#so. what did I notice this time around?
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I rewatched all of monkie kid in a 24 hour period. Do not recommend it👍
#brain is still melting#like it's so good. but that is a lot of monkie kid condensed into 1ish sitting#took like 10 pages of notes#which did not help with my brain melting#like trying to keep track of every time they say like#'plan' or 'forever' or WHATEVER ELSE was not easy because like every scene has something to it#in the trenches dude#imp tag#lmk suffering#so. what did I notice this time around?#Well choices is a consistent theme past ROTSQ#And so is like. ''Running out of time'' or the opposite and there still being time#OH AND GOD MACAQUE'S ARC AROUND BEING ON THE WINNING SIDE LIKE. DID NOT PUT 2+2 TOGETHER#Like there is a lot of talk of winning and losing overall (across all seasons)#And then Macaque wanting to win (s3). Self preservation and all that#And then in 3x13 he's like ''Alright kid. You win'' which means he let himself lose#and like#it's so good
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Sometimes I want to bring Morrigan but then I remember I play as a face-tanking rogue and I bring Wynne. Warden Cousland, Morrigan, Wynne / Dragon Age Origins (c) Bioware
#dragon age#dragon age fan art#comic#morrigan#warden cousland#healer#bioware#dao#dragon age origins#hero of ferelden#cousland#wynne#I'm back. I guess.#I did not notice at first but apparently I took a break from tumblr. I've already had several breakdowns over the dashboard.#(turns out I was on the 'for you' tab rather than the 'following' tab. the theme had changed as well. absolutely insufferable.)#I've felt really unconnected for a while but it actually feels better now? as if my tumblr mutuals was the missing link.#very healthy and hot of me ngl#so. I had a two week holiday this year and they were instantly slurped up. it went so fast!#there was this big football thing the week before my holiday - basically teams of teens come from all around the world to play etc.#I heard a girl tell her teammates that 'I'd love to travel on this bus every morning; happy people all around you; just add some music...'#she was also very excited when the bridge opened. the 'happy people' around her sighed bitterly and leaned back for a ten minute wait.#it is thankfully over now. the bus home is no longer stuffed full of football teams. but it's a fun experience for the players etc etc etc#well. in other thrilling news I went to spy on our sister shops during my time off. to see what they do differently. maybe steal some ideas#one store was like an instagram post with fancy teacups and stylish outfits. who knew a second-hand store could be so boring.#the other was like a man-cave with furniture and a passively-aggressive note by the toys stating that 'if u break it u pay. idiot. tnx<3'.#the man-cave was my favourite :)#rant over now! take care and bye etc!
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Speaking of Barry being able to read Leonard Snart scarily well, imagine that Barry notices how Snart reacts to people Barry knows, and files that away in his opinions of that person
Barry is in the cortex with someone he finds kind of annoying but harmless, Snart walks in for Definitely-Not-Flirting-While-Doing-Business Reasons, and starts lowkey acting like this guy is an Immediate Threat that he's trying to act cool around to not set him off. And Barry immediately knocks like 5 points off of the "how much do i trust this guy" ranking. Subtly starts telling him less things, looks into what he's doing on the downlow, treats him as potentially suspicious And turns out... The guy does have bad intentions
Leonard comes in and meets some of Barry's new friends/coworkers, and clearly seems to mark one of them as more trustworthy/less of a threat than everyone else. And when Barry needs help or someone to confide in, he goes to that person over everyone else
Barry comes in to Saints and Sinners and sees a regular he's run into before, but hasn't seen interact with Snart. He thought the guy might be pretty cool. But today he walks into them talking, and Immediately sees that Snart is closed off, jumpy, does NOT like that guy in his space. And Barry immediately takes cues off of that, turns the guy down when he later asks to have drinks together next time Barry drops by Saints
If Snart seems unnerved by someone Barry knows, Barry trusts his instincts. Even if Leonard never says anything to Barry out loud, he still takes note of that. If Snart likes someone, or just thinks they're reliable, Barry will trust that instinct.
