#sorry the only edits i make are about comics nobody cares about

[nextgensquad]

I'm curious, what careers do you think the new generation will pursue? (Weasley, Potter, Malfoy, Lovegood, Lupine and Longbottom)

just gonna put my (pearl) answers here for now and publicly pressure everyone else to come and edit theirs when they have a moment! sorry it's taken so long, anon, i love this question <3

becca's answers now added too!

pearl:

victoire - my victoire is a v different from fandom typical victoire nowadays and she is a sporty, quidditch-obsessed jock who lives and breathes for the sport. one of the best captains gryffindor has ever seen, gets scouted for five teams out of school, including two french teams, and chooses the holyhead harpies like her aunt ginny.

dominique - unspeakable researcher at the department of mysteries. dom is into arcane witchcraft, crystals, tarot, astrology, things like that, which everyone else thinks is silly, but she puts a lot of time and effort into researching it and her discoveries catch the attention of the dom who send her an offer letter out of the blue. nobody in her family knows exactly what she researches down there but it makes her very good money. eventually, i think, becomes the divination professor at hogwarts.

louis - one of the only two academically gifted weasleys, he goes into politics after his uncle percy, which you may claim makes him a nepo baby... and you'd be right. doesn't actually have ministerial ambitions, and works in public relations, eventually becoming press secretary for the minister after percy.

molly - investigative journalist for a leftwing paper called the legacy, founded by susan bones a couple years after the war. she didn't start out as that, though, but worked her way up from fluff pieces.

lucy - out of school she makes her money drag racing and bartending, but hard to say what she'll do after that. she's very reactive and doesn't put a lot of thought into her future.

fred - magical engineer, taking muggle things and reverse engineering them and making them better with magic. probably arthur's favorite grandchild because of it.

roxanne - magical ice dancer, quits hogwarts after her fourth year to pursue it professional in the wizarding olympics called the meteorics

rose - artist, she's very smart but in a completely different way than hermione, also dyslexic so doesn't love academia even though she would if she didn't have to deal with hogwarts being completely unfriendly to kids with learning disabilities. mostly works with painting but also does other types of art

hugo - another one that's hard to tell, mostly because like lucy, he gives the impression of not caring very much one way or the other. also like lucy, it is a false impression, he cares very much, and is also super smart, just hides it well. i think ultimately his girlfriend edie urquhart (pansy's daughter) will be the breadwinner of their house though

james - just like victoire, a born and bred quidditch fanatic who gets scouted out of hogwarts and (unlike her and most hogwarts recruits), gets placed on a starting position at the falmouth falcons (one of the best teams in the leagues) at age 18. nearly monumentally fucks up his quidditch career at age 21 though.

albus - magical hacker, ran a black market ring of illicit muggle tech goods in his time at hogwarts and also likes to amuse himself by dicking around the ministry of magic's fledgling magic internet systems. this eventually gets him scouted for the aurors, mostly against his will.

lily - magical photographer, ends up working at the scamanders' magical creature sanctuary and kind of accidentally winds up doing public relations for them via her photography

scorpius - future comic book artist, once he gets over his internal prejudice about muggle things and his refusal to admit he likes comic books and drawing. also future wizarding art professor at hogwarts i think

teddy - he's in a band with his best friends that accidentally gets very famous

lorcan & lysander - run the magical creatures sanctuary their parents helped set up

jake longbottom - auror like his godfather harry

abigail longbottom - healer, with a special focus in magical neurobiology, in the hopes of one day finding a cure for her grandparents

becca:

teddy - loves working with animals and children but lacks any noticeable ambition; works a bunch of random jobs after school, to fund his real passion, which is mainly volunteering at various magical animal rescues. eventually in his late 20s gets around to following the career that's always been in the back of his head, care of magical creatures teacher at hogwarts.

victoire - the opposite of teddy, very driven and ambitious. goes into the department for international magical co-operation as an assistant and rises through the ranks to become a delegate to the international council of wizards.

dominique - could probably have been a professional quidditch player but takes a different route into journalism. writes an anonymous gossip column for a while, which causes upsets with the family when it's revealed. they forgive her, and she eventually becomes a travel writer.

louis - works for the wizarding wireless network, in the behind-the-scenes broadcasting team, where he works for years, and ultimately becomes a programme commissioner.

molly ii - works at obscurus books, initially as an assistant and eventually as an editor.

lucy - develops a passion for theatre at a young age and turns her school drama club into a travelling theatre company. will one day be one of the foremost magical theatre directors in the business.

fred ii - inherits his dad's entrepreneurial spirit and starts his own business with some friends, selling all sorts of magical illusions, spectacles and experiences, for pleasure and entertainment. highly experimental stuff and sometimes not quite legal.

roxanne - studies fashion design at the lugh school of magical art, in northern ireland, and designs beautiful clothes imbued with magic and charms.

rose - follows in her dad and uncle's footsteps and becomes an auror.

hugo - becomes a bestselling romance novelist under a penname (to hide his famous connections), it's big news when his identity finally comes out.

james - fails to make it onto a professional quidditch team out of hogwarts (for reasons unrelated to his quidditch ability) so takes a job at the ministry sports department, which he loathes, so quits and does bar work for a bit instead, before he goes into lower league quidditch and makes his way up to international player.

albus - overcomes his anxieties to become a healer, eventually specialising in pediatrics, he's especially good with other anxious kids.

lily - drifts about for a while, works some retail, slowly develops her baking hobby into something professional and in the end sets up her own little patisserie.

scorpius - uses his skill with intricate, technical charms to go into magical invention, essentially creating magical tech, particularly (in the end) forensic technology.

iseult malfoy - quidditch player for the holyhead harpies, teaches flying at hogwarts after she retires.

caelum malfoy - currently in my fic he's approximately eighteen months old so i haven't thought of a career for him yet.

lysander - starts a magical co-operative living project with lorcan and a bunch of their friends/partners, where he takes charge of the practical side and spends his days growing vegetables, mending roofs and caring for animals and children.

lorcan - lives in the same community as lysander but is a poet, philospher and stargazer.

aidan longbottom - photographer and filmmaker in the embryo magical film world starting to grow up.

sophie longbottom - actor and wardrobe mistress in lucy's theatre troupe

[phoenixkaptain]

Random Teen Titans thoughts, 1966 edition:

-nothing can escape Aqualad’s notice. Not giant, noticeable ears or giant, metal conquistadores

-I’m pretty sure TT #1 is the introduction to characters, especially Robin, saying “Quick like a bunny, Kid Flash!” which is just really funny to me

-this happens more often than I thought (I’m rereading these early comics), but Robin almost always explains things when asked. And his explanations are always long and in-depth and he is a giant nerd

-Robin says “What can possibly happen?” because he’s Robin and that’s just what Robin does

-Robin says “Hope there’s nothing more popping from that pyramid!” because he did not learn his lesson the first time

-the villain made a giant, metal conquistadore, but the weird animals with human faces were just incarnations of the beast god. Nobody questions this

-I think Kid Flash practices by juggling with his feet. Otherwise, I have no idea what the panel was implying

-“You’re strictly feom Squaresville if you don’t put down the drags - like you’re cubed, but def!”

“You sure that is English, Penny?”

I love this interaction and I’m with Garn on this one, sorry, Penny

-Aqualad says “great waves and all that jazz” basically mocking the interjections they’ve all been saying (including him) and I just think that’s funny

-Kid Flash says “Better find a hole in the sky, and hide this egg-beater, Robin!” and no, context does not make it make any sense

-Wonder Girl ties her hair to a tree branch because her grip is slipping. Miraculously, this works

-the image of Wonder Girl holding up Aqualad, who is holding up Robin, who does not seem to notice nor care about his current predicament, is both adorable because Robin has such complete faith in his teammates and hilarious because he is dangling precariously with only an Aqualad to keep him from falling

-Aqualad says “Quick like a bunnyfish- if there is such a thing!” I’m pretty sure he’s making fun of Robin

-Gotham banks have machine guns set up in their walls, in case of burglaries. This explains quite a lot

-Robin says his math mark (his math grade) could be better, and I do not believe him

-Ding-Dong Daddy Dowd’s shop is called Ding-Dong Daddy Dowd’s Hot-Rod Hive: the Hottest Buckets This Side of Dragsville, and I don’t know how to feel about that

-Robin gets handcuffed to a speeding motorbike. He can’t stop the bike, but I just don’t understand the thought process. If Ding-Dong wants him dead, why did he not just kill him? Ding-Dong is a ding dong

-Kid Flash: “I failed.”

Aqualad: “I failed.”

Robin: “We all failed.”

10/10 leadership

-The narration claims that there was an outstanding outcry for Speedy to be added. I don’t know if I believe them. This is only issue #4

-Speedy decides it would be better to break into the Teen Titans’ hideout and set off the alarm, instead of giving them any head’s up that he’s coming. He’s right, it was better

-someone swapped Speedy’s arrows with explosive-rigged arrows and expected Speedy not to notice

-Davey (important character)’s dad tries to intimidate Robin, which was just hilarious. You really think Robin, Boy Wonder from Gotham City (the city with machine guns in the bank walls) is going to be intimidated but a bad dad? Silly

-Kid Flash says “I’d know that beautiful racing form anywhere!” of Davey, and I just think that’s funny

-Davey’s dad is the absolute worst. He made his son cry. He’s such a dick

-Davey says “I’m going like a big-tailed bird, Robin!” and I just don’t understand the relevance

-Davey’s dad decides to be less of an asshole, which is nice

-this exchange between Wonder Girl and Robin:

“He’s cute- cuter than any of you characters!”

“You can bet your magic lasso, W.G., that we will hook up with Speedy again!”

-the Ant is the son of a circus strongman and an acrobat. He and Robin should be pals

-Robin calls Aqualad “Sea Flea”

-Beast Boy can’t be part of the Doom Patrol without guardian permission. He also can’t be part of the Teen Titans without guardian permission (Robin saying “Batman had to okay me!” is funny because who did Batman okay Robin to?) Beast Boy thinks they just think he’s a freak, and runs off to the circus

-I saw a review say that Beast Boy’s arc was too similar to Pinocchio, because Beast Boy wants to “be a real hero,” but I have no idea where that idea came from? Beast Boy doesn’t give a shit about being a hero, he just wants to go somewhere and feel like he belongs

-Aqualad says this: “Holy hagfish, Robin… you figure we can get away with this bit- impersonating circus performers?” which is just funny because he’s asking the circus performer if he can accurately perform in a circus (I don’t think the Teen Titans know each other’s identities at this point)

-Robin calls Aqualad “Minnow”

-Robin says they should rethink letting Beast Boy join the team, and in the end, it’s left up the the audience to decide. As in, us, the readers reading the comic. As I said before, I’ve read a lot of these comics before (up to #43), and Beast Boy does not appear as part of the team in any of these issues. Poor Beast Boy

-I ship Robin and Aqualad, and I can’t explain it. I just find their dynamic, Aqualad questioning Robin and Robin being generally unfazed, is cute. And he calls Aqualad “Minnow” come on

[rgbcn]

Can you put your Shamy fanficomic (About the events we didn't see on the Opening night excitation, S9E11) on here, censored, please?

Hey! I have pending to do that! So sorry for my delay.

The comic is done, 27 pages. I forgot how many pages I posted here and instagram. Of course on Patreon is full and uncensored already, but I want to share it here too!! I need to prepare the posts (and censor some minimal stuff, it’s not that visual but more emotional).

Why I stopped posting? You might think. Here’s an update:

- on March, when I had only 4 pages left to do, I moved to a new flat (moving is never easy, imagine with an almost 3 year old tolddler 🐥)

- the renovations we did on the flat were unfinished and nobody was able to inform about this situation until we were about to move. We moved with lots of problems, no kitchen, they had to change our boiler because it broke and when we finally thought we could shower we had a gas leak. Boxes, workers, my daughter around, not even a table to work. things started to calm down but we still have a lot of issues. We have been without hot water this week and today saturday they have to come so they might be able to fix it. All our radiators leaked water, woodfloor got bad… should I stop here complaining 🤪

- with the moving, my daughter stooped going to daycare so I’m the one taking care of her most of the day and I can only work when I have family help. And I used to work at night but lately she goes to sleep so late and I’m so exhausted that most of the days I’m unable to. She is VERY energetic, she doesn’t take naps and she is very smart, needs lots of stimulation and play. Motherhood is hard dears. I’m exhausted!

- And I got a client who commissioned me a children’s book and I accepted thinking that ANY of the mentioned above would happen, so now I’m fully trying to finish this work, that is very important for me, so I can continue with my comics and other.

I might have overexplained sorry, but the summary is that I need time to go to my computer and edit the comic to post and I barely have that time. Seems ridiculous, but it’s the truth.

But I will do it. It might take long, I might do a couple of pages and then stop for a while until I have a moment….Thanks for staying with me and the patience.

I also have more comics in the making, I’m not done with fanart, and I want to draw more Shamy.

Thanks everyone for supporting my work. And to my patrons for making it possible.

Hugs to everyone!

(Post sponsored for my husband who played with my daughter while I wrote 🤣)

Regina

[wornic]

- you can call me mikey. mikey’s a good name. are you my friend?

- yes! oh goddess, yes, i’m your friend. i’m your friend forever!

vertigo visions: the geek (1993)

[chocowhomps]

[S5 9a] “Tight End Ed”

It’s finally finished! After a few days labor of love I’ve completed my first legitimate comic. Just a soft idea I’ve had rattling around in my head. : )

Transcript for the comic text is under read more if you would like to/need to translate it!

PLEASE DON’T SHIP TAG THIS! I’m asking politely! It’s meant to be platonic!!!!!!! Thank you!

EDIT: there was an empty speech bubble please just erase me

Nazz: Where did he go..? I've literally looked everywhere.

Nazz: He seemed so mad... I hope he's okay.

Nazz: KEV! Like, WHERE'D YOU GO, DUDE?!

[Nazz stops, hearing groaning from a janitor's closet]

[Getting closer, she realizes the voice belongs to Kevin.]

Nazz: Kev...?

[Nazz opens the door]

Nazz: Kevin?

[Nazz gasps, realizing Kevin had been crying]

Nazz: DUDE! Are you okay?!

Nazz: I could tell you were upset we lost, but this is way more intense than I thought...

Kevin: ...

Kevin: You don't get it. It's not about losing. I had so much riding on this game, Nazz. It was bad enough those dorks had to do what they always do and... and just-

Kevin: [Sniffling] ...I thought if I just showed somebody I could actually lead a team, I'd get taken seriously for once. Somebody would listen to me... I'm so tired of nobody listening to me.

Kevin: I'm never gonna be let onto a high school team...

Kevin: Forget quarterback, that's small city stuff compared to how I'm gonna be a laughingstock to every independent team and scout in the state.

Nazz: Kev, you tried your best! That's all that matters.

Nazz: One game isn't gonna predict your future! Don't get so discouraged... Plus, you're literally so good at sports, of course you'll get into a team!

Kevin: [Scoffs] Easy for you to say when you don't have to deal with the same "Issue" I do for the rest of my life.

Nazz: [Huffs] Everybody is dealing with something, Kev. You can't just pit people's problems against each other to make yourself feel better. Sulking and being a jerk isn't gonna help you, it's only gonna make it harder. Kevin: Why should I have to be better? Why should it be me when I'm the one getting hurt?

Nazz: That's true... But you don't have to act like that to the people who actually care about you, dude. [Nazz and Kevin look at each other] Kevin: ...Yeah... You're right. I'm- Dang, I'm sorry, Nazz. You're only trying to help and I'm acting like a total loser. Sorry I got all agro on ya. Nazz: Aww... It's okay! People make mistakes when they're upset! Let’s just forget about it. [Nazz opens her arms for a hug] Nazz: I'll always be here for you, dude. No matter what.

[zukka-pegged-by-suki]

ok so guys, remember that “my father always says azula was born lucky, i was lucky to be born” line? yeah, now explain to me why tf are we even considering OZAIs words?!?! like some people use this line as an argument against azula when its literally what OZAI SAID?!?!!?!!?!

Zuko’s good and bad luck, as well as Azulas. Was either of them lucky? Let’s see.

Please read all of it before drawing assumptions.

Zuko’s luck:

- has mums care and affection

- has irohs care and affection

- can get away with being a softie as a child, because he may get disregarded and called weak but lets be honest, azula wouldnt have been able to get away with his behavior because she didn’t have firstborn privilege (which is a thing while azulon lived) or mummy’s protection like he did.

before anyone comes at me i’ll expand a bit on the firstborn privilege. as first born he was instantly considered more important by the masses since birth, that might’ve changed later but before neither could bend that much was still a fact. which means azula wouldn’t really have any recognition for anything unless she surpassed him in every way, which is what became her goal especially when ozai became the one who spent more time with her rather than ursa, anyways lets continue.

- constantly receiving second chances; iroh, the gaang minus katara, katara, azula (even if not from the “good” side), ozai (no matter the intentions, this much is true), iroh again, mai, the entire fckng world.

- he had a guide and help throughout his long healing and learning process.

Zuko’s bad luck:

- Unloving father

- Mummy disappears

- Doesn’t train that hard and surprise surprise, is worse than azula. Because if he had really trained hard, he would’ve at least known the formations wether he was able to firebend with them or not, but he was just clearly trying to copycat azula while tripping over because he didn’t have that much experience doing it. This is something no one can change my mind about. How tf did he expect to excel if he didn’t train enough. This wasnt about luck but hard work which he didn’t put in, too busy playing with mum and the little turtleducks. And I do not hate Zuko, I really love him but this is just a fact and he’s too fixed on blaming everyone else for his own mistakes and problems (esp Azula). Like, im sorry to break it out to you honey, but Ozai hates you because he’s an asshole, and that’s his own fault, not Azula’s.

- Scar and exile time, we all know this.

- Ugly haircut because of dishonor

- Finally achieving his goal of regaining his “honor” but realizing it wasn’t what he wanted only when he was already at the Fire Nation palace having all the glory from Aang’s presumed death.

- Katara’s distrust after his betrayal (bc who would’ve expected that to happen /s)

- Getting zapped in an attempt to save Katara.

I mean except for the things related to Ozai, most of this was all consequences from his own actions.

And I’m sorry but I don’t understand the fixation he has with having Ozai’s love. Unlike Azula, he has had his mother’s love and his uncle’s love. He knows what real love looks like and he has never really seen anything that could imply Ozai likes him, while he has Iroh treating him like he’s his actual father.

I’m not invalidating his traumas in any way and terrible things did happen to him, but why is he so obsessed with Ozai and why would he choose him over Iroh, he’s 16 and has been with Iroh since age 13, he was also with Ursa for the majority of his childhood, make it make sense.

Azula’s luck:

- Uh she was born rlly smart i guess

- She had some natural talent and knew to train hard to shape it to perfection, as well as studying a lot about war tactics and shit ig

- Ty Lee and Mai loved her and she loved them back

I mean as far as luck goes, that’s it. Everything else was achieved on her own merit and even if she had no scar, her traumas are just as valid as Zuko’s, neither is worse or better, we do not compare traumas in this house and they were both terrible.

