#some cousins follow me there
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Wow, logging out of life now. Accidentally posted a nude to my Snapchat story instead of deleting. I will not be reachable for the foreseeable future ✌️✌️✌️
#deleted my account and everything#some cousins follow me there#I feel so bad#turning into a dust mite now#unreachable era#pls kill me era
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Haven't posted too much since this week was hectic [😩], so it me after a slightly longer jog earlier (thankfully it's warm enough to sensibly go jogging) and then coming back to trim the beard/shave some 🪒🚿😌
#ore no kao#[i feel like since sticking with the beard through 'rona it's grown on me#so now i like having it around some during the winter lol]#also hi to the quite-a-few cute new people/mutuals following whatever it is i'm doing here 👋🏽#[missed out on my cousin's 6pm dinner party w/ a sis or two but in my defense it was already past 5 and that was an 1hr30m trek to BK lol#didnt get to squeeze in the gym like i hoped but bright side of going tmrw is the one cute front desk guy should be there lol hmm]#my trainer getting me to jog has been a nice thing to keep up since our sessions ended
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im so glad im not the only person that looks at seungmin and goes "❓tism❓" bc he is Way Too Relatable to me as a person w autism
yeah..... like I say it in jest but also..... well, yk. sometimes you notice something and you notice something and you notice something and you go Hmmmm
#enby-peep#lol its funny for me personally bc i see a lot of stuff that reminds me of my cousins daughter........ and shes autistic#but everyone in our family constantly and my cousin especially is like Shes you. You are her. Youre so alike.#So you were autistic and that explains your childhood#and i was like Um. I dont know :) i dont know........ i refused it and then i went to the psych for my adhd#he was like 🤨 can you fill out these sheets... and it was to see if i was hitting the markers#and i was hitting them. I was hitting them out the park but i also knew exactly what to answer... not to hear it#so i just answered it... incorrectly to myself. anyway that was 3 yrs ago and i still go ???? why did you lie ??? wtf#so. maybe my seungmin commentary is sometimes a commentary on myself also#but its the same reason being sent to therapy as a teenager didnt work on me bc i knew exactly what to say to be#told what i wanted to hear- youre a mature smart young woman- youre good. id just lie to hear that even if it wasnt actually helpful#and i succeeded. Im a great actress. i didnt want help i wanted to be perceived as normal and i was for a minute. incorrectly.#and probably negatively maybe if i didnt lie i'd be different now but I did and I did it again 3 yrs ago but..... I think ive finally left#idk. my weird obsession with being 'normal' behind- i dont follow the script as much as i did before and im much more honest about how i am#this is an insane set of tags LMAO#so sorry#i dont talk about this stuff often and its An Anniversary today i accidentally used this ask as an emotional dumping ground#some people have journals (seungmin) i have tags on a tumblr post#peace and love on planet earth
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Twitter is so fucking crazy its always recommending me personal posts of people ive never seen before just opened it to look at dudes and its like "taking the divorce day by day etc" ????? Who is using this. Oh me
#for MEN#like if its a personal post of someone ive followed by choice its like oh thats my cousin . gl girl#its just like so cringe to throw it out to the void even though saying it like this is like ok well im doing that too.#but ig if you follow me i expect you care on some level or im tricking you into caring with my me mes
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Listen man, I vibe with everyone, canon and OCs. You show up at my doorstep I open the door. I rp with everyone equally.
#petals fall like rain / ooc#the only thing i have in my rules that some might take offense to#is that i dont typically like the whole long lost sibling cousin etc plot without talking first#and i think thats justified tbh like as. a canon i wanna hash stuff out like that prior#but like ive never turned away an oc#if anything I've been on the ghosting/receiving end of being ignored by ocs and fellow canons before#and i typically do not approach first bc of this#but like you will never see me not interact with any one who approaches me#I'm equal opportunity i just want interactions man#but you will also never see me beg for interaction i figure if people are interested they will come#and maybe this makes me look bad ig bc i dont pester oc writers i do follow#but like i also dont wanna bother anyone or be annoying#idk man i feel i guess guilty????#but like yes oc canon you are all equal come to me#hell i even love oc x canon ships like i am down to clown in any capacity#but its very rare for me to reach out first#plus most of the people i do write with are slow repliers or maybe ocs they dont use often or whatever#but like idk i feel really guilty rn but yes idk who you are or who or what you write#if you come i will write with you#thats the tldr here
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very random & out of pocket but fun fact:
I have seen Ultraman Rising
and I agree with the fandom
ken sato is kinda fi-
#hadn't even heard of the movie before I saw it#my cousin and her fiance were watching it 💀#and LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING#KENJI IS SO FUCKING FINE WHEN HE'S TIRED#and also when hes uh#in the ultraman form thing#ITS THE VOICE OK#ultraman rising#PLEASE FORGIVE MEEE#especially the people who follow me for some of my art#😭😭😭
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shoutout to cassel and lila for SUCKING!!!!! I HATE THEM!!!!!!!!!
