#suicude tw

[acutabovetherest]

Beep beep 🥲

[sadsickandstoned]

Or worse, I wake up (😠😠) and am LATE to work

[trauma-erleben]

Auch nach 3h duschen bleibt es am Körper. Kein Wasser, kein Duschmarathon der Welt lässt abwaschen was nie hätte passieren dürfen.

[publishedloveletters]

the urge to tear apart my body until im pretty enough to be loved and cherished and cared for

[arisharkboi]

I like a lot of things about tiktok actually, but I'm so exhausted by getting told to kill myself every time I comment on a Jewish person's video expressing support (and of course tiktok says theres no violation when I report them). Not anything about Gaza or Israel or zionism, just Jewish people baking challah, showing off their Shabbat outfits, talking about their siddur and their cousins bar mitzvah and their favorite Jewish holidays.

I commented that I was excited for a convert to go to the mikvah (ritual bath, one of the final conversion steps) and got told it's evil to convert to Judaism and that anyone who converts is a Zionist who deserves to die. I said I was a convert. They told me "wooden doors won't save you this time. Tell me if the gas has a smell, your nose should be big enough to tell"

What the fuck?? Thats like multiple horrifically antisemitic tropes. And it's like that All. The. Time.

My Palestine activism has basically been reduced to just donating money and occasionally sharing posts bc every. single. activist space I see is full of virulent antisemitism and misinformation about Jews.

Yes, the government of Israel is committing a horrible and evil act of ethnic cleansing. But you don't get to make all Jews your scapegoat AGAIN. You don't get to tell a random stranger that they deserve to die bc of their religion. And you definitely don't get to hold up that death threat and call it activism.

I'm so fucking exhausted. I have no support except a handful of other Jews. I'm waiting for my friends and family to fall for the propaganda and tell me I'm disgusting for being a Jew. I'm constantly deleting conspiracy theories and blood libel propaganda from my inbox. "So just leave social media!" And isolate myself even more? Be even more cut off from news and current events and important info, not to mention human connection and things I enjoy? How about you just stop treating every Jew like we're subhuman. Just treat us like people for fucks sake.

Ans the worst part? I feel guilty for even posting this bc I know someone is going to come in my replies or my inbox and say "People are being bombed! How dare you make this about you!" I'm never going to be good enough for you, never pure enough, never one of "the good ones". One of these days one of you is going to push a Jewish person far enough to take your suggestions seriously and then it'll be blood on your hands.

Check on your Jewish friends and stop being fucking antisemites.

[cats-healing-diary]

I want this thoughts to stop. I want everything to stop. I can't keep on fighting against my own brain I just idk I just want to be okay. I just want to finally LIVE not just survive while letting myself bleed. Idk what to do anymore. Everyone says it gets better. BUT WHEN?? give me a time, tell me how many hours I have to experience this pain for, tell me how often I have to cut to feel okay, how often I have to ignore the voices in the back if my head. Just give me a bit of hope, because rn I'm so hopeless and empty and depressed and angry and idk arghh I don't want to be here anymore I just want to dissappear, to never feel again, to never BE again.

[shit-im-bpd-too-now]

Why the fuck am I not dead yet

[krysztal-gorski]

Stracilam wlasnie swojego jedynego najlepszego przyjaciela ktorego stawialam zawsze na pierwszym miejscu, traktowalam go jak brata. Obecnie nie widxe juz zadnego powodu aby dalej zyc

[toxic-bestie]

Christmas wishlist:

- succesful su1c1d3 4tte3mpt

[deersskull]

Ja już nie chcę się wyleczyć

[acutabovetherest]

Basically my goal has become to stay alive long enough for something else to take me out so I don’t hurt my friends and family extra with su!cide.

I make rules for myself like I’m not allowed to catch the bus when I’m on my period, if it’s really late at night & im exhausted or on a loved one’s birthday or holiday. This is an effort to extend my life. Even if I do end up catching the bus eventually at least I would have given my loved ones more time with me.

It’s really really hard to stay alive. I have been making preparations just in case. I want to die so that I don’t have to suffer anymore. Life has been difficult. The world is cruel. Everything hurts. And I am too sensitive for this place. But I’m still here.

[faifenaco]

House M.D. "Merry Little Christmas" (3x10) (TW: Discussions of Suicide)

To recap the scene(s): End-stage Tritter arc. Wilson walks into House's office to ask if he has any plans for Christmas, and despite what we've seen in previous Christmas episodes, House is *especially* cold in his response, scoffing at the idea that he'd want to spend the holiday with people (or more specifically, Wilson) instead of "popping pills". Cut to: House in his living room spinning a bottle of oxy. He calls his mother, wishes her a merry Christmas, takes the pills, downs a drink. After, Wilson comes in, worried that House isn't answering, sees him incapacitated on the floor. Now—I've always thought that this was House attempting to kill himself. He's a medical genius—he's not mixing oxy and alcohol by accident. If he were just trying to get high, he knows the way to do it without dying. Not to mention that the phone call seems like his way of saying goodbye. Here's where things get a little muddier for me. When Wilson walks in, he's visibly distraught at the sight of House lying on the floor in his sick. He rushes to his side, turns him over, and once seeing that he's (at least mildly) aware, leaves him there and goes home. I thought this was wildly out of character for him, but that's if you're looking at the scene through the lens that this was an attempt. Remember: Wilson doesn't know that House called his mom! What Wilson sees is his friend with an addiction who took things too far. If Wilson thought that House was truly in immediate danger, he would have gone to work immediately helping him. He's his best friend, addiction or not. Now, I want it to be clear that this isn't Wilson being a bad friend, it's him being disappointed in his best friend because Wilson was so desperately holding onto hope that the Tritter situation could finally make House turn his life around. With that out of the way, how did Wilson know that House was going to be alright? - House had already thrown up - He was in the rescue position already (And likely had been when he threw up, by the look of it) - He was conscious when Wilson found him - He used Oxycodone stolen from a patient. House has a million tools at his disposal as a doctor. If he was really looking to end things, he absolutely would have. This is potentially him chasing a high. It's dark, and sad, and raw, but I think Wilson just assumed that if House wanted to, he would. So, long story short—I'm not sure if I still think that this was House looking to kill himself as much as I think House was just looking to feel okay again, regardless of what it does to him. His career, the one thing he truly needs in life, is on the line at this point in the series. This was a "whatever happens, happens" moment. At least to me.

[trauma-erleben]

Die Mensch werden nie verstehen, wie schlimm die Regelblutung für Menschen mit sexualisiertem Trauma ist.

@trauma-erleben

[cymora]

must be nice to be born with the will to live your life. for me, every minor inconvenience is a reminder that i’d be better off dead.

[cats-healing-diary]

I f cking hate recovery, like I don't wanna get better, I wanna get worse. I wanna see my blood dripping on the floor. No I don't want to get better. I want to die.

[pinkjeepwhitemonster]

i wish i wasn’t me