#carmen x syd

[drrav3nb]

SYDNEY ADAMU and CARMY BERZATTO

[currymanganese]

Will Carmy leave the culinary world?

I know based on Carmy's current disillusionment with the restaurant world that this is a question that us fans have been asking ourselves, but here are some reasons why I think that Carmy will stay in the food service industry in some capacity, or at least why I'm hoping that he will.

Carmy loves the family restaurant:

First and foremost, Carmy does have a love for his family's business and for cooking, despite the burnout that he has been experiencing he defends the restaurant against his sister's scorn for The Beef and Uncle Jimmy's desire to purchase it in season one. Also, note that in his first onscreen face to face conversation with his sister, Via Chicago by Wilco plays in the background, and the tortured lyrics ultimately end by speaking of searching for home,

-and inter-cut with this scene, Marcus and Richie highlight an effective change Carmy has made to the restaurant (organizing the spice rack). The scene deliberately extends to have Gary tell Fak his REAL NAME while the song in the background says, "printed my name on a back of a leaf and watched it float away..." while Marcus finds a keepsake from Carmy's fine dining days / James Beard Award win that references, "Fairest Creatures", a phrase from Shakespeare's Sonnet 1 which is part of a

series of sonnets which urge a young man to marry and have children so that his legacy will live on. It is almost as if the narrative is telling us that Carmy's real name/identity is being a world class chef, not the harried, downtrodden line cook / small business owner we see him as at the beginning of the pilot, but this identity has temporarily eluded him. It also reinforces what Sydney said about him during her character introduction, when she told him that she knows who he is, "Most excellent CDC at the most excellent restaurant in the entire United States of America".

In a literal sense, the restaurant currently is Carmy's home away from home, even more-so than his sparse apartment, it is also his family legacy, and apart from his love for his family, the restaurant, and cooking by extension, is quite likely his "first love". He outright tells Jimmy that he loves the place in his conversation in Hot Dogs at Nicky's birthday party, and during his business pitch in "Beef" in S2;

"I love this place. I love this city. I wanna start our first business here."

He also doesn't deny it when Richie asserts that he loves the restaurant when Richie has the conversation about purpose with him also in "Beef", he just lets slip that the business is not fun for him presently, but as with many things, that can be subject to change in the future, especially if the restaurant presents him with the opportunity to have a home and a family of his own, and a legacy to give his own child or children someday! Now, don't get me wrong, a major component for Carmy's original love for the restaurant and for cooking was motivated by his love for Mikey, however, I believe that over the course of the series that Carmy may cement his love for the place and for his identity/ vocation as a chef even though he no longer has Mikey as his reference, his North Star. He may very well find even more reasons to love being a chef and to love the place that Nat and Jimmy, and his mom, and even Mikey once found unlovable.

2. Divestment and gifting of belongings, especially belongings that one is emotionally attached to is often a symptom of suicidal depression:

This may be TMI, but I first learned this as a child because my father was suicidal, he also even attempted once, but was thankfully unsuccessful, but one of the things my mother taught me and my siblings to be wary of is when he gives away clothing (he loves clothes). I know that Carmy giving Tina his chef knife in Season 2 is probably not meant to indicate that he is depressed, but I would be concerned if Carmy checks out of the business entirely to the point that he completely gives his stake in the restaurant up to Sydney or something of that nature, since, see point one above, he does love the restaurant, despite the strain that it causes. If Carmy continues giving away stuff that he loves in Season 3 onward I'd be very concerned.

I also believe this mental health symptom of suicidal depression was subtly illustrated in the pilot of Season one "System"; the jacket that Mikey gave Carmy, the one that it is implied that Carmy ended up selling to keep The Beef stocked and afloat, why did Natalie have it if Mikey gave it to Carmy? I believe that Mikey may have let Carmy know that he wanted him to have the jacket before he committed suicide, as in, Mikey divested himself of the jacket, just like in death he ultimately divested himself of the $300,000 from Uncle Jimmy and the restaurant itself. Knowing that, I don't see Carmy having an easy time walking away from the restaurant, regardless of if it is to pursue his artistic passions, even if he wants to...And also, as Carmy expressed in his monologue in Braciole, there's artistry in cooking and it is a subset of art that Carmy has become quite proficient in.

3. Carmy is competitive, but we still haven't seen him at the apex of his talents as a chef onscreen in the show so far:

Carmy was once so competitive in the culinary world that he viewed his coworkers in an antagonistic light to such a degree that he was determined to be so excellent at his craft that he "smoked" them and showed them up by comparison...He essentially becomes a master in his profession, despite his lack of academic /collegiate instruction in the culinary arts, through sheer spite for Mikey (as he expressed in his monologue in Braciole), for making him feel,

"...so rejected, and lame, and shitty, and uncool...."

-and out of spite/disdain for his coworkers. Although he is now far less anti-social and presumably has a healthier attitude towards competition, what would happen to someone with Carmy's competitive mentality if he quits the industry?

What healthy outlet does he have to be competitive to the extent that he can "be the fucking guy" and be the best at what he does, and to quite frankly be (in his own estimation, most importantly) cool? What happens to him (if he quits being a chef) the first time he walks into a restaurant and orders a meal, sits down to eat it and finds the dish shitty? What happens to him when he can't turn off the intuition that he has honed from years of self study where he can figure out how to improve a dish just off of one taste, like he did with Syd's braised Beef Short Ribs? As @thoughtfulchaos773 mentioned to me, we still haven't seen a moment where Carmy is confident and in control AND having fun while he is gelling with the rest of the crew in the kitchen, like Richie had while on expo in the season 2 finale.

If he quits being a chef, when will he get to "be the fucking guy" that Uncle Jimmy has been admonishing him to be? Because on some level he does indeed want to be that guy; he even watches Pasta Grannies in his free time, he doesn't suddenly stop being that kind of guy even if he quits, and I daresay that cooking may actually be some sort of special interest for him, which leads me to my next point:

4. Carmy may have to get into some form of further studies if he wants to pursue visual arts intensively, whether at a tertiary level or through some vocational program or as someone's understudy:

Whether it's visual or performing arts, the arts are quite difficult to get into and be successful in at a high level, and Carmy may have to undergo some retraining in order to have a competitive chance in that field, whether as an independent artist or whether he works under another artist or for a studio or fashion house etc., especially since the business administration aspect of his current job seems to be a challenge for him. However, since Carmy expressed that he had trouble in school and there were also instances where he seemed to struggle with executive dysfunction in season 2, the possibility exists that Carmy has ADHD or some learning disability that may complicate such a prospective career switch. It wouldn't be impossible for him, mind you, but this is a factor that also potentially influenced him, if not outright prevented him from going to college or pursuing another field. He'd need a lot of privilege and support to make such a career shift successfully.

Barring some assistance from connections and friends in high places (a la - his implied friendship with Thom Browne) it is unlikely that his current artistic skill level in sketching/illustration (that we have seen thus far anyway), that is either self-taught or based on his high school education, would be enough to get him very far as a visual artist. From seeing some of my artistically talented relatives struggle to make it as performance and visual artists, the arts can be very cutthroat, nepotistic and stressful industries to break into. The starving/obscure artist is an international stereotype for a reason, one of my grandfathers was even a struggling multi-instrumentalist for example; it can be quite rough out there in the art world!

Which brings me to my next point;

5. If Carmy continues to avoid dealing with the root of his traumas and does not process his grief and address his mental health issues, even if Carmy switches career, the next industry that he's in will still proverbially beat his ass:

As part owner of The Bear, Carmy has the opportunity and freedom to not just realize his own creative vision, but he also has the liberty to make it (along with Syd and Nat's and the entire crew's help) so that the restaurant is, to quote Sydney, "different from all the other places we've been at." He now has the power to make it so that, as much as possible, the restaurant is not the toxic, abusive, soul sucking enterprise that had him vomiting every day before his shift when he worked under the abusive executive chef (implied to be) at EMP. If Carmy cedes his place at The Bear, he is not guaranteed to have the same level of autonomy in another field, even as a visual artist, and the arts (or any other industry he may move on to) are riddled with challenges and injustices and struggles of their own.

While it would probably not be the intent of the creators if they do depict him leaving the culinary industry someday, in a way Carmy quitting being a chef could also be seen as a repudiation of Sydney's conviction that The Beef, now The Bear, doesn't have to be a shitty place to work at. If Syd and Carmy succeed at making it a great place to work at, shouldn't he be able to enjoy that for himself as well?

6. This show is many things, it's a study of the way grief and trauma shapes a person, it's about family, surviving family trauma surrounding addiction, and love, it's very loosely autobiographical, it's a genre bending dramedy, but so far it has also been a love letter to the food service industry and food service workers:

This is just my opinion, but wouldn't it be a somewhat tepid love letter to the food service industry/worker if the protagonist leaves the very industry that has made him who he is thus far, and that has even brought (in my opinion, don't kill me) his soulmate (Sydney) into his life at the end of the story? After the showrunners took the care to have two bottle episodes where supporting cast members gained fresh perspectives on their roles in the food service industry (Marcus in Honeydew and Richie in Forks) - we are even shown Richie (like Sydney with Coach K's "Leading with the Heart") reading and internalizing the book, "Unreasonable Hospitality" by Will Guidara.

