#as opposed to real doctors who clearly wanted to call me slurs and then didn’t help

[diamondrib]

aha ha. all those times where i “slept through my alarm” (managed to turn it off in my sleep no matter how far away the clock was) and then my mom was like “i’ve woken you up more than once and you woke up and were talking to me” but i didn’t remember were almost definitely automatic behaviors

aha ha. fucking narcolepsy?

[they-callme-ami]

Double Dutch. (aka the drunk! Elijah, Aurora, black!MC and Tobias fic)

Note: This story uses lots of AAVE (African American Vernacular English) and is mostly intended for a black audience--you can still read for funsies or whatever, but I better not hear some shit about it not being inclusive or using 'improper grammar'.

Tags: @what-do-you-mean-theyre-evil @tyrils-star @melaninnntae @indescribablybre @prism-goddess

It started innocently enough: you were helping Aurora wrap her hair, pinning it up and tying the scarf around it.  Elijah rolled into the living room in his pajamas. You three were the only ones at home since you three had worked later than Jackie, Bryce and Sienna and didn’t feel like going out that night.  But y’all weren’t opposed to chillin and talkin’ shit. 

It had been a long ass day. Ethan was getting on every damn nerve you had, either talking about his mom and their strained relationship or bugging you about your cases. The man just did not leave you alone, and normally it was cool--but today he needed to back the fuck up and stop talkin shit about Tobias. It was gettin old. Not only that, but you had your own intern to deal with--which is what you were going on about now.

“I’m telling you Elijah--I love Esme but that girl is too fuckin much!  She always stay talkin back to the other attendings, nearly started a fight with another intern, and even when she asks for my advice she don’t listen! Thinkin she know everything….fuckin stubborn headass..” You sigh while twisting your hair.  

“Uh-huh. Sounds like a familiar head-ass doctor I know.  You were on trial last year, stoopid!  I know your ass not talkin bout Esme.  She’s a breeze compared to Sothy… he barely knows how to do anythin--it's a damn miracle he graduated y’know.”

“And who’s fault is that Elijah--oh, excuse me, Oracle.”  Aurora smirked and laughed as Elijah could only sit there, ultimately taking the L.

As y’all were about to go in on each other, there was a knock at the door.

“Oh! Finally, must be the package I ordered.  I hope y’all are ready to see me strut the halls in my new---”  You open the door, only to see Tobias there in some sweats with some take out food and a paper bag.

“Not a package, but I’d love to see what you plan on struttin in.”  He teased and smirked.

“SHIT---Uh---why are you here so late---”  You had your bonnet on and a big ass t-shirt with some stains on it and some basketball shorts.  It was the first time he'd seen you so casual.

"Easy there firecracker, I didn't expect you to look--what are the kids saying--'beat and snatched' 24/7." He pecked your lips and walked in. 

“I invited him Y/N. Tobias, don't ever try and say that shit again and bring me my wings.”  Aurora smiled and laughed, seeming to not be phased by her boss seeing her in a scarf and acne cream dotting her face.  Was she just so tired from work she didn’t care?  Who were you kidding, this girl was a complete trip after a long day and was just sayin ‘fuck it’.

“Elijah, I got Tobias to grab you some of that shrimp scampi from that place downtown, and Y/N--he got you your favorite cause I told him and you his new boo thing.”  Aurora smirked with a wing in hand, and Elijah playfully gagged while Tobias handed out takeout containers and handed yours over. Yup, it was your favorite dish from your favorite place.  

“Now--I was invited for 3 reasons: A.) I have a car so I could do the food run and get y’all spoiled asses some good food.  B.)  I live 5 blocks away from the liquor store so--” He held up a bottle from the bag he had--Hennessy, cause of course he’d get the most stereotypical dr--”And C.) I had to pull a double shift so I’m tired and nice enough to share some college Ramsey stories with y’all.”

So there you were, sipping on your glass and laughing as Tobias was explaining how Ethan thought that ‘double dutch’ was some kind of dessert or innuendo for a threesome with exchange students.

