#stop coming back to shannon so much

[wildlife4life]

The episodes names OMG I’m scared now step nine was more mysterious tho but now ashes ashes I mean Eddie is really finally moving out from Shannon I supposed at least those episodes titles implied that or really abuela is dying but I’m like wtf like at what cost tho I’m scared not gonna lie also the pressure that is giving that something bad happing to Eddie so like OMG

Freaking out right alongside with you anon over those episode names... and humming the freaking nursery rhyme lol.

I'm really hoping that Eddie is finally moving on from Shannon because that storyline is just worn out...

Eddie whump incoming, there's no other explanation.

[bar-les-coucougnes]

you can really see a character's true nature shine when theyre under pressure

cant wait to hate krauss and rudolf's guts by the end of ep3

[kdogreads]

Imagine being Gibbs’ girl

He tries to keep his rough exterior, but he totally melts for you

He’ll definitely dance with you in the basement if you ask sweetly enough, and even if he pretends not to, he loves just swaying with you to some old country loves songs.

(This would definitely play through his radio)

Or kiss every one of you fingers if you come home from work and say they’re sore.

He will put you back in the car if you try to open your own door.

He’ll learn how to put your hair in a pony tail or a bun if you hurt your shoulder and can’t do it yourself. Plus he’ll keep brushing your hair for you, sitting snugly between his thighs and enjoying his warmth, long after you heal.

He sings to you if you wake up in the night reliving your darkest times in your dreams. He’ll wrap you up as tightly as he can in his strong arms, strong enough to remind you you’re safe with him, and whisper the words to any old song that pops into his head.

He loves to leave you little notes by the coffee pot or on your bedside table when he leaves before you do:

Have a good day, my love. See you tonight

- J

You agree not to marry early in the relationship

You’d both been around that block more than once, and it seemed like that fancy piece of paper just complicates things.

Of course, you’re exclusive to one another, but you just can’t bring yourselves to risk changing what you have by changing your last name. It seems so insignificant when you think of it that way.

Most of your neighbors and friends just assume you’re married, anyway. So when a letter arrives in the mail addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Gibbs, you aren’t surprised. It makes you smile to see it on paper, but nothing is going to change your minds on this.

His love language is 100% acts of service

He’ll unload the dishwasher, fold the laundry, bring you home fresh flowers for no reason at all, have dinner ready if he somehow makes it home before you do one day. He rarely lets you bring in any groceries or luggage. Even though he knows you are tough enough to literally take him down, he wouldn’t dare letting you carry something too heavy or inconvenient.

Any little thing he can do to brighten your day, he does.

In turn, the small acts you grant him, like taking his suit jackets to the dry cleaners, setting his shoes and thermos out for him before work, picking up a new book about boats, make him fall even more in love with you.

He makes you things

J will make you anything he thinks you might like. A wooden stand for your plants, a step stool when you mention that the bed is just a little bit high off the ground for you, shelves to proudly display your knick knacks, a sled for Christmas after you tell him you never had one as a child.

He’d even try his hand at a ukulele if you mention wanting to learn to play.

Of course he’s made boats named for Kelly and Shannon, but his newest project is adorned proudly with your name, sprawled across the hull in flowing letters.

His hobby turns into more than just that, it’s his way to show you how much he loves you, and you soak in everything he’ll give you.

He’ll use his jacket to shield you from the rain

Jethro is usually prepared for anything, but rain can sneak up on you. In that case, he’ll peel his jacket off and cover you as best as he can. Even if it means he’ll get soaked to the bone, he’ll make sure you’re covered a least a little bit more than he is.

He tones down his crazy driving for you

The first time you got in the car with him, you about passed out from an anxiety attack. You don’t want to be a backseat driver, so you just grin and bear it for a while, but he picks up on your discomfort pretty quickly.

He slows down, starts using his turn signal, and stops cutting people off, but every now and then, when it’s late and the roads are empty, he’ll take you for a high-speed cruise just to get your blood pumping.

He’s much touchier than you ever imagined

A strong hand on the small of your back, fingers ghosting over your exposed thigh, a reassuring squeeze to your shoulder when you’re uneasy, or just brushing against you to pass, even when there is plenty of room to spare.

Anything he can do to have his hands on you, he’ll do. You two are like a safety tether for each other, always there to make sure you don’t drift too far away.

As far as PDA goes, Jethro is pretty limited in what he’s willing to show the world, but he’ll always find a discreet way to connect himself to you. A brief brush of your pinkies, a quick kiss to your forehead, or a full-on embrace if you find a moment alone. Whatever it is, his touch still sets you on fire every time.

He is so gentle and fatherly to children

The two of you decided early on that you would avoid having kids. Given his past, you understand and agree to the arrangement. When you get together with your young nieces and nephews, though, Jethro turns into a total kid right along with them.

He’s quick to join in a game of cops and robbers, always quipping how it’s so much more fun being the bad guy, or plop down in the grass and find pictures in the clouds.

When someone takes a tumble or scrapes up their knee, though, he’s the first to scoop them up in his strong arms and hug the pain away. He’ll make them feel better with a story about when he hurt his knee, too, or how chicks dig scars (you always smack him playfully for that).

He makes a mean cup of coffee

You’d never thought of yourself as much of a coffee snob, but after tasting Jethro’s version, brewed slowly over the fire if time allows and mixed with the perfect amount of cream and sugar, you could never go back to any coffee shop again.

Same goes for his cooking. He doesn’t make much, but when he does, damn it is good.

“The secret ingredient is love,” he’ll joke to you, mocking your own phrase, and you’ll roll your eyes as the flavors envelop your tastebuds.

All in all, our man Jethro is basically the best partner you could ever ask for, and you love showing him how much you appreciate him.

Tagging some of my LJG lovers 💕

@instantnoooodles @daphne-bourne @museofbooks @ilovemark1951 it won’t let me tag you :( @yestwlightfan

[chiefdirector]

I'm feeling kinda sappy.

Could I ask for a story where Gibbs gets married to the reader and she moves into his house. Gibbs is away on a case and maybe she starts going through boxes in the basement and digs up pictures of his mom, dad, Kelly and Shannon. She hangs up a bunch of their pictures on a wall. Gibbs comes home sees it. He stares at it and is very quiet. The reader is nervous but then Gibbs tells her it's perfect and no one he's ever been married to wanted to honor them like this.

we keep this love in a photograph... | Jethro Gibbs | NCIS

I know it isn't exactly how you asked, but i took a few liberties, hope you don't mind

-

(Y/N) knew she shouldn't have been snooping around, it could break the trust that she worked so hard to earn, but she couldn't resist. Jethro had recently asked her to move in with him, a big step considering the nature of their relationship. They had to work together and trust that their lives would be safe in the other's hands, but living together meant not only trusting your life with someone, but opening it up to them too.

She knew that Jethro had a past filled with too much sorrow for one man to carry alone. He had tried to bury it in failed marriage after failed marriage, eventually resigning himself to the bachelor lifestyle. He had tried to continue his ways when he met her, but she was something new, something unexpected.

Vance had given (Y/N) the day off to move her stuff in and get settled fully. She had spent countless nights and weeks here with her lover but had never really left anything here except a toothbrush and a spare set of clothes. She never really needed anything more. It was easy enough to part ways with most of her belongings, sofas and dinings chairs never meant all to much anyways. Managing to fit most of her stuff her a pick-up truck, she had set off to her new home.

It was only when she opened the old hallway cupboard to store her now empty suitcases did she find the box. It wasn't labeled, but the creases and fingermarks on the cardboard showed that it had been opened and shut rigorously over the years. The rest of Jethro house was meticulously organised, there wasn't anything that didnt have its own place. Nothing was stored where it wasn't meant to. Especially old boxes.

Slowly, she opened the box and peered inside, being greeted by several picture frames. Most of them were empty, or cracked. There was no reason to keep any of them. Still she flicked through the frames. Lifting the last, she made eye contact with a young redhead holding a small infant. Even though (Y/N) didn't recognise the faces, she knew who they belonged to; Shannon and Kelly.

Quickly, she put the box back, but left the final frame out. She placed it on the sofa before trekking down to the basement, her mind focussed on one thing only.

----

Jethro got home hours after the sunset.

The house was quiet and still, he had expected as much. After toeing off his shoes, made his was through the house, intending to set the coffee maker ready for the morning. One less thing to think about in the far too early hours of the day. He stopped before he made it to the kitchen.

Jethro wasn't a man that hesitated, but the sight of his smiling wife and daughter handing on the wall made him freeze. Her bright eyes and red hair was the last thing he had expected to see, but after the day he had, he couldn't be more thankful.

He took a moment, turning to his left to find (Y/N) laying on the couch, nails and hammer strewn messily on the coffee table. Her engagement ring shone in the moonlight. Gently, he shook her shoulder to wake her.

(Y/N) hummed tiredly. "You're home?"

"Thank you." Jethro said, ignoring her question.

She shot up at the memory of what she had done. Making eye contact with him, then the photograph. "You don't mind. I didn't overstep, did I?"

"Not at all." Jethro sat next to her, wrapping his arm around her shoulder to pull her onto his chest. "Not at all."

Tags:

@innercreationflower

[lover-of-mine]

I'm thinking about the shaving scene and the possibility that it will be attached to the scene Oliver mentioned about just sitting in the silence and I want Eddie to be shirtless in it so bad. Eddie being shirtless would be interesting because Eddie is introduced shirtless inside a glass box, putting on the uniform, being described by his accomplishments when Buck asks who he is, graduated top of his class in the academy, army vet, medic, silver star, right? We also have a literal costume being ripped out of Eddie during the bachelor party, and that means a lot because it is the first time we see Eddie let loose (and we know Buck was involved in that one even tho the show didn't show it to us), but it is one step closer for him to free himself. Season 3 we have Bobby telling Buck "[the uniform] is not a costume, it's who you are" as Buck saves someone without the uniform, then in season 5 we have Bobby stopping Eddie from coming back before he's ready because what Eddie needed wasn't the job, the job was very much part of the things that were killing Eddie, his answers weren't the job so much so he just has to accept them while in a uniform that doesn't even have his name on it, because Eddie is not being defined by being a firefighter. But Eddie does define himself as father and husband as a combined thing even though his wife is dead and he's a fantastic single father, he keeps trying to fix mistakes he made with Shannon with someone else while playing pretend with these women he picked for Christopher, not himself, right? And that's the thing they keep saying, that Eddie needs to find out who he is without being defined but that. I feel like Eddie being freed from the boxes he contained himself "army vet, medic, has a silver star, best of his class, single father" when he already worked through most of the boxes he put in his own life could be very literal and callback to that initial shirtless moment. He needs to get out of the one that makes him think his life is supposed to go a specific way so he can actually do what he wants with his life. I feel like getting him out of that final box would need for him to be shirtless like in that first moment, because then he's not wearing a costume in any way. And the actual shaving would be symbolic as hell in this context too, because there would be no costume, no mask, just Eddie, for the first time.

[shitouttabuck]

this could be the year for the real thing

buck/eddie | 1.7k | 7x06 coda(ish)

Eddie can count on one hand the number of times he’s been this horrifically hungover. His pre-teenage-pregnancy body bounced back blessedly quickly from tailgate parties and keg stands and beer pong tournaments, but after that? His cousins threw his bachelor party before he married Shannon, which involved a lot of mixed liquor, and then there were a couple miserable nights out after she left him, and now, last night, him and Buck the sole bachelor party members standing after Chim didn’t show up.

This is his worst hangover, because at least all the other times he wasn’t seized with worry about one of his closest friends and regret that he and Buck hadn’t noticed the empty hotel bed the night before. The nausea from hell doesn’t help, either.

Chim’s safe now, under the careful monitor of Cedars hospital staff and Maddie no more than three feet away from him at all times. The relief is a palpable thing, and Buck offering him a steaming paper cup of green tea soothes the churning in his gut a little bit, too.

He takes a sip and sighs gratefully, slumping against Buck in the hospital waiting room chairs when he takes the seat beside Eddie.

“Still queasy?” Buck asks, voice a rumble.

