#someone on that post is like ‘get screened for endo’

[weirdsociology]

There’s a post on my dash right now that I don’t want to reblog because I don’t want to be fighty or mean, but it’s telling people to go to the doctor if they have heavy flow or bad menstrual cramps, and boy HOWDY do I have some bad news about how that’s gonna go.

I’m not gonna say no one ever gets their issues solved, and not every doctor will treat you badly or tell you it’s normal. But we just don’t know very much about uterus-havin’ in allopathic medicine and if you don’t respond to a few different kinds of hormone therapy/birth control and you’re reluctant to have your uterus removed, you’re kind of shit out of luck.

And don’t get me wrong, if you’re bleeding out every month and incapacitated by cramps, absolutely go to a doctor. Try birth control! Try a vitamin screening panel! Try all the low hanging fruit solutions before you give up, for sure!

Just don’t be surprised when there isn’t a solution. It’s not your doctor’s fault - it’s the way the medical and scientific research system has ignored “women’s” health issues for hundreds of years.

It’s a sad thing to say but unless you get lucky, you’re probably gonna do better with trial and error and Reddit than in a doctor’s office.

[wondercourse]

"I'm anti-endo and I want to protect pwCDDs!" but you call pwCDDs who disagree with you endogenic. But you exclude them from posts that aren't even CDD-specific and would be extremely helpful to hear as a trauma survivor. But you exclude them from posts that ARE CDD-specific, even though they have a CDD. But you say you wish they'd disappear along with endogenic systems. But you tell them to kill themselves.

Somehow, I have this strange gut feeling that this isn't about "protecting pwCDDs".

And for the record, this post isn't meant to be taken as "DIRECT YOUR ANGER TOWARDS THE ENDO MENACE" because your treatment of endogenic systems as a monolithic concept you don't understand and don't like and therefore think should be eradicated, rather than...fucking human beings is gross too. It just drives me up a wall to hear a lot of "Endos are hurting pwCDDs" along with that. Like...

Excluding them from CDD spaces isn't hurting them?

Telling them they don't belong isn't hurting them?

Saying you wish they'd disappear/die isn't hurting them?

Telling them to kill themselves isn't hurting them?

Or is it just the "real" pwCDDs? The ones that check all of your boxes?

Is it even about pwCDDs at all anymore?

Honestly I've been taking a small step back from active syscoursing, but y'all are far, far too comfortable behind your screens. Most of you would never say the things you do to someone's face; if you would, you need to get it together and start seeing your fellow humans as...fellow humans.

I don't even know if this is worded well. I'm just tired. Syscourse is a flat circle. It's an endless loop of droning nonsense that honestly just makes people miserable. It brings out such disturbing behavior and it's just so...tiresome.

TL;DR, do better, etc.

[marrmora]

// please do not tag this as ‘shoutout to people with positive experiences!’ Or stuff like that. This is about negative experiences. // I’ll be honest, and this is so stupid I’m sorry, but:

I really hate when people only paint a disorder with positive aspects and don’t touch up on the negative factors. (And anytime they do, they just put it as the “Anti” side, from what I’ve seen)

Now, don’t twist my words on this; I’m not saying that talking about a disorder shouldn’t be negative. I talk about my stuff a lot in a positive light, but it still affects me negatively in a bunch of ways. Half of the time, my disabilities are NOT positive. Autism, adhd, being a system, my body.. everything. And I’m so tired of it.

I can’t do so much shit so many other people can do. I can’t stand up for long, I can’t run without feeling like my legs are gonna give out on me any second, I can’t dance or enjoy life happily without my lungs losing air and forcing me to sit down longer then I can do anything. I feel so uncomfortable knowing I’m not just one person in a body, that my headmates help me because I can’t help myself.

I haven’t been able to clean up my room or brush my teeth in months, my legs are literally growing weaker and I’m constantly on the verge of just breaking down anytime I go out. I can’t go anywhere without being picked on by my parents on how I look, I can’t finish things with how fast we switch, how tiny and small my memory is, and how little time I can spend on technology without the screen being too bright. I cant join things I really want to because either someone who makes us have bad relapses or I can’t do it due to my mental/physical stuff.

I can’t live “normally” because I can’t function at all. And I can’t seem to speak on this because people are constantly saying that disorders aren’t supposed to always be sad. It is for me and SO many other people.

Can we also stop saying so much of the negative shit comes from the anti-endo side, as well? I’ve seen multiple posts about this and it makes me want to go crazy. Being a system is NOT all about headmates and happy moments, there’s negative and bad moments with it. If I could get rid of my disabilities, I would.

Being disabled is not all happy, fun moments, period.

Sorry for the rant. This has been on my mind for DAYS and I just finally wanted to say it.

[bainofjustice]

Welcome to Crime.net, a 18+ Payday fan server with a focus on Payday's interesting Lore! We have channels to discuss the games, to share fan creations and for discussing the gameplay, under the cut is the full rules list, which is also in the server

**The Rules**

1. Be kind, ultimately this is the most important, do not be rude/cruel to people and respect people's boundaries

2. No bigotry, this fits above and includes queerphobia, racism, ableism/sanism (towards physical & mental disabilities), etc

3. This server is friendly to all systems, if you are anti endo please leave

4. This server is 18+ ONLY due to the dark subject matter of Payday as a franchise & because currently the admin do not feel responsible enough to be watching out for minors as well as adults

5. No works with incestuous or pedophilaic content is allowed here, alongside on-screen/noncon being banned. I ask if one makes this sort of content they do not stay in this server

5¹. The above also mean no sharing dubcon or similar work as it creates too much of a grey area in regards to the ban on 'noncon' and what that means

6. Do not share any AI made content or sites, this includes art, memes or any text (including character AIs), we support artists & writers in this server

7. NSFW content is only allowed in the NSFW area, this includes content with the following: any nudity, suggestive content & sexual content

7¹. We do not allow NSFW content with real people, cosplaying or otherwise, suggestive content that does not include genitalia or sex acts are still allowed within the nsfw channels though.