#tzu rambles#god i could go on about why theyre terrible for each other in all the ways that make htem end up together#they feed into each others worst habits.#lila liking power over others and cassel being used to ppl taking advantage of him#ive seen ppl who dumb it down to “he likes to be dominated” or whatever#i mean you do you but its pretty clear that its a result of the way his brothers have always treated him#wait yeah he listerally compares them to each other#“i was used to fast anc cruel brothers. and i worshipped her” AUGH#she reminds him of everything hes ever known#and she likes him because he listens to her when nobody else does#and she kind of takes advantage of that and he knows she does#he lets her anyways#its so bad its so good#and like anton is just like philip and barron if not worse#but hes lila's COUSIN. so its different#bc he's more guest than family#and so she doesn't develop the habits cassel does. cassel was born into this#HES the guest#but to lila anton is some guy coming and messing with her friend#so she wants to stand her ground#and that reflects in how they are#i think its interesting that even in rejecting his brothers he still just follows lila around#still on the first book though so we'll see what he does#they make me crazy!!!!!! augh#also his relationship w his mom probably affects this too#like. u have ur mother toying with your emotions to get you to do what she wants. idk ofc ur gonna be a little strange about ppl making+#you do things#also how lila sees herself as older than she is and i think cassel thinks of her thkat way too sometimes#they just suck i hate them
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Maybe I'm just cursed 🤪
#trigger warning for everything that follows in these tags btw#i am in need of some venting into the void#so im gonna vent#so uh#im almost out of time to find a new job before i have to leave my flat and move back with my parents#in the past 27 days ive filled in 189 job applications#6 of those led to interviews#so far 5 of those have been rejections#i even started looking at jobs that paid way less than i can feasibly live on just so i could at least cover rent and stay here but no luck#anyway thats already sucky#and then ive had to go off my adhd meds because of continuous and annoying fuck ups with my drs and im hesitant to work to fix it cause#might be moving counties anyway lol#my depression is the worst its ever been in about two years i struggle to want to exist day in and day out and#this morning i found out my dog - my baby who i dont live with because i moved cities - he lives with my parents#we found out he has an agressive cancer - and i have to now make choices i dont feel ready to make#and im just#do you ever feel like youre already one the ground but life wont stop kicking you#and i feel#so lonely#my friends are doing everything right my cousin who i live with is always checking in on me and i am still#convincing myself i am being a burden i am the problem i#my whole life is collapsing and i#even writing this all out in tags my brain is yelling at me for being an 'attention seeker' or smth and idk#i just wanna#idk#its complicated ig#im fighting#i am fighting so hard#i just want ppl to know im doing my best thats all#anyone who read all of this - hi - i hope youre having a beautiful day. its all going to be okay in the end 💛
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My 2023 was wild, not in a way that anyone would use the term "wild" except me
#this year i travelled to finland. met a beloved mutual there#next week after that travelled to sweden/denmark (like copenhagen & malmo lol) to meet my old friend (with a recent friend lol)#then like. in spring we had this active/fitness challenege that kind of speed-run developing friendship with my coworkers#that challenge lasted 3 months i think?#also bc of it i went on walks frequently around one pond and was observing day by day a swan pair nesting their eggs until eventually#i saw their babies#also went on a 19km hike and 26km hike during the event that was crazy. swore to never do it again#ALSO participated in a trail running event (6km) and swore to never do it again#then i defended my thesis and gratuated#started thinking about and applying for phd#went on a 3 day roadtrip to lithuania with family and aunts family#following week went on a 3? day roadtrip to poland with coworkers AND FILMED THEIR ENGAGEMENT#i think after that i spent some time in a coastal town to see my cousin (from sweden)#and then her; my sister and me travelled to sweden (again for me!) to bring her back home and to give my sister her first travel with plane#then i got back and got into a phd programme.#broke my car; fixed it; gave it to my sister and bought a new car#buying a new car also was a fun trip with my engaged coworkers (but within country borders and lasted a day)#then my phd studies started and with it a new job#which i realized i should quit 2 weeks in lol#then the end of year was calmer. i did have small trips for like christmas tree igniting in a small town and#coworkers birthday party that was pretty fun#thinking back it really seems wild to me
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There is an awful tendency in human nature to sometimes put the burden on the victim instead of the perpetrator. Like, you cannot be punished unless you must've done something wrong. It is perhaps an instnct but it doesn't work in a world that is full of abusers. Abusers may blame their victim but they really have no "good" reason for abuse. They may disguise it as punishment but it's really only done to boost their own egos-- a very evil thing to cause pain to make yourself feel better. There is no justification for this. And when people say the victim was in some way "asking for it" or they made a mistake that put them in thr path of the abuser so they in some way "deserve" it-- no. It is always the fault of the abuser. They could easily avoid such things. There is no excuse for such behavior. We must not enable abuse by loading more shame on the victim rather rather the abuser. It's the victim who was traumatized, the victim who needs help, who needs all the help they can get, not dismissed, not made fun of, not left in a place where the abuser can keep hurting them.
