#so heres my own take on why: its the bad coping mechanisms-

[defire]

As an abuse survivor, you are just fetishizing child abuse. Plain and simple. Call it a coping mechanism or a power take-back all you want, but it's just an excuse to write porn about child abuse. I pity people like you, truly, I do. I can only pray that you eventually see a therapist about your internalized pedo behavior.

Cw: RANCID ask ⬆️

I'm so glad you brought this up because I don't like to speak for people like you--I'd rather combat these opinions directly.

Since you're praying, I'll feel free to make biblical allusions. (Tw)

First, the word "fetish". My opinion: I don't find fetishes or porn too helpful for processing trauma--it's more like exposure therapy. At some point you do need to actually grieve and process what happened. I don't judge those who do that (you're not hurting anybody♥️), but that's not what Survivor Fiction is for.

When you're judging whether something is bad or good, you can use the "tree by its fruits" concept. Basically, if a tree produces good fruit, it's a good tree. If it produces bad fruit, it's a diseased/bad tree.

So let's look at what Survivor Fiction does for survivors specifically.

It brings healing. I (a new author!) have already received five testimonies that have said how much my writing helped them move through some of their trauma and see things in a different, calmer way.

Survivor Fiction brings peace. A surprising amount of the community--90.5% in a poll involving 1,543 voters--use whump stories to go to sleep at night. (Many trauma survivors have difficulty sleeping from flashbacks. Fiction along the same lines can offer an appropriate sense of distance from the fear.)

It helps disabled people. It appears that a strong majority of our community is autistic. Part of the diagnosis is emotional dysregulation. We need to be walked through how to do things in great detail. Survivor Fiction often walks the reader through the process of trauma, reaction, ptsd, and recovery.

It spreads awareness. Survivor fiction is often more accurate to real-life abusive situations instead of glossing it over--in other words, LYING--about what goes on. This can bring a 3rd party perspective to a current victim too, giving them the understanding that they are being abused and need to escape if possible.

For a more thorough explanation of why fiction about survivors is good and necessary, see this post.

Okay, so would "bad fruit" look like? Do you see any of the following from our community? ↙️

Doing these things in real life

Being generally hurtful of others

Hurting children in real life

Harming emotions by pushing unwanted content to people who would be triggered by it? (Quite the opposite, we tend to post exhaustive content warnings before the content.)

Something else that's actually wrong and not just a thought crime?

And here's the fruit of your words, which I'm sure we all heard the jist of many times before:

You encourage covering up evil. Trying to hide fiction that more accurately describes pain, abuse, and PTSD means hiding the truth. Stifling the exposure of just how evil it is to abuse someone like this. The righteous walk in the light, but the wicked hide their deeds in the darkness.

Your words are shaming. Shame causes pain to fester and act out in harmful ways, such as repeating abuse cycles, self-harm, and dangerous overreactions. Christian ideology here--shame is what caused Adam and Eve to hide from God.

You are lying. You implied that we harm people in real life without any reason to think so. And also implied that we want to be in the aggressor's position. Generally speaking we identify most with the victim.

Referencing Christianity here, if you're christian--Your words condemn the Bible. The bible is full of stories much darker than most of what is written here. You'll read about rape, and the cannibalism of one's own children in Lamentations, among other things.

You're hurting yourself. You will be judged with the measure you judge others with. This is because if you judge others harshly for their thoughts, you'll instinctively judge yourself just as harshly. You end up hurting yourself and others over something that wasn't even doing any harm in the first place.

Causing confusion. What you said was illogical. If it's fiction where the damage occurs, we should be blaming the fictional aggressor--not the writer reporting it. If it's reality where the damage occurs, we should be blaming real criminals--not the journalist. The truth is that writing about survivors isn't generally harmful.

In short, you're creating a lot of problems and not helping. Did this ask come from a loving place?

This answer I'm giving, does.

[blenselche]

insert for ch2

"Finn, come on."

background items: Marcy Acoustic set poster from Scream Queens, Fern's leaves pressed between glass, Finn's Candy Kingdom diplomat pin, the cash he won in a bet in the comic Marcy & Simon, the dimensional sword, root sword. I wanted to add more but thought it'd get too busy.

closer view and excerpt under the cut

He finds himself before the sink, mussing up his oily hair and disheveled beard to rid himself of wood chips, splashing water over his face and coughing after breathing deep off a stale cigarette. The cherry fizzles back at him against the aluminum as he taps it off into an empty. He tugs at the bottom of his eyelid — the whites of his eyes are yellowing again. Pressing his forehead to the mirror and staring at his reflection he sees Martin's eyes, jaw and brow. He sees his maladjusted view, understands now what he meant, in the end.

He can't look in a mirror without seeing the man staring back at him, and it only gets worse with age.

“You’re fine. Today was just a bad day,” he recites just as he’s been told to, loyal tool of the kingdom that he is, a coping mechanism PB calls self affirmation. He leans back, scoffing, “in a long line of bad days.”

His feet carry him to the stump set before his wood stove, and the air toasts his frozen fingers and melts away the pins and needles in the skin that his port connects to. Anxiety bubbles its way up his esophagus and he drowns it with a long pull off his homebrew, eyes flickering from the bottle to his prosthetic, foot tapping furiously. He sighs and gives into the itch at the back of his brain, taking the wish out and reading it over again, biting more teeth marks into a pencil already shredded down to the lead.

It’s something to look forward to. Something he can put off, hoping ‘it gets better’ but it hasn’t and he’s almost certain it won’t. A morbid form of motivation to get more built, work harder, save more people, hoping against hope he’ll wake up happy before he has to spirit himself away. But none of it matters without fulfillment, sat alone and suffocating under his own melancholy in this empty space, only a facsimile of a loved one on his chest for company. He wants to see his brother, he wants to see his mom. He wants from the bottom of his being to go back and smack himself for being dumb, deaf and blind in the face of his own wants and needs. He hunches more in on himself and clutches it harder, it crinkles back at him, threatening another rip.

Slim, sage colored fingers enter his vision and pluck the precious slip of writing from his hand.

“I’ll give it back if you clean yourself up and go to bed.”

“I have it memorized,” he sighs. “I thought you believed in nihilism, anyway, Miss nothing matters and the wind makes my decisions.” Their eyes meet and he can’t help himself but to smile, though it doesn’t reach the rest of his face.

“I believe in natural predeterminism inscribed on our souls by our great earth mother, not in being a sad sack with whisky dick.”

“Ouch. My ego,” he drones, throwing his palm to his chest in faux hurt. “Like I’m disappointing anyone these days. Cot’s closed, sweetheart.”

“So not why I’m here.” She rolls her eyes and holds her hand out, motioning for the bottle.

“If you crack it open against my floor you owe me a face cord of firewood.” He hands it over by the neck and she takes a fifth straight, wiping her mouth with the back of her glove and gagging. “Christ, bad day?”

“Not yet.” She sighs deeply, clearing her throat of the burn and takes a seat on the floor next to him. “You’re going to be pissed with me. I thought saying anything would just upset you, but you’re still set on doing this,” she waves the wish in her hand, “so. It might help. I don’t know.”

“What are you talking about?” His voice drops decibels, adam’s apple bobbing as he gruffly clears his throat.

“I swear to you I didn’t keep this from you on purpose.” She huffs a sigh and peers up at him guiltily. “You know, Fern crashed in my woods with LSP, but we never spoke. Not until the war.”

“…” his breath gets caught in his lungs, burning.

“I forgot. There was so much going on, back then.” She blinks at him, brows steepled, and covers his hand with her own. “What he said— when I did remember I thought it would just break your heart all over again, so I’ve kept it to myself.”

His hackles raise and defensiveness floods his veins, skin hot and starting to prick with nervous sweat. “Excuse me?” he asks, resistive.

Her eyes hold his though, expression full of pity unchanged. “Finn. Come on.” Her thumb brushes against his knuckles and he shakes her off.

His anger speaks for him, misplaced and protective of his brittle heart. “It’s been a decade and you think I’m like this over some kid I knew for half a minute when we were teenagers?”

“He wasn’t just some kid, I‘ve seen you- you know. Lurking in his tree. It’s a contributing factor in your whole bummer lifestyle because you never processed his death. Or are we still pretending that he has nothing to do with us?” Her voice is gentle but firm, not entertaining his usual evasiveness.

“I'm not doing this,” he snaps, shutting down. He stands and walks to the door, holding it open even though the cold night air will chill the space again. “I am sorry, ‘Tess, for— for whatever you think you know. I can’t rehash it. I’ve buried that shit deep, and it’s gonna stay there.”

“I asked him what he was fighting for. He was dying, falling apart under me, I was just trying to keep him distracted," she barrels ahead anyway. “He looked me in the eye and said ‘same as you.’ Maybe he opened up to me because of what was happening to him, or because he knew we had— you in common, I’m not sure.” She looks at him with such compassionate sympathy that it makes him nauseous. “He adored you, Finn—“ his knees buckle, “—he said he was happy to die for you if it meant he could 'make up for everything that happened after you left him behind’.” She stands and reads the wish, scrutinizing. “If you truly need to do this to be happy… knowing that can’t hurt.”

How he’s able to remain upright he doesn’t know, but a flash of devastation covers his face before he can recover.

“Please, don’t tell me his business,” he rasps, voice wavering. “I can’t,” he begs, croaking out the words through the raw vice of emotion choking him. “I can’t think about it.” He closes his eyes, pleading with his whole body.

He feels a hand brush against his cheek, and her lips press to his softly, whispering “I’ll miss you.”

When he opens his eyes again she’s gone. Bottle and paper placed neatly on his stool. He closes the door and leans against it, hugging himself and breathing hard, face hot with upset. The more he tries to calm himself the closer he comes to hyperventilating, and when the tears start his breathing only worsens. He crams his fist against his mouth and takes a shuddering gasp in, close to wailing over it.

[icarusredwings]

Rewatched Deadpool 1. Took notes.

WARNING: Discussion of mental illness topics, ending yourself, trauma, violence, etc.

Civil debate/ conversation welcomed. Sorry its super long. I think a lot.

Notes:

You know what? We see Wade coloring a lot. What's our status on just giving him cartoons snacks and coloring books? He needs it.

I think we all forget how actually impressive this man is. I just watched this cancer having fucker do like 50 flips.

Whatta man is so Logan Howlett coded.

"Bad deadpool" "good deadpool!"

Deadpool has been helping kids for a while. He terrified a little creep while he himself was a huge creep.

Missed up his words and Vanessa smiled at him. With that "aw hes cute" kinda thing.

When talking about their childhood (whether he's lying or not, hes not about the uncle) and he outdos her so much that she giggles.

The first date he takes her ducking skiiballing instead of yk prostitute stuff

Hes so romantic oh my god.

Theyre giggling and joking like all the time. Personally thanksgiving is my favorite scene before he proposes with a fucking ring pop.

I shouldn't laugh but the way he said "wtf" when passing out

Vanessa instantly jumping to "what can we do? There has to be something" makes me instantly respect her as a chronically ill person myself. Partners who medically defend each other make me so happy because a lot of people divorce their partners when they get "too sick" let alone dont show up to specialist appointments.

Him accepting death so quickly is a sign of mental illness, and you can see him be confused on why shes so upset. Shes crying and hes sitting here like "why do you care if I die or not?" He physically feels so unloved that he just doesn't get it.

"I dont know. Might further the plot. " Oh, so you know about wades little mental tv show he puts on in his head as a coping mechanism?

Also... Weasel.. YOU KNOW WHO ELSE IS A WEASEL!? Shit sorry wrong movie.

Its not until now that hes crying because he realizes if he does then no more vanessa. We already know hes very co dependent and many people only care about themselves BECAUSE of other people. Which is also considered a sign of wanting to ☠️ self.

The whole "superheros are all lame ass teachers pets" thing is so funny if you think about how much beef he has with the xmen when in reality I have a feeling Wade would love charles in a "Ugh im in trouble with Daddy wheel chair again." COUGH "old bald heavens gate looking mother fucker" COUGH

"Thats not nice" No. But wade is genuienly not nice either.

"This is embarrassing. Please stop, " Colosus said what we all were thinking.

Bro literally cut/broke off his own hand and didn't whine a single time. If you ever. EVER hear this man express pain it is 99.9% his own choice to let you know that it hurts.

During his changing process, Francis says "the only thing that doesn't survive is a sense of humor" wade says "we'll see about that" and smirks.

What also makes sense to me is that he did NOT break easily. They did test after test after test and this man still wasn't breaking. His spirit is incredibly strong and as much as we enjoy joking about how stupid he is, Wade is extremely resourceful.

Its like he has created an alter ego of humor and kindess in order to keep up with the fact he DOES understand how fucked up this world is and whats happening/happened around him but refuses to acknowledge it until he has too. Ussually for survival.

Ive seen theories that he has DID or a type of Scizophreania and the voices in the comics are obviously in his head. I have mixed feelings about it because even his thoughts have thoughts of their own in some cases. Talking to no one is often a sign of abadonment, esspecially in children who are school age and get lonely when taken from their families to attend school. Its almost as if wade never lost his and hes subconsiously talking to himself to keep himself calm/ from panicking in high stress situations.

