#syd and carmy apartments

[freedelusionshere]

I think that Carmy co-signed Syd's lease for her apartment, because of her bad credit. We know it's not her dad, because she'd already signed the lease at that point.

We know she has deferred pay, just like Carmy and Nat. Nat also has a new baby on the way and a mortgage.

More convinced than ever that Carmy and Syd live in the same building. He's in good standing with the landlord so he could vouch for her there as well.

Also, Carmy shows Syd he loves her by doing big gestures like this. The Michelin star. The Thom Browne chef's jacket.

The parallel in S3 is Mikey giving Tina a job in Napkins.

And her dad knows what's up. That's why he brings up the thin walls and the partnership agreement. He knows someone hooked her up and has a suspect!

[purposechef]

Not sus at all.

[thoughtfulchaos773]

Favorite day of the week?

Not Sundays

Anxiety for the week?

That's when the whole restaurant is closed.

[sydcarmyfan]

Why is Carmy leaning on Sydney like that? Where’s the professionalism? Isn’t this a HR violation?

[currymanganese]

Will Carmy leave the culinary world?

I know based on Carmy's current disillusionment with the restaurant world that this is a question that us fans have been asking ourselves, but here are some reasons why I think that Carmy will stay in the food service industry in some capacity, or at least why I'm hoping that he will.

Carmy loves the family restaurant:

First and foremost, Carmy does have a love for his family's business and for cooking, despite the burnout that he has been experiencing he defends the restaurant against his sister's scorn for The Beef and Uncle Jimmy's desire to purchase it in season one. Also, note that in his first onscreen face to face conversation with his sister, Via Chicago by Wilco plays in the background, and the tortured lyrics ultimately end by speaking of searching for home,

-and inter-cut with this scene, Marcus and Richie highlight an effective change Carmy has made to the restaurant (organizing the spice rack). The scene deliberately extends to have Gary tell Fak his REAL NAME while the song in the background says, "printed my name on a back of a leaf and watched it float away..." while Marcus finds a keepsake from Carmy's fine dining days / James Beard Award win that references, "Fairest Creatures", a phrase from Shakespeare's Sonnet 1 which is part of a

series of sonnets which urge a young man to marry and have children so that his legacy will live on. It is almost as if the narrative is telling us that Carmy's real name/identity is being a world class chef, not the harried, downtrodden line cook / small business owner we see him as at the beginning of the pilot, but this identity has temporarily eluded him. It also reinforces what Sydney said about him during her character introduction, when she told him that she knows who he is, "Most excellent CDC at the most excellent restaurant in the entire United States of America".

In a literal sense, the restaurant currently is Carmy's home away from home, even more-so than his sparse apartment, it is also his family legacy, and apart from his love for his family, the restaurant, and cooking by extension, is quite likely his "first love". He outright tells Jimmy that he loves the place in his conversation in Hot Dogs at Nicky's birthday party, and during his business pitch in "Beef" in S2;

"I love this place. I love this city. I wanna start our first business here."

He also doesn't deny it when Richie asserts that he loves the restaurant when Richie has the conversation about purpose with him also in "Beef", he just lets slip that the business is not fun for him presently, but as with many things, that can be subject to change in the future, especially if the restaurant presents him with the opportunity to have a home and a family of his own, and a legacy to give his own child or children someday! Now, don't get me wrong, a major component for Carmy's original love for the restaurant and for cooking was motivated by his love for Mikey, however, I believe that over the course of the series that Carmy may cement his love for the place and for his identity/ vocation as a chef even though he no longer has Mikey as his reference, his North Star. He may very well find even more reasons to love being a chef and to love the place that Nat and Jimmy, and his mom, and even Mikey once found unlovable.

2. Divestment and gifting of belongings, especially belongings that one is emotionally attached to is often a symptom of suicidal depression:

This may be TMI, but I first learned this as a child because my father was suicidal, he also even attempted once, but was thankfully unsuccessful, but one of the things my mother taught me and my siblings to be wary of is when he gives away clothing (he loves clothes). I know that Carmy giving Tina his chef knife in Season 2 is probably not meant to indicate that he is depressed, but I would be concerned if Carmy checks out of the business entirely to the point that he completely gives his stake in the restaurant up to Sydney or something of that nature, since, see point one above, he does love the restaurant, despite the strain that it causes. If Carmy continues giving away stuff that he loves in Season 3 onward I'd be very concerned.

I also believe this mental health symptom of suicidal depression was subtly illustrated in the pilot of Season one "System"; the jacket that Mikey gave Carmy, the one that it is implied that Carmy ended up selling to keep The Beef stocked and afloat, why did Natalie have it if Mikey gave it to Carmy? I believe that Mikey may have let Carmy know that he wanted him to have the jacket before he committed suicide, as in, Mikey divested himself of the jacket, just like in death he ultimately divested himself of the $300,000 from Uncle Jimmy and the restaurant itself. Knowing that, I don't see Carmy having an easy time walking away from the restaurant, regardless of if it is to pursue his artistic passions, even if he wants to...And also, as Carmy expressed in his monologue in Braciole, there's artistry in cooking and it is a subset of art that Carmy has become quite proficient in.

3. Carmy is competitive, but we still haven't seen him at the apex of his talents as a chef onscreen in the show so far:

Carmy was once so competitive in the culinary world that he viewed his coworkers in an antagonistic light to such a degree that he was determined to be so excellent at his craft that he "smoked" them and showed them up by comparison...He essentially becomes a master in his profession, despite his lack of academic /collegiate instruction in the culinary arts, through sheer spite for Mikey (as he expressed in his monologue in Braciole), for making him feel,

"...so rejected, and lame, and shitty, and uncool...."

-and out of spite/disdain for his coworkers. Although he is now far less anti-social and presumably has a healthier attitude towards competition, what would happen to someone with Carmy's competitive mentality if he quits the industry?

What healthy outlet does he have to be competitive to the extent that he can "be the fucking guy" and be the best at what he does, and to quite frankly be (in his own estimation, most importantly) cool? What happens to him (if he quits being a chef) the first time he walks into a restaurant and orders a meal, sits down to eat it and finds the dish shitty? What happens to him when he can't turn off the intuition that he has honed from years of self study where he can figure out how to improve a dish just off of one taste, like he did with Syd's braised Beef Short Ribs? As @thoughtfulchaos773 mentioned to me, we still haven't seen a moment where Carmy is confident and in control AND having fun while he is gelling with the rest of the crew in the kitchen, like Richie had while on expo in the season 2 finale.

If he quits being a chef, when will he get to "be the fucking guy" that Uncle Jimmy has been admonishing him to be? Because on some level he does indeed want to be that guy; he even watches Pasta Grannies in his free time, he doesn't suddenly stop being that kind of guy even if he quits, and I daresay that cooking may actually be some sort of special interest for him, which leads me to my next point:

4. Carmy may have to get into some form of further studies if he wants to pursue visual arts intensively, whether at a tertiary level or through some vocational program or as someone's understudy:

Whether it's visual or performing arts, the arts are quite difficult to get into and be successful in at a high level, and Carmy may have to undergo some retraining in order to have a competitive chance in that field, whether as an independent artist or whether he works under another artist or for a studio or fashion house etc., especially since the business administration aspect of his current job seems to be a challenge for him. However, since Carmy expressed that he had trouble in school and there were also instances where he seemed to struggle with executive dysfunction in season 2, the possibility exists that Carmy has ADHD or some learning disability that may complicate such a prospective career switch. It wouldn't be impossible for him, mind you, but this is a factor that also potentially influenced him, if not outright prevented him from going to college or pursuing another field. He'd need a lot of privilege and support to make such a career shift successfully.

