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cass-ettetape · 1 month ago

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here’s a memoir i wrote for english. i’ve got mixed feelings about it. i’m proud of some parts, not of others. my teacher loved it though, which is funny.

a friend of mine texted me, saying he seemed a little sad during their class period, a few minutes later, i got a notification that it was graded :,).

tw: sa, abusive parenting(?), neglect, just troubled childhood stuff. i’m not sure how these work, just be careful, i suppose.

Again and Again [i hate this title lmao]

Babysitting has found its way in my after school routine quite comfortably. It’s rare that I ever need to miss school or rush home, and even rarer that it lasts more than a few hours. It’s relaxing, hardly an inconvenience.

I have two brothers, one eleven, one three. Saying I babysit the older one would almost be a lie, most times he locks himself in his room, playing video games and practically ignoring my existence, I can’t blame him, though.

The three year old, Ezra, might be the cutest kid I’ve laid my eyes on. He runs around with legos haphazardly put together in one hand, silently flying them through the air. I watch as he darts around counters, slides behind the couch, and crawls under tables, all entirely in his own world. Once he’s tired himself out, I serve him dinner. I suspect he’d eat anything, maybe I should test that. After dinner is over it’s all play once again. Eventually it comes time to lay him down for bed, and he often fights me on that fact, as if it was an insult to tell him the day is over.

The other night though, he didn’t fight me. I opened my arms and he walked right over to me. I wrapped my arms around him, and I’m almost sure I’ve never moved slower in my life. He buried his face in my shoulder, and for a second– just a second, I am almost certain I was ten years old again.

In the years of fourth and fifth grade my father was nowhere to be found. I have no way of knowing if he was stopped in his attempts to reach out, or if he simply never bothered, regardless, I found myself fatherless, and more importantly, solely and entirely reliant on my mother. I can’t count the amount of apartments we jumped between at this time. They were filled with bugs and no matter how much I tried I could never quite get them clean. The bugs mark one of the few memories I can recall the details of with any certainty.

My mother had come home from a late shift, as was routine at this time. I was at home, watching my little brother with my mother’s boyfriend nowhere to be found. As she walked in I remember smiling, sitting up from my makeshift cot on the floor and asking how work was.

“Awful,” she simply replied, setting a pizza box on the kitchen table. Papa Johns. That was the only pizza we ever got, as it was free.

I walked over and sat down, stomach rumbling. When she pulled out her chair to sit next to me she gasped. I looked down and I saw a cockroach, I looked back up to my mother, trying to gauge her reaction.

By this time, I was only learning to be aware of my mother’s reactions, and I tried my best to act accordingly, and I wasn’t always right. Every action of mine was a reaction to her. When she cried, I would hold her, wiping her tears, whispering, “It’s okay mom, it’s okay.” When she started to scream, I would clean, hoping it would distract her from finding whatever mistake she decided to scrutinize me for next. When she started to stomp around the house I’d hide my laptop, knowing she’d find a reason to take it away, just because someone cut her off on her way home or because she lost her favorite shirt.

I jumped back from the table, putting my arm in front of her, a protective gesture. I told her I’d get it as she started screaming. Versions of “Oh my God!” and “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” are all I really remember. I just looked at her, stammering and stuttering, “Mom, mom, it’s okay, I’ll get it.”

But she couldn’t hear me. Not over herself– not over her screaming. Screaming about how we were dirty and lazy, ungrateful and unreliable, how we were bad. I don’t remember much of the rest of that night.

My mother is not someone I think of with any fondness or warmth, pity is the most positive emotion I am able to let myself feel towards her.

Since my mother was the sole breadwinner (honestly with how much she made it was more akin to crumbs, but I digress, I shouldn’t be too mean after all.), I spent a lot of time with her boyfriend at the time: Ivan– or Van, as he liked to call himself. He thought of himself as some kind of rock star, some unappreciated genius, or undiscovered talent.

He wrote awful music and could barely play guitar… or bass… or drums. He couldn’t sing either, and his lyrics read to me as nothing more than Tumblr poems. I must admit though, I was a preteen, one without a reliable or present father of my own, one who craved validation from the men around me. I needed my teachers to see me as a favorite. I needed every boy to like me. I needed Ivan to be proud of me.

I begged my mother for a guitar for my birthday, and I got it. I spent every night sitting on my bed, guitar in hand, strumming until my fingers bled and my arm got sore. I formed calluses on my fingers and my posture got fucked and it was… still not enough. I wrote, and admittedly often plagarized, song lyrics to show him. I would get my praise for a day or two, but it was never enough. I needed more, I needed constant validation.

Ivan would often spend his time out of the house, coming home with a six pack and laying on the couch. He couldn’t afford these habits, there was one insance of him asking me to count his change from the center console of the car to buy beer, and of course I did. I did anything he asked, yet it was never enough. He saw himself as enlightened, as if he knew better than people; he thought of us as sheep, and he wanted to be a shepherd. I thought he was right. With how scared I was of my mother and her mood swings, I always looked to him. I spent my time sucking up so that maybe, just maybe, I’d have someone in my corner.

We spent a lot of time together; tormenting my brother, talking about life, discussing “philosophy” but the tone-deaf kind that is popular with angsty high schoolers, writing music, watching television, you name it. This relationship wasn’t appropriate, that much is clear to me now, but then, I had no idea. No safe adult shows you Rick and Morty or Bojack Horseman, no safe adult makes you drink or smoke a cigarette, no safe adult puts your phone in his pants and tells you to, “Come and get it”.

One instance I remember in particular happened on a school night. I was walking from the bathroom to my bedroom, and on my way there I spotted Ivan, stumbling out of his room. He looked at me and asked, “Do you want me to carry you?”

It was an innocent question, an innocent gesture, a form of affection I so desprately needed in my life at that time, so I nodded. He bent down and told me to wrap my arms around his neck, and I did so. He picked me up, pulling my legs to wrap around him. I could feel his fingertips graze my skin, his hands wrapping around my legs in a way that let him touch the skin of my inner thigh. I rested my chin on his shoulder, my arms wrapped around him tight as he pressed me against the wall of our hallway. I felt trapped in a way I never had before, I had never been this close to another human being. I felt every inch of my body pressed against him or the wall, then I didn’t, then I did. He pressed himself against me and pulled back in a rhythm I didn’t quite understand, but that had set alarm bells off in my head. Despite my lack of knowledge in… anything even vaguely sexual, there was something about this that felt wrong. It made my stomach churn and my chest tighten, and in a panic– I let go. I fell to the floor, and he showed no resistance or attempt to catch me. When I hit the ground it was cold, and I could feel my heart beating as if it was in my ears. I looked up at him and all I could see was disgust, complete and utter distain, as if I had done something unthinkable, unforgivable.

That’s what it was like when my mother wasn’t home, and when she finally arrived after these long work days, it was never quiet. The sound of screaming, of breaking things, of crying, it was constant. After these fights he’d often leave, but he’d never stay gone. Usually he would wait until the next day to come back, but not always. Their fighting always made me anxious, it made me shake, violently, almost uncontrolably. I would spend these nights with my mother, laying in bed with her, my head on the opposite end as hers. I often fell asleep after her, the need to keep her safe much stronger than the fatigue I felt.

One night, after Ivan had been kicked out “for the last time” I was woken up to the sound of shaking, then the sliding glass door opening, it was always easy to jangle open. I shot up from the bed, my heart already racing, as if I anticipated this somehow. I approached the door, and there he was, standing right outside, waiting at the mesh, metal door.

“Open it,” he commanded. It was cold and angry, the smell of desperation almost at pungent as the smell of alcohol.

I stood there, scared out of my mind. You think we go into fight or flight, but that’s an incomplete set of options, it’s really: fight, flight, or freeze. And as I stood there, frozen, I watched him get more angry, “Open the fucking door.”

I looked to my mother, who was awake by this point, but she didn’t respond, she didn’t even look at me. I looked back toward Ivan, and he stared back at me with an expression I can’t quite identify, even to this day. His fist collided with the door, tearing the mesh away from the metal frame. I watched as he reached through the door, unlocking it. As he stepped inside I felt this sense of dread filling my chest. He grabbed my shoulders and asked, “Why didn’t you open it?”

I stepped back, almost falling due to how violently my legs shook. I wasn’t sure what to say. How does “Oh, I didn’t open the door because you’re a violent psychopath and you actually make me live in a constant state of paranoia!” sound? Not great, right? So I stayed silent. I looked at my mother and she asked me the same thing, I can’t say I understood why.

The rest of that night was just bits and pieces, as were most nights back then. I begged my mother to just agree and leave, to let him sleep here and we can go somewhere else, I didn’t care. I kept a bag packed for occassions such as these, it sat under my bed, behind the door, hidden and safe. Unfortunately, Ivan made sure leaving wasn’t an option. He took my mother’s glasses and bent them, destroying the frame and popping a lense out with how tight he squeezed. My mother cried, as she often did, in between sobs she pleaded with him. Pleaded with him not to do this to her, that these are her last pair, that he broke three already, but I don’t remember seeing him even react.

I took my mother to my room, shutting the door to atleast gain the illusion of safety. I put some more things in the bag and rubbed her back, trying to reason with her, “Mom, please, we should go. We need to leave, we can come back tomorrow. I have my school clothes, or I can skip if you want.”

But she shook her head, stating that we can’t drive without her glasses. Ivan came in not long after, trying to pick a fight. My mother sat on my bed, Ivan lingered in the doorway, and I stood in front of him. As always, my mother threw insults back, escalating the situation. Looking back now, some of them are funny, “small dick” and “bucket pail vagina” are truly juvenile insults. Ivan tried to kick her, but in his drunk state, he reacted slow, and had little coordination. I stepped in front of my mother, taking the kick instead. I didn’t flinch, but it made my whole leg ache. He apologized, sputtering “sorry” and “baby” and variations of “please forgive me”. I soothed him, like an overgrown child, “Ivan, please, just go lay down, okay? I’ll forgive you, just let me sleep. I have school, remember? I need to sleep,” my voice broke, after all no child can keep up a tough exterior for that long. He nodded, continuing his string of sorries as I shut the door. I didn’t sleep much that night.

Over and over this cycle continued, each instance the same as the last. Sometimes he would do something new, like break our car keys, or my phone, or throw things, but the end was always the same. He would come back… until he didn’t. One day, it was truly the last time. I can’t say I’m not still awaiting the day he comes back.

#writing #writers on tumblr #memoir #childhood #english #english class #english 1301 #i don’t know how to tag #child abuse #childhood trauma

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tidepoolalgae · 5 months ago

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when my mom was here she revealed that she had been using the guest bathroom in her house for weeks because she broke a glass in the master bathroom and never cleaned it up. I was already kinda thinking I could go back sometime during the rest of the year and see the ocean, feel the wind on my face, whatever, but there's always this dimension of, if I do go, I'm probably gonna be cleaning and stressed about meals and everything the whole time. and now I know there's worse things going on if she shared that with me...

tbh I try to be chill when she shares these things with me because she'll tell me more if I'm kinda nonchalantly asking (she's honest with me the most out of everyone in the family) but also recently I'm thinking maybe I should freak out to her face more??? like, THAT'S NOT NORMAL!!!!!!! so I should say so??! But also she already knows in some aspect so I don't see why I should change it up (and risk her keeping more info from me)

my brother says that "we just need to get her house cleaned up so that she's not as embarrassed about the state of it, then she can hire someone to come in and help her clean once a week or every two weeks" but also we have cleaned up significantly several times over the last few years and she never! gets! help! It just gets worse again! I tried to convince her many times when I was living there in person and no dice. Neither of us can afford to hire someone for her, and she'd probably be upset with us anyway if we did (cause she doesn't want help but doesn't really admit it), so she has to do it. It has to come from her

but regardless I keep having this thought/impulse that I have to travel there so that I can at least clean up that glass for her. WHICH I REALIZED SOUNDS COMPLETELY DERANGED WHEN I SAID IT OUT LOUD. but also WHAT am I supposed to do? am I just supposed to turn away??

And really it doesn't just affect her cause there's the dog too. I always feel so bad for the dog. She could've had such a better life, I remember her running around outside as a puppy and she enjoyed it so much. And now... :( I tried so hard to help her and take her out for walks when I was living there but my own depression got so much worse when I was there, it's like I was getting infected by the depression fungus that lives in the walls of that house and everything was the worst... I couldn't even make it six months before I had to run away halfway across the country to go work a temporary job that my friend's mom suggested to me so I could avoid [redacted]

Of course my dad just fucked off and left all the responsibility to my mom so I can blame him about the dog too lmao. They made the joint decision to get her so idk why they can't both take care of her. My mom complains about that too...

and honestly really I'm not sure if I am/was trying my best at all, a lot of the time I feel like I'm barely scraping by but also when I was in college I threw myself into that and, even though I had my most intense experiences with suicidality during that time, I graduated summa cum laude and LIKE!! There's a part of me that questions how did I accomplish that and then basically just run myself into the ground? academic achievement is definitely not the only indicator of having it together but I'm pretty sure I could've done better over the last few years for everyone, lol.

my partner says I gotta have "boundaries" with my mom and maybe he's right but also as the person in the family who has it the most together (LOL, can you believe it? ME!!) I do feel like I have to help, even if I get +100 psychic damage.

I also don't like the feeling that I'm on the tip of a precipice. Maybe I can go casually and it doesn't have to be a big deal? Maybe the decision to not go doesn't have to be that deep? why do I keep freaking out??

#cursed depression family #personal

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servin-up-surveys · 2 years ago

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survey #108

(also taken january 30th; uploading surveys taken while gone)

How many people have you kissed in a car? I know at least two, but maybe three.

Do you and your best friend have an inside joke? Kinda, yeah. Probably multiple, really.

What was the last thing you ate? For dinner I had this microwavable shrimp with linguini thing. The shrimp was way too fishy, but the noodles were fine.

When was the last time you had a genuine smile? Earlier today, as Mom and I were getting ready to ride out somewhere and Cookie got EXTREMELY excited. She absolutely adores carrides, and if she even THINKS we're going somewhere, she gets hype as hell and jumps in her carrier, then out to run to Mom, then back... It's absolutely adorable.

