#that I need to ask before I’m alone
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heyy shawty shawty shawty! so i was reading some of ur old work and i got inspired and i was wondering if u could right something about a insomniac hero and a villain that has sleep/dream powers? thank u for ur work🫡🫡
“What are you doing?” the villain asked carefully, studying the hero.
“Is it normal for you to enter a building through a window?” the hero asked back and despite the villain’s intrusion, they didn’t even look up from their work. Staring at their computer, clicking on something, scrolling down and then scribbling on their paper — it was past 12 and the hero was certainly not getting ready for bed.
Truth be told, the villain had been asked to investigate this behaviour. Please, the hero’s sidekick had begged. You’re the only one who can help them.
Why they’d listened to the kid was a mystery to them. Maybe because they were the villain’s sidekick’s friend. Maybe because they were worried about their mentor. It reminded the villain of their past and how they had failed to act when their own mentor had needed them.
“I prefer windows,” the villain said. “Like the adventure.”
“Criminal,” the hero accused and clicked through a few documents.
“You have a nice office. Could steal some of this stuff.” They lifted a golden statue of…something from its place and turned it in their hands. “If I smack your name onto it, I’ll get a respectable sum.”
“Go ahead,” the hero mumbled, not heeding them. It was insulting how they ignored their nemesis. Sighing, the villain put the object of their desire back. This was no fun. They hadn’t seen the hero in a long, painful time and when they did, their enemy was busy with someone else.
God, the villain didn’t know they were capable of jealousy.
“Watcha up to?”
“Work.”
“I hear you get up at 4 in the morning,” the villain said. They slowly walked towards the hero, one calculated step after the other, as if they were afraid to scare a jumpy animal.
The hero snorted. “Get up at 4. Sure.”
“Wrong?” The villain walked around the desk, catching a glimpse of statistics and documents that bored them to death by just looking at them. What an actual crime to work through this.
“Yeah…” the hero said as they clicked onto a statistic that showed the crime rates of the city in comparison.
“Are those documents saved? With the work you’ve done?” the villain asked.
“Yes. What do you—”
Without a second thought, the villain turned off the computer with their shoe, making the whole system and display shut down with a content sound. However, when the hero turned around in their chair, the villain would’ve loved to jump out of the window again.
“You,“ they said.
“You need sleep.”
“You,” the hero repeated.
“Love.” The villain pushed a streak of hair out of the hero’s face and tugged it behind their ear, smiling softly. “You can’t sleep, can you?”
The hero looked back at the computer, clenching fists relaxing in their lap.
“You need to give yourself a break,” the villain said. Their index finger followed an invisible line down the hero’s throat, lost in the proximity and the possibility of being this close. The hero was so vulnerable like this. “Your sidekick was basically on their knees, asking me to make you rest. I’ve never used my powers on you.”
“I am fine,” the hero said. “I’m perfectly fine. I’m amazingly well.”
“You’re not fighting me anymore,” the villain said and as the words dropped out of their mouth, they wished they hadn’t. It was a glimpse of their true feelings, even though they didn’t think the hero could decipher those right now.
“I have a lot going on right now, okay?”
“Oh, my sweet nemesis.” They took the hero’s hands and ordered them to stand which— shaky at first — turned out pretty well. “You’ll be okay.”
“I didn’t expect this job to be…this time consuming,” the hero said. “I’ve dedicated half my life to this.”
“You can’t sacrifice your health like this.”
“But it’s saving others. Responsibility. You know how it goes.”
“Fuck responsibility,” the villain whispered. “Fuck the city. You’re killing yourself and I cannot stand aside and watch.”
The hero smiled tiredly. “Sounds like you care.”
“God, you’re delusional. You really have to sleep.”
The hero leaned their head against the villain’s chest. The smile hadn’t died yet and for a moment, the villain feared they weren’t going to say anything.
“Okay,” they said, taking the villain’s hand. “Please help me.”