“Mm,” Eddie says, “back-to-back shots of tequila and sambuca are not it.”

Buck shudders beside him. “Don’t,” he begs, closing his eyes and tipping his head back. “I’m still very much in range of hurling.”

“Have you eaten anything today?” Eddie’d only managed half a banana when he went home to shower and change, but he knows Buck’s been with Maddie most of the day, and when it comes to taking care of other people, he sometimes forgets about himself.

“Had a granola bar,” Buck says, eyes still closed. “Can’t—don’t wanna think about food yet.”

His stomach chooses then to grumble audibly, with traitorously comedic timing, and Eddie snorts. Buck opens one eye to grin at him.

“Don’t listen to her,” he says, patting his belly. “She doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”

“She doesn’t, huh? Then I guess she’s not interested in stopping by the juice bar on Sunset on the way home? Some sweet, sweet smoothies, all that fresh fruit and hydration, don’t even have to chew…”

Buck’s stomach rumbles interestedly and they both laugh.

“That sounds—so good, actually,” Buck admits. “We can pick up the peanut butter one for Chris, he’s always hankering—”

He breaks off as Hen appears at the end of the hallway, looking around and hurrying over as soon as she spots them. Eddie doesn’t think anything’s wrong—she’s beaming—but he and Buck sit up quickly in their seats anyway.

“Ugh,” Buck says, and Eddie’s dizziness at the sudden movement wholeheartedly agrees.

“We’re having a motherfucking wedding,” Hen grins, tugging them both to their feet, uncaring of their delicate dispositions. “Right here, right now.”

“Hospital wedding?” Buck asks, eyes wide. “Holy shit, okay, what do we need—who do we call—fuck—”

“Calm down, Buckaroo,” Hen smiles. “Just get friends and family over here, Karen’s gonna pick up Maddie’s dress, I’m gonna call Bobby, and we’re having a wedding.”

Buck’s already pulling up a copy of the guest list on his phone, squinting at it and muttering names under his breath.

“You boys got this?” Hen asks while dialling Bobby.

“Yep,” Eddie gives her a mock salute. “We’ll split the list and make some calls.”

He types out half the names Buck reads off to him in his notes app, and the two of them work through them methodically, calling Chim and Maddie’s nearest and dearest for this impromptu ceremony.

“Chris will kill us if he misses it,” he says suddenly, and Buck looks up at him, mid-text.

“He’s with Isabel, right? Pepa’s place is only a ten minute drive from here.”

Eddie nods. “I don’t have my car, though. You drove me.”

Buck tosses him the Jeep keys. “I’ll finish calling people, you go get them.”

“Cool,” Eddie says, and nearly bodies himself with the instinctive urge to lean over and kiss Buck on the cheek as he stands. It’s surprising, even though it shouldn’t be, because it’s an urge he fought and failed about thirty times last night, Buck’s sweaty skin pressed to his, salty under his mouth every time he dropped an innocuous, friendly kiss to his face with nothing but alcohol in his veins.

It hadn’t seemed out of place then, everything shiny and bright, Buck leaning right back into him.

Now, under the fluorescents of the hospital, organising a makeshift wedding for their family? Eddie doesn’t think it would land quite the same.

“Back in twenty,” he tells Buck instead, and has to physically tear himself away from the smile Buck turns his way, warm and golden under the harsh lights.

Chris and Abuela are delighted to be included, and, true to his word, they’re back at the hospital as the rest of the guests begin arriving, too.

Eddie’s—okay, he’s not going to say he’s not a crier, it’s just that his best friend is Buck, who cries at anything remotely tearjerky, so in comparison, Eddie’s not a crier. Now, though, they’re both very much damp-cheeked, much like everyone else crowded into this hospital room, watching Maddie and Chim exchange rings and vows with little Jee between them.

They’re a family, have been and would still be even if they never got hitched, but the fact that Chim refused to wait another few weeks, another few days, another minute before marrying Maddie? Eddie’s chest aches in the best way, and he slings an arm around Chris, and, before he knows he’s doing it, he looks for Buck.

The ceremony’s over, and Buck’s grinning at his phone, and Eddie pats for his own automatically, anticipating a goofy text.

But Buck’s edging backward, slipping out of the room, still grinning at his phone, and the ache inside Eddie spreads like an inkstain, blotting his insides.

And then Buck reappears with Tommy, which Eddie knew he was going to do, because who else would have Buck smiling at his phone like that, leaving his sister’s wedding even for a minute. Not me, Eddie doesn’t think. He doesn’t.

He’s not ready to make sense of the churning inside him—he doesn’t think he can blame the hangover for this one—when he clocks Tommy’s soot-stained everything and the way Buck’s own smudgy face matches like a puzzle piece.

He sees the way Chim notices, and Hen and Karen, Bobby’s eyes going wide and then soft. He sees the way Margaret Buckley doesn’t even attempt to school her face into anything but distaste and he hates her, but Buck’s not even looking at her. He’s looking at Bobby, and then he’s looking at Chim, and he’s smiling, this wide, guileless spread of happiness across his face.

Eddie’s helpless to smile too, the churning too complicated to parse beyond easy joy at every step of Buck’s sexuality journey, and this second-hand relief he’s not sure he’s got any entitlement to—he doesn’t, does he? Sure, he can be relieved that Buck doesn’t feel like he has to stay closeted, that everyone who matters loves him just the same, but he doesn’t get to feel like any of the relief belongs to him. Not now.

Not—yet.

Tommy’s made his way to Chim’s bedside to congratulate them properly, and Buck’s squeezing through the guests to get to the Diazes.

“Hey, bud,” he says to Chris. “Hi, Isabel.”

His face is still a smear of soot, and Chris giggles. “Buck. Your face.”

Buck frowns in confusion and Eddie steps over to him, hand already reaching to wipe the soot off his face, just like he has a hundred times at work. Except Tommy’s already there, licking his thumb and rubbing firmly at Buck’s chin, a gesture so familiar to Eddie that watching it happen separate from him feels like getting punched in the throat.

And beside the joy and the second-hand relief, there’s—this sense of profound loss. This emptiness, a space inside him he didn’t realise Buck had been occupying all this time. And now it’s like Eddie’s entered the room, finally, but the door is swinging shut on the far wall and Buck’s footsteps are echoing softer and softer as he leaves. Eddie’s late, he’s missed something he didn’t know was waiting, much less had a timeline on it.

The room empties out slowly, everyone giving the Buckley-Hans some space to rest, and Buck disappears down the hall hand-in-hand with Tommy.

“Y’all ready to go home?” Eddie asks Abuela and Chris. “We can get take-out.”

“Is Buck coming?” Chris asks.

“Uh, I don’t think so, mijo,” Eddie glances down the hall. “Although—” he pats his pocket, retrieving the Jeep keys, and startles when Buck appears by his shoulder.

“You have my keys,” he informs Eddie, stretching his hand out for them. Eddie drops them in his palm dutifully. “Juice bar? The fancy one on Sunset.”

Chris whoops excitedly, and Eddie smiles, even as his brow furrows.

“You’ve not got a hot date?” he asks Buck quietly as they walk to the exit.

“I drove you,” Buck shrugs.

Eddie rolls his eyes, stopping Buck with a hand at his elbow. “I think we can manage getting a cab.”

“I seem to recall you promising me a ‘sweet, sweet smoothie,’” Buck says, raising an eyebrow at Eddie. “You tryna stiff me, Eds?”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Eddie lifts his hands in surrender. “Uh—do you wanna ask Tommy along?”

“Nah,” Buck says easily. “Maybe another time. He’s just gotten off shift. I’m seeing him tomorrow, anyway.”

“Okay,” Eddie nods slowly, ache bittersweet. “Just us, then.”

Buck beams. “Me and my boys,” he crows, wrapping an arm around Eddie’s shoulders and tugging him forward so he can wrap the other one around Chris. Isabel makes a noise of offense, and Buck hastily amends, “Me and my boys and Abuela. Dream team!”

Christopher groans at the very public embarrassment and Abuela smiles indulgently at Buck and Eddie lets himself get pulled along, safe in this room in his heart that won’t ever be empty, even if Buck’s not filling it in the same capacity as Eddie’s getting ready to allow himself to want.

It doesn’t matter. The door on the far wall’s not quite swung shut after all; it sits ajar, crack of light and Buck’s love spilling through. Maybe one day he’ll come back through it. Maybe one day Eddie’ll follow after him enough to ask.

[thecousinsdangereux]

i just recently discovered your soulmate au and i loves it so much. so incredibly intriguing and well written and damn is it hot 🔥 thanks so much for sharing with us. in your mind, does it have a happy ending for them?

also wanted to ask if you'll be checking in to see the big warrior nun announcement coming tomorrow?

Ahhhh thank you! This ask is kind of tragic now given how everything with Warrior Nun ended up going, but I thought I'd use it as a way to share my ideas for the rest of a beggar in the morning, if anyone is interested in learning how it was going to go. Long story short, it was going to have a happy ending. :)

Here's a full outline for what I had in mind for the second half of the fic. Under the cut because it's very detailed in the parts that I'd started writing. Also in case anyone cares about spoilers? At the moment, I don't plan on finishing this fic, but I do plan on returning to writing in general, so guess there's a non-zero chance that I could come back to it. Stranger things have happened.

Beatrice keeps looking for the recipient of the Letter she's been trying to deliver and starts taking trips out into the countryside. She takes Ava's advice and takes to enjoying the journey - stopping into small cafes for lunch rather than eating in the car, taking the long way when it means she can enjoy a new view, etc.

During one of these side quests, she's told about a man who lives way off in the middle of nowhere who has the last name of Reis (the last name of the Letter recipient: Lara Reis), and she tracks him down. He had a sister who had a child with someone who was not her Match. I wanted to go more into what this looks like (and how the church is still anti-abortion in this world, because they think this could potentially ruin a future match, cue eye-roll) but in this case, the woman was basically run out of town. The man directs Beatrice to an orphanage where the child was raised.

This trail eventually goes cold because the orphanage has no records of the girl. They only know she left when she became of age.

The end of chapter six is basically Beatrice being frustrated and taking some 'advice' from Lilith to find someone to fuck hfkjshlk so she goes to the bar and ohhh nooo Ava is working that night, filling in for someone. Ava gets jealous, Bea does some shots, and it's basically a rehash of the lemon drop scene from the show, but hornier. Eventually, they make out, and decide to be friends with benefits.

Chapter 7 was honestly just going to be porn. lol. It's actually some of the first stuff I wrote for this fic - just a page of porn. Beggar came out of a Secret Santa fic exchange, and my friend Alex asked for lots of sex and a soulmate au. So... Chapter 7 was the payoff (part 2). Here's a few disjointed scenes, in case anyone is interested in reading some unedited very E-rated stuff.

A few months go by and all the nuns visit Beatrice for her bday and they're like huh so what's going on here and Beatrice has to pretend that it's not that serious with Ava (lol). I also wanted to do a conversation between Shannon and Beatrice where Shannon talks about the whole Mary thing and loving someone against the will of god (or at the very least, in the very gray areas).

The end of chapter seven is Ava finally talking about her past, which is that Ava doesn't remember hers. She woke up in a hospital without her memories and then spent the next decade traveling around trying to find something that felt like home.

In chapter 8, a lot of time passes, and the fucking continues. Beatrice is kind of losing it, poor girl.

I hadn't exactly decided what was going to happen next, but Ava was going to overstep in some way (or in some perceived way) and Beatrice was going to panic. Either Beatrice was going to have a brief thought about being in love, they were going to have reallyyyy soft sex, or something like that, but either way, Beatrice was going to have to admit she has deeper feelings for Ava than what's allowed allowed, so she goes back to Spain and ignores Ava's texts/calls/etc.

Eventually she realizes she owes Ava closure. She comes back and kind of explains why she's reacted the way she has. She gets more into why she joined the church and it's not for God or the Church itself, but because she does genuinely believe that love itself is holy. She admits she's falling in love with Ava, but she can't break her vows. She believes giving into her feelings would be putting herself above the whole history of love... the sanctity of the entire universe... and to be that selfish would be monstrous.

