#so it just goes in circles
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idk idk idk but sydney called carmy “carmen” for the first time this season and that shit. that shit is such a win for me.
god with them being so emotionally far apart and non communicative, it’s like these two are so goddamned melted together they’re already in the divorce stage before they’ve even enjoyed their marriage?? it’s so intimate in a way that only sydney and carmy can make being so emotionally distant seem.
I can’t stand you but I love you more than anything and I just want you to see me like you did before.
he taped up her coach k picture she put her little stickers on. she widened the margins so he could write comfortably. it’s love, but in such a weird fucking sequence only these two could pull off.
#and carmy’s stuck in the past bc at least he can’t keep fucking that up#and there’s some sort of twisted comfort in that#but he doesn’t realize he’s driving syd away doing that#and she’s not telling him#so it just goes in circles#god I am so obsessed with this shift it has layers yall#I ACTUALLY need you to walk with me here lmao#sydcarmy#carmy x sydney#sydney x carmy#the bear
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This right here is the #1 reason I am not giving poptart a little leo/not ruining his timeline, btw, LMAO
#2 arms left#rottmnt#YOU DONT WANT BANANA LITTLE LEO#and neither do i!!!!!!#therefore poptart is SO safe and his timeline is SO secure!!!!!!#also shoutout to my inconsistent colors per usual I didnt pull from my ref lmao#I just know that as it goes down the skin gets more light and more yellow tinted#and the eye marks go from pink > red > orange#therefore.....#> yellow > green > blue???? > purple????? > full circle#and even more pale ass yellow skin#LMAO
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Also, curiosity, what’s your take on Amelie’s personality for Scarlet Lady? Just curiosity. Cause siblings in canon are usually opposites. So, this mean SL!Amelie, instead of main character syndrome, has background character syndrome? Or low self-Steem?
I'd put SL Amelie as So Normal. Like she's born into this bizarre English family that still does arranged marriages in this day and age (not totally knocking the practice, but it's definitely implied it's being done against Emilie's and Amelie's wishes), has a super dramatic sister who runs off with her equally dramatic husband (who Amelie barely likes) to become a fashion mogul's actress wife, rubbing elbows with the Mayor of Paris and a bunch of weird rich people who throw bizarre Diamond Dances to show off their kids as if they're a spectacle and holding Eyes Wide Shut parties in their house.
And Amelie's just like "anyway" on the sideline.
#I can't really expand on Amelie much#all her screen time is just Being Felix's Mom#and like at least she's a decent one but still#also yeah I know Amelie goes to the weird EWS party so she's not NOT in this circle#but the way she's flabbergasted that Gabriel doesn't give a fuck about her missing son#makes me think she doesn't fully grasp how these weird asshole rich people she's related to operate#sl:amelie#sl ask
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yes, yes i know edgeworth’s big wet eyes and loser boy personality have captivated us all, but listen. listen.
