#still. i am about to be in pain. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

milfbro · 3 days ago

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hmm babes. I'm about to be in pain again.

#I can feel it in my stomach. So.#ok two days ago I had a little alcohol and a bunch of fried food. and yesterday I ate a very oniony omelet #could be either of those or both.#but tbh I think the omelet sat kinda worse ngl.#still. i am about to be in pain.

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gascreates · 5 months ago

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a new star

#i been thinkin about the asteroid again #i think about the asteroid a lot more than i think is normal #like just the complete randomness of it and how everything changed in literally the blink of an eye #like the dinoss rules the fucking earth and probably still would if space had just been a little bit different #how long did it take the asteroid to reach us #at what point was the impact inevitable #like these sound like scientific answers but i need you to know these are questions that my soul wants answered in poetry #yes the math is cool but can i talk about what tragedy looks like melted into the earth #how power and pain and mourning but also change and new life and a future were embedded in a layer of iridum that spread around the planet #can we talk about how looking at the layers of the earth is the most physical type of time travel there is #can i please talk about that layer of pain #can i mourn when i see it #or am i just a weird kid crying when i look at rocks #ALSO. was parasaurolophus alive when the asteroid hit? i dont think so #but it's too late #yall get to suffer with me #dinosaurs

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dykedvonte · 4 months ago

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I think depictions of Anya being cruel to Curly or drawing out his suffering are artful and chilling but completely miss the point of the story and her character.

I'm not saying she doesn't deserve to have that "I told you so" moment with him but not in something callous or cold. Even if that is how it happened, she'd immediately feel guilty cause at that point she's not tormenting her tormenter or even the person truly at fault. She's doing something cathartic, similar to how Jimmy likely hits Curly to release rage he can't against the rest of the crew. She'd see herself as no different when she'd come back from the moment and see Curly cowering at her. She wants someone to take responsibility but how does being cruel to the defenseless help? Why would she want the power Jimmy has over her over Curly?

The idea of her extending someone else's pain is just so against the struggles she already faces and how she can't even bring herself to cause someone pain even to help them. Her very desire is to release herself from her own suffering and I doubt she'd even fine some sort of guilty release in being cruel to another.

#anya is not a character i see taking agency or indulging in cathartic behaviors #not knowingly like i see her as a character trapped in her head and maybe in the scenario she's cruel to Curly she is envisioning Jimmy #in his place but its not a story about justice or those deserving of punishment and those not like its the opposite of people projecting #their issues on the wrong people and saying things to the wrong people and doing things they shouldn't but anya uniquely falls out of it as #she is subjected to a lot of it but it is also not something she wants to subject another person to like you are doing what Jimmy does and #placing ur rage into another persons and viewing their actions through your eyes like she'd more likely yell at him than do harm or #cause him more pain like at least make it in character #but also she clearly doesn't want to see jimmy or curly in the same light and doesnt because she still repeatedly goes to Curly for comfort #and protection and god there's like concepts that need to be applied to characters individually and then the story as a whole #we can not view the game through only one themed lens less we forget to inspect the compounding factor of Anya is so much more than girl #that needs to be allowed to go off but a woman that simply wants right to be done by her and no more harm like she doesn't want to be aroun #the suffering like idk but some of yall would just benefit from like understanding that people are inherently grey with the capabilities of #black n white thinking or actions #mouthwashing #mouthwashing game #anya mouthwashing #i like her the most but then again i am defensive of all women in media and hate when people change the way the character would take agency #for themselves like yes I want her to tweak out but she just wouldn't and I like seeing realistic depictions of a woman suffering the way #she is like shes not the type at the end of the movie to have a one liner but feel a shallow freedom cause she needs to realistically heal #idk but its just like there is an obbsession forming with making her character her pain and not how she handles and navigates the issue

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buttercupshands · 5 months ago

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So.

Act 5, huh?

Oh, and that.

"You can start breakdown now."

Finished the game couple of days ago and had some thoughts I needed to process a little. Like. Yes.

So anyway I actually didn't plan this and just wanted to redraw some sprites to just make sure I understand how to draw Siffrin correctly (still working on that!)

What did I learn from this? How fun it it to draw on a canvas that literally doesn't let you draw with colors without some layer cheating when necessary. Never tried it.

The beans. Sleeping beans.

Basically what happens when you want to sleep AND draw. Draw characters sleeping on your behalf.

Doesn't help, but at least it's cute.

I have no idea what was going on in my mind as I drew this. Feels like a fever dream of 'I want to sleep' at 4 am and 'Hm...' of thinking random things

Also that phone craft sign. Still too funny to imagine. I had to.

