#split attraction model or history

[rjalker]

how do you outright admit in your own words that you plan to "bully" aroace, non-SAM aros and aces out of the community and think this is proof that you're a good person and your exclusionist hate campaign is totally justified this time, really bro, it's for a good cause, they're dangerous invaders this time, we swear!!!!

[writer-ace]

I watched the asexual and aromantic communities get eaten away at by exclusionists and proto-TERFs and queer people making fun of microlabels and people who talked about how they just wanted all of us to stop dividing ourselves so much and people who decided that the concept of the Split Attraction Model was homophobic and people who flooded the ace and aro tags with porn and--

Well, you get the point.

But now a lot of people on this site don't know about ace culture and modern history, so here's some stuff you should know about:

The Asexuality Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) was started in 2001 by asexuality activist David Jay as a forum and educational space about asexuality.

A Carnival of Aces, which is a monthly blogging carnival on ace topics, has been taking place since May 2011 and has included such topics as coming out, non-traditional relationships styles and polyamory, asexual education (which I hosted), and labels and microlabels.

The Split Attraction Model is one model for talking about sexual and romantic orientation that splits out those two orientations, allowing individuals to describe sexual attraction/orientation as distinct from romantic orientation (e.g., aromantic bisexual, heteroromantic grey-asexual). While this model is primarily used by people on the ace and aro spectrums, it can be used by anyone who wants to discuss or describe sexual orientation as being separate from romantic orientation.

The AVEN triangle (or asexuality triangle) is a black and white or greyscale triangle that originated from taking the Kinsey scale and extending it down into another axis to address/acknowledge the range of attraction between what's on the Kinsey scale (allosexuality) and no sexual attraction (asexuality). It's generally presented as white at the horizontal line at the top and then black at the point at the bottom, often with a gradation of shades of grey down to the bottom.

Microlabels are specific (sometimes very narrow) labels for sexualities, romantic orientations, and genders. While these are not aro- or ace-specific, they were often associated with those communities because there was a culture of having nuanced conversations about narrow definitions, often by people couldn't find something that fit their experience in the standard L, G, B, or T lexicon. Demiromantic/demisexual, cupioromantic/cupiosexual, and quoiromantic/quoisexual are all examples of micro-labels.

The ace ring, a black ring worn on the middle finger of the right hand (generally) is a symbol of asexuality that some ace people wear. It originated on AVEN in 2005 when people were looking for a symbol that was rather covert.

Cake has also been an ace symbol, mostly from the idea that ace people agree that cake is better than sex. It used to be common to see a drawing of a cake with the ace flag colors.

The ace of (heart/spades/clubs/diamonds) has at times been used as a symbol for different ace spectrum/aro spectrum combinations. Ace of hearts is generally agreed on as alloromantic asexual and ace of spades as aromantic asexual (aroace or aro/ace). Ace of clubs is sometimes for grey-romantic asexual and ace of diamonds sometimes for demiromantic asexual, but those are less common.

Dragons were also associated with the ace community, at least on Tumblr. I'm less certain where this one came from (theories include that they're mythological creatures the way ace people are seen to be or that it's because there were headcanons that Charlie Weasley was ace).

[saffigon]

The split attraction model is for everyone, not just aspecs. It is important to center its history in the aspec community as to not forget the hell aspecs got for its creation and usage. But we should not stop non-aspecs from using it as it is an important model and way to break the stigma of romance and sexuality being inherently connected.

[self-loving-vampire]

One thing A Short History of Transmisogyny spends a lot of time explaining and giving histories of is the way trans feminized people (especially people of color) are made into that type of person the law binds but does not protect.

Many of them were (and often still are) essentially unemployable and beyond what mainstream society considers respectable. Sometimes they are outright criminalized (by crossdressing laws for example) and pushed away from any path through life other than sex work.

These people not only survived but were in such an incredibly marginalized position just by existing that they often took action when those slightly higher up the ladder (the more respectable queers) would not.

But cis gay men eventually began to distance themselves from these "street queens". The lines between "gay man", "drag queen", and "trans woman" used to be more blurry than they are now (and as I have noted before many conservatives used to consider them all the same thing even when I was growing up).

That whole category of person was split into smaller and more precise sub-categories, but along with this came the idea of trans people being a separate thing with no place in the community despite the shared history and struggles, an idea that many transphobes (such as LGB Alliance) are still trying to appeal to.

I have said myself that I don't really identify with a certain transfem model on here that is much closer to that ancient type (the "faggot"), and I think on a logical level it makes sense to differentiate between what people are attracted to and their gender identity (and in fact I'd also note that gender identity and gender presentation are different things as well).

But I think it is bad to discard useful political alliances or leave vulnerable people behind just because of those differences. Like, I don't have much in common with even other trans women, but a world with more bodily autonomy and weaker gender norms benefits us all.

[our-arospec-experience]

The Split Attraction Model (SAM)

*keep in mind, not everyone uses or accepts this model, and wherever you stand with this model, you are valid. This is purely informational, not a guideline.

The Split Attraction Model (SAM) differentiates attraction into different forms.

The SAM allows individuals to describe their orientations separately, for example, aromantic and pansexual.

some individuals may also include a tertiary attraction in their identities.

Not all a-spec individuals use the SAM, most notably, non-SAM aros.

Some individuals prefer more precise terms for differentiation such as "romantic orientation", "attraction types", etc.

Not every individual who experiences different types of attraction necessarily have a distinct romantic orientation, and not every individual who has a romantic orientation necessarily experiences multiple types of attraction.

History:

the idea was first recorded in 1879 by Karl Heinrich Ulrichs, who published several books on non-heterosexual attraction

it's next use was in 1979 by psychologist Dorothy Tennov in 'Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love'

became common in a-spec circles by 2009

The term was origionally developed from aphobes and exclusionists who insisted the a-spec community of forcing everyone to split their orientation into multiple parts.

The term was adopted by a-spec communities in order to talk about the issue.

SAM flag:

[avatar-anna]

prof buying lingerie to impress h and being super shy?

sure! i imagine this being towards the beginning of their relationship (after they've made up and everything)

The Professor series

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"That's Harry Styles' girlfriend?"

You wished the girl hadn't said it so incredulously.

You weren't sure if she thought you couldn't hear her, or if she knew you could and didn't care. Either way, it stung.

The urge to sprint out of the clothing store was great, but you tried to ignore it, not wanting to bring more attention to yourself. You could picture the girl and her friends giggling as you walked away with your head hung with embarrassment. So you kept rifling through stacks of clothes, not really wanting to shop anymore.

"She dresses like a grandma. Or a librarian."

"She dresses like her mom still picks out her clothes!"

"I thought Harry only dated models? Why the hell is he with her?"

"I don't know, she seems nice."

"You need to be more than nice to date someone like Harry, don't you think? I don't know she just seems so...plain."

"She must be a great fuck. She has to be looking like that and keeping his attention that long."

The last comment had your ears burning. You knew you weren't exactly Harry's type, that statistically, he did go for a certain body type and look in the past. That didn't diminish how he felt about you, though, and you didn't know why being an outlier in your boyfriend's dating history made people think that way, or how your sex life was anyone's business but your own.