There's a callback to their early game of three questions, and how Ava still owes Beatrice one answer. Beatrice nearly asks if Ava loves her, but pulls back because she's scared of the answer. They basically break up, but Ava tells Bea to let her know when she's ready to ask her last question.

Beatrice takes it HARD. She buries herself in her work and starts visiting hospitals in various towns. She finds a Spanish doctor and he recognizes the number (or rather, the system behind the number) that is on Letter Beatrice is still trying to deliver. He tells Beatrice she's not looking for a hospital in Portugal, but rather in Spain - one in a small town in Andalusia. He mentions a patient who was in a coma, who woke up without her memories.

At this point, Beatrice obviously knows and she flies to Spain in daze. She visits the hospital, gives them the number, and asks for the name of the patient. When they'd brought the girl in, no one knew where she came from, she didn't have an ID, memories, etc. Nothing except for an old receipt from a restaurant in Portugal. ("Beatrice braces herself for what she already knows, but doesn't want to face.") The nurse at the hospital tells her they used a generic Portuguese name for the girl and it stuck: Ava Silva.

Beatrice visits Cat's Cradle because what else is she supposed to do? How is she supposed to deliver this Letter to Ava, who she's obviously in love with. She talks with Mary and we get the other side of the whole Mary/Shannon thing, and Mary is kind of like, okay, the Letters matter but they don't Matter. Beatrice asks Mary what she would do if she got a Letter (since Mary isn't a nun and could get one, but Shannon never could) and Mary basically says she would throw it away without opening it because she wouldn't want to give Shannon a reason to go self-sacrificial.

Of course, Beatrice doesn't really think this is her call to make. She's going to deliver Ava's Letter. There's this whole scene of her very dramatically and angstily getting ready for the delivery in the Official White Habit, then walking through the town she's come to associate so completely with Ava. And chapter 9 ends.

When Beatrice walks through the doors of the bar, Ava looks up, but doesn't seem surprised, even says 'oh, finally', which is pretty much the last thing that Beatrice expected, but then again, maybe it should have been the first, because Ava is always surprising her, and shouldn't she expect it by now? She asks Ava if she'd known that she was the person Beatrice had been trying to deliver to all along and Ava looks confused at this, like she hadn't considered that at all. "It's not that. I just knew my Letter would be coming because I'd already met you."

Beatrice is like, no no no. That's not how this works. It can't be me. I've been carrying this Letter with me this whole time - before I met you - and the Letters are only sent to a person when they've met their soulmate. And obviously, Beatrice is a nun and can't have a soulmate, etc. etc.

And then Ava says something like this: “Maybe every once in a while, God -- or the universe or whatever it is -- knows that it’ll be really hard to make two people meet organically, so it fudges the rules a little bit. Makes one girl a nun, makes another one hard to find, and sets up the dominos really early on."

And when Beatrice says she's being ridiculous/it's impossible, she says, "I know what’s in that letter. It’s you. I don’t need to open it to know it's you." and "Maybe it’s like some people say and god arranged it all. Fine. Then god chose me for you. Simple. He made me in this exact way, down to my hands and toes and whatever, so that I was perfect for his favorite creation in all of the universe. Because that has to be you."

And: "Or maybe it’s like what those other people say. You know - the past lives reincarnation stuff. Fine, then in our first lives we fell in love and then I found you in the second and third and the five hundredth. I found you and I picked you and I wanted you every time. Or okay, fine, maybe it’s what the the pseudo science people say. Even if those guys are right, I still know. It’s you because at the very start of the universe - at the very beginning of everything - we were the first two bits of something. The first two tiny little sparks. One of those was you and one of them was me. And even when we split off into a million trillion billion infinite pieces, the core of one was you. And the other one was me."

And: "In every religion or in any theory, the world exists so that I can find you again, and the world will do whatever it takes - bend the rules in whatever way - to make sure that at the exact right time, we would meet. And maybe it wasn’t perfect - maybe it was stupid hard for us to get to this point - maybe there was an easier way to make it happen - but I don’t care. Because it worked and I found you and I fell in love with you and I would do anything for that. So yeah. This Letter is telling me that I’m for you. That’s easy. It’s not faith. It’s just a fact.

And: "Besides, whatever’s on that paper? It’s going to be you. If it’s a picture of a butterfly, then it’s going to be you because of that time we went to the dam and one landed on your hand and you said “isn’t the world beautiful?” and that’s when I knew I loved you for the very first time. If it’s the notes to the first bar in At Last, then it’s you, because we used to play it all the time in the bar and I always thought it was fucking stupid to think you'd know like that right away, before everything, but it was the song that played in my head anyways when you walked in the bar that first night. There she is, I sort of thought, a dream that I can speak to."

"It could be any single word or phrase or letter and it would be you, because I love you and I love you so much I see you in every part of this entire world. I love you and I want to keep you with me always, and so you’re always there in my thoughts, slipping over and into everything else and I love it. It makes me love everything I see a little bit more, because it reminds me of you. It makes the world more beautiful."

"So, no offense, but I don't really give a fuck about the Letter. I already know it's going to be you. But I think you need to see it. So you know you’re not as selfish as you think you are."

And Beatrice admits that she wants to be with Ava anyways. Even if it makes her selfish. (Even if it makes her heretical.) Love is holy and what she feels for Ava is holy too, even if it's a sort of holy no one else will ever understand.

I went back and forth about whether they actually SHOULD open the Letter. lol. But I think I eventually settled on that they should, and that when Ava does open it, it's a blank page with like, 7 little dots and Beatrice is like??????????????? But Ava recognizes it instantly and it's the freckles on Beatrice's cheeks, the ones she's always tracing, and she does that again, following the ink on the paper.

Beatrice had been ready to give up her religion for Ava, so getting to keep it, maybe, suddenly is a LOT. She can't quite believe something divine would do something like this for her. But maybe she can believe that something divine would do something like this for Ava.

Later, I wanted Beatrice to have a conversation with Mother Superion. I thought it would be interesting to get into the philosophical bits of it. To debate if Ava could actually be right in her ideas about how this could be, and still fit into what they know about god/Letters/religion. I liked the idea of the conversation ending with neither of them really knowing, and Mother S being like, look girl, you'll never know for sure, but that sounds like faith to me. And Beatrice says no, no this is different, capital F Faith is for the divine. This is just trusting that Ava isn't lying about the freckles thing, or won't get tired of me, or won't find someone else. Etc etc etc. because it's panicking time for Beatrice, suddenly. And Mother Superion just raps her knuckles sort of in the most gentle way she can manage and says "That's love, Beatrice." in the way way someone might say "That's pussy, babe."

Beatrice does leave the church (though she eventually goes back to 'consulting' kind of like Mary). And when she does actually physically leave as well, Ava is waiting outside on a bench. Beatrice asks why she didn't just come inside, and she says something about being a little afraid of churches these days. She did steal god's favorite, after all.

And then they walk off into the sunset, with Beatrice being like wait a second, I thought you said this was all God's plan. And Ava shrugs and says that she would never willingly give Beatrice up, so god might come to her senses and change her mind.

I was going to end it there, but I did consider doing an epilogue as well. Early on in planning I had this idea where, years later, all the nuns regularly come over to the Silvas (because Ava does keep her 'second' name, though she does start to learn more about the Reis family, and meets her Uncle - the dude Beatrice learned about the orphanage from). And on one of these occasions, the nuns are all in white, and they're delivering Beatrice's Letter, which is addressed to Beatrice Silva. In the end, I decided against this, because I liked leaving it more open-ended, but nothing had been set in stone at this point, of course.

So yeah, that was going to be a beggar in the morning. lol. I plotted most of it out before I even started writing, because it wasn't the sort of story you could make up as you went and still tell it well. And I did want to tell the story well! There's a part of me that's sad that I wasn't able to, but I do think it was worth writing what I did. I really loved seeing people realize that Lara was Ava, even as early as chapter 5! And I also loved people coming up with theories about how Avatrice would be endgame. Some of them were honestly really good and maybe better than mine fhdskjhfd I had one person be like PLEASE let Ava's Letter be for someone else so they can metaphorically spit in god's face and honestly that was valid.

I don't know if anyone is going to bother to read this very, very long reply to an ask that doesn't actually ask for any of this, but it honestly just feels nice to put all these ideas together and 'complete' the story. Even if I've done it in the most half-assed way possible I am so sorry fhadskjlfhldsj

[flowersandbirdsflyingfree]

Mr. and Mrs. Dude Headcanons: What Went Wrong? (Angst Warning)

The Postal Dude and The Bitch were married for about 7 years, dating for literally 10 months. The Dude met the Bitch at a club around ‘95. They grew up in Scottsdale. Her real name was Shannon [REDACTED].

Dude had been disowned by his step-father and the Bitch was in a rebellious phase. Both were seeking a need for constant validation and ego stroking, which was the catalyst of the toxicity yet to come.

It started off as a coming of age type of relationship. The Bitch was the first person to ever make Postal Dude feel wanted. Like he wasn’t some loser tumbleweeding across the desert. They were pretty much inseparable since day one. They shared their first kiss in a movie theater… and then she gave head in the back row.

Bitch got tattooed Dude’s name on her right boob. Dude had his favorite photo of her in his wallet: the two of them sharing a lighter for their cigarettes.

Their banter was a love language. It also reflected the part of Bitch he felt challenged by: her attitude. He thought he could tame her fiery ways. Her anger was kinda hot. Little would the Dude know it’d come to bite him in the ass down the line.

Dude was introduced to Bitch’s family. They didn’t like him one bit, except for a younger sister who thought he was pretty cute. Because Bitch’s parents were so pushy for their daughter to get married, no one stopped her.

The wedding was a church mass followed by a really fun reception! It seemed like the future was bright. Champ even got a slice of wedding cake.

The Bitch would get into a fight with her parents that left them on low contact. The “honeymoon” was a roadtrip to a music festival Uncle Dave hooked them up with. Life was sex, drugs and rock ‘n roll, baby!

The first year was the happiest year of their marriage. Both were too blinded by their shallow infatuation for each other to see that there was zero stability and depth in their foundation. They were two young people who rushed quickly into things. Peace didn’t bring them together. It was a drug for constant adrenaline that did. Marriage was the test that failed their relationship. Everyone’s the asshole in this situation.

Dude slacked way more once they tied the knot. Reality had set in that keeping a job was very hard with a criminal record. His lack of work ethic thus killed the bedroom for good. Or was it his erectile dysfunction?

The Bitch was no better herself. Her once playful teasing changed to harsh degradation. She would eat her feelings and did next to nothing in return, despite expecting Dude to “pick up after himself.” Nothing got cleaned, cooked or cared for. She didn’t get a job either because she was already working full-time to drive this man up a wall.

On a good day, they tolerate each other like roommates. But on a bad day? Expect broken plates and public disturbance to the neighborhood.

Their song was The Way by Fastball. Dude can’t listen to it anymore without thinking of her, so he hates it now.

After the nuke hit Paradise, she managed to get their marriage annulled by the church without telling him. This explains how she was able to attempt marrying her side piece: Jewish Mad Cow Demon Mike Jaret.

Dude doesn’t handle his tougher feelings well. He could acknowledge that the woman he loved never existed, but that’s too much to swallow. All that matters is he finally has peace and quiet. Just him, his dog and the trailer. Thank God!

[tellmegoodbye]

Hello friends! I have been planning on doing one of these in-depth rec lists for a while, and I figured that since this is our first week off from season 5 it would be a good time to finally post this!

This list includes some of my favorite fics that I read over the past several months, so some of these are going to be older, and others will be much more recent. I'm hoping you guys can use this to discover some new fics and writers, especially if you're just getting back to the fandom after the long hiatus we had.

---

Oneshots

In Watercolour - @bonheur-cafe

I'm not someone who ventures outside of Tarlos very often, but this fic was absolutely beautiful and I had to include it in this list. The journey of Marjan slowly realizing her feelings for Nancy was incredibly well written and something I could really relate to when I looked back on my own experiences of liking a girl for the first time.

