#clearly i’m mentally ill bro

[acutabovetherest]

[clowningcrows]

accidentally took a fairly objective step away from myself today and went. oh shit. i’m like REALLY hard on myself aren’t i?

[mutalune]

hey siri how do I stop feeling gutwrenchingly anxious in the guilt way for using the treatment methods available to me to not be in constant misery

[leonstoenailunderhisbed]

Lately, I’ve been thinking about Leon, Ada, and Claire. Especially on their relationships because I think they’re pretty interrelating so here’s another analysis made by yours truly <3

TW: mentions of mental illnesses, MY OPINION! + observations. This is strictly based on my knowledge. I’m majoring in English- doesn’t mean I’m 100% correct, it just means I’m pointing out some things that I thought were pretty cool. Take this with a grain of salt.

So I actually propose that we bring the color theory into play, mainly between Leon, Claire, and Ada.

In RE2R and in Infinite Darkness (death island too but I’ve yet to watch it), Leon is portrayed as blue. (His RPD uniform and his suit/jacket) back in my English class (film vs book) we talked about the different types of people and how the author/creator purposefully assigns a character a specific color.

By majority belief, the color blue represents sadness and often times calmness as well. However, I have a different view on why CAPCOM seems to love Leon in winter colors (blue/green/purple)

Leon is the definition of the Blue Character Theory- these types of characters are compassionate, loyal, confident, and can manage their emotions (keep it cool in other words) but sometimes these characters are prone to become over emotional (depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, etc.) and I actually wrote a small paragraph on Leon in infinite darkness about this because I found it so interesting that Leon- a cool and reserved guy, has these complicated emotions welled up inside him and one of the only ways we can tell is by the color of his representation. (Think of Euphoria and how colors really affected the way the characters act, especially Maddy and Cassie and how different they are.)

I’m also going to be hella bold and say that his eyes are a CLEAR representation on his character by color analysis. His eyes are blue, not only because he’s a white man- but because the “eyes are the windows to the soul” thing really does help us understand him better. They clearly did this on purpose to let the viewer catch a glimpse at Leon’s raw personality. His eyes are very expressive if you really REALLY analyze them.

And when you bring someone who is represented by the color red (Claire and Ada) there’s already an established connection between the two. Although Claire and Ada are way too different in personalities, I like to believe that they both have at least the same level of ambition, stubbornness and leadership. Red characters are known to lead or take matters into their own hands when the world is against them. If no one is going to help them then they’ll do it themselves.

In ID, Claire did her own investigation. She took charge and decided to that if no one would help her, including Leon, then she’ll just do whatever she can with the power she has. Ada is similar in that aspect. Ada has a way of getting things done her way, just like Claire. She uses the art of manipulation to make sure her plans are fulfilled, even if it means at the cost of others. She’s ambitious and goal-driven, much like Claire.

CAPCOM represents the two women in explicitly red or at least with red items (hair, dress, shoes, etc.) it makes me believe that they know what they’re doing when it comes to giving characters their own individuality.

Now, we know that blue and red are complementary colors based on the color wheel.

But we also know that Leon and Ada don’t really have a healthy relationship (I’ll get to this in another post near the future once I’ve got evidence) which is contrasting to Leon and Claire’s relationship. Which prompted the question: Why?

I mean, yeah Claire is Chris’s sister and by affiliation Leon enjoys her company. But it is also clear that the two of them worked very well back in RE2R (the fence scene) their chemistry and tension was high but when he’s with Ada, it seems different.

It is no doubt that Leon had/has (? I’m just as confused as bro tbh) a crush on Ada. I read somewhere from the notes on Leon that he was actually glad to have seen Ada in RE4R (not too sure for RE4OG since almost everything is about the remake)

CAPCOM purposefully follows the Red Oni/Blue Oni trope (a Japanese folk tale, shout-out to my professor for putting me on that) but what why are there two red ones and one blue one? Is CAPCOM keeping their choices open for Leon’s potential love life? I can’t say for sure what’ll happen or what everything means because this is something I over analyzed.