You'd always had a blunt way of speaking, but these teenagers were absolutely brutal. As calmly as you could, you moved to the opposite end of the store and out of earshot.

Only when you were good and ready and decided there was nothing in the store that you liked did you leave. You walked through the mall, passing by a storefront that displayed posters of models in bras and panties, each more revealing than the last. Looking down at your patterned sweater, corduroy pants, and mismatched socks, you frowned, even moreso when you remembered the plain nude bra you were wearing underneath. Did you really dress like a grandma? You never spent much time with your own grandparents growing up, but from the little you did see of your grandmother, she didn't dress the way you did. And the comment about librarians was simply misinformation, you decided.

In a split-second decision, you went inside the lingerie store. Just to check it out, you told yourself. Besides, there was no such thing as too much underwear, you thought.

The first thing that you noticed was lace. Lace in all different colors and floral patterns, lace covering the top of a bra or fanning out over the waistline of a pair of underwear, lace that seemed dainty, and lace that seemed...domineering? You took in everything, trying to determine which sets seemed the most like you, but nothing really stood out in that regard, which was probably the goal of the store. The models wearing the store's garments sent a message of unattainability to its consumers. Try all you like, they all seemed to say. You'll never look like us.

You never understood the plight of body image issues and body dysmorphia more than you did staring in the middle of the store right then. You'd never struggled with your appearance much. Physical attraction could actually be traced back to math and science, proportions and angles and all that. You didn't fall into that small percentage of people who fit into the equation, and you were perfectly okay with that. You had many more interesting things to offer than what big corporations such as the store you were in deemed attractive or desirable. Or "tolerable" as Mr. Darcy would say.

Still, it was hard to remind yourself of that as models with toned bodies and perfect, perky breasts smiled down at you condescendingly.

"Can I help you find anything?"

Startled out of your thoughts, you turned to see a woman around your age smiling at you.

"Um...No, I'm just looking, thank you," you said.

"Any occasion in particular?" the woman pressed, a smile that said, please let me help you I need the commission, written on her face.

You found yourself saying, "I guess I'm looking to...branch out a little?"

"Well, you've come to the right place," the woman said. "Do you need to be sized today?"

From there, the woman piled up different colors, and cups, and cuts into your arms. You owned maybe three or four thongs and one push-up bra, and had no opinion on any kind of style, so you let her grab whatever she wanted for you, though the more she plucked from drawers, the more overwhelmed you became.

"That should be a good place to start," she finally said, setting a lacy one-piece complete with a garter belt on top of your small mountain of lingerie. "Let me open a fitting room for ya."

You followed dutifully, thanking the woman as she shut the door. Finally alone, you set the pile down, unsure of where to start. "Just work your way down," you mumbled, picking up the one-piece.

You tried on bra after corset after g-string after cheeky fit, but nothing really stood out to you. You looked fine in them, you supposed, but none of them seemed special enough or worth buying. As you were trying on a black number that was mostly see-through, there was a soft knock on the door.

"How are you doing in there?"

Looking in the mirror, you shrugged. "Fine. I'm not really sure if I like any of them, though."

"Need a second opinion?"

Thinking it couldn't hurt, you put on a set that was less revealing and opened the fitting room door. The woman gave you a onceover, then told you to turn around so you could see yourself in the mirror.

"I mean, you look great. What don't you like about this one?"

While you appreciated the compliment, you just didn't like the set, a deep red one with little bows on the hips and the middle of the bra. "I don't know," you said with a shrug.

"Well, is there anything you do like about it?" she offered, going for a different angle.

You tilted your head to the side. "I guess...I like that it isn't so harsh. It's...sweet...I guess? Does that make sense?"

"It does," she said. "I can work with that. Anything about the others that stick out to you?"

"I think I like it better when my ass isn't completely out," you said.

"Okay. Noted," she said, clearly amused, but not in a way that you found antagonizing. "I'll be back."

You went back into the fitting room while the woman traversed the store to find something for you. Grabbing your phone, you snapped a picture and sent it to Harry.

You: What do you think?

You slipped into a couple more and sent a few more pictures, trying to see if Harry could give you some insight. He had an eye for fashion. He would be able to guide you.

Before you could send a fifth, he called you.

"Are you trying to kill me?"

"Uh...no? Are you driving? Sorry, I'll stop texting you."

Harry choked on a laugh. "It's not that I'm driving, which I'm not, by the way. You're sending me pictures of yourself half naked."

"Oh. Right. Well, I was just walking past this store and I thought I would try a couple things on, but I haven't liked anything, so I thought I would ask for your opinion, but if you're busy—"

"I'm not busy," he said in a rush. "Well, I kind of am, but now I have to wait."

"Wait for what?"

"Y/n. You sent me four pictures of you in very revealing lingerie, and now I'm hiding in the studio's bathroom. What do you think I'm waiting for?"

"I don't—Oh," you said, his predicament finally dawning on you.

"Yeah 'Oh.'" he said, but you could tell he wasn't really mad. "So you'll be happy to know that I think you look to die for in all of them, but they don't really feel like you, you know?"

"That's exactly what I thought! Here, what do you think of this one?"

You sent another picture, and you could tell Harry had seen it by the harsh exhale that escaped through his nose. "Now you're just teasing me because I told you I was hiding in a bathroom."

"But what did you think?" you pressed on, ignoring his comment.

"You look great, love, I always think so. But...you know you don't have to wear all that to impress me or anything like that right? I love the stuff you already have."

"I know. This isn't for you explicitly, I just wanted your opinion."

Harry laughed. "And here I thought I was going to be a reassuring boyfriend."

"I mean, I've always found it kind of odd that women have to go out of their way to dress up for their partners. I understand it to some extent, but you don't see men going out of their way to get all dressed up, do you? Why do we have to wear the uncomfortable underwear and itchy lace to impress you? And by you I mean the male population, of course."

"Of course," Harry replied. "You make a good point, love. Buy whatever the hell you want."

"Thank you."

There was a moment of silence, and then, "Did you still want my opinion or are you all good?"

"Mm...Yes, but objectively. And since we are dating and I do like doing nice things for you, I will take into consideration color preference and perhaps a part of my body that you might want to see accentuated."

"I greatly appreciate it," he said, his voice mock-serious. "Well, I'm not sure I can be objective, but I suppose like when you wear pink, and...Oh! You have two little freckles just above your right hip bone. As long as I can see 'em I'm good."

His answer had you blushing from the crown of your head all the way down to your neck. How did that make you blush more than any comment about your breasts would? "You're a charmer."

"One of my best qualities according to my mum," Harry said. "I'd love to stay and chat, but I have a situation that this conversation is in no way helping and a song to record, so I will see you at home."

"Okay, sorry about the situation. Love you!"

Harry responded in kind and hung up the phone. Once the call ended, you opened the fitting room door again, surprised when the woman was there. You could tell she'd just been standing there for a while, listening to your phone call.