I recommend this even if you're like me and not someone who typically reads NancyMarjan fic. Overall a very wholesome fic and a wonderful insight into what Marjan having a queer realization at this point in her life might look like.

Made From Stardust - @paperstorm

I absolutely adore 2nd person pov fics and this one was no exception! Andie's writing is always breathtaking and to be able to read all of these pivotal moments in TK and Carlos' relationship from such a unique and creative perspective was really interesting!

I recommend this fic if you like reading canon fics but you're looking for something a little different. This was a really refreshing read and definitely something I'll find myself coming back to.

All Turns To Silver Glass - @thevenstar

Another absolutely gorgeous 2nd person pov fic! The writing in this one is so beautiful and it really stuck with me so much that I found myself coming back to it recently.

I recommend this if you're looking for something unique! I don't think I've read anything quite like this in this fandom and this author really has a way with words so that so much emotion and introspection is packed into this 4k fic.

Recreate The Sun - @reyesstrand

This is a very beautiful AND hot first meeting fic! It really captured the way Carlos immediately fell for TK, as well as the excitement of kissing and touching him for the first time, and overall it was incredibly immersive.

Recommend if you love spicy first-time Tarlos fics!

Monday - @butchreyes

This fic was very emotionally heavy and action packed! It's a beautiful insight into Carlos' character that balances both the past and the present to tell the story, and it honestly felt like I was watching an episode of Lone Star if Lone Star decided to dedicate a whole episode to Carlos.

I really recommend this if you enjoy reading fics where the stakes are as high as ever for Tarlos, and if you love Carlos as a character and want to read more fics centered around him.

Your Back Beneath The Sun, Wishing I Could Write My Name On It - @emsprovisions

Tarlos on vacation my beloveds! This fic was such a fun read and there were so many beautiful moments that made me stop and close my eyes because I could really picture myself in that moment with the characters. Emily does such a good job at appreciating the smallest moments and highlighting their beauty, and her writing is incredibly immersive!

I recommend reading this if you enjoy TK and Carlos going on adventures as husbands and are a Tarlos gets a dog truther. Lizzie was the true star of this show!

Let Him Speak! - @goodways

This fic really showcases the thing I love the most about Shannon's writing. It's fun, and at times, incredibly hilarious! I also loved how this fic handled Carlos and TK bringing up the topic of kids again.

I recommend this if you want some Lou II shenanigans from the queen of hijinks and shenanigans herself! As well as some beautifully emotional moments that will make you smile like an idiot.

This Belongs To You - @chicgeekgirl89

This post-breakup fic had me in my feels! It shows how Tarlos are dealing with the newness of being back together, struggling with being apart for the first time since then, and recovering from TK almost dying.

Read this is you're craving some beautiful emotional hurt/comfort. Carlos is so sweet here, and this fic has some wonderful 126 family vibes too!

Chaptered Fics (ongoing)

Not Strong Enough - @honeybee-taskforce

This AU is in its early stages but I am in love with this universe and the individual superpowers TK and Carlos were given, and I can definitely say that I was hooked from the very first chapter!

I recommend this fic if you're looking for a type of AU that hasn't been explored much in this fandom yet and want to see creative worldbuilding, as well as new and interesting versions of TK and Carlos' characters. I'm excited to see how they continue to navigate this world!

Something To Give Each Other - @alrightbuckaroo

This wip contains some of my favorite smut scenes I have ever read. I love how the love and trust between TK and Carlos is written here and I love how so many different types of intimacy are being explored.

I reccomend this if you love smut obviously, but even more importantly I recommend it even if it's not something you'd typically seek out. It's very hot and unapologetic, but it's also beautiful and tender and really highlights how much TK and Carlos truly love each other. There's also no overarching story here so all of these chapters can be read as oneshots if you're someone who doesn't read wips.

Live To Tell - @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut

If you know me, then you know I'm a sucker for angst, but another thing I absolutely love is horror! Jamie has really mastered that aspect of this fic and when I'm reading this I really feel like I'm in TK's shoes and feeling his fear right alongside him. There's still so much mystery to unveil about who this antagonist is and I can't wait to see how this story unfolds!

If you're not too squeamish about whump or horror then I definitely reccoment giving this fic a read! I love when authors aren't afraid to drag out the scairest and most painful moments, because to me that makes the reading experience so much more immersive and satisfying.

When Fate Cries - @theghostofashton

We all had a great time watching the Olympics this summer, right? If you're in the same boat as me and experiencing withdrawals from that excitement then you should absolutely check out this AU!

I love how this fic navigates the world of gymnastics shows how a traumatic injury can affect an athlete's mental health, as well as the overall pressure TK and Carlos feel performing at such a high level with such a large audience. It is really interesting to see how all of this affects them as individuals, as well as how their relationship has developed overtime.

Even In The Dark - @ironheartwriter

This is definitely one of my favorite AUs I've read for Tarlos so far! Lana has really put so much creativity into this fic and the worldbuilding is incredible! I also love how TK and Carlos are such different characters as opposed to canon and I really love how much their individual powers suit them.

I recommend this fic if you like reading fantasy, mystery, and an unfolding adventure that slowly makes you fall in love with both characters even if they are at odds with each other.

Chaptered Fics (completed)

So Much For Summer Love - @strandnreyes

I cannot reccomend this fic enough! Jen has written so many incredible AUs but this was one of my favorites. It just gave me so much nostalgia and was generaly such a feel good fic about TK and Carlos finding each other and falling in love.

I recommend this fic if you love the beach, Tarlos being idiots and love, and found family vibes!

Call Me (By My Name) - @welcometololaland & @rmd-writes

This fic was so much fun to read! Not only did it have a lot of amazing smut, but we also get to see a different take on how TK and Carlos meet in canon through both of their perspectives! The alternating pov was utilized really well here, and I remember feeling so much excitement and anticipation while waiting for each update!

I recommend this fic if you want to watch our favorite idiots unknowingly having phone sex with each other and slowly fall in love. There were so many hilarious moments where they were completely oblivious, and there were so many beautiful and emotional moments in this fic as well.

Love Can Pull You Out Of Yesterday - @alrightbuckaroo

This fic is so creative in the way that it incorporates the twist of a time loop into the already emotion-pakced storyline that is the breakup/ice storm arc. I think it adds a really unique element that also elevates the tragedy surrounding everything that happens. It's also very thoughtful in the way it tells this story from Carlos' pov, and the way it all unfolds is ultimately very satisfying!

I recommend this fic if you're a fan of the time loop genre, or if you want some delicious push angst!

Dance Me To The End Of Love - @bonheur-cafe

This fic is so beautiful! It will take you on an overwhelmingly emotional journey through different stages of TK and Carlos' relationship, all through the lens of dancing! This theme is perfectly incorporated and I love how it holds so much importance in this relationship.

I highly recommend this fic for something that is both conceptually simplistic, yet rich in gorgeously written scenes that had me crying and smiling like and idiot.

Series

Let Me - @heartstringsduet

This is the ultimate dom/sub fic! Michelle really does a wonderful job of exploring this dynamic and how exactly TK and Carlos would navigate all of these new feelings. This series also does a great job at showing the development of trust in their relationship and highlighting just how mental health and sex intertwine.

I recommend this if you want to see a really insightful look into TK and Carlos as individuals and as a couple, absolutely gorgeously written sex, and some wonderful and realistic development when it comes to communication.

Tu Corazón Es Mío - @lemonlyman-dotcom

This series is such a cool idea and I've been loving it so far! I think it's awesome how each installment is based on a different song, and the way this series takes you through different phases of TK and Carlos' relationship makes for a fun mix of emotions!

I recommend this if you enjoy songfic mixed in with some beautiful in-between canon moments!

Wherever You Stray, I Follow - @strandnreyes

Did somebody say vampires?? I have to say that this type of AU never used to be something I would seek out, but I absolutely love the way this story unfolds and you can immediately tell just how much care and effort Jen put into building this world for TK and Carlos. There were moments where I cried, moments where I couldn't breathe, and moments where I felt every other emotion you could possibly imagine. Every fic in this series is a gem, and I am loving the latest installment so far!

I recommend this if you love vampire AUs, obviously, but also if you love stories that have higher stakes, and stories that leave you guessing and get you on the edge of your seat. If you have an appreciation for gorgeous scene settings and a story that becomes more expansive and intricately detailed as it goes, then you're going to love this fic.

Missing Moments - @paperstorm

The ultimate filler fic series! Andie does such a good job at breaking down even some of the smallest Tarlos moments from the show and really slowing everything down to give us some beautiful insight into the things we didn't get to see.

This series is completed up to season 3, and I highly recommend reading it if you haven't already!

Season Five Codas

There are many writers who have gifted us with some beautiful season five fics. Here are a few of my favorites + some series that you can check out!

@morganaspendragonss [x] @heartstringsduet [x]

@theghostofashton [x] @bonheur-cafe [x]

---

He's The Air I Would Kill To Breathe - @morganaspendragonss

If I had to pick one fic from the above-mentioned series to recommend, it would be this one! The angst was particularly powerful, and it's very memorable for me because I had to take a minute to stop crying before I could finish reading. This episode definitely tugged on our heartstrings, and then this coda amplified all of those emotions in such a beautiful way.

Deeper Than Breath, Closer Than Air - @carlos-in-glasses

This coda takes you through a whirlwind of emotions. There are a lot of conflicting things at play here, and this fic beautifully tied it all together and touched on everything TK and Carlos are dealing with. They laughed. They cried. They had sex. They did it all and this fic will make you feel ALL of it.

Brighter In The Morning - @strandnreyes & @paperstorm

Even though this is technically a chaptered fic, it is a collection of season five codas so I wanted to include it here. I absolutely adore this concept, and the fact that it's cowritten just makes it even cooler! These season five codas are hot, angsty, emotional, and beautiful extensions of each episode.

Breaking Like A Wave - @reyesstrand

This coda was absolutely beautiful in the way it broke down all of the emotions surrounding episode five. I loved the way the sex is written to be both tender and desperate, and overall it really shows just how much love there is when TK and Carlos come back together after all of that tension.

[bidisasterevankinard]

Au where Tommy left the army only in 2015(honorably discharged) and knew Eddie since the army. More over it's him who was the pilot in this helicopter that went down. During season 5, Tommy is the only one who Eddie can reach BUT because Tommy was in 48 shift it happens after Eddie's breakdown (Eddie thinks Tommy might be dead too when Tommy doesn't answer). Eddie sleeps when Tommy calls him back, but Buck answers and explains to Tommy without much details what Eddie needed. Tommy says what he would be really happy to see Eddie and share some his PTSD problems and ways to cope. So Buck and Tommy plans the surprise meeting after Eddie sees Charlie. Eddie ofc super happy to see another person he saved alive and he and Tommy actually were pretty good friends, but different states led to less and less communication until they stop and then Eddie just forgot he actually leaves in one city with Tommy since 2019. They start to hang out. Tommy definitely has good influence on Eddie. They work out, have sparings, talk about their share trauma and trauma from the army only army person can get and Buck happy to see Eddie thrive, but he also can't understand his fellings to Tommy, especially because he still in love with Taylor, right? Then why seeing Tommy is more interesting and exciting? Why Tommy makes him blush like Taylor never did? Why he feels so strange about this man?

And then 5x17 happens. Taylor's betrayl happens. Buck lives with Eddie and he sees Tommy more and Tommy makes some comment how Buck prefers couch in this house over warm bed with pretty girlfriend and Buck has to explain everything and Tommy just looks at him like 🥺 "Evan, do you really want to continue live with and try to build a life with the person you can't trust?" Buck comes home and breaks it with Taylor. When she moves out he texts Tommy

Do you want some beer and movies?

