#sirius black was abused

[messervixen]

TW: Internal homophobia (Walburga and Orion nothing could make me like you)

Give me Sirius Black who knew he liked Remus romantically. Who wanted to say something but was stopped by an overwhelming fear of rejection because that was what he’d known all his life (courtesy of his parents).

Sirius knew he liked Remus but anytime someone asked him how he felt he would deny it because he was terrified that it would get back to Remus and it would ruin their relationship forever.

Give me Sirius who knew how he felt about Remus but was scared of it. Scared because he’d been told it was wrong. Scared that Remus would think so too.

Sirius was scared because what Remus thought mattered. He wanted Remus to approve of him. He was scared Remus wouldn’t look at him the same way anymore.

Give me Sirius who was denying his feelings for Remus from himself too. He knew that he was in love but he wouldn’t allow himself to think it because then it would be real.

Sirius was denying his feelings to himself because he didn’t want to feel that way. He just wished he could be normal.

[moonstruckme]

hi love I like all ur fics!!! Ur most recent emt Maurader made me realize tho we don't always get to see Sirius being vulnerable so what about a fic where may be he's having an off day? Or runs into a cousin and they completely ignore him and he tries to act like it doesn't bother him and just reader comforting him and giving him space

Thank you for requesting angel!

cw: allusion to past abuse, discussion of toxic workplace dynamics

Sirius Black x fem!reader ♡ 1.1k words

Sirius gets home from work early. You’re in the bedroom, stomach-down on the mattress with your book in front of you. You hear the front door open and come out to greet your boyfriend, but your smile falls when you see him. 

Sirius’ face is red. He doesn’t usually color when he’s upset, so you take it to mean something that he has now. He steps on the back of his shoe a couple of times before he manages to get it off, stomps on the back of the other even more harshly. You think he might be shaking. 

“Sirius?” 

He flinches. Turning around, his expression twinges with some mix of emotions at seeing you, too muddled to parse apart. He seals them all away quickly. 

You take a step towards him. “You okay?” 

“Yeah.” It comes out hoarse. Sirius clears his throat. “Yeah. Just a shit day at work.” 

“You’re home early,” you note. 

Sirius nods curtly. You think maybe that’s that, but his expression is conflicted. 

“Do you wanna sit down?” you ask gently, going to the couch and hoping he’ll follow. He does. It’s a challenge not to reach for his hand, to pull him closer or offer some kind touch, but the stiffness about Sirius’ frame hints that it may not be well received right now. 

When he’s still silent after a moment, you say, “We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. I could make tea and we could just relax.” 

Sirius shakes his head. “It’s okay,” he says, tersely, like he might be trying to convince himself more than you. “I think I’m probably going to be fired, though.” 

You feel your eyebrows go up. 

“I…you know how I got a new boss a few weeks ago?” 

You nod mutely. 

“Right, well, she’s got a temper. At least a couple times a week I’ll hear her shouting at someone in her office and she’s already managed to fire from almost every team.” Your dread mounts as Sirius goes on, speaking faster now that he’s on a roll. “She called me in after lunch. I fucked up something in a report—I hadn’t checked it and it had gotten sent out with the error—and she was pissed. She screamed at me—really screamed, stood up and got red in the face and all that—for probably ten minutes before she sent me back to my desk. And I just came home.” Sirius lets out a dry chuckle. “If she doesn’t fire me, I might quit.” 

“You should, baby.” Your voice pitches with dismay, hurt and outrage for him warring inside you. You take a chance and reach for his hand. Sirius fits his fingers between yours instinctively, something seeming to loosen in him at the touch. “I can’t believe she really shouted at you. No one deserves that, least of all for a silly error in a report. She should be fired for that.” 

Sirius gives you a little smile, but it dissolves at the edges, watery. A cavity opens in your chest as his eyes grow shiny. 

“Baby.” 

He shakes his head, jaw clenched. Blinking. “Sorry,” he says roughly. “I never used to do this.” You feel your face pinch with sympathy. He means cry, you know. Sirius as an adult is more emotional than he was as a child, but you still rarely see him cry. “She just—she sounded just like my mother.” 

Realization comes like a blow to your middle. “Oh, my love,” you say breathlessly, moving to put your arms around him. 

Sirius usually hugs with his whole being. He throws himself into it, with force and purpose and his own rough brand of caring. So you’re used to letting him take the lead, but now, when his arms come around you hesitantly, you’re the one who applies the pressure. And Sirius melts against you. 

You cup the back of his neck in one hand and squeeze between his shoulders with the other, imagining your love pouring out of you and into him through your palms. Sirius is quiet, but you feel a couple of hot tears transfer from his chin to your shirt. You worry he’s holding his breath. 

“Sirius.” You say his name with all the tenderness you can summon, afraid of him hearing echoes of his mother’s voice. “I’m so sorry, lovely. You never, ever deserve to be shouted at that way.” 

