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thecapricunt1616 · 8 months ago

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Blue Lotus - SxC One-Shot

♡ O/S Inspo: Blue Lotus - In Vedic Hindu tradition, the lotus represents enlightenment as well as purity. It is the symbol of the consciousness rising out of the mud of Maya and attaining its original nature or self-realization.

♡ Summary: Carmen accidentally almost checks out of life permanently due to a migraine fucking up his vision, and Sugar flips & sends him off to a trauma rehabilitation center, Syd is realizing she finds it extremely hard to stay away from him.

♡ W/C: 7,616

♡ Posted Date: 04/06/2024

♡ A/N: This is my first SydCarmy fic aaa!!! I have a hard time writing in 3rd unless its not my characters, so writing in 3rd for them was okay! This OS is all thanks to the LOML - the person who FULLY turned me into a #SydCarmy4Lifer - @gingergofastboatsmojito - This fic was HEAVILY - heavily, inspired by hers - Tucson, It can be found right ❀ here ❀ - My only request is you go read hers if you are going to read this one!! Her SydCarmy fics are the best, and the only ones I really read, give her a follow because her SydCarmy theories are also out of this world. Also, YES GINGER - Stardust is .... a horse - ol' girl TOLD THEM she'd always be watching!! If you'd like to meet Madame in her human form, mosey on over here - this fic also heavily inspired me to write for SydCarmy hahaha. If y'all want more of Blue Lotus let me know! I have ideas for a PT 2 if it would fancy anyone :)

♡ Warnings for BTC: Accidental OD , Vomit, Sad Syd, but fluffy kinda!! Only lightly edited (we die like men), OC Carmy (IM SORRY) we all know he's down bad for her so maybe this can be considered IC Carm, because were just in his head more then watching him? But that's all basically.

➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡

Carmen was sick as a dog. Well - physically- the mental demons never stopped nagging at his overall happiness level, but it had been a long time since he’d felt this horrible, physically speaking, at least.

His muscles were aching, to the point any brush on his skin left a dull pain in its wake. His throat was swollen and sore, he had a terrible fever- his head felt like it was so full of pressure that it would explode.

He’d never experienced a headache like this before. His vision was actually spotty, there were little blotches in his vision, that were... glowing? He wasn’t quite sure, it was beyond the realm of anything he’d ever felt or seen before.

That was what must have caused him to grab his black bottle of oxydose he’d gotten after a root canal he had a few months back- rather then his liquid Zyrtec cold and flu liquid medicine.

The pain in his head was so bad, he didn’t even question why the usual cherry flavor had been replaced with bubblegum, as he swallows straight from the bottle, before putting the cap back on and going back to the couch, collapsing in the nest of pillows and blankets.

It was only about 10 minutes, and Carmy was feeling fine- no…Carmen was feeling… amazing.

His limbs all felt very heavy, but he felt warm, and comfortable. As comfortable as he’d ever felt. He actually found himself thinking ‘have I ever felt this good?!’ And before he knew it, he was laughing to himself about how he should double dose cold medicine more often, because he felt as if he was on cloud fucking nine.

He laid back on the couch, closing his eyes, and wasn’t sure just how long he laid there that way. It could have been minutes, hours, days for all he knew. The only thing he was thinking of, was her. He began wondering what she was doing right now, if she was adorably leaned over the counter, writing in her little notebook- her braids cascaded over her face like a beautiful beaded curtain.

If the blood in his arms hadn’t been replaced with cement, he’d have grabbed his phone and called her, and poured out his entire heart to her. Because nothing else in the world right now mattered. Carmen had no other thoughts, the past didn’t exist, nor did the future. The only thing that existed in this world at this very moment, was Sydney.

‘Psssst’

Carmen opens his heavy lids, just barely, his vision was blurry and almost doubled. “Mmm?” He hums, not even sure if he heard someone- or why he would hear someone. He lived alone, and didn’t hear anyone come in.

‘Yo. Dipshit.’ Carmen knew that voice anywhere.

“What?” Carmy looked around, and knew something was very amiss, when his brother was standing there in his living room, looking at him. He had this ethereal glow to him.

“What the fuck” Carmen said, sitting back on the couch, rubbing his eyes.

‘You’re nodding out right now. Here’s what y’gonna do.’

Carmen couldn’t do anything but nod his head obediently, was Mikey really here? He couldn’t be- he was hallucinating.

“Monkey are you here?” Carmen asks softly, rubbing his eyes again to see if he would disappear. He didn’t.

‘I’m as here as you’ll be if Y’don’t listen. Crawl to the fucking bathroom and throw up. She’s gonna be here f’you, don’t fight her’

Before Carmy could look back at him and question what he meant - he was gone.

Carmen suddenly felt…much too hot. He tried getting up, but narrowly missed bashing his skull on the coffee table trying to get to the bathroom, so he decided to take his wise older brother's advice and crawl there instead.

He didn’t finish the journey, though. He actually collapsed in the bathroom a few feet in front of the toilet, luckily on his stomach.

He was catching all sorts of luck today, because Syd had insisted she go and check on Carmy, as he was supposed to be at work today but hadn’t said a word- and that was nothing like him.

She got the extra key from Nat, and told her she would go check because ‘Pregnant women have by nature weaker immune systems’ and would blame herself if she ‘let Carmen get her sick’, so she convinced Sugar to let her go by herself.

When Sydney had opened the door, the first thing that greeted her was loads of empty Gatorade bottles on the coffee table near the couch, and a random French cooking show playing on the tv.

“Carm?” She calls, but when she saw one of his feet sticking out from the bathroom, she dropped her bag and ran, gasping when she saw him splayed out there in a puddle of vomit, looking sickly pale, with dark blue lips and fingertips.

“WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO YOURSELF!” She shrieked, getting him on his side as fast as she could and quickly pushing the emergency button on her phone, putting the call on speaker and setting it to the bathroom counter.

“Carmen? CARMEN! Wake up!” She slapped his arm, shaking him violently. “Carmen! Oh- oh god.” She said nervously.

‘911 do you need fire, medical, or police?’ The woman at the other end says.

“Medical! Medical my friend- oh god Carmen” she shakes his shoulders.

“Okay what’s your emergency?” The operator asks

“Uhh- I- he’s- so he’s thrown up, he’s passed out, his pulse is weak- he- his lips- t-they’re blue. oh Carmy” she touches his cold clammy forehead. “He- he’s- he’s cold oh my god why is he COLD can you fucking send someone Jesus Christ!” Sydney snaps angrily.

“Okay- it sounds like he is having an opioid crisis ma’am, do you have narcan available?” The operator asked her and Syds heart drops.

“No- what? No! He- he wouldn’t- his brother- he…get here!” She said frantically and quickly told her the address of Carmen’s apartment complex.

“Yes, yes you’re calling on an Iphone, ma’am - we have your exact coordinates. Just in case - do not try to make him throw up more, make sure his airway is clear- what is your name?” The woman asked her.

“Sydney- my name is fucking Sydney - but it doesn’t matter! He matters! My god! His name is Carmen- C-Carmen fucking Berzatto! Put that in your notes lady! He- he’s 31- where the fuck is the ambulance?!” She uses all of her strength to get him leaned up against the counter.

His vomit was getting everywhere, but she didn’t care. She couldn’t find a way to care, the only thing that mattered to her was that each breath Carmy was taking looked more and more difficult.

“They are en route! Remain calm, how long have you known this friend?” The Operator tried to distract Sydney, since there was only so much you could do for an OD patient if there was no narcan.

“He- he’s my…my partner we run a restaurant together. This doesn’t matter! Save him. Please! I can’t loose him!” She said, shaking his shoulders.

“Carmen! You fucking asshole! What did you do!!!” She shouts at him. “You would never do this! What did you do!!!” She couldn’t stop the tears from flowing, it didn’t matter though- Carmen wasn’t awake to see it.

No, Carmen was far, far away. Somewhere floating between life and death, he felt like he was being embraced in the warmest most comforting hug he’d ever felt, he’d never been more comfortable in his life.

But Syd, was in hell. Her own personal version of it. It felt like a lifetime before 2 paramedics came barreling into the bathroom, one of them holds Carmys head steady and the other sprays a full dosage of narcan in his nose.

Sydney stood in the corner near the shower, shaking hands cupping her face absolutely terrified.

Carmen was up now, nearly the second the paramedic hit the plunger release. He sits up with a gasp, eyes wide like a caged animal.

“What the fuck.” He mumbles, looking at both of them before meeting eyes with Syd.

“Syd?” He blinks a few times.

She lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding “you asshole” she grumbles, wiping her teary eyes.

“You’re home, you’re safe, you overdosed. Do you take opioids often?” The paramedic asked, putting a blood pressure cuff around Carmen’s arm.

“What? No- what the fuck don’t touch me!” Carmen snaps, ripping off the cuff and whipping it across the bathroom “stop- stop! Stop touching me- get away” he shouted angrily “I’m fine” he hissed.

“CARMEN!” Sydney barks, she’d never used that tone with him- so it was fair to say it very quickly got his attention.

“You will let them do their job, dick. I just- I- I find you in a puddle of your own vomit on the bathroom floor- I couldn’t wake you up! So now? you’re gonna listen to them.” She said angrily, grabbing the blood pressure cuff from next to her leg where it fell and handing it back to the paramedic.

“Give him your arm.” She snipped.

Carmen sits back against the bathroom wall like a dog being scolded, wordlessly offering his arm to the paramedic and keeping his gaze fixed on his lap.

“192 over 96” the paramedic told the other.

“Christ kid” the paramedic said, “gave you a fuckin dose of narcan and y’wired like y’re on coke” they helped him up and on the gurney.

“Hes- he’s gonna be okay?” Sydney asked anxiously, watching as they buckled him in by his hips and legs.

“He's gonna be fine in a day or so.” One of them responded. Carmen just looked away, the shame and embarrassment already looming over his mind like a huge storm cloud.

“I’m gonna…I’ll- I’ll clean up, and meet you at the hospital, ok? And I’ll have sugar meet you” she told Carmen and went over, giving him a hug.

He couldn’t understand. It made him slightly angry how sweet she was being to him. He was putting her out, he was fully fucking up her whole day- but all she was worried about was him.

“Syd..I’m fine. Thanks. But I’m fine. Don't- just…ugh no- please- I’ll do it. Just go- go home. take the day” He said, gently patting her back.

He wanted to throw his arms around her and never let go, he wanted to kiss her- he wanted to hold her and tell her he would never leave her again. He wanted to tell her he loved her.

But he didn’t. He wouldn’t, and he wasn’t sure if he ever would, or could for that matter, since he didn’t even realize yet that was what the feeling in his heart really meant.

“Thank god. Thank god you’re fine, Carm. What would I do without the biggest pain in my ass?” She teased.

Even though Carmen was hurting all over in a way he didn’t realize was possible, his lungs were aching, as was his entire body, and he felt as if the pressure behind his eyes were going to make them pop out - he smiled. It was slight, of course. But it was there.

“Couldn’t get rid’a’me if y’tried, Syd.” he told her.

The ride to the hospital was Carmen’s nightmare. They insisted on the stupid flashing lights and sirens, since his blood pressure was ‘dangerously high’ so he was at risk for a heart attack, and then rolling him out on a stretcher in front of all his neighbors was nothing short of a god damn dumpster fire.

He was never home, but like hell he’d ever intentionally show his face during the day again.

The hospital was even worse, he got plugged in to all these monitors and had an oxygen mask, got poked and prodded with needles, and was told he was being put on a 24 hour psych hold per hospital policy after an overdose- just in case he’d been trying to end his own life.

Sugar got there shortly after the nurses had finally let him be, when he heard her loudly telling them “CARMEN! BERZATTO! Like bear! B-e-r-z-a-t-t-o!!! Where IS HE !” He ripped off the oxygen mask, knowing if she saw him that way he’d never live it down.

Even though it really was helping ease the ache in his lungs and the pain in his head, he was willing to deal with it for his very pregnant sister not to worry.

Her heels click as she storms down the hall to his room, ripping the curtain back.

“Oh- Bear” she said, bursting into tears and rushing up to him, hugging him tightly. “Oh my god, bear. Never do that! What did you do? No- no- you aren’t in trouble, you aren’t in trouble, Carmen. I love you. You just worried me! You made Sydney cry Carmy! What the fuck- what happened?” She cupped his cheeks, observing his exhausted face.

“Oh you’re sick- you’re so sick- Carmy” she felt his forehead and cheeks with the back of her hand like she did when they were kids. “It was an accident, right, right Bear? You wouldn’t do this?” She said, more pleading him than asking.

“No. No. No sug, no- I- I’d never. I just fucked up! I’m fine. I’m fine. C’mere” he hugs her close, kissing her head gently. “Stress isn’t good for the baby bear” he joked, hoping it would get her to lighten up.

“Carmy stop” she pushed away, looking at him seriously. “No. No. This isn’t okay- nothing - nothing about this is okay, bear! You almost died! Syd said- “ she shook her head. “Carmy. I- we can’t do this. We can’t. You’re right.” She sniffled, sitting back in the chair next to his hospital bed and wiping her tears.

“What- what do you mean?” He sat up a bit.

“I- if you….i can’t watch you like this anymore, Carmy. I can’t- I can’t see you wither away. Fucking emotionally anymore. It’s killing me. It’s hurting-“ she took a shaking breath.

“It’s hurting your niece. Carmen. I can’t do it anymore. here.” She dug around her purse, pulling out a brochure.

“Go- go. Get out of fucking Chicago, Carm. This place- I-i heard of it” she sniffled “its stupid-“ she laughed a bit, shaking her head. “So stupid, fuckin this..this Astrologer. She said in her podcast that this is the best place to go based on the location? I dunno…it’s a therapy place” she said.

Carmen looked at the Brochure, his brows raising.

‘Blue Lotus Trauma Therapy Rehabilitation Center’ the front contained photos of absolutely breathtaking pine trees, mountains, as well as red cabins.

‘Blue Lotus is tucked safely away on Big Bear Lake in Big Bear, CA. Come and experience an inpatient by day, outpatient by night 30 day program, along with 15 days of sole inpatient TF-CBT therapy, focused on your direct needs as a patient. We specialize here at Big Bear in Equestrian Therapy, and Cattle Therapy. Enjoy hiking on hundreds of miles of breathtaking trails, and get to know the stunning haven that is Big Bear, California.’

“Horses.” Carmen looks at her, unwavered.

“Yes! They say they like- get us or something? You’ll be back before I give birth. Go. Carmen. Go. Or- or I can’t work there, anymore it-“ she shakes her head, looking down at her swollen belly as hot thick tears stream down her cheeks. “It’s like watching Michael…again. In a different way” she said quietly, wiping her face and looking up at him once again. “Please.” She whispered.

He shook his head, setting the stupid brochure down on the bedside table and laying back in the bed, grabbing the oxygen since his head was beginning to pound again and putting it back over his face, averting her worried gaze.

“I don’t have the energy to call these people” he muttered, closing his eyes and resting his head back, hoping that would be the end of the conversation.

“I- I already got you a bed. I called them…on the way over- I begged them. And they are willing to take you, Carmy. Please. I’ll pick your cabin and everything - you- you stay in a cabin after the 15 days and then for 30 you go back and forth. It sounds so nice, bear. I know they’re gonna take such good care of you think about it- please- will you go?” she got up, pulling him into a hug.

“Thank you” she whispered after a few moments when he didn’t decline her.

Carmen didn’t reply. If Sugar really thought that stupid place would make him ‘change’ (if that was even possible) and if she really felt as if it was affecting her child that was growing inside of her- he would give it a try. Even though he felt as if it would be just another money pit in the name of ‘mental health’ that didn’t do a thing.

“There’s dead man walkin’!” Richie said, Syd following in behind him.

“Stop! Don’t call him that Richie it was scary!” Syd shoves his shoulder.

Carmen grabbed the brochure, quickly tucking it under the blanket.

“Fuck you, cousin” Carmy said, his voice all nasally and low from his flu or whatever the fuck he’d picked up, that had led him to giving himself a cocktail of meds that almost sent him to Michael prematurely by total mistake.

“Carmen is leaving. As soon as he’s released. So- get your time in he won’t be home for a month or two” Sugar said and sat down, not budging on the issue.

Carm just rolled his eyes, laying his head back and wanting to melt into a puddle on the floor, but at the same time, he also wanted to pull Syd into the stupidly small hospital bed, and hold her to him, never letting her go.

“You are?” Syd asked, coming to his bedside and meeting his gaze.

He just stared at her. Wordlessly, he pulled out the crumpled brochure and offered it to her. She took it, looking at it. Richie comes over as well, peeking over Syd’s shoulder to read.

“Equestrian therapy? Gonna go play with some horsies Carm?” He teased, his smugness being wiped off his face when Syd stomps on his foot with most of her weight, causing him to whine in pain.

“Woops! Maybe you should learn some personal fucking space asshole” she shoved back in to him so he would take a few steps back.

“Ow!” He said dramatically, plopping next to Sugar who was also glaring at him with equal fire.

“Okay- okay- sorry fuckin hell. The kid is fine” he said and Carmen motions to him.

“See! See! Jagoff is right sometimes” he said to Syd and she shook her head.

“This…is good. This is really good. I’m for this.” She said, looking at Sugar before handing the brochure back to him. “I’m… gonna miss you, but…you need to get the fuck out. Like really, out, Carm.” She told him.

He sighed deeply, resting his head back and closing his eyes once more.

Whatever will make Syd happy, he would do, no matter the amount of discomfort it brought him.

“Fine.” He mumbled.

“Really?” Sugar asked him and he looked over at her, brows slightly furrowed.

“Want me to fuckin fight you about it?” He snipped, already annoyed with how easy he was giving in- but he was too exhausted to fight, and Syds lavender perfume was so comforting, and so familiar. He just wanted everyone except Syd to leave, and to be able to hold her.

That wasn’t going to happen though, probably ever was what he’d told himself. No, that would be too good, the universe would be much too kind to Carmy as to let him have the ultimate pleasure and enjoyment that would come from being with her in that way.

“No…no. I’m sorry. Thank you, Bear. I know this is gonna be good” Sugar said quietly.

The doctor came in, saving Carmen from the uncomfortable conversation. “Hello again, Mr.Berzatto. I have your results here- is this okay company? If not I can have them step out for a moment” she’d said.

Carmen had already completely forgotten her name, her name to him was simple - not Claire. Which was the only good thing to happen to him today.

“As long as I’m not dying cause these two will pitch a fit. You can go ahead” he said, sitting up slightly in the bed.

“No, no. you are very healthy, well- for the most part. Does your family have a history of high blood pressure?” She asked, sitting in the rolling chair next to the bed and holding her tablet in her lap.

“Dad. Dad did, bear.” Sugar said.

“Oh! Lovely- and did dad also have chronic treatment resistant depression?” The doctor turns to her.

“I- I don’t know but…I know he was depressed for sure.” Sugar replied honestly.

“And I know per your file you’re a smoker, heavy or moderate?” The doctor asked

“Heavy” Syd buts in and Carmen didn’t even have the energy to fight either of the women.

“So heavy is a pack plus a day does that sound average?” The doctor asked Carmy and he nods a bit.

“Sometimes…sometimes two. Depending on uh…how shit is” he cleared his throat.

“Yeah, so we’re gonna need to reduce as much as we possibly can. And we’re also going to speak about treatment options. Have you ever done mental therapy?” She asked Carmen.

“He’s getting help. Don’t worry” Sugar said, “he’s going to do a therapy program. Blue lotus? Heard of it?” She asked.

The doctor nods with a slight smile. “That would be wonderful for you, by the looks of your chart.” She got up.

“Visiting hours are over at 10 pm, he will need to remain here until at least 1 pm tomorrow afternoon- then he’s yours.” She headed towards the door, shutting the privacy curtain behind her before closing the door.

Richie chuckled “hack job name” he muttered, rubbing his face tiredly.

“What was her name?” Sugar looked over at him.

“Doctor Ginseng?” He said, “isn’t that a- a fuckin-“

“A root. A very expensive, luxurious root. It can be put into tea, or soup…the native people of China believe it has properties that make your body better deal with stress” Syd said absentmindedly, staring at the clock while nervously twirling the end of one of her braids.

“She got it” Carm said and the corners of his lips tugged into a smile, just a bit. He absolutely adored the way if Syd wasn’t beating him to the punch when someone asked a random food question- that she was teaching him something.

Even after years in the kitchen, the hundreds of hours watching cooking shows, Sydney still managed to teach him. He was utterly amazed by her every single day.

“That’s a good idea. I- I think we have some. Back at the restaurant. All the stuff here will be shit- I’m gonna make you tea. And soup.” she got up, grabbing her bag. “Don’t fucking die when I’m gone, Kay? Guess you need that reminder now” she told him.

He rolled his eyes slightly “Y’don’t have t’fuckin make me tea Syd. I’m fine.” He said, but something deep inside him yearned for Syd to take care of him. He craved it.

“I’m making the tea, and you’re drinking the tea. Be back soon” she said before heading out.

Sydney had stuffed Carm full of pastina chicken soup and warm ginseng tea with lemon, ginger root, and plenty of local honey. As well as sourdough bread that Marcus had made fresh that morning.

They sat and talked, just the two of them for hours until visiting hours were over. The nurse had to actually warn them both that she’d told them 4 times already it was past visiting hours and she ‘wasn’t afraid to have people removed’ before Sydney finally hugged Carmy goodbye and left.

They both took his leaving for 45 days extremely serious. They’d joked together about just how quickly and casually Sugar had whipped out the information, all put together so neatly - it was quite obvious she’d been waiting for an opportunity to ship Carmen off here.

They laughed a bit, and shared stories, and of course Carm answered any and every question Syd had about running the restaurant on her own while he was going to be away.

Syd had even pulled a chair up to the bed at one point, resting her legs across the mattress after taking her shoes off, and her legs were draped across his own. He didn’t dare say anything, though. He was relishing in the feeling of closeness with her, even if it was as close as they’d ever be.

Syd had actually made him so excited that the nurse had come in when she first came back and Carmy realized they’d be alone, to realize he was perfectly fine- his heart had just settled at a new pace since she was around.

He was feeling worlds better by the time he’d gotten to the airport on Sunday morning. He’d spent the rest of Saturday evening at Sugars after he’d been discharged from the hospital, and had one last close family meal with Syd, Richie, Nat, and Pete, well, Pete was a must - he couldn’t uninvite the man from his own house, unfortunately.

Carmen would be in a hotel in Big Bear, California by nightfall, and by the following morning he’d be starting his 15 day inpatient stint at ‘Blue Lotus Trauma Therapy Rehabilitation Center’ tucked away on a farm, in a dip of Big Bear Lake. How fitting.

The parking lot of the airport was full of tears, not from Carmy- of course, but a very tearful Sugar, who’d conveniently spent the rest of his hospital stay packing him 2 weeks of clothes to cycle through, explaining phones were allowed- but they gave the toiletries, since it was a mental health center after all.

She kept hugging him, kissing his cheeks- as if she was sending him to war and not a fucking treatment center. “Is there…somethin’ I’m missing- am I never coming back er somethin are you selling me to some weird chef collector?” Carmen teased, getting at least a small giggle from her.

“God no. I just… this will work Carmy. It has to work. You’ll get better, okay? It’ll all be fine.” She wiped her face. He nodded a bit.

“It’ll work.” He said, he wasn’t sure if he believed it- but if it got her to stop feeling so sad, he would agree.

“I love you, be safe ok?” She said for the millionth time “and remember look at your phone I sent you-“

“The flight number, Nat. I love you. Thank you again” he kissed her cheek, grabbing his suitcase and opening his texts, clicking his flight number she sent him.

“Gate D11! Thank you Nat. Gotta go now- unless…” he teased.

She smiled a bit, finally. “Get out of Chicago.” She pat his arm gently and got back in the car to a waiting Pete.

The flight was okay, it felt much longer than he was expecting, but his anxiety told him a lot of things- he couldn’t trust minute things such as time and how he understands it anymore. The first thing he noticed upon landing was the stunning green, and the crisp air.