Who was the last person in your bed besides you? Girt.

Do you miss anyone currently? I actually really miss Girt, but I'm not seeing him 'til this weekend.

What are you listening to right now? I'm watching/listening to WoolieVS play Elden Ring. Been working through it for like, well over a month now, but it's a super long game and it's not always what I have on in the background.

How often do you watch the news? Literally never. The only times I ever have were the times I've been in the psych hospital, because it was allowed to roll in the morning for I think an hour. I promise you there wasn't a damn better thing to do, so usually I'd watch it just to be doing something.

What is the worst lie you’ve ever told? I don't know and would rather not try to think of what it could be.

Do you have a fan in your room? Yeah.

Have you ever egged a house? No, because I'm at least a half-decent fucking human being. My childhood house was egged once, though, around Halloween. To this day I have no idea why the hell anyone did it, we didn't bother a damn soul.

What about TP’d a house? Also no, that's despicable, and I WOULD say childish, but even the young kids I know wouldn't do that bullshit.

Do you like pranking people? I really don't.

Have you ever hatched an egg? In I think kindergarten, yes. We raised a chick in an incubator.

Would you consider yourself more of a cat or dog person? Cat, but I like dogs too.

How tall was the tallest person you’ve dated? Girt is, and he's exactly 6', I think.

Do you have a debit card? I don't own a debit or credit card.

How long have you known the last person to leave you a comment? She's been my acquaintance since high school. I always wanted to get to know her better so kinda recently I sent her a friend request and she's actually been talking to me quite a bit and just being REALLY nice and I honestly hope it grows into a real friendship.

Do you have any big plans this weekend? It's my birthday weekend so yeah. <3 Saturday my family + Girt's immediate family are going out to The Cheesecake Factory to eat, and then Girt's staying the night to be there Sunday/my actual birthday. That day we're gonna get some donuts instead of a cake, I decided I really wanted Krispy Kreme lmao. Tragically Tobey is coming over that day too even though I have no interest in seeing her, but whatever, telling her no would not go well.

What would you do if you found out your ex was pregnant/fathered a child? I couldn't care less if it was Juan or Tyler. Aaron, I'd be happy for him, he'd be an excellent father. I'd be very concerned if Sara was pregnant, regardless of what I feel about her; her body could not handle that, and she knows that too. If I found out Jason had a kid/was having a kid, I can promise you I would either vomit or faint, or both. Both is a very real possibility. I'd absolutely have an emotional breakdown, too, of that I can bet my entire life on. It doesn't matter that I don't want that with him anymore, trauma is trauma.

Who was the last person to smoke a cigarette in front of you? Uhhhh probably Dad?

Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? I'd like to kiss him for the rest of my life, at least that's what I plan.

Who was the last person to hold your hand? Girt.

Would you sing in front of a large crowd? Nope.

Have you ever jumped out of a moving car? Yeesh, no.

What’s a song no one would think you’d like, but you actually love? I mean there's quite a good deal of those, honestly. Trying to pick a REALLY surprising one, uhhhh... OH YEAH that fucking "Shake That" song by Eminem and Nate Dogg, idc I get a kick out of it 😭

Are you talking to anyone? If so, who? Not at this moment.

Have you ever been to Florida? Yeah, that's where my grandmother lived, so we would visit rarely.

Are you broke right now? Technically, yeah. I have $400 personally that was gifted to me that's going towards my tattoo, but my mom, whose house I live in/the person who pays the bills, is back to being broke, I've found out; it's absolutely fucking ludicrous how my mom had to burn her portion of the inheritance ASAP because if she didn't, she would've been forced off disability and then when that money ran out, we'd be entirely fucked.

How did you react when your first pet died? Well, I was a baby when the dog my parents had died, so I obviously didn't understand at all; I don't even remember her. I'm not sure who my first REAL pet was that died... but most likely a cat, and I'm sure I reacted poorly.

Have you ever drawn anime? No, it's not my personal art style.

Do you like bathing/showering? No, because it's a legitimately painful and very exhausting task for me, even with a shower chair.

Have you ever hurt someone for your own entertainment? What the fuck, no.

If you could write a book, what would it be about? It would probably be some spin-off of RP plots/stories I've done. Maybe an AU version of one.

Do you think most people understand you? Absolutely not, not "most."

Do you have any taboo fetishes or preferences? I don't have a fetish, but by "preferences" I feel like you're including kinks here in which case there is something not everyone would be into that I am but I'm not gonna share that.

What is the emotion you seem to feel most strongly? Um... probably sadness. Or self-disgust. Loneliness. Idk.

What are your top three biggest fears? Living alone on the streets, never being truly happy, and Mom dying.

What do you want to be remembered for? As a woman who never gave up and also invited people to be comfortable in themselves, and absolutely as a person who cared very much for others and was always willing to be a shoulder to cry on. I also want people to associate the love of all animals with me.

Have you ever cried yourself to sleep in your adult life? Oh yes. That was a very, very common thing in 2016 especially.

What do you think is the meanest thing you’ve ever said to someone? I'm not going there.

Do you miss any of your exes? There are some traits about Jason I miss that Girt isn't as strong in, but I don't miss Jason as a partner.

How many people have you slept with? I've done sexual things in bed with two people.

What kind of sauce do you eat your chicken nuggets with? Normally ketchup, sometimes honey mustard.

Are you someone’s best friend? Well, Girt calls me his best friend, but I'm his girlfriend so that's kinda to be expected. I'm not anyone else's best friend.

Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? Drive-thru, almost always.

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? My dad, I think. It's possible I've briefly talked to Mom since though, idk.

Have you ever been to a Chinatown in any of the cities you’ve been to? I've never even seen one in person.

How old was the oldest person you’ve dated? Officially a Facebook creeper, I finally looked up Juan to learn how old he is and right now he's 31. So when we dated for less than 24 hours in high school I woulda been 15/almost 16, and he would've been uhhh around 19 or 20... oh my god ew.

Do you know anyone who has their own podcast? Not that I'm aware of.

Where did your last kiss take place? My bed.

Did you often read for fun when you were a kid? Oh yes, I loved reading. I wish I was still AS into it as I once was.

^ What were some of your favorite books? I really liked Junie B. Jones books, The Magic Treehouse, and the Hank the Cowdog series. As a pre-teen or teen I got into Warriors and read that series for many years.

Do you have any dietary restrictions? No.

Which of your good habits has made the biggest positive difference in your life? My resilience and persistence.

Do you watch YouTube videos a lot? Basically constantly; one is at least always on in the background.

Do you have an embarrassing period story? I don't THINK I do.

Would your life be at risk if someone knew everything about you? No; the secrets I keep are entirely harmless but just things I'm embarrassed by so don't share.

Would you ever name a child after yourself? Absolutely not, I honestly really hate when people DO do that because how far up your own ass can you be.

What is the stupidest thing anyone’s ever said to you? Who the hell even knows.

What’s the most amount of weight you’ve gained from a medication? I absolutely refuse to share this because it's absolutely humiliating. I will die before I take Abilify ever, ever again. It brought my metabolism to basically a full halt, and my shitty doctor continued to blame my weight gain on me. Stopped it when I got a new doctor that IMMEDIATELY knew that was the issue, and guess what, I ended up losing like 70-ish pounds.

Do you have a professional camera? Yeah, it's a Canon EOS Rebel T6.

Do you like rose gold? I LOVE rose gold.

Do you kiss a lot of people? Not at all; I only kiss Girt romantically and then I sometimes will kiss my nieces or nephew on the head.

Who was the last person to hear you cry? Girt and Mom.

How old do you want to be when you have kids? As of right now I don't want kids, but if I for whatever reason do change my mind, I'd be very nervous about getting pregnant past 40. Even late 30s would make me worry. I don't think I could go through finally deciding I'm ready for a child, get pregnant, and then lose the baby because I'm not the best age to be having kids.

How do you like your soda? I have a strong preference for it cold, but it's not mandatory at all. Soda is soda to me, as much as I WISH I was pickier.

Do you know anyone that has a gecko as a pet? Mazzy! (: I also very seriously want a fat-tailed gecko one day.

When was the last time you weighed yourself? Maybe a little over a week ago.

Do you know anyone with exaggeratedly big muscles? I don't think so.

What is your favorite endangered animal? That would probably be the P. metallica/Gooty Sapphire Ornamental/peacock tarantula, known for being a beautiful bright blue. Very popular in the hobby, but trafficking them from the wild is still horribly common and is putting them at risk. Ironic because they're well-bred in domesticity, but people still rip them out of the wild... I doubt this will be applicable to anyone, but just saying, research where you get your spiders from, because poaching is depressingly common. Pick people who emphasize domestic breeding.

Does it make you cringe when people pop their knuckles? HOLY FUCK YES, I CANNOT HANDLE IT. Girt can very loudly pop like every joint in his body and he drives me insane with it. Sometimes he forgets to warn me he needs to so I can close my ears and I cannot stop myself from freaking out.

Do you respect authority? If they deserve that position of authority.

Have you ever milked a cow? No.

#survey #surveys #random questions #personal questions

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mxvladdy · 4 years ago

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HI I LOVE YOUR WRITING! aaa sO I don't know if you still accept prompts but if you do could you do one with MC being fascinated by the brothers' demon forms and seeing the brothers react to them carefully inspecting their horns/wings/tails??

AHHHHH I love that you love it! And of course! :) Horns are my weak spot lmao. Hope you like!

Lucifer

Hmph. Isn’t ecstatic about you wanting to nose around in his business at first. No matter how touched starved he is, just the thought of your tiny human fingers exploring him…Well on the other hand-

At first, he thought you had some weird fetish for his demonic form. Wouldn’t be the first time a human had. But slowly he realizes you are genuinely just enamored with him. It strokes his ego sky high.

He loves it when you stroke and pet his horns. The bases of which are super sensitive. The amount of time you have spent just looking at the gold-tipped bone, he is certain you probably have memorized the number of chips and notches in them.

You start bringing ornaments and tassels for his horns. Things you made or found pretty when out shopping. He doesn’t wear them in public but likes it when you put them on him in private.

It takes him longer to let you get your hands on his wings though. Looking at the mess of his back isn’t pleasant for him.

He has a dust bath. He loves dusting, and when you help him. Ugh-it’s like his own little paradise.

He teaches you how to preen and find broken feathers to pluck. Your cooing over his soft feathers just makes him fluff up more.

He shows off his horns and wings just a touch more in public now.

Mammon

Hells yeah you can see his demon form. Why wouldn’t you want to? He is absolutely delighted to have you lovin’ all over him. He’s big on scenting.

He is especially proud of his wings, in all his forms. Leathery or feathery, they are his favorite part of his body. They are strong, reliable, and fast if he needs to protect you.

He makes sure you are extra careful about his horns though. The spirling columns of bone aren’t smooth like Lucifer’s and have a wicked sharp point on the tips. His horns grow a lot faster than his brothers. A lot of his horn upkeep is him shaving them down and oiling them.

You take delight in doing that for him. The keratin of his horns flakes quickly so you like to help with that too.

He doesn’t have much feeling around his horn area so you won’t get too many reactions from him. Now his wings~

He gets a kick out of watching you open and close his wings. You are mesmerized by his leather wings stretching to their full wingspan.

His wings look fragile upon closer inspection. You can feel the beats of his hearts through the thin membrane stretched over black bones. It almost makes you forget that you’ve seen him bludgeon demons to death with them before.

You’re so enamored with his wings you miss how flustered he gets when you trace your fingers around the base of his wings. Right where the limbs attach to his back. It’s a very tender spot that hurts most times when he touches it, but maybe because it’s you it feels really good.

Leviathan

He is apprehensive to have you inspect him at first.

Doesn’t have wings and is kinda jelly. But he has a bitchin’ tail, and you remind him often of it.

His tail is strong. A lot stronger than you originally thought. You can feel the slide and pull of thick muscle underneath his leathery skin when he swifts around.

It took you a while to get him to understand you are 1000% ok with his tail and horns being out, in public or private.

He notices that you can't keep your eyes and hands off his tail. While he never does it in front of his brothers he loves to pick you up with it. Your giggles and gasps of awe, while you dangle above him in his secure grasp, brings a huge smile to his face.

He has the most strenuous care routine out of all the brothers. His tail sheds a lot and dries out easily. It is usually a very intimate affair. Lucky for you, he likes you.

He shows you how to use his dry brush to sluff off the dead skin from his tail and scaly parts of his back. It's therapeutic to him. He talks about his newest hyper fixation while you brush and pet his tail.

His horns are a bit more persnickety. They are made up of a delicate ecosystem of coral and sea vegetation. It’s a beautiful vivid array of purple, pink, and blues. Henry and schools of smaller fish make little homes in it when Levi is in his tank.

It has to be kept moist and landscaped or it gets overgrown. He has a knack for aquatic horticulture and gives you a chance to learn too.

It naturally changes size and color based on the Devildom seasons. Your favorite displays are during the warmer seasons.

You buy little tank ornaments to decorate his horns to post on devilgram from time to time. It gets so many likes he gets so excited.

He wears your work proudly, even if it’s not up to his usual standard. His water monster brethren are jealous of the attention, and that’s what matters most.

Satan

If you bring up your interest in a scientific or educational manner, he is more willing to share. He has had far too many run-ins with witches and humans vying for him to be comfortable flaunting his demon form.

As the only born devil out of the group you have to be extra careful with his horns and tail. The bony structure of them is like fine sandpaper. Rough, course and far too abrasive for your tinder human skin.

You have to wear gloves when handling his horns and tail. He apologizes a lot about it. It angers him that he is the one brother that has to be so careful around you.

You really don’t mind though. Even through the thick leather gloves you feel the pulsing heat of his magic. You like the tingling feeling of his magic through your gloves, it’s like licking a battery.

He doesn’t need maintenance on his horns and tail as much as the others. But his horns do fall off like deer antlers.

He gets really irritated when it’s shedding season. The itching and throbbing of his horns when they are ready to fall off is maddening.