I'll be there in 30

Then season 6. Buck's searching for happiness and "perfect couch". Tommy, Buck and Eddie strike friendship and dynamic with all three of them and Tommy with Diaz boys mock Buck about the couch. And when Buck explains it all Tommy looks at him with longing so huge,Chris, aka the only person with brain cells, do not understand how Buck can't see. At home he finds out his dad can't see it too, so Chris understands he will be the only matchmaker.During the Christmas in Diaz house, he successfully catch bucktommy under mistletoe, and he absolutely excited to see Buck's expression. But Buck can't understand what it all means? Is he attracted to Tommy? Does he likes Tommy romantically? Does he even attracted to men? Answers about attraction he founds quickly. But he's scared to touch his attraction to Tommy because he likes their friendship, because he made an idiot about himself when they only met and he's happy Tommy gave him second chance

So it goes like that till lightning strikes. Tommy is absolutely devastated. But Buck comes back ofc, yet, Tommy who's scared to open himself only to be heartbroken step by step distance himself from Buck because he doesn't want to be heartbroken over the man he can't have. Buck is sad when with all the people around him keeping him out of his head, the one who's company he actually wants seems like lost his interest in Buck. They ofc meet at Diaz house and when they work out at Tommy's, but Tommy never hangs out just with him, only if Eddie is around.

That moment Buck meets Natalia and he sees her as the answer he can have about his death and what it means. Because of dated with Natalia and Eddie's relationship with Marisol, Buck and Tommy hadn't seen each other for months. They meet again during cruise ship disaster as Tommy now firefighter pilot and Eddie ofc called him. Buck is absolutely smitten as time never moved and he wants to hang out with Tommy again, but Tommy keeps his distance. They hang out rarely again when Eddie breaks up with Marisol and Chris goes to Texas to help Eddie stay saint and find his way to grief Shannon. It goes like that, and Buck tries hard to make Tommy his friend again, but Tommy tries hard to resist him till Buck says fuck it. i lost him anyway and kisses him.

Just one chance, Tommy please. I can't stop thinking about you since you came to my life two years ago

Tommy can't say no to him

[eddiebabygirldiaz]

tease tidbit tuesday

tagged by @transboybuckley @freewayshark @rewritetheending @devirnis

thank ya darlins! yalls work is just !!!!!!!! so good!

here's a snip from my sort of secret project :) (and sorry it's long, im just excited)

Eddie offers Maddie his hand, palm up, no trace of a fist in sight, and her brown eyes flicker with something that could be relief, that smile fading away beneath the weight of grief clouded breath as she takes Eddie’s hand, clasping onto him like he’s the only support she has, like maybe if she holds his hand hard enough then Buck will feel it too.

“Do you need anything?” he winds up asking, unsure of what else he can do but needing to do something for someone other than himself.

Maddie shakes her head. Stops. Shrugs her shoulders. Laughs a little at herself. “I guess saying my brother would be a bit too pathetic, wouldn’t it?”

“No,” Eddie answers truthfully. “No. Not at all. I–” he sighs and lets the rest of that sentence fade away.

I need him too isn’t what she needs to hear right now and it’s not like saying that would do anything anyway.

It wouldn’t alleviate the sickly crush of his bones or the despair hardening his heart or the death that’s more alive in his veins than anything else.

Maddie squeezes his hand as if she understands and maybe she does.

It makes Eddie ache for his own sisters, for their energy and comfort. It makes him ache for a way to heal the hurt splintering across them both. It makes him ache for a time when he and her worked together to bandage up a wounded Buck while he smiled a bloody smile.

The two of them were always enough then. Not so much now.

“Remember the time Buck busted his nose while skateboarding?” Maddie asks and it sounds a bit like she’s talking more to herself than to Eddie but he listens as she continues, the image of a young Buck with curly hair a few shades lighter than it is now hanging in his eyes and coated in the blood smeared across his face so vivid in Eddie’s mind he could touch it.

“He was on the sidewalk trying to race alongside the cars that drove past, waving and smiling like an idiot to anyone that looked at him.” She huffs, laughter clearly not something she is fully capable of at the moment, amusement not strong enough to burst fully out of her.

“Idiot,” Eddie agrees, forcing himself to say it, the word falling out alongside a weak exhalation that was meant to be an answering smile or laugh.

What he really wants to do is beg her not to do this. It sounds too much like the things people kept saying to Eddie after Shannon’s funeral.

Remember when Shannon set firecrackers off during that one football game? Remember how she used to laugh so hard she’d snort? Remember the time she thought she could fix the car by herself even though she knew absolutely nothing about cars? Remember how beautiful she looked when y'all got married?

Everyone was desperate to hand off their memories of her, remind him of who she was as if he had forgotten. Perhaps he had at some point. But each memory felt like a knife slipping beneath his skin, slick and edged with a sharp sting.

It took everything he had not to shout back, Remember how she used to love me? Remember when she left me? When she left our son? Remember the way she used to always want to be around me and how quickly everything changed until she couldn’t stand being in my presence? She was leaving again, did you know? She knew I wasn’t enough, did you know?

Eddie doesn’t want to talk about Buck like he’s already gone. He doesn’t want another love to leave him behind again. He doesn’t want to even consider the possibility that these memories are one day all he will have left, that when he speaks of Buck it will always start with Remember and a story that couldn’t even come close to encapsulating everything Buck is.

tagging @shitouttabuck @elvensorceress @try-set-me-on-fire @lemonzestywrites @spotsandsocks @daffi-990 @exhuastedpigeon @queerdiazs @jeeyuns @spagheddiediaz @queerdiaz @bigfootsmom @honestlydarkprincess @shyaudacity @heterosexistly @hippolotamus @dr-shortsighted-owl @lonelychicago @monsterrae1 @bi-buckrights @sibylsleaves @wikiangela @jesuisici33 and anyone else who wants to share!

[asunsetgrace16]

✧ 𝗗𝗜𝗘𝗗 𝗢𝗙 𝗔 𝗕𝗥𝗢𝗞𝗘𝗡 𝗛𝗘𝗔𝗥𝗧⎥ 𝗡𝗠29

Pairing: Nathan MacKinnon x fem!reader

Summary: It turns out that it is possible to die of a broken heart

Warnings: sad sad sad, swearing,

Notes: I take it back. Kind of. I don't think my groove is entirely back, or maybe it was just the fics I was working on. I wrote this in four hours around midnight and this is my first attempt at writing something sad. I will say that it was hard to not cry writing this, so hopefully 🤞 you guys feel some emotions too. There isn't much dialogue in the beginning. Also, broken heart syndrome is in fact a real thing

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Word Count: 3.7k

Nate is numb. He’s been numb since about 10:30 last night, when the police knocked on his door. He had been home for 20 minutes max, having just gotten back from Cale’s house, supper with him and Gabe and Mikko. Tracey was up in Calgary for a few days. Y/N had dinner plans with her work friends, it was Shannon’s birthday. The world tilted on its axis as he was told that Y/N was killed. They soberly tell him what happened forty-five minutes ago. Hit-and-run…they are looking for the driver…happened in the restaurant parking lot…no, she was the only one. Nate’s pretty sure he stops breathing, because he feels a firm hand on his elbow guiding him back into his house, coaxing him to take deep breaths. Blood rushes in his ears like a wave, and he thinks, Australia, their honeymoon. He lifts a hand to wipe his face. When did he start crying? 

The police stay for a while, watching him carefully until they are sure he won’t spiral into a panic attack, ironic all things considered. When he is semi-into it, they explain everything again. 

Ok,” Nate says, “would you...you mind, um, coming back in the morning? I need to hear this once some of the shock wears off.” His voice is quiet and strained. He doesn’t fight the tears silently rolling down his cheeks. They agree to his request, leaving with a handshake and squeeze on the shoulder, hints of agony shining through their masks of professionalism.

Nate stays sitting at his kitchen table, head in his hands. Sobs shake his body, uncontrollable and awful. He cries so hard he thinks he might cry himself sick. Eventually, he leans back, face twisted with emotion and damp with tears. Slowly, he heads to bed. Each movement is mechanical. He tosses and turns, his sleep is plagued by once-sweet memories of Y/N turned into cruel reminders that she was ripped from him.

Eventually he gives up and moves to the guest bedroom. He cries more, more than he ever has. He wants Y/N, he wants to kiss her, and hold her, and take her to games and-.

-

Next thing Nate knows, he is waking up to the sun streaming through the curtains. He is confused at first, the stiffness of the bed isn't what his bed feels like. As he opens his eyes, last night comes rushing back. He doesn’t want to believe it. They had just started their life together, with promises of love and kids and 60 more years. The tears start again, slower than the previous night but no less gut-wrenching. Reluctantly he heads to the bathroom. He looks worse than imagined. Red and puffy eyes that unfortunately make the blue pop, pale skin and chapped lips. Nate’s hands shake as he splashes water on his face. 

Taking a deep breath, he tries to get some semblance of a list to make sense in his mind. He shoots off a vague text to Bedsy, letting him know that he might be late for practice, not knowing how long the police will take. 

It turns out that it only takes half an hour. The same officers from the night before knock on Nate’s door at 7:30, introducing themselves and Parker and Walker. They recount the night before in more detail. Y/N was killed at 9:48 pm, during a hit-and-run in the restaurant parking lot. She was the only one, none of her friends were even injured. They tell Nate that it was an instant death, painless…that she didn’t suffer. Nate is frozen in his chair, back ramrod straight and hands clasped tightly. Walker leaves a copy of his first report, and his phone number in case Nate has questions. He walks them out, shaking their hands and thanking them for coming over again.

Returning to the kitchen, he pulls out a notepad and pen. Nate lists off the things he needs to do. Call his parents. Call Y/N’s parents. Call the funeral home. Talk to C-Mac and Bedsy and the team. Get through practice. 

He decides to wait on calling his parents, saving that for the afternoon. Same with the funeral home. He is in a daze the whole time he prepares for practice. He makes his usual protein drink, but he thinks that he used orange juice instead of water. Nate’s not sure. He also isn’t entirely sure how he made it to the arena without running a red light.

His whole walk to Bedsy’s office is stressful. He dreads the thought of having to have this conversation more than once. He knocks on the open door, seeing C-Mac there as well. 

“Hey Nate, I got your text.” Bedsy starts, looking at Nate, concerned, “You ok? Respectfully, you look like shit.”

“Feel like it too. Can uh, both of you come down to the dressing room? Like now? I have some, some uh,” Nate stops, swallowing, “some news, and I want to say it as few times as possible.”

“Sure, all right.” Bednar and C-Mac glance at each other, worried. They’ve seen Nate be not ok before, but this is new. Nate is silent during their trek to the dressing room, still holding his orange juice and green protein powder monstrosity. Bedsy opens the door, gesturing for Nate to go through first.

“Hey Nate, you forgot your jacket at mine last night. You didn’t pick up when I called.” Cale tells him. Nate is standing where Bedsy usually stands.

“Uh…ok thanks, Cale. I was um…I was a little preoccupied last night. Sorry” He responds. His voice is shaking, his hands are shaking, Bedsy and C-Mac are getting increasingly concerned and Nate feels on the verge of a panic attack.

Cale grins suggestively at him, “Ohhh, I see, I see how it is. Getting a little lovin’ on with Y/N I s-”

Nate interrupts abruptly, cutting straight to the chase, “Y/N is dead. She’s dead.”

The whole locker room freezes. Cale’s jaw drops. Someone's water bottle hits the floor.

“Holy shit-” 

“Oh my god.”

“Nate, you need to sit down.”

The voices swirl and blend around him. Nate’s vision loses focus, and cotton balls are stuffed in his ears. Hands find his elbows, easing him into a stall. Someone kneels in front of him. Nate stares, glassy eyes unseeing. 

Slowly, he comes back. His throat is raw and scratchy and he needs water. Mikko tosses over a water bottle and a clean, damp towel.

“Start from the beginning, Nate.” Jo urges softly.

So Nate recounts the story. The entire team is close around him as he repeats what he was told this morning and last night. Their faces reflect the horror and agony Nate feels. Tears fall when he says that her death was instant. He hears sniffles from somewhere, and everyone else is crying now, too.

“It’s good,” he says, “knowing that she wasn’t in pain, but it is awful knowing that there was no chance of saving her.” His voice breaks, he covers his mouth with a hand sobs as quietly as he can. Cale hugs one side and Jo’s on the other. Once the tears slow, he takes the towel that Mikko’s holding. 