The air felt…cleaner, then Chicago. It was chilly- since fall was quickly approaching. Carmen was suddenly grateful Nat had him put on a hoodie before leaving this afternoon. He had the entire evening to explore, and not be himself.

He already was feeling some kind of new. He wasn’t here to work, definitely not to play, but he could enjoy himself, because he didn’t have to be him. At least not for the night. He opened the Uber app on his phone, booking a trip to the hotel to check in.

When he’d gotten to the hotel and showered, dressing in some vintage Levi’s and a white long sleeve in trade for his short sleeve, along with his favorite plaid jacket. He had to get somewhere to see how people live here, how to be apart here, so he didn’t stick out like a sore thumb at this rehab place.

He’d grabbed his backpack, slinging it over his shoulders and opened Apple Maps on his phone, looking for a park to go sit at and just be. He found a park close by, simply called ‘BearHill Park’ and following the walking directions.

He’d missed his ventures to various parks in New York, but especially in Copenhagen. Copenhagen had the most beautiful sunsets Carmen had ever seen before. He missed it sometimes, not the work, but the life. It felt worlds more simple then his life now, where every relationship, every aspect of his job- was dripping with difficulty to manage it all.

When he got to the park, he’d found an oak tree that looked well over 200 years old, getting situated under it and resting against the trunk, taking out a cigarette and lighting it.

He watched a couple and a baby walking by, carefully though as he’d learned quickly as a child most people don’t take kindly to being looked at for more then a few moments at a time. But Carmen didn’t watch people in an odd way, of course. He was just wanting to observe, see how he should be. And in a place so new, so out of his ordinary all by himself, it was gonna take a lot of observing to get himself readjusted.

He watched as the father pushed the carriage along, the mother holding his hand happily. They were far away so he couldn’t hear what they were speaking about, but it must be funny because their heads were tilted back in laughter multiple points throughout the conversation as they continued on.

He continued on his cigarette, his eyes now finding a younger couple. He sat up a bit, leaning further against the tree to get a better look. From behind, the woman reminded him a lot of Syd, of course it wasn’t- but it was also the way her boyfriend or- husband- Carmen wasn’t emotionally advanced enough to look for a ring, he’d never needed to before.

It was how his arms were covered in tattoos, and his hair was a muss of dirty blonde curls like his. It was how the woman was beautifully tall, with stunning long black braids, and a floral scarf tied around the top of her head. She was much more…boisterous then Syd, but none the less. They looked like them in another world.

So not only, has this other man, found his Syd, the universe was determined to rub Carmen’s nose in it, or that’s how he took it, anyhow.

He scoffed a bit, rolling his eyes and looking the other way. Of course. He thought. Everyone can be happy but me. I’m headed to adult crazy camp! And those two are just, fuckin happy and in love.

The girl laughed loudly, causing Carmen to look back over. “CAMREN!” She squeaked as he tickled her. “Cam! Stop- I-I can’t breathe!! You asshole” she punched his shoulder playfully.

“Do you give up?! Say it!!!” The man countered, continuing the assault on her sides.

“No- NO! This- this is cheating!” She said, interrupted by her own laughs.

“Cheating?! No, I'm getting what’s rightfully mine Scarlett!” He pinned her arms above her head.

Carmen now looked away. He couldn’t help but think of Syd while watching them, and think of everything he was too pussy to pull off. He wished he could take Syd somewhere like this, but who would run the restaurant, and why would she say yes.

He’d finished his cigarette by the time the couple had left and he took out his sketchbook and the pen that lived inside of it. He looked at the recipe on his phone Syd had sent ‘Farro Mafaldine with browned Black Truffle Butter and Chanterelles mushrooms’

He had tried it for her, and he actually told her he wanted another bite to be sure he was ‘getting everything’ when really- it was just so fantastic he couldn’t stop at one single bite.

“Syd that is…wow. Really, really fuckin fire. If it weren’t for the mushroom, we’d need that on the permanent menu. Have you tried others?” He’d asked.

Syd just smiled and nodded, a lot of times she was around Carmen- she thanked god for her darker complexion, considering he made her feel overly hot, all the time. Nearly every time he spoke to her, and she wasn’t sure why. It wasn’t always this way. But ever since they opened the restaurant together- things had changed between them. Not for better, not for worse, the energy just… shifted.

Carmen got lost in thought of Syd, and before he could realize what he was doing- he was drawing her. He rested his elbow on his knee, crouched over as he added details to each intricate little braid. It was one of Carmen’s favorite things about Sydney.

No matter how she wore her hair, she looked absolutely beautiful. The braids, he did have to admit, were his favorite. Maybe it was because it was how her hair was when they met, but they interested him. He wanted to sit and watch her doing them. She told him a while back, she did them herself.

Apparently, her mother wasn’t able to teach her- but she had cousins that could. She says it was usually much more expensive to have it done then just do it yourself, that part made sense to him. He was really impressed the first time he told her, she laughed a bit at that.

‘Most of us do our own hair, I mean- unless you got it like that. But otherwise, just like the white girls we have to do it on our own’ Carmen blushed, feeling silly for not realizing.

‘Yeah- yeah I..I get that but. I dunno…I’ve seen Sug do her hair…it seems easier” he rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

‘Oh, well yeah, that’s why I only do mine every 6 weeks!’ She’d said, wiping down the counter.

‘Really? Well that’s cool. I thought you like…I dunno.’ He chuckled a bit.

‘That I went home, took out 200 plus braids, and then put them all back in before I come in every day?’ She teased.

Now Carmen’s cheeks were bright red. ‘Okay- listen I’m not a girl. I wouldn’t know’

Carmen caught himself smiling at the memory. He looked up at the setting sky, and his heart fluttered a bit at the beauty of it. He’d realized he’d sat there now for probably 5 hours, his back was aching, but he didn’t care.

He didn’t care because this was the most at peace he’d felt since moving back to the states. And he was alone. He snapped a photo of the gorgeous sunset with his phone, hitting the send button and hovering over Syds name for a moment, before deciding to click it.

She did tell him to text her when she got settled in after all.

In CA - this place lives up to the name. Never seen so many bear statues in my life.

He sends the text, with the photo attached, not even realizing the photo had been a live capture, and you could fully see the drawing of Syd for half a second if you held the photo down.

He put his phone back in his pocket, continuing on his drawing. Back in Chicago, Syd was very glad that she was working today- because the only thing on her mind otherwise was one single person.

“Okay guys! I need some hands here- we got 3 dishes for table 13 let’s move! Keep up the pace!” She called out. She had already been here 12 hours, and wasn’t planning on being out for another 6.

It was just how Sydney operated - she couldn’t sit and worry about Carmen. It would just unearth emotions she didn’t want to go searching for, and once they came up she was worried it would ruin absolutely everything she’d worked so hard to maintain.

And back across the country, 2,000 miles away, Carmen was contently packing his backpack, getting up, and heading to a small diner he’d seen. He enjoyed a quiet burger to himself, in the corner booth, looking out the window at the water.

The place truly was beautiful, and very hidden away. There were barely any cars here, it was fully the opposite of anywhere he’d stayed long term, and he was beginning to feel as if he needed that, he wouldn’t admit that to sugar, though.

He’d gone back to his hotel, taken a shower, gotten in his pajamas, and was laid in bed, watching some random cooking show on the food network since the TV unfortunately didn’t have YouTube like his did.

When Sydney had seen the photo, she almost didn’t realize it was live at first. She was also at home, finally in bed- but she was 2 hours ahead of Carmen- so instead of it being 11 pm- it was 1 am. She’d scrubbed the restaurant floor until she was sure someone could eat off it, and made sure every station was in perfect condition before returning home.

She laid in bed with sore hands, a sore back, and sore knees, and sore- well, everything. When she finally had checked her phone and seen it. She smiled a bit at the comment about the bear statues, clicking the photo open to see more.

It was a breathtaking sunset for sure. She went to close the photo, her thumb lingering because she saw a speck of white in the corner- and the photo started moving. For just a short moment she sees…. Herself? On the page of Carmen’s sketchbook.

She could feel her heart thumping in her throat. Why would he be drawing her? Unless- no! Keep the emotions buried! He is sick. He is so depressed- treatment resistant depression the doctor had said his chart showed.

She swallowed thickly, not sure what to say back. Should she just ignore it? Should she mention it boldly? Should she just…forget about it and convince herself it didn’t happen?

She typed and retyped the message multiple times, smiling to herself a bit as she jokingly typed out ‘pretty sunset, even prettier drawing.’ Before deleting it and retyping before hitting send;

fire sunset. so I take it big bear is treating the bear well so far?

Carmen looked at the message right away, smiling to himself a bit. She’d never called him bear before, something about it made his heart begin to race.

According to Nat, bear+big bear = depression gone, I’ll let you know in a few days if that's the truth.

He wasn’t sure about the whole equestrian therapy thing still, but he did know that being here seemed to allow him to breathe a little easier- and he was already here, so he would try.

The first 5 days in the inpatient program were…quite the adjustment. That was because it was what he learned was the most intensive part of the treatment, and meant to break down your walls by setting you in a hard routine so you had no choice but to think about your shit.

This included a wake-up time of 6 am, the lights in his inpatient room literally turned on, then at 7:30 was breakfast, then- at 8 am they had 1 hour of either equestrian class, which you learned how to begin caring for the horses, or an hour of tending to the cows - Carmen chose the Horses because he was not going to shovel cow shit.

Then, you had a therapy class of your choice from 9-11:30, he chose art therapy. It didn’t feel like therapy to him, they got to draw, or paint. Carmen just sat by the window, drawing different recipes - or, more often than not, drawing Syd from memory.

12:00 was lunch, 12:30-2:00 you had mandatory either equestrian therapy, or cattle therapy. Carmen was more drawn towards the cattle on hard days, and the horses on easier ones. This was because the hour of 3-4 was mandatory group therapy. That usually emotionally drained him until at least art therapy the following day, since to progress and complete the program- you need ‘participation points’ in your 15 day inpatient stay, before you’re trusted to be on your almost fully on your own for a whole 30 days.

The horses were usually nervous around new people, so it was a challange to get them to trust him. While the cows, people in the group joked- were ‘giant grass puppies’ the therapy consisted of literally just laying with the lazy cows and cuddling them, and feeding them snacks, which they very much enjoyed, and Carmen found to be very soothing once he learned to douse himself in bug spray before heading in the pen so the flys would be out of his way.

Then, dinner was at 5, and afterwards you had the evening to yourself in your room, or you could walk the trails until they closed at sunset. In your room you could watch tv, read, and the residents were also allowed to have their cellphones.

It was quite exhausting the first 5 days, but the second 5 he was getting into a groove at Blue Lotus. He was beginning to enjoy the hard manual work that came with working with the animals, and the time it took to build their trust. There was one particular horse Carmen had become fond of, a white horse named Stardust. Perfect name for her.

When he looked in her eyes she felt more human then most people he met in real life. She was different then the other horses. He’d been told that she rarely took to men, and that he was the only male she’d never need startled by. He always took extra time brushing her mane, and they both seemed to appreciate eachothers silence.

Carmen heard other people in stalls next to him, they would talk to the horses- dump their issues they were too afraid to tell their therapists out on them. He wondered if the horses ever got annoyed, he probably would if he was a horse. He smiled a bit at the thought, and it was almost as if Stardust could tell what he was thinking, because she turned her head and looked at him before snorting almost in agreement and sticking her head back out of the stall.

Getting into outpatient life at lotus though, was as easy as falling into bed for Carmen. His inpatient stay, he made sure to take the time in the evenings to learn his favorite quiet trails, the ones less taken usually, so when he graduated to outpatient - he could take stardust for rides on his own.

It took them about 3 days to get to know each other in that regard, it was mostly Carmen’s fault though he realized, because when he’d get nervous he’d pull on her reigns in such a way that she thought he meant for her to go faster - when it was the opposite. But, Stardust was so, so patient with Carmen.

He made sure to sneak her extra apples with a small drizzle of honey in return, so she knew her patience with him always came with great reward.

Carmen had been gone for about a month now, he and Syd would text intermittently, sugar was sure to call once a week and they’d talk for about an hour. But it was mostly quiet from Carmen’s end, he had told them it was because he was usually out, all day long unless he was at therapy.

It was day 19 of the outpatient part of the program, so he had just 11 days left. He had just finished his morning art therapy, and was in the stables tending to stardust, feeding her slices of pumpkin they’d had in the snack bucket for the horses today. “Come onnn- the tongue, really star” he wipes his wet hand on his jeans and she nudged his shoulder with his nose, asking for more.

“You are greedy! I’m always the first one in here y’gotta leave some for the rest of these guys!” He grabbed another piece of pumpkin, feeding it to her.

“And this is our horse stable, he spends a lot of time out here” Carmen heard one of the employees likely giving someone a tour, only half listening.

Stardust snorts at him, nudging his chest and he rubs her neck gently. “What is it? Y’done? Pumpkin not good enough for ya? No honey apples until after our ride or Y’don’t listen missy” he pats her head gently.

“I didn’t take you for a horse guy but I guess drop anyone off in the middle of nowhere and you’d be surprised. 34 days and you went full fuckin’ cowboy on me- are those boots, Carm? ” An all too familiar voice said from the large open sliding door of the stable He looked at stardust for a moment, he must be dreaming, or ODing again. Maybe he died, and had been dead the entire time. Because there was no way he could believe Sydney Adamu was standing behind him, 2000 miles away from their shared city, in Big Bear, California.

➵ 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡♡♡ ⋙

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drabbles-mc · 4 months ago

Text

So Serious

Sydney Adamu x GN!Reader

Warnings: 18+, canon-typical arguing/light angst, language, mentions of smoking, pining

30 Fic Challenge with prompts from This List: aspectabund- letting emotion show easily through the face or eyes

Word Count: 3.6k

A/N: my first Syd/Reader fic! i love her! that's all!

The tension in the kitchen was suffocating, had been for weeks. Everyone knew it and no one was saying anything about it. Tendrils of it managed to slip out to the front of the house every now and then, weaseling its way out as staff filtered back and forth between the two halves of the restaurant. Most of the time it dissipated before it landed at a table full of customers, but sometimes the cloud of it was thick enough to cover them in it too.

In every restaurant you’d worked in, there had always been some level of chaos. It seemed unavoidable in a way, the way that most chefs were wired. Short fuses abound. The Bear wasn’t any different in that regard, but there was a weariness permeating the restaurant that you weren’t quite used to. You felt like you were supposed to be doing something about it, but there was nothing to be done. Like most things, the issues themselves were far above your paygrade. You focused on treading carefully and running plates—those were the things that you had control over.

Once the last table of customers had left, once the cleanup in the front of the house was done, most of the waitstaff scampered right on out the door. You didn’t blame them for that, and neither did Richie, judging by the tired, dejected look on his face. The two of you weren’t exactly close, but he also had a way of making people feel like they were a friend of sorts, or a frenemy if nothing else. You enjoyed that about him most of the time, but you noticed that even he was starting to lose that spark.

“Need anything?” you asked as he idly messed with the forks and napkins on one of the two-tops.

He didn’t look at you as he shook his head. “I’m all good. You can,” he sighed and finally forced his eyes off the table and over to yours, “you can go home.”

You wanted to offer again, press a little harder about it, but you didn’t. You’d been successful at staying out of the line of fire so far, and you wanted to keep it that way. “Okay,” you conceded with a nod. “I’m just gonna toss my stuff in the back and take off, then.”

His attention as already redirecting elsewhere as he nodded. “Night.”

“Night—see you tomorrow.”

You walked away, looking back at him over your shoulder just long enough to see that even though he was staring at the table in front of him, his mind was miles and miles away. The frown on your face appeared like a reflex. Still, you forced yourself to keep walking until you reached the door that led back to the kitchen.

The second you pushed the door open you were hammered with the sound of Carmy and Syd going back and forth. You had grown used to the tension, the pockets of yelling that broke out between Carmy and Richie, between Carmy and Natalie too. It wasn’t even the first time you’d heard Carmy yell at Sydney.

It was the first time, though, that you heard Sydney sound like she was about to start yelling back. You saw the way that they were standing on either side of the main station in the center of the kitchen. Carmy had his palms flat against the countertop—you could tell how harshly he was pressing down into it by the tension in his arms. Sydney, on the other hand, had her arms folded across her chest, instead holding all of her tightness in her jaw as she waited for Carmy to finish his piece. Gearing up to volley the argument right back to him. Round and round again.

You were just trying to slink past them to the very back of house, towards the office and the lockers. You kept your chin tucked and your eyes aimed at the floor as you went. You knew that you were going to have to go around one of them to get to where you needed to go. There wasn’t a good option and for a moment you wondered if it would be worth it to just catch an Uber home rather than getting your car keys—you were just going to be back tomorrow anyway.

As you went by Sydney, you mumbled an extremely quiet, “Behind,” out of habit. You regretted it even as you were saying it as it felt like you were inadvertently adding yourself to the conversation, but the action was so ingrained in you now that you couldn’t help it.

The same reflex had her shifting slightly to give you more room before she fully realized what was happening. “Sorry,” she muttered, louder than you’d been but not by much. Then she looked over her shoulder and saw it was you and the features of her face softened just a touch. Her eyes went from annoyed to genuinely apologetic, her lips tugging into a small frown for a moment as she repeated herself, this time with more earnestness in her voice. “Sorry, Chef.”

You knew that she was apologizing for more than the few seconds that had just passed. You also knew that the things that she was really saying sorry for, weren’t really hers to take ownership of that way. But you’d get a hundred apologies from Sydney before you got a single one from the man who was currently scrutinizing the two of you.

“It’s okay,” you said, giving her a quick nod before walking as fast as you could without breaking into a run to get to the back.

You let out a sigh of relief when the lockers came into your field of view, the feeling in your lungs telling you that at some point you’d begun holding your breath. The strides that carried you over to your locker felt much more fluid than the ones that had gotten you through the main drag of the kitchen.

The latch on your locker door let out its signature metallic clank as you lifted it, a sound that seemed so loud in the silence of the back area. You went to pull the door open, and the creaking of it was immediately drowned out by Carmy’s yelling. You winced at the sound, glad that you didn’t have to spend your whole shift listening to it.

Then you heard Sydney starting to yell right back. “No, what I’m asking for is that you listen to me and maybe even, oh I don’t know, talk to me instead of just making all of these decisions alone. We’re supposed to be part—”

“Well you still haven’t signed the fucking agreement so I guess we’re not.”

Neither of them had noticed that you were lingering just within viewing range of them again. You’d lasted until you heard the scathing sarcasm dripping from Syd’s tone when she said ‘asking for’ before going back again.

The business side of things was well outside your jurisdiction—you knew that. But even so, you knew that what Carmy had just said was a low-blow. Syd’s eyes widened, her head tilting just slightly for a moment. You were holding your breath again, wondering if she was going to lunge across the counter at him—you wouldn’t have blamed her for it. You probably wouldn’t have tried to stop her either.

“If that’s what you need,” she was making short, angry gestures with her hands now, rage written all over her face, “to take me seriously, to take me opinions and feelings into consideration—”

“This, this isn’t about your fuckin’ feelings, Syd!”

The short laugh she let out was a cruel one. “No? Because it definitely seems to be all about yours!”

He was shaking his head, suddenly unable to look at her again. “I, I don’t, I don’t need this.” He pushed himself back and away from the counter.

Syd rolled her eyes as he started to walk away, and you were too busy watching her to register the fact that Carmy was walking towards you. “Wow, yeah, alright. Good talk, Chef. Glad we got all that sorted out.” She was shaking her head as she turned to follow him with her gaze, more snarky commentary on the tip of her tongue until she saw it was you standing there and not Carmy. Her expression faltered. “Shit, I’m, uh, I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have had to listen—”

“It’s fine,” you told her with a small shake of your head. Then you caught yourself and let out an awkward laugh as you tried to recover. “I mean, it’s not—you know…”

She quiet chuckle she let out had a weariness to it, but you still took it as a bit of a win. “I know.”

She took a breath to say something else but before she could, the sound of Carmy slamming his locker shut echoed throughout the kitchen. She tilted her head back and stared up at the ceiling like she was about to start praying for answers. She watched as Carmy came tearing back through, his jacket only half-on. The exasperation was weighing on every single feature of her face as she tried to call after him only to get ignored. You went from staring at her to staring at the floor. Both of you vaguely heard Richie calling after him, having no greater success than Sydney had.

Seconds later Richie came striding into the kitchen, pointing his thumb back over his shoulder in the direction of the front door to the restaurant. “Yo, Syd, what the fuck did you say to that little jagoff?”

She shook her head, pinching the bridge of her nose for a moment. “Oh, you didn’t hear?”

He scoffed, then shrugged. “No, I mean, I heard. I just figured it was the professional thing to do to pretend I didn’t. What—” He paused when he saw you standing there, looking as awkward as he’d ever seen you. “What the hell are you still doing here? Thought you were heading home?”

Syd answered for you. “Got caught up being a material witness to an attempted murder.”

That got a chuckle out of all three of you but it was Richie who spoke up first as he looked at Sydney. “You woulda beat Carmy’s ass.”

She laughed. “Well, yeah. No question.” Taking a deep breath, she looked over at Richie. “You should head out, get some rest.”

He nodded, not looking for an argument on that. “You too.”

She nodded right back but made no move to leave. “I will.”

You should’ve counted the seconds that passed with the three of you standing there in silence all waiting for one of the others to start heading out first. You still didn’t even have your backpack. The quiet continued and suddenly the mantra of every second counts felt more like a threat than anything else.

Richie caved first, digging out his car keys from his pocket. “Right, well, I’ll see you guys tomorrow then.”

“Goodnight, Richie,” Syd said with a nod, crossing her arms once more.

You and Richie exchanged another brief goodbye before he was turning on his heel and leaving. Sydney watched him until he disappeared out the front door and you found yourself doing the same. Once he was gone, Syd was staring at the empty dining room and you were staring at her.

“He’s right,” you finally said, still looking at her. You waited until she turned to face you. “You should get some rest too.”

She sighed as she nodded. “I know.”

You cocked your head to the side. “You heading out, then?”

Dragging her hands down her face, she nodded. “I guess so, yeah.”

You chuckled and nodded. “C’mon, I’ll walk out with you."

The two of you walked back towards the lockers. You had to actually grab your things for real this time and Syd needed to swap out and collect hers as well. You could feel it in the air between you that there was something more she wanted to say, another apology or some kind of explanation. Not that you needed one from her.

Yours was the only locker door that was open, betraying how you’d abandoned your mission to leave earlier. The sight of it got a soft chuckle out of Syd. You were shaking your head, knowing what she was thinking without her even saying it.

“I’m nosey,” you said with a laugh as you went and grabbed your backpack off the hook, your jacket too. “Sue me.”

Syd was still smiling and shaking her head as she opened up her own locker. “I’m sure you could’ve heard us even if you didn’t come back out there.” She slipped on her coat and grabbed her tote bag before looking at you again. “I am sorry about that. Really."

You shrugged as you shut your locker. “It’s fine—I know how it goes."

She looked pensive for a moment before she asked, “The other spots you worked in…they were like this?”

You huffed out a tired laugh as you put one strap of your backpack on your shoulder. “Well, not exactly like this.”

Syd’s smile was a half-hearted one as she said, “It’s that bad?”

You immediately shook your head. “No. I mean, well,” you laughed as the two of you started to make your way back to the main part of the kitchen, “it's different here. I’ve never…” You trailed off, wanting to make sure you chose your words carefully. “I’ve never worked at a spot this new.” You shrugged as you crossed the threshold into the dining room, watching Syd flick off the lights on her way. “You guys are still figuring it out.”

“Carmy’s figuring it out,” Syd corrected under her breath, the bitterness in her tone not directed at you.

You gave her a sympathetic smile. “So I heard.”