You always know when it is horn season due to the deep gouges in the stone walls around the house. You help him though this by scratching around the bases of his horns. It feels so good to have it scratched, and it’s 10x better when it’s not him.

Normally he would just dispose of his horns when they fall off or use them for alchemical purposes. Now, he gives some of them to you. You collect them and have turned a few sets into some lovely pieces of art in his opinion.

Asmodeus

Very much like Mammon- who wouldn’t love his horns and wings? He loves them, so obviously everybody should.

Absolutely eats up your praise and curious touches. He shows you the best places to pet or stroke.

His wings are leathery like Mammons but 1000x more sensitive all-round. He can sense air currents with them, so sneaking up on him to touch a wing is out of the question. As much as you would like to.

Loves see you try though. Will fake being surprised when you come at him from behind to lovingly touch a wing.

He shows you the best places to touch and examine his wings and horns. His smaller set of wings have this one spot underneath their pit that is super ticklish. When you find it, exploit it. He has the best laugh.

He admits to you that he dyes his horns. What can he say? Pink is the best color and his horns just look that much more fabulous in it.

You can convince him to try different colors, but only if you help him dye them. Starts matching colors and outfits with you and his horn color of the month.

His cleaning and maintenance routine he likes to do himself. Sorry! Nothing against you, but he is too meticulous to ask for help. But please stay and watch!

He shows off a lot more when cleaning and moisturizing his horns and wings. Stretching them out, or making sure his horns are shiny enough to catch the light of his room.

Absolutely soaks up for enamored gasps and wide eyes stares.

Beelzebub

Just shrugs when you ask to see his wings and horns.

Of course, he doesn't mind you touching them. He just finds it odd. Kinda forgot that it's not a normal occurrence in the human realm.

He has no issues with you touching or rubbing on his horns. He doesn't have any feeling in them anyway.

But, unfortunately, you can only look at his wings. The cuticle is very fragile so he can't just flare his wings out whenever he feels like the others.

You find the hard casing that protects his wings just as fascinating though. The iridescent sheen of it is mesmerizing. Your eyes can't pick up all the colors that it gleams, but it's still beautiful regardless.

You have a hard time getting any of the shell bits when they shed. Beel normally eats them and he is much faster than you.

But he will temper himself and save a few for you once he figures out why you are pouting.

His paper-thin shell casing resembles stained glass when you hold it up to the light. You have taken to making a large wind chime out of the shedding of the brother's horns and wings. His chitin is the perfect addition to give the slightly macabre piece some color.

He-and the other brothers find it kinda odd that you collect essentially garbage to them, but they chalk it up to a weird human quirk.

If it makes you happy-*shrugs*

Belphegor

Like his twin, doesn’t get the hype around it. But, if it means you’ll be spending more time with him then he won’t complain.

You pet his tail a lot when he is sleeping. His tail is soft and fluffy. It wraps around you while he slumbers, locking you in place by his side.

He wakes you up by tickling your nose with the tuft of his tail. He teases you when it makes you sneeze.

If you thought his bedhead was bad, wait till you see him struggling with the tangles at the tip of his tail.

You offer to help comb it out. Maybe even convince him to invest in a good bottle of conditioner. He takes you along to buy it and lets you choose the scent.

He has a penchant for cucumber and melon scents when it comes to his detergent and pillow sprays so you keep to that realm.

He cannot express how much he doesn’t care about upkeep so if you want to brush his tail and examine his horns go to town, means he doesn’t have to do it.

Belphie gets addicted quickly to you doting on his form. He sleeps harder and better after a session with you brushing his tail or rubbing at his horns.

You’ve learned just how to massage his scalp and where to scratch around his horns to help him fall asleep. He doesn't realize he does it himself as a self-soothing mechanism until you bring it up one night.

When you hit the sweet spots at the base of his tail or horns he can’t control the twitching and movements of his tail.

#obey me #obey me headcanons #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me asmodeus #obey me satan #Obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me requests

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makeste · 3 years ago

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BnHA Chapter 316: We've Had One, Yes, But What About Second Explosion

Previously on BnHA: Deku was all “[powers up like whoa because it’s time to end the fight]”, and he saved Overhaul from getting not-shot, and then smashed up Nagant’s arm with the power of his new rechargeable super knees. Nagant was all “yoooo this kid is crazy strong whaaaat, it’s like he’s some kind of protagonist or something.” Deku was all “I AM A PROTAGONIST, ACTUALLY, DO YOU WANT TO JOIN FORCES AND FIGHT BAD GUYS WITH ME?” Nagant was all “ah shit why the hell no -- ” and then AFO was all “SURPRISE” and everyone was all “?!?!?!” and AFO was all “TIME TO EXPLODE NOW” and made Nagant explode because he’s an absolute fucking dick. And then Hawks showed up, because Horikoshi just wanted to stuff as many plot points as humanly possible into a single chapter I guess.

Today on BnHA: Hawks is all “good job giving motivational shounen redemption speeches Deku but I’ll take it from here” and screams very earnestly right in Nagant’s face until she finally wakes up. Nagant is all “oh hey it’s my successor, you seem surprisingly unfucked-up from your own HPSC tenure, how did you manage that?” Hawks is all “fandom is going to love hearing this one, but basically it’s because I’m very upbeat and also I had the world’s best role model Endeavor to look up to,” and I swear this man stirs the pot on purpose, but damn it I still love him so damn much. Overhaul is all “HELLO AGAIN, JUST A REMINDER THAT, THE BOSS!!” and Deku is all “MAYBE TAKE TWO SECONDS TO REFLECT ON HOW YOU TORTURED A LITTLE GIRL,” which, thank you, lol. Nagant is all “btw AFO’s hiding in a house in the woods”, and so Deku and the gang go to the house in the woods. Video recording!AFO is all “hi I’m AFO welcome to Jackass” and blows up the house. Sometimes I wonder if this manga is just a weird dream.

I am once again reading the Bean version because I think it was actually the best out of all three translations last week. and that is surprisingly including Viz’s. “faux” is not nearly as entertaining as “knockoff”, and also I have literally no idea why Caleb thought Deku was saying the Third’s lines lol

oh hey, Endeavor’s here too! not that you’d ever be able to tell from this first panel lmao

glad you received All Might’s call, mysterious unidentified glowing smudge

oh snap he says he’s weaker in the rain. is that why AFO told Nagant to attack then?? except that as we discussed the other day, I believe that AFO fully intended for Nagant to lose the fight, so him giving her info that would give her an advantage doesn’t really fit in with that. maybe he wanted Deku to be separated from Endeavor and the rest for maximum angst, though

btw Deku’s eyes are unsurprisingly back to the new normal here

alas, the angst continues. I say, pretending like I’m not totally eating it up each and every week and writing essay after essay about it lol

anyway so apparently Hawks can’t actually fly lmao. he was just yeeting himself with style

for some reason this is the funniest fucking thing I’ve ever seen omfg. wave to Hawks, kids! say “bye, Hawks!”

j/k of course Deku is catching them. -- except???

wow so he was just running on fumes there at the end. well, good to know there is actually a limit to his shenanigans, particularly regarding this new “knockoff” 100% OFA. it will definitely not alleviate any of the discourse, but it’s good for my own peace of mind because it’s solid confirmation that he still needs his pals in order to win this thing

anyway, but on to the rest of this conversation, which is basically Deku deducing what we all deduced last week -- AFO implanted some sort of trap into Nagant when he gave her Air Walk. though I’d still like to get the actual details from AFO and/or Horikoshi, because this was particularly wild even by quirk standards lol

omgggggg

she still has a face after all!! so it’s confirmed, Horikoshi has no idea what “blowing up” actually means. we might have guessed, based on what happened to Toga in the MVA arc, and also based on everything Katsuki does ever, but shhh

so now Hawks is all “NAGANT PLEASE WAKE UP, IF I SHOUT MY NAME AT YOU WILL THAT DO THE TRICK”

this is actually kind of touching though because even though we all know (or most of us acknowledge at any rate) that Hawks is a pretty caring person, it’s rare to see him actually panic over someone’s welfare like this

oh shit Horikoshi is really doubling down on it

I wonder how much Hawks knew about what really happened between Nagant and the HPSC. regardless, he probably sees her as a kindred spirit of sorts, and I’m more than happy for Deku to pass the redemption torch onto him now that he’s on the scene. like no offense Deku but they actually know each other and stuff lol

DAMMIT NAGANT CAN’T YOU SEE HOW LOUD HE IS YELLING

apparently being freed from his HPSC shackles has finally given Hawks the space to embrace his own inner shounen protagonist. is there anything more shounen than trying to motivationally scream someone awake when they’re lying in your arms inches from death?? 100% guaranteed to work

!!! IS THIS NAGANT’S POV OMG

SO SHE IS ALIVE. THANK GOD. Horikoshi doesn’t want to meet with my emotional distress lawyer today after all

love how she’s all “just gonna stir up the weekly Hawks Discourse pot here by implying that he probably committed a lot of Atrocities just like I did, so now people can get all hopped up about that, even though there’s no evidence he’s ever killed anyone aside from that one horrible ‘damned-if-you-do...’ situation with Twice.” no one asked for your provocative speculation young lady!! trust me Nagant, our rabbles don’t need the rousing lol

but nice save there with the “so how are your eyes so untainted” well you see it’s because even when he was following the HPSC’s orders he always went to great lengths never to go against his own moral compass. which just to be clear was incredibly difficult, and led to a ton of pain and suffering on his part, because the life of a spy is basically just one impossible situation after another. but in spite of that he never stopped trying to do his best to help people. I don’t really know where this tangent came from or is leading to, lol, but anyway p.s.a. I love Hawks a lot and he’s a good kid dammit

oh shit??!?

how is the League always able to swing all these fancy forest mansions. where do they find them. how many do they have

so Deku’s dropping them -- very roughly, not sure if he was reacting to finally getting AFO’s location, or if his energy really is giving out -- and now Nagant’s saying that AFO hired other villains as well. well of course he did. gotta keep chipping away at OFA’s ninth successor little by little

now Nagant is asking Hawks how he’s able to keep making “that” face. I assume she’s again talking about the fact that he somehow didn’t let the HPSC wear down his spirit

oh my god???

thanks for stuffing this chapter to the brim with good nutritional Hawks Feels, Horikoshi. what a good. he just keeps on trudging forward undeterred no matter what bullshit comes his way. what a steadfast little guy. I WILL PROTECT YOU FROM DISCOURSE MY SWEET SUNSHINE

lmaoooo

“SPOTTED THIS DUDE JUST CHILLING OUT THERE ON THE ROOF WITH NO ARMS, SEEMED PRETTY SUS” good job Endeavor

anyway so you don’t really need me to tell you that Overhaul is immediately starting in with the “BUT THE BOSS WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO TAKE ME TO THE BOSS YOU PROMISED YOU WOULD TAKE ME TO THE BOSS” stuff again. but I will go ahead and tell you anyway. so yeah. he’s doing that

OMG YOU GUYS LOOK AT DEKU’S “of all the fucking assholes to just randomly drop in on my life once again why did it have to be you” FACE THOUGH, OMG

fun fact, if you go back to chapters 124 through 160, there was an entire story arc where Overhaul imprisoned and tortured a little girl. yeah, I know!! suuuuuuuuper evil. anyways just an interesting little anecdote for you all that’s somewhat relevant to the current situation

OMG, YES. FUCK YES, DEKU

THEN WHAT ABOUT SPARING ONE FOR HER!!! YES!!! EXACTLY!!! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, SOMEONE GETS IT

HERE’S THE PANEL OF DEKU SAYING THE EXACT SAME THING I’M SAYING LOL

(ETA: so apparently there’s some discourse about this because some people are interpreting this as Deku saying “you should apologize to Eri”, which would obviously be a terrible idea even if Overhaul actually wanted to do that, because Eri shouldn’t ever have to see him again. however I just want to point out that there is a HUGE difference between saying “it would be nice if you could direct that feeling of regret/being sorry towards Eri as well”, vs saying “you should also apologize to her.” all Deku is doing is rightfully pointing out that Overhaul has hurt way more people than just his boss, and if he really is remorseful, then he should extend those feelings of remorse to Eri and the rest as well. it’s not a directive to take any specific action, and I’m 1000% sure no one at U.A. would let Overhaul within 100 miles of Eri ever again.

tl;dr “try feeling remorse sometime” =/= “do you want me to fly you over to U.A. right now to surprise the little girl you traumatized”, lol.)

[slings an arm around Deku’s shoulders] you’re a good kid. I like you. I don’t know if I tell you that enough, but it’s true

meanwhile here is Overhaul’s “spare... a thought... for Eri...???????” face sigh

the struggle is real y’all

(ETA: and that’s... the last we ever saw of Overhaul, I guess? well all right then. I assume Deku will make good on his promise, so we know he’ll get that little bit of closure before going back to jail or whatever, and I confess I’m more than fine with leaving the rest of it open-ended, especially given his character’s history. I think this was pretty generous all things considered.)

lmao holy shit

All Might what did you do to those tiki torch guys?? did you thrash them. did you give ‘em those hands. did you deliver their own asses to them complete with a sticker reminding them Amazon Prime Day is on June 21. we missed out goddammit

so Endeavor, who wasn’t the one he was asking, is telling him that they captured (well let’s be real, Deku captured, give the credit where it’s due) Nagant and Overhaul. and so I guess they’re going to take Nagant to the ER now

fire is no one’s weakness

-- oh my GOD I scrolled down and audibly gasped

[is politely but firmly approached and asked to remove my arm from Deku’s shoulder by the physical manifestation of all this Dekuangst] “we’re sorry, he’s not allowed to have visitors right now” oh shit, my bad. [goes to stand behind a police barricade]

lmao what. did you run out of room on the previous page

what an exaggerated fade to black lmao

-- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I actually can’t see what he’s reacting to so maybe I’m just seriously jumping the gun here lol, but THE HELL WITH IT. the next panel appears to be a cut to Haibori Forest, so I’m just gonna go ahead and declare that Deku ran off on his own all wounded to go have more Dekuangst, just like I manifested. now go call Katsuki goddammit

[scrolls three more inches down] oh

yeah so like I said, Deku is walking very slowly a few feet in front of Endeavor, who’s telling him to wait up. yep. we’ve all gotta be so careful to not just jump to conclusions. I know we’re excited but still

anyway, so! welcome back to Mt. Lady and Kamui Woods (ARE YOU GUYS DATING) and Edgeshot! have fun walking into this obvious trap lol

dammit Deku why are you so determined to tempt fate

[monkey puppet meme faces]

OH MY GOD THIS IS PURE GRADE-A CHEESY COMIC BOOK VILLAIN 101 SHIT AND I’M HERE FOR IT

that’s such a weird way of clapping who claps like that

unlike certain other people who shan’t be named, AFO doesn’t feel the need to inexplicably take his shirt off when recording sinister villain monologues. I think we’re all pretty grateful for that

high fives to everyone who called it!! yep yep

anyway so this whole scene has major booby-trap vibes, which I’m enjoying immensely even though I don’t think anything is really going to come of it lol. probably just another long-winded AFO Speech. but wouldn’t it be funny if like the ceiling started lowering down to try and squish Deku afterwards lol

(ETA: well the explosion was still pretty funny too ngl.)

ffff

[“Dekuangst is the trap” intensifies]

anyway so yeah. he’s just hitting up all of his usual villain talking points. we get it, you’re so smart and you see right through the thin veneers of society and people who don’t conform are left to fend for themselves and labeled as villains and history is written by the victors, and blah blah blah dude are you just jumping randomly from one soundbyte to another lol. literally what are you talking about. what does this have to do with you blowing up Nagant

-- holy shit??