Barring some assistance from connections and friends in high places (a la - his implied friendship with Thom Browne) it is unlikely that his current artistic skill level in sketching/illustration (that we have seen thus far anyway), that is either self-taught or based on his high school education, would be enough to get him very far as a visual artist. From seeing some of my artistically talented relatives struggle to make it as performance and visual artists, the arts can be very cutthroat, nepotistic and stressful industries to break into. The starving/obscure artist is an international stereotype for a reason, one of my grandfathers was even a struggling multi-instrumentalist for example; it can be quite rough out there in the art world!

Which brings me to my next point;

5. If Carmy continues to avoid dealing with the root of his traumas and does not process his grief and address his mental health issues, even if Carmy switches career, the next industry that he's in will still proverbially beat his ass:

As part owner of The Bear, Carmy has the opportunity and freedom to not just realize his own creative vision, but he also has the liberty to make it (along with Syd and Nat's and the entire crew's help) so that the restaurant is, to quote Sydney, "different from all the other places we've been at." He now has the power to make it so that, as much as possible, the restaurant is not the toxic, abusive, soul sucking enterprise that had him vomiting every day before his shift when he worked under the abusive executive chef (implied to be) at EMP. If Carmy cedes his place at The Bear, he is not guaranteed to have the same level of autonomy in another field, even as a visual artist, and the arts (or any other industry he may move on to) are riddled with challenges and injustices and struggles of their own.

While it would probably not be the intent of the creators if they do depict him leaving the culinary industry someday, in a way Carmy quitting being a chef could also be seen as a repudiation of Sydney's conviction that The Beef, now The Bear, doesn't have to be a shitty place to work at. If Syd and Carmy succeed at making it a great place to work at, shouldn't he be able to enjoy that for himself as well?

6. This show is many things, it's a study of the way grief and trauma shapes a person, it's about family, surviving family trauma surrounding addiction, and love, it's very loosely autobiographical, it's a genre bending dramedy, but so far it has also been a love letter to the food service industry and food service workers:

This is just my opinion, but wouldn't it be a somewhat tepid love letter to the food service industry/worker if the protagonist leaves the very industry that has made him who he is thus far, and that has even brought (in my opinion, don't kill me) his soulmate (Sydney) into his life at the end of the story? After the showrunners took the care to have two bottle episodes where supporting cast members gained fresh perspectives on their roles in the food service industry (Marcus in Honeydew and Richie in Forks) - we are even shown Richie (like Sydney with Coach K's "Leading with the Heart") reading and internalizing the book, "Unreasonable Hospitality" by Will Guidara.

To quote the author's website:

"Today, every business can choose to be in the hospitality industry — and you don't have to be a luxury business to do it. This book of lessons about both service and leadership learned over a career in hospitality celebrates the one principle that will never go out of season: the human desire to be taken care of. In this behind-the-scenes peek at the world of fine dining, Guidara shows us how to find the magic in what we do — for ourselves, the people we work with, and the people we serve."

As a result, I think Marcus and Richie's character arcs in season 2 foreshadowed the possibility of Carmy having a similar transformation on his current outlook on the restaurant and his place and purpose in it. It is also important to note that potential love interests served as mouthpieces to aid Marcus and Richie's perspective shifts in Honeydew and Forks, Luca for Marcus and Jess for Richie; while they weren't there as the sole reasons for Marcus and Richie's renewed appreciation for what they do in the restaurant, they were there to witness and assist with their character development and renewal.

With this in mind, how do you think learning that he prepared the best meal Sydney ever ate in her life, when he was at one of his lowest points mentally / professionally would affect Carmy? Would he really want to walk away from the field and vocation that helped him to win over / woo Sydney before he even met her, when he learns that this is effectively what brought her to his doorstep in the first place, not The Beef, not her Dad, not Mikey, not his prestige as a chef, but him and his cooking? I think that over the course of the show that Carmy has to learn to (to reference the aforementioned books) lead from his heart, and to rediscover the magic in what he does as a chef.

7. One of Carmy's struggles is loneliness and isolation, he may be even lonelier if he leaves The Bear behind:

Realistically speaking, the food service industry is a high stress industry that makes high demands on workers' time, with that in mind, how will he maintain his relationships with those who we have seen become his surrogate family members in the crew if he walks away from The Bear permanently? Let's say he becomes an independent visual artist, being self employed can be a lonesome experience. Also, loneliness itself can also cause dissatisfaction with one's job, does he really no longer think he is cut out for work as a chef, or is his loneliness one of the factors that brought him to a psychological/emotional tipping point at the end of season 2? From my own experience with losing my job at the end of last year, switching careers or leaving behind a job can, in an of itself, be a very isolating experience - especially if you were emotionally attached to your job or befriended your colleagues. If Carmy's loneliness is one of the biggest things he wants to escape, leaving The Bear isn't going to automatically make it possible to form the connections and the work/life balance that he is yearning for deep down inside.

8. If Carmy walks away from the restaurant, what happens to his partnership with Sydney?

After all, he was the one to convince her to partner up with him to start a new place. Worse yet, Carmy is heavily implied to be in love with Sydney, how will he have the opportunity to make something of that fondness for her or maintain a romantic relationship with her if he does start a relationship with her, if he leaves? He won't be there to try to make good on his promise to not let her fail, he won't see the highs and lows of her days BOH, their relationship just would not be the same. The disparity between professions and the high constraints on their time was also one factor that would have made it difficult for Carmy to maintain the relationship with Claire in the long run.

As such, it is common for persons in the food service industry and in other fields where it is common to work long hours, to get around this hurdle to proper work/life balance, by simply having their personal lives heavily intertwined with their work. It's common for persons in the food service industry to meet their spouses and partners at work and to continue to work with them. This is even referenced in season 2 which featured the husband and wife owned and operated restaurant, Kasama, and also with the butcher that mentions that he is in business with his wife to Sydney, after they lost their restaurant due to an untrustworthy partner.

So which will Carmy ultimately be to Sydney, just a partner that ultimately walks away from their shared vision and venture and goes it alone with his own career, even if it is for the sake of his mental health? Or will he be her partner in multiple senses of the word? Does he really "wouldn't even wanna do it without" her in a literal sense or will he walk away from The Bear? I'm hoping that he stays, or that even if he leaves that they leave together, and that they leave to greener pastures. Remember that Carmy told Jimmy that he wanted to open their "first restaurant" there at The Bear, imagine if they yield the restaurant to Tina, Richie and Nat someday and start another venture elsewhere or start publishing cookbooks together or become food television personalities, like Carmy saw himself as in his nightmare in Braciole, but in a positive twist?

Also keep in mind that when asked about the possibility of there being a romance between Syd and Carmy, Christopher Storer has gone on record to cryptically say about the two of them:

"It's a partnership, you'll see......."

9. Carmy is not a one to one analogue for Christopher Storer:

While Christopher Storer left the food service industry and entered the film industry as a writer/producer and director, and Carmy and his family is loosely based on Christopher Storer and his sister's life, there are some deviations from C Storer's life that make Carmy's character and story unique. Carmy is a youngest child, Storer is the eldest child in his family. Apart from having a cigarette addiction, Carmy is sober, but C Storer struggled with alcohol and substance abuse before he met his partner Gillian Jacobs. Storer is currently no contact with his mother who is an addict, but it remains to be seen what decision Carmy will ultimately make concerning his relationship with his mother, Donna. At the very least it seems that Nat wants her to be a part of their life still. This might be superficial, but Carmy is also short and Christopher is tall, here he is standing between Ebon Moss-Bachrach and Lionel Boyce who are roughly, 6' and 6' 3" respectively.