"But then how does he know hes in a movie" thats the thing. He doesn't. Hes pretending to cope. Main charaters cant die and until he dies he has this mental show/movie going on to keep himself from realizing all of this is true. That this is reality.

Cunningham mentions breakfast for his kids and suddenly, wade wakes up. Hes not joking anymore. This is a "oh shit... I wanna make breaktsst for my kids too... with my wife vanessa" moment.

"So whats wrong with him?"

Diiiiiddd we all forget about scout master kevin? Uncle? Dad? That fact that the oxygen was physically taken from his brain and was given Co2 poisoning over and over? For multiple days? This is the same man who blew himself up just to escape because they told him he wasnt going to see vanessa again.

And then he fought a guy naked, survived the entire building burning down, and now is so insecure about his looks that he thinks he made the baby cry in the street.

Theres people staring at him, flinching away, called names, people see him and cross the street. (So when he tells Logan that he knows his pain when it comes to public settings, hes not lying)

Blind Al is literally the reason deadpools suit is what it is. Why the idiot thought white was gonna be a good idea- See above. Unlike Al, who could smell the blood/ bleach.

I really love al. She's like the adult Toph.

"I hear everything in this duplex." OH, you poor thing.

"The guy that turned me into this freak-"

Al: *bitch im blind face*

As far as she's aware, he looks normal. Which is beautiful when you think about it, but it's funny when you think about the fact that he's so insecure about his face that he purposly found a blind room mate that couldn't judge him.

And they cuddle while he gets dating advice from grammie 🥹❤️

I really like how the entirety of Sister Margaret's School for Wayward Children (HellHouse in the comics) stood up for Weasel. They're murderers. But they're family.

What they did to vanessa was straight fucked. Her fiance up and leaves without notice, youre just trying to work and live your life, you get kidnapped.

Negasonic is so cool. I love them.

Dopinder (The cab guy) is so cool too. I love him too. Kill that guy in your trunk. "Mr. Pool" reminds me of Tom holland spiderman.

"It is not boy band >:(" Suurreee it isn't.

"Wheres your duffle bag?" You mean his dollar general store tree hello kitty book bag filled with guns?

"Cue the music" *no one even gives a fuck at this point when he talks to the imaginary cams*

Negasonic mid battle: Hold on- "Hey Yukio, yeah I just gotta fuck shit up real quick, ttyl?"

"Sure thing! <3 You go baby!"

I dont know anything about negasonic but she reminds me of Gambit with her energy powers.

Like I said. Hes smart when its a serious situation because he immediately threw his katana into the glass so vanessa could breathe, only to immediately turn sappy and childish again when he sees her stab francis with it. Heart hands, is hallucinating because theres a knife in his brain (literally), sex joke. Etc.

Colossus shut the fuck up. Let this man kill him. He's hurt Soooooo many people. A bullet costs less then a dollar. His amount of therapy alone is going to be like *checks calculations* 80 billion.

"Not the nethers" Wade can and often does show proof of hurting but hed rather cut off his hand then let vanessa punch him in the balls. "Ow- owie 5000"

Hello Hugh Jackman.

After not seeing each other for so longer they instantly go back to the fibbing. "I live in the house with 12"

"You live in a house??" Funny guys get the girls. I should know. My wife says im super funny (yes im in therapy)

Pinky promises really matter to him.

Hes such a silly billy he brought out the phone with their song on it. God what a romantic idiot.

[the-entitie]

COD Men x K-9 Unit reader (WIP)

《《 Part 1 | Part 2

Reader works with a K-9 unit, and his partner is called Mutt, who is a mix breed of Alaskan Akita and Doberman(Mutt is also a service dog as reader has paranoia and C-PTSD). Readers call sign is Riot. The 141 boys needed help tracing a terrorist and John called in some favors to bring Riot and Mutt into the field. He helped the Los Vaqueros as well.

After the mission back at base, reader interacts with the men, and they end up interacting with reader.

Reader is referred to as you or Riot.

Mentions of panic attacks, anxiety attacks, C-PTSD, war, and / or war related violence. Unhealthy coping mechanisms, past trauma. Death of a family member. Torture, scars, and flashbacks.

Rodolfo “Rudy” Parra (657 words)

-Growing up alone, with only his mother. He adored the way you worked with Mutt. Sure, seeing the hulking mass of pure muscle and fur that was your partner is its own kind of scar, but he still adores how smooth you two are when out on a mission. -That fear is cemented when you suddenly whistle sharp and turn almost slaminginto him. Only for a hostile to drop under your hound who tackled them. Holding the enemy soldier down with snarls and jaw snapping in an obvious threat. He leans the cues you give that insight a violent recation, just a show or an actaul attack. All so he can predict the behavior. Not liking the scar. -The way you and Mutt act outside of the field had confused him. Why the hound was still so focused on you, why were you so reliant on Mutt. It's only the years he spent in hostile land that gives him a clue. You survived something. Mutt helps deal with the leftover pain it caused. -Rudy only sees that pain later, finding you down on the floor with Mutt desprerate to get you calm. He's seen how Alejandro deals with this kind of thing, but he didn't want to leave you here. Just to wallow in the panic. Making sure you heard him approach, to mutter. "What's, Oh, mierda. Hey. Hey, Riot?" He'll kneel down beside you when he knows you've noticed him. Making sure to keep his voice calm and quiet. "What, come on, que puedo. How can I help you?" "Talk. Please, just. I can't be in my own head right now. Talk to me. háblame. [Talk to me]" "Ok, ok. Did I. Or have you ever heard how Ale and me met?" "No- no. I don't thin-nk?" "Silencio ahora [quiet now], I'll talk. We met..." -You start seeking him out and learns Mutts call for him. He sees how much that takes out of you and when your drousy and half passed out? That's when you start talking to Mutt. Growling, yips, whines, and just going back and forth with each other. -Its the times he growls back at you, that you snap awake. He'll laugh it off, but after he sees how much fun it is for both of you? He'll growl at you just to tease you or walk up behind you just to growl a breath away from you. He loves it, sees you jump only to recognize it as him, them chase him down across the base. Even in the field, you also play along. On the days when it's quiet and you two need to hunker down for a sand storm. It becomes a norm of you scaring him so bad, he'll jump a foot in the air. -Rudy will start ruff housing with you as well. Even helping Mutt shove you around when you both get the free time to be home. It started small, little shoves and shoulder checks escalating to wrestling. He still growls at you. Hell, he even laughs at you and Mutt, yapping at each other when the two of you ruff house. As much as he doesn't want to admit it, he enjoys the quiet, too. Not nearly as much as the adrenaline of chasing you or you chasing him down, but it's still comfort. -The darker nights for you, the flashbacks, the way Mutt will help with it, he learns it. He slowly starts to ask, saying. "You can tell me fuck off Roit, but. Quiero saber como ayudar [I want to help you]. I need the story to do that." "Ok, well. It ain't una bonita historia [a pretty story], but you asked so nicely so. Yeah. I'll tell you," -After that, he becomes as much of a guard dog as Mutt is for you. Rudy will become the caregiver his mother raised him to be. What he became for her.

Kyle 'Gaz' Garrick: (742 words)

-His first impressions of you and Mutt were nothing to write home about. You were sent in to help get him out of the hostile area after he was surrounded on a search and rescue effort. He was warned beforehand sure, but nothing will ever prepare him for when you came bursting in with a bloodied hound and a flustered Soap on your tail. Following you out as Mutt killed as many men as Soap shot. To Say it took him a minute to comprehend the level of 'fuck all of that' would be an under statement. He came around to Mutt, but it took a while. -You took him with you to the training grounds. After how shocked he was to see you and your K-9 partner, you asked if he wanted to learn how you both worked. If that could make him feel safer around Mutt. And yes. Maybe just maybe you showed off more than you explained, but you did explain how most of your commands were mixed words from several languages. "Wait, so they'll just drop?" "It's called recall training, so sort of." "Recall? Like controlling how far they go?" "Yip, watch." The whole having perfect control over Mutt took Gaz a bit to accept but watching the hound bolt down a fucking run way before you whistle sharp and Mutt suddenly skids to a stop, and then continue at that break neck pace only to come right back to you at a single call. -Gaz, seeing both of you still moving so fluidly outside of the field just felt like a side effect of working together so long. He doesn't think about the layers of scar tissue over your throat. He doesn't care that you disappear every now and gain. Why would he? Is what he wanted to think until the late nights spent on quiet runs through old hostile infested land. When you start talking him through the pain, ebbing from the through and through bullet hole. Holding down on the slow pump of blood, asking him stupid dad jokes. Hoping the mere spite of saying what cap. Price would is keeping him awake. "It'll be fine... just" "How does dark Vader like his toast?" "No. Roit. Please stop." Gaz begs with a breathless chuckle. "~on the dark side~" Full on laughing now, he half snorts. "I said stop!" -He almost chalks the echoing howl that bounced back and forth as a hallucination from blood loss, but considering that the team found you both as quickly as they did? It can't be. Gaz corners you when you both have nowhere to be and are off duty. It's almost embarrassing to sit down and explain that yes, you howled to Mutt, and yes, that's how you find you K-9 amist all that open land. Now Gaz will ask what else you can copy because damn was that awesome to hear. -Becoming more and more comfortable around each other, he gets to hear you howl more often. Even being there when Mutt first tackled you only to growl. It turned into ruff housing quick, both you and your hound growling back and forth. So, who cares that he also likes wrestling with you. He doesn't, and he sure as hell doesn't tell you how stupidly cute it is that you growl at him when he even gets the upper hand. Never will he let you know how fucken adorable he finds you and Mutt. -Gaz owes his life to you. If not, when he was shot , then definitely when Mutt would have his back as you had to crack down a lock. He's not at all as scared as before, he adores how the hound you work with. He enjoys the dumb sad jokes you two shoot off back and forth, over global coms just to annoy Price. But he loves, likes the way you sound exactly like Mutt. Yes, he will go 'grr' at you sometimes, but the sounds of you and Mutt trying to locate each other over the dark field will always be his favorite. Means, you're still alive. It means he can still fight to pay you back later. Not right now, but when that day comes, he won't be the one to let you die. And don't you dare force him to be a fucking lier.

Keegan p. Russ: (000 words)

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[katalyist]

Grian and his trust, contracts and betrayals

Alternative title: Wild life ended so it's time for my anual Grian analysis rant

Starting from the start, Grian is a very logical person when acting in a life series, his survival instincts make him rather kinda conservative with which methods he chooses to kill people, tnt minecarts, traps, etc., that is basically his way to operate around the chaos and since limited life it has been taken away more and more from him, mostly for how his alliances have different methods from him. He is also not the type to look for conflict himself but help his allies to kill in their own personal conflicts.

Touching briefly Third Life, because we all have thought a lot about third life, he seems very comfortable with combat and traps there, probably because of how experimental all was and how it could be treat like a war with two clear sides, something he has done before in hermitcraft (Prank War, the mother spore thing...) just that this one was more deadly. Everyone knows its "you may slay me and take the enchanter" and the big consequences it brought in Grian's trust to his allies, because Scar killed him first, something he was prepared for, but didn't expect.

And the reason why the first thing Grian does getting to Last Life is put a line between him and Scar that they are not bonded anymore, that he doesn't owe anything to him and they aren't allies anymore, which is funny because the Southlands aren't big allies with eachother either, most of the time they are doing their own thing and they don't doubt in kicking Grian when he gets to red, what forces him to ally with Joel, the person that killed him in the first place, and have a contract with Scar, and that is a very curious part because Grian does follow said contract, once he is back to the Southlands he makes them know he is 'bonded' to Scar to do things he needs, he even gets his things back to him when he dies and doesn't attack him in the final battle.

By almost the end of Last Life he's reminded by Jimmy, Mumbo and Martyn that people he trusts will eventually betray him, but contrary to the desert, he didn't think twice before attacking back, probably because if he would have he may have not killed Mumbo. I think the important part here is that he fights back, he doesn't accept an apology, he fights and kills both Jimmy and Mumbo in cold blood, and the only reason he doesn't do the same for Martyn is because he was faster and Impulse arrived and brought him back to his senses that they should focus in other teams, like team BEAST being the biggest team.

Double Life is a little more... messy. Because Grian feels like he is back at square one, back to being bond to work with Scar while feeling as Scar will not put any in his side and that he will betray him at any moment, so he goes and makes a 'just in case' alliance with BigB before Scar has the opportunity to hurt him first. Notable thing? He gets so bloodlusted and angry this season he accidentally kills BigB by making a stalactite fall on Ren and he doesn't realise until minutes later.

