#tbh I don’t have a plan going into this
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i hold death’s hand in mine
Or: my own interpretation of agathario.
tbh i’m not sure how many parts there’s going to be in total but I do know that I want to explore so much of these two because they fascinate me so much
so far…
her humanity
her name
#i will try and color code whose story is whose#i’ll do a mix of green and purple if it’s for them both#tbh I don’t have a plan going into this#and i don’t know what my end goal is#i do know I have plans for—#well#you’ll just have to see I suppose#why YES i did post this because I crave attention and these are flopping#pls give me attention#writing for a marvel fandom is Scary and i need reassurance xx#LISTEN IF YOU ARE A SEÑOR SCRATCHY STAN LIKE MYSELF#YOU WILL LOVE THIS SERIES#there’s going to be pain#right now it’s just Gay#there??? might??? be??? sin???#……#agatha harkness#rio vidal#agathario#agatha x rio
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"What does my mentor do besides bring me roses?"
So I actually HATED how this portrait turned out (the oil pastels finally betrayed me 😔🥲) but aside from the eyes WHICH LOOK WRONG the color work was banging and I didn’t want it to go to waste (but still didn’t feel like spending more hours trying to save it;;;;) sooo yeah we’re going for artistic rendition idk lmaooo
thematically I think it works though hehe 🤭
Added the unaltered drawing if anyone is curious what it looked like 🙈
#I could probably have gotten away with pretending the whole thing was planned and no one would have known except#my friends and ppl in the Snowbaird discord lol#But I don’t believe in dishonesty and tbh I think it’s important as artists to be forward about the fact that sometimes we fuck up#Plus sometimes the fuck up will push you to go in an artistic direction you wouldn’t have tried otherwise like here!#coriolanus snow#coriolanus snow fanart#tbosas fanart#tbosas#the ballad of songbirds and snakes#the ballad of songbirds and snakes fanart#my art#Fanart#art#oil pastels#oil pastel art#oil pastel drawing#oil pastel portrait#oil pastel on black paper#oil pastel#jeida-chi#burntblueberrywaffles#tom blyth#tom blyth fanart
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really fucking grinds my gears how my dad knows just how to make me feel fucking guilty for putting up boundaries and saying no
#not even for a major thing!#barely setting a boundary even! just saying i don’t want to do smth!#asking me if i want to go for dinner one evening when he knows i work late most days and have said this for years - in fact said this exact#thing to him last week - so when i say no bc i finish late he just pushes and pushes#until im like this doesn’t work for me AND i hate eating out i dont want to go. just go with my brother that’s fine. and he’s suddenly#blunt as fuck in his messages leaving me on read or guilting me about the hours i work….. like get a fucking grip your over 50 bro#i try to be polite with it but he just gets in a fucking mood like please you are a Loser#i see you weekly (smth HE chose when i was a bairn) like im not making my job and life harder just bc you feel bad that you don’t see me#more often now#also i only hate eating out with him!! because it’s awkward!! i like to be in and out when i eat with friends and we’re all the same about#it bc we’re all very autistic lmaooo but with him he likes to chat and chat and chat which is fine but i don’t.. and he asks more personal#questions than when we’re just at his as if im gonna open up just bc we’re eating thai food 🙄🙄🙄🙄#like you Don’t get to know if im seeing anyone or if im queer or even if ive got fucking plans to go away with friends tbh#like deadbeat dads that try to emotionally manipulate their kids get minimal information actually !! 🤓☝️#stelle yaps#fuck sake#i knew he’d start doing this when my brother was back - he’s always played us off each other and he always gravitates towards whichever is#the ‘easiest’ child at the time which is my brother ever since i became an adult lmao#i just don’t tolerate his shit and i let him know it whereas e will play along#me and my dad are too similar in that we both know how to really cut deep in the other :/#it just all sucks#please please feel free to ignore#i just need to vent like hell bc he winds me up a treat so bad
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Uni year 2 academic burnout starting is crazy bro you’ve got 2 maybe 3 more years can you keep your shit together please
#I didn’t want to major in business communication in the first place man#I wanted to be a nurse#I genuinely was like. thinking of going into nursing#I started doing research on it#I found myself looking forward to it#then my aunt just said No. you can’t read Thai so don’t bother and then it was between fucking#British and American studies and Business Communication and I don’t want either#so now. fuck everything tbh#I’m mostly trying my best just so I don’t make my parents sad at this point#the other thing is so I can at least get a decent job even if it kills me because I want to be able to move in with my boyfriend#we have silly non concrete plans about the future#it’s nice to think about but. fuck dude I don’t want to leave my room some days
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so y’all remember how i was saving for sunday and fugue …
#rem is typing ..!#he came early#i decided to gamble a lil on the gambler and he came home to me ✊😔#win but also wah#i’d have 31 pulls left over but i also did a couple tenners on acheron’s weapon jic bc i don’t have it and would like it#still deliberating on whether or not to go for it since sunday is next#since i got an aventurine i’ll likely skip#as for sunday#if i don’t pull anymore i’ll have enough to get SOMETHING on release day#whether that’s a loss or not only time will tell#if i lose i’ll likely only go to 35 pity before stopping simply bc fugue would be better for my acc despite how much i tolerate sunday#but yeah that’s the new plan HDBXJFBF#this is twice now that i’ve pulled and gotten an imaginary character with the funds i was saving for a different imaginary character#and tbh i think it’s rlly funny#game id: honkai star rail ..!
