#soul crushing trauma

[queenohalloween]

I had a lot of fun playing D&D today. My character however did not

[zoethehead]

BREAKING NEWS!

this just in; this applies to both of my guys!

and yes, they're boyfriends.

-

basically for context; Wulf was still trying to move on after breaking up from a toxic relationship, and after being keelhauled, and then Chalakon showed up; and that's when Wulf wanted to try his hand at being in love again.

as for Chalakon; technically his father hurt him, nearly killed wulf, and kicked both of them out of Tegia(the kingdom that Chalakon's from)

as for the joyous whimsy part; it's just natural for Chalakon to be a tad bit more sunny.

(via FlimsyFlamingo on Twitter)

[two-stars]

Dr. ratio and Madam Herta gay besties who hate each other (Screwllum introduced them to each other)

[tamagoneko]

quite literally caught up in the middle of like 50 things atm

*adds another big ass project to the pile*

[time-of-your-life-au]

Project M.A.R.C.Y. - 12

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[elbdot]

So, you and white haired boys, huh?

Oh don't even get me sTARTED...

Somehow they just keep getting worse and worse EACH TIME, I DON'T KNOW H O W

[doodlebloo]

I’m sure I’ve said this but Penelope Scott “Feel Better” is so c!Tubbo it’s actually insane.

[lloydgaymerdyke]

FREE MY GIRL HARUMI SHE AINT DO NOTHING WRONG!!!

now now… um… well… well if you really consider… then um…

[annimator]

Q!Fit

[ryansosilly]

Could the sinner really be redeemed? Can he be saved or just lulled to temporary rest? Is peace of mind an achievable, realistic goal for the truly wicked by heart?

Nikto was by all means a good soldier. An unstoppable force once on the field, the only thing that could possibly stop him from finishing this mission was a bullet in the head, point blank.

As proof that he has yet to be stopped, he was still there, alive. Here and there would be a better thing to say. He couldn't keep himself down by any means of the word. All of Nikto, every one of them had differing views and nobody around him could really guess who they were speaking with. Only you. To your surprise it was not that difficult. The contrast between his different 'selves' was pretty prominent, it only takes actual care and to pay attention to notice. Something nobody else was willing to put. Of course, there were those mandatory therapy sessions Nikto was forced into just to still be deployed but they were nothing but a legality. Even his therapist understood that in how..broken, twisted of a man Nikto is, laid the true strength he had. Frankly? He wouldn't be 'Nobody', 'Nikto', if it weren't for the trauma. He knew it, they knew it, his teammates and therapist..nobody stopped to think further. It made everything simple for him.

But sometimes no matter how simple ones life is, nothing will stay the same. A change here and there, an unexpected switch, break, snap or trigger and everything goes back to shit. Nikto constantly needs to be knocked into his damn place. A wild rabid dog punched and kicked into place by the higher ups just for him to bite them and run away for a day or two. Childish, he knows. Stupid decision, he knows.

But he made him do it. Nikto wasn't at fault for running away.

It was a pretty damn unlucky time for that to happen. Everything piled up in his head, the voices being louder than before during a night at a safehouse. He has actively been going through a manic episode for the past days, he had lost track of it. Gripping his mask as he violently shook his body. He hated feeling like this but oh it felt so good.. his only peace of mind was the possibility of a death, of a redemption or some sort of magic potion to revert everything back to how it was. He couldn't handle this state he was in, so, to prevent himself from being seen like that, he ran away.

A stormy, rainy middle of the night, even the bustling highway had almost fully emptied out, leaving nothing but a foggy semi visible road with bright yellow signs. How did he get all the way out of the forest to the highway? He didn't have a clue but he felt so...good. The rational part of his brain was screaming that was a horrible idea!!! If they catch him out, disregarding orders and doing as he fucking wishes, he'll be in a really damn big trouble he doesn't need right now but the mania had other plans.

He... they? Who? Nobody was still in full gear, believing that anytime now, someone, or something, will come out and try to catch him, so might as well be prepared! A gun prepared in the ready as he stood in the middle of the street, staring at one same point. His body was still shaking even if he could hardly feel it from the cold.

Nobody was coming. There was no-one there, not a single car. That ruined Nikto's mood even more. What did he even want? Why would he want someone to catch him? Is that a game for you, Nikto?