Personally I think of Limited Life as the breaking point between tradition (a simple system of lives, simple traps, simple boogeyman even) where he could do most of the job trough traps to have to start to do more pvp combined already with his trust issues that third life and last life leave him are not a good combination. It is when he starts adapting his old habits to the new inpredictable worlds

The Bad Boys were the perfect alliance for Grian for how much balance they brought to eachother, Joel and Jimmy made Grian take more risks and he made sure they didn't die a lot with his surviving instincts. When Jimmy dies every balance they had is thrown trough the window, Joel gives up to his bloodlust and Grian goes back to his coping mechanism to not look for direct conflict. Then Joel dies and it's a breaking point for Grian from there, you can see he is clearly lost without his teammates and even when it has been proven skynet isn't the way to go, he keeps going back to it.

He is actually very protective over skynet, calling it his domain, saying how no one would dare to come here, calling people out about 'trying to beat me at my own game' and killing Tango while saying "Joel, this is for you", he is at one fall from ending it all and quoting him "I feel safe up here. I feel strangely at ease". Skynet was their place, the place where now is just him.

Going back to his alliances, after both of his bad boys died he allies with the nosy neighbours because they haven't wrong him, it doesnt matter they had a conflict with Jimmy, he goes to them because they are the only team he can truly trust in this situation where The Clockers betrayed him and went for Joel, TIES blew up bread bridge and Scott killing Joel. His alliance after being the last one of his team isn't based in what is the stronger team, but what is the team that hasn't lost his trust.

And you can see he trusts Pearl a lot to let her judge him directly for abandoning Joel, to let her decide what she wants to do when BigB tells them he is seconds from dying and he trusts her enough to go against Cleo and Scott after killing Scar and go "Pear do something about this! Pearl do something!" And he cares to certain degree, not enough to be with them most of the episode but enough to try to calm Pearl down when he allies with Etho so they don't kill the other and focus on the mean gills, even when that doesn't work.

His aligment with Etho is at the opposite side of his alliance with the nosy neighbours, because it is not based in trust, it is based in a contract that they did at the very start of the season and one they still find value and true on it. From Grian's point of view it doesn't matter if he trusts Etho, they are bonded by a contract, by a diamond sword Grian gave to him in episode one. Mind you, they were trying to kill each other, Etho even killed him early in that episode but then he said "Do you wanna enact the sword?" and Grian didn't even thought it could be a trap and immediatly accepted because if there is something he values even more than trust it is a contract.

At the end he managed quiet well to get togheter everyone to go against Martyn and Scott but then he fell of skynet and died so... To the next season!

The first three episodes of Secret Life are very... odd, because he keeps making a constant effort to not ally to people in episode one and two even when he had the chance to keep himself around Mumbo or Scar. Then by episode three his survival instincts kick in to make him panic for his lack of alliances with people and how he may be a easy target later in the season, he desesperatly looks around and then by episode four finds a team with Cleo and Etho.

He wasn't very close to them, and neither were they with him but that was probably what Grian needed, someone that still was looking and keep a firm alliance with Joel trough most of the entire series, and trying to recreate what he had with skynet. He was trying to feel safe and as if everything is under control but nothing is under his control and it is proven first when he has to make a Wither and Warden fight with Etho, which is actually what makes him get closer and closer to his team because this is people he can trust and that are capable on their own.

He doesn't lose his teammates before the finally in Secret Life, which makes him keep his calm, long game oriented self to take down the most strong alliance in the server: The cherry blossom team. And it's a very strong contrast with Limited Life where he was just getting the kills he could, taking risks, no fancy traps, just old pvp while trying to stay alive... Here he tries to take his time and fails miserably. He passes half of the final waiting in a trap he prepared for Gem, he then decides he needs to protect his teammates and because he has terrible coping mechanism wants them to go to the "Skynet 2.0", which we know how it ended.

And then they have to escape and he is in this survival and bloodlust mode he also had in Last Life, he managed to put a trap on the cherry bloossom portal in seconds, because he knew that would be their last chance to get them down, that would be the only moment they wouldn't be chase and had the surprise factor and oh if he delivers in that pvp battle once he has make some damage.

So, we know how Grian acts when he has things mostly under control but he gets betray by the closest people he has (Third Life and Last Life) when he doesn't have them under control and has to find something to put himself at ease and cope with the current situation (Double Life and Limited Life) and when his final goal is to get someone when he knows everything has been already lost(Secret Life). So, what happened exactly in Wild Life?

Well, his team was not... the best in questions of balance and he knew it from the start that he team up with them. He passed most of his time with Mumbo and Skizz after the first episode trying to keep them alive and get them some kills and failling miserably.

And he tries ALL the ways he knows to save them except the simpliest one: give them his life, probably because he knew that would be a lost cause. My favourite thing is how he tries to go back to his Limited Life was to get them kills, he builds a tower, he makes tnt minecarts and tries to get them to learn how it works to get some kills. I don't think it is talk a lot how he tried to save them in the only trap sucessful method he knew, the one he used to do with his bad boys two seasons ago and saved him from death many many times. But this wasn't limited life, was it? And both of them died in that towerd that he later named "the spider nest" (not beating the widow curse there, Grian). People know he is lossing his mind after Mumbo died, people saw him from the distance, no one even heard him but all of them were sure he screamed and was mourning Mumbo and when Skizz death came around he couldn't have the luxury of doing the same because everyone knew, because Martyn was looking, he had to play it cool just like he did in Limited Life.

He is rightfully terrified of being alone, because it is happening again, he will be a single spanner, just like he was a single bad boy. Story is repeating itself and he does everything in his power to stop it. He goes to Joel and Gem asking for an alliance because they are the only ones he isn't in bad terms from an stand point and passes the next episodes wandering between them, working with Scar and working alone.

And we have to talk about whatever was happening between him and Scar this season, maybe I do a separate post about it, idk, because they passed from hating eachother, Scar killing Grian and Grian swearing on his life of being the cause of his dead to... be friends? and the most stable and long alliance Grian had? They have story, no one will deny that, not even themselves. Grian has very strong opinions about how and when is he allowed to kill people, he doesn't mind most of the time if other people bend the rules a little, but not with himself, so when he accidentally, in a little act of vengance, makes the trivia snail kill Scar, he feels really bad for it and he doesn't want that in his conscious.

When he decides what to do about it, he plans it like a contract, not a proper alliance, he tells the idea to Scar as if it's a deal, "I give you a maze and then we are even" because he doesn't want story repeating itself, he doesn't want to be bond to life to him as he was in Third Life and Double Life, but Scar, that has been alone in Secret Life and what he yearns most are friends, doesn't let him get away with it easily "And we're best friends, right?" And Grian can't take it anymore, he knows he will lose Skizz and Mumbo at some point, he knows he doesn't have anyone at his side, and most importantly he exactly knows what to expect from Scar, and so he answers "Just like third life" and they agree to be best friends, just like third life.

Altough the other two bamboozlers doesn't receive the same extended alliance treatment that it brings, Grian is still determined that he will kill Jimmy when he has the chance to do so.

Actually Grian is a lot more vengeful this season than in any other, he tries all episode seven to kill Tango for killing Skizz instead of focusing on the G's that is the strongest team at that moment and once Mumbo betrays him he kills him what? seven? ten times? he even brings them back for the zombies to cause destruction and chaos except for Mumbo, that he kills with the "End of the session for you". And he waited until the finale to kill Jimmy, he played the long game and trapped the bambunker to kill him and taking Lizzie out at the same time, he could have used his time in a more productive way than that trying to kill a more stable team, but no, that was his opportunity for revenge and he took it.

He confesses how he was tempted to trap Scar in cobwebs and how "the only fail about the trap [in the bunker] was that i was gonna kill Scar" which makes me think that if Scar hadn't died and the three of them went to the bunker, he would have done it either way even if he regreted it later, he sounds rather full with joy at the idea of 'Scar died before so I don't have to confront the consequences of my actions for killing his teammates', that was a contract, he had a contract with Scar and his death claimed the end of it for Jimmy and Lizzie to be fair game.

He is playing to win the season, that is something I don't think he has done in a long time, he wanted to win and he was doing everything he could to assure his victory, even if it meant leaving Joel alone to deal with the G's + Ren trying to kill him and Gem. He was surviving. He doesn't want to die and the "IM NOT GOING OUT. NOT LIKE THIS. NOT IN THAT TOWER. NOT LIKE MUMBO. NOT LIKE SKIZZ" proves how much he fears story repating itself, because he already died in bread bridge where his bad boys died, he doesn't want to go like that ever again.

And for that his trust in people by this point in the life series means almost nothing and he knows it, what means are acts and when it comes to the final five he makes sure his acts count, even when he wants to win he focuses first in warning Joel about the rest coming out and in stopping them from getting to him, he kills Pearl and does damage to Ren before Joel kills Cleo and finishes Ren. He doesn't run because just like in Secret Life there is no where else to run, this is it.

And when it comes to just the two of them he is so caught up in the moment to think how is he gonna win against Joel and then he falls. The end until the next season.

Honestly I'm really really excited of how the next life series will be and how would he act. I hope he keeps playing to win because it is so exciting and I hope he keeps bringing chaos and murder to everyone and that his widow curse continues because it needs to be study how he always loses all his allies before dying. Thank you for reading to the end btw pretty cool of you.

[rin-and-jade]

Guys, did you know that alters still and will form/split from little T's and Micro T's? Well now you do!

Whenever you are living your life, doing your day, with no recurrence of childhood trauma for a good while.. but you still seem to have new peeps? Yet you don't know why?? Fret not as i tell you some, although not an extensive list of reasons such as;

The Lil' T, things that aren't as severe as the Big OG Trauma but still enough to waver you:

Financial issues

Relationship conflicts (hostility, or inconsistent emotional support)

Having debilitating/chronic health issues (be it physical or mental)

Neglect, victim of harrasment/bullying, invalidation and etc (in mild forms, clarification on below)

The Micro T, that are capable to annoy you like a fly, though you still have a limit to these type of T's:

Working a job with high demands, or a stressful environment

Chasing a deadline (and not just this once)

Bad triggers

Involved in arguments often (aha, i know you still think about it)

Now you're asking, "what should i do then, Jade?" and because you need some prompts (tips), here you go:

Relaxation techniques: when you feel like you're going to explode (or something lit up the fuse recently) then its logical to blow the fire out before it can actually explode. Things like having a warm shower, taking care of yourself, or some time off to wind down for a moment will help.

Regulating feelings: antsy? mad? upset? or "dshsdfhgjfds"? Instead of shoving the feelings away, please let yourself feel it, acknowledge that you are currently feeling and understand why it happened, what's the cause, talk it out to someone to feel better but yelling inside or writing in the private server also works.

Outlets: If you feel like writing down isn't enough/helpful, then maybe doing art, crushing some empty cans, or going to your trusty support group will do just fine.

Therapy: got money but not people? Do yourself a favor and try it, you'll learn lots of coping mechanisms, plus you'll have support and someone to talk to so thats a big win.

Mindset: Having an accepting and self-supporting thoughts are way better than devaluing and adding extra blames and faults as it perpetuates the cycle of stress and pressure, so why not go easy on yourself from now on?

I know you might think that its not severe enough, its not bad enough, but from now one you have to think differently, no matter how big or small, it is still stress, and when stress builds up all those things happen. (to top it off with other issues such as bad internal communication and brain fog) And it make sense because the severe ones are enough to form new peeps, same goes for the tiny ones but are consistent, okay?

I personally struggle with this LOTS even if traumas from the past aren't happening again yet i still have subsystems and all, and after a good while of practicing, it now barely happens. Hope this is also helpful for you guys since the previous post about dissociation was a hit!!! Click here to see it

Edit: it came to my attention that i forgot to clarify that yes, harassment, bullying and etc as it’s own severe form and can be classified as the OG Trauma, though there are minor forms especially in bullying where it’s extents from calling names and other stuffs that aren’t as harmful in a physical form.

- j

[doraambrose]

When it comes to the Victim Blaming Grief coping one of the big things that makes it an issue is that he actually did it to Jason's face (in Hush as it was retconned to be Jason he said that too).

And, when Jason comes back it stops being grief for the dead, it becomes grief for the wounded. And people victim blame people who were hurt too. This is how they cope, however this coping mechanism always hurts the victim and is a genuinely bad coping mechanism that shouldn't be used. It's harmful. It's harmful to the victim and it is harmful for the other people who might be grieving. It's probably one of the most selfish coping mechanisms.

I've experienced people using this method in real life and it's rough. And it's toxic. Saying you can't criticize the way someone grieves is flawed because you are rarely the only one grieving and I personally have been harmed during a period of shared grief. And I am sure other people have been too because grief brings out the bad in people but that doesn't mean all is forgiven.

Like, imagine if Jason was just comatose and all the victim blaming happened and then Jason just woke up and found out all Bruce had been saying about him? Would Jason's feelings be justified then?

Also, saying the deceased person doesn't matter when they die disregards a lot of religious and spiritual beliefs around honoring the dead.

I feel like Jason is as justified as any other person harmed when someone copes with toxic way in being upset. Jason's death is also a traumatic thing that happened to him. Centering Bruce's feelings while disregarding Jason's as unjustified doesn't feel fair. Especially considering the incident where Bruce took Jason to Ethiopia to try to trigger Jason's memories of what brought him back without his consent.