“Even if I told you I left your favorite mug at my office?” he jokes weakly. 

You let him go. There aren’t many tears to brush off his cheeks, and you make short work of them, soothing your thumbs over his face just for the sake of it. Surprisingly, his complexion is less agitated than it had been when he’d come in. He was holding it in, you realize. 

“Don’t ever let me speak to you like that,” you say.

Sirius’ expression sobers. “You wouldn’t. I know you wouldn’t.” 

“Really. Leave me if I talk to you like that, I’m serious.” 

“No, that’s me.” 

One side of your mouth tips up without your consent. “Bad joke.” 

Sirius mirrors you, grinning halfheartedly. “You think you’d have learned to evade it by now.” 

You gather that he wants things to be light now. That’s okay. You know Sirius has a difficult time with the truly heavy emotions—anger is an instinct for him, but tears and sorrow he’s never known what to do with. You’ll talk about it more over time, in bits and pieces where he’s comfortable. And just because you’re letting it go now doesn’t mean you’re done coddling him. 

You let your hands coast down from his face to either side of his neck, massaging gently the tension in his shoulders. “Did you really bring my favorite mug to work?” 

Sirius’ smile goes a tad sheepish. “Yes?” 

“Why would you do that?” 

“Because it makes me think of my most favorite sweetheart when I get coffee from the break room,” he says, smarmy. “Also, it was the first one I saw when I went to grab one from our cabinet.” 

You smile at him. Sirius pretends at facetiousness, but you know the first reason had been the genuine one. 

“What,” he asks, “you didn’t notice it was missing?” 

“No, I did. I only thought you’d broken it.” 

“And you weren’t going to say anything?” 

“What’d be the point?” 

A soft, intimate look comes over Sirius’ face. “I don’t deserve you,” he says, gray eyes raw and quiet, “do I?” 

You match his tone. “Of course you do, lovely. You deserve better than me, it’s just I’m what you’ve got.” 

“Mm, there’s another way you’re not allowed to speak.” He wraps his arms around you, pressing a heavy-fond kiss to your hairline. “I won’t have any of that talk.” 

“I’ll trade you that for the jokes about your name.” 

“No, I don’t think so. You’re going to have to work a little harder, doll, I’m not giving those up so easily.”

[ddejavvu]

Do you think you could do Sirius Black with the “I hate everyone but you.” Personality.

James is immediately alerted to your glum mood when you sit down without so much as a greeting, and he leans across the table with narrowed eyes.

"What's'a matter, Y/L/N?"

"Sirius is mad at me." You reveal drearily, wrapping your hand around the fork set at your place even if you don't feel like eating.

"Oh," James's brow scrunches, "Don't take it personal, babe. He's having a shit day, he heard from his mum. Nothing nice, I bet. Wouldn't let me see it. Just- he's grouchy with everyone today, don't let it bother you."

"But he told me to come back tomorrow," You recount, "Like he can't stand seeing me for the entire day! What am I supposed to do, James, we're set to study in the library at three. And- and I could help him! I could be there for him, but he's pushing me away instead."

James's brows raise, and a pitying smile works its way over his face, "Love. You're the kind of person that wants to be around people all the time. You seek comfort out when you're sad; Sirius doesn't. If you love him, y'gotta let him sulk for a bit. Then he'll come to you. And-" His nose scrunches, his brows wrinkled, "And all he said was 'come back tomorrow'? That's nothing. He told me to get my bespectacled arse out of the room before he shut the window on my head."

Your face contorts in horror, "James! James, that's so mean, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, darling." He snickers, "That's what I mean, that's just what Sirius does."

"Not to me he doesn't," You frown, "That's not okay, James, he should treat you better than that."

"He's having a rough time," James shrugs, "Doesn't bother me. He's all talk, he'd never do any of it. Just needs to blow off steam, y'know? And I think we both know why he tones it down for you, Y/N."

"I'm not special," You snap, reigniting the age-old argument between you and James that Sirius totally does not have feelings for you, not one bit.

"Right," James gives you an overexaggerated roll of his eyes, curls bouncing as he does so, "That's why he threatened to behead me and all he did to you was kindly shoo you away."

"Maybe you just piss him off more than me," You stick your tongue out at him, and turn to Remus for support as the boy sits down beside you.

"Morning," James takes the lead, shooting you a smirk out of the corner of his eye, "Talk to Sirius today, Moony?"

"Little shit told me if I didn't stop talking to him - which I only tried once, by the way," Remus groans, "- he'd 'mess me up' so hard my transformations felt like reprieve."

James's eyes widen and he tries tamping down a snort, tucking into his breakfast instead. Remus turns to you and your once-more incredulous gaze, scoffing lightly, "And I suppose he just told you to come back tomorrow?"