Well, lucky for you..

As Niktos body started to give up from the unexpected rush of adrenaline and the freezing cold started to creep in to under his gear. No amount of gear can keep the cold out when he felt it inside of himself long ago. His legs freezing. To him, all of this had happened in the blink of an eye.

To you? The worried you? It has been almost 2 days. Nobody managed to find the man. Why? They weren't on a search. Only you noticed. So, doing the responsible thing.. you took an umbrella during the very next night of Nikto's disappearance and went out.

Weird, this rain hasn't stopped for days now? If anything, it's only getting stronger..

The umbrella did a surprisingly good job at keeping you dry and resisting the wind but your vision was still ' impaired ' from the neverending fogs taking over the entire street, maybe the whole city. This horrible weather hasn't moved and does not seem to be planning on leaving. Nikto found it fitting, you not so much.

Ah. Could you guess..

By the street, against a tree with an injured leg covered in dry blood lays Nikto. You found him. Slowly stepping closer to him, your grip on the umbrella remaining as tight as possible. If this was some sort of a cheesy movie, you'd say that Nikto might just be the direct source of this heavy rain and strong wind.

Nikto..Nikto?

In front of his eyes..from his very eyes, he could swear that he saw an angel, perhaps an angel of death, coming to claim him already. That umbrella above you, your clothes.. he could swear there were black wings right behind you as you stopped your steps right in front of him.

Eyes barely open, he took a deep breath, letting it out. There was no longer any little amount of warm breath showing from his 'mouth' as his body was colder than the very cold streets under him.

'it matches me' he thought to himself. Matching his heart. The heart that felt..ever so tiny bit warmer now that an angel as beautiful as you came to claim him. For once, he didn't want to fight. The dog did not bite anymore.

You spoke, spoke again and asked questions but weren't met with any reaction or answers. Was there a point in speaking?

Moving your umbrella from protecting you to being above the injured soldier. You weren't the one who needed protection even if Nikto may not view it as such. Maybe you really were an angel and he wasn't just deluded man who had given up to his insanity. Maybe..

Maybe.

Maybe..

The rain 'stopped' . It felt..a little less cold for Nikto. The only thing he could remember before passing out for who knows which time now was..how close you were, how..warm you felt just from getting closer. If he could ever believe his eyes again, he couldn't hope for anything but you in front of him until the end. Maybe it was just the mania speaking for him.

Maybe it was just the need for love, the need to be known, felt and seen that spoke for him. Maybe.

Before he could reawake and be greeted by the heavenly kiss he didn't think of being worthy of, he felt himself being picked up by the arms. After so many years, no matter your state, a soldier must remain awake. Calling him a light sleeper would be an understatement.

"Let's go back."

He could so vaguely hear your voice. Who..were you? [Redacted], are you an angel? A good or a bad omen? Why would you help a man like that? Did nobody teach you to let the weak die?

His eyes, once again, betraying him, falling back short. He couldn't hear your voice anymore. Only the loud loud rain that sounded like gunshots, deafening his already hurting numb ears. All he could hear was...?

?

Breathing..soft breathing. The one of a calm person. A person..not one that lives inside of Nikto's head. But someone else. He was being saved for once. Of course, when in the battlefield, he was brought up to his feet a couple times before, patched up but..never has he been saved.

No strength in him was left to think, to fight, to respond. He was at your mercy and instead of finishing the job, you took him 'home'. If he was awake, able to speak, he would be yelling at you to finish him off. You should've killed him when you had the chance. Were you stupid or just too soft for the army? Was he disgusted or thankful? Answers for which he couldn't think right now.

All he knew for a certain was that he wasn't alone and that everyone within him had involuntarily accepted your help. For which..as much as he hates it, he'll be indebted to you. He'll be nice for a day or two, maybe a week then everything will go back to normal.

That was the plan.

Oh..but the plan.. the plan was ignored, the mission unsuccessful.

He let you help him. Again. Again..again. and never repaid you. Every time he felt like he was losing himself, he'll subconscious limp to your room, his mind going back to that rainy night. When he was saved. He wanted to be saved. He wanted to be saved more than he wanted to be alive, to be alone.