(Sorry if this was a bit much, I've experienced a decent amount of the bad sides of grief in my life and feel strongly about it)

Okay, so I feel like I need to re answer my previous post because I was struggling to find the right words and also at work, but I think I've figured it out.

One thing to keep in mind is when we talk about feelings, grief, and emotions, there's not a set right or wrong. I also mentioned that I don't like the word justified in this case because it sounds like right or wrong. I did use it at the end, but I'll get into that here. This is a very gray area subject matter and that makes it tricky and you're never gonna find an answer that everyone agrees with because it's not really as fact based as if I said "batman wears a cape sometimes" or "dick grayson is nightwing".

The first thing that comes to mind for me is what my therapist tells me when I feel guilt over feelings. She would tell me "anything you're feeling is valid, you're allowed to be upset, angry, sad, jealous, etc. It's how you act on those feelings.. something I can't remember atm lol". So when I say jason isn't justified, I'm saying that he's allowed to be upset and angry and his feelings are valid, it's not right to actively take it out on the family and hold it against them and be sort of malicious or harmful. And i know theyve done that plus some towards him, but its important to remember that you can only control your own actions and even if someone is being toxic and harmful, that doesnt mean you should too. I think I didn't explain that right and there was some miscommunication. I also wanted to explain why I felt that jason would be angry.

As for this comment, both of these asks were right. Grief can be harmful and toxic. And before I say what I'm going to say next, keep in mind that I'm discussing grief alone and not any of the stuff post utrh that Bruce has done to jason that's harmful and abusive. This toxic kind of grief doesn't make the person a bad person. They can't help it. It's your brain going crazy to try and cope with something traumatic. When my dog died, I wanted to sue my vet, even though they didn't really so anything wrong. It's easier to have someone in front of you to blame. I'm not saying it's right or okay, but it does happen and it can be harmful, but you're not a bad person for it. (In Bruce's case, he's a bad person for all the other shit he's pulled outside of this)

I think these two asks are like at the opposite ends of this topic and I think it's something that you can meet in the middle with. So basically

Yes, grief can be toxic and harmful, but it's also very much a subconscious phenomenon and it's extremely personal and different for everyone and alot of times, people are unaware of what they're doing.

Because of that, jason can be hurt by it, he can be angry,etc. His feelings are valid, But it's not fair to activey hold that over Bruce forever, which he doesn't, this seems more like a fanon thing btw. But it also doesn't hurt to apologize afterwards.

I think when you say that the idea of not critiquing the way someone grieves is flawed, it comes off as unempathetic. Because as someone who has had to grieve alot of the past few years, it's the worst feeling. And your brain is literally scrambling to cope with it so you don't actively lose your shit and sometimes it ends up with some unhealthy Coping mechanisms. And you're usually unaware of what you're doing. I feel like you're not thinking of how the other person is feeling or what they're going through. And fair is fair, they need to see what you're feeling too and actively try to remedy things at some point, there just needs to be more patience and empathy all around and trying to remember that this person is not always intentionally being malicious.

I'm a religious person. So I see where youre coming from, but nobody said the deceased doesn't matter. I think the point was more that you don't have to worry as much about how that person is feeling or thinking because they've moved on to a better place, you should focus on self care and doing what's best for your mental health.

I am also 100% not trying to center around Bruce's feelings and discredit jasons, in fact, the last post was 100% about jasons feelings.

In summary, there's not "justified" or "right" or "wrong". It's super complicated, varies from person to person, and is a tricky subject matter. Everyone's feelings are valid and there definitely needs to be more empathy and patience on all sides, but there are still actions that have been made on both sides that aren't the best and can be hurtful or toxic. I hope this all makes sense and I worded it right :)

[aropride]

house season 8 episode 12 liveblogging (LONG post sorry)

sorry again. see why it took me 2 hours to watch 45 minutes

bandage placement made me think top surgery. god iwish i lived in the beautiful world i conjured in my mind for .3 seconds where chase took time off work to get top surgery

has anyone told him he probably shouldnt be having sex while also having an unhealed stab wound

thank god at least HE takes pills with water. unlike SOME PEOPLE (house 😒)

(respectful voice) big fan of.back muscles. Noreason for sharing just was moved by the spirit i suppose

every time house calls himself the c word i have an instinctual Hey man you cant say that reaction and then i go Wait he can reclaim nvm... Hes using it as a slur though

wait is this chase's apartmwnt I need to know fto write the most accurate fanfiction possible

guy who just got stabbed but is "fine" Okay man

NUNS......

can he stop standing and walking around and shifting his weight on his injured legs im nervous.

he was a seminarian......... i already knew this. but like. wow he has GOT to have some insane brain problems as a result. (thinks about "i had faith" "yeah that has baggage stamped all over it" exchange btwn him and adams)

^is this supposed to be hot or am i just insane

^BABYGIRL YOURE SO BAD AT THIS I LOVE YOU

i love you babygirl ur cool and casual touching ur hair despite barely having hair anymore is definitely showing how chill and calm u feel abt this conversation

"priests and nuns were the closest i had to family" :(

^what do u mean by this :(

"even though you don't find my case interesting, you find my interest in it interesting" AGAIN . CHASE KNOWS HIM SO WELL. and the pause after and looking at him like he's making sure he's reading him right and then house does exactly what chase expected. im normal about them

^oh you should ask chase about this topic im sure hes familiar #true /notprojecting

"your overreaction to your stabbing is to blame me even as you are drawn to me" ? i cant be the only one seeing homosexuality here

"how can you not be traumatized?" "can't change what happened. can only make better choices from here" me when im so not traumatized that i blame myself for what happened to prove im not traumatized.

"no one joins the clergy without having that epiphany.that god's love is speaking to you directly" <- needed to save this quote. not sure why. It will be helpful to me in my travels i think

this is sofucking good im. slurping this episode like apple juice Fuck

EVEN THE PATIENTS KNOW HES A WHORE!!!!!!😭

the first thing he has to know about being hypersexual/using sexuality as an unhealthy coping mechanism is that u cant drag other people into ur problems Especially if u have to interact with them regularly. (doubly so bc if they realize ur like, using them to worsen ur own brainproblems they will feel bad !!!) Fucking all the nurses at the damn hospital is like the worst thing he could do Now its followed him into his career Smdh. Well to be fair he probably didnt have an alter to tell him that. shout out mars i miss u every day

"i'm just looking for something more" "so am i" auoughhghhhhh

he spends all this time nowadays being like house but sometimes u can still see the earnest kicked-puppy look in his eyes

"you think im hitting on a nun? angry at god or i just need a challenge?" "Or you're terrified of intimacy, which is why you're a serial slut" MY JAW IS ON THE FLOORRRRR I THOGUHT I WAS THE ONLYT ONE SEEINF THIS SHIT!!! I PRACTICALLY WROTE THIS WORD FOR WORD THE OTHER DAY IN MY NTOES APP FOR THAT FUCKING. DIALOGUE I CANT STOP WRITING FOR SOME REAOSN.

got too excited about teevee show now i can feel all the blood in my body

"youre right i was running away" girl so is he :(

how it feels to lose urself in meaningless sex rainbow dolphin image :(and by rainbowdolphin image i mean not that

^😭 HELP

"there was a stabbing" ME WHEN I DISSOCIATE??? brother.see a therapist

"i need to get away from house and everything that reminds me of him" (house md 8.12) // "avoidance of trauma-related stimuli after the trauma" (ptsd criterion c)

"you're gonna get away from him by turning into him?" OH.... FINALLY SOMEONE ELSE IS SEEING THIS

i truly do not believe his little story abt how he got kicked out of seminary school im not buying thgat. me when i lie

he's like a puppy to me. hes so kicked puppy core. and his gay little outfit is so cute and i love him i want to pick him up and throw him against the wall. like a bouncy ball not in a sexual way. In a sexual way also tghough

DO NOT CONFESS YOUR LOVE TO THE PATIENT??? WHO YOU JUST MET AND SLEPT WITH ONCE??????

^in terms of how house is this is basically a deeply vulnerable discussion of his regrets and traumas

the little tiny barely perceptable nods i lvoe you i love you

[spotsupstuff]

can i have a summary of your AU? it seems like something different and ORIGINAL for once, focusing on the benefactors and not demonizing them to hell and back like everybody else does

Philosophy Sessions gets its name from an idea for a comic of Moon (while Survivor is still visiting) addressing her relationship with the Anemons (the "Ancients"' species name here) and her own faults like tolerating harm for too long. By herself, she comes to the conclusion that though the relationship/s she had with them were once good, they eventually became rotten and bad for her. She has a session philosophising about it all.

The AU's happenings keep the theme.

The main things happen in a different Iterator group (The Children of Eo/group Epsilon) from the one in-game (Wish for Tomorrow/group Tau, though sometimes it'll be nice for them to pop up and I'm not against making something for them from time to time either), during the time the Anemons still lived. Through characters, I aim to explore the spiritual/religious, philosophical, psychological and sociological aspects of their world.

It's meant to be more of a think-piece than a story, tool for exploration the complexities of anger, sex, attachment, relationship with being alive at all and coping with being terribly hurt.

Currently I mainly work on the worldbuilding through info posts so I have a solid ground to put these softer things on, along with some goofing off with the characters since knowing them is vital for these themes.

If served in a story format, I divide it into four "books": • The Polar War • Biography of a Sparrow • The Ending Chime • Transfiguration

The Polar War is about a war confict between group Epsilon and a group north from them, Rho/Frost's Promise.

It revolves around a "society" vs "society", the reason for the conflict is unclear, the main questions are ,,Why and how can a society preaching these spiritual values get into a war? How far are they willing to go?" with secondary questions of ,,How would the Iterators do in a large violent situation? How would a war conflict work for this world where death is... not really a thing?"

Biography of a Sparrow is about a low karma Anemon in the golden age, from the low castes, Three Sparrows on a Wire. This is the oldest part conceptualized, most developed, with Sparrows being my first Anemon character.

She lands herself a spot in a school for Iterator mechanics, an incredibly demanding job that ends up misplacing her into the high caste. She's also very bad at the spiritual things, the job puts a strain on her relationships with family and her priorities, her Iterator charge falls in love with her complicating things tremendously and her past lives are rather dark, loud in her dreams.

The goal is exploration of the Anemons' social structures and the spiritual concepts as she eventually begins confronting her faults and learning better.

The Ending Chime has a 16 year old high karma Anemon boy, real name secret for now and nicknamed Preacher, for protagonist.

The story takes place during the last months of the Anemons' existence. Preacher is faithful to the spirituality, but despises the religion that has gone corrupt. He was sold to the religious command of the community as a toddler in exchange for his parents being pardoned for having sex with a resulting accidental child. The caretakers, with an actual preacher as a sort of leader, have mistreated him and other given up children. The broken tooth and lip scar he has are from a bad slap from the preacher for questioning the religion when he was 10. That kind of stuff.

During one night of doubt and resentment on the kid's part, Théta, the highest yet forgotten god, contacts him and supports his decision to run away to join a rebelion against all of this. During his journeys we get to know how the society has changed since Sparrows, we get to see spiritual creatures, old corrupt gods and echoes of the past, while also getting to meet more Iterators and getting some lessons from them.

We all already know that Preacher won't get to win, though.

Transfiguration is about Théta stepping down into physical existence as the Saint to free the Iterators from their suffering, specifically about those in group Epsilon. Here, he is joined by the Iterator Biting Notos who lives more as an overseer at this point than the whole bio-computer thing.

They travel together, discussing the ages past, Notos' regrets and conflictions about helping the Saint do its quest and listening to the dying Iterators' last thoughts, last philosophy sessions.

[system-of-a-feather]

Re-establishing Baseline Plan

Since moving, I've (completely understandably and expectedly) had my baseline kinda fucked (did not help by with financial stress + job incompatibility + ear infection + really bad post ear infection cold + probable norovirus in literally one month) and so I've been really overloaded, stressed, and just in a place of mostly survival mode where most of my energy is focused on maintaining my mental and physical state in the easiest manners possible

I have been holding up well all things considered and have set up for a probably more compatible job + my fiance has managed to get a job again that he feels will probably work out well for him and I have at least like a week off between jobs to reorientate myself

So to take a good and active effort to make the best of this time, I want to make a plan to set myself up for success. I actually do this every so often when I really need to pick myself up (historically Lucille would usually do it but pros of being basically fully integrated is that I am Lucille as well as me) and I figured it would be a neat thing to display and demonstrate here cause I'd end up making it *anyways* so why not share with the class

If anyone likes this, yall can borrow it ^^

-----

Question One: What current coping skills and hobbies am I currently doing and trying with my time? Are they affective and would I like to change them?