“Wait wait---no no you gotta be kiddin me.  Fuckin 4.0 Med school GPA Ramsey--future head of Edenbrooks Diagnostics Team--thought double dutch was some kinda play on words?  I have to laugh…” Elinah snorts. You couldn’t help but burst into whoops and hollars, laughing and even Aurora couldn’t hide the smile on her face after she almost choked on her drink.

“Uh-huh.  Even after I told him what it was, he insisted that he had to see ‘it’.  I took him to my old neighborhood, and watched four 9 year old girls school him while he nearly fell flat on his face!”  Tobias laughed and smiled as he recalled the memory.  “For someone so fuckin smart--I swear to god he’s a dumbass.  Arrogant too, he never wanted to jump rope at the gym anymore.”

Something inside you flipped on.  You took a sip of Henny and smirked.  

“Well, I knew he had the fuckin long-ass neck of a giraffe, but clearly them legs ain’t doin him a favor either.”  Tobias nearly spat his drink and crumbled on the floor into laughter, Elijah slamming his hand on the table and laughing with him.  It was taking all of Aurora’s willpower to not laugh and act a fool.  “I mean, I know he ain’t got any rhythm either!  Mothafucka was clappin OFFBEAT during Donahue’s karaoke night, but I’m supposed to trust him to count how many heartbeats a patient has.”  You joke again, and Elijah was holding his sides.

“Fuck---he---Y/N shut the hell up!”  Tobias laughed and playfully pushed your shoulder.  “Pass me the damn bottle….y’all lemme tell you somethin worse than that--his cooking.  The man can’t stay on beat let alone beat a fuckin egg.  Y/N--tell ‘em bout the chicken.”

“He---He invited me home after work or somethin--and he wanted me to help him with this recipe he saw for chicken.  Y’all, it was the BLANDEST ass recipe I ever saw in my life.  I was terrified to eat whatever the fuck he was makin, it was so bad his dad even helped out and said how it needed some proper seasoning.  I had never seen an old man so disappointed in such an empty spice cabinet.  I had to leave.”  You snicker as you retell the story.  “Even worse?  He tried to bring me some leftovers afterwards and by god was that mothafucka dry as HELL---y’know what, lemme calm down cause I am not about to yell over some bland ass chicken.”  You chugged down the Henny and grabbed the bottle to pour another glass.

“Y’know….for someone who seemed real eager to stuff a chicken, he cannot seem to tell he got a stick stuffed far up his ass.  No wonder he walks around like an emotionally constipated man-baby.”  Aurora said with a straight face as she chugged her own drink.  You turned away, laughing and doing a spit take as Tobias slammed his fist on the table, snorting while Elijah simply was in awe at Aurora’s words. 

 “My first week there, I was assigned to Y/N and cause my auntie was makin me give her full on oral essays of every case I had, I missed out on one of ours and nearly let a patient die.  Now---his ass knows this.  He knows exactly who the fuck I am and who the fuck my aunt is.  And what did he do?  Chewed me out without a second thought.  I was *this* close to curb stomping his ass I swear--He even called Y/N amature after saving someone’s life because it ‘was sloppy’ and ‘wasn’t professional enough’.  And another thing--” 

You watched Aurora stand up, Henny in her hand, and just goin off on Ethan.  She was tearing into him, from him being able to get off the hook for punching Declan, verbally avicerating innocent interns, being all high and mighty--man, she hated his ass.  Elijah was just eating his scampi, vibing and Tobias was smiling like a proud parent, eating his burger. 

 “He gon have the nerve--the audacity--the CAUCASITY to assume that I’M trippin because I told him about Landry being all rude and dismissive of one of his black-female patients.  He nearly put ME on probation for helping deliver the baby properly when Landry prescribed her the wrong treatment for something cause neither of them will ever fuckin LISTEN and--”  You could not have been any more impressed.  You were just soaking it all in.  She finally sat back down and ate some of her wings.

Tobias sighs and grins.  “Damn. Elijah, you been real quiet...you wanna add your two cents?” he asks while Tobias took a big gulp and sat the glass back down.  He took a deep breath.