To quote the author's website:

"Today, every business can choose to be in the hospitality industry — and you don't have to be a luxury business to do it. This book of lessons about both service and leadership learned over a career in hospitality celebrates the one principle that will never go out of season: the human desire to be taken care of. In this behind-the-scenes peek at the world of fine dining, Guidara shows us how to find the magic in what we do — for ourselves, the people we work with, and the people we serve."

As a result, I think Marcus and Richie's character arcs in season 2 foreshadowed the possibility of Carmy having a similar transformation on his current outlook on the restaurant and his place and purpose in it. It is also important to note that potential love interests served as mouthpieces to aid Marcus and Richie's perspective shifts in Honeydew and Forks, Luca for Marcus and Jess for Richie; while they weren't there as the sole reasons for Marcus and Richie's renewed appreciation for what they do in the restaurant, they were there to witness and assist with their character development and renewal.

With this in mind, how do you think learning that he prepared the best meal Sydney ever ate in her life, when he was at one of his lowest points mentally / professionally would affect Carmy? Would he really want to walk away from the field and vocation that helped him to win over / woo Sydney before he even met her, when he learns that this is effectively what brought her to his doorstep in the first place, not The Beef, not her Dad, not Mikey, not his prestige as a chef, but him and his cooking? I think that over the course of the show that Carmy has to learn to (to reference the aforementioned books) lead from his heart, and to rediscover the magic in what he does as a chef.

7. One of Carmy's struggles is loneliness and isolation, he may be even lonelier if he leaves The Bear behind:

Realistically speaking, the food service industry is a high stress industry that makes high demands on workers' time, with that in mind, how will he maintain his relationships with those who we have seen become his surrogate family members in the crew if he walks away from The Bear permanently? Let's say he becomes an independent visual artist, being self employed can be a lonesome experience. Also, loneliness itself can also cause dissatisfaction with one's job, does he really no longer think he is cut out for work as a chef, or is his loneliness one of the factors that brought him to a psychological/emotional tipping point at the end of season 2? From my own experience with losing my job at the end of last year, switching careers or leaving behind a job can, in an of itself, be a very isolating experience - especially if you were emotionally attached to your job or befriended your colleagues. If Carmy's loneliness is one of the biggest things he wants to escape, leaving The Bear isn't going to automatically make it possible to form the connections and the work/life balance that he is yearning for deep down inside.

8. If Carmy walks away from the restaurant, what happens to his partnership with Sydney?

After all, he was the one to convince her to partner up with him to start a new place. Worse yet, Carmy is heavily implied to be in love with Sydney, how will he have the opportunity to make something of that fondness for her or maintain a romantic relationship with her if he does start a relationship with her, if he leaves? He won't be there to try to make good on his promise to not let her fail, he won't see the highs and lows of her days BOH, their relationship just would not be the same. The disparity between professions and the high constraints on their time was also one factor that would have made it difficult for Carmy to maintain the relationship with Claire in the long run.

As such, it is common for persons in the food service industry and in other fields where it is common to work long hours, to get around this hurdle to proper work/life balance, by simply having their personal lives heavily intertwined with their work. It's common for persons in the food service industry to meet their spouses and partners at work and to continue to work with them. This is even referenced in season 2 which featured the husband and wife owned and operated restaurant, Kasama, and also with the butcher that mentions that he is in business with his wife to Sydney, after they lost their restaurant due to an untrustworthy partner.

So which will Carmy ultimately be to Sydney, just a partner that ultimately walks away from their shared vision and venture and goes it alone with his own career, even if it is for the sake of his mental health? Or will he be her partner in multiple senses of the word? Does he really "wouldn't even wanna do it without" her in a literal sense or will he walk away from The Bear? I'm hoping that he stays, or that even if he leaves that they leave together, and that they leave to greener pastures. Remember that Carmy told Jimmy that he wanted to open their "first restaurant" there at The Bear, imagine if they yield the restaurant to Tina, Richie and Nat someday and start another venture elsewhere or start publishing cookbooks together or become food television personalities, like Carmy saw himself as in his nightmare in Braciole, but in a positive twist?

Also keep in mind that when asked about the possibility of there being a romance between Syd and Carmy, Christopher Storer has gone on record to cryptically say about the two of them:

"It's a partnership, you'll see......."

9. Carmy is not a one to one analogue for Christopher Storer:

While Christopher Storer left the food service industry and entered the film industry as a writer/producer and director, and Carmy and his family is loosely based on Christopher Storer and his sister's life, there are some deviations from C Storer's life that make Carmy's character and story unique. Carmy is a youngest child, Storer is the eldest child in his family. Apart from having a cigarette addiction, Carmy is sober, but C Storer struggled with alcohol and substance abuse before he met his partner Gillian Jacobs. Storer is currently no contact with his mother who is an addict, but it remains to be seen what decision Carmy will ultimately make concerning his relationship with his mother, Donna. At the very least it seems that Nat wants her to be a part of their life still. This might be superficial, but Carmy is also short and Christopher is tall, here he is standing between Ebon Moss-Bachrach and Lionel Boyce who are roughly, 6' and 6' 3" respectively.

I'd be more confident that Carmy would leave the food service industry if he was more of an author stand-in for Christopher than Jeremy Allen White's depiction of Carmy currently is. Perhaps Carmy will represent the chef that Storer would have liked to work under or become if he remained in the culinary industry. And perhaps Mikey represents the person that Storer saw himself becoming if he did not meet Gillian Jacobs and become sober? Based on the earliest drafts of The Bear I know that Carmy and Sydney were supposed to more closely resemble Storer and his relationship with his sister Courtney, who is still a chef and is a culinary consultant on the show. However, since the story has changed so much after JAW and Ayo's casting, to the point that Carmy and Syd's relationship if rife with romantic subtext, then it'd make sense for me if Carmy remaining a chef is one more area where his life is not just a mimicry of Christopher Storer's.

TL;DR - I don't think Carmy will quit the culinary industry or The Bear, or at least I hope that he won't and here's why:

Carmy loves the restaurant.

Divestment of beloved belongings is sometimes a symptom of suicidal depression.

Carmy is a competitive person, being a chef gives him a healthy outlet to compete and to execute well at a high level, and we have yet to see this side of him/his full potential as a chef onscreen.

Carmy will require retraining to work in another field, even if he wants to do visual arts full time.

If Carmy keeps avoiding dealing with his mental health issues, a job in a different industry will still be a challenge for him.

The show is a love letter to the food service industry, Carmy leaving the industry someday will defeat the purpose of the show in a way, and would mark a departure from the trend of character progression where we've seen the supporting cast find renewed purpose in the industry.

Since Carmy suffers from loneliness, it is likely that he'll be even lonelier if he leaves The Bear.

His partnership with Sydney and his possible desire for a romance with her may suffer or become less likely to occur if he leaves.

And lastly, Carmy is not completely based on Christopher Storer's life, just because Storer left the food industry doesn't mean that he intends for Carmy to do so by series end.

Thanks for reading this through if you've made it to the end, and a big thank you for listening to me jaw on about all of this and convincing me to write it out @thoughtfulchaos773 !

P.S. Happy New Year everyone! 💃🏽

[devisrina]

GUYS?!!?!! WHY ARE WE NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS?!!!

Edit: yeah, I know they’re just standing next to each other. BUT IT’S THE ACTUAL STILL FROM THE BTS RENNOVATION PIC

[thecapricunt1616]

Blue Lotus - SxC Fic - Chapter 4

♡ Summary: Carmy FINALLY admits how he feels to Syd, friskiness ensues! ♡ W/C: 10,405 ♡ Posted Date: 05/16/2024 ♡ A/N: AAAA Here is C4 of my SydCarmy Fic!! I hope you all like it, I'm sorry this fic was abandoned for so long there was a hiccup, but were so back! Who's pumped to see (fingers crossed) some IRL SydCarmy makeout action - IK I am!!! I hope that y'all enjoy this chapter, xoxo :D ♡ Warnings for BTC: SMUTTY SMUT SMUT !! Carmy being all mushy about Syd, Overprotective Carmy, You COULD Call this OOC but Carmy has been in intensive therapy about his exact feelings of holding back his own joy - so it could also be very IN character when you take that in to account ;)

♡ 𝐌𝐲 𝐋𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐬 ♡ ➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡ ➵ 𝐂𝐚𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐲 𝐨𝐧𝐞-𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐩𝐚𝐠𝐞 ♡ ➵ 𝘊𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 / 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘵 ♡ ➵ 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐬 ♡ ➵ 𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐮𝐩 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡

“Uh- yeah? Yeah…” Syd said softly. She felt hot all over. Goosebumps were raised on each speck of flesh. Her head felt as if she’d smoked the joint from earlier all herself, light. Her chest felt warm, like her heart was being squeezed in a hug. 

