#text: clark kent

[bruciemilf]

I think it’d be so funny if Bruce just refuses to disclose the existence of Robin to the league. He knows it’d take less than a minute for them to form a wicked mock club against him.

Except he just? Carries Robin around. Under that endless void that is his cape. Clark pinches the stress point between his brows. “Batman, is that a child under your cape?”

“No.”

“Bruce I can HEAR his heartbeat.”

“I think the long exposure to kryptonite partially damaged your brain. There is no child here, Clark.”

“He’s literally drinking Barry’s coffee right now.”

“He’s WHAT-“

[superbat-love]

Clark: Bruuuce, would you still like me if I were an alien?

Bruce: You are an alien, Clark. You’re also high on painkillers.

Clark: You’re so meaaan. You don’t see me as human!

Bruce: That’s because you’re not human.

Clark: Now that’s just cruel.

Bruce: [sighs] But you’re also more human than any human I’ve ever met, Clark. You’re better than any of us.

Clark: [sniffling] Thanks. You know that I’d still like you if you’re an alien, right?

Bruce: Hn, that’s good to know, Clark.

Clark: [mumbles Kryptonian endearments]

Bruce: …Clark, would you still like me if I were a bat?

[fandomfuntimem]

Dp x Dc

Clark got an invite to visit is cousin Maddie in Amity park! He always enjoys visiting them. Its a wild time, Maddie's kids are nice, and he gets to be the coolest cousin in the world. Impressing his little cousins with tricks that could only be explained by magic (he has litteraly crushed a rock to dust to make is "disapear").

But when he arrives this time, maybe bringing a few friends with him (i imagine the main group is Bruce, Clark, Lous, and maybe Damian, Tim, Conner, and Jon), the Town is chaos. Rouge government agents running around, magic undead creatures wreaking Havoc, and a young superhero barely holding it together. Even worse, Maddie and her husband seem so wrapped up in their work that they don't even notice their kids half the time! AND WHY DOES DANNY FORGET TO BREATH????!?!?!?!?!?

[bluebedo]

Imagine with me: Clark interviewing Bruce and they somehow get onto the topic of Batman, specifically the rumours of Bruce being in a relationship with Batman. Of course, Bruce denies it, but he's still in this 'Brucie' persona so, as always, he takes it a step further. He says that he and Batman aren't together because Batman is in love with Superman.

Meanwhile, Clark is silently freaking out in the chair across from him cos "HUH??? WHAT?????? HE IS??????" like this man is on the verge of tears, he just found out the love of his life loves him back??? Oh, he's milking this shit. Clark and Bruce get into a long conversation about how Superman and Batman are obviously head over heels for one another, probably even dating, and that somehow ends up being what Clark's article is about, much to Perry's delight and Bruce's dismay. It gets published and Batman dreads seeing Superman at the next JLA meeting.

They're awkward at first since Bats is avoiding Superman at all cost, while Supes is just trying not to explode with darn excitement and nerves. Eventually, Wonder Woman gets everyone to leave the room and basically tells Batman to pull his shit together with her eyes.

Superman pulls out the article, Batman evades all his questions. He calls Bruce Wayne an airhead, Superman says that Bruce Wayne is actually a lot smarter than he's given credit for, Superman says maybe Clark Kent is actually lying (he is a reporter so therefore untrustworthy, right?), but Batman comes to his defence cos "Kent is one of the most reputable reporters in Metropolis, nay the country."

Then Superman starts to think Batman might not love him, but love Clark, who is him and uuugh it's all so confusing. Meanwhile, Bruce is thinking that Superman might have a crush on Bruce Wayne, which causes thoughts of both 'oh no, not another one' and 'FINALLY A GOOD ONE'.

[f4nd0mlife]

[thesuperheroesnetwork]

Texts From Superheroes

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[muchimmm]

I love gay people

Final Crisis

[sassylittlecanary]

Smallville + text posts ➡️ Clex edition

[violent138]

Hal: "So what's the most important thing in that thing anyway?" *gestures at utility belt*

Clark: "Rebreather. Never know when you might need it."

Barry: "Come on, it's gotta be the kryptonite ring."

Bruce: "No. It--"

Oliver: "The lifetime supply of Batarangs. Or lip balm."

Bruce: *rummaging through belt*

Diana: "The grapple gun, I've seen you reach for it repeatedly."

Arthur, grinning: "Shark repellent."

Oliver: "I'm telling you, it's an extra mask."

Bruce: "You're all wrong." *pulls out assortment of snacks*

Oliver: "Makes sense."

Clark: "Are these special in some way? I think I've seen them at my grocery store."

Barry: *eats one* "Tastes the same."

Diana: *opens it like she's opening a bomb* "Perhaps it's a slow acting poison."