#fanart #sketch #my art #isat spoilers #isat #siffrin #siffrin isat #isat loop #in stars and time #I also tried to draw the Party too! But that one sketch is too rough yet!#And I'll probably never post it it was fun to draw them tho #Anyway I had /thoughts/ playing Act 5 #Not great ones too! I would rather they stayed where I would never even know they exist #But I had to while playing so I did #So it took some time to just sit with everything also I spend a lot of time just doing achievements #One left! The annoying one.#NG+ is fun too #I'm still surprised by how much I enjoyed it #Like 'staying until 6 am playing 10 hours straight' kind of enjoyed #From 'hm I wonder what's it about' to 'yeah I cried multiple times so I think it's allowed to live in my head too'#I got sick multiple times on related and unrelated reasons while playing and planning to play that wasn't fun #Anyway it's cool have some sketches because I couldn't stop drawing last night #I love drawing characters being emotionally in pain but that requires specific mood and music to go with #And not overdoing it #Like when drawing first one 'Aishite' was on loop the whole time #It's b&w too! Red layers are added with 'paste' magic love that

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uncanny-tranny · 1 year ago

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To any disabled person undergoing tests to find What's Wrong: I hope your results come back the way you hope and that you receive the help you need. I hope you are not denied care, I hope you are taken seriously even after this, and I hope that you will be taken care of compassionately

#disability #currently going through something like this for myself and while i doubt there's anything 'wrong' i still did it #people are always weird about people who are disappointed or devastated about 'normal results' but...#...it's because normal results don't mean much when you still have the issue at hand...#...if my test came back that my back is physically normal that doesn't indicate that i don't have back pain does it?#because i am still in pain so often even if i have a 'physically normal' back...#...just as an example but i don't think a lot of abled people 'get it'#also like... if your tests are coming back 'normal' every time that might give your care providers pause...#...and they might just start infantilizing you or treating you like a hypochondriac...#...'are you SURE [problem] isn't just anxiety?' 'are you SURE you're actually experiencing [x] or are you exaggerating it?'

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 4 months ago

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hope you feel better soon!

I am riddled with ailments, but I stay silly!

#ask #non mdzs #My health journey has been: Hernia -> acid reflux -> Vocal pain due to aforementioned reflux -> chest infection.#I'm terrified to know what's about to hit me next. Please let it be something kind. PLEASE.#The consequence of living with linguists is that you'll wake up with a wacked up voice -#suddenly you're sitting you down in front of a program called something like Praat having your shimmer and jitter levels calibrated.#They gave me a GRBAS of 33012. I have a fun thing called a pitch break where a whole octave just does not exist.#My vocal pain was bad enough I ended up seeing a speech pathologist and that whole experience was super neat!#I learnt a lot about voice - to be honest I might make a little comic on it after some more research. Fascinating stuff.#For example; your mental perception of our voice modulates the muscles of the vocal folds and larynx.#meaning that when you do have changes (inflammation = more mass = lower frequency)#your brain automatically attempts to correct it to what it 'should sound like'. Leading to a lot more vocal strain and damage!#And it gets really interesting for trans voice care as well - because the mental perception of one's voice isn't based on an existing sampl #So a good chunk of trans voice training is also done with the idea of finding one's voice and retraining the brain to accept it. Neat!#Parkinsonial Voice also has this perception to musculature link! The perception is that they are talking at a loud/normal volume #but the actual voice is quite breathy and weak. So vocal training works on practicing putting more effort into the voice #and retraining the brain to accept the 'loud' voice as 'normal'.#Isn't the human body fascinating?#Anyhow; Now I have vocal exercises and strategies to reduce strain and promote healing.#Which is a lot better than my previous strategy of yelling AAAH in my car until my 'voice smoothed out'.#You can imagine the horror on the speech path's face. I am an informed creature now.#I'm my own little lab rat now. I love learning and researching. Welcome to my tag lab. Class is dismissed.#I'll be back later with a few more answered asks </3 despite everything I'm still going to work and I need the extra sleep.#Thank you for the well wishes! And if you read all of that info dump; thank you for that as well!

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tea-cat-arts · 9 months ago

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Shen Yuan getting transported into pidw isn't "the system punishing him for being a lazy internet hater," but instead representative of "step 1 of the creative process: getting so mad at something you decide to go write your own fucking book" in this essay I will