phoenix wright
phoenix “genuinely unable to reconcile the girl on the stand with the girl he dated for eight months, a cognitive dissonance so profound it’s ultimately explained by them being literally two different people, but which he first sits with for five years and does not talk about at any point to anyone” wright
phoenix “don’t mention that name to me. i don’t want to talk about it. i don’t want to think about it. i am just going to keep myself in this state of perpetual crisis mode focus on other people’s problems until eventually i die and get to hang out with mia on the astral plane and never have to deal with any of these emotions ever again” wright
phoenix “overnight loses his career and reputation and sense of identity while gaining an adopted, probably pretty traumatized eight-year-old daughter, and rather than leaning on his friends for help, or getting therapy, or taking any time to process any of this, he *checks notes* spends seven years dedicating all his free time and energy to investigating the weird fucking circumstances around it and maintains a friendship with the guy he suspects was behind it all” wright
phoenix "runs across a burning bridge and falls through it, half a day after the game establishes that he is terrified of heights, because his friend is on the other side of that bridge" wright
phoenix “i sure felt surprised. maybe i had my poker face on” wright
phoenix “looking back on it that was actually a pretty dark period in my life” wright
phoenix “don’t ask me how i got started. i don’t remember” wright
phoenix “only you stood still, your eyes calmly watching” wright
phoenix “sometimes, life just sucks” wright
just
phoenix wright
crunchiest man in the world
and all i wanna do is chew and chew and chew on him
#ace attorney#where are all the people gnawing on phoenix's bones so white??#i need to find the phoenix bone-gnawing corner of this fandom PLEASE#this is me asking for the Phoenix Fic btw#where is the fic meditating on phoenix's whole mental state in general?#where is the fic about how it's phoenix's cageyness and poker face and flat affect under stress that is the hurdle?#the relationship ramifications of being actually really fucking hard to read when it comes down to it?#where is the fic about the week of his disbarment?#the one detailing the panicked blow by blow of it rippling through his social circle while he stands in the eye of the storm?#the one that ends messy and anxious and unresolved because it's week 1 of 7 years?#where is the birth of phoenix wright: poker legend fic?#where is the art school/theatre major phoenix fic?#no not the able to art/act phoenix fic but the kind of person who chooses to go to art school/study theatre phoenix fic#where is the supremely disinterested in pop culture phoenix fic?#where is the actually incredibly meticulous and competent phoenix fic?#capcom can tell me all they want that he's essentially an adhd disaster flying by the seat of his pants making it all up as he goes#but that's not what they're actually showing me#they're the ones who created an in-fiction legal system that functionally necessitates that#and the nature of the game is that phoenix is almost always proven right so rather than him coming off as hare-brained#his opponents rather just come off as short-sighted. either negligently or maliciously so#and the choices the writing makes in service of retaining mystery and audience suspense in fact function to make phoenix a person#who is astute and puts the pieces together but is cautious in his conclusions#i will grant them that phoenix does tend to lose sight of his overarching goal in getting drawn into proving or disproving minor points#the fact that edgeworth on the other hand never loses sight of this or where the various arguments stand in relation to it#is his sexiest trait as a character by far#but those minor points are actually functionally critical to the ultimate argument phoenix makes#so even though i do read that trait through the game mechanics i do also judge the other characters for being dicks about it#my point is phoenix wright does in fact have the character of a lawyer and is conventionally good at his job fucking fight me#my point is that you all have had 20 goddamn years to Rotate this man#my POINT is that there should be Intricate Fucked Up Meditations On Phoenix that rewire my fucking brain and i NEED to know where they are!
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HEY! YOU!
You've probably heard by now, but from March 4th to 10th 2024, Help Gaza Children will be sending all their donations to families in northern Gaza, where food prices have skyrocketed even more than in the south. Their goal is $25K by the end of the week; at the time of writing this post, it's about halfway a quarter way there! (OG post about it) [EDIT: my mistake, I misinterpreted the numbers in the original post; evidently I cannot do arithmetic anymore]
This is their notion site, which has their donation link as well as additional info, their FAQ, important updates, and proof of purchases from donations they’ve gotten in the past. You can also donate directly to their paypal here.
As such, I'll be open for sketch commissions up from now (March 7th, 2024 ~02:20 PST) through March 10th in exchange for proof of donation to Help Gaza Children!
BASIC OVERVIEW:
Tier 1 - Basic head/bust sketch for $1-5 USD, +50% for basic color. Up to 3 characters.
Tier 2 - Basic screencap resketch for $5-15 USD, +50% for basic color.
Tier 3 - Posed sketch for $15-25 USD, 1-2 characters ONLY.
Tier 4 - Colored clean sketch: $25+ USD, 1-2 characters ONLY.