"Sorry," she said blushing. "I had your things, and then I was curious. My grandmother always called me a chismosa growing up."

"It's fine," you said, trying to focus on the matter at hand.

"I think I found something you might like," she said, then handed two garments. "It's sweet, like you said you liked, and it covers up more than some of the other ones, if that's more the route you want to take."

The material was gauzy and pink, with ruffles cinching the top and bottom of the bra. And instead of underwear, the bottoms were ruffled shorts made of the same material. The woman was right, you decided. It was sweet with its pink satin bows and over-the-shoulder design.

"It comes with a matching garter, but you don't have to wear it if you don't want to," she said.

Your eyes lifted to hers appreciatively. "Thank you."

Once again inside the fitting room, you tried on the final set. You knew that it was either going to be this one or nothing, so you shimmied into the shorts, straightened out the neckline of the top, and considered yourself in the mirror.

It was perfect. You didn't feel so exposed or like you were way outside your comfort zone, but you felt good too. Sexy, even, something you never went out of your way to feel. And just as Harry hoped, the two freckles on your hip were visible, so he would get something out of this after all.

"I think I like this one," you said through the door.

"Oh good! I'll be at the register when you're ready to check out."

Looking at yourself in the mirror one last time, you debated sending Harry another picture. He'd joined you on this journey so far, but you didn't want to pull him away from his work again. And you had to begrudgingly admit, there was a part of you that wanted to see his eyes light up in person when he saw it on you for the first time.

Once you were back in your clothes, which you determined were not what a grandma would wear, you went to the register to check out.

"Thank you for helping me," you said. "I...find it hard to dress in a way that's conventionally sexy and still feel like myself."

"Happy to help," she said with a grin. "And I know I'm outing myself as an eavesdropper again, but I liked what you said about not having to dress up for anyone. My boyfriend always likes to see me in all this stuff, but he's not going out of his way to impress me, so why should I?"

You smiled. "Exactly. And I don't mind dressing up for my boyfriend, but he's not the only one, you know? I'm dressing up for me. Him liking what I wear is just a bonus."

"And he's fine with that?" she asked, almost like she couldn't help it. It made you realize that you had very different boyfriends.

You made a note to let Harry know how much you appreciated him forever never telling you what to wear or how to dress. Those girls in the other store had their opinions, but what they didn't know was Harry loved the way you dressed, and even if he didn't he loved you for you, not necessarily the clothes you wore. Why they thought he was so shallow was beyond you. Harry never came across that way, you didn't think.

"I mean, I'm no model and I dress like this and he loves me anyway," you said with a shrug.

"I don't think there's anything wrong with the way you dress," she said. "It's cute in a quirky kind of way. And being a model is overrated."

You'd never had much in terms of friends. You were much younger than all of your classmates growing up, and before Harry, you mostly kept to yourself. But you thought if you did have a friend, this was how conversations would go. It felt nice to speak so openly with someone. Besides Harry, obviously.

What the woman said was true, you knew that. Though no matter how much you knew that, or how many books on feminism you read, sometimes being insecure was inevitable. Especially when comments about your appearance came from judgy teenage girls.

"Thank you. I'm Y/n, by the way."

"I know. I watch your videos a lot," she said. "I'm Samantha."

As you left, you hoped to bump into Samantha again. She was nice and someone you could see yourself getting along with. Another friend you made all on your own.

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"Okay, you can open your eyes in three...two...one!"

"Wow."

"What do you think?"

"I think the fishnets make your legs look great," you said, taking in Harry's "surprise."

You'd come home shortly after leaving the lingerie store, eager to show Harry what you finally decided on, but before you could even set your bags down, your boyfriend was tugging you by the hand and into your bedroom. He'd been in a robe, which wasn't totally out of place. He lounged around in them a lot when he was at home. What wasn't typical was when he sat you down on the edge of the bed and told you to close your eyes.

He was in fishnet tights and a pair of leather shorts, the rest of his body free of clothing. Your eyes took in the sight, from the top of his head right down to the ruffled socks that covered his feet.

"I thought about what you said," Harry told you by way of explanation. "About men not having to dress up in the bedroom."

With a small smile, you said, "Is that what this is about? You didn't have to—"

"I know, but I wanted to. I don't think I'm comfortable wearing lace underwear, not yet anyway, only time will tell, but I still had this from a photoshoot I did a few years ago, and I thought, well, I thought—"

"You look really handsome," you said.

"Really?"

You raised an eyebrow at him. "You know you do."

Harry grinned down at the floor, though you weren't sure if he felt as bashful as he looked or if he was playing it up a little. "Yeah, but I like hearing you say it."

"I'd be happy to tell you all the things I find physically attractive about you," you said honestly. Patting the spot next to you on the bed, you said, "Come sit."

Harry did exactly that, and you had every intention of making good on your promise, but seeing him up close made you falter. He'd smudged eyeliner in the corners of his eyes, a little messily, as if he wasn't really sure how to put it on. There was something glittery on his cheeks and collarbones, and he smelled absolutely divine.

"You..."

"Yeah?"

In a move that surprised even you, you pushed Harry back onto the bed, one hand in his hair and the other on his torso as you kissed him hard. Harry made a surprised noise in the back of his throat, but he was quick to recover.

"You look really pretty," you said, kissing the shell of his ear all the way down to his jaw. "And I like the tights, but I would like to take them off now."

Harry grinned, his eyes closed as he enjoyed your lips traveling down his neck. "Okay. Give me a moment, and I'll—"

"No. I'll do it," you said, bringing your head up toward his for one last kiss before moving to rid him of the shorts and tights.

Harry leaned on his elbows, lifting his hips up so you could take his shorts off. They were still suspended in the air, but you had yet to take the tights off. "Love?"

"I—I think I want to keep kissing you with them on for a little bit," you said.

"Fine by me. Kiss away."

"But first." You stood up and grabbed the little shopping bag you brought to your room. "Let me change."

Harry raised his brows at you but didn't say anything as you disappeared into your bathroom. You quickly shed your day clothes and put on the set you bought. You felt just as good as you did in the store, which you marked as a good sign. But when your hand reached for the doorknob, you hesitated.

"H?"

"Yes, my love?"

"Can you close your eyes? Please?"

"Of course."

You knew you looked good, and you knew Harry liked the way you looked, fancy lingerie or not. But there was something so vulnerable about showing yourself off in this way. The anticipation of it all made your stomach flip. You weren't the type to draw attention to yourself with clothing, you just wore what you liked. It kind of felt like you were performing for him, and the longer you waited, the more the excitement converted into nerves. But Harry went out of his comfort zone for you, and while you knew you didn't have to, you wanted to. Just because.

So, stepping out of the bathroom, you quietly padded over to where Harry was still waiting on the bed, one hand covering his eyes, you returned to him, legs draping over both of his hips.

When you told him to open his eyes, they didn't go wide the way you had anticipated, the way yours had. They were quite hooded as he took everything in. He didn't say anything for a full minute, like he was processing each stitch and bow. His thumb absentmindedly brushed over the two freckles on your hip, sending shivers down your spine.

"So...can we kiss now?"

