#sick of caring what other people are thinking about me i am just going to have my opinions & do my thinking in peace

[bellobambino]

The Safe House - Part 1

fluff to smut in a future fic

Summary: Unnamed female reader's brother seems to be involved with Luigi's disappearance. Her first person POV.

1,045w

AN: So far this is 3 parts. 4th part will be smut. Part 1 here is set up. please leave a reply, just tell me what you think. i'm looking for some constructive crit if u have time. ill post part 2 in a few days.

The Safe House - Part 1

Gravel crunches outside, the unmistakable pop and shift of tires rolling up the driveway. My stomach twists. No one should be here. There are only a handful of people who even know about this place, and none of them are supposed to be showing up right now.

I glance through the studio window, heart hammering, and my breath catches in my throat.

Ben’s car.

My brother’s car.

Holy fuck.

Ben has been missing for three weeks. No texts, no calls. Not even one of those passive-aggressive thumbs-up emojis he overuses. Nothing. Radio silence.

I abandon my paintbrushes, running to the front door, opening it before he even cuts the engine. The cold air bites, but I don’t care.

The property is big, tucked away in Vermont, the trees stretching high and leafless against the late winter sky. It’s a quiet retreat. Remote and away from everything. That’s why I came here in the first place. To be alone for a few weeks and paint.

He slams the car door, looks up, and we just stare at each other for a second, both of us blinking like we’ve seen a ghost.

“What the fuck?” I say first, because that’s all I’ve got. My voice comes out strangled.

Ben runs a hand through his messy hair and exhales sharply. He looks exhausted, thinner, his jaw sharper than I remember. His hoodie is all lopsided. He should not be here.

“Ben, where the hell have you–?”

“What are you doing here?” he asks, cutting me off like he’s just as surprised to see me.

I throw my hands up. “What do you mean, what am I doing here? This is Uncle Jeff’s place, I’ve been up here for weeks��� where have you been? Why haven’t you answered our calls? We’re all worried sick about you!”

He exhales through his nose, glancing past me into the cabin. He looks wired. Restless. He mutters a low, “Fuck,” under his breath.

Then, before I can react, he reaches out, plucks my phone right out of my hand, and turns it off.

“I didn’t know you were gonna be here.”

“What the fuck are you doing?” I lunge for my phone, but he steps back, slipping it into his pocket.

“We can’t have any electronics on.”

“Ben.” My voice is sharp now. “Give me my phone.”

“Not right now.” His tone leaves no room for argument. “Just listen to me.”

I fold my arms tight against my chest. “I’m listening.”

“You need to get cool with some things really fast.”

I go still. A prickle of ice works its way up my spine. Oh fuck.

He’s serious. Like, deeply, fundamentally serious in that way Ben only gets when he knows he’s about to say something I’m really not going to like.

I swallow hard. “What things?”

He looks around, then gestures toward the main cabin. “Inside.”

He moves first, which is smart, because my legs feel weirdly detached from the rest of me, like I’m floating rather than actually walking. Inside the loft, I perch on the arm of the couch. He stays standing. Neither of us speaks.

Finally, I break the silence. “Ben. Talk.”

He scrubs a hand over his face. “Do you know who Brian Thompson is?”

My stomach drops. “Yeah.”

Ben nods slowly. “So you heard what happened to him.”

The room goes very, very still.

I try to swallow, but my throat feels thick. “Jesus, Ben,” I whisper. “Are you telling me you know something about that?”

He lifts his chin slightly. It’s not an answer, but it is.

I stare at him. “Shut the fuck up.”

“it was me,” he says. “And Luigi.”

I feel like I’m gonna be sick.

Luigi.

Lu, who’s been missing for months. I thought he was dead or had dropped everything and moved overseas. I wasn’t the only one who thought this. We all did. Nobody knew where he was. But now Ben is here telling me they knew where he was this entire time, while we all thought the worst.

Nobody has been able to reach Ben since… well, since the Brian Thompson shooting. Now I know why. 

I’m furious but relieved. “He’s alive.”

Ben exhales. “Yeah. He’s alive.”

I almost laugh. Only because my brain can’t process all this information in real-time. He’s standing there, patiently waiting for me to stop freaking out before he drops the next bomb.

“And he’ll be here tomorrow.”