[”Dekuangst is the trap” intensifies MORE?????]

LOL WHAT

BRO. WHAT IS WITH YOU. DON’T YOU KNOW HOW TO LAY ANY OTHER KIND OF FUCKING TRAP GOOD LORD

“YOU’RE NEXT” THE CALLBACK?? THE PARALLELS?? THOUGH WHEN ALL MIGHT POINTED HE MADE IT LOOK WAY COOLER. AFO’S POINTING JUST LOOKS LIKE SMOKEY THE BEAR

HAS ANYONE CHECKED IN ON KAMUI WOODS I HEAR HE IS WEAK TO FIRE?? THE ONLY ONE WHO IS, APPARENTLY

r.i.p. to this particular forest mansion. don’t worry they have a ton of backups

remember last week when I said maybe AFO thinks explosions are gauche. well never mind. he fucking loves explosions

anyway so that’s the end of BnHA, everyone. hope you enjoyed. it was a good ride while it lasted. see you all, good luck in your travels

#bnha 316 #hawks #takami keigo #lady nagant #midoriya izuku #all for one #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha #manifesting 317 opening with a slightly modified version of my previous fantasy scenario lmao #'WHADDYA MEAN THEY BLEW UP THE NERD'#that's *his* job #sorry lol I kid I kid

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dumbikawa · 4 years ago

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Fighting /W HQ Boys And Being Comforted By Their Teammate

GN!Reader | Angst to Fluff | Warnings: None

Characters: Oikawa, Akaashi

A/n: I tried to edit the format on mobile so I hope everything is in the right place lmao

OIKAWA

- Oikawa had been training much more than usual, which was already an ungodly amount as it is, leaving the two of you barely any time to talk let alone hang out.

- You understood, though, to some degree. Volleyball was his passion and Nationals was his last chance, in his mind, to prove he was good enough. Winning this was everything to him.

- You tried to bring him snacks every day either in-between classes, before practice, or after practice because it was obvious he wasn’t taking care of himself the way he should, and it pained you.

- The night before they left for Nationals, you waited for him to get out of practice so you could wish him luck in person since they’d be leaving early the following day. Your planned speech was forgotten, though, when you noticed a slight limp in his step.

- Not being able to hold back your concerns anymore, you asked him about it, and he snapped at you before heading off in the opposite direction.

- That night you walked home alone. Well, almost. Iwaizumi found you, knowing the route since often all three of you often walked together.

- He allowed you to rant about his sometimes idiotic best friend, explaining how you had been desperately trying to keep the relationship afloat, how understanding you were when he couldn’t spend any time with you, and the various ways you tried to take care of him since apparently he wasn’t capable of doing it himself. Yet, he showed his appreciation by yelling at you?

- Iwa laid a gentle hand on your shoulder, his attempt at comfort. You leaned forward and gave him a quick hug, thanking him for allowing you to just complain and blow off steam.

- What neither of you noticed, though, was an apologetic, guilty Oikawa watching as his best friend did the job he had ran here to do, and, honestly, probably doing a better job then he would’ve. It was only natural for you to gravitate to somebody who could actually be there for you, he thought. He should’ve known it would happen sooner rather than later, so he turned and walked away.

You feel slightly idiotic as you step out of your car and follow the crowd towards the packed stadium. After not returning any of your calls or texts from last night or this morning, and the last exchange you had with him being less than stellar, you’d still made the drive to watch him at Nationals because, despite all that happened, you loved him much more than he even knew, and you wouldn’t miss this for the world. Whether it ended in celebrations or tears, you wanted to be by his side through it all.

And, as heartbreaking as it was to watch their final match, you realized there would be no celebrating.

It hadn’t sunk in yet. He refused to believe the pain, the dedication, the putting everything else on hold had only led him to defeat. It wasn’t possible. He needed to stay strong, though. He couldn’t allow himself to cry afterwards with the rest of his team.

He trailed behind as they walked out of the gym, his eyes betraying him as they watered while he tried to scan the stands for a face he wasn't even sure would be there. You were another thing he had sacrificed to be here. The best thing he had in his life next to volleyball. Why would you want to see him after he was so awful? Especially when he had nothing to show for it.

Yet, there you were. The sadness he couldn’t yet express was written on your face. His eyes trailed down and noticed you were wearing one of his sweatshirts. That’s when it all came crashing down on him, and there you were to catch him.

“I-I wasn’t...I wasn’t good enough,” he stammers, his muscular body colliding with your sturdy figure. He buries his face in the crook of your neck, finding comfort in the way his sweatshirt now smelled like your perfume. “Not for my team, not for you--”

“Tooru,” you hum, his name feeling like home coming from your lips, “what are you talking about ‘for you’?” You place your hands on either side of his face, pulling him back just enough so you can look into his teary eyes.

“I saw you with Iwa after I--” His face contorts in pain as he thinks back to his words from last night and more tears spill past his lashes. “You turned to someone else because of me.”

Your heart breaks at the thought of him seeing that and thinking that you’d begun to move on from him, as if that were even a possibility.

“No, no, baby. I was upset, yes, but Iwa was just making sure I was okay. He could never replace the love I feel being in your arms or the butterflies I get when kissing you. Nobody could.” Oikawa feels his rigid body softening at your words, allowing himself to believe that’s the truth.. “I wish you would take care of yourself, or, at least, let me help pick up the slack. I’m so proud of you, your team is proud of you, and, most importantly, you are good enough, okay?” He wasn’t sure there were any tears left for him to cry, but another wave of sobs rack through his body. You pull him closer, whispering reassurances and sweet nothings for only him to hear while tracing soft circles on his back.

He felt a weight lifting off his shoulders as he allowed himself to relax in your arms. He wasn’t sure if it was from knowing you were still there for him, or if it was because, regardless of how it ended, it was all over and that provided a confusing relief in itself.

All he focused on, though, was the thought that there was no one else he wanted by his side for the rest of his life.

AKAASHI

- Akaashi felt the self-doubt creeping up on him. It seemed like he’d been on a steady decline in nearly every aspect of his life lately; volleyball, school, and even his relationship with you.

- His sets felt messy and it was only a matter of time before his team would take notice of it. And with practice nearly every night after school, he wasn’t finding the time to get the work done that he needed for classes. Then there was you. He never thought he was good enough for you and with everything else weighing his mood down, he didn’t want to make you feel bad, too.

- That’s when he’d put up a wall between him and everybody else, including you.

- You knew the moment he pulled back and decided to give him some space for a week or two, hoping that’s what he needed.

- When that didn’t work, you decided to ask him about it. Even if he didn’t want to talk about it, perhaps just knowing you were still there would be enough to make him feel a little better.

- Safe to say, it didn’t go as you’d planned.

- “I have to get these assignments done, y/n, I don’t have time to talk.” Keiji, I just want to-- “Y/n! I can’t right now, can’t you see? I can’t deal with this at the moment.”

- You didn’t feel like fighting, so you left, letting the door slam shut behind you.

For the first time since you and Keiji started dating, you wore your own hoodie to school. There was no inherent statement behind it, but if he wanted to take it as some sort of low blow you didn’t care. It had been a couple days since you left his house with tears pooling in your eyes and it felt like your heart was hurting more and more each day the two of you didn’t talk.

Bokuto could tell there was something off between the two of you. He’d observed it weeks before, but figured it wasn’t his place to necessarily say anything. At this point, though, it had been going on for too long and he didn’t like seeing two of his closest friends hurting.

“Hey y/n!” Bokuto’s cheery call cut through your miserable mood. You hadn’t been swinging by to watch practice and avoided the dining hall, so you weren’t seeing him as much as you’re used to. You found it easy to return his ear to ear grin and began walking with him in the direction of the gym.

“It might not be my place to ask, but what happened?” The smile slipped right off your face and you had to physically turn away to avoid meeting his puppy dog eyes that would have you telling him everything.

Your eyes begin to water as your mind walks back through that night. A scoff leaves your lips as you begin to dab away the escaping tears. Bokuto, alarmed and guilty that he made you cry, envelops you in a bone-crushing hug. It felt...incredible, though. In trying to get Akaashi to open up, you forgot to follow your own advice.

Everything spilled out as you let the tears fall on Bokuto’s blazer. How Akaashi had pulled away so you tried to give him space. That when you attempted to talk to him about it he lashed out at you. Bokuto listened thoughtfully, recognizing times he’d seen his friend put up these same walls before. There wasn’t much he could offer in the way of advice, but all you needed was for him to listen.

Akaashi watched you pull away from Bokuto’s arms and laugh at something he’d said, a genuine smile gracing your lips. It hadn’t occurred to him how long it’d been since he saw you smile like that. He felt awful for what he said the other day and regretted it all the moment he saw the hurt on your face. Letting you go seemed like the best thing to do because maybe then you could find somebody to make you smile instead of cry. And, perhaps, you already had.

He closes his eyes with a sigh, letting himself slide down to the floor, thinking about the way you were smiling and imagining a scenario where it was because of him.

“Keiji?” Your soft voice pulls him from his thoughts as he looks up to see you standing a little bit away from him, an unsure look on your face.

“Y/n.” Everything he wants to say is stuck in his throat, so he settles for a simple, “I’m so sorry.” It wasn’t enough, he knows, but you still sit down next to him.

“What’s going on in your head?” You hug your knees close to your body and turn to look at him. He wants so badly to reach out and hold your face, watching your eyes drift close when you lean into his touch.

“You deserve better. Someone happier like Bo. I’m not a good boyfriend--”

“When did you become a liar?” You cut him off, wanting to stop his harmful train of thinking immediately. He’s taken aback, not sure what to say, so you continue. “Do you remember when you brought me my favorite food because my favorite character died? Or how whenever we’re in a crowd you put your hand behind your back for me to hold so we don’t get separated?” He wants to smile, thinking back to those moments, but remembering the things he said the other day stops him.

“But I’ve been so horrible to you recently.”

“You haven’t been horrible, Keiji. You’ve just got a lot going on up there. There’s no pressure to tell me about it, but I’m here and I’m not leaving unless you really want me to.”

Nothing else had to be said. He leans forward and rests his head on your shoulder. Your arm goes around him, a physical affirmation that your words are true. One talk wasn’t going to solve everything. The self-doubt would still be there, and they might always be. But he felt comfort in the fact that he could share more with you without that fear of bringing you down with him.

#haikyuu!!#haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu!! x reader #haikyuu x reader #oikawa x reader #akaashi x reader #oikawa fluff #akaashi fluff #oikawa angst #akaashi angst #oikawa headcanons #akaashi headcanons #oikawa torū #akaashi keiji #haikyuu #akaashi keji x reader #oikawa toru x reader

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sleepy-belphie · 4 years ago

Note

I have a request if you’re up for it. An MC who just arrived in the Devildom who’s lover just dumped them the day prior. The bros know MC isn’t emotionally or romantically available at the time but the bros still fall in love regardless. How will the bros handle the situation? Thank you! 🙏💗

Hi! I sort of took this idea and ran with it and wrote basically a headcanon short story for each bro lmao. Sorry I got a bit carried away but I hope you like this and it satisfies you! :)

