#<- internalized ableism bc of all the people telling me things like that

[diamondrib]

aha ha. all those times where i “slept through my alarm” (managed to turn it off in my sleep no matter how far away the clock was) and then my mom was like “i’ve woken you up more than once and you woke up and were talking to me” but i didn’t remember were almost definitely automatic behaviors

aha ha. fucking narcolepsy?

[digitaldollsworld]

Ok I genuinely think I’m autistic

[narrativelysignificantturtleduck]

something that makes sokka extremely adhd relatable is that he's constantly looking for his Thing, the one Thing he's good at or useful for that makes up for any failings or flaws or ways he just can't measure up to others. at the beginning of the show he defines himself by being the oldest boy in the village & best warrior, but then he gets his ass kicked by zuko and suki and sees aang's raw power and he can't exactly think fighting is his special skill anymore. but he still thinks he has to be defined by fighting ('man of the house' daddy issues) so he calls himself the guy with the boomerang bc that's turned out to be his most useful and versatile and unique weapon, the one that other people can't outclass him at (after all, it's his most successful attack in his fight with zuko). when he loses it in "avatar day" he explicitly says it's like losing a key part of his identity and the moment katara goes "hey you're good at solving mysteries" he's like "yeah! i'm a detective! that's my new thing! and gets a new set of objects to signify it ("i believe in the power of stuff"). but detective sokka doesn't last bc throughout the entire episode he and katara are pretty equally matched in detective skills and he gets his boomerang back anyway. failed experiment.

and throughout all of this, he's figured out that people find his insistance on getting them fed & his grumpy comments funny and so he begins defining himself as the meat and sarcasm guy, and when he's a tough spot in "bitter work", bargaining with the universe to get him help, he offers that up as all he's got to give. it's obviously a Joke that he immediately asks for meat after telling the universe he'll give it up but it's also pretty indicative of how much he clings to these identities. it's all he's got (he thinks), of COURSE he can't actually give it up. they stuck that boy in a hole for 22 minutes and it revealed so much about how he sees himself.

at some point (likely around "the library" when he takes initiative to come up with a fire nation invasion plan) he also becomes the plan guy, the idea guy, and the gaang find themselves looking to him for leadership. this is perhaps the closest to fully encompassing sokka that any of his "[blank] guy" labels get, since coming up with plans involves planning when and how to fight (boomerang guy) & how to get everyone fed (meat), and people not following his plans is a major source of frustration (sarcasm).

this all culminates in "sokka's master", where the show finally names the underlying insecurity driving this quest - that he's a nonbender. katara being the last waterbender meant she was in danger and that keeping her safe was top priority, and even though hakoda and kya wouldn't have played favorites sokka probably felt a little like the unfavorite child for not being special like her. he lacks an ability, and believes his life has less value bc of it. almost like somebody with a disability and internalized ableism

(interesting, one of the people who most consistently mocks sokka for being a nonbender is toph, early on. toph has a lot of internalized ableism herself, a fear of vulnerability bc she doesn't want to perceived as weak like her parents thought she was. her bending is her disability aid, the thing that allows her to be stronger than people think, so she dismisses a nonbender until she learns better.)

piandao's response to sokka's lack of self-worth is not to train him to be great at one thing, but to introduce him to a variety of different arts, show him that his value lies not in having any one skill but in his capacity to learn and grow. there's no single thing that makes him worthy. it isn't even the combination of all of them that makes him worthy. he simply is worthy.

and i don't know if this is a unique narrative in fiction or anything but it really means a lot to me that sokka doesn't have One Thing that "makes up" for him not being a bender. he's of course extremely skilled and prodigious at many things he does in the show but there's no one savant talent that "justifies" him being in the group and i feel like so many disability narratives - especially for kids - go that route and i really appreciate that atla doesn't and simply says people are valuable because they are valuable, not because of their special abilities

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

wibta if i told someone to work on their attitude? 🍎👏

i'll keep this as short as i can and preface it with everyone in the mentioned discord server is 18-25 years old and we're mostly kind of terminally online lol . also warning for a brief mention of internalized ableism

anyway. i'm part of a discord server and for the most part we're all very good friends or at least we get along well enough to coexist. a few months ago, someone new joined and at first we got along fine, but we had a disagreement and its made me (and others) realize there are some uncomfortable behaviors from this person

if topic they enjoy comes up and someone gets a little bit of information wrong, they spiral and "yell" about it. they're very harsh in a "this is basic information, i'm right about this, how do you not know this" way. not everyone is as invested in that interest, so basic info to them isn't basic info to us, we've tried to tell them this. instead of explaining calmly, we get a "uuuhmmmmmm actually" kind of message before freaking out on us

they always seem to be playing devil's advocate, too. they've had contradictory opinions on things because they always take the opposite side of the person leading the discussion. in the span of a weak they complained about ppl having internalized ableism & prejudices toward autistic ppl, then said "lol i hate being autistic i wish i was normal"

when they ask for personal advice, they act like the advice given is unprompted. they don't seem to want to be helped at all? they're also a serial avoider when they have disagreements with others, they'll text everyone except the person they take issue with and when asked to talk directly to someone by one of the moderators, they just refuse

several times they've been very insensitive to other people's mental health, cultures, interests, etc., while being hypersensitive abt their own and i'm considering asking them to step back to work through their issues

i get that no one is perfect, but people are actively avoiding them and i don't want to see them isolated/hurt when they could just reflect on their behaviour and take steps to be less hostile and miserable toward their so-called friends. i also don't want to see the server die out either bc otherwise we have a good gang yk :/

anyway wibta and what would y'all do

[steaming-system-takes]

my hottake is many people misinterpret what people mean by "doubles dont exist"

all we are saying is that doubles do not literally exist. we arent telling you that you being uncomfortable isnt valid or whatever, we are simply trying to point out that no two introjects of the same source are the same person or said fictional character, source-separated or not.