"That's exactly it!" James slams a fist on the table, a chunk of egg flying from his mouth that Remus shakes off of his hand with a grimace, "Moony, tell her she's special."

"I'm not special," You desperately try deluding yourself, shoveling your own forkful of food into your mouth as soon as you're done speaking, so that you don't have to answer to their protests, "He just hates you both."

[weird-obsessed-girl]

Harry dealing with abuse trauma/people finding out about Dursley’s treatment

Ok so I didn’t know exactly how to word this particular genre of Harry Potter fanfiction, but I have been reading some fanfics where either the teachers, Sirius or the golden trio find out that Harry has been abused by the Dursley’s and how Harry deals or heals from that trauma. #cupboardreveal

so therefore below is a list of fanfics that deal with this topic, this is pretty obvious but TW for child abuse, some of these I haven’t read yet so i don’t think any of them feature active abuse, more so past abuse.

All of these will be angst but many with a hopeful/happy ending. Organised by word count. If you would like some fic recs that don’t focus on Harrys abuse here’s the link to my master list Harry Potter Fic Rec (mostly Drarry)

How Each Weasley Found Out About The Dursleys - burnthebodiesandbedonewithit

What it says on the tin, Harry/Ginny (very light tho), protective Weasleys | G | 1k

Food For Thought - LoveHP

Snape notices some things throughout the years, have not read yet so IDK | T | 1.2k

Bottle It Up - mallfacee

Disabled Harry, Severitus, hurt/comfort, hiding medical issues, apart of a series | T | 2.1k

Aftermath - CreateImagineWrite

Post-final battle, Harry is dealing with trauma, Ron helps him and finds out, Trigger Warning for food issues and trauma responses | G | 3.1k

Disguised as something else - aloneintherain

Everybody lives, au war ends early, Wolfstar custody of Harry, hurt/comfort, THIS IS SO GOOD #cupboard reveal | T | 3.1k

Muggle Management - LadyWinterlight, NerdyKat

Hermione recognises the signs of abuse, part of a series, Hermione finessing the muggle system | G | 3.4K

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell - IamShadow21

Not focused on past abuse but is mentioned, Ron and Harry friendship through the years | T | 3.7K

The Cupboard - GreenEyesGreySkies

Drarry, panic attack, harmless prank that turns out to not be so | T | 4K

Bruised Hearts and Painted Skin - mikimouze16

Lupin, McGonagall and Snape find out, therapy, depression | G | 4.4K

Cascade - taradiane

Drarry, post-Hogwarts, Harry has nightmares, discussion about the Dursleys | PG | 4.7k

Claustrophobic- Annie1025

Summer at Spinner’s End, sevitus, 5th year, hurt/comfort, panic attacks | T | 4.8k

Where the Sunbeams Start - zedpm

Sirius/Severus, Soulmate au which leads to Severus getting Sirius freed, then they adopt Harry! T | 7.1k

Locked Cupboards - Lomonaaeren

Redemption, Draco is assigned to guard Dudley, Dudley talks about their childhood | T | 7.2k

Darker Than You Think - Lomonaaeren

Drarry, Draco is very much a psycho, bent on revenge, dubious consent | M (definitely should be E) | 7.8k

Fac Mihi Viam - MistressKat

Canon divergence, Harry stays at Grimmauld Plac, abuse not necessarily discussed but implied, Wolfstar | T | 7.9k

The Uncle - copprbadge

Wolfstar, gangsters au, Remus saves Harry from Dursley’s | T | 7.9k

Tugging Sleeves - Windschild178

Harry isn’t responding to Rons letters, POV Ron, Ron to the rescue | G | 8.1k

Harry Potter And The Summer At Grimmauld Place - Silver_Queen_DoS

What it says on the tin, Sirius is free, home renovation, book 3 | G | 8.6k

Listen - Marchling

Need to sign into Ao3, Sirius spies on Dursleys, hurt/comfort, misunderstandings, reconciliation | T | 10.9k

Finite Incantatem - skullcandy11

Rogue spell hits Harry and reveals some truths, manipulative Dumbledore, Harry joins the dark side | T | 12.3k currently, ongoing

Scars - pheonixgirl26

Some Gryffindor’s see some of Harry’s scar, and decide to help | M | 12.5k

Timeshare - astolat

Honestly i have not read this yet but it looks promising, Harry is spending summer at the Dursleys and then the Malfoy’s | M | 14.1k

Seven Plus One - ABlackRaven

Sirius adopts Harry, 7 times Sirius is called uncle and 1 time he’s called dad, Peter caught, hurt/comfort | T | 15.4K

What’s Left Unsaid - angel74

Post-Order of the Phoenix, Hermione and Ron look into Harry’s life at the Dursley’s, angst, hurt/comfort | T | 16.1k

A Hero - Celebony

Dudley begins to see his family in a different light | T | 18.1k

The Lioness - Aya_Diefair

Molly becomes suspicious of Harry’s relatives, she visits them, BAMF Molly, Sirius is freed | G | 18.3k