Art, Drawing, Character Design, Art Fight Prep, Story Planning and Writing

This is one of the easiest and most reliable positive coping mechanisms and has gotten me through the majority of the month mostly on it's own. Compared to other coping mechanisms, this one is almost always something I can drag myself to do or at least ask someone to supervise me to make sure I do it when I feel I need some sort of self care. It serves greatly as an alternative when I find that I am doing maladaptive coping that I would rather not do and when in doubt, it has access to some level of social engagement should I feel I need that. With that being said, having relied largely on this for a month, this is suffering diminishing returns and starting to lead to general lack of inspiration and so diversification from this coping mechanism would be ideal

Weekend Gym Trips

This is actually a really good way for me to release energy, give myself space and time to think, and just feel better moving and existing in my body. It also mandates time for me to listen to music and serves a meditative purpose. That said, I have only been doing this on Saturdays and only once on Sunday and I would like to expand that to be at least 3 times a week or at least more spaced out.

Reading Semi Regularly

This is a new habit and coping I picked up and its actually really good! It provides a unique sense of calm when I need it. Unfortunately I've started to drop off the past week due to general stress and illness, so I think its important to return to this. Perhaps set a general goal of "every other day" rather than every day to lessen the pressure.

Video Games

This was helpful but lately I have been not motivated to play anything and I believe its been burnt out. I think it would be good to resume this but it is currently impractical to force at the moment until overall wellness has returned.

TV with Boy

This is helpful but unforunately nothing seems to interest either of us to watch right now. (cri life is hard /lh)

Board Games with Boy

This is a new one and has actually been very nice. That said, it isn't always available and dependent on my fiance's ability to have the energy, time and interest to play them, particularly since I know he is less interested in board games than me. It is good to maintain the interest and offer, but not a coping skill to become reliant on.

Question Two: What sorts of things that I am currently not doing do I know tend to define behaviors, habits, hobbies, and interests that are done when I am out of survival mode and genuinely enjoying life?

Regular Birding, Particularly with Peers

Interest in watching anything on my own, youtube, TV shows, etc

Engagement in Music, Particularly my Musical Instruments

Engagement in Exploration and just independent travels without individuals

Engagement and interest in occasionally reaching out to Buddhist environments

Producing art work for the story that is more developed and inspired rather than "quick" or "reference" focused - actually focusing on the creative and artistic expression rather than the practical expression

Increased social circle communication irl beyond my online bestie, fiance, and online friend group chat; reaching out to individuals and developing new irl friendships

Question Three: Which of those hobbies do I think could be the most reasonable and easy to meet sooner than later (even better if I can make steps to start that right now / today)? In what ways could I make steps to make those first changes and help set myself up for success on expanding my engagement with life beyond survival mode?

Interest in watching anything on my own, youtube, TV shows, etc

While I am not extensively motivated in any manner to watch anything in particular, I am starting to randomly get a lot of bleach related stuff on my youtube and I have been meaning to watch TYBW arc. I have been postponing it because of arbitrary "I wanna read the manga first" and just general other excuses, but realistically those are putting up barriers that I may not get to at this rate and currently I could just use something I'm somewhat interested in to give me some independent relaxing engagement. I think I can set the goal of actually watching Bleach TYBW at least an episode a day starting either today or tomorrow and see if that can bring a momentum and habit into actually being able to watch things that interest me on my own.

Engagement in Music, Particularly my Musical Instruments

I can probably actually take my violin back out. The guitar would probably be better but for whatever reason I feel that my brain thinks that would require more - for a lack of better word - work, so I think I can at least try to find time this week to at least play a little bit of my violin.

Regular Birding, Particularly with Peers + "increased social irl connection [...]"

I can reach out and text my new irl birding connections to see if they are interested; if not I can at least plan to take a birding trip later

Engagement in Buddhist Stuff

I know there is an area I've been thinking of visiting that has free english services on Tuesday, I can make plans to go there that day, particularly since my Fiance should be working for the first day then anyways.

Question Four: What are additional goals and check points that we would like to try to bring us closer to the life style that we know tends to support a thriving mental state and life satisfaction rather than one of survival?

Independent Travels

During the time I have, I can keep in mind this goal and if I have down time think of potentially interesting and alternative places to go to explore; additionally I can plan birding trips to places I have not yet checked out.

Increased Social IRL Connection

It is dependent on if my now-ex-coworker still is interested, but I can follow up and see if we want to still play board games; if not I think potential more ways to reach out will be more viable to plan once a higher level of baseline is established; potentially see if there are any in person DnD groups around that I could make a habit of going to or any martial art dojos that we can afford

More Inspired Art

I think this is something that will come with time between lessening the burn out of my current art-as-a-coping mechanism goal as well as actually engaging in more media and independent interests as to gain more inspiration.

Question Five: Summarize the Key Points and Plans Discussed in This into a Bullet Points of Take Aways

Modifying Current Coping:

Diversify and lean off of using art as a main coping mechanism; give that one a break

Attempt to go to the gym more frequently or at least space it out more throughout the week

Continue reading; lessen the ideal to every other day in case demand pressure is adversely affecting it

Keep an open interest in playing board games with fiance

Changes I Want To Make Soon:

Start watching Bleach TYBW w/ at least one episode a day

Bring out my violin and try to at least play with it for one hour this week

Reach out to new bird peers to see if they want to plan a birding trip sometime, if not then plan one independently

Make plans to go to that place on Tuesday for the open Buddhist service

Changes to Keep an Eye Out For:

Opportunities to go somewhere new randomly for no particular reason or goal in mind other than to just see whats around us

Spoons and time availability to see out places to expand our irl social circles

Inspiration for art in general

Question Six: Set for Regular Follow Ups to Check Progress

Isn't tumblr's queue / schedule function super neat for this

[freckled-koi]

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

𝒏𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒂𝒓

summary: you've known gojo since your training days at jujutsu tech. you were inseparable - as thick as thieves. so, what happened?

pairing: satoru gojo x reader (feat. nanami x reader).

cw: angst, emotional manipulation / mental spiral, mature themes. 18+ / minors dni.

wc: 3k+.

a/n: second chapter is now up! this is starting to become more of a slowburn of a fanfic, and honestly? i can dig with that as long as you can. <3 please enjoy!

( ◡ ◡ ♪ ) ｡

highly suggest reading chapter 001. first! you can also read it here on ao3!

“When did you pick that up?”

You’re caught by surprise by the low purr of a voice filled with curiousness, snapping your head in the direction of it. You were in the middle of lighting the cigarette dangling from your lips, the fire from the lighter going out when you released the mechanism. You were just alone standing by yourself outside of school, not expecting to run into anyone in particular.

“Don’t tell me hanging around Shoko is rubbing off on you..” The man sighs, amusingly hopeless at his own words. Your eyes scan over his much sharper features all the way up to his jet black tresses tied back into a bun to keep the longer strands away from his face and down his back.

You always found it a shame he never cared for his hair down that much. It framed his face better.

All you do is let out a light laugh, shrugging your shoulders as you pluck the cigarette from between your tiers to speak. 

“Shoko and I bum off each other’s smokes whenever we hang out,” You try to become a voice of reason, but you realize it’s not going to do much when you see a flicker of disbelief on the man’s features.

“Don’t tell me you rag on Shoko for smoking, Suguru.”

“Even if I did, she would still do it–”

“Which is why, I’m going to continue doing it~ It helps.”

Suguru Geto doesn’t protest it, knowing he wouldn’t win the war on what was healthily correct for you. All he does is manage a smile, taking a small glance around their surroundings.

It was a bad habit you would dabble in for quite some time, but coming to Jujutsu Tech, you started doing it much more. You even found a small bond with Shoko one night after a stressful trial assignment when you were just a newbie sorcerer. She caught you whipping out a pack you rifled through your bag to find and asked to have one.

You sort of found comfort in doing it more than ever.

Maybe it was a bad way to manage coping with stress, but old habits will die hard.

You sigh after taking a moment to debate, eventually tucking the unlit cigarette back into its packaging and store it away into your bag. Smoking could wait until you were back at home.

Golden hour was upon them when you stand with Geto, glancing back at him as he’s found meeting your gaze. The hues over his skin made him stand like a god, it was almost sickening how pretty someone was without even trying. Although, there were signs of distress under his eyes that you were suspicious about. He looked.. Worn. As if sleep wasn’t something he was getting much of late.

“Are you waiting on Satoru?” 

“Not quite.. I just so happened to begin my route home and just caught sight of you.”

There’s a quirk in your brow to his words, an amused expression crossing Geto’s features when he looks at you with a quiet laugh leaving him.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

You shrug.

“Usually you’d be the one walking home with him.”

All Geto does is shrug off the statement, a smile still gracing his lips.

“He’s got his own thing going on.”

“Like you do?” You ask with jest in your tone. It was only meant to be as a way to poke at Geto, but there’s a flicker of an emotion in his eyes that didn’t match the way his lips were still tugged into that signature smile of his. As if, to mask whatever emotion he was holding back.

“Yeah. I got my own thing going on.”

“Oi!” 

The both of you break eye contact to see the taller white haired boy jogging over from afar, shades shimmering and gold reflecting off of them. It’s then that you see Suguru beginning to turn away, fixing the bag on his shoulders. 

“That’s my cue to leave–”

“You’re not sticking around?” Your brows twitch together, staring after the other just as he slows in his steps by your words.

Geto is hesitant to reply, only giving you a small raise of his hand.

“Catch you later, Y/N.” He says his departing words with a care you knew was genuine, but it did nothing but cause a small dip in your stomach to it.

All you do is watch as Geto grows further and further away with you, the white haired boy now caught up completely to where you stand.

“Hey, ready to go?”

The question is almost muffled to you, hardly tearing you away from your gaze settled on Geto. You couldn’t help the idle pondering of what was just going on with him. It was highly unlikely that he wouldn’t stick around to chat with Gojo, because he was always around Gojo. So, what changed?

“Y/N?” It’s when Gojo says your name that you break away from your thoughts, turning your head to look up at him and he has that feigned innocent expression on his features you’ve only seen a small handful of times.

“Sorry, what?”

“I said~, are you ready to go?”

“Oh, right– Yeah.”

You’d push it back to your mind to think on later. Gojo had been begging you to come back to his place to hang out, to watch the latest cheesy rom-com that he had been blabbering about for the longest time and wouldn’t stop until you caved to accompany him.

It’s then that you two start to walk together side by side, drawing your lips inward in thought before your gaze returns back up to the other. You tried pushing it to the back of your mind, but your curiosity gets the best of you.

“Is he doing okay?”

“Who?”

“Satoru, you can’t be serious.” You sigh hopelessly. 

All he can muster is a sheepish laugh, his arm swinging around the space between your arm and shoulder to draw you close to his side. The affection wasn’t too unfamiliar, having a knack for breaking that personal bubble of yours just to be handsy. You were sure his love language was physical touch.

“Suguru’s fine~ I speak to him in passing when you’re not around, you know,”

“Hm..” You exhale a soft hum with the concern still written on your features.

“He really is fine. I try to check in on him, but we’re always off doing our own assignments these days anyway.”

It wasn’t reassuring in the slightest, the way Gojo spoke, but you decide that it was best to drop the topic at hand before he got riled up. Maybe you’d try and catch Geto at the right time and place for a chat the next time you crossed his path.

Your head tilts a bit to get a better look at Gojo when you walk and he meets your gaze, trying to look past his dark shades with a playful grimace.

“What’s wrong?”

“Do you always have to cling onto me like this?” You joke, but you don’t pry yourself away from his side at all. Even with what happened moments ago, Gojo’s body was like an anchor for you to ease your nerves – no matter how many times he stepped on them for fun.

It only brings a sly grin stretching over his lips as he leans down some to rest his head on top of yours, rubbing his face into your hair like a cat.

“Aww, but you like it, don’t you, Y/N~? A handsome guy like myself being all over you~”

“Ugh–” You snicker just before you’re pressing your palm to his side to give the both of you some distance, playfully gagging to the way he speaks. “You’re literally disgusting.”

“Oh, come on~” Gojo whines, reaching to draw you back to his side and place his arm back where it laid.

“You know, I wouldn’t have pegged you to be the American movie watcher type.”

You comment just as you’re taking a sip from the mug of black tea you found in the kitchen after you changed into the loungewear you had packed for your stay, idly twirling the tea bag string with your finger as you watched him set-up the television from the sofa. 

Gojo stands proud and tall, the DVD he was flopping around in his hold now on his finger as he grins in your direction, even going as far as showing off, using his Infinite to make it hover.

“I’ve been dabbling here and there into American movies, so I can’t help but have a growing obsession over them~ Don’t have to understand the language to enjoy something great,” He laughs and that just makes your lips quirk up into a smile.

You find his childish excitement rather endearing. The moment he catches your smile, he pauses and allows the disk to fall flat into his palm and he’s turning to place it into the player.

“Plus, subtitles exist.”

The comment makes you snort softly, taking a careful sip from your tea just as you set the top of the mug onto your thigh. 

Gojo and you would do this often. You’d kick back at his place on a Friday night watching a numerous amount of films since you both were big time cinephiles. He had a guest room always made up for you, so you didn’t have to worry about the time getting away from you and beating the clock past curfew to get home. 

Most of the time it was horror movies, other times it was action and adventure. The films you indulged in with Gojo were a variety, but the romance comedy ones were new for you. Not that you’ve never seen one, you just didn’t find any interest in them until Gojo was practically on his hands and knees to have you sit in on one with him. 