as an introject, i and many other introjects in our system used to get uncomfortable around other introjects who shared our source. (I SHOULD MAKE THIS CLEAR THAT IT'S IMPORTANT TO KNOW I AM TALKING ABOUT IN THE CONTEXT OF BEING IN A PUBLIC CHAT OR SERVER, NOT AN ONLINE MEDIA ACCOUNT! a server vs a tumblr blog for example are different. my issue here is when it comes to discord/other public chatting sites.)

you know what we would do? either leave because it is our responsibility or we toughen through it and remember that person is literally a different person from us. im trying hard not to come off mean or invalidating but im really bad at wording

you're an introject on a tumblr blog and people sharing the same source as you make you uncomfortable? valid. blocking is a thing. just dont say anything and block. if someone is invading ur DNI on purpose thats on them. just block and thats it.

you're an introject talking in a system server/chat and someone else happens to have the same source as you? excuse yourself from the chat for the time being or ignore that person.

please do NOT go up to someone and call them a "double". i am not you. you are not me. we are not fictional characters. do not go around calling people " doubles". i could go up to you and say the same thing.(i wouldn't obviously bc i hate that word and it's rude i just mean that i LITERALLY could and it would be the same thing you hypothetically did) i am not a clone of you. (not saying everyone uncomfortable with "" doubles"" does this i just see it happen a lot.)

obviously, also respect when someone says "doubles dni". i just don't.. like it being called doubles bc its kind of dehumanizing and isn't. real in how the term means. it doesnt work for DID/OSDD.

we got over the double thing, and thank god we did, because all it literally did was fuel our DELUSIONS WE EXPERIENCE and PARANOIA from believing it. it also made us have internalized ableism towards other systems for a while. (again not saying everyone who has this as a discomfort is like this, just that it wasnt very healthy for us and ive seen a lot of people where it isnt healthy for them or the people around them either.. ive seen people literally yell at others over their identity??? can we please stop normalizing the double mentality thingie. introjects are NOT THEIR SOURCE or all the same person..)

we've had our unreasonable and finnicky triggers. hell we used to have a trigger for FUCKING APPLES. (long story.) and eventually you have to learn how to get over them. sorry that sounds really rude but i wish people would stop this!! calling people "doubles" is so fucking hurtful like yeah you are allowed to be uncomfortable but please dont spread the doubles thing or yell at people. you dont do that stuff and you just block or ignore and move on? cool. you are a cool person. stay cool

god i really hope this made sense. im the worst at wording.

im paranoid people read my messages wrong so heres now a list of clarifications;

>i believe alters are allowed to NOT source separate if they dont want to separate. as long as it isnt hurting them. even then thats for them and their own system to figure it out, and source separation shouldnt be forced.

>im not forcing people to INSTANTLY get over their discomforts and triggers. it takes time. i know. im just asking *some* people to change the way they view things or at least treat it differently (ie stop using "double" and use a different term or wtvr for it, be more responsible abt it etc) and strive to get better about it. i hope that made sense. im not trying to belittle people i genuinely just dont know how my tone is coming off and im paranoid im coming off rude/gen

>yes some of us still get uncomfortable around source-sharing people. it used to be really bad when we were younger but it's gotten better. yes we do experience different kinds of delusions and have severe paranoia and im aware those can be part of why source-sharing people can be triggering to some. this post is only talking about the people who INSIST on calling PEOPLE "doubles" or instead of being responsible for their own stuff and just blocking or ignoring these people will yell at random people. it does not happen a lot but it does happen. this is a post against that, not people who are merely uncomfortable and/or just block/leave without saying anything. if you are just uncomfortable and block or wtvr again UR COOL ur cool /gen

>and honestly im just asking people stop saying "double"... use "source sharing person" or smth else instead 😭😭 the word double is strange and dehumanizing

sorry this was so long.

/lh

^

we genuinely love getting these long and thought out takes, its nice being able to see someones full opinion on something and why they feel the way they do

[necrotic-nephilim]

for the choose violence ask game: 3, 8, 16 :D

for the choose violence ask game!

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

i was going to be kind enough to not screenshot but i lied i'm choosing violence. this is less of a take and more of an incorrect quote i suppose but. every time i remember it exists i stare at a wall for like 20 minutes.

most posts under the "chaotic tim drake"/"unhinged tim drake" tags do. get to me. they are all liable to make me spontaneously combust but something about this one. the way Tim's fanon kill count magically gets higher every time it's brought up. the way it directly contradicts Tim's internal deep-seated fears about turning into Bruce and that's why he has always planned to retire after being Robin the *entire point* of Tim Drake of Tomorrow is to show how horrified Tim is and how future!evil!Tim will always go too far. like i genuinely do not know what character ppl are talking about with the "Tim is most likely to become a supervillain and somehow this a cutesy headcanon" sort of thing. it plagues me. consider me plagued. i could go on and on about it for hours and how deeply it contradicts Tim's character to his core. also just why does the fandom want to make him a villain so bad? i don't understand.