#I mean it should go without saying#But irl..#Ppl are really enabling abuse all the time#Make it unsafe for victim to come forward#It should always be safe for them to tell you#Abuse#I think of this from the recent events - what happened to my cousin#To Ukraine#And the people hurt there#Each one#Some comments ppl made about le#Like!#Put yourself in the situation. -#No. This is a dark ans light issue#And how comments my uncle made once... seem similar to what happened to my couson#Someone he was under the power of#Comments on my fb post made me think of it#The uncle in Spain who isn't connected to us much... something happened when je was younger#To make him turn from religion. Some religious teacher he followed who abused his power#Then no one defended him. Comments he made on fb before he left#He is very on site of Ukraine and so his wife from Mexico he married in 2017
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「Call of Duty Black Ops Zombies Oc Information: Main Ocs (Ultimis)」
NAME: Valena Villanueva
FULL NAME: Meliciana Valena B. Villanueva
AGE: 37
HEIGHT: 5"11
DATE OF BIRTH: November 21, XXXX
PLACE OF BIRTH: Tondo, Manila, Philippines
NATIONALITY: Filipino
LANGUAGES:
English
Filipino
Spanish
Japanese
ALIASES:
Valena
Val
Licia (By Marcel, Javier, and Leonora)
Meli (By Armando)
Ate (By Agatha)
Vally (By Ultimis Richtofen)
Mrs. Nightingale
La Demonyo
The Fallen Angel
OCCUPATION:
Nurse (Formerly)
Nurse Corps Reserve Member
AFFILIATIONS:
US Army, Army Nurse Corps, Nurse Corps Reserve, Ultimis, Primis
RELATIONSHIPS:
(Note: The names that are crossed out are considered as deceased)
VILLANUEVA-BUENAVISTA FAMILY
Ernesto Villanueva (Father)
Lumina Buenavista (Mother)
Carmelita Agatha B. Villanueva (Younger sister)
FRIENDS:
Marcelito Gonzalez (Childhood friend)
Armando Gonzalez (Childhood friend)
Leonora Sanchez (Childhood friend)
Javier Serrano (Childhood friend)
ULTIMIS:
Edward Richtofen (Complicated ally)
Tank Dempsey (Ally)
Nikolai Belinski (Complicated ally, potential love interest)
Takeo Masaki (Ally)
Gong Ji Eun (Ally)
Arthur Frensby (Ally)
Dragomir Ostrowski (Ally, friend)
PERSONALITY:
Licia is an aggressive, cold-hearted and vexed, yet cunning, serious, and intelligent woman. She likes to be alone rather than with her allies with an exception of being with Dragomir and take a smoke together to relax at some point. She is focus and a fighter herself ever since she got into a fight with thugs when her friend Armando got hurt. Before the events of the Aether timeline, Licia was a caring and loving daughter and sister to her family and very relaxed but sometimes she gets a bit frustrated whenever Marcel, Armando, or Javier get into some trouble. Lena, her Primis counterpart, tends to point out her personality not suitable for being a medic which she calls Licia "The Fallen Angel". She doesn't like getting hugs or simply hates physical touch in general but deep down, she isn't used to get a lot of affection after the death of her family and Armando which makes her distant to others.