7². I hope this would be obvious, but if you post anything sexual/suggestive with characters or people you are getting banned without any appeal or anything, this server has zero tolerance for pedos

8. Please keep the following content to the Blacklist area only: irl death, suicide, any discussion of SA/rape, gore & major injuries, body horror, heavy IRL news

9. No character bashing, like developers for Pokémon say for their creations "Every one is someone's favorite" and I feel it feeds into a negative fandom experience

10. Please do not use this server as a venting space, at the moment the admins are unable ensure that it would a safe environment for those venting and others in the server

11. Please try and remain on the topic of discussion in a channel, but ultimately this a looser rule as conversation tends to wonder naturally

**Moderation**

- If there is ever a issue going on please @ the admin role, and dm a admin, this also goes for if there have been issues with a member in dms (though we will ask to see screenshots in the case of dms as there are no other ways for us to check these things)

- New rules are added as needed, when that happens there will be a update everyone is @'d in

**What Happens When A Rule Is Broken**

- If it is something that could be a honest mistake such as taking a joke too far, posting something for the blacklisted area outside of it or other small errors in judgment they will get a warning and on their 3rd warning they will be kicked

- If it is actively harmful such as posting nsfw of minors or other abusive content they will be banned without any warnings as soon as possible

[piracytheorist]

Hello will be a kiss Twiyor at some point in history ?

Hi! Honestly, I'm 50/50 on this.

On one hand, I believe twiyor will be canon, in one way or another we will be shown that they've become an actual, real couple. Ideally post-reveal, so they can learn to love each other without any big secrets and lies between them.

On the other hand, manga and anime usually aren't super explicit on kisses, especially if they're targeted towards younger audiences. The Spy x Family manga is rated 16+, while the anime is rated TV-14, and it's shounen, so I wouldn't be surprised if they never even exchange "I love you"s, honestly, considering how rarely those words are said out loud in Japanese culture. Spy x Family is shounen, and those have even fewer kisses than shoujo and josei manga.

I'm guessing that Endo writes from his own experience, and mostly with a Japanese audience in mind. And that audience is used to couples going only as far as holding hands or maybe hugging. Kissing isn't a big thing, especially in shounen manga.

That said, the setting is in a fictional European country, and as a European myself I feel that Endo has done a great job making the characters and the setting feel European. And in European media, for the most part, kisses are a big part of romance. That too said, SxF isn't a romance, and even when twiyor becomes canon I doubt it will shadow the relationship of Anya with her parents, and the family in general. So it's quite possible that there won't be an actual kiss between Yor and Loid in the story, because their relationship won't get that much focus to warrant the need of an on-screen kiss. If there is one, it might be the kind of Big Damn Kiss that tv tropes talks about, and just the one, to "solidify" the relationship to the audience.

I think it could be used in the story to show character development. Twilight started relationships with women only for the needs of his missions, never investing emotionally in them. With Yor, how will it feel that he actually feels things when they kiss, and how will it feel that he wants and desires to kiss her, after he'd spent all his years as a spy denying himself any human connections? And for Yor, it would be a big step in letting someone close, in feeling safe and secure in someone approaching her enough for that. Her job has poisoned her view of close proximity, since the only people that get so close to her are Yuri (whom she basically raised) and her victims (who attack her, and she has to defend herself before she kills them - proximity with them means danger). She's already being affectionate with Anya, but that is similar to how Yuri was like with her when they were young. How will it feel like to have Twilight, a man who lied and cheated and coated his hands with blood, approach her to kiss her and for her to feel safe, to know that whatever happens, he will actually protect her and fight alongside her and not against her?

So maybe yes, maybe not. I honestly hope we do get at least one kiss, but I wouldn't be surprised (though I would be a little sad, due to my own expectations) if we never got one.

(Anime only fan here, don't spoil me for the manga)

[star-going-supernova]

Gregory and his mom are homeless. For the past year they’ve been sneaking in and out of the pizzaplex for a chance of full bellies, some “returned” items from Lost & Found, maybe a quick wash in the employee showers when the workers happen to not notice. The day Freddy crashed on stage is the first and likely last time they’re in the building overnight.

This prompt came from Hydrangea_Cherry9 on ao3! This is several hundred words over my self-imposed tumblr ficlet word count, but I knew I’d want to expand it wildly if I even considered posting it as a full ao3 one-shot, lol. So here we are! Warning for character death via non-graphic stabbing.

My Knife’s Bigger than Your Knife

Gregory darted across the hall behind Roxy’s back, slipping silently into the security office. He wiped his damp eyes again before turning to the computer screens. From his pocket, he pulled out the list of instructions that Freddy had written out for him. 

Even as he did his very best to stay focused and alert, he trembled with worry. His brain wouldn’t stop replaying the moment Vanny sank her knife into his mom’s stomach. Vanny’s laughter. The blood. Mom’s scream.

Gregory blew out a shaky breath as he clicked through half a dozen programs and password screens. And when he reached the end of them, he deactivated a program connected to the building’s power. 

Finished with his task, he hastily returned to the doorway and peeked out. The hall was empty, and he wasted no time in sprinting for the stairs that would take him back to Freddy. 

“I got it,” he said breathlessly, climbing into Freddy’s chest cavity. “Is my mom okay?” 

Stupid Fazwatches. Why couldn’t they connect to each other? 