#as the hours pass I will let you know#that I need to ask before I’m alone#how it feels to rest on your patient lips#writing snippet#heroxvillain snippet#heroxvillain prompt#heroes and villains#hero#villain#hero x villain#heroxvillain#an answer for an ask#request
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going insane over the fact that happiness and care and concern and love is underneath every interaction between newt and hermann in pacific rim
#HEAR ME OUT. they’re introduced and newt and being a groupie and behind him hermann is all huffing and rolling his eyes and shaking his#head but he’s Not Angry. no. he jumps to defend newt albeit in a somewhat mocking and sarcastic way BUT THE THOUGHT IS THERE. and then when#hermann is rambling on about numbers being the handwriting of god newt is in the background smiling and laughing and making silly#hand motions and yes the hand motion was a bit mocking BUT THATS THEIR WHOLW THINF. anyways i’m not done. when newt drifts with the kaiju#and pentecost is there talking to him and hermann and newt r yelling back in forth u can hear the unease and shakiness in their voices and#especially the frustration in hermanns. he’s frustrated abt newt risking his life and is worried abt that which translates out in anger.#and yeah maybe he’s salty abt being proven wrong too lmao. BUT CONTINUING ON. stacker could have just told newt to go to hannibal chau and#he would have done it. but instead they watch the film of him on HERMANNS computer as HERMANN controls the computer to look at the film. if#thé film was shown it was for a reason. newt doesn’t seem like the type to need reassurance abt chau before he goes. he was willing to die#for his trash drift. and stacker gave him the card and info so there’s no need to do anything else. the video is most likely there for the#viewers but it needs a reason to be there in the show. hence my reasoning that HERMANN asked to see it out of concern for newt who would be#doinf this alone. hermann demanded to see some proof to reassure himself. stacker having the card on him makes sense. him having that bulky#tape doesn’t. meaning hermann pressured him into leaving getting the tape and coming back to show him. anyways one more bit. so the drift.#hermann is clearly scared out of his mind and thinking abt the impending triple event. yet he still drifts with newt he does it to protect#him to take part of the neural load. and it takes a toll on hermann it makes a big enough mess of his brain that he ends with him bleeding#and shaking and sweating and coughing and throwing up. and he knew it would take a toll. he knew it would be a lot he’s seen the jaegers.#he’s seen what happens. he knows it will be rough. he knows it’ll be much worse for him who wasn’t drifted then for newt who has. yet he#still does it to help newt and to show his care and trust and concern and love and THEYRE DRIFT COMPATIBLE U DONT UNDERSTANDABLE HOW#EMOTIONAL I AM OVER THIS FUCKING OVER THEM#anyways one last thing. the way that they full body slapping each other on the back bear hugged when the throat collapsed (they were behind#herc and tendo so it was a little hard to see. i missed it the first time) in pure adrenaline happiness before we see the quiet tender hug#when they know everything is over for good (for now at least) when it’s time to celebrate when it time to think abt their drift and their#bond and their relationship and their LOVE. i’m so ok abt them rn actually#toad.txt#i wish i wrote this in a keep reading bit and not the tags now. anyways#pacific rim#pacific rim spoilers#newton geiszler#hermann gottlieb#newmann
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Digitalised + coloured + redesigned version of my Suiren and Vaatu sketch from two days ago, as promised!!