“Sor—”

You waved her off. “Richie talks shit about him to me too. What’d he say that one time…” You paused as you wracked your brain for the right words. It took a moment but your face lit up with recognition. “He said Carmy was going ‘all fuckin’ cowboy with this shit', which was hilarious for a lot of reasons.”

Must’ve been to her, too, because she was laughing as the two of you reached the main door. There was a split second after she turned off the lights when you couldn’t see her but you could hear her laughter. Then she opened the door and stepped onto the sidewalk, the streetlamps of Chicago illuminating her once more.

“He hears Richie say that,” she said as she turned to lock up, “and he’ll come in wearing a sheriff’s badge.”

“Yeehaw,” you said, your tone flat and pseudo-serious enough to get both of you breaking down into laughter again. It was good to hear it—it was good to hear her like that.

“God,” she shook her head as she stuffed her hands in the pockets of her coat.

“It’ll be fine.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Promise?”

You chuckled, making a big show of looking anywhere but at her. “Ah, shit, you know, I really gotta…gotta get going…” you trailed off as you started to laugh again. When the moment quieted again you said, “Try not to let it eat you alive.”

“Too late,” she joked. “Ask my medicine cabinet full of Pepto."

You smiled. “Ulcers are a bitch, huh?” You adjusted the backpack on your shoulder. “Still better than smoking though. That shit takes forever to quit.”

“I’m about to tell Carmy to pick it up again. That gum is not it for him,” she punctuated her statement with a laugh.

“Know what I do instead now?”

“Eavesdrop on everyone’s conversations?”

You waved her off good-naturedly before bringing your bag so that it was in front of you. “I did that shit while I was still smoking too.”

You unzipped the small pocket of your backpack and stuck your hand in. All that could be heard for a moment was the crinkling of wrappers and the confusion mixed with curiosity on Sydney’s face was priceless. You held your hand out to her, a few small candies in your palm.

She laughed. “Seriously?”

You nodded. “So serious.” You moved your hand a little closer to her. “Want one?”

She thought about it for all of a second before she reached and gingerly took one from your hand. She pulled on the ends of the butterscotch wrapper to open it. You mirrored her actions as she popped it into her mouth.

“So,” she started, speaking around the candy now tucked in her cheek, “you combat lung cancer and stomach ulcers with…granny candy?”

You burst out laughing at that, shoving your candy wrapper back into the pocket of your bag before slinging it back onto your shoulder. You pulled the other strap on as well as you nodded. “Hey, it works. Don’t knock it till you try it.”

“Yeah,” you watched as she moved the candy from one side of her mouth to the other, “we'll see.”

There was a pause, one that dragged on just a little too long. Goodbyes were in order but neither of you were looking to be the first one to say it. It was stupid, really—you’d be back here in less than twenty-four hours.

“I should—”

“You need—”

You both started and stopped at the same time, laughing softly at the stumbled words. Sydney gestured for you to go first, so you did.

“You need a lift home?”

She shook her head immediately, slight, determined frown on her face. “No, no, that’s okay.”

“You sure?” You pulled your car keys from your jacket pocket. “It’s not a problem.”

“I’m fine, really. Besides,” she offered a small smile, “if you see the matchbox I now call my home, I’m afraid you might lose all the respect you have for me.”

You rolled your eyes, a warm smile on your face that paled in comparison to the heat warming your cheeks as you said, “I don’t think you have to worry about that.”

There was a smile tugging at her lips, one that she fought to keep under control. She wished she could blame the wave of jitters on a sugar rush but she’d need to steal just about your entire stash for that to be a good enough excuse.

“You’re sure it’s not a problem?”

You shook your head. “Not at all. Just, you know,” you shrugged as you started walking towards the car, “don’t let me get lost.”

“Lucky for you I was gifted with a great sense of direction.”

You smiled as you looked over at her, her strides matching yours almost perfectly in-sync. “That feels like sarcasm but I hope it’s not—I don’t really feel like exploring new sides of Chicago in the middle of the night.”

Syd chuckled. “No faith.”

You stopped next to your car and it was only then that you realized Syd had never seen it before. If she had, she wouldn’t have nearly kept walking right on by it. You smiled as you cleared your throat to get her attention. She stopped and turned to face you, eyes growing just a little wider as you leaned against the driver’s side of your car.

“Just let me clear off the seat real quick.”

There wasn’t much there. An old sweatshirt you kept on hand just in case, a handful of large straws that you took from the fast-food place at the end of the block by your apartment because they had big straws and for some reason the coffee shop always gave you small ones even though you ordered a large iced coffee every morning. Syd didn’t seem to bat an eye at any of it, or the random items that were currently cluttering your back seat.

She plopped down in the passenger seat and set about buckling in, her tote bag placed nicely on the floor between her feet. You watched her out of the corner of your eye as you buckled in yourself. You tried not to think too much about any of it, about the butterflies in your stomach or the way that the outside of Syd’s arm was pressed against yours on the console. You were going to reach to turn the volume up on the radio but now you just didn’t want to break the contact.

“So,” you turned and looked at her, knowing that there was no hiding all the different emotions on your face, but you tried in vain anyway, “where am I taking you?”

“Home, hopefully,” she joked. She looked back and forth between your eyes, and both of you pretended, for the sake of your sanity, not to notice when her gaze flicked down to your lips for the briefest moment. She cleared her throat, nodding towards the road in front of you. “You can just, uh, take a left at the end of the block here.”

You nodded. “Got it.”

You had to move your arm to put the car in drive, not that you wanted to. There was something that should’ve felt daunting about her sitting in the shotgun seat, but it wasn’t weighing on you the way you thought it would. It was a relief, really, when you put your arm back on the console and hers was still there, pressed right up against yours again. You smiled as you watched the road, and pretended not to notice the way that Syd was smiling at you.

(divider by @silkholland 💕)

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thefanficmonster · 8 months ago

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hii would love anything with sydney adamu x reader if ur still taking requests!! or even just headcanons honestly just need more syd content on here

Hi hun! Oh I'm always delighted to write for Syd, I'm obsessed with her 🙈 Hope you enjoy the fic darling 💌

Pairing: Sydney Adamu x Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: SPOILERS for The Bear S2, Swearing

Genre: FLUFF

Summary: When Sydney's left to do menu research duty on her own, she comes to realize a few things.

Her calls are going straight to voicemail, it's half an hour past their agreed upon time to meet up and she's frankly fucking tired. She's used to doing things on her own, knowing not to expect much from other people. But still she's astounded by how shitty this is. It's not like they have all the time in the world - quite the opposite actually. Every second counts. And Carmy just wasted 1800 seconds of precious time Syd could've used for menu research.

She's given up hope and is now waiting for the train to the first restaurant on her list, puffs of smoke escaping her mouth as she periodically sighs in continuous disappointment she can't suppress no matter how hard she tries. The momentary tranquility she finds from the chaos of the restaurant is time she cherishes, until it's interrupted by her ringing phone.

She's not even surprised to see it's not Carmy who's calling. She is, however, surprised to feel a wide smile stretch across her face when she sees your name on the screen.

"Hello?"

"Yeah, hi." She hears the exhaustion in your voice, the yelling in the background explains the reasoning behind it. "I know you and Carmy are probably eating some wonderful food right now but I really need to talk to someone sane or I'll commit a crime."

A laugh rattles Sydney's chest, a genuine, wholehearted laugh, "Nah I'm actually bored out of my mind waiting for the train. Alone. I'm more than happy to keep you sane for a sec."

"Wait, alone? Why are you- Richie for fuck's sake put the hammer down!!! - Sorry about that. Why are you alone?" Syd hears the click of a lighter on your end, signaling you're out for a brief smoke to prevent the aforementioned potential crime. Possibly a murder. Possibly of Richie.

"Because Carmy has dropped off the face of the Earth." She sighs, stepping onto the train that's finally arrived, rescuing her from the Chicago cold.

"That's unlike him. I'd be concerned if - Fak, honey, you're gonna wreck the fucking pipe! - You know what, never mind that. I'm sure he's fine. You wanna....not be alone maybe? I wanna be anywhere but here right now."

Syd could use some alone time, or at least that's what she was telling herself before you called. Now, she couldn't imagine spending her afternoon any better than visiting different restaurants and doing menu research in your company. "I'd love that. I'll be at The Montgomery."

"Cool, cool. It's a date."

Sydney playfully rolls her eyes as she hangs up the phone, the dory smile refusing to leave her face.

The two of you have been essential for each other's survival and sanity ever since this whole restaurant fiasco started. Her with her brutal realism and you with your unconditional optimism, it's safe to say you balance each other quite nicely, bringing you close and forming a strong bond between you.

Somewhere along the way, flirting started being sprinkled throughout your interactions, mostly from your end. But it's not like it's one sided. You both have fun toying with the potential of there being something more. Just as a joke, of course.

But in every joke there's a half-truth. One half from her and one half from you forms the whole truth - that you're both idiots that should stop hiding behind teasing and sarcasm and just say what you're feeling.

There hasn't really been much time for that though, not among the dust, mold and other substances currently littering the restaurant-in-the-making. You're a little too busy knocking down walls to build bridges.

You make it to The Montgomery half an hour later only to find Syd nose-dived into a notepad, jotting down impressions and ideas. You're not nearly as well-versed into the culinary world as she is but you're still more than willing to endure her long rants about each menu item and how it can be made better and incorporated in their own.

She's been sending you ideas, even cooking a couple of them for you to try these past few days. You don't have the heart to tell her you have the palette of a broke college student - you're not crazy to turn down free and fancy food. But it's not like Syd doesn't know that though. She does it more as an expression of what she cannot say with words. As her very own love language, curated just for you.

"Is this seat taken?" You smile down at her, motioning to the chair across from her.

She looks up, her whole face lighting up when she sees you. "I'm sorry, it's reserved."

Chuckling, you sit down, shrugging off your jacket, "Well, they clearly don't deserve it if they have you waiting here all on your lonesome."

You receive a playful eye roll in response. You get that a lot from her. And you find it adorable.

Syd pushes one of the plates towards you, handing you the second fork, "Try this, it has potential."

With some analysis of the layout of plates and bowls on the table, you quickly gather that what she's offering you is a concoction of two different dishes. You can't pick out what the individual dishes might consist of so this collaboration of the two is a complete mystery to you.

But if Syd says there is potential, you'll be damned if you don't believe her.

You pick around the plate, getting a little something of everything on your fork. The flavor is so full and different, almost overpowering. However, you can clearly see that potential Sydney was talking about.

"Thoughts?" She prompts you, waiting for your rating.

You tilt your head to the side, furrowing your brows, trying your hardest to gauge what ingredients have been used. Unfortunately, to no avail. There's no denying that it's good though. "It's something." You eventually say, causing Syd to scoff and shake her head, "However..." This grabs her attention and her gaze is back on you instantly, "...it's too overpowering. Heavy, even. If we serve this we'll need to plate it with some lemon slices or something to freshen up the flavor. Lighten it up, you know?" Seeing the grin on her face, you find yourself getting a little flustered, unsure if you just made an absolute dumbass of yourself. "Did that make any sense?"

"My thoughts exactly." She laughs, reaching to switch out the plate in front of you for a different one, "Oh and also, I pulled some strings and booked us a kitchen to test some stuff out tonight."

Your brows perk up, the corner of your lips pulling up in a smirk, "Us?"

"Mhm..." She hums in response, avoiding your gaze briefly as she grows slight flustered. Look how the turn tables. "I mean, if you're free, of course."

"I'm always free for you." You contain any flirtier remark from escaping your mouth. Because this is sincere. This is nothing short of the whole truth. You're always free for her. Even if you aren't, you're willing to drop everything for her.

And little do you know, she feels the exact same.

Syd nods, finally meeting your eyes again, "Cool. It's a date."

Fucking dorks

#the bear #the bear fx #the bear fic #sydney adamu #sydney adamu x reader #sydney adamu x you #sydney adamu imagine #syd adamu #sydney adamu fic #sydney adamu fanfic #sydney adamu fanfiction #carmen berzatto #carmen berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto x you #fic #fanfic #fanficiton #reader #x reader

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nolita-fairytale · 8 months ago

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so my darling | sydney adamu x the restaurateur (unnamed male oc) | oneshot

summary: sydney falls in love with a restauranteur (one played by pedro pascal). song title inspired by so my darling by rachel chinouriri.

warnings: swearing, unnamed ocs, talking about sex, use of she/her pronouns, no use of y/n, two original characters (the restaurateur & the pastry chef), the pastry chef is the mc from make my heart surrender, wong kar-wai films, ambiguous ending

wc: 4.8k

a/n: ok, so i'm not entirely back, but this photo of pedro pascal and ayo edebiri at the sag awards quite literally haunted me and made me write something about it. also i've really missed all of you. and i've missed these characters. and i miss this world. this oneshot feels really different to me than a lot of the things i've written for the bear and there isn't much inclusion of the other characters because i really, really wanted to write from sydney's perspective. it's limited storytelling in the way that it's mostly her experience of being charmed by the restaurateur but i had a lot of fun with this and i hope you enjoy. fic inspired by the pic below:

nolita fairytale's masterlist

Sydney doesn’t expect to win, yet her name is called out anyway, followed by the phrases: “James Beard Rising Star Award” and “the winner is.”

Most of the night is a blur. Somewhere between winning the biggest award of her career to accepting congratulations from the best chefs in the world, Sydney’s still trying to gather her bearings. It’s not until Carmy’s girlfriend, the woman who picked up her life and moved to Chicago to be with her exec chef, tugs at her arm.

Sydney doesn’t mean to completely reduce the woman to just Carmy’s girlfriend.

She’s also become many other things: the head pastry chef at The Bear, a colleague, and most importantly, a best friend.

“Hey, Syd! Carm wants to introduce you to someone,” she says, before giving Sydney a chance to politely excuse herself from the previous conversation she’d found herself in.

As The Pastry Chef leads her away from her present company, Sydney follows with a soft smile, half expecting it to be yet another celebrity chef—someone in Carmy’s network that reminds her why she began working at the Bear when The Bear was The Beef.

What she doesn’t expect is to meet him, her breath hitching in her throat as she and her best friend who’s dragged her over here, find themselves standing across from Carmy and an unfamiliar man.

“I see a congratulations is in order,” the man greets her, tipping his half-empty glass of champagne in her direction with a smile so charming she has to do a double take.

“To this year’s newest Rising Star chef.”

He’s handsome, sure—but that’s not what catches her eye.

The first thing Sydney notices about the man is his soft, dark curls—much cleaner than the unruly ones that belong to her head chef. He wears thick-rimmed rectangular glasses and has a perfectly groomed mustache that surprisingly works for him. It’s not usually her kind of thing, is all. In a white button down, perfectly tucked into his pristine black trousers, it's somehow still black tie with a touch of rebelliousness for forgoing a tie and a proper suit jacket.

He can’t be much older than Richie, she thinks to herself. What? Ten… maybe fifteen years older than herself?

Reality comes back to her, as she realizes that she hasn’t said a word, wondering just how long she’s spent caught up in her own head over the handsome stranger.

“Oh uh, yeah. Thanks,” Sydney replies with a smile and a nod, snapping back to her senses.

“Syd, this is… probably one of the few mentors I’ve had in my career. Well, him and Terry, ‘course,” Carmy begins to introduce, shyly. He’s not used to the one doing the introductions. “From Malibu.”

“Fairest Creatures,” the man clarifies with a hearty chuckle, citing the name of the restaurant they worked at together. “Way, waaaaaaay back in the day.”

Right.

The restaurant that put Carmy on the map, winning himself the same award that year that Sydney’s won tonight.

That’s when it clicks for her.

An old mentor of Carmy’s.

Not Terry.

And no, not that one—not the asshole from New York—to put it nicely.

The Restaurateur from California.

“No, I-. Yeah! I’m a big fan of your work, yeah,” Sydney scrambles to say, a glimmer of recognition in her eyes as she reaches out to shake his hand.

“Carmy was one of my early boys—look at him now. The student has far surpassed the teacher,” the chef adds, implying he’s mentored plenty of then-up-and-coming chefs back in the day.

“Oh thanks, but uh. Nah, I don’t know about that,” Carmy mutters, quick to brush off the older chef’s compliment.

Sydney can feel The Pastry Chef nudge her playfully, letting out a chuckle in response. The two exchange glances as Sydney follows her gaze from Carmy to his mentor.

“Oh they’re just being modest. Don’t think I’ve ever met two humbler chefs than these two,” the pastry chef adds with a playful eye roll, shooting her lover a look that doesn’t go unnoticed. “Which… if you ask me, is practically unheard of in this industry so… I consider us lucky, Syd.”

Sydney lets out a small, nervous laugh in agreement, before raising her own champagne glass to her lips as she finds herself, suddenly, parched.

She sees him again, weeks later, when the pomp and circumstance of winning a James Beard award has almost died down. She’d been quick to assume that, like many other chefs that weekend, he’d only been in town for the award ceremony, but as Sydney listens to the man tell Carmy that he’s moved to Chicago for “the foreseeable future,” she wonders why she never asked in the first place.

The Restaurateur had come in to say hello, for a meal, and Carmy had quickly declared that it would be on the house—eager to feed the best mentor he ever had in his California fine dining days.

“Yeah, I’ll be steppin’ in for Cuadros… when he goes on paternity leave… and we’re talking about expanding—what that could look like. Well, you know how it goes, Carm. Right now I’m just hangin’ out, helping out where I can between the two restaurants he’s got now,” he explains to Carmy with a nonchalance, as if he’s not a restaurateur whose reputation precedes himself.

“Ah, man. That’s cool. Well, you let us know if you need anything. I’ll give you mine and uh… Syd, you cool if I give him your number too?” Carmy asks, catching Sydney off guard.

“What do you-, I mean-?” Sydney begins to ask, unable to hide her surprise.

“Since he’s new to the restaurant scene here in Chicago. Can help each other out, you know?” Carmy returns, a hopeful look in his eyes.

“Yeah, I guess I-. Sure,” Sydney nods, forcing a small smile in an attempt to shake the ‘deer-in-headlights’ look she’s sure her face has involuntarily contorted itself into.

She watches her head chef carefully, as Carmy continues to interact with the restaurateur in a way that she’s never seen before. She’s never seen him this eager to try to impress someone—hell, sometimes she wonders if Carmen thrives on pretending like he doesn’t give a fuck what anyone thinks—so it’s sends her head spinning as she tries to reckon with this newly-revealed side of her business partner.

“That means a lot. Thank you–the both of you,” The Restaurateur replies, genuinely, bringing her back into the conversation.

“Sure,” Sydney manages to get out, still caught up in her head—exploring this new side of Carmy she has yet to see. “Anything for a friend of Carmy’s.”

“I’m at Amaru most of the time these days,” the restaurateur continues, his eyes shifting from Carmy then back to Sydney as he adds one last thing.

“You should stop by sometime.”

They exchange a few texts here and there, but it’s all business.

Who’s your preferred vendor for kitchen towels?

You guys see success with extended weekend hours?

Thoughts on being open on Monday?

“He likes you,” The Pastry Chef insists one day, in between lunch and dinner service. Sydney quickly shoves her phone back into her apron pocket, as if she’s a kid again—one who’s gotten caught texting in class.

“What? He does not! I-. This is-, it’s not-, we are two professionals… talking shop,” Sydney dismisses, because it’s easier to push those thoughts aside than to entertain them.

“Syd. He could be texting Carm but he’s texting you,” the her friend continues, completely and utterly unconvinced. Sydney finds herself on the receiving end that says, ‘cut the bullshit’ as The Pastry Chef continues.

“Even if it is… just about work, I think it says something that he’s texting you, Syd. I mean, do you know how long it took me and Carmy to-.”

“Okay, but not all of us are you and Carmy!” Sydney interjects, letting out an uncomfortable laugh as a means to break the tension.

Off her look, her friend just chuckles with a shake of her head, reminded of a time that she too could live this far in denial.

“If you say so,” The Pastry Chef resigns herself, accepting that she won’t make much progress on this one today.

She waits a beat, focused on cleaning up her station as Syd unconsciously checks her phone to see if there’s a notification from a certain someone yet.

“When are we going? To his restaurant, I mean,” The Pastry Chef speaks up again with a quirked eyebrow.

Could she really have noticed that? Syd wonders.

This time, Sydney only groans in response with a mumbled, “Fuck off. I am sick of you,” earning a bigger laugh this time from her pastry chef friend.

But the conversation seems to be the push she needs. It only takes a week or so longer for their days off to align, and Sydney’s the one bringing up the idea: that they should do a happy hour at Amaru to “show support” (and nothing else — really, no ulterior motives at all).

The Pastry Chef is more than enthusiastic about the idea, easily suggesting that they make it a girls’ night.

Which is how Sydney finds herself here, seated between her two biggest cheerleaders, Sugar one side of her, and her pastry-chef-colleague-turned best friend, at the bar of the Pan-Latin American neighborhood spot. She’s sure that Sugar was recruited for said girls’ night, in an attempt to get a second opinion on whether the handsome, older restaurateur is or is not in fact, into her.

She doesn’t hate the idea of it, for the record, but she wonders if they’re reading this all wrong—hesitant to get her hopes up.

But after the first plate—a gift from the kitchen—and the aperitif sent their way, both on the house, Sydney can only assume that The Restaurateur has something to do with it.

Of course, it’s easy to chalk it up to good hospitality. After all, hadn’t they done the same when he visited The Bear, a few things on the house Carmy insisted they send out? Isn’t it customary?

Sydney thinks back to how easily Carmy had given her number to the older chef, eager to extend as much support as possible to his previous mentor as he transitioned into the Chicago market.

But he wasn’t texting Carmy all that much. Just her.

She tries not to brush off yet another excuse: because she’s the CDC, not Carmy; because maybe he thinks Carmy, as the exec chef, doesn’t have the time when she does. Syd thinks she could go on and on like this, and instead, for a split second, she allows herself to think that maybe, just maybe, it’s because her friends aren’t all that wrong about this.

“You’ll have to forgive me. I wanted to come say hello earlier, but. Well, you know how it goes,” The Restaurateur says, earning the attention of all three women. While he acknowledges both of her friends warmly, he makes sure to he’s look at Sydney as he concludes with:

“I’m glad you came.”

“Oh, yeah. Thank you for everything. Seriously. Everything’s been amazing,” Sydney answers, wondering why it suddenly feels five degrees warmer inside of the restaurant.

Sugar snickers and the knowing look shared between her and The Pastry Chef doesn’t go unnoticed.

She just might have to kill her best friends later for this.

The Restaurateur smiles, and with a polite nod of his head, mutters a ‘thank you’ before her friends chime in with compliments, kudos, and their own respective ‘thank yous’ for the superb hospitality. Syd listens as he picks The Pastry Chef’s brain on their newest dessert addition, while Sugar enjoys what feels like a well-deserved second margarita. As The Restaurateur explains the most recent dishes he’s added to the menu since taking over as CDC, she notices that somehow, his focus and attention always seem to return to her.

He can’t visit for long, The Restaurateur apologizes—it is a busy night of service—and before she knows it, he bids his goodbyes before disappearing to the back of the house for the rest of the evening.

“Well he definitely likes you,” The Pastry Chef declares, as soon as he’s out of earshot.

“Oh. So obvious,” Sugar adds with a knowing smirk as the two exchange the exact same glance from earlier

“I’m gonna kill you guys,” Sydney mutters, her head hanging low as she feels a heat rush to her cheeks. She can’t make eye contact with either of them—not right now—or she might just burst into flames.

“Well, he couldn’t keep his eyes off of you! That’s for sure,” Sugar clarifies, earning a nod of agreement from The Pastry Chef.

“See! This is what I’ve been telling her since… shit, since he came to The Bear a few weeks ago!” the pastry chef exclaims, sharing another looking with Sugar. “I think he likes you and I think you like him.”

Sydney opens her mouth to say something, but instead, just lets out an exasperated sigh, earning another round of giggles and exclamations of ‘I knew it!’ from her best friends.

They don’t stay for much longer, knowing they’re all due back at the restaurant in the morning. The three women say their goodbyes before parting ways, and as Sydney sits on the train, on the way home with her phone on do not disturb, she notices a few notifications waiting to be read.