Harry chuckled, but his eyes raised to yours anyway, and you found only fondness there. Okay, maybe a little lust, but it was mostly fondness.

"Yes, I would very much like to kiss you," he said. "I just wanted to tell you that you look—"

You couldn't wait any longer. You kissed him, perhaps even more aggressively than before. Harry had no problem with that, though. His hands held onto your waist, pushing you closer to each other until there wasn't a sliver of space between you.

Later that night, you were laying on your sides so you could face each other. His hand was on your hip and playing with one of the satin bows while yours was in his hair and combing through his curls idly. The Emperor dozed between you while Faye Winter was curled up by the window, enjoying the midafternoon sun.

"What brought all of this on, anyway?" he asked.

"What do you mean?"

"It's not every day that I get texts from you in different kinds of lingerie or that you buy stuff like this. I'm just curious to know what led you to...do all of this."

"I..." You wished you could say you bought it because you just felt like it, that it had nothing to do with what you'd overheard in a different store. "I'd overheard some girls talking..."

You explained how your day played out. From going to a store to browse at clothes to what those girls said about you, to your adventure into the world of intimates.

"I know you like the way I look, and I know that I don't need any sort of validation, or that I have anything to prove to anyone about my body, but..."

"People get insecure, Y/n. It happens," Harry said gently. "Just know that I love you for you, inside and out, body and mind and soul and all that, okay?"

"I know."

Harry laughed at your blunt delivery, and you laughed too. "Of course you do, but I was kind of hoping you would reciprocate the sentiment."

Eyes widening, you said, "Right, right, right. I love you too. Top to bottom, inside and out."

Harry grinned, his eyes crinkled in a way that told you he couldn't be more content than he was in that moment. Reaching for the Emperor, he set him down on top of his stomach to make room for you at his side. You shuffled closer immediately, your leg slotting between his as your cheek rested on the spot between his shoulder and chest.

"So, you were right. Sarah loved Persuasion," Harry said.

Leaning up a little, you smiled wide. "Oh, she did?"

"Yep. I'm beginning to think you have a knack for finding the right book for the right person. We might have to start a book club when we start touring."

"Very rockstar of you," you said.

"I'd like to think so," Harry agreed. "Anyway, she said she's ready for the next recommendation whenever you are."

Your face lit up like Harry knew it would. "I have so many. She can obviously keep going with Austen, or if she wants something more contemporary, she can read..."

Harry kissed the top of your head, but that didn't stop you from rattling off titles of books, even if they weren't for him and you could tell Sarah your book recommendations yourself. Once you got on a roll about books, it was hard to stop you. But he didn't mind. He was just happy to hold you against his side, his fingers tracing patterns on your hip while he continued to listen.

[aroacesafeplaceforall]

I’m sorry to see that you took my earlier ask the wrong way! I didn’t quote you in that, but I’ll quote you now so we can both be on the same page as to what I was responding to.

You said “the term actually asexual started as an aphobic or ace spec exclusionary tag/label.” Then you went on to explain the gatekeeping sub-community that used the term a couple years ago.

I’m not disputing that that happened, I am saying that that is not where the term “started”. It started in 2012, inspired by the actuallyautistic tag, as a method to avoid spam in the main tag. At that point it had no exclusionary connotation. Using actually- tags was a trend on tumblr in the early-mid 2010s so that members of marginalized communities could make sure their voices were heard. This use went out of fashion after that era of spam dried up, so it’s understandable that you wouldn’t know about it, and that you would overestimate your knowledge of history and make such a confident but incorrect statement as you did about the term’s true origin.

I know that emotionally it can be really difficult to deal with a message online correcting a statement you’ve made. It can feel like I’m telling you you’re wrong and you should feel bad for it, so I want to make it clear that this is not anon hate, just somebody who cares about aspec community memory. Nobody is right all the time! I’ve been confidently incorrect plenty of times in my life so I understand how the embarrassment can feel like a slap in the face. That’s ok, and those feelings aren’t always an indication that you’re being put down or judged. It’s necessary that we as people can hold discussions where we’re trying to figure out what’s correct collaboratively and not argumentatively, and that means recognizing when the people you’re speaking with are well-intentioned and responding in kind.

Anyway, yeah, I remember being younger and I remember how mortified I would have felt to read the message I sent, so no judgement at all. The good thing is that as life goes on you get more experience, more desensitization to those extreme feelings, more contextual knowledge to recognize that it’s ok, etc etc.

I’m not asking you to respond to this ask in any way, I just want to make it clear that I wasn’t trying to put you down at all. Have a good night!

lmao bestie, reading this was a wild ride and I wish i kept your past post as you back tracked twice.

Yeah i think this was mostly a misunderstanding on both sides and we were both wrong, however I will say in your OG ask you stated the tag started in 2022. But the reason you gave was the same.

I don't know how active you were on the "actually asexual" tag back in the day, but people were still not being the greatest over the split attraction model. It wasn't suddenly a safe haven for all asexuals (just like the current ace tags).

"Using actually- tags was a trend on tumblr in the early-mid 2010s so that members of marginalized communities could make sure their voices were heard. This use went out of fashion after that era of spam dried up, so it’s understandable that you wouldn’t know about it, and that you would overestimate your knowledge of history and make such a confident but incorrect statement as you did about the term’s true origin."

Yeah I know actually. I've been here since around 2016/17 and I do deep dives into tumblr and older posts a lot in my free time. I'm not new here actually and to give a rough est. of my age, I was never under the age of 13 on the site. "actually-" tags are still quite popular, actually asexual being the most known in my circle for obvious reasons. "I know that emotionally it can be really difficult to deal with a message online correcting a statement you’ve made. It can feel like I’m telling you you’re wrong and you should feel bad for it, so I want to make it clear that this is not anon hate, just somebody who cares about aspec community memory. Nobody is right all the time!"

You are right here, and I agree. But the way you originally phrased your "correction" was not only incorrect, but spiteful and hateful. It might not of read so to you but saying shit like "clearly you don't care about" and "you're to young to understand" isn't constructive criticism, its in-fact quite annoying and patronising. Statements like that are meant to enrage people, which is why I did not respond to you OG asks as I don't want to spiral a small matter. I would also like to say you final statements, while correct, are also quite sarcastically sweet to almost (very) patronising. Please do not talk to me like you would a small child.

[anangelforsure]

I am asexual. Many of my favorite fictional characters and robots or inhuman. What do those things have in common? I’m glad you asked.

In this essay I aim to highlight some connections between inhuman characters and the ace community, largely based off of my own experiences and the experiences of others I have read on the internet. This is going to be a niche and personal piece, as sexuality is a unique experience for every individual.

Some of the characters and media I will touch upon include Mettaton from Undertale, the animatronics from the Five Nights at Freddy’s series, Crowley from Good Omens (tv), AM from I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream (radio show), and the dolls from the Barbie movie.