After he places the disk into the player, passing through trailers you both didn’t care much for, the movie is now playing on the screen and he moves to join you on the sofa.

Usually, he would be a cushion over, but he’s placed himself close to you this time.

Odd.

You don’t think twice about it.

His arm settles onto the back rest of the sofa right behind you, leg propped up onto his knee away from you. Your legs were crisscrossed into a more comfortable position, allowing your attention to be directed towards the screen. 

The plot was easy to understand from the get-go. Two women hardly enjoying their places in life, their resided homes across the world, so they switch homes for a little vacation. The brother of one meets the girl staying in the one woman’s little English cottage, while the other meets a complete stranger that knows how to produce music in the other’s mansion.

The two of you share a laugh at some parts, Gojo making idle comments out loud to you and to mostly himself throughout the middle of the film.

It was a traditional, corny romance movie – something you weren’t incredibly surprised by. The build up of the lingering romance between the two couples were clearly enamoring, so you’re definitely surprised with yourself when you’re so focused on the film.

You feel a subtle brush in your tresses near your shoulder that causes a small shudder that crawls up your neck. Thank God you knew how to use your peripherals so you didn’t have to turn your head to look, catching Gojo still facing towards the screen with his features lit up by the television screen that shapes his side profile. The expression he wears is soft, and it’s an expression you haven’t familiarized yourself with since getting to know Gojo.

You knew more than the average acquaintance, but not in the similar manner as he was with Geto or Shoko.

The brush of fingertips graze along your shoulder through your crewneck, dragging up over the neckline, playing right at the hem where fabric ended and your flesh began.

What is he doing? 

Maybe it was just a mindless thing he caught himself doing. It doesn’t help that the goosebumps are beginning to form underneath your sweater, gripping the now lukewarm mug you were clinging onto during the movie.

You can hardly pay attention to the movie now, a little distracted but you remain strong and a little still, wondering what he was going to do next. 

However, Gojo doesn’t really go any farther past the neckline, even taking pauses in his movements. It’s when you catch the pause that your head subconsciously turns a centimeter, and his eyes immediately flit to lock with your gaze.

He smiles and it’s one of the warmest smiles he’s worn, making your throat grow tight. 

“.. Are you enjoying it?” Gojo says gently.

“Oh— Yeah, it’s pretty good so far..” 

“See? I’m never wrong about these things~”

You quietly laugh, grinning now by the comment just as a few strands of hair fall past your face that were tucked loosely behind your ear. His hand resting near your shoulder lifts to bring over to neatly, delicately tuck them back into place. The subtle graze of his fingertips at your skin burns and you’re not sure if it’s because of how intimate the touch is or the contrast of his cool fingers on your gradually reddening skin. But he’s never gone as far as to do that.

Sure, he’d cling to you and rub his face on your shoulder, your head, but it was all just playful.

This wasn’t playful.

The only thing that fills the quiet between you two is the dialogue and musical score emanating from the television. Gojo’s attention wasn’t going back to the movie, and strangely, neither was yours. As if you both were wanting to say something, but nothing was coming to fruition.

Gojo is the first to break the silence.

“What are you so pretty for~?” He purrs. 

It sounds so sickly sweet and makes a wave of warmth wash over you. 

It’s hard to formulate words when he’s hardly doing a damn thing, and why it was affecting you now was beyond you.

All you manage is a roll of your eyes, head turning to face back towards the television.

“Oh, now you’re complimenting me?” You say in amusement.

“Hey,” Gojo’s hand reaches over to take your chin with his thumb and forefinger to guide your face back. You’re completely doe-eyed when you're brought back to fix your gaze onto his piercing blue set, his own lids low. “I wasn’t done looking.”

“Y- You see me every day, Satoru.”

“Mnn~.. Not like this though.” You didn’t realize it, but when he took hold of your chin, he closed the proximity between both of your bodies, just where his thigh just barely pressed to your own, hardly giving the both of you that space.

The position he put you in was making your heart race.

“Satoru..” You repeat his name again softly, and he sighs to that.

“Hm?”

“What are you doing?”

Gojo’s lips quirk up into a gentle smile, the pad of his thumb brushing along the curve of your chin before it lifts to just barely touch the bottom of your lip.

“I want to try something with you.”

You feel that surge of warmth run through you again because you knew where this was going just based on the hold and the way his thumb runs delicately over your lower tier; How he looks at you – how close he was to you. It makes your stomach twist, your shoulders tense up. Hell, the idle thought of doing those sorts of things with Gojo was just a fleeting, intrusive thought all on its own, and you never really thought you or him would actually act on them. There were moments where those fleeting touches and catching each other’s gaze would make you feel some type of way. Maybe even the times where he was clinging onto you and pulling you in close too, but it was nothing you dwelled on for too long.

Gojo and you were just friends. Friends don’t do those sorts of things. 

You’re hanging onto his words now, the movie now long forgotten and only becomes background noise at this point in time. You can’t even seem to give a response to his words and it only makes him quietly snicker to it.

Gojo shifts, closing that proximity between the two of you and only leaving just mere centimeters of your frame to his, guiding you by your chin and your body willingly follows suit. 

“If it doesn’t work, I won’t do it again.” 

It’s the last thing he says just before he’s leaning in, your eyes fall shut because staring at him with that doe-eyed look you were getting accustomed to was crazy. The hands around the mug are tight, you almost could break the glass if you squeezed it any tighter. It’s then that Gojo completes his goal of making sure there was no room left between the two of you, his lips finding purchase on your own in a slow kiss. 

It’s so warm and delicate, mindlessly melting into just how much he’s drawing you in by it. You never thought this was how it would feel to kiss Gojo. Maybe it was entertained in your mind for much longer than you would admit – you felt it would be the type to rush, sticking his tongue down someone’s throat in the heat of the moment, but he was taking his time. The palm of his hand slides with ease to cradle the side of your face now, thumb dragging over the apple of your flushed cheek just as his lips part to take it a step further, almost as if he was deepening the kiss and your own couplets follow.

What am I doing?

There’s a sliver of realization that comes back to you and your eyes flutter back open, retracting from the kiss with a soft sound. Your eyes meet with Gojo’s piercingly blue orbs, almost a little surprised by how short the lip lock was between you two.

“I– I have to use the bathroom–” You quickly declare, and you only can remember the small flicker of confusion crossing Gojo’s expression just as you scramble to set the mug on the coffee table.

You feel you grasp at your hand, stopping you from moving any further from your place near the sofa. You snap your head towards Gojo’s hand holding yours before they reach his eyes again. There’s a clear look of surprise on your features to him grabbing you. Didn’t he say if it didn’t work out, he wouldn’t do it again?

“Wait, Y/N–”

“Just– Just give me a second.” You say firmly and Gojo takes that as a sure sign to back off, allowing you to push off his hand as he slumps back into the sofa and you make your way to the bathroom just around the corner.

Locking the door behind you, you finally sigh out as if you were holding your breath the entire time. Your hands come up to push at your tresses, doing a small pace in the minimal space of the bathroom. 

“What the fuck.. What the fuck.” Your hands come up to shield your face as you stop in front of the sink, having to just replay what just happened. Was he doing that just to fuck with you? Maybe entertain something and go beyond just kissing, to get you to do more? Did he mean to do any of that? Hell, you must’ve had his attention with how much time you both had spent around each other and him doing this was more than clear. 

It was all way too overwhelming and confusing for you to process, hands now bracing the edge of the sink after reaching to turn the faucet on. Your eyes linger on your reflection in the mirror, staring over the flush on your cheeks and how widely blown your eyes were, brows knitted together in frustration. 

Gojo put you in such a vulnerable state, it was almost becoming uncomfortable the more you thought about it. You bring your lips inward, fixing your posture as you bring a hand to your lips to touch. The kiss was.. Lovely, but.. You were wishing you were more mentally prepared before he decided to just ‘try something’ with you.

After a while longer, you come out of the bathroom. It was quiet for the most part, figuring he must have paused the movie after you left. 

You return to the room and you see Gojo is still seated, one arm over the back of the sofa while the other is propped up on the arm of it, hand balled up and resting his chin there. He switched positions, being at the very end of the couch.

It’s when he feels your presence, he turns his head back to you, facial features relaxed as he stares over your frame.

The both of you are so quiet, you don’t even know what to say to him before you’re walking back over. This time, you seat yourself at the opposite end of the sofa, and he watches you as you move.

You break the silence first.

“Can we.. finish the movie?”

You request with a hesitance in your tone, bringing your legs back up to crisscross back into their original position and all Gojo does is nod once and he’s hitting play on the remote.

Both of you sit in an awkward silence, hardly even responding to the movie’s plot and reveling in the moment you both shared not even minutes ago.

Both of the girl’s get the guys they weren’t hoping to find in the film.

The hands resting on one another in your lap tightens to that.

[tyrantisterror]

Who are your top ten favorite sympathetic villains in fiction?

See, that's the kind of question you just can't answer on this site in normal conditions. This is tumblr, the place where if you think a villain from any media that people have heard of is sympathetic, there will be an incredibly vocal contingent of moral puritans who will flock to your proverbial door to scream at you for being a fascist and threaten you with torches, pitchfork, and a good ol' stake to burn you on. Doesn't matter what media the villain is from or how fantastical or mundane their crimes are - if you try to argue someone deemed bad by the mob is actually morally complex, they will force you to walk the scaffold of the gallows so they can plunder your real estate when you're buried in the unmarked grave reserved for heathens and heretics.

Hell, it's not just strangers on here you have to worry about this with, either. When I first read this question a few characters who affected me deeply came to mind immediately, and for each one I could pinpoint at least one person who follows my blog that would not hesitate for a moment to post a several paragraph screed in a reblog of this ask telling me why that character is actually Objectively Worse Than Hitler, and that I'm a fascist if I continue to like them. This is not a safe space to sympathize with villains. Lust after them, sure, but not to sympathize with them.

But! I have thought of a work around. Obviously, any media with a fandom isn't safe - unless that media is so obscure, so barely known, that its fandom can probably be counted on two hands. Something where the fan count can't reach above the double digits, and in all likelyhood is less than fifty at the most generous estimation. And it just so happens I can think of AT LEAST ten sympathetic villains from works of media I dearly, genuinely love - love them so much it's as if they were my own children, even - that are at this level of obscurity, and likely to remain so for as long as I live. So here are my

TEN FAVORITE SYMPATHETIC VILLAINS FROM WORKS OF MEDIA SO OBSCURE THAT I CAN GUARANTEE NOBODY ON EARTH WILL EVER SEARCH FOR THEM ON TUMBLR AND PROCEED TO SCREAM AT ME FOR LIKING THEM!

10. MechaTyrantis from The Atomic Time of Monsters by William Cope

Appearing in William Cope's stunning kaiju period piece novel series The Atomic Time of Monsters, MechaTyrantis takes the genre trope of a mechanical doppelganger kaiju and gives it a few new twists. We actually meet MechaTyrantis as a purely flesh and blood creature first, where he is presented as a natural rival for the main kaiju character, Tyrantis, because they are both males of the same species vying for the attention of the sole female of their kind that they've found. MT loses the courtship fight to Tyrantis, and nurses a grudge about it, eventually luring Tyrantis into a trap to try and kill him. In the grand tradition of villains, his evil plot backfires and hurts him more than his intended victim, leaving him crippled and comatose in a rock slide.

This is where the pathos comes in, for as nasty as MT is, the human villains who excavate his unconscious form from the rocks are a lot worse, harvesting him for parts to make a cyborg war machine. Intended to be nothing more than a wetware PC, MechaTyrantis's animal brain lies dormant for much of the time he's being piloted, but sporadically awakens when given proper stimuli - at which point we get treated to the horror of what was done to him, and how his animal mind struggles to understand the surge of inputs from both his machine body parts and the human trying to pilot them. His existence is, bluntly, a nightmare, and one that makes MechaTyrantis continue to lash out at the world with horrifying results.

Yet as nasty as he was before and after his alteration, it's clear he doesn't deserve a fate this wretched, and author William Cope obviously agrees with me, as MechaTyrantis does stumble his way into a redemption of sorts, albeit by suffering a great deal of pain and humiliation before he can reach the epiphany he needs.

9. Promythigor from The Atomic Time of Monsters by William Cope

One of the last villains introduced in The Atomic Time of Monsters Series (at least so far - while there are only two volumes at the time of this writing, esteemed author William Cope has noted several times on social media that he intends to write more someday down the line), Promythigor has less screentime than most of his fellow bad guys, but he makes it count. Essentially King Kong if he both had firebending powers and a dangerous case of pyromania, Promythigor isn't outright malicious so much as lethally foolhardy and careless with his fire powers, which brings him into conflict with pretty much ever living being he encounters.

Yet, like MechaTyrantis, there's pathos to him, as he too is a horrible science experiment created by humans who neither thought of nor cared about the psychological state of the supernatural animals they were exploiting. There's almost an innocence to Promythigor as he lashes out, and for all the trouble he causes with his mischief it's clear he doesn't really understand how much harm he's doing. One thinks he could sort himself out if given a few good influences and a lot of firm boundaries, which volume two seems to set him up for. At the very least, he got one of the best action scenes in the books.