Even if Snart doesn't say his feelings out loud, Barry trusts him so innately that he will listen to Snart's instincts when it's clear he's feeling a type of way
#so on that note.#imagine all of that being true AND#snart being around and showing up during the harry-being-around and pre-zoom-reveal stuff#he meets “jay” one (1) time and he picks up that this is a manipulative liar IMMEDIATELY#say nothing. plays along.#barry seeing this: oh okay. this guy is NOT SAFE. Got It#also thinking about: snart so subtly putting himself between anyone that he sees as a genuine threat and barry#even -and especially- in Star Labs#he meets Harry. doesnt know what's going on yet but absolutely knows that Dr. Wells was a threat to barry and doesn't trust this guy one bi#is weirdly always between them whenever he's around#comes over more often just to watch this situation#listen. barry trusting harry would have been a VASTLY different journey is snart had been allowed to stick around#bc he would have been subtle about his deep distrust of harry#but barry would have noticed Anyway#and he prolly would have still trusted harry eventually#once he proved himself and stuff#but the plot would not have happened the way it did in canon#if barry's not-boyfriend-but-not-enemy who's protective and a damn good read on is someone is a threat -esp men- was around#yeah so. just thoughts#barry allen#leonard snart#the flash tv#coldflash#i mean. not EXPLICITLY#but to me this is coldflash#there are romantic VIBES to how well barry would read snart and how much snart wants him safe
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Nothing like Heartstopper S2E8 removing some of Taylor Swift's "seven" lyrics just so that the singing can specifically come back in at "Or hide in the closet" while Isaac is processing difficult emotions related to the book he's reading (i.e., Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex by Angela Chen).
Did I mention "Or hide in the closet" hits just as the camera focus finishes shifting away from Isaac?
This is fine
#This is not fine#Warning: Long tags ahead (2 topics)#TOPIC 1:#I'm glad Isaac feels safe enough to be reading this book and processing emotions around his friends#That's the positive spin on “he's quietly dealing with a lot while next to his friends and they're not noticing and he's not sharing" right#The contrast of this with the happy friend-bonding montage time feels purposeful and sad (esp. with lyrics about staying in the closet)#but on the bright side this is in the midst of happy friend-bonding montage time so we also see them having happy bonding times together#- showing the friendship is still strong even if right now Isaac isn't wholly known or fully fitting#Hopefully this is leading to Isaac telling his friends what he's going through in S3 and the friendships adapting to fit him better#TOPIC 2:#Also - don't think it's unintentional that where the camera focus shifts to is Nick with his arms around Charlie and then kissing his head#I think we're being purposefully distracted from Isaac with allo 'cuteness'#Because what the other characters often get swept up in - especially as they all couple up in S2 - is alloromantic/allosexual interactions#And that's frequently what the world prioritises or cares more about too#I think the show is intentionally calling everyone - from the characters to us watching them to the whole world - out#So that hopefully we (general) can all be more aware and do better#[In case you were wondering this N&C/Isaac scene is also right after we see short clips of Elle & Tao and Tara & Darcy cuddling -#which also seems very intentional: Isaac - sandwiched in between views of cuddling couples - alone in more ways than one]#CONCLUSION:#I think everything is working together to highlight the contrast between what N&C and Isaac are respectively experiencing in this moment#Did I mention this is not fine?#It is well done though#heartstopper mini moment#isaac henderson#aroace#aromantic asexual#lgbtqia+#queer#taylor swift#seven
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okay .. take two !!!