I'd be more confident that Carmy would leave the food service industry if he was more of an author stand-in for Christopher than Jeremy Allen White's depiction of Carmy currently is. Perhaps Carmy will represent the chef that Storer would have liked to work under or become if he remained in the culinary industry. And perhaps Mikey represents the person that Storer saw himself becoming if he did not meet Gillian Jacobs and become sober? Based on the earliest drafts of The Bear I know that Carmy and Sydney were supposed to more closely resemble Storer and his relationship with his sister Courtney, who is still a chef and is a culinary consultant on the show. However, since the story has changed so much after JAW and Ayo's casting, to the point that Carmy and Syd's relationship if rife with romantic subtext, then it'd make sense for me if Carmy remaining a chef is one more area where his life is not just a mimicry of Christopher Storer's.

TL;DR - I don't think Carmy will quit the culinary industry or The Bear, or at least I hope that he won't and here's why:

Carmy loves the restaurant.

Divestment of beloved belongings is sometimes a symptom of suicidal depression.

Carmy is a competitive person, being a chef gives him a healthy outlet to compete and to execute well at a high level, and we have yet to see this side of him/his full potential as a chef onscreen.

Carmy will require retraining to work in another field, even if he wants to do visual arts full time.

If Carmy keeps avoiding dealing with his mental health issues, a job in a different industry will still be a challenge for him.

The show is a love letter to the food service industry, Carmy leaving the industry someday will defeat the purpose of the show in a way, and would mark a departure from the trend of character progression where we've seen the supporting cast find renewed purpose in the industry.

Since Carmy suffers from loneliness, it is likely that he'll be even lonelier if he leaves The Bear.

His partnership with Sydney and his possible desire for a romance with her may suffer or become less likely to occur if he leaves.

And lastly, Carmy is not completely based on Christopher Storer's life, just because Storer left the food industry doesn't mean that he intends for Carmy to do so by series end.

Thanks for reading this through if you've made it to the end, and a big thank you for listening to me jaw on about all of this and convincing me to write it out @thoughtfulchaos773 !

P.S. Happy New Year everyone! 💃🏽

[unladyboss]

SYDNEY KEPT IT PUSHING : CARMY'S APARTMENT

Sydney came in

Saw Carmy's apartment

Took it all in

Shrugged

Turned on the oven

Got that warm touch, to the back even though she was ALREADY out of the way but go off Carmy

Watched him take jeans out the oven

Nodded like that was normal

Then got to work like it was all normal

She's so normal about him

[ayoarticulate]

scrolling thru the carmy x syd tag and seeing my own post is so fucking surreal omgeez

[whatkindofnameisella]

the silent opening shot of marcus caring for his family member. tina smiling into the wind at being asked to be sous. syd and carmy staring at each other, not knowing what to do when not working on the restaurant, not knowing how to talk to each other when things are calm. ohhhhhhhhh this season is going to rewire my brain isnt it.

[overflowingmind-welp]

i love them i love them i love them i love them i-

ayo edebiri, jeremy allen white, and ebon moss-bachrach for emmy magazine issue 7 (2023) click for hq | link to magazine

[sydrichle]

rereading tough again

[purposechef]

Syd moves in, and they merge their cookbook collections.

[alisonsfics]

secret’s out

pairing: carmy berzatto x reader

summary: you and carmy have been able to successfully hide your relationship from your friends for four months. but when they all get invited to carmy’s apartment for a party, they find something that spoils your secret relationship.

word count: 1.8k

warnings: swearing, smut implications

“We really have to get back out there, Carmy,” you mumbled against his lips. You tried to pull away from him, but he grabbed your hips and held you still.

“Don’t wanna. Just wanna stay right here with you,” he protested, moving your hands back to where they had been in his hair. Carmy loved the feeling of your fingers running through his curls. “They’re gonna realize we’re gone,” you tried to protest, but Carmy was making it difficult.

You hummed contently as Carmy’s hands ran down your sides. “You really wanna leave?” He teased you. Carmy could read you like the back of his hand.

“You know I don’t, but we don’t want all our friends to realize we’re dating, do we?” You asked him.

Carmy finally pulled out of the kiss. “I just miss you. That’s all. I see you everyday but we have act like we’re just coworkers. And we have to be so careful. I have to watch every move I make around you. I know we can’t, but I just wish I could flaunt you to everyone.” He told you, honestly.

You took his hands and interlaced your fingers with his. “I know, baby. I’ll make it up to you later, though.” You flirted, kissing the inside of his wrist.

Carmy huffed. “We have that party later at my place with everybody, where I once again won’t even be allowed to hold your hand or…do this,” Carmy said, trying to distract you. He attached his lips behind your ear, sucking softly on your skin. He knew how much you loved it.

“We always have after the party.” You said, pressing a kiss to Carmy’s neck.

“God, I love you,” Carmy said, with awe in his eyes. He pressed a quick kiss to your lips before sneaking back into the kitchen. You waited a few minutes before joining him, so no one would get suspicious.

Later at the party, you and Carmy were making sure to keep your distance. If you both were inseparable, your friends would figure it out pretty quickly.

Carmy was in the kitchen chatting with Fak and Marcus. You were sitting in the living room with Richie, Sydney, Nat, and Tina. Every once in a while, Carmy would meet your gaze and smirk at you as he took a sip of his beer. You tried your best to maintain a straight face.

Richie was in the middle of a rant about god knows what. You had been zoned out for the past few minutes, and now you had no idea what he was talking about.

“The fuck keeps poking me?” Richie grumbled, bringing your attention back to the conversation. Richie stood up and started pushing the couch cushions on the couch that him, Syd, and Nat were sitting on.

You all watched him in confusion. “What the fuck are you talking about? There’s nothing there, Richie.” Sydney told him. Richie kept searching the couch. “No, see. Right here,” he said, finally realizing where the mystery object was.

Richie stuck his hand behind the cushion, grabbed it, and then held it up.

The four of you froze when you realized what it was.

Richie was holding up a dark red lacy bra.

Your bra.

But no one knew that.

“Yo, cousin,” Richie yelled, successfully grabbing Carmy’s attention. “Yo, what’s up?” Carmy asked, walking around the corner. He froze when he saw what was in Richie’s hand.

There was complete silence for a second as everyone realized what was happening.

Then, chaos erupted.

Natalie and Sydney jumped off the couch. “I am never sitting on this couch again.” Natalie said with visible disgust on her face. Carmy’s face turned the darkest shade of red you’d ever seen.

Marcus let out a whistle, embarrassing Carmy further. “Who does this belong to, cousin?” Richie asked, intrigued by Carmy’s mystery woman.

You stayed seated in the armchair, trying to make sure there wasn’t embarrassment written on your face too.

“Fuckin’ give that to me,” Carmy said, snatching the bra out of Richie’s hand and storming into his room. You heard him slam his dresser drawer after stuffing your bra in there.

You remembered back to the night that your bra ended up in the couch. You had just bought a new bra to surprise Carmy. He was a big fan of the purchase. In summary, it didn’t stay on very long and you both never even made it to Carmy’s bed.

Carmy came back into the room and avoided eye contact with the whole group. “So, who’s the girl, Berzatto?” You asked, teasingly. You knew if you were the only one who didn’t tease him, they’d get suspicious. You watched a smirk start to form on his face, but he stopped himself.

“Wouldn’t you all like to know?” Carmy answered without answering. He retreated back to the kitchen, searching for his keys. Richie and Marcus followed right behind him, practically whispering in his ear.

“Who’s the special lady, chef?” Marcus asked him. “None of your fuckin’ business, you assholes,” Carmy said with a chuckle. Richie threw his arm around Carmy’s shoulders, holding him close. “No wonder you’ve been so much more tolerable lately. You’ve been getting laid.” Richie said, smirking at Carmy.

“I’m taking a smoke break. Please don’t follow me.” Carmy said, ducking out the door.

“Who do you guys think the girl is? Is it Claire?” Sydney asked, looking over at you and Sugar. Sugar was quick to shake her head no. “I don’t think it’s Claire. I don’t think it’s anyone we know. I mean, he’s clearly crazy about her, and that’s why he hasn’t told anybody. He doesn’t want anybody to scare her off.” She added.