“Your mother has remained conscious and coherent since you last asked me, Gregory,” Freddy said. From anyone else, it probably would’ve sounded condescending or annoyed. But Freddy only sounded gentle and reassuring. “She has reminded me to tell you that you are very brave and she loves you very much.” 

Gregory leaned his head against the inside of Freddy as he set off for their next destination. “Can we go see her after I shut down the next program?” 

He could practically hear Freddy thinking. “Yes,” he decided. “This will be the fourth out of six locations, and my green room is not too far out of the way between the fourth and fifth.” 

“Thanks, Freddy,” Gregory said. “Sorry. I’m just—I’m really worried about her.” 

“I know you are, and I am sorry that you cannot be with her right now, superstar. You should not have been put in this position. Your mother is correct; you are very brave.” 

He shrugged. He was just doing what needed to be done. They needed to get his mom medical help, and they weren’t going to find that in the pizzaplex. Waiting until six was just… they couldn’t afford to wait that long. 

His mom had been stabbed. 

Six locations with the program that controlled the pizzaplex’s security systems. Just six, and he was already halfway done with shutting them down. Then Freddy could lift the barricade manually, and he and his mom could make a run for it. Or, y’know. The closest thing to a run someone stabbed in the stomach could manage. 

• • •

Gregory ran back to Freddy, nearly giddy with success. “I did it, I did it,” he cried quietly, too jittery to accept a ride. 

“The security system is down,” Freddy confirmed happily, setting off at a brisk pace that Gregory had to jog to keep up with. “We will collect your mother and get both of you out soon, superstar.” 

Nodding frantically, Gregory sped up, eager to get back to his mom. They’d had to move her out of Freddy’s green room. Vanny had been getting too close. The backstage storage area connected to the theater was a decent hiding place. It wasn’t deep enough in the basement for the endos to cause her problems, but none of the roaming animatronics or Mom-stabbers seemed to really go back there. 

Unfortunately, Monty was patrolling around the party rooms and the daycare lobby, which was too close for comfort. His mom couldn’t afford to be spotted. 

“Can you lead him away?” Gregory asked, peeking around Freddy’s hip. “I’ll get Mom and you can meet up with us in the theater.” 

Freddy hesitated. “All right,” he agreed. He didn’t sound happy about it. “I have alerted your mother that you are on your way to her. There should not be another member of the band in the area, but be careful.” 

“I will, I will, now let’s go,” he urged. They split up, and Gregory waited impatiently until it was clear for him to sprint all the way to the theater. 

The door to his mom was in sight when Vanny stepped out from around the last corner between him and it, knife in hand. His mom’s blood stained the shiny blade. 

Trying to both stop running and start moving backward was a recipe for disaster, and Gregory tripped over his own feet in his alarm. He landed hard on his butt with a little yelp, and then he didn’t dare move with the way Vanny stood over him. 

She laughed—the same laugh as when she stabbed his mom—and waved her knife at him. “Hello, Gregory,” she said. “I’ve been looking for you. Don’t you want to play?” 

He couldn’t find the strength to respond, utterly paralyzed with fear. Had she found his mom? Is that how she knew to be here, waiting for him? Was his mom—had Vanny… 

He couldn’t even think think the words. 

Vanny didn’t seem to mind his silence because she continued, “I’ve already had fun with your mama, and I always play fair. So now it’s your turn—!” She reached out with her free hand, but her gloved fingers didn’t even get the chance to touch him before she jerked to a stop with a sharp gasp.

Gregory stared at the middle of her torso. At the sword sticking out of it. 

Vanny wobbled, silent, then collapsed heavily to her knees. Gregory jerked into motion and scrambled backwards before she could fall on him with a gurgle, and then he was staring at the other end of the sword. Past the roaring in his ears, he distantly noted that it looked like a pirate’s sort of sword, with the curved blade and the golden handle and guard. 

His wide eyes trailed up from the grip to his mom, who had one hand pressed to her own stomach. Her expression was a terrifying mask of protective fury, and she spit at Vanny’s still form, “Nobody hurts my son on my watch.” She wrenched the sword out.

Gregory had a sudden vision of her tearing one of the animatronics limb from limb. And in that moment, seeing her stand so strong and sure, he believed she could have. 

“Mom,” he whispered. 

The wrath vanished into soft concern, and she stepped around Vanny without a second glance. The sword clattered to the floor, bloody. He scrambled to his feet and was so, so careful when he hugged her. A quiet groan of pain escaped her anyway. 

He pulled back, frantic with worry. “We—we’ve gotta get you outta here, we, we need to go now.” 

She nodded along, brushing his bangs back. “Oh, sweetheart, sweetheart, we will. I am more than ready to leave this place. Are you hurt? Did that—” She swallowed back some pretty nasty names, by the look in her eyes. “Did she hurt you?” 

“Didn’t even touch me,” Gregory promised, leaning his head into her warmth when she cupped his cheek. “Please, you—you’re hurt.” 

“I barely even feel it,” she claimed, like a liar, and when he pulled at her hand to get her to start walking, she followed almost without wincing. 

Freddy, who came into view as she said so, chuckled tightly, in a perfect imitation of that way adults had. “Even so, I must insist I carry you down to the lobby. The stairs will not do you any favors, Hazel.” 

“You aren’t allowed to be on a first name basis with my mom,” Gregory told him.

“Too late, sweetheart,” his mom said, ruffling his hair before allowing Freddy to carefully scoop her up. She tensed up and tried to relax with a strained sigh. “All right, boys. I think it’s time for an ambulance.” 

“It’s past time!” Gregory cried, taking off. And Freddy, to his credit, stayed on his heels the whole way down to the entrance without ever once jostling his mom bad enough to make her groan. 