“No, no….I just want his long-neck-headass, mommy-didn’t-love-me-so-I’m-a-lil-bitch-headass, grudge-holding-grown-ass-man-headass, lemme-insult-my-interns-headass, pompous, privileged, irritating, high and oh so fuckin’ mighty ass to humble himself and learn to get his head and the stick he got outta his ass.  It ain’t cute to just bash everyone around you cause yo ass is feelin like Hamilton, ‘smartest in the room’ mofo.”  He said, all very calmly while finishing his drink.   You, Tobias and Aurora just exchanged a look….and broke out into a fit of laughs and smiling. 

A few drinks later and a hella amount of roasts later, you were cuddled up with Tobias while Elijah laid out on Aurora's lap. 

"Damn…..we really been up for hours now. Jackie and Sienna still out…" Elijah piped up and checked his phone. "They're at Bryce's place, having a 'girls night' with Keiki and sleepin over…..ooooo, Tobias should sleep over too!" He showed y'all a photo Sienna sent. 

"Uh-huh, you should! We can watch movies and... oh Elijah your hair is sooooo soft." Aurora smiled and was playfully twisting it. Seems like the drinks were finally hitting.  Tobias could tell too.

He managed to help Elijah back in his wheelchair and followed his directions to his room.  He came back out to you helping Aurora to her room.

"Byyyye boss. See ya at work! If you do stay over, y'all better be quiet while he rearrange them guts!" She poked you laughing as you rolled your eyes and got her in bed.  You walked back out, feeling tipsy yourself and plopped on the couch...with Tobias.

"Y'know….your friends definitely know how to go all in on a roast session. I found out shit about Ethan I didn't know till now."

"Mhmmmm….Henny is….is a miracle worker…" you slurred and laughed, laying up on him. "And yoooooouuu….are a fine-ass pillow." 

Before you succumbed to the exhaustion and hennessy, you felt Tobias's lips peck your cheek gently and his arms hold you tight against him.

The next day at work, you were taking your break and went outside to the courtyard...much to your surprise you found a few children--presumabley patients-- playing double dutch with some jump rope.

"Apples, peaches, pears, and plums

Tell me when your birthday comes! 1! 2! 3! 4!"

They were counting along as you hopped inside the rope, showing off a bit and laughing. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Ethan walking towards the building.

"Hey, Ethan, wanna join? It may not be a dessert or two dutch girls--but it'll be fun!" You called out and teased while working the ropes. You could see his face turn red from where you were, and him muttering softly about Tobias. You couldn't help but laugh as you kept skipping and hopping away.

[cocoarosalia]

Rocking the Cradle Chapter 7: Backpacks and comparisons

Marinette was feeling pretty proud of herself as a new parent. Despite her midnight run with Chat she stayed up all night making sure Elly’s first day of school would go smooth as silk. Made her clothes, made her lunch, packed her bags, all the things a proper mother should do.

Now if only Eloise could appreciate her mama’s hard work as much as she did.

Elly was struggling so hard to stay up straight, her body lurching from side to side as she was weighed down by her heavy pastel yellow lamb backpack.

“What did you do to my grandchild” Sabine questioned from the bakery counter.

Marinette exuded pride over her work “Prepared her mother. Elly has everything she needs for her first day.”

Sabine was unimpressed “Really now? Elly my dumpling may I see your book bag?”

The kindergartener was more than happy to drop the lead heavy bag off her back. Sabine hoisted in onto the counter, opened it up, and pulled out the contents.

“School supplies, Lunch box, Extra clothes as a just in case. Ok so far so good” Marinette smiled smugly, feeling overly proud.

Marinette’s mother looked up at her blankly “Calculator? Really?”

“She might need it.”

“She’s five”

“A smart five year old”

Sabine disregarded her comment and continued “College ruled notebook, a protractor, a usb drive, an IPAD!?”

OK, now Marinette was feeling less confident and smug “Maybe she’ll want to type her notes out?”

Again she was ignored as the new grandmother pulled out useless item after unimportant item, leaving the bag with barely half of what was originally packed.

She gave it back to a very grateful Eloise and returned back to her misguided daughter.

“Listen honey, I know first days are hard for a parent.” She said sympathetically. “Trust me it took everything in me to let you go for the first time. But, Eloise is a good girl and a very smart one at that so I want you to trust that she’ll be ok, got it? For me, cause I can’t check her backpack everyday for things like this” she held up the pink decorative Ipad, chuckling.