+ bonus doodles
#i !!!! like this design a lot more#kinda worried abt the cloak …. but !!!#what do we think ………..#oh. wait. also#-> tried to combine the v shape and the cloak#figured out how to incorporate the bottom half wing like design#they have tails !!! they like to sometimes pretend it’s like a bird#(loop running around bc swish swish flowy) (bats their eyelash) am i not the prettiest bird youve ever seen#also while the leg straps for knife was cool#i feel they. while it wouldd be easier to maybe access#anyone could take it !!! the way it was !!!!#into the holster and belt you go#OH and and#the little chains and pendants dangling from the belt ?? those are like keychains from all the things that remind them of their journeys#OH and they’re wearing. kind of leggings ??? for better agility#im trying not to overdo everything. so that it’s not so cluttered#but that. also Is this point. as fun as this outfit is most of it is just loop taking clothing items they first see and running off#“okay rogue time. i can do rogue.” tthey are a mess <3#they’re kinda in that stage of. between siffrin and figuring out who They are now after all of that. clinging slightly while also changing#(they absolutely did steal those little pins from sif btw <3) they thought it would be funny to see how long it took for him to notice. and#then it just stuck.#“why is loop okay with the cloak now?” bc !!! its not a one to one. and also. sif here found loop at possibly the worst spiral ever#it Would have brought equal comfort as it did discomfort if they wore both the hat and cloak then. and (their words) it would be much easier#to tell which siffrin was who !!!!!!!!!!#agh .. okay#lantern’s art corner#isat spoilers#isat
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before everyone gets sent to the middle of the galaxy*, we don’t see chibichibi do that much that could be described as interference with the past timeline but one thing she does do- the first thing she does at all- is rescue kakyuu. it's at least implied that kakyuu would have died otherwise- she even tells the starlights "Several times I tried to go to you. But my body's recovery took longer than expected... ChibiChibi was the one who helped me a lot." ultimately kakyuu helps usagi get to the galaxy cauldron, meaning her presence isn't inconsequential.
chibichibi also attempts to prevent the starlights from meeting kakyuu. she refuses when they ask and also did not at any point bring kakyuu's incense jail to them. now she obviously didn't feel that strongly about preventing it, she could blow up the starlights if she wanted, but i don't think she would've initially been against it for zero reason. and there is no way she doesn't already know their relationship even if you ignore that chibichibi is sailor moon from the future because she's been regularly talking with kakyuu about the starlights over the past few weeks or so.
this leaves me with some questions:
-what happens in the ‘first’ timeline that chibichibi/sailor cosmos originated from? mainly, does kakyuu live or die in that timeline? we don't actually know for sure despite the implication. does she live, but in a worse/damaged state? if she did die, how does chibichibi know her at all- hearing about her from the 'first' timeline starlights?
-why try to keep kakyuu from the starlights? attempted damage control to prevent the timeline from getting too different?
-if chibichibi’s interference caused kakyuu to live when she originally died, why do this? did she want someone to temporarily keep usagi company after all her friends died? did she just feel bad for kakyuu? did she know having kakyuu alive would get them to the galaxy cauldron more efficiently? clearly sailor moon got there one way or another in the ‘first’ timeline, and kakyuu implies that her star system (and by extension herself, as a princess) is just one of many that are all less powerful than our solar system, meaning she likely doesn’t possess the unique ability to travel there. it seems she just CAN help usagi get there because she knows where it is. but chibichibi herself could fulfill that role. so kakyuu is not necessary to get to the galaxy cauldron. therefore...?
i don't have answers. maybe to her it's like a videogame she's playing for the second time and she's like Ok This time i will see what happens if kakyuu lives. maybe she genuinely didn't know/forgot who kakyuu was and found her on the side of the road and was like 'well i might as well help this random passed out cosplayer while i'm here' and then it was thee alien princess and she was like I can't kill her now it'd be awkwarddddd. intergalactic toddler of mystery
#sailor moon#sailor moon cosmos#chibichibi#princess kakyuu#sailor cosmos#*= by the time usagi and co. are out of tokyo and into space chibichibi is more active but i think by that point things are so different#she can't uninvolve herself. here i'm just discussing what i think was her first and therefore least explicable deviation. end of footnote#anyway... notice chibichibi didn't even really try and help the solar system senshi live longer LOL#YOUR deaths are plot necessary sorry.#at the end cosmos does say she wanted to guide usagi to make the 'right choice' at the cauldron but#i fail to see how kakyuu being around impacts that in any way at all#did cosmos think Well i didn't want to destroy the world when i MERELY saw all my best friends die in front of me#but maybe if past-me also befriends no less than 4 hot aliens and has to watch them die as well#she'll be just traumatized enough to go through with destroying the world this time. ?
