts a maximum of a couple hours for us). The pattern of the sequence is typically very predictable, sometimes even methodical.

5.) Emotional Amnesia

After all is said and done, the fragments more or less disappear. Within just a few minutes, we might not even recall that we were in distress. Often times we remember that something was wrong, but won't be able to recall the details or identify what emotions we were experiencing at all.

-

We hope this makes some sense, and that folks can conceptualize what we're trying to describe. Its a very complex process that we're only just recently being able to unravel. We spent the first 20+ years of our life thinking this was entirely normal and that's just how everyone experiences emotions.

Anyone, particularly other polyfrag systems, are welcome to add to this post with their experiences. We hope maybe this will resonate with some folks and help give a way to describe their experiences. This was an exercise of self-expression for us, so any sort of feedback is welcome!

[irenespring]

Why when I'm trying to work on an "A Clearly Discernible Line" chapter do I suddenly get a Research series fic idea. Why. Why does this happen. I don't like it.

The Research fic idea is basically a Wilson version of "Data" where he has a difficult talk with his therapist and then has an important therapy assignment that ends in fluff. The fic would likely center on parentification, emotional neglect, and why Wilson compulsively shoves down his own needs and doesn't let anyone past his "everybody's favorite nice person" mask.

I'd want to dig into parallels between House and Wilson (House creates an aggressively unpleasant facade to distract from vulnerability and empathy, Wilson creates an aggressively pleasant facade to distract from the things about himself that he things are bad but which are often understandable and morally neutral [depression, queerness, basic human needs]).

Also I want to explore Wilson's childhood, including how he was parentified and made his brother's caretaker (because the situation of Wilson being solely responsible for his brother's needs even after Wilson left home did not spawn when his brother was diagnosed [which would have probably been when Wilson was already in college in another country], Wilson's parents must have expected it of him because of a pattern that existed for a long time), and then often emotionally neglected and ignored ("James isn't any trouble he just does fine on his own, he doesn't need anything") when he wasn't caring for his brother (the only way he could get real praise). Basically all this resulted in Wilson having little concept of his own needs and wants and being wired to think the only way to get people to care about you/want you around is to take care of them. Add the trauma from "Hypothesis" and now he thinks pleasing people is also the only way to be physically safe...and wow, yikes.

Anyway, it would probably be the standard Research hurt/comfort with a fluffy ending deal. I want to write House actually realizing that Wilson's "eating neediness" is actually indicative of something that could cause Wilson real pain.

No promises at all that this will be written (in the near future all energy is still on the fic that I am currently publishing), but I needed to write the idea down and really think about it so tomorrow I can get some "A Clearly Discernible Line" writing done.

[rivetgoth]

I keep thinking about how lovely the sentiment “my body is happy to have my soul” is. It was a completely random “rank how much you agree with the following phrases on a scale from 1 to 5” statement on some personality quiz but it struck me so much lol.

I really feel that the body is something we have to actively work to cultivate a relationship with, just as much as anything else. Just like we have to get to know people and earn the trust of animals. I don’t think we exist separately from our bodies (I mean, I do sort of believe in souls but I think materially in this lifetime we exist in a way that is tied to our physical body, regardless of what becomes of us in the afterlife… but that’s another convo), but I think our vanilla state is often our bodies seemingly existing separately from our conscious thoughts. We’re thinking thoughts and our bodies are just operating and we don’t ever think about aligning these two, other than like… simple stuff like “I’m hungry so I should eat.”

I’m grateful for transitioning and undergoing body modification both for pleasure and for affirmation and even for doing kink and sadomasochist stuff in that it taught me so starkly how much our bodies exist separately from our mental wills. You can undergo a procedure you’ve dreamed of all your life and your physical body will still undergo a trauma from which it needs to recover. This is very obvious—you are recovering from a medical procedure!—but it’s also a bit crazy if you reflect on it. Instinct says there should be a way to communicate to the body that this is something you want. But you can’t. You gotta recover from an elective surgery with the same bodily response as if you were mauled by a wild animal!! Same with piercings or tattoos; you can get your dream tattoo and be so delighted with the result but your body will still go into shock from the physical trauma of a thousand tiny wounds inflicted upon it. You can inflict pain upon your body and turn it into sexual pleasure. Hell, even just the strange discordant interplay between our mental health and our physical health. An upset stomach causes anxiety, anxiety causes an upset stomach…