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This is week 8 of law school and I am… so tired.
#I know y’all keep seeing my complain about law school but I didn’t realize it would be THIS hard.#“like I knew it was gonna be hard#but not this hard#i’m just so tired#and I’m gonna keep going because I don’t have a plan B but… damn it’s hard#law school#law student#not zr related#tbh I haven’t thought about ZR in so long
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Maybe it’s finally time for me to play a necromancer for da4.
#I’ve been going through a bunch of different options for my rook#but#I think I’m going to end up going with my original idea for a rook#grey warden necromancer#going between city elf or dalish elf#idk yet#my second rook will probably be a dwarf#but we’ll see#da4#tbh though this all could change the second I get the game#don’t even ask me who I plan to romance#I like them all I have to see who feels right in the moment
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I don’t get why people feel like the Duolingo owl is threatening, if I ever feel like he is I just get mad at him. I could fight an owl. I don’t know if I’d win, but I don’t think I’d lose (two things that can apparently coexist). I think I’d survive at least and that’s not really winning but also not losing.
You wanna be so threatening? Da bør du drepe meg!
#emma posts#I used google translate for help because they haven’t taught me the phrase ‘kill me’ yet#taught me the word for beer øle but not the more important words like ‘kill’#as far as I can tell everything else in that sentence checks out so I figured the translation was good enough#not sure if it’s in the right order or if you use better that way in Norwegian. but good enough for a tumblr flop post#Emma’s adventures in using Duolingo#I should honestly use that as a tag for it#I post enough venting about that app#until I find out if I’m dyslexic for sure and there’s a way to help that with other languages. I’m not going to pay for Babbel yet#Babbel has Icelandic lessons too I think and that is my final boss tbh#I’ve been going from easiest for English speakers to hardest as my plan#and it turns out that I forgot how much some of my issues affect learning new languages#last time I learned another language it was Spanish and I’m not fluent but I’ve had classes and been around it for so long#that i kinda forgot what it’s like to start from scratch#I didn’t start trying to learn Norwegian until I was 26#or was it my 27th birthday? I could check my streak#I was like ‘psh. it will be harder with my disabilities. but I should be able to read. my top priority with this language’#and then I realized I had been somehow adapting to the other two languages since childhood and forgot how much I had to work around#I mean. I knew I was worse at language arts in school than I was in literature and writing. but still#I also already knew I was worse at making new sentences in other languages than I was figuring out ones that someone else made#but I thought that was just because I hadn’t used Spanish much for several years now#every time I try to re-learn Spanish it just ends up with me being able to figure out what someone said to me but not how to answer#if i brushed up on it again i could probably have a conversation with someone who understood English but better spoke Spanish#someone with the same problem as me but reversed language wise#please don’t take this as me saying I could currently have an entire conversation with someone speaking Spanish#I’m better than someone who never learned it and didn’t encounter it’s use a lot. but I really don’t think I could have a real conversation#not at the moment at least#I have been meaning to brush up on Spanish again too. there are at least real classes in my area for it and not just an app#the last time there were Norwegian classes around here my dad was in college and old people still spoke it#no one around here speaks it anymore
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Anyone who knows me, knows that I absolutely detest the secret child trope … but I think the ‘Good Bad Mother’ is most likely going to be the first ever show where I EAT this UPPPP
Like???????