A text from Carmy about the prep list.

The pics from tonight waiting for her to open in the group message labeled: Girlies.

And then, from the Restaurateur…

Thanks for bringing friends! It was great to see you.

There’s a familiar heat that warms her cheeks as her fingers race to reply:

Thank you for everything. The meal was incredible.

She waits before adding:

I’m glad we stopped by.

And almost instantly, there’s a reply:

Come back any time. :) With or without friends.

Come back any time. With or without friends.

The words linger in her head over the next few days. She lets them settle in, tossing them back and forth in her mind, while holding what feels like a fragile kind of excitement in her hands that’s somehow seemed to have buried itself deep inside of her.

So he is flirting with you, she thinks to herself, coming to the conclusion that her friends were perhaps right about The Restaurateur.

She doesn’t want to completely misread the situation, but she’s not sure how else she should interpret it either.

It takes Sydney two more weeks to work up the courage to go back to Amaru on her day off that week. Part of her wonders whether it’s been too long—if she’s missed her chance—and part of her knows that in the business they’re in, the days blur together, and two days become two weeks, become two months, and that he probably hasn’t even noticed that’s been that long. Her and The Restaurateur are both on Kitchen Standard Time, right? She’s not sure what takes over her, but she’s somehow mustered up the cajones (she can practically hear Tina’s voice in her head as she hypes herself up) to show up, this time, without friends.

Her risk does not go unrewarded, when he comes out to say hello. This time, he’s not alone, introducing her to his soon-to-be-business partner, Chef Cuadros, the owner of Amaru and his other venture, Bloom. They exchange pleasantries and congratulations (you know, over the huge fucking deal of an award she’s just recently won) before he pats The Restaurteur on the back, excusing himself back to the kitchen.

The Restaurateur chuckles, noting how much he’s looking forward to joining Cuadros’ restaurant group.

“Rodolfo’s a great guy,” The Restaurateur sighs, contently.

“Yeah, he seems great,” Sydney agrees, almost just to be polite.

“Yeah. Really leads by example. Rare to find that in this industry,” he chuckles, before changing the subject.

“Speaking of. Cuadros is closing up tonight which means I’m off, starting now.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. You wanna get a drink?”

She doesn’t even have to think about it.

“Yeah. I uh-, I’m in.”

“It’s devastating!” The Restaurateur declares, the passion evident as the words escape his lips.

“I mean, the transitions are a little choppy. And even they can’t take away the fact that: It. Absolutely. Without a doubt. 100% ruined my life,” Sydney wholeheartedly agrees, completely captivated this conversation—one that she finds incredibly sexy.

“I cry. Every single time,” the man that sits across from her says, a dopey smile plastered to his face and a heat to his cheeks from the second whiskey on the rocks he’s nursing.

“Every single time!” Sydney emphasizes, just to drive the point home.

“Because, well-, I mean, they just can’t catch a break! Always just a moment too late. It’s like… well, it’s like they’re never supposed to end up together in the first place,” The Restaurateur clarifies, in reference to what about the film is so goddamn devastating.

Syd nods with a sigh, examining the idea in her head cautiously, knowing that he’s right—even if she doesn’t want him to be.

A beat.

She leans in, the corners of her lips beginning to turn up into a smile.

“Have you seen Chungking Express?” she asks, because she’s ready to start this whole thing over again.

“Have I seen-? Are you-, of course I’ve seen Chungking Express,” the Restaurateur answers, building on their shared excitement about finding common ground outside of the kitchen. “I love Wong Kar-Wai so much I even put myself through My Blueberry Nights.”

“Okay, chill. It’s not a competition,” Sydney jokes, earning a full bellied laugh from The Restaurateur.

“You’re funny,” he states, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he smiles back at her.

Her heart skips a beat, her breath caught in her throat.

The way he says it is genuine. It’s real. It feels… more earnest—more intimate than what should exist between two colleagues.

Then again, she didn’t exactly say ‘yes’ to drinks thinking it was just as colleagues.

“I-,” Sydney hesitates, scrambling to find the right words when it feels like so many of them could burst out of her at any minute.

Instead she settles on, “Thanks,” feeling more like Carmy than she’s ever felt in her life.

There it is again—that flutter in her belly.

This man is most definitely flirting with her, a thought that only mildly causes her to panic.

The moment feels almost too tender for either of them. Sydney shifts nervously in her seat while The Restaurateur takes another sip of his whiskey, before clearing his throat.

“I uh. I should probably get going. It’s uh… yeah. It’s getting late,” Sydney says, finding the words to excuse herself.

She’s not sure what she wants out of this—it’s maybe why she takes the out in the first place, thinking it may be best to end the evening here. Tonight was… more than she expected it to be, and she’s torn between wanting to stay and wanting to flee the great state of Illinois.

Better pause while we’re ahead, Sydney thinks.

“Yeah, no, of course,” The Restaurateur agrees, easily, before insisting that he pick up the tab.

“No, I-, I couldn’t let you-,” Sydney begins to argue.

“Please,” he insists, his tone once again rendering her once again at a loss for words. “You’ve been more than helpful to us over at Amaru since the minute I got here. This is on me.”

Syd spends the next few days going back and forth over whether or not it—whatever the hell the other night was—would be a good idea. She eventually concludes that she can’t stay away—from the high, from the way he made her feel when he insisted on paying the bill (a moment she’s replayed in her head over and over again), from him. She doesn’t tell anyone: not Nat, not The Pastry Chef, and certainly, not Carmy.

She sends the text before she can chicken out one Saturday night, as she finishes closing up.

Heading to Green Door Tavern for a night cap.

He puts her out of her misery, quick to respond as always, almost as if he was expecting her to (or waiting for her to, which, she decides is a little too much of wishful thinking).

I was just thinking about you! Just rewatched 2046 the other night. Want some company?

Yeah.

Let me close up. I’ll let you know when I’m on the way :)

The smiley face.

The fucking smiley face.

She discovers that the same dopey smile finds its way across his lips as soon as he enters the bar. The two of them quickly find themselves in yet another deep conversation about foreign films over, for him, a whiskey on the rocks, and for her, a tequila soda. There’s that same buzzing in the air between the two of them—chemistry, one might call it—as they move from Wong Kar-Wait to Jean-Pierre Jeunet with an ease that feels good to her.

Really good, actually.

So good that as soon as Sydney realizes it’s getting late, she doesn’t run in the other direction. She’s not sure what she’s expecting, but she thinks this time, she could stay. This time, she could talk to him till the sun came up, allowing herself to get lost in his soft brown eyes she finds more comforting than she should. It’s not till he brings it up that she notices again that:

“It’s getting late.”

“Oh shit. Yeah,” Sydney agrees, reluctantly, because she doesn’t want this night to end. Before she can say anything else, her body moves to get up, just half an hour away from last call.

The Restaurateur stops her, reaching out a hand that feels warm against hers as she pauses, her eyes locked with his.

“I hope it’s not uh, well, I hope it’s not inappropriate of me,” he begins, clearing his throat as he pauses.

“No, I-, I don’t want the night to-, you know… I lost track of time too and I-,” she stammers through, unsure of what she wants to say.

He smiles warmly, his hand moving to grab hers, as if, in spite of the fact that she can barely get the words out, he understands exactly what she’s trying to say.

“You can say ‘no,’” he prefaces with, a sure nod as his gaze returns to hers.

“Can I take you home?”

And the only response that makes sense to her is the biggest, most enthusiastic:

“Yes.”

Maybe it’s just a one time thing.

Okay, a three-time thing, considering it happened that night, then two more times after the sun came up.

But to Sydney’s surprise (and delight) he texts her later that day, and the one (three) time thing becomes a one to three times a week kind of thing (schedules permitting, of course).

They fall into a rhythm—and she likes this rhythm—they cook, work at their separate restaurants, and then she lets him fuck her into his mattress like they didn’t just work their own respective twelve-hours shifts.

The Pastry Chef lets out a laugh, noticing that it’s the third day in a row that Syd’s come in having ‘not gotten enough sleep’ yet still glowing.

“How’s the sex?” she smirks, shooting Sydney a look.

In return, Syd rolls her eyes, like she isn’t getting laid on the regular, her best friend waiting patiently for a proper answer.

She checks over both shoulders to ensure no one else is listening before lowering her voice.

“It’s the best sex of my life.”

She finally moves into her own apartment a month later.

Of course, it’s a decision she’s made on her own volition and has nothing to do with the hot Restaurateur who seems like he might have some kind of staying power—the same one that’s giving her the big bang of orgasms, but that’s besides the point.

No, it most certainly has nothing to do with that.

With Chef Cuadros officially out on paternity leave, The Restaurateur somehow still manages to find the time to help her move in between running two restaurants while developing the concept for a third.

It’s the first night he spends the night and they sleep—just sleep—since she started seeing him, though they christen the place in the morning.

“We’ve been talking about a full nixtamalization program. For the new spot,” The Restaurateur explains over breakfast tacos one morning—ones he made for her in her new apartment because, of course, they had to christen the place in more ways than one.

“Shit. That’d be dope,” Sydney replies, as they continue to bounce ideas back and forth. “Do you think you could pull it off in that small of a space?”

“I’m so glad you asked!” The Restaurateur grins, before going into a near-monologue about the handful of creative solutions he’s come up with, eager to soundboard a few ideas off of her.

But Sydney finds herself a little distracted.

It’s not that she’s not listening… but she’s got something else on the tip of her tongue that she’s been holding back. The Restaurateur is in the middle of breaking down the logistics, contemplating whether or not they could pull off what he’s labeled, Idea B, when Sydney finally musters up the courage to blurt out:

“I want to cook something for you. Like not in a restaurant, or anything. I mean. Here. I want to cook something for you here.”

“Yeah?”

A beat.

“Yeah, I mean. It doesn’t have to be like-, I don’t know, this big thing or anything. But. You’re always cooking for me,” she explains, unsure of why she feels so nervous as she continues. “I kinda want to return the favor.”

He only smiles.

“Then it’s a date.”

It started as the best sex of her life, but it’s as if he’s carved out a place in her life without her noticing, seamlessly woven himself into her life, and she, his, in a way that she can’t imagine what it was like before.

It simultaneously excites her and makes her feel uneasy.

Fuck.

She doesn’t really even know what she should call ‘it’ anyway.

They haven’t really talked about it—haven’t given it a label—but with shifts at The Bear for her, running two restaurants for him, and fleeting nights spent at each others’ places before it was time to do it all over again, it’s not like they’ve had the time.

She finds herself in late Fall, almost Winter, all dressed with a newly-done silk press at yet another James Beard fundraiser. Her coat was checked in long ago as she bares her shoulders in the near-off the shoulder, gingham-printed dress, with The Restaurateur by her side. He wears thick-framed glasses, his white-collared shirt unbuttoned low enough that she’s more than ready to head back to her place to undo the rest.

It practically gives her deja vu—the two finding themselves in an all-too-familiar place—as they stand across from Carmy and The Pastry Chef, sipping on their fancy champagne and making small talk to the best of anyone’s ability.

“Hope you guys don’t mind. Can we get a few pictures?” the event photographer asks as he approaches, noting that a picture of this year’s Rising Star award recipient is a must on his shot list.

“Uh, yeah, sure,” Sydney replies, a kindness in her voice even through her discomfort.

It’s not lost on her that Carmy’s more than relieved that he doesn’t have to be in the spotlight anymore, eager to step out of the way.

She poses for a few photos solo before both Carmy and The Pastry Chef are encouraged to join in, taking a few more shots with her.

“And then can we get one of the two of you?” the photographer asks, this time gesturing towards The Restaurateur.

Sydney opens her mouth to protest, to let him off the hook, because what would that mean? Before she can say anything, The Restaurateur has happily agreed, wrapping an arm around her, his hand on the small of her back.

She exchanges a look with him, something that says, ‘are you sure?’

He only nods in response, a supportive smile and a softness in his eyes that puts her at ease as if to say, ‘of course.’

Instinctively, she reaches for him, his right hand landing softly against his midsection. She feels the warmth of his palm as his hand slides up, landing somewhere above her wrist, making another point of contact. Well, now they certainly look like a couple.

“Great! That’s great, you two,” the photographer grins after taking a few more shots, his eyes fixed to the screen on his DSLR as he plays back the last few photos. “Thanks so much.”

What could this mean?

What could this be?

She doesn’t have all the answers.

Not yet, at least.

But she’ll take a wild guess—one that fills her with a certainty that she can feel in her bones.

Because tonight, he stood proudly by her side—his hands all over her as if she were his, in a photo she’s sure will make it out of Adobe Photoshop—meaning maybe, just maybe, The Restaurateur could be here to stay.

#nolita fairytale's masterlist #sydney the bear #sydney adamu #sydney is the main character #sydney adamu x oc #sydney x male oc #sydney adamu fanfiction #the bear #the bear fx #the bear hulu #the bear fanfiction #ayo edebiri #pedro pascal

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finniestoncrane · 1 year ago

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A Taste

The Bear!Sydney x GN!Reader, word count: 500 not one single bit of me could stop from getting this idea out i am desperate to give her a hug and a smooch and some unconditional love so it's just little but i needed it I NEEDED IT request info • prompt list • send me a request • kofi • masterlist minors DNI!! 🔞 cw: fluff and a kiss

You could smell it from the elevator, even before the doors opened on to the floor of her apartment building. There was something about it, a familiar spice, something she always put in her food, that told you it was definitely hers. So good, so tantalising. It felt like you were being dragged by your nose as you inhaled deeply down the corridor, grocery bag in hand, taking a deep breath as you unlocked and swung open the door to Sydney’s place.

“Hey, smells good in here, babe! I got the orange juice you were looking for. Specific brand and everything.”

You walked from the front door, kicking your shoes off and close to the shoe rack, juggling the paper bag in your arms.

“Got a couple more things too, just a little something for dessert!”

Rounding the corner to the open plan kitchen, you could continued before you were cut off.

“I hope that’s ok, I don’t mean to overshadow anything that… you’re… making… What are you making?”

Aside from a mess was what you wanted to follow that up with, but it didn’t feel like the right moment. Sydney clutched the underside of the counter by the stove, white knuckle grip, head down, chin against her chest. There were pots and pans everywhere. Plates, spoons, spilled sauces. Not the usual standard she kept when cooking for you, or ever. Coming up from behind her, you reached to put your hand on her lower back, but jumped back as she smacked the ladle by her hand against the backsplash, painting the wall with a smear of red spatters.

“Hey! Hey, hey, hey… Syd… what’s wrong?”

“It fuckin’ sucks.”

She turned from the stove, wiping her mouth with the back of her forearm, missing a streak of the red sauce which stuck to the corner of her lips. Closing her eyes tight, she took a deep breath in and exhaled. Sensing your moment, you stepped in to her, wrapping your arms around her in a tight embrace. Your fingers stroked up and down her spine softly, pressing your forehead to hers as she lowered her head.

“Syd… it’ll be fine. I bet it tastes amazing.”

“It doesn’t.”

“Better than anything I could make. Lemme taste it?”

She scoffed, moving her head away from you again, but you grabbed her chin between your finger and thumb and kept her close.

“Come on, please?”

“It’s everywhere, I tossed it.”

“It’s ok, I got some.”

You ran your thumb over her lips, popping it into your mouth and savouring the sauce. She looked at you, pensively.

“Well?”

“Probably need a better taste.”

Pulling her into a soft kiss, you savoured the tang on her pout, breathing in deep through your nose, the smells filling the air. The food, her shampoo, her skin. All of it delicious.

#finnie writes #the bear #people of the bear fandom who might look at this #and then look at my blog #know that I am so not normal about Batman #sydney adamu #the bear fanfiction #sydney adamu x reader #sydney adamu fanfiction

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sunflowersteves · 1 year ago

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smut: ✰ requests: ✧

| 𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒕𝒔 |

my baby [coming soon]

#vic's masterlist #sydney adamu x reader #sydney adamu x you #sydney adamu fanfiction #the bear #sydney adamu

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xblackreader · 1 month ago

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… they don’t get how powerful these two in a Bonnie and Clyde action/romance would be.

#jayo #I’m sorry no one understands your power #x black reader #black women #sydcarmy #sydney adamu #carmy berzatto #fanfiction #carmy x sydney #carmen berzatto #the bear #incorrect quotes #jeremy allen white #ayo edebiri

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nolita-fairytale · 8 months ago

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ok so i loved this

hi!! i’ve never done this before but id like to request a sydney adamu x femreader :) like maybe with the reader being a new sous chef at the bear or old culinary school crush or smth along those lines haha or literally any other ideas u might have!! there’s an unfortunate lack of sydney fics in general so i’ll rly take anything lol. also LOVED the one you wrote recently (im losing it lately) i have been re-reading it over and over again omfg

Already better for knowing you

Sydney Adamu x female reader

Warnings/Contains: swearing, syd is so fucking awkward, carmy is a meddling shithead, mature themes (involving fruit), beginnings of a praise kink, no actual smut (can you believe it?!)

Thank you so much for requesting this, I thoroughly enjoy writing for Syd! Also sorry that I always write her the same way (awkward-lesbian-munch) but I genuinely think that’s how she’d be. Also cannot believe you’ve read my work multiple times! I didn’t know if you wanted this to be smut so I only hinted, but lemme know if you want more. Anyways, hope you like this!

Sydney and Carmy had to have the difficult talk.

With the success of The Bear, how much it had taken off with their hard work, it was time to bite the bullet.

They needed more hands in the kitchen.

Experienced hands, they needed someone that Syd could rely on. She could give an order and that person would follow.

She needed a sous chef.

They put up the ad and, sure enough, they had a number of chefs in for the interview. They were keen, mostly young, hungry for the chance to break out into their first kitchen.

Both Syd and Carm knew you had to start somewhere but they both really needed the experience, the trust, the reliability.

Their last day of interviews rolled through and Sydney couldn’t help the feeling of helplessness creeping in her chest. Last day of interviews and still no closer to a new sous.

Were they being too picky?

As she shuffled her papers of interview questions and old CVs, she watched Carmy scratch the back of his neck as he read over the last applicant’s details.

“Well, she sounds good on paper.”

Syd couldn’t help the snort she let out, elbows on the table and head resting in her hands. “They’ve all sounded good on paper.”

Carmy shrugged his shoulders at that, but nevertheless sat down beside his chef de cuisine still reading over the paper.

“Says she’s worked in a couple restaurants, out of state- she’s only recently moved to Chicago.”

Syd listened to him speak, trying to find herself a little bit more excited at the prospects.

“Graduated from the CIA, experienced with-“

That perked her up a bit, knowing it was a long shot with the number of campus locations and students that came and went from the institute.

But there was still a small chance.

“What’s her name?” She turned to read the paper over Carmy’s shoulder as the sound of the door opening filled the space.

It all happened so quickly.

The door opened.

Carmy said your name.

You appeared before her.

Still as beautiful as the last time she saw you.

As if she could forget that day, for a few reasons. One, it was graduation, obviously she was going to remember it. Two, well, you were there.

If anyone cared enough to ask, she could tell them what you wore. The way your smile shone under the stage lights. The way you smelt as you hugged her and wished her the best.

Sometimes, when things got quiet, she’d play that moment over in her head.

Sydney thought she might’ve been dreaming when she saw you striding across the auditorium right towards her. You smiled, bright smile, hand coming up to give her a quick wave.

She’d even looked over her shoulder, trying to find out who you were even waving at. By the time she looked back towards you, you were smiling harder and giggling a little.

“Yes, that was for you.” You’d teased, making a heat grow on Syd’s cheeks.

“Yeah- yeah, I knew that.”

Your smile turned into a smirk as you nodded knowingly. “Course you did.”

Then you both stood there quietly, Sydney couldn’t really focus when you were dressed like this. Granted, it was just your chefs whites, but she couldn’t deny you wore the hell out of them.

You’d been wearing them nearly every day, and it still took her breath away every time she saw you. She didn’t even notice you were speaking until you shifted to get into her eye line.

“Sorry- what was that?”

“I said I’ll miss seeing you in the kitchen.”

Syd nodded, earnestly, face softening as she spoke. “I don’t think I’ll enjoy cooking as much without you there.”

She’d surprised herself with her confidence, actually being able to say it. She was pleased to see your smile growing. There was also a glint in your eye that she couldn’t place.

Her chest tightened up as you stepped forward, hands reaching out to pull her into a hug. She melted into you, taking a deep breath to remind herself of your sweet scent.

“Soon as you make it big,” You spoke knowingly, like it was inevitable. “I’ll come find you.”

And here you were now, standing before her in her own restaurant.

You’d found her.

Her mouth fell open as she tried to find the words she’d wanted to say to you all this time. How are you? I’ve missed you? I’ve thought about you every day since the last time I saw you?

Instead, she just stayed silent. She closed her mouth, blinking up at you with those beautiful eyes of hers.

“Syd,” Her name sounded at home in your mouth. “How long has it been?”

“Three years, eight m-months.” She’d only realised how quickly she’d answered when she saw your eyebrows raise.

Carmy shifted beside her, too. It snapped her back into reality, the reality where you were standing right before her and she was acting like a fucking dickhead.

“Well, here’s hoping I’m right on time.” You didn’t look put off, you assumed that same smirk you’d given her all those three years, eight months ago.

You were, you were always right on time. Always in the right place. Always just right.

Syd managed to pull herself together enough to stand up (for whatever reason) and gesture to the seat before her and Carmy. You graciously accepted, sitting down and placing your hands on the table.

Her eyes were immediately drawn to them, the way your fingers intertwined together, the lines coming off your palms. Sydney remembered back to the institute, the distractions she’d face watching you handle a knife or split a citrus fruit.

She couldn’t think of the latter right now.

The way your fingers would pierce the skin, pulling it apart with juices spraying up your wrists. You’d scoop out the flesh with your bare hands, not caring for the way it’d leave you sticky and dripping.

You’d look up at her, finding her watching you and not minding the way she stared. The fateful day you threw the rest of the grapefruit into the scraps, bringing two fingers to your lips to lick the excess off before you washed your hands.

Sydney was completely and utterly-

“Obsessed,” Your voice brought her back into the room, only for the second or third time in the short span of time. “Obsessed with what you’ve done with this place.”

She saw Carmy smile out the corner of her eye, his cheeks blushed a little at your words. You had that effect on most people. Sydney knew better than anyone what you could do to a person with just a few words.

“Well, we’re quite impressed with your CV,” He responded, laying it out on the table. “Aren’t we, Syd?”

By the time she looked away from him, she found you were already staring at her expectantly. She nodded, mumbling an affirmative sound to the both of them.

“Really impressed, seems like you’ve done a great job since graduation.”

You lit up, that’s the only way Sydney could describe it. It was as if your heart was swelling in your chest as your cheeks rose.

“Thank you, that means a lot,” She had assumed you were referring to the both of them until you finished. “Coming from you, Syd.”

If this was how she was at the interview, lord help her in the kitchen. There was no doubt you were getting the job, that was an absolute given. But Sydney would have to think hard about how it’d work practically.

Her sous chef. Following her every move. Responding to her every word. Reliable, obedient, willing, responsive.

Syd had seen you in action at the institute, but never following her own orders. She didn’t know if she’d be able to cope with hearing your “yes, chef” and knowing it was directed at her.

Even the way you were looking at her now, so expectant, hanging on to everything she was saying. She knew that look in your eye, on your face, you’d given yourself away just a little earlier.

“Coming from you, Syd.”

Praise. You were looking for her praise.

The thought sent Sydney into overdrive, forcing her to stand up abruptly and knock her knees into the table as she did.

Both you and Carmy looked up at her in confusion, your mouth opening to ask if everything was alright.

Syd cut you off, babbling as she walked away from the table. “I just remembered- remembered that the stove is on and- that’s the number one cause of kitchen fires- and I will be right back!”

She kept talking as she eventually made her way into the kitchen, hiding in the space right next to the oven (that hadn’t been on all morning).