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Subtitles below the keep reading:
Hey you, shut your mouth and look at my paw! DON'T FORGET!! [Incomprehensible sped up gibberish] This... Journey... Money... Loads of coins. [Incomprehensible sped up gibberish] What-about-her? What-about-her? ... What-about-her? 'She still like me? [Quiet but mostly incomprehensible gibberish about subtitles] O P S O P N O-1 1. Here's the spell: Love the mermaid, for sure! The mermaid is HAPPY! Okay! It's pretty normal for a fish, right? Guuuyyyssss, beeeee caaarefuuulll wiiiiith theeee GIIIIIRRRRLSSS!!! [Incomprehensible] Oh! Silly! Oh yes! Lamb chop boy! [Incomprehensible] [Very quietly, while white noise is playing over it] Goood eevening, aand weeelcome too the shoooowww... [In the background] Ohhh, mooney!
#video#elevenlabs#i generated three versions of this video and basically spliced together the best parts from each one into one thing#and also toned down the flashing of the red and white pound signs to be a lot slower#i'm honestly surprised how well everything spliced together. i was expecting it to be even a little bit noticeable but. nope apparently not#i did a few generations of meet the spy's intro and tried to splice together the best bits but theres just so much happening with the audio#there's a lot of funny portions of that audio. maybe i'll try again at it and see if i cant get the parts i like in one thing#truthfully i also don't know how much folks'll like these. as in compared to around the time the infomaniac stuff was made#so i'm not sure how much of these i'll be putting together and uploading. mostly just been fucking around and showing my friends#i'm mostly just intrigued to hear what the ai tries to say with some of these generations#since it's just trying to translate from one language to another#in this case. providing videos in english. and setting the translation from russian to english.#which seems to be the best thing so far (that i've tried) that causes more of the words being said to be off-script#like it'll usually most be like whats originally being said mostly but other times it's completely different from the source#i think this dub shows it best. between ''hey you. shut your mouth and look at my paw!'' and ''love the mermaid. the mermaid is happy!!''#i am also officially out of characters to generate more so i won't really be doing more than what i've already done for a while#i wanted to try and give it a video that plays backwards. flip that. then let it dub over it forwards.#but i'd have to wait until i get the character limit reset
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I think Gerald Robotnik is the perfect example of how sympathetic doesn't mean forgivable and I havent seen a single person talk about it
#sonic 3#sonic movie 3#gerald robotnik#so i will#like the scene of him manipulating Shadow by forcing him to relive Maria's death...#fucking horrific#and yet in that same scene it shows you how destroyed Gerald was by it#so in that moment you sympathise with him#but as soon as you come out of that flashback you remember what hes just done and suddenly all that sympathy is gone#like yeah the movies are silly we can all agree#Gerald Robotnik has his silly moments here and there#but god the majority of the time hes so cold and calculating and manipulative to those around him#people you expect him to care about#people he probably wouldve have cared about in the case of Eggman or did care about in the case of Shadow#'They want to take Shadow from us Maria'#from US.#yet when Shadow betrays him he only remarks that he was once so useful to him#this man does not care about anyone and he never will again#and so the movie does not expect you to care about him#its so expertly crafted and i want to talk about this more so so badly but nobody is going to take this seriously#because its fucking sonic the hedgehog 3 and somehow non sonic fans are immune to realising this movie is peak fiction#god im so insane over everything about it#i love how unimportant they made his death. it was so quick and they made a point of making it into a complete joke#every other death or near death experience in this franchise#are treated with serverity and intense emotional moments like longclaws death and sonics near death in 1#and even like characters that most people wont care about like commander walters are given a decent amount of respect#yet Gerald gets fucking bugzapped and is not mentioned again#its just so perfect because thats literlly what he was going to do to everyone#they wouldve had barely any time to come to terms with their deaths#some people may not have even noticed they wouldve just been there one moment and gone the next just like Gerald