I think we have to really actively consider our bodies and form positive relationships with our bodies and care for our bodies. Not in some weird “don’t change your body / your body is a temple” way where we’re talking about treating its “natural state” with some weird reverence. There’s definitely a way to talk about this stuff that is puritanical and regressive. But I am a transhumanist and I love the idea that our bodies can be changed and manipulated. I’m more interested in considering the body like an entity with which we have to negotiate our existence. Something our consciousness has a sort of symbiotic relationship with. I think my physical body is very neutral about my transition. It’s neutral about my tattoos and piercings. It’s neutral about kink. It doesn’t have a separate emotional response to my actions. But it has its own set of programmed “desires.” To heal. To eat. To breathe. To reproduce (not just sexually, I’m talking on a cellular level). And we have to weirdly get to know our own unique bodies… different bodies react differently to different things, so we have to explore what our own individual bodies do in different circumstances… And it gets more complicated than that!! It’s not a singular entity at all. It’s comprised of millions upon millions of living things helping it run smoothly. We as conscious human beings are tending to entire ecosystems when we tend to our physical bodies. I’ve always been so enamored by the sentiment that every human’s microbiome is unique only to them. Like a fingerprint. There is an entire ecosystem inside all of us that exists only within us and will die with us. We’re like our own planets.

Or in the wise words of the late great Genesis P-Orridge:

[headmate-ideas]

would you ever share your private template? ofc, not filled but a blank one! I'm very curious about the information others add in sys documents n stuff!

< Mod Vyvian > Sure! I'll post it under a cut because it's kind of long. Anyone who likes can feel free to use it for their own private templates, but if you run a build-a-headmate blog and want to use this template for your purposes, we'd consider it polite if you changed it up a little like added or removed some sections, at least use different aesthetic formatting.

Some explanations about some of the things:

"Roleics" is something we coined! A "roleic" is something a headmate considers part of their role without it being inherently the role in and of itself. For example, a headmate who feels as though dogs are a part of their role would use the label "dogroleic" and we would write "dogs" under that part of the template.

Because we get a lot of alters who are from or connected to other countries (e.g. songtives whose source is an album from another country in another language), we have the "nationality" section for what country that alter originally hails from in their timeline as well as "heritage" if they are descended from a country without originally being from there. (A lot of the time, the connection is to countries we're descended from, and they sometimes relate to our bodily heritage based on how they relate to our family.) The section for "languages enjoyed" usually connects to that as well as the fact that we listen to music in different languages.

"Spiritual affiliation" refers to whether they have a spirituality/religion and, if so, what it is. "Gods" refers to the specific entities they regard as deities/forces under that spirituality. "Celestial guardians" are something in our spiritual beliefs, and it's where you regard a celestial object (e.g. the moon or a certain star) the same way you would a guardian angel.

"In-sys friends" are headmates who already exist in the system who would likely be friends with the headmate we're making the template for. The headmates listed there aren't REQUIRED to be friends with the resultant headmate when they split, but it's predicted that they would get along together.

The reason our templates have sections for specific favorite media while the request versions do not is because we are not familiar with a wide range of media (plus we do not prefer mentioning specific pieces of media in our blogwork), so that's less for getting new ideas about the headmate and more for determining what, out of things we currently interact with, they would most enjoy.

The reason we have a section on our personal template for kinks but do not offer this on the blog while still offering kink roles is because, while kink is a big deal to us, we have a limited comfort level when offering to write about specific kinks for strangers or in fully public settings (e.g. a Tumblr blog), plus we try to keep this blog mostly SFW.