RULES:
Please provide a visual reference or detailed description of the character(s) you want drawn (and depending on the tier, a screencap or pose/expression you want to go with it)
DO'S: OCs, humans and human-like creatures, other creatures that don't have a lot of mechanical or anatomical detail (as in, I can TRY to do mecha stuff, but I think you and I will both be better of if I don't lol; can ask for further details)
DON'T'S: any NSFW stuff, real people currently alive (as in, historical figures in the setting of historical fiction may be okay, but other things may not be; can ask for further details)
If you've made your donation in a currency that is not USD, I'll give you something of equivalent value according to the tier based on whatever the conversion is at the time that I look it up. If one or both of our economies crashes spectacularly in between the time you send it and the time I look it up, I'm very sorry in advance
DISCLAIMER 1: I reserve the right to decline a commission for any reason; however, if this ends up being the case, I may reach out to you to see if we can come up with a middle ground that suits us both.
DISCLAIMER 2: I don't anticipate being able to do a lot of these, as I've got a full-time job that's in the ballpark ~80+ hours a week with really weird hours. That being said, depending on how far this goes, turnaround time will probably be ~2-3 months, give or take...something. I'll update you monthly until it's done.
FOR PERSONAL, NON-COMMERCIAL USE ONLY!
If you're interested in nabbing a sketch from me in exchange for your donation, email a screenshot (devoid of any personal info please) of your donation receipt and details of your sketch request (e.g. reference, tier, etc.) to [email protected]. For your donation to count for a sketch, it must be made after I wrote this post! (March 7, 2024 ~02:20 A.M. PST)
If you are NOT interested in nabbing a sketch from me, feel free to donate anyway!!
(And if you've got any questions about anything feel free to email, DM, or send an ask!)
#palestine#gaza#helpgazachildren#orv#undertale#commissions#donations#if this inspires even one extra person to donate that wouldn't otherwise have known about it I'll consider that a win#anyways I don't really expect this to go very far outside my circle if at all#so I'd appreciate some help in spreading the word#especially about the main fundraiser#these drawings are really secondary to the whole thing#but if you want to donate AND help a sad partially-art-blocked artist get unblocked! here is your opportunity!#if this goes somewhere I might do it again with other links#otherwise I'll just keep donating privately
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his horns (finials) (idk)(ears)(whatever) shaking... the jumping ??? the struggling 😭 the off center twitching ..he is PISSED. AWF !!!!!!
#his defeat being planned makes this either hes playing up his rage bcs he definitely played up his defeat#or a mixture of playing up his rage and actually being a little pissed bcs he wanted to get more licks in but couldnt#anyways i cant take him sersiouly with those big ass ears#like an angry kitten trying to escape the burrito calm down blanket of doom#his helmet shape is so cute to me inearth spark it almost looks like a 80s mom hairstyle with the hair#cropping a symmetrical curve around her face or smthing#tbh if u are delusional enough all soundwaves are hot moms#i mean come on it's a given#except the animated one. he was freshly birthed. a little baby#megatron and optimus watching him freak like : 😦#optimus: so he served under you#megatron : oh Yes 😼..#meg: iMEAN yeah 😦#meg: i mean .. yes 😞..#need somebody to clip all soundwave appearances pls all seasons need it. NOWW!!!!!!!#at first i wasnt a big fan of his voice bcs i think when ppl try to harden that demonic voice underneath the autotune factor#which is rlly cool#they can kinda go too hard and it sounds almost too cartoony like a cartoon monster villain whos not calculated but vry primal#which goes against soundwaves whole cool calculated spy techno soundguy thing#but im warmed up to it now bcs it's a cute contrast like. u see this beautiful mech with magnificent curves & ure like omg hey hot mama#and then a voice from the 9th circle of hell growls at you like thats lowkey hilarious#dont mess with a bad bitch !!!!!! who just had a bad break up!!!!#he WILL kill u !!!!!!!!#soundwave#transformers#maccadam#tf#tf es#tf earthspark#arcee
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|| cal's journey i tried to incorporate the pivotal moments for cal during fallen order's story into this piece such as how his journey started to its closing
#starting from the zeffo sage mural#there's the meditation circles as he slowly heals his bond with the force#merrin's fire#his second lightsaber after obtaining his new kyber crystal#then ending with cordova's holocron with his lightsaber on as he's about to destroy it#anyways yeah i love him#cal kestis#art#digital art#jedi fallen order#jedi survivor#star wars#fanart#fai art#if the zeffo mural is wrong my bad#cal's lightsaber being both tapals and ceres so he carries their teachings wherever he goes#but then he doesn't have cere's lightsaber half in survivor in which im guessing he gave back to cere just before the mantis split#enough yapping
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Made this for the Solarpunk Aesthetic Week server in a sudden creative fever, so I guess I'll post it here too hh
A relative of mine knows someone who teaches kids, so I'm gonna suggest this as an art project for them! The idea is that students could each make/decorate their own shelf, then put them together to form a hive, which could function as mini lockers in their classrooms. Then, by the end of the school year or something, they could either take their own little shelf home (or exchange them with their peers?), or recycle them into materials for the next class! Hopefully it'll teach them about pollinators too 🐝
Idk how doable this project is really, and its scary to imagine one of my silly designs could actually become something tangible irl. But even so, I'm still excited to try 🥰 (And if anyone else attempts this too, please let me know!!!)