That’s Your Punishment? - slytherclaw7

Molly actually asks Harry questions, this is definitely a fix-it fic, Sirius is freed, Peter is caught, Dumbledore bashing, Tonks family taking Harry in | IDK how fanfiction.net ratings work | 19k

Pinky Promise - etymolodrarry, huffinglepuff

Remus is observant, angst with happy ending, Dumbledore bashing, implied self harm, Wolfstar | T | 19.5k

Listen Now - mrsfizzle

Harry confides in Remus, hurt/comfort, Wolfstar adopts Harry, moving into Grimmauld | G | 21.2k

Conquering the Dark - noeon (noe)

Healer!Harry and neuromagic!Draco, both work together, unearths trauma | E | 23.7k

The Chamber of Secrets and Half the Adults are Idiots - Des98

Apart of a series, Drarry, Harry recognises Lucius’ treatment of Draco, fix-it, inter-house friendships | M | 42.8k

The Article - LeeASherlook

outed by the Daily Prophet (not in the gay sense), 6th year, Drarry friendship | T | 43k ongoing

Burnt - lastcrazyhorn

Disabled Harry, Slytherin!Harry, have not read so refer to tags | T | 104.9k

Memories and Dreams - paganaidd

Series, one part Dudley’s POV | T | 140.3k

Malfoy Family Values - belana, Merry1978

This only really mentions Harry’s mistreatment but i thought it is an interesting fic to possibly explore, Malfoys adopt little Harry | G | 141.7k

Stronger At the Broken Places - enigmaticblue

More so focus’ on Sirius’ trauma, but it’s a whole Wolfstar family affair | T | 174.9k

Digging for the Bones - paganaidd

Hogwarts starts screening students for abuse, Snape conducts Harry’s screening, Snape is Harry’s bio dad, Severitus | M | 212.2k

The secret language of plants - Endrina

Severus/Remus, Sev rescues toddler Harry, this is a series of Severus/Remus being Harry’s parents, pre-Hogwarts to post, future Drarry | rating varies | 373k

Innocent - MarauderLover7

Ok so this does not focus on Harry’s abuse but Sirius gets freed and raises Harry when he’s 8 | M | 487.5k

A Year Like None Other - aspeninthesunlight

Disability, slightly Severitus, 6th year, canon divergence, Snape forces Harry to read letter from Dursleys | T | 789.5k

[jmslov4srs]

if u think that sirius only stopped believing blood prejudice propaganda bcs his family abused him & not the opposite u r fundamentally misunderstanding his entire character

[my-castles-crumbling]

"Everything had been above board (s)he wasn't sure."

~ Taylor Swift (The Manuscript) Pairing: none (Black Brothers Angst) - Rating: M -CW: Child Abuse (Walburga Black's A+ Parenting)

“There are three Unforgivable Curses,” the Professor lectured, pointing his wand at the chalkboard to highlight the three spells listed there. “The Cruciatus Curse is the first. It is used to induce excruciating and debilitating torture that can cause the victim to descend into madness in rare cases. Sometimes-”

But Regulus, who was sitting in the back of the room, raised a trembling hand. 

“Yes, Mister Black?” the Professor asked, looking up.

“Excuse me, Professor. But I know you said earlier these Curses are extremely illegal. That’s not in all cases, correct? I know they’re allowed for punishment, for example,” Regulus asked blandly, his expression emotionless.

The Professor stared, blood draining from his face. “N-no, Mister Black. They’re illegal in all circumstances. No matter what. Not even the Ministry is allowed to cast them. Really, I can’t imagine anyone wanting to use such an evil spell….”

But Regulus’s eyes had glazed over, as if he was a million miles away.

-

Sirius hadn’t talked to his brother for months when, suddenly, the younger boy ran up to him, gasping for air and choking back tears. “It- it- they…Sirius,” he stuttered, grabbing for his brother. “They hurt us. They weren’t supposed to. Were they?”

And Sirius, tears falling from his own eyes, both for the past and for the brother that stood in front of him now, pulled Regulus in his arms. “No, Reg. They weren’t.”

[eatanorange]

marauders do the candy trauma salad trend since I JUST saw a fantastic one for pjo (highly encourage y'all to add your versions/to this pls I don't have solid hcs of everyone) (evan's is fully me projecting btw)(a lot of them are me projecting <3).

Upon completion I want to add up here n not just the tags that these do reference various traumas/bigotry so be careful and mind what headspace ur in n all that pls take care of urselves k thanks love u.

Sirius: Hi I'm sirius and every time my mother considered something I did 'impure', like experience joy or get sorted in to gryffindor, she took my mouth away! *momentary zone out from the horrors* I brought milk duds!

