#sorry guys i’m venting

[impulsivedecisionsat3am]

forgot it’s a sunday. fuck

[ryomaandgundhamkin]

Okay. I have a lot to explain. First:

Listen- I am REALLY sorry for not drawing a lot. For the last month (by this point it’s probably been a month), I’ve been really, really behind on drawing and TSAMS lore. I don’t really feel that I’m apart of the fandom anymore. I just lost all my energy to actually dedicate myself to the lore of the show. I feel exhausted. Plus, school isn’t helping. For the last two weeks it’s been kind of hard for me, I mean aside from my trip, but then I had to catch up on work then do 1 project. I had two tests today.

Art block is hitting hard and I hope you understand. I just feel like I want to draw, I have a lot of ideas, I just can never get a result I actually like. It’s a process of drawing and deleting all my progress. I feel like it’s either 1., I make too much art, which in turn exhausts me further, or 2., I don’t make art at all. I’ve just been lurking around Tumblr and going around, like “oh I’m so going to draw this”, but I’m realizing that I definitely do not have enough energy to draw anything TSBS right now.

My main focus at the moment is school and school only. I hope you understand this because I had a shit ton of late work I had to do from the days I missed while I was away (7 fucking pages), and I had to zoom through that, THEN I had the science test. I had my math test today and I did well and now I’m tired af. I just don’t feel like drawing in general, period. Coloring maybe, but I just have too many things to do OUTSIDE of drawing online on here. Basically this is just me taking a small break. I’m sorry that content may be slower on my account, but I feel like I need this or else I will eventually just actually pass out from the stress. No one did nothing wrong aside from me. I’m just torturing myself. My brain hurts and my sleep schedule is damaged. Planning events is NOT fun and every weekend, I seriously just want a break, but OH someone’s coming over or we’re doing something or we’re going somewhere. I seriously cannot take a break unless I have NOTHING TO DO, which is kind of impossible considering my mother’s plans.

I just don’t feel like drawing. I feel like I’m starting to sleep more early everyday. My mind is a mess. It hurts. It hurts.

I’m just so sorry about this. I hope you guys understand I may not be in the best mental state (even if I act like I’m not, and same at with school, @kiwikay3 …), and I don’t feel like drawing for a bit. Just expect me to give you updates once in a while and maybe that’s it. Just don’t expect a ton of content or doodles from me.

This problem has nothing to do with you guys, I just want you to know this and know what to expect from me from now on. I’ll catch up with all my art requests and things like that eventually, I just feel like school has taken a toll on me. On my health. But, just myself overall. I don’t want anyone to worry. I’ll probably be active less and less so it’s fine if you unfollow me or something because I feel like I’ve already failed you all, and I’ve already reached the peak of my art journey (mid-October or so). I’m so sorry but I feel like when I write these I just get so emotional and I can’t really describe any of it in words. I’m probably going to sleep after this before I actually start crying. I’m actually so annoyed and sad and I just feel so many emotions. My brother is not helping, because HE does not care about his physical health so me and my parents do instead.

Sorry. Thank you all.

I feel like I’m going to have a mental breakdown fuck i hate this

[tetzoro]

getting called out by my boss for not being ‘my usual cheery self’ at work when she knows full on why i’m upset

[mushroominaforest]

(Post panic attack Mushroom here, I’m putting this vent thingy under a cut now, I was kinda freaking out when I posted it so sorry lol)

So. Apparently I’m getting some… uh, something (not actually sure what) done to my face tomorrow. All I really know is that it’s for “aesthetic purposes”.

No matter how many times I insist that I like the way I look, my mom doesn’t seem to agree. Anyways I’m praying to god that this isn’t some sort of plastic surgery or something. With any luck it’s just like, a tooth-whitening procedure (she’s mentioned that a few times so I really hope it’s just that) or something else small. It better not be a nose job. If it’s a nose job (ever since I broke my nose and it got a bump in it, my moms been complaining about how I used to have such a cute button nose) then I swear the second that shit heals I am breaking my nose again. I don’t care.

Yeah I’m… honestly scared. I’ve told my mom so much that I don’t want to change the way I look, and she still went behind my back and booked me this appointment to have… whatever it is done to make me prettier.

But I’m just gonna fuck my face up again if they fix it. If they get rid of my scar I’m taking a knife to my face and giving myself a new one. I don’t want to change. I don’t. I’ll make myself even uglier than I already am. They can’t make me pretty, I don’t want to be! I JUST WANT TO BE MYSELF!