Remember, I’m only an English major student, I still believe my observations are pretty vague or at least a little bit underdeveloped. Hopefully sometime near the future I can make better analysis 🙏🏼

Also, tysm for all the amazing comments and reblogs 🥹🙏🏼 idk how to reply to reblogs but I really do appreciate the fact that you guys like my fics. I promise I have more to write (I have a list in my notes app lmao)

[tadpolesonalgae]

omg i was bored and started re-reading CBMTHY from the start and i just realized - now knowing that reader was ill? or expecting to die from sickness before the Cauldron thing happened - Azriel's comment of "you are proving to be a burden" and why that was such a fatal blow to reader is getting a new meaning akdjskakajsj

ur whole family is suffering in poverty with ur youngest sister going to the woods every day risking her life to keep ur family afloat, and ur sick and possibly dying (idek if it was mentioned whether or not the rest of the Archerons knew?? i wouldn't put it past reader to just not tell them bc of her insecurities, not to mention the whole complicated psychology that must happen with the fact that Mama Archeron also died from illness and the trauma everyone has from that 😬😬) and u get randomly turned into fae and seemingly cured of that illness.... like the amount of guilt that reader must have had about the whole situation.. she already felt like she owed smth to Feyre and the rest bc she's in the belief that she would've died if she stayed human (both from hunger and her illness) and then Azriel goes ahead and tells her she's a burden like 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 Az what the FUCK no wonder girlie is depressed 😭😭 (im not like Really really livid at him bc ik that he obviously didn't know her backstory but .. bro's gotta GROVEL)

anyways im living for this added weight of the angst and hurt ✨️

(I might have gone on some tangents here, and I’m not entirely sure I articulated it correctly, so I’m sorry if this doesn’t make total sense!! 🧡💛)

Okay, so, this is something I think I struggle with frequently—being unsure how much people in the acotar universe know about medicine?

I’ve kind of got it into my head that fae magic is just a general healing thing? So it wouldn’t require the same level of knowledge and study as a modern day doctor would have to go through since I don’t think we really get to see how healing magic works? The only comparison I can think of is what we see in Tower of Dawn, but even that wasn’t particularly clear?

Anyway, in a story like cbmthy where reader obviously has some mental instabilities, it’s quite difficult knowing how to describe it since I’m unsure they have the understanding of modern day medicine/psychology? And then there are the physical symptoms that her magic has been causing her, and I’m operating under the assumption that they won’t understand what’s happening to reader or how to cure it given the type of ‘sick’(?) she is from her power? I also don’t want to give anything away, but in short I’m hoping to touch more on what kind of ‘illness’(?) reader was dealing with pre-cauldron?

‘Az what the FUCK no wonder girlie is depressed’

I’m glad that this side is clear at least 😭 I was kind of worried, since I don’t think I’ve explicitly said she’s clinically depressed, that it might not be apparent? Again, I don’t think they have a term for depression in the acotar universe? Like I can’t see it being a name for a mental illness? I can see it being used as a descriptor, and people being able to understand the concept quite clearly, but I don’t imagine there being defining qualities yet if that makes sense? 😬😭

‘anyways im living for this added weight of the angst and hurt ✨️’

Well, while chapter 16 is mostly happy, there is a little interaction with Mor at the end that might be a bit intense if you enjoy general angst/hurt things? It’s only brief but I felt it would be too strange to have a genuinely okay chapter, even if reader just experienced one of the lowest moments of her life 😁🧡💛

[official-lucifers-child]

Bro, I genuinely want you know what the story is on how you finally managed to get a therapist and start anti-depressants. Like, I remember your bootleg trauma therapy days and you finally made it, but how??? You're in college, living the dream, with a therapist and meds. Spill your secrets, wizard.

be me

very clearly Mentally Ill

very cleared Traumatised

talk with my mum

talk with my mum

talk with my mum

she finally decides i’m Not Well enough that therapy would be good

go see a psychiatrist

psychiatrist eventually diagnoses me with depression, general anxiety, panic disorder, PTSD, and OCD

start seeing therapist

psychiatrist prescribes me various medications

we try out a few different anti-anxiety meds along with antidepressants

hydroxyzine for the panic disorder

here i am

(i’m also in the process of being tested for other things, mental AND physical, because of course things can never be simple)

basically after years of very clearly being Not Okay, my mum prioritised me seeing a therapist and finally got things going

as for the going to college and all that, well, it was NOT an easy process. my dad barely talks to me anymore because i chose a school he doesn’t approve of. yeah i’m enjoying classes for the most part, and things are pretty good, but it’s also been about 2-3 years since i was last really active. a lot happened in that time.