[alter-aita]

— PINNED POST !!

Hello there! This is a spoof on the original AITA, specifically for alters / system drama. Are you wondering if you’re the asshole between two bickering alters? Are you someone who spent all of your money on the Sonic Collection despite your protector telling you No? Come here and spill your guts out and let strangers decide your fate!! ;P

(None of this is serious nor takes precedence over your own system communication or actual therapy. It’s just a silly joke guys, c’mon now.)

— HOW IT WORKS?

Using the ask button, anonymously (for your / your system safety, put it as anonymous), tell your story & have others (and maybe the mods, depending on whose online) answer honestly!

People will probably reply with NTA (Not an asshole), YTA (You’re an asshole), NSH (Nobody Sucks Here) or ESH (Everybody Sucks Here)! They may provide reasoning for this, they may not.

— EXTRA !!

- Typing quirks will be translated for anyone who may be using a screen reader. (We MIGHT get stuff wrong, for the record)

- While not easy to reinforce, this is NOT a endo friendly tumblr. I’ll still laugh at you and add your drama to the list, but I doubt you want to be somewhere that doesn’t see you as a real system.

- There’s only like 3 mods, you’ll be able to tell whose who pretty quickly. We’d rather not go into the details, so we’ll put it at were traumagenic & and an adult! :3

- This isn’t a vent / extreme help blog! We suggest if there’s INTENSIVE problems, please consult a professional!

- For this (^^) reason, we’re not going to let people ‘claim’ anons! Hope that’s okay :3

[thevegasystem]

following info is coming from a diagnosed disso system and will be the last time we post about disso v endo syscourse directly, or probably reference endos in general.

having imaginary friends / being endo is a valid experience. it isn't something on its own that is diagnosed, screened for, or requires treatments like specialized parts therapy or integration work, but its valid. making it a focus in therapy is valid.

we understand why people might want to keep discussions pertaining to dissos and endos seperate. people that aren't simultaneously experiencing disso plurality and endo plurality might struggle to find value. we get it, and we're purely disso.

use tags and work on resilience. if someone is directly harassing you, block them and inform others. if someone is vagueposting you/your experiences, ignore it and move on.

we're here for plural culture, and we'd love to see more variety in syscourse.

🌟 The Vega System

[rottkitt]

!!PLEASE READ ALL OF THIS.!!

i just want to put out a small note that just because i’m the biggest sour screen fan doesn’t mean i don’t fw other taco ships! if you are anti tacomic or anti paco i suggest you scramble on out because i fw those because i have attachments to those ships for personal reasons.

also, i am a plural/system. almost all of the recent posts you have seen are posts by me, a fictive of taco. and i have very distinct memories and preferences of ships i do and don’t like. i’m a multishipper but i’m a picky one

i’m also going to tell all of you now that taco x trophy is not allowed near me. at all. if you ship taco x trophy you are on EXTREME thin ice. along with tacobulb because i have a very strong sibling attachment to lightbulb and seeing art of taco and lightbulb being anything more than friends or family just. makes me feel icky.

i also don’t fw tacocase, taco x silver spoon, taco x cabby, taco x test tube or taco x candle. or tacoberry. BUT, they don’t make me uncomfortable, they just aren’t my thing. you do you w your rarepairs though! i don’t care as long as it isn’t taco x trophy (i actually fucking HATE trophy in general he makes me extremely uncomfortable)

ALSO. a (not so) friendly reminder to GET. OUT. if you like homestuck. if you’re a homestuck fan please tell me so i can block you.

another reminder: miraculous ladybug fans are on EXTREMELY thin ice!

also, endos/endo supporters (+demosys and tulpasys) fuck off. my blog is not a safe space for you and i will just block you if you interact.

i will not engage in syscourse or lgbt identity discourse, but i do have my opinions, and i freely block.

i believe in typing quirks even if they’re complicated or weird. as long as you’re willing to translate if i don’t understand i literally dont care

i also want to adress something that’s a bit important to me

i’ve seen a few people in my notifications who have reblogged maxphillippa (i think that’s how you spell their name please tell me if i’m wrong) and i want to say that i blocked them last year because they are, from what i recall, anti tacomic. and again, i’m a tacomic shipper. and from what i’ve seen about them they have a general dislike for taco and a lot of taco ships. which is fine, people have opinions, but seeing their content does make me a little uncomfortable as someone who is both a taco fictive but also who’s headmates collectively have a massive attachment to taco. i won’t stop you from interacting with them, but i will tell you that i will avoid conversing about them

something i need to warn people about is that i have a lot of mental issues. i struggle with a lot of things including/especially social interactions and differences in opinions and preferences. i’m getting better accepting that people might have largely different thought processes from me and that people will disagree with things i say. i get easily defensive and angry or upset and it’s a thing i’m working on.

i also need direct communication when you’re upset with me for any reason. the amount of times i’ve had to tell people not to keep it a secret when they don’t like me is frustratingly large. i understand having communication issues, i have them too, i struggle to tell people when i’m upset over things and hide my emotions, but things need to be said. especially if they’re serious.

sorry for all of the text, these are just things that i need to say before anyone actually interacts with my blog, and especially if you’re going to join sour screen hq. because i’m going out of my comfort zone with making sshq and talking to new people

if you read all of that THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ACTUALLY READING I KNOW PEOPLE DONT LIKE PARAGRAPHS. i dont like em much either but this was all really important to me

anyways byyeee…. i need to keep working on sshq im not even done with roles yet🧍‍♀️

[circulars-reasoning]

"CDD systems should have the ability to use the CDD related tags (did, OSDD, etc) without endogenic posts." i have two opinions about this

1- if a system does not want to see crosstagging they can block tags like endogenic, or block users. it's up to people to moderate their own experience for the most part.