✦ Name: ✦ Pronouns: ✦ Roles: ✦ Source: ✦ Emoji: ✦ Age: ✦ Species: ✦ Labels: ✦ Xenos: ✦ Aesthetics: ✦ Interests/likes: ✦ Disinterests/dislikes: ✦ Favorite media: ✦ Favorite music: ✦ Roleics: ✦ Symptoms/trauma held: ✦ Symptoms/trauma neutralized: ✦ Objectum for: ✦ Kins: ✦ Kinks: ✦ Nationality: ✦ Heritage: ✦ Languages enjoyed: ✦ Spiritual affiliation: ✦ Gods: ✦ Celestial guardian: ✦ F/Os: ✦ Ships: ✦ In-sys friends: ✦ Other details: ✦ Timeline details (if applicable):

[eruditic-akechi]

Why Rhinedottir calls Albedo her only son

aka the post that might start beef because I have a VERY unpopular opinion about one of her creations 🫡

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT I'm not going into too much detail here because I really don't wanna think about psychology more than I have to this semester. HOWEVER, COMMA, I think she doesn't truly consider creations like Durin and the rift wolves to be her sons because they aren't human(oid). Calling them her children, but not sons, has the same vibe as calling our pets our kids, but maybe turned up a notch because she literally created them. Like... I want the best for my pets, and I call them my babies, but in a serious life update setting, I would NOT say that I had a son/daughter, if that makes sense. Psychologically, there's a difference between a human child and a nonhuman thing that you care for, and even love.

This explains why she called Albedo her only son, despite the existence of her little dragons and abominations.

But I can already Smell the comments asking about Subject Two... I'm getting there... unfortunately. This is probably gonna be the most controversial thing I say as a Rhinedottir AND Albedo fan, but I genuinely do not give a shit about that thing. I'd go as far as to say that it randomly being implanted into stories/art turns me off of the media. SOOOO this theory is one of those things that initially gave me a reason to never include Subject Two in my daydreams, but then BUT THEN B U T T H E N!!! I came across an alchemical concept that can actually explain why Rhine doesn't consider him when talking about raising a son!!!

This is the part where my unironic alchemy hyperfixation comes to light because I discovered this while listening to an alchemy book... but... GRAWHHHHHH🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅this is mostly described in mental alchemy, but it applies TOO well for me to not connect it to genshin!! I'm gonna describe it in mental alchemy first just to follow the book more closely, but during the albedo phase, opposing forces and essences of the psyche are separated. Then, one of two things can happen: either the opposing essences stay separated and generate new energy, which is usually used in a creative endeavor, or the essences merge and neutralize each other, resulting in no new energy. This is considered an alchemical stillbirth. (Technically, there's a secret third option, but that starts to go into the other phases of alchemy, and to our knowledge, Albedo is as far as Miss Rhine has gotten, so for our purposes, there are only two) SOOOOO... idk if y'all are sniffing what I'm shitting out, but yes, I AM implying that Subject Two was an (alchemical) stillborn.

Like... the timing works out because Albedo came after (because he was successful), so Subject Two happened between Durin (Nigredo) and... well... Albedo. Her first attempt just didn't work out for whatever reason, and I feel like there would be more to cause failure because instead of mental energy, she was trying to make a human, so alongside all the alchemy oopsies that can happen, she's also working against all the factors of growing a human fetus.

also a stillborn brings to mind that Subject Two was damn close to being what Albedo ended up being, instead of like,,, an alchemical miscarriage or something that could imply it was very early in his creation when Rhine realized something wasn't working! adding to Rhine's trauma by making her have to dispose of what's essentially a deceased human baby, and seeing that she has the potential to be a loving mother, this probably devastated her! since we don't know the exact timeline of when her creations came into being, I'd say she either fed it to Durin as a twofer,,, both a badass funeral for the baby she never got to have (because,,, getting eaten by a dragon IS a badass way to be funeralized) AND to feed her growing pet dragon,,, OR OR OR Durin was already dead and she wanted to bury her creations together. Either way, Subject Two was never alive in front of her, and he ended up inside Durin... and idk if y'all noticed that Durin's poisoned blood is POTENT like it can almost take out a god and his pet dragon AND REVITALIZE AN IRMINSUL TREE??? So, it's not far-fetched that his blood seeping into Subject Two's body not only kept it from decomposing for centuries but also brought him to life. He never gave any indication that he had any true memories of Rhine or his life before being Durin's lunch, besides the fact that she left him behind... but that's easily explained by the fact that two of her dead creations were left, so he could piece two and two together. idk if I'm making sense here I'm starting to ramble...