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

i already gave one answer to this question here, but worry not i have endless answers to this one. a bit one for me is: the idea Cass should use ASL. it icks me out. i will close a fic if Cass is using ASL i will not lie. firstly, she does not canonically know ASL. secondly, it doesn't make *sense* for her to use it bc her disability has nothing to do with the ability to speak, it has to do with her language learning skills. and ASL is, *still a language*. and would be just as difficult to learn, if not more-so bc it could set back her learning of English and would not be as easily applicable as English to her daily life. it's a headcanon that ranges from well-meaning misunderstandings to just downright ableism that infantilizes Cass and infantilizes ASL. honestly i get touchy in general about fandom using ASL when not written by a Deaf writer/someone who knows ASL bc... you can tell. you can always tell. (hearing fans stop trying to come up with sign names for the Batfam i'm gently begging you.) there are many good posts breaking down why this headcanon doesn't really work but i'm just salty and feral about it.

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

the headcanon/fanon concept that Tim has lasting psychological trauma due to the Titans Tower incident, or that it has caused him to be afraid of Jason. (the same can be applied to Damian cutting Tim's line being something that Matters to Tim longterm or causes fear of Damian) like? beyond the "that is not canon, that event really didn't bother Tim and Tim was a cocky little shit the whole time", i'm unsure how this... fits into the fanon version of Tim? like i don't *understand* it. how it is that fandom likes "Tim has a super high kill count and is going to be a supervillain" but also... thinks one bad fight that roughed Tim up a bit has made him terrified of one person specifically? these feel contradictory. either he can Take The Heat or He Can't. this weird waffling where he's both the biggest badass around but also somehow a wilting traumatized kid confuses me. i don't necessarily mind the exploration of Tim being angry or pissed off about these events, or even him being more injured than he was in canon and dealing with that, but him being like. so afraid of Jason it influences their relationship has always eluded me. it contradicts everything else about fanon!Tim and makes him seem... sort of cowardly? like not that events like these can't be traumatizing but in his field of work they're not unique events. these are normal Tuesdays for him. why is it affecting him so much in fanon.

[campgender]

Hi, my friend has a chronic illness that flares up sometimes and we've been wanting to hang out but it has gotten cancelled a couple times lately bc of her not feeling well enough on the day. I want to ask her how she feels cuz I care abt her a lot and want an update but 1, I don't want her to feel pressured or like I'm asking just to ask can we hang out now, and not bc I care abt how she's feeling (does that make sense? I may be overthinking this) and 2, I genuinely wanna know how she's doing but idk what to say if she responds with her not being better, sometimes u don't feel better and that's ok but I always want to offer comfort somehow or just convey my friendship? but I feel the same everytime and don't want to sound repetitive ?

Any thoughts?

this is really kind of you & it means so much to me that you want to support your friend & are putting so much thought into it! my response is inherently based in my own experience to an extent & everybody’s different, but a lot if not all of this is stuff i’ve heard regularly from other chronically ill people. of course, don’t say anything you don’t mean – if some of this isn’t the case for you, just adapt accordingly :)

i understand worrying about being repetitive but i think that’s totally okay to do! for one thing, it can be difficult to remember things period when you’re ill, especially during a flare, & for another, internalized + societal ableism is a hell of a force. it never hurts to have a reminder that not everyone is trying to force ableist expectations onto you + your friendship & that someone cares about you!

i think you can definitely tell your friend pretty much what you told me! like, “hey, it’s okay if you aren’t feeling up for responding but i just wanted to check on you! not trying to pressure you to hang out or anything, i just care about you & how you’re doing”

honestly the most important + supportive thing people have ever told me is that it’s okay if the answer is “bad.” i’m literally like surprised pikachu meme every time somebody offers to let me vent about having a rough time & then it helps me just to talk about it. it’s really socially unacceptable to talk about chronic pain & a lot of people get frustrated when you’re complaining about the same thing & there’s not really anything they can do, so just the opportunity to be like “yeah shit fucking sucks right now” means a lot.

obv the appropriateness of this depends on the person & their relationship to disability but most of the time i’m very like, radical acceptance / embracing / etc about the fact that i’m probably just gonna get sicker, so sometimes when i’m having a rough time emotionally & am like “what if i’m this bad for the rest of my life” my gf (who doesn’t have chronic pain / chronic illness) will say something like “then i can’t wait to be there with you ❤️” & it’s more meaningful to me than i can begin to put into words.

again everybody’s different but for me one of the biggest things is when disability stuff just… isn’t a big deal to the other person. which, it’s totally okay for you to need support from others when someone you care about is going through a hard time & when things change! but abled people are constantly horrified about like, every aspect of my life, so being able to talk casually about symptoms & somebody mirror the mood / tone i set – laugh if i’m joking, be upset about the ableism i experience & not my body itself if i’m complaining about people being weird about it, taking things as they come – is so affirming.

other things that have been helpful + meaningful for me are friends sending me notes, stickers, & art in the mail – having something tangible can make me feel more “real” & part of the world, something i struggle with due to being homebound – & peer support around medical neglect, which often just looks like talking to someone after a doctor’s appointment & them reaffirming my reality / experiences & saying i didn’t deserve to be treated that way.

oh one other change in language i’ve made over time & probably picked up from a few other ill people in my life is a sort of realistic encouragement – there’s not necessarily anything wrong with “i hope you feel better soon!” because like, i get that the message is well-intentioned, but it can be awkward & difficult to receive when you don’t know if that’s gonna happen. instead, i try to tell people something like “i hope you get a bit of relief soon” or “i hope things are a little easier tomorrow.” a 7/10 pain day may be horrifying for most people, but when you’ve had a streak of 9s, it can be a much-needed taking the edge off, & i try to make space for that breadth of experience in my language.

i’ve answered a few similar questions before so i’ll add my “asks” & “faq” tags on my chronic illness blog in the reblogs if you want to browse! much love to you & your friend and feel free to lmk if you have any other questions 💓💓

[vaspider]

Do you have any advice you're able to give currently on dealing with ableist harassment and dogpiles? It's the whole nine yards - people putting words in our mouth even to the point of claiming we said the opposite of what we said; calling us crazy and insane and saying we should be institutionalized; blaming us for horrific and violent ableist harassment of people who also reblogged the same post we did who disagreed with us; and directly talked over and erased my experiences as a severely disabled person.

