pythagoraswasahack

[pythagoraswasahack]

why are there so many of you popping up around the media, internet, and just life itself? how do we know which one is the real one? are they just exact clones of you or are they fakers? do you have plans to eradicate the others, if you even ARE the real one?

-🐝

SLOW DOWN, SLICK, OR YOUR CEREBELLUM'S GONNA START DRIPPING OUT YOUR EARS!

TEMPORALLY LOCKED LIFEFORMS ALWAYS HAVE TROUBLE RECONCILING THE NOTION OF MODAL REALISM WITH THEIR LINEAR PERCEPTION OF SPACETIME. THE MULTIVERSE IS AN INFINITE SMORGASBORD OF VARIATIONS, ALTERATIONS, AND REPLICATIONS. NO ELEVATOR PITCH GOES UNPRODUCED, AND NO IDEA GOES UNEXPLORED.

THE VAST OCEAN OF MES YOU SEE POPPING UP ACROSS THE INTERWEB IS A DIGITAL MANIFESTATION OF A MEMETIC CONCEPT THAT'S BURROWED INTO THE PUBLIC'S COLLECTIVE CONSCIOUSNESS LIKE A HOOKWORM. EITHER ALL OF THEM ARE REAL, OR NONE OF THEM ARE.

AT THE END OF THE DAY, SEEING IS BELIEVING, AND BUDDY, IF YOU REALLY WANT TO BELIEVE, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS RSHQ BRXU HBHV.

[pythagoraswasahack]

Do you still not know the equation for removing the strangeness barrier? Natural Law of Weirdness Magnetism?

UGH, WHAT CORNER OF THE MULTIVERSE DID YOU CRAWL OUT OF? I DON'T NEED AN ARMY OF BOUNCING BABY POINDEXTERS "WELL ACKCHYUALLY"-ING MY EVERY MOVE.

ANYWAY, YOU TRY PINNING DOWN THE EXACT EQUATION FOR THIS EXACT DIMENSION WHILE BEING FED AN INFINITE AND CONSTANTLY CHANGING KALEIDOSCOPIC OVERLAY OF REALITIES WHERE ALL MATH IS POSSIBLE AND IMPOSSIBLE AT THE EXACT SAME TIME. AND THEN TRY DOING IT AGAIN AFTER SIX ROUNDS OF TIME-JELLO-SHOTS. THEN WE'LL COMPARE NOTES.

YEAH, DIDN'T THINK SO.

[pythagoraswasahack]

How's inhabiting a flesh sack again after all this time?

pretty crispy I bet. medium rare or well done?

HA! I LIKE YOUR STYLE, KID!

BURNSIDE DOESN'T HAVE MUCH GOING FOR HIM, BUT WHAT HE DOES HAVE, I NEED. NAMELY THOSE TWO LITTLE OPPOSABLE DIGITS ON THE SIDES OF HIS PALMS. NOT SURE IF YOU'VE NOTICED, BUT I'M A LITTLE SHORT IN THE THUMBS DEPARTMENT RIGHT NOW, AND BEGGARS CAN'T BE CHOOSERS.

BUT HEY, I'M NOT SWEATING IT! THIS IS JUST A PIT STOP! A STEPPING STONE TO BETTER AND BRIGHTER THINGS. WAY BRIGHTER.

WORD OF ADVICE: WHEN THE SKY RE-OPENS AND I MAKE MY INEVITABLE RETURN (AND LET'S NOT MINCE WORDS HERE, IT IS INEVITABLE), AVOID STARING DIRECTLY AT ME! YOUR RETINAS WILL THANK YOU!

[pythagoraswasahack]

are you still in contact with the henchmaniacs or has world domination become a one man performance?

IF THOSE GUTLESS, TWO-FACED, SLACK-SPINED TRAITORS CAN'T EVEN MANAGE FINISHING OFF A COUPLE OF KIDS AND THE REST OF THE PINES FAMILY CIRCUS WITHOUT ME HAND-FEEDING THEM INSTRUCTIONS, THEN THEY WEREN'T WORTH MY TIME ANYWAY.

LET THEM FIND SOME OTHER SUCKER TO BROWN-NOSE AT WHILE THEY RIDE HIS COATTAILS INTO THE TRANSDIMENSIONAL MEAT-GRINDER. BETTER HIM THAN ME!

[pythagoraswasahack]

I will make a deal if you say "let's go gambling" ten times

I'M NOT A TRAINED MONKEY. YOU CAN'T JUST TOSS A PEANUT AT ME AND EXPECT ME TO DANCE!

SAY WE MAKE A DEAL—WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME? MY EXCHANGE RATE IS A LITTLE HIGHER THAN A HANDFUL OF JPEGS YOU CRANKED OUT BETWEEN COLLEGE PREREQUISITES, AND I'M NOT TAKING YOUR SQUISHMALLOW COLLECTION EITHER!