Sydney knew she was fucked. Royally, totally, well and truly fucked. The crush she’d had on you at the institute had been debilitating and, whilst she’d missed you, these three years and eight months had meant she was finally able to focus.

Now here you were, in her kitchen and looking like everything she’d ever wanted.

Syd had no idea how long she stayed hiding in the kitchen but sooner or later Carmy came through with a stupid smile on his face, leaning against the bench.

“Think you handled that really well.”

“Shut the fuck up, I’m begging you.”

He laughed, laying the brown folder he’d been carrying down beside him as he crossed his arms. She looked up at him, wincing a little as she already knew what was coming.

“You gave her the job, didn’t you?”

Carmy laughed louder, looking down at the heap of Sydney on the floor. She could kick his shins right now.

“Of course I did,” He responded, pushing up from the bench as he turned to leave. “Have fun training your new sous chef.”

Fucked. Completely fucked.

#sydney adamu fanfiction

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saltnsugarbear · 4 months ago

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The Bear masterlist!

🦇 - works done for promptober

🎊 - works done for a celebration

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto

Bad Blood series masterlist!

the ones I picked out for you in Tokyo (18+)

your love's always finding me out 🦇

a dark heart is beating and waiting for you 🦇

I'm not here for absolution, because I've found myself an old solution (18+) 🦇

you make me a complete mess 🦇

gallzatto threesome (18+)

a gift to say 'I'm sorry' 🎊

Sydney Adamu

did you think about me if I ever were to find out? 🦇

Richard "Richie" Jerimovich

why do you go wasting your youth on me? (18+)🦇

you remind just how good it can get 🦇

your hands are all over my scent 🦇

it was a graveyard smash 🦇

Natalie "Sugar" Berzatto

do you remember winding your arm around my shoulder 🦇

#the bear #saltnsugarbear #the bear fanfiction #carmy berzatto fanfiction #carmy berzatto x reader #carmy berzatto imagine #carmen berzatto x reader #sydney adamu x reader #sydney adamu imagine #sydney adamu fanfiction #sugar berzatto x reader #richie jerimovich x reader #richie jerimovich imagine #richie jerimovich fanfiction

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thecapricunt1616 · 6 months ago

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Blue Lotus - SxC Fic - Chapter 4

♡ Summary: Carmy FINALLY admits how he feels to Syd, friskiness ensues! ♡ W/C: 10,405 ♡ Posted Date: 05/16/2024 ♡ A/N: AAAA Here is C4 of my SydCarmy Fic!! I hope you all like it, I'm sorry this fic was abandoned for so long there was a hiccup, but were so back! Who's pumped to see (fingers crossed) some IRL SydCarmy makeout action - IK I am!!! I hope that y'all enjoy this chapter, xoxo :D ♡ Warnings for BTC: SMUTTY SMUT SMUT !! Carmy being all mushy about Syd, Overprotective Carmy, You COULD Call this OOC but Carmy has been in intensive therapy about his exact feelings of holding back his own joy - so it could also be very IN character when you take that in to account ;)

♡ 𝐌𝐲 𝐋𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐬 ♡ ➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡ ➵ 𝐂𝐚𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐲 𝐨𝐧𝐞-𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐩𝐚𝐠𝐞 ♡ ➵ 𝘊𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 / 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘵 ♡ ➵ 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐬 ♡ ➵ 𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐮𝐩 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡

“Uh- yeah? Yeah…” Syd said softly. She felt hot all over. Goosebumps were raised on each speck of flesh. Her head felt as if she’d smoked the joint from earlier all herself, light. Her chest felt warm, like her heart was being squeezed in a hug.

Syd had kissed enough people before to know this felt different, much different then any other time she’d been kissed. As stupid as it felt, she was thinking she understood what people meant now when they said their world stopped when they finally kissed the person they were meant for.

That- or their sexual tension was so insane that it lit each and every one of their nerves on fire, and the feeling of a magnet in her gut pulling her to him was all in her head, and she should really think about checking herself in.

“I think I’ve been wanting to do that….i don’t know how long- but I know…I’m sure I’ve wanted it now for a while and I’m sorry I haven’t done it…I couldn’t lose you, Syd.” He rested his forehead on hers, huffing a sigh of relief through his nose and his eyes fluttering shut.

“Do you wanna know why I really actually had the nerve to come out here?” She asked quietly.

When Carm opened his eyes, he saw syds heartwarming smile, meer inches away from his own lips. He wanted to lean in and kiss her again, he wanted to show her just how badly he needed her, here, now. But he wouldn’t dare push her. He’d already felt like he’d taken too much.

“Why?” He asked shyly.

“Fuckin fak” she said, giggling a bit. “Fak. Of all people. He told me…that like- he said we should date?” She said, laughing as Carm’s cheeks go pink. “And he said ‘you’re already work married but I think he’d want to be real married’ “ she said and Carm groans in embarrassment.

“I’m gonna fuckin kill him- I’m so so sorry” he rests his head on her shoulder, nuzzling his face in the crook of her neck in embarrassment, but he couldn’t help but smile.

He nearly groaned when she gently runs her delicate fingers over his scalp slowly, ever so gently easing out the tangles from the day.

“It was needed for me too I guess. I think it’s a little funny. And also strangely humbling, considering I pride myself on reading people. But everyone except for me saw your feelings. Well…maybe I did? I just didn’t accept them because I also didn’t want to lose you. Because I trust you” Syd went on.

The words nearly brought tears to his eyes. She was afraid to lose him. She was afraid to lose him because of how much she trusts him.

“I would never leave you, y’know that, right?” He sat up a bit, taking her other hand and holding it with both of his, “I would never dream of it. I fuckin- I- I feel like I need you? And that’s somethin I’m still..I’m still trying to get over it while I’m here and work it out and I’ve been really trying Syd but it’s - I try to explain it to my therapist it’s not- it’s not like I think I’ll die it’s not like I think I can’t- I can’t keep going but it’s like this- this-“ his ramblings is interrupted this time, by Syd returning the favor and kissing him.

He let out a small satisfied hum of the feeling of his lips on hers, closing his eyes and moving his lips in tandem, relishing in the feeling of her fingers gently twirling his curls between her slender fingers, by instinct forming the little ringlets together in her fingers how she’d do when she played with her own curls.

“Has anyone ever told you that you talk too much, Berzatto?” She teased, and Carm laughs genuinely.

“Never. That's the first time I’m hearing this. I could talk to you forever though…” he said and pulls her closer. She was nearly sitting in his lap. But to Carm, she still wasn’t close enough. He wanted her glued to his side, he wished he could bottle up the essence of her comfort and carry it with him everywhere, that is how he would feel normal, that was how he could feel apart, without having to do the work on himself, that is.

“I’m fucking with you. Honestly I-“ she’s cut off by Carmen’s phone buzzing loudly on the table.

Babysitter #4 the contact read when they looked over.

Carm saw the time and rolled his eyes “fucking motherfuckers” he muttered angrily and picked up the phone.

“What?” He snapped.

“Hello! Mr.Berzatto this is Basekeeper Christian how we doing tonight?” Syd heard a man chirp through the phone.

“Fine. What do you need.” He grates.

“Well we have here on the log a guest- Sydney Adamu - she checked in for you around 1 pm today- her guest pass was never scanned out at the gate so we’re being sure that you’re both aware of the time. Visiting hours have been over for 45 minutes, but she is welcome back tomorrow” The man explained.

Carmen wanted to drown his phone in the lake, get the first flight back to Chicago- (first class) - and fuck Syd so hard they literally caused turbulence. But- his testosterone driven rage wasn’t going to get him anywhere except thrown in a hospital here, since your essentially signing your sanity over on a little piece of paper until you ‘graduate out’.

“Mmhmm.” He grumbles “she’s leaving. I’m walking her down now.” He hung up on the man before he could say anything else and he drops his phone back on the table, rubbing his face how he did when he was annoyed but didn’t want to let it out.

“I told you I didn’t wanna get you in trouble!” She huffs

“D’you really think I give a fuck?” he asked and wrapped his arm around her, pulling her chest flush to his.

“No but I give a fuck, cause what happens if they think Y’re like becoming defiant and keep you away for longer.” She asked, looking down at his lips for a moment.

He seized the opportunity to pull her into another kiss, but this one was…different, more heated, more wanting, the kind that felt like it was dripping in anticipation.

She nearly melted into him, taking the chance to straddle his hips, sitting on his lap and cupping his cheeks as the kiss became more feverish. There were small nips, and moans, and wet sounds of lips moving with lips - they weren’t sure what sounds were coming from who at one point.

His hands were all over her, gripping the curve of her ass, memorizing it, the way it filled his large palms, squeezing the flesh of her hips the way that made her creen with desire. He slipped his hands under her hoodie, the pit of fire in his stomach growing when he felt the raised goosebumps running up the entirety of the flesh on her back and sides.

He disconnected their lips, kissing along her jaw, leaving small nips and bites before soothing them over with his tongue and kissing the stinging ache away, before moving on to the next targeted patch of skin and repeating the assault.

Sydney was sure she’d never been so turned on in her life. She felt like a wild animal, like a horny teen again. She couldn’t remember another time, another person - who she wanted to share this much of herself with- so badly. But there was also something in her screaming that it could be ruined if they moved all at once.

“Carm” she said softly, but his name had been leaving her lips in little moans and whines that it didn’t quite catch his attention. He gently bit down on her collarbone, suckling the flesh - being sure to leave a dark mark for her to admire in the mirror later - but also to remind himself when he sees her again that this all wasn’t just a dream.

She moaned out softly, tugging his curls firmer and disconnecting his lips from her flesh. She tugs his head back to look up at her, and she nearly forgot why she’d told him to stop at the sight of his purely blissed out expression.

His usual icy blue eyes had become blown out with the lust swimming in his pupils, the effect causing the rings of his iris’ to look like the deep sea. His cheeks were flushed a scarlet red, his lips were plump and rosy from all the kissing and sucking he was nearly addicted to already. He couldn’t get enough of her scent, her taste. His mind was already whirling around the fact that if he was this obsessed with the way her neck tasted?!

He was sure that when he did go home, he and Syd would both not be returning to work for a week because he was determined to lick, kiss, nip, bite, worship- every inch of skin she would allow. He felt…devoted. That was the word that was swirling throughout his mind, he was devoted to her pleasure, however she requested it.

“You taste so fuckin’ good” he said softly, taking the hand that was cupping his cheek and opening his mouth, wrapping his lips around her fore and middle finger and moaning as his eyes fluttered shut at the taste. He swirled his tongue around her digits sensually and Syd felt as if her brain short circuited for a moment.

Her jaw went slack, his filthy noises mixed with the saliva gathering at the corners of his lips - he was nearly fucking drooling at the taste of her.

“You’re a fucking whore Jesus Christ.” She said lowly. He smiled around her fingers, pulling off with a pop and swallowing with a satisfied hum.

“Please stay. Please” he looks up at her with pleading eyes.

“You know, if the whole EC thing stops working for you- you definitely have a potential career in modeling - for animal shelter donations. Don’t give me those fucking puppy eyes, Berzatto” she said and he ups the amperage, fluttering his lashes for added effect.

“And how! There’s a gate. Once I scan this to let myself out there’s security guards Carmy. I can’t just come back!” She said

“You think I’d make you go out there? No. Jess will do it, he owes me anyway.” He explained, gently rubbing up and down her sides.

“How is he supposed to do that?” She asked and Carm smiled friskily

“He has ways.” He shrugged. “This isn’t his first round here. He knows his way around the grounds. Cmon you wanna go back to the hotel? A little fun never hurt no one Syd” he mused, gently tucking his hands in the back pockets of her jeans

“Mmmmm…” she tapped her finger to her lips as if she was thinking “no. I’m not risking your entire stay here for one night of making out. We can do this tomorrow, you need sleep, I need sleep. It’s better if I just go, Carm” she told him gently.

He huffs, dropping his head back to the couch pillow. “Don’t blame me for trying” he muttered.

“I’m not, it’s very sweet how much you want me to stay with you” she kissed his chin gently. If his cheeks, and neck, and chest, weren’t already flushed he would have blushed, but instead he just felt the familiar rush of warmth to his face and chest he felt whenever they touched.

“I always want you with me” he said honestly. His eyes fluttered shut as she made a trail of kisses from his chin to his lips, over the bridge of his nose, to the crest of his forehead, and finally one sweet lingering kiss to the top of his head, before resting her cheek there and embracing him in a warm, tender hug. “I’ll always be around for you” she whispered.

Syd was finally off to her hotel in an Uber, that Carmen had insisted on ordering, he told her he had to be sure he’d able to watch it- even though Sydney was more than happy to turn on her location for him (she did so just to ease his nerves), he checked the liscence plate three separate times making sure each letter matched, and had to check the front and back, and also google a photo of the car to be sure it was the same exact one that they had listed.

He also asked the man what his name was when he pulled up- and was sure to lecture him to not drive off until she was inside her room, and telling her to call him if she had any problems at all. Syd was slightly embarrassed, but it also made her feel so tended to and cared for.

The second she got to her room and put her bag down, she texted Carm

Syd: Made it back 100% safe and as I was when I saw you last! Thank you for scaring the shit out of that Uber driver. I'm not sure he’s ever gonna take a ride there again - he told me when I got out it was easier picking people up at a military base.

Carm picked up his phone right away, sighing in relief.

Carm: Would you put your right hand in an Uber alone with no way of being sure they’ll be ok?

He sent back with a small smile. After Syd had taken a quick shower, brushed her teeth, tied up her hair, and gotten in her pajamas she had sent him her response

Syd: Aren't you right handed? So wouldn’t I be your left hand? Since in this analogy you’re one hand I’m the other? So you would be your own dominant hand? No?

Carmen didn’t hear his phone buzz over the sound of the shower running, but he couldn’t respond anyway, because said hand was currently wrapped tightly around his cock as he leaned against the cool shower wall, head rested against it, slowly stroking and tugging as he whimpered her name.

He was getting frustrated, though. Because now that he’d felt her hands in his- he could imagine one thousand times better how it would feel wrapped around his cock. His own calluses and rough skin, as well as the sheer size of his hand was not matching the fantasy of her jerking him off on her knees in the cave behind the waterfall that he’d discovered.

“I’ll always be here for you, Bear. I love taking care of you, is this what you need? You need to cum on my face?” she said in his fantasy, her tongue dipping over the curve of his v-line as she tugged his cock in slow languid strokes.

He whimpered out, “yes- fuck so fuckin dirty” he groaned, pumping himself faster.

“Do you want to cum on my face, or cum down my throat?” He imagined her hot open mouthed kisses along the side of his neck earlier instead being along the length of his shaft and he nearly got weak in the knees.

“Oh fuck” he whined, imagining the taste of her once again, the feeling of her fingers nearly touching the back of his throat, the feeling of her tongue on his, the feeling of suckling on her tongue and swallowing their mixed saliva like it was the very essence of life.

“I’m yours, I’m yours, bear” he imagined the look on her face as she came, the way he’d make her legs shake, how she’d stutter, and creen, and arch her back for him.

“Fuck gonna fuckin make y’mine baby- shhiiit y’so fuckin hot” he grunted as he spilled into his fist with heaving breaths.

It took him a moment to catch his breath and find his composure once more. When he opened his eyes, his cheeks heat in sheer embarrassment at the amount of cum covering from his abs, dripping down his balls all the way down his thighs.

“Fuckin hell” he muttered” rinsing himself off before taking a quick shower. It wasn’t a surprise though, any time he touched her the fantasy’s in his mind would run wild - and the fact that they were really doing this, that they were…together? Wanted to be together? He wasn’t sure, all he knew was that his head felt lighter, his balls felt heavier, and he could not wait to see her tomorrow.

When he laid in bed and finally read her response, he chuckled a bit.

Analogy’s, Acronyms, Abbreviations - haven’t you learned they aren’t my forte?

Before plugging his phone in after setting his alarm, and trying to get some sleep.

Every time his phone vibrated he assumed it was her, and would check it- to become frustrated that it was just another useless email, or news notification.

She’s probably fucking sleeping you freak get ahold of yourself.

He’d thought, but that didn’t do anything to stop his racing thoughts. He actually had to end up jacking off again to get himself to the point of exhaustion he could essentially pass out instead of willfully falling asleep.

The next morning, though, he nearly hopped out of bed. Carmen had never remembered a time he was so excited to take on a day. He put on his favorite thermal white long sleeve and vintage wrangler jeans, brushing his teeth and slipping on his boots before heading outside.

He stopped by Jesse’s cabin, banging on the door “wake up , jagoff!” He called through the door. One time, Jess had slept through half the day and missed meds- which was an immediate send back to inpatient, and a restart of your outpatient time, so naturally- Jesse was pissed with himself, and Carmen wasn’t too happy either because for 3 days he had to mope around basically alone, and walk Shayna wherever she wanted to go. So ever since he got back to the OP cabins, Carm was determined to at least assure Jess was awake before first call so he wouldn’t get thrown back again.

“It’s fuckin- it’s like 30 minutes before first call, asshole!” He grumbled as he unlocked and opened the door.

“Get dressed, first call is now- I wanna get the cows taken care of and shower before Syd comes back you owe me remember” he said and Jess rolls his eyes.

“Shay is gonna be pissed” he said

“Don’t care she can suck it” he stepped into the cabin, shutting the door and turning on the lights to which Jesse groans dramatically.

“Jesus Christ” he shields his eyes with his arms. “You’re worse then the inpatient morning staff” he went over to the bed, flopping back down on his stomach and covering his head with a pillow.

“The morning staff? Thats low” Carm snorts a laugh, opening his dresser drawers and throwing a fresh pair of boxers, a pair of jeans, and one of his black hoodies on to his back. “Im getting Shay if you’re still sleeping when she’s up and dressed? You know what she’ll do” Carm warned, before heading across the way.

He gently knocked on the door instead, of pounding as to not give her a panic attack. “Shay?” He called “you up?” He asked, knocking again a bit louder.

“If you don’t get away from my door I’ll peel your balls like clementines” she snaps loudly

“That’s uh- wow” he said with a chuckle “I was gonna offer to use my day pass and Syd can check the two of you out and we can go off-roading like you’ve been talking about? Unless…”

He heard her footsteps quickly approaching the door and the clicking open of the 3 deadbolts and the sliding chain before unlocking it, sticking her head out and squinting at the light - “fuck” she stuck her hand in front of her to block the sun.

“You really mean it?” She asked hopefully

“I wouldn’t lie t’you, Shay. Yes. If you get dressed now and come sit with Jess and I while we feed the cows” he added. She rolled her eyes slightly.

“Gimme 5” she said and shut the door.

“Thank you!” He called to her and went back across the way, opening the door to Jesse’s cabin. “Dude!” He said frustratedly when he heard him snore. He walked over, taking the pillow from on top of his head and wacking him with it.

He startled awake “wha- fuckin not cool” Jesse said, sleepily rubbing his face. “You think string bean across the way is gonna be able to carry even a single bale? Come on!”

After Carm and Jesse had moved their entire groups worth of bales in record time, due to the fact that patients weren’t allowed to check out until their routines as they called them had been completed - since that was one of their main ideas, being a stable routine helps an unbalanced mind stay regulated.

But, daylight was burning- and he was not wasting another single minute in this place as soon as Syd got here.

Carm was the first one in line to get his meds that morning, the first one to breakfast, and the first one in the main office. “Morning” he said to the woman sitting at the counter.

“Mr. Berzatto! Good morning to you as well honey how can I help you?” She asked

“Uh- the day pass? How do I go about that?” He asked.

“Oh! Yes ok so let me grab you the form here” she opens up her desk and takes out a blank form.

“Alright so between regular visiting hours so 6 am and 11 pm you may leave the facility with the signature of your therapist since you were a self admission. Each patient gets one day pass unless needed for familial emergencies and things of that nature. You may do whatever you wish, but if you are to not return by curfew- you will be kicked out of the program. Understood?” She said and he nodded

“Understood.” He said and handed over his patient ID so she could fill out the form.

She quickly filled out all the information that was needed “Alright here we go, enjoy your day” she said as she handed him his ID and the form back.

“Thanks, you too” he took it and headed straight to Mandy’s office.

He got there just as the clock struck 8, and huffed when he realized that the door was still locked and the lights were off, she must have been running late this morning. So he decided to fish his phone out of his pocket and he saw Syd had replied when he was getting his meds.

Things that have to do with communication usually don’t come natural to you, I’ve noticed. But you’re learning!! Lmk the plans for today whenever you want

His thumbs hovered over the keyboard for a moment, before he was hitting the call button and pressing the phone to his ear.

“Hello?” She picked up after the third ring.

“Hey- uh hey- g’morning- did you… did y’sleep alright?” He asked, almost feeling awkward, he became more stressed out the more he asked himself why he would ever be feeling awkward around her.

“As good as one can in the dead quiet. I can’t believe I’m saying this but… I miss the train?” She said and carm chuckled a bit.

“Yeah- yeah. Wow I- I haven’t even thought about that. You get used to it by like..a week? Maybe. I dunno the first week here I just spent either drawing or moving hay or training star, so by the time my head hit the pillow- I don’t even think there’s a night I remember falling asleep, other then last night but…that’s a different story” he said, hoping she would bring up so he could sooth the anxiety that she regretted everything.

“Yeah the craziest thing Carm- I woke up- and it looks like my neck was attacked by leeches! Now why would that be?” She mused. He felt the heat burning his cheeks, but he couldn’t help the smug smirk that curled on his lips.

“You did? Have you been swimming? It’s a little cold to be swimming, Syd. I don’t even think there is leeches in big bear lake.” He teased.

“Oh that’s why it’s so insane! I think..this hotel may have a late night leech problem, haven’t you seen that movie? Attack of the late night leeches?” She joked with one of her adorable giggles.

“That classic fictional horror movie? Are you joking? Of course I’ve seen Attack of the late night leeches- I’ll do you one better, have you seen the suck-uel? ” He asked, smiling proudly to himself when she cracks up laughing.

He heard Mandy’s keys and heels clicking down the hall “hey- hey start getting ready, wear something comfortable - I’ll call you in a few” he told her.

“Oh- ok! Like.. sweatpants?” She asked

“Whatever- jeans, sweatpants - just something to be moving around in yea?” He explained.

“Carmen? Oh- sorry I’m late, no one usually is checking in so early is everything ok?” Mandy asked him and he gave her an apologetic smile and held a finger up to tell her it’d be just a second.

“Okay- sure I’ll do Jeans, sorry for keeping you- bye” she said and hung up before he got a chance to tell her she was never ‘keeping’ him, or holding him up.

“Uh- sorry, y’supposed T’sign this f’me I guess? ” He asked her as she unlocked the door.

“Out-Day form?” She questioned, flicking on the lights and going to sit on her rolling chair behind her desk.

“Mmhmm” he hummed and handed it over.

“No. You haven’t done a single light tunnel assignment correctly. You haven’t advanced enough in the program to get back out, you’ll undo your progress” she said plainly and turned on your computer.

Pure rage washed over him like a bucket of ice water. “It’s bullshit. I told you what my fucking light is. It’s not my fault you don’t see her like that” he crossed his arms angrily.

“The purpose of the light tunnel project, Carmen, is that no matter where we are, we can find a light, and follow it. A person, is not a light.” She explained without looking up, since they’d already had this very conversation each time he refused to attend their check in meetings regarding the stupid project.

“But she is f’me! What don’t you get?! Syd is my fucking light! She- she always has been! Ever since I fucking met her!!! Please. Please. Mandy, what do I have to say?” He asked and she looked up at him over the rims of her thick black glasses.

“She’s here isn’t she.” She said matter of factly.

“And? What does that have to do with anything?” He asked.

“Shut the door. Sit. If you’ll have your weekly light session now, then maybe- let me repeat, maybe, I will sign this for you to leave lotus with her for the day.” She said seriously.

He quickly shut the door and sat down in the chair, and she realized she’d never gotten him to start a session so easily before.

“Fine. What. Ask me anything I’ll tell you anything.” He said honestly.