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But I'd rather not remind myself and leave it all behind And I've tried so hard to fix it all but nothing seems to help
#anyways!#Gposes#FFXIV#FFXIV Dominik Dekah#Daine sicarius Occasus#toxic yaoi redemption arc (not really)#Daine absolutely TORPEDO'd everything when he killed Niki in a shortsighted 'just following orders' betrayal#he did LOVE Niki. The only man he's ever loved. but he would rather stay at rock bottom than have something good and lose it later#so he self-sabotages and constantly self-destructs just to keep it that way#Except he *really* regretted killing Niki. Enough to keep Niki's necklace around his neck ever since he killed him#then Garlemald went to shit and he didn't even have to do it himself! and Niki got resurrected and now hes fucking PISSED bcs bro??#but Daine never really stopped carrying that torch for Niki despite it all. And Niki realizes that Daine is the ONLY mf who can handle him#and Niki (regrettably) does love Daine. but yknow its hard when the guy KILLED YOU IN COLD BLOOD AND TRIED TO PULL 'its not you. its me <3'#but all this time later when theyre hiding out in S9 they sometimes let themselves play the game where theyre lovers again.#just like nothing ever happened. and daine has to deal with the fact he'll NEVER get that back no matter how bad they both want it.#what if he HAD chosen Niki over some stupid orders and let himself be happy?#Home would still be ruins. but he would have Niki still. What if he chose to love Niki?#He wishes he did. He can never say it out loud. but he wishes he chose Niki over selfish gain.#oh yeah i forgot these tags#Friend's characters#My characters#i couldve done way better onthe text or layout but ugh i was sick of setting this up tbh i jsut wanted it DONE.#its a mirror to the original photoset i made of them actually.#just this time its rectangle borders and cool tones instead of oval warm tones <3#but i think im the only one who notices that LOL
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They weren't lying, this psychological recovery journey got hands
#3rd month of taking antidepressants and knowing that There Is something majorly fucked up within me#i feel like im becoming normal bit by bit but also now my other problems become my aparent to me#i started to notice i have this childlike simplistic attitude towards wonder and relationships but also at the same time i understand the#severity of troubles around me on the level of burned out adult#but also it takes me from a week to several years to realize what people meant#and yet sometimes i get everything clearly#there are still ways to go#i still have to find a therapist#cuz psych diagnosed me with BPD; geberal anxiety disorder and ADHD and said i have autism signs that could explain the development of BPD#but all he can do is medical treatment which is not the kind you need for BPD and autism#im not saying you can treat autism but yeah he meant i need a psychotherapist for these instead of psychiatrist#i hope i can complete this mental health journey bcuz i feel like i finally got hit with all the weight of burnout i had all these years#i did some creative work in the august/early september but rn its all touching grass in real world and playing games#like i cook i help my family with chores i play fortnite i clean up my room i go out at 1am to look at the stars#all of my own volition without feeling like i need to push myself to do this#I'm scared that making art is not one of those things#i often have a thought that maybe art isnt really for me and in a perfect world i wouldnt do it#but then why am i so good at it#like...#petrotalk
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"likes don't do anything" they do
"there's no algorithm" there is
"well nobody uses the for you tab" I do
"reblog all art and fics you see" there's no thought put into that. if this does work on people, then it's just pity engagement borne out of guilt rather than genuine interest, which is arguably worse than having none, because it's totally hollow.