2- what if there is a system who is endogenic (originally) but later developed a disorder like CDDs connected to their plurality? they deserve to use those tags. alongside just... posts about general systemhood stuff. like "haha when you have a fictive and they relate to their source" or similar posting that can relate to both disordered and nondisordered plurality. that can fit in the DID/OSDD tags.

(also "speaking as someone who has survived a major car crash that was caused by endogenic misinformation about my disorder." what do you mean?? car crash?? how did misinfo about concepts of selfhood affect the likelihood of a car crash?? car crashes happen because cars are dangerous, not because someone said "i think did is [x misinformation] actually")

1. It’s up to people to moderate their own experience, but people also have the right to be frustrated that they have to moderate their own experience because people can’t learn to tag correctly.

2. This hypothetical is so rarely the actual case and is a bad faith reading of the original post. People without CDDs are using the CDD tags to post in. This problem shouldn’t be brushed aside or ignored due to hypotheticals. Yes, I agree with this, but it’s not the point here.

And as for my car crash…

I think it’s incredibly bold of you to waltz into my inbox and suggest that my car crash just happened, and that it’s nobody’s fault (despite not knowing any of the circumstances leading up to this). What benefit would I, a pro-endo system who is constantly trying to convince people that endogenic systems exist, find in lying about what happened to me?

I don’t owe you anything. But I feel like this’ll be educational.

When I was in college, I was bought in by radinclus pro/endos who accepted my odd plurality (see here: completely normal DID experiences). They told me I wasn’t traumatized, that I couldn’t be because I was raised rich — so I accepted this, naively, and continued to go home from college (an hour long drive) every single weekend, back to the people who had emotionally and sexually abused me.

This hour long drive took quite the toll on me. It didn’t help that endogenic systems had convinced me that visualizing my ‘headspace’ was healthier than living in real life, because it made my ‘headmates’ more real.* This worsened my dissociation to the point that I never saw my own body as mine — I saw it through a screen, and oftentimes there was a delay to my actions due to the sheer amount of dissociation I was experiencing.

I was driving late at night down a 50mph road. It was foggy. My car doesn’t play well with fog, and the only way to handle it was to blast heat on the windshield. I was tired, because I had been awake for a straight 48 hours writing a paper, because for some reason, I had lost hours of my life to ‘zoning out’ (hint: alters switching in, resulting in amnesia).

But don’t worry, guys. Endogenic systems had my back. See, I’d been worried that year about how exhausted I was. Had I gone to a doctor, they would’ve informed me my vitamin D levels were dropping dangerously low, a fact I only learned 4 years later after I graduated and finally got blood work done. But I didn’t need to go to a doctor, the endos told me.

“Switching gives you energy! The headmate who comes in will be fresh because they haven’t been fronting! If you need to stay awake just a bit longer to get those papers done, you should ask someone else to switch in!!”

I was 19. I was actively being abused and convinced I wasn’t being abused (by endos). I was so dissociative that I was seeing my alters in real life (due to endos). I was triggering myself again and again and again to force switches by thinking out the only traumatic memories I could remember (because of endos).

I’m the specific alter who was fronting at the time of impact. I remember it really fucking clearly. I had just switched with Numb, and because of how I was visualizing at the time, I saw him next to me in the car. My husband was next to me, his hand on my shoulder. I looked in my rear view mirror and saw Sierra and Wade in the backseat, asleep on each other. Sie was asleep in Wade’s lap. Debbie was directly behind me, staring out the window, trying to ignore I was there.

Rice wasn’t included, because “that’s your core, and psychologists will force you to become like her.” She wasn’t important enough to my dissociative daydreaming. She was locked in her room for years (because of endos).

I remember thinking “this is so good. Here I am. My entire family is with me. I’m driving with them.”

That’s when I woke up, as I drove my car, going 50mph, into the back of a truck that was stationary. The truck had a family - a real, blood and flesh family, with three small children, a husband, and wife - who was turning into a development. Had I not hit the truck, my car and my sleeping self were moving directly toward oncoming traffic, which was also going 50mph.

Had I somehow missed all the cars, I would be driving into a ditch.

Hitting that car, in the exact way I did, at the exact time I did, was the only thing that saved my life that night. Count the lucky stars for small blessings, I guess.

Had I never been brought in by endogenic systems — had I never been fed such horrific misinformation and believed it, being the naive little shit I was who was clinging to anyone who could explain what was happening to me — I never would’ve gone home that night. I never would’ve thought switching gave me energy, like I’d convinced myself was true. I never would’ve gone back to people I genuinely hated while I was that tired, like I convinced myself they weren’t that bad, because “it’s not like they traumatized me.”

Yes. Car crashes happen because cars are dangerous. Clearly, there’s no deeper reasons why car crashes happen. Clearly, there’s no impact on the person who is driving making poor choices because of what they’ve been taught to believe.

And as a note about how fucking manipulative some parts of the pro/endo community was? The very same people who told me I wasn’t a real traumagenic system, the people who told me switching gives energy, the people who told me to ignore my alter because she was a ‘core’? Their response to my crash??

“Oh no >: I’m so sorry. Sometimes switching doesn’t work like that.”

First I’d ever heard of it. And yet, I remained in those circles and with pro-endos surrounding me for another 4 years.

So anon? Kindly fuck off and think about the fact that you just tried to explain to me that my car crash wasn’t anybody’s fault, when it absolutely was impacted by endogenic systems spreading misinformation to vulnerable traumatized survivors.

[syscourse-confessions]

The syscourse community deeply worries me. Here is why.