Syd had kissed enough people before to know this felt different, much different then any other time she’d been kissed. As stupid as it felt, she was thinking she understood what people meant now when they said their world stopped when they finally kissed the person they were meant for. 

That- or their sexual tension was so insane that it lit each and every one of their nerves on fire, and the feeling of a magnet in her gut pulling her to him was all in her head, and she should really think about checking herself in. 

“I think I’ve been wanting to do that….i don’t know how long- but I know…I��m sure I’ve wanted it now for a while and I’m sorry I haven’t done it…I couldn’t lose you, Syd.” He rested his forehead on hers, huffing a sigh of relief through his nose and his eyes fluttering shut. 

“Do you wanna know why I really actually had the nerve to come out here?” She asked quietly. 

When Carm opened his eyes, he saw syds heartwarming smile, meer inches away from his own lips. He wanted to lean in and kiss her again, he wanted to show her just how badly he needed her, here, now. But he wouldn’t dare push her. He’d already felt like he’d taken too much. 

“Why?” He asked shyly. 

“Fuckin fak” she said, giggling a bit. “Fak. Of all people. He told me…that like- he said we should date?” She said, laughing as Carm’s cheeks go pink. “And he said ‘you’re already work married but I think he’d want to be real married’ “ she said and Carm groans in embarrassment. 

“I’m gonna fuckin kill him- I’m so so sorry” he rests his head on her shoulder, nuzzling his face in the crook of her neck in embarrassment, but he couldn’t help but smile. 

He nearly groaned when she gently runs her delicate fingers over his scalp slowly, ever so gently easing out the tangles from the day.

 “It was needed for me too I guess. I think it’s a little funny. And also strangely humbling, considering I pride myself on reading people. But everyone except for me saw your feelings. Well…maybe I did? I just didn’t accept them because I also didn’t want to lose you. Because I trust you” Syd went on. 

The words nearly brought tears to his eyes. She was afraid to lose him. She was afraid to lose him because of how much she trusts him.

 “I would never leave you, y’know that, right?” He sat up a bit, taking her other hand and holding it with both of his, “I would never dream of it. I fuckin- I- I feel like I need you? And that’s somethin I’m still..I’m still trying to get over it while I’m here and work it out and I’ve been really trying Syd but it’s - I try to explain it to my therapist it’s not- it’s not like I think I’ll die it’s not like I think I can’t- I can’t keep going but it’s like this- this-“ his ramblings is interrupted this time, by Syd returning the favor and kissing him. 

He let out a small satisfied hum of the feeling of his lips on hers, closing his eyes and moving his lips in tandem, relishing in the feeling of her fingers gently twirling his curls between her slender fingers, by instinct forming the little ringlets together in her fingers how she’d do when she played with her own curls. 

“Has anyone ever told you that you talk too much, Berzatto?” She teased, and Carm laughs genuinely. 

“Never. That's the first time I’m hearing this. I could talk to you forever though…” he said and pulls her closer. She was nearly sitting in his lap. But to Carm, she still wasn’t close enough. He wanted her glued to his side, he wished he could bottle up the essence of her comfort and carry it with him everywhere, that is how he would feel normal, that was how he could feel apart, without having to do the work on himself, that is. 

“I’m fucking with you. Honestly I-“ she’s cut off by Carmen’s phone buzzing loudly on the table. 

Babysitter #4 the contact read when they looked over. 

Carm saw the time and rolled his eyes “fucking motherfuckers” he muttered angrily and picked up the phone. 

“What?” He snapped.

“Hello! Mr.Berzatto this is Basekeeper Christian how we doing tonight?” Syd heard a man chirp through the phone. 

“Fine. What do you need.” He grates. 

“Well we have here on the log a guest- Sydney Adamu - she checked in for you around 1 pm today- her guest pass was never scanned out at the gate so we’re being sure that you’re both aware of the time. Visiting hours have been over for 45 minutes, but she is welcome back tomorrow” The man explained. 

Carmen wanted to drown his phone in the lake, get the first flight back to Chicago- (first class) - and fuck Syd so hard they literally caused turbulence. But- his testosterone driven rage wasn’t going to get him anywhere except thrown in a hospital here, since your essentially signing your sanity over on a little piece of paper until you ‘graduate out’. 

“Mmhmm.” He grumbles “she’s leaving. I’m walking her down now.” He hung up on the man before he could say anything else and he drops his phone back on the table, rubbing his face how he did when he was annoyed but didn’t want to let it out. 

“I told you I didn’t wanna get you in trouble!” She huffs 

“D’you really think I give a fuck?” he asked and wrapped his arm around her, pulling her chest flush to his. 

“No but I give a fuck, cause what happens if they think Y’re like becoming defiant and keep you away for longer.” She asked, looking down at his lips for a moment. 

He seized the opportunity to pull her into another kiss, but this one was…different, more heated, more wanting, the kind that felt like it was dripping in anticipation. 

She nearly melted into him, taking the chance to straddle his hips, sitting on his lap and cupping his cheeks as the kiss became more feverish. There were small nips, and moans, and wet sounds of lips moving with lips - they weren’t sure what sounds were coming from who at one point. 

His hands were all over her, gripping the curve of her ass, memorizing it, the way it filled his large palms, squeezing the flesh of her hips the way that made her creen with desire. He slipped his hands under her hoodie, the pit of fire in his stomach growing when he felt the raised goosebumps running up the entirety of the flesh on her back and sides. 

He disconnected their lips, kissing along her jaw, leaving small nips and bites before soothing them over with his tongue and kissing the stinging ache away, before moving on to the next targeted patch of skin and repeating the assault. 

Sydney was sure she’d never been so turned on in her life. She felt like a wild animal, like a horny teen again. She couldn’t remember another time, another person - who she wanted to share this much of herself with- so badly. But there was also something in her screaming that it could be ruined if they moved all at once. 

“Carm” she said softly, but his name had been leaving her lips in little moans and whines that it didn’t quite catch his attention. He gently bit down on her collarbone, suckling the flesh - being sure to leave a dark mark for her to admire in the mirror later - but also to remind himself when he sees her again that this all wasn’t just a dream. 

She moaned out softly, tugging his curls firmer and disconnecting his lips from her flesh. She tugs his head back to look up at her, and she nearly forgot why she’d told him to stop at the sight of his purely blissed out expression. 

His usual icy blue eyes had become blown out with the lust swimming in his pupils, the effect causing the rings of his iris’ to look like the deep sea. His cheeks were flushed a scarlet red, his lips were plump and rosy from all the kissing and sucking he was nearly addicted to already. He couldn’t get enough of her scent, her taste. His mind was already whirling around the fact that if he was this obsessed with the way her neck tasted?! 

He was sure that when he did go home, he and Syd would both not be returning to work for a week because he was determined to lick, kiss, nip, bite, worship- every inch of skin she would allow. He felt…devoted. That was the word that was swirling throughout his mind, he was devoted to her pleasure, however she requested it. 

“You taste so fuckin’ good” he said softly, taking the hand that was cupping his cheek and opening his mouth, wrapping his lips around her fore and middle finger and moaning as his eyes fluttered shut at the taste. He swirled his tongue around her digits sensually and Syd felt as if her brain short circuited for a moment. 

Her jaw went slack, his filthy noises mixed with the saliva gathering at the corners of his lips - he was nearly fucking drooling at the taste of her. 

“You’re a fucking whore Jesus Christ.” She said lowly. He smiled around her fingers, pulling off with a pop and swallowing with a satisfied hum. 

“Please stay. Please” he looks up at her with pleading eyes. 

“You know, if the whole EC thing stops working for you- you definitely have a potential career in modeling - for animal shelter donations. Don’t give me those fucking puppy eyes, Berzatto” she said and he ups the amperage, fluttering his lashes for added effect. 

“And how! There’s a gate. Once I scan this to let myself out there’s security guards Carmy. I can’t just come back!” She said 

“You think I’d make you go out there? No. Jess will do it, he owes me anyway.” He explained, gently rubbing up and down her sides. 

“How is he supposed to do that?” She asked and Carm smiled friskily 

“He has ways.” He shrugged. “This isn’t his first round here. He knows his way around the grounds. Cmon you wanna go back to the hotel? A little fun never hurt no one Syd” he mused, gently tucking his hands in the back pockets of her jeans 

“Mmmmm…” she tapped her finger to her lips as if she was thinking “no. I’m not risking your entire stay here for one night of making out. We can do this tomorrow, you need sleep, I need sleep. It’s better if I just go, Carm” she told him gently. 

He huffs, dropping his head back to the couch pillow. “Don’t blame me for trying” he muttered. 

“I’m not, it’s very sweet how much you want me to stay with you” she kissed his chin gently. If his cheeks, and neck, and chest, weren’t already flushed he would have blushed, but instead he just felt the familiar rush of warmth to his face and chest he felt whenever they touched. 

“I always want you with me” he said honestly. His eyes fluttered shut as she made a trail of kisses from his chin to his lips, over the bridge of his nose, to the crest of his forehead, and finally one sweet lingering kiss to the top of his head, before resting her cheek there and embracing him in a warm, tender hug.  “I’ll always be around for you” she whispered.