Coming up with Suiren’s design was a very long process of trying and failing because after you’ve drawn 9+ different versions of one character, the creativity starts to run a little dry, but I’m actually really proud of this one, she looks absolutely adorable <3
(Also yeah I did mostly just scribble Vaatu’s pattern because who has the energy to draw the all out accurately. Not me, that’s who, I’m chronically tired. People who draw him on the regular have my utmost respect. He’s still a funky little guy though :D)
Bonus, Raava incessantly screaming inside Suiren (and being completely ignored because Suiren is tired of her) while all this is happening:
#and yeah I did say I’d do a fuckass background but all my energy went to figuring out Suiren’s design#plus I suck at backgrounds so.. woe. LoK screenshot be upon ye#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#avatar suiren au#original character#sotrl suiren#vaatu#I don’t really know what to say in these tags lmao#usually I reach the tag limit really really easily but between my previous post and answering that ask I’ve ran out of things to say#someone please indulge me in this au I have Way Too Many Thoughts about it#hmm…#you know. I think people often make different avatar aus because they dislike Korra or think she’s a bad avatar#I don’t. I love Korra. I would kill and die for her#(says the red lotus stan. yes I’m well aware. no need to call me out)#and I think she’s a good avatar who was dealt a shitty hand both in universe and by the show’s production team#I’m making this au BECAUSE I love Korra. if Suiren is the avatar Korra gets to be a normal SWT girl#she’ll get to grow up with her parents. not isolated and degraded all the time for not being perfect. maybe she’d have a sibling or two#and Suiren gets spared her sotrl trauma too. win win for everyone!!#(I return Suiren gets the weight of the world on her shoulders lmao. but it’s fine. 1. she isn’t alone in it. she has her family#2. three quarters of the LoK threats are basically automatically eliminated for her. the RL are her parents. she fuses with Vaatu#and all she has to do to defeat Kuvira is to take her dress off 😁 /hj. basically. she’ll be okay. better than in sotrl at least)#also look. I love Suiren. she’s my dear child who’s been with me since I was 12. of course I wanna make her the main character in everything#and dark avatar Korra AUs have been done countless times before me. Kat’s doing one right now!! I just wanna do something that’s my own#and also I wanna focus less on pain and trauma for once and more on the sheer hilarity of the shenanigans that will occur post-fusion#cause this isn’t Adumbration where Korra lets Raava go and fuses with Vaatu instead. here Suiren’s got both of them at the same time#and they have 10000 years’ worth of grievances to air out. it’s like living with your divorced parents#trust me I would know. except mine aren’t divorced. they’re Worse and everyone wishes they’d just separate#anyway. that aside. Suiren’s not getting any sleep any time soon while those two duke it out
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oh they should’ve given my man the oscar who the hell did he lose to and can we kill that guy jesus christ
#ok sorry for being very passionate about being a timothee chalamet girl#lesbians can love that little guy too i’m just representing an underrepresented minority#hold on#oh who gives a shit about gary oldman who even watched that movie#sorry to gary oldman. i apologize#wait actually competition was fierce that year why the hell did they give it to GARY OLDMAN.#daniel kaluuya was in that category too jesus. now i never even saw get out but i saw that part where that single tear streams down his face#and if i’m being frank that alone should have gotten awards. but they gave it to. gary oldman. people don’t even know who he is!!!#me when i’m just making things up#anyway. that’s insane. didn’t mean to go on that tangent i was gonna just end this post before that ‘hold on’#and then a demon got ahold of me i think#how ridiculous btw is it that jimmy kimmel has been hosting the oscars since i was still in the beginning ish of high school#we need to get them a new host. what do you mean it’s just jimmy kimmel out there#and while we’re here discussing the 2018 academy awards. i have to admit something. i never saw the shape of water#guys is the shape of water actually good you can be real with me#actually wait i don’t trust you guys. this is the monsterfucker website why would i ask you that. nevermind#anyway. the way it’s literally bedtime. heart
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✌🏻
#so for my job I have to go to a lot of crime scenes and talk with witnesses blah blah blah a lot of the time it’s in an unsafe area and I#I always try to do my job in a safe way managing the different factors like timing but I always get the work done#so much so that last week I was asked to go canvas an area I had already been to to canvas five other times for a murder and had seen drug#deals and robbery and fights and all that go on while I was there#and I brought up that it wasn’t a good time for us to be there we weren’t safe at that time and I was told I needed to suck it up and do#what was needed for the case#flash forward to a few minutes ago my supervisor came to talk to me about another case#for a murder that I had previously talked about being upset about because I had walked by the place it happened 20 minutes before the murder#and was told that it