Azula’s bad luck:

- Bad mother (i’ll make a post on why Ursa sucks)

- No second chances

- Mum never said goodbye just like she never said “i love you” lol, except in that one hallucination

- Never has had any real help to heal (i’ll make a post on why the asylum was a trash idea that would’ve never worked)

- Can’t fully trust anyone, not even herself, or will be punished for it

- The only people who loved her, Mai and Ty Lee, “betraying” her (check out my post on that, its under #jinta’s commentary)

- Ozai psychologically abusing her all her life

- Some characters may have been lonely, but she was genuinely absolutely alone. And she knew it.

- Hurt and self-hatred channeled through anger like Zuko did sometimes when he had that shame shave ponytail, but with her, its all the time.

- Even his abuser abandons her

- Everyone hates her but forgives Zuko, Mai and Ty Lee. And it’s so annoying because all Mailee did that Azula didn’t was swap sides almost at the end, if the excuse is that they were being manipulated well Ozai was manipulating Azula so what’s the excuse.

- Is always believed to be lying but usually isn’t (check out my azula always lies post)

- Has a mental breakdown and nobody gives a shit?! Like the first think Zuko thought of was “ooh she’s slipping lemme take advantage of that”

- Has nothing and no one, yay

- Gets thrown into a stupid asylum but not rlly because there are no comics in ba sing se

While Zuko had Ursa and Iroh to protect him and stuff, she was victim of Ozai’s manipulation and psychological abuse all her life.

So when we know Ozai said she was lucky, why tf is anyone taking his word for it??!

Plus when Zuko was born they didn’t know how he would be and Azula didn’t exist so there was no way he could’ve been lucky to be born.

Zuko was very unlucky, but he was also lucky.

Azula was just unlucky.

edit: as bellatrixobsessed1 said, azula had the illusion of luck.

[onebizarrekai]

v3′s art is comically terrible for a professionally distributed game in a series: a compilation

in this not-essay I will list all of the mistakes and problems I have spotted in v3′s art. don’t worry, it’s entirely for fun and I’m doing this on a whim, so please feel free to not take this seriously but also it’s hilarious and embarrassing how ridiculous this is like what happened did they speedrun the whole production or what

see, there are some things you can take as meta like “they made it bad on purpose to allude to the downfall of tv shows that have been on air for much too long” but I have a very strong feeling this is not the case due to the nature of some of these errors

disclaimer, the more I study this art, the more I fear that the artists were underpaid and underslept, so if this is in fact the case, I am so sorry to all of them but also I’m going to make fun of the art anyway

anyway let’s get started!

if you study this image for longer than 5 seconds, you will see that kaede is the only one fully shaded and keebo is literally just his normal sprite pasted into the image. every other character is just an ordinary ref, hence most of them facing the exact same direction with neutral expressions on their faces. it looks like a bad edit, and is probably one of the worst pieces of art in the game. it kind of gets better from here on, but my roasting will not.

with that out of the way, here’s the problem that officially bothers me the most and clarifies my viewpoint of “this is not meta and an actual lack of company communication”

this freaking cg, which seems normal at a glance, but some wiseass was like “oh, kaede is a girl, so obviously she’s going to be shorter than the Male Protagonist™” ah, that’s funny. because if you look at the character bios, kaede is, in fact, one inch taller than shuichi and not like 6 inches shorter as she is shown here.

also shuichi’s shoulder is disproportionate and horrendous and he looks vaguely like a jojo character, but I wasn’t even thinking about that until right now.

thanks guys, 50% of the fandom who has never bothered to check these bios thinks that kaede is like 5′3 (did the developers really put so little thought into her to the point where drawing her correctly in the game didn’t even matter??)

also I would like to point out that, even though this isn’t related to the art itself, yes, a character kaede’s size being only 117 lbs is unfeasible, but this applies to literally every character in danganronpa ever and it’s not new news that it’s unrealistic

update: someone in the tags informed me that in versions of the game that use centimeters, like the japanese version, kaede is actually shorter than shuichi, which just adds another thing to the list of weird decisions the localization team made for no reason. that said, after confirming this, kaede is 167 cm in the original, while shuichi is 171 cm, which are approximately 5′6 and 5′7 respectively, but one inch is still nowhere near as drastic as it is depicted above. (in spite of this, I would rather depict kaede as slightly taller, so I’m probably going to keep doing that.)

the journey continues!

bro if you want kaede to have shoulder length hair then stick to it to begin with

you can pretend this is at an angle all you want but they definitely committed the shorter kaede sin a second time

wait a goddamn second.

DO YOU SEE THIS

no………… it wasn’t kaede who shrank. it was shuichi who got taller

speaking of which, can we talk about how shady the perspective is in this elevator pic? look at shuichi and kokichi in comparison to kaede. kokichi, who is canonically 7 inches (edit: or 5, if you’re loyal to the original) shorter than kaede, looks taller than kaede. he’s growing too. what steroids are these gays taking

running into the room, electric boogaloo: I don’t think tsumugi is supposed to be the same height as kokichi

gonta… gonta you’re lookin a bit like a jojo character there

I love how kaito’s head looks kind of like it was pasted onto his body. why is he the same size as shuichi? shouldn’t he be high school bully size or something? his torso is teensy

ah yes, white angie.

I love this cg but why is shuichi’s right hand so much bigger than his left hand

I also love how this cg looks like they literally took pictures of trees and pasted them into the background, especially on the left. the shadows are so weird, especially closer to the ceiling, it’s difficult for me to believe they didn’t do exactly that.

return of Enlarged shuichi

puberty update: kokichi is now taller than shuichi in spite of shuichi never missing leg day. what crimes will he commit

I have to mention it, guys. this has to be one of the worst danganronpa cgs. kokichi’s facial proportions look atrocious. look at the way his face sticks out like his jaw is in the wrong place. his scarf is a pasted texture. that’s it. this moment was so iconic but the cg just looks so… so… off. like something is terribly wrong, but you can’t put your finger on it.

you know what? let’s get into that ‘pasted texture’ thing.

let’s imagine you’re an artist working on a professional game. you’re assigned to draw cgs of kokichi ouma, who has a checkered scarf from hell. sure, it will be terrible to draw, but you only have to draw it once at a time! plus, perspective is pretty important, right? can you be bothered? nah, actually. let’s just copy paste a checkered pattern into the cg, because I’m sure nobody will notice. it’ll blend right in with the other cgs that someone actually put effort into drawing his scarf in, right?

no. the answer is no and I very much noticed. this genuinely looks terrible and I would understand taking a shortcut like that in fanart or even an indie game but this is a full price pc and console distributed game

(an addition: look at kokichi’s TINY HANDS in that last one)

meanwhile, they straight up forgot to color in kokichi’s scarf in this cg.

dude. I forgot about whatever the hell this cg was. anyway look at keebo please just look at him

lovin kaito’s baby arms

real talk, maybe you could argue that he’s missing muscle because he’s deathly sick, but most of his cgs don’t line up with this, and his arms just look disproportionate to his torso size (granted this is a consistent problem across all danganronpa games and a lot of characters have this weird problem, like hajime, but also kaito is bigger than hajime so I kind of have higher expectations of him) maybe it’s his stupid goatee and the way he reminds me of yasuhiro?? it creates this illusion that he’s older than he is and so I keep expecting him to look more like an adult

oh, also rantaro is missing some of his accessories in that video he made–you know the one–but I don’t wanna go back and screenshot it

also you may have noticed that I’m skipping all of the monokub cgs because I literally do not care about them and I’m not even bothering to check and see if they have artistic mistakes in them

JIMMY NEUTRON???

hey um uh kaito you seem to be missing your neck

hey guys do you like my pregame fanart

so, that done, the sprites are also pretty terrible at times. they’re not as interesting to go through, however, and downloading the full sprite sets for every character and studying every single one of them will drive me insane, so I’ll just sum some of the ones I noticed up. I made things for kaede and shuichi before deciding I wasn’t going to get into it, so here are these.

that said, other mistakes include kokichi missing his purple highlights in all of the sprites encompassing a specific pose, stray pixels all over the place on everyone, and everyone also has heavily inconsistent shading, but literally all I think about is how pregame shuichi is unshaded and two of kaede’s pregame sprites have glaring outfit change mistakes in them

anyway, thank you for taking the time to read my ridiculous ramble. in all seriousness, there’s this looming presence of some lack of communication in the development team, like with all the art and design inconsistencies, pieces and sprites that look rushed, stray pixels, and missing basic proportional stuff. these are the kinds of things that you supposedly have to pretty much have in the bag in order to get jobs in professional businesses, so it’s really weird to me that this game suffers from so many of these problems. it’s like they tried to make the art so much more crisp than the other games, but it fell on its face as they realized it was going to take longer to draw everything and they started to rush. it’s weird, because the coloring itself looks normal–it’s just sloppily drawn, and the proportions are a mess once put into the context of perspective. many of the cgs look like they were drawn by different people, and I’m still not over the fact that half of kokichi’s cgs have his scarf pasted in as a texture.

the moral of the story is that if you’re selling a game at full price that also happens to be in a series that has had 3 very good games in it already the stakes should probably be higher than this. v3 has been out for more than 3 years and it’s still $40 (did it cost more than that before? I sure hope not), and the overarching quality of the game is just not as high as the other games. I’m not saying that the other games don’t have any problems with their art at all, they’re just not as glaringly obvious and every artistic choice in those games feels intentional.

regardless, I had a blast roasting the art at 2am, so maybe you got a kick out of all this chaos.

[lucky-katebishop]

I spent a month reading harry potter fanfics and here’s what I learned

So for the past three and a half weeks, I’ve been doing basically nothing but reading Harry Potter fanfics and now I kind of just want to talk about them. No one cares but future me will! I tend to get caught in obsessions fairly easily (for instance, two months ago was comic books and last month was video editing and then k dramas). I’m feeling like my Harry Potter obsession is fading which makes me really sad cause it was a fun ride. I went from Drarry to Hinny, time travel to alternate realities, obscuris Harry to Dark!Harry, MCU AUs to Doctor Who AUs. I must’ve read more than 50 fics.

I’ve learned that I hate Dumbledore

Snape makes for a great mentor but I will only like him with proper character development

also where did Snape being Draco’s godfather come from? I don’t think this was in the books? I’m not angry, just confused

I read a fic that was so sad that I was physically unable to finish reading it -- actually I read two of those, one of them was a DID fic and the other Voldemort adopted Harry

the Voldemort one is quite possibly the most tragic thing I have ever read and even though it’s been two weeks I still haven’t been able to recover -- I was only halfway finished too GOOD LORD

another fic I read that was so fucking depressing was a time loop situation where Harry literally couldn’t get out of and it ended tragically

obscuris Harry is interesting but I really only like the ones where Newt is actually involved but I couldn’t find any finished ones

I don’t like it when Harry’s appearance changes, it throws me for a loop

there was this one where Harry got sent back in time and his figure got disfigured and so he didn’t even appear like himself anymore

I just find it odd for Harry Potter not to look like Harry Potter, idk

I also have a headcanon that his hair is very curly rather than shaggy

I haven’t been able to find a fic where Harry goes back in time to the Marauders era and has the right amount of angst but the right amount of fluff

I’ve read some good ones where the Marauders travel to Harry’s time but like,,, it isn’t quite what I’m looking for? I’m gonna have to write it, aren’t I? 

this doesn’t happen with irondad fics, literally everything you’ve ever wanted you can find it there

I read one where Harry did go back in time but she (fem!Harry) didn’t really interact with her parents or the Marauders that much, she became friends with Regulus instead

Regulus should’ve been in Gryffindor

I’ve not only read fics where Draco has been a Ravenclaw, Slytherin, but also a Gryffindor. I haven’t found one where he’s in Hufflepuff

I’ve read fics where Harry’s in every single house - the Ravenclaw one might be my favorite so far, it had to do with him going to a different timeline where there’s another Harry and he’s a major dick

Hufflepuff Harry one was funny, but it got distressing cause Dumbledore didn’t trust him and tried to get him expelled

actually the Hufflepuff one made my heart hurt cause Harry was put in the body of a Harry who isn’t the boy who lived and barely spoke and was basically like an even more traumatized Neville

Slytherin Harry is everything to me and he should’ve been in Slytherin

Ravenclaw Draco is something that can be so personal

I’m tired of reading Year One fics, I get it, there’s a stone, let’s move on

Year Four fics are my favorite however, there was one (which is my favorite) where Harry’s a necromancer and in the graveyard scene he calls corpses from the graves alive to help him get out of there it was so cool

I am partial to Harry/Draco but Harry/Luna is cute

there was a Pokemon Harry/Luna one that’s adorable and I’ve read it twice already

I like when there’s a ton of lore involved

especially Hogwarts lessons - like ancient runes can fucking get it, I love runes fics

there was an MCU AU one where I read Harry didn’t have his magic anymore, not as potent as it was, but he did have ancient runes

LISTEN I tried to get into Dark!Harry but after that Voldemort adoption one I can’t do it anymore, I will start crying literally right now -- he just wants to be fucking useful! He just wants to be loved! Is that too much to fucking ask for? 

however Harry doing dark!magic but isn’t actually on the dark side is cool

Death Eater Spy Draco! It makes me distressed but also I am so here for it!

Jenkins if you’re out there I love you (if you get this reference I love you)

I read a ton of Avengers adopt Harry when he’s younger but I don’t care for younger Harry fics, I prefer when he’s a teenager and I don’t have to read the first few years at Hogwarts, it can get repetitive

Give me all the angst with Harry being a horcrux please, I’m living for the drama

Lily is not a fan favorite weirdly enough, when the Marauders are in fics she’s usually not there which is unfortunate because I just really want a good Harry/Lily bonding moment

one of the saddest fics I read was where harry, luna, hermione and neville find themselves in an alternate dimension where Lily and Remus are married and alive, James is a dick but has other kids, and every single person that had died in their world is alive

I don’t like it when there’s Ron bashing, he’s one of my favorites, but if I have to, I’ll read some of them

there was this Sherlock fic (listen, I went in fucking deep, it’s been a weird month) where fem!Harry is on the run from the Ministry because I don’t actually understand and Ron and everyone is out for blood for her

Eleventh Doctor/Harry is a pairing I was not aware of but I actually kind of love?

Master of Death Harry is fucking OP and I love him for that

mcu aus is something I never knew I needed

Holly Potter and the Midlife Crisis is fucking everything

So is On Punching Gods and Absentee Dads, I realized it was the same author when I read in the author notes that the author was going to some volcano convention thing and I was like this is way too niche for it to be a coincidence

I’ve read Tony is Harry’s dad, Loki is Harry’s dad, Harry is just weird friends with Thor, ones where Natasha is Harry’s aunt

listen everyone is related to this boy

I will not read a fic if it doesn’t involve Harry, he’s my boy, he’s my love, I care only about him and him only I’m so sorry

you know that meme where people say nobody’s favorite character is harry potter, the titular character? Well meet me! He’s my favorite!

in battle of hogwarts fics, Remus almost always dies. Why is that? Why do you guys hate him so much? It’s always half and half for Fred, I never know if he’s going to live or not

In all of the good fics I’ve read I saw in the collections area of ao3 the same collection and I was like! You get me! 

if it says Gammily’s Bookshelf on the fic, it’s gonna be a really fucking great fic let me just tell you that right now

Parseltongue gets me so riled up, I fucking love Parseltongue, it’s so cool

there’s a reason I usually filter out non/c*n but I decided to let it flow and I ran into a few that fucking d e s t r o y e d me why do you guys read shit like this, it broke my heart

that being said I read one that was really nuanced and actually really good but it’ll never be finished and I’m very mad about that

Either we have a better understanding of how goblins could be utilized  than JKR or we’re just ignorant of how powerful they can be

weird coincidence that I’ve read two completely different fics where Harry thought having a threesome meant kissing three different people

Dumbledore’s a bitch and I hate him, every fic I’ve read so far agrees with me

there is a person out there that is CARRYING the bucky barnes/harry potter pairing on their back and I hope whoever that is knows how much I appreciate them

remind me never to click on a fic that hasn’t been updated since 2015 ever again, C’est La Vie I will miss you so

this is just a fucking quarter of the harry potter fics I’ve read but thanks for reading if you did, let me know if you want to know some of the titles

[bigskydreaming]

Doing some writing today off and on between errands and work, and jumping around various Kings of the Sky installments, specifically Dick, Jason and Cass stuff, so probably gonna post snippets from a bunch of them as I go. 

(Kings of the Sky is an AU that goes canon divergent from the point of Jason calling Dick for advice for dealing with Bruce after the Garzonas case and where things end up going dramatically different from that point on. Including Jason not dying, being part of his own lineup of Titans between Dick and Tim’s, Dick being adopted not long after the Church of Blood incident, Cass being the third Wayne kid to be taken in and adopted and with Tim and Duke being next and then Damian coming along later once they find out about him. This is basically my ‘the family’s alright’ AU with largely ‘Good Dad Bruce’ except for Dick and then Jason yelling some sense into him about the other, respectively, in the first two installments, just FYI).

Anyway, this bit is from a story called “In Their Shadows Grow Trees Of Good and Evil,” set about a year after Cass has been adopted, when she and Jason are both sixteen and Dick’s twenty-one. Also just FYI, because canon has never been specific about what ways Cass is neurodivergent due to the comic-book style ‘rewiring’ of her brain so that she could learn to speak later in life, I tend to go with her being dyslexic and having aphasia. She sticks exclusively to sign language and being a silent presence in her costumed personas, so that there’s no chance of people connecting the dots between Black Bat and Cassandra Wayne, as she mostly speaks verbally in her civilian persona and doesn’t hide her aphasia. The reason there’s not likely to be any obvious signs of aphasia in the snippets of her I post is because I wait until I complete something to choose words at random to replace with aphasia-born mixups, so its more realistic and I’m not gearing her dialogue towards deliberately placed moments. Just in case you were wondering.

In Their Shadows Grow Trees of Good and Evil

“Hey Todd,” sneered an exquisitely obnoxious voice. “Why’s your sister so fucking weird?”

Jason sighed the sigh of a soul a mere century into its eternity of damnation as he rose from the lunch table he’d been studying at and crammed the rest of his books into his backpack. Then he pasted a cheerfully bland smile on his face and turned around, geared for academia warfare (teenage prep school edition).

“Hey Craig,” he said brightly. “Why’d you come out of the womb so ugly your parents had to tie a piece of steak around your neck just to get the family dog to go near you? Mysteries abound.”

The advancing junior slowed a step, momentarily rocked by his truly impressive return volley. The grimace Craig’s already gargoyle-esque features twisted into made his face even more unpleasant to look at than usual, which was quite the feat. Jason would have applauded if just looking at it hadn’t already turned him to stone.