Syd was finally off to her hotel in an Uber, that Carmen had insisted on ordering, he told her he had to be sure he’d able to watch it- even though Sydney was more than happy to turn on her location for him (she did so just to ease his nerves), he checked the liscence plate three separate times making sure each letter matched, and had to check the front and back, and also google a photo of the car to be sure it was the same exact one that they had listed. 

He also asked the man what his name was when he pulled up- and was sure to lecture him to not drive off until she was inside her room, and telling her to call him if she had any problems at all. Syd was slightly embarrassed, but it also made her feel so tended to and cared for. 

The second she got to her room and put her bag down, she texted Carm 

Syd: Made it back 100% safe and as I was when I saw you last! Thank you for scaring the shit out of that Uber driver. I'm not sure he’s ever gonna take a ride there again - he told me when I got out it was easier picking people up at a military base. 

Carm picked up his phone right away, sighing in relief. 

Carm: Would you put your right hand in an Uber alone with no way of being sure they’ll be ok?

He sent back with a small smile. After Syd had taken a quick shower, brushed her teeth, tied up her hair, and gotten in her pajamas she had sent him her response 

Syd: Aren't you right handed? So wouldn’t I be your left hand? Since in this analogy you’re one hand I’m the other? So you would be your own dominant hand? No?

Carmen didn’t hear his phone buzz over the sound of the shower running, but he couldn’t respond anyway, because said hand was currently wrapped tightly around his cock as he leaned against the cool shower wall, head rested against it, slowly stroking and tugging as he whimpered her name.  

He was getting frustrated, though. Because now that he’d felt her hands in his- he could imagine one thousand times better how it would feel wrapped around his cock. His own calluses and rough skin, as well as the sheer size of his hand was not matching the fantasy of her jerking him off on her knees in the cave behind the waterfall that he’d discovered. 

“I’ll always be here for you, Bear. I love taking care of you, is this what you need? You need to cum on my face?” she said in his fantasy, her tongue dipping over the curve of his v-line as she tugged his cock in slow languid strokes. 

He whimpered out, “yes- fuck so fuckin dirty” he groaned, pumping himself faster. 

“Do you want to cum on my face, or cum down my throat?” He imagined her hot open mouthed kisses along the side of his neck earlier instead being along the length of his shaft and he nearly got weak in the knees. 

“Oh fuck” he whined, imagining the taste of her once again, the feeling of her fingers nearly touching the back of his throat, the feeling of her tongue on his, the feeling of suckling on her tongue and swallowing their mixed saliva like it was the very essence of life. 

“I’m yours, I’m yours, bear” he imagined the look on her face as she came, the way he’d make her legs shake, how she’d stutter, and creen, and arch her back for him. 

“Fuck gonna fuckin make y’mine baby- shhiiit y’so fuckin hot” he grunted as he spilled into his fist with heaving breaths.

It took him a moment to catch his breath and find his composure once more. When he opened his eyes, his cheeks heat in sheer embarrassment at the amount of cum covering from his abs, dripping down his balls all the way down his thighs. 

“Fuckin hell” he muttered” rinsing himself off before taking a quick shower. It wasn’t a surprise though, any time he touched her the fantasy’s in his mind would run wild - and the fact that they were really doing this, that they were…together? Wanted to be together? He wasn’t sure, all he knew was that his head felt lighter, his balls felt heavier, and he could not wait to see her tomorrow. 

 When he laid in bed and finally read her response, he chuckled a bit. 

Analogy’s, Acronyms, Abbreviations - haven’t you learned they aren’t my forte? 

Before plugging his phone in after setting his alarm, and trying to get some sleep. 

Every time his phone vibrated he assumed it was her, and would check it- to become frustrated that it was just another useless email, or news notification. 

She’s probably fucking sleeping you freak get ahold of yourself. 

He’d thought, but that didn’t do anything to stop his racing thoughts. He actually had to end up jacking off again to get himself to the point of exhaustion he could essentially pass out instead of willfully falling asleep. 

The next morning, though, he nearly hopped out of bed. Carmen had never remembered a time he was so excited to take on a day. He put on his favorite thermal white long sleeve and vintage wrangler jeans, brushing his teeth and slipping on his boots before heading outside. 

He stopped by Jesse’s cabin, banging on the door “wake up , jagoff!” He called through the door. One time, Jess had slept through half the day and missed meds- which was an immediate send back to inpatient, and a restart of your outpatient time, so naturally- Jesse was pissed with himself, and Carmen wasn’t too happy either because for 3 days he had to mope around basically alone, and walk Shayna wherever she wanted to go. So ever since he got back to the OP cabins, Carm was determined to at least assure Jess was awake before first call so he wouldn’t get thrown back again.  

“It’s fuckin- it’s like 30 minutes before first call, asshole!” He grumbled as he unlocked and opened the door. 

“Get dressed, first call is now- I wanna get the cows taken care of and shower before Syd comes back you owe me remember” he said and Jess rolls his eyes. 

“Shay is gonna be pissed” he said 

“Don’t care she can suck it” he stepped into the cabin, shutting the door and turning on the lights to which Jesse groans dramatically. 

“Jesus Christ” he shields his eyes with his arms. “You’re worse then the inpatient morning staff” he went over to the bed, flopping back down on his stomach and covering his head with a pillow. 

“The morning staff? Thats low” Carm snorts a laugh, opening his dresser drawers and throwing a fresh pair of boxers, a pair of jeans, and one of his black hoodies on to his back. “Im getting Shay if you’re still sleeping when she’s up and dressed? You know what she’ll do” Carm warned, before heading across the way. 

He gently knocked on the door instead, of pounding as to not give her a panic attack. “Shay?” He called “you up?” He asked, knocking again a bit louder. 

“If you don’t get away from my door I’ll peel your balls like clementines” she snaps loudly 

“That’s uh- wow” he said with a chuckle “I was gonna offer to use my day pass and Syd can check the two of you out and we can go off-roading like you’ve been talking about? Unless…” 

He heard her footsteps quickly approaching the door and the clicking open of the 3 deadbolts and the sliding chain before unlocking it, sticking her head out and squinting at the light - “fuck” she stuck her hand in front of her to block the sun. 

“You really mean it?” She asked hopefully 

“I wouldn’t lie t’you, Shay. Yes. If you get dressed now and come sit with Jess and I while we feed the cows” he added. She rolled her eyes slightly. 

“Gimme 5” she said and shut the door. 

“Thank you!” He called to her and went back across the way, opening the door to Jesse’s cabin. “Dude!” He said frustratedly when he heard him snore. He walked over, taking the pillow from on top of his head and wacking him with it. 

He startled awake “wha- fuckin not cool” Jesse said, sleepily rubbing his face.  “You think string bean across the way is gonna be able to carry even a single bale? Come on!”

After Carm and Jesse had moved their entire groups worth of bales in record time, due to the fact that patients weren’t allowed to check out until their routines as they called them had been completed - since that was one of their main ideas, being a stable routine helps an unbalanced mind stay regulated. 

But, daylight was burning- and he was not wasting another single minute in this place as soon as Syd got here. 

Carm was the first one in line to get his meds that morning, the first one to breakfast, and the first one in the main office. “Morning” he said to the woman sitting at the counter. 

“Mr. Berzatto! Good morning to you as well honey how can I help you?” She asked 

“Uh- the day pass? How do I go about that?” He asked. 

“Oh! Yes ok so let me grab you the form here” she opens up her desk and takes out a blank form. 

“Alright so between regular visiting hours so 6 am and 11 pm you may leave the facility with the signature of your therapist since you were a self admission. Each patient gets one day pass unless needed for familial emergencies and things of that nature. You may do whatever you wish, but if you are to not return by curfew- you will be kicked out of the program. Understood?” She said and he nodded 

“Understood.” He said and handed over his patient ID so she could fill out the form. 

She quickly filled out all the information that was needed  “Alright here we go, enjoy your day” she said as she handed him his ID and the form back. 

“Thanks, you too” he took it and headed straight to Mandy’s office. 

He got there just as the clock struck 8, and huffed when he realized that the door was still locked and the lights were off, she must have been running late this morning. So he decided to fish his phone out of his pocket and he saw Syd had replied when he was getting his meds. 

Things that have to do with communication usually don’t come natural to you, I’ve noticed. But you’re learning!! Lmk the plans for today whenever you want

His thumbs hovered over the keyboard for a moment, before he was hitting the call button and pressing the phone to his ear. 

“Hello?” She picked up after the third ring. 

“Hey- uh hey- g’morning- did you… did y’sleep alright?” He asked, almost feeling awkward, he became more stressed out the more he asked himself why he would ever be feeling awkward around her. 

“As good as one can in the dead quiet. I can’t believe I’m saying this but… I miss the train?” She said and carm chuckled a bit. 

“Yeah- yeah. Wow I- I haven’t even thought about that. You get used to it by like..a week? Maybe. I dunno the first week here I just spent either drawing or moving hay or training star, so by the time my head hit the pillow- I don’t even think there’s a night I remember falling asleep, other then last night but…that’s a different story” he said, hoping she would bring up so he could sooth the anxiety that she regretted everything. 