Social media is a sinkhole of what people think it is and what they think others say or mean. We argue with online ideas of someone, never being able to see who's behind the screen. It is dehumanising to look at people this way.

Anti-endo, sysmed, endo, pro-endo, syscourse neutral, taking stances because that's what people think they have to, or else they get shoved into one of these boxes. They're not allowed to, not want to be part of the discourse that is about systems. And if they state that, then they also get shoved into a box that fits their idea of what not wanting to be involved with it.

Syscourse is harmful to any and all sides. People get chewed out for mistakes they have repented for and still get deaththreats about it. People get harassment specific to their trauma because they want to inform people what a symptom CAN look like. People get hated on for sharing facts, or for debunking blatant and harming misinformation.

Since when has POC calling out racism been a "hate attack" from POC?

Since when is disabled people calling out ableism a hate group?

Since when is making up new terminology better fitting someone's experience cringe culture?

Since when has being part of a side been more valuable than the presence they can bring to a group?

Since when has arguing about something online that seriously affects mental health been more important than finding spaces you can feel seen in?

If syscourse does nothing but make you stressed, hurt, frustrated, or unseen, then you don't have to stay in it. You don't have to reply to all messages online mentioning your name. You don't have to speak up for every marginalised community harassment post you come across. You're not a moderator of every platform. Doing what you can doesn't mean doing everything to your ability with all the energy you have for the entire day. Replying to something has a chance of blowing up and harassment coming your way.

If you already had limited energy that day to even reply, then please rather take care of yourself. Hygiene, food, water, the people you love, maybe your pets, the weather outside, maybe groceries you have to do, or just sitting outside. Grab a book, draw, play some video games, call someone you've been planning to call.

The online world is nothing but an oversized bathroom stall where loving and hurtful messages get left by people you'll never recognise even if you meet them.

If syscourse isn't healing you, or helping you in some way, or making you genuinely happy and rested, perhaps consider who you're doing it for. If you're only doing it for others, then I am here to tell you that your value isn't measured by what you put out into the world. You can do everything, doesn't mean you have to. Do what you love, okay?

.

[sniffanimal]

.

I've seen far too many posts recently (last ~6 months), largely from teens/zoomers, where it's clear they've been given some wild misinformation about how HRT actually works and what it's able to do and not able to do and how to safely do it, and what going off of HRT is like.

I know I'm not a Popular Blogger, I'm not on tiktok, etc, but I do feel that if I can at least give better information to one person then it'll have been worth it. i might write like a zine about HRT and publish it free online, and maybe try and reach out to some people who I know use other social media and see if they wanna share about it.

I'd also want to have testimony from people who have taken HRT of any kind (even/especially if you're cisgender, intersex, or have detransitioned) about their experience so if I can reach out to you you can shoot me an ask.

I'd also want to run everything by someone with experience in endocrinology so if that's also applicable to you lmk, otherwise I'll poke around online when the time comes (I don't see an Endo for my HRT so I can't ask them)

this is probably going to be a bit of a Project as I'll really want to make sure my information is as accurate as possible but

this thought was all started by hearing a gender fluid person confidently state they just want to take testosterone maybe one week a month bc they only feel masc sometimes and I'm like. brother your hormones will not like that one bit.

like there's options for people who don't want to fully transition hormonally, you can go on then stop for a long time then go back on, you can do low-dose, you can go whole hog but just get laser hair removal, you can get surgery. it's important to know what HRT does and what you actually want out of it.

I'm firmly nonbinary as a more or less political stance, but I am transgender and have nearly fully medically transitioned. I knew what I wanted out of HRT and surgery and I got it.

this is getting long but I'm like. afraid for baby trans people who think your hormones system is something you can toggle in a character creator screen

[levitheeldritch]

About me!

Strawpage (Last upd: Feb 12, 2025. Artboard + songs)

Here's my strawpage! It has my (future) commission info, general info, boundaries, other socials, and my works, personas, along with a more detailed content usage page. Along with anon drawings and messages!

ATTENTION DONATION ASKERS!

I cannot give you money as I am a minor without a job, nor do I have a large following to share your donation asks with. Asking me will Garner nothing, I apologize. This goes for everyone. Please do not waste your time on me.

I talk a lot on here! I have an art-only blog you can follow!!

Age, Dni (blocklist), tags, sideblogs, content usage, and general blog warnings under cut.

Dni:~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I know Dnis aren't going to stop anyone, so this is more to let you know that this is my blocklist. I will block you if I see you.

Basic dni criteria, no bigots, racists, terfs, radfems. Also, Zionosts. Anyone pro israel in the war.

Pro/com/darkshippers + supporters I am an ex-proship who does NOT feel safe around you. I sustained trauma, and do not want to interact with anyone who thinks making fictional child porn/incest/rape romanticized is ok. If it's a coping mechanism, that means you need to get help, not feed a paraphilia. This also includes Loli/shotacon. I don't care if it's anime, you're still a pedophile. Neutrals/no stance are ok, as long as you don't hold the same idea that someone's allowed to make childporn as long as it's fictional.

I do not support harassment, do not assume that I do. I just think that pedophilia and incest is gross. Like a fucking normal person. Just block and move on, harassment doesn't do anything except make people more hesitant to be against this shit and hurt people who aren't proship.

Anti Endo (Like, if you actively call them scum or try to harass people. If it's a personal belief and you're just avoidant or skeptical, whatever. If you actively try to force them out of spaces, then you do not belong in my space.)

Pro-Ed/Ana/Sh (It should be glaringly obvious why this is here. If you romanticize something hurting you, you need help. -Ex sh-er.)