#art#artists on tumblr#solarpunk#earth day#ani if u see this thank u for the inspiration <3#and uhhh idk if art can be considered action but.......#solarpunk action week#SPAW#roobiedoodle#not many people responded in the server so idk if its any good really ;;;; just leaving it here to archive ig#so far ive only shared solarpunky ideas within my tiny social circle so. its scary to think about reaching out to strangers with all this#ik like community is a big part of the movement but liiiike. OOOGH. WAAAGH IDK IDK WE'LL SEE HOW IT GOES#ok. random extra idea: i think the nest design would also look vv cool as a ceiling lamp 💡 thats how it hangs irl anyway!#bugs#wasp#insects#<-SORRY I FORGOT TO TAG WARNINGS
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Until then, stay safe.
[WOE.BEGONE, Season 10]
#woe.begone#w.bg#mike walters#woe.begone fanart#not tagging all of them sorry#JUST IN TIME FOR THE S10 FINALE COMMENTARIES WOOOOOOOOO#also s10 goes so fucking hard oh my godddddddddddd. such a good season im sorry.#has some excellent visuals too- so many things i wanted to include but couldn't. god.#but!! if you look closely. the circles form a vinyl record. they could also be the tiers of OVER. or a reference to the circular nature#of some aspects of the timeline. it was a last minute edition that actually worked out kinda well#mikey looks so much like a little guy here.... <3
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I will never understand why this fandom abhors crackships. Like this is a series about faerie smut. You’d think crackships and multishipping would be the standard but nooo. That’s SACRILEGE and PROBLEMATIC and anyone who partakes in crackships is an ABUSE SYMPATHIZER. (That sounds fucking stupid, doesn’t it? That’s what some of you deadass sound like.)
We got people writing essays and attacking other people and sending DEATH THREATS for liking Rhysta and Neslin and Tamsand and Nyxlin (and bffr, nobody is genuinely shipping Tamlin with a literal baby ffs).
This fandom is so fucking vanilla and boring with how obsessed everyone is with canon and how so many people praise purity culture. Y’all are weird, sorry not sorry 🫶🏼
#acotar critical#anti acotar#sjm critical#anti sjm#anti rhysand#anti feysand#anti ic#anti inner circle#anti nessian#rhysta#tamsand#neslin#nyxlin#tamberlain#(tamberlain always makes me giggle lmao y’all are so unserious ily)#and on and on it goes#I’ve never been in a fandom like this before and I was around during the days of fucking QUIZILLA#some of y’all just straight up suck#sorry not sorry#neris#anti elriel#I’m tagging anti elriels bc I’m sorry but some elriels are fucking straight up LUNATICS#I’ve never been attacked by an elucien like I have by an elriel#y’all need therapy frfr
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PLS PLS PLSSSSS keep talking about kids with olympic athletes! gojo and nanami pls pls pls i have to Know. everything u wrote about yuuta was already so so cute
(prev olympics au here)
the gojo twins are hilarious because your baby boy looks exactly like satoru, but has very little of his personality—it seems like the only things he inherited was satoru’s love for sweets and love for you. still, even though he’s a strong swimmer, he much prefers to relax in his floaties alongside you if you’re also in the pool, or chill by your side on a lounge chair, glasses too big for his face keeping the sun out of his eyes as he shares his smoothie with you, and asks to borrow your phone to take pictures of his sister and daddy in the pool.