“What do you mean? You think this is a group of people that would scare a girl away. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You said, sarcastically.

“Guys, he left his phone.” Richie cheered, running over to the living room. You felt your stomach drop. The only proof that Richie could find about yours and Carmy’s relationship was in your phones. Carmy always made sure to hide the pictures of you both in his apartment when he had friends over.

You mentally prayed to any deity that would listen. You needed Richie to not get into Carmy’s phone. Just like that, you watched Richie perfectly guess Carmy’s password.

“Alright, c’mon cousin. You gotta have a picture of this mystery girl.” Richie said, clicking on the photos app. You wracked your brain for any reason to get that phone out of Richie’s hand.

The first photo Richie pulled up was a picture of yours and Carmy’s shadows. You’d both gone for a walk along the river, and Carmy had taken a picture of your shadows as you held hands.

Marcus and Sydney started booing that they couldn’t see the girls face, so Richie kept scrolling. He came onto another gem that was just a picture of your hand holding Carmy’s. You felt yourself start to hide your hands in your lap.

Richie started scrolling faster, getting more desperate for answers. You felt your heart skip a beat as he stopped on a picture.

It was a spicier picture.

One night with Carmy, as things got a little heated, he stopped to take your picture. He said you looked like the most beautiful woman on the planet, so he took a picture to commemorate it.

It was taken from his perspective as he was straddling you. It showed you lying on Carmy’s bed in a matching bra and panties set. Your hair was messy, and your lipstick was smeared. And to top it off, Carmy’s very recognizable tattooed hand was resting on your stomach.

You practically leapt across the room and snatched the phone out of Richie’s hand. Every person in the room was staring at you with shock and disbelief on their faces.

“It’s you? You’re fucking Carm?” Richie almost yelled. You had worried that your friends were getting suspicious, but it was clear from their reactions that they didn’t expect it at all.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” You lied, slipping Carmy’s phone into your back pocket. They all clearly knew you were lying, but you were completely on the spot. You didn’t know what to say, and Carmy wasn’t even there to take some of the heat.

“You’re fucking my brother? You’ve told me stories about your sex life. Those were about my little brother?” Natalie asked, once again disgusted. She retreated to the kitchen to refill her wine glass. “You know what? Good for you. You saw what you wanted and you got it, but at the same time, I think I know too much about you both know.” Sydney tried to be supportive. You giggled at her response and accepted the high five she gave you.

Then, the door flung open, and Carmy walked back inside. “Well well well,” Richie said, turning to face Carmy with an almost wicked grin. You could see the light drain out of Carmy’s eyes.

“They know, Carmy,” you filled him in. He took a second to process your words. He hoped you weren’t talking about what he knew you were. “You told them?” He asked you.

Before you could respond, Richie butted in. “No, she didn’t. Something else told us,” Richie said, still smirking. He loved watched Carmy squirm as he tried to figure out what was going on.

“What’s he talking about?” Carmy asked, looking to you for help.

“You need to change your phone password. Richie was able to guess it.” You explained. Carmy froze before patting his pockets to check for his phone. You slid it out of your pocket and held it up to show him.

“All I have to say is well done.” Richie continued to tease him. Carmy walked over towards you and nudged you out of your seat. He sat down and pulled you down onto his lap. If everybody knew, he wasn’t going to sit on the other side of the room from you anymore.

“What did they see?” He whispered in your ear. You gave him a look that made him question whether he wanted to know or not. You unlocked his phone, turned down the brightness, and then showed him the photo. “Oh, shit. They saw that,” Carmy said, his eyes growing wide.

“Yeah, we saw it. And now we can’t unsee our friend doing things with our brother.” Sugar called out from the kitchen.

“I’m sorry, Sugar. I really am. I wish I told you sooner.” You apologized to her. She quickly shook her head. “Fuck telling me sooner. I don’t want to know sooner. I want to un-know. Please wipe my memory,” she said, earning a laugh from the room.

“That’s my favorite picture of you, y’know?” Carmy whispered in your ear so no one would hear him.

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[sydcarmyfan]

You love taking care of people

- Carmen Anthony Berzatto

[queers-gambit]

Two to Tango

prompt: the aftermath of Carmy's words seem to rattle him more than you.

pairing: Carmen 'Carmy' Berzatto x female!reader pairing: Carmy x Peach

fandom masterlist: FX's The Bear

collection masterlist: Clingy Baby

word count: 5.4k+

note: author still does not want any messages about glorifying toxic relationships. typically, but not always, when someone calls you clingy, it's weaponized and is abusive. this fic is not meant to portray that! it’s meant to show internal agony and the journey to forgiveness - Carmy apologizes 'cause he's actually sorry!

warnings: cursing, reader folds 'cause who wouldn't for the sweet puppy that is Carmy, hurt and comfort, small angst, small fluff, we talk about Mikey a bit, author uses writing as therapy, relationship angst...? barely edited.

part one: God's Plan

"It's six in the Goddamn morning!" You raged at your front door, stomping up to it, "Are you dumb in the fucking head!? Who the fuck in their right mind knocks like the Goddamn cops at six in the fucking morning!?"

You whipped it open, the force causing a breeze of air to blow your bedridden hair back and highlight your exhaustion. "Hiya, sunshine," Richie beamed down at you, holding up a paper bag, offering, "donut?"

"Richie!? I know you're not fuckin' stupid, baby boy, so, what the fuck is wrong with you? It's six in the morning on my day off - do you want to give me a reason to punch you? You hate your nose that much?"

He tisked at you mockingly, "Someone's cranky this morning."

"What do you want?"

"You're not gonna invite me in for coffee? I brought us donuts! See? C'mon, Peach," He jostled the bag around with a shit-eating, closed-lip smile. "Dooonuts," he taunted.

You had to pause, count to ten in your head, then sigh through your nose. You offered kindly, "Richie? Would you like to come in for some coffee? Since you kindly brought donuts?"

He grinned, "Awwh, thanks, Peach, thats real nice of yah! Don't mind if I do!"

"Don't call me that," you snapped, leading him into your kitchen. The door shut and locked.

"Oh, someone's touchy."

"What do you fucking want?" You whined, pouring two mugs of hot coffee. "You come bangin' at my door, early ass in the mornin'. You better have a good-ass reason," you slid the mug over the counter he sat at. "Cream or sugar?"

He shook his head, fiddling with the mug for a moment before admitting as you dressed up your own coffee, "Uh, so... It's Carmy."

You paused, taking a slow sip from your mug, waiting for more that wouldn't come. So, you quietly asked, "What about Carmy?"

"He's falling apart."

"O...Kay?"

"Peach," he frowned, "you know that your relationship was the only thing that made sense to him - he's falling apart without you there."

"Okay," you nodded, taking another swallow of hot bean-water.

"That's it? Nothing else to say? Dude's losin' his fuckin' shit, Peach. Okay? Barely leaves the restaurant, h-he's all manic and shit, doesn't stop cookin', isn't gettin' a lotta sleep, and Syd said his clothes are all over the apartment - he's not keeping himself in order."

"So, he needs his mother?"

Richie glared with a clenched jaw, "Not fuckin' funny, Peach."

"I'm not laughing."

"He needs you."

"I'd argue otherwise, he's a grown fuckin' man who doesn't need to be taken care of. Look, if he was man enough to call me a desperate, clingy bitch, he's man enough to deal with the fallout of his words."

"Look, hey, hey, hey, I'm not sayin' he's not in the wrong," he waved his hands, eyes widening, "actually, the exact opposite. We all chewed his ass out when we found out what he fuckin' said, Peach. And look, I've never seen Fak that fuckin' angry."