#svsss #scum villian self saving system #shen qingqiu #shen yuan #the fact that people think scum villain #-a series that examines and criticizes common tropes in fiction-#is somehow against criticism or being a little hater is wild to me #especially since shen qingqiu never gets punished for being a hater #heck- he's still a little hater by the end of the series #he mostly gets punished for treating life like a play and like he and the people around him are characters #(or in other words- he suffers for denying his own wants and emotions and his own sense of empathy)#I think some of y'all underestimate how much writing/art is inspired by creaters being little haters #like example off the top of my head-#the author of Iron Widow has been pretty vocal about the book being inspired by their hatred of Darling in the Franxx #I think my interpretation of Shen Yuan's transmigration is also supported by the fact that this series is an examines writing processes #side note- though i understand why people say Shen Yuan is lazy and think its a valid take it still doesnt sit right with me #i am probably biased because my own experiences with chronic pain and depression and isolation #but ya- i dont think Shen Yuan is lazy so much as he is deeply lonely and feels purposeless after denying parts of himself for 20ish years #like yall remember the online fandom boom from covid right?#being stuck completely alone in bed while feeling like shit for 20 days straight does shit to your brain #the fact that no one came to check on him + he wasn't exactly upset about leaving anyone behind supports the isolation interpretation too #+in the skinner demon arc he describes his life of being a faker/inability to stop being a faker now that he's Shen Qingqiu #as “so bland he's tempted to throw salt on himself” and “all he could do is lay around and wait for death” (<-paraphrasing)#bro wants to be doing stuff but is stuck in paralysis from repeatedly following scrips made by other people #another point on “Shen Yuan isn’t lazy” is just the sheer amount of studying that man does #also he did graduate college- how lazy can he really be #he doesnt know what hes doing but he at least tries to actively train his students #and he actually works on improving his own cultivation + spends quite a bit of time preping the mushroom body thing #+he's experiencing bouts of debilitating chronic pain throughout all this #but ya tldr: Shen Yuan's transmigration is an encouragement to write and not a punishment and also i dont think its fair to call him lazy

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stark-lord · 7 months ago

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Constantly plagued with thoughts of Edwin now knowing he enjoys being courted and Charles (compulsive charmer) with a whole new arsenal up his sleeve (laser focus on Monty’s whole deal)

“I mean, my smile is prett-y convincing” yeah yeah okay I can see where this is heading. Outlook not so good (for me)

#and the thing is #Charles wouldn’t even be actively or intentionally doing it to woo Edwin. that’s not on his radar what’s he need to do that for.#he’s just Like That #an artist perfecting his art form you could say #Edwin knows! obviously. which is even more satisfying bc #he gets to be on the receiving end of All That AND he gets to be a massive bitch about it #the scathing commentary is directly proportional to how pleased he is #which CHARLES knows #Charles said nothing would change!!! and nothing has they’re still /them/#maybe he’s even working on figuring the rest out. that’s not important.#someone fucking put me down already I am constantly so pained #dead boy detectives #Charles Rowland #Edwin Payne #dbda #don’t think I’ve ever used a ship tag on a post before but hey #payneland #I say hi

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szynkaaa · 5 months ago

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my girl cries stardust

or that one time the Destined One was starstruck (literally?)

in my head this is after the Destined One and my OC have been traveling for a while and now and established a good form of communication too despite the Destined One being silent. He noticed that she never allows her herself to cry in front of him, figured it might be because she didn't want people to see her cry. And then something something happened where she reached her limit and broke down. Seeing her cry was simultaneouslythe most beautiful and heartbreaking thing he has seen.

#not me just dropping doodles with like bits and pieces about my OC but never really explaining why she cries stars and stardust #also still drawing her in her modern outfit because drawing hanfu is pain and I am not ready for it (also kinda still working on her outfit #so yknow how badass characters have like a really cool epiphet #hers would either The Bloodstained Constellation #or Cepheus the Abysswalker #cepheus baskerville #black myth wukong #sun wukong x oc #sun wukong x reader #black myth wukong oc #jttw #monkey king #szynkART

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s0fter-sin · 9 months ago

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codtwt is going off on brainwashed!soap bc of his new warzone skin and it’s making me think of ghost deliberately getting himself captured by makarov bc he knows he’ll be given to his dog to try and break him; knows he won’t be able to resist the irony, the cruelty of being tortured by the teammate he lost

he doesn’t fight; welcomes the chains around his wrists and ankles, welcomes the hands stripping him of his weapons and gear until he's defenceless

he wouldn't use them anyway

when he stalks into the room, the muzzle, the scars, not even the blank hatred or lack of recognition could make him mistake his eyes

that's his johnny

he doesn't flinch as he digs knives into his skin; would never shy away from his kiss even if it's tinged with rusted steel. doesn't swallow his screams; not when he always loved hearing him, when he spent so long coaxing his voice from the grave

frustration joins the anger in johnny's eyes the longer he goes without giving up information

just jokes; dark and puns alike

just advice when he can't get the jumper cables to spark right

ghost's not trying to escape; not trying to barter his return to the 141

he's right where he wants to be

#ghost letting him be tortured indefinitely if it means being with johnny i am going to eat glass #he doesnt even care if he never gets him back. if the brainwashing is permanent #he still treats him the same. gives him openings to meet a punchline or rib him for something #no matter how long he goes without responding. without giving him any hope of becoming the man he knew #if pain is all he’ll ever get from johnny again he’ll welcome it gratefully with open arms #he got his share of kindness. more than he ever thought he deserved. if pain has to balance it out then so be it #so long as johnny is the one giving it to him #meanwhile soap gets more and more frustrated that he cant break this soldier #that when he becomes more inventive he just meets him with a story about people he doest know but acts like he should #that every day when his master calls him away he leaves with a soft - /loving/ - see you tomorrow johnny echoing in his ears #he doesnt understand #and it just makes him more vicious #but the soldier doesnt care #he still smiles in the face of pain #still calls him johnny #coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt #we’re a team. ghost team #soapghost #ghostsoap #ghoap #ghost cod #simon ghost riley #soap cod #john soap mactavish #ghost x soap #save post