“Yeah the craziest thing Carm- I woke up- and it looks like my neck was attacked by leeches! Now why would that be?” She mused. He felt the heat burning his cheeks, but he couldn’t help the smug smirk that curled on his lips.  

“You did? Have you been swimming? It’s a little cold to be swimming, Syd. I don’t even think there is leeches in big bear lake.” He teased. 

“Oh that’s why it’s so insane! I think..this hotel may have a late night leech problem, haven’t you seen that movie? Attack of the late night leeches?” She joked with one of her adorable giggles. 

“That classic fictional horror movie? Are you joking? Of course I’ve seen Attack of the late night leeches- I’ll do you one better, have you seen the suck-uel? ” He asked, smiling proudly to himself when she cracks up laughing. 

He heard Mandy’s keys and heels clicking down the hall “hey- hey start getting ready, wear something comfortable - I’ll call you in a few” he told her. 

“Oh- ok! Like.. sweatpants?” She asked

“Whatever- jeans, sweatpants - just something to be moving around in yea?” He explained. 

“Carmen? Oh- sorry I’m late, no one usually is checking in so early is everything ok?” Mandy asked him and he gave her an apologetic smile and held a finger up to tell her it’d be just a second. 

“Okay- sure I’ll do Jeans, sorry for keeping you- bye” she said and hung up before he got a chance to tell her she was never ‘keeping’ him, or holding him up. 

“Uh- sorry, y’supposed T’sign this f’me I guess? ” He asked her as she unlocked the door. 

“Out-Day form?” She questioned, flicking on the lights and going to sit on her rolling chair behind her desk. 

“Mmhmm” he hummed and handed it over. 

“No. You haven’t done a single light tunnel assignment correctly. You haven’t advanced enough in the program to get back out, you’ll undo your progress” she said plainly and turned on your computer. 

Pure rage washed over him like a bucket of ice water. “It’s bullshit. I told you what my fucking light is. It’s not my fault you don’t see her like that” he crossed his arms angrily. 

“The purpose of the light tunnel project, Carmen, is that no matter where we are, we can find a light, and follow it. A person, is not a light.” She explained without looking up, since they’d already had this very conversation each time he refused to attend their check in meetings regarding the stupid project. 

“But she is f’me! What don’t you get?! Syd is my fucking light! She- she always has been! Ever since I fucking met her!!! Please. Please. Mandy, what do I have to say?” He asked and she looked up at him over the rims of her thick black glasses. 

“She’s here isn’t she.” She said matter of factly. 

“And? What does that have to do with anything?” He asked. 

“Shut the door. Sit. If you’ll have your weekly light session now, then maybe- let me repeat, maybe, I will sign this for you to leave lotus with her for the day.” She said seriously. 

He quickly shut the door and sat down in the chair, and she realized she’d never gotten him to start a session so easily before. 

“Fine. What. Ask me anything I’ll tell you anything.” He said honestly. 

She sits back in her chair, folding her hands over her stomach. “Let’s imagine together. Say you jump into a relationship with this girl since you've been playing with the idea that she’d be a good fit for so long, and 6 months down the line- you two realize that running a business and being a partnership isn’t for you. How will you manage this? What have you learned here? We’ll start there.” She shrugged. 

Carmen sighed, mentally rolling his eyes. 

That would never happen 

He’d thought to himself. 

“I’d…” he trails off, thinking harder about what she may want to hear. 

“I’d - pick whichever is more integral to my happiness. I’d make the choice f’me not f’what mikey would have wanted. Mikey would want me to keep the business and dump her, but…like I told you. She makes life bearable. I wouldn’t even want the bear anymore if she wasnt there. I-“ he stopped suddenly, realizing how he’d really felt and going dead silent. 

“Okay so hit me with that breakthrough thought we just had” she pats the desk “cmon- let it out.” She encouraged. 

He took a deep, shaking breath. “I hate it…I- I fuckin’-“ he shook his head “I fuckin’ hate the environment I work in.  I-it’s loud, and it’s-it’s demanding, it’s stressful, it’s- it’s usually fuckin’ thankless most of the time... but it- it is…everything. It- was. It was everything. I think- I think that’s why? Y’know? When I first got here that I was so good. And uh…the fuckin- the inpatient nurses they’d always be so fuckin nice t’me and I always wondered why but…but I’m- I’m agreeable. It’s because I thrive under a demanding routine. They- they aren’t used t’that im like- A- a fuckin freak” he shook his head, laughing dryly. “I am still the freak. At fucking adult crazy camp. B-but the nurses they aren’t used t’people who just follow fuckin direction. But that- that’s being in culinary school, that was NOMA that- that was every fucking place ive been trained to do what I do. And I love it- I-i do. I like knowing what I’m going to be doing from the minute I wake up to the minute I’m in bed again, a-and I uh…” he rubbed his chin as he thought. 

“I um…I think that Syd? Y-y’right. But in a way, so so wrong. Because she- she isn’t my light she’s my darkness. She’s my peace. She’s my…my fucking midnights?”  He chuckled a bit at how stupid he felt saying it. “She’s…like- peace. She is what takes my fuckin view off the light. I’m a- I-I’m a moth. Mandy. I’m a fucking moth. And I can’t look away from the light, from the routine- from the- the- the chaos! I can’t! It’s who I am, it's what I need, it’s what makes me thrive. So no I- I have too much attention on the god damn light. Mandy! I need some fucking rest, I need some- some reprieve- some god damn relaxation?!” He said frustratedly. 

“Like- I-i- I’m realizing. Fuck! I’m not getting better Mandy I’m getting comfortable again!” he shook his head, running a nervous hand through his curls that were still damp from the shower. “She saved me. Again! She made me fucking..she- she showed up and she showed me that I’m doin that- that- that I need something to take me off routine because I- I get obsessed with it. So my fuckin light? My stupid light is finding someone who can turn it the fuck off“ he stood up, pacing anxiously. 

“C-can you give feedback? please? y’too quiet” he said, nervously shaking his hand as he walked back and forth from the window. 

There was light scratching of pen on paper on the desk and he looked over just as she holds out the form, offering it to him. “Bring by your light tunnel packet later I’ll sign you off” she said. 

“That- that- that’s it? That’s all? Y’-y’not like…” he looked at her confused. 

“That was what I’ve been asking you to give me for the past 2 weeks. Have fun today! Enjoy yourself. We will go deeper into my feedback tomorrow.” she said, Carmen took the paper and was out of the office before she could barely blink. 

He briskly walked down the hall, hitting syds contact and dialing her number. She answered fairly quickly “never say that again.” He told her. 

“Hello to you too?” She questioned. 

“Y’not - sorry. Y’not ever fuckin’ holdin me, er’- er’ keepin me. Or whatever bullshit you said before you hung up. I - I’ll always talk t’you” he pushed open the door to the therapists office cabin, heading down the stairs. 

“Oh- ok…yeah I- I mean I really like talking to you too” she said, he could hear the smile to her voice and just knowing she was smiling made his chest lighten tenfold. 

“Yeah…uh- so- we get days out here? Jesus feel like I’m in fuckin prison. But they allow us out, 6-11 - did you wanna go off roading with me Jess and Shay t’day? Shes been wantin t’go really bad- there’s this place it’s literally 10 minutes away. We rent a jeep and we get like a fuckin hand radio and we use it to keep in touch with the tour guides that drive ahead of us. Apparently we drive up walls and shit? It sounds super sick she’s been goin’ on and on about it since I was told I got my day. They both uh…well Shay had one of the days but she blew it on hooking up with this band member? I think? And Jess wasn’t sent here…by choice…so you would just check them out- but it’s nothing to it- you’re just speaking f’them that you’ll try to get them back” he explained. 

“Shit- uhhh- yeah! That sounds fuckin…awesome. So- like- we’d be driving? Have you…done something like that before?” She asked 

“No- well- yeah no. But I looked it up it’s not that crazy. And Jess said he used to go with his brothers all the time- he was gonna drive for us. It’s not like fuckin- daredevil shit Syd, it’s mostly like cool scenery we wouldn’t be able to see otherwise.” He opened up the door to his cabin, checking the trash to make sure they didn’t leave behind any alcohol bottles from yesterdays activities. 

“Alright- I’ll Uber over now then” she said 

“No- nah. It’s cool, it’s cool gimme a sec” Carmy said, putting the call on speaker and opening the Uber app on his phone.  

“What do you mean? You want me to walk?” She teased. 

“Nope juuuust-“ he said, stalling her for a few more moments “aha. Avery! Perfect. Avery, a nice looking middle aged brunette woman in a Nissan Rogue will be there for you in 3 minutes. I’ll stay on the phone just to make sure Avery is who Avery says” he said and plopped down on the sofa. 

She sighed dramatically. “you make it like we’re in Chicago right now. This is Big Bear California, I was literally talking to this couple and they said they don’t even lock their doors here?!” She said and Carmy heard her shut the hotel room door behind her. 