[fieryland]

im mentally ill? but i’m not sitting here writing about fucking a relative. oh ok…

just because they’ve been around forever doesn’t mean it’s ok? let’s use common sense (which you clearly don’t have but it’s ok! we can find you some)

the concept is disgusting and you’re disgusting for enjoying it. not to mention that you write the reader like a literal child.

them being “not blood related” has nothing to do with anything, they’re still related due to their parents being together, and are socially seen as such. overall weird and gross behavior that you’re promoting with your weird ass writing.

and you’d think that if you have a trillion asks about it.. smth is wrong with what you’re doing.

literally all your points are trash 👎

Bro I ain’t reading allat

[chiangyorange]

The scene just after the mindscape where Mikey realizes that there’s paint all over him and he painted the apocalyptic city in his trance +plus Future Mikey winking at him!!! And how all the bros react to their lil bro being in said trance/possessed🤩🤩

THIS MIGHT BE MY FAVORITE PEEPAW FIC and I am angy it got suspended Chiangy (I said that cuz it rhymed lol) do you know when the suspension is lifted?

-☄️

[SUSPENSION QUESTION: i have my calendar set on the 24th(aka this coming friday) to remove the tags but i THINK its gonna b longer till wmas is fully back up bc i have to be under review]

AS FOR MIKEY;

(v excerpts taken from ch2 v)

There is a sudden gust of wind. The orange petals swirl around him and it turns to fire. Not just any fire, his fire. It caresses his scales playfully, constantly moving around him, circling like an excited puppy with too much energy. The fire moves in front of him in the space of a person standing on that bed of marigolds. White eyes blink open from the flames. Mikey can only stare back. The fire moves again, but this time it licks away from the figure’s form. The eyes blink and tilt up in a way where it’s clear that they’re smiling. The fire reveals the figure underneath. He catches sight of orange fabric, white wraps on arms. Mikey only makes out a flash of green skin before a knock at the door snaps him from his focus. “Everything okay in here, Mikey?” Donnie and Casey stand by his door. Mikey blinks, “Yeah I’m fine. Is something wrong?”

mikey's fire.

i have only a bare bones of thoughts on his fire ill b honest, but as it stands, mikey's powers are literally part of him. he's much more intuitive at mystics than his brothers and in this, i wanted to emphasize that he is as much mystics as his mystics are him.

and in this case, the mystics are LITERALLY him.

Donnie and Casey glance at each other, the latter points to the sketchbook behind him. Mikey sees the sketchbook’s page freshly painted in an abstract version of the city he saw while meditating. He sees centered at the bottom the bed of marigolds and flames. And looking down at himself he sees his hands covered in paint. He was clearly working, but had no recollection of moving. “You were painting, but your hands were glowing.”

THE PAINTING okay. while mikey was meditating, sure i coulda had him float like future!mikey does, have objects in his room floating, the whole shebang, BUT.

i didnt.

there is a bit of power scaling im playing with here and to me personally, mikey is too weak at the moment to handle floating.

so that means; a vision, a dreamscape, a moment where he wasnt present in the moment and made something intangible, tangible via the painting.

i also just like the idea of visions being a form of proof? like it isnt all mental, its real and it has importance. its not JUST implicit symbolism and foreshadowing. it has relevance.

Mikey looks to the bed of marigolds and the bright orange figure of flame. He stares into the eyes of the figure again. They're winking. “...Huh.” 

the wink. come on now.

literally winking is such a fundamentally playful action and it fucking RUINS ME every time. it literally just show ME that even during the apocalypse mikey manages to find a way to be so so fun and ill cry if i think about that fact too hard.

[boris-surov]

Bro i understand being a joker hater, but tf did emil do?? Him and ada are both severely mentally ill people clinging onto eachother in a time period where the means of helping them weren't properly developed :(( they are clearly BOTH victims of their circumstances trying to make the most out of it, why would anyone hate either of them????

People when you don’t like a character and their story 😿😿😿😿😿 btw I’m talking mostly about FANON of Emil and Ada since this is where she gets villanized a lot, I’m not talking about their canon story. I only dislike Emil, not Ada.