Also thank you so much @midnight-dome for the help with Asmo, you’re a lifesaver

Tags: @kawaiiblack

~~~~~

Lucifer:

The success of the program depends on your wellbeing

So he checks in on you every other day like clockwork

“Is there anything you need to make your stay more comfortable?”

You always say no

At first, he’s glad you’re staying in

Because it means less trouble for him

But when you skip all of your classes one day, he comes to your room ready to give you a firm reminder of your tasks here

He’s about to knock when he hears you sob

Now, Lucifer has heard a lot of crying in his life

But he’s never heard someone sound so completely broken

He shocks himself when he turns on his heels and walks away

He shocks himself even more when he texts the group chat and demands everyone leaves you alone for the day

That evening he comes into your room with a small plate of food

By then you were are least on top of your sheets

You knew he was gonna ask the same question as always

But this time, his words were different

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Help?”

He simply nods

And though he didn’t outright say what he meant by help, you knew

“I...don’t know?”

“Hm, okay. I’m going to listen to some music in my study. The door will be unlocked should you wish to join me.”

Then he’s gone

The few precious moments Lucifer isn’t working, he prefers to not be disturbed

So why on earth did he invite you to join him in his study?

He doesn’t have time to ponder it because the door opens and you come in with a blanket wrapped around you

The first night you both listen in comfortable silence

A few nights in, you start asking Lucifer about the records he puts on and he has no qualms educating you on it

On night 10 you tell him about the breakup

Once you’re done he, again, asks the same question

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

‘You’ve done more than enough to help me Lucifer, thank you.”

He finds himself blushing from the sincerity in your eyes and the warmth in your smile

That night you fall asleep before the record finishes

Surely you’d wake up aching if he left you in a chair

So he picks you up, carries you to your room, and tucks you into bed carefully

He tells himself he’s doing it for Diavolo

It’s for the program, this is his job

He’s gonna need time to accept his own feelings before he can tell you anything

For now, he’ll keep doing his “job” and spending evenings with you

Mammon:

He didn’t want to be your babysitter

He was a busy guy! He had stuff to do, money to make, things to steal

Some days he gets Beelzebub to keep an eye on you so he can do what he wants

One night in particular he heads to your room to make sure you won’t interfere with his plans

“Yo! The Great Mammon has things to do so don’t-”

He pauses when he sees you sitting on your bed with your headphones plugged into your laptop

He would have assumed you were just watching a sad movie by the tears streaks on your face

But the pain in your eyes…

He’s seen that look before

His brothers held that same look the day they fell from Heaven and lost Lilith

Mammon sits on the bed and you jump, finally noticing him

You expected him to make fun of you but instead, he grabs the tissue box on your bedside table and hands it to you

He glances at your laptop to see what you were watching and sees a paused video of you and someone else

You tell him about the breakup and Mammon listens closely

“What a jerk! Ya deserve better than that! I’d teach ‘em a lesson if they ever showed their face around here!”

You smile for the first time since he came in the room and he feels like he’s done something right

“How about we get some late-night food? I know a 24-hour restaurant with the best baked newt ever. Your treat.”

He’s shocked when you agree

He makes a point to hang out with you more often

He can’t recall exactly when you went from “a human” to “his human”

Maybe it was when you held his hand while you erased all your photos and videos of your ex from your computer

Or when you texted him at 3am because you couldn’t sleep and before he could even think about it he was up and on his way to your room

Or when he spotted you in one of his jackets while walking home from RAD

But his greed was kicking in and he wanted you to be his and only his

However, much like he puts himself first, he knows you need to do the same

So though his nature and mind wants to kiss you silly and have you for himself

Part of him knows he’ll ruin things if he lets his greed take over

So he’ll fight his nature and try his best to be patient

Leviathan:

He had been playing one of his games online

He’s on a big winning streak and feeling a bit cocky

He sees he’s been matched with someone else so he gets into gamer mode

Then he loses the first round

He’s a bit shocked and pissed that his streak was now broken but he has to prove his superiority to whoever this opponent was

So he rematches them

And loses again

And again

He loses 7 rounds in a row

By this point he is fuming

So like any salty gamer he sends a very lengthy, angry message to their inbox

Accusing them of using cheats and hacks because there was no way anyone was more skilled than him at this game

He gets a reply a few minutes later

“Um.....is this Leviathan? Avatar of Envy? It’s MC…”

You knew it was Levi because his username is the same across all his social media platforms

Cue Levi barreling into your room a minute later

“How are you so good!? You’re cheating, aren’t you!? You cheater!’

You weren’t cheating, you just had been playing games day in and day out to distract yourself so you got really good at it

Levi all but demands you to come to his room and show him what you know

You were already playing all night anyway so why not play with someone?

Initially, Levi would have you come over just to show him your tactics

(Also to get some team wins on his stats because he never has anyone to play with)

But you were actually pretty chill for a normie

Maybe if he exposed you to his otaku ways you would take to them and he wouldn’t be the only one in the house anymore!

You don’t become an otaku but you do get invested in almost every anime he shows you

He starts inviting you over for midnight premieres of new episodes

He starts buying extra merch because what if you wanted one?

He was used to disproving looks from his brothers when he mass buys stuff from Akuzon

But you only smile and listen when he tells you about his new special edition item

You never once judged him and his unconventional ways

This epiphany makes him extra nervous for your weekly hangouts

It was only a matter of time before you came across a break up in an anime

When the episode ended you told him about your break up and how the protagonist reminded you of yourself because they also were taking a break from love

Levi has seen this anime before actually

He remembers how the protagonist reacted to a side character confessing to them and it went bad

So while he knows he likes you, he holds off on saying anything because the last thing he wants is to be a bad story arc in your life

Lucky for him he’s always a flustered blushing mess so you shouldn’t suspect a thing

Satan:

He is the Avatar of Wrath so whenever there is rage, he is aware

He feels anger radiating through the house one day and thinks his brothers are just fighting again

Imagine his surprise when he realizes the source of the anger is coming from your room

He walks in and sees you throwing things around and screaming, your room was destroyed

He sees you’re about to step on some glass and instantly swoops in and picks you up so you don’t hurt yourself

But then you curl up against him and burst into tears

He stands there, not quite sure what to do

He ends up sitting on the bed and letting you cry for a while

You word vomit about your break up and he listens carefully and notes the anger welling up inside you as you speak

He knows all too well what anger can do to someone and a fragile human shouldn’t have to go through that

“Would you like some tea?”

He can spare 30 minutes for some small talk with the human if it meant that you wouldn’t be left in your thoughts

You look at him like he has three heads but agree because your room is a mess and you don’t wanna deal with it right now

Tea time becomes a daily occurrence and soon enough it escalates to full-on hangouts

Going to the bookstore, going to cat cafes, going wherever you wanted to really

One time you both took a day trip to the human world

Lucifer wasn’t happy to find out his brother and you were gone for an entire day but he lets it go when he sees that you’re smiling genuinely for the first time in weeks

What Satan didn’t expect was how these outings made him feel

He finds himself distracted from his books because he can’t stop thinking about how cute you looked holding that black cat at the cafe

Or how happy you looked when you took him to that ice cream shop in your hometown that you really love

He wakes up and you’re the first thing to pop into his mind

He’s not dumb, he knows he’s fallen in love

But he also knows this isn’t the right time, you aren’t ready

So he’ll keep being there for you as a friend

And if you ever want him to be there as something more, he’ll happily oblige

Asmodeus:

There was a movie night at the House of Lamentation

Today’s movie was an action movie, courtesy of Mammon

Amidst all the face punching and explosions, there was a budding romance between the main characters

After the third obnoxious makeout scene, you leave the room claiming you need to go to the restroom

But you leave just a *little* too fast and Asmo can feel something is up

And he thrives on gossip so he intends to find out what is it

He leaves the room a few minutes later and catches you in the hallway, determined to get you to spill the tea

You tell him about the breakup

He wasn’t prepared for the tea to be so bitter

“Oh. Well, you know what’s good for that? Face masks!”

He had to save face somehow and beauty was his default

He’s a bit shocked when you agree but you both ditch movie night to do face masks and talk a bit

He decides to share a couple of bad date experiences he’s had to make you feel better

“Trust me, you haven’t felt embarrassment until you have someone vomit Enfield brains on your new pants and shoes while at one of the hottest clubs in the Devildom.”

You spent the entire night giggling and listening to his stories

Devildom products are surprisingly effective on your skin so you keep asking Asmo to show you new products

Plus his company is nice

Self-care days become a common occurrence

Then those self-care days become self-care sleepovers

He starts intentionally waiting to try anything new because he wants you to be there when he does

He buys more of those scented candles you told him smelled nice

A few weeks later you’re having a self-care sleepover again and you have this really cute focused look on your face while painting your nails

He knows he likes you, but this was different than his usual attraction

He didn’t want to fuck you

Well he did but not just fuck you

He wouldn’t mind if there was something more

But you routinely ended your self-care nights by yelling ‘Fuck love!’ at the top of your lungs and laughing

So he knows now isn’t the time and he’s actually okay with that

You were a sight to behold regardless of his relationship status with you

But he hopes you’ll indulge in him one day

Beelzebub:

Mammon keeps pushing his human watching duties on Beel

But he doesn’t really care because he’s being paid in cheesecake

After his third day of keeping an eye on you, he notices you aren’t eating much

Being the Avatar of Gluttony, this is basically a crime

He starts bringing extra snacks with him when he hangs out with you

“I think the chocolate flavor is better than the vanilla. What do you think?”

He actually doesn’t have a preference

He just wants to know which snacks you like more so he can bring more of them

He makes a game out of it so you don’t think about how much you’re eating

“It motivates me to work out longer when I get a snack, could you help me?”

You sit on his back and after every pushup, you both eat a bit of whatever snack he has

He keeps going until he thinks you’ve eaten a decent amount

Or you say you’re getting full

Belphie notices that Beel is refilling his snack stash more often but he doesn’t say anything

Beel feels an immense sense of accomplishment when you finish your plate at dinner a few days later

Soon after you tell him about the breakup

“It hit me hard but you made it easier to cope, Beel. These hangouts are the highlight of my day so thank you.”

There’s a certain pang Beel gets in his stomach when he’s really hungry

Somehow your words made that pang happen in his chest

But this didn’t hurt him, quite the opposite actually

He felt good, he felt happy

It was strange for his stomach to be the quiet one while his heart went wild

But this wasn’t a change he minded too much

He wasn’t sure what to make of it but he knows he wants to figure it out with you

And he’ll take his time doing so because he liked how things were now

Belphegor:

He’s intrigued by you after the first week of your stay

He’s never seen a human who slept as much as he did

Frankly, he was impressed

Until Lucifer informed everyone about your recent breakup and made it clear to not upset you

That’s when Belphie realized these were not the leisurely naps he takes, but depression naps

One day he sees you sleeping in the living room and you looked so distressed

Sleeping was meant to be a peaceful state but you looked so unhappy

So he wakes you up

“You’re in my sleeping spot.”

You weren’t in his sleeping spot.

“Oh sorry, I’ll move-”

“You’re already here. We can both fit.”

Before you can protest he’s all comfy next to you and falling back asleep

Having another person next to you was kind of comforting so you let it go and go back to sleep

What you didn’t know was Belphie could partially influence your dreams

He can make them more pleasant but he can’t control what you dream about

He knows it works when he wakes up and you have a relaxed expression on your sleeping face

You wake up soon after looking confused

“Good dream?”

“I think? I had a dream I rode a unicorn to the moon then carved my initials into it?”

Napping together in the living room becomes a routine

And every time you woke up you told him about the dream you had with a small smile

A few weeks later he notices he no longer has to influence your dreams for them to be good

So he leaves you be and instead curls up in the attic for his afternoon nap

He wakes up a bit when he feels someone lay down next to him

It’s probably Beel

“Why didn’t you tell me you moved napping spots?”

His eyes open and he looks over to see you pouting at him

“I just sorta ended up here.”

“Well, I can’t nap without my cuddle buddy now can I?”

You’re teasing him and he should be annoyed

But he’s blushing

He spoons you to hide that fact, resting his forehead on your shoulder

But while your dreams were getting better, it didn’t mean you were ready to move on

So he just enjoys his intimate cuddling sessions with you and tries not to think too hard about the fact that he really likes how your body fits against his

#obey me #obey me headcanons #obey me fluff #obey me lucifer x reader #obey me mammon x reader #obey me levi x reader #obey me satan x reader #obey me asmo x reader #obey me beel x reader #obey me belphie x reader #annazonabeth

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otakusheep15 · 3 years ago

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SFW Alphabet - Simeon

This man seriously owns my entire heart. Like, I would trade all of the brothers just to be with him, no questions asked lmao

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Surprisingly, he’s not that affectionate. Well, at least not physically. He enjoys spending time with you and being in the same room, but he hardly ever craves psychical affection like the brothers do. The farthest he usually goes is hand-holding and maybe a little hand kiss too, but he rarely goes beyond that unless he’s feeling especially clingy that day. Just being near you is enough for him really.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Friendship with him can go one of two ways. He’d either baby you like he does with Luke, or lowkey bully you like he does with Lucifer, no in between. It really depends on how you are as a person and how he sees you. If he sees you as someone who needs protecting and is a bot more on the childish side, you’ll totally be another Luke to him. And if you’re someone whose more on the opposite end of that spectrum, calm, composed, serious, he’ll treat you more like he does Lucifer. But he loves you all the same.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Cuddling is probably the one exception to the lack of physical affection. He loves nothing more than to curl up next to you in bed after a long day of dealing with RAD, Luke, and Solomon’s “cooking”. He especially loves laying his head on your chest so that he can listen to your heartbeat. It just calms him down and reminds him that you’re really here with him.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Man is the definition of malewife (besides Barb), so of course he’s amazing at any kind of chore. He’s also gotten quite good at household chores after having to take care of Luke for so long. And, trust me, he would love to settle down with you. Maybe Luke could come along too? That would be ideal.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

He’d be super gentle about it. The last thing he wants is to make the situation any worse than it’s gonna get, so he breaks the news as calmly as possible. If the situation did somehow escalate, he would try is best to get everything under control lest someone get hurt (physically or emotionally).

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