“Still, y’here f’me so…it’s my job to look after you” he said and rested his foot on the coffee table as he sunk deeper into the couch, the mornings extra 5 bales of hay beginning to weigh on his already bad back. 

“Oh- yeah, look after me - I will be sure to tell them that I’m checking you and your friends out of day therapy so you guys can look after me” she teased and Carmen snorts a laugh. 

“Y’know what? All this talkin’ why aren’t we searching for Avery mm? What if Avery is really some weird fuck in a black van ready to steal you cause he sees how innocent you look in your Uber picture?” He counters and she laughed. 

“Ohhh oh- yeah! Like your creeper van? The one you refuse to get rid of? I’m sure another fellow in a creeper van, you guys would actually hit it off! If this man in a van shows up, I think I should ask him to go off roading with us” she mused and Carmen laughed, rolling his eyes playfully. 

“Fuck off! You know how many times that piece’a’shit has saved us? A bunch!” He countered 

“Oh well would you look at that I’m looking at a Nissan Rogue are you ready for this license plate I’m gonna read it off. I know this is a presidential level transfer” she teased 

“Shut up…just send me a picture of it I’ll see you soon” he muttered with a smile, his cheeks heating once more. 

“Jesus! I’ll see you in literally ten minutes Carm. Try to take a chill pill in the meantime ok?” She said 

“Just get here I wanna see you” he said and hung up, his heart nearly thumping out of his chest. 

At least he was honest?

Carmy made the quick walk to the main office cabin once more where guests check in, waiting on the porch and leaning against the doorframe. 

When he saw the Uber was one minute away he finally stopped staring at the ride tracking feature and put his phone in his pocket, nearly vibrating with excitement. 

A white midsize Nissan pulled up and Carmy practically bounced down the stairs to open up the back passenger door. “Were you waiting for me?” She asked, sliding out after thanking the driver. 

He shut the car door “had to make sure you got here safe, right?” He asked, heart pounding in his chest as he pulled her to the porch by the hand gently. 

“I missed you too” she said, a bit…shy? Carm had never heard Sydney be shy before, something about it made his head swim that he had this effect on her, even if only for a fleeting moment. 

“Thanks f’comin” He muttered as he pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her back and she rested her cheek on his chest. 

“You smell good” she mumbled, lacing her fingers together behind his back as she held him. 

“You always smell good” he said and gently kissed the top of her head. 

“I’m not sure why I thought I’d be sleeping in when I came here, I woke up at 4 and my first thought was that I missed the delivery cause of the time difference” she said, resting her chin on his chest as she looked up at him. 

“When I first got here- let’s say the first maybe 12 days? I was restless at night unless I was cleaning. I felt fuckin nuts” he said and looked down at her. 

Her eyes looked like golden honey in the early morning sun, her skin was glowing with whatever sunscreens and lotions she put on this morning. “You have super long eyelashes” she said after a few moments, their faces mere inches apart. 

“Is that good?” He questioned, a small smile curling on his lips. 

“Mmm I dunno. Maybe? They’re pretty.” She said 

“OH MY GOD!! KISS, KISS, KISS!!!” Shayna chants loudly as her and Jesse walk down the row of cabins to meet them 

Carmen rolled his eyes, turning to face them. “You love to ruin a moment don’t you, Shay?” Jesse said with a grin 

“You two jagoffs are getting checked out by my-“ he stopped, thinking for a short moment  

“I should be offended” Syd laughs “your friend? Asshole?” she said and Shayna laughs 

“Oh my god Carmen! Stand up bitch!” Shay came over, resting her arm on Carm’s head on the way she knew ticked him off. 

“I am standing stringbean” he brushes her arm off and she slings her arm around Syd’s shoulders instead. 

“Since he won’t claim you you’ll be my girlfriend for the day” she said and Syd laughs. 

“Oh finally a taker, if I swung that way I’d be all over it” she linked their arms together. 

“Awww come onnn” Shay smiled “you look like a girl who likes magic” she said playfully. 

“Woooowww” Syd laughs “Magic huh? What kind of magic?” 

Shayna smiled flirtatiously “the kind with princess wands and special rabbits” she said playfully and Jesse laughed.

“Carm I highly recommend you collect your friend before before the succubus gets ahold of her”  he said and Shayna rolled her eyes. 

“Well if he’s not gonna take a bite” Shay teased and Carmy plucks Shayna’s arm off Syd’s shoulder and pulled Syd back to him 

“Fuck off” he said, wrapping his arm around her waist securely. 

Carmen was becoming snappy very quickly. He had just been able to admit to Syd somewhat how he’d felt last night- and felt as if Shayna was trying to turn her off of him somehow. But it was simply his blind hormonal testosterone taking the reins.

For Syd, every nerve she had was on fire. She simply thought Shayna was hilarious, and knew she meant nothing by the harmless flirting - but seeing the way Carmys fists tightened slightly at his sides, the way he watched Shayna’s every move. And when he grabbed her like that? He had never claimed her before, they had hugged- sure. They of course made out last night. But he had claimed her as his, at least in the way Shayna was jokingly insinuating they should hook up. 

“Awww shortstack” Shayna ruffled his hair and he pushed her hand away annoyed  “Fuck off Shay” he huffed “are we goin’ ‘er are you two gonna keep fuckin’ w’me?” he grabbed Syd’s hand, leading her up the steps and opening the door for her.

They had been led to a forested mountain by the tour guides, and had been encouraged to park and explore the trails a little bit. Shayna had begged Jesse to go with her until he got the message - she wanted to be sure Carmen and Sydney were left alone. 

“Do you-“ Syd gasped, her heart thrumming with anticipation as he ravished her neck with hot, open mouth kisses, that quickly turned into goosebumps after moving on to the next spot and the crisp fall air would chill the remaining saliva he’d left on her skin.

His hands were everywhere under her sweatshirt. Palming her tits, playing with her nipples between his fingers until they became perky and plump, gently dragging his nails over her ribs as he reached up, slowly rubbing over the supple soft skin with the pads of his fingers to caress her shoulderblades and easily unhook the simple 2 clasped bralette she’d been wearing.He tugged at her jeans and she lifted her hips right away. Carmy quickly unbuttoned them, nearly breaking the zipper trying to get it open, and pulled them down swiftly with trembling hands. 

This revealed the small wet spot right on the crotch seam due to the barely there black lace she’d worn akin to her bralette, since the jeans shed taken were stupidly thin in order to fit a weekends worth of clothes in one overnight duffle so she wouldn’t need to check a bag. 

“Do you think they- that they fucking planned this?” she breathed out.

Carmen could barely think - he was being driven by something outside of himself. The only thing he knew that he craved was her most sensitive, intimate parts in his mouth, as if it was the very air he breathed. The last 4 minutes had felt like an hour but yet, only a second to him, and what had been a small bonfire underneath his skin last night had turned into a full on blazing inferno this time around. 

He smoothly sunk onto his knees in the shared large footwell of the back seat. This had been made more than easy for him because Shayna had *conviniently enough of course*  thought that she’d dropped her vape thing Carm was always making fun of her for somewhere in the front and was convinced it ‘slid under one of the front seats’, and had even forced Jesse to also move his seat up all the way to ‘check’, but- it of course ended up being in her bra where she always kept it. 

He tossed a toned, long leg over each of his muscular shoulders, giving him full access to exactly what he needed. He trailed butterfly like kisses over her waistline from left to right, before licking a broad wet stripe back down. “I’ll owe ‘em fuckin’ forever if they did��� he breathed into the crook of her thigh, before wetly kissing along the leg of her panties in tandem with the way he’d done to her waistband.

He got to the portion of her pantyleg where her lip was peeking out of the fabric, he took this opportunity to teasingly flick his tongue over it sharply, before pulling it between his lips and looking up at her in a lust filled haze with those thunderstorm like eyes as he sucked it gently at first, but gradually sucking harder until she was tugging her bottom lip between her teeth hotly, and her back was slightly arching off the seat as she whined hotly. 

“Where- Oh my god? - Where did you learn this- you fucker” she nearly cried out. He rubbed the sides of her thighs soothingly after her hips buck involuntarily, holding her legs for her with his muscular forearms so she wouldn't be sore on the plane home. 

He pulled off the plumpened skin with a pop, blowing cold air over the wetness he’d left behind with puckered lips and she shivered, goosebumps arising all over her hot skin.

“Nonono-” she begged “Carmy you barely even touched me” she whimpered “plea-ah!-“ she nearly yelped, looking down at him once more when he nipped her hip bone, before quickly soothing the stinging ache with his warm silky tongue and leaving a featherlight kiss over the slightly inflamed, aggravated skin. 

She gently pushed his curls off of his forehead in order to see his glazed over piercing blue eyes once more, boring right back into hers with a passion that made her stomach flip, and clench, and twitch. 

His cheeks were so flushed, she thought it was adorable how red he got when they made out, her excitement was thankfully for her a bit easier to contain. But this level? His cheeks were blazing red, the top of his chest and collarbones were splayed pink. 