your baby girl on the other hand… she might have your face but she’s got satoru’s everything else—his competitive streak, his confidence, and definitely his mischievous nature. she’s the one who tiptoes into your bedroom at five in the morning, tapping at her daddy’s shoulders, and putting her little finger over his lip to shush him before he can wake you up; she’s always the one to convince satoru to take her swimming the backyard at the crack of dawn, and why by the time you and your baby boy wake up, she and satoru are already past warm up laps and swimming lessons and onto who can make the splashiest canonball competitions (she always wins because while her tiny body can endure a belly flop, satoru’s years of training physically doesn’t allow him to do it… and maybe because he’s not so competitive when it comes to his baby girl, he’ll always let her win).
kento’s professional judo career honestly doesn’t last very long. after his first olympic games, you two start dating and he proposes just after he wins gold the second time he’s in the olympics; he does maybe two more years of national competitions while you’re pregnant, and decides that the intense training for the next two years in preparation of a third olympic competition isn’t worth missing time he could spend with you or your baby girl—plus, with all the money he’s made from competitions, winning gold medals, brand ambassadorships, commercials, and collaborations, he had enough money to provide for all of your for the rest of your lives. so, that’s what he does (his dream has always been to be a househusband, anyway...) his previous salaryman career comes in handy when deciding how to invest his money, how to buy a house, how to take care of his friends, how to set up a fund for your daughter, and an extra account or two… just incase more babies come along…
by the time your baby girl is four, she’s already kento’s biggest fan. she loudly and proudly proclaims to everybody that her daddy was basically superman and won all the shiny trophies and medals in the house from when he was being a superhero. if anyone recognizes kento when they’re out together, she always confirms their suspicions, proudly boasting, “yeah kento is my daddy! he’s a winner!” it always makes kento’s heart swell to hear her praise. he doesn’t compete professionally anymore, but he does train from time to time, and has taken on a few mentees, and your daughter LOVES to watch him coach/train. she’s got her own uniform that she always puts on whenever they go to the gym together, and gets so excited when kento or ino or yuuji pretend to spar with her.
she’s honestly kento’s mini figure. she’s respectful and reserved, but strong and knows when to fight and how to use her voice. there’s a time when he gets a call from her school saying that she got in a fight, the principal frames it as your daughter needlessly pushing around an older kid, but your daughter is certain in her words when she tells her dad that it was because the kid was being mean to the younger kids, and to her. kento doesn’t say a word to the teachers—doesn’t even fight them sending her home early for the day, because he’s happy to scoop her up and take her out for ice cream and tell her that he’s proud of her.
