#thinking back it really seems wild to me
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The Language of Love
If you are already convinced snakes are incapable of love, this post is not for you. But if you are open to the possibility that maybe they do, and maybe they love us too, this post explores that thought. Perhaps snakes feel it differently, perhaps they feel it the same humans do- though even humans experience love, be it platonic or romantic, differently from individual to individual. Different people also show their love in different ways as well! Yet still even with a divide between species most of us have felt love from our furry and feathered friends. Perhaps our scaly friends are also telling us they love us, we just might not understand.
When I first got my girl Scoria, if I could tell her only one thing it would be, "I love you." When I held her, I wondered if she understood how much I cared about her, and would do anything to protect her. When I pet her, I wondered if she knew how amazing I thought she was and enjoyed spending time with her.
And then I started watching livestreams of wild snakes, and how they act toward each other. (The above still is from Project Rattle Cam!) When the babies see a trusted adult, they slither all over them! How many times had my girl happily slithered all over me going no where in particular? I imagine that my finger petting her soft as a feather was probably quite similar to another snake greeting her in such a way.
Sakura is much more shy, yet wants to form a bond with me. I see it when she fights her fear to vibe with me. Sometimes she'll sit for hours at the edge of her tank nearest me, not wanting to come out, but just be near me.
Snakes like rattlesnakes and garter snakes will vibe peacefully with each other, with baby rattlesnakes sleeping near the adult rattlesnakes they trust to keep them safe.
Perhaps, when our shy snakes sits with us, facing their fears they're saying, "I'm scared, but I want to be closer with you." And maybe when our snakes slither all over us, going nowhere in particular, like their wild counterparts do with each other they're saying, "I'm so happy to see you! You're my favorite to be with!" I wonder if they could tell us one thing it would be "I love you, best friend!" And it's okay, best friend. I love you too, and already know. <3
#snakes#snake#hognose#rattlesnakes#rattle snakes#I don't want to debate this- those who would are already cemented in their opinions#Plenty of us snake caretakers have wondered I'm sure#From the behavior I've seen from my girls#I feel we are a happy little family#And they display requesting and giving affection#as well as empathy#Not sure what else they'd need to do to convince the world but its enough for me#And really why deprive snake caretakers the comfort of knowing their little scaley friends love them back#“But maybe they don't”#Yeah well maybe they do#Especially when they're doing the behavior their wild counterparts do when they see their friends#Yes they have friends!#Sakura understands when I do the hognose twitch too and will come over when I do it with my arm#Being able to communicate with them is incredible honestly#Anyway#If there was anyone out there wondering if their snake loves them#If they rush over to see you#like to vibe with you#then they enjoy your company#If they can't wait for you to pick them up and wiggle all over you going nowhere in particular#You know they are happy to be around you and are telling you in snake language#which seems super similar to petting/being pet for a critter with no arms#I mean when you have a tongue that isn't made for grooming#And I think it is family love <3
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Tuvok and Kathryn and the time Kathryn destroyed the timeline get Tuvok back.
/I Swear Somewhere This Works - Trista Mateer/
#voy#yeah..#i have so many thoughts#about tuvok and janeway and their friendship#a lot of focus is put on how janeway destroyed the endgame timeline to get /seven/ back and I think it's forgotten a lot of the time that#she destroyed the timeline for tuvok too#it was tuvok AND seven AND chakotay#she had lost them all#i have more of these web weaving type things coming for tuvok and janeway btw#cause i have so many thoughts#and feelings#trek thoughts#janeway's tunnel vision devotion to those she loves is wild#she was willing to destroy YEARS of lives that people had built just to get tuvok + seven + chakotay back#not even mentioning that her other crewmates had built lives too#but she told herself she was doing what was best for all of them#when really it was what was best for her probably#i support her though :)#i love her and tuvok's absolutely batshit ride or die attitudes towards each other#anwyays#i lvoe them#and they make me cry#kathryn janeway#tuvok#kathryn janeway x tuvok#janeway/tuvok#janeway x tuvok#oh also you can read this as platonic or romantic or queer platonic or a secret fourth thing that they seem to be#i believe in pretty much all interpretations tho i am a queer platonic/secret fourth thing truther at my heart#voyager
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Something that has been on my mind is what Kaz says to Nina at the end of Crooked Kingdom about Matthias's share of their money. He offers Nina that share, and then says, "I know it doesn't matter".