You semi-pouted your bottom lip, "Really?"

"Fak was ready to strangle Carmy, I think," Richie sighed. "I yelled, Sugar yelled, Fak lost his shit, Syd even cornered him in the office and laid into him..."

"I thought she didn't like me," you whispered.

"She's getting to know you, but she likes you," he assured, "and it's obvious the affect you have on Carmy. We all respect that - "

"Oh, great, so everyone except the one person who needs to respect our relationship - respects it!"

Richie frowned at you, nodding in agreement before admitting, "He's a dumb fuckin' idiot, Peach, we all know that, but the dude is losing it without you."

"Sucks to suck."

"Peach," he groaned, slapping his hands to the counter with exasperation. "Don't you love him?"

"Of course I love him, but I also have this little thing called self-respect! He said some shit - shit he can't ever take back. The fuck I look like going back to him when he's the one in the wrong!? I don't hate myself that much, and despite what he says, I'm not that desperate for love."

"How is talking to the man you love - "

"Richie," you paused him, "your Cousin said a lot of hurtful shit. It's been weeks, okay? He's gonna snap outta it, realize what he's done, and right the wrongs he's committed. I don't need to speed that along in any way, shape, or form - he's a grown man. And I'm a grown woman, I don't have to fall to anyone's beck-and-call, he can figure his own shit out."

"I know - look, it's been fuckin' weeks of us dealin' with him losin' his fuckin' mind!" Richie snapped. "We tried to respect that you wanted distance and time, we really did, but he's losin' it, Peach, more than he's lost it before. Okay? I'm concerned about him, more than I was when the shit with Mikey went down..."

You sighed and leaned on your kitchen counter, wiping your fingers over your eyes to pinch the bridge of your nose after. "Okay, okay," you paused, sighing again, blinking as you looked at Richie, "so, what would you like me to do?"

He pouted dramatically, "Talk to him? Please?"

"To say... What?"

"I don't know, you guys can work that out together, but he's miserable, Peach. Just talk to him, just..." He sighed, shaking his head, "I know it's not fair to ask of you, but he's slippin' off the deep end. You're all he knows, all that makes sense to him, and with you gone..." His eyes turned red as he held back his tears, "I-I'm not sayin' he's gonna do anythin', Peach, but everythin' with Mikey's still so fresh... I just - I can't go through this again. Can't lose another Berzatto."

You frowned, understanding now why he appeared so frazzled.

"Carmy's not Mikey, Richie, okay?" You reminded him softly, reaching for his hand; leaving your extended to reach him, "And you're not gonna lose any more of us, you hear me?" You gave a squeeze, "I'll talk to him."

"Really?"

"I will," you assured softly, seeing the single tear drop from his waterline when he bowed his head and sniffled harshly. "Hey, Richie...? Do you, maybe, wanna bring some flowers to Mikey today? Think you wanna visit?"

He shrugged, "Maybe..."

"Maybe it'll be nice," you assured calmly. "It rained a few days ago, so, the ground won't be too soggy anymore, but the grass will be lush and green - hydrated and shit."

"Right," he chuckled, nodding, "yeah, okay, maybe that'll be nice, yeah, you're right."

"Maybe Carmy could use a visit, too."

"He won't go."

You nodded, "I know, but sometimes it's nice to just have the offer."

Richie agreed, downing the last of his black coffee. "All right," he cleared his throat, "let's go - you wearin' that?"

"What?"

"You gonna wear that? To go talk to Carmy?"

"It's not even seven in the morning!"

"He's at the restaurant," Richie shrugged. "Dude doesn't leave. C'mon, he needs a nap or somethin'."

You groaned, knowing he wouldn't leave unless you left with him. So, you got ready quickly while he sat at your desktop computer; playing Facebook's FarmVille - the same you left your little cousins to play when they needed distracted. He was enraptured by the adorable virtual sheep, laughing to himself as he learned the ropes of the game; and when you were ready, you had time to fill a to-go tumbler of coffee while he signed off.

When you arrived at The Beef, it was still closed for the morning prep; and inside, chaos rained in a fury of angry voices. You listened to Carmy snap at Marcus about something petty, going as far as to slap a pastry out of his hand as they argued in one another's faces with ignited passion.

"Ooookay," you moved through the kitchen and got between the two men, hands on Carmy's chest, "that's enough, Chef, hey, hey, hey, c'mon, walk away - just walk away, Carmy, don't do this. Hey, hey, don't do this, c'mon, just step off - walk away with me, please. Please, Carmy, hey, hey, step off, walk away with me, please."

"Fuck you doin' here, Peach?" He asked with red, swollen eyes. He looked sullen; pale between the angry red blotches to his skin, bags under his tired eyes, looking worn out and thinner than you remembered.

"Yeah, hey, hey, we'll talk about that, c'mon, outside, outside, outside," you directed him, sighing at the sight of the splattered pastry you were forced to step over. "I'm so sorry, Marcus," you whispered, seeing him nod and wave you off as you and Carmy pushed outside into the alley.

The door shut behind you, making Carmy snarl, "What the fuck, Peach - "

"No, I think that's better asked to you," you snapped. "The hell's wrong with you? Yellin' at Marcus like that? You know how rude it is to slap shit outta anyone's hand?"

He paced in anger, wiping a hand down his face; circling his mouth with his fingers, eyes ringed with red, hair greasy and tossed in a mess. His pants looked baggy, his shirt wrinkled, stained, and dirty with sweat marks.

"What're you doin' here?" He asked in a pant, hands going to his slender hips, head shaking as his tear-filled eyes avoided yours.

"Carmy, we need to talk."

"No shit," he breathed, scoffing after and widening his pace.

"Hey, Carmy, hey, hey," you reached for him, taking both his wrists in your grasp so he had to face you. "I need you to pause for me, please, hey," you stepped in his way when he tried to move. "Carmy, you're no good to anyone when you're like this - least of all yourself. So, I need you to talk - "

"You left," he panicked, pulling back to start pacing again. "You left - you left me. We got in a fight and you left, you fucking left. You walked away and you left me."

"Carmy, we got in more than a fight," you sighed. "You lashed out at me, then turned avoidant, and I don't linger where I'm not wanted."

"How can you think that?" He demanded, still pacing. "That you're not wanted by me? That you're not welcome, what? In my life? At my side? With me? Baby - of course, you are!"

"You didn't exactly make me feel any different," you pointed out sharply. "Carmy, can you please fucking pause for me so we can talk this out - "

"I know I fucked up," he ranted to himself, huffing and puffing as his emotion strangled him. "I know I did, I kept - I couldn't - I fucked up. I know I did. I couldn't get my head outta my ass," he listed, pacing as he panted when panic took hold of his being, "and I hurt you, and it was like I had to keep hurting you because I couldn't be alone in what I felt and I couldn't exactly figure out what the fuck I was feeling - I just needed you to hurt, too."

"Carmy," you sighed patiently.

"And I couldn't stop, I just kept going, and when I realized how bad I made it, I couldn't fucking stop - I needed y-yo-you t-to know what I felt, but I couldn't find the words. I-I hate that I did that, I-I fucking hurt you and I made this so much worse than it ever had t-to be, and I fucking know, Peach, okay? I know you're not clingy, you were just loving me. Y-You were loving me, you were using your own love languages, and I felt y-you so fuckin' close to me, and freaked out - I just - I just don't know why. I just - I panicked, I couldn't stop whatever I felt, and I'm so sorry," he breathed, shaking his head, wiping his cheeks as the tears started. "I-I-I'm so sorry, Peach, I couldn't control myself and I-I hate that I hurt you, and I know I don't deserve your understanding, but I just - I couldn't stop - "

"Carmy," you stepped directly in his footpath; needing to seize hold of his swollen biceps to catch his movements as he all but barreled right into you, "I need you to breathe."