But the bargain basement basilisk kept on towards him rather than turn tail and skulk off to pop his emotional blisters, so Jason sighed a sequel to his first one. Looked like it was one of those days where Craig felt up to powering through. Guess someone had eaten their self-esteem Wheaties that morning. Joy.

“You think you’re pretty hot shit, don’t you, Todd?”

Jason shrugged. “I mean, to be honest I kinda have a one track mind, so right now I’m mostly just thinking about punching you in your mistake.”

“My what?”

“Your face,” Jason elaborated with exaggerated patience.

“Huh?”

“Oh my god, I’m saying your face is a mistake. See, its not as fun when I have to stop and explain it to you. Ugh, you ruin everything.”

He neatly sidestepped the older boy as R2-Dumbass stayed frozen, smoke coming off of his internal CPU while trying to catch up. For a second Jason thought he was home free, but then he remembered the universe fucking hated him so haha, sucks to suck. Also, a small crowd had gathered to witness the verbal jousting match, and nothing invigorated an asshole like Craig more than an audience of like-minded peers. So there was that too.

“Whatever. Laugh it up all you want, you little shit,” the junior rallied. “But just remember, mocking your betters will never change the fact that you were born street trash and you’ll be street trash until the day you die.”

Honestly? Not his best effort. Jason almost felt bad using any of his good material. Seemed like overkill at this point. But he did have a strict Scorched Earth policy to maintain, so.....

“Yeah but my dad could buy out and ruin your dad so that means I still win, right?”

He smirked as the barb landed and Craig’s face set into a sunset vista of strangled purple and furious red. Bam. Direct hit.

“Listen, you - “

“Oh for fuck’s sake, it was rhetorical,” Jason interrupted. “I don’t actually care what you think even a little bit. Nobody does. You don’t matter. Please go be irrelevant elsewhere, you’re fucking dismissed, you loser.”

“Speak for yourself, charity case.” Oh goodie, Craig’s backup singers had finally arrived. Now if only he could remember to care enough to learn their names in the first place. Seriously, who told the extras they could have lines? “All the jokes in the world can’t change who and what you are.”

Jason shrugged and continued nonchalantly up the hill to where his sister was standing with arms crossed, staring down at something on the other side.

“True genius is never appreciated in its own time,” he tossed back over his shoulder. “I’m sure I’ll be immortalized in song eventually.”

The mob of morons deigned to let him go without further incident. Though he suspected that had less to do with his scathing wit and more to do with him being headed towards Cass. She was immaculately presented as always, wearing the Gotham Academy uniform like she was born to it despite hating its uncomfortable stiffness every bit as much as he did. But that was just Cass for you. 

For all that she still struggled at times to engage verbally or speak up in social settings, her mastery of body language remained without peer. She could chameleon-camouflage her way into matching poise and posture with anyone - a skill that had allowed her to walk into school on her very first day with her head held high as though she owned everything in her sight. Exuding so much Queen Bee Intimidation Factor even the other hive queens were afraid to approach her  themselves. Sending forth their drones to try and woo her into an alliance, only to see her remain oh-so-casually above it all, a slightly contemptuous smile adorning her lips.

Basically, she scared the shit out of their classmates without them having anywhere close to a true understanding of why, and Jason was outrageously jealous. Rude. Unfair. Why did his siblings always get all the cool toys when all he had was his rakish charm, scintillating intellect and debonair.....nah, who was he kidding. He was fucking awesome. 

“Sup, sis,” he said, cresting the hill to stand beside Cass. “Just FYI, I just took a popularity bullet for you, which means you owe me your dessert tonight. Its a family rule that’s totally a real thing and definitely not something I just made up right now because Alf is making chocolate soufflé.”

She made no acknowledgment and remained stock still, a Colossus at Rhodes peering down into the shifting shadows of the parking lot below.

He peered down as well, though with absolutely no idea what they were looking at. Solidarity, yo.

“So are we staring fixedly at anything in particular, or should I just pick my own spot and commit?”

His humor was totally wasted on her as always. Instead of laughing and telling him what a lovable goof he was, she just inclined her head in the direction of a blonde girl where she was standing next to the driver’s side door of a Mercedes-Benz, dictating final commandments to her peons before departing. Well, probably. Jason was just guessing, based on his own body language reads, and like, general disdain for literally everyone at this school that wasn’t related to him.

He made a face. An extra special one reserved just for this classmate in particular. “Ugh, Madison Dunleavy? She’s the worst.”

Cass raised a cool eyebrow. “I thought Craig Hendricks was the worst.”

“He is. They’re both the worst. Its a hotly contested position here at Gotham Academy.”

She rolled her eyes and nodded back down at the Queen of Air and Darkness. “So. You know her?”

“Nope,” Jason said. “Come to think of it, I’ve actually never seen her in my life. No idea who that is. Can’t help you, sorry. Shall we go home?”

The Eyebrow of Inquisition speared him with clear intent. Who the fuck needed words when you could pack the Encyclopedia Britannica into a single facial expression?

Jason sighed gustily. 

“I had a slight altercation with her freshman year that led to her declaring her undying enmity for me until the end of time. The word nemesis may or may not have been thrown around once or twice. I can’t recall.”

The Eyebrow of Inquisition lowered nary an inch. Ugh, she wanted more? Why did everyone in his family hate privacy, with the obvious exclusion of himself when snooping through Cass and Dick’s rooms for blackmail material, which was actually intel-gathering and thus another matter entirely.

“Okay so basically what happened was my first week here I overheard her talking shit about me and not even twenty minutes later she was pretending to kiss my ass in homeroom, like probably because of Bruce, y’know? So I just busted out laughing and told her to fuck off and die and she has inexplicably loathed me ever since.”

Avoiding further Eyebrow Inquisition-ing, he made a show of peering around aimlessly. When the silence extended and it was clear Cass was absolutely not going to break first, Jason waved a hand in dismissal and took to peering oh so casually at his fingernails. "I suppose I was less tactful back in those days.”

He chanced a look up, finally, and saw his sister’s eyebrow had somehow managed to mighty morphin power ranger its way into a configuration evoking both judgment and disbelief, with the latter perhaps aimed at the idea he was significantly differing in the tact department these days either.

“I don’t love the implications your face is making right now,” he told her.

She ignored him, because of course she did. 

“Does she know Dick?” She asked instead. Jason shrugged.

“I mean, maybe? She’s probably seen him around at one of those stupid galas we have to go to, and actually I think maybe she has an older brother who was either in Dick’s grade or like, one above or below it? I don’t know.”

Now both eyebrows were doing the dance of disbelief. Okay, so maybe that was poor situational awareness on his part, since it wasn’t like Gotham Academy was a big school with a ton of other kids and also he’d only been in the same class as Madison for like over two whole years, but whatever. There were extingent circumstances.

“Look, she’s a total snob who’s always looked down on me and in return I willfully ignore both her existence and that of everyone and everything even tangentially related to her. Its called equality, Cass.”

She pursed her lips and went back to the peering, because of course in the mind of Cass it made total sense that the Grand Inquisition didn’t need to be followed up by any explanation on her part, what the hell. Like was he supposed to have inferred it?

“What’s this all about anyway?”

“I heard her talking about Dick earlier,” she said without peeling her eyes away from her personal recon mission. “I don’t know what she said though, I just heard her say Grayson, and then I was busy looking at what her body was saying. I know it was about Dick because she shut down when she saw me. And I didn’t like the way she....looked....before that happened. The way she was talking. It was.....”

Jason frowned but held back any follow-up questions while he waited - with total patience because he wasn’t an absolute cad, thank you very much - for his sister to find the word she was hunting for. It was a major source of frustration for her, that whatever neural map her brain followed put body language and spoken language in totally different regions of her brain, separated by a fairly great divide. Meaning she usually had to make a conscious choice to focus on body language or conventional languages - whether verbal or sign. But it tended to be one or the other; she’d yet to master taking in and comprehending both forms of ‘language’ at the same time. And none of them had quite figured out how to convince her that she wasn’t actually missing anything when she chose to focus on one specific form of communication - that she was still observing far more than most people ever would.

“Proprietary,” Cass settled on at last. She nodded her satisfaction with her choice of word, and Jason waited a whole two point five seconds before sticking  his whole foot in his mouth.

“Proprietary?” He asked with a scrunched nose as he weighed that for possible context and implications. “You sure?”

She glared. He winced. It was a whole thing.

“Yeah, I know, sorry, sorry, I heard it the second it was out of my mouth. We don’t actually have to experiment with the legitimacy of if looks could kill.”

Cass rolled her eyes, but eh. That could’ve gone worse.

Jason swiftly redirected attention anyway. Discretion is the better part of valor, after all.

“So. The Queen of Air and Darkness was talking about our big bro, and her mood was.....proprietary, huh?” He recapped while digesting the info like a boss. “Well. Definitely not loving that, I gotta say. Hold please.”

Pulling out his phone and pulling up his most recent texts, he began typing furiously.

“What are you doing?” Cass asked.

“Texting Tom,” he replied, because duh. Hah, now it was his chance to have the answers that should be patently obvious and thus make with the ‘are you kidding me’ when she asked obvious questions she should know the answer to! How do you like them apples, sis?

“Why are you texting your boyfriend right now?”

Jason rolled his eyes, because fair is fair, but never ceased texting for a moment. Time was of the essence here, probably. Well, maybe. Okay probably not. But it’d still been like half an hour since he and Tom had last texted and that’s a very fucking long time in teenage years.

“To be our getaway driver tonight, obviously.”

She stared at him. He didn’t look up, but he could feel it anyway. He was very intuitive like that.

“What?”

Jason heaved another sigh, one keyed to tones of ‘oh my god, do I really have to spell this out,” exasperation. He was just racking up the bonus points here. It was really too bad this wasn’t an actual competition he could actually win and this was all just pettiness taking place wholly in his own head. Lame. 

“Well, clearly we now have to go snoop in Madison’s house aka lair to see if its actually a house or a full on lair. Because she’s either a creeper or like, legit evil, and its important to know which one before we proceed, because obviously we can only bust her for being a weird creeper about our brother as Jason and Cass, whereas if she’s legit evil, that’s gotta go down as Robin and Black Bat. I’ll handle the snooping, you’ll take look-out, but we still need a wheelman and that’s why I’m texting Tom. This is all very mission-oriented, okay. I’m a professional.”

“Right,” she affirmed, while sounding anything but convinced. “Why don’t we just tell Bruce?”

Without looking up or breaking stride, he said: “I’m going to give you til I finish typing this sentence to figure out what was wrong with what you just said. Remember that we are talking about hypothetical danger to our brother, and also Bruce’s idea of a proportionate response to any of his children being in even hypothetical danger. And also our brother’s idea of a proportionate response to Bruce’s idea of a proportionate response. Look, you’re still new so I’m gonna need you to just trust me on this one. Its gonna be a no on telling Bruce without further intel.”

Cass said nothing in response to that, which meant that she was conceding the point and recognized the wisdom of his words. Or maybe that she was just gonna go ahead and do what she wanted anyway and just wasn’t bothering to fight about it, but it was probably that first thing.

“Well you better not just make out with your boyfriend all night,” is what she said at last, and that got his attention reeeeeal quick like.

“Umm. Wow. Okay. So, first off, you’re not the boss of me and who I make out with and when, so jot that down. And second, now I’m definitely going to make out with my boyfriend extra hard, with the exception of when we are actually on our recon mission because as previously established, I am a professional. And also, again, you’re not the boss of me.”

Jason ignored her Eye Roll With Extra Emphasis, and instead just held up his phone to Text With Extra Emphasis, as he read along with what he was typing.

“By the way babe, we have to make out extra hard tonight,” he said, tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth while he dragged out his dictation with the kind of focus that usually led to Bruce asking why he couldn’t apply as much intensity to training as he did to pettiness. “Cass has suddenly decided she can dictate terms to me and I need to shut that shit down ASAP, so thank you in advance for your assistance in this matter. Smoochies and other gay stuff to the best boyfriend ever.”

Jason frowned as a response pinged back seconds later. 

TheCatsMeow: ....the things I put up with for the sake of your weird family dynamics.

TheOnlyRobinThatRocks: Yeah, yeah. You’re a saint among were-panthers. Must you mock? Why can’t you just tell me I’m pretty instead?

TheCatsMeow: Sorry. Let me try again. OMG you’re so pretty Jase how did I get so lucky xoxo.

TheOnlyRobinThatRocks: No. Its too late. It feels forced and unbelievable now. You’ve ruined it forever.

TheCatsMeow: Got it. From now on I will only tell you that you’re repulsive and hideous.

TheOnlyRobinThatRocks: I’m breaking up with you.

TheCatsMeow: But after I help you with your mission tonight.

TheOnlyRobinThatRocks: Obvsly. I’m a professional. Why do people keep forgetting this?

TheCatsMeow: And also the making out to spite your sister.

TheOnlyRobinThatRocks: Yeah we should do that first too. I mean we already penciled it in.

[pfreadsandwrites]

九つの命/9 Lives Translation

Hi!! So, @foxy-and-tales asked me to tell her what was going on in the comic mentioned in this post. After skimming through it, I thought it'd be good practice - and it'd be easier to answer her question - if I just went through it and told her what it all meant. I realised by that point I was doing a translation, and since I was going to the trouble anyway, I thought I'd post it publicly.

So, the full comic is here. It's basically a comic that has 7 little stories about Kakashi's ninja hounds and their lives with Kakashi. It's an adorable, heartfelt story and I absolutely love the personalities that the artist gave all the ninja hounds and the depictions of their relationships with Kakashi.

My translation will be this post, follow it as a script. I don't have the skill or knowledge to edit and typeset and change the images myself - and I wouldn't do that anyway, as it would involve reposting the art and changing it without the artist's consent. But I do think that not referring to the pictures as you're reading through the script really harms how sweet this story is, so if you can go through the comic slowly whilst referring to my (amateur) translation of it, I hope you can get a glimpse of that!

WARNINGS: There is a depiction of an already dead dog in part 4 😢, and some (human!) male partial nudity in part 6 (😉)

Tagging: @scaredlittlefoxy @lemony-snickers @backalleykat @whatshernameis @gwedosuns @topsyturvy-dream @ice-icebaby @cosmiclattes

This is also the artist’s note that follows after the comic, that I’m putting here:

(Artist’s note translation)

"This is a story about the daily life of Kakashi and the eight ninken.

The ninja dogs’ personalities etc mightn’t be faithful to the source material.

The dogs live free range in Kakashi’s house.

There is an illustration of a dog dying, though it isn’t any of the ninken. Please take note.

You don’t have to read it, but below this are the dogs’ personalities:

Shiba: Friendly and sensitive

Biscuit: Childish and Selfish

Akino: Calm and cool demeanour

Bull: Timid and Quiet

Urushi: Ladykiller. A little bit dim. (Note: Himbo!)

Guruko: Annoyingly helpful and naggy

Uhei: Pure-hearted and cheerful

Pakkun: Same as in the series"

Some notes and then onwards into the translation under the cut:

Please take heed before continuing:

I’m not a professional translator, in fact I’ve done very little of this, so there’s some guesswork and liberties taken, and I don't claim that that there’ll be no mistakes.

I’ve separated it out by sections and pages, so you should be able to follow the story from following the speech bubbles (right to left) and referencing the lines here by speaker

Each space between a line denotes that it’s the next speech bubble

A new line but no change in speaker will denote that it’s the same character talking, but in the next panel or speech bubble

Italics means the character is thinking or flashbacks. I'll try and make this obvious as I go but the artwork should make that clear too.

Brackets are my additions, or me translating things like signs etc, or brackets will have smaller background dialogue not in speech bubbles. I'll try to make this clear as I go.

Stuff surrounded by * denotes actions or onomatopoeic actions/words in panels

Ask me if there’s any parts that confuse you about the story!! The way I’ve done this isn’t easy to follow but it's the best my dumb brain could come up with

TRANSLATION:

Title page

(p.1)

ここのつのいのち

9 Lives

(p.2)

1. ‘I won’t tell anyone’

(SFX: dogs playing and wagging tails)

Kakashi: Hm? You’re not gonna play, Shiba?

Shiba: …No. …Hey, Kakashi’

Kakashi: Hm? What?’

Shiba: There’s a girl I like’

Kakashi: Ohhh… I won’t tell anybody.

I won’t tell ~ I won’t tell ~

(p. 3)

Shiba: She’s really cute…

Kakashi: That’s great ~

Shiba: But I haven’t even spoken to her once

Kakashi: You should go for it ~

(SFX: *happy dog panting*)

Shiba: I’ll come back as soon as I’ve talked to her!’

Kakashi: Yep!

Shiba: I’ll be right back, definitely!

Kakashi: Ok, ok (lit. Yes yes)

(p.4)

Shiba: She’s already got someone (lit. she’s already in a couple/has a mate)

Kakashi: I see…

Shiba: She said her mate hurt his leg and can’t walk so he's staying at home…

(p.5)

Kakashi: Shiba, you know.. have feet that can walk anywhere…

So maybe you’ll meet an amazing girl again, won’t you?

(*dog cries*)

Kakashi: ...I won’t tell anyone. (*Comforting doggy*)

I won’t say anything. I won’t say anything.

(Kakashi: Aw, Shiba is pretty sweet to me, huh?)

2. Biscuit’s Sausage (note: I know his name is technically Bisuke in Japanese, but Biscuit is his dub name and it’s too adorable so that’s what I’m going with here! Also suits the personality he has in this story. What a biscuithead this boy is)

(p.6)

Biscuit: -You’re so sneaky, Kakashi! I wanted to eat sausages!

*crying dog noises*

(Uhei: Sorry, Kakashi…

Guruko: I told you!!)

Kakashi: You know if you eat sausages, Biscuit, your tummy will get sick, right? I’m boiling cod for you right now

(*tantrum noises, pounding feet and barking*)

Biscuit: *angry puppy noises* I hate fish, you idiot! I said I want to eat sausages! Sausages! Sausages!

Kakashi: *sternly* Biscuit

Biscuit: *whimper*

(p.7)

Biscuit: Kakashi, you IDIOT!

(2. Biscuit’s Sausage)

Biscuit: *sniff*

(Sign says Konoha Pet Food)

Biscuit: This is the store that sells the dog food Kakashi buys! Wow, maybe they have sausages here too!

(p.8)

Biscuit: I wonder if I'll be able to eat as much as I want… *gulp*

But if I did that, Kakashi would get in trouble

No, maybe…

*heart pounding*

Kakashi kept it (this) a secret just from me, because I'll get sick...

(Apron says Konoha Pet Food)

Shop Lady: *shuffles*

Biscuit: I didn't do anything yet!!! * heart pounding*

Shop Lady: Oh my… you really just talked!

Shop lady: You’re Kakashi’s pup, aren’t you?

(p.9)

Shop lady: Kakashi got you to come here, huh?

(Shop lady: you’re a good boy!)

Bisuke: Oh, no-

Shop lady: Though, he shouldn't have made you come pick it up without contacting us, huh? Here, sausages!