but between never being able to raise Subject Two and her primary coping mechanism seeming to be "pretend it doesn't exist and bury the emotions for centuries", it's no wonder she only says she's raising a (1) son after Albedo was born because he was the only human baby that survived past alchemical pregnancy

I hope this makes some semblance of sense because I got too excited and Normal to talk about alchemy AND BEFORE I FORGET another silly funny of the alchemical stillbirth concept is the creative endeavor coming from the successful separating of energies,,, because Albedo was the success of Rhine's albedo phase and he is creative,,, they make me so sick I'm throwing up

P.S. do any of yall (if anyone makes it this far🫡) know how Durin's name came to be? Did Rhine give it to him? because seeing her other naming trends... his name should be Nigredo... was it like a part of the whole legacy of his fight with Dvalin?? they just gave him a name? or did the abyssal corruption rob rhine of her creativity... ALSO I wanna know how the fanbase came up with Dorian as a name for Subject Two,,, like that seems so out of left field and I think it's ugly tbh BUT it is a billion times more acceptable than Rubedo... people that call him that either took subject two too seriously and assumed he came after Albedo or even worse... they know NOTHING about the bare bones of alchemy but I can't continue this rant I'll go insaane

[syscultureis]

Im sorry if this isnt appropriate to ask, you dont have to answer considering you lean more anti-endo, but I dont understand what arguments are there for pro or even neutral endo? Ive honestly really tired to understand because ive seen quite a few systems now say things like "I use to be anti-endo but now ive been informed" or "I use to be anti-endo but ive been educated" and im just not getting? Whats compelling these people to start beliving in the existence of non trauma based DID? Have I just not been informed enough? I tired doing research about it but all I could really fine were people saying "Well we dont know everything about the human mind so you dont know whats posible, you cant tell people what their experiencing is wrong" (I just dont really agree with this point) or if someone just believes spiritually they have like ghosts in the brain??? (As an ashiest I just cant get behind that one) Or they seem to have a bunch of links to studies that supposably prove that scientists also believe in endos but ive yet to read all of them threw but from briefly glancing at a few of these links most of them dont even link to studies having anything to do with them. Its all just very confusing to be honest and I wanted to get someone else perspective on it.

I think most of it is people either A) being tired of getting hate and giving in and just saying they're pro-endo

B) They read the articles endos link, not realizing a majority of them are not made by unbiased people who have actually done proper study. Most of the articles I've seen endos and pro-endos link are not actually done by people who have the correct resources, or they go into a study already biased and instead of doing a double blind or keeping their biases out of their studies, they do the full study themselves and let their biases effect the results. But if you haven't taken actual psychology classes you likely don't know to watch out for these things, and it's easy to look at them and think "oh yeh, these are professional and real so they're right" even tho they're not

Or C) They doom scrolled through pro-endo shit so much that their brain started to agree with it because they were submerging themselves in the community, and when you do that with anything enough your brain will start to justify it, especially if it's causing you stress because the brain wants to solve the stress issue so it just starts to make you think you agree with what's being said

We've actually had C almost happen to us with a few things because some of us have issues with doom scrolling, but were lucky enough to be able to realize when it starts ro happen and take a step back from it

I really don't fault people for being tricked by the misinformation, or just giving up on getting hate for no reason

It's just frustrating to see people act as if because they used to be anti-endo and now they're not they're suddenly enlightened and must be right

We used to be pro-endo, and now we're not and we don't use that as a way to show our view point as the right one.