(What I said literally boiled down to: "hey, let's not moralize having hobbies because it doesn't make people less capable of harm or more likely to be an asshole, and also please stop saying all disabled people are abled enough to have hobbies because I've been disabled enough before to not be able to have even consumptive (meaning like watching tv or listening to music) hobbies for long stretches of time". There's a similar longer version of that on my personal blog as well, but the harassment is on my shared disability sideblog.)

Like I guess I just... it's okay if people disagree, but the amount of other disabled people who were actively cruel and literally saying people like me don't exist and being so desperate to shut me up talking about my experiences with ableism that they spam harassed the blog is really hard. Like I've been on the internet long enough to know that this is utterly par for the course for disability discourse and even to know that any claim of "can you believe someone said [ridiculous thing] is ableist" is a dogwhistle that it's either manipulation of or outright lies about what the original disabled person actually said in order to shut down the actual conversation but...

I know you've dealt with this, so do you have any more advice on how to handle it than "turn off anon, temporarily turn off asks if necessary, delete the reblog if the harassment gets too much" (already done, mod health comes before discourse as a hard rule)? Especially for like, dealing with the internal emotions about it and not just the situation?

Um also if you don't want to answer this at all feel free to just like, put a stop sign emoji or something and I won't send any more asks about it. I know you publish all asks but since I know this is a stressful subject I still wanna let you know that I will NOT be an unsafe person if you just wanna tell me to fuck off X)

This has been sitting in my inbox for quite a while bc I didn't have the energy to answer it.

There's no one good way to deal with dogpiles, and you've already listed most of them. A couple more, randomly:

Make sure you take time away. Go see a movie bc it'll make you put your phone away, you know?

Have someone else look at your asks and emails so you ain't gotta.

Report shit. It won't really do anything, but it'll make you feel better, anyway.

If you're actually physically threatened or any of the things really twig your "something is really wrong," make a Google Drive folder and stash screenshots in case shit escalates to you needing to talk to law enforcement. If nothing else, it'll help you feel like you're in control.

The last one is more helpful than you'd think.

I hope it's let up for you.

[aregularhuman]

idk if this is controversial but is the neurodivergent label actually helpful outside of activism? like as an allistic adhd person i only relate occasionally to autistic people (mainly sensory issues tbh or social stuff but then again i have mad anxiety) n p much not at all to dyslexic/dyspraxic/etc people (the question of whether ocd n bpd are considered neurodivergencies is another question). but i keep seeing videos n stuff about ‘nd traits’ or ‘calling all nds’ and it seems like it’s become a quirky shorthand mainly used by autistic/audhd people that doesn’t feel like it includes nd allistics? im not saying everything should be focused around me me me, just that if you mean autistic just say autistic rather than neurodivergent.

I guess this kinda ties in with the whole (saw a tiktok and did no actual research) self diagnosis/quirkification of nd + mental illness online. (I’m v much pro informed self dx bc of costs n accessibility n consequences of having an official dx esp for autistics w housing n kids). I also think even if ur diagnosed making light hearted ‘put a finger down nd edition’ videos should b done w caution bc they often inadvertently contribute to the trivialisation of the struggles faced by nd ppl. you have to be aware of who your content reaches- tt/ insta is v different from tumblr/reddit lol.

and while I’m on this rant I hate the ‘neurotypical bad and complicated, neurodivergent good and direct’ narrative too. neither is good nor bad, just different. you gotta find your people because no one owes it to you to change their entire communication style just for you. just like I have to make an effort to do small talk etc with nts I have to focus on what I’m saying and explicitly spell out certain things when talking to my autistic friends. I understand people are hurt by nts being unaccepting and actually ableist and so go into this ‘I’m special and better than them’ mindset but it’s just not helpful imo.

I also feel like nd people find it hard to accept that you can be hella annoying and people finding you annoying isn’t ableist. I can be annoying as fuck and I try not to be- instead of going ‘ugh I can’t help interrupting people all the time and never letting them finish a thought- they’re being ableist’, I try n number the ideas I’m having and wait for the other person to finish or say ‘hey can I quickly add something before I forget and then you can continue’ and listen if they tell me to hold on a sec. relationships are about compromise n that’s not ableist.

maybe it’s just me not feeling like I fit in the ‘adhd is a gift’ narrative or the neurodivergent movement. I hate having adhd and would do anything to not have it. I do struggle to call it a disability tbh but I accept that that’s partially internalized ableism bc I can temporarily convince myself that I can function unmedicated n then I have exams n I fall apart…

anyway if anyone has thoughts pls do lmk

[compassionatereminders]

my most secret confession.. i kind of wish my mental abilties would get worse? i have autism and my cognitive abilities and functioning is definitely Not very good but it feels like its not enough to me.. idk if this is just internalized "im not disabled enough" ableism or if things actually ARE even more difficult than it seems and i just dont realize bc of masking or what tho, or if i would Genuinely feel happier with less cognitive ability even if things were more difficult.