Kaz, who has spent this entire series insisting to the others that kruge means retribution, safety, success, comfort, and thus is the driving factor in his life, is sort of accidentally revealing how little he believes it. He knows Nina disapproves of his purported obsession with profit and is not motivated by money, and he also knows from personal experience that no matter how much he insists otherwise, having money will not fix what has happened to you. Maybe it will kind of buy you retribution or a degree of safety, but it will never bring back who you lost - it's too late for that. Kruge is a shitty consolation prize, and Kaz knows it. This is the only time he explicitly lets it on to the others - as emotionally constipated as he might act, he knows Nina's pain and knows that even suggesting that money would in any way fix it would be an insult.
#six of cringe posting? six of cringe KAZposting?#stranger things have happened#trust me those other fucks are in the brain microwave hardcore rn. kaz can get a turn in the meantime#guysss what if i am writing a six of crows outer wilds au. and what if i actually finish it someday. and you read it?? haha jk#unless.#anyway the brainrot is super strong rn and if i do actually follow thru this is gonna be like a 40k word single ch#back on topic. sometimes kaz tries to convince the reader that he believes this as well. and i hate to say it but some of yall get fooled#bro really does not give as much of a shit about kruge as ppl think. as much as he seems to gun for it to achieve these ends#he does not actually believe that it will bring him everything he wants. and it doesn't because it can't.#i like this quote bc he is kind of shocked into revealing his understanding toward nina. he knows how she feels and takes it into account#for once#kaz brekker#nina zenik#matthias helvar#six of crows#soc#tgt#soc meta
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I certainly have my own concerns about the treatment of moo deng but um. well i think some of you may just be racist
#this ^ isn't directed at any post in particular but instead a lot of comments ive seen. but now im gonna talk about other posts down here#and prefacing anything i put in the tags here with DONT TAKE MY WORD FOR IT DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH#but the biggest post ive seen going around rn about moo deng being mistreated and the general quality of khao kheow zoo is questionable#claims that the enclosure is mostly concrete seem to be false from all the sources i can find#the concrete section looks like its specifically around the feeding area which fits zoo care guidelines which specify that the feeding area#be a surface that can be easily cleaned separate from the substrate and is a surface present in other zoos#the lack of deep water also seems to be purposeful? older videos of the same enclosure show deeper water areas#and looking back through the news every baby pygmy hippo announcement from every zoo i could find mentioned periods where the baby had to#learn to swim and was slowly introduced from shallow water to deeper water as time passed#this was also corroborated by fowlers zoo and wild animal medicine volume 8 which suggests keeping the mother dry and then slowly#introducing water as the baby grows as a potential best practice#damn im treating this like a paper now. anyway the negatives#there are absolutely things that strike me as bad eg. public access to the hippos and the way the keeper interacts with them#for the keeper stuff in particular i'd really like to see input from someone who has experience as a zookeeper with pygmy hippos#the public access is something that i def think the zoo could improve on and even older footage from years ago shows people sticking like#selfie sticks and shit off the side of the railings and right into the hippos faces#however again the zoo seems to be making efforts to curb visitor behavior which is tough when you go from having 800 visitors a day to#4000+ and you can't remodel the whole exhibit right then and there#all this to say! just do your own research and take somewhat inflammatory comments on the internet with a grain of salt#also just to make it clear im not making any sweeping statements on khao kheow or the treatment of moo deng im just summarizing what i foun#based on what's being said in the most popular post on the subject ive seen.#for the potential like three people who will read all this hi :) hope ur having a nice day
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#hm. im in limbo. but at least i can draw again at last. ive never spent so long not wanting to draw. it was terrible#my job search lasted 4 days before i secured a position at target but i dont start until the 26th so im drifting until then#it feels so weird. like i dunno. i keep thinking abt jobs in a weird way now bc i just sorta drifted into what i do#weird academic stuff but i think most jobs arent like being a grad student and that never really occured to me#i dunno why. i could have done so many things but here i am. an ecologist mostly. i dunno. well see what the summer brings#maybe ill grow some social skills. its sorta weird but like the medication has made my head less terrible with intrusive thoughts. like i#can actually drive my car without hyperventilating which is fucking wild. so Maybe ill grow some confidence abt interacting with the world#going back in the fall still seems impossible rn but so does starting a job somewhere else. but i dunno#not where i expected to be in my life. im just lucky i dont have to worry much abt money#especially bc i got an ultrasound done so they cold make sure something wasnt wrong with my uterus#and its fine. guess it just hates me but that means i spent like 350 dollars for a 10min scan that showed nothing#ay. the us medical system#anyway. i guess ill continue drifting until the 26th#probably i should find something to do. or work on my old unpublished data#unrelated