BACKGROUND:
Licia is the eldest daughter of the Villanueva-Buenavista Family as she is born in Tondo, Manila, Philippines. Being the eldest, she is a responsible sister to her sibling Agatha as she is also an intelligent one. Licia was praised for her academic performance in school in which she aims to be enrolled in one of the prestigious schools in the country. Licia met Marcel and his cousin Armando, who has a crush on her, in a furniture shop where her father was looking for a brand new closet. In highschool, she met Javier and Leonora who was in the same section that she was in and made friends with the two. She is mostly the one who would back up the boys whenever they get in trouble and later scolds the three for causing some problems by getting into fights from thugs. Years later, Licia became a nurse and wanted to proceed to become a doctor. While she was trying to, the war broke out in the country as she went to join the Nurse Corps Reserve. Her family was at Bataan where they were staying at her aunt's house as the Japanese took the province. Licia was also caught while trying to hide from them as she was part of the Bataan Death March where she met her friend Armando as he was plotting to escape and ran to the nearest forest possible to hide from the Japanese. Licia agreed as she and her friend saw Marcel and Javier was also caught and involved on the march. The 4 successfully escaped as they ran on the forest soon after, but Licia saw her family are about to get killed and tries to save them, but it was too late. Armando stopped her and the twi rides a horse that they saw and flee from their captors. Licia was devastated as she felt guilty for not saving her family, Armando tries his best to comfort Licia for the lost of her family. They went on to look for Marcel and Licia until the both of them were ambushed by the Japanese as they tried to hide from them, Licia was holding her rifle as Armando looks at her and tells her his feelings before giving her a kiss then went to distract the Japanese for Licia to escape. She ran as far as she could but still was captured by the Japanese. She saw Armando getting killed as she was taken away from him soon after. She was imprisoned and tortured as she begins to breakdown to tears as she slowly loses hope while she was sent to be experimented by Division 9, then to be sent once more to Group 935. She later joins with Richtofen with 0 trust on him and tries to plot on killing him, together with Arthur and Dragomir.
#call of duty zombies#cod zombies#codz#cod zombies oc#codz oc#codz oc info#original character#ultimis main ocs#valena villanueva#ultimis val#The fact that Armando and Licia was a potential ship never came to sail hurts my soul#I wanna see them being together with Marcel as the rather supportive cousin and friend#But we must follow what my brain tells me to do so this will just be some sort of Au for her
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Having a post get popular enough to be independently reblogged by someone you follow but aren't mutuals with is. Wild
#yes it was the sex poll obvs#given the person is a minor i'm very glad they picked answer one lmao#like i do think minors in general are allowed to want and even have sex (with each other obvs) but when it's a minor i personally follow it#would just make me feel pretty weird lmao. like on a personal level ya feel? i mean when u reach an even closer level it becomes not weird#again like my dear friend ness (17yo) who afaik doesn't actually HAVE any sex but occasionally wants to and i support her hot girl summer.#but as stated this person barely knows i exist i just follow his blog (i used they earlier but this was incorrect but tumblr won't let me e#edit the tag 😔) and he's 16yo so seeing him talk about wanting and/or having sex would have been. uncomfortable. like obvs he'd be allowed#to because my personal discomfort is no indication of morality but you get it. like if my big little cousin (she's 15 now by god the years#don't stop coming) were to talk about sex and stuff to me or within earshot i would ummm. throw myself out the window? but like i'd still t#try to be supportive and if push comes to shove then yes i would give her condoms 😔 cuz like if a minor wants sex i will not be able to sto#stop them lmao but i can at least try and make it somewhat safe y'know#actually i remembered i have literally given a 15yo a condom before lmao she's prolly over 20 now but like as the adult dormmate it was alm#almost like a responsibility y'know like what do you want me to DO?? let her get pregnant?? anyway enough tangent lmao#btw all this is also why in the poll i included 'too young' but didn't specify an age cuz that's individual y'know. some people are p late#bloomers (i was one) while others choose to have consensual sex by 14 y'know. not something i like to think about but that doesn't mean it#won't happen ya feel. i mean what am i the american education system? lmao. so some ppl have interpreted being 17 as too young but there's#also folks like this who clearly consider 16 old enough and that's defo ppl's good right. and again i usually don't mind just the fact that#he in particular is someone i already knew made it uncomfy. but anyway yea back on topic it's very interesting in general when your post#gets big enough to independently make it to ur dash thru a non mutual lmao. love the hellsite honestly where else amirite#personal#mine#ok to rb ig#like the actual body of the post anyway. i'd be pretty uncomfy if said person saw my tags on this cuz y'know it's kind vagueing even if it'#not negative but anyway. anyway#*kinda