that being said i dont want to put too much of a burden on my family, my ability to reliably do tasks is already limited id feel really bad limiting it further if i could help it. idk! its weird. i also wish my psychosis (very mild all things considered) would show up more frequently but its tied directly to my depression which is being treated so weh. it feels weird even saying this bc from what i can tell, you're supposed to either want to get better or you're happy just where you are. i dont ever rlly hear people talk about wanting to get worse/more disabled in ways that arent Obviously just internalized ableism (ie wanting to get worse so 'youll be treated more seriously' most of the time you will just be treated as less than human rather than a human worth listening to...)

i feel this about my chronic pain too. i don't know why im like this. its hard for me to even consider these feelings as Wrong even though i know some people would call me crazy for wanting to be more disabled. i just know theyre weird and people would get mad at me for them, so thats why theyre my most secret secrets

Desiring to be more mentally ill/visibly disabled than you are is a quite common experience. For many people it IS an internalized ableism thing, because there's the assumption that if only they were THAT disabled, then people would believe them and treat them with respect and compassion, and that is - as any severely disabled person could tell you - complete bullshit. But the desire is common and as long as you don't get sucked into the illusion that there's actually a way to win against ableism by being The Right Kind Of Visibly Disabled Person (there isn't), I wouldn't worry too much about it.

[awetistic-things]

hi! i'm prof dxd autism, and i know you support self dx. i have some struggles understanding it, bc i guess,,, black and white thinking and i just,,, its very hard to make that connection, bc like, i want to support it but like theres also like, bad experiences with people claiming autism to weaponise something or all the news about fakers which might not even be true but like. im at the point where this is my view:

i support self suspecting a diagnosis, but not self diagnosis bc i think there needs to be some degree of seperation. like you can research one condition but have another, so self suspecting and accommodating is a good thing, but self diagnosis isn't because you don't have like, the full picture, and you need someone else to analyze it, so self suspect, not diagnosis. (sorry if not clear im kinda out of words rn)

but i also recognise that that view isn't really correct anymore, but im having trouble changing it so i guess what im asking is do you have any account to follow/things to read to support self diagnosis so i can change my views. totally cool if you dont want to tho. anyway bye! have a nice day. sorry.

hi 👋🏼

i can't find any specific blogs, but i do have a few things to say:

getting out of the black-and-white thinking is difficult, and i appreciate that you're trying to do so

self-diagnosing in general can be life-saving (when done right, which most of the time it pretty much is, regardless of what you see online) whether it comes to autism or breast cancer. so often, people get passed up and can't get what they desperately need due to discrimination within the medical community (and every community) so they have to take matters into their own hands

a lot of the time even when people go to get evaluated for autism, the doctor is the one who says they "suspect" the patient has autism and then don't give a diagnosis at all (happened to me three times before I got officially diagnosed) there are so many autistic people who go to get evaluated and get straight-up turned down right to their face, which usually leads them to self-diagnosing because there’s nobody willing to actually ‘analyze’ them in the first place (/nm, this reads as passive aggressive i think, but that’s not my intention, i promise /gen)

even if you are officially diagnosed there’s no telling that you’ll get any ‘analysis’ information after an evaluation (most of the time it’s just a paragraph or two) which is why self-diagnosing can be so incredible, because that’s when you get to analyze your own behaviors and traits and work through your internalized ableism so that if you do end up getting a diagnosis you’re not blindsided and have (hopefully) already accepted the fact that you are autistic

essentially what i’m trying to say is that so, so, so many psychiatrists and psychologists have internalized (or fully conscious) prejudice which heavily affects their analyzations and makes self-diagnosing so often times necessary

honestly, i think self-diagnosing is the first step in acknowledging and accepting that you’re autistic

i think many autistics who were officially diagnosed and were surprised by the fact that they’re autistic should look at it from a self-diagnosed autistics point-of-view

and by that i mean actually taking the time to forget whatever your doctor said about how you operate and instead analyze your life, because it’s yours, and nobody knows it better than you (especially from a 30 minute evaluation in a converted supply closet)

sorry if any of this came off as aggressive, it’s all genuine and i do very much appreciate you asking me this question and i hope my numerous different answers helped somewhat :)

[unloneliest]

it doubly pisses me off when people tout the ableist idea that certain stigmatized diagnoses are inherently abusive bc they're arguably doing that on my behalf and i don't WANT that.

the people who are hurt most by ableism that paints them as dangerous are the people being targeted by it—people with b type personality disorders, people who experience psychosis, people with dissociative disorders. that's the first and biggest thing that pisses me off about it all.

but this second & personal piece also feels mentioning: this flavor of ableism hurts survivors whose abusers happened to have one or more of these diagnoses too.

ableists don't speak for me, and they're not helping me. it makes it harder to talk about and heal from my experiences with abuse, knowing that people might take my experiences and use them to hurt other neurodivergent + mad people. people with all of these diagnoses are my friends, my comrades, my mutuals, my community.

the abuse i experienced isn't because of my ex friend's diagnoses. the behaviors stemming from symptoms that my ex friend had no control over were not abuse. ultimately, my ex friend chose to behave in a way that was abusive, and it is those choices that made my ex friend an abuser.

acting like abusers have no control over their actions absolves them from responsibility, and where else is that responsibility going to fall but on the shoulders of their victims? i can tell you from experience: it's a horrible thing to internalize.

fucking. stop treating my siblings with stigmatized diagnoses like shit. and stop fucking doing it in my name. it makes things worse for all of us.