“Practice is canceled, today and tomorrow.” Bednar says, “I don’t want Nate to be left alone. Cale, Jo, Mikko, go with him and grab Gabe too. I will talk to the league, see about rescheduling the game tomorrow. I will have to tell them, Nate.”

“No, you guys play. Say I’m out day to day or something. A practice muscle strain.” Nate objects.

“Nate, your wife died less than twelve hours ago. We will not be playing hockey. I’ll phone in and say we forfeit. I will tell Bettman that the news doesn’t go out until you, me, and C-Mac give an interview.”

“Ok.”

-

The afternoon follows a similar pattern. Cale drives Nate home, Jo phones Gabe. Mel brings soup when she comes with Gabe. She folds Nate into a hug as he cries. He makes the excruciating phone call to his parents and hers. Cale smartly suggests doing a triple call so there’s only one conversation. 

“Where should I bury her?” Nate asks, “Here, or should she be back home?”

“Nate, her home has been with you for years. Keep her close to you.” Y/N’s dad tells him. Nate nods forgetting that they can’t actually see him. Gabe takes notes while they discuss the funeral over the phone. Granite headstone, brown casket, service at St. Andrew’s and burial in the graveyard nearby. The reception will be held in the hall near Nate’s house. He doesn’t want people in his house. The date is set for March 5th. 

The media has a field day upon the announcement that the Avs have forfeited their game against the Stars. Sid calls him within a minute.

Nate forces the team to play their next game three days later on February 28th. It’s at home against Buffalo. They lose in an uncharacteristic fashion, so much so that the Buffalo players notice something is really wrong.

Gabe takes care of most of the funeral arrangements, and Nate is forever grateful. He meets with the funeral director, sending with him the clothes he picked out for Y/N to be buried in. Before he leaves, he hands Nate a box.

Opening it, Nate finds her purse. Her phone. A box with her wedding rings. Jo finds him with shaking shoulders and his head in his hands.

On March 2nd, a week after Y/N died, Nate asks for a press conference. The Avs lost both games they played in that week, with Nate a very conspicuous absence. Bedsy asks over and over if Nate is sure that he wants to go through with it.

“I’m sure. It won’t be a secret for much longer.” Nate says. Bedsy just nods. The trio of Nate, Bedsy, and C-Mac file into the media room.

Nate starts, wanting to get this over with as fast as possible. “I’m aware you all have been wondering where I have been this past week.”

The reporters nod. Nate takes a deep breath.

“On February 23rd, I received news. News that my wife was killed in a hit and run accident. It happened in a restaurant parking lot as she was heading to her car.” He stops as hands fly up. C-Mac picks someone.

“Nate, I am very sorry for your loss. Is this why the game was forfeited last week?”

“Yes, it was. It was a shock to all of us, and none of us were in any condition or mental state to play.”

“How is this going to affect the rest of your season?”

Nate scoffs quietly. His wife is dead and they are concerned with hockey. “I have decided to take an extended leave of absence from the team. I won’t be playing in the game tomorrow night, nor will I be for the rest of the season. My life was completely torn apart a week ago, I have more important things right now. I do ask that I be left alone right now, no reporters at my house or on the street. I want privacy.”

With that, Nate walks out. Cale is waiting to drive him home and he takes one look at Nate and pulls him in for a hug. He is tired of crying and tired of people saying they are sorry and tired of missing Y/N and tired of being tired.

-

No. 1 

February 24, 9:09 pm

Nate: Hey guys, I have some news.  Davo: Period at the end of the sentence. This won’t be good Nate: Y/N was killed last night, hit and run Sid: Oh my god, Nate Sid: Are you ok? Were you hurt? Davo: Oh shit Nate: I’m fine, but I guess that’s relative right now Nate: I wasn’t there. She went to dinner with friends. It happened in the parking lot Auston: I am so sorry, man. I realize that that is probably not what you want or need to hear, but I don’t know what else to say Nate: No no, it's ok. I appreciate it. I think I’m still in shock, so not much room for anything other that devastated right now Ryan: Is there anything we can do? Nate: No, not right now. Funeral’s on the 5th, if anyone wants to come. My place is full, but any of the guys would let you stay with them Sid: Of course we want to come, it's just a matter of whether we can Ryan: Even if any of us play, once the news is out most teams will probably want a player there for support Davo: I checked and it's in the middle of a break for us. Ryan and I will be there, Leon too probably Jack: We’re out west on a road trip, but I could try and pull some strings to come. Nico will try to be there too Owen: We are at the end of a homestand that day, but I’ll probably get to come. Can’t do much worse than we already are Owen: That was bad, sorry. Lame-ass excuse for a joke Nate: Don’t be. It almost made me not frown. Thank you Juraj: I’ll be there. We are in LA the day before. Newy will want to come Baby Connor: I’ve got a break before our trip down there. I’ll be there. Dammit why am I baby Connor again? Nate: Cause you are a baby. I really appreciate it, guys. Thank you Baby Connor: Dude obviously. You can’t just drop the worst news of your life and not expect your number 1 buddies to rally the troops and support you Nate: The kid’s gonna kill us all. I didn’t need to cry again but everything makes me cry now, I guess Baby Connor: Oh my god, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to Nate: I know, just messing with you

-

The funeral goes perfectly. Nate’s and Y/N’s parents arrived a few days ago and have been staying with him. It’s a comfort to have them there, though most days he feels like he’s wading through quicksand. There is usually a teammate there, or two. Sid flies in the day before, same with all the guys from the groupchat. Naz comes from Calgary. EJ and Tyson come, and other Tyson and Bo make the trip out with Owen. Alex comes with Juraj. Nate spends the day crying silent tears and hugging more people than he cares to remember. Mikko, Cale, EJ, Jo, Tyson, and Sid are pallbearers at the funeral. He gives a speech, short as he can get away with. His voice breaks and wavers the whole time. Y/N’s parents and Nate’s say a few words, and the priest reads the eulogy. 

The weather is mild for the burial, Nate almost wishes it was miserable. The day passes in a daze, making awkward small talk with people he barely knows, Thankfully they leave within an hour. The rest of the people there manage to lift the mood a little and Nate moves from crying to barely frowning. Connor Bedard sticks close to him most of the time. Nate is grateful for him, he’s a good kid with a good heart. He hugs Connor extra hard before he leaves to catch his flight to Utah.

-

“Nate!” Cale calls, knocking on his door again. He’s normally never late, but things still aren’t normal. Nate was the one who suggested that they go skate, not practice, but just to skate. A change of scenery. Cale finally gives up and digs his key out of his pocket. He’s a little confused when he sees that none of the lights are on. Nate hasn’t been himself, but this is weird. Nate’s dog Aspen appears from the hallway. 

“Hey buddy, where’s Nate?” Cale asks him. Aspen circles Cale once before heading back towards Nate’s bedroom. Cale follows him. Nate’s door is shut tight and Aspen has his nose shoved in the corner. Opening the door, Aspen bounds to Nate’s side, where he looks to be still asleep. He whines, getting his nose under Nate’s hand.

“Oh my god.” Cale whispers. Nate is a shade of gray no living person should ever be. “Oh my god.” He moves to the bed. Nate is cool when Cale touches his wrist. He fumbles for his phone, dialing 911 when he doesn’t find a pulse.

-

“Sid…” Kathy calls up the stairs, “Get down here, you have to see this.”

Sidney hustles down at the tone of her voice. Kathy is standing behind the couch, remote gripped in one hand. He stands behind her, hand on her waist. Her hand drops the remote, coming up to cover her mouth as they hear the news.

"... and now we have saddening news coming from Denver, Colorado. It is with our deepest condolences that we announce the death of NHL star, Nathan MacKinnon. He was found early this morning after failing to meet teammate Cale Makar, for morning skate. Makar called 911 when he found MacKinnon in bed after he didn’t answer the door. According to law enforcement agencies, MacKinnon died peacefully at home overnight, but suddenly, with no chance of resuscitation once they arrived on the scene. His death comes just weeks after the death of his wife, Y/N. What this means for the Avalanche and the rest of the season, we don’t know. More, after the break.” 

Sid thumbs open his phone to the news app. Every headline is the same variation of announcing Nate’s death. Tears fall on the screen.

Colorado Avalanche teammates of Nathan MacKinnon, coach Jared Bednar, yet to speak on the star’s sudden death.

Breaking News: NHL Superstar Nathan MacKinnon, dead at 29. What does this mean for the Avalanche?

“The NHL offers its deepest sympathies and condolences to Nathan and Y/N MacKinnon’s families during this time of tragedy.”

“Nathan MacKinnon, announced dead this morning weeks after his wife, Y/N MacKinnon, was tragically killed…”

Details about Nathan MacKinnon’s death are expected soon.

-

THE COLORADO SUN

Details emerge on the death of Colorado Avalanche star Nathan MacKinnon

J.P Burrow, 12:00 pm March 30th, 2025

Four weeks ago, the hockey world was shocked when Nathan MacKinnon, 29, appeared in a press conference after being notably and unusually absent from two home games, both lost in depressing fashion to weaker teams. What he revealed that day was the furthest thing from what anybody expected.

We were told that a week prior, MacKinnon’s wife Y/N, 27, was killed in a hit-and-run car accident. Her funeral was three days later. Understandably, MacKinnon withdrew from the public. His teammates were a constant source of support, but that only goes so far when grieving your spouse. He decided to take the rest of the season off.

MacKinnon and Y/N were married for three years, and together for nearly ten. They were fan-favorites throughout the league, despite them being notoriously private. MacKinnon never smiled as much as he did when he was talking about his wife. 

Now, thirteen days ago, the world was rocked again when it was announced that MacKinnon was dead. Details surrounding his death have been revealed after an autopsy. The report revealed that his heart sustained damage after Y/N’s death, caused by a sudden, constant surge of adrenaline in the days following. This causes a disruption of blood flow in the heart, similar to a heart attack. It is fittingly called Broken heart syndrome, where the death of a loved one can trigger the condition. Death is rare, but it happens.

We reached out to friends of MacKinnon’s across the league, his own teammates commented in a press conference earlier today.

Connor Bedard: Nate was a close friend of mine, he helped me a lot when I first got into the league. I looked up to him a lot. Once I got to know him outside of hockey, I learned just how amazing of a person he is– was. I was shocked to learn that he died. We had just landed in Denver for our game against them when Cale [Makar] called me.

Sidney Crosby: It was a lot for all of us, the whole month. I’ve been close with Nate for ten years, he's my best friend, so to say that I’m going to miss him is an understatement. I saw how much Y/N dying crushed him, they were made for each other. Hockey was his first love, but Y/N was his true love.

Gabe Landeskog: The season changed for all of us after Y/N died and Nate took time off. There will be no replacing Nate, his skill, his passion…it left a hole. I’m not going to sugarcoat things. This will be really difficult to come back from. It won’t be this season, maybe not even next season, but we are going to fight, for Nate. He would want us to.

-

“He really died of a broken heart.” Cale says before turning to bury his face in his wife’s hair, crying silently. He hasn’t been the same since finding Nate, taking his own leave from the team.

For the second time in a month, the Avalanche and company are reunited, standing in black around a grave beside the one they stood around three and a half weeks earlier, but another person short. Y/N’s headstone will be put in the same day as Nate’s. EJ is holding Aspen’s leash, who took him in when Nate died. He’s retiring, he told everybody when they gathered the second time. The past month reminded him that life is short. He is moving back to Denver to take over Nate’s house. They had found a notebook in his bedside table that had the beginnings of a will written in it. He wanted EJ to have Aspen, and the house if he wanted it. Pictures, his suits, and Y/N's wedding dress were to go to his parents, donate his and Y/N's clothes, and box away his Avalanche gear and ship it to Sid in Nova Scotia. Their wedding rings go to Sid too.

“But now they are together again.” Jo says, smiling through his tears. The thought brings some comfort to them, knowing that Nate has been reunited with the love of his life, and won’t spend the rest of his life missing Y/N.