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#it’s weird because i always know before it’s even said#but it still hurts each time?#wild#hitting on some real tender spots that i thought i left behind years ago#it’s not. like. punch to the gut whole world seems wrong level.#it’s more like a short sharp stab in my heart the size of a pencil#but it’s still definitely not fun#especially with everything else going on#just. overwhelmingly bad timing for me personally which is wildly selfish#but i think i’m allowed to feel that way so long as i don’t let if affect the way i act#still very much trying not to pull away#and that’s kind of really fucking hard#because it’s so much easier to make the decision myself#but i’ve learned from my mistakes and i don’t plan on hurting anyone like that again if i can help it#i just. i’m tired. i’m tired of putting on a brave face for everyone and still not doing a great job at it.#my friend today said ‘you’re allowed to be grumpy’ before we hung out and that felt really good#and i found that i didn’t even have to put on a brave face around her or pretend to not be grumpy#i just wasn’t grumpy anymore#so that was definitely nice#there are good things in my life!#and i know this#it’s just hard when so much is changing at the same time and it definitely doesn’t feel#like it’s for the better#but: i have my friends and i’m going back to school#(both of which are actually also causes of stress rn but ALSO sources of joy and excitement)#anyway glad i can talk here#kinda want to cut my chest open and bleed out the painful bits#but talking is a decent alternative#personal
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well lots to think about there
#I think...#it's good to come right out and say that turning back the clock is not the solution#i think that's accurate#the idea that you can have women kind of emerge as serious players in the last couple generations and then just snatch it away#not only is it cruel it's patently ridiculous#that said some of the concluding bits#I don't know#I wonder#is there an appetite for that kind of irenic posture?#it seems hard for one to adopt that yes-also posture you can be interested in women's liberation and also acknowledge this other problem et#he says something about how when you look at the 'traditional' way of thinking about gender issues and the traditional direction#you can't be surprised if all you have to offer men is to tell them how horrible they are or just to sign them up as allies#they just look elsewhere#i've felt that way about it for a long time#i've spent my whole life hearing about what utter garbage men are from every corner#not in the least from women telling me all the things Men have done to them#there's just no possible coherent response i can imagine#i've been increasingly worried as my sons get older that all i really have to offer them is an admonition not to be a rapist#and perhaps more broadly to get out of the way of women#this is the feeling among all the academics i know#put your tail between your legs submit smile no matter what they say about you and they do say some hurtful things and laugh#or else#again#this non-starter solution to just become some wild misogynist provocateur#I guess the stated goal of this guy's work isn't so much to establish solutions as it is facts#I do wonder what the solution could be#i sympathize with the desire to check out#oh I also cannot imagine any kind of positivity about fatherhood that would land or ring true or anything like that#however essential they find the presence of fathers to be#but that's another discussion
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A variety of conditioning exercises using the inflatable peanut.
#dogblr#maverick#its COLD here#so were stuck indoors for a couple more days#i think its bothering me more than anyone else#everyone seems really calm about it but i am decidedly NOT#let me into the wild please im begging#eta i meant to describe these in the tags#first is balance front feet on the peanut and hold#second is balance back feet and hold#third and fourth are position changes using the peanut#good core workout etc
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looking at how slow the the tags are on tumblr and how few fic on ao3 there for dmmd should not shock me as much as it does
what do you mean getting into a fandom 12 years late, for an 18+ only game that didn't have an official English release till 2021, and went through the tumblr corn purge means that the fandom is small and not very active and a lot of the content is gone?