Tonight, being especially tough on him. Everyone and everything was so loud. Earlier a bomb exploded so close to him, his ears were still bleeding but he refused to get himself checked out due to panic. What if he hurt himself badly enough to never be able to hear your voice again? He surely deserves it.

He 'deserves' it. He believes he does. Yet.. he is limping to you after the mission, shaky hands on the walls, leaving bloody prints all across it without a single fuck left in the world to give.

He needs to get to you. To the one who makes it ever so slightly closer to bearable. His saviour.

Stumbling down the halls, ignoring the nasty looks he got from other soldiers and just..focusing on the ground, his feet. Left foot, right foot.. he remembers how you helped him get on his feet so many times. Was it just something you did for everyone? Of course it was. Teamwork was a main thing for everyone here..yet.. you felt gentle to him.

Too gentle for him to consciously want to get close to. But now? That ' consciousness' was no longer there. What remains was only the broken shell of what used to be a man, a walking upcoming suicide, a living Ghost.

Closer to a zombie, a corpse that moves and growls in pain, he made his way down to your office. Once again, it was in the middle of the night. He got lucky that you took a night shift, finishing some paperwork. (Some of which, was meant for Nikto to fill but without telling him, you took most of the loads of work.) That's when you heard the thumping, the stomping and dragging of feet coming up to your door and stopping abruptly.

You spun your chair around to look at the door just in time to see it being kicked out open.

There he stood, once again, a broken mess. There was nothing visible in his eyes. No life, no ideas, no thoughts. Truly, a dead man. Yet, he walked. Walked..stepped right inside your room, walking up to you.

The desk was directly in front of the door with only the chair in between. Perfect set up for him if you ask. A simple room, he quite liked it. (Which was his excuse he used to justify sleeping in the office when you did work because you made his nightmares less worse just be being there.)

The silence was deafening, only the drops of blood hitting the floor along with the heavy sounds of his dirty boots that were muddled by a carpet making a sound. You understood, he understood. Nothing else was needed before he collapsed down on his knees right in front of you. One of his arms grabbed the armrest of your chair and the other one grabbed your ankle, pulling you and the entire chair closer. He was in no means gentle. Nikto didn't even think he was capable of being gentle. Maybe you'll get a bruise on your ankle for that grip but it was completely irrelevant.

His grip lessened immediately when he saw you didn't fight. Both arms releasing what they held as he rested then on your lap instead, his head laying down on his arms. From then, he was completely motionless. He could barely breathe with the mask on and in that position but to him, being close and not alone was far more important than any stupid amounts of air.

Your hand slowly put down the pen on the desk, making sure to not spin the chair around while you were putting the pen back on it's place. No need to wake him up now.

You stayed during his worst times. You stayed during his best. You stayed.

So, he'll stay. For an hour or two, he'll cry unknowingly. Most of his disfigured face could not even feel such sensations anymore. He needed you to look at him and tell him that he is crying. The water droplets were too gentle, too insignificant to feel against his bruised up, mostly skinless face. The face you still caressed so lovingly when you decided to help him. When you were nice enough to suggest him vaseline to make his face less itchy. When you cleaned and put on his mask.. a damn privilege for which you waited literal years to get. You waited for him. You were patient and careful. You understood.

How could he not cry?

A hand softly petting his back in a calm soothing manner. Ever so slowly, you leaned down to fully embrace him in a hug while still letting him let his pent up emotions. His ears felt muffled, his legs sore from running, crawling and hiding. Arms sore from carrying all those heavy weapons around, his face..his face simply just always hurt. Something always hurt. Mentally and physically.

But now? Yes, everything still hurt but..now there was a reason for him to want to make it stop hurting. To get the help he needs. His shaking only increased as you caressed him, eyes shut tightly, his teeth clenching, jaw sore. This feeling of vulnerability was sickening to the very core but his core couldn't be more glad than it was now that he got this. That now..he wasn't alone.

You weren't an angel, a god or a therapist but you were his saviour. His angel and his god. The one god that he could pray to and not feel betrayed by. Someone who heard his cries and helped. He couldn't be more thankful. Spiteful, hateful..so many conflicting emotions. Things he couldn't deal with alone.