He’s a VEERYYYY boring character for me. His whole personality and character is just around Ada, which makes sense since she was the only light to him but they could’ve really done it better. The only thing which really have peeked my interest in his whole story the is how he died (which is pretty fucking lame LMAO) . He got shot like a stray dog, a pretty cool hint to his childhood. (in story he was raised among fighting dogs, scared of them). I also dislike how people will try and blame Orpheus for being an “asshole”. The man obviously was trying to defend himself and the game 0 participants and if he didn’t, Helena, Galatea and even Ada could’ve got harmed due to Emil behavior. I don’t hate him for being a mentally ill man, but it’s his unhealthy relationship with Ada and uneducated fans which I hate most about him.

[prettyboykatsuki]

bro I played the fandiscs recently and i’m still down bad for him lol. like i’m sorry, i am but a simple girl who just wants to be cooed down at and taken care of like i’m precious and have the thoughts taken out of my head sometimes, for better or for worse (probably worse). but he actually like, regrets the freak shit and actively makes up for it the entire time in them which just endeared me to him more?? idk…

you know that post that’s like “you’re clearly enabling each others’ mental illnesses and are fucked up and perfect for each other but please don’t involve anyone else in what you’ve got going on?” yeah that would be us lol.

i trust you with this information because i know you won’t judge lmao, please forgive me

(in fiction ofc!!)

the fact theres not one but TWO closeted toma fuckers in my inbox rn is making me lose my shit you're both so so real. TRYING TO FIX THIS MAN LIKE IM SIMPLY SCREAMINGGJGKDS

no i understand. yes im enabling his delusion. thats my man and imma stick beside him what do u want me to say. im not judging... he is like ceo of nice boy freak coddler he had the game on lock. dont worry

[acutabovetherest]

Beep beep 🥲

[rynrambles]

UH I don’t usually like to talk about my personal life because I desire to be an enigma, like the contents of a Costco hot dog. But at the same time, I felt like I just wanted to scrape all this out of my head and put it somewhere else. It’s a long read, and I don’t expect anyone to trudge through it, but at least these things aren’t stuck in my brainspace, rattling their cages anymore. 

--

To preface, I’m equal parts torn between “Bro, you’re overthinking this, no one cares”, “everyone cares a LOT, and you’re potentially opening a big can of worms here,” and “are you truly explaining yourself, or just making excuses for yourself?” (The answer being: I honestly don’t know.)

The thoughts are so disjointed, all vying for my attention with the same urgency and insistence. I desperately want to put them in order, line them up neatly, clearly, concisely, but it ends up being a very “herding cats” sort of endeavor; As soon as I turn my attention to one thought, the other 27 have disappeared, gotten into something they shouldn’t have, or barfed on the carpet.

At the core of it all, I want to say that I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I’ve not been particularly reliable in recent years. Obviously, I do not enjoy disappointing people; I don’t like failing to meet expectations, making promises that go unkept, disappearing for months on end, etc. I cannot stress how inadequate and ashamed I feel because of it. Yet the scrambled eggs I call my brain fights me tooth and nail every time I try to do anything about it. 

I know this is the most autistic thing imaginable, but please allow me to compartmentalize and elaborate on some thoughts that have been tumbling around in my head.

The Mental Health thing:

I’m trying to get better about working with my bipolar2. I can prolong my manic phases in a way that allows me to get more work done for a longer period of time, and I can cushion the blow of depressive phases. But I still feel the push and pull of these cycles. 

The downswings are the primary reason why I simply disappear at times, and it feels like a herculean effort to claw my way out of the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad pit of despair and 14 hour depression naps.

But then the upswings have me chasing novelty: prioritizing ephemeral, unimportant things over projects that I really need to get done. There is no negotiating with the ADHD brain to work on a task. Guilt, bargaining, bribery, blackmail, reason, logic, it’s all thoroughly ineffective. I might as well be trying to move mountains. I'm getting better at structuring things in a way where I'm able to do "fun, exciting, new projects," while also doing my gotdamned job, but it's still something I'm working on.

The Physical Health thing:

I once told one of my closest friends that I felt she and I, with all our similarities in mind and body, were cut from the same cloth. She replied “yeah, but it’s cheesecloth,” and I’ve laughed about it every day since. 

She’s chronically ill, much more so than I, but there’s a sort of… guilt-laced comfort in knowing that we’re not alone, that someone does understand to a similar depth and degree. 