As much as he’d love to get married, he also wants to take it slow. He understands that relationships need time to develop, so he wants to wait until both of you are absolutely sure before going any further. After all, marriage is a big commitment to an angel, so it’s important that everything is perfect.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

He is so gentle. Like, he’s the best when it comes to care. Maybe it’s just his instincts as an angel, but he feels the need to protect you from any harm whatsoever. He always makes sure he has permission before touching you anywhere, and he’s constantly checking up on you and making sure you’re feeling well. really, he just wants you to feel as comfortable as possible with him.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

He likes hugs, but he doesn’t give them out too often. It’s almost always you who goes to him for hugs first unless he’s in a really good mood. But he’ll never deny anyone who does want a hug, especially you (and Luke).

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Honestly, he probably waits a while before saying it. In fact, you might end up being the one to say it first. He wants to take things slow, and the last thing he wants is to make you feel rushed by saying it too quickly. He loves you very much, and you’re both highly aware of that, but actually saying the words takes time for him.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Surprisingly, he gets really jealous really easily. Not so surprisingly, he’s very good at hiding it. He just hates how much time you spend with the brothers, and he’ll use anything to get you to come over. His most common excuses usually involve either Luke or Solomon needing supervision and him needing help with that. He never means to guilt trip or gaslight, but he lowkey might if it means getting you to him quicker.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

He is a sucker for for hand kisses, both giving and receiving. They’re just so romantic to him, and they don’t take much effort either. His kisses, regardless of where they are, are super loving and romantic. All he wants to do is sweep you off your feet and make you feel loved.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

*cough*Luke*cough* All jokes aside, he does really love children. He just loves how innocent and joyful they can be, and he loves how they speak their minds since most don’t have a filter. The chaos they can get into is also an added bonus, even if it can be a hassle to clean up afterwards.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Mornings can go one of two ways. The preferred way is you two waking up around the same time and just staying in bed for a couple hours enjoying each other’s company. These mornings are usually filled with sweet words and soft touches. The other, less preferred way, is absolute chaos. It doesn’t matter if you stay at the HoL or PH, there will be chaos. And one (or both) of you is going to have to fix it.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

He tends to stay up late working, so you can either go to bed and he’ll join later, or you can stay up with him. Either way, he’ll try and finish up as quickly as possible so that he can curl up with you in bed. If his day was especially stressful, he’ll hold you close to him and rant about all of his worries. Side note: please pet his hair, he deserves it.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

He’s actually pretty open with you, which is kinda surprising. I mean, he does have his secrets he’d much rather keep, but who doesn’t. However, he also knows the value of trust in a relationship, so he tries his hardest to be open and honest with you as possible. He hopes that you’ll do the same as well.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

The freakin definition of patience. He’s dealt with so much throughout his life, so he’s grown to have an amazing temperament. Of course he can get annoyed (*cough*the play*cough*) but he does so well at controlling it most of the time. This patience is specifically applied to you and Luke. You could literally murder someone and he probably still wouldn’t be mad.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He’d remember most of what you say, but he’d hardly ever utilize it like some of the brothers do. He’ll use the information in more subtle ways. You mention. a certain flavor of cake you like? He makes sure Luke makes some during hsi next baking session. Any shows you enjoy? He may not watch them depending on the length, but he’ll do some research on them so that he can talk to you about it.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

His favorite memory is this one time you came over to bake with Luke. Luke, precious thing, was trying out this new recipe, and he was super excited about it. But, of course, Solomon had to come in and mess everything up and now the kitchen and half the house is a mess. Luke is super upset, Solomon is lowkey enjoying it, and Simeon is there watching the world burn around him. And through it all, you stayed there and helped them clean up even when you didn’t have to. He just found it so sweet that you took the time to help Luke and also the rest of the Hall as well. It ended up being a fun day even if he did scold Solomon for hours afterwards.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

He’s decently protective, but that’s mostly is angelic instincts. Angels have that natural instinct to protect humans, so he had that urge even before you two became a thing. And that urge only became stronger as you two got closer. However, his protection comes in more subtle ways, like most of his gestures. Someone getting a bit too close to you? He’ll put his arm about you and slowly back you away. The brothers are fighting again? He’ll step in front of you to make sure you’re not caught in the cross-fire.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Like pretty much everything else, he’s much more subtle with his dates. He prefers more lowkey options, like a picnic or just hanging out in either his room or yours. You guys never do anything over-the-top, and he likes it that way.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

He tends to prioritize others over himself a lot, and he’s been trying to work on it for a while. And, obviously, he’s terrible with tech. I honestly have no clue how he’s survived this long not knowing how a D.D.D. works past the basics.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He’s naturally pretty, so he doesn’t need to care. Jokes aside, he isn’t one to particularly care for his looks. He does want to look nice and presentable, but it isn’t usually a top priority compared to someone like Asmo or Mammon.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

WIthout a doubt. He tends to get attached to people very easily, and you’re no exception. Once you two being getting close, it’s over for him. From then on, he’s attached to you. If something were to happen to you, he would simply cease to exist.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

He and Michael totally had something going on at one point. Maybe they still have something going on. Hell, maybe even Luci was involved at one point. I have no clue where this idea came from, but it’s in my head and so now all of you are being subjected to it as well.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

People who dislike Luke are a big no for him. Sorry, they’re a package deal. You want him? Well, now you have a child too.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

He tends to make noises in his sleep. It’s not really cohearent words or anything, more just like light snores and stuff. Kinda like a dog when it really gets into a dream, ya know?

#OBEY ME #shall we date obey me #shall we date simeon #scenarios #sfw alphabet #Headcanon

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sunshineseung · 4 years ago

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Little Secret // Changbin

🍄 | genre: smut mini-series ☁️ | pairing: Seo Changbin x female!reader 🌿 | wc: 2k 🌸 | includes: plot *yawn*, masturbation, fear of being caught, actually being caught, most of the hot and heavy stuff happens in the other parts lmao

☀️ | synopsis: Seo Changbin is your brother’s best friend. He comes over all the time, and you practically grew up together. If only you hadn’t gotten a crush on him. If only he knew how hard you had fallen for him.

You and your brother had never been as close as your parents had hoped. Jisung was always loud and obnoxious, making friends everywhere he went and never looking back. You were much more comfortable by yourself, spending night after night alone while Jisung was out partying. Your shelf was full of books and fandom memorabilia while your brother’s shelf was covered in dust and toy robots from his youth he refused to get rid of. His GTA V poster covered the wall next to his bed while the only decoration in your room was the fairy lights and fake vines around the perimeter of your walls. These fundamental differences pushed you away from your brother, and after several years, you turned more into a punchline for Jisung to discussed jokingly with his friends while he was just the annoying older brother you’d wished would move out.

As much as you wanted to leave home and go to a prestigious college, your parents insisted you go to the same local college as Jisung for at least a year “just to try it out,” a.k.a they didn’t have enough money to send you away, which was reasonable. You and your brother, still under the same roof, fought to no end over the smallest things: loud music, messy bathroom, eating each other’s leftovers. Just about anything was fair game when the light-hearted hatred was so tense.

There was one bright side, though. Since Jisung entered Kindergarten, he was close to a boy named Changbin. You grew up with Changbin at your house, and even when your family moved 20 minutes away from him, he would always be there. There was nothing separating Jisung and Changbin.

You’d be lying if you said you didn’t have the slightest crush on Changbin. While Jisung was only one year older than you, Changbin was two years older, and that initially intimidated you. His intimidating and off putting nature is what drew you in, but his glowing smile and gorgeous face only made you fall harder. You couldn’t explain your feelings for Changbin when you were in middle school, and even now, it was hard to describe the overwhelming nervousness that overcomes you when you’re in his vicinity. As high school went on, you knew you couldn’t be with him, but while you had your head in books throughout high school, Changbin was going to his college’s gym. His smile was one thing, and that was good for a middle school crush, but his insane arm and chest muscles send you through the moon in high school, and the image of Changbin shirtless at your neighborhood pool has been etched in your brain since your junior year of high school.

But now you’re in college. You’re a greasy little freshman while Changbin is a worn-out junior. There’s no way in hell you can shoot your shot, even if you’re both adults. And to make things even more impossible, Jisung would never allow his best friend to date his little sister. That would ruin him.

As improbable as it was, you still loved to fantasize about Changbin, spending most of your time alone daydreaming about his sculpted body above yours, praising you and making you feel like the only girl in the world.

🍓🍰🐤🍀💐🍯

“Sis, could you put on some actual clothes, jeez.” Jisung covered his eyes dramatically as you entered the kitchen in your very appropriate shorts and tee shirt. You rolled your eyes and scoffed at him, punching him in the shoulder lightly.

“Changbin’s been coming over for how long? It’s fine.” Your response sounded steady, but your mind was buzzing. You didn’t know Changbin was coming over! Why are you never told about these things?! At this point, you should have assumed given it was a Friday night, but you’d still like some warning.

“Just because he’s used to it doesn’t mean he should be subjected to it!” Jisung went into the living room, arguing with you under his breath. Another stupid mini-fight for a stupid reason.

If anything, the information that Changbin was coming over would have only prompted you further to wear shorts and a thin tee shirt with no bra. As shy as you usually were, you still had the inexplicable want to be noticed by Changbin, even for a moment. Unfortunately, your brother adamantly tried to hide you from his friend, probably knowing Changbin always gets what he wants.

Jisung always babied you infront of Changbin, so you usually just stay in your room to protect yourself, and you’re sure Jisung would prefer that. Your parents worked late nights attempting to pay for their children’s college tuition, so when they came home well after midnight, they’d go straight to bed, uncaring for their adult children’s wearabouts. This gave Jisung the perfect opportunity to be as loud as he wanted in the living room, whether it was with a girl or one of his friends.

Tonight was going to be one of those loud nights, but that was nothing new. You always had a surefire way to fall asleep, regardless of the chatter going on downstairs.

🍓🍰🐤🍀💐🍯

It was midnight. Why was he still here? You wanted to sleep more than anything, but the ruckus of your brother and his best friend chatting loudly downstairs prevented you from getting any sort of shuteye.

However, the only thing that can help you sleep is Changbin, or at least the thought of him. You reached to your bedside drawer and pulled out your bullet vibrator. If anything was going to help you sleep, it was an orgasm while imagining Changbin railing you like you’ve always wanted him to do since high school.

Although you hated to admit it, your thoughts of Changbin had been drifting towards the smuttier side since those days at the pool. All you could think about to get yourself off was Changbin, and no amount of other casual romantic partners could satiate your burning desire for Seo Changbin to fuck you on every surface in the house, including in your brother’s room while he was away. Every time you’d overhear Changbin talking about a new girl or his plentiful sex life, your face would flush red and you would wish that one day, he’d talk about you, but maybe not to Jisung. That would be too weird.

You undressed lazily, tossing your shirt and shorts onto the ground. You hesitated to take your underwear off, but there was no way you could properly get off with them on. Your panties joined the pile of clothes on the floor, and you spread your legs, tracing your fingers through your own heat, spreading your wetness across your holds. Your free hand eases the cold vibrator onto your clit, pressing the button at the top to turn it on. You bucked your hips into the toy, shutting your eyes and pretending that it’s Changbin holding it onto you, teasing you gently with every movement. His voice from downstairs echoed to your room, and the more you imagined his voice whispering the dirtiest sweet nothings into your ear, the closer you got to release.

🍓🍰🐤🍀💐🍯

This was just supposed to be a fun little game of truth or dare, a common occurrence between Changbin and Jisung. Truth or dare was their way to let their feelings out and have a bit of fun. Before suggesting a movie, Jisung offered his friend one last truth or dare.

“Dare.” Changbin crosses his arms, waiting for Jisung to respond to his response.

After a moment, Jisung’s face contorted into a smile like that of the Grinch before he stole Christmas. Changbin knew nothing good could come from that expression, but nevertheless, he was interested in what awful, terrible, no good idea his friend had come up with.

“I dare you to go upstairs and scare my sister.”

“That’s it?” Changbin was beyond confused. He’d thought Jisung had come up with a dare so evil, so vile, so wicked, that only the devil himself could come up with it, but to be fair, Jisung could easily have been more sinful than the devil.

“That’s it!” Jisung clapped his hands together in seeming victory. “Sneak up those stairs, go to the second room on the right, barge in, and give my good little sister a good little scare.” Jisung wasn’t letting go of his smirk. He still looked sinister, even after explaining such a boring, and honestly disappointing, dare. Changbin sighed, shrugged, and stood up from his seat, but before he could turn around, Jisung had one last thing to say: “Don’t take too long up there! I want to finish this movie.”

Changbin rolled his eyes and trudged on, tip-toeing up the stairs so you didn’t even hear him coming. Jisung was vibrating with giddiness, but Changbin couldn’t see. All he saw was the door to your room, looking more menacing than ever before. It’s such a lighthearted prank, why was Changbin so scared now? He reached for the doorknob, turned it quietly, and pushed the door open as fast as possible.

His first scream was that of a shitty jump scare in a horror movie, but his second scream was that of terror with a high-pitched tone. Nothing could have prepared him to see you, his best friend’s sister, a freshman at the college he was a junior in, with a vibrator pressed against your nether region. You were totally naked aside from your shirt that was pushed up over your tits. The sight made his body go pale, and he felt his soul leave his body. He didn’t run away; he was just frozen, but you hardly would have noticed him if it hadn’t been for his stereotypically girly scream. You threw your duvet over yourself, wrapping yourself up like a burrito.

“What the fuck, Changbin?” You raised your voice slightly, hardly able to yell since your voice was hoarse from the orgasm you’d just been denied by the rude interruption. Changbin couldn’t speak. He couldn’t even think, let alone defend himself. He stood in your doorway, eyes blown out, hand practically glued to the door handle. Jisung’s manic laughing can be heard from downstairs, but both your mind and Changbin’s were too fuzzy to tune in, although your minds were fuzzy for differing reasons.