MDNI accounts (Less of a DNI and more of a DNF. If it's just one or two posts you interact with, then whatever. We're not talking about dick, so it's fine. I'm going to warn you if you're an MDNI account who has followed me, the thing you don't want to interact with. I'M GOING TO BLOCK YOU IF YOU POST UNTAGGED NSFW SHIT. FUCK, DUDE, THIS DAMNED SITE IS 13+. WE DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR FUCKING UNTAGGED COCK.)

Please tell me if I accidentally followed an 18+ account, I either didn't see, or forgot to check! (My screen is extremely cracked and I have poor eyesight, so forgive me if I miss something)

Byf---

I am 16(almost 17)! My birthday is April 14th! Do not follow me if you are an NSFW account! That's weird!

This blog may contain themes not suitable for sensitive audiences. I tend to write about topics relating to depression, mental health, and horror. I draw these topics, as well as gore, blood, (Very very rare) suggestive art, and nonsexual nudity. All should be properly tagged, I use all the TWs and CWs I can, but let me know if I forgot something!

I sometimes have processing issues, or may misread something. Let me know if I get confused! I also have an anxiety disorder and some sort of paranoia disorder, so please be patient with me. I struggle with my tone. If I come as passive aggressive, that is not my intention.

Plz don't expect any art requests to be answered! I'll do it if I like it, but no promises!

Don't expect fandom ship art from me. I only like a select few ships, and it's rare that I'll make art of them.

I post vents and rants sometimes, beware! I tag them appropriately so you don't have to see it if you don't want to.

Also! I for some reason start going insane in the late hours of the night - to the early morning. If I send or say something weird, I'm sorry, I'm sleep deprived. I don't even remember saying it the next morning.

Tags---

My sona: any posts with tags: "Sona". I have several different Sonas, so they'll have different names. Specifically: Omen, Levi/Leviathan, Camo, Roulette, Rorschach(Rors), Lucid, Leri(Riri), and Doc Sol/Pavlov, LV!, Arson, and Stitches.

My non- reblog tags are in the post so you don't have to scroll to find my stuff

Rambles: #Eldritch thoughts 🩷

Askbox: #ask an eldritch

Art: #goopyart (and other art tags)

Wips: #Goopingwips

Doodles/sketches: #Goopydoodles

Writing: #Goopypages

Other:~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This isn't a tag, but I do have a list of a group of suspected fake Palestinian fundraisers in my ask box. I can't exactly give any money to actual Palestinians in need, but I can warn others to not give money to the ones pretending to be Palestinians.

Also, please don't repost or use our art without our permission! Ask first, my Dms are open! (Reblogs don't count, obviously.) If you use our art for something simple like a discord pfp, you don't have to ask, but credit is required.

Edits? Using it in a video? Ask first.

Reposting it? Unless I did the art for you, and I say you can, nogo. Absolutely not.

Translations of my (future) works, or reposting them to sites used by those where Tumblr/bluesky is not accessible? Dm me about it!

It's perfectly fine to draw my characters, you don't have to ask! Don't draw NSFW of them though, please.

I do have discord. I'm not sharing it here, but I do have it, so if you see me, I'm probably not fake if I've got my socials and Spotify connected.

Sideblogs:~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

EDENISBURNING-official blog (project): @edenisburning-official

Reblog account (EXTRA THOUGHT CONTENT‼️‼️❗❗❕❕‼️❗❕) @levireblogs

No man's sky account: @leviathan-among-the-stars

Art only account: @leviathans-garden

Not a sideblog, but instead one I help post on: @firefox-archive

Anyways, hope you enjoy the stuff we post! Stay sparkly, and stay safe.

(This account is system friendly! And xenogender friendly. And other human/therian otherkin friendly.)

[circular-bircular]

Syscourse (the kind surrounding if Endogenics are valid or not) frustrates me. As a DID system and an endogenic supporter, it frustrates me for so many reasons. I shouldn’t have to, as a DID system, make post after post about endogenic systems validity. I shouldn’t need to speak on the topic, and people shouldn’t come to me with it. I should be allowed to exist without it. And I’ve come to understand I’m pro-endo (and can finally use that label again!) and the frustration keeps growing.

Every day, I feel like there’s more and more frustration on all sides. People slinging barbs and insults and ignoring logic and sources. People citing the same tried and true debunked bullshit, or spouting the same nonsense arguments that stopped being relevant months ago. People bringing up controversies for a few drama points, never even having been relevant to the controversy to begin with!!

Who wouldn’t be frustrated?!?!

But even when I was anti-endo, even when I was being harassed by pro-endos relentlessly, even when I was threatened with Doxxing and was receiving daily suicide threats — I never hated endogenic systems. And even when I was harassed by anti-endos for being pro-endo, and was told heinous things, and was fakeclaimed — I never hated anti-endo systems.

Was it easy to feel like I did? Sometimes. But it wasn’t hatred toward them. It was frustration, to an extreme extent. It was anger, the part of me who knew I deserved better. It was sadness, at the part of me who wanted that validation circle (no matter how harmful it was for me) to return, or the part of me who wanted comfort and love (and had been denied it all my life).

There’s a small part of me, each day, that thinks back to those who have hurt me. My abusers, my ex, my friends who weren’t. I think back to the anti-endos and pro-endos and endogenic systems of all kinds who told me I was delusional, brainwashed, and pretending. I think back to being called mixed origin and autigenic, or being called imaginary or roleplayed. And I still feel that feeling. And it’s not hatred.

We, as people on the internet, need to get better at seeing the people behind the screen. We need to get better at understanding that they have a perspective we don’t, and trying to comprehend where that perspective comes from — and we need to make that attempt in good faith.

It’s important to choose joy. It’s important to make a choice to be kind, not just for them, but for yourself. Kindness is not inherent, and neither is hatred; both are learned, and one is an immensely harder choice, particularly in the face of constant ableism, hatred, and mis/disinformation.