[pondscummy]

so me and roommate L talked on Sunday and I finally like aired some of my grievances and was like hey you really hurt me w how you treated me during my recovery and I realized I actually really don't feel like I can safely communicate with you and I haven't felt like I could for a very long time. and they did apologize and we decided to just be polite roommates and not friends at all and that's a big relief honestly bc now I'm not carrying around this tension the way I was before bc I know there's not expectation from either side but like. it's also freed me up mentally where I'm not thinking about all the immediate stuff anymore and instead I'm like remembering various random things that pissed me off but weren't big enough to focus on before lmao

the one I'm stuck on rn is how insistent they are that I'm on the spectrum. idk they do a lot of explaining myself to me that makes me like. bro shut Up you don't know what my lived experience is like lol you have no concept of anything. which. for context I have a dx and I thought I was on the spectrum for years and years but weirdly enough going to therapy and working through my ptsd made a lot of those symptoms just.... start vanishing. and one of my friends had been undiagnosed for the same reason so it got me thinking about it and talking to my therapist at the time and like. ptsd can present rly similarly. like I was neglected and abused as a child and I literally did not learn social skills, and I was very fearful of other people. as I like worked through the stuff that had instilled that in me and found my stride w stepping out of my comfort zone and getting comfortable being uncomfortable I really don't find it particularly hard to talk to people. I retook the RAADS and I got that I have tendencies but am not anywhere near diagnostic level. I'm literally moving states bc I find the idea of being in a new place and starting from scratch socially rly exciting and I want to like go out to events on my own and meet people both through apps and more organically and I want to get to be in the office with my coworkers like. obv there's more to a dx than just social anxiety but the things that my dx was primarily based in (social anxiety, need for stability/routine, aversion to connection, even sensory issues) are so easily linked back to trauma for me and like. being on the spectrum doesn't go away w therapy?? also I've found it harder and harder to befriend other people on the spectrum; I find I have less in common as time goes on and that my communication style is more focused on like small talk and less directness etc. and I don't tend to get special interests at all anymore like I find it a little difficult to discuss interests w people for long periods of time.

anyway idk my experiences just make me think that it was an incorrect dx but a rly understandable one. I'll probably always have tendencies and get along pretty well w others who do or who are on the spectrum but like I just don't think that I am. and whenever I tried to talk about this with them they'd shut it down and be like um I'm pretty sure you are lmao. and when we talked Sunday I made a comment about making some assumptions about their facial expressions at one point and they were like well we're both on the spectrum so. and I was like my guy I can read facial expressions just fine. if you're saying I can't read yours accurately bc You're on the spectrum then fine. sure. I actually think it's bc you're always so fucking stoned that every muscle in your face is dangling from the frame, personally, but like. i don't have this probably of misreading anyone else dude. like ffs stop armchair diagnosing me and acting like bc you said it then it's law. UGHHHHHHHHHGGGHHHH. it would be one thing if I thought they were saying this stuff bc they think I'm distancing myself out of internalized ableism or something. but it really seems more like they bring it up only to tell me how bad I am at things. which like I'm sorry lmao but. if I'm not giving this vibe to anyone else and I'm not displaying symptoms predominantly in my day to day life and if they're rly seeming to be correlated to my ptsd, maybe you're literally just triggering for me to be around. asshat

[symptoms-syndrome]

7, 17, 25, 28

7 answered 💚

17. If you could tell someone questioning whether they have DID/OSDD one thing, what would it be?

This is gonna sound dismissive, but like. Don't worry about it man.

Either you do or you don't but thinking about it too hard isn't gonna change anything, and I think that worrying about it too hard might make you fixate on things. Like, you'll be looking for evidence for or against and you're gonna find ways to fit all sorts of irrelevant stuff into either category. Had a hot dog yesterday and liked it, but today you think it tastes a little weird? Put it in the "maybe a part thing" bucket. Remember what you had for lunch last week? Put it in the "don't have it" bucket. That kind of thing, it'll just trip you up.

Like. Think about why you think you might, sure. But rather than "do I have [thing]" in general I think it's best to ask like. Why is it bothering you? Are there things you can do for that?

Like. I've got shit memory right. I had shit memory before I got my diagnosis and I've still got it. So I use a calendar on my phone, as soon as I hear about anything that I want to go to or need to do, I put it right in there so I don't forget about it. What if I woke up tomorrow and my therapist called and was like "JK man, u just have ADHD." My calendar wouldn't like. Explode. It would still be helpful n everything. And that applies to like a lottt of coping skills and strats and stuff. Most stuff that happens with DID happens with other stuff too, sometimes in diff ways but like. A lot of the time the coping skills are the same. DID doesn't exist in a weird little mental illness fortified palace separate from everything else like some people act like it does.

25. What is a piece of misinformation about DID/OSDD do you want to clear up?

I already answered this one but I'm answering it again bc I have a diff lil piece of misinfo.

If you have DID/OSDD, you don't have to be plural.

Not in the sense of you don't have parts. But in the sense that you don't necessarily need to treat your parts/system the same way others may treat theirs. You don't need to "come out" about it, or communicate to other people who's fronting, or drastically change your lifestyle.

I think that this is part of what makes people so weird about DID/OSDD, the idea that it gives you permission to live a Plural Lifestyle because DID/OSDD is associated with automatically enrolling you in the Plural Lifestyle.

There's nothing inherently wrong with not being open about having a deeply stigmatized disorder. You don't need to "fight stigma" or "be visible" and it's not like being in the closet about being gay or trans (though you don't need to come out about either of those either, but that's a different topic.) You aren't betraying your community or a victim of internalized ableism or anything like that for not wanting to be open about your DID and/or not wanting to communicate to others about your parts. Doubly so for things like work or school.