He felt like the luckiest person alive. He finally felt like a person.

Nikto was no longer just a nobody, a killing machine. When with you, he was someone. He was someone. Someone with a reason to be. And treated as such.

For now, this someone will enjoy your time together. Worshipping the ground you step on for as long as you allow him.

The poor rabid dog has finally been taken to a shelter. Shown love. Shown care. Even if he still bites sometimes, he still has a home.

[hasarjunadoneanythingwrong]

day 998

maybe he was born with it

[pergaminaa]

The Blackbeak Matron is a brutal woman with not an ounce of love to any of her offspring. I don’t imagine her being kind to Lothian— like, she was her Heir, her training is harder and more brutal than what other witches would undergo.

Despite that harshness and brutality, Lothian was nothing like her. She she just couldn’t quell that side of her daughter: she was kind, warm and full of hope. The Matron couldn’t change that.

I think that what Lothian did, mating with a Crochan prince of all people and believing that the child they conceived would bring peace to their people is what tipped the Matron over the edge.

Killing her daughter soon after giving birth, she decided that she’d been too soft. Something she will not do with her granddaughter, her new Heir.

This is why I believe that Manon endured worse shit from the Matron than anyone did before. Her grandmother simply didn’t want to risk her being soft, like her mother, and made sure that Manon would not even recognize that.

This is the reason why Manon has a hard time with emotions because she wasn’t taught these things. All she knows is brutality and the different ways she can kill people. She endured a lot at the hands of her grandmother but because of that upbringing, she just carried on without giving anything a second thought.

But deep down, Manon is Lothian’s daughter. No matter how brutal the Matron got, no matter how harsh she was, she couldn’t change that. I think she realized that all she did didn’t fully kill whatever kindness might have been passed down to Manon when she picked Abraxos to be her wyvern. I believe it was that moment the Matron realized that despite everything she did, there was no changing that.

It didn’t stop her. Because she got worse. From that moment, she decided to use those feelings against Manon. Punish her for her compassion by threatening to take away everything she loves. It’s mainly the reason she kept targeting Asterin, and forcing Manon to be the one who does these things because at the end of the day, Manon still seeks her approval. She will do anything if it gets her noticed by her grandmother and this is why the Matron kept using Asterin against her. It was something Manon would want to avoid, but it will always be there: one mistake and it’s her cousin’s life. This way, the Matron had full control over Manon and ensured that she’d never rebel against her.

This is a woman who never displayed an ounce of love or affection to her granddaughter. Honestly she probably started Manon’s training early on, not taking the chance to turn her ‘soft’. I believe she prohibited anyone from coddling the Heir. She wouldn’t allow anyone to show her any affection or any display of love. Those who did, lost their lives.

Honestly, when Yrene hugged Manon during that scene? I knew she was going to freeze and not do anything. Because she doesn’t recognize the gesture, she has no idea what it means or how to respond so she just froze.

[neilgayman69]

I love Spencer sm. He is the babygirl.

But goddamn they have done him dirty so many times.

[lotus-pear]

i love ur teen skks so much i want to eat them theyre so precious and special to me i love how u draw them so so sos much

WAAAH TYY honestly teen skk >> 22skk they’re just crackheads and idiot besties when they’re teens their dynamic is just sm funnier

[fever-project]

I’ve been thinking about your ganon from your au again (royal depths..?) may i please know more about him 👁️👁️

- crazylittlejester

YES you can I glad you like him 🥹 I will gladly talk about him. Unfortunately a lot of his story is about his mom being emotionally abusive, so take that in mind.

Due to the way he was raised(or rather the way he was not raised, he was very much neglected most of the time by his mom, he had many emotionally distant nannies)he has terrible self esteem issues. He’s been told his whole life that he will grow up into a monster. But that didn’t really set in for him until he was like 4-5~ish years old. He found an injured bird in his garden, it only having a sprained wing. It would likely have been fine, but young Ganon wanted to help it. But as he approached it, the bird looked at him and immediately died. His mother told him that the bird died because it could sense the evil within him, and died from the shock of how evil he was. Ganon cried a lot that day.