This was because way she was whimpering and moaning under his touch was driving him to a level of horny insanity he didn’t think existed. When people said primal urges - he didn’t get the full scope, and almost had the feeling to laugh at that sentiment- until the very moment he was currently encased. 

Something took over him, something not of his own confidence or knowing- it was as if he was following a script, a hot, perfectly written- filthy script.

He’d buried his nose between the folds of her pussy that was still covered by her dripping lace panties that didnt cover or contain anything. 

Taking a deep breath, his eyes fluttered shut in bliss, getting nearly pussydrunk off her scent alone, his mouth watering so much at the thought of her sweet nectar being right there for him to taste- he was already nearly drooling.  

“You look so fucking pretty between my legs, Carmy” she purred, gently brushing his cheekbone with her nimble, cool forefinger over his burning hot skin. 

Carmen was so hard against his denim that his cock was actually starting to ache. He’d never in his life felt so pathetically desperate to please someone. 

He needed to be inside her, to feel her warm tight walls squeezing around his cock, to pound her absolutely fucking silent - and soon - but before he allowed himself that ultimate pleasure that the universe was handing to him, wrapped the absolutely breathtaking box, with stunning wrapping paper and a bow - that was his Sydney; he had to absorb every single detail of what she liked, and what made her feel good to memory, so he could play it back in his mind over and over and over, until he could recite it like the back of his hand if asked, the same way he could recite the hundreds of ingredient ratios he’d memorized in cooking school.

“And you smell so fucking good” he countered and nudged his strong nose firmly against her already throbbing, swollen clit, earning a small, sweet squeak out of her. “It’s the only thing I couldn’t imagine. Fuck but it’s so good, baby - everything- everything is so fuckin’ perfect” he mumbled against her core, licking a broad, slow stroke with the pad of his tongue up the divot he’d created in the fabric with his nose, savoring the taste of her juices that had seeped through the breaks of lace.

His large blue eyes rolled back hotly, his lids fluttering shut and nearly a whimper coming out of his throat at the taste of her finally on his palate. 

He had to squeeze his cock that was pushing at the right leg of his jeans to ease the pulsing, throbbing ache that started to grow worse and worse the second he’d inhaled her addictive scent.

“Carm you are so pussydrunk - are you fucking touching yourself?” she tugged his hair, pulling him up from her aching core. She realized his entire chin, and nose, was glistening with her arousal. 

 “holy shit.” She said at the view of him, it was stunning. “What fucking business do you have being this hot?” She panted, but when he opened his mouth to reply- she pushed him back roughly to where he was needed much more desperately. 

“That tongue of yours has sooo many better uses right now then trying to talk shit” she said. He obeyed her command like her own personal puppet, quickly tugging the useless wet lace to the side with his forefinger and gratefully lapping up her viscous slick, a gutteral moan errupting from his chest at the tangy, sweet taste bursting over his tongue. He nearly panted at how good she tasted, swallowing and sucking and slurping up all he could. 

His brows knit together in bliss, eyes shut momentarily as he enjoyed himself before he opened them again, watching her every reaction and focusing back on solely making her cum as hard as she possibly could, in the backseat of a cold jeep- that was. He figured that could cause for some negative advantage, but he’d weigh the advantages and disadvantages of how the could have done this better later.

He was in pure heaven. He felt her thighs tremble slightly against his neck as he swirled his tongue gently around her entrance, egging him on to dip his tongue in to her tight pussy. Her flavor was causing him to drool, the wet lapping and lewd squelching that was filling the backseat of the car was absolutely sinful. 

“More- h-harder Carm” she rocked her hips against his mouth, tugging his curls and pulling him up to tongue her clit instead. He very much appreciated her guidence, it was of course - anything he could have wanted in a partner regarding intimacy, but- she’s Syd, she’s perfect for him- they were made for eachother. They were finally beginning to understand this, well- Carm was, Syd was simply just now accepting it.

He loved being a student, and he’d discovered long before now Syd was his favorite teacher. This was a new subject they’d yet to explore, but Carmen knew he’d eventually ace the class, and it would become their combined favorite subject to master together.

He sloppily lapped over the twitching, throbbing bud, drawing random consistently paced patterns over it that were making her gasp and mewl beneath him. He was pretty sure he was going to cum in his pants faster than he would find to be not embarrassing, but he didn’t really care. 

“Fuuck yes good fucking boy- thats it- shit- y’re such a mess Carm” she said, tugging his soaking wet face deeper into her core. Her breath stuttered as she feels a sharp flick of his tongue across the sensitive pearl, her head falling back in bliss and hips jerking unintentionally, his name beginning to spill from her lips like an invocation. 

He set a hungry pace, slack jawed, watching as her face twisted in pleasure, soaking in every single sound. He was devoting every single gasp, every twitch, every mumbled praise to memory. One thing about him, he was efficient- so instead of this first brush of below the belt intimacy being about chasing his own pleasure - it was about making sure, next time they fooled around, she came three times as hard, now that he knew which exact buttons to push.

“Finger me - please - shit Carm, now” she ordered, back arching off the seat as he slipped in his middle finger, his other hand reaching up to play with her nipple once again. 

“Another- please- I want you to make me feel full” she demanded, whining when he added his ring finger.

“Yes- yesyesyesyes!” she wailed, “My god Carm- those fucking hands do you know how many times I’ve fantasized about your ffffucking hands- oh god- oh shit right there!” she cried out, nodding quickly.

“Don’t stop! Don’t you dare fucking stop, Carm-” she nearly growled. She’d never admit it, but something about him in this intimate context was bringing out a feral minx in her. 

“You gonna finally make me fuckin’ cum, Huh Carmy? How long have you been wanting to do this? Mm? I’d bet- oh- oh!” she felt the familiar heat pooling in her lower back, her toes curling, and feet pointed to the floor as she writhed and squirmed beneath him. 

He smugly chuckled a bit into her throbbing heat, even though he himself was nearly drowning in pleasure as well. The smile was quickly replaced by a pathetic whimper as she tugs his hair, hard enough to make him to look up at her “I wanna touch you” 

He swallowed thickly, offering her his other hand to hold and going back to his assault on her clit, continuing to pump his fingers with an even pace “Mm- C-Carmy- stop” she breathed and he sat up, but she grabbed his hand before he could remove his fingers. 

“You don’t….” she asked, her tone much more casual, but laced with a bit of anxiety “You don’t want me to touch you?’ she questioned.

“No- syd- no…I-” he felt a large rush of embarrassment flood his chest, but didnt dare break her gaze, though, in case it would make her feel insecure. 

“Uh…i’m like - fuckin wired right now, a-and this isn’t my van… y’know? this is a fuckin rental and i’m pretty sure m’gonna explode like… everywhere I’ve already accepted we’re gonna have to stop back at blue so I can change” he rested his flushed sticky cheek on her thigh that was wet with her arousal.

“I don’t have to like- take you out to touch you, come here” she sat up on her elbow, urging him forward with her feet on his back to kiss her. 

His wet lips met hers, an exchange of hot feverish kisses ensuing. She hummed softly at the taste of herself over his saliva, her sticky slick covering his nose and chin being transferred to her face as she wrapped her arm around the back of his neck, pulling him closer. 

He resumed the pace of his fingers once more, curling them in a way that her back arched sharply, a squeak coming out of her throat and hips jerking. He pulled away, resting his forehead on hers as he continued the pace, “tell me c’mon pretty girl - how do you want it? You want it like that?” He curled and uncurled his fingers against that spot and she went quiet, jaw slack in a silent moan

“Mm? Yeah? Is this how I know? Is this how I know I’m givin’ y’what y’need? Mm?” He moved his fingers quicker in to that spot. Her only response was her nails digging into the flesh of his back and dragging down, he hissed at the sting and burn it left, making his pace faster and more relentless. 

Her head dropped back against the window and she gasped out, thighs trembling around his waist. Her mind was fully empty, she let out a strangled “now-fucking Jesus Christ - Carmy- Carm-carmcarm h-holy-ah!” 

He felt her walls fluttering around his fingers wildly, her jaw going slack and hips stuttering and shaking “good girl, that’s it- good fuckin girl” he worked her through her climax, her cum leaking down his wrist to the crook of his elbow 

“Gah- fuck you- m’too sensitive” she squirmed beneath him, looking up at him, “fuck fuck- fuck you fuck you carm don’t stop” she whined, pulling him up to kiss her roughly, her stomach tightening and core clenching around his fingers 

He took his other hand, rubbing her neglected clit with his thumb and nearly fell on top of her when she unbuttoned his jeans, slipping her hand in and slowly stroked over his cock in his boxers “Jesus fucking Christ - w-warn me before you just grab my fucking cock d’you know how long I’ve been waiting” he breathed, trying to keep up the pace with his fingers but his focus was becoming harder and harder to maintain. 

“Sorry…mmm can I please watch you touch yourself?” She asked hotly in the shell of his ear just above a whisper, her hot breath fanning his neck and tickling his jaw 

“W-what?” He stuttered. 