The blushing bluenette nodded, feeling silly about how nervous she was. Elly was a very good girl, but with all that she surely has gone through, separating from her almost felt like betrayal and she couldn’t forgive herself if her little one ever felt the same.

‘But mom is right’ She thought to herself as she walked herself and Eloise out the door ‘I do need to trust Elly more.’

Elly then broke herself from her mother’s hand to run into Adrien’s arms “Papa!”

“And how is my little ray of sunshine this fine morning” He replied, hoisting her up onto his hip  with a smile that could melt anyone’s heart

“Mama packed my bag with too much and it made me fall over and over. Nana emptied it but now my back hurts” Marinette blushed at her bluntness

“Haha, well how about I make it better with a gift?”.

Little green eyes lit up in excitement “Really? You mean it!?”

“Of course anything for my little sunbeam”

Eloise was beyond excited she climbed down her father’s side and bounced up and down elated to know what her gift would be.

Adrien reached into his backpack and pulled out two little gift bags “Ok elly, pink or yellow?”

Marinette stifled a giggle as she saw Elly deep in thought. “Pink” she said decisively, figuring that she had enough yellow with her giant lamby book bag.

Her papa handed her the bag and wasted no time ripping it apart revealing a yellow padded, highly decorated iPhone. She couldn’t be happier as she ran around her papa’s legs hugging him in thanks

Her mama was a little less thrilled “A phone though? Who does she need to call?”

A proud grin spread across her partners face “Ah ah, this is no phone. It’s just a state of the art version of a walkie talkie. All she can really do is press a button to call one of us if she’s in trouble and we can video chat and radio her whenever we need to check in.”

...ok now Elly was a little less delighted

She tugged on her papa’s pant leg and with a blank disapproving expression politely asked if he could take it back, stating that she was a big girl and was only going to daycare.

‘Well, she’s certainly taking on my polite stubbornness.’ Marinette thought as she patted a dejected Adrien’s back.

“But I special ordered it just for her” He whined

“Yes, yes. Trust me I know the feeling. But, she is a very bright little girl and she’s survived before us so I’m sure she’ll be fine.”

“And I had programmed so many games into it too.”

Again, there was a tug on Adrien’s pant leg. He looked down to see a bashful look on Elly’s face as she twiddled her fingers, too embarrassed to look up at him.

“Papa,” She started on a wavering voice “I feel really bad for what I said earlier. I can understand if you don’t want me to have it anymore but… I’d really like to have my gift back. It was a great gift and I shouldn’t have given it back so meanly so...I’m sorry papa”

There were tears in the big blond’s eyes as Elly put on her best puppy dog face. His heart melted into a warm pile of goo.

“Oh, I could never be mad at my little ray of sunshine! You’re way too cute to say no to! you can have it back sweetheart!” He exclaimed as he spun her around in his arms.

‘So she’s an actress too, huh? She really is a bright girl.’ Marinette thought to herself. She didn’t have the heart to break up the scene though so she let them have their Father/Daughter bonding time.

After showing up to school, dropping their little one off at kindergarten (Which took far too long, to the point where the teacher had to shoo them away and they were almost late to class) they took their respective seats and awaited for class to begin.

Their teacher came into the room a few minutes later, although slightly tipsy. Clearly they had a fun time last night and was kicking them in the ass today.

“So, as you can see class last night was a hoot for me” The professor said finally with a slurred voice and head planted firmly on the podium “And therefore, because I have a raging hangover and am practically comatose, I would like for you to converse with fellow parent groups and share your experiences...or don’t. Quite frankly I’m about 15 seconds away from vomiting on the floor sooo have fun with that.” And with that the teacher just...quietly laid down on the floor face down and awaited the sweet embrace of blackness.

“Sooo, how’s my niece?” Alya said after ignoring the blatant display of irresponsibility.

“Turns out she’s turning into quite the little actress. She played Adrien’s heart like a fiddle”

“Hey!” the blond interjected while his best friend laughed at him “My Elly was truly remorseful for her actions. Did you even see the broken tears in her eyes?”