#i guess back in 2013 when it was popular it seemed really big to me#i never got into it but some friends of mine did and it seemed like it was less niche than it is#cause 4k fics is wild to me#even if its respectable compared to other niche fandoms#my post#being banned on twitch probably doesnt help#i think even recode is banned??
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genuinely tempted to shift activity over to the warriors forum again and mayhaps even deviantart......
#i mean. it is probably not going to happen LOL but i miss forums..... i miss arpg groups..........#going thru my old accounts has really made me miss it So Much#i have really come to love the microblogging system on here but its not the same as forums or yk. an art community platform#lay rambles#funny thing is it feels like the average age on the warriors forum seems to have gone up? at least from my perception#i remember seeing lots of 13 year olds back then and thinking theyre on the older end of the spectrum lolol#and now i see plenty of adults on there; some people i recognise from back when i was active!#which is kind of wild#and idk. the community there was nice#i know flight rising has really nice forums as well but being active on fr is kinda exhausting after a while#and i saw even my chickensmoothie account still exists! xD
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i have bad melted soup brain today and i hate it
#i have never really felt like just disappearing off of the face of the earth and not talking to Anyone before but i have been thinking of it#a lot today! which is wild bc not my normal isolation thought but today it seems good ahahahaha#i am just. tired. i feel like i am not listened to ever and i feel unwanted as hell lately which i know in the back of my mind i am not#unwanted but boy do it feel like that lately lol. and i’ve been back on my ‘im gonna die alone bc nobody ever will love me how i love them’#bullshit which i have Not missed but it is come back full on ! soooo fun for me hahahahahaha i love to feel miserable about being unwanted#by those around me!!!! love it sooooooooooo much weeeeeee i totally don’t wanna slam my head through a window!!!!#also just in general lately i have felt like people talking to me is a chore to them bc nobody around me has been having actual conversation#it’s all been shit ass one word or one sentence replies from everyone or they talk about what they want and not acknowledge what i said and#i don’t even know what to do about it. i just don’t even want to talk to anyone now bc i feel like they literally don’t want to speak to me#and they don’t care what i have to say clearly bc they don’t pay attention and then bring up what i said says or weeks later like i never#said anything and it’s like hm wow yeah i fucking told you about that??? maybe if you pay attention you’d have known that but it’s fine !!!!#I’m just. tired of it. i am fully understanding of everyone having lives and doing their own things they need to do. but this is like. fr#different. like it feels so much different than that and i don’t get it and i don’t know what to do !!!!!!! i feel like i’m going Nuts#anyways if any of you wanna stick me through a meat grinder i would be forever thankful and you have the rights to take anything i own after#what this boils down to is my autistic ass is like everyone is not doing their normal thing!!! everyone is off their normal talking schedule#with me!!!! this must mean they fucking want me dead!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bc they went off script/pattern and not in a way they have in the past#that indicated that they just are struggling to reach out! this is different and bad and they want you out of their life!!!!!!!#which is ridiculous but what the fuck am i to do about it bc i will be thinking this until i basically am told otherwise by these people. so#that’s soooo much fun i love brains they’re so silly i wish i could jump at a wall and stick to it until i just slowly peel off and onto the#floor. anyways. hope everyone else has a good night
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Would it be stupid of me to request time off on the day after the Eurovision final
#there’s no consequences for requesting time off; to clarify. i’m on a zero hours contract so unless i’m sick or outright ask for holiday pay#i’m just getting a day or more of unpaid time off#but still. would it be silly and frivolous#i don’t even want it in order to drink… i just want to stay up and watch the entire thing including the voting#and not have to worry about working a 9-5 the next day (because i always seem to fucking get signed up for 9-5s while everyone else gets to#do a delayed start. what is that about)#i put in the request. it’ll most likely get accepted. like i don’t see why it wouldn’t#there’s already 3 people signed up to work that day… they don’t need me#the only reason i think they’d decline it is because i have unpaid time off the following sunday; but i will HAPPILY cancel that so i can#have the 14th off instead. i requested the 21st off for a pokemon go community day but tbh i’m not even really playing pogo anymore#since they nerfed remote raids and ya girl lives in the middle of nowhere so there goes like. my only way of getting legendaries.