"Nah, I'm okay - "

"No, you're not," you spoke sternly, shaking your head. "Baby," you eased your tone to a softer tone, seeing a glimmer of hope spark in his baby blues, "I need you to take a breath and remain in the present with me, okay? Just stand here with me," you watched as he blinked a couple of times; reaching out to hold your waist tentatively. "And stay in the present, okay? Stay here with me."

"I'm so sorry, Peach," he whispered, stepping closer so he could feel your breasts against his chest; caging you with his arms. "I'm so fuckin' sorry, I didn't - I didn't know what the fuck I was even trying to fight with you about. You're not clingy - you're not any of the things I said, I didn't mean it - any of it."

"Calling me desperate?"

"I didn't mean any of it."

"A bitch?"

"Please," he whispered, bringing you in closer so he could rest his forehead on yours. "Don't repeat it, I know what I said, and I'm so fucking sorry for all of it. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I'm goin' crazy without yah, Peach. I need my best girl, and I don't deserve you, but I fuckin' need you." He sniffled, pulling back to caress your cheek, whispering, "I need you, Peach, you're the only thing that I know - the only thing I can understand, that makes sense to me. I think I just felt stressed and overwhelmed, I wasn't sure what to do - I couldn't find the words, I'm so sorry."

You nodded slowly, "I think we can work through this."

"I don't deserve you."

"Maybe not, but you have me anyway," you whispered, bringing his forehead to your own again. "But you can't do this again, taking anger out on me when I haven't done anything."

"Never again," he sighed, now nestling into your neck for comfort; arms tightening so you were the closest you could be with your head bent to keep his head caressed with yours.

"I don't think we can say 'never', but we can make an effort to leave work stress at work, right?" You whispered softly, letting one around coil around him to keep him close; the other caressing his jaw. "You don't get to treat me like that," you reminded him, "because I'm on your side, Carmy, I'm not the enemy."

"I know," he squeezed you tight.

"And the people doing their jobs are not the enemy," you smirked.

"I know," he chuckled lightly. "I owe Marcus an apology..."

"I'm sure you owe it to the others, too," you mused, holding his cheek as you turned your head to kiss his forehead. "Promise me we're done with that reactive bullshit. It doesn't make navigating a relationship easier on us."

"We're done, we're so fuckin' done with that shit," he whispered, deflating into your embrace as you held him close. "I'm so sorry, baby. I really am."

"I know," you comforted softly. "I forgive you."

"I don't deserve it."

"Hey, hey, this self-deprecating stunt has to end, too. We've gotta go forward with at least some confidence if we're gonna figure this out together."

He nodded, pulling back but keeping hold of your waist. "I am confident about this... About you - about us."

"Hmm?" You gently pushed a few stray curls from his forehead.

"Move in with me - officially."

Your face contorted in mild disappointment, "Oh, Carmen - "

"No, no," he rushed, sighing as his hand flattened on your jaw and cheek again, "just listen to me. I've wanted to ask you for a long time, okay? I've wanted this for - like - fucking years. Hear me? I just," he sighed, "I wasn't sure how to ask. I want this for us, I want us to be together, okay? Officially. I-I want us living together, Peach, okay? I want to come home and just - I want you there. I want all of you," he frowned, tears swelling again, "and all your shoes in the foyer, hair in the shower drain, perfume on the counter, and every-single-way you know how to love me. I was wrong to say you were clingy - and everything else I said. Baby, the last couple weeks, I've felt so fucking empty, so lonely and - just - cold. I've been cold without you. I need you, Peach, I need you with me, and I need you to be exactly you - no holding back. Because you're exactly who I need to love me, I'm so sorry I fucked that up before."

"Carmy."

He frowned, "I'm sorry."

"I know," you smirked, "and I forgive you. But you know it's gonna take more than a few pretty words and some tears, right?"

He nodded, "Anything to make this work again."

You sighed in patience, "Go say your apologies to the others, we've got t'make a stop before going back to yours - and you're going to take a fucking nap."

"I'm fine - "

"Look me in my eye and try to tell me in the past 72 hours, you've had decent, restful sleep."

He frowned, opening his mouth a few times but then sighing. "You know I can't," he whispered.

"Exactly why we're going back to yours."

Carmy paused, brows furrowing as if a thread pulled them together. He asked softly, "Is that a no to us... Living together? Is that why you're calling it 'my' place?"

You offered him a look of patience and leaned in to peck his lips for a few prolonged seconds, promising, "There's your apartment, there's my apartment, and then there's gonna be our apartment. Somewhere that's just ours, 100% us." His mouth stretched in a grin, so you swiftly cut him off, "But you have to ask me again when you've got restful sleep under your belt. I want you clear headed when you make this kinda decision."

"Yes, ma'am," he agreed. "Where're we goin' before?"

You swallowed nervously, telling him softly, "You absolutely do not have to go with us, but I think Richie could use a visit out to Mikey's grave. I said I'd take him with some flowers, but you do not have to get out to go with us - not if you're not ready."

He blinked a few times, rolling his lips between his teeth as his eyes dropped from yours. You were about to coo his name and assure him again, when he nodded at you and tried to half-smile. "Okay," he breathed.

"Okay?"

"Mhm. I'll, uh... M-Maybe I can, just, hang back in the car."

"Sure, baby, whatever you're comfortable with," you whispered, leaning in to peck his forehead. "You good?"

"I will be."

"Mhm," you hummed, caressing his cheek again before pushing your hand into his curls. "Now, let's get a move on - I want you to march in there, say you're sorry to your Chefs, and then we'll leave."

"Yes, ma'am," Carmy whispered, leaning in to kiss you - but you pulled back.

"Aht," you halted him with a teasing finger to his lips, "after we've got everything worked out, then you can kiss me."

"You got t'kiss me," he mumbled against your finger; making you hum as you fought off a stretching smile, and lower your hand.

"Fair point - just one then - "

He cut you off by, indeed, pressing a single kiss to your lips, but not pulling back. His hand raised to hold the back of your head, your lips spreading in a grin against his; finding rhythm to move together before pausing to press in prolonged passion.

When he pulled back, you both paused to smile, and when you tried to peck his lips again, he pulled back, teasing, "Aht, just the one."

"Oh, fuck you," you laughed lightly, letting him take your hand before leading you back into the kitchen. The other Chefs lingered, sparing you and Carmy a few nervous glances, making you whisper in his ear as you squeezed his hand, "Go ahead, baby, get it done."

He nodded and called the kitchen to attention, clearing his throat, and beginning to make his apologies. He singled out Marcus, then Sydney, Richie, and Sugar; the kitchen staff all accepting his words and insisting he could take the day off - even the next few days if he wanted! You had to usher him to grab his things a few times, nudging him in reminder and verbally pushing him back into action. That boy's ADHD would truly be the death of him.

"So?" Richie smirked at you as Marcus handed you a packaged box of pastries.

"We're talking it out."

He chuckled, "Good. Get him outta here, Peach, dude needs to breathe."

"I got it," you swatted him away as Carmy exited the office. "But we've got somewhere to be first, right?"

He paused, then nodded and asked in a mutter, "He said okay?"

"He's got time to decide what he wants to do, but he knows we're going. C'mon, get your coat."

Richie met you at the front of the restaurant and with a parting wink to Sugar, you took Carmy's hand, tangled your fingers together, and left to venture to your parked car. Carmy got in the front, Richie in the back, and after a stop at a corner bodega to grab three bouquets of flowers, you drove to the cemetery. Carmy was silent, no music played, and Richie's leg bounced in anxious tension; making small conversation with you about your job in an effort to distract himself.