Biscuit: Sausages?!

Shop lady: There’s a pup among you guys that can’t have normal sausages, right?

It was a request from Kakashi.

He said he wanted me to make some especially for the puppy who can’t handle meat.

(p.10)

Shop lady: Well, here you go!! You’ll tell Kakashi we’re sorry for making him wait, won’t you?

Biscuit: Oh, um… But I don’t have any money…

Shop lady: It’s fine, because it’s Kakashi!

Whenever he has free time, he comes to pay.

I have a deal with him, you see. And he can't get the food if he's not here...

Next time, come together with Kakashi, okay?

(p. 11)

Kakashi: *casually picks up Bisuke* Thank you! This is for you ~

Shop lady: Thank you, come again!

Biscuit: Kakashi…

Kakashi: Hm?

Biscuit: Sorry…

Kakashi: Yeah…

I’m sorry too. I gave everyone else sausages while keeping it a secret from you.

I thought you’d definitely want some if you saw…

(Kakashi: But I got caught.)

(p. 12)

Kakashi: But…. Everyone’ll want some if they see this, too.

How about stopping by the park and eating it there?

We’ll keep it a secret from everyone 😊

Bisuke: *happy face licking and barking* When we get home, I’ll eat the cod too!!

Kakashi: Uhh… Well, Uhei and Guruko already ate it…

Bisuke: WHAT?!!!

(Flashback, Uhei and Guruko saying ‘Cod! Me too!! Me too! I want to eat some too!’)

3. Kakashi’s smile

(p. 13)

*paws thudding on ground/running away*

Kakashi: …Got you.

Akino: Ack!

It’s always only me that you brush so roughly, Kakashi!

Kakashi: It can’t be helped, can it? You have the thickest fur, Akino

*brushing softly* It’ll be over soon, it’ll be over soon…

Other doggies: That seems nice to me, Akino…

Kakashi: Hey, it’s falling out, it’s falling out ~

Akino: !!!

Kakashi: Look, it’s a mini Akino!! So much fur…

Akino: That’s too much hair off the bottom, Kakashi! Wha…

(p. 14)

*Kakashi continuing to laugh at his mini Akino*

Akino: There are times now where Kakashi summons us, even if he doesn’t have any business for us to take care of…

(Back then) he never ever summoned us outside of missions…

(p. 15)

Akino: He was doing all kinds of things, but he was the kind of person who never had a smile on his face…

Kakashi: If I had more time, I could make an even hairier one, you know

(Other dogs: *laughing* Akino: That’s a lie!)

Akino: Kakashi…. You're having fun?

Kakashi: *genuine smile* Yep, I am!

Akino: *smile* If you feel like it, you can keep going…

Kakashi: Oh?

(Later, Akino notices Kakashi has put sunglasses on the mini Akino)

4. Timid Bull (CW Animal Death)

(p. 16)

Bull: I’m the last ninja hound that came to Kakashi’s home.

Before that, I was living in a training centre for ninja hounds.

(4. Timid Bull)

The dogs I lived together with there… were all adopted when they were puppies.

But I still lived at the training centre, even as I became fully grown.

Ninja Hey, that dog looks tough, doesn’t he?

Centre manager: Yes, but… he’s not all that suited for battling…

Despite how he looks, he’s actually a timid dog.

Bull: I… I’m scared of insects. I’m scared of noises.

I’m scared of blood.

Centre manager: Because he can understand the stories of troubled humans, you see…

Bull: I’m scared of anything other than myself.

(p. 17)

Bull: Nobody would want a dog like me, right?

Kakashi: I found a good boy ~

Bull: *panicking* There’s no manager here!

Kakashi: Hello ~

Bull: …Hello… *heart pounding*

Kakashi: Ah, one that talks, huh…

Would you like to become one of my pups?

(p. 18)

Bull: Me…? Me, really? Quit it… That’s enough joking around.

Kakashi: What do you mean?

Bull: No-one wants me (😢)

Kakashi: No-one?

I want you, though.

Bull: What kind of a strange person would want me, I thought

(p. 19)

Bull: There were lots of dogs at Kakashi’s house

(Happy barking doggy noises)

Uhei: Woah, you’re huge! But among these guys, I have the fastest legs, you know!!!

Guruko: And I have the best nose!!

Biscuit: And I’m whiny!! (Note: lit. ‘I’m selfish!’)

Shiba: I have the sharpest bite!

Pakkun: I am the wisest. (Note: Pakkun I think uses Kansai-dialect Japanese lol so he sounds kinda... distinct. This is hard to convey for me lol)

Urushi: I’m popular with the ladies ;)

(Akino: I’m the fluffiest!)

Bull: I was so confused

You… you’re not scared of me?

I’m huge, and I have a scary face… So no one comes near me.

They all said they weren’t scared.

The reason, they said together, was…

(p. 20)

‘Because Kakashi brought you, Bull!’

Everyone was totally relaxed, as if they had no worries at all.

They all clung to me as if it was completely natural to do so.

I realised that there’d always be someone beside me.

(p. 21)

*sounds of paws scuffling against ground in first two panels*

*jumping to the ground noise in third panel*

Kakashi: …Bull, this way is a dead end.

Bull: …Sorry.

I couldn’t go back to where you were, and I thought so, but -

(p.22)

Bull: *looking at dog* He asked me to stay by his side.

…He was an enemy, but he was already dying.

That’s why, Kakashi….

Kakashi: …Yep.

Let’s give him a send-off together.

(Note: this was a tricky one because Kakashi says 送る, which means send, and is used with mail etc, but can mean to say farewells to the deceased, which is why Bull comments on it on the next page)

(p. 23)

Bull: He wanted to say ‘I want to bury him’

But Kakashi said ‘send-off’.

Lightly, as if his life force was still there

There… there are a lot of things that scare me.

When I was waiting for this dog, I was scared.

But I couldn’t refuse his request.

(p. 24)

Bull: …I’m spineless.

Kakashi: Everyone else has lots of things they’re scared of, you know.

That’s why they all stay by your side, Bull.

If you’re there, everything will be alright. That’s how everyone feels.

If you’re close by, everyone’s able to feel safe.

(p. 25)

Kakashi: ….This puppy, too.

Dying dog: …Please…

Bull: That dog…

Dying dog: Stay with me, until the end…

Kakashi: Because you stayed with him, Bull, he felt at peace, didn’t he?

Bull: I don’t think that dog was happy…

…Kakashi.

He was very thin, and he also smelt like he was sick

To protect themselves, his owner didn’t treasure this [this dog’s] life.

Kakashi, I…

Somehow, I..

I’m very…

(p. 26)

Bull: I wanted to cry out as loud as I could..

Kakashi: Yeah… (I’m not sure who’s saying this line)

Bull: For feeling guilty towards that dog, and for knowing Kakashi…

For my life being here now.

For my life, I wanted to cry it out until the blood came out of my throat.

(p. 27)

Bull: That dog…

I wonder, was that dog ever able to feel like this, even once?

(Flashback) Doggies: Because Kakashi brought you, Bull!

Uhei: Hey!!! Bull!!

Shiba: You’re late!!

I was worried, you know!

Guruko: (to others) Hey, Bull came back!!

Bull: I’m Bull. The dog that Kakashi found.

5. Urushi’s scales

(p.28)

Urushi: I think I’m good looking

(5. Urushi’s scales)

Girl pups: Ahh~ Urushi…~

Urushi: I’m popular with the ladies

(note: he uses メス, which means bitch in the literal sense - a female dog - and all the puppers use it to refer to human women too. So I just left it as ladies, as I don't think the pups mean it to be crass, they just use dog language and apply it to humans as well as themselves)

Sometimes I’m told ‘it’s probably because you’re one of Kakashi’s ninken’, but…

(Background lettering over the other dogs says ‘Unstylish/Uncool/Lame’)

But my other friends aren’t all that popular, really.

Still, I think it’s because I really am good-looking after all.

(Choruses of ‘Urushi~’, ‘Ahh…; and ‘Let’s play together, Urushi)

Urushi: Hehehe…

Being good-looking is a great thing.

Guruko: Hey, Kakashi!

(p. 29)

Guruko: You got hit by a girl again, didn’t you?!

Kakashi: *laughing* No…

Akino: Why were you hit by a girl? Do girls not like you?

Uhei: It looks like it hurts…

Kakashi: Nooo ~

Shiba: You’re so strong, Kakashi, why were you hit?

Biscuit: You couldn’t avoid it?

Guruko: *Steam from nostrils* I’ll fight her for you!

Kakashi: It’s fine, it’s fine ~

What are you saying?

(p. 30.)

Urushi: Kakashi said ‘I took responsibility’.

Sometimes humans say things I don’t understand…

Girl dog: Urushi… pair up with me.

Urushi: If Kakashi’s saying it, it must be important…

Be… Because I’m one of Kakashi’s ninken?

Girl dog: It has nothing to do with that. I like you, Urushi

Urushi: Wow… *heart pounding*

Girl dog: Pair up with me, and…

I want you to leave the ninken. (Lit. Stop being a ninken)

(p. 31)

Girl dog: I love you, Urushi, but what if, on a mission, you…

I can’t stand the thought of that!

Leave the ninken, and… always stay in the village with me?

Urushi: This girl’s a beauty, and has a kind personality…

I think that I might want to be with her…

Should I leave the ninken?

(p. 32)

Urushi: *perplexed*

Kakashi, Bull and Biscuit: *zzz, sleeping sounds*

Urushi: If I said I wanted to leave the ninken…

Kakashi: (in Urushi’s imagination) If that’s what you want, Urushi

It’s fine with me! (Background: It would be a shame, though…)

Urushi: I feel like Kakashi would say something like that…

Do I want to do that…? Not really, but… *sigh*

Hey, Pakkun.

(p. 33)

Pakkun: Something bothering you?

Urushi: Yeah, there is

I have to decide between two things, but it’s difficult…

I want both of them, but I can’t have them.

Pakkun: … Is it a girl problem?

Urushi: Yep ~

Pakkun: That’s just like you, Urushi. (Pakkun’s imagination shows two girl pups arguing:

Urushi!! Which one will you choose, me or her?! *indignant barking*)

When making a decision about something, one needs to think about what’s most.

...important to oneself.

Let’s say you balance both sides on your scales…

Urushi: My scales?

Pakkun: For example….

(p. 34)

It’s not the physical weight, but the weight of what you think is precious and important. It’s the weight of those feelings.

If you think about which is heavier, you’ll find the answer.

Kakashi: You guys are having a kinda complicated conversation, huh…?

Pakkun: Oh, Kakashi, you woke up, did you?

Urushi: *heart pounding*

Kakashi: My scales lean towards sleep, you know..

Let’s eat soon, okay? Please…

Urushi: Kakashi…. Are you happy that I’m here?

(p. 35)

Kakashi: Hm? Yeah, I’m happy!

Urushi, of course I’m happy ~

(Note: the word Kakashi uses is 嬉しい, which is ‘ureshii’ so Kakashi is making a pun with Urushi’s name here.)

Urushi: *blush* Okay!

Pakkun: What we were just talking about… Don’t talk about it in front of Shiba.

Urushi: Huh? Why?

Pakkun: Seems like he recently had his heart broken…

(p. 36)

Urushi: The thing that’s most important and precious to me… isn’t you.

That’s why I can’t be with you.

I can’t be with you, but… you’re a beautiful and amazing lady.

So, let’s meet again one day ~

Biscuit: Kakashi! Kakashiiiii! It’s awful!!

(p. 37)

(*throbbing pain*)

Biscuit: Urushi’s hurt!!

(*dogs barking*)

Guruko: Let’s go fight them!! *steam from nostrils*

Shiba: No way, is it a girl? Kakashi, you better tell him off!!!

Kakashi: Did you get into a fight with a dog from the village?

Urushi: No, it’s not that…

I took responsibility.

I’ve got a manly mark on my face, heh~

Shiba: You better tell him off!! *bark*

Pakkun: That’s it…

6. Kakashi’s Helper Team!

(p. 38)

Kakashi: I’m home~!!!

Guruko: ?!!! Kakashi, you stink!!

Kakashi: *sweetly smiling* Oh, stop it…

I saw Asuma after a long time, and we talked and ended up getting some drinks… It was nice to see him… *flops down on floor*

Guruko: Take a bath!!!

Don’t go to sleep!!

(*soundly sleeping*)

(p. 39.)

Guruko: Uhei! Uheiii!

Uhei: What is it?

Guruko: Let’s clean up Kakashi!

(6. Kakashi’s Helper Team!)

Uhei: Ehh… But if he wakes up, he’ll take a bath himself, won’t he?

(SFX: Heave-ho! Heave-ho!)

Guruko: We can’t leave Kakashi as he is when he’s this stinky! It’s fine, take it off!

Uhei: Uh, this is stuck half way, I can’t take it off

Guruko: Because you haven’t taken off his leg bandages!

(p. 40)

Guruko: Damn, this is stuck half way *pulling*

Uhei: Isn’t that because you haven’t taken off his headband?!

Guruko: This is enough, let’s carry him to the bath like this!

(*dragging noises*)

Uhei: Won’t his clothes get wet?

Guruko: It’s fine, because we’re going to wash them anyway!

Uhei: It’s amazing… Kakashi still hasn’t woken up!

Guruko: Okay, let’s wash him!

Uhei: Isn’t that… the shampoo that we use?

Guruko: It’s totally safe!!

If it’s fine for us to use, it’ll be fine for Kakashi too, right?

Uhei: I guess…

(p. 41)

Uhei: We can wash his body, but what about his clothes?

(SFX: *scrub scrub*)

Guruko: If we wash them together, it’ll be fine! Hey, pour some hot water over here ~

Uhei: Okay!

(SFX: *splash*)

Kakashi: *suddenly yelling* I’m gonna die!!

Guruko: *screaming*

Kakashi: Even with my face covered, if you pour hot water on me, I can’t breathe, you know!! You really can’t do that.

Guruko: You woke up…

(SFX: *heart pounding*)

Uhei: You really scared me…

(p. 42)

Kakashi: You’d started something, and I wondered how far you’d carry on… Ah, I’m drenched.

Guruko: Ah, I’m sorry, Kakashi!!

Kakashi: Well, anyway.. you guys ended up cleaning yourselves pretty good too. You’re all drenched, too.

Guruko: Then I’ll go get some towels!!

Uhei: Kakashi, Kakashi

Guruko acts the way he does, but he really loves looking after you!

Kakashi: I know.

Biscuit: I want to have a bath with Kakashi too ~

Guruko: That’s not it! It’s just all slippery (note: not accurate, but the gist is that Biscuit misunderstands and Guruko puts him straight)

7. I’ll always love you

(p. 43)

(Flashback)

Sakumo: Pakkun…

Pakkun…

I have a favour to ask.

(Present)

Pakkun…

(SFX: Snoring)

Kakashi: Pakkun..

(SFX: Gasp)

Pakkun: Huh?

Kakashi: It’s time to eat.

(p. 44)

Pakkun: Alright.

(Other dogs: Food~ Food ~

Kakashi: Yes ~ Yes ~)

(Flashback)

Sakumo: Pakkun…

Pakkun….

Pakkun..

(p. 45)

Pakkun: Kakashi?

Kakashi: Hm?

Pakkun: For the mission report before… You didn't need me, did you?

Why did you bring me?

Other dogs: We want to come too!!

Kakashi: It’s just Pakkun for today

Kakashi: Hmm…

Hey, let’s relax here for a little while.

Pakkun: What’s this…

Kakashi: Come on…

Well…

(p. 46)

Kakashi: I want to talk about Dad.

…No. Maybe it’s a confession?

Talking about Dad…. Felt like something we couldn’t even broach. Ever.

I think you felt this way too, right, Pakkun?

I couldn’t tell you earlier that ‘it’s all right now’. Even though it was.

It was just a matter of timing, I guess…

Pakkun: But I wasn’t waiting for you to say that… Even if you’d have said it earlier, that’d have been good, but..

Why, out of the blue like this?

A change like that… Just like…

Just like…

(p. 47)

(Flashback)

Sakumo: I have a favour.

(Present)

Kakashi: The day Dad died…

Ever since then, for a long time, now… I became strange.

I’ve been nothing but trouble for you.

Pakkun: Kakashi-

Kakashi: Even though… you were hurting over Dad not being here too.

(p. 48)

Kakashi: Dad was your first master, right?

You really were precious to him.

….The other day, when you were having a nap, I woke you up, didn’t I?

It might have been because of the food, but your nose was twitching.

At first, I thought you were growling.

When I woke you up, you had a really startled expression when you looked at me.

I understood right away.

You were thinking about Dad, right?

(p. 49)

Kakashi: You were having a dream about Dad that time, right?

Thank you for always being considerate towards me…

But it’s alright now.

From now on, I want you to tell me…

The things about Dad that only you know.

(p. 50)

Pakkun: Sakumo…

(Sakumo: Pakkun…)

Pakkun: …really was a loving, kind man.

Kind, and…

(Sakumo: Pakkun…)

Pakkun: Kind, and…

…Kakashi.

I’ll tell you about Sakumo.

The things I’ve always wanted to tell you

I’ll tell you now.

Kakashi: Okay.

(p. 51)

Kakashi: Thank you for telling me about Dad, Pakkun.

Pakkun: …Don’t you dare die.

(Pakkun…)

I’ve had enough now.

Yeah. Enough.

(p. 52)

(Sakumo: I’m asking.…)

Pakkun: Sakumo…

The two of you are exactly alike.

Kakashi: Oh, really?

Pakkun: Everything’s alright now.

(p. 53)

“Kakashi!”

(p. 54)

(No text)

(p. 55)

Kakashi!

(p. 56)

Kakashi

(Note: I think the favour Sakumo asked of Pakkun was to take care of and be mindful of Kakashi always. This isn't outright stated)

[otp-holic]

Stucky Week: 21st Century

A Fanfic + Pics inside for @stucky-week

Nothing is scarier than posting writing, TBH. It's already in my AO3 where i will probably edit it to death. As I do.

Thank you @moonykat because the anger at all the Bucky!erasing yesterday was the seed for this. And sorry, too because I wish I could do better, haha.

A COUPLE OF KIDS FROM BROOKLYN

Bucky comes back home after a few days out on a mission and finds Steve in the middle of a research of its own.

PG. Established relationship, fluff, lots of books, 1ks

When Bucky opens the door after four days of helping Sam out with some crisis in Portugal, he has to do a double check because he doesn’t remember their living room being a library when he left.

There are books, comics, and notebooks everywhere: Floor, table, countertops, over the couch… and upon a closer look they are not just random books. They are all books about Captain America. And no sign of Steve… This doesn’t look promising.

“Steve?” he asks as he takes off his jacket.

“Buck, you are home!”

The voice from the bedroom is clearly happy Bucky is back and, yes, a second later a smiling Steve Rogers comes into view and walks towards him dodging all the books on the floor: crazy hair, un-showered, and very very gullible.