Changbin let go of the handle and shut the door behind him. You squirm under your blanket burrito, adjusting yourself and getting ready for an attack from Changbin, but he doesn’t come near you. His back hits the door, and he holds his chest where his heart is. Once he calms down for a moment, he’s finally ready to speak.

“Y/n, I’m so sorry.” He takes a step towards you, but you lean back, scared of what he’s going to do to you. “Jisung dared me to scare you, and I- I didn’t know you were up here… doing that. I-”

“Changbin,” you cut him off, “just get out.”

He doesn’t move. He collects his thoughts one last time and takes another step closer to your bed. “Did you finish?”

“Changbin!” Your vocal cords had healed since being hoarse just seconds ago, and you were finally able to fully raise your voice.

“I’m gonna go back downstairs, but when that movie’s over, text me.” Fuck, you forgot you had his number. “I want to make it up to you.”

You’re beyond hesitant, but after a minute, you nod, and Changbin leaves your room without a word.

🍓🍰🐤🍀💐🍯

An hour passes, and you reach over to your nightstand and grab your phone. Your messenger app stays open on the window with the empty text screen under Changbin’s contact. Ow, this is hurting your brain to think about. How could you ever get over yourself for fucking your brother’s friend, let alone the friend that’s watched you grow up. This was a mistake. Turn back now. Don’t text him, don’t text him, don’t text him.

Fuck it.

Your fingers fluttered over the screen, repeatedly typing and deleting the same message until it was perfect.

Is the movie over?

The ellipsis text bubble appears in the corner and your heart drops. You know your face is bright red, but you can’t help be excited while simultaneously feeling terrified.

The movie ended 10 minutes ago. You ready for me, princess?

No no no no no no no no

Ready when you are ;)

Oh my god oh my god oh my god

Come out to my car. I want to take you to my apartment so your brother can’t hear us.

No turning back now.

#skz smut #stray kids smut #seo changbin smut #changbin smut #skz changbin smut #stray kids changbin smut #kpop smut

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wind0wg0blin · 4 years ago

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Can you do something with Slashers and a hurt s/o?

I think this will work! Picked my fav boys lmao

Leather face/Thomas Hewitt

You had been fumbling around in the kitchen late one night. You hadn't bothered to turn on any lights not wanting to wake anyone up with your late night snacking.

Though all this consideration was for naught as your little toe catches on the edge of a chair that hadn't been pushed in. You let out a sharp cry more so in surprise then in pain. Though it was more than enough to alert Thomas.

You were awkwardly leaning against the counter holding your foot as you heard the heavy footsteps thundering up the cellar stairs. The overhead light was on in an instant and soon enough that large familiar figure was at your side.

"Sorry just stubbed my toe is all." You reassured as Thomas loomed over you with a critical gaze, his hands hovering in the space between you.

A cranky grumble and you were being swept off your feet and carried off back upstairs towards your bedroom.

Thomas hates seeing you in pain or uncomfortable. By extension you hurting, is him hurting.

Will drop everything to get something for you or to help you. All you gotta do is ask.

Please you are going to give him heart problems

Jason Voorhees

You hadn't been watching where you were walking. Again. Wandering the woods alone was dangerous normally but these woods in particular. It was only a matter of time before you stumbled and suddenly felt a shocking pain race up your leg. Your foot was sunk into a deep hole, ankle torked at an unnatural angle.

With no one around for help and no way to call for aid you forced yourself to your feet and made the maddening walk back to your cabin. By the time you made it to the porch you all but collapsed on the steps tears welling in your eyes from the pain. Partially curled in on yourself, you didn’t notice the approaching figure stalking forward from the woods, eyes fixated on your trembling form.

So distracted by the pain of your now very swollen ankle. It wasn't till you were being hoisted off the ground that you realized you had a visitor. You were quickly carried inside and placed on the sofa while Jason moved off towards the kitchen. You made work of pulling off your boots and jacket biting down on a blanket as you removed the boot from the sore appendage.

Jason soon returned, placing a bag of ice and a bottle of assorted painkillers in your lap. With reassurance you were now fine and not dying. He gives you a soft wave farewell and lets himself out while you tuck yourself into the couch knowing the trip to your bedroom would not be worth it.

Isn’t overbearing at all really. He knows you are going to get hurt and the most he can do is be ready to patch you up when you show up later with skinned knees and new bruises from slipping on some wet leaves.

By no means is he happy with you hurting yourself. He is just realistic with the fact that you are a clutz more often than not and you are not as accustomed to the woods as he is.

More than happy to help you patch yourself up. He had a lot of injuries as a kid so he knows how to fix someone up and fast.

The Collector/Asa Emory

You were too busy looking at your phone, frantically texting some long winded explanation to one of your friends when you missed the top step on the staircase. You couldn't help but scream as you went flipping down the stairs ass over tea kettle before landing at the bottom with a loud crash. You slammed into the small cabinet at the base of the stairs rattling all of the continents within.

Still reeling from the fall you didn't even hear the rush of foot steps until Asa was at your side looking at you with a shaken expression. Blinking up you wondered why he was so funny looking when you realized that the entire room was spinning.

You groaned nauseously as you were sat up right leaning back against Asa’s chest as he held your shoulders. He was saying something but you couldn’t even remotely make it out. You’re vision lurched as you were hauled up onto his shoulder and carried off. To where you weren't certain as your vision was just a swirl of the honey brown of the wood floor with the occasional flash of paint from the walls.

It was at this moment that you felt something sticky and warm on the side of your face. Reaching up you tried to press at your cheek but your hand was quickly swatted away with a sharp voice. Glancing at your fingertip you could see the clear red of blood. Maybe your stumble was much more serious than you initially thought.

You could feel soft blankets under you as you were set down on what you could only assume was the bed in the spare room. You didn't even try to move as you just laid there and let Asa do all the work. A warm cloth dabbing at your forehead as his hand carefully stroked your hair aside.

You fell asleep sometime during this, or passed out you're not too sure which. Groaning, you look around to find yourself back upstairs in the master bedroom. The curtains were drawn darkening the room just enough to make it difficult to spot the man sitting off to the side reading by the desk.

“Good morning. The next time you scare me like that I won’t hesitate to kill you.” Asa stated trying to sound matter-of-fact about the whole thing. You couldn't help but chuckle as you sat up.

“I might beat you to it if you’re not careful.” With that you were tsked, being pressed back into bed with muttered threats on your life should you get up.

Very over protective, high key mother hen behavior

Will die before he admits he cares about you

In reality you are his most prized and he wants you healthy and happy

He really feels like he needs to baby proof the house for you. Like really it's getting worrisome at this point.

When he thinks you’re asleep he will kiss your forehead/injury more so to calm his own nerves. Especially if you have some underlying medical condition, he has a hard time remembering you’re not made of glass.

Brahms Heelshire

You were in the kitchen getting lunch around. Making quick work of a head of lettuce as you haphazardly chopped through the large leaves with a newly sharpened knife. You had been making a conscious effort to avoid your fingers not wanting to lose one to an accident. Though karma worked its mysterious ways as you jumped in surprise at the loud chime of an unexpected door bell.

You cursed as you knicked the end of your ring finger a bead of blood welling from the cut. Gumbling you stuffed your bleeding finger into your shirt as you crankily answered the door. The delivery boy attempted to drag out the conversation as he carried in your order though with some random excuse you were ushering him out the door.

Closing and locking the door behind him you turned back to see Brahms waiting for you at the kitchen island watching you intently. As you approached he held out his hand towards you obviously having witnessed everything that had transpired.

“It’s fine really.” You reassured as you placed your hand in his. Truly it was, the bleeding had already stopped. The only indication that an accident had occurred was the red line on the pad of your finger.

Regardless Brahms had an upset look in his eyes. Carefully tugging you closer he pressed the tips of your fingers to the porcelain lips of his mask before letting your hand go content.

Doesn’t like you getting hurt at all but on the bright side it means he can give you some much deserved love and attention.

You would do the same for him so why would he not return the favor

God help you if he finds out that your injury came from a person and not an accident of your own accord.

Talking him down from murdering or disfiguring this person is near impossible. Your best bet is telling this person to just never come around again.

If you regularly are hurting yourself on certain things they may or may not just end up going missing. Of course Brahms has not idea where they have gone to. Him take them? He would never, He is a good boy ™

#Slasher x Reader #Injured!Reader #Leatherface #Thomas Hewitt #The Texas Chainsaw Massacre #Jason Voorhees #Friday The 13th #The Collector #Asa Emory #God he is so fucking hot I wont lie #Brahms Heelshire #The Boy #Slasher #Reader Insert #Jason x Reader #Thomas Hewitt x Reader #Brahms x Reader #The collector x Reader #Anonymous

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queeenpersephone · 4 years ago

Note

An alternate universe from the “I Want to Believe” movie where, after Mulder shaves and they meet with Agent Whitney, instead of Scully being annoyed, she tells Mulder she just wants to get home to take advantage of his smooth face.

honestly where my mind immediately went... where your mind is anon... that’s the iwtb we deserved. so have the lead up to that. (also note: i haven’t rewatched iwtb, only the bed scene and select msr scenes, so i genuinely remember none of the dialogue just vague impressions)

also sorry this is so introspective. it’s also 1am so i’m not even sure it’s introspective in a good way lmaO.

The moment Agent Whitney reaches up towards Mulder’s face, Scully is onto her.

Part of her can hardly blame the woman. Fox Mulder is a handsome man. A kind, brilliant, sexy man without ladder climbing ambitions is rare in the world Whitney inhabits; Scully would know. To suddenly be able to see a bit of sculpted jaw, that plump lower lip, would make even the most professional of woman swoon a little.

The other part of her, the part of her who took Mulder’s heart and body for her own years ago, is itching for the gun she used to carry. Without it, she steps into Mulder’s space, ignoring the way he looks down at her in surprise and warmth. Maybe she should be slightly embarrassed that she’s seeking closeness for what is probably the wrong reason, but she’s not.

Yes, Agent Whitney might be able to appreciate the clean shaven man who’s no longer hidden by a thick patch of hair. But Agent Whitney will never be able to appreciate what it means.

Contrary to her soft protests in bed, Scully has never hated the beard. In fact, the beard complements the way he wears his hair now, longer and unkept, a sign of the years he’s spent hidden away in an office in a house where his name could never be on the deed. Mulder’s never been the cleanest, most organized individual by any means, but Scully has known since they met that he takes a certain pride in his appearance: his neatly pressed suits, his shapely calves built by years of running, his steady habit of shaving daily.

Once they were on the run, however, all of that fell apart in a muddle of baggy, cheap clothes and dark circles and inexpensive hair dye. When they had settled, when Scully had gotten her job, she had pulled herself back together. But Mulder never had. There was nowhere to go, no one to see but her, and he had long stopped putting on airs for her. Would it have been nice to see him try sometime? Yes. Was she too busy basking in the fact they were alive and whole and together? Definitely.

She is somewhere between hurt and relieved that this foray back into the world that had burned them so thoroughly has catalyzed him into caring again. Because that’s what this is. It isn’t a meaningless shave, it’s a beaming message to the woman who has known him for over a decade now. This has brought him back to life. This has brought him back to life in a way she never could.

She could embrace that fear that she’s not enough, the jealousy, even though Mulder had stepped away before Whitney could come anywhere near him. She could hit him where it hurts, she could beg him to leave this all behind and come home to her, with her.

Or she could embrace the act, even if she’s resentful of the reasons.

They watch Father Joe in silence for a long moment as Agent Whitney scurries off to see if he’s given them anything new. “I know what this is doing to you,” she says finally.

He doesn’t look at her. “Do you?” He says evenly; in his tone, the words are barely a question. He knows her as well as she knows him, well enough to see her protests coming.

“I don’t want to regret bringing you out here,” she replies, watching his chest rise and fall. “This hasn’t been our job for a long time.”

Finally, Mulder looks at her. “This is the right thing, Scully,” he says, emphatic, eyes shining, and all at once, Scully resigns herself to seeing this through. Sure, this is a psychic and a priest that molests children and dead FBI agents, but her current job is seeing her long-gone son in every sick child, so maybe it’s one half dozen or the other. Regardless, she can’t leave Mulder out here alone. She can’t leave him ever, not when that light is back in his eyes.

Maybe it can chase away some of her darkness too.

“Okay,” she says, not looking at him, but her clearly unexpected response is not one he will allow her to make facing away from him. He takes her arm, spins her in.

“Okay?” He asks, shining eyes wide.

“We’ll do this,” she tells him, reaching down for his hand with one of her own and reaching up to his face with the other. “But I won’t lose myself or you in it. So we do this together or not at all.” She softens. “Can you do that for me?”

Mulder sighs, leaning into her orbit. “Yes, Scully. I promise.”

God, does she want to believe him.

She pushes the fear away and smirks instead, stopping him before he can make for Father Joe, who’s mumbling to himself a few yards away. “And Mulder?”

He turns back to her, and she fits her tiny palm to his newly revealed skin, rubbing gently. He waits for her to speak. “We’re adding an activity back to our repertoire. Tonight. No excuses.”

He grins at her, slow and sure and god she has missed that bottom lip, she can feel its impact in her low abdomen, simmering with heat. “I knew you missed the best seat in the house,” he murmurs back to her, eyes hot and dark.

“Mulder!” She chastises, even though she knows she started it, forcing back her blush as he fits his hand to her lower back and leads her over to their psychic witness. She refocuses. She promised to be present, to work this case, and she will, however much she fears what it might do to her. To him. To them.

Mulder’s hands find her back, her arm, her hands for the rest of the night. He treats her like a partner, a familiar dance that she’s missed more than she had thought. She exhales.

Maybe they will survive this case intact.

#msr #scully x mulder #txf #iwtb #mulder x scully #my writing #ficlet #anonymous #answered #sculder #the x files #i hope you like this!#thanks for sending something in #<3

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gossip-girl-of-middleearth · 3 years ago

Note

Hello! I hope this doesn’t make you uncomfy but I was wondering if I could get a bit of advice? From your recent posts, you said you left your home from toxicity and just bad things in general.

I’m in a similar situation, but my dad will be taking me away from my mom. And I just know it’ll be a shit show. And I’m absolutely terrified when we tell her and what the backlash will be afterwards towards my brothers and me and dad in general

How did you do it? How did you take the leap? Do you possibly have any advice on how to deal ?

Hello, friend!! ☀️

Thank you so much for reaching out, it means a lot that you value my advice <3

Hmm, okay from what I can tell of your situation, that is indeed a tricky one, but nothing can’t be overcome!

It’s important to remember, though, I was 19 when I left (now 20), so the way I handled things is going to be a lot different than how a minor can handle things (legally at least, feel free to replicate my insane stunts lmao)

Advice below the cut! (family violence trigger warning, I suppose?)

My entire family was and is extremely volatile, and I don’t speak to any of them anymore except for my older brother, but I’ll be cutting him off in 3 weeks too when I move.