She sits back in her chair, folding her hands over her stomach. “Let’s imagine together. Say you jump into a relationship with this girl since you've been playing with the idea that she’d be a good fit for so long, and 6 months down the line- you two realize that running a business and being a partnership isn’t for you. How will you manage this? What have you learned here? We’ll start there.” She shrugged.

Carmen sighed, mentally rolling his eyes.

That would never happen

He’d thought to himself.

“I’d…” he trails off, thinking harder about what she may want to hear.

“I’d - pick whichever is more integral to my happiness. I’d make the choice f’me not f’what mikey would have wanted. Mikey would want me to keep the business and dump her, but…like I told you. She makes life bearable. I wouldn’t even want the bear anymore if she wasnt there. I-“ he stopped suddenly, realizing how he’d really felt and going dead silent.

“Okay so hit me with that breakthrough thought we just had” she pats the desk “cmon- let it out.” She encouraged.

He took a deep, shaking breath. “I hate it…I- I fuckin’-“ he shook his head “I fuckin’ hate the environment I work in. I-it’s loud, and it’s-it’s demanding, it’s stressful, it’s- it’s usually fuckin’ thankless most of the time... but it- it is…everything. It- was. It was everything. I think- I think that’s why? Y’know? When I first got here that I was so good. And uh…the fuckin- the inpatient nurses they’d always be so fuckin nice t’me and I always wondered why but…but I’m- I’m agreeable. It’s because I thrive under a demanding routine. They- they aren’t used t’that im like- A- a fuckin freak” he shook his head, laughing dryly. “I am still the freak. At fucking adult crazy camp. B-but the nurses they aren’t used t’people who just follow fuckin direction. But that- that’s being in culinary school, that was NOMA that- that was every fucking place ive been trained to do what I do. And I love it- I-i do. I like knowing what I’m going to be doing from the minute I wake up to the minute I’m in bed again, a-and I uh…” he rubbed his chin as he thought.

“I um…I think that Syd? Y-y’right. But in a way, so so wrong. Because she- she isn’t my light she’s my darkness. She’s my peace. She’s my…my fucking midnights?” He chuckled a bit at how stupid he felt saying it. “She’s…like- peace. She is what takes my fuckin view off the light. I’m a- I-I’m a moth. Mandy. I’m a fucking moth. And I can’t look away from the light, from the routine- from the- the- the chaos! I can’t! It’s who I am, it's what I need, it’s what makes me thrive. So no I- I have too much attention on the god damn light. Mandy! I need some fucking rest, I need some- some reprieve- some god damn relaxation?!” He said frustratedly.

“Like- I-i- I’m realizing. Fuck! I’m not getting better Mandy I’m getting comfortable again!” he shook his head, running a nervous hand through his curls that were still damp from the shower. “She saved me. Again! She made me fucking..she- she showed up and she showed me that I’m doin that- that- that I need something to take me off routine because I- I get obsessed with it. So my fuckin light? My stupid light is finding someone who can turn it the fuck off“ he stood up, pacing anxiously.

“C-can you give feedback? please? y’too quiet” he said, nervously shaking his hand as he walked back and forth from the window.

There was light scratching of pen on paper on the desk and he looked over just as she holds out the form, offering it to him. “Bring by your light tunnel packet later I’ll sign you off” she said.

“That- that- that’s it? That’s all? Y’-y’not like…” he looked at her confused.

“That was what I’ve been asking you to give me for the past 2 weeks. Have fun today! Enjoy yourself. We will go deeper into my feedback tomorrow.” she said, Carmen took the paper and was out of the office before she could barely blink.

He briskly walked down the hall, hitting syds contact and dialing her number. She answered fairly quickly “never say that again.” He told her.

“Hello to you too?” She questioned.

“Y’not - sorry. Y’not ever fuckin’ holdin me, er’- er’ keepin me. Or whatever bullshit you said before you hung up. I - I’ll always talk t’you” he pushed open the door to the therapists office cabin, heading down the stairs.

“Oh- ok…yeah I- I mean I really like talking to you too” she said, he could hear the smile to her voice and just knowing she was smiling made his chest lighten tenfold.

“Yeah…uh- so- we get days out here? Jesus feel like I’m in fuckin prison. But they allow us out, 6-11 - did you wanna go off roading with me Jess and Shay t’day? Shes been wantin t’go really bad- there’s this place it’s literally 10 minutes away. We rent a jeep and we get like a fuckin hand radio and we use it to keep in touch with the tour guides that drive ahead of us. Apparently we drive up walls and shit? It sounds super sick she’s been goin’ on and on about it since I was told I got my day. They both uh…well Shay had one of the days but she blew it on hooking up with this band member? I think? And Jess wasn’t sent here…by choice…so you would just check them out- but it’s nothing to it- you’re just speaking f’them that you’ll try to get them back” he explained.

“Shit- uhhh- yeah! That sounds fuckin…awesome. So- like- we’d be driving? Have you…done something like that before?” She asked

“No- well- yeah no. But I looked it up it’s not that crazy. And Jess said he used to go with his brothers all the time- he was gonna drive for us. It’s not like fuckin- daredevil shit Syd, it’s mostly like cool scenery we wouldn’t be able to see otherwise.” He opened up the door to his cabin, checking the trash to make sure they didn’t leave behind any alcohol bottles from yesterdays activities.

“Alright- I’ll Uber over now then” she said

“No- nah. It’s cool, it’s cool gimme a sec” Carmy said, putting the call on speaker and opening the Uber app on his phone.

“What do you mean? You want me to walk?” She teased.

“Nope juuuust-“ he said, stalling her for a few more moments “aha. Avery! Perfect. Avery, a nice looking middle aged brunette woman in a Nissan Rogue will be there for you in 3 minutes. I’ll stay on the phone just to make sure Avery is who Avery says” he said and plopped down on the sofa.

She sighed dramatically. “you make it like we’re in Chicago right now. This is Big Bear California, I was literally talking to this couple and they said they don’t even lock their doors here?!” She said and Carmy heard her shut the hotel room door behind her.

“Still, y’here f’me so…it’s my job to look after you” he said and rested his foot on the coffee table as he sunk deeper into the couch, the mornings extra 5 bales of hay beginning to weigh on his already bad back.

“Oh- yeah, look after me - I will be sure to tell them that I’m checking you and your friends out of day therapy so you guys can look after me” she teased and Carmen snorts a laugh.

“Y’know what? All this talkin’ why aren’t we searching for Avery mm? What if Avery is really some weird fuck in a black van ready to steal you cause he sees how innocent you look in your Uber picture?” He counters and she laughed.

“Ohhh oh- yeah! Like your creeper van? The one you refuse to get rid of? I’m sure another fellow in a creeper van, you guys would actually hit it off! If this man in a van shows up, I think I should ask him to go off roading with us” she mused and Carmen laughed, rolling his eyes playfully.

“Fuck off! You know how many times that piece’a’shit has saved us? A bunch!” He countered

“Oh well would you look at that I’m looking at a Nissan Rogue are you ready for this license plate I’m gonna read it off. I know this is a presidential level transfer” she teased

“Shut up…just send me a picture of it I’ll see you soon” he muttered with a smile, his cheeks heating once more.

“Jesus! I’ll see you in literally ten minutes Carm. Try to take a chill pill in the meantime ok?” She said

“Just get here I wanna see you” he said and hung up, his heart nearly thumping out of his chest.

At least he was honest?

Carmy made the quick walk to the main office cabin once more where guests check in, waiting on the porch and leaning against the doorframe.

When he saw the Uber was one minute away he finally stopped staring at the ride tracking feature and put his phone in his pocket, nearly vibrating with excitement.

A white midsize Nissan pulled up and Carmy practically bounced down the stairs to open up the back passenger door. “Were you waiting for me?” She asked, sliding out after thanking the driver.

He shut the car door “had to make sure you got here safe, right?” He asked, heart pounding in his chest as he pulled her to the porch by the hand gently.

“I missed you too” she said, a bit…shy? Carm had never heard Sydney be shy before, something about it made his head swim that he had this effect on her, even if only for a fleeting moment.

“Thanks f’comin” He muttered as he pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her back and she rested her cheek on his chest.

“You smell good” she mumbled, lacing her fingers together behind his back as she held him.

“You always smell good” he said and gently kissed the top of her head.

“I’m not sure why I thought I’d be sleeping in when I came here, I woke up at 4 and my first thought was that I missed the delivery cause of the time difference” she said, resting her chin on his chest as she looked up at him.

“When I first got here- let’s say the first maybe 12 days? I was restless at night unless I was cleaning. I felt fuckin nuts” he said and looked down at her.

Her eyes looked like golden honey in the early morning sun, her skin was glowing with whatever sunscreens and lotions she put on this morning. “You have super long eyelashes” she said after a few moments, their faces mere inches apart.

“Is that good?” He questioned, a small smile curling on his lips.

“Mmm I dunno. Maybe? They’re pretty.” She said

“OH MY GOD!! KISS, KISS, KISS!!!” Shayna chants loudly as her and Jesse walk down the row of cabins to meet them

Carmen rolled his eyes, turning to face them. “You love to ruin a moment don’t you, Shay?” Jesse said with a grin

“You two jagoffs are getting checked out by my-“ he stopped, thinking for a short moment

“I should be offended” Syd laughs “your friend? Asshole?” she said and Shayna laughs

“Oh my god Carmen! Stand up bitch!” Shay came over, resting her arm on Carm’s head on the way she knew ticked him off.

“I am standing stringbean” he brushes her arm off and she slings her arm around Syd’s shoulders instead.

“Since he won’t claim you you’ll be my girlfriend for the day” she said and Syd laughs.

“Oh finally a taker, if I swung that way I’d be all over it” she linked their arms together.

“Awww come onnn” Shay smiled “you look like a girl who likes magic” she said playfully.

“Woooowww” Syd laughs “Magic huh? What kind of magic?”

Shayna smiled flirtatiously “the kind with princess wands and special rabbits” she said playfully and Jesse laughed.

“Carm I highly recommend you collect your friend before before the succubus gets ahold of her” he said and Shayna rolled her eyes.

“Well if he’s not gonna take a bite” Shay teased and Carmy plucks Shayna’s arm off Syd’s shoulder and pulled Syd back to him

“Fuck off” he said, wrapping his arm around her waist securely.

Carmen was becoming snappy very quickly. He had just been able to admit to Syd somewhat how he’d felt last night- and felt as if Shayna was trying to turn her off of him somehow. But it was simply his blind hormonal testosterone taking the reins.

For Syd, every nerve she had was on fire. She simply thought Shayna was hilarious, and knew she meant nothing by the harmless flirting - but seeing the way Carmys fists tightened slightly at his sides, the way he watched Shayna’s every move. And when he grabbed her like that? He had never claimed her before, they had hugged- sure. They of course made out last night. But he had claimed her as his, at least in the way Shayna was jokingly insinuating they should hook up.

“Awww shortstack” Shayna ruffled his hair and he pushed her hand away annoyed “Fuck off Shay” he huffed “are we goin’ ‘er are you two gonna keep fuckin’ w’me?” he grabbed Syd’s hand, leading her up the steps and opening the door for her.

They had been led to a forested mountain by the tour guides, and had been encouraged to park and explore the trails a little bit. Shayna had begged Jesse to go with her until he got the message - she wanted to be sure Carmen and Sydney were left alone.

“Do you-“ Syd gasped, her heart thrumming with anticipation as he ravished her neck with hot, open mouth kisses, that quickly turned into goosebumps after moving on to the next spot and the crisp fall air would chill the remaining saliva he’d left on her skin.

His hands were everywhere under her sweatshirt. Palming her tits, playing with her nipples between his fingers until they became perky and plump, gently dragging his nails over her ribs as he reached up, slowly rubbing over the supple soft skin with the pads of his fingers to caress her shoulderblades and easily unhook the simple 2 clasped bralette she’d been wearing.He tugged at her jeans and she lifted her hips right away. Carmy quickly unbuttoned them, nearly breaking the zipper trying to get it open, and pulled them down swiftly with trembling hands.

This revealed the small wet spot right on the crotch seam due to the barely there black lace she’d worn akin to her bralette, since the jeans shed taken were stupidly thin in order to fit a weekends worth of clothes in one overnight duffle so she wouldn’t need to check a bag.

“Do you think they- that they fucking planned this?” she breathed out.

Carmen could barely think - he was being driven by something outside of himself. The only thing he knew that he craved was her most sensitive, intimate parts in his mouth, as if it was the very air he breathed. The last 4 minutes had felt like an hour but yet, only a second to him, and what had been a small bonfire underneath his skin last night had turned into a full on blazing inferno this time around.

He smoothly sunk onto his knees in the shared large footwell of the back seat. This had been made more than easy for him because Shayna had *conviniently enough of course* thought that she’d dropped her vape thing Carm was always making fun of her for somewhere in the front and was convinced it ‘slid under one of the front seats’, and had even forced Jesse to also move his seat up all the way to ‘check’, but- it of course ended up being in her bra where she always kept it.

He tossed a toned, long leg over each of his muscular shoulders, giving him full access to exactly what he needed. He trailed butterfly like kisses over her waistline from left to right, before licking a broad wet stripe back down. “I’ll owe ‘em fuckin’ forever if they did” he breathed into the crook of her thigh, before wetly kissing along the leg of her panties in tandem with the way he’d done to her waistband.

He got to the portion of her pantyleg where her lip was peeking out of the fabric, he took this opportunity to teasingly flick his tongue over it sharply, before pulling it between his lips and looking up at her in a lust filled haze with those thunderstorm like eyes as he sucked it gently at first, but gradually sucking harder until she was tugging her bottom lip between her teeth hotly, and her back was slightly arching off the seat as she whined hotly.

“Where- Oh my god? - Where did you learn this- you fucker” she nearly cried out. He rubbed the sides of her thighs soothingly after her hips buck involuntarily, holding her legs for her with his muscular forearms so she wouldn't be sore on the plane home.

He pulled off the plumpened skin with a pop, blowing cold air over the wetness he’d left behind with puckered lips and she shivered, goosebumps arising all over her hot skin.

“Nonono-” she begged “Carmy you barely even touched me” she whimpered “plea-ah!-“ she nearly yelped, looking down at him once more when he nipped her hip bone, before quickly soothing the stinging ache with his warm silky tongue and leaving a featherlight kiss over the slightly inflamed, aggravated skin.

She gently pushed his curls off of his forehead in order to see his glazed over piercing blue eyes once more, boring right back into hers with a passion that made her stomach flip, and clench, and twitch.

His cheeks were so flushed, she thought it was adorable how red he got when they made out, her excitement was thankfully for her a bit easier to contain. But this level? His cheeks were blazing red, the top of his chest and collarbones were splayed pink.

This was because way she was whimpering and moaning under his touch was driving him to a level of horny insanity he didn’t think existed. When people said primal urges - he didn’t get the full scope, and almost had the feeling to laugh at that sentiment- until the very moment he was currently encased.

Something took over him, something not of his own confidence or knowing- it was as if he was following a script, a hot, perfectly written- filthy script.

He’d buried his nose between the folds of her pussy that was still covered by her dripping lace panties that didnt cover or contain anything.

Taking a deep breath, his eyes fluttered shut in bliss, getting nearly pussydrunk off her scent alone, his mouth watering so much at the thought of her sweet nectar being right there for him to taste- he was already nearly drooling.

“You look so fucking pretty between my legs, Carmy” she purred, gently brushing his cheekbone with her nimble, cool forefinger over his burning hot skin.

Carmen was so hard against his denim that his cock was actually starting to ache. He’d never in his life felt so pathetically desperate to please someone.

He needed to be inside her, to feel her warm tight walls squeezing around his cock, to pound her absolutely fucking silent - and soon - but before he allowed himself that ultimate pleasure that the universe was handing to him, wrapped the absolutely breathtaking box, with stunning wrapping paper and a bow - that was his Sydney; he had to absorb every single detail of what she liked, and what made her feel good to memory, so he could play it back in his mind over and over and over, until he could recite it like the back of his hand if asked, the same way he could recite the hundreds of ingredient ratios he’d memorized in cooking school.

“And you smell so fucking good” he countered and nudged his strong nose firmly against her already throbbing, swollen clit, earning a small, sweet squeak out of her. “It’s the only thing I couldn’t imagine. Fuck but it’s so good, baby - everything- everything is so fuckin’ perfect” he mumbled against her core, licking a broad, slow stroke with the pad of his tongue up the divot he’d created in the fabric with his nose, savoring the taste of her juices that had seeped through the breaks of lace.

His large blue eyes rolled back hotly, his lids fluttering shut and nearly a whimper coming out of his throat at the taste of her finally on his palate.

He had to squeeze his cock that was pushing at the right leg of his jeans to ease the pulsing, throbbing ache that started to grow worse and worse the second he’d inhaled her addictive scent.

“Carm you are so pussydrunk - are you fucking touching yourself?” she tugged his hair, pulling him up from her aching core. She realized his entire chin, and nose, was glistening with her arousal.

“holy shit.” She said at the view of him, it was stunning. “What fucking business do you have being this hot?” She panted, but when he opened his mouth to reply- she pushed him back roughly to where he was needed much more desperately.

“That tongue of yours has sooo many better uses right now then trying to talk shit” she said. He obeyed her command like her own personal puppet, quickly tugging the useless wet lace to the side with his forefinger and gratefully lapping up her viscous slick, a gutteral moan errupting from his chest at the tangy, sweet taste bursting over his tongue. He nearly panted at how good she tasted, swallowing and sucking and slurping up all he could.

His brows knit together in bliss, eyes shut momentarily as he enjoyed himself before he opened them again, watching her every reaction and focusing back on solely making her cum as hard as she possibly could, in the backseat of a cold jeep- that was. He figured that could cause for some negative advantage, but he’d weigh the advantages and disadvantages of how the could have done this better later.

He was in pure heaven. He felt her thighs tremble slightly against his neck as he swirled his tongue gently around her entrance, egging him on to dip his tongue in to her tight pussy. Her flavor was causing him to drool, the wet lapping and lewd squelching that was filling the backseat of the car was absolutely sinful.

“More- h-harder Carm” she rocked her hips against his mouth, tugging his curls and pulling him up to tongue her clit instead. He very much appreciated her guidence, it was of course - anything he could have wanted in a partner regarding intimacy, but- she’s Syd, she’s perfect for him- they were made for eachother. They were finally beginning to understand this, well- Carm was, Syd was simply just now accepting it.

He loved being a student, and he’d discovered long before now Syd was his favorite teacher. This was a new subject they’d yet to explore, but Carmen knew he’d eventually ace the class, and it would become their combined favorite subject to master together.

He sloppily lapped over the twitching, throbbing bud, drawing random consistently paced patterns over it that were making her gasp and mewl beneath him. He was pretty sure he was going to cum in his pants faster than he would find to be not embarrassing, but he didn’t really care.

“Fuuck yes good fucking boy- thats it- shit- y’re such a mess Carm” she said, tugging his soaking wet face deeper into her core. Her breath stuttered as she feels a sharp flick of his tongue across the sensitive pearl, her head falling back in bliss and hips jerking unintentionally, his name beginning to spill from her lips like an invocation.

He set a hungry pace, slack jawed, watching as her face twisted in pleasure, soaking in every single sound. He was devoting every single gasp, every twitch, every mumbled praise to memory. One thing about him, he was efficient- so instead of this first brush of below the belt intimacy being about chasing his own pleasure - it was about making sure, next time they fooled around, she came three times as hard, now that he knew which exact buttons to push.

“Finger me - please - shit Carm, now” she ordered, back arching off the seat as he slipped in his middle finger, his other hand reaching up to play with her nipple once again.

“Another- please- I want you to make me feel full” she demanded, whining when he added his ring finger.

“Yes- yesyesyesyes!” she wailed, “My god Carm- those fucking hands do you know how many times I’ve fantasized about your ffffucking hands- oh god- oh shit right there!” she cried out, nodding quickly.

“Don’t stop! Don’t you dare fucking stop, Carm-” she nearly growled. She’d never admit it, but something about him in this intimate context was bringing out a feral minx in her.

“You gonna finally make me fuckin’ cum, Huh Carmy? How long have you been wanting to do this? Mm? I’d bet- oh- oh!” she felt the familiar heat pooling in her lower back, her toes curling, and feet pointed to the floor as she writhed and squirmed beneath him.

He smugly chuckled a bit into her throbbing heat, even though he himself was nearly drowning in pleasure as well. The smile was quickly replaced by a pathetic whimper as she tugs his hair, hard enough to make him to look up at her “I wanna touch you”

He swallowed thickly, offering her his other hand to hold and going back to his assault on her clit, continuing to pump his fingers with an even pace “Mm- C-Carmy- stop” she breathed and he sat up, but she grabbed his hand before he could remove his fingers.

“You don’t….” she asked, her tone much more casual, but laced with a bit of anxiety “You don’t want me to touch you?’ she questioned.

“No- syd- no…I-” he felt a large rush of embarrassment flood his chest, but didnt dare break her gaze, though, in case it would make her feel insecure.

“Uh…i’m like - fuckin wired right now, a-and this isn’t my van… y’know? this is a fuckin rental and i’m pretty sure m’gonna explode like… everywhere I’ve already accepted we’re gonna have to stop back at blue so I can change” he rested his flushed sticky cheek on her thigh that was wet with her arousal.

“I don’t have to like- take you out to touch you, come here” she sat up on her elbow, urging him forward with her feet on his back to kiss her.

His wet lips met hers, an exchange of hot feverish kisses ensuing. She hummed softly at the taste of herself over his saliva, her sticky slick covering his nose and chin being transferred to her face as she wrapped her arm around the back of his neck, pulling him closer.

He resumed the pace of his fingers once more, curling them in a way that her back arched sharply, a squeak coming out of her throat and hips jerking. He pulled away, resting his forehead on hers as he continued the pace, “tell me c’mon pretty girl - how do you want it? You want it like that?” He curled and uncurled his fingers against that spot and she went quiet, jaw slack in a silent moan

“Mm? Yeah? Is this how I know? Is this how I know I’m givin’ y’what y’need? Mm?” He moved his fingers quicker in to that spot. Her only response was her nails digging into the flesh of his back and dragging down, he hissed at the sting and burn it left, making his pace faster and more relentless.

Her head dropped back against the window and she gasped out, thighs trembling around his waist. Her mind was fully empty, she let out a strangled “now-fucking Jesus Christ - Carmy- Carm-carmcarm h-holy-ah!”

He felt her walls fluttering around his fingers wildly, her jaw going slack and hips stuttering and shaking “good girl, that’s it- good fuckin girl” he worked her through her climax, her cum leaking down his wrist to the crook of his elbow

“Gah- fuck you- m’too sensitive” she squirmed beneath him, looking up at him, “fuck fuck- fuck you fuck you carm don’t stop” she whined, pulling him up to kiss her roughly, her stomach tightening and core clenching around his fingers

He took his other hand, rubbing her neglected clit with his thumb and nearly fell on top of her when she unbuttoned his jeans, slipping her hand in and slowly stroked over his cock in his boxers “Jesus fucking Christ - w-warn me before you just grab my fucking cock d’you know how long I’ve been waiting” he breathed, trying to keep up the pace with his fingers but his focus was becoming harder and harder to maintain.

“Sorry…mmm can I please watch you touch yourself?” She asked hotly in the shell of his ear just above a whisper, her hot breath fanning his neck and tickling his jaw

“W-what?” He stuttered.

“I want to watch you touch yourself. Didn’t you just say you thought about it?” She asked, gently rubbing her thumb over his sensitive tip and he whimpered

“Oh my fucking god Sydney” he groaned, taking his fingers out and rubbing them over her clit slowly, causing her thigh to twitch due to her orgasm being so close behind her

“Please? Only if you want to of course” she said, voice breathy as she gently played with his hair and rested her forehead on his.

Carmen wanted to say hell no. He wanted to spare himself the embarrassment. He knew he was gonna cum a ridiculous amount. He knew the noises that would accidentally come out of him. But she looked so fucking sweet. Too sweet to deny.