(*gentle CW for a bit of a vent about personal experiences in paragraph 6- after the FNAF bit. As much as I’d like to have a professional analysis style, this is an art piece)

Asexuality is a difficult topic due to its complicated and varying nature. Identifying as asexual does not mean one straightforward thing, and it can be hard to explain what it means without being too narrow in the definition. So, to briefly explain for anyone who does not know: to be asexual generally means a person does not experience sexual attraction towards others. There are people who identify as being under the ace umbrella who do experience some sort of limited or condition-dependant sexual attraction. An ace person can experience romantic attraction, or maybe they don’t, and are aromantic as well as ace (research the Split Attraction Model for more detail. Aromanticism and asexuality can overlap in many areas, but I will be focusing on asexuality). An asexual person may have sex with others for various reasons, or they may not. Libido and sexual attraction are separate entities.

Now that we have a basic understanding of asexuality, let me get into the fun part, character analysis!

I will start with Mettaton. Mettaton is a hugely popular character in the trans community due to his backstory being an obvious allegory for transitioning. Hundreds of people have written about it better than I ever could, and so I will not waste my time trying to add something new to the discussion. My take on his hypothetical sexuality is what I think sets my views apart. Now, I adore all interpretations of this character, the delightful thing about headcanons is that as many versions of a character as you want can exist simultaneously. Due to his flirty personality, Mettaton is very commonly sexualized (and we do! Wholeheartedly! /ref). But in order to make everything about me, I take it upon myself to headcanon his robotic existence as a metaphor for asexuality. Think about it, a character who so desperately wanted to become something more, to take a form that will make him more relatable and palatable to the masses. The possibilities for gender/ sexuality headcanons are endless. To get more literal, he is a robot. And robots do not generally contain the hardware required for human procreation, you know? So his attitude can be seen as an overcompensation for that void, the lack of true understanding of human sexuality. Or rather, an attempt to cover the unavoidable truth that he will never be truly human. Avoiding alienation is a task many ace people perform in their daily lives, as it is frowned upon by some to be uncomfortable with sex, as the topic of discussion or jokes, not to mention the issues it raises in potential romantic relationships. Sometimes ace people will take part in uncomfortable conversations, or even perform sexual actions they don’t want to, simply to fit in. For example, many of us have a history of making up crushes to relate to our peers at school, rather than admit we didn’t feel that way about anyone. The fear of being unable to relate is an ever present and strong one.

Another example of robots representing asexuality is FNAF. This stems mainly from the many amazing fan works that have come from this fandom, giving the animatronics distinct personalities seperate from the canon possession from the games. As much as I adore the messy franchise, I am partial to the idea of sentient robots, rather than haunted. It is a fascinating idea, the animatronics having artificial intelligence so advanced that they are self aware, they know that they were used in the missing child incidents but were powerless to stop anything. The few canon instances of sentient AI that I cling to come from Security Breach, once is when Freddy is brought into a room with spare endoskeletons he has a moment of panic where he questions his creation and the nature of his existence. The other is when Gregory asks Freddy why he is helping him rather than hunting him like the other bots, and Freddy struggles to answer. The other robots are his friends, and yet they are monsters. My heart aches for him in those brief moments, his touchingly human feelings are distinct from our own because of their roots in artificiality. A sort of isolation, as asexuality can be. Knowing there is something slightly off about yourself, a barrier that prevents you from fully understanding others.

You can come to feel like a monster, when you’ve tried so hard yet failed to feel the way you’re supposed to in a relationship. When you end up hurting the person you were supposed to love, because you’re not the person you thought you could be. You go through the motions, hoping that something changes, maybe once you get comfortable things will click and you’ll be normal.

The realization that those feelings are not going to happen is sickening. You’ve strung them along, wasted their time trying to fix a broken machine. And the worst part is that underneath it all you knew. You knew it was never going to work, and you selfishly tried it anyways. Even more selfishly, you know in your heart that their injury is not what is causing the pain gripping your chest. It’s the cold weight of your darkest fear coming true. You are broken. You’re incomplete. Unforgivable…

Which brings me to my next character. The demon Crowley from the Good Omens TV series. While he is not a robot, Crowley is certainly not human. And despite living on earth for thousands of years, as an immortal being he struggles to totally understand human existence, the power of free will. His experience with free will is that it turns you into a monster. “I won’t be forgiven. Not ever. It’s in the demon job description. Unforgivable, that’s what I am”. It applies to all queer people, because it really is just… part of our job description. There will always be people who see something wrong with you. Crowley’s relationship with Aziraphale drives the point home even harder. Aziraphale, as Crowley’s closest companion, cannot understand him either. The line between them, Aziraphale believing in the existence of a ‘right’ side, while Crowley knows there is no such thing, means he ultimately walks alone. It can be difficult to connect with other asexual people, I have always been the only one in my friend groups. As much as I know I am loved and accepted by my friends, they can’t understand this aspect of me.

I do not have a strong lead in for my next character, but I feel so strongly about them considering the source material is only half an hour long. AM, from I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream, specifically the radio show. This character is a horrifically evil totalitarian AI, created by the very species he despised so much he wiped them from the planet. How exactly could a villain like AM tie into this? Well, I fully believed he was going to be completely cold and unlikeable, up until this one line: “Because in all this wonderful, beautiful, miraculous world, I alone had no BODY, no SENSES, no feelings. Never for me to plunge my hands in cool water on a hot day. Never for me to play Mozart on the ivory keys of a forte piano. Never for ME to MAKE LOVE. I was in hell, looking at heaven. I was machine and you- Were flesh.” This says it all, literally. I would highly recommend listening to the radio drama, the written lines don’t do it justice. The wavering in AM’s bitter, hatred-soaked voice struck me right in my core as I went ‘oh’… and all of a sudden he wasn’t quite as much of a tyrannical evil as before. AM has no physical form, and that is the cause of his endless suffering. More than anything, he wants to be the very thing he hates so much. Human. To experience corporeal existence in all its limited glory. As heavy handed as it sounds, yes, this really hits hard as an ace person. The emptiness, once you recognize it, is incredible.

Another form of the no-body/ no genitals thing we have going on with AM and the robots comes from the Barbie movie. They flat out state that the dolls have no genitalia. Again, I will admit that is a heavy handed way to present an ace allegory, especially considering the nuance that goes into ace identities, remember that it’s not all about the act of sex. But the thing about art is that it doesn’t have to be taken literally. A lack of genitals can be more of a metaphor for lacking what they represent. I also want to draw from the music in this movie. ‘I’m Just Ken’ sung by Ryan Gosling, as silly and fun as it is, contains the line “I want to know what it’s like to love, to be the real thing” which is surprisingly impactful. Coming from an inhuman character, wanting to experience the real thing.. I fear I’m getting a little repetitive here as I try to come up with unique ways to drive my points home. Barbie and Ken each struggle with their existence, and wanting to be more than they are. The song ‘What Was I Made For?’ by Billie Eilish Is another really good piece of this movie. Ace people often have the titular question on their mind. Without attraction driving us to procreate, what is the purpose of our lives? Obviously it is ridiculous to reduce humanity down to that in this day and age, but it is subtly ingrained into society so much so that it can be shocking to family members and friends when an individual is not looking to start a family. There is also a common misconception that sex/love are what define us as human. We are so much more than that.