We will always encourage people to do their own research, and whether they end up pro/neu/anti endo we don't care after that as long as they've researched with actual good sources

If we could find good sources on non-traumagenic systems being possible we would absolutely change our views again, but we've looked. When we were pro-endo we were desperate to justify things, and we just could not find an actual reliable source

So yeh, always do your own research, form your own opinions, just always also make sure the research you're looking at is reliable

[starstruck-sillies]

im a soulbond with one guy (an orginal character) in my head. im autistic and his story was my special interest. it turned into him being able to speak and respond to questions. hes constantly sort of lurking in my mindspace and hes stuck with me. unfortunately.

i consider myself endo neutral as i think both sides are really flawed. i know you get a lot of asks, but ive noticed they are mostly from proendo disordered systems, so i thought you might want to hear from someone.. endogenic? ish? i dont consider myself a system, and i think endogenics cannot be systems (definition-ally (is that even a word?) speaking) but obviously my soulbond isnt from trauma. its from obsession.

as an endo neutral i definitely DID NOT want to become in any way plural without trauma. i wish i could make him go away so i wouldnt have to debate my own experiences. im not a endogenic system by any means, but i am still non disordered plural and thats still controversial. i want you to know a lot of plural beings like myself dont want this. i dont know why tulpamancers or willos do, it confuses me to no end, im not speaking about them. i hate constantly doubting my experience as someone with someone else in my head. i know im not a system, systems cant form without trauma, im some weird thing in the middle. thankfully everyones been very respectful so far.

i dont think youve ever talked about your opinion on soulbonding before, id love to hear it. you are very well spoken! sorry if this makes no sense.

[ * Oh wow, this is definitely a first! (/pos) We frankly don't know all that much about soulbonding, we haven't really looked into it before, but we'll probs look into it more, it sounds pretty interesting. I don't think I know enough to form a solid opinion, other than as you said, the idea of it automatically making you a system is awful and we definitely don't like that, though it's good to know that there's much more to it than the typical endo definition, and from the quick look into it we did, it seems pretty harmless aside from the endo iteration. ]

[ * I don't think I've heard of an experience like that before, but that isn't particularly a bad thing, and honestly it's a refreshingly different story to hear! ]

[ * I can definitely understand how that can be stressful, we felt that way when we first found Georgia, and it's a feeling we still struggle to shake. Our...complicated feelings towards him mostly come from the fact that his source (Statehumans) and it's much more popular parent fandom are pretty controversial, and in general one we're embarrassed by. It was a hectic and dark time in our life when we got into both, and the fact that he's here as a constant reminder of it, the fact that he's single-handedly keeping it a special interest when the rest of us desperately want to move on, and that he's much more source connected than the rest of the fictives in our system makes it hard for us to truly feel decent about him being here. We're trying, but it's not easy, especially when we've been shamed for his existence in the past. ]

[ * We deal with an albeit different denial, but not far off from yours. Ours comes from many things, primarily the idea that we don't have it that bad compared to others that was drilled into us our whole life. ]

[ * Pro endo spaces tend to focus a ton on the positive experiences they have, which is all well and good, but they do it to a degree that it drowns out non-CDD plurals that have more negative experiences, so we rarely ever hear from yall. Sometimes we forget that some do suffer as a result, and it's good for us to be reminded that people like you are out there. ]

[ * On the tulpa/willo thing, you and me both. They definitely irk us more than most endos do, and we frankly find it very hard to understand them. We've tried in the past, and even now, with our pretty negative view of them, we try our best to be respectful and kind. In the past, as I know many have seen, we certainly haven't been kind, and we're trying to be better, but it's not easy with how hard it is for us to trust them. Just something about them makes us feel on edge, especially me. ]

[ * It's awful that you feel that way, though I really don't blame you for thinking that. There's a lot of rhetoric that systems are the only way to be plural, when that's not the case, and a lot of the alternative plurality terms are focused on psychological experiences, and I've seen no spiritual based ones. There's nothing wrong with there being plenty of terms for psychological alternative plurality, but spiritual alternative plurals should have terms for themselves too. Though at least it's good to know that people have been kind to you about it, I've seen alternative plurals be treated pretty cruelly for not calling themselves systems, and for just being plural at all, but it's good to see that there's a chance that's changing some. ]

[ * You seem like a super neat person anon, and I hope to hear more from you or people with similar experiences to yours! We love hearing from alternative plurals of all kinds, and those who don't consider themselves plural despite being many, people often overlook you guys, and it's a shame because there's always some very interesting stories and experiences to learn about! ]

-Splotch