My stomach lurches. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Lu.” He rubs a hand over his jaw, glancing toward the window like he’s checking for ghosts. “He’ll be here tomorrow. This place is good to lay low for a while.”

Fantastic.

I press my hands against my temples, squeezing my eyes shut. This is happening so fast. One second I’m up here in Vermont, soaking in the beauty of solitude, then my brother shows up out of nowhere, tells me he’s an accomplice to murder, and that tomorrow, Luigi is going to walk through that door like a ghost returning from the grave.

I push off the couch and follow Ben to the door, catching sight of him popping the trunk. He hauls out a silver suitcase, then another. They’re heavy. My stomach twists.

“What is that?” I demand.

Ben doesn’t look at me. “Stuff.”

Stuff. Awesome.

I should say something. I should demand answers. But my brain keeps skipping ahead to the part where tomorrow, Luigi will be here.

Ben and Luigi were practically inseparable in college, both in the same frat, Phi Kappa Psi. They rushed together, partied together, graduated together. And now they’ve done… this together.

The last time I saw Luigi, it was summer. Some birthday party. We had circled each other all night, and when he finally got me alone, he whispered, “Ben is gonna kill me,” and kissed me. Soft, his hands in my hair, tasting of tequila and maybe the start of something new.

Then he fell off the face of the earth. 

Ben slams the trunk shut, looks at me over the roof of the car. “You good?”

I force myself to nod. “Yeah.”

He doesn’t press, just hoists another bag over his shoulder and heads inside.

Luigi will be here tomorrow, and I don’t have a clue what to expect.

[leslie057]

probably that she loves guns or something...she doesn’t love guns, she doesn’t enjoy using them, nor does she even pride herself on her aim in my opinion. she simply recognizes that it’s a skill of hers and, because it’s a skill of hers, it’s something she has to fall back on time and time again for her safety and the safety of others. she’s careful with that and she’s serious about it. [“there’s a six year old in the house—i know where i keep my guns.”] her relationship with weaponry and just battle in general really stands out to me against other characters. we can take eddie and steve for an example; in the field scene in s4, we see eddie bragging about/playing with his spiked shield in front of dustin. he made it, it is an extension of him, he’s proud of it. in a way, the only thing that is keeping his courage up at that point is his desire to prove himself. he doesn’t want to be the one that retreats, but obviously this is nightmarish shit, so he kind of starts to think of the weapons as toys to make it easier (or that’s how i saw it, anyway). just like a dnd game. steve had a similar thing going with his (nancy’s) bat—sure, he’s protected plenty of people with that bat, and that’s great, he’s very brave, but the way he swings it around like it’s a toy is a little objectionable because it’s like…okay, that’s enough, let’s not play with that. the bat is seen as an extension of steve as well, and for both these boys, as brave as they are (i’m really not trying to completely shit on them, i’m not, and steve is a protective person which is wonderful), we as viewers do get this sense of—particularly during battle scenarios—how aware they are of…themselves. it’s all about them, it’s all about what they can represent for the group (valor, basically). it’s about their personal growth. disclaimer i realize that this is a show with a lot of monster fighting/action happening in it, and also the duffers want their characters to have badass moments, and also they like to lean into some campier physical acting (hello unnecessary flip steve did onto that mattress), which is—fine.

but i find it so weird that a good portion of this fandom reduces nancy to her battle skills, skills that they think represent her identity. i find it weird that people don’t see how much it takes out of her having to be the leader all the time, that people think she’s driven by ANYTHING other than her survivor’s guilt, that she’s supposedly found confidence and purpose in the guns or something, that she’s empowered through that. i mean. yeah, she’s empowered by the fact that she’s not dying. that she can prevent others from dying. i would be much quicker to argue that steve finds confidence/purpose/maybe even satisfaction in battle (not that he doesn’t genuinely want to protect his friends, he does, not that he doesn’t have ptsd, i am sure he does, and he probably doesn’t take literal pleasure in the fighting, per se). there’s just this…..desperation to be the big savior there. i’m sorry but there is.

he projects this onto dustin and eddie at the end of s4 [“don’t try to be cute or be a hero or something”] to which dustin reassures [“don’t worry, you can be the hero steve”] with a judgmental note in his voice, honestly. which is interesting, too.

nancy does not want to be a savior—she just wants to save.