#ok tbh we are all just presuming that they are both the parents of the kids lmao#also if they are his kids … this is probs going to be the first time I support a storyline#where the one parent doesn’t know … bc he turned super evil#I don’t think he is really evil … I think it’s all part of his revenge plan#and the one he loved the most got hurt the most as he distanced himself to protect her#but yeah the kids would have not been safe around him#y’all know how much I hate this storyline … but I support FOR ONCE#the good bad mother#k drama#lee do hyun#ahn eun jin#ra miran
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and if i went crazy and started translating and adapting the entirety of the beetlejuice musical to spanish, with changes to the jokes that would make sense within the pop culture…
what then
#i’ve already started and this is much harder than i thought it would be#I’ve almost got all of dead mom down#how the fuck am i supposed to adapt the charades during say my name if the name doesn’t make sense in Spanish 🧍♂️#also ready set not yet is a NIGHTMARE to translate holy shit#barbara’s entire fast verse is out the window#in fact the entire thing about pottery is out the window just because the ‘look at these jugs!’ joke gets lost in translation#i’m doing this to myself#i don’t even know why I’m doing this tbh#it’s not like i plan on putting it out there or anything#gotta feed the brainrot somehow i guess#just because I’m doing it doesn’t mean it’s good though LMAO#but hey I’m having fun#beetlejuice#beetlejuice musical#i’m going insane#it just would work so well with our humour 😩
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friendly reminder that this is an anti-natlan blog
#I’m so over itttttt#I hate exploration the archon quest is so boring compared to Fontaine and sumeru#mavuika is so one dimensional I hate her design and her stupid motorcycle I only like her eyes and hair#I was so disappointed when the trailer dropped the so called cultural representation is sloppy and lazy and racist#I only like the dynamic between citlali and ororon they’re so funny#she’s a silly granny and he’s my pathetic grandson#I don’t like that they waifued her tho /:#tbh I kinda like the vibes of their tribe the spiritual stuff is cool ig#I started the world quest with the dragon that seems cools so far#and I’m interested in capitano but apparently he’s not gonna be playable anytime soon#the only good thing in the archon quest so far are the lore drops#like when will we move onnnn#filler nation for sure#I was so excited after Fontaine the nations just seemed to get better and better#I hate the mechanics I hate always having to turn into animals for shit everything feels so clunky#I hate iansan’s redesign seeing her in the trailer made me so hyped#I feel like they either didn’t plan natlan or they rewrite it or something it feels so out of place#I’m so scared for snezhnaya now#like where did the Fontaine writers and designers go????#anyways I’m saving for arlecchino the real pyro archon lol#tho people are saying that citlali may be a good support for her???#I told myself I wouldn’t pull for natlan characters tho#UGGHHH#genshin impact critical#natlan critical#my posts
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embarrassing kind of BUT i’ve scheduled like a date with f/o for like the first time ever because i keep on putting it off and i’ve been a little stressed this week so it’s a nice reward….!!! might draw something for the occasion and i might just schedule these kind of dates more often because it kind of feels really nice to do
#don’t mind me being embarrassed that’s just cuz sometimes i still feel so doing f/o gushes or whatever BUT i’m trying to get over it…#the movie will be 500 days of summer cuz i haven’t watched that before… dragging them to watch the things i like with me#i feel like during movie decisions we have a HARD time and then theyll go ‘ok before u say anything i love u but-#-we are not watching hit movie detective conan movie 14’ and id jokingly go like ‘aww’ But i understand i’ve watched it 6 times. Um#ive always thought of them as like a horror liker cuz its silly but i think they appreciate screenwriting and will just watch any movie tbh#whilst i’m a more romance movie person… recent faves are la la land and shall we dance i never watch so much#and i miss. planning dates… super super fun I HOPE THIS PLAN GOES THROUGH i’ll be kind of upset otherwise honestly…#i don’t have saturday night free unfortunately so <//3#❥ vels ramblings
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Thinking about the day my grandmother died and how my reaction looked to outsiders like in my brain I was behaving in completely logical and appropriate ways but like from others POV:
She dies in my arms and I sat there in silence until the ambulance came to take her away. I don’t speak and barely move until I suddenly and seemingly without provocation throw a dining room chair at my aunt who wasn’t even present when my grandmother died, storm out the back door and disappear for 36 hours. I did not take my car. Literally walked into the woods. Return soaked and covered in mud and showing fairly clear signs of hypothermia (we’re Canadian we learn to spot hypothermia) walk into the shower fully clothed and stay in there for three hours until the hot water has completely run out and they can’t get it working at the kitchen sink.
And apparently this was viewed as “yeah that makes sense” because no one questioned, checked on, or spoke to me during that entire 48hrs despite there being like 30-50 people rotating through the house at that time.