#anyway. that happened. i’ll just leave it and if it gets rejected i’ll bring it up with my manager#and lie or something and say i had plans on the 21st but was going to move them to the 14th and would it therefore be okay for me to have#that day off instead? i feel like that would work#honestly though idk why i worry considering one of the guys in retail has weeks of time off… i’m starting to wonder why he took the job#and if he’s ever actually planning on coming back to work. i legit haven’t seen him in a month and i’m there ~4 days a week#it’s a little bit fucking wild but anyway yeah.#nothing better come between me and the eurovision or we are going to have a problem#it’s bad enough i’m going to miss some of wimbledon. i’ve worked in education most of my adult life so this too is a new concept for me#if i can catch the opening day and the finals i’ll be happy tbh#personal
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what if I just, out of nowhere, posted the most unhinged thing I've ever written, on AO3
part of me wants to, but part of me is convinced the entire world will think I'm weird and shun me for an eternity LMAO (even tho I know for a fact there are WAY more messed up fics out there that people as a whole seem to like)
also hello, long time no speak lmao
#writing#input appreciated#i've contemplated some of my options for this... making an entirely separate account for the REALLY 'wild' stuff seems so...#inefficient (cuz then I have to wait for an invite etc etc) but it's definitely an option...#and orphaning it immediately also is weird because that means it exists FOREVER and I have no control over that lmao#means eternal cringe instead of just deciding “hey I hate this” and quietly deleting it like I have previous things#and also if people actually DO validate me and like it (despite the weirdness)... I wanna be able to say “oh whew okay I feel valid”#and I can't... do that on an orphaned work really lol#i am constantly at conflict with myself because I want to just write and not care and also ACTUALLY share stuff#but I'm soooo paranoid about how I'm perceived or will be perceived it holds me back 24/7#I want to write OC stuff but am convinced no one will read/care for it#I want to write weirder ideas but am afraid people will think I'm *too* weird and avoid me forever#tl;dr: fear/anxiety is holding me back for the 500000000000th time and I hate it fellas fr :/#will always envy fanfic authors who post unhinged/insane fanfics and don't seem to be bothered whatsoever by it
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#in the mental hospital currently#can explain might basically had a rly bad bpd moment at work//got fired//and then had to call myself to a hospital BUT I DID MANAGE TO#CLEARLY COMMUNICATE W MY SPOUSE ABT THE FACT THAT IM IN A HOSPITAL AND NOT LEAVING HIM WHICH SEEMS ALMOST LIKE A MIRACLE TO ME CAUSE WE WERE#we were about to break up but i think we actually love each other so it was a tough conversation#i have to do some serious thinking about#the psychosis i experience and some trauma as well cause its been really tough this summer honestly#first a bunch of shrooms while moving to a place i didnt know not being able to get all of my belongings organized resulting in obstruction#obstruction of vital routines#not to mention i freakin started focusing on like death type subjects cause its interesting to me and eventually i was like speaking in#keywords that didnt seem to make Any sense to my fiance even tho i was mostly just trying to help him have fun and have hobbies and stuff#outside of work#the keywords were in relation to a phenomenon i was researching regarding absent thought#i successfully filled the necessary absent thought slots in order to make sure i have graceful control over my thoughts#then i came back to reality! i guess i mostly get rly weird when thinking about the thoughts in my head cause i have a lot of things that#are private to me and i cant help the way my intrusive thoughts work#🥳🥳🥳PLUS I CANT MAKE THEM QUIETER IN INSTANCES WHEN I NEED TO LIKE TODAY WHEN I WAS AT WORK EXPERIENCING SOME SEVERE BPD SYMPTOMS AND THE#the instrusive thoughts literally made the whole employee team address the problem of me cutting myself as well as possibly scaring the#customers with any other intrusion i was having while i was listening to a song on the toilet to try and calm myself down#like if i had asked for a freakin break to handle the emotional situation i was almost suicidal and crying about i probably wouldve been#able to handle the situation but i was literally too tired and hurt and angry and depressed to even have the energy to control my emotions#enough to properly assess and judge#the situation enough to realize what was happening and how i needed to handle that#even then though i probably wouldve still gotten fired cause im not the fastest worker#there was also a bunch of psythought type stuff going on like my coworkers heard me loudly thinking about cutting myself in order to cope#it was only a couple of milliseconds but then it was like i had to go to the bathroom to listen to a song and that shouldntve even been like#shouldntve even been an issue but my anxiety was wilding too#basically went sicko mode the same day i started wondering about the other time i went sicko mode