doesn’t bother anyone else and basically to suck it up#so for this case the attorney had gone to my supervisor and told him that she thinks I’m ineffective at my job and she believes I’m afraid#to go out on the scene for investigative work because I’m a white girl#and my supervisor came to tell me that he’s going to be working with me on my cases for the time being to go out into the field and locate#witnesses and so on to show her that it doesn’t bother me and I’m not afraid#which like honestly all around this is fucking ridiculous I have done this job for nearly two years I have gone to the#site of multiple murders I have gone to witnesses addresses#I have been inside victims homes to talk with them all of this all alone#and honestly that attorney is a fucking bitch who has humiliated me for having feelings about cases before so it’s infuriating but hardly#surprising but the fact that my supervisor thought this was a legit enough concern to now go with me on my cases and go through all the#steps I’ve done and everything I just feel so disrespected and not valued#last week I took last minute leave because the cases were bothering me too much and everyone was telling me I needed to get over it and it#doesn’t bother them which like sorry but I feel like having to see someone’s brains on the pavement is upsetting#and it feels like I’m being edged out because I have human feelings about our cases#even though I have done this work and done it well for two years#I’m just really sad and angry about it
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google search ‘how to over come my crippling anxiety to ask an acquaintance if she’s going to an upcoming Event and if she wouldn’t mind me tagging along (because of said crippling anxiety about traveling somewhere far away and new without anyone I know coming with me)’
#ra speaks#personal#help girl I’m autistic I need a script#seriously tho if you have any scripts/can workshop w me that would be appreciated#she’s in my graduate cohort+has been organizing a lot of events on campus I’ve been attending/also helping w to a lesser extent#and bc she’s the one that bumped the initial invite+asked the gc to let her know if we were coming/had questions#I assume a) she’s going and b) even if she’s not she’d maybe be up to help me figure out the train/bus schedule#(bc again I’ve never done that before)#and this is barring my anxiety getting so worked up I forgo the train altogether and decide driving alone to [redacted]#and figuring out 2-day parking before getting on a bus for the Event by myself ™#like ikik it’s not a big deal but my brain is mean and my mom refuses* to help bc of the Event#by which I mean I haven’t directly asked her for help but she gets uncomfortable every time I mention it
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don’t you love it when you just burst into tears in front of someone and basically have an anxiety attack over something that is not even a big deal in the slightest 🙃🙃🙃
#vent tag#I want to crawl into a hole and disappear for a while#with my f/os. obviously.#god. I just. ugh.#…you know… that I’ve started to realize about myself#is that I really dislike it when ppl just. spring on me spontaneous offers for plans to do stuff#without first asking if I had anything going on that I needed to do#or without first asking enough time in advance on days where I was already doing stuff#and I’m not a stickler for having to have strict schedules and plans and shit or anything like that#but I do need *some* time in advance to prepare things. both literally (like getting stuff out and ready) and mentally.#like. I only have so much mental and social energy I can give before I just need to be alone and fucking r e s t.#so someone asking me if I wanna join them for something on the same day we’re already doing stuff without enough time in between activities#for me to recuperate is insanely overwhelming and extremely anxiety inducing#I know it’s not a big deal and I can just say no but. ugh#none of this is probably coherent but fuck it I just need somewhere to vent for the time being
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listen… yk i said i didn’t want to see drama between artemis and zee/m’gann but the idea that mary might tell a captured by apokolypse artemis the truth would be so… it would somehow be poetic idk
#you eill have to walk with me and if not#it’s ok shoot me in the foot#artemis: zee will come for me#mary: you think she came for me when i needed her? no instead she left me alone and down with nowhere to go. that’s the true zatanna right#there. in fact she’s already let you down before and you didn’t even know it#artemis: you’re lying she didn’t#mary: she did send you to limbo to see west didn’t she? well it was a lie#in fact she never did that. you weren’t sent to limbo artemis#and the wally you saw? all in your head#artemis: you’re lying!#mary: i’m not. ask her abt it and see her reaction. miss m’s too because she was actually involved in this#what great friends that you have#AND BOOM#would it hurt? yes it would#but i also think it would make zee question her decisions#which YES#young justice#how does mary know? well zatanna told her in confifence just like for the dr fate thing bcoz they do consider each other almost like a fam#and are close#were#anyway