Sheerow-and other animals from Lorule-are not afraid of him. Sheerow is a very nice and playful bird, and Ganon loves spending time with it. When he first met it, he was terrified of how not scared the bird was of him. He thought the bird was also evil for a moment. But with how playful and cute Sheerow acted, Ganon knew that couldn’t be the case. When he first petted the bird, he almost cried, the only reason he didn’t was because he heard Ravio crashing down onto the ground after scaling the garden wall.

Ravio’s also very kind to him, which is an entirely new experience for Ganon. His mom acts nice to him, but even though Ganon is quite young, he quickly picked up on how scared his own mother was of him. Ravio wasn’t scared at all, generally very nice and cheerful. He even showed Ganon a few magic tricks, explaining how he did a few tricks as well. Ravio quickly got dragged away though by the guards thrown right into the prison along with his bird. Ganon was crying the whole time that happened, because he had never been as happy as he was with the short time they were together.

His mother scolded him about interacting with a stranger, talking about how “evil” that man and his bird was. This was also the first time Ganon talked back to his mother, although that was very short lived as his mother kept saying how evil her own son was right to his face. Then a few guards rushed in, Ravio and Sheerow in tow, quickly showing off the Triforce on his hand to them. Rav hurriedly explains about himself, Lorule, and how he needs to find the hero and save the world.

Blah blah blah, more stuff happens and now Ravio is tagging along with Ganon and his mom to Hyrule Castle. Fortunately or not, Ganon’s mom(I need to come up with a name for her someday)doesn’t want to spend much time with her son, so she just leave him in Ravio’s care. He’s the counterpart of the hero, it’ll be fine. And it is! Ganon has never been happier hanging out with Ravio and Sheerow. When they finally get to the castle, Ganon has the puffiest eyes(from all the crying, it’s been a very emotional time for him), and a new father/big brother figure in the form of Ravio.

Uhh more stuff, Ganon has no idea how to fight, he know some very basic techniques from watching some of the warriors train. He would climb up one of the sides of his garden wall just to watch them. He thinks they’re cool. He also has magic but wasn’t allowed to use or practice it, for fearing that he’ll “use them for evil.�� He’s very scared of his powers because of this, and is also weary of magic in general. Also his favorite animal is a donkey. He never seen one before, but he heard about how strong and helpful they are despite their small stature-compared to horses-and he kinda looks up to them a bit. He also thinks they are very cute. He wouldn’t be able to ride or interact with one, since Hyrulian animals fear him, but donkeys do exist in Lorule. So if he ever went to Lorule(and this would happen in like the later parts of the story)he would insist upon finding a donkey. Ganon also gains more confidence and self worth as the story goes on.

[x-3mb3r-x]

JSAB 6 YR ANNIVERSARY

guys I love this game so much and the fandom has permanently changed the course of my life forever, and single-handedly spawned my interest of art and storytelling. I haven’t been active in the fandom in a long time but I’m getting back into it as of late, So to celebrate it I figured I’d share the culmination of all of this and talk a bit about my AU! The basic premise is basically blixer did survive after the main story, but like, BARELY. Like this guys on like 1 HP, and is pretty badly injured (for obvious reasons I think). Basically barracuda, who is essentially the guy in charge, is like “yeah he can stay”, with various reactions from the heroes and his scouts. why? Well I can’t tell you because spoilers, but I can say there is a reason. But until that happens the heroes just kinda have to deal with it cuz they can’t so anything about it without getting in serious trouble, and blix can’t do anything cuz he has no other viable options. So they just kinda have to cope with each other’s existence, though it’ll be difficult to say the least, because things are complicated to say least, and recent events (you know what) has only complicated things further. On any given day there could be shenanigans or just pure unfiltered angst. If there’s any 2 things you need to know about the characters is that:

Everyone has terrible coping mechanisms

Everyone has a complex of some kind

uh anyways here’s a doodle of blix and cyan cuz I don’t have any refs yet but I swear there I will make some eventually

Look and that beef, gotta love it.

(yes blix is supposed to look like the lil grey version in the start of the game but like really messed up I thought it would make sense for the story I have in mind)

and on that note uh that’s all I’m gonna share for now. Trust there is a LOT of lore I didn’t get into cuz there’s so much it deserves it’s own post, but mid there are any questions you have you could plop them in my ask box and maybe if I get enough I could start a character ask blog!