#anonymous#gojo twins r so real to me... one looks like him but does Not act like him and the other one does not look like him but might as well Be Hi#and he loves n smothers them both so much....#kento goes from salaryman to professional athlete to househusband he really does live the dream life LOLLL#see also: kento's baby girl 🤝 satoru's baby girl = best friends LOLL#in my head kento and satoru are olympians at the same time/know each other#but yuuji isn't he has his own story/trajectory#which is why he is nanami's mentee in This Universe#actually i think yuuji's kinda exists on his own#and all his friends/his circle are real proud of him when it's all said n done yk#nobara teases him about finally putting his strength to good use megumi is proud in his own way#his grandpa and nanami are obviously proud of him and he comes home w a gold medal#and is basically a hero in his tiny home town#(also time for me to introduce my favorite hc: yuuta and yuuji childhood friends bc they're from the same city)#the narutoism of it all... he comes home w gold and everyone basically tosses him up and down... angel boy :(#megumi kinda exists in the kento/satoru world too i think... nd before him there was toji#wait maybe yuuta and yuuji can exist in the same timeline nd everyones like what r the odds those two kids from sendai are olympians#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#gojo satoru x reader#satoru x reader#nanami kento x reader#kento x reader#think tho in the yuuta/yuuji olympics verse yuuji competes 2 or maybe 3 times (so total of 12 years) nd then quits#not because he's gotten weaker but just because he really did it for the money yk but he's set for life now#honestly he was set after the first time but he just wanted to be sure/you and his grandpa encouraged him to at least do it to have Fun#this time around so he does#but for yuuta this is his Career yk like he loves tennis#he's not in it for the olympics he just likes it and happens to be real good at it#two of them talking about each other in press conferences so cute
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“they're paying the Zoomer Fujoshis protection money, old world neighbourhood deal,” is the funniest shit I’ve ever read in my life.
But I do think it’s equally hilarious that there’s some idea that RCG are specifically pandering to the ~1% of Sunny’s audience that is made up of queer and neurodivergent fans who are discussing (and celebrating, ok, yes) those aspects of the show in order to keep Sunny from being cancelled. Meanwhile the majority of theory and meta relies heavily on pre-Season 6 plots and lines…almost as if “the old stuff” that would otherwise “lead to cancellation” was and is an essential founding block for the central themes of the show, especially the queer and neurodivergent stuff, which they continue to develop and build off of.
#iasip#twitter circles were nuked so this goes here#honestly no ill will to this tweet it’s just like#clearly you don’t get it lol
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i do still feel some amount of innate shame when i meet my friends parents because i am very visibly transsexual & it makes me worry they'll think im a bad influence (transing their kid) or that im just lesser in any form by default & i would like to break out of that mindset because i love my friends very much & i feel safe with them & a good parent would be happy that there are people that love & take care of their kid(s)
#this goes for anyone outside my friend circle rlly. friends partners. friends coworkers. i just feel humiliated#there haven't been too many bad instances. a former friends dad in high school treated me with absolute disgust & asked me not to come back#so that rlly influenced how willing i am to meet peoples families/other friends#but im an adult. im making my own choices. i have my own space & i can make unkind people leave#im an adult & i can leave bad situations & return to my safest spots#i just wish it didn't feel like i have to be on my best behavior 200% of the time to compensate for an inseparable part of my life#like oh yeah he's trans but at least he's very polite#why do i have to think that's how people think
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If we get a scene of Arya crowning Jon, it needs to parallel the scene of Jon gifting Needle to Arya for me. A personal scene between the two of them that's about their unconditional love for each other. It isn't about Jon becoming King but about Arya supporting him in the same way he supported her. "Girls get the arms but not the swords. Bastards get the swords but not the arms" come full circle with two outcasts supporting each other occupying spaces that society says they can't
#arya stark#jon snow#asoiaf#a song of ice and fire#and it goes without saying that Jon will continue to support Arya's non-conformity when they reunite#I've seen a lot of people frame this theory as though we think that Arya is going to /make/ Jon King but that isn't the case for me#it's about their love and support for each other and Arya passing Robb's crown onto Jon would be a full-circle moment for both of them#The thought of them having a more mature conversation where they both discuss their insecurities is just so 🥹#/Jon will want me even if no one else does/ /she could always make Jon smile/ their relationship is just elite I don't make the rules#Their scenes in AGOT aren't enough I need them attached at the hip when they reunite!#either way their reunion is going to destroy me 😭
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school scribblies: goober edition
#isat#in stars and time#isat fanart#isat spoilers#randomized isatswap au#isat bonnie#they are all goobers#top right happened bc a student with an iphone covered in genshin impact stickers waddled up to me from across the hallway#no joke recognized that i was drawing isat immediately.held up her phone and went “CAN YOU DRAW THSI”#and showed me a twohats meme she made on tiktok with jpegs of the sprites and a bunch of other meme pngs i couldnt recognize…#i wanted the page to be mainly bonnie focused so i did it with guide and irar bonnie instead idk if it fits or not but oh well#now i get to explain the au to her next time she sees it >:D i feel like im lifeblogging now. Funy storyn. hweheh…#anyway about the guide “hair” experimentums where is guides hairline. Where. i know they technically dont have hair but where is it.#i rember there is something with the eye that says you can “see thru the other side” which means the fire is behind them.Or thru their head#I think the fire kinda just goes around them.. maybe..? In like a circle. Like saturns rings. yeah. yeah actually that sounds correcto…#in recipes and repetition#bonnie loops au#bonnie looping au#my art
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The thing is that the ways in which dean and sam need each other are both compatible and parallel in their nature.