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My mother really out here telling me “you just make all the plans for driving and I’ll work around that” and then a couple days later once I’ve made plans and talked to people about shit she’s like hey actually you should come up a day earlier so you can get your grandparents (who are practically falling apart mentally and physically and my grandfather pisses himself and if he pees in the car that I am both sleeping and driving in I will be upset!!!) in the middle of Maine and drive them to New Hampshire for me bc I will be too tired from getting a three hour flight to go drive them :’( AS IF IM NOT DRIVING SIX HOURS OR MORE EVERY DAY FOR A WEEK HELLO??? YOU CANT DRIVE FIVE HOURS AFTER SLEEPING THE WHOLE TIME ON A THREE HOUR FLIGHT LIKE I KNOW ITS CRAMPED AND MISERABLE BUT YOU’RE GOING TO GO FROM A PLANE TO A NICE RENTAL CAR VS ME SLEEPING IN THE FUCKING TRUNK FOR A WEEK LIKE GIRL WHAT YOU ALREADY TOLD ME TO PLAN EVERYTHING AND NOW YOU’RE MOVING SHIT AROUND AND SHES ALL LIKE “well your aunt is gonna be visiting on the 11th so I have to get a flight on the 12th and then graduation is on the 13th early in the morning so I just won’t have time to go get them” LIKE GIRL THIS IS THE SAME AUNT THAT IS COMING TO OUR HOUSE FOR ONE SINGULAR DAY AND THEN WE WILL SEE HER AGAIN IN NEW HAMPSHIRE WHILE WE ARE ON OUR TRIP LIKE YOU LITERALLY TOLD ME “oh don’t worry about missing her we’re gonna do the graduation party at her house when we’re up north” AND THEN YOU WONT SHIFT YOUR PLANS ONE DAY TO FIX ALL OF THE SCHEDULING CONFLICTS BUT YOU WANT ME TO TWEAK A WHOLE WEEK OF DRIVING PLANS BACK A DAY TO MAKE IT MORE CONVENIENT FOR YOU and also I simply don’t want to. Also the garbage truck just passed bc I slept in and I don’t think we got the garbage out and I know we definitely didn’t get the trash from my room or bathroom out of the house and so now moms gonna be pissed at me for that god fuck this is so infuriating I am not planning a trip while on my period ever again I want to bite my mothers head off for even suggesting an alternate plan what is wrong with me I am such a bitch what the fuck no wonder she fucking hates me okay I am going back to bed she can figure this shit out later when she’s not slamming doors and yelling about work
#I want to rip my hair out#why does she say yeah we can work around whatever plans you make and then immediately she’s like oh haha nevermind#and I know I’m overreacting I know I’m being a bitch and I should fold to my mothers needs or whatever but like simply put I don’t want to#deal with my grandparents (if they were dwarves in Snow White they would be called Naggy and Pissy) and I don’t want to deal with their huge#looming sense of dread bc they both know they are old and losing it and that their kids are dead and we are the only family they care about#and I was already nervous about spending any time with them at graduation and now my mom wants me alone in a car with them for HOURS#like I simply don’t want to and I don’t want to think about dad and I don’t want to think about them and I don’t want to drive the extra#hours or anything like ugh I just don’t want to. I want to get high on Millie’s couch and have a relaxing day after driving that much on the#way up and I want to only have to drive three hours to my brother and I want ti already be there for graduation that morning I don’t want to#go any earlier or later than I had planned bc I planned distances by how much driving I thought I could take at a time and If I add an extra#day of driving I will be exhausted and add emotional exhaustion to that from seeing family and add fucking bitchy mood and being judged on#my music or my driving or being asked about what I plan to do with my life or what have I been doing since dad died or are you okay? is your#mother struggling? (and not being able to talk about my mom going out and dating and getting laid and ignoring my dead father and their dead#son bc it’s the only way she’s coping with any of this anymore)#I just don’t want to. and I hope my mother will step up and change her shit to deal with them but if they don’t I’ll have to deal with it#and just get over it but fuck I really really really don’t want to#it just annoys me that my mother would rather move all of my plans back a day than not see my aunt for what six hours here when we’re#literally going to see her up north like five days later#like can’t you just wait to see her. like she has seen the house before. she knows what a screened in patio looks like. they’ve seen the car#before like they will know if they want the car or not before they see it they know the model and they know it’s sat in our driveway for#months and months like they are aware of the car so you don’t need to say that’s the big important reason for them to visit#I’m such an asshole what the fuck is wrong with me I’m really unwilling to have any changes made to my plans#my brother would fucking bend over backwards and do whatever my mother asks and she is so mad that I’m not like that and I should be why am#I not like that why don’t I do all the shit she does for me why am I such a bitch what is wrong with me#I am already exhausted today I only slept for four hours#I just want to skip to me being on the road already. need to smoke a cigarette at a truck stop out of state it will fix me honestly
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I have had the overwhelming urge to write so much the past week but my job switched me to mornings and I am so 😡😡😡 angry because I am excited to write so much but the second I get home I collapse and do nothing I want to write so fucking bad but instead I am!!!!!! Sleepy!!!!!!!