“I missed you,” he says, planting a kiss on his lips and hugging him tightly. God, he’s such a sap but he missed him, too.

“Mmm… Steve,” he ventures as he untangles himself from the hug. “Care to explain…. this?”

Steves looks behind himself and onto the floor and his expression changes into a frown.

“Buck, what year is it? Are we really in the 21st century?” Bucky panics and instinctively takes his hands to Steve’s head, searching for any indication of a concussion.

“What…”

“No, Bucky, I’m ok, it was an hypothetical! But hear me out!” he talks with passion and anger, so whatever it is, it is important. This was not the welcome Bucky was expecting.

He walks towards the piles of books and takes a couple of them with him.

“Don’t know how it started… but I was bored and I’ve been doing a little research.”

Bucky takes one of the books Steve is handing him “Man of Many times: Updating Steve Rogers”, the title says.

“Research… on yourself.” Bucky has so many puns that he has to bite his tongue. “Didn’t know you got so lonely without…”

“Leave the masturbation jokes for later, this is important!”

He takes a stall from the kitchen and sits down on it, putting the book on the counter right by another one called “Steve Rogers: The Official Biography. 1982”. They are really everywhere.

“You’ve got not only my whole attention but also the best part of my curiosity.”

“Do you know how many books about me there are? No, don’t answer, I will tell you because I know now! There are at least three biographies published every decade, plus comics, cards, books on tactics, about my fucking body changes, official thesis, scientific articles, and everything translated into different languages!” Bucky is impressed. “A little digging on Wikipedia and Amazon… and I concluded there are about 594 books. About me. Every fucking aspect of me.”

He stops for a moment to take a breath and Bucky stays there looking at him and experiencing all kinds of emotions. Passionate and almost enraged Steve is an instant turn-on, but he’s also pretty intrigued about where all this is going. He honestly has no clue.

“Please, please go on before I start with the narcissistic and masturbatory jokes again. I beg you.”

“Buck!” He is full-on outraged now. “There are almost six hundred books about me… some of them apparently “official”, and I haven’t been able to find a single one that dares to hint or even question the nature of our relationship.”

There’s a two-second silence while the gears inside Bucky’s brain start processing the turn of the conversation. Faulty.

“So, you are all worked up because the world doesn’t have a clue that we do the wild thing between the sheets?”

Bucky knows he’s said the wrong thing when the hurt reaches Steve’s eyes in an instant, and he wants to punch himself for trying to release some tension at the worst moment.

“That we’ve been together since the ‘30s, you heartless punk. That we are fucking married, Bucky. That you would have married me at 16 if that would have been an option. And this is the 21st century, somebody should have at least made a book chapter or a fucking thesis just maybe raiding the question. I had to go into some obscure corner of the internet to find a single post from 2014 wondering if there was something hidden between us.” He stops and laughs a bit. “I almost wrote back with a thank you message!”

“I understand. I really do, and I’m sorry about my response just now, I didn’t mean to downplay you, just… ”

Steve briefly touches his face in reassurance as he leans on the counter and starts talking again. Calmer now.

“There is a Collector’s Captain America Encyclopedia that just came last year to cover all my… career as Cap,” he keeps looking at Bucky straight in the eyes, this is clearly what sparked it all. “It is 10 fucking volumes long, and I went to the “B” I couldn’t believe the entries for ‘Battle’, ‘Brooklyn’ and even ‘Banner’ were longer than the one for ‘Barnes’, and… Let me show you something.”

He walks towards the couch, retrieves a book, and comes back to hand him Collector’s Captain America Encyclopedia: Volume 3.

“Page 159, it has a marker,” Steve says.

He uses the little yellow marker to see the page and suddenly he’s angry and a little sad, too.

It’s the entry for “Bucky” and it says: “Bucky: see ‘Barnes’”. And that's it.

The silence is heavy where it was light before, and Steve takes the book out of his hands and comes closer placing his forehand on Bucky’s.

“I cannot let history erase you, Buck. Not as a whole and especially not from my story. None of it makes sense without you, so it’s either nobody or both of us there, pal. And, spoiler alert, but it might be a little too late to take me out of it.”

Steve looks for approval on his face by taking a step back and Bucky nods to whatever it is Steve has on his mind because how could he say no?

“I should have never married an international superhero whose tour de force spans more than seventy years.” Steve laughs. They are back to relaxed now. “Now, out with it Rogers,... I know you have a play-by-play plan for what to do next.”

Steve escapes to the living room and starts piling up books to make room on the couch, not answering Bucky’s question. Bucky can see a mischievous smile even with his back to him.

“We are writing our own book. Well, you are writing, since the Smithsonian got it right about your excellence in the classroom even if they missed on your birthday.” He says and he is glowing. “I might just bother you with important facts, deadlines, and little drawings.”

Bucky is speechless again. And tired. And he knows he is going to say yes, so why bother arguing?

He decides to just give up instead, and walks towards Steve, pushing him onto the couch and, after removing “Steve Rogers’ Lovers: An Unofficial Biography of Caps’ Love affairs” from under his elbow and throwing it towards the kitchen, cuddling him.

“I bet you picked the title already.” He says closing his eyes and taking a deep breath full of Steve.

“Yes, but I’m not telling you just yet,” Steve answers as he kisses his forehead. And Bucky doesn’t care, he can wait.

[agentnico]

Top 20 Best Movies of the Decade (2010′s)

Now that we have entered the 2020s, it’s time to look back on a decade of movie magic. To emphasise the importance of each year, I’ll balance things out by including two films from each year for my Top 20 list. I’ve tried to pick films that both defined this decade as well as appealed to me personally, so my list will of course, as always, be different from yours, but hopefully, I won’t totally irritate you with my humble choice, which I deem worthy to post online for the public eye to witness.

2010:

INCEPTION - “You’re waiting for a train...” Christopher Nolan unarguably is the most exciting and original directors working today. Each time he releases a movie, its an event. A literal must-see at the cinema. Which is why this isn’t the only film of his you will find on this list. With Inception, Nolan gives us a movie that is both enjoyable and imaginative, rewarding the audience for the attention that it demands. Filled with so much detail that if you miss certain shots, you will completely get lost in confusion of the narrative (as confusing as it already is). It’s intense and complex, with great performances from the likes of Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hardy, this movie will leave you lingering for more even after that mysterious ending.

SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD -  “You cocky cock! You'll pay for your crimes against humanity!” Once again, another exciting director on this list (oh there are so so many!). Ever since Edgar Wright emerged from the British isles, he’s given us some of the funniest films of the past decade and onwards. His Cornetto Trilogy is a blast, Baby Driver is a blast, Ant-Man was going to be even more of a blast if Marvel allowed Wright to do his magical shenanigans his way, and the upcoming Last Night in Soho will surely be a blast also. With Scott Pilgrim vs. The World Wright creates a meta-clever universe taking inspiration from comic books and video games and filled to the brink with wink-wink-nudge-nudge humour, this is an exciting and very sarcastic over the top endeavor. Also, Brie Larson in this movie.....phew!! And unsurprisingly, its all a blast!

2011:

DRIVE - “I just wanted you to know, just getting to be around you, that was the best thing that ever happened to me.” Drive is more of an elegant exercise in style, and its emotions may be hidden but they run deep. A shamelessly disreputable, stylish, stoic, ultra-violent thriller with amazing stunt work, one of the best opening sequences of any movie this decade and a neon-pumped soundtrack that’s a must-own for all vinyl users, if you still haven’t seen Drive, there’s only one thing you can do. Clue: it’s to go watch Drive.

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE - GHOST PROTOCOL - “Your mission, should you choose to accept it...” Tom Cruise’s deal with the devil allows him to do some literally impossible stuff, and though I don’t condone his Scientology ways, the man’s stunt work and efforts in his area of expertise are worth all the praise and respect. To be honest, I’m commemorating all three of the Mission Impossible flicks that graced our screen this year (Ghost Protocol, Rogue Nation and Fallout). This franchise is like a game of dodgeball, except that Tom Cruise is the dodgeBALL, being thrown and thrust left and right like nobody cares. Also, with me being Russian, the fact that a movie manages to destroy the Kremlin and then have me not hate the film in the aftermath shows that this film is way too fun to hate.

2012:

DJANGO UNCHAINED - “Gentlemen, you had my curiosity, but now you have my attention.” Quentin Tarantino is one of my favourite directors working today. And Django Unchained happens to be my favourite film of his. The writing for this film is orgasmic (I went there!). The way the actors deliver the lines and the lines of dialogue themselves sound almost poetic to my ears. I can quote so many lines from this darn thing. The cinematography is immaculate. The soundtrack choice is great. The performances, my goodness, the PERFORMANCES!! Jamie Foxx does arguably his career-best work here, but also we have Christoph Waltz and Leonardo DiCaprio both chewing up the scenery, and I’m sure everyone has heard the story involving DiCaprio and the broken glass. Django Unchained is an easy choice on this list for me, and possibly in my Top 10 of all time.

LES MISERABLES - “Do you hear the people sing?” The film that is based on a musical that is based on a book that is based on certain true events. Tom Hooper did an interesting choice of having actors sing live in front of the camera during filming rather than pre-record their voices, and it works to grand effect, though Russell Crowe should have probably been given more singing lessons. The movie is one hell of a way to adapt such a popular stage musical. With an opening shot that emphasises the scale of this picture with a zoom-in towards this big ship during a storm being pulled by these poor prisoners, we are plunged into the despair and conflicts of various characters with adroit narrative thrust so that not a moment feels wasted or redundant. You’d think that a film with hardly any dialogue and an overall reliance on singing wouldn’t be so emotional. Yet, somehow, it works. Also props to Anne Hathaway for winning an Academy Award for being in a film for only 5 MINUTES!!

2013:

THE WOLF OF WALL STREET - “Sell me this pen.” Martin Scorsese’s mad look into Wall Street life is a bombastic caper and running at nearly 3 hours, Scorsese and his editing team manage to keep an astoundingly intoxicating pace that keeps you enthralled and engaged throughout. This one is definitely not for the families, as this R-rated fest is filled with drugs, money, sex and everything you can possibly imagine and paints quite the picture of the rich folks of Wall Street. And the middle of it all a bravura performance from Leonardo DiCaprio. Someone needs to give DiCaprio’s agent a raise, this is Leo’s third appearance on this list and we’re only in 2013!

THE WAY WAY BACK - “I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave. You're having way too much fun, it's making everyone uncomfortable.” Sometimes a little indie flick is enough to lift a human spirit. Real, fun, uplifting and innocent, The Way Way Back dedicated to anyone who felt awkward or out of place at some point in their life, which, let’s be honest, counts all of us. I’m not afraid to admit that. So stop being a b*** and reveal your sensitive side too! Yes, you, the person reading this. Who else could I possibly be talking to? Myself? Maybe. The Way Way Back though is one of the best feel-good indie films of this decade, with the loveable Steve Carell acting very unloveable and Sam Rockwell Rockwelling himself to charm city! If you’ve missed this one, treat yo’self and check it out.

2014:

THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL - “And?? Where is it? What's it all about dammit don't keep us in suspense this has been a complete f***ing nightmare! Just tell us what the f*** is going on!!!” Easily Wes Anderson’s best in my opinion (I have a friend who would argue Rushmore and The Royal Tenenbaums has the better hand but I think my opinion is more valid because it's me), this movie is a glossy, colorful, whimsical deadpan affair with an energetic turn from Ralph Fiennes as the hotel concierge M. Gustave H. as he and his lobby boy run into various Wes Anderson regulars and deal with murderers, stolen paintings, love affairs, prison breaks, and all kinds of crazy shindigs, but all shown in such a casual Wes Anderson way. This movie is like a slice of cherry pie - damn fine!

INTERSTELLAR - “Murphy’s Law doesn’t mean that something bad will happen. It means that whatever can happen, will happen.” As promised, Christopher Nolan makes another appearance on this list, now with his space time-traveling epic Interstellar, where he takes inspiration from the likes of Kubrick and Tarkovsky to give us, as always, a tad bit confusing adventure with great visuals and an interesting narrative (though it does sometimes get lost in its own way), however, the key thing holding this piece together is the father-daughter relationship with Matthew McConaughey and Mackenzie Foy (and Jessica Chastain) managing to bring so much raw emotion to their respective roles that you can’t help but want to shed a tear. I mean, I haven’t cried for over 14 years, but I remember when I first watched this film, the audience around me was sobbing quite a few times during the duration of this movie. Give it to Nolan to give us the emotional moments!

2015:

MAD MAX: FURY ROAD - “Oh what a day! What a lovely day!!” Easily the best action movie of this decade. Sorry John Wick, neither you or Tom Cruise could defeat this beast. The sheer, limitless invention behind this movie's exhilarating, preposterous chase scenes highlights action filmmaking at its finest. With big monster trucks and a random guitarist rocking-it in the middle of all the action, it’s like a nihilistic version of a Cirque du Soleil show! And it makes Tom Hardy the calmest person on-screen; no idea how it managed that.

STEVE JOBS - “I sat in a garage and invented the future because artists lead and hacks ask for show of hands.” If there is anyone who can make formulaic, mathematical or technological sound fun and exciting, its Aaron Sorkin. The man has a talent for writing screenplays about difficult and complicated topics yet turning them approachable for the casual moviegoer. Pair him with director Danny Boyle, and the result is Steve Jobs, a look at the man behind the phone. Narratively set during three important product launches of Jobs’, we get to see the behind-the-scenes of his relationships with his colleagues and family members, and this character study is one that could have easily fallen into generic biopic tropes, but it holds it’s own right till the credits roll. Also props for showing that Seth Rogen can actually do a serious role. Who would’ve thought that pot-smoking fella had dramatic chops in him?

2016:

NOCTURNAL ANIMALS - “Susan, enjoy the absurdity of our world. It’s a lot less painful. Believe me, our world is a lot less painful than the real world.” Fashion designer Tom Ford does sew his suits well. Apparently, he can also make great films too, with 2009′s A Single Man and with said Nocturnal Animals. This movie is truly incredible and I remember it taking me and my friend by surprise when we first watched it at the cinema. It’s shocking. Horrifying. Depressing. Upsetting. Altogether exhilarating. Being of a fashion background, Tom Ford directs the hell out of this movie, with gorgeous shots and great use of colour as well as managing to masterfully create tension and suspense when necessary. Honestly, I know Tom Ford is probably busy at a department store somewhere, but the guy needs to make another movie. The man has a talent.

LA LA LAND - “Here’s to the ones who dream, foolish as they may seem. Here’s to the hearts that ache; here’s to the mess we make.” Oh, La La Land. Damien Chazelle’s follow-up to the also excellent Whiplash. People who know me well know how much I love this movie. An old-school tour-de-force musical that’s a love letter to jazz and the golden age of Hollywood. The city of stars never looked so good. Featuring catchy original songs, excellent dance choreography (the sequence to the song “Lovely Night” is especially memorable) and a romance tale ten times better than the forsaken The Notebook, La La Land is one special movie. I know many are put off by the film’s not so happy ending, however for me it was the only way this narrative could have ended. 

2017:

BLADE RUNNER 2049 - “We’re all just looking out for something real.” Similarly to Nolan, Denis Villeneuve is proving to be one of the most exciting directors working today. He’s the man behind such films as *deep breath* Prisoners, Enemy, Sicario, Arrival and Blade Runner 2049. And those have all been done within the last decade. The man constantly makes quality movies of various genres, though lately, he has been leaning more towards science fiction, which is a-okay in my books, since as Blade Runner 2049 proves, he can turn science into fiction like butter on bread. A sequel made 30 years after Ridley Scott’s classic, this visually breathtaking piece is arguably even better than its predecessor with many moments giving you the “wow wow wow wow wow WOW!” factor, and when Ryan Gosling and Harrison Ford are both on-screen they are dynamite. Forget the new Star Wars film (that’s right, I'm throwing shade there), Blade Runner is where it’s at!

PHANTOM THREAD - “The tea is going out. The interruption is staying right here with me.” The supposed last Daniel Day-Lewis film, as he has now apparently retired from acting, but let’s be honest, nothing stops him from simply unretiring at any point. Exhibit A - Joe Pesci. However, like Pesci, if he comes back I’ll only be happy. He’s one of acting greats of our time, and his collaborations will director Paul Thomas Anderson bring out some of his best roles. Phantom Thread is a marvel of a movie. No, I don’t mean that’s its part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, I mean as in it can fill one with wonder and astonishment. Phantom Thread is PTA’s Gothic dark fairy-tale romance film, which expertly planned shots and scenes where every word of the dialogue counts. There is no wasted moment. And as the film transpires to its dark and unsettling climax, one begins to realize that this, THIS, is what filmmaking is about. Telling an engrossing story in an interesting way with crisp-clear shots and off-the-chart acting at play, with great costume design on display, although the latter is unsurprising due to a major aspect of the movie revolving around fashion.

2018:

MANDY -  “You ripped ma shirt!! You ripped maaa shiirrt!!” An acquired taste for sure, however, Mandy is indeed something truly special. From first glance, this film might seem like nothing out of the ordinary, especially from the point of view of the plot. Its the usual revenge flick. However director Panos Cosmatos’ vision and how he presents it is so much more unique. And what’s not love in this film? There’s something for everyone! It’s artsy and slow enough for the critics, hip and metal for the nonchalant, gory and violent for the hardcore genre fanatics and of course the Nic-Cage-rage factor is present for the fans of the actor. Alright, it may not be a family film, but this one is worth a watch. The whole thing is bound together by this psychedelic otherworldly environment, with the whole movie conceived in this dark, unsettlingly beautiful yet horror-filled aura that might stray people away, as it might be just too different for them, however, if you are looking for something different to watch, take mandy. I mean, watch Mandy!

A STAR IS BORN - “Music is essentially 12 notes between any octave. Twelve notes and the octave repeats. It’s the same story told over and over. All the artist can offer the world is how they see those 12 notes.” The film that began all the rumours surrounding Bradley Cooper’s and Lady Gaga’s affair. People, heads up, they are actors! They were putting on a performance! Jeez. That being said, I totally ship them. Nuff’ said. The film though? Yes, it’s good. Some country-style music, romance blooming, Gaga can apparently act, people sing about shallows for some reason...all together works for a pretty decent motion picture. Also, the fact that Bradley Cooper wrote, directed, produced and starred in this gives me so much respect for the guy. He poured his heart and soul into this. And Lady Gaga absolutely shines!

2019:

PAIN & GLORY -  “Writing is like drawing but with letters.” Director Pedro Almodovar semi-autobiographical film takes a close look at how one deals with acceptance, being forgotten, symptoms of depression and generally all fairly negative attributes, but delivered in such an honest and profound way that there is a strange lightness that emerges from it all. Antonio Banderas is uncannily vulnerable in the lead role, delivering such an earnest performance that shows a man that is filled with melancholic regret who seeks his own form of redemption. This movie is a thing of beauty.