But it’s still bullshit, yaknow? I’m tired of migraines that render me temporarily blind multiple times a week, I’m tired of the disruptive visual disturbances and hand tremors making it difficult to draw. I’m tired of tachycardia, palpitations, breathlessness, fatigue, nausea. And I’m tired of being shuffled between cardiologists, endocrinologists, pulmonologists, ophthalmologists, one specialist after another. Endless referrals. Numerous tests. Give us your blood, pee in this cup, try this diet, take these medicines. And the final verdict is always “hmm, we’re not sure what’s wrong.”

I don’t understand why my own body insists on fighting me at every turn. I give you water and walkies and sunlight every day, you ungrateful lump of flesh.

The art & friends thing:

I think enough people are aware that I had a huge falling out with my friend group some years back. There were rumors and accusations I wanted to address, but I was always worried things would blow up all over again. One can’t simply put out a statement and expect the involved individuals will have nothing to say in turn. And that’s only fair, right? The mere act of “defending” myself calls their integrity into question, so shouldn’t they be around to offer the counterbalance of their personal experiences and reasoning?

But ultimately, neither party wants to dredge up and rehash the same shit all over again. It’s exhausting. It’s emotionally taxing. And in the end it all boils down to he-said she-said anyway. 

So I’ve done my best to just be okay with it. Like, I did cause a lot of problems anyway, so maybe it’s penance for my wrongdoings. I don’t know. 

Moral deliberations aside, I found myself abruptly without friends. Emotionally devastating to be sure, but it also had an additional aftereffect of leaving me without artistic colleagues who could encourage creativity, offer input and opinions, redline my work, etc. And because artists cannot grow in a vacuum, I began to stagnate. 

To say nothing of the perpetual rumination whenever I would sit down to draw. It was the same unpleasant thoughts, over and over again on repeat. Day in and day out. 

So I stopped drawing.

Onwards:

Since then, I’ve slowly healed. I reconnected with my childhood friends and I cannot possibly express the amount of love and joy they’ve brought to my life. Likewise, my beloved husband has been nothing but supportive and encouraging, despite the literal years of me sort of moping around, aimless and without purpose. I look back at how I’ve spent the past half decade and I hate this languishing creature that has worn my face but contributed nothing of value to my life. 

I want to be me again, and I want to be productive and creative, not because of (mandatory) hustle culture, but because it genuinely makes me happy. Like, not to be a goober but isn’t it kinda magical to be able to see something in your head or have a vague idea and then conjure it into existence through art/writing/music?  That shit is cool as hell. I wanna do magic. And I want to feel proud of myself for accomplishing something. Maybe it’s capitalist brainwashing but productivity scratches the constant itching in my brain.

Ultimately:

So, that’s where I sit now, getting back on the horse for the umpteenth time and hoping I can do a little better than before. Perhaps, with the knowledge of what has and hasn’t worked in the past, I can hold on longer, recover faster. 

I want to thank everyone who has continued to cheer me on through it all. There are some names I’ve seen pop up again and again over the years, offering me kindness and patience well beyond what I deserve. You’ve always made me feel like it was worth it to dust myself off and try again, encouraging me ever onward. Even though you owe me nothing. Even though it can be difficult to gather that energy, and harder still to turn those thoughts into words. 

So from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

[sexysuperscorpio]

Ok I’m gay lmao I’m gonna keep talking about this because obviously I guess I have something to say wow

Like I woke up still drunk this morning lmao and I opened my phone to text her and I can see the little dot dot dots this bitch is already typing to me like wow are you inside my fucking brain bro and she was telling me about how she hadn’t slept in 48 hours and was now gonna go get a tattoo like wow ur such a crazy bitch I fucking love you you cunt me too that’s exactly some shit I would do and honestly probably have done we have the same trauma and same mental illnesses like I can tell her the most fucked up thing in the world and we’ll both just laugh and say bitch same me too no way that’s crazy we’re crazy but that’s okay she’s just like me but in a slightly different font it’s so wild I don’t know how to explain to you these feelings man like it’s not a crush it’s not infatuation and it’s like deeper than friendship but I’m not like tryna fuck either I dunno maybe I just forgot how intense it is to be besties w a gay girl but like anyways whatever that’s my fucking wife that’s all I miss my gay wife partner I wish she wasn’t 8 hour time difference away but also the time difference clearly doesn’t matter bc we still always be talking to each other even if it’s 4 am for either of us heehee whatever I’m gonna get out of bed now and not go call her in the backyard or anything I’m not gay ur gay fuck you shut up fag ok lol wow I’m byebye

[cheese-water]

This is going to be chronological order OG only chronicle o tweets on Twitter or x or whatever the heck is up w/ that.