Barty: bazooka bubblegum. *vid cuts* I'm barty and I hate my dad for all of the reasons you can imagine and I think it would be fun if he blew up. good?

Lily: Hi I'm Lily and after I got sent to magic school, all emotional ties with my muggle sister, who regards me as a freak, and my mother, who was more sensitive to her side, were severed. They didn't tell me when my dad died. I brought 3 musketeers.

Remus: Hi I'm remus and I got bit by a werewolf when I was 5, then my dad offed himself because of it. I brought moon pies.

James: Hi I'm James and I fell into limerence with someone and incessantly pursued them for over a year in ways that were detrimental to both of our mental states. I was so public about it I don't even need to say who it was. My mother sat me down one day and said "was it something your father and I did, something we said, that convinced you you need to beg someone to love you? to let you show them love?" and that broke something in me. We're chill now though, and I have coping techniques that work for me while still allowing me to be my expressive self, so I brought mr. goodbars.

Peter: Hi I'm peter and my animagus is literally a rat. I brought sour patch kids.

Dorcas: Hi I'm dorcas and my pureblood parents will never say it to my face but they wanted me to be a boy. To compensate I was sure to always get top marks, be well liked, and experience gender dysphoria. I burnt out before our 5th year, and learning radical acceptance in the place of trying to guess unspoken rules saved my life. I brought smarties.

Regulus: Hi I'm regulus and in order to be sure my mother didn't assassinate my brother for running away, I stayed behind in the abusive household and eventually became a deatheater to keep my cover, hunting down one bald headed bitch's horcruxes until it literally almost killed me. I think it did kill me in some lives. and I brought the starburst.

Mary: Hi I'm Mary and due to blood supremacist bigots, I have to go to school with people who want me to die just for having the audacity to exist. The muggle world is also like this. The school I go to does not matter in this scenario. I brought mentos for the salad and a bottle of soda for the show.

Evan: Hi I'm evan and my ex went on holiday to another country for 3 months, told me we could write to stay connected, they didn't, broke up with me via owl while still on said vacation, and then came to talk to me in person about that, denied that it was an active choice to disconnect from me, then tried to put the onus of any friendship to follow on just me. We haven't spoken since. Also I'm a sex positive, but also trauma affected ace, it was an open relationship, and they somehow still managed to be shady/inconsiderate about hooking up with someone on the vacation. I brought blow pops.

Pandora: Hi I'm pandora and sometimes I get prophetic dreams so vivid I can't tell when I wake up. Sometimes, though the future is not stagnant, I see my friends die :) I brought airheads.

Marlene: Hi I'm marlene and I have 5 brothers. 3 of them accept my nonbinary identity. The rest, and my parents, blatantly ignore that I use they/them pronouns. Then they told me if I don't have children as an adult I won't be worth visiting because it's my job as a pureblood to produce an heir. So I went to St. Mungos and got sterilized. I brought baby ruth candy.

Hope you enjoy! and thanks if you read them all! This was fun for me.

[magnoliasandarson]

*Holding a character who was abused as a child and was never given the chance to recover from their trauma and still manages to be a hero* This is my sweet child! I will kill anyone who touches them! I will take no criticism!

[mrsfrecklesmarauders]

Sirius has a complicated relationship with his family. It is not always black and white. Orion and Walburga are not constantly abusing him with courses or yelling at him. Regulus is not always scared. Sirius and Regulus are not always fighting.

They are not the picture perfect family. Orion and Walburga are not the best parents and they are abusive in general. They are never present as love figures. But it is not always bad. At the end of the day, they thought they were doing the best for their family and sons. Let's remember the way they were raised as well and the values they were forced to believe.

I like to imagine brief moments of bonding between them. Like Orion teaching Sirius about manhood and girls. Or Walburga caressing Regulus's hair on a peaceful afternoon. Or Walburga and Orion having wife and husband's deep conversations about their future, their family and their children.

Of course these moments are very few. More are the bad ones. Mostly they avoid each other. And there are a lot of fights. They are not the perfect family. But they are human after all and somehow (maybe not in the nicest way) they care about each other.

[messervixen]

2 in the morning…

Sirius (answering the phone): Hello?

Hope: Sirius?

Sirius: Hope? What are you doing up?

Hope: Today when I told you to stop licking the batter from the whisk you looked sort of like a kicked puppy.

Sirius: What

Hope: I don’t mean to pry but…

Sirius: Yeah?

Hope: Sirius, dear, did you get traumatized in some way as a child?

Sirius: WHAT

Hope: Was it your parents?

Sirius: …yes

Hope: Do you want to talk about it?