she uses guns only because she’s good with them, because she has to, she needs protection and others need protection. i’m sure there are times for her when pulling the trigger is somewhat of a cathartic release, but i also think she kind of NEVER wants to pick one up again for the rest of her life. of course, if that happened, she wouldn’t be cool and interesting to [some] fans anymore, so. whatever.

tldr; nancy is full of fear and rage, not violence, and she is probably SICK of those damn guns !!! please start looking at her as more than just a “badass.”

what is a mischaracterisation of Nancy wheeler that gets on your nerves (answer in comments pls)

[scorpiusmalfoylovesoscarwilde]

headcanon that scorpius was a sick child and was in and out of hospital constantly, perhaps related to astoria's blood curse but not directly. his immune system isnt very strong, and everytime he gets sick they're terrified that it's the blood curse but also whatever else it could be, because it's always so sudden and so intense and they call healers over to the house who recommend this delirious feverish 4 year old is hospitalised immediately, and you'd think it'd get easier to some extent because they'd be used to it, but everytime they feel like this is it, this is the time he'll walk in to the hospital and not walk out again

[mister-ancunin]

my brain is having so much fun with bhaalspawn!Octavian because oh my god durge!darkstar + Astarion talking about how much terror he felt when he thought Bhaal claimed Octavian completely + him going “when i vowed we’d save you, we will save you”

[some-pers0n]

Every once in a while I think about the ship I've been obsessed over for close to two years now and feel like I'm ascending to another plane of reality. Like sometimes you just encounter a ship that hits every single mark and is perfect in every regard and you're left stunned how something like that can even exist

[ratbastarddotfuck]

enjoying entering my hater era a little tbh

[itsseriouslyridiculous]

I really hate how my physical body looks so so so much. unfortunately there isn't much I can do about it.

[girlivealwaysbean]

spending my whole life trying and trying and trying and trying to be good enough for people who don't give a fuck about me

[boyczar]

please remember that it is a compliment to be disliked by people. most people don’t even like themselves. think about why you even want to be liked by somebody. why do YOU like YOURSELF?? why give a fuck about whether or not somebody with so much work to do on themselves doesn’t like you? they literally do not even like themselves. they can’t genuinely “like” you.

[mint-mumbles]

Gonna use this image any time someone says something low key sexist about Sable (ie "she's showing too much skin" regarding a fucking bathing suit 😭🤦)

I don't hear you complaining about Spirit 😭

[carsickcrow]

i need to transition….i am losing my mind thinking about going into adulthood being seen as a woman it makes me want to. i was gonna say either puke or rip my hair out but. it doesn’t make me want to do those things actually. it just makes me feel bad.

[toxifoxx]

i need my brain rewritten bro

[assmaster-8000]

why don't clothes fit me the way they do on a skinny cis guy (<- isn't a skinny cis guy)

[fragglerockopinions]

.

[lilowoof]

Time to be whimsical on a sunday night.

But I've been thinking about my upcoming bday (mainly what I wanna do for it/where to eat lmao). But something else that has been on my mind is that in a few years I will be entering my 30s. And I am strangely excited for it??

The mid to late 20's have been really hard on me and honestly, I wasn't expecting to still be around to ever reach my 30s. But here I am! I finished my main schooling!!! And while I am suffering with some sort of mental boo boos, I am slowly learning more about myself and slowly trying to let go of all the past demons. It's taking time but eventually I will be ok again.

I have the power to get out there to meet new ppl, and ppl who are around the same cycle of life as I am. And it's exciting to think about! While I would love to devote most of my time to salmon running, I've lately come to realize that I wanna put my time more into my life on top of that. Meet someone who I can actually connect and grow with. Where I can still salmon run and game but also experience more in the life ahead of me! (and perhaps some couple gaming? I've always liked that in past relationships hehhe)

Do I wanna get married? IDK! But damn do I want to get proposed to. And I wanna go to more events in the city!!! And more P!nk concerts (tho it's getting to be a bit too expensive now hahah...)

LIKE. Life ain't perfect and I am anticipating some hard upcoming struggles. I am still dealing with financial abuse and repairing my savings after those issues. BUT LIKE. LIFE is still going, and I can try my best to make it the best it can be!!!!

[goyurim]

exceptionally talented girls are on tumblr oversharing about their mistakes in the tags