It is set in 1900s ish july. It mentions a ‘She’ im assuming is a therapist of some sort. The writer most likely is mentally ill or something and is told to write thoughts down to help. 

Bro has trauma wtf when did this happen?? Glances, phrases, remarks, notes. Do not understand situation is better shown than told probably some type of trauma honestly. Family and dog: you know they are already fucking dead though, come on you know ain’t no way they survive this. Will not forget bad things bad things probably life changing is worst way possible or something.

J maybe therapist?? Then bizarre dream tf is up with this kids mind tho-?? AND IT MEANS CYCLE?? like timeloop cycle, history repeating cycle, which we talking about??

Oh yeah shitty manager. I’ve been analyzing these and I’ve read that at least 20 times. 20 times of a fictional character complaining about their fictional boss tf is my life?

Spoopi dream and oh hey same hall and doors each time and the other dream meant cycle that’s just lovely!1!!1 

The XXXX might be Mary and Mary might be the actual expert/therapist person? It implies Mary is the one who suggested person to write(?)

“Why can’t I be in control of everything” DAMN WRITER OK RELATABLE K THATS FINE OK also please throw the vcr out the window especially if it’s more than a 1 story building, please.

Happy birthday :DD ayyy fucked ver of happy birthday that’s cooool and we trust J :] oh yeah shit work place for like the 5th time dear god

ok therory also summarize things:

Writer(which is going to be referred to as 0), most likely (knowing Ranboo) is traumatized, and is getting some form of therapy. His therapist (I HOPE IS) Mary suggested he should write his thought down to help. At first 0 hated it, but overtime it did help a lot. A friend J told 0 to write is absolutely obscure dreams down. 0 does as 0 trusts J quite a bit even lets J read the journal entries. J is into supernatural and “crazy” things (same) and tells 0 that 0(bro idk pronouns im sorry) is reliving things that 0 might have repressed or something possibly trauma. 0 works at a very bad place with a horrible manager. 2 more spooky dreams later and oh, 0 still complaining about job. Creepy birthday song and wow I’m done with thing more than a month long project. this was so long and a lot of stuff was very cut down omg I’m tired I’m going to sleep buh bye

-☁︎🪷

P.S hi started school uh yeah hope your doing well :]

We love J for actually listening to 0’s dreams. They’re a real one fr. That being said, knowing Ranboo, I’m fully expecting J to be the one who traumatized and/or killed 0’s family in the end. Another Hetch situation y’know? Really though, what friend would look at your dream journal and say, "Oh yeah, that’s prolly some repressed trauma for you," like? I’ve had my fair share of strange dreams, but my immediate thoughts don’t go to deep-rooted trauma (I wouldn’t know it’s literally repressed, I guess?).

*intermission for me to read the tweets since I found a good twit front end on github a few weeks back B)*

Oh… oh no. Here we go again. If I had a nickel for every time Ranboo created a character who had to write their thoughts in a journal to cope with their repressed traumas and memory issues, I’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it happened twice. No, but really, this post solidified it for me:

The obvious is, "I dont think ill be forgetting those." Clearly, this is an important list of things to remember, and judging by the constant work reminders, Zero (I have to give them some sort of name) uses this journal as a way to help/cope with their forgetfulness and it’s been working so far.

What’s listed in the Good Things list is strange. Most notably the second one, "My dog." ???? My dog????? Who the hell in a supposedly personal journal doesn’t call their dog by their name? If it’s for the reader's sake, that doesn’t make sense either. It could’ve been a classic dog name (à la Spot, Rover, etc.) or, even better, have the name written after my dog: My dog Lola or My dog Winston. I may be overthinking this, but it’s such a strange detail to include with the introduction of Zero’s memory issues in the exact same post. Because all that implies is that Zero’s memory has already been degrading, with or without their knowledge.