8. Ahuul from The Atomic Time of Monsters by William Cope

Ok, last kaiju on this list, I promise! Or at least the last one from ATOM. Ahuul is the first villainous kaiju we meet in William Cope's groundbreaking series, and he does a good job of setting up the stakes - before we properly meet him, the story is relatively light-hearted, especially with the big, lovable friendly kaiju Tyrantis forming an unlikely friendship with human paleontologist Dr. Lerna. But then Ahuul flies out and begins eating people to reminds us that these monsters can be quite deadly indeed. Things get particularly dire when he leaves the countryside and lands in the nearby town, at which point we see how helpless the local law enforcement of this rural community are in the face of a kaiju threat - and that makes it all the more cathartic a release when Tyrantis arrives to kick his ass.

Ahuul doesn't have a redemption arc so much as what tumblr has called a "Vegeta arc" - which is to say, he never really stops being a nasty, vicious bastard, he just ends up surrounded by enough morally inclined badasses that he stops being able to get away with doing much evil anymore. By the end of volume one, he becomes something of a joke, easily trounced by all the other monsters around him, as by that point the world of ATOM has expanded enough to show that a monster as deadly to humans as Ahuul is still ultimately kind of a small fish in a big pond.

Which does lead to some character development, in a roundabout way. Ahuul may be awful, but he doesn't like to be beaten up all the time, and so he starts making efforts to tone down his worse impulses and gain the tolerance of his neighbors. Seeking redemption out of pragmatism instead of remorse may not be super moral, but it does shed an interesting light on the nasty bastard, and allows us to enjoy him as a character without worrying that his comedically awful personality will cause real problems.

7. The Jester's Jape from No Small Feat and Wake of the Red Death, a pair of Fabula Ultima TTRPG Liveplay Shows GM'ed by William Cope

(inking for these sprites done by the illustrious @dragonzzilla)

I suppose I'm cheating by putting four characters in one spot, but you kind of have to take these ladies together. A quartet of goofy villainous henchmen in the vein of the Turks from Final Fantasy 7 and Ozzy, Flea, and Slash from Chrono Trigger, the Jester's Jape are a quartet of trouble-makers who routinely find themselves working for arch-villains and megalomaniacs because hey, it pays the bills. Though the bosses they work for tend to be bastards (or at least majorly conceited), they themselves are firmly in the "punch clock villain" mold, only doing what they need to to get paid, and more than happy to betray the evil bastards they were working for if things go South. I also like the fact that they establish clowns are explicitly a variety of half-demon in the setting of these stories, because it's fun to think of clowns as a variety of monster rather than just an occupation.

6. The Ravening Beast from No Small Feat, a Fabula Ultima TTRPG Liveplay GM'ed by William Cope

(Inking for these pieces done by the magnanimous @scatha5 and the splendiferous @dinosaurana, respectively)

Ok one more kaiju I suppose, technically, if we really stretch the definition of the word a bit. In a campaign full of fairy tale pastiches, The Ravening Beast fulfills the archetype of The Big Predator That Wants to Eat You - not just your Big Bad Wolves, but your bridge trolls, your manticores, and all other large hairy things dwelling in wild places and waiting for innocent passersby to cobble up. And for most of the campaign that seems to be all there is to the monster - just a big, nasty, hungry thing that wants to eat and eat and eat, a primal fear that torments the player characters at every turn.

Until, of course, the heroes track it to its den, and we discover the Beast's history - how its father particularly aimed to sire a monster, creating a creatures whose hormones were so imbalanced that it had to eat its siblings at birth just to quell the churning emptiness in its guts. How it was specifically groomed to be a maneater, and how it was fed a corpse with one of the magic jewels that serve as the campaign's primary mcguffins, which turned it into an even worse monster.

At the end of the story, the Ravening Beast wasn't a figure to be afraid of, but one to be pitied - a poor, mistreated creature who was never given a chance to be happy, and like the real life man-eaters that inspired it, sadly had to be put down for its own sake.

5. Prince Lucifer of Cocytus from No Sympathies by William Cope

Yep, that's right, it's the goddamn devil. William Cope's magnificent first novel, No Sympathies, gives us a taste of its take on Lucifer at the start by showing us his rousing speech during the War in Heaven before The Fall, but after that it waits a long time to show us the demon of demons when he's fully crowned in his sinful glory as Hell's prince of princes, content to build his reputation in whispers before we see him in action. Once Lucifer is fully unveiled, though, he is every bit the cunning and cruel bastard you'd expect, castrating his daughter's would-be suitor and generally coming off as in control of every situation we see him in.

At least, until the halfway point of the book, where shit truly hits the fan and Lucifer's dominion of Hell is threatened in way he's never had to face before. Lucifer, the ultimate bad boy, is forced into having to fight to save his people, and as expected, he's pretty fucking bad at it because, well, he's a self-centered douche - but one with enough charm and enough love in his heart to still be likable, making us root for him to get his shit together despite it all and finally be the hero he's always claimed to be.

4. Prince Beelzebub of Scathatch from No Sympathies by William Cope

While Lucifer is arguably more important to the plot of No Sympathies, I think anyone who's read William Cope's brilliant debut effort would agree that Beelzebub is his favorite of the princes. Hell, the lord of flies even gets to do the novel's title drop as part of his starring role in the chapter that really underlies the book's major point - namely, how can we judge the damned so harshly when we too are capable of sin, and isn't viewing some as sinners and some as saved a sin of hubris in itself?

Beelzebub gets some slick one-liners and produces one of the most horrifying images in the book, but more than that, he shows the pathos inherent to being a devil, as he's smart enough to realize that landing himself in Hell was a dumb move that's only brought him misery, but is too proud to fully accept his culpability in it, which makes his struggle to rationalize why he's suffering so much kind of tragic. Like Lucifer, you find yourself rooting for him to get his shit together despite his MANY rough edges, especially when the plot hits its big turn and he's forced into an unlikely hero role.

3. Marquise Alichino from No Sympathies by William Cope

It's a novel entirely focused on demons that almost no one's read, of course I'm going to mine it for characters! Alichino is, on the surface, a simpler villain than Lucifer or Beelzebub, in that her flaws are exaggerated to comedic extremes and mostly played for laughs. Hell, she's literally a demonic harlequin, isn't that appropriate? But her silliness contributes to her sympathetic nature, as you quickly get the sense that Alichino isn't fully aware of how nasty she's being, in part because the nature of Hell has divorced her from understanding the scope of suffering her actions inflict on those she's sent to punish. Alichino is further softened by the affection and loyalty she shows for those she's deemed worthy of her protection, proving to be a reliable ally despite her violent nature.

2. Matilda from No Sympathies by William Cope

This is the last No Sympathies character, I promise - and yes, that means I won't be including the book's protagonist, Pug, since you can't really argue he's a villain. He's a henchmen at best. Matilda, though, was a full on temptress in her heyday, in that it was literally her job to tempt people to sin. We even get to see her on the job, where she acts with all the sleaze of a used car salesmen while trying to convince a mortal man to sin. Of course, it backfires on her when she proves to have too big of a heart to stick to landing, and ends up demoted to a lowly position in Hell for it. The Matilda we first meet in the novel is broken by that experience, and much of the book is built on her discovering and embracing the goodness within herself despite the misery it brought her in the past - while Pug may be the main character of No Sympathies, Matilda is arguably the novel's heart.

1. Lord Dhenregirr from the Wizard School Mysteries series by William Cope

We're ending with a character from William Cope's exceptional and utterly unique novel series that is certainly not similar to any popular fantasy fiction franchise that was published within the last three decades, Wizard School Mysteries. While only two of the promised eight novels in the series have been published so far, I think it's safe to say that Lord Dhenregirr is a scene-stealing standout among the supporting cast. In the first book, The Meddlesome Youths, he plays a primarily comedic role, a bumbling minor villain with delusions of competence and a tendency to make grandiose speeches about his wicked plans that are undercut by how quickly he's defeated, like an even more pathetic one-man version of Team Rocket.

However, in the second book, Tournament of Death, we get to see more dimensions of him, ad this is where Lord Dhenregirr shows signs of being more than just a gag character. Facing the protagonist of the series, James Chaucer, in a one-on-one battle in the titular tournament, Dhenregirr proves to be a far more competent fighter than previously shown, as for once he's neither outnumbered nor caught by surprise. No-selling most of James's spells and summoning a legion of skeleton soldiers to fight alongside himself, the goofy ineffectual villain ends up becoming a serious threat.

That is, until James threatens those skeleton minions with harm, which is when Dhenregirr exposes a truly sympathetic side of himself, as it turns out he's the rare villain who actually cares about the well-being of his cronies. Add to this the fact that some of his dialogue in the fight seems more like that of a mentor than an adversary to James, and you start to see how there could be more to Dhenregirr's motives than the simple cartoon villainy they first appeared to be. With six books left in the series, there's plenty of room for Dhenregirr to grow into a truly complex characters, and I for one cannot wait to see what William Cope does with him.

[the-bloody-sadist]

Hello! Fellow yanagihara hater here. Please share more of your views on a little life i beg because that book was so promising with its themes goddamn but then the writer had to fuck it up -

OH NOOOOO THE CHANCE TO BE A HATER WHATEVER WILL I DO.....

THANKS FOR ASKING.

I'm really glad to hear from someone who was also angry at the book and its author! I tend to be more bothered than usual when any form of media is popular for so-called "trauma representation", held up as a classic, etc., and then when I consume that media, I find out that the way it's written is more of a pretentious normie's view of "suffering", which, in my opinion, is disgusting. NOW. PLEASE BE REMINDED THAT I HAVE STRONG OPINIONS, AND ALSO TAKE THEM WITH A GRAIN OF SALT, AS I'M PARTICULARLY TRIGGERED BY WHAT I FEEL IS HORRIBLE TRAUMA REP. And a second grain of salt, too, since I did NOT read all of A Little Life (because I got too angry, knew exactly where it was going, and said FUCK YOU YANAGIHARA, I'm going to watch a video essay breakdown of the plot instead so I don't kill myself), and also watched behind the scenes interviews that made me hate Yanagihara even more.

If you're curious what video I watched that broke down the plot and confirmed all of my expectations on this book, it's here! I remember not agreeing with a lot of what that YouTuber said, because some things are silly to complain about in fiction and I don't believe in the whole "sexual abuse should not be shown in graphic detail", which I think was part of his discussion?? Bad memory, sorry. What I think is ugly about the book is the pile-on of RIDICULOUS amounts of trauma for Jude, to a degree that makes it a parody, almost comedically, of real trauma. From a writer's perspective, I'm furious at the way she used it and the way it succeeded at it's one job--NOT to help people understand the effects of trauma and CSA--but to make them cry. It's cheap, it's gross, and it casts all of Jude's trauma (for me) in the light of "this author was proud of herself for how much she could stuff into one boy just to make SURE you were devastated, while paying no special attention to make sure these traumas were handled with care". It's enraging to see how low the standard is for professional books that A Little Life is held up the way it is.

Now, don't get me wrong, her prose, while bogged down by excruciating and needless detail a lot of times, is very engaging. It's part of why I was so mad that it failed in the most important areas. I wanted it to be good! I really did! And I loved Jude, he would've been a wonderful character if not for her amateur decisions. Had she picked one or two traumas to focus on, created a realistic background for him, and had his death make for better impact and purpose to the plot, I'd probably have the book on my shelf as a top ten. But instead, I listened to her speak about how she did ZERO RESEARCH ON TRAUMA for Jude, apparently doesn't have trauma of her own that she's referencing (because then, no matter how much I disliked it, I would be more forgiving if she's pulling from her own experiences), and just...is so FLIPPANT about how she wrote it. Plus, in my personal opinion, I don't like her attitude in general. She comes off like a cringe edgelord for the slop she wrote, and I know so many authors who aren't even professionals that write trauma WORLDS better than she ever could.

Also, I'm so sorry, but the COVER??? What a perfect representation for the book, honestly. That old photo of the dude making an expression of pain that looks fake as fuck to me, just...eugh.

You know those gacha life cringe videos where the characters are all gory and talk about fucked up shit that happened to them, but it's extreme and ridiculous? That's what this book felt like once it dove into Jude.

When I write my own characters, I try to pick a single trauma for them and a couple coping mechanisms. It's important to me that one trauma isn't just tossed in there without regard for how much it changes someone's life, behaviors, and thought processes. Other traumas exist, of course, but they fit within the theme for what the character will represent. And I think it's important to have characters around them that will balance that trauma, a caretaker, a friend, and some sort of hope. Even if it might be true in real life that some people do have out-of-this-world experiences of trauma, there's not a lot of ways to correctly convey that in fiction without coming off as silly or over-imaginative. It quickly feels like the author is jerking themselves off in how "good" they are at making characters suffer, when for me, it's about how good they are at portraying how even a "small" trauma can affect the character deeply. I respect it more when media explores the subtle aspects of trauma, incorporating multiple side-effects instead of just one. Again, I know not everyone is as picky as I am. I'm trying to have more grace for what others think is realistic, but A Little Life is WAY over that line. Whenever I read or watch something that has overdone, overdramatic, or unrealistic depictions of trauma, it's intensely triggering, and sometimes I've become suicidal for like a whole week afterwards LMFAO, so I'm super passionate about this subject, and I think it's because I'm both a writer and a trauma survivor. Having CPTSD and watching shit like Bungou Stray Dogs get praised for "good PTSD rep" with ATSUSHI????? Straying a bit from the topic, but I lose respect for anyone who expresses that opinion.