The blue eyed girl held back a laugh (But only barely) “Was that before or after you shared that you put games on her borderline iPhone”

Adrien had no real comeback for that.

“Really man? An iPhone? Look I know you’re rich but don’t rub it that clearly in our faces.” Nino retorted

“It was a walkie talkie!”

“With facetime and Mario run attached”

“Ok a very helpful walkie talkie”

Alya rolled her eyes “Well Sammy and Sophie have been a total dream when it comes to adjusting; I mean, they’re already calling me mama and they’re super helpful around the house”

Nino snorted as Alya cooed about their shared toddlers. “Do you have something to share DJ Daddy.”

“Oh no not at all Mama Wifi I was just thinking that blogging must be a great way to keep oneself in denial if that’s how you see them.”

The blond and blue parent pair could already see that things were about to go south so they just kept quiet to avoid any cross fire.

“What the hell are you talking about Nino” she growled, pissed that he would ever say anything negative about her babies.

“I’m just saying that whenever I’m with them they’re class A trouble makers. Pranks, destruction, the complete ruin that is my laptop.”

“Oh please, they clicked around on one song. You will make it I promise.”

Nino was exasperated “ONE SONG, That song is a mix which took me a month to cultivate!”

“They say destruction is just the breeding ground for creativity” Adrien chimed

“Can it golden boy or I share what’s under your bed.” Adrien stayed silent “Alya are you really about to tell me that they’ve never acted out with you”

Alya just shook her head.

“This is insanity and I am no longer having this conversation anymore.” The aspiring DJ then got up and left the class for the bathroom to regain his sanity.

“Hah, having parental troubles are we?” said a smug and pampered voice from the opposing side of the room.

“What do you want Chloe” Alya snapped back

“Oh nothing I just think it’s interesting how you can’t even handle taking care of two 5 year olds. Don’t you have 2 sisters at home anyway? With a house that crowded I can imagine they would get claustrophobic.” Chloe then let out an obnoxious laugh that filled the classroom. Alya would’ve gotten up and punched the air out of her but a calm voiced seemed to handle it for her.

“You do realize that last night our son Noah kept sneezing and you had a whole fit about it right? All of a sudden armageddon broke loose and you called every doctor in paris to come and fix it only to find out that it was cause he was allergic to the perfume you used. You then took three consecutive showers, cuddled and apologized to him until you both fell asleep”

It was unbelievable the pride was evaporated right out of her as her flushed red face whipped around to scream at a very uninterested Nathaniel who was doodling away at his art book.

“Well you’re the one who decided to spend hours on some painting of him” She fumed at the red-head

“Oh no how dare I, An aspiring artist, work on a piece of artwork on my adoptive son. What was I thinking?”

She was raging hard but no one was convinced; It was clear that despite her anger she really was just an overly concerned parent like the rest of them.

Honestly Marinette was surprised. She thought this project would be hell for Chloe just for appearances sake, but to see how far she would go to take care of a kid who was in no way related to her AND  she hadn’t known for more than three days? It showed that the queen bee had a heart and in all honesty the secret hero could really admire than about her.

But that’s how class went, everyone just talking back and forth about their kids and their different quirks. It was nice seeing how much everyone cared and more importantly how genuine everyone was about making sure they were good parents to children less fortunate than them.

It was heart warming really once Mari really thought about it. And then she looked over at Adrien laughing along with the whole class. Her mind began to wander. ‘How does Adrien really feel about all this. Yea he loves Elly and all that but...does he mind doing it with me? Ugh and on top of that I haven’t even been consider it enough to take her to meet his father. God, I’m a terrible partner’ Her face visibly fell and she put her head on her desk, quietly moping.

Which didn’t go unnoticed.

“Hey Marinette you ok?” She had heard him say. Her head popped up instantly to give him her full attention. She then realized how silly she must look and retracted.

“Oh yea totally just tired. You know, up all night making sure Elly was ready for school.”

She thought she had covered up her downer mood well enough to get him off her scent

But what he said next made her realize that she could never be a criminal in her entirely life.

“Well if that’s the case this friday let me take her off your hands for the weekend”