[bluejay-flies]

God, life is scary right now. My family is very queer, and a close member of my family is trans, and a minor, so I’m really scared for her. We might have to move because we live in a very conservative state, so after January 20th I might have to leave my entire life behind, and all of my friends. I’d have to start my senior year in a totally different state.

It’s really fucking terrifying, and I don’t know what to do.

[tulpars-nurse-anya]

[OOC] gonna cry. I expected it coming but didn’t realize that guy was so quick. I feel so stupid. I should’ve known. I blocked and deleted the rest, but I still feel like such a fucking idiot :( like I should’ve known, I literally shared a post about him how did I now realize 😭🙏 like I’m laughing but in the laugh to stop the tears way

anyway sorry guys just had to get that off my chest ig

sorry :(

[alvivaarts]

I don’t understand. I’ve applied to 50+ jobs in my field nationwide and only 6 replied, 2 said no, 4 asked for more of my info, and 2 of those just haven’t contacted me since. I’ve applied to 20 jobs in and out of my field in my hometown just to have money coming in and I can’t even get a callback for a bank teller position at a bank that keeps complaining they need more tellers. I’m really lucky I have folks who are willing to let me live at home while I figure this shit out, but nothings happening and I’m doing everything. I don’t understand. I did everything right, I don’t understand

[sofitai28]

my face every time my professors keep assigning me shit

i am still kicking!! simply going back into my Greek myth phase (as if I ever left). ask me about greek myth please i have too many in my head

[dolls-self-ships]

the awkward moment when you’re in the middle of an x reader fic and start crying out of nowhere bc you want someone to treat you/desire you that way irl but every time you try and be with someone the aromantic feelings TM start happening again and you have to go through the slow painful realization that you only like these scenarios in fiction so you will forever be consumed by this eternal feeling of heart wrenching longing and desire for something that disgusts and churns your stomach in reality.

[bwunnishit]

I wish I could move in with my P-Chan and get away from this horrible place.

I could focus on streaming, my mental health, and so much more if I was out of here.

Long distance sucks and so does living here with these people.

[whereismyhat5678]

I’m so proud of you.

Do you know how proud of you I am?

I’m so proud that you’re here. I’m happy that you are still breathing; still existing in this world.

The most important thing to tell you, from my heart, is how much you mean to me. Although some may not know me irl, some may never know me irl, but I mean with the entirety of my heart that just knowing that you are somewhere, out there, on the same planet and same earth as me, I am thankful.

I would give anything to give you a hug. I would give anything to hear you laugh, to see you smile. I want you to be happy, I may not be able to physically do that (I don’t think I hold that power), but I just hope that with my words, they resonate with you in some way shape or form.

I love you. I love you so much, and I’m sure I’m not the only one who loves you.

Please keep going, please keep trying. I’m so proud of you for being here; and you’re doing great <:]

[ryomaandgundhamkin]

11/18/24 TW/CW: vent (sort of), mentions of blood, vomit (slightly), mentions of yelling, trauma, blood, et cetera. Thank you.

“My brain works in a weird way. It’s sort of like how celebrities or others online only show their best side. They only reveal the highlights of their life and positive moments, and the audience may look up to them or feel… insignificant, in comparison. After a bit, in my case, my mask can wear down. I play this positive character in this show, and my depressed states are merely my expressions when I am off-stage. And so, I want to find a way to cope with all my stress, my trauma. And until I do, it is broken. I cannot wear it again, or lies will show. I can’t play out-of-character in a live show; the live show being, well, my life. No- I need to find a way to cope. If I don’t, I’ll never forgive. I’ll never forget. I’ll never get over it. All I have sinned for. But. I am scared. What methods do I have where my writing keeps safe? What platform is not going to be tracked by my guardians? No matter where I go, they are there. They are watching. I can’t feel safe online if they are there. I can’t express my true potential if my mom will eventually find my account and brag to her friends over how great I am. Over how… talented I am.”