#if I make art of my ocs who I'm personally fond of and spent a few days drawing just right and it gets 3 reblogs then it gets 3 reblogs#it's rational to feel a little disappointed sure. but I can't do anything about that. it's just luck#and I got Very lucky accumulating a few thousand followers on my main-turned-art-only blog off the back of when m.oomin was very popular#(tho realistically many of those users are probably inactive/passive followers now)#and having this number of people tuned into my posts Still only gets me a couple dozen notes on original stuff.#every 3 years or so something might blow up. like that bugs bunny comic lol. and I did Not expect it to#especially bc it happened about a year after I shared it as well.#it can happen any time. so don't feel discouraged when your art doesn't get noticed right away#the one advantage this website has is that there's far less of a fomo culture compared to other socials where trends come and go in a week#and people will still interact with older posts. especially bc it's easier to find what you want through the tagging system. sort of.#there's really no way to predict this or aim for large engagement! oh unless you're specifically catering to the current hot topic#like d.unmeshi is wiiiildly popular right now. I've seen comics get 5-digit notes in under 48 hours 'cause more eyes are on it.#but if it's not something you personally like and you're only creating things for the attention then you're gonna be unhappy#and people will inevitably move on.#I'd much rather swing my art back around every few months or so until it finds someone it resonates with#than make people who were never planning to engage with it feel bad for no reason
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I feel like Karkat Vs. The Evil Gods is a spiritual successor to Saviors of the Universe even tho it was never fully complete. I have been a fan of your world building since then and I am SOOOO here for it!! I love that we really do seem to have everyone and I can't wait to finish it and then read it all again!
Oh my god same brain cell, I genuinely was just in the car yesterday listening to a song I used to imagine a SoTW music video to, musing like "man I wonder how much of my old plot could be reused" haha. "Spiritual successor" is so true actually. Saviors was SO the project of a teenager/college student. The Saviors team were being brought into the larger world by their ancestors directly, learning to use their powers, leaving their overbearing parental figures and finding new mentors, discovering themselves. VERY college. Whereas KVvTEG takes a lot of the same ideas and vibe--superhero universe, interpersonal drama underlying grander plot, some of the humanstuck designs being similar--but their age and history together is a huge part of the premise itself! Written by a grown-up with a job, lmao.
...I am very entertained by the thought of the crossover tho. Reparenting your much more explicitly superpowered younger self... Just don't let the Gamzees meet. 😬😬 Eesh.
#ask time!#KVvTEG#GOD what a blast from the past. It's been eighty years...... I know it sounds fake but is2g i was literally just thinking about this#I think the closest I could get to repurposing is back-telling the story of how the Skaia Network took notice of Karkat's vigilante group#which like dgmw I have been idly thinking about lmao. The 500 comic book issues of it all... so many backstories would make fun fics#that would take place shortly after Gamzee went missing and long before he came back so#it would be a pretty grim time emotionally if it was from Karkat's POV#but it would hit I think the MOST beats similar to the original plot I had in mind for Saviors? esp featuring Meenah as their villain#Saviors!Gamzee was already struggling with the GHB's shitty life philosophy RE: violence and power and safety and strength#the last thing he needs is to meet an older version of himself who ''''''lost'''''' to the Scratch and did in fact get tortured for it#and tbh the last thing recovery!Gamzee needs is a fresh-faced kid with the power to reach into his head and go sorting around in there#bringing his own flashes of his whole Dad Situation with him. like hey you thought neglectful dad sucked ass. try this guy he IS worse.#does a new fresh flavor of ''headfucker rattles around in your skull full of disdain and paternalistic entitlement'' sound like a good time
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post ankle-twisting clarity
#i slipped in the mudddddd the other day LOL i twisted my one ankle and scraped up my other knee#so the past few days ive just been kind of needing to waddle around.....#LUCKILY its healing well and fast <3 but yknow i was like#so stressed out over shit that doesnt matter in school. and like this is an awful unintentional habit i have but i will get like#overly stressed over shit and then i'll start getting SUPER careless with everything. and then i'll injure myself foolishly and Calm Down#happened last year with my foolish midnight woodcarving incident LOL its always november....#BUT yeah luckily this years foolish injury is a quick one at least!!#but yeah like genuinely i was so stressed out about all my fine arts major shit. teachers have been really getting on my case recently#my main professor said that it was a good thing people get so riled up with my work because it means its impactful#tbh i didnt believe her at all i thought she was just trying to placate me but then i listened closely to the things faculty say when#they look at my fucking. cartoon wolf drawing or something and i think. she might be right actually. people keep getting frustrated with me#because i think they see a lot of potential in me but i basically only have to drive to draw cartoon wolves etc HFKJSDHJVKRFEds#which is great for my ego. maybe too good for my ego. that my mark making and colour use etc is so evocative to these industry and#instutition people. but on the other hand i was told like thrice now that my work has no place in a gallery. which is fine although im not#totally sure how true that is. but also afterwards one time i was suggested to go into animation instead which is. um.