#to be fair I did emerge from that fully redressed normally and mud-free#and immediately started calmly planning funeral arrangements and coordinating logistics#so they were more or less correct in thinking yeah he’ll sort out whatever that is#and be back to help us when we need it#and I was#I just needed to go rot on the forest floor and sob for most of a day#getting into the shower fully clothed was an accident I was still just really dissociated#but after two hours I realized oh I’m in the shower ah I guess I’ll just wash these clothes while I’m in here#so I did that#because my clothes were pretty crusty#mud tree sap sticks etc#ice at first before I got in the shower#tbh I probably could have injured myself pretty badly going from straight hypothermia into a hot shower#but I don’t remember actually getting IN the shower so there’s a chance some lizard part of my brain remembered the survival drills#from my whole life since like age 2#of slowly going up in temp#the fact that I didn’t put myself into some kind of shock would suggest I did increase the temps in increments by just drilled muscle memry#when I came to it was already very hot#but that was a LONG time since I had gotten in
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i have 2 interviews on monday so im gonna try to just eat so much tomorrow that i literally die
#one is the one from today that i did in fact reschedule bc tbh i don’t want that job and i was so not ready for the interview#bc from the phone interview last week the recruiter was like yeah you’re gonna want to know like the history of the company for the next#interview and reallllly have good star answers and i was like lol ok just kill me#so i wasnt ready and that’s fine now it’s on monday BUT today i got an email for another phone interview from a job that i reeeeeeally want#actually it’s like exactly what i do now but actual hourly pay and benefits which is all i’m looking for#AND it’s 100% remote anywhere whereas the first one which is the finance job that i know nothing about#finance but they have an office in the city i used to live in which is like idk 45 minutes away and is also the city i’m planning to#move back to anyway once i can get the fuck out from under my familys roof#but training is 7 months in office so if i get tht i absolutely have to move bc i will not be driving that for 7 months but if i move it’s#whatever but anyways the second job which is for copy editing which my ultimate goal anyway is to be an editor so this would be sooo good#and such good experience for me and my resume!!! and it’s 100% remote like i said and NO PHONES#the other job is a complete customer service job but i need all these finra licenses and shit and i’m like ok. how am i even supposed to#pass those anyway#but anyways. it’s obvious which job i want but i’m going to go to both interviews just to keep my options open bc i can’t be stupid about#this bc now that student debt forgiveness is completely off the table. lol forever. i’m going to have to start paying that#so anyways. my life is so stressful rn but at least things are starting to come together at least in the job department#well hopefully anyway like watch me get rejected for both 💀
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~ ~ ~
#today I am sad about something that I know objectively is dumb#my 30th birthday is next week and the party will be next Saturday and I’m having a dinner at a nice restaurant in town#I wasn’t supposed to make it to 30 and never thought I would but now somehow I have and so this birthday is like…#a really huge deal to me you know#and I always wanted to be able to have a big party to celebrate this specific occasion and in my head I pictured all my friends/family there#I figured this would be one of the biggest parties I’d ever get to throw because to me this is the biggest milestone I’ve gotten to so far#but out of all the people I’ve invited the most that will probably reasonably show is about 10#and even that’s a bit iffy because tbh I’m pretty sure my bestie will flake on me like he always does#and if he doesn’t show up that might just end the friendship but that’s another matter entirely#also iffy because I haven’t gotten a lot of responses still even though I made the event and sent invites two weeks ago#I just… thought I had more friends than that if that makes sense#like I had bigger parties with more people attending in high school and I barely had any friends then#I’ve thrown low key Halloween parties in my mom’s apartment that had more people show up#now I’m at the most important moment of my life (so far) and I’ll barely have anyone with me#lately it just feels like less and less people care about me for real despite how many I know around work or how many are on my Facebook#it feels like my world keeps shrinking and I really don’t want that because it’s been small enough as it is#I just feel like I’m never really going to find my place or have big groups of friends like everyone else#I’m never going to have a group of friends or people I can rely on to spend time with me when needed#as it is planning things gets harder the older we get anyway just due to needing to tend to adult life#guess I still just want what everyone else has and I don’t know why I can’t have those things#and I know it’s stupid and selfish and whiny but I really want to cry because I’m so depressed that I have barely anyone in my life at all#barely anyone to celebrate something so important to me and so few who even seem to care at all either#I’m grateful for everyone I do have honestly#but that doesn’t offset this weird pain in my chest over this whole situation#maybe I should just curl up and cry until this all passes and I can go back to pretending it doesn’t matter#personal
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i’ve been back in town for 3 days and no one has texted me. lol.
#we made plans to meet the week before i left and this week also and they all made other plans without telling me#i don’t wanna see them i don’t wanna do anything but i paid to go to a thing in a couple weeks and tbh i cant do it#this is what i get for trying to be more present this is what i get for putting myself out there#never smart never funny never desirable never have anything important to say always a problem and i need to be fixed#dude i am at my fucking limit tbh#dl
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