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truly in rhe worst headspace feeling out of my mind rn cause i socialized with people for an action and so many tjingd came up
#1 its really hard to be like 1 out of 2 fat people in a group of 25 like i did not miss this part of being fat when i was skinny lol#2 im just painfully boring to talk to i feel like i dont really know how to emote with my voice and so everything just sounds really flat#3 i dont really get a majority of jokes people make or i just dont find them funny and its really painful being the only person in the car n#not laughing or trying to pretend to laugh but its just an obvious fake laugh like i dont get jokes or references or i dont know enough abou#about life to know when things are funny or how to relate to them enough to know what the average reaction should be#so that comes back to point 2 where its just fucking boring as hell to talk to me because everything you tell me i jusr react with 'oh' or#if its a mundane thing i over react because im thinking thats how the average person would react to it but then i just sound strange#4 my ocd was going wild todau because i have intrusive thoughts about 'what if i believe (immoral thing)'#which really doesnt help me at an action for palestine because well im just questioning how i eben feel about it eben tho i know how i feel#anout it (positively$#like i just feel like everything i do is wrong#i feel so out of place in every situation no matter where i am#my body is too big and i just cant relate to the average person it seems like#my body isnt too big but when youre in a group where youre like one of the only bigger people ueah thats how it feels#and in a really cramped car#covid resllt ruined my social ability to relate to others and stuff i feel like im just a boring ugly ball of nothig basically that people#have to interact with#i#also i should clarify no ones body is too big or too small or too much of anytjing#also feel like i need to clarify yes the intrusive thoughts about immoral things and things that go against my moral code are intrusive they#arent real
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#i was busy IRL for an hour and half btw#i feel really bad for upsetting that person so much but that really helped me#i think subconciosuly i knew i needed that bc when i was writing the tags i felt like they were Off but i posted anyways#i just needed someone to actually talk with me (even angrily/accusingly) about this because i was so lost. the anon#helped but it didn't really and one back and forth with an anon isn't really talking. bc i consider less theirpotential response#now that i've realized how similar to asexuality this is i can see how intersex ppl who don't personally want to be included#and are saying not to included intersex ppl at all are very insidous#i think i could have only realized that through confrontation in a discussion.#or like. someone telling me i guess lol nobody's actually used that analogy that i've seen#and i thnk that also would have gottten through to me#the weird thing is like. i didn't even believe that intersex people should be EXCLUDED. i never have. i just didn't understand WHY#the 'some want to be left out so be careful' thing was WRONG i had an inkling it was wrong but wasn't sure. and got caught up in that#honestly i don't think i even said that much wrong the OP is just forever fighting on this so i put her into the mode#(honestly i am a little bothred she wasn't really responding to the things i said but i understand her situation)#which to be clear I did NOT mean to do at all.#but i guess i should have expected i would upset that perseon bc all intersex advocates seem really angry these days#probably bc of ppl like me... sorry#but gosh i just don't think it's evil to be misinformed and think you're properly informed and therefore don't go out searching more#it's almost out of your control. because someone else did the lying to you#all u did was believe them. and if u never believe anybody u can't live so u can only doubt ppl when u have reason#and if u know nothing u don't have reason to doubt....#hi it's the next day on second thought it was kind of wild i spent all afternoon yesterday groveling for#having believed intersex ppl when they told me what their community wants as someone who had never heard of intersex before#it's not my fault they lied
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