Everyone deserves respect. Everyone deserves redemption and kindness and love. Believing — or worse, spreading the belief - that someone’s label is enough to strip them of their humanity, to strip them of nuance and label them as evil or irredeemable…

That’s the closest to hatred I get. And even then, those people who infect such viciousness and hatred into this world… even they deserve respect and love. Because genuinely, I can’t find their perspective, and I think to myself, “how miserable it must be to be so alone.”

Be kind.

[nightzskii]

You know gender-mailman is pro endo right? /info /genq

Hes also a big attention seeker and a bad person, using y*an*ere while not being a asian person and ive heard that he gets into discourse only cause of the attention it gives him, and also he self ships himself with 10 year olds(?!?!???!??? Wtf!???) While having pr0-sh1pers in his DNI so uh, yeqh, i dont think hes a good person

You know I'm going to kill myself right? /info /genq

wow, i wouldn't expect for someone with hpd to want attention!! oh my god anon thank you for telling me that! I had no idea! ( Again, adam has HPD. it's in their bio, and if you don't know what it is then SEARCH it up on GOOGLE. )

The yandere one i don't understand. There are so many people who aren't asian who use it but you proceed to only tell me about gender-mailman using it? if only asian people can use it then how about you tell me about five million other people using it too? Why censor the word too? It's not gonna hop out the screen and kill you??

And he doesn't get into discourse, the only way you'd 'hear' this is if you're in a discord server with them, friends with y/n, stalk loves account or if you ARE squish. Sure, Adam may look into it but going into it willingly? No. Just like right now I'm not trying to be in discourse that YOU are forcefully pulling ME in. Are you sure you're not the one looking for attention?

He doesn't self-ship himself with 10 year olds either, he specifically goes for the post-covid versions of them (the adults.) Not once has he said he self-ships with their 10 year old selves, and if its the flags you're talking about then he already gave me an explanation about why he used the 10 year old versions and I gave a solution.

( anyone is free to make ids for these images. )

He still doesn't like proshippers, he still doesn't like discourse and he still doesn't like shit like THIS.

YOU aren't being any better by doing something we've put on our dni, (SYSCOURSE.) If a pro-endo/endo is being nice to us then we'll be nice back, if a friendship forms then it forms. We interacted first not knowing that he was supposedly pro-endo, but we've already been friends and neither of us had any issue of the other being opposite to something they agree or disagree on.

I don't go out and look for endos/pro endos to be friends with them, if one were to come to our inbox and starts being nice then we'll be nice back. we aren't gonna send death threats like some of you anons have been doing to mailman and other friends of mine for either being anti or pro endo, or just for not saying their stance.

we are very much anti-endo but we aren't going to straight out reject people who want friends and are being kind about it. That happened before and it made us feel horrible because we truly had a fun time talking to them. /nav ( Not to mention me and my other friend saw an endo literally get doxxed and death threatened in a discord server that was made to LURE IN endos. We felt horrible about it and tried helping them. )

[neurotheascars]

My problem with Sophie is not the whole “anti endos are a hate group” thing. For me it’s the block evading, spreading rumors and straight up lies about other systems, and most atrocious of all was when she compared therians/alterhumans and the people who love them to literal zoophiles. She does more to harm and divide the plural community than she does to bring us together.

So I never said I support her 100 percent. I said I follow her and I won't be unfollowing her. The hate group thing is probably the least worse thing people have said about her so I knew this ask might be coming.

Maybe people are different but following someone means I want to read what they post. It doesn't mean I stan them. I do think what she says sometimes needs to be taken with a grain of salt. I don't agree with her position on radqueers, which is what I'm assuming this comparison between zoophiles and alterhumans is from. Im not radqueer and I don't support radqueers. I do however support the idea that harmful paraphilias are a mental illness that can and should be helped in therapy. I don't think paraphilias are a free pass to hate and dehumanize someone. I also don't think people with harmful paraphilias deserve a right to act on them.

I think a lot of people twist her words and then play telephone which makes me lean towards hearing her out at the very least. I don't like to take people at their word about others, I like to make my opinion based on what I see and not what is said about what I'm seeing. I'm open to seeing a screen grab of that comparison she made because I don't know if I remember the post clearly and if it's deeper than that I'd like to know. In my memory I think she was saying we're all equally shunned for the things we feel and I could be wrong. So remind me if you can.

I also admit maybe I have some grace for her because I think she's an angry former imaginary friend. I am also an angry former imaginary friend and I think a lot of her more spicy posts are colored by that position. It's a unique kind of trauma and I don't know if people in the system/plural community get it. It hits you a certain way when you spent a long time proving to the host that you're real and then get called not real on the regular in syscourse. I don't think people really get it. I don't agree with how she goes about saying a lot of stuff, but the meat or intent of what she's saying I tend to agree with enough to look past what I don't.

I think there was a point where her gloves came off and now she's fighting fire with fire. I don't agree with that approach either but it doesn't make the resources she posts less resourceful

Block evading is also not something I can agree with, but again I guess I don't think it's worth throwing her opinions out the window completely for. Especially when she seems to do this explicitly after she's been targeted.

I also think in the end the resources she's posted are worth being on the internet and I think calling her a complete menace to the community is very black and white when this really is an issue that's shades of gray. I don't think she's totally great, nor totally bad. I have good reading comp and I can disagree with 25-50 percent of what she says without hopping on the hate train block campaign.

I'll also say that I don't like the word tulpa. I prefer thoughtform because it's not a mistranslation based on a white observation of Buddhist practice. Thoughtforms and entitywork better describe the phenomenon of tulpas and tulpamancy. But that's just my opinion.