Also, I'm not sure how or why we were even getting chronicle 0 in the first place. Is it like some sort of time paradox relating to Zero’s dreams? My best theory is that someone in 2023 (right now) found the journal and is literally chronicling/recording it online for others. This would explain the redacted words in the tweets, since they wouldn’t be if they were posted by Zero's thoughts themselves. And it gives new meaning to the random "?" posts. Maybe the page scanner couldn’t translate what was written down? Or was there nothing written there at all?

All I’m sure of is that whatever was on those "?" pages, those are the pages Jay has been writing on. Which quick aside, WTF JAY!? Why the hell are you writing in someone else’s therapy journal when you know they have memory problems? Who do you think Zero will assume wrote that down? Their nameless dog? NO ZERO MUST OF CAUSE ITS THEIRS. I don’t care if Zero trusts you because you're their childhood best friend or partner or whatever, but to me, you’re extremely misguided at best and suspicious and manipulative at worst. Anyway, assuming the "?" pages are Jay's, either their handwriting is less legible than Zero’s (or at least visually distinct enough that whoever’s tweeting these out can tell the difference from other pages or entries), or they’re some sort of drawing. Of what I’m not sure.

But back to the why: Someone found Zero’s journal and began posting pages of it because either they find it fascinating and unnerving (the reasonable solution) or (the flimsier, weirder solution) the account is the beginnings of an autobiographical journal-book about Zero if they actually did or experienced something notable in their future (for example, the style of Anne Frank’s journals). Imagine Showfall, or *insert Gen 0 capitalistic conglomerate here* publishing "The Story of Chronicle 0: How The Founder Found Their Way." It would be if Disney got ahold of Walt’s childhood diaries and sold them as a collector’s item. It’s so strange and wrong to do, but we all know it’d make bank. Plus, it feeds into the intrusive/changing perception theme from Gen 1 if Ranboo wants to continue that thread. Once again, grain of salt, spitballing, yadda yadda, this is getting interesting, and I haven’t even touched the dreams yet lmao.

[bakugourising]

hannibal s1 finale

ep 8

don’t like will playing the dead body cello ew

uhm willllllllll

“he wants to show someone how well he plays” meanwhile hannibal is like :3

damn he got rejected 😭

“i was going to kill you” tense

of course it’s will omg he just stumbles into serial killers

will: “im unstable” hannibal: “u should interview my crazy friend :3”

“i got here on my own but i appreciate the company”

ep 9

hannibal rlly has the fucking audacity

there is clearly a problem!

reveal!!

reveal x2!!

horse girl spotted

ep 10

“dr lecter here is one of the sanest man i kno” already don’t trust this guy

i hate that hannibal has a smelling thing going on

I KNEW THIS DR COULDNT BE TRUSTED

“you think he’s mentally ill?” HUH where have u been this entire season

i kno we already knew this but hannibal is evil

“i don’t feel clean” 😭

ep 11

hannibal is such a cheeky bastard

is it bad that i identify with will graham

everyone in this show is insane omg i kno that’s the point but god damn

killed that man with a high kick that’s crazy

chilton is soo off putting

will being able to have these strong hallucinations in public and just ignore it is impressive i would cry

will: “i don’t feel like myself” hannibal: :3 “what does it feel like?”

“you have me for your gauge” fuck off die

other serial killers wanting to be friends with hannibal is so funny

poor will 🥲

ok hannibal might be the king of gaslighting omg he just gaslit will into a fucking seizure

i thought hannibal liked bloom D:

jack’s understanding of will’s mental state is embarrassing like huh

ep 12

that is not chicken

“i don’t think either of us have gotten away from your father”

the drama of it all

“whatever you are doing with will graham, stop.” someone finally said it

“will needs my help” “by making a friend?” bro fuck off!!

uh oh will is onto him

fuck hannibal hate him so much

it would be a crazy twist if will was the bad guy but we literally kno it’s hannibal right we have seen him eat people his name rhymes with cannibal

“did you fish, or did you hunt” ahhhh

“i was curious abt what would happen” YIKES

abigail: *trauma of her dad wanting to kill and eat her* hannibal: *becomes her father figure and then kills (and probably eats) her*

ep 13

ahh that nightmare was so scary

but like hannibal def killed abigail right and put her ear in will’s sink that is so weird of him

so hannibal is trying to gaslight will into thinking he’s a serial killer so that he can have a friend? or so he can have will take the fall?

she’s a real one for taking care of his dogs

“can you hear how paranoid you sound” bro

“i’m trying to help u will” die

will knows! TENSE

“well he’s not your victim dr” “no he is he yours” ahhhhhhhh

good show

[hyacinth42-blog]

Oh wow, thanks for typing all this up. I find it fascinating.