Sirius: …

Sirius (voice breaking): YeAh that’d be reALy nice aCTually-

[soup-of-the-daisies]

so i think that even with orion and walburga being less pure evil than fandom portrays them sirius still has the right to go no contact with them bc for him it’d be like. my father forcibly forgets i exist and my mother only loves me as an extension of herself. i am their first child i am their favourite child but i’ll never be told i make them proud. all of me comes from them but they don’t like looking into the mirror. i remember a hand around mine guiding me in drawing letters but i’m unsure if that hand looked like my own does now. my mother almost murdered a teacher once for saying i was impossible but turned around and claimed he was correct right after. they told me what my favourite colour was and don’t acknowledge i’ve since found a different one myself. my father would rip a hole through the fabric of space and time to haul me away from danger but he can’t even dredge up the energy to fake interest in how i’ve been. i have my mothers eyes and she refuses to accept i don’t see the world like she does. all i want from them is that they see me as me, but they keep looking away and say that i am theirs. i will be the downfall of this family and they’ll blame each other but agree i didn’t try hard enough. i’ll burn my likeness from that tapestry myself.

[fluffyneondinosaur]

why do snaters not realize you can hate a character but still not blame them for everything

They're all like, "Oh, Snape deserved to be bullied, he deserved to be abused because he was such a horrible person." Like how do you defend that happening to a child???

I absolutely despise canon Sirius because he's so awful to Snape in the books, and also his personality is quite literally the exact opposite of mine, but I don't think that he deserved to be abused by his own parents at all. (I think only verbal abuse was confirmed, but it's been years since I've read the books so lmk if I'm wrong)

Like Sirius was a terrible person to my favorite character, but that still doesn't mean that I'd defend his parents' abuse since he was a child

Just like Snape

[hyperfocuscentre]

i’m gonna make a statement and the sirius/severus fans might not like this one but…

sirius and severus are very much opposite sides of the same coin.

(before you continue, i would just like to suggest proceeding with caution as i will be mentioning topics such as abuse and bullying).

sirius grew up with wealth and privilege, severus did not. however, it’s heavily implied in canon that they both experienced some form of abuse whether it be mental or physical. gonna sight some sources because i’ve had people argue with me over that:

^ as shown above, we get a lot from sirius that suggests the way his mother’s portrait acts is similar to the way she acted in life (although presumably more extreme). furthermore, we get a direct comparison of harry’s childhood house to sirius’ from harry himself, implying there’s similarities in their treatment and the memories formed in these households.

it was actually much harder to find evidence for severus’ possible abuse, but there’s definitely signs of neglect. he was obviously poor, so his appearance might just be a reflection of that but the stuff about the arguing and his father’s distaste for everything does imply abuse.

^ as shown above, this is actually considered a form of emotional abuse.

ANYWAY, onto my original point! both sirius and severus do negative things, possibly as a result of this abuse:

- severus’ distaste for muggles, stemming from a young age, is arguably because of his father. he joins the death eaters and picks prejudice friends as a result. however, it’s also possible he joined the death eaters to feel powerful, considering it’s implied he’s felt anything but throughout his childhood (and also during hogwarts because of james and sirius). this, obviously, is an awful decision and cannot be justified but it’s always interesting to look deeply into the motives of morally grey characters.

- also, he rejects his surname and creates the title ‘half-blood prince’ which probably suggests bad relations with his father (or maybe he just wanted a cool name, although that’s not an argument that fits with my yapping).

- sirius similarly seeks power through his constant defiance: he becomes a gryffindor (there is some level of choice during the sorting, remember!), he completely opposes his parents beliefs and was probably only further motivated by their mistreatment considering he ends up disowned. additionally, he seeks out power through bullying in canon. it’s a well known fact that bullies maybe be acting this way due to bad situations in their home life.

arguably, these two guys are acting out in attempt to combat their shitty situations.

FINALLY, in adulthood these two guys seem to be heavily controlled by their past. sirius never got the chance to mature and grieve, stuck in a prison with creatures that literally sucked the happiness and positivity out of him. he was stunted, dealing with his grief and incapable of joining society. instead, he got trapped in his childhood home which was probably full of great memories!! (sarc) he remains impulsive and clearly still holds his childhood grudge against severus.

severus’ only purpose for living was avenging lily (i believe?). he joined dumbledore in attempt to save her, and then just continued to help him when he failed. he’s very clearly burdened by his mistakes and stuck grieving for his past friendship. adding onto that, he can’t let go of his anger at the marauders: he takes it out on harry, absolutely jumps at the chance to get sirius ‘kissed’ and blatantly despises remus.

i’m done! i’m not doing a conclusion because i hate those so… enjoy my badly worded ramble? please don’t be mean in the comments if you disagree!

[interstellarlyinlove]

Star-crossed lovers (May 9th)

tw mention of abuse

word count: 590

@wolfstarmicrofic

“We can’t, Remus. I’m sorry,” Sirius says and he hates himself. He told himself he wouldn’t cry but he’s crying and he hates himself. 

Remus looks lost, like he really can’t believe or understand what Sirius is saying. “I– Sirius, love, are you okay? Did something happen?” he reaches out to touch Sirius’ face but Sirius steps away and shakes his head. He has to do this. He reminds himself that he has to do this, for Remus. 