[mvltisstuff]

Hi! i was wondering if i could do an eddie request. if so can you do one where him and the reader have been friends he joined the 118 (she’d been there a bit longer and helped him get comfortable). they always flirted but because of prior relationships, they never moved to level up the relationship. it takes chris (who loves the reader) to encourage him to ask her out.

how you get the girl - e.d

summary: request :)

eddie diaz x reader

a/n: i have yet to write for eddie so i hope this is good :) this idea is so cute 🥲

since the very start of eddie’s probationary period at the 118, y/n had been there as a leader for him. she led him everywhere, as it can be incredibly overwhelming starting at a new work environment. especially having buck on his back the first few days.

both immediately clicked on the first day he arrived. if she’s being honest, watching a powerful, and definitely hot new person come into the firehouse. whenever he needed help during the first few shifts, y/n was right behind him to be his guide. having to deal with his son and even adjusting to a new place himself was scary, and y/n was able to wash away his anxiety.

the policy of dating between firefighters was strict and surely made clear, and their rule-following personalities is what kept them even further apart.

after shannon had passed away, it took eddie a while to go back to his normal world. it felt like things had been shattered, christopher was happy and so was he. even when she asked for a divorce, if it mean chris was happy, so be it. eddie was the most selfless person y/n knew, and that’s what she admired most about him. watching him deal with every causality and call with nothing but care and respect created a new love for him, and it grew more every day.

there was no denying eddie felt the same exact way. he knew y/n has also had a rocky past with her exes, and he never would want to disturb the peace she has made with herself as he is well aware of the strength it took. her resilience and patience with him made him feel safe and loved every day at work. the way she cared for christopher and the way he lit up when she was around made his heart swell. he absolutely adored her, but both of their pasts had achieved in making them frightened to admit.

watching y/n walk in every single day with a motivating smile on her face was the highlight of eddie’s day. she was beautiful, too. her hair was always done neatly, no matter what. even if she was covered in ash or dirt, she still shines through it. her smile was like a thousand fireflies and her laugh was music to his ears.

they had both had their fair share of teasing from other people. buck, carla, chimney and hen, and even his own son had joined in on the fun. they pestered them about when they’d end up in between the sheets, and how long they would last before their true feelings about each other came out.

the one thing that gave eddie hope was how christopher felt. he absolutely looked up to her in the best way, and she treated him like her own. she gently speaks to him in a sweet voice and treats him with nothing but respect, like she would any adult.

they admit all the time that they flirt constantly. passing little comments about each other back and forth. for how smart they are, it shocks everyone else that they are so oblivious to each others feelings. and it drives them up a wall. making bets as to when they’d get together, and taking guesses as to when one of them would crack under the pressure.

as eddie had set the table, carla had prepared another home cooked meal for the father and son. christopher, as much as he loves his dad, cannot stand his cooking, so carla certainly does most. sometimes y/n will stop by to help carla make dinner, saying hello to christopher and spending as much time as she can with eddie, trying not to make it noticeable.

they all sit around the table, devouring the delicious meal carla had served to them. “so, eddie,” carla starts with a small smirk growing on her face. “where is miss y/n tonight?”

“she had a few things to finish up at work, so her shift ended later than mine did,” eddie tells him before christopher interrupts.

“you should take her out to dinner,” he suggests. “to a restaurant, don’t make her something.”

carla and eddie share a laugh before he questions christopher. “and what makes you say that? you don’t think she’d be impressed?”

“oh, honey, i think she’d flee the country,” carla laughs, earning a loud chuckle from christopher.

“alright, fine. i could take her out, but why?”

“because…” chris begins.

“because?” eddie and carla repeat after him.

“she likes you a lot, dad!” christopher exclaims like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

“you got a smart kid there, eddie.”

eddie didn’t really know how to respond as he wanted to completely come clean with them, but also wanting to keep his cool. the thought of him and y/n, alone, out to dinner is honestly a dream, but it also makes him nervous because he would definitely not be able to contain his feelings about her then.

“you- you think so, chris?”

“i know so, dad. even buck told me he knows,” eddie gives him a confused look.

“why is buck talking about that?” he says, under his breath.

“i think we all know so,” carla says. “don’t think you’re good at hiding, i wouldn’t boost your ego that much.”

“what do you mean? y/n and i are very close friends, she helps me a lot,” eddie tries to cool down the topic that has risen over dinner.

“only love can make you that bad at covering something up, honey.” carla tells him with a pat to his shoulder.

the next day at work, eddie walks in with his head up after a night of barely any sleep. he thought that if anyone he needed approval from, it was the most important person in his life. and he had gotten that. the only person left was y/n herself. confidence was running through his veins, and he knew he had to ask now before he chickened out again.

he spotted y/n, already in uniform with two french braids running down the crown of her head. a breath was sucked from his mouth as he looked at her, laughing at the playful bickering from hen and chim. music to his ears, the laughing, of course. the fighting was practically white noise at this point.

“y/n! hey!” he says, jogging up to her with his bag thumping behind him.

“hi, eddie!” she replies back, another glowing smile even bigger than before grows on her face. “what’s u-“

“do you wanna grab dinner after todays shift? i heard of a really nice restaurant downtown.” he says abruptly, and she would be lying if she said it hadn’t startled her a bit.

“u-um, sure? what time?”

“get there at 5:30?” eddie says, almost sounding like he’s out of breath.

“okay…” she says slowly as eddie runs off again to the locker rooms to get dressed. y/n turns around, walking back over to the trucks and begins polishing the sides.

the grin on her face is almost painful as she can’t conceal it anymore. it does not go unnoticed by the rest of the team, as buck and bobby make their way downstairs.

“what’s she so thrilled about this morning?” bobby asks and gives her a side eye.

“diaz.” hen and chimney say at the same exact time.

y/n stands in her apartment with some of her girlfriends standing around. she invited hen, athena, and maddie over and athena had also brought may over.

“do you think this is ok?” y/n asks, holding up a skirt. “or maybe i should just grab some jeans, do you think he’d like that? he said a nice place, so maybe a dress or-“

“ok, relax,” athena says. “take a breath. i’m sure he’ll be head over heels if you were in sweatpants.” y/n smiles at herself in the mirror as may shuffles through her closet.

“you could do this!” she says, holding up a navy blue dress that fell mid thigh, with thin straps and a cross in the back. “did you forget about this baby or something? this is perfect! you’d look so hot in this, y/n, he’d probably transfer.”

“well, i don’t think that is the goal tonight sweetie,” athena says, pulling may in to have a seat. “i think it’s perfect too, it’s sexy, but not too much.”

“20 says he’s speechless,” maddie says.

“40 says he faints,” hen jokes back.

y/n exits to try it on, and comes out of the bathroom with a face of light makeup, but not too much. she pulled her hair down with some loose curls in it, hopefully something different from the average up-do for work.

“oh, my god!” may exclaims. “am i a beauty icon or what?”

“may, i have everything to thank you for this!” y/n says, slipping on a pair of heels and grabbing her purse. “it’s getting late, so i’m going to go, thank you for coming and if you guys need anything-“

“go! get out of here!” maddie yells. “he’s probably waiting for you!”

y/n scurries out of the apartment building and into her car, playing some music to get her feeling confidence for tonight. she’s worried her heart might burst out of her chest and break her ribs from how anxious she is. if tonight goes well, she might throw a party in her honor.

when y/n arrives, eddie had already been there. he was dressed in a casual suit, with a few of the buttons undone. the second he saw y/n walk up to the waitress at the front, and say she’s here for eddie, hearing his name making him shake a little.

when y/n is finally directed to the table, eddie stands up and walks over to her. he’s praying he’s not about to fall over right in front of her, because of how breathtaking she looks.

y/n, looking right at him, feels identical. she takes one glance at him and suddenly her eyes are glued there. the breath that she’s been harvesting is let out, and she walks over to get closer to him.

“y-you look,” eddie starts, looking at her figure up and down as she suddenly feels like all the lights in the world are on her. “stunning. wow, uh..”

“you look hot, eddie,” she spits out, not even thinking about her words. “or, amazing! you look amazing! sorry, that was really forward but uh-“

“it’s ok,” eddie laughs and smiles and he appears content, but his heartbeat is clear in his own ears. “i, uh, hope this isn’t too fancy for you.”

“no, it’s perfect! just weird seeing each other in such a, clean? place,” she says. “i mean we’re surrounded by tragedy every day, so.”

“that’s true,” eddie replies. once they order their food, they spend the whole night laughing, and forgetting about their worries and stubbornness. they exchange stories from when they were younger, and eddie shares funny things about chris which y/n absolutely adores.

after the night goes on, they both sit back and don’t know where to go. they could take this opportunity to change everything that they have, or ruin a perfect relationship because they thought they were too greedy for more.

standing outside, they both wait, the upset settling in that the night is over. they start mocking some of the rich people that were sitting next to them who demanded everything be perfect for them, but ultimately land just sighing and standing in silence.

“i had a really great night, eddie. thank you,” y/n says.

“it was really no problem, i had a perfect night, too,” he tells her back.

“i think there’s something we need to talk about, though.”

eddie’s heart drops a bit, as she might be completely dropping their friendship. he fears the worst, but allows her to continue.

“this friendship between us has opened to many doors for me, and you have taught me so much,” she begins, carefully as eddie gets more nervous for the result. “but i cannot keep doing this if i keep pretending i’m not in love with you, eddie.”

he stops for a minute, taking a step back and having to bring himself together. “you’re in love with me?” he says, barely above a whisper. y/n nervously nods back and he lets out a relieved laugh. she immediately turns red, worried it’s a mocking laugh and that he’s about to tell her he’s crazy.

“shit, sorry,” she starts to apologize, “i didn’t wanna mess things up but i couldn’t hide anymore and i haven’t felt this way about someone and i, oh god, i’m so sorry-“

eddie moves in to cut her off. his hand lands on the dip of her waist and pulls her in. he brushes a piece of her hair away behind her ear and lands a passionate kiss on her lips, trying to calm her nerves. “you have nothing to be sorry for, y/n.” he says and she pulls him back in, grabbing the back of his neck and planting a deep kiss. their sweet kiss turns into a heated make out in front of this fancy restaurant. they stay there for a few minutes, before they pull away and smile at each other, brightly.

“i’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

“of course, eddie,” y/n says back with a gentle grin as she turns around and walks back to her car. eddie makes his way back around, quietly cheering himself on for finally landing the girl he’s been thinking about for months.

[matan4il]

Buddie 615 meta

Before we really get into it, I’m just gonna snicker for a second over the fact that the death doula is named Natalia. Why? The name is related to the Latin term for Christmas Day, which is the holiday when Jesus was born. So the word that the name comes from is related to birth, natal. There’s a touch of irony there, that they gave this name to the girl who is not just a death doula, but who looks like she’s actually into death (who thinks dying for a few minutes is cool or amazing. I have to say, it’s not. It’s a good thing to accept death as a part of life, one that heightens life’s meaning, and help others do the same, it’s another to think that the physically and emotionally scarring experience of being dead for a few minutes is “cool”) and I think that’s an interesting tone to choose when introducing Buck’s new Love Interest. (if you’re into it, you can find more name meanings for 911 characters here) ~~

The scene of Eddie and Chris at the cemetery was very touching. It also spoke volumes on how Buck has taken the same role in Christopher’s life as Shannon. We saw in eps 611 as well as this one that Chris is hoping to be heard by the parent that life has taken away from him (Shannon for good, Buck temporarily). What I find interesting is that with the hospital visit, Eddie must understand this on some level. Even with the guardianship reveal, no one has ever explicitly referred to Buck as Chrstopher’s other dad. But he is, and moments like this cement it. We talk about these parallels, but Eddie gets to live them. He witnesses with his own eyes his son talking about Buck in the same way he does about Shannon. Eddie KNOWS what Buck is to their family unit and it’s not just an emergency guardian. ~~

Which connects me to something I touched upon in my 614 meta, Eddie’s journey. He’s supposedly been okay with dating again since 406, but in the last ep we discovered that he’s still held back by past trauma from his failed relationship with Shannon. She’s featured heavily in this ep, too. Her being Christopher’s mom means she’s a presence in Eddie’s life who will always be there. A reminder of how things can go wrong, meaning romantically, but also just in terms of how unexpected death can be.