Being open about it/telling people about it also doesn't have to be a black and white thing. You can tell some people but not others. You can be open about parts fronting some times or places but not others. You can tell some people some things but not everything. That's all fine. I have like two friends (outside of my DID-sphere) who know about some of my parts by name, about a dozen who just know I have DID with no further details. And that's fine with me. Even the friends who know some parts by name I don't tell who's fronting all the time.

I think some people think you need to be super consistent across the board or you're "not being true to yourself" or "hiding parts of you" or "ashamed of your identity" or something. Which is not true.

Also conversely, I think that similarly to what I said the last time about misinfo, if seeing yourself in parts helps you somehow I think that's fine. Or if you have an imaginary friend or daydream or whatever else. Embrace non-normativity even if it isn't disordered.

28. Have you met other people with DID/OSDD irl/online? What was it like?

IRL once I went to a conference to give a talk about racism and DID and it was a real mixed bag. It felt like everyone there was either 20s or 40+. I felt more at home with the 40+ crowd because the 20s crowd was very? Plural in a way that I am not and don't feel comfortable being. One of them loudly announced that everyone at the table was plural in like a Starbucks and that made me feel like I was going to die. The older folks were incredible though, very kind and it was nice chatting about our experiences and what things we had in common or didn't.

Also once at a different conference (also about race, but this time about race and disability) I met someone (a like, ~50 year old Asian lady) who shared that she had OSDD in a private moment and I shared that I had DID. It was interesting to talk to her as well.

Plus some various. Weird experiences with other people. Including someone who said I was pluralphobic for not letting them join a group for POC when they are white w an alter that looks Asian. LMAO.

I'm also...vaguely aware of some people in my area who keep being very weird about hosting events for plurals. Which. Whatever do your thing I guess. Just not for me and not when they're being weird about it.

Online. 95% negative experiences but 5% positive! When I was first diagnosed I tried finding online groups but they all sucked TBH, full of drama and teenagers and weird expectations on how I should behave and how much I need to share/know. It made me feel overwhelmed and confused because I didn't fit in. But now I've found my little group of people who I feel like I vibe with and who understand each other.

Also there's like. A few weird experiences I've had on dating apps of all places.

[scoobydoodean]

The only issue I've ever had with DeanLisa is that it reads too much to me like the "I've met you only a handful of times and I wanna spend the rest of my life with you" ala Disney Princess + Prince trope, and I just can't stand that trope. That's just a personal preference though

But I've never had a problem with Lisa herself - I think she's really fucking cool actually, and that she really did care about Dean. I think they both were reaching for an ideal, a dream, and they found solace in each other, but the circumstances that led them together (the second/third/fourth) time were not conducive to a lasting relationship.

I think it's more biphobic to be super anti DeanLisa tbh? (as a concept, not saying you have to ship them). Bc it's denying that part of Dean, like people really wanna dive deep into Dean's queerness in the way he interacts with men, but it's incredibly biphobic to then deny a relationship he had with a woman that meant a lot to him. That relationship doesn't take away from his queerness, he's still bi even while he's with a woman. Sure, I can see the argument behind comp cishet relationships and how that's bi/homophobic, but I think in this situation it's more nuanced than that? There's so many factors that lead into Dean going to Lisa (mainly feeling completely abandoned by everyone..which...he more-or-less was, be it on purpose (Cas) or not (Sam)) after such incredible trauma, he's obviously going to go to someone who he can find comfort in, that he already knows, who cares for him and he cares for back...I don't think that's comp cishet

I guess I lived in my own little SPN bubble bc I had no idea people hated her so much until fairly recently, as I started seeing posts and stumbling upon old fics where she's written as a nasty bitch for NO good reason

I appreciate your thoughts on them, tbh bc I feel like I don't ever see people talk about them or it's in a very disparaging way

Yeah I agree with you. I have no problem with people just saying "I don't like it. It just isn't my thing. It's boring, it doesn't appeal to me, I do not vibe with it, I like another ship better, he should have gone to Cassie instead, I don't think the storyline ever should have been done because of x,y, z" etc. What is sooo weird to me is people who can't live with just saying they don't like it and have to make the fact that they don't like it some kind of moral issue and/or talk about it in a way that ends up just displaying their own (internalized or externalized) biphobia and misogyny (edit: and even ableism—because I have seen that one quite a bit too).

I have seen people say:

Lisa and Dean are both used up because they've had so much sex with other people and therefore the relationship is nothing more than an expression of their mutually low standards, where simultaneously neither of them are good enough for the other because they have had too much sex. (Which was then back tracked to Dean being the only one who is all used up from all the sex he has had, because we wouldn't want to be misogynists).

Dean and Lisa's relationship is conservative christian (as someone raised in a conservative christian home, I can assure you that is not the case).

Dean and Lisa is a heteronormative relationship and is therefore bad. That is... not only very debatable, but based on what? Why? What is so "heteronormative" about it? I'll pay someone $50 if they can tell me without being biphobic, homophobic, or misogynist, or basically line for line describing a post-canon or AU destiel fic they’ve recced before just replacing Lisa with Cas. (Having a home is heteronormative? Parenting a child? Living together? What is it? I can never get a straight (heh) answer.)

Dean/Lisa is biphobic. Again... why? Because Dean is with a woman? Do... do we know what bisexual means? Are we sure?? Because it sounds like—frankly—the queer community yet again being one of the more biphobic communities around, and saying bi people are only interesting and acceptable when they are in same sex romances, and otherwise they are heteronormative and bad and wrong and boring. Which is a great thing to make bi people on the internet (whether you count yourself among them or not) read. Like. I think the way we interpret many characters who are not explicitly and openly bisexual as bisexual has also in some sense poisoned people into treating bi-ness as like... an exciting accessory, instead of a sexuality. Which is again—not how bisexuality works, but is how people on Tumblr often seem to treat bisexuality when they act like it is an accessory being thrown on or taken off by a character. "Well Dean isn't wearing his bisexuality accessory right now since he's in a 'het' romance, so he is not shiny enough and I am not interested in him". It's just fucking weird and it makes me uncomfortable.