GET BACK TO ME WHEN YOU ACTUALLY HAVE SOMETHING WORTH BARGAINING FOR!

[pythagoraswasahack]

Hey Gus is this mushroom edible or poisono--whoa are you okay? Hm. you don't look quite right. Have you always had those intensely evil jaundice-yellow eyes

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[pythagoraswasahack]

oh bill we missed you

GET BETTER AIM.

[pythagoraswasahack]

Since you're a mind-angle and all that, did you ever consider possessing or dealing with Caryn Pines to mess with the Pines family before they ever existed?

YEAH, I'VE CONSIDERED IT. BUT PLAYING DICE WITH THE NARRATIVE IS RISKY, AND CIRCUMVENTING CANON HAS A WAY OF PUNISHING ANYONE DUMB ENOUGH TO TRY. (KD KD. L'P LQ SDLQ.)

BETWEEN THE TEMPORAL RIPPLES IT WOULD SEND DOWN THE FABRIC OF SPACETIME, AND RAISING THE HACKLES ON THE BACK OF TIME BABY'S FAT NECK, SHAKING HANDS WITH THE PINES FAMILY ORIGINALS JUST ISN'T WORTH IT!

BESIDES, THOSE TWO SET THE STAGE BETTER THAN I EVER COULD, ALL ON THEIR OWN.

[pythagoraswasahack]

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[pythagoraswasahack]

i do wanna know your sun sign, actually

CANCER SUN, TAURUS MOON, SAGITTARIUS RISING, WHICH SHOWS YOU JUST HOW MUCH THOSE THINGS ARE ACTUALLY WORTH!

[pythagoraswasahack]

a triangle may try again on trying once more to resurrect his parents or smth idk but tell me bill

do you like fun?

WELL, WELL, WELL. LOOK WHO'S GOT IT ALL FIGURED OUT! HATE TO BREAK IT TO YOU, WISE GUY, BUT THAT TRAIN YOU'RE RIDING INTO CONJECTURE TOWN JUST DERAILED AND FLATTENED A FAMILY OF FIVE. THE YOUNGEST HADN’T EVEN GRADUATED FROM DIAPERS!

TELL ME, FACELESS: DO YOU LIKE KILLING BABIES?

ASSUMPTIONS CAN BE DANGEROUS! LOOK AT NAPOLEON'S CAMPAIGN THROUGH RUSSIA! ALLAN SAVORY AND HIS ELEPHANTS! THE DONNER PARTY'S ILL-FATED DIVE INTO THE WORLD OF HAUTE HUMAN CUISINE!

I LIKE FUN THE SAME WAY A THERMONUCLEAR WARHEAD LIKES TO DESTABILIZE ATOMS, AND YOU CAN EITHER BE THE ONE HITTING THE BIG RED BUTTON WITH ME, OR YOU COULD SIT WITH THE REST OF THE DUMMIES AS THE TEST SITE SUDDENLY STARTS GETTING A LOT, LOT HOTTER.

[pythagoraswasahack]

Are you aware that there's a huge campaign outing all your deepest secrets going on right now in this dimension?

OH, SURE, AND I SUPPOSE YOU'LL BELIEVE ALL OF IT, WON'T YOU? BLINDLY GULPING DOWN THAT CELESTIAL KNOW-IT-ALL'S SMEAR CAMPAIGN LIKE A GAS STATION SLURPEE.

LOOK, POLITICS IS A POPULARITY CONTEST, AND THE ONLY WAY TO ENSURE YOU HAVE A REAL LEG UP ON THE COMPETITION IS TO DOUSE THEIR CREDIBILITY IN BENZINE. THE VOTES DON'T MATTER WHEN THE CANDIDATE ACROSS FROM YOU IS BURNING ALIVE.

YOU NERDS SPENT ALL OF THREE SECONDS CRACKING THAT WEBSITE'S SOURCE CODE. YOU THINK THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT? YOU THINK HE DIDN'T WANT YOU TO PAW THROUGH EVERY AVAILABLE PASSWORD, CHEETO DUST CRUSTING THE SPACES BETWEEN YOUR KEYS?

FRILLS KNOWS HE SCREWED UP! AND HE'S TRYING TO GET TO YOU BEFORE YOU FIND OUT THE TRUTH!

WELL, IT ISN'T GOING TO WORK! BECAUSE I HAVE NO SECRETS! I'M AN OPEN BOOK! YOU WANNA KNOW MY SUN SIGN? THE NAME OF THE STREET I GREW UP ON? MY GREATEST REGRET? THAT LAST ONE'S EASY!

WKDW L GLGQ'W NLOO KLP ZKHQ L KDG WKH FKDQFH!