#so its not out of nowhere i mean i did want to be an animator when i was like 10 but if you know anything about the current state of the#animation industry its like genuinely wild to tell someone who you've only seen 2 dimensional watercolour and acrylic painted#sketchy lined drawings from and who has said they cant do digital art anymore that they should get an animation degree?#brother they would kill me. i would be killed. i had an inkling but it really made me notice so clearly how limited the experiences my#faculty kind of have with certain industries. which is fine. or maybe not. for a professor LOL but yknow. but i was like huh. i guess i can#just kind of chill lol if i just keep doing things maybe something will come of it. i may not get as much help in my artistic development#rn as i would like. but its chill i think i'll figure it out if i just keep doing stuff <3#doesnt really matter that my teachers dont know what to do with me. my kneeeee has a booboo so i am CHILLING out :)
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qsmp makes me feel like a conspiracy theorist almost constantly. I see someone go "yeah bad almost exclusively chooses tophats in games when given the option" and I immediately run back to my conspiracy board and pin that next to the photo of q!slime and q!mariana saying they'll adopt juanaflippa because she has glasses like q!slime/q!mariana respectively under a sticky note captioned "??? the original spanish-english egg pairs were designed in a way meant to attract certain parents to adopting them???", that's connected by red string to a note pad page stating "how random was the parent pairing REALLY?" with nothing under it - which is then connected to a string that leads to several polaroids containing the ending(s) of the wall and the wreckage of the button, captioned "why build a wall that big only to have it end at a certain point?" followed by a string connected to a notebook page in the middle of the board reading "the illusion of choice?" - connected to several other seemingly dead-end questions and theories, as well as some slight stragglers only connected to eachother and not the middle. and then I look over my board covered in feverish notes and I go. yeah okay so I may just have like a slight problem
#quesadilla island and the illusion of choice.#i am so normal#I spent. a little bit too long on this bit I think.#saying stuff#I have more thoughts but it's just the generic stuff.#why does the federation want the residents on the island so badly. how did wilbur even leave the island.#why did islanders from the island itself vs others who aren't arrive the same way. what the fuck is up with the codes.#why do the feds insist on having a good rapport with the islanders. why do they try to desensitize them to their presence via tasks.#why do they try so hard to look non-threatening to the point even grunt workers carry around bubble wands to blow on the regular.#a lot of this is easily “the federation wants to build trust” but that's also a why. what do they stand to gain from doing that.#hold on where's my nerd tag#i think.#oh my god really.#that's. okay yeah that checks out actually#qsmp#quackity smp#q!cellbit a man of the people (I am burning with questions about the federation all of the time oh my god.)#edit if you see spelling mistakes in this post do not correct me please I have a fragile ego#I did not notice until four hours had passed and now I'm committed to pretending I do not in fact care about it
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^ guy who has to draw funny hedgehogs or else they will die
#okay i did draw stuff that didnt involve the hedgehog characters i promise i was just picking my favorites/what i thought was the best#from each month and realized i kept picking stuff with sonic and/or shadow in it#so i decided i would make all of them have at least one hedgehog character because the pattern was funny to me#anyway kind of disappointed with how little i drew this year ive been struggling with motivation to do art for a while now#but . i did get at least one or two finished drawings for each month.#and i also managed to do artfight even if i did less art for that than ive done in the past#whihc are still accomplishments i think. considering how ive been feeling#also i didnt get to do one of these last year because my laptop decided to stop working around december#and i did get a new one soon after. but i wasnt able to get access to the stuff on my old one until a little while into the year#and at that point it felt like the moment had passed and it would be awkward to post the art summary thing . so i just didnt#so . yay i get to do it this time#if this picture is making you notice how inconsistent the way i draw werehog sonic is no it isnt
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sometimes I think about how when I went to college for a year before I dropped out (basically failed out,) the counselors/dean told me they can't help me at all or give any accommodations unless I have an official autism/adhd diagnosis. that might sound logical at first, but when you think about it more, it's actually quite fucked up. if someone is struggling really bad, what's the harm in helping them? why do they require a paper to get even the smallest amount of help? people who don't need help aren't going to be failing miserably without help! even NTs could benefit from some adjustments to the horrible school system! (but changing the entire system is a whole other conversation that the school system isnt ready for)
but even if you do agree to jump through their hoops, you realize it's even more fucked up that the diagnosis process requires YEARS in most cases (in my case it took 4 or 5 years, can't recall exactly now, for autism/adhd diagnosis, which would have meant i finished school before getting it if i managed to mot fail out, or i wait that long before going back, which is a whole struggle itself) and they also tried billing me for THOUSANDS of dollars because of insurance issues!!