#it is literally a matter of having the energy to sit up straight and type#like I am formulating prose in my head#but actually typing it out is taking way more energy than I have#I’ve been lucky to get a page a night if even that (tonight it was about three paragraphs)#uuuggghhhh I’m pretty sure I suffer from some form of chronic fatigue in general given how exhausted I constantly am#no matter how much I sleep#but this abrupt schedule change did NOT help nor does the fact that it happened right after holidays where all my free time was spent#traveling and just on the go constantly#so I never even got the chance to actually recover from THAT before this started#I swear I need a week to literally just be left alone and not even contacted by another living soul#just to physically and mentally rest and recover before I’m like… semi-functional#how to explain to ppl I care about that yes… I like spending time with them…. but also do NOT fucking ask me to do anything for like a month#idfk I’m so tired and it’s Officially interfering with my hobbies which bring me a great amount of joy so I’m PISSED#kaz rambles
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~ ~ ~
#told you earlier this morning that I was having a day where I didn’t really want to be alone#at that time you were really understanding and told me to let you know when I was heading back to town#so that’s what I did and then all of a sudden you’re busy and don’t seem to even want to talk to me#and I’m not upset that you were going to have lunch with your wife or go to a therapy appointment because those are both good things#but I am a little upset that you didn’t even offer to check on me afterwards or say you can call me or anything#and just seemed like you didn’t even want to talk to me at all despite being happy to hear from me a couple hours beforehand#it’s just the shift in energy that’s hurtful I guess#and the fact that when you couldn’t ask for help yesterday I still knew you needed it and came out to be with you and make sure you were ok#just feels like no matter who my ‘best friend’ is I won’t get the same energy and care and time that I put into things#just wish I had someone who would do the same for me as I would for them but idk how much of that really exists in this world#but it doesn’t matter I’ll get through it alone like I have before#cry it out and then take a nap and then go to work like normal#hopefully you’ll want to talk tomorrow#personal
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i love when internet advice genuinely doesn’t apply to me it makes me feel sooooooo good
#personal#it was a tik tok talking about how everyone wants a third space but would you actually go#and talk to strangers there and participate#and went into how you need social skills and to be able to do small talk with people etc etc etc#and i’m sitting there soooo smug like tee hee i regularly go out places and make friends with strangers#hehe no yeah i can have a conversation at any time - following up after getting socials less#but that’s more they asked for mine and didn’t hit me up after bc this is not my prerogative#like i’m fine making friends or talking more but since you pushed for it that’s on u i’m not gonna go crazy out of my way for that unless#we clicked rlly well#or anything giving advice about being okay with urself or being alone#like best you to the punchline love ❤️#but intersecting both videos i do need dating advice that’s like#not purely you need to stop being shy and not going places bc bam not shy and going places#or like hey it’s okay to be alone better than bein with someone bad#which true but what if i’m confident love my own company and still want to pursue being with people#like it’s fine i’m enjoying myself and when it happens it happen or it doesn’t#which it’s been really relaxing not to have a convo every second of the day or like a convo#after every hang out explaining my self at length#but support group for people who’s issue with dating isn’t being a shy home body or accepting awful behavior over being alone#did just start using hinge again and not a calendar day before someone called me mommy
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*gossip girl voice*
Hey, did you guys miss me?