It pained me to go from Eddie admitting in 614 that he didn’t want to be alone, to him echoing the words of their deceased vic, “We’re all gonna die alone.” That’s something I’ve heard people saying not so much regarding the question of whether there would be someone by your side when you pass away. More like, when death claims us, we all embark on that last journey into the dark unknown on our own. Whether there’s something after death or not, we’ll all discover that completely by ourselves. That’s such a deeply lonely thought, and we see Eddie trying to deal with it in this ep by not postponing seeing his parents. He realizes he was wrong to assume they got time, because death might come for us at any given moment, just like it happened with Shannon. It’s a continuation of his journey, which is obviously not over yet, but to me it’s quite surprising how this week’s ep actually joined Buck and Eddie’s with the common theme of death, but specifically death intertwined with their romantic life. I think each of them is such a fascinating character in its own right, so why the need to connect their journeys like this? I am staring at you, 911. ~~

I was happy that Eddie brought up what a bad idea it is for Buck to be dating someone they helped on a call. This has been a theme with Buck since he meets the snake lady on a call in 101, through Ali in 202, Taylor in 206 and now Natalia. In other words, this has a big, red sign al over it that says it’s doomed to fail, but our Buck is once more failing to notice that. Hopefully the rest of the events in 6b will help him learn and stop making this particular mistake, where he connects his idea of having self-worth only as a firefighter with thinking he can only be romantically desirable to those he helps on calls. ~~

I wrote in this ask reply about the insanity of how Buck and Eddie seem to always start dating again in consecutive eps. As if 911 is not unhinged enough about that, we also have Buck and Eddie being obstructive with the other guy’s dating attempts, first Buck suggesting ghosting to Eddie as a way of blowing off his date with Vanessa in 614, and now Eddie right away pointing out that it’s not a great idea for Buck to be dating Natalia.

We have seen Buddie dating multiple people over the course of almost 5 seasons now, and not a single time have we seen either man on screen approve of their best friend’s romantic partner. Almost like there’s just no one who’s good enough for the man they love so much, right? No one, because on some level, they know what we do, too. That no one else can compete with what the two of them have together. Which is why none of these LIs feel right and acceptable as partners for their best friend. ~~

I love that right off the bat, we got a reminder that Eddie knows Buck better than everyone, on very intimate levels. Just like Eddie knew when Buck was having an emergency session with Dr. Copeland back in 404, while even Bobby as their captain didn’t, we now saw Eddie knows how well Buck handles his taxes. It’s such spouse behavior. Most of us do not have best friends who keep tabs on how we handle governmental bureaucracy, right? But then the end of this ep circles back to this idea and gives us that scene at the cemetery where Eddie proves that this is true not just when it comes to the small things of daily life. He sees Buck, knows him, understands him and Eddie accepts him in every possible way. Which is why he can say that Buck has indeed been different since the lightning strike, an awareness we don’t hear from anyone else, not even from Maddie, Buck’s very close and loving sister.

It reminded me of how Buck said in 309 that Eddie can be honest with him. Then in 511 Buck repeated a variation of that, saying Eddie doesn’t have to pretend with him. In 513 and 514, Eddie got to be indeed fully open with Buck, just as this was paralleled in 612, where Buck was honest with Eddie. This ep continued to expand on this theme, with Eddie reassuring Buck that he doesn’t need to be anything for anyone. And I loved that in an ep where Buck has just started dating someone new, where he thinks she sees him better than anyone, the person who still gets him the most is Eddie, and that’s the person Buck shares himself with the most, too. There is not a single thing Natalia said to him or that he said to her during their date that can rival the intimacy of the cemetery talk. And if Buck still needs a wake up call to see that, well. I do think there’s a good chance he’ll get one, maybe even very soon.

~~ (my weekly meta posts) (my Buddie gifs) (all of my content)

~~ ~~ My tag list will follow in the reblog, please let me know if you wanna be added/removed here.

~~ I'm so thankful to the beautiful @eddiediaaz​ for the meta gifs this week! Not only did she step in when my regular giffer couldn’t do it this week, she also made so much effort to make sure the gifs are made as soon as possible, so the meta can be posted as early as possible as well. She’s just amazing and I hope everyone gives her a big round of applause! Merci, cherie!

~~ Thank you to anyone supporting these meta posts. I could never express enough how grateful I am and that they continue to exist thanks to you!

[lover-of-mine]

Okay, I said I was gonna make a post about the way I believe Ryan is playing Eddie as in love with Buck because of the way he makes certain choices about Eddie regarding Buck that are similar to the ones he made about Eddie regarding Shannon, and this is it.

The whole thing started with the way Eddie looks away from things that make him experience intense feelings, but mostly when he doesn't like what he's feeling in a sense. He looks away from Shannon all of the time, when they're fighting, before she goes to the school, and in the firehouse, when she says she wants a divorce.

He's avoiding his parents eyes when they are trying to take Christopher, he looks away from Frank all the time.

He can't look Buck in the eye when Buck is trying to tell him that Chris got lost in the tsunami, he looks away from Ana because he knows he's hurting her (he does force himself to watch Shannon as she dies but I feel like that's a lot more about his loyalty/instinct to protect because that moment is fully about her because she's dying).

That's a consistent trait Ryan gave Eddie, he looks away, I think it even makes sense with the way Eddie runs away from stuff. And that makes moments when he's avoiding eye contact with Buck that much more interesting.

Because take 3a for example, buddie has quite a few emotional conversations, but during those, Eddie is mostly always staring Buck down or actively trying to force Buck to look at him (except when it comes to the fight club but the fight club is a lot more about shame in my opinion).

But when you look at the will reveal for instance, Eddie is consistently forcing himself to look back at Buck. His instinct seems to be to keep looking forward, and he needs to remember to look at Buck from time to time. (I'm not gonna put the whole scene here, but go rewatch and pay attention to where Eddie is looking)

And sure, the way Eddie simply refuses to look at anything relating to Buck's death can be seen as just "my best friend died" because any reasonable person would have an extreme reaction to watching their best friend die.

But, I don't see how that applies in the cemetery. Because Buck says "she sees me" and Eddie gives him that disbelief look and then just, stops looking. Honestly, there's no reason for that conversation not to involve them looking at each other, the point that's made that they are looking straight ahead is very interesting on its own but, like, when you add the fact that Eddie looks away from shit he doesn't want to feel/wants to run away from, that conversation has a whole other fun layer.

Even more with the way that Buck is lowkey looking like a kid tugging on your sleeve to get your attention and Eddie just refuses to look at him.

But my point really comes to the fact that these are all the same reaction.

And how do you explain the decision to make Eddie react the same way he does when Shannon is asking him to make a decision about them and then when she makes the decision herself by asking for a divorce when he thinks Buck has made a decision about them so he needs to back off?

That's his breakup face, plain and simple.

And it's not a reaction Eddie has to Shannon once, is something that is consistent with the way we see Eddie reacting to Shannon, and I personally think its a lot of the way it makes us never feel sure about the relationship, because Eddie is consistently presented to us when it comes to this as "I love her but I'm not sure about having her around". And these are his reactions to moments where Shannon makes him question where they stand. Moments where he's questioning if he actually understands where their relationship is.

You can't have Eddie question the nature of his relationship with Buck just because Buck has a crush and tell me that Eddie is experiencing purely platonic feelings.

And these are acting choices, and Ryan is very consistent about the way Eddie reacts to stuff, so the fact that he is wearing his "Shannon is making me feel thing" face says something.

I also said earlier today that Eddie is aware of his feelings because he stops saying emotional things while looking at Buck. Like, after the tsunami he is literally chasing Buck's gaze to force him to look at him, he doesn't look away from him at the grocery store or when they make up after the lawsuit or even after Buck fights with his parents, but starting with the will reveal, he looks away when saying things, and it makes me wonder if there's a level of that that is about making sure Buck can't read his reaction to what he's saying, because he doesn't want Buck to look too closely.

Anyway, that's all for today, as always, if you read this I love you <3

[karenandhenwilson]

I've seen a lot of speculation lately about Buck and Tommy exchanging the first "I love you". And it's always talked about as this monumental moment. But what if it's just a very quiet moment?

900 words of Bucktommy fluff under the cut.

It was three months after Vincent Gerrard had invaded the 118 and things were finally getting back to normal. Bobby was back as their captain. Part of the LAFD was in the process of imploding after some deep-rooted conspiracy surrounding Councilwoman Ortiz and Fire Chief Simpson had been unearthed and no one at the 118 really cared about it. 

What they cared about was that Mara could finally come home to Karen and Hen and the adoption could go through. And Chris had also come home from Texas many weeks ago and he and Eddie were slowly working through the aftermath of meeting Shannon's look-a-like.

Life was going back to normal and that was good. Even--or maybe especially if that meant long days with exhausting shifts for all of them.

Normal for Buck over the last eight months--not that he was counting, of course--had become to squeeze as much shared time with Tommy into their schedules as possible. More often than not that meant when one of them was coming off a shift while the other hadn't worked the person coming home from a shift found a freshly prepared meal and their boyfriend at their home.

This evening, it was Buck who had prepared a light dinner for Tommy at his house when Tommy came home from an extra shift he had taken on to cover for a friend with a family emergency. Buck didn't need to ask about the shift when Tommy came home. The dark bags under his eyes, his pale skin, and the way he sat down with a deep sigh said everything.

Buck rubbed his hand over Tommy's shoulders as he left him at the kitchen table to concentrate on his food in silence and got up to prepare the tea Tommy liked to drink to relax after a day like this. He knew these kinds of shifts and they had happened often enough now that they both knew what the other needed.

When Buck put the cup with tea in front of Tommy, Tommy leaned back and rested his head against Buck's stomach for a moment while wrapping both his hands around the cup. "Thanks. I love you."

Buck smiled and leaned down to kiss Tommy's temple. "Love you, too."

~

It wasn't until the next morning, when Buck woke before Tommy, that he thought at all about that exchange. 

Buck woke up and snuggled closer to Tommy's back when he suddenly recognized that they had exchanged those specific words for the first time the previous evening. And it hadn't been awkward or earth-shattering or felt in any way out of the ordinary.

Exchanging the "I love you" with Tommy had somehow felt like the most natural thing ever. It had come as the most natural thing.

Buck bit his lip and turned a little more, resting his chin on Tommy's upper arm to watch his sleeping boyfriend's face. He remembered that moment with Taylor, how surprised and insecure he had been over it--not quite believing her words but also not sure if he could or wanted to return them. The contrast was startling.

It was also proof of something Buck had hoped for between him and Tommy for some time now. He felt settled and at home with Tommy in a way he had never felt before. He could open up with Tommy in a way he had never been able to do with any romantic partner before.

Buck remembered so very clearly how Eddie had told him in the early days after they met Tommy that sometimes you just found someone you clicked with. In the moment when Eddie had said that, Buck had felt sidelined and angry about it mostly because he hadn't understood his own reaction to Tommy, but those words had stuck with him and changed their meaning since.

Buck had clicked with Eddie in a very similar way. Their friendship was nothing he ever wanted to miss in his life again, and he knew Tommy and Eddie were in the process of developing a very similar friendship. He had long stopped being even slightly jealous about that--which he had honestly only ever been because he had felt excluded by them both--and was instead just glad that his best friend and his boyfriend were getting along so well and understood the role the other had in his life.

Buck and Tommy hadn't clicked in the same way right away. But Buck found he didn't mind about that anymore. They fit together in so many things very well, and he didn't mind the work they needed to put in to make their relationship work around both of their lives.

"Someone woke up deep in thoughts, huh?" Tommy asked and startled Buck out of his musings. Tommy turned on his back and cupped Buck's neck with one hand. "Anything you want to share?"

Buck grinned. "Just ruminating. And enjoying waking up beside you."

"That is very enjoyable," Tommy agreed with a low chuckle.

Buck leaned down to kiss him and whispered against his lips, "I'm sure we can think of some more things to enjoy this morning with. We've got a couple of hours before we are expected at Casa Diaz."

Tommy laughed into the kiss and pulled Buck on top of him. "As always you have the best plans, Evan!"