Sirius suddenly wishes they were anywhere but here, on top of the Astronomy Tower. This is where Sirius kissed Remus for the first time. Sirius hates himself. “I– we–” Sirius breathes out steadily and tries to summon every last bit of feigned courage and overwhelming love he has for Remus. He says, “This isn’t working out. Between us, I mean. We work better as friends, Remus.” His voice is harsh and he’s no longer crying. Sirius finds pretending to be cruel as easy as breathing. He’s worked so hard for that not to be true but it is. Being cruel is easy for him.

Remus takes a step back. Sirius wishes he’d stop looking at him like that. Remus is looking at him like he’s just put out all the stars in the night sky. 

Remus blinks and a single tear escapes, streaming down his face. Sirius wants to look away but he can’t. Remus is crying because of him. Remus looks completely heartbroken, and Sirius is responsible. Sirius doesn’t deserve to look away.

Remus smiles, and his miserable smile is the last blow that makes Sirius’ heart shatter into a million horrible pieces. “Sirius, that’s– you don’t have to apologize for that. I value–” Remus’ voice breaks. Sirius wants to scream. But he can’t. “You’re my friend before anything else, Sirius. If that’s what you want.”

It isn’t what he wants. It’s the last thing he wants.  “It is. I’m sorry, Remus.”

Remus shakes his head, chuckling humorlessly. “Please, stop apologizing. You have nothing to be sorry for, Sirius. I’m sorry if I ever made you feel–”

“No. No, you did nothing wrong, Remus,” Sirius says because he couldn’t help himself. “Remus, you’re– this is not what–” Sirius tries to breathe but he can’t. He closes his eyes and remembers why he’s doing this in the first place. He remembers Walburga storming into his room on the last day of Christmas break with an open letter in her hand. 

Walburga Black is a lot of things– bigoted, boring, cruel, horrible– the list goes on and on. But more than anything she is honest. She doesn’t bluff. Her warnings are more promises than threats and–

“Sirius?”

Sirius blinks and really looks at Remus. There is no way Walburga Black is going to hurt anyone Sirius loves. Especially not Remus. Not while Sirius is alive. No way. If only Walburga had taken it out on him. If only she’d done anything else. Anything but hitting Sirius where it hurts, twisting his arm and forcing him to give up the most important thing in his life. Sirius can’t say anything. He’s just staring at Remus. He doesn’t have it in him to continue lying at this point. 

Remus stares back, and his eyes are the most beautiful thing in the universe. He smiles, again. “That’s– it’s okay, Sirius. I’ll see you at dinner, yeah?”

Sirius nods. He can’t speak, he can barely breathe. He nods again. 

Remus leaves, and Sirius is alone. But Remus is safe, and that’s what matters, Sirius’ heart be damned.    

[arliedraws]

Do you think Sirius did love his mom after all?

Yep! He loved her. He loved her so much and hated himself for it, though he would never admit to it. Or perhaps he never realized he loved her. But yeah, I believe he did. He’s just so bitter about her. I think he wanted her approval and wanted her to love him. And she did love him but in a cruel way—a horrible, manipulative, emotionally abusive way.

She nitpicks, insults, criticizes, and then drops a rare bit of praise whether it’s half a smile or her hand lingering on his shoulder, just enough to give him a shred of hope. But he’s never enough and he’ll never be enough.

[lulublack90]

Prompt 8 - Bodyswap AU

@wolfstarmicrofic April 8, word count 1209

CW- Cronic Illness, Child Abuse (Not described, but you know what's happened).

Sirius and Remus regularly bickered. It drove their other friends mad. Remus thought Sirius was a spoilt rich boy brat, and Sirius thought Remus put on how sick he felt because he loved the attention that came with it. 

The bickering got so bad one day that Remus shoved Sirius, and Sirius shoved him back. James had to come between them and break up the fight. Remus’s eye was swelling shut, and Sirius’s lip had burst open. 

“I wish you two could walk in each other’s shoes for a day. Maybe then you wouldn’t bicker so much.” They scowled at each other until it was time to go home. 

Remus awoke the following morning feeling better than he’d ever felt before. He stretched, and nothing hurt. Slowly, his eyes fluttered open onto an elegantly decorated room. 

“You are late for breakfast. If you are not presentable at the table in five minutes, there will be consequences!” A woman who wasn’t his mother screeched through the door. 

He got up and opened the ornately carved wardrobe. The clothes inside were not his and most definitely wouldn’t fit his tall frame. He rubbed his eyes, grabbed a perfectly ironed shirt and held it up to his body. He used the mirror on the back of the door to see how it looked. He dropped it on the floor. The reflection staring back at him was not his own. 