When you arrived, you pulled up on the access road that you knew was closest to Mikey's grave. Richie spared a glare between you and Carmy before muttering that he needed a cigarette and got out of the car to leave you alone. "Baby?" You whispered, reaching for his hand. "Hey, look, if you don't want to go with us, it's okay. We won't be long... But maybe you want to sign this," you showed him the small, blank name card left in the flowers.

"Why?" He whispered.

You shrugged, "So he knows they're from you."

"Peach," he sighed, meeting your eyes.

"Baby, I know it's silly, I know it's easier to ignore it all. But I'd like to believe it's just a nice gesture for our own closure - it's a signed gift from us, to them... And maybe it's nice to pretend that wherever they are, they know what we've left for them."

Carmy nodded slowly, "I-I don't think... I don't think I can go..."

"It's okay, baby," you whispered.

"But," he sniffled, opening his hand to you, "I'll sign it, if you'll leave it for me?"

"Of course," you rushed, opening your purse to producing a pen for him. The clank card rest on the center console of your car, pausing, swallowing nervously, then scribbling his name as he cleared his throat. He offered you the pen, waited until it was put away, then offered the flowers. "Hang tight, we won't be too long," you whispered, leaning in to rest your forehead. "You okay?"

He nodded, pecking your forehead before letting you get out of the car. You handed Richie his own flowers with a signed card, holding your own and Carmy's; linking arms with Rich to venture up the small grass hill and moved about halfway down the cemetery plot line. When you came to his stone, you understood this was what Rich needed more than you, so, you knelt and laid the two bouquets down before starting to quickly groom the area around his tombstone.

You told him, "I'm sorry it's not much, but I'll be back later for a picnic and a chat. I brought you flowers from me a-and from Carmy. He's in the car, but he's here, Mikey... Give him time," you whispered, brushing dirt from the stone before standing. "Take your time," you told Richie softly, seeing the tears gather in his eyes.

"Thanks, Peach," he whispered, offering you a tight hug. When you pulled back and started to walk away, Richie lowered himself to kneel and lay his own flowers down; hearing him tell Mikey, "Don't gotta worry 'bout us, Mike-Man, Peach is the glue that keeps us together. Shit, she even got Carmy out here..."

You made it back to the car and got in, smiling at Carmy - but dropping it the instant you saw tears in his eyes. "Talk to me," you whispered, reaching for a wet wipe in your glovebox to clean your hands after plucking the grass and brushing off dirt from the grave.

"Why can't I get out?"

You only stared at him for a long moment, unsure what to say.

"I'm here... I'm finally here... Why can't I get out?"

"You're not ready," you nodded, tossing the wipe aside to a plastic bag. "It's okay, Carmy, it's okay to not be ready yet. We can come back when you are," you reached for his hand.

"I think this added to my frustration," he admitted. "I couldn't... I didn't go to the funeral, haven't been here since he was... You know."

"Laid to rest."

"Yeah," he sighed. "Fuck's wrong with me?"

"You're grieving," you relented, nuzzling closer so your head rested on his shoulder. "It's not linear, Carmy, baby, just let yourself feel. When you try to repress your emotions, you lash out inappropriately."

"I know," he whispered, "'M sorry."

"It's not your fault," you promised, the two of you quietly bowing your heads together. You remained as such until Richie got back in the car, and from there, it was quiet as everyone stewed in their own emotion. You dropped Rich back at work before promising to call him later and driving away; heading for Carmy's apartment in the soothing silence, his hand locked in yours.

When you arrived at his apartment, you froze upon seeing the interior's state. "Oh, Carmy, no," you whispered, frowning deeply.

"Looks worse than it is," he deflected. You only hummed and let him lead you to the bedroom; watching him strip and prepare for bed before joining you on the mattress. He crashed almost immediately, sighing in relief as he pecked over your shoulder and collarbone, muttering, "'M so glad you're back. 'M so sorry, Peach."

"I know you are, and I forgive you," you told him softly, carding a manicured hand through his hair. "Just get some rest, baby."

He was asleep nearly instantly. He deflated on top of you, deeply resting enough to not notice you slip out from under him. You cleaned his entire apartment; doing laundry, cleaning, scrubbing, replacing necessities he deemed himself too lazy to pay attention to. You did dishes, cleaned out his fridge, and as you mopped up the floors, the sun set and Carmy emerged from the bedroom.

"Baby?" He mumbled in earnest confusion, sighing in relief when he saw you.

"What? Afraid I disappeared on you?" You teased with a small grin.

"For sure," he mumbled, wiping sleep from his eyes; making your amusement dim when you realized the nerve it struck. "The hell you doin'?"

"You didn't seriously think I could rest knowing this monster of a clean-up job lingered out here, did you?"

"I don't want you t'clean after me."

"Well, too late," you smirked. "You good now?"

"I feel better, yeah."

"Good."

"And I made up my mind."

"Hmm? About what?"

"I'm gonna take some time off work," he nodded, "and focus on us. Get us in a new crib, it'll be nice."

"Think you can handle that?"

He nodded, "I'll have to, you're the most important thing in my life, I can't lose you. So, if I gotta take time off, that's the least of my worries. I'm only here for us, for you."

You smiled at him, setting the mop aside to wrap him in your arms. "I like the sound of that, us making a home together - being able to decorate a new home. But don't let me overdo it, okay? I get all excited and kinda bulldoze my way through projects. I don't want you t'find real reason t'resent me."

"Nah, that ain't possible," he promised quietly.

True to his word, Carmy took three solid weeks off; agreeing to a fourth week as a contact-only consultant. You and he slept in most days, looking at apartments, and not once did he even mention work. He was diligent in his attention, focused on you and you alone; putting in overtime to rebuild that what was broke by focusing on shared interests again. You found a place you loved ready for what was basically immediate move-in, taking time to pack your respected places and prepare for the official start of your cohabitating relationship.

You didn't forget what he said, being reserved in your displays of love. Yet Carmy was different; he was totally clingy the moment you returned to his life. He feared letting you go meant you'd disappear again, feared you'd run away again. He held your hand at every possible opportunity, got you a fresh bouquet of weekly flowers, ran all his errands with you; never went to bed without you, cooked all meals with you in the kitchen - perched up on a counter. Most showers you took together, and almost every night was spent cuddling on the couch or in bed with either a book being shared between you or a new show playing on the mounted flatscreen TV.

Carmy clung because he thought if he showed you acts of his love, it'd allow comfort towards your loving behavior to flourish again - and he was right. It took a little bit of time, but Carmy clung tighter and tighter; ensuring you started to reciprocate before ever easing up in the intensity of his affectionate displays. He didn't want to overwhelm you, but knew you needed the reassurance.

You were cautious, you were apprehensive; tiptoeing around Carmy even when living together before warming back up to him. You didn't need to repeat the words he hurled at you all those weeks ago, not wanting to dredge up repressed feelings, but never letting him forget what he said. Your actions spoke enough, skittish around his affection; something Carmy took note of and despised himself for. He made up for it, of course he did, it was Carmy and he hated tension and conflict in his closest circles of life. Yet it wasn't so easy for you two to move forward, they weren't just words to you.

They were direct insults to you as a person; to you and how you loved others. Carmy had seen your deepest fear and used it as a defense against you - wanting you to hurt the way he was, too. He understood this wasn't acceptable, knowing the next time he resorted to such despicable actions, you'd simply walk away; never dealing with disrespect, so, he needed to be acutely aware of his words.

You would never allow yourself to be someone else's doormat, but part of being an adult is understanding that people were allowed to make mistakes - it's part of being fucking human. How terrible you'd feel if someone held your own mistakes against you, because the truth was, you weren't perfect either.

Part of being in a(n adult) relationship is understanding when someone apologized, it was best to accept and move on because nothing was ever solved by dragging turmoil out. This didn't mean forget what happened, forget whatever emotion was evoked - but to do your part to repair what was broken; no matter who was at fault, it always took Two to Tango.