“Okay…” he whispered, carefully sitting next to her on the bench seat

“Wait really?” She asked and smiled wide “really? Holy shit. I thought I was gonna have to fight for that one” she sat sideways to have a full view of him

He shot her a playful glare “do you want me to go back on my word?” He teased, pushing his tshirt up to his chest so he wouldn’t make a mess of it

“No, no. Please- please continue I’m honored to be attending this show” she teased and put her left leg up on the seat in case she wanted to touch herself while she watched him

“Well like I said you’re right in front of me and the show may be short” he said, lifting his hips and pulling his jeans down before sitting and pulling his cock out of his boxers with his fist.

“Holy shit” she sat up a bit in surprise “dude” she covered her mouth, giggling “i knew you were packing but like- a decent pistol not a fuckin magnum.” Carmen laughed

“my dick is in my hand stop tryna to fuck around do you want me to focus or not?” he asked, but the comment did make his head a little bigger, both egotistically and dick wise.

“Okay okay sorry. Sorry do your thing” she leaned back once more. She couldn’t help but realize that just as she’d imagined, he has veiny hands, and a veiny neck- his cock was veiny as well. There was a pulsing vein that ran from the base of his balls up his thick shaft just to the middle, she wanted to lean forward and lick her tongue up feeling it pulse beneath her tastebuds

It literally made Carmen’s large hands look normal, or even small. He pumped his length slow at first, before spitting in his hand and continuing, his breathing getting quicker and head falling back. He let out small little moans and whimpers that were driving Sydney insane. Her pussy was quite actually throbbing.

“Y’re so fucking hot- shit” he grunted, tightening his grip, his breathing getting more rapid and sharp “every- ah mmm shit - every fucking time I jack off- I think about how fucking good it’ll feel to- fuckin- god” he moaned “cum in your fucking pussy. I fuckin need it.” He rasped “so- so close. I’m so fucking close. Can I cum? Y’want me T’cum right?” he whined.

Sydney couldn’t take it anymore - literally could. Not. Stand. To just sit there and watch him whine and writhe in front of her, and not offer to help him. “Can I taste you?” She asked, an even just hearing her say that- With a pathetic cry and whimper, he was shooting ribbon after ribbon of white thick cum over his stomach an abs, his head thrown back in bliss and hips rutting into his hand. There were stripes of white covering over his near entire torso, on his hips, stomach, abs, ribs, to just below his sternum. Cum also leaked down his hand and a few droplets dripped onto his wrist.

“Fuck. Fuckin hell” he muttered, annoyed with the mess he’d made. Sydney stared in absolute awe.

“Dude- do you need a doctor?” She teased leaning forward and licking a stripe from his navel to his sternum and he just watched, slack jawed as she made sure he saw her tongue was coated in his seed before swallowing and licking off another stripe.

“I think I just fuckin died for a sec and came back- wait what the fuck” he muttered as she zigzagged her tongue over his abs

“Why? I’m helping you clean up. You did warn about the mess” she stopped, tonguing over his nipple and he gasped lightly, his cock twitching at the action which made her smile teasingly.

“Jesus you are fuckin evil” he chuckled, watching as she finished the job.

“Your cum isn’t as salty as I expected. They must be feeding you well” she found her panties and slipped them on, plopping back next to him casually

“Oh wow-“ he chuckled “so what did you think of me be-“ he’s cut off by Shayna flinging the door open.

Syd screams flinging herself over Carmy’s lap to cover him meanwhile Carm does everything he can to cover Syd’s thong clad ass “Sorry lovebirds we got a call - Carm, they found bud in my room we have to get back”

➵ 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ⋘ 𝐖𝐈𝐏 ♡♡♡ ⋙

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drabbles-mc · 11 months ago

Text

No Good Time For This

Sydney Adamu x Richie Jerimovich

For the loveliest @hausofmamadas for the Fic in a Box Exchange

Warnings: 18+, language, smoking, all the chaos and ridiculousness you expect with The Bear

Word Count: 7.5k

A/N: the way i want to write 500000000 fics for SydRichie. But this is a start. Thank you Kay for giving me the chance to do this. Big loves to you 💕

The Bear Taglist: @withmyteeth @darqchilddaydreamz @garbinge @ashlingnarcos @narcolini @justreblogginfics (If you want to be added to any of my taglists, please let me know!)

She considered it a small miracle, maybe even a blessing, that when she came back inside they were still sawing their way through the door of the walk-in. If it had been a normal Friends and Family night, she would’ve stuck around and waited for them to free Carmy from his self-imposed confines so that they could talk, rehash the things that had gone well, things that needed to go better next time. But it hadn’t been a normal one. Or maybe it had—she hadn’t had the pleasure of launching her own restaurant like this before. Everything about Sheridan Road had been different. So for all she knew the absolute bedlam they’d been dealing with was par for the course.

But she was still pretty sure that it wasn’t.

Either way, she knew that she wasn’t in the right headspace to stick around and try to talk it out with Carmy. There was no getting to the bottom of whatever everything was, not tonight. So she slipped through, grabbing her things as she went, not even bothering to hang up her brand new chef’s jacket in her locker. She’d just make a point to remember it in the morning when she was getting ready to leave. The immediate relief of one less thing standing between her and the door was worth the extra step tomorrow.

She saw the way that Ebra was looking on over the shoulder of the man who had shown up to free Carmy. That was enough to reassure her that she was free to leave. Even if she wasn’t, there was nothing that Carmy could scream at her for in that moment that he couldn’t just as easily scream at her for tomorrow. It could wait. He could wait. All the waiting that he’d made her do in the months leading up to this, she couldn’t deny that it felt a little right to leave him there and make him wait until tomorrow to see her or talk to her. She wouldn’t have gone out of her way to dodge him, but the universe was lining her up for the perfect shot at the moment, so she was going to take it.

When she walked out the front door, she wasn’t expecting to see Richie standing there smoking a cigarette, looking just about as lost as she felt. He turned around at the sound of the door shutting behind him. His eyes locked onto Sydney and he wanted to muster up some sort of reaction to it being her, but he just couldn’t quite manage it. There was the tiniest lift of his eyebrows, an almost imperceptible upward tilt of his head, but that was it. Sydney’s reaction was about the same.

“Thought you went home,” she said as she stepped so that she was beside him.

He shook his head. “Not yet.”

It was different, weird even, to hear Richie’s tone sounding so neutral. He always had some kind of an inflection in his voice, even if it was an annoying one. He was always yelling, or laughing, or arguing to prove a point that no one else in the world cared enough to try and make. Even his most pointless stories were always told with a sense of urgency. So to hear him sound like that, so flat and almost empty, after one of the biggest nights for them in the last few months, didn’t sit quite right.

There was a comment on the tip of Syd’s tongue, something to the effect of telling him that he should go home. Then it hit her that she didn’t really know if she wanted to go home either. She didn’t want to be inside, didn’t want to look Carmy in the eyes, but she wasn’t sure if she was ready to pack it in and head back to her apartment. She stopped herself from telling Richie to do something that she had no real interest in doing herself.

“That was…insane,” she said to him instead.

That got a hint of a laugh, more of a scoff than anything, out of him. But it was something. A feeling. “Yeah, yeah it fuckin’ was.”

“You did—”

“You know—”

They both started and stopped at the same time. They both chuckled awkwardly, shaking their heads. It always felt like they were either perfectly in-sync or constantly stepping on each other’s toes. At least this time the toe-stepping wasn’t accompanied by yelling.

Richie gestured for her to continue, the cigarette still in his hand tossing smoke everywhere in the process. “Go ahead.”

“You did…really great tonight, Richie,” she said with a nod.

He scoffed but cut himself short in the process. Take the win. He had to get better at letting himself take the win. After all, it wasn’t often that Syd was the one giving him any. “You too,” he let a pause linger for longer than necessary, a small smirk starting to creep its way across his face as he added on, “Captain.”

“Fuck off.” She said it with a laugh, no real heat behind the words the way that there had been in the past.

They both laughed, awkward tension starting to slowly evaporate, but the exhaustion still hung heavy in the air. Thick condensation that neither of them could shake off. It wasn’t until they both stopped laughing that Syd cleared her throat and prompted Richie to say whatever it was that he was going to say to her before.

He shook his head. He almost didn’t want to say it now. The moment was good. For all the bad moments over the course of the night, most of his moments with Syd had been good ones. He didn’t want to ruin that. They were laughing, and tired, and for a moment not stressed the fuck out about it all. He didn’t want to dredge it all up again. Looking over at Syd and her big, curious eyes, he knew that there was no saying, “Nevermind,” now.

He tapped the ash of his cigarette onto the sidewalk, a last-ditch effort of procrastination. “What I was gonna say, before you interrupted me,” he joked for a moment before letting his tone get serious again, “was that, fuck, I just—” He stopped and shook his head, already wanting to take it all back. He was long past the point of no return now. “You know you don’t have to just, fuckin’, put up with him being like that, right?”

Her brows drew together. “What?”

He nodded back towards the restaurant. “Carmy. You don’t have to put up with his whole, you know,” he gestured vaguely with his hand, less smoke in his wake this time, “toddler, bitch-boy routine.”

Syd couldn’t help but to laugh as she shook her head. “Richie, I mean, I get it, but I kinda d—”

“You don’t,” he cut her off, shaking his head. “Get back in his fuckin’ face when he gets at you like that.”

“Like you?” The words were meant to land as an insult, but she should’ve known better than to think that Richie was going to let them be one.

“Yeah! Like me!” He was hovering just beneath a yell now, but not really at her, still at Carmy. Syd just happened to be the person who was standing in front of him at the time. “Don’t let him think that that shit’s okay, you know?”

She shook her head. “He knows it’s not.”

“Then he should fuckin’ act accordingly!”

She knew that Richie wasn’t wrong. But she also knew enough, about Carmy and about the kitchen and about life, to know that it was lofty to think that her snapping back at Carmy all the time would be the magical cure for it all.

“I know,” she tried to be purposeful with her words, handling Richie with more care in that moment than she had in any other moment since she’d met him. “But can you at least agree that maybe, maybe it wasn’t the right time? You know? When we were all in the middle of the shit?”

The four seconds it took Richie to concede to what she was saying felt like they were actually much longer than that. He did give in, though. Shoulders dropping as he tucked his chin in a nod. “Doesn’t stop him though,” he muttered. “Fuckin’ baby.”

Syd didn’t even feel the smile creeping back onto her face, had no idea it’d made a reappearance. “Doesn’t stop you either, to be fair.”

“Pfft,” Richie scoffed as he flicked away the butt of his cigarette, “I don’t know what you’re talking about—I am the pinnacle of professionalism.”

“Richie.”

He rolled his eyes but there was a smirk on his face as he did. “Yeah, yeah. Not…not the right time.”

There was a pause, one that lasted long enough for either of them, or both of them, to go their separate ways. It’d been the longest night in the history of everything and there was no real reason for either of them to keep sticking around. Syd was vaguely aware of the fact that she probably still smelled like the back alleyway and her own vomit, and Richie was probably still forcing the last of the adrenaline out of his system. Even knowing that, though, neither of them moved. If anything, Syd was more tempted to just plop down on the curb than turn to start heading towards the station that would get her home. If she went home she would see her father. Her father who was currently so excited for her and proud of her, and actually showing it in a way that she could understand. She didn’t want to go home with the weight that was currently lingering on her shoulders and ruin that. It wouldn’t just be ruining it for her, it would be ruining it for him, too. If she could manage to wait a little while longer, she would. If Richie was going to give her a way to stick around, she was going to take it.

He wouldn’t be so bold as to say it, but Richie was glad that she didn’t seem to be in much of a rush to leave either. For as much as part of Richie wanted to be laying in bed staring up at his ceiling, he didn’t want to go back to the emptiness of his apartment yet. Carmy’s words were still bouncing around his head. They weren’t going to sink their teeth into him. He wasn’t going to let them do that. It wasn’t anything worse than what either of them had ever said to each other before. He was almost certain that they would say the same types of things to each other again at some point. All the personal growth in the world could never completely snub out those old habits. They would always come out of hibernation eventually. His fight with Carmy would hit him in waves over the next few days, but what was really pulling him under in the moment was something that he hadn’t seen coming. He knew that it was probably much more than just the fact that Tiff wasn’t at Friends and Family that was getting to him, that the issues and the need for closure there went much deeper than that. It was so much easier to attribute it to just one night, though, so that’s exactly what he was going to do for the time being. And if standing on the curbside with Sydney kept him from going home and staring at his ceiling and spinning out about things that were out of his control, then he’d keep doing it.

“Speaking of bad timing,” Syd started with a shake of her head, helping both of them procrastinate in the best way that they knew how.

“Oh shit,” Richie chuckled, “this is gonna be good.”

For a moment Richie was straddling between the possibilities of thinking that Syd was about to be complicit in her own bad timing, and thinking that her story was about someone else’s bad timing. They were both equally likely, given how things tended to go for all of them.

Syd didn’t know if she really even wanted to tell Richie what had happened. Or maybe want wasn’t the right word. She knew that she wanted to tell him, but she didn’t know why. She was, for the moment at least, probably better off not knowing the why. She also didn’t know how much telling him might end up backfiring on her. Want wasn’t the right word—should was.

Luckily for Richie, if there was one thing Syd had it was the ability to go for something even if it might blow up directly in her face after the fact.

“I think Marcus asked me out earlier.”

Richie’s eyes went wide. “Shut the fuck up.”

“I’m serious.”

“You think?” he asked, mostly mocking but also genuinely wondering how she could be uncertain about something like that.

“There was a lot going on!” She tried to come to her own defense. “There was a lot going on and I wasn’t exactly expecting it and he also didn’t really—”

“What’d you say?” He cut her ramble short, wanting to get right to the heart of it all.

“What?”

“He asked you out. So, what did you say?”

“You think I’d be standing here talking to you about it if I said yes?”

He chuckled and shook his head. “Poor Marcus. That’s,” he glanced over at Syd, a shit-eating grin on his face, “that’s gonna be a tough one to come back from.”

She rolled her eyes, immediately regretting her decision to tell him. She knew it was coming, in a way, but she wasn’t going to let that take away her right to be annoyed. “Alright—”

“Sydney Heartbreaker Adamu,” he joked.

She wanted to be mad but she ended up laughing instead. “Shut up. Making me sound like some boxer.”

“Read all that Coach K shit and didn’t even end up in the right sport.”

She clasped her hands in front of her face for a moment, caught between praying and laughing a little harder at it all. “I think we’re all going to be busy enough so that it’s not going to be, like, a real—”

Sydney stopped herself mid-sentence when the restaurant door opened behind them. They each turned and looked to see Carmy walking through. However tired the two of them looked by that point, Carmy was about ten times worse and had twenty times more reason to be. There was a pause as they all stood and looked at each other—Syd and Richie looking at Carmy, Carmy going back and forth between the two of them. In the back of his mind he knew that he must’ve been interrupting something. He also knew that there should be something that he was saying but nothing was coming out. All the thoughts racing around his head and he couldn’t manage to externalize a single fucking one of them. Suddenly he found himself sitting there, spinning out and feeling embarrassed in front of two people he had worked so hard to fall into sync with.

Syd was willing to bite the bullet on behalf of everyone one more time. “We can talk tomorrow, Chef,” she said with a tight nod as she continued to look at Carmy.

He looked a little taken aback by the statement when he should have probably been nothing besides grateful. The last thing that he needed as to be getting into it with both of them in the middle of the goddamn sidewalk, especially not when they would both be teaming up against him. He knew that. But he also hated the feeling of being dismissed like he was a child who was getting suspended from school for the rest of the day. If he said that he was sure it would’ve been met by a comment from one or both of them that would have been to the effect of, “If you weren’t acting like such a child we wouldn’t have to fucking treat you like one.” And he knew that he’d deserve that too.

Carmy forced himself to nod, speaking somewhat to both of them even though he was still only looking at Sydney. It felt a little easier to do that, although he might feel differently after whatever conversation they would end up having tomorrow. For now, though, she was still safe.

“Tomorrow. Right. Yeah.” He nodded one more time. “Tomorrow.”

Carmy tried to get his feet to move but they wouldn’t. Richie could see it in Sydney’s eyes that she was about to take off. Home suddenly feeling like less of an uncomfortable notion when the other option was standing there with the two of them. He didn’t want to be left alone with Carmy, not so soon after everything else, so he beat her to the punch and rolled out before either of them could counter it.

“Night, Chefs,” he said in one sweep to both of them before turning and walking towards the lot where he’d parked his car.

Syd was the only one who said anything in return, Carmy only able to give him a nod in that moment. When Richie was far enough away to make the two of them look at each other again, Carmy wondered if Syd would change her mind and want to have a conversation with him about any of it, about anything really.

She ignored the hopeful look that was starting to creep into his eyes. “See you tomorrow.”

He got half a nod out before he gave up on it, already seeing the way Syd was stepping back to go on her own way as well. “Y-yeah. See you…see you tomorrow.”

Tomorrow came much faster than anyone at The Bear had really been bargaining for. It felt like it was forever away with how long the day before had seemed. Syd thought that she was ridiculously early in getting there but the first thing she noticed was that the lights were already on. It was a toss-up on who had gotten there before her, a fifty-fifty shot between the two Berzatto’s. It wasn’t a sure enough thing for her to want to walk in just yet. She knew that she and Carmy needed to talk, but that didn’t mean that she wanted to. Especially not first thing in the goddamn morning. Maybe it was Natalie. Maybe it was Natalie and they would lament together in the office and it would all be okay. But something in Syd’s gut told her it was Carmy.

She was so busy staring at the door that she hadn’t heard the footsteps getting closer. It wasn’t until Richie spoke that she realized she was no longer alone out on the sidewalk.

“Keep meeting like this,” he mumbled past the cigarette between his lips.

Her head whipped in his direction, and it wasn’t until she saw the amused look on his face that she processed what he said. Once she really heard it, though, it got her to laugh. “Funny how that works.”

He nodded towards the restaurant before lighting his cigarette. “Ready to do it all over again?”

“No,” she answered immediately. “That’s why I’m standing out here on the,” she shook her head, “on the fucking sidewalk.”

He stepped in a little closer so that he was standing right beside her, as close to shoulder-to-shoulder as they could manage given their height difference. “How bad could it be, right?” he asked with a shrug, sleeve sliding against the material of her winter jacket.

The laugh that she let out was loud, almost involuntarily so. One of the only people who really knew just how bad it could get besides her was Richie, and that’s what nearly had her in stitches. “Fuck off.”

He flicked his cigarette away, not anywhere near done with it. More of a habit than a need, now. He placed his hand on her shoulder closest to him. “C’mon, Chef. Let’s get this over with.”

It took Richie less than ten minutes to come to regret those words. He and Syd had gone inside, Syd had put all of her things away in her locker, and that was when both of them heard shuffling around coming from inside the office. Carmy and Richie had said plenty to each other the night before—it was Sydney and Carmy who needed to actually have that first initial conversation. All Syd could make herself do was look at Richie as he looked at her, and finally she pushed the door to her locker shut. Neither of them said anything to the other. Richie just gave her a slight nod of reassurance before she went on her way.

The last thing he heard before Syd shut the door to the office was her saying to Carmy, “Hey, so, I think we really need to talk about last night.” The first thing he heard after that was Syd shouting, “Okay, well, it is a fucking problem!” Richie had no idea what was said between them between those two sentences, but he had no doubt that Syd was right, that whatever was being brought up and discussed was, in fact, a problem. Part of him wanted to linger, knowing that the two of them would undoubtedly get loud enough and stay loud enough for him to hear pretty much everything that was said, but he didn’t. He’d get the liner notes from one of them, or both of them, before the day was out. He was willing to settle for that. He went back out to the front of the house and made himself busy there instead. Purpose.

By the time that everyone else started to trickle in, the yelling had stopped. The tension wasn’t gone but at least they were no longer about to throttle each other. The office was Natalie’s head of operations once more the way that it should be.

“Where the fuck is Marcus?” Carmy asked as he was taking stock of everyone that was in the kitchen.

Syd shrugged, eyes glued to the counter in front of her. “I don’t know. I haven’t heard anything from him.”

“Did you call him?”

She didn’t turn her head to look at him, but her eyes flicked over to Carmy. “Did you?”

He raised his eyebrows, and Sydney could see it on his face that he was fighting the urge to say something that would kick everything off again. If it had just been the two of them he wouldn’t have held his tongue. As it was, he just shook his head and took off towards the back door so he could make the phone call.

Richie appeared right by Sydney’s side, seemingly out of nowhere the way it always seemed to be now. He leaned in close and kept his voice quiet, which seemed to be another new skill he honed in recent weeks, so that only Syd could hear him, and hear the humor in his voice. “Think he’s blowing us all off because you—”

“I do not think he’s blowing us off because of that,” Syd cut him off, shaking her head and trying not to let it show that she found it almost as funny as it was annoying coming from Richie.

The smug grin on his face grew a little wider. “Told you it was gonna be a hard one to come back fr—”

“Richie, do you remember how unpleasant it was last time I stabbed you?” She paused long enough to look at him, not long enough to let him answer the question before continuing on to say, “Our knives are so much nicer and sharper now, you know?”

He chuckled, holding his hands up. “No need to get stabby—just paying you a compliment.”

It wasn’t until that moment that Syd realized just how close Richie was actually standing to her. She didn’t want to think about it. There were so many other things that she needed to be thinking about. Things that mattered in that moment, like the restaurant, like Carmy being one mishap away from falling completely fucking apart again, like Marcus being MIA. She didn’t need to be thinking about Richie standing close to her and the way warmth rolled up and down her spine like someone was dragging their fingertips there.

Richie was either too busy being amused with himself to notice the shift, or just oblivious because nothing prior to that moment would’ve given him any inkling that he would elicit that from her just by invading her personal space the way that he always did with her and everyone else. Or maybe, Syd thought for a moment, he noticed and was just being kind enough not to say anything at work in front of everyone. That was a short-lived moment.

Regardless of the why, Richie switched tracks. “Speaking of people being butthurt—how’d it go with Carmine this morning?”

Syd rolled her eyes, split-second infatuation completely gone. “It went great, yeah. Super…super productive. Did you not hear it?” If her sarcastic tone was a tangible object it would’ve been a lead brick dropping directly onto Richie’s toe.

He shook his head, trying not to smile and failing miserably. “Only a little bit of it.”

“How did that little bit sound?”

He gave a fake impressed frown and nod. “Productive, I’d say.”

She knew he would be able to tell that she didn’t really mean it when she told him, “Fuck off,” but it still felt good to say it.

“Told you, sweetheart,” he rested his hands on her shoulders for a brief moment, “Peak of Professionalism.”

“Yeah,” she rolled her eyes, smiling as he walked away to start taking care of more pressing matters, “add it to your resumé.”

The next dinner shift was about as much of a scramble as the previous one had been. Different, but similar. Marcus being MIA made things difficult, but there was something to be said for Carmy not being locked in the freezer this time around. Chaotic, but manageable—that was something they were all used to.

“All good, Chef?” Richie asked when he walked back into the kitchen to grab some of the plates that were up.

Syd was nodding, eyes still locked on the sea of slips in front of her. “Yes, Chef.”

Richie had a plate in each hand but he still paused beside her. “Hey,” he paused and waited for her to finally look over at him, “you’re doing good.”

Syd expected to want to come back with something snarky, but instead the smile on her face was genuine. “Thanks—”

“Doing as good as I did last time? Well,” Richie said with a shrug, trying not to laugh, “we’ll see.”

She immediately dropped her eyes back to the real task at hand, partially to focus but mostly so he wouldn’t be able to see her trying not to laugh. “Need to see those plates walking, Chef.”

He laughed, already stepping away as he said, “Yes, Chef.”