“I’m crying too much. Emotions flood me as if dams are broken. The water, a growing flood, overcomes my emotions and my rationality. I do not panic, but I am scared. But I must hide my sobs before my father finds me and mentally beats me up about it. ‘It won’t do any good for you’; I can’t help it. If you keep yelling at me, what am I supposed to do? For I have not matured to your liking. I only exceed your standards, and my mother’s standards, in art. Something they seem to never get over. I start overthinking things. I grow anxiety. My head starts to throb and my hands begin to tremble so much. I feel so sick, I might throw up. The idea of multiple tests this week doesn’t help. I sit in the bathroom, silent. If I am caught, I am beat. I am lectured. They will ask me: ‘whats the matter? Why are you so sick?’, as if they are clueless that they are the main cause. I grow weak at the thought of the future, the past, and the present. ‘This could have been worse’; I comfort myself. This isn’t the worst, but it’s not the best. Tears slowly roll down my face at the memory of all the people I have lost. I’m sorry. Everything I’ve done. Every sin I’ve committed to have gotten where I am today. I’m so sorry, everyone. I deserve this. Don’t I? My lack of rationality grows my thoughts to believe in your lies. Am I just in denial? At this point, I’m stuck in here for 3 hours. I’m too scared to leave, but too scared to stay. I close my eyes and hope everything will go away. I hope everything is merely just a dream, I just need to wake up. Wake up, or you will die. Fuck. Why me? I sob silently, watching my volume as I can lightly hear the footsteps of my family emerge from the hallway. I feel so sick.”

“After another hour or so, I leave carefully. It’s midnight. They are all asleep at this point, and I am spared for another day. I immediately retreat to my room in a silent run, which slightly makes the nauseated feeling return. My pace slows as I walk to my bed, flopping down. My hand immediately reaches for my phone, an instinct. I feel something dripping from my mouth, and I carefully run my hand over it. Blood. Or so, I suppose it is. It tastes like it at least, but it’s too dark to tell. I ignore that and change my glance to my phone, going to Tumblr. My hands still tremble and my eyes are dry. The nauseated feeling slips in and out: irritating yet worrying. I scroll, looking at more art. I force a light smile to myself, and my jaw aches. It leaves after a few seconds. ‘Is this my last resort?’; Do I have to do this? This will only cause me more overwork, stress and anxiety. I exit the reblog. I am sorry, but my body still aches with the need for drawing more, making up perfect animation and drawing ideas in my head. This needs to stop. No. Please. This can’t be it. I can’t draw anymore, but my body refuses. My mind races with the thought of all my requests I have not finished, silently apologizing to the users.”

“…I can’t do this anymore.”

“I need to stop. I need to take a break. I can’t continue this continuous cycle of self-torment. If I do, I’ll become depressed. If I do, I’ll distance myself further from my friends.”

-

Thank you all. I appreciate your support and words of encouragement, and I know this may be a bit excessive, but I felt like releasing my emotions into a piece of text, even at the risk my mom may see this. I apologize if I have not finished your art requests. I am not taking a break, and I will continue making art (I’m sure you little shits are gonna be happy about that, huh, you guys who only care about my art). But I will not be as active, for school is still occurring. I have a break for a week next week, so I’ll try and make more art then. I just want you all to be happy, I’m sorry. I know this is a bit of a 180 from how I was earlier, but I gotta cope. My parents are arguing again (fml). XOXO.

[nato-obenkrieger]

i hope all of my bmc mutuals think of me not only as your black suits mutual but as your slushpuppies and t4t riends mutual as well ❤️

[mushroominaforest]

Guys I need advice help 😭

I need to confront someone and set clear boundaries, but I am also I giant pushover and this person knows it lol. They’re my friend so I don’t want to just stop talking to them, but they’ve been making me uncomfortable and don’t really listen to me. The first time I tried to tell them to stop I wasn’t firm about it at all and they just brushed it off and didn’t change their behaviour. I’m scared of ruining our friendship by making things awkward, and I’m worried my other friends in that friend group will think I’m being dramatic and not want to hang out with me anymore. How do I stand up for myself without people thinking I’m annoying???

[lucky-clover-gazette]

vent

did not expect kissing and realizing i’m lowkey dating a guy to send me down an existential spiral of reminding me that i have only one life to live and then i am going to die without living any other different lives

[ace-disgrace-on-the-case]

I wonder if maybe, just maybe, in a better world, I could have been a better son to my parents

Where I’m not trans

And they never had to yell

And they never felt the need to punish me

And I never deserved it

Where I still felt as good about them as they say they feel about me

Where I was their golden boy they could really be proud of instead of this…wretched thing

I don’t know if he would still be me

But if that version of me is out there somewhere I hope he’s doing well

He deserves it. Better than I do anyways