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triglycercule · 1 month ago

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alright,,,,,is this newyears gift,,,,,, i dont no. but maybe it's late enough that i'll be able to forget that i drew this 😁😁😁😁 mttpoly doodles. whoever sees this sees this

#triglycercule kist is real i know someone that will be very happy with this #you dont know how badly i wanted to squeeze a horrorkiller on somewhere focusing on horror's spine #horror sane spin still on my mind. underneath that zipped up jacket is a crop top hand made by horror himself ‼️‼️‼️#auagahhhhhbtheyre all so stupid can you tell i didntbknow what to do for kist (but its nice and i think its cute and a little fitting)#did not finish (or start) the killer analysis so idk anything about him fully still #like this is a tad bit more platonic leaning (something i'd put in my fic) but i still like it #because killer's very aware of everything that will go on and dust has a no murder streak #and something something killer doesnt wanna have to deal with the pain that is dust's emotions #dust knows damn well killer doesnt mean to be nice but he's being nice anyway #and in my eyes dust is nice(ish)est of all of them (and respectful too i think) so he says thank you just because #it takes killer like 3 weeks to figure out how to respond to dust's thank you. i am too tired to figure out what he said in return #NOT EVEN THAT TIRED BUT I GOTTA STAY UP FOR THE SAKE OF STAYING UP‼️‼️‼️‼️ gotta wait until 2am...... then untitled2987601111 awakes #i'm seeing people read horrortale or like mtt stuff and i am very happy ✨✨✨ mtt nation is swell and the three pillars of it are smitten #(for each other)#everyone looks so weirdly good in this but whatever. time to post!#untitled29876011111 gets the full edition 😁😁😁😁😁#tricule art #thankfully its the middle of the night so nobody will see this x3 #killer sans #dust sans #horror sans #murder time trio #murder time trio poly #horrordust #kist #horrorkiller #mtt poly

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funsizedshark · 2 months ago

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i know it's scary. that's part of it.

#i saw the tv glow #jane schoenbrun #justice smith #brigette lundy paine #my art #my stuff #yes i am still thinking about this movie............#captain's log #anyway! the pictures for this edit were taken by putting a magazine cutout over a plastic bag #stretched inside an old tv i picked up by the side of the road bc im a hoarder

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shepherds-of-haven · 5 days ago

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wish it was cool and acceptable to write fanfiction of your own work, especially before the original work is actually done 😂

#shepherds of haven #grgurghei bear with me here #but consider a fic where the game keeps resetting but MC retains their memory of every playthrough they've been through before #groundhog day where they just have to keep reliving everything over and over #they start speedrunning trying to find and make The Choice that breaks them out of the cycle #they romance different people--save Prihine but not Caine--go with Tallys and not Trouble--#but nothing works and they keep waking up that day in the Kinley Traders camp #they also never manage to fall out of love with their canon RO #but even then they still miss “the first one”#the one that they went through everything with the first time #when everything was fresh and new and thrilling and they didn't know the next words that would come out of their beloved's mouth every time #they start playing fast and loose with things because they know they'll just be doing the same thing over again soon enough #like yes it sucks when so-and-so dies but they get inured to it because they'll just do it over again when the whole shebang resets #doesn't matter when the hunters all die of sickness we'll just fix that up next time and no one will be the wiser #but then--during what feels like the thirtieth run of the Quiial mission #Chase or Blade or Ayla or whomever acts just a bit different #they say something they haven't said before #they balk at going through the door like they know what's about to happen #and after some weirdness MC and RO realize they *both* remember #they've been separately running through their own groundhog days--reincarnating over and over #and reliving the same missions and variations and pains and deaths while remembering the first run #but now they've suddenly landed *in the same version of the game*#and suddenly the stakes are wayyyy high again lol #am i insane or is this a cool idea #anyway lol i'd call it something like 'variations on a refrain'#spoilers #heavy #alpha build #alpha preview #random

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likethexan · 4 months ago

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“But why now?—because Menelaus has beaten your handsome Paris, and hateful as I am, he longs to take me home?” Helen of Sparta still knowing her soulmate’s heart after a decade of war everybody