Sydney was sure that there was a universe out there somewhere, where she got along easily with both Richie and Carmy. As it stood, however, she seemed to be stuck in a world where she could only ever manage to be on good terms with one of them. For the longest time it was her and Carmy—a united front in a way against the rest of the restaurant. Part of her thought that shifting to The Bear was only going to strengthen and solidify that. They were supposed to be partners, after all. Much to her surprise it seemed to be doing the exact opposite. It was more complicated than just the two of them ‘not getting along’. The problems ran deeper than that, had a reach farther outside the kitchen than that. Regardless of the reasoning behind it all, it left the two of them feeling about as far apart as they’d ever been since she’d shown up to stage when they were still The Beef. She couldn’t simply storm out and walk away like she had before, not with how deeply she was entrenched in it now. She had to adapt, had to figure it out even if Carmy seemed to be incapable of doing the same.

Apparently an integral part of the adaptation process was her and Richie mending things between them. There was never really a conversation about them filling in the cracks of the foundation between them. They never sat down across the table from each other and spelled out everything that they were sorry for—that wasn’t how they were wired with each other. They understood, though, one good turn deserving another. They both knew that there was more to be said about them being on the same wavelength in the kitchen, that that change alone said more than a plain apology ever would. To being combatants on opposites sides of the fight to being each other’s touchstone in the middle of the chaos was a one-eighty that neither of them ever would have been able to call. They never really said anything about that either, but they made sure the other knew that they were grateful for it.

“You heading out soon, Chef?” Richie asked after a long minute of watching Syd fuss over produce placement and organization on the cart.

Her eyes flicked over to the clock on the wall before they finally landed on Richie. She hadn’t even noticed the time going by. “Yeah. Soon.”

He didn’t mean to smile but he couldn’t stop himself either as he walked closer. “What’re you doing?”

“I feel like this could be better.”

“Better?” He laughed. “It’s fuckin’ vegetables, Syd. How—”

“Not everyone in this kitchen is six feet tall, Richie.”

He rolled his eyes. “I’m six-one,” he paused for emphasis, “But I see your point.” He looked at her as she went to look away. “You really think you’re gonna crack the code tonight?”

“I might! I could. Probably.”

He was shaking his head but he knew that she was probably right. Usually if she thought on something hard enough she’d get to the bottom of it one way or another. “Alright,” he conceded as he took a small step back. He leaned against the counter behind him, crossing his arms over his chest as he waited.

It took longer than it should have for her to notice that he was still standing there. She tried to ignore the way her heartbeat quickened just slightly. “You don’t have to stay, you know.”

“What if there’s a vegetable-placement-related emergency tomorrow and you’re not here?”

“Where else would I be?”

“Stuck in the freezer,” Richie said with a laugh despite the fact that the door to the walk-in was in perfect working order now. He gave them each a moment to laugh at that, knowing that joking about it was the only way to cope with it at this point. “Anyway, what if there’s an emergency and I’m the only other one who would’ve had the answer if I had just stuck around?”

“Your head is a very dramatic place to be,” she said, smiling and knowing enough to not argue with him further or try to insist on sending him home.

She didn’t stick around for as long as she would have if she had been alone. Throughout the process of opening The Bear she had spent plenty of late nights at the restaurant on her own and she didn’t think twice about it. Things had to get done and she was fine being the one to stay late and do them. It felt different knowing that Richie was there and waiting on her, though, even if he wasn’t saying anything or trying to rush her.

“I don’t think I’m getting this tonight,” she finally conceded.

Richie chuckled, stepping forward again. She didn’t shy away from him encroaching on her space. He looked over her shoulder, hands stuffed into his pockets. “Maybe there’s nothing to get.”

She let out a short sigh. “Yeah.” She pressed the heel of her palm to the edge of her forehead for a moment. “Maybe.”

Sydney wasn’t looking at him but that didn’t stop Richie from looking at her. His eyes raked over her profile, unable to make himself look at anything else. He took in a slow, deep breath, knowing that there were words on the tip of his tongue that he just couldn’t let himself say. Part of him wanted to, just so it was out there in the open and he wouldn’t have it hanging over his head anymore. That same part of him also couldn’t help but to sometimes think that he wasn’t the only one who felt the way that he did. It took two, right? To make things work the way that they had been?

But he didn’t want to be the next person that she talked about to someone after hours, another story of some poor sucker who couldn’t read the room and had the worst timing in the world. He didn’t want that. It was a little selfish, sure, but the outcome was still the same—their dynamic would keep.

Syd turned around, thinking that she was just going to go and grab her things from her locker. She stopped on a dime, though, when she saw how close Richie had been standing to her. She looked up at him, eyes wide as an awkward laugh slipped past her lips.

“What’s up?” she asked, not moving away from him if he wasn’t going to be moving away from her.

He gave a small shake of his head. “Nothing.” He took a tiny step back, just enough so that if he needed to, he could say that he made an effort to put some distance there. “You, uh,” he motioned back over his shoulder, “you good to go?”

Syd didn’t want to admit that she was disappointed by the sliver of space that Richie had put between them, by the fact that he was ushering the moment to a close before it had even really gotten started. She didn’t want to admit it but she knew that she was. All she could do at that point was hope that it wasn’t written all over her face.

“Yeah. Yeah I just gotta grab my stuff.”

Richie nodded. “Right.”

There was a moment, the two of them standing close even though they weren’t as close as they had been but still feeling just as close. Maybe it was all in his head, or maybe it was the fact that he couldn’t stop studying Sydney’s face and in the process maybe he noticed that she was staring at his lips but he didn’t want to think too much about any of that.

And apparently Sydney didn’t want to think too much about it either because she forced herself to take a small step to the side as she said, “I’m just gonna…grab that…”

“Yeah,” he said, sounding more defeated than he meant to. It wasn’t until she was a few more strides away and out of earshot that he dropped his head and whispered, “Fuck me,” to no one other than himself.

Neither of them said anything about it the following day. Or the day after that. It didn’t matter how often it crossed each of their minds, the possibilities of it all. There were too many other things to handle, too many other moving parts that required their attention. At least that’s what they each told themselves anyway, that and they each tried to assure themselves that there was no way the other could really feel the same way. They were Syd and Richie after all. In what world would things play out like that for them?

For all the havoc it was wreaking on them internally, their saving grace was that they were still able to manage work just fine. Or, as well as they ever had. Bumps and mishaps and screaming matches with Carmy still peppered in for good measure. But they still had each other’s backs, and Syd wished that she knew how to thank him for that without making it weird or blowing up her own spot about it all. It should’ve been easy, but then again nothing with them really ever was.

Sydney didn’t say much when Richie snapped back at Carmy in her defense, saving her the trouble of getting into another argument with him herself. She didn’t comment on the way that his voice had an extra layer of firmness to it when he came to her defense. She just gave Richie a nod and a silently mouthed, “Thank you,” after Carmy walked away. And when Sydney cut Carmy short when he was getting after Richie for things that weren’t actually his fault, Richie didn’t say anything then either. Syd would give him the look, the slight tilt of her head and raise of her brows to ask if he was alright, and rather than say anything in response Richie would just rest his palm against the center of her back for a moment before diving right back into it all.

The Bear had been silent and seemingly empty for a while, dinner service long since done and over with. Sydney was making the final rounds through, reassuring that everything was in the right place for the next day. She still hadn’t gotten around to rearranging the produce but she found herself smiling regardless anytime she thought about it.

She shut off all the lights in the kitchen as she made her way out towards the dining area. She swung the door open with more force than she meant to as she stuffed things haphazardly into her bag.

“Oh, shit,” Richie said with a surprised laugh. “Just crashing through here like that?”

Her eyes widened. “Shit. Fuck, sorry. I didn’t know…I thought it was just me here.” She paused. “What are you still doing here?”

He shook his head slightly, like he was going to dismiss the question. Then he remembered who it was that he was talking to. “Thought I had something but,” he fiddled with the fork on the tabletop, “I think I’m just going fuckin’ insane at this point.”

Sydney laughed as she walked over so that she was standing beside him, staring down at the same table he was. “This place will do that to you.” There was a breath of a pause between them before Syd blurted out, “Are you okay?”

He contorted his face in confusion. “Am I okay?”

“Yeah. I mean, I know that Carmy has been—”

“Carmy has been the same little bitch he’s always been,” Richie cut her off, simultaneously rude and assuaging her worries. “Nothing changed there. New fancy restaurant and he's still the same fuckin’ toddler. Now he’s just a toddler in debt to fuckin’ Cicero.”

Syd smiled and shook her head. She should’ve known better than to expect a real answer. “Right. Well, if there’s anything I can do…”

“You’re already doing it,” Richie replied before thinking better of it.

“What?”

He froze for a moment before clearing his throat and making himself speak. “You tell anyone I said this and I’ll deny it. I’ll deny it and I’ll get you fucking fired…somehow,” he said and they both laughed quietly before he continued. “But you said it, you know? You called it.”

“Called what?”

“You said that this place could be good. You said it didn’t have to be shitty and you were right. And you made it, you know, not fuckin’ shitty.”

It was one of the realest, most direct compliments he’d ever given her. Or anyone, really. “Thanks.” She paused for a moment as she gnawed the inside of her lip. “It wasn’t just me, though.”

“Talkin’ about Fak?” he joked, trying to erase the tension he felt starting to bubble up all over again.

Sydney laughed. “Yeah, obviously.” She let it hang in the air for a moment before she reached and rested her hand against the outside of Richie’s bicep, pads of her fingers making the fabric of his suit jacket give into her. “It was you too, Richie. You know that, right?”

He didn’t know why his face felt like it was on fire all of a sudden. “Nah, I mean—”

She wasn’t having it. “You make this place good. It’s not, you know, it’s not The Bear without you here.” She gave his arm a gentle squeeze. “I’m glad you’re here.”

He forced himself to stop looking at the table and look at her. He was looking for any sign of her backpedaling, waiting for the first hint of sarcasm, but it never came. It was just her there with all of her honesty and her hand on his arm. And suddenly he became very aware of how much closer to him she’d drifted.

He should just say it. That was all he could think as he stood there with her. It’s all he could ever manage to think about in their small moments together like that. He should just fucking say it. He should tell her how he feels. There had to be something to it, right? There was no way that it could all be in his head. And yeah, maybe the last guy thought the same thing but now Richie was standing there with Sydney practically melting into his side while he was about to start melting into the floor. He didn’t want to just be another story that she passed along to the next guy, a cheap laugh at his expense when he wasn’t around, but if that was the price he had to pay to find out if he was living in some form of delusion, maybe it was a price he was willing to pay.

“Syd?” He almost didn’t recognize his own voice, the hesitation in it.

“Yeah?”

She sounded hopeful, which made him hopeful in return. “There’s never a right time, you know? For a lotta shit? I…I know that.” He cleared his throat. “And maybe this is really fuckin’ stupid of me, because we’re finally figuring our shit out and you shot down the last guy but I just gotta say it. I know it’s bad timing but let’s be real it’s not like any of us here ever really have good timing for shit like this.” He studied Syd’s face, looking for any traces of negativity and somehow still missing that she was holding her breath in anticipation. “I think that you, fuck, you’re the greatest thing that’s happened in a long time. To me. And yeah, there’s the restaurant and the rest of it but, but it’s…it’s you.” He punctuated his statement by putting his hand on her shoulder.

Syd thought her heart was going to beat hard enough to crack its way right through her ribcage. “Richie—”

“And if you gotta go all Heartbreaker on me I get it but—”

“Richie,” she repeated herself, just enough to get his attention. “You’re right.” She paused, soaking in the shocked look on Richie’s face as he tried to figure out which part she thought he was right about. “There’s never a good time.” The shock faded to disappointment but she paid it no mind because she knew where she was going next. “But this might be, you know, the best time. The only time. And,” and moved her hand from his arm so that it was resting on top of his hand on her shoulder, “I’m sick of trying to wait for some sort of sign that says it’s the right time. Honestly? I think,” she laughed, “I think this is it. This is the sign.”

The apprehension drained out of him instantly as he listened to each word she said, soaked up the warmth flooding from her hand into his. “Yeah?” he still had to ask, hopefully to a painful degree.

She nodded as she squeezed his hand. “Yeah.”

For once he couldn’t think of anything to say. So he did the next best thing. He turned just enough so that he was facing her, hardly giving either of them time to overthink their way through it as he leaned in and kissed her, his lips catching hers.

His hands cupped both sides of her face, channeling all the instances of almost and maybe into that one action like he was afraid it would be the first and last time. He wanted to make it worth it, wanted to make sure she knew.

Syd felt the way that he leaned down into her, eager, hopeful. She was instantly lost in the way his lips moved against hers, allowing herself to get swept up in it all as her hands fell to rest on his arms—steadying him, keeping him there although he had no intention of trying to be anywhere else.

It was just the two of them in the darkness and quiet of the restaurant, and for once neither of them had the urge to say anything at all.

#the bear #the bear fx #the bear hulu #sydney adamu #richie jerimovich #sydney x richie #sydney adamu x richie jerimovich #richie jerimovich x sydney adamu #the bear fanfiction #richie jerimovich fanfiction #sydney adamu fanfiction #my writing #fanfiction #drabblesmc #fiab 2023 #fic in a box 2023

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webinurcloset · 1 year ago

Text

OKAY I LOVE,, 1. i always wanted to work in a little book shop,, 2.!! this is so cute

(you) on my arm - s. adamu

summary: sydney is at a wall, she has no ideas when it comes to the new menu at the bear. she decides to go to a bookstore for some new inspiration, she finds it, but not in the way she was expecting.

pairing: sydney adamu x fem! bookseller! reader

word count: 2,514

note: annoying! carmy bc he literally is insane, kinda fluffy meet cute vibes, reader just moved to chicago, inspired by the song (you) on my arm by leith ross cause the song is rlly cute! also sydney gives me sapphic vibes, she definitely would have a crush on a girl!

monday morning -

Sydney was pissed, she had sent at least ten messages to Carmy in the last twenty minutes. Some about the new menu they were working on together, some about the fact that he had been a bitch the night before when he kicked everyone out because Claire just had to see the new restaurant. She ran her hands down her face in frustration as she sat at her dad's kitchen table, the sun streaming in through the blinds into the apartment. It warmed the floor as she got up from the table, debating what to do. She had no ideas left, everything was either not working out, or it just didn't fit the menu for the new revamped restaurant.

"Sydney, where are you headed off to today?" Her dad walked into the room with a steaming cup of coffee, freshly brewed from a new coffee blend she had found shopping the day before.

"Uh well Carm is not responding so I'm gonna head over to The Bear and meet up with him for a little then see where the day goes from there I guess." She walked out of the dining area and put her breakfast dishes away.

"Okay honey, have a good day. Hope he stops being an ass." She laughed, "Me too... me too."

Sydney grabbed her shoes out of the closet she had thrown them in last night, slipping them on and grabbing her bag. "I'll see you later dad." She grabbed her keys, and started making her way to the restaurant where she could deal with Carmy in person.

You looked around the bookstore, you had only been open for a month but it had been a hit within the community. You had almost any book anybody could want. There were teens coming from the school a few blocks away to get some cheesy romance novels to bring to the park and read with their friends, and there were grandparents coming in to get their grandchildren a new picture book about god knows what. You even had some people come in and request books you had never heard of before, you promptly ordered two copies of any book you didn't have. One for the customer, and one for you, to read and explore the pages.

It was a beautiful space, tall ceilings strung with fairy lights and lanterns, trying to bring some sense of whimsy to the dull days in Chicago. The books were arranged in every which way, requiring the customers to truly search for a book they wanted to read. You had tables full of recommendations, from people online and the employees of the bookshop. You really enjoyed curating all the titles you had in your collection. Tourists looking for a cute little magnet or souvenir adored the hole in the wall place, a safe space to just cuddle up and read a book.

You had a few customers that day, a mom and her son looking for his first chapter book to read. You had suggested he read The Magic Tree House, a series, about a brother and sister and their time traveling tree house. There was a tall guy with a buzzcut, who said he worked just down the street and was looking for a book about how to get rid of mold in the structure of a building. He seemed in dire need of some help, so you found the best book possible, The Toxic Mold Recovery Guide. You had no idea you had the book but it was meant to be. He thanked you immensely, leaving his name and number just in case you ever needed anything. His name was Richie, he seemed pretty nice.

Low music played as you restocked a shelf, you hated the idea of having Colleen Hoover books in the store but they were a big source of income. They absolutely flew off the shelves. The least touched section of the store were the cookbooks, it seemed like everyone in Chicago was moving too fast to just dedicate one hour of their day to making a meal from scratch. It was disappointing, because you had a large selection, from Mastering the Art of French Cooking by Julia Child to Momofuku by David Chang and Peter Meehan. You knew that someday it might come in handy and you would be lucky to have all the cookbooks.

Sydney walked into the restaurant in a sour mood, Carmy had still not responded to any of her texts and she knew he was here. She walked straight into the office, passing the locker room, sans lockers and covered in black powder. Richie furiously flipping through a book that said something about mold on the cover. He glanced up at her

"Shut the fuck up." She was taken aback

"I didn't even fucking say anything Richie," he scoffed at her

"Well I was preparing for you to say something dumb as hell, and you did so I stand by my first statement." He looked back down at the book and mumbled something unintelligible to himself. She rolled her eyes and made her way into the office.

"Carm are you here?" Turning the corner she saw the chef, surrounded by papers and various file folders. He had his phone in his hand and was about to dial a number, "You little bitch, you fucking had your phone this entire time." She couldn't believe what was right in front of her.

"What do you mean chef?" Carmy looked confused, "Of course I had my phone, I'm about to call the fridge guy."

Rolling her eyes she brought her hand up to her face, holding her forehead in her palm. "I texted you at least ten fucking times, you couldn't even bother yourself to respond!" Shaking her head she sank down into the office chair Carmy had abandoned an hour ago.

He looked around the room, trying to get her to understand how much work he had been doing, "Syd I've been trying to make sense of this paperwork for hours, I haven't had time to respond to your messa-"

Fak's head popped into the doorframe, "Carmy I got your text about helping Richie clean up the mold but he's being mean to me." Sydney turned from Fak to the red faced chef sitting on the floor. He had been caught in a lie, of course Fak came in at just the right time for this to happen.

"Okay fuck you chef, I'm leaving." Sydney shrugged, stood up and left the room. She heard heated words from Carmy as she walked out of the office and passed the locker room again, now he was pissed at Fak, as usual. She heard her name as she turned around,

"Sydney, wait a sec come here."

"What do you want Richie, I thought you wanted me to shut the fuck up." She crossed her arms tight and shot him a pointed look.

"You should go to that bookstore a few blocks down, I got this damn mold book earlier and saw a shit ton of cookbooks. You should check it out." She sent him a tight smile and turned her back to him. "Thanks Chef."

You had just finished restocking the shelves for the day when the little bell above the door rang. You went behind the desk and called out, "Welcome to The Book Worm, If you need anything let me know!"

You heard no response so you just busied yourself cleaning up the case that was behind the checkout, it housed all your special edition signed or first edition copies of books. It needed to be dusted pretty often because you wanted to keep the quality of the books at their highest, just in case anyone would ever want to purchase one.

You heard a thud come from behind you, and turning around you looked down at the counter. There was a stack of six cookbooks placed on the counter in front of you. Looking up you saw one of the most beautiful women you had ever seen since you had moved in to the city. Her hair was long and perfectly braided, her eyes a beautiful shade of umber catching the light in a hypnotic way. She had a grimace on her face, yet still looked stunning. You had no idea how to react, so instinctively you started to enter the books into the register as you made some small talk,

"So how has your day been," She sighed and looked up to meet your gaze, "If I'm being honest, shitty. My fucking partner wouldn't respond to my messages and when I went to talk to him he had is phone in his hand about to call someone. So yeah really fucking shitty." You looked back down at the book at disappointment, of course she had a partner and of course she was straight.

Awkwardly smiling you tried to think of a good response"Oh, um, wow. That's pretty shitty I'm sorry." She seemed to sense your disappointment, trying to save the conversation, "Shit uh, my business partner I mean, he's a little bitch sometimes. We're uh, opening a business- or I should say um," She rubbed the back of her neck, "We're kinda rebranding his brother's old restaurant, its a lot." You had finished entering all the books into the system, your chest had filled with warmth when she rushed to clarify that he was her business partner. You thought that maybe, just maybe it might be because she wanted to make sure you knew she was single, and not exactly straight.

"I guess that explains the cookbooks then," You looked at her, she had been staring at you in a flustered state of shock. "What, oh, uh, yeah! I'm kinda stuck making the menu so wanted to get some inspiration."

Sharing an understanding smile, you read her total out to her. She grabbed her wallet and pulled out some cash, as she handed it to you her fingers brushed along yours. It sent chills down your spine, no matter how cliche it might be, you knew that she was someone to keep close. Your face flushed red as you took the cash and put it into the register, printing her receipt and giving her any change she needed back.

You decided that since she got so many books you would give her a free tote bag, just so she could carry all the books out of the shop. You pulled one off of a hook behind you and started to put the books into a bag. You decided to quietly slip a business card with your cell number and a little note into a book so she could find it and contact you. A subtle way of screaming, you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen I want to spend the rest of my life with you, without being too forward. As you finished packing the bag, the two of you both happened to say something at the same time.

"Do you wanna come see my restu-"

"Do you work at the restura-"

You flushed

"No you can go-"

"No you can go - sorry um. Do you want to come to the opening of the restaurant. It's uh, the one down the street, we're not opening for a while but, if you want to come to the friends and fam-"

You cut her off, wanting her to know you really wanted to go to her restaurant, "I would love to go... what was your name?"

"Sydney, It's uh Sydney" Her face got hot, nervous about the fascinating bookseller she just had the pleasure of meeting.

"Well Sydney, I would love to go. Just let me know the details," You softly smiled as you gave her the bag filled with books. She looked to you and grabbed a bookmark you had as a display that happened to have the shop's phone number on it. "I'll call you, um when we get closer to the open date, promise." You smiled, hoping that she would get in contact with you sooner than she expected to. She turned to leave.

"Thanks for coming in, really good to meet you Sydney." The door rang again and she sent you a wave through the glass, walking away quickly.

You were frozen, you had just given a random girl you just met your number, and had openly flirted with her for all the world to see. You crouched down onto the small stool you had behind the desk, tucked your head into your knees and screamed. You were feeling rushes of emotion and didn't think you would ever recover from that interaction. The bell rang again just as you finished screaming, you shot up and saw a group of teenagers heading to the new books you had just set out.

"Welcome to The Book Worm, If you need anything just holler!"

Sydney rushed back to The Bear, she was so utterly mortified, she had never seen someone so radiant and in their element. The chef couldn't contain her emotions as she stormed into the restaurant, Richie was the first person she saw, he started to say something,

"Not right now Richie I swear to God" The tall man was taken aback but threw his hands up in surrender, not wanting to get involved.

She might as well have ran into the office at the speed she was going, throwin the bag of cookbooks on the ground and closing the door, sliding down the back of the door she groaned,

"Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck, fucking, fuck," dragging out the last word as she hit the floor.

Carmy stared at her from the floor a few feet away, "Yo Syd what happened to you? Looks like you just ran a marathon." He chuckled at the expression on her face.

"I just met the most beautiful girl and totally fucked up my chances with her cause I left so quickly." Sydney put her hands into her face and just sat there marinating in her embarrassment.

Carmy had some strong suits, his attention to detail one of them. He noticed something poking out of one of the books. He grabbed it, hoping that it was something that would change Sydney's mood before he had to work with her for more hours than they could count. He grinned taking the note out of the book and reading it,

"Hey Syd," He reached out to give her the note.

She looked up from behind her fingers, "What?"

He shook his hand, implying he wanted her to take the note from his grip. She groaned, then leaned forward to forcefully take it out of his hand.

She read the note, and smiled. Thank God you slipped her this note.

cookbook girl -

i hope you enjoy your SIX cookbooks, i have some more you could borrow for some inspiration. text me

Sydney's face heated up as she leaned back into door and scoffed.

Carmy had saved the day, one again.

#the bookshop even sounds cute #sydney adamu #sydney adamu x reader #Sydney adamu fanfiction #Sydney adamu fluff #the bear fanfiction

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