PARASITE - “You know what kind of plan never fails? No plan at all. If you make a plan, life never works out that way.” Parasite is easily the most original and surprising films of 2019, and possibly the decade, managing to subvert expectations and blend together so many different genres so naturally. To spoil any narrative element of this movie would be a sin, like this one in particular works best when not knowing anything about it. This movie comes to us from Bong Joon-Ho, a South Korean director behind such films as The Host, Memories of Murder, Okja, and Snowpiercer. It’s nice to see the awards ceremonies giving him the proper recognition finally. He deserves it.

That sums up my Top 20 Best Movies of the Decade list. Of course, there are so many other great films that came out in these 10 years, such as Whiplash, When Marnie Was There, Paterson, Silence, Kubo and the Two Strings, The Nice Guys...I can go on forever. Cinema is a constant ever-growing medium, and it is fascinating to see how it changes through the years, in some ways improving and in some parts not so much. In any case, I look forward towards a new decade of, hopefully, great movies, however, let’s be honest, for all these great films there’s always a Norm of the North, a Scout’s Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse or frickin’ Cats. But let’s hope those will be kept to a minimum. In any case, bring on the 2020s!

[introvertllux]

Copia’s World: Chapter 1

Story Description: Lena is gifted with extraordinary powers, that much is true but what happens when she discovers that her powers are more of a curse than a blessing. Will Lena be able to fight the dark path she seems fated for or will she be able to confront her ever-growing powers in order to forge her own path? Secrets and lies discovered as Lena navigate through family, love, and self-discovery.

Genre: Romance, Drama, Comedy, Drama

Warnings: 18+, depictions of bullying, Christianity discrimination, mental health, mental disorders, racism, suicide, discrimination. (Please do not read, if you may be triggered).

*Any depictions referred to in the warnings are based on MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCES. Please do not think I’m making fun or or mocking anyone, again these experiences are based on what I have seen and, or been through myself. Also, I am not intending to romanticize mental health or disorders in anyway. Lastly, If you do decided to read this story I am very thankful and I hope you enjoy it. : )

Notes to add:

I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS

THE ORIGINAL STORY IDEA IS MY OWN

THE CREATION OF THE CHARACTER PROFILES ARE MY OWN DOING (I DO NOT OWN THE PHOTOGRAPHS ARE ART WORKS OF EACH CHARACTER. HOWEVER, I DID EDIT THE PICTURES OF MY OC (BRI HALL) TO MATCH MY OC DESCRIPTION.

THIS STORY WILL TAKE SOME EVENTS FROM THE COMICS, ANIMATED SERIES, AND THE LIVE ACTION MOVIES.

IN THIS STORY ALEX IS YOUNGER THAN SCOTT AND THE AGES VARY BASED ON THE ACTOR THAT PLAYS THE CHARACTER AND FOR THE SAKE OF THE PLOT

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Third Person’s P.O.V.

Friday, July 27, 2019

Lena inhaled the crisp cool summer air as she gazed outside of the large crystal-clear window of the deep corridor. A breathtaking blend of coral and peach sunlight filled the sky as birds soared high and low while chirping a captivating melody. She exhaled, as she gently opened her yellow-amber eyes and watched the pattern the birds flew in. Lena, then gripped the frame of widow seal, careful not to crush it underneath her superhuman strength. Oh, how badly did she want to leap out of the wind and fly, to soar, and join the feathered-winged creatures.

(You look like you want to join them) she heard a voice say inside of her head.

(More than anything…) I responded back.

(I think that freedom is what you seek more than anything, Lena) the voice said.

Lena looked at the person next to her from the lower corner of her left eye.

(Grandpa, freedom is the one thing I desire the most out of this world. It’s funny you know… how easy it seems to be able to have. To get too. It’s literally right outside my door. But for me, it seems unreachable. It’s bittersweet to know that my only desire is so close yet so far. But as a mutant as… me, I know that I would rather give up my dreams to protect my family and those who can’t protect themselves.)

she said as she turned her full body towards the founder of the Xavier Institute.

(As usual, that’s very brave, kind, and noble of you Lena. But as I told you many times in the past you can be all those things and more without giving up on the things you want. Balance is key to anything you do in life, Lena. Once, you've mastered that you’ll be impossible to stop) Professor Xavier said.

Lena let out a sigh, (Grandpa you and I both know the circumstances that prevent me from being free. I-I just want to be like them) I communicated to him as I pointed my arm out of the window at the birds in front of me.  (How long do I have to be a caged bird? How long until I can use my powers to help instead of hurting. How long until my powers stop feeling like a curse. How long until nobody fears me and they except me! How long until I can be free!?)

She yelled telepathically causing the man next her to groan in pain as he gripped the sides of his head.

Lena’s P.O.V

“Uh! Grandpa, I’m so, so, sorry!” I yelled as I kneeled next to his wheelchair. I tried to gently console him, trying to be extra careful of my strength and the volume of my voice.

“It’s alright, Lena.” He said softly.

I looked at him with glistening eyes, “I’m sorry. I’m so stupid.” I said quieter.

“Far from it my dear, very far. You just have trouble controlling your powers is all. We’ve all been there. I have your mother, your father, and the rest of the students that live here. Your case is just a special one… and like the rest we will find a way for you to control them.” He said optimistically.

I stared at him for a split second as I read his facial expression. Although he always made sure to remain level-headed and positive at all times, I know that deep inside he’s afraid. He’s terrified. He more than anyone that we know, knows how much of a ticking time bomb I am. He knows that I’m capable of the world ending power, yet he masks it all in hopes that “we” find a solution in an unpredictable time.

“Now, Lena if my time is correct and I’m sure that it is you have about 5 minutes before Colossus will be looking to join the others in the Danger Room. You know how organized he is.” He said smiling softly.

I mentally rolled my eyes as he mentioned Colossus.

“Have fun, and make sure you pay specific attention until how each student is managing their powers. I think it might help you find your source of control.” He said.

“Will do, grandpa. Have a nice rest of your day.” I said as I ran down the long hallway and down to my room.

As I entered my room, I quickly opened my side table drawer and pulled out black gloves that covered every inch of my hands. I quickly pulled them on my hair, careful not to tear them. I looked down at the gloves as I started to feel anxiety.

Looking at these gloves was a constant reminder of how defective I was. Usually, when I felt my powers start to lose control in the slightest way, I would put these gloves on. Today… when I broke the telepathic link with my grandfather was a sign of lack of control, although not a big one it was still something.

One of my first abilities I was able to master at a young age was telepathy but seeing as of late I’m losing my grip over it I think the gloves will stabilize me. God forbid I go to training and I bump into someone and I absorb their abilities or hurt them in any other way.

With about two minutes left before training, I left my room (which wasn’t too far from the danger room only about 10 feet). I walked with a neutral expression on my face as I entered the control room. I took “my” seat next to a standing Colossus whose body shined in pride at his team below.

“Nice of you to join us today, Lena.” He said without looking at me. I nodded my head back at his as I looked down at the white dull sneakers on my feet that seemed to pique my interest at the moment.

“I didn’t see you for breakfast, AGAIN. How can you expect to be a good hero if you aren’t eating a well-balanced meal?” He said in a lecturing tone.

No, how can I expect to be a good one, if I’m not allowed to use my powers?

I heard the sound of his body turning towards me, I hastily moved my hands behind my back so he wouldn’t see that I had my gloves on.

He cleared his throat and said, “I want you to watch closely. Today the team will be working on teamwork protocols. As a member of this team, I need you to see and understand how each team member's abilities work as well as how they complement one another.” He said as he turned back, getting ready to speak into the intercoms.

This is why I hated “training”. First and foremost, I’m not really a part of the team. I’m what you call the “final choice”. I’m the SWAT team to the police force. The Hulk to the Avengers. I’m the big guns. If our chances of winning are extremely low, they are banking on me to bring the bacon home. From an outsider’s perspective, it sounds like an honor… but in reality, it’s quite the opposite. I’m the caged animal that they only let free on the special circumstance. They don’t want to see me, talk to me, or USE me until they need me.

As for their powers, I know them left to right. I know every single one of my teammate’s power sources, origins, and weaknesses. How could I not? I live my life watching them all have fun with their powers and showing them off while I stay dormant, in complete comatose. Get this… isn’t it hilarious, how my parents always told me that mutants were special, that I was special but one mistake… and now I’m too special to use my gifts?

Don’t get me wrong at all. I love every and any kind of mutant good or evil no matter what their gifts are, they are all special and unique to me. But that all goes out the window when: 1.) I don’t use my powers so I’m basically a regular person and 2.) When I have the ability to absorb, replicate, and keep any power I’m exposed to. Having that ability, that curse, makes everyone around you feel ordinary and that’s something I hate about myself. I never want anyone to feel less than. I rather it is me so that they never know how it really feels.

Okay, team, I’m commencing the portal now. Get ready.” I heard Colossus say. A few seconds later I saw the lights deem as the computer speak:

Commencing Protocol 24389: Team Civilian Rescue

I sat up in my chair slightly making sure to keep my hands in a place where I knew Colossus wouldn’t be able to see. Within a few seconds, I analyzed the protocol. It seemed as though each section and customized by each person’s powers. Each person had their weakness placed in each section but would require help from a member to move through. Their ultimate end goal was to rescue an elder-women and her cat (Ha, how cute Colossus).

I continued to watch for a few moments, already seeing that they were not working as a team. I glanced up at Colossus from the side of my eye and noticed his stone-cold expression. 

Which I knew was translated to mean anger, disappointment, and shame. It seems like the only person that was trying his best was Alex, better known as Havok. He tried to guide the team and even give some advice but he was stopped but Mr. Hothead himself Pyro, or John who’s ego was so big he wouldn’t take direction from anyone because he was the leader and what he said went even if he was wrong.

Then there was Jubilation Lee or Jubilee who was a poor long-term focuser so when it came to making plans and strategies, she wasn’t all the way there. And last but certainly not least the Lovesick King, Sam aka Cannonball, he was so in love with Jubilee all he heard, saw, and thought about was her. If it didn’t involve her, he wanted no parts and that’s exactly what was happening.

 A few more minutes went by and I heard the screams of agony ring throughout the control panel. I flinch and quickly stood up hoping that nobody was hurt. The lights slowly turned on as I realized that the scream I heard was from the elderly women hologram. I let out a small sigh… glad that everyone was okay (well almost everyone). 

Protocol 24389: Team Civilian Rescue. Failed. 

I heard the computer say as the light was on completely. I heard Colossus' large steps start to exit the control room. I knew better than to try to leave and retreat back to my room. I hated conflict and I knew this would be another confrontation and I knew deep down inside It would be my fault because that’s just my role on this team.

“This! This is teamwork!?” Colossus yelled as he waved his hands in front of the other students.“Well, If John helped out more- “Sam started to say before he was cut off by everyone auguring back and forth all at once. 

“Enough!” Colossus yelled once more. 

“This is not what good teams do! Arguing and fight one another. That’s for the villain, not the heroes.” He said

.He let out a sigh, “You, “He said as he pointed at John, “You are the leader. You are supposed to lead them with humility and a good plan. You did neither of those. If you do that on the real battlefield do you expect to lead your team to victory or their deaths.”

 He said sternly. “Jubilee, you need to focus on the battlefield you can get yourself and others hurt or worse. Samuel, you need to focus on your team and the civilians, keep your head on the battlefield, not on your heart.” He said as he exchanged looks between the both of them.

Colossus looked up and down at Alex swiftly, “Alex, great work for what little you had to work with. Keep it up. It’s clear that you all need more training so… I will see you bright and early at 6:00 AM tomorrow.” He said as he began to turn around and walk off.“But… tomorrow is Saturday!” I heard Jubilee yell. Colossus just waved as he exited the room. I turned, trying to leave the room unnoticed.

“Where do you think you’re going.” I heard John say. I stopped for a moment, deciding not to let him get to me today.

I heard him snort, “Got the gloves on, huh? Bad day?” He said with a chuckle.

I quickly grabbed my hands and folded them up to my chest tightly as I kept walking.

“You know it’s your fault we failed that protocol.” He said with venom in his voice. I stopped in my tracks, my back still facing him.

“You just sit up there in the control room acting all high and mighty while we do all the work. What’s the point of doing all the work, when you can do it? You have the ability to have any and every power known to man yet- because you’re so defective we have to do the work. It’s pretty pathetic, to be honest.” He let out a sarcastic sigh, “I guess… I’ll always have that over you, huh? being flawless, being more than enough.” He said in a taunting manner.

“John, back off.” I heard Alex say.

“Shh… your leader is talking. And as the leader, I say my “team member” needs some constructive criticism.” He said wickedly.

“You know… now that I think about it I kind of own you. Everything I say goes. I mean look your powers are banned. You don’t train with us, you can’t leave this house, and… a big part of that is thanks to me. One of my greatest accomplishments to date I think.” He said as he started to laugh widely.

I began to shake in my spot, tears threatening to spill. I didn’t want to look up at John. All I wanted to do was run and retreat back to my room, the place I knew I would always be the safest. But instead, I decided that I had to look up, into the eyes of the man that made my life living hell every day for years. Not one part of me wanted to think he was evil or malicious when he tormented me on a daily. I wanted to see the good in him, as a fellow mutant, as a teammate, as a person. But all I could see what a selfish and wicked cold-hearted man.

I speed to my room devastated and broken. This was nothing new under the sun. Every day, John would take his shots at me tearing me down in front of our peers and they would just let it happen. John hated him with all his heart and soul and the rest didn’t understand me. They didn’t bother too. That just knows about the accident that leads to my powers awakening and from then on, they’ve avoided me like the plague. It just me to see that even in my own home that I will never kind anyone who truly gets me or a place where I belong.

I laid on my bed fast down as I cried myself to sleep. What felt like a minute later, was actually hours as I heard tapping on my window.  I walked to my window and opened it wide as something swiftly flew in. I looked at the figured and smiled.

“Cuzzo! It’s been a while!” I heard my cousin Peter yell.

I quickly jumped on him as we landed on the bed with my hand covering his mouth. “Shh,” I whispered.

Of course, I was very happy to see my cousin Peter. It’s been too long but like a true prisoner, I am not allowed to have any visitors and the same goes for Peter even though he’s family.

Peter’s eyes roamed down to my gloved hand and he mumbled something against. I moved my hands down and looked down at my lap, knowing how concerned he would be to see my gloves on. I didn’t want to ruin our reunion, but I felt as though I already did.

He grabbed both of my gloved hands and squeezed tightly, “Lena…” He expresses in a worried voice.

“Peter, I’m fine. I promise. Let’s talk about something else. Let’s talk about you I haven’t seen you in so long, aren’t you taking Online Summer courses at MIT?” I asked genuinely interested.

Peter’s looked lingered for a few seconds before he gave in, “Yeah I am actually. They’re killer. Dad wanted me to try and stay on campus and do the whole college thing a try, but I wanted to be able to patrol at home and- “He said before I interrupted “And your crush” I said in a teasing voice.

“Lin.” He said in a whining voice as he pursed his lips and I continued to laugh a bit.

“Well, I think uncle Tony just wants you to give you a fair shot at the whole being a “normal” kid type of thing. But you’re too far gone, Spider-Man. We’ve lost you to the dark side.” I said as I continued to joke.

“Tell me about it, right now I’m on the dark side of college homework.” He said as he began to pull out his homework from his bag.

“I also brought some ice cream. They’re rock solid, so by the time I get done with this they should be defrosted.” He said.

We talked back and forth as Peter did his homework. I helped quite a bit with the equations he was having problems solving.

“Lena, I always knew you were smart… but you’re better at solving these problems than I am. Maybe you should be at MIT, instead.” He laughed.

“No, way Peter. You’re a genius. I just like a challenge that all. Plus, engineering isn’t my passion.” I said with a shrug.

“To be honest you’ve never really talked about your passions before.” He said sounding intrigued.

“Um, my first one would be getting out of here. I might get spontaneous and travel to every state.” I said laughing while being serious.

“You know… being here all my life and not being allowed to leave unless supervised never gave me the chance to really find myself. I went to school here and never had the chance to go to college. The one constant thing that I find myself doing that I like is helping. I also like kids too, even if I’m not around them often. But when I was around Franklin and Valeria I was in awe. I wanted nothing but to see them happy you know. I don’t know maybe… maybe I’ll become a teacher.” I said quietly.

“Well, I think you’re an amazing teacher. You’re creative, smart, kind, and you always put other's needs before your own.” Peter said as he smiled softly at me as he placed his hand on my shoulder.

I flinched back, as he stared at me with his arms in surrender at me. “ah… um, I’m sorry.” I said frantically. “I just… my powers and the gloves um...” I said starting to panic.

“No, no. I’m sorry Lin I should’ve known better.” He said. “Um, ice cream?” He said after a few moments of silence.

I nodded my head as he handed me, a mocha chip flavored ice cream. I smiled and thanked him. He always remembered by favorite. As we ate my ice cream, he talked to me about his dad and what the rest of the Avengers were up too.

“Wait so Thor is fat now?” I repeated. “Yeah, but he’s got more a dad bod thing going in verses the devastated drunk bod. He’s getting there. Aunt Nat and Uncle Clint are taking care of the psychical and dad are doing his version of emotional support and the rest of us are doing real actual support.” He said as eat another spoonful of ice cream.

I smiled, “I miss them. I wish I was there to see their faces.” I said feeling low again. “I know they all miss you, I missed you. I promise even though I have these dumb classes I’m coming to visit you more often even if Uncle Logan tries to kill me and hang me over the fireplace.” He said in a joking yet serious manner.

“When I told dad, I was going to sneak into your house, he said, “Why go all Bond on them, we can walk right up and make it a party.” He said laughing.

I shook my head, “I think at that point it’s more about our dad’s deep intense hatred for one another.” I said.

“They have a lot in common that’s why. They both think they know everything or can do anything better than another person.” Peter said.

“Ugh, tell me about it. Back to the party thing, it’s almost your birthday in two weeks what are you going to do. I know Uncle Tony will want to throw you a big bash.” I said.

“Yeah, now you tell me about it. I told dad something quite with the family but of course, it went in one ear and out the other. At this point, I don’t care what he wants to do. If you can’t come then, I don’t want anything.” He said.

“Aww. Peter, no don’t throw away your party for me. It’s not worth it.” I said. “What? Lena, are you hearing yourself? You’re my cousin. I’m not going to have a party that’s supposed to have family and friends there and you not be there. I don’t care if I have to invite every single member of this household in order for you to be able to come, I will do it.” He said.

I was a bit stun that he said he would invite everyone just for me. I know Peter wasn’t super close to the rest of the team members closer to our ages but Peter was the extroverted one out of the both of us so if it came down to it he would have no problem socializing with them, even if it were for a minute.

A few more minutes pass and Peter and I exchange goodbyes as he exited out of the window. About 10 minutes later another knock could be heard from the window.

What’s with my window tonight.