Time for an on brand depressed journal entry :(
#so I’m working this summer#which is crazy because I haven’t worked since august- I promised myself I’d focus fully on classes#this job is with the co-op program so my school gave it to me and it’s with the government#and lemme tell y’all - this is the worst shit ever#i basically work with the military (hijabi working with the feds????) on top of that they’ve made it mandatory to work in person#since it’s a classified area they don’t allow phones so u legit have to lock up your phones the entire day#my manager doesn’t respect me and basically asked me to be the admin person on the team EVEN THO I AM LITERALLY A MASTERS STUDENT#i have to drive 1 freaking hour to the job - it’s legit outside of the city#ANDDDDD one of the other students has been bothering me😵💫😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖#I AM SO ANNOYED AND ANGRY AT MY CURRENT POSITION#i paid an extra $800 out of pocket to be in this coop and they’ve given me the worst placement with the worst position#if I could I would’ve quit after the first week#i made the mistake of being nice to the student and telling him I like football and NOW HE WONT FREAKING LEAVE ME ALONEEEE#I’m so depressed I just want to be alone at lunch and while I work but he’s always messaging me and pestering me#like bruh not even my manager pays this much attention to me#I want to tell him to leave me alone but idk how without being rude#I’m trying to figure out a lie that will get my manager to let me work from home#this is the worst thing ever#I legit cry every morning before I go into work like this SUCKS#i really needed to get this out#being unemployed was the best thing ever#and I vow to never work a job that’s in person ever again
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JAIL FOR SUPERVISOR FOR 1000 YEARS
#I need to talk to someone who knows what they’re doing or I can’t properly move on#like I don’t have much I need to do rn! but I DO need someone to help me with what kind of scope is feasible bc I have actually never done#this before and I don’t know how long it’ll take/how much there’ll be to write up#pls. this is an expected period of less talking to me bc he’s not in the country rn but he also ignored me asking if there was anyone else#I KNEW THIS WAS COMING YOU BASTARD REPLY TO MY EMAIL#I do actually have a deadline tomorrow at midday and I’m following the schedule he gave me so he was EXPECTING an email anyway#i may have sent kinda a bigger email than he was expecting! but I have questions I need answering that I literally can’t answer alone#uuhghdhdhsjhddjdjjd pls#the whole problem is that I need to figure out my scale and that affects everything I’m meant to be doing rn#and I THINK I should go with the smallest one I’m considering rn bc I think I went insane and this was already resolved actually but also#it was the natural progression from what we talked about on Monday#EMAIL MEEEEEEEEEE#basically I got super overwhelmed and tried to take on the world and then I realised I gotta go small to get anything done and I’m expecting#him to tell me that. and I would like to SAY that but I already sent a follow up email earlier saying I think I need to take on the world#it’s just that all this could be resolved by talking in person for like. 2 minutesish? I think that is really frustrating me#I’m gonna have so many questions for him on Monday but whatever he can deal with me he’s getting paid for it#okay I’m just gonna write my introduction as if it was smaller scope I think that’s best idea here#i just need Something#luke.txt
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I might chicken out but my DnD group is doing a session at a party member’s place instead of the game shop tomorrow as a mini-housewarming for them, and I might try to be slightly emotionally vulnerable and humbly request that I can cuddle with someone, cause I am so fucking touch-starved right now that it hurts
#shhh sharkie#i’m feeling so alone and touch-starved and all I want is for someone to give me a hug#and if I can just sit close and put my head on someone’s shoulder while we play dnd that might fix me a bit#i’m just so tired and alone and it’s too long before I’m with the people that it’s okay to cuddle#it might be a little awkward cause my ex gf is part of our group (we’re on very good terms dw)#but I don’t want her to think whoring myself through a party is a pattern if the person I cuddle ends up not being her y’know?#I genuinely don’t have romantic feelings for anyone else in our group I just need a fucking hug and some human closeness#if she comes I’ll probably ask her first anyway tho so#coming back later: we sat around the table so no chance to cuddle :( it’s fine :(
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#i hate that i’m so socially anxious and that i need outside incentives to push me bc like#i know i can work out myself and i’ve gone to the gym before and i used to do full workouts and not think twice about it#but i started with a friend before i got confident enough to do it on my own and now i need to start again#and it sucks that i have no one to do it with#or rather that i’m too anxious to ask anyone to do it with me#and now most of the time i’m exhausted during my free time and i can’t think about anything but wanting to go home#but fuck my body dysphoria has been insane lately#i know i should do it weird do it scared do it alone#but i wish i had someone to share stuff with
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