I will say I read the “used the girl I liked as a beard” as more of a violation of bro code rather than creepy incel logic. Like, going after the girl your brother likes is a dick move, an even bigger dick move when you don’t even like her at all. It didn’t sound like Bryon put any blame on the girl or claim she would’ve gone with him if it weren’t for Tristan.

Byron views this as doing Tristan a favour, rather than the bare minimum one should expect from their brother.

Oooh, I had not considered it from this angle. You are absolutely correct about this. Also I get that Tristan isn’t malicious, but his lack of malice in it all just makes it worse imo. But I can see how one could claim that his lack of malice makes him less of a ‘bad person’. 

I do find it funny that you can handwave some of his behavior as “Wildbow moments” - but I know what you mean (there are many such moments). And I totally agree with the Doyalist analysis of the whole thing (lakesbian pointed out that argument and I can’t argue with that).

I disagree on the self-harm being a contributor to survival given that Tristan never tells anyone about it, which seems completely unreasonable of him. I honestly don’t get the impression that Bryon ever planned on taking over. He never felt guilty about attacking Tristan because his intention was to *win* something once, not to kill him. He clearly hated Tristan and his situation, but he never gave off the impression that he’d go that far. Heck, the day that Tristan imprisoned him Bryon was actually feeling better about their situation and like they were actually working together for once. 

Honestly, for all of Bryon’s mental illness and inferiority complex, it seems like Tristan had some paranoia even before lying about his brother’s death. I assume that’s why he constantly tried to be friends with everyone and still thought that he “had no allies” despite everyone loving him (although I can see how being a closeted gay probably leant to being paranoid about such things).

Yeah, like I said. I’m “an autistic, introverted ace who was bullied and had very few friends“ - so to me I just see Bryon as being emotionally abused by his brother, trying to fight back against his abuser (lethal force is bad, but I don’t blame him for becoming violent any more than I blame Taylor for punching Emma. But yeah killing is bad), and ultimately still getting abused by his brother. But thank you for providing your perspective, really helps me understand it. I see the horror of being forced to have sex rather than specifically gay sex - but I get what you mean about that being Wildbow nonsense. Because the whole thing is some Wildbow nonsense of the poor hetero brother being abused by his gay brother.

I’m sorry that the Reddit fandom made you feel othered. I haven’t gotten to the part where he makes Amy irredeemable, but I always felt bad for her in Worm. Uhh, Legend was cool? It was nice that he was just a throw away mention of gay (the same way you’d make a throw away mention to a straight person’s wife) rather than making it his whole thing and evil about it.

I know the common reaction on here is to hate Bryon and love Tristan. But I honestly just can't do it.

Like, I can see that Bryon is an asshole, and that Tristan is a homophobic strawman, but idk, I still just greatly dislike Tristan. Maybe it's because I'm an autistic, introverted ace who was bullied and had very few friends that I can't help but feel bad for Bryon. He's just so pathetic and wet (literally).

I feel bad that whenever Bryon managed to get a group of friends, Tristan would swoop in, ingratiate himself, and then turn them against Bryon. Like, that's just so fucking evil. Not deserving of death (jesus christ Bryon), but hey man wtf.

And I get it, Moonsong was a transphobic, homophobic cunt. But she was the one person who seemed to like Bryon more than Tristan (for unfortunate reasons), so I don't blame the teenager for convincing himself "I can fix her" when it's quite obvious he can't.

Tristan's whole, "If I can't have sex or drink myself into a coma what else is there to live for?" made me want to slap him. Like touch grass dude, pick up a book, get a hobby, stop being a shithead. And then he had the audacity to tell Bryon, "You were hurting yourself and I was afraid you'd go too far". Motherfucker, TELL SOMEONE! Who the actual fuck can see their sibling hurting themselves and then just not say anything to anyone?

I hate feeling like I have 'reddit brain' instead of y'alls clearly superior tumblr opinions. But I just can't understand Tristan apologizers (outside of acknowledging that it's super inappropriate to make the one gay guy the one who only cares about sex and drugs and doesn't care about consent - but that's not really being an "apologizer").