so you put a ton of time and money into this, and then get told the only accommodation they are willing to give you for autism and adhd is "a little extra time on tests"
....
my test scores were the best part of my whole class experience. that was NOT what I struggled with!!!!! those tests were all online and could be done in the comfort of your home where you can accommodate yourself and have plenty of time left over when you finish them because you are comfy in your own space, (and also, no one was stopping you from having your notes/books/google open to find the answers,) and you don't even need a time consuming, expensive diagnosis for that!
SO WHAT'S THE POINT!!!!!!!
#mind you this was over 10 years ago now. it *could* have gotten better but id be extremely shocked if it has#autistic#autism#actually autistic#adhd#neurodivergent#audhd#school#school problems#yes i know theres rules or maybe even laws for this and its why they are like this but its bad and should change#if they offered smaller classes with less sensory overloading bullshit and other things i needed it would be great!#but they refuse to accommodate your actual needs and make up useless accommodations to legally say they help disabilities#ND people (not just audhd) and other disabled people that graduate with no useful accommodations are so strong and cool. proud of you!#ones who had to drop you youre also cool for not dealing with their bullshit snd allowing yourself to not suffer for a sheet of paper!#(though i know it can feel bad when everyone around you makes you feel bad for needed to drop out or failing out and not going back)#i completely stopped going to my psychology class because i started a week late due to scheduling issues and#suddenly we are told theres a paper due in 3 days and need to hse the textbook i didnt have yet as the source for it all#and it was in the syllabus i didnt get because i was a week late and didnt know we got one. the professor didnt notice me out of#the 100 other students in that large lecture hall. that room was also a sensory nightmare hellscape#too many students made things noisy and distracting. multiple fluorescent lights were flickering constantly and never fixed#the professor used a mic to speak to us and it had a constant horrible loud buzzing. it did that loud mic screech noise randomly#without warning. all the time. the quality of the sound was horrible so it was hard to understand her. on top of that she had a very thick#accent i wasnt familiar with so that on top of the horrible buzzing mkc quality that also cut her out constantly was auditory processing#disorder HELL. I dont know how ANYONE survived thst class but i seemed to be the only one struggling. everyone else turned in their papers#and i gave up and stopped going. was too late to drop the class to get my money back so i wasted probably a few thousand dollars#and THATS what i mean by give me reasonable and useful accommodation. test time would NOT make that class better at all#fix the mic and light issues at least or give me a smaller class with more attentive professor or something!#offer smaller classes for struggling disabled people! if the issue is not knowing who needs them then offer a switch to those struggling!#i got called onto a dean/counselor meeting because a professor noticed my horrible grades and stuff so its possible to catch us and help!#THESE SCHOOLS JUST NEED TO START BEING WILLING TO. dont make us do all the work to accommodate ourselves and expect to do well in school!
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