And in this song and dance, you were ready to sweep around the dance floor if only with Carmy. Because that's what a relationship was; a conscious effort by both partners to work as one, to dance in-sync; owning the art together, as equal partners.

requesting rules and masterlist

The Bear masterlist

Clingy Baby collection masterlist

[unladyboss]

ASSUMING SYDNEY GOT HER OWN APARTMENT

With the help of Marcus

That means more hanging out with any or ALL of those guys

CARMY, Richie, Marcus, Luca, Connor

Anybody!!!!!!

[writers-hes]

t-shirt | c. berzatto x reader

A grey shirt reveals your secret.

gif not mine navigation

It started with small clues that a keen eye should have seen and a sharp mind should have figured out. But then again…it’s not like you were making an effort in telling everyone in the kitchen that their boss and their boss’ business manager was in a relationship. You took over Sugar’s role when it came to accounts when she gave birth to her beautiful daughter. It made the most sense. Save for the fact that you had a degree in business management, you grew up with the Berzatto’s, you were the favourite daughter of Cicero’s friend (which made you his most trusted in that goddamn wormhole of a restaurant), and you were Carmy’s girlfriend.

Bottom line is, you were the most trusted and most capable and—-

“Babe,”

“Hm?” He shuffles from his side of the bed and hides his face deeper into the pillow. 

”You told me to wake you up five minutes ago,” you whispered, chuckling when he threw the covers over his face.

”Five more minutes…”

”But Syd’s coming over here soon and she’ll see you,” 

“Fuck Sydney,” he mumbles, remembering the plans that you and Sydney had today. She was taking you to the best breakfast spot in the city. Carmy pauses and wonders if it would be worth it to disrupt the peace that your relationship had by letting Sydney in on your shared secret. 

You sighed, going under the covers with him. His eyes were still closed and his arms pulled you closer instinctively. 

”Just…five more minutes,” you told him. He smiles sleepily and nods.

He leaves your apartment just less than ten minutes before Sydney knocks on your door. He had to pull your Disneyland beanie on his head to hide his distinctive golden hair and even covered his face with a surgical facemask that you had. 

You greeted her with a smile and told her to go inside. Before you left though, she swore she saw one of Carmy’s coats on your kitchen counter. 

-

Tina asked if you could pick her up on the way to The Bear. The produce that she was able to buy was not ideal for a public commute and you always told her that you’d be happy to accompany her anytime.

”Hey, T,” you smiled, opening the trunk of your car to help her load the produce. “How’s the market?”

”Not much produce,” she frowns. “But I did find these cabbages that we can probably grill over a really creamy sauce,”

”Will you let me taste it?” you asked, closing the trunk.

”Of course,” she replied. You both got in the car and she looked around as you drove out. ”You know, isn’t it the age where you’re supposed to date?”

You coughed, not expecting the question. 

“Uh—I mean, I…I am dating,” you replied. “Just…I’m just not telling everyone,”

”You can tell me,”

”Oh, but the guy I’m seeing would like to keep things lowkey, you know? Like-like not really—“

”I know what lowkey means,” You chuckled at her tone. “But…he’s treating you good? Is he keeping it a secret because he’s ashamed? There’s no reason to, you know? I bet Richie and I will beat that son of a bitch—“

”He’s fine, T!” you laughed. “Thank you, though…for caring but he’s fine. He’s great. He treats me great and-and I’m happy,” you told her. “We just want to keep the relationship between us for a while,” Tina sees the small smile on your face and she’s convinced that you’re happy. 

-

“So, we’ll need 27 more little spoons,” Carmy said, looking at the mathematical equation he just solved in front of his staff.

“58, ba—Bear,” you replied, cursing yourself for almost saying ‘babe.’ “You, uh, need 58,”

“Oh,” he nods, suppressing a smile from your slip-up. He looks at you from his peripheral vision. “Well, she says 58. Oh, uh Y/N? Can you come to the office for a bit?”

You looked at Sydney, as if asking her for help but she just shrugs. 

“Sure, be right there,” You followed Carmy to the office while the rest of the staff looked at the prep for tomorrow. Carmy locks the door and envelops you immefiately. 

“Tina’s been talking about a little boyfriend of yours,” he mutters, his head on your shoulder. “What do you have to say about that, hm?”

“He’s distracting me at work,” you chuckled, running your hands through his hair. “I’ll see you tonight?”

“You'll wait for me?”

“Of course,” 

“Hm,” he hums before completely detaching himself from you. “Anyways, Y/N,” he clears his throat, switching his voice to a more serious one. “I need you to run some spreadsheets,”

“On what?” you asked, he didn’t miss your teasing face. 

“On…logistics. Yeah,” he nods to himself. He mouths “Go” and you nodded, pecking his lips quickly before leaving. 

“I’ll send the files to Sugar and CC you,” you told him before leaving, just loud enough to make everyone else hear. 

Marcus was just about to go to his station when he saw Carmy come out of the office. The head chef was blushing and he was looking at you.

-

It was a busy day at the Bear. There were shipments being made on top of the prep work that they have to do for that night. You were at the dining area with your laptop, some receipts, sales invoice, and disbursement forms. The Excel sheet glared at you from the brightness of the laptop screen. Carmy had kept you up all night last night and the bags under your eyes were proof.

You were taking note of Computer’s recommendations and trying to work everything out when Richie came in. 

“Hey, can you help me with picking out Eva’s gift—Motherfucker!” he suddenly shouted, causing you to look up in alarm. 

“Richie?” you asked, clueless as to why he was having his third meltdown of the day.

“Motherfucker!” he repeated, pointing at you and you looked at him, even more puzzled. The staff came running to him, with Carmy rushing out to see what his cousin was screaming about. Carmy’s eyes widen as he sees the t-shirt that you were wearing. 

“Yo, cousin—“

“Don’t cousin me!”

“Richie?” you asked. Sydney, Tina, and Marcus watched everything unfold from the side when it suddenly clicks. You were wearing Carmy’s shirt. It’s a pretty common shirt, a grey t-shirt with a logo on the sleeve that he’s worn multiple times before. 

“Does your dad know you’re dating this jagoff?” Richie asked, making you sputter the coffee that you were sipping.

“What?”

“That’s his shirt!” Richie points at the grey shirt and you paled, looking at Carmy who was looking at everything but you. 

“The guy that you were dating is Jeff?” Tina asked. “Oh…oh!” she gasps, realization dawning upon her. It now explains why you’d disappear with Carmy to the office randomly or going home together under the pretense that his apartment was on the way. 

“I knew it! It was Carmy’s coat that I saw in your apartment two weeks ago!” Sydney exclaims. “Oh, you’re good,”

“Fine! Fine,” you gave up, playfully glaring at a bashful Carmy. “We’re dating, get back to work,”

“Since when?”

“How did that happen?”

“I’ll answer these questions and then no one’s going to talk about it anymore, alright?” you asked, pursing your lips. “We’ve been…we’ve been dating for two months after I started working here. My father doesn’t know yet nor does Cicero. He’s…he’s uh, been really nice to me since I started so we dated and uh…that’s all,”

-

When the restaurant closed, you waited for Carmy in the passenger seat of your car and you both drove home. When you were about to sleep, you turned to him. 

“You have no help, you know that right?” you teased.

“Sorry…I-I didn’t know what to say,” he replies, the guilty feeling sinking in his stomach. 

“I’m kidding, Carm,” you said. “I’m happy they know,” 

“Yeah?” 

“Of course. I can’t believe Richie was the one who figured it out, though,” 

“Me too…but now I can kiss you more without hiding,” he says, pulling you closer. 

“Yeah?”

“Mm,” he nods, inching his face closer to yours. He looks at you and smiles before kissing you. “Good night,”

“Good night.”

A/N: Hope you liked it!