Fortunately, my dad and brother were both kicked out of the house years ago due to violence, which left me with my mother, who’s quite insidious herself (just watch any Conjuring movie and that’ll give a good idea of what it was like living in that house lol)

I get the same feeling watching this scene as when I was around her in that house. Granted she didn’t try to change my gender, but the hatred for my father getting taken out on me is pretty accurate lol, paired with the immediate “motherly love” afterwards (she never hit me though, pleased to say — she wasn’t physically violent, just emotionally, financially, mentally and verbally. She did try to run my dad over once though, so, there’s that too)

youtube

Yikes…yeahh the same eerie feeling for sure, still makes all my hairs stand upright in memory.

(For further context this clip reminds me of my father and this one of my brother)

In the clip about my father, he definitely reminds me of Frank Gallagher, except he despises my mother instead of revering her. He’s a workaholic instead of a drug addict, too. But the mannerisms are the same. I always handled him in the way Fiona does.

Regarding my brother, I think everything about our family hit him the hardest, despite being the oldest. He developed a very violent streak, and has very poor impulse control. I love him dearly but he’s a snake in the grass, and has thrown me under the bus multiple times to get ahead in life. I mostly just pity him, since I know what our life was like growing up. But still, I can’t defend him forever, especially not at the cost of myself. Literally yesterday I woke up to a text from him asking me to come pick him up because he got arrested for starting a fight at a bar and smashing their windows.

When things started getting pretty bad with my mother earlier this year, I started to realise in my heart that there was no way I could go forth in life with her in it. I focused on the future relationships I would have one day when far away from this town — romantic partner, children, friends etc

I sort of realised one day I’d care about them a lot more than I care about my mother, because those future people would care about me. That in turn got me realising that I do deserve love, despite how my mother made me feel, and that I don’t want her to deprive another second of that in my life.

Something very unique that triggered this too was going to go visit an old family psychic, who’s basically just the Gandalf to my Frodo (ily, Chris <3). He very accurately predicted my birth years ago after my mother was told she was infertile — he got the date, year and time right three years in advance, and even knew ahead of time what my personality would be like, which he was spot-on about.

Well, I went and visited him a few months ago because I was lost with my direction, and he ended up pausing and had a sudden feeling, which led to him telling me that he’d just found out I would be having twin boys one day.

Normally I don’t buy into that stuff, but this Gandalf dude…well I knew he was right.

Knowing I’d have sons of my own one day took me from a scared daughter mindset and into a maternal mother bear in an instant, and I knew I didn’t want any children of mine around my mother or the rest of my family, for their safety alone, which made me realise, “Well, if I wouldn’t allow my own children near them, why do I allow myself?”

I started grey-rocking her in the lead-up to me leaving, which of course frustrated her (she’s a malignant narcissist), but it was a necessary step to start emotionally detaching myself from her.

It all bottled over one night after a pretty distressing argument (I had locked myself in my room to avoid it, but she was still at my door carrying on).

My cat, who’s been my best friend for years, was sitting on the floor next to me, and sort of looked up and I swear he spoke with his eyes, saying, “You know we can’t keep doing this, right? You know this abuse has an expiry date?”

I agreed with my cat and knew right then and there that I’d be leaving that night after my mother fell asleep.

Well, when she was finally done (with threats that there’d be more in stock in the morning, mind you) I went to bed early and set my alarm to 3am (was a little inside joke with myself, since that’s biblically the “witching devil hour”)

I started quietly packing my quilt and cat up (I’d already been secretly packing the boot of my car up with all sentimental and important items weeks in advance, except she caught on and took all my baby albums and more to her boyfriend’s house, so I don’t have any baby photos or information on me when I was a baby anymore, like first words, size and just general things I’d have liked to compare to my own kids one day, rip)

Once that was all in my car, I quietly said goodbye to the old family dog and cat (they weren’t mine to take, not that I could’ve anyways, since it was troubling enough taking Buddy, who’s actually my pet and not the family one). That was pretty heartbreaking, as I knew that’d be the last time I’d see them (I grew up with them and was the only one who took care of them — mother neglects kids and pets alike lmao).

Once that was over, I looked around my house with my hand on the front door and was very melancholy, but knew Buddy was right: it had all reached its expiry date.

I left very quietly and drove to McDonalds for a coffee, as I had a long drive ahead (I had organised to be a nanny in this rich family’s house far away in the city — two hours drive). Luckily they were away on their country farm 4 hours away, so I had time to sneak Buddy in.

The nanny thing recently backfired horribly because they discovered Buddy, which led to more AM escapes with my car, but I’m staying with my older brother and his gf for 3 more weeks only. Something I’ve been working towards for months now is moving to a wilderness island to live in my country’s equivalent of Bag End — a beautiful country cottage, amazing job and fantastic study opportunities.

Best feature yet: it’s 60 hours away from my hometown by car, and then you’d have to take a boat for 10 more hours!! They shall never find me hahaha

One of my friends has also told me recently that my mother has started spreading horrible, defamatory rumours about me around town, but I don’t care anymore because I’m almost out.

So, although I can’t offer any practical advice (idk if you’re a minor or not, but regardless it’s great your dad is helping you!) this is the best advice I can offer:

Find a dream and hold onto it, one that doesn’t involve your immediate family. For me it’s moving to that island and enjoying all the fresh air. It’ll push you forwards and remind you of what you’re fighting for when at your lowest.

Remind yourself there will be other people in your life, whether a spouse, friends, children or even a dog! (I’m getting a golden retriever next year 🐾) And then remember that you deserve all of them and the unconditional love they offer you.

Remember that if you don’t want your mother/family screwing those people over by proxy of her/their relationship to you, then there’s no way in hell you alone should put up with it either, as I guarantee those future people only want good things for you ☀️

There is a good life after abuse, I’ve seen it, and I know you can achieve it, too!

Be prepared for tons of backlash and bullshit — it’s inescapable when dealing with people like this, but I recommend educating yourself on narcissistic parents and tactics to deal with them.

Finding a good therapist who deals in PTSD regarding childhood abuse is important, too. I found an amazing one in the town I’m moving to, who had nearly the same upbringing as me!

So while I’m still struggling with a lot of fear (scared my mother will find where I’m working and living one day) and guilt (I feel horrible about leaving the family dog and cat behind, especially when they need veterinary help, only to then go and get myself another puppy) I understand I’ve done the best I can in a very abnormal situation, and that I can only do better from here.

Also, this song has been a saving grace when going all angsty over wanting to leave your current situation:

It’s from my favourite Broadway Musical, “Newsies”, and lemme tell you — discovering this as a 17-year-old when I was just starting to realise the severity of my situation was pure divinity.

Jeremy Jordan, my beloved Broadway Bard <3

youtube

When I finally get my cottage, I’m getting a wooden plaque with the name “Santa Fe” engraved on it, and am hanging it on my front door.

I wish you much luck and love, my little anonymous friend! And please know my inbox is open any time you need anything — vent, advice, a laugh or something else, ANYTHING, it feels good to know my past can maybe help someone else’s present ☀️

Please update me, too! I’m following your story along ardently now! (Also, be sure to take your sentimental items and store them somewhere safe away from your mother — ie baby albums, birth certificates, other paraphernalia/memorabilia etc).

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must hit the road. DESTINY AWAITS!

#ahh yes #Newsies my beloved <3 #and bless my family Gandalf #I’m gonna send him a gift next year from the small country town I’m moving to for his birthday as a thanks #also I’m torn between naming the golden retriever ‘Jaskier/Dandelion’ or ‘Glorfindel/Glorfy’ now #so happy that’ll soon be my only dilemma in life <33

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nymphigeon · 4 years ago

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Someone you love(d) || KTH

• Pairing: Taehyung x Reader(f)

• Genre: break up au, angst with a happy ending, fluff? (just a lil' bit at the end :))

• Rating: PG

• Words: 7.2k

• Warnings: swearing, mention of weight, they kiss like once, if you don't like cheesy things....skip this one lmao

• Summary: You thought he loved you, you really did, but the way he left told you something else.

Or alternatively;

Taehyung is an emotionally constipated idiot who doesn't know how to deal with his feelings.

• A/N: Okay it took me waaay too long to write this, I'm so sorry T_T I really wanted to get this out earlier, but well things happened....

I only proofread this like once and had some trouble getting everything into the post properly so I'm sorry if there are any mistakes! Please let me know if you find any so I can fix them asap.

Thank you for the request @mytaetaey! I hope it matches your expectations!!!

It honestly hasn't even been that long since the day he showed up at my house.

"Let’s break up."

Although I really wouldn't be able to tell you how much time had truly passed.

"W-wait why?"

Days felt like weeks, weeks felt like months. Everything just seemed to last a lot longer than it should have.

"Did I do something wrong? I-I can fix it, just tell me!"

It might have happened last week, or the week before that. Wasn't it three weeks ago?

"No, no you didn't do anything wrong y/n. I'm sorry this just isn't working out."

Bottom line is, the passing of time hasn't really been on my mind. Any day without him is a day lost, a day to forget about.

"What do you mean this isn’t working out? I thought we were doing well together..."

I remember the confusion that went through me. All of a sudden the four years we spent together seemed to have disappeared.

“You thought wrong.”

He had been acting weird for a while, never quite getting close to telling me what was going through his mind. I hadn’t anticipated it ever ending like this though.

“Not everything you believe is a fact.”

The years I had to get to know him ended too soon. They went by so fast, they might as well have been non-existent.

"I... why? I don’t understand…

This all came too sudden. Just a few days before he had been laying on my bed, smiling as I told him about my day.

"I just don't feel the same anymore."

I just needed a little more time. A little more time to adore him. A little more time to say goodbye.

"I don't love you anymore."

But I still did do. He didn’t seem to care though. After he took care of me for a while, he decided I’m not worth it. Not even as someone who he just passes by.

"It's best if we don't see each other anymore."

If you cherish what you have you'll never be left unsatisfied.

"Goodbye."

I did. And it broke me.

“Y/n? Helloooo?”

My daydreams get interrupted by a waving hand in front of my face, followed by a harsh flick against my forehead.

“Ouch! Mina that was too hard!” Both my hands shoot up to the stinging spot between my eyes, one to prevent the evil hand from handing out another flick, the other one to rub at the red spot forming.

“Class ended a few minutes ago, you should probably pack up. Really, did you just stare off into space for the entire class?” Spotting my close to empty notebook, Mina sighs and shakes her head. She’s trying to look disappointed, but under the scolding exterior she’s putting on, there is a hint of pity.

It’s not the first time this week that not a single word has made it into my notes. Each time again the pages are either filled with lazy doodles and meaningless scribbles, or a space of absolute nothingness, not even a drop of ink staining the white paper.

“I’m sorry, I really did try to pay attention, but you know I hate his classes with a passion.” We both know that’s not the reason for my absentness, and neither of us speaks up about it. It’s what I requested myself, not being able to cope with the sadness I was causing my friends to feel. They care too much, I don’t want to burden them for too long.

“I know sweetheart, you did do your best. I’ll send my notes later, if you want I’ll help you understand them too.” Though no matter how hard I try, I still rely on them. They keep convincing me to, their kind souls not being able to leave me alone. “If you could I’d really appreciate it.”

A sweet smile appears on Mina’s lips as I accept her offer, being more than happy to help me. She has always been the type to give more than she received, and despite me believing she deserves more than she gets, I adore her for it. “Of course, any time.”

I finish packing my belongings into my backpack, first making sure I didn’t leave anything behind before leaving the classroom with Mina close to my side. She talks about everything and nothing as we roam the spacious hallways filled with tired looking students. I wouldn’t be surprised if more than half of them slept until the end of their lectures.

Most of Mina’s words fall on deaf ears as I think back to the thoughts that occupied my mind the entire time my teacher was trying to explain the principle of quantum mechanics. I wouldn’t have understood it regardless of whether I was paying attention or not by the way.

“Ah you don’t have any more classes today, do you?” An unannounced weight falls on my left side as Mina whines into my shoulder, effectively bringing me back down to earth. Some brabbles about life being unfair escape the muffled sounds she produces, clearly not looking forward to the rest of her day.

“I’m going to be so lonely, me and Daeun aren’t allowed to sit next to each other anymore.” Mina raises her head to catch some air, her hands still clinging to the fabric of my shirt. The scowl on her face isn’t hard to miss, as she isn’t doing much to hide it.

“I was just going to head home straight away.” On any other day I would’ve probably teased her, wishing her good luck while I go and enjoy the free life. Today however, I don’t. My face stays in it’s boring resting position, even as Mina waits for the non-existent twist at the end.

It doesn’t take long before she finally sees I’m not poking fun at her. The moment of realization is clear, her whiny expression disappearing and her hands falling back to her sides. “Oh.”

“Well since it’s Friday how about I come hang out at your place when I’m done here? I’ll drag Daeun along with me too.” Mina’s voice is unsure, scared that I’ll reject her offer. A thick tension hangs in the air as we both wait for my reply.

I want to be alone. I want to be able to overthink in peace without others insisting that my mind is wrong. Though on the other side, I do know that I’ve been pushing them away. All the more reason for them to worry about me.

“Yeah sure.” I manage to convince myself to decide on the option I’d like the least. Somewhere I may be hoping that I’ve been missing out on a distraction I needed. I will never know until I experience it.

“Great! I’ll bring snacks too, let’s make it a movie night!” And off she goes, not waiting for any kind of confirmation from my side. Most likely it’s a way to keep me from refusing, forcing me into a situation that’s best for me, according to her.

I might not be looking forward to the events to come, but even I can’t deny the dull blossoming of my heart. The corners of my lips tug up, together with a hand to wave the girl off.

Yeah, perhaps, just maybe, I’m excited to spend some time with them.

I wasted a lot of time trying to figure out what’s wrong with me. Did I gain too much weight? Did I not text him enough? Was I going down the wrong path?

No matter what I wrote down, which new question I thought of, it didn’t seem right. Crumpled up paper balls and clothes littering the apartment show of the frustration occupying my mind.

No aspect of me changed for the worse. I’m still the same healthy weight, we texted almost every day, and I’m running up the path to a successful career. There is nothing wrong with me, so why am I blaming myself so heavily?

Because for some reason I believe that if I had done things differently the outcome would have been better. Because maybe he would’ve changed his mind if I reacted differently. Because it could never be him who was in the wrong.

A knock on the door and the pen I had been holding drops. Focussing on the paper in front of me once more, the harsh worded sentences ending in large written question marks stand out. I’m yearning for answers to questions I don’t even understand myself and it’s terrifying.

Three knocks on the door this time and I’m up, quickly discarding all the papers littering around. Some I tear to pieces, making sure none of