Now that I mention music, I have a small selection of songs that encompass some of the feelings I am trying to convey, sticking to the theme of asexuality and otherness with the robotic/inhuman metaphor as best I can.

‘A Human’s Touch’ by TWRP is the first song on my list. I have seen this song used by many of the fandoms I have referenced above, which really fuels the personal connection here. The song is, a lament of technology past that doubles as a metaphor for a broken relationship. Things we used to adore but no longer have a use for, yearning for someone to pick them back up and make them useable again. From an ace perspective, the notion of being replaced or discarded when a newer, better version shows up is all too real. Sometimes ace people are treated by allosexual people as a last resort, or a placeholder until the other person finds someone more compatible, more willing to do or able to feel the things ‘normal’ people should. “Am I just a toy to you, my love?” Is a question I have asked myself when someone I used to know would come back to me whenever their ‘real’ relationships ended badly.

Steam Powered Giraffe is a really cool band, I love that almost every song is about being a robot. “Brass Goggles” was the song that put me onto them. There’s a lot going on in this song, but there are some really hard lines lamenting robotic life. “Will I ever be something with feelings to hide? Or am I just a boiler with nothing inside?” Wondering why they are alive, what constitutes being alive and human. I think I’ve said as much as I can say about the connection between robots wondering why they exist and can’t feel what a human does, and an ace person wondering why they can’t feel what others do, and why they were born that way.

‘Cabinet Man’ by Lemon Demon is such a cool song for the robotic metaphor. It is about a person who is somehow reanimated as an arcade machine, and is no longer quite human. In particular I like this line- about having people come from all over to see and to play this machine- “this must be what love would have felt like”. It can weigh on you sometimes, thinking that maybe something else is the closest you will ever get to ‘true’ love. Maybe you can’t feel what the humans feel, but isn’t it nice to know that maybe this is what it would have been like…

‘Fake Plastic Trees’ by Radiohead is a little more abstract, as is classic Radiohead fashion. But the general theme is the fakeness of society. To me, this resonates with the way society imposes itself upon asexual people. A culture steeped in sex, where everything is catered towards allosexual people. Simply put,“It wears me out”. Another notable line “she looks like the real thing, she tastes like the real thing, my fake plastic love” I see as coming from the partner of an ace person, resigned to loving a shallow imitation of a human. It’s how I fear I will be seen by a partner, not quite the real thing, but close enough for now.

Now to end on a lighter note, I do love being ace. As much as it can be difficult to navigate the world as an under-acknowledged queer identity, it is beautiful. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. We are an integral piece of the infinite variety that comes from humans. If you are ace, I love you. If you can relate to my experiences, we’re gonna figure it all out someday, I promise.

So, in summary, I really enjoy an inhuman character’s inability to totally grasp humanity as an allegory for queerness, asexuality in particular. If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading!

[hard--headed--woman]

i'm a febfem who happens to have only dated women even before deciding to never act on my attraction to men. recently my friends have been insisting that i'm a lesbian, and refuse to listen when i say that's harmful to lesbians as i'm attracted to men. its annoying as fuck and i'm getting tired. even my ex (both my exes are lesbians, but only one of them is saying this) has been trying to convince me i'm a lesbian instead of a febfem. its annoying me, but when i said that they asked "what do you have against being a lesbian?" i have nothing against being a lesbian, i just literally am not a lesbian. i'm getting close to just saying they're right just to get them off my back. i don't know what to do, but you're a lesbian so maybe you can help - do you think they're right? does it sound like i'm a lesbian? could i just be experiencing comp-het? i don't want to tell lesbians what is lesbophobic or not, but also insisting that i must be a lesbian despite my very clear statement that i'm bi feels lesbophobic. i don't want to tell fellow bisexuals what is biphobic or not, but it feels like they're just doing the "pick a side" thing by insisting i must be "homoromantic bisexual" or "a lesbian experiencing comp-het" and using my dating history (all women) as evidence of that.

It is clearly lesbophobic and I am glad you know it and do not let people call you a lesbian. If I was you, I would tell my friends that I know what my sexuality is and that I won't accept any more comments and debates about it ; or I would just say that I do not want to talk about this anymore. It is your sexuality and they have no right to debate about it or literally tell you who you are attracted to or not. You know you are attracted to men, I don't even understand why they want you to be a lesbian so badly.

The split attraction model is total bullshit. Comphet is bullshit. You're bisexual and it's OK. Your friends just don't seem to understand that you can be attracted to men and still not date them, and that lesbians never feel attraction to men. It's both misogynistic and lesbophobic. Don't let them call you a lesbian if you know you aren't one!

[bilesproblems]

Oh yeah also

Happy lesbian day lesbians!!

Happy lesbian day to the lunians who recognize that being an exclusive lesbian doesn't mean being mono

Happy lesbian day to the bi lesbians who feel in between being bi and a lesbian

Happy lesbian day to the pan lesbians who use the split attraction model

Happy lesbian day to the poly lesbians who learned their history and know they belong

Happy lesbian day to the omni lesbians who are aspec and who's aspec identity has influenced their identify

Happy lesbian day to the abro lesbians who's identity as an mspec lesbian keeps changing

Happy lesbian day to the lilaens and lobelians and rosaens and all the exclusive lesbians who support all mspec lesbians

[aholotte]

how does being a bi lesbian work? not tryingto be rude i gen want to understand

First off, I want to thank you for being my very first ask

Now, there are many different ways one can be a bi lesbian. for example:

being abrosexual/fluid between lesbian and bi

using the split attraction model (ie, being biromantic homosexual or vice versa)

being in a grey area between the two

being bi but predominantly wlw/nblw

using the historical definition of lesbian, which included all women who love women and bisexuals

being attracted to a multigender person, which could make your attraction both lesbian and bi

probably many others i'm forgetting

Someone's identity is up to them and them alone to decide. they could just say they have a preference, but maybe they feel like identifying as a lesbian alongside bi suits them better. I hope this was a good explanation. For more info and sources from history, see this archived site

[rjalker]

"you must be this allo to use the aromantic or asexual tags" was not on my fucking 2024 bingo card -.-

[demonic-shadowlucifer]

Exclusionist Symbols to Look out for: Part Two.

(Content Warning: Queermisia and Potential Eyestrain, as well as a brief mention of abuse and ableism). (Additional Disclaimer: Do not use this post to harass people. This is meant to be an awareness post). The second part to the Exclusionist Symbols post, and the third overall Anti-Exclusionist series post. Let's just get this overwith. 😅

Aspec Exclusionist Identifiers

So far I only found one Anti-Aspec flag, however I can't find much information on it. Still, best to keep an eye out for it.