Sirius had never slept worse in his life. He felt like he had the flu. His joints ached no matter what position he slept in. The sun shone through too-thin curtains, stopping him from falling back to sleep. A gentle knock came at the door as it slowly opened. 

“Good morning, darling,” A sweet honey-haired woman cooed at him. “I’ve got you tablets and some toast. When you’re ready, I’ve got porridge keeping warm for you. Don’t rush, though, my love.” She opened the curtains and planted a kiss in his hair before she walked back out, closing the door behind her. 

Sirius panicked. Pills? What pills could he possibly need? He jumped out of the unfamiliar bed and rushed into the little bathroom across the hall. He stared at the boy in the mirror above the sink, higher up than he was used to. His hands came to his face, and so did the reflections. He pinched himself hard. It hurt a lot. So he wasn’t dreaming. 

“Sweetheart, there’s a phone call for you.” The woman’s sweet voice called through the door. 

“C-c-coming,” He stuttered as he stumbled to the door. He took the portable house phone from her and put it to his ear. “Hello?” He said into the receiver. 

“Sirius!” 

“Remus!”

“What the hell is going on?” They said together. 

“Are you in my house?” Remus asked.

“I think so. Do you have blue striped bedding and a yellow lamp?” 

“Yes! And do you have a ridiculous wardrobe and an insanely gigantic bed?”

“Does it have green bedding?”

“Yep.”

“Oh my god, Remus! What the actual.” Sirius ran his hand through his hair. His fingers came away too quickly. Remus’s hair was a lot shorter than Sirius’s. 

“Your mum seems like a lot,” Remus tried to make light of it like he always did. “Apparently, I was late for breakfast. I didn’t even know that was a thing. Now, I’m meant to be self-studying. Then there’s a Latin tutor. Sirius, I don’t speak Latin!”

“Yeah, she doesn’t abide laziness. Your mum seems lovely, though. She brought me toast and some pills. What are they for?” Sirius followed Remus’s example. 

“Oh, you need to take them. Believe me. You’ll regret it if you don’t.” Remus warned. 

“Sirius, where have you gone?!” Sirius heard his mother’s voice over the phone and flinched. 

“Remus, you need to hang up now and go do whatever it is you were meant to be doing.” He couldn’t help the touch of panic in his voice. 

“What are you on about? I’m only on the phone.” Remus chuckled back at him. Sirius heard his mother’s heels click against the hardwood flooring. 

“Remus,” He whispered in a shaky voice. The line went dead. 

Sirius knew what was about to happen to Remus, and he wished he could take his place. He snatched up the pills off the bedside table and swallowed the lot. This he could do for Remus, at least.

Mrs Lupin beamed at him when he walked into the kitchen. 

“Oh, love. You look a bit pale. Why don’t you go snuggle up on the sofa, and I’ll get you some tea? She fussed over him all day, making sure he was comfortable. He had full control over what they watched on the TV, and she never uttered the word homework. He was glad he didn’t have to do too much, as his body felt so delicate. Plus, with the bad night’s sleep, he was exhausted. “How do you feel about pizza for dinner?” She asked when it began to get late. 

“Yeah, Mrs—Er, yeah, mum. That sounds perfect.” He smiled at her.

He asked to go up to his room after they’d finished eating. 

“Of course, you can silly. I don’t know why you’re even asking. Oh, don’t forget to take your evening pills before you go up,” Sirius did as he was told. The stairs were hard to get up. He was out of breath before he’d gotten halfway up. 

He spent the next hour doing all of Remus’s homework for him. By the end, he just got into bed and passed out. 

When he woke again, it was morning. His alarm was blaring next to his head, and his emerald sheets were wrapped around him in a tight ball. He could feel the bruises. She’d proper walloped him this time. He wondered if Remus had talked back at her. 

He got ready for breakfast, but before he could leave his room. Regulus came in. And for the first time in years. He hugged Sirius and hurried back out when Walburga’s shoes clacked across the hallway floor. Monday couldn’t come quickly enough.

Remus, for once, got up early and arrived at school before any of his friends. He watched the town car pull up and deposit Sirius and Regulus onto the curb. 

Regulus hugged Sirius and disappeared off into the building. Sirius and Remus stared at each other. Sirius moved first and gently wrapped his arms around Remus, knowing now how much that body ached and why he needed the extra care the school gave him. Remus gripped him as tight as he could. He’d had no idea how bad Sirius had it. His parents made their lives look so perfect. 

Sirius sucked in a breath when Remus squeezed against one of the bruises. 

“Oh, shit, Sirius. I’m so sorry.” Remus panicked, loosening his hug. 

“No, no. It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” Sirius knew how much effort Remus was putting into that hug. 

“Aww, isn’t this sweet?” James smirked as he walked up to them. “Nice to see you hugging rather than fighting.” Sirius and Remus looked at each other, smiling happily at each other. Finally, they realised there was so much more to each other than they ever could have guessed.