I raised the window and looked outside of it. “Hey, Angel.” I heard my Uncle Angel say to me with a wave. I waved back. He drew in closer to the window. “Hard day?” He asked as he nodded towards my gloves. I shrugged but didn’t say a word.

“How about some Angel Time.” He said as he referred to the nickname, I called our flying time together when I was a child. I knew the repercussions that would follow if we left the house without telling anyone, we both did, but I need this. For me flying was like a rocking a baby back to sleep, it was soothing to me, it was liberating.

I took a step back from my window and leaped out. Smiling widely as I levitated in the air. I began to fly up higher with my arms stretched wide. This is the feeling I’ve been missing for so long. I continued to smile as I fly all around my uncle. We flew together for a while until he landed on a cliff and patted his hand down on the grass near him. I flew down and landed gently.

“You know, when you’re up there flying around, you look just like your mother.” I smiled softly at his observation.

“Before you were born your mother and I used to fly all the time. It’s one of the only times I’ve really seen your mother look so happy, that or when you or your dad are around.” He said.

“Is that why you fly. Because it’s your freedom too.” I asked. He looked over and smiled at me. “You know before I discovered my wings I was from a very wealthy family. From the outside, everyone thought I was so happy and perfect because of it but I was so miserable. When I discovered my wings, I got on my knees and praised God because nothing could stop me from escaping the hell in which I lived. I had the power to leave and discover my own path and that’s what lead me to the school. Flying doesn’t solve all my problems, no. But it helps me to get on the right track.” He said with passion.

I hummed in satisfaction at his answer. It was so detailed and liberating. I related to it in many ways. Uncle Angel and I continued to laugh and talk about things from my childhood and things of his past, until sunrise. As the sun rose so did my anxiety and panic because I knew when I got home, I was in trouble. I knew I probably missed training so that was a dead give away that I wasn’t home like I was supposed to be.

We flew back home, with Uncle Angel telling me he would help explain the situation to my parents. However, that didn’t make me feel better considering the fact that there was no reasoning with parents as overprotective as my own.

We landed swiftly and opened the door to the mansion and made our way to the kitchen, figuring they would be there having their morning coffee and tea.

“Lena Oni Howlett! Where have you been? You just don’t leave the house without telling us or someone going with you!” I heard my mother yell.

“I know. “I mumbled quietly that only my father could probably hear with his advanced hearing.

“Wait Ororo, please don’t yell at her it was my fault,”  Angel said as he stood in front of me.

“She was having a bad day and-and I know flying helps to calm her down, so I took her.” He said trying to explain the situation.

“Do you have any idea what could’ve to happen with her flying up there. “I heard my father say with a growl.

“Nothing, I was with her-“ Angel tried to finish before he was interrupted “Then you’re dumber than I thought birdbrain. Her powers are unpredictable right now. We don’t know what triggers then and what doesn’t. You could’ve gotten yourselves both killed.” He said with anger in his voice.

I flinched when he called my powers unpredictable and when he said I was capable of killing both of us. It was true and I didn’t want it to happen. I never want to hurt anyone ever again but the way my own father was describing me it was like I was some kind of monster.

“Logan…” My mother warned.

“Can you believe this bullshit!” He yelled as he slammed his hand onto the marble countertop causing a crack to form.

“Watch your language!” My mother yelled at him.

“As soon as we do a better job at keeping track of our own, damn daughter. Oh, or do you not remember the stakes that are at hand!” He roared.

“Of course, I do! That’s why we’re taking the percussions we are now!” He yelled back. At this point, they were arguing with one another about me in front of me completely ignoring how I feel at this point. I felt awful knowing that my parents were arguing because of me. They rarely argued. Mostly playful banter. But I was the cause of this me. I hate conflict but I had to make it right.

“Stop!” I screamed at the top as my lungs as my eyes glow dark pink and my hair floated up in the air slightly. “Have you ever thought for a second how this all makes me feel? I’m the one with uncontrolled powers. I’m the one that ends up hurting people. I’m the common denominator! Keeping locked up like-like some monster won’t solve any of it.” I said looking at them with my eyes still glowing.

“This-” I said as pink aura started admitting from my body, “You say it’s special, but I have to hide it. You treat how society treats mutants. I don’t know whose side you guys are on or if you see me as some dangerous mutant…. or as your daughter.” I said in a shaky breath.

“I’m warning you both now. That if you don’t give me some space… or just an inch of freedom I will explode and nothing- and I mean nothing in this world will be able to contain it not even me.” I said sadly as I turned my back on them and left the kitchen quietly.

I went to my bedroom and looked into the mirror on the way to the far right and stared at it. My eyes were still glowing, and my pink aura was still surrounding my body. I sat down gently and started to close my eyes and take deep breaths until I felt my power level constrain back into my body. I take a few more moments before I hop into bed.

I take off my gloves and lay them on the side of my bed. I stare at my hands. The hands of murder. The hands of filled with extraordinary power. The hands of a murderer.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Link to:

Masterpost

Chapter 2 

I wanted to thank everyone who has liked or reblogged anything that has to do with this story. I want to give a HUGE SHOUTOUT to the following people for showing me some support (I apologize if i’m missing any names)!!

@jaydeee86​ @cyberdoshee​ @princess-of-fuckup​ @nygoddess​ @kenbechillin @queenwinchester27​ @themilkcartoonkid @nunubug99​ @discowh0requeen​ @my-massivelyhopefulcollection​ @eroticababylv​ @cocoplovely​ @loveinsunlight​ @grandetan​ @deansblackbeauty​ @lumbs17 @rls905​ @girl-oddity​ @noble-kale​ @love-livinglifetothefullest @rudebot​ @black-is-beautiful18​ @kaylahemsworth​ @sanders2017​ @save-feza​ @alexthesupergay​ @missellaineous​ @princessshanae14​ @mismerccray​ @amethyst09​ @bunniotomia​

[snazzamazing]

Most of you have noticed already but there has been a huge lack of me posting recently. I have been having one of the most toughest artist times for a while. I've in this mood where I would be having major art block bit lots of motivation at the same time. When those two moods combine into one, it just makes one big mess of chaotic emotions. It's been going on for a long time. I'm stuck with my art at the moment. I'm just going to come clean and say it but doing art lately has been feeling like a tight and complicated stressful schedule for me. For months and months I've been having a mindset where I feel like I NEED to be posting constantly because I fear that if I dont, people would leave me. I fear that my account would just die and that my content wouldn't be relevant anymore. I hate that feeling. My art has been seeming like it's only meant to be posted to show that I'm active. My text posts or me answering questions now made me realize that I'm not even doing those for fun anymore! I'm only posting them to let people know that I'm still here. It really does seem like I'm working for some big company and that I have to post my work constantly and have to make sure it's all coming out perfectly, and its stressful. Now this is nobody's fault, this is just how I feel now.

I like to look back at some really old posts/art of mine to remember what it was like to feel more free. I miss the feeling of not caring about people's opinions on my interests. I miss the feeling of posting whatever I wanted and posting whenever I wanted. I want to go back to that and I am for sure going to work hard on getting back to that. I've honestly have been so scared to post art now. I miss posting about ships I like, about stupid comics, about my silly fnaf ideas, about my other interests but people's judgments and opinions all of a sudden matter to me now. It has started being that way ever since my account started getting bigger and bigger. I would get attacked for bringing up a thing I like or a thing I'm into and it really scared me and made me not want to share my opinions or interests ever again. I absolutely despised constantly having that feeling. That all ends now. I want to be down to earth with everyone because ya know, I'm human too.

Okay now let's talk about what I wanna do with my art. My art has been feeling repetitive and bland to me. I dont want that. For the past time I would mention stuff like "posting this soon!" Or "get ready for a new post Tomorrow!" And then never post it ever. Why? Because plans dont work out all the time. I only post art I'm satisfied with so if my art takes forever to post or just gets cancelled on posting then that's that. I do feel bad, but I'd rather have art up that makes me happy too. The fnaf 2 art I said that I was gonna post? Yeah, not happening. It's not turning out as I wanted so sorry for missing out on the fnaf 2 anniversary:(

Speaking of fnaf, I am still going to continue drawing it. But I've been wanting to draw other content too for the longest time. The reason why I dont post other content more is because nobody is interested in it. It doesnt get as much attention as my fnaf art. That used to not bother me but the thing is I cant keep doing fnaf content forever so I care now. I want to post more about my ocs and their wacky world. I want to post about other fandoms, even fandoms that I'm not even into! I have been dging to post overwatch but held back on that because the whole blizzard controversy happened and I was scared that people would hate me to post overwatch at such a bad timing like that. I've been into overwatch for years and have been wanting to post art about it but didnt because I was very self conscious on my human style. But now that I figured it out, things went all over the place. For those of you who dont know, I've also had an overwatch blog years ago but deleted it later cause I didnt like how the blog turned out. I am going to post overwatch art in the future cause ive enjoyed the game for years now. What blizzard did was terrible and I'm not on board with it so please dont hate me, I just really like the OW characters. ANYWAY, I WAS HAVING A PANIC ATTACK AND RANTED OFF TRACK BUT YEAH. I WANT TO EXPAND MY ART A LITTLE.

And last thing. I've said it before, but I HATE feeling like my art has to be on a schedule where theres deadlines and where I have to post constantly. I'm having mini burnouts. So to all those people who sent messages about me not posting anymore or about my account dying, I want to let you know that my account is still alive and will have posts. Please understand that if I am taking forever to post something new, I am trying to figure things out. I am trying to figure out time management for school and art. I am trying to figure out things on my art style. I am trying to figure out new ideas for big projects I wanna do. I am trying to figure myself out and I dont need to be rushed. I am an artist and I am free to do what I want and post whenever I want. Art is for fun and for stressing myself out.

THERE, THERE I FINALLY RANTED IT ALL OUT. It was an extremely long rant, but I really needed to get it off my chest. Again, nobody is at fault here and nobody is forcing my wack behavior to be like this, it's just some thoughts I need to get out of my head. You are all important and matter to me so I have to be honest with everyone. I cant keep hiding away. I'm just some teen wacko girl that wants to draw characters and be friends with you cool weirdos :)

Love you all💖

Edit: I am so sorry if my rant made no sense and is all over the place or if it somehow upset people, that wasnt my intent. Its 2am and I'm all panicky so I had to rant sO THAT I CAN SLEEP

[virtualreylo]

My review of TROS:

As some of you may know, I went to see TROS on the premier night, and I wanted to give myself a full week to think everything through to see what stil stood out to me. See-the-fuck-below:

I want to first say that TROS was honestly better than I thought it would be, however, IT WAS SO RUSHED.

I felt like we the audience had zero time to actually react to what was happening because this movie literally had two, maybe even three, movies crammed into a single one.

Rush Job / Leia:

We weren’t given the opportunity to actually feel as though Chewie had died, or really get to know Dio, or properly grieve Leia-Effing-Organa-Skywalker-Solo.

Like seriously, what the hell was up with that? This woman had given so much to the Star Wars universe, and the characters along for the ride couldn’t even have a minute to respond and process.

It was always just so “Onto the next thing!”, and I hated it.

Poe/Finn/Rose:

I did like that we were able to kind of get a glimpse of Poe’s background a little more, but when he was given the title of ‘General’, I WISHED they would have also given him just an extra five seconds to process and acknowledge this! That was a huge step for every one around him, and for Leia to do, and it was just glossed over.

With Finn, I hated how he interacted with Rose. Those few seconds reminded me of how we deal with an annoying little cousin. Those two characters literally spent an entire movie together, at least show they’re more than strangers.

I do like how it’s more obvious that he’s force sensitive, but I HATE that JJ made it seem as if he was trying to tell Rey that he had feelings for her or some shit. I mean, if you were paying close enough attention, Finn was telling everyone else around him about it, so it made sense that that was what he was also trying to tell Rey (John Boyega has also confirmed via Instagram that Finn was not trying to tell Rey he loved her). It just could’ve been handled differently, and I don’t think Finn’s story had to be based around Rey, of course, until he met Jannah...

Rose - My, my, my. It was such a shame to see her character pushed to the sidelines in such a harsh way. I understand she may not have needed to be such a big character in TROS, however TLJ made me feel like she was part of the gang.

If JJ wanted to exercise his creativity, he could have included her and formed it in a way where it wasn’t so in your face. Instead, after alllll the backlash and harassment Kelly had dealt with, her character was pretty much trashed, and at a time when female friendship was needed in the Star Wars films.

C3PO/Chewie:

I actually loved C3PO’s humor in this one - But part of me did feel a little betrayed about how easy it was for the gang to decide to just destroy his mind (Its rediculous when you think about it lmao). I am not saying it didn’t make sense, I just wish they would have taken only an extra 5 seconds to be like “Mmm... Are we sure?” - But no, it was always “On to the next thing!”

Chewie - Yall already know that I wanted a bigger reaction to the almost-death. Again, literally 5 seconds more could have made the difference.

In addition, it would have been amazing to see Chewie and Ben interact...

Lando:

Okay.

What the actual fuck?

I seriously felt as though I blinked and Lando just popped up with no acknowledgment.

AGAIN.

I was soooo frustrated, because Lando was a big character that I think a lot of people were looking forward to seeing, and the only one excited to be there, was Lando himself.

Everyone just kinda had the reaction of: “Oh, hey.” on screen. WTF!!!

Hux:

The spy, eh? Full on caps-lock-pissy-mode activated.

HOW FUCKING RANDOM AND THROWN IN WAS THAT?! WHAT ABOUT EVERYTHING IN TFA AND TLJ? WHERE WAS THE HELP THEN?? WHY DID HE ALL OF A SUDDEN CARE NOW?!

ALSO, SMALL FUCKING REMINDER, HE STILL WASN’T ON THE RESISTANCE��S SIDE!!!

HE HELPED THEM ONLY TO TAKE KYLO REN DOWN, HE SAID HE DIDN’T GIVE A DAMN WHO WON.

Sorry. The end.

Also, he looked hot af in this movie.

Rey:

Now, let’s get into the heavy.

I, again, hated how rushed this movie was, and that included how they dealt with Rey’s character and growth.

Only one year had passed, you’re telling me she learned all of these powers and moves by Leia? Let’s say that was the case, JUST SHOW US HOW. Even a 10 second clip of just their various training methods or sessions! Anything.

Don’t get me wrong: I know Rey is a Palpatine (Rolling my mf eyes) - so she would obviously be very powerful. But the last we saw of Rey, she was lost and struggling how to move on.

Her saber was broken, she had the Jedi textbooks, and she was lost.

What happened??

Along side this, I was extremely disappointed to find out that she was indeed a Palpatine. I had my theories when TFA came out, but I, along with so many others, loved the fact that she didn’t have to be part of any big name in order to be a strong, self sufficient lead, and I think Rian Johnson did a great job at letting us know and feel that during the mirror/cave scene in TLJ.

Rey’s overall attitude this movie really left a sour taste in my mouth. I get that she was hurt, and angry, and panicking... But, she acted like an ass quite honestly.

But, to me, it kind of played into the dark side of herself, though I wished that was explained a bit more for people that don’t really get into Star Wars as much as we do.

With that said: I wished Rey was still a nobody from Jakku, and that she kept a little bit of her curious/sweet side. And I wished her growth was shown a bit more - Not in just the powers she used against Kylo Ren.

Ben Solo / Kylo Ren:

Can we seriously just take a minute to thank Adam Driver? This isn’t me being up his ass. As an aspiring director, his acting was amazing in this movie, and I feel he really out did himself.

With that said: I, again, hate how everyone’s characters and growth were glossed over in TROS, as if TLJ never happened and it’s really so childish and disheartening. If Abrams wanted to literally skip TLJ, he should have manned up and taken on TLJ himself.

I feel like Kylo Ren was back in his TFA ways; Demanding, with a little charm now. I liked it, but I would have liked it a little more if he actually talked to Rey like a normal human being like he did in TLJ.

(But, Kylo Ren with an attiude? FuCk YeS pLeAsE.)

Ben Solo: Can we all just marry you now? That fucking switch was everything, his ‘Ow’ was everything, his lightsaber throw-age was everything, his interaction with Han was life, and kicking ass and forgetting names was the best fucking time.

I wished he had more lines in the end, literally, how does he barely have any lines as BEN SOLO!!!!

But jesus, the way he literally crawled out of the dark to save Rey was everything.

And that kiss? I could stare at it for hours.

Amazing acting with these characters, brav-fucking-o.

The end (+THAT “death”):

Ben Solo is not dead.

That is not denial.

I think that is the “hope” that JJ kept referring to. There are so many big points that show he isn’t, and I think down the line, we will get another movie with his comeback.

With the end, I hated how Rey didn’t seem to react to his death either, but I think it leads to something bigger: She feels him out there somewhere, in the in-between.

I do not like how she adopted the Skywalker name... I wished she stuck with the “Just Rey.” shit. I lived for that.It’s great, she has some sense of belonging, if that’s what you want to call it... But again, it was thrown together and it isn’t real.

The ending itself was left open: Yellow lightsaber, and walking around on Tattooine? I really doubt she stayed there.

Overall:

I hated how rushed it was, and how JJ tried to erase TLJ (Seriously, if you aim to do that shit to a movie, JUST DON’T TAKE THE JOB, YOU SCARED/POSSESSIVE POS!! Let’s say the movie was split up in two, with the same outcome, but at least TLJ still existed in his world - I would be 100% okay with that!

But, that’s not how it was handled, and we the fandom, were provided a “close” to a saga that we rode with for many, many years just to have it all thrown down the drain without a second thought.

 I do believe a LOT of last minute decisions were made, especially with editing. But I sincerely hope that we get a glimpse into the shit that was left out, at least on the DVD extras, or an extended version of the movie (GOD, PLEASE).

When all is said and done:

- Ben Solo will come back.

- Rey’s story will continue.

- Hopefully we have a director that actually cares about the characters and story.

- I am looking forward to the novelization, the Kylo Ren comics, those DVD extras, and once the dust settles I really want to see what JJ and the cast have to say for this shit.

[aroworlds]

The Vampire Conundrum, Part Two

When Rowan Ross is pressured into placing an aromantic pride mug on his desk, he doesn't know how to react when his co-workers don't notice it. Don't they realise he spent a weekend rehearsing answers for questions unasked? Then again, if nobody knows what aromanticism is, can't he display a growing collection of pride merch without a repeat of his coming out as trans? Be visible with impunity through their ignorance?

He can endure their thinking him a fan of archery, comic-book superheroes and glittery vampire movies. It's not like anyone in the office is an archer. (Are they?) But when a patch on his bag results in a massive misconception, correcting it means doing the one thing he most fears: making a scene.

After all, his name isn't Aro.

Contains: One trans, bisexual frayromantic alongside an office of well-meaning cis co-workers who think they're being supportive and inclusive.

Content Advisory: This story hinges on the way most cishet alloromantic people know nothing about aromanticism and the ways many trans-accepting cis people fail to best communicate their acceptance. In other words, expect a series of queer, trans and aro microaggressions. There are no depictions or mentions of sexual attraction beyond the words "allosexual" and "bisexual", but there are non-detailed references to Rowan's previous experiences with romance.