(Image ID: A flag with seven horizontal stripes. The first two and last two stripes are shades of green. The third and fifth stripes are blue, and the middle stripe is yellow. End ID). There are many common identifiers used by allosexual Aspec Exclusionists, including: "Aces/Aros aren't LGBT" - the most recognizable identifier. Any use of the word "Cishet" as an identifier for Ace/Aro. -Just for clarification, this refers to exclus who believe that Aspecs aren't LGBTQ+ because they're "Just cishets". However, keep in mind that there *are* Aspec folks who *do* also consider themselves cishet, and that they are still valid! Denial of Aces/Aros being oppressed. However, one thing I don't see many people talk about is the fact that there are also Exclusionary Aspec individuals, which is a surprise because those exclusionists are a *lot* more common than what you might think. Some identifiers of this specific group include. "Asexuality/Aromanticism isn't a Spectrum" - yes people genuinely believe this. Equating Asexuality with being Sex Repulsed, or that all Aromantics are also Romance Repulsed - Something that can easily be seen as misinformation, however some people *do* genuinely use this to exclude other Aspecs too sadly. "If you feel attraction, you're not Ace/Aro". Anvil Aro - A term sometimes used by Exclusionary Aros. Mspec Lesbian/Gay Exclusionist Identifiers Since Mspec Gay/Lesbian Exclusionism is almost entirely normalized, there isn't much warning signs. However here are some of the obvious ones I found. Anti-Mspec Lesbian and their varients. Anything that calls Mspec Lesbians or Lesboys predatory. Anything that says/implies that Mspec Lesbians "invite cis men to date/harass them" (This is *incredibly* victim blamey as well). Any variation of Lesbians "not being men" or "not liking men". (Outside of the blatant TERF rhetoric, it also ignores the idea of closeted lesbians dating men to hide their identity as well as ignoring queer history). And here's an Anti-Mspec Lesbian flag that I've seen mostly on Twitter.

(Image ID: A flag with seven horizontal stripes. The flag has shades of teal on top and shades of purple on the bottom with a white stripe in the middle. End ID.). Additional Exclusionist Identifiers Safequeer - A relatively new term that excludes Mspec Monos *and* Endogenic Systems. Anti-SAM/Anti-Split Attraction Model - Commonly used by Aspec Exclusionists and Mspec Mono Exclusionists. Safequeer Flags:

(Image ID: Two flags with seven horizontal stripes. Both flags have two orange stripes, a blue stripe, a green stripe, a purple stripe and a red stripe. The first flag has a purple and white Lotus flower in the middle. End ID.)

(Image ID: Two flags with seven horizontal stripes. Both flags contain shades of blue on top as well as a green stripe, and shades of orange on the bottom with a thin yellow stripe in the middle. The first flag also contains a silhouette of a lotus flower outlined in yellow. End ID). Some Safequeers might also identify themselves using a Lotus flower, however the lotus can also mean multiple things. It's best to check. Not Queer Exclusionary, but still exclusionist nonetheless: Sysmed/Anti-Endos - Plural individuals that target Endogenic Systems and other Non-Traumagenic systems, believing that you need trauma or DID/OSDD to be a system. Some Sysmeds are queer, but others are not. Sysmeds are also referred to as Traumascum, however this term should not be used to address anti-endos due to it's ableist and victim-shaming connotations (There are, however, some anti-endos that also use the term, though it's not widely used by them likely for the reasons I just listed.) Anti Endo MOGAI or AEMOGAI- A MOGAI group that excludes Endogenic systems. An "Anti-Fake Systems" flag apparently made by an Anti-Endo, however I can't find much information on it. Still, best to keep an eye for it.

(Image ID: A flag with seven horizontal stripes. The first flag contains shades of blue on top and shades of green on the bottom, with a white stripe in the middle. End ID). Again, you see *anyone* with these flags, with these keywords, or with any kind of rhetoric I explained here, block them *instantly*.

[yourfavusescontradictorylabels]

whats mspec gay/lesbian?

There's not really one way to describe WHAT an mspec gay or mspec lesbian is, and that's partially because being mspec is a spectrum, and everyone's experience being an mspec gay/lesbian/mono is typically very personal.

For some, being mspec gay/lesbian/mono is because they...

Are using the split-attraction model / SAM ( ex: biromantic and homosexual )

Are questioning their identity and are confused about whether they're mono or mspec ( ex: someone questioning if they're straight or pansexual )

Are nonbinary, genderfluid, or multigender and their attraction feels both mono and mspec ( ex: a genderfluid person feeling like they're both a lesbian and straight )

Are someone with a fluid orientation ( ex: abrosexual / abroromantic ) and switching between two or more identities ( ex: an abrosexual person who defines themselves as bigay because they're fluid between the labels bisexual and gay )

Are a system that is collectively made up of mono and mspec headmates / alters ( ex: a system being made up of both lesbian and pansexual headmates / alters so they collectively identify as a pan lesbian )

And a ton of other reasons!

To put it simply, there is no one definitive mspec mono experience or explanation.

If you are still confused I would recommend these sources for more information on mspec monos:

Mspec gay carrd

Mspec gay culture is carrd

Mspec lesbian carrd

Lesbian label history

Bi lesbian / gay masterdoc

Straight gay / vincian carrd

Straight lesbian carrd

If I find more good resources I will add on!

[ziseviolet]

I posted 5,832 times in 2022

That's 1,413 more posts than 2021!

30 posts created (1%)

5,802 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@fouryearsofshades

@rongzhi

@hanfugallery

@fuckyeahchinesefashion

I tagged 5,828 of my posts in 2022

#r - 5,765 posts

#hanfu - 3,786 posts

#art - 1,187 posts

#tang dynasty - 810 posts

#audio - 791 posts

#ming dynasty - 738 posts

#video - 734 posts

#mens hanfu - 576 posts

#drama - 572 posts

#art by op - 558 posts

Longest Tag: 96 characters

#i'll always associate this song with the giant dancing ginseng from that one chunwan performance

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

In wuxia I see that they have half their hair up and the other half down. Is there a certain period where this hairstyle directs from?

Hi, thanks for the question, and sorry for taking ages to reply!

The half-up, half-down hairstyle that you often see on both male & female characters in Chinese guzhuang (period costume) dramas is not based on historical hairstyles. Rather, it is a fairly recent styling convention, most likely originating from late 20th century wuxia TV shows from Hong Kong (x). Over time the hairstyle has become normalized and commonplace in Chinese costume dramas, especially in the wuxia and xianxia genres (because these genres are not necessarily aiming for historical accuracy in the first place).

Below, from left to right: Wang Hedi in Love Between Fairy and Devil, Deng Wei in Miss the Dragon, Xiao Zhan in The Untamed, Gong Jun in Word of Honor: 

As @niteshade925 explains in this post, for male characters, the main idea of the hairstyle is to make the character look attractive, and also in some shows/context, to hint at the character’s personality, as in maybe they do not adhere to traditional customs and are free-spirited/spontaneous. For female characters, it is usually just a regular hairstyle without deeper meaning :P

For more information on this half-up half-down hairstyle, and historical hairstyles in general, please see the following posts:

The historical accuracy of half-up half-down hairstyles

The historical accuracy of ponytails

Historical hairstyles for men

Hope this helps!