Anyway, as a closing opinion, Yanagihara just sounds like a teen fanfic writer who crams their story full of misery and thinks she's done a great job just because there was a lot of it and people went “aww, so sad”. It just felt like trauma is a spectacle for her, not a crushing psychological experience.

I already feel misunderstood enough, as is. I already feel like my trauma has been disregarded by anybody who hasn't shared the same type of trauma. The last thing I need is confirmation that it'll continue to be misunderstood because of media depictions like A Little Life.

THANKS FOR LETTING ME RANT, ANON! I hope I shared a lot of the same things you felt about the book!! I don't think I said everything as well as I wanted to, but I pushed the book out of my mind as much as possible after getting triggered by it, so I can't recall all of the details in full clarity. LMAO...

MUCH LOVE TO YOU!! And to leave on a positive note, I recently watched Room (with Brie Larson) and it was one of the BEST realistic representations of trauma I've seen in a LONG TIME. So that was nice!! It's in my favorites list now and I recommend it to everyone so you don't have to think about A Little Life anymore 🫵😡

[kryptonbabe]

to a degree, if taste in art did not reflect a personality it would render the art meaningless. it's supposed to evoke a feeling. if there is nothing inside you that speaks to the art, it truly is just pure consumption and nothing beyond that.

Here are the posts about this for context. Yeah, of course one's taste in art might reflect aspects of their personality. That being said what we consider a personality is vast and multifaceted, your taste in art can reflect your fears, your desires, your past experiences (positive and negative), your views of the world - these can be intimate, or surface level. However I should say it at once: our actions and how we affect each other in real life are the only mesures by which we should be judged. To ponder over a disturbing theme is not the same as commiting a disturbing act. As Susan Sontag says in Regarding the Pain of Others: “Nobody can think and hit someone at the same time.”

Art can speak to facets of our psyches that are surface level, based on a recent experience in school you might look for a book on fishing, you never fished, you don't even intend, but your teacher talked about it in such a vivid way it spoke to you, so you borrowed a book, read it and never thought about it again. What motivated you then? Empathy for the dear teacher, a fleeting desire to experience that, a sudden curiosity?

On the other hand, art can speak deeply to us, as I felt when I first read Light in August by William Faulkner, a book dealing with parental abuse and race prejudice to a mixed race person, who was not a "good" person by the way. Still, my own past, as a mixed race person with some traumatic experiences made me really connect to the character, the book is also beautifully written despite its violence. Books like the Xenogenesis series by Octavia Butler also explore disturbing themes of violence and abuse in a graphic manner, and still, they can speak of a message that does not endorse these subjects. And I am fond of that kind of fiction, they open paths for me to understand my own traumas, intrusive thoughts and other undesirable feelings that have been part of my life for a long time. I developed coping mechanisms that take advantage of the fact that we are imperfect beings and there's acceptance in that. This is my experience however, there are no wrong ways to enjoy or appreciate art, even if those reasons are aspects of yourself that you're not proud of, a bad memory, a bad thought. According to E. H. Gombrich in his book The Story of Art:

“I do not think that there are any wrong reasons for liking a statue or a picture. Someone may like a landscape painting because it reminds him of home, or a portrait because it reminds him of a friend. There is nothing wrong with that. As long as these memories help us to enjoy what we see, we need not worry. It is only when some irrelevant memory makes us prejudiced, when we instinctively turn away from a magnificent picture of an alpine scene because we dislike climbing, that we should search our mind for the reason for the aversion which spoils a pleasure we might otherwise have had. There are wrong reasons for disliking a work of art.” The art objects he's talking about of course are not relevant, the focus is on our approach to a piece of art and how our prejudices can alter our perceptions of a given work.

I have't even touched on the matter of curiosity, the unconscious and the historical context of transgression in art - which is so interesting. We could talk about for instance if the philosophers and writers (Epicurus, Hume, Dostoievsky) who pondered about the problem of evil and wrote about it were all deranged human beings, if the researchers / teachers of literary studies who dedicated their lives to understand works of Marquis de Sade are all perverts. Why were they thinking about these things? Why would they dedicate so much time to make sense of those awful works of art. But then, why shouldn't we think about these things? They might be frightening, painful, uncomfortable aspects of life, but they are not going away any time soon. We do live in a society after all... and in that way we feel like part of its mess. We are not evil by nature like that silly Thomas Hobbes used to think, but we do have the potential for it and we often act on it, why? That is the place of science, philosophy and yes... art to answer. Until we find out, we keep trying.

So yeah, art can and will reflect characteristics of our existence, collectively and individually (as in what we can call personality), on the surface level as momentary interest or deep and emotionally, or yet as curiosity, intellectual concern, it might be instead an unconscious parts of our being (the Jungian shadow-self), who am I to pick and choose what moves others, people I don't even know and never met, towards any given art work? I don't even fully know my own self.

Sorry for the long ass answer, now let me just finish with another Susan Sontag thought, also from her book Regarding the Pain of Others: “Someone who is permanently surprised that depravity exists, who continues to feel disillusioned (even incredulous) when confronted with evidence of what humans are capable of inflicting in the way of gruesome, hands-on cruelties upon other humans, has not reached moral or psychological adulthood.”

[berrypass-de-murdler]

2 - 68 The Chess Commune Killing

I'm not gonna lie, things have been pretty bad recently, and this episode kind of served as a coping mechanism.

I forgot to post him yesterday, but I got a new character out

God this drawing makes me upset it looks exactly like the cringe bird OCs I spammed when I was younger

Cardinal Cinereous is six inches tall, making him by far the smallest character. He poses as Father Mango's pet bird, but is actually a fully sentient mastermind of his own, easily able to steal money for the church without being noticed. While he usually has his feral disguise, he's actually an anthro bird with dwarfism.

DON'T READ THE EPISODES WITHOUT READING THE BOOKS!!

The train took him to a commune, similar to the one on the mainland. With one crucial difference - instead of killing people over religion, this one kills people over… you guessed it, chess. And this makes Irratino excited. There are few things Logico loves more than chess, so it must be fate he was brought here.

The leader is dead of course - Irratino can tell just by looking at him that he was Russian. The inevitable Grandmaster Rose is nearby, playing a match against Taupe. Meanwhile, Brother Brownstone is deep in prayer to the board, and Aureolin is just… lurking.

IRRATINO: Aureolin, what are you doing here? AUREOLIN: Why is that any of your business? IRRATINO: It’s not, I just… happen to see you at a lot of chess-related places recently.

Auree loudly rolls her eyes. She kneels down to pray with Brownstone.

BROWNSTONE: The greatest piece in the game is the queen.  AUREOLIN: How can you tell? BROWNSTONE: The Chessbook told me. The Chessbook knows all.

And the other two…

ROSE: Why won’t you make a move? Are you afraid of my genius? TAUPE: [shuffles]

It explains its next move in morse code, and Rose has to do it for it. One move later, the person with arms won. Taupe is quite sad.

Irratino isn’t paying attention to any of this, because he needs to solve this murder as soon as possible to get to Logico. He notices something curious - the journals of all the cult’s members were confiscated. And it’s a horrible thing to do for sure, but he has to look. For clues. Not for any other reason.

He checks Brownstone’s first. Complete mumbo-jumbo about the chess gods, as one would expect. Grandmaster Rose…

“I played such a good match, no one would have ever guessed! Here’s how it went.”

It’s a bunch of numbers and letters, and Irratino doesn’t understand in the slightest. More useless info. Taupe… has a journal, but it’s just an empty smashed book. So only Aureolin’s could provide an answer.

“My favourite chess piece is the tricky knight. I find it honourable, someone who is so underwhelming as a presence but then bam - destroying everyone else in their own way… 

I can’t believe I went straight from champion to this, I don’t have anywhere else to go, and they promised they had a burrow for me… I pray to god they can’t take my kids, or do anything to my kids. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to be here anymore…”

Irratino has a flashback of the murder. He envisions the innocent rabbit going insane, strangling the cult leader… and when he snaps out of it, she’s staring right at him.

AUREOLIN: He was going to kick us out! So I had to kill him… IRRATINO: Why was he going to kick you out? AUREOLIN: Because I was going to kill him. I’m so sick of this! I’m so SICK OF BEING EXPLOITED! IRRATINO: A…A- AUREOLIN: OHH, ARE YOU GOING TO BRING UP MY ‘PERFECT RECORD’ THAT LOGICO WANTED ME SO BADLY TO KEEP? LOGICO ISN’T HERE ANYMORE! Maybe when you’re treated like SHIT by EVERY PERSON YOU MEET, YOU DON’T GET A PERFECT RECORD!

She slips and falls to the ground. Her breath is shaking, and tears are falling. Irratino gently kneels in front of her and reaches out his hands. Auree collapses into him, sobbing. 

AUREOLIN: …you’re going to get him out, right? IRRATINO: It doesn’t matter what I have to do, I will.

Taupe and Rose are suddenly standing over them. They want a hug too!

Irratino is more determined than ever to find his baby and bring him back, not just for him, but for everyone.

The end!

I'm not projecting I'm not projecting I'm not-

heeeEEEEEYYY a squishy eminence!!

The power of Goat Lord compels you!

See you next time murdlers!

[spidermanifested]

ive thought a little more about devils nest dungeon meshi au (demons nest?) and here is the idea i was bouncing around in my head. id love for some kind of lore compliance check because i havent really gone back over the manga since i finished it, or sought out any kind of supplemental material, and i like the challenge of fitting these kinds of things into the boundaries of the source (once again DUNGEON MESHI SPOILERS. for people who havent read the manga at all)

so you have this demon (in a dungeon) (granting desires and eating them) (getting stronger) (hoping someday he can get out of the dungeon). and hes been in there a while and boy does he love watching humans get their greatest wishes granted, but the part where they gradually go mad with power or get disenchanted with the results and also he has to eat their desires anyway eventually kind of blows. he wishes he could only have the good part where he gets to make people happy forever is that too much to ask. maybe when he gets out of the dungeon he can do something about that. love to get out of the dungeon

anyway fast forward a while and this guy comes in. some teenage prince from a tallman country thats wracked with internal conflict and what HE wants is to become immortal, because that way when he takes the throne his reign will be eternal and the different clans will stop fighting over the right of succession. thats so specific. the demon loves it. he can just give him a peaceful united empire here, in the dungeon, which he can rule eternally-- no he wants the one at home. well. the problem with that is that the demon is here, in the dungeon, and not out there.

HELP WANTED NOTICE: i dont remember what the exact plan was vis a vis the winged lion getting up to the surface in the manga and i know it Had to be simpler than "just walk out of there" because why would it have had to steal laios' body about it. WOULD a sufficiently dedicated dungeon lord be able to get back up to the surface with their respective demon in tow.

ADDITIONAL HELP WANTED NOTICE: if a demon WAS freed from the dungeon without being powerful enough to get out under its own strength, how much magic would it be able to perform out there? would it be able to make somebody immortal without the big magic-insulation box. i feel like this changes a lot if greed Can grant ling immortality vs if now that hes out of the dungeon he cant really do shit.

either way now that hes out he does not technically need to eat this kids desires specifically anymore. if the immortality thing is a bust, maybe hes shaken by the experience of not being able to fulfill somebodys wish for the first time. but HIS wish has been fulfilled instead? complicated! maybe ling drags him back to his kingdom to help him gain the throne, or maybe he gets mad and leaves and greed never finds out what happens to him, but whatever goes down it changes his worldview and hes starting to develop a sense of personhood separate from the rest of the Demon Conglomerate, and also desires that are unique to Him

but he still wants to help people realize their own desires and maybe thats even strengthened by the fact that now he personally knows how much it owns (funny) to want something so bad and finally get it. so im thinking eventually he goes back to his old dungeon, now way smaller, and he sets up shop, and just waits for people to come by so he can help them in a less exploitative way. like he graduates from Addiction Metaphor to Healthy Coping Mechanism Metaphor. and the chimeras all find their way there eventually and he wins their trust one at a time until they are forced to admit this weird overly genuine dungeon guy kind of rules. his personality is laios basically he has the exact same type of autistic swag

but. if the elves heard about a demon who was just fucking going up to people floor 1 like hi im a demon welcome to my dungeon. they would shit bricks. so the raid also has to happen at some point. and i Am putting ling in there albeit as backstory so im open to suggestions as to how the rest of the cast of fma can fit into this (father and the homunculi as other more typical demons obviously) (no clue about anybody else) (come and play toys with me)