Length: 3, 737 words (part two of two).

Note: Posted for @aggressivelyarospec‘s AggressivelyArospectacular 2019.

Romance, too, feels like one of the mechanisms by which a dangerous trans body can be rendered more acceptable to cis folks.

“His name’s Aro,” Melanie says after lunch, showing a new volunteer around the office. She pats Rowan on the shoulder as she walks behind his chair, startling him enough that the clipping path he’s making around a photo of Damien’s head goes veering off to the side. “He does our website, our flyers and the information guides we send out. Aro like from the Twilight movies!”

Introductions once only encompassed Melanie’s habit of overly-stressing pronouns when referencing him—a dysphoria-triggering reminder that she doesn’t think him masculine enough for people to assume it. Isn’t that bad enough without her also getting his name wrong?

He sighs, frustrated. Complaining about this, when trans people are in desperate want of a working environment free of outright antagonism and discrimination, feels unreasonable. Hell, Rowan knows aromantics who’ll revel in being named “Aro”, so isn’t his hurt just pettiness? Isn’t this why he’s no longer welcome at home, a man too intolerant of his family’s mistakes? How many times did they tell him that his harping on about little things demonstrates a concerning lack of gratitude for their acceptance?

His co-workers do seem to believe in Rowan’s masculinity; he shouldn’t take that for granted.

Instead, he feels like he’s failing at being both transgender and aromantic.

After a fair amount of editing, he places Damien’s image in the brochure mock-up and exports to PDF. The office will make suggestions, some useful, some ignorant and some so absurd that Rowan will laugh with his friends later on, but that’s fine. He can’t expect otherwise in a workplace where everyone considers him possessed of unknowable ability with computers. They’re good people, in the main, and they care about their work.

It’s just complicated, and Rowan hates the feeling that complicated is the best cis people will let him get to a normalised acceptance.

“Aro? An Arrow fan called Aro? Really? Do you like comics or are you one of those people only into DC TV?”

Rowan looks up from attaching his PDF to an email to find the volunteer sitting on a creaking office chair and crab-walking it over to Rowan’s desk. “Comics?”

“Oh, good.” The volunteer sighs as if in relief. “I mean, the TV show? It isn’t terrible—better than most of DC’s movies, at least—but I’m so tired of people who call themselves fans but have never touched a comic book.”

Rowan glances at his journal cover, ponders its possible similarity to the show’s motif and nearly bursts out laughing. He’s never read a comic and doesn’t plan on doing so. He prefers indie podcasts and audiobooks on account of increased representation and greater ability to sew and cook while listening. “I’m not an Arrow fan. Sorry.”

Another show about cis people possessed of everyone-should-pair-up amatonormativity?

Hard pass.

“You’re not?” The volunteer gapes, waving his hand towards Rowan’s cluster of pride mugs. Three, now. Only one contains coffee, which feels like a terrible oversight. “Is this a joke, then? Are they getting you arrow stuff because of your name? Like some office thing?”

Aro.

His name is not Aro.

Rowan once thought the concept of snapping a mere storytelling device, something as ludicrous or impossible as “glittering eyes” or “romantic interest that lasts after getting to know someone”. At best an experience had by people without a brain that doesn’t devote most of its time to screaming alerts at the prospect of anything dangerous. Absurd, irrational, void of any real-life relevance.

Not even with his family has he felt this chilling, all-encompassing moment of enough.

He looks back at his computer, attaches a second PDF file to his email and, before he considers pesky things like consequences, clicks send. Then Rowan climbs up on his office chair, steps up onto the desk and whistles like a country boy who owned a border collie prone to sneaking off the property and rounding up the neighbour’s sheep.

Everyone in the office gapes up at him with a motley assortment of parted lips, unblinking eyes and, in Melanie’s case, the pointing of a long, vermillion-polished fingernail.

Up high, the room reeks of nesting rodents and the popcorn ceiling desperately wants refinishing.

Now Rowan’s brain tells his limbs to shake and his chest to heave; of course, he thinks as he shoves his hands behind his back, anxiety kicks in after he’s neck-deep in it! “My … my name is Rowan. I chose it.” He looks at the vent on the opposite wall, fighting to sound collected. Is that black mould? “Dad told me if I rejected my deadname, I was rejecting them. That I was being cruel and selfish. I earnt my name!” He stops, gasping for breath like a hooked fish—which, given his terror, feels far too appropriate a simile. “My identity is aro, short for aromantic, like being queer—one way of my being queer. So ... there’s a PDF booklet in your inbox about aromanticism. Read it! I’m proud of being aro, but you need to call me by the name I chose! It’s Rowan!”

He jumps down off the desk. The creaking laminate and the thud of his dress shoes, a little too large for Rowan’s feet, sound abominably loud in the sepulchrally-quiet room. Heading past giddy into faint, but pushed on by a heedlessness of the “this can’t possibly get worse because I’m going to be fired” variety, Rowan snatches up his satchel and reaches into the side pocket to pull out his handful of print leaflets. He drops one in the lap of the gaping volunteer, tosses the rest on an empty desk for luddites who prefer paper, and returns to his chair.

Seven sets of speechless eyes bore holes through his skull, shoulders and spine.

Rowan jams on his headphones, opens his no-romance metal playlist and turns his music up to a volume just short of deafening before queuing new posts to the project’s website.

When he invented the God of Trans Men as flippant rhetoric to cope with Melanie’s questions, is it right to pray to him?

***

Two hours later, doing his best to radiate an aura of do not disturb on pain of your bloody death, Rowan fights to pay attention to the last event write-up. Leaving early means asking permission and walking down the row of desks, risking stares and comments; he instead corrects Melanie’s idiosyncratic punctuation. Didn’t Melanie go to school at a time when they taught more than English comprehension? How doesn’t she know when not to use an apostrophe?

There’ll be consequences. Warnings? A formal discussion in the private office the supervisors only use for interviews? A request that he undergo counselling? A strong recommendation for psychiatric assessment? Firing? It isn’t like they can’t throw a rock and hit thousands of people under the age of forty with general computer skills and design ability who aren’t prone to standing on desks to make unwanted announcements.

No. Focus on the damn comma splices.

Should he ask his psychiatrist for the soonest possible appointment? New meds?

A tap on the shoulder makes Rowan’s head threaten to brush the probably-asbestos-riddled ceiling; he gasps and yanks off his headphones, trembling.

Melanie stands beside his chair, holding out her phone in its glossy pink case. “Those words that are underlined? Can I click on them to find out what they mean, like on a website? Like ... al-lo-sexual?”

“Hyperlinks in an interactive PDF—the file on your phone—work the same way as on a website,” Rowan says without thinking: in the last three months, he’s been asked this ten times. “If you click on those links, they’ll take you to a glossary at the end of the document with definitions.”

Damien sits facing his usual computer, his head tilted as if watching out the corner of his eye.

Melanie smiles the expression of a woman in an alternate dimension where Rowan doesn’t engage in embarrassing outbursts. “You’re so good at all this stuff, Rowan.” She stresses his name just enough that he can pretend she didn’t. “Where did you learn it all?”

He once tried to explain his philosophy of clicking on things only to realise that while the concept of generational divides requires excessive generalisation, a difference exists in terms of his willingness to fearless experimentation with electronic devices and programs. “School. Uni.”

“You’re so lucky. School was nothing like that when I was a girl. You have so many more opportunities now. And identities.” Melanie sighs and pushes a wisp of grey hair back from her eyebrows. “It’s good, it really is.”

Rowan blinks, startled into silence by a rare glimpse of validation stripped of performance and demonstration.

He hadn’t thought anyone here capable of it.

“It says that some people feel repulsed by romance? Are you like that? Should we do something? Do we need to not talk about romance in the office? Like, if I describe my daughter dating her boyfriend, not that I want to, is that bad? Do we need to hold a meeting? Damien—Damien—”

Damien turns, wearing the blinded look of a rabbit frozen in a spotlight. “Yes...?”

For how long has Damien worked with Melanie? For how long has the office rolled with Melanie’s interruptions and proclamations, her meetings called about the slightest of issues? For how long has the office accepted Shelby’s incessant reminding and Damien’s inability to surrender event photography to someone who knows how to modify their flash settings? Isn’t there a chance that they’ll tolerate Rowan’s occasional moments of desk-blathering?

A trans aro should be able to sew a patch on his bag reading “aro” without provoking cis weirdness. Since when does someone read a new word on his bag and assume that’s now his name? Isn’t that another over-the-top demonstration made by awkward cis people trying to prove their acceptance, something that’s never made Rowan feel safe?

Even when he’s aromantic, he never gets to avoid cissexism.

He slides his hands between the seat and his legs, aware of Melanie’s once again drawing the office’s unbroken attention. “I, personally, don’t care if people talk about their romances,” he says, certain that Damien needn’t answer Melanie about meetings, “but I do care when people assume I must want one. I do care when Sh … some of you just keep asking if I’m dating anyone.”

Rowan long set aside the need to bother with romance. He isn’t aromantic in the way most people first think of the word, as he does fall in love, but it describes his frayromanticism nonetheless. Why put himself through the inevitable messy, angry break-up when his partners don’t understand why what started as romance ends up to him as a friendship? When dating isn’t without trans-related challenges, why force himself into a type of relationship that he knows won’t last?

Romance, too, feels like one of the mechanisms by which a dangerous trans body can be rendered more acceptable to cis folks, in the same way it sanitises his equally-threatening bisexuality. If queers are holding hands and exchanging rings, just like cis and heterosexual couples, they’re safe.

He wants to be normal, but not that normal.

Melanie surprises him again by nodding. Opaque red only colours the corners of her lips; the worn centres reveal the brownish-pink beneath. “Like how we now don’t assume everyone’s—what’s the fancy word you use for not being you?”

“Cis. Yeah.”

“At my first job, I never dared yeah my elders. Can I ask what’s this a-sexual thing? Not-sexual? That’s a thing that can go with your a-ro-manti-cism? Am I saying it right? Is that something people can be?” Melanie grabs the volunteer’s vacated chair and wheels herself up to Rowan’s desk. “Tell me about this. Please.”

Damien gives a theatrically deep sigh, winks at Rowan and turns back to his keyboard.

Rowan’s tangle of feelings bewilders him too much to be simple relief, but he doesn’t appear to be at immediate risk of losing his job.

***

“We need to have a meeting!” Melanie announces ten days later, striding up to where Damien peers over Rowan’s shoulder to approve the touch-ups on a series of scanned photos. Rowan grasps the want to have a section on the website showcasing past events, but surely Damien’s film-camera predecessors weren’t all unable to take decent pictures? “Today. Perhaps before lunch?”

“Do we?” Damien doesn’t bother to turn his head. “What’s the number on the urgency scale, remembering that whiteboard markers aren’t a five?”

“I’m aro-ace.” Melanie stresses the words, beaming with the confidence of a child presenting a new finger-painted masterpiece. “I didn’t know, but I definitely am. I’m aromantic and asexual.”

“I’m glad for you.” Now Damien faces her, scratching his shock of unruly brown hair. “I don’t know why this needs a meeting? Do you want something addressed?”

Rowan leans back in his chair, too startled to do anything but watch. Melanie’s interrogation of him about all things a-spec over the last few days left him certain that she was questioning, but he didn’t expect this announcement—or Damien’s reaction to it.

“I’ve been reading, and I sent around a list of links everyone else should read, too. We must do something about our website. And, of course, everyone should know I’m aro-ace, and then let people ask any questions. Then we should consider changes to our submission forms, and then...”

Already, Melanie has done more to integrate her identity into the office and its projects than Rowan ever dared risk. Why, then, does he feel as though he’s being pressed inside a metal suit three sizes too small? Shouldn’t the end result be worth enduring a staff meeting in which she announces she’s aro-ace? Melanie being Melanie, she’ll gladly answer questions about aromanticism. Doesn’t that give Rowan everything he wanted—ability to be out as aromantic but someone else’s dealing with allo nonsense?

Matt’s right.

Rowan’s just a coward.

Damien nods at Rowan. “What do you think about that?”

“Uh...” Rowan draws a delaying breath, fighting against a brain too bewildered to be useful in forming comprehensible speech. “Uh … you’d have to run form changes past someone higher up, wouldn’t you? We have to ask about everything else? But...”

He doesn’t name Melanie a friend, but fellow aromantics aren’t common enough that Rowan will reject a companion—even if they’re cis and have subjected him to half a year’s discomfort, anxiety and alienation. He slides his restless hands under his legs, biting his lip against the sickening realisation. Melanie’s enthusiastic fearlessness may make this office and program better for him as an aro, but how can it answer all the attitudes that made Rowan fear coming out in the first place?

If he’s a coward, doesn’t he have reason?

“We do need a meeting,” he says slowly, his heart pounding in his chest like blast beats in death metal. “On better integrating marginalised people into our office. Because the way you emphasise my pronouns, Melanie, or the way Shelby reassures me five times that I can correct her … that doesn’t make me feel safe. It makes me feel reminded. Different. Too visible. And that’s why...”

“You ended up standing on a desk?” Damien asks with the gruffness of a middle-aged cis man trying to sound gentle.

“Yeah,” Rowan mutters. “That.”

Melanie clasps her fingers to her lips. “Oh! I didn’t mean anything by it! I just wanted people to get it right!”

How many times has he suffered through well-meaning people explaining that in response to his saying that they made him uncomfortable? How many times has he heard people justify their actions as though good intent always mitigates bad impact?

“You’re … you’re still making this about you! The only answer I want or need from you is thanks for telling me, Rowan, I won’t do it again! That’s all! Not your reasoning, not this effort to justify! I want to know that you hear me, that you’ll acknowledge that your intent however good still made me come home crying from dysphoria, and that you’ll stop because I don’t want to put up with it anymore! That’s all!”

For the second time in less than a fortnight, a chilling silence envelops the office.

“We need a meeting,” Rowan says breathlessly, reminding himself that at least this time he isn’t standing on his desk, “discussing how to include marginalised people in our office. Discussing all the microaggressions. Maybe you need to find … educators, trainers who come in and do this. I don’t know. I’m just so tired of never feeling safe or normal, never feeling like I can say anything because this isn’t hate and at least you’re not my parents! Like I don’t ever get to have anything better!”

He stands up, unsure what to do past fetching himself a distracting cup of coffee.

Maybe, then, he’ll be able to survive the way Melanie looks at him—as though he just ran over her puppy.

She just came out, and he did run right over it.

“I’m sorry.” Rowan sags onto his chair, leaning forwards to grab his satchel despite the unpleasant giddiness. “I’m sorry. It’s wonderful, Melanie, that you now know who you are and that you can come out. And it’s amazing that you’re doing things already, when I needed like six months just to get used to my knowing I’m aro. I just...” He reaches inside the satchel and pulls out a rough oblong shape wrapped in white tissue paper. “Here. I’m sorry.”

He, an allo-aro man, screwed up an aro-ace woman’s coming out. Shouldn’t he know better? He wants to laugh, wants to cry, wants to curl up in a ball and hide under his desk. Even now, when he’s trying to get what he needs as a trans man, he’s being the worst kind of aromantic!

Her lips pinched, Melanie takes the present in her hands, worrying at the top piece of tape with her long, pink nails.

“We’ll have a meeting.” Damien runs his hand through his hair as though he doesn’t quite know what to do with himself. “I’ll talk to the heads about … sensitivity training, I suppose this also is. Would you be willing to write me an email outlining some of these behaviours and any ways we can make this office safer for you? Is that an appropriate thing to ask of you?”

“I don’t mind,” Rowan says. As long as he doesn’t go ignored, he’ll send a few emails—and he already has a few blog posts on which to draw. “Thank you.”

“Do you … want anything, now? To talk privately to me or anyone else? Or to a senior supervisor? Or someone with the government body? Can I do or arrange anything else?”

“Coffee. Please. And … and then to go back to fixing photos as though absolutely nothing happened because I don’t … do this sort of thing.” Rowan heaves a shaking sigh, pushing aside the thought that nobody can have failed to observe this. “Thank—thank you. I’m sorry. Thank you.”

He notices Damien gesturing at Melanie, notices that Rowan’s aro flag mug leaves with both and returns a few minutes later—now distracting from the office’s musty odour with its rich bitterness. He takes a few sips, but only by throwing himself into his work can he survive the gibbering, chattering thoughts building into a crushing tsunami of what the hell. Why did he do that? Why—no. Photos.

The soft clunk of crockery hitting laminate makes him look up.

Melanie leans against the edge of Rowan’s desk, her hand resting atop her new orange, yellow, white and blue aro-ace flag mug. “I’m sorry. Thanks for telling me.” She draws a deep breath, tapping her nails against the rim. “I didn’t know I could … that there’s an explanation, until I read your booklet. It described me. Things I didn’t realise about me! Things I’d been feeling! But … I’ve been learning about things like micro-aggressions. I didn’t know I’d been doing them myself. I’m sorry. I’ll keep learning. And thank you for my cup.”

“I know,” Rowan says softly, thinking back to the day when he realised the words “aromantic” and “frayromantic” describe him. A belated voicing of confusion and alienation; the naming of a constant sense of difference from the world. Revelation, understanding, explanation. “I know. I’m sorry, too. I don’t like … scenes. Or asking people things. I’m an anxious coward. So it just...”

He waves his hands, trying to mime an explosion.

Melanie, wide-eyed, jerks her head. “I couldn’t have said anything if you hadn’t done it first—and I wouldn’t have known to say anything if you hadn’t! And you’re asking us to do things knowing that we don’t understand, which must be frightening at least. You’re brave. And you shouldn’t be sorry.”

Rowan stares at her, unsure what to say in response. Never has anyone in his life freely offered such a sentiment. Never has anyone offered him something so generous without subsequent critique of Rowan’s intolerance for and impatience with their struggles to deal with him, praise softening the following reproval.

Brave.

His throat tightens and his eyes blur.

“Would you work with me on a proposal to put together for the submission forms? Damien insisted that I work with you, if you want to.”

“Uh … yeah?”

Melanie grabs a stack of papers from her desk and a chair. “I’ve gone through the old forms and highlighted passages. Do you want to read through and see if there’s anything I’ve missed or anything that should be left?”

He nods and takes the papers. Is this an alternate universe, the world flung upside down? Or, if people possess a minimum of decency, can he make needed change by addressing his problems instead of letting everyone talk over him? Can he build a world where he doesn’t endure cis or allo microaggressions by believing that their inconveniences aren’t worth more than his discomfort?

If his co-workers doesn’t object to correction, if they’re willing to make changes and investigate training, is the problem one of Rowan’s overreaction?

Does that mean he can talk to Matt the way he spoke to Melanie and Damien?

“Is something wrong?” Melanie asks, frowning.

Rowan shakes his head and plucks a pen from his frayro mug. “No.”

For the first time in a long time, that’s mostly true.