“I want to watch you touch yourself. Didn’t you just say you thought about it?” She asked, gently rubbing her thumb over his sensitive tip and he whimpered 

“Oh my fucking god Sydney” he groaned, taking his fingers out and rubbing them over her clit slowly, causing her thigh to twitch due to her orgasm being so close behind her 

“Please? Only if you want to of course” she said, voice breathy as she gently played with his hair and rested her forehead on his. 

Carmen wanted to say hell no. He wanted to spare himself the embarrassment. He knew he was gonna cum a ridiculous amount. He knew the noises that would accidentally come out of him. But she looked so fucking sweet. Too sweet to deny. 

“Okay…” he whispered, carefully sitting next to her on the bench seat 

“Wait really?” She asked and smiled wide “really? Holy shit. I thought I was gonna have to fight for that one” she sat sideways to have a full view of him 

He shot her a playful glare “do you want me to go back on my word?” He teased, pushing his tshirt up to his chest so he wouldn’t make a mess of it 

“No, no. Please- please continue I’m honored to be attending this show” she teased and put her left leg up on the seat in case she wanted to touch herself while she watched him 

“Well like I said you’re right in front of me and the show may be short” he said, lifting his hips and pulling his jeans down before sitting and pulling his cock out of his boxers with his fist. 

“Holy shit” she sat up a bit in surprise “dude” she covered her mouth, giggling “i knew you were packing but like- a decent pistol not a fuckin magnum.” Carmen laughed 

“my dick is in my hand stop tryna to fuck around do you want me to focus or not?” he asked, but the comment did make his head a little bigger, both egotistically and dick wise. 

“Okay okay sorry. Sorry do your thing” she leaned back once more. She couldn’t help but realize that just as she’d imagined, he has veiny hands, and a veiny neck- his cock was veiny as well. There was a pulsing vein that ran from the base of his balls up his thick shaft just to the middle, she wanted to lean forward and lick her tongue up feeling it pulse beneath her tastebuds 

It literally made Carmen’s large hands look normal, or even small. He pumped his length slow at first, before spitting in his hand and continuing, his breathing getting quicker and head falling back. He let out small little moans and whimpers that were driving Sydney insane. Her pussy was quite actually throbbing. 

“Y’re so fucking hot- shit” he grunted, tightening his grip, his breathing getting more rapid and sharp “every- ah mmm shit - every fucking time I jack off- I think about how fucking good it’ll feel to- fuckin- god” he moaned “cum in your fucking pussy. I fuckin need it.” He rasped “so- so close. I’m so fucking close. Can I cum? Y’want me T’cum right?” he whined. 

Sydney couldn’t take it anymore - literally could. Not. Stand. To just sit there and watch him whine and writhe in front of her, and not offer to help him. “Can I taste you?” She asked, an even just hearing her say that- With a pathetic cry and whimper, he was shooting ribbon after ribbon of white thick cum over his stomach an abs, his head thrown back in bliss and hips rutting into his hand. There were stripes of white covering over his near entire torso, on his hips, stomach, abs, ribs, to just below his sternum. Cum also leaked down his hand and a few droplets dripped onto his wrist. 

“Fuck. Fuckin hell” he muttered, annoyed with the mess he’d made. Sydney stared in absolute awe. 

“Dude- do you need a doctor?” She teased leaning forward and licking a stripe from his navel to his sternum and he just watched, slack jawed as she made sure he saw her tongue was coated in his seed before swallowing and licking off another stripe. 

“I think I just fuckin died for a sec and came back- wait what the fuck” he muttered as she zigzagged her tongue over his abs 

“Why? I’m helping you clean up. You did warn about the mess” she stopped, tonguing over his nipple and he gasped lightly, his cock twitching at the action which made her smile teasingly. 

“Jesus you are fuckin evil” he chuckled, watching as she finished the job. 

“Your cum isn’t as salty as I expected. They must be feeding you well” she found her panties and slipped them on, plopping back next to him casually 

“Oh wow-“ he chuckled “so what did you think of me be-“ he’s cut off by Shayna flinging the door open. 

Syd screams flinging herself over Carmy’s lap to cover him meanwhile Carm does everything he can to cover Syd’s thong clad ass  “Sorry lovebirds we got a call - Carm, they found bud in my room we have to get back”

➵ 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ⋘ 𝐖𝐈𝐏 ♡♡♡ ⋙

[xblackreader]

[laviejaguardia]

personally victimized by this show's soundtrack choices

[chesterfieldmcguffin]

My sweet sweet fanfiction writers - this is the prompt, this is THE prompt . Please someone write an ao3 multi chapter, showing the distance between the Carmy and Syd after what we saw in the finale. Sydney finding her joy outside of the restaurant, but thriving in it because she doesn’t have the damage Carmy does. Then Sydney and Carmy having a real and explosive argument/conversation about what their roles are, what does partnership really look like from Carmy’s pov because rn, they aren’t equal and to some degree, Carmy still treats her likes she’s super green. And then this explosion culminating in a kiss or something because the tensions really been building between them. Ugh idk I’m just so overwhelmed by the possibilities of fanfics here because they gave us sooooo much material to work with. Fuck now we have to wait for another year maybe more because the strike and everything. I’m just soo lost and broken after this season, because it ends so differently (which is good I’m not complaining, this is needed for more growth from all the characters in the show) with everyone so distant from one another.

I keep thinking about the “I’m sorry” signs this season. While I adore them and think they’re extremely sweet but I am kind of expecting an explosion in season 3 between Syd and Carmy… and tbh… I can’t wait.

Like. I LOVED the talk under the table. I *loved* it. It’s them at their best. But. I also believe they need to *really* talk. Especially about Sydney’s role in the restaurant and what does her being a “partner” entails… Carmy needs to not only recognize he should do better by Sydney/the restaurant but also put in the work! So yeah I do believe they *need* to butt heads next season and have a true heart to heart bc I don’t think Sydney is being completely *heard* by him… yet!

I’m already imagining a scenario where in s3 Sydney is the one who starts having a life outside of work and after the whole Claire fiasco (I would be surprised if they keep her character next season she truly didn’t add anything to the show other than being a plot device for Carmy’s existential crisis) Carmy is more focused and feels betrayed Sydney isn’t there 100% like he wants her to. At least that’s what I *wish* to see. Roles reversed. Cuz imo that’s the only way they could totally understand eo in the end and have no resentment left.

[missingthemantaray]

sydcarmy

[furoruisa]

[thebearsocials]

they seriously want me to believe that sydcarmy is purely platonic when not only carmy is the one plating and creating the best meal syd ever had but said meal is also heart shaped okay, cool DEFINITELY platonic not soulmatism at all

[drrav3nb]

It's "I'm sorry" in sign. Two of my old chefs used to do it. If they were angry, fighting on the line, it helped. It was like their version of "let's talk about this later". Didn't matter if one tore the other one apart, it always got them through service.

[currymanganese]

What if one of the reasons that Carmy ended up on his EMP boss' shitlist was that he went FOH and served an original dish he came up with, that his boss didn't approve of (out of professional jealousy or otherwise) to Sydney?

And what if that dish ended up being the best meal she ever ate in her life? And Syd assumes that Carmy doesn't remember serving her all those years ago, but he did, of course he did, and that's why he was so gobsmacked when he saw her?

And what if it's (subconsciously) also one of the reasons she was so annoyed with him when he went out front and served Claire? Because Carmy served Sydney first? And what if it's been their own secret thing tying the two of them together for years, what if their red string of fate is food?

[devisrina]

I have an urge to skip the episodes molly Gordon comes on but same time I’m curious to see where it goes. Seems like writers/ producers are trying to reel back on their disapproval of syd & carmy - but going to push the white love interest

Hi there!

Yeah, I understand. I’ll admit, I was a bit annoyed too at the introduction of Molly Gordon’s character (Clare I assume) being a possible love interest for Carmy. I think what bothered me a bit more was how quick some people were to see the potential in them from that 10 second clip than they were with Sydney and Carmy.

But honestly, I do like Molly Gordon. I watched her in Good Boys, broken hearts gallery, and booksmart, so I’m intrigued to see how her character is in The Bear.

So it’s fine to be curious to see how this goes! At the end of the day, we are all here for these character’s journeys.

At the end of the day, I’m just glad that the producers and writers are less dismissive and more flexible with the way they view Carmy and Sydney as a possible romantic pairing.

Also, I think it’s important that we do see Carmy in a possible romantic/flirationship/situationship/relationship?? Thing with new/old girl, BECAUSE we KNOW he is not healed yet. This show likes to explore grief in different ways, and more importantly, it does a good job at it. So I think it would be interesting to see how Carmy responds to having possible romantic feelings for this girl and how it ends for him.

So yeah, I ship Carmy and Sydney, I’m still holding out for them. But I also love this show so I can’t wait to see how season 2 is like!

[yannaryartside]

No thoughts, just Luca looking at Sydney

The second gif, Jesus. The way he touches his mouth…

Like, girl…

[xblackreader]

[mitocamdria]

That dish he served to Sydney was figuratively and literally his heart and he’s already given it to Sydney before he even met her…they are destined, they are SOULMATES.