528 notes - Posted October 7, 2022

#4

Dior Mamianqun Controversy

I received the following message via chat from a follower, that I would like to share here:

Hi, 小紫, do you know that Dior appropriates the modernized mamianqun designed by some hanfu brands in china? link of discussion about Dior 2022 A/W show on weibo: https://weibo.com/6323095999/LChcJyPTa?refer_flag=1001030103_&type=repost#_rnd1657858224778 , I think Dior indeed directly referenced the structure of how it's pleated and inner cutouts of mamianqun which has a long history dated back to ming dynasty and influenced the shape of qing dynasty skirts as well, it is sussy, look how the DIOR model turned around when the skirt spread to reveal the split style, this is indeed the unique inner structure of mamianqun, a more rigorous examination requires DIOR to show the flat design, but Dior is not responding, it claims on the official website that this is their exclusive style launched this year, yet the same style of mamianqun has been prevalent among young people in China for several years, there are several taobao stores making exactly this kind of modernized mamianqun since 2018 or even early (metal leather buckle belt + fabric suitable for autumn and winter + long skirts), such as 四时景, 你好美荔, etc., I don't know how to make it an anonymous ask for you to post my question but I would like to listen to your and other followers' comments on this, thank you 小紫(also feel totally free not to post this one, it's your blog and you make the call ❤️

See the full post

1,167 notes - Posted July 15, 2022

#3

See the full post

1,262 notes - Posted January 9, 2022

#2

Hi! I'm really fond of researching about hanfu and its history, and I found a lot of interesting information on this blog. But I can't help it and keep wondering about the reason for qipao/cheongsang not be considered a hanfu? When I researched about it the most common argument is the Manchu influence on it. However, there are a plenty of hanfu styles that were influenced by other cultures. Is there a more especific reason for not consider the qipao?

Hi, thanks for the question, and glad you like my blog! (x)

I want to start off with an important disclaimer:

The term “hanfu” as we use it today (defined as “traditional Han Chinese clothing”) does not have the exact same meaning as when it was used historically. As @audreydoeskaren explains in this post, “while it is true that the term “hanfu” was used in some historical texts, they were often used in opposition to clothing worn by foreign peoples...and not as a standalone term”. Today, there is no central organizing body or law that states exactly what is & what is not considered hanfu. Rather, such categorization is done by the members of the hanfu community - and the hanfu community is not a monolith. Ever since its inception in 2003, the hanfu revival movement has been a grassroots, bottom-up movement with members of various backgrounds, ideologies, and opinions. It is a movement that is built upon, and driven forward by, constant dialogue and debate among its members. Thus the question of what garments are considered hanfu is under continuous discussion, and is subject to the hanfu community’s views and ideas on culture, clothing, and history.

See the full post

2,167 notes - Posted March 6, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

What exactly does Dunhuang style mean?

Hi, thanks for the question! (x)

Dunhuang/敦煌 style refers to the art, fashion, and culture depicted in the Dunhuang Murals/敦煌壁画 of China, which are located in the Mogao Caves in Dunhuang, Gansu Province. From the 4th to 14th century, the caves were constructed by Buddhist monks to serve as shrines with funds from donors. These caves were elaborately painted, the cave paintings and architecture serving as aids to meditation, visual representations of the quest for enlightenment, and teaching tools for Buddhist beliefs and stories. The major caves were sponsored by patrons such as important clergy, local ruling elite, foreign dignitaries, as well as Chinese emperors (x). Below - painting from the Dunhuang Murals (x):

See the full post

3,306 notes - Posted January 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[wandanatss]

so, i see i'm getting quite a bit of anon hate for my answer about my dni list. i want to clear things up.

firstly, stop sending shit into my inbox. i won't hesitate to switch off anon. show your faces if you're really that brave.

secondly, male and bi lesbians exist.

note that gender and sexuality is fluid. it can change, your identity can change. all bold text had been bolded by me, all edits or additions made by me have been marked. tl;drs/summaries are my own.

on male lesbians (tl;dr below):

Postmodernism's questioning of sex and gender categories led to the consideration of innovative sexualities, such as male lesbians (Zita, 1992). Although she was against the idea largely because bodies and the history of bodies cannot be negated, Zita suggested that in postmodernity, the body is not the basis of identity, but rather the body is multivocal, a shifting form without boundaries, a perspective from which to view multiple realities, thus contesting sex categories, making them all transitive, and making possible male lesbians. - Trans Toronto: An Oral History. [x]

I remembered what it was like to walk a gauntlet of strangers who stare—their eyes angry, confused, intrigued. Woman or man: they are outraged that I confuse them. The punishment will follow. The only recognition I can find in their eyes is that I am “other.” I am different. I will always be different. I will never be able to nestle my skin against the comfort of sameness. ― Leslie Feinberg (as Jess Goldberg's character), Stone Butch Blues [amazon][goodreads][pdf]

could also consider reading this for further insight.

tl;dr - male lesbians are often those who feel their body would be better off if it were of an afab person/wish to be "born a girl". they often experience m/f (male/female) attraction in a queer way. i am obviously not speaking for all here, please find someone to talk to about it yourself! :)

on bi lesbians (tl;dr below):

This term can be used by women and non-binary individuals who use the split attraction model and are bisexual/biromantic/etc. and homo-[romantic/sexual]* (lesbian) or an individual who experiences lesbian tertiary attraction. They have one form of attraction to two or more genders but are only attracted to women via another form of attraction. They may find themselves sexually attracted to men, but could never picture themselves in a relationship with one, putting more emphasis on their attraction to women, though this varies from an individual to an individual. It can also be used by individuals who identify as both bisexual and lesbian, either due to changing attraction (such as abrosexuality), or due being part of a plural system, such as having a different sexuality when fronting, or being in a median system where one member somewhat experiences their headmate(s)' attraction(s). sexuality wiki. *part in square brackets [...] added by me for needed context or reference.

1) systems who use a "general" identity label that's a combination of everyone's identity exist and deserve to use labels 2) fused headmates (people in systems who are the result of two or more headmates combining/fusing) exist 3) multigender[/bigender]* people exist and deserve to use labels. multigender people who are both a man and a woman exist, and they have the right to use labels that suit them. they should not have to be made to feel like they can't call themself xyz because they're x gender. you either support nonbinary people or you don't. 4) people with fluid attraction exist. they should not have to be made to feel like their label choices are wrong bi lesbians carrd. *part in square brackets [...] added by me for needed context or reference.

also consider taking a look at the previous holder of the bi-lesbians carrd (as linked and explained in the above link) for more information.

tl;dr - bi lesbians can be women or nonbinary/genderqueer people whose identity lies in the labels of "homoromantic bisexual"; "homosexual biromantic"; may be part of a plural system; may be or may be attracted to a multigender/bigender person and may require such a label to define their attraction with regards to gender(s); or for other reasons entirely. again, i am not speaking for all bi lesbians, talk to one yourself about it. :)

thank you. all terfs, bigots and dickheads please fuck off. everyone else, have a nice day. remember, nobody owes you an explanation for their sexuality. and don't forget, i am simply a nice fandom blog with a whole entire person behind it with, like, feelings and emotions and stuff (unfortunately).