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a hat in time and kirby could happen together ok 👍
#reasons why: - space is big who care - its funny#the planet ahit takes place on Is called earth iirc but it doesn like. look like earth so this doesn't clash with the one in the kirby#series (which afaik is never called earth it just looks like and is. clearly meant to Be earth its got a different name)#anyways all of this is to say itd be funny if dedede and grooves were cousins or something#tfw you get your ass kicked by some random alien kid and now youre besties. and you have a huge following of little guys that kind of suck#at their jobs#punchline!#i know. significantly less about kirby lore but . imagine this with me
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fleshing out my name
#frankie dev haunt#i think is a cool name#i really wanted something desi#and since my parents did the whole desi middle name thing with my birth name#I'll follow suit since I don't think it's a bad idea#plus the whole dev - haunt thing is really funny to me#and haunt ties in nicely to my whole ghost narrative#and what better day to discover my name than a year since my rebirth#mine#plus my cousins name is dev#and ik some people go by their middle names#my cousin calls himself daiv (Dave) when trying to fit in with white people#which I would've loved to do. esp with dave strider#but my mother's shitty step dad was called dave#and so was the guy she had a decade long affair with#so. not that#but as a middle name dev is cool#and desi people can call me that#but i wouldn't take it as my name. so as not to plagiarise my cousin
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hheeeuuurrgghppbbtttt
#my dad messaged me today sayin’ he hopes to see me soon and it honestly ruined my day luke#like please leave me alone ://////#then some general normal Every Day BS happened at work and I just had to dip I almost walked off the job no word to my sups#Just makes me think of my mom which#i feel more justified after it I guess ‘cause she’s the one who allegedly approves the messages her husband sent me when we had our fight#tbh life is better w/o her messaging me daily like I spent basically all of 2023#wanting to cut her off and she gave me even the lightest reason to do it so i did and it’s been nice#the pointless guilt I felt for not wanting to see my family has turned into general resentment and annoyance#i don’t even miss her or him like I straight up just don’t want to see my blood relatives they’re not family to me they’re just people#i happen to share genes with like if you really wanted to build a relationship with the person#you forced into this stupid world then maybe you shouldn’t have been such insufferable assholes for the first 18 years#i spent most of my conversations with them over the phone last year basically just saying life sucks and that i want to kill myself#I need them to feel bad for conceiving me i need them to regret it#my cousin Aaron has the right idea tbh like last I heard he wasn’t talking to my uncle or anyone w/ blood relations really#following in his footsteps. I legit just got so full of rage and frustration when my dad messaged me it’s been like 3 weeks since we spoke#it was so obvious that I didn’t like my mom growing up everyone knew it and berated me for it like how am i supposed to accept that?#How am I supposed to take the hate and anger she exhibit and put out there in that unhappy home#and turn the hate and anger her and her family felt towards me for not loving her#and turn that into love? How am I supposed to turn unending anger and hatred and bitterness and just be like ‘yeah i love you’#I love my parents in the sense that I am familiar w/ them and they have had a constant presence in my life up this point and when I was like#8y/o I had some pretty good times w/ my dad that were DIRECTLY related to my mom being out of the house#my mom was just so abusive to that man for 20+ years#and he took the love I had for him and made me hate him by just shoving jesus down my throat#We used to have CONVERSATIONS he & I but then he got his head stuck so far up his ass that he couldn’t see#how he was just ruining everything. Me: Hey so this thing thats goin on?#him: haha yeah that thing thats been goin on!! You know what tho#[starts pitching JC to me again]#that was all I could get from him from 12-18/19#he killed whatever relationship we had together and now it’s a decade later and I have no interest in talking to him#I don’t care to try and rebuild. I don’t want to rebuild anything with him I don’t want him to want that either
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💫🌃✨
#OBSESSED#no way this wasn’t considered for OEC album#so glad they’re bringing this sound back#I’m really a Jaden Jeong stan after all :/#(/Monotree)#Ladies Code and Loona are two of my ult groups for a reason#f*ck Polaris & BBC the evil cousins#anyways loving this album so much they did it again#the la la la la (heart) is once again stuck in my head#call me beauty!#Seoul Sonyo Sound & Speed Love are the standouts for me#followed very closely by Complexity then Black Soul Dress (LOVE the verses & the dadada part but the chorus not so much)#just like previous albums I can’t help but hear Loona sing some of the songs#cant stop watching the mv & the performance (with live vocals!!) was very cute I love that it’s not perfect & we get to see them improve#tripleS#LOVElution#kpop#ggs#girl groups#music#album#unit#2023#Spotify
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