Dean needs sam to stay with him (let him take care of him look after him and be with him) and sam despite all his need for autonomy and freedom which he does desire of course (he needs dean to respect his choices and see him) also needs dean to need him—choose him. It’s always been that way—something we see from the very pilot itself. He goes with dean in the pilot after dean admits that he doesn’t want to do it without sam even if he is capable for it.
It affects sam profoundly when dean gets close to other people—especially men because it threatens the idea that dean could need people other than him (even the mere desire to want for others apart from him is distasteful even if he doesn’t want it to be—he just can’t help it, it’s the way they are.) Of course dean has never needed for anything more than sam, that sam and just sam has always been more than enough but sam needs that from him, constantly and actively.
In Sacrifice (8x23), when he reveals that the fact that dean chose to turn to people (an angel, a vampire) apart from him was unbearable to him was just so.. much. And it’s interesting because we know that sam too is friends with cas, has never been shown to consider him a rival in any sense (but just the mere possibility of sam and just sam not being enough for dean is devastating for him.) He doesn’t harbour any resentment or competition towards cas, it’s just that he needs to be the choice over everything else from dean. He needs it because he chose that too, even when he had a chance to get out—multiple times over. And yes, the circumstances shaping his choices are often not ideal, are sometimes not even entirely choices but he always stays because of the knowledge that dean will always choose him.
The conflict then is often caused by doubt—dean, deeply insecure about sam’s loyalty. For him, it’s a given—that sam will always be first, has always and forever been above everything else but he expects sam to know it too. Despite everything he puts on him and says to him, despite the fights and the anger and the mistrust. None of that will ever change this one fundamental thing.
But Sam doesn’t (!!) Maybe at one time he did, before the demon blood and the soullessness and the countless countless ways he thinks he fucked up but somewhere along the line it became clear to Sam that he could not trust it to always be Dean’s first choice, can’t know it for sure.
Doubt again, Sam—unable to know if Dean will always choose him over all else and Dean unable to verbalise that enough because of said insecurity (the fear that he needs sam more than sam needs him) and unable to understand why Sam would feel this way because he expects him to already know that Sam will always be above all else, at the end of the day despite whatever happens because that is who Dean is.
#reasons I feel are at the base of most of their conflicts ^^ apart from those involving autonomy of course but even that is motivated by +#Dean’s deep fear of Sam not choosing him when it matters most so he doesn’t even allow him the choice because he is so afraid that Sam will#choose “wrong”—exacerbated after the events of s4 so in the later seasons he doesn’t even give him the choice#the tragedy of which is that given the choice Sam would always choose him !! 😭#But because Dean doesn’t have it in himself to give Sam that choice sam never gets to affirm it (which would be good for Dean !! btw)#and when Sam rightfully gets angry because of stolen agency it just fuels Dean’s fear further and he lashes out#and this in turn further injures Sam’s faith in Dean always putting him first and so it goes on and on and on in a circle 💔#meta#samdean#sam winchester#dean winchester#spn#personal
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