Barry: *chokes as Clark immediately starts hitting his back*

Hal: "You're messing with us aren't you?"

Bruce: "If I wanted to mess with you, I'd let you train with one of the Robins when they're hypoglycemic."

[qcomicsy]

Phrases I bet were said on the Batcave without context.

Duke: So you had enough time to put a dinosaur here but not to cover the endless pit of death?

------

Babs (To Dick in the Batman suit): Do not kiss me wearing that it freaks me out.

-----

Jason: Okay. Got it you have a plan. Great. But before we all follow it I have to ask– is that a fucking cow?

-----

Damian: I admit. I haven't misplanned how to get Batcow out of the cave.

----

Alfred: Master Bruce there's a lot of courage in trying to tell me how to take care of the kid you won't clean up after.

---

Tim (to the Jason's memorial): Stop looking at me like that.

---

Jason (to the Jason's memorial): Stop looking at me like that.

---

Superman (first time there): You know I'm not surprised.

---

Bruce (In the middle of a video call with the Justice league and hearing the loudest argument from upstairs): Give me a second.

Bruce: DO NOT MAKE ME GO UP THERE

Silence.

Bruce: As I was saying–

----

13 year old Tim: Okay, hear me out– That might sound a little crazy. But what about. . . pants. Same thing, same suit, but with pants

----

Bruce (being paranoid): I'm not being paranoid.

---

Jason, looking at the Batcomputer: Ever tried to run GTA on this thing?

Tim: You are a danger to society,

Tim: And a coward. Try Skyrim.

---

20 something Nightwing visiting: Why are you awake?

15 year old Jason: Why are you dressed as the lost member of the village people?

---

Batman: I thought you were on a family vacation.

13 year old Tim: So did my parents– Look at what I found on the Two-Face case.

[bruciemilf]

It’s always “evil Superman!!!!” this, or “villain justice league!!!” that.

I want an AU of villain! Bruce who’s absolutely dog-shit at being evil.

Firstly: The worst thing he can think of doing is not donating to animal shelters or charities . immediately feels so guilty he throws up.

Secondly: The second a child cries because of him, he’d freeze up. Stand like a statue, unmoving and petrified. No more evil, but just today.

He ends up helping the city by accident more often than not, and to his immortal disappointment, Gotham loves both the Bat and Bruce Wayne.

“alfred come look at my evil plan”

“Yes, sir, “ Alfred is very indulgent. He does his best to pretend it’s actually good. “ ‘Don’t say please to the barista’. Getting bold, are we?”

EVERYTIME He and Clark meet and Bruce monologues about pulverizing him to dust, Clark (and the League) looks at him like this:

“I can make him worse,” GOOD FOR YOU!!! Clark can make him into his malewife and adopt his 7 evil sidekicks who actually know how to villain. Especially the little one.

[superbat-love]

Bruce: Commissioner Gordon, I wasn’t expecting a visit this late.

Gordon: My apologies, Bruce, there are some things that I need to talk to you about regarding the Wilson case.

Bruce: No apologies needed, Commissioner. Please, have a seat. Would you like a cup of tea?

Gordon: Tea would be-

Bruce: ?

Gordon:

Bruce: Commissioner?

Gordon:

Bruce: Commissioner Gordon, is everything all right?

Gordon: Bruce, there’s a- there’s a ghost floating down your hallway…

Bruce: [turns to see a sleeping Clark floating horizontally out of his bedroom, wrapped up in his blanket]

Bruce: Oh, that’s just my great-great-granduncle Tom. He’s always haunting this hallway on Thursdays. It’s his weekly chess game, and he never got over that one loss. Poor Uncle Tom…

Gordon:

Bruce: Alfred, why don’t you go and see if Uncle Tom can be persuaded to haunt another hallway instead?

Alfred: Right away, Master Bruce.

[toytle]

superblorbos in their teen years

[sully-s]

Listen I've been watching a lot of movies with Gene Kelly lately and just wanted to dress up Clark as him. Even tho I think Gene Kelly looks more like Bruce or Brucie Wayne.

And if were talking about dance styles as a character study there could be a great case that Gene Kelly's dance style of using his whole body would be much more Bruce than Fred Astaire who Gene is often compared to who's dance style which is more foot-centric.

But Gene Kelly was known for dressing as the everyday man for his time and that's more Clark. Which doesn't matter.

Point being I bet Bruce has watched a lot of Gene Kelly movies with Alfred and you best believe if DC would allow a universe where Bruce could be at least bi he'd have a little bit of a crush on Gene when growing up and seeing his crush in the same atrie well ...

[tonkysexist]

SUPERMAN IS JEWISH BALANCE IS BEING RESTORED TO THE UNIVERSE

[thesuperheroesnetwork]

Texts From Superheroes

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