Also, I don't know why this comes as a shock to some people, but calling something "het" is not inherently an argument proving that thing is bad and wrong, and suggesting that it is is also fucking weird.

Edit: Another one I forgot—"Dean is messed up/'damaged' therefore Lisa should never have allowed him in her home". Because we think people with PTSD shouldn't be shown kindness by people who don't have PTSD, I guess, and people without PTSD should avoid people who have PTSD at all costs.

Like. It is no secret that I utterly despise Sam/Amelia. But you know what I don't do? I don't go around calling it heteronormative, or applying my weird conservative christian leftovers about sexual purity to the relationship, or saying Sam was too messed up in the head and a "normal" woman never should have allowed someone so "damaged" to be in her life, in order to shout from the roof tops how "problematic" it is for them to be together. I just say "I don't like it because Amelia is not an enjoyable character to me. I find her extremely awkward and uncomfortable and I don't like the way she talks to Sam and don't understand the romance."

[rememberthe1fallofsnow]

as a non swiftie with psychosis, id love to know how she makes you feel seen- maybe i dont pay enough attention to the lyrics of her songs when i hear them, but i had no idea they could make people like me feel seen.

i'd love some reccomendations on particular songs you think encapsulates the feeling of being psychotic/mentally ill in general !!

Hey! Thanks for your patience, I’ve been living hell lately and wanted to give you a thorough answer.

So as a general response (but i will definitely put a list somewhere in this ask with all my recs), I do want to preface by saying I am not and will never diagnose Taylor with anything. When I say “this song reminds me of my psychosis” or “this song is so BPD coded,” it’s my own experience and interpretation of a piece of art that she willingly gave out to be experienced and interpreted.

That being said, I’ll also say that when I say a lot of her songs remind me of having psychosis, it’s not about the staple paranoia, hallucinations, delusions, etc that you may experience (although if anyone has any song recs that do relay that lmk pls lmao all I know is paranoia by neoni 😭😭), it’s more about the slightly more widely experienced, uhhhh, “look” to other people? And to explain that, let’s take a deep dive at uhhhh Blank Space

Ok so the first few stanzas, which I’ll put a picture of here, she’s obviously setting the scene of the song and outright states like twice that the relationship will not last. Before my current partner, that was definitely my viewpoint on things. Knowing my mental illnesses will get in the way of any healthy relationships. That doesn’t immediately spell out psychosis but let’s move.

“Got a long list of ex-lovers; they’ll tell you I’m insane.” So yeah here we get to the meat of it, she’s clearly (imo) acknowledging the “crazy bitch” label and I think that’s something every psychotic person experiences to some degree, even the cishet white masc ones. Like yeah probably not as much as like an afab person or a femme aligned person or someone else, but you can’t act like ableism is ever fully stopped by privilege. It’s not.

More on being a crazy bitch—she has a lot of songs on this. She has a lot to say. I will keep listening, bc yeah lmao.

Ok this next part is like… really relatable to me?? Let me know if you agree, lyrics I’m about to discuss are the next image.

So like yeah it’s like a fun song and it sounds upbeat n shit and like I do have a lot of fun listening to it, but if we pay attention to what she’s actually saying, it’s like yeah she’s throwing a party but that’s because what else is there to do? She’s tried controlling it, she’s tried getting help, getting better, she’s tried being honest, being fake, nothing works. (She is me I am she). So… guess we’re crazy bitches now

I don’t know if any of this is making sense so far, ugh it definitely made more sense in my head

Anyway thats like a super basic example but honestly the what I would personally call ableism that she has had to deal with is LITTERED in her songs. Whether she’s psychotic or not, whether she has BPD or not, anything else, idc. Even if she’s perfectly fucking mentally healthy. Anyone coming at her (or her fans, or uhhh anyone??) for displaying what look like poor mental health symptoms, whether they are or not, is coming at her with ableism.

Ok let me pull up Delilah’s /sys playlist lmao.

Ok screenshotted below is our alter Delilah’s playlist, two of them are not Taylor so have fun. But yeah I’ll quickly run through a few of them:

Don’t Blame Me—the feeling of being absolutely consumed by love that it feels like you’re high, like you’re losing your mind, like you’re out of control, and loving it

New Romantics—the feeling of wanting everyone who ever abused you to watch you sing the eras tour live on stage 53 times in the States and 30 international, but they can’t afford to come to the Eras tour themselves or even buy that Spotify sweatshirt that they won (bc they’re a top fan because they listen to your music on loop because your success pisses them off and idk i guess they just don’t know what to do with that) so they talk shit about you online on anon on like young girl’s tumblr accounts trying to like “downfall” the swiftie nation but everyone blocks them immediately, they’re an idiot, and ur still singing the Eras tour in 53 cities in the US and 30 internationally so idk who’s winning?

Who’s afraid of little old me?—fuck you fuck you fuck you it’s your fault i’m like this and now I have to fucking clean it up so fuck you and also watch me absolutely destroy your life with nothing but my songs you idiot fuck you

(I got carried away really fast rip)

Ok yeah this wasn’t as good of an answer as I hoped I’d make but I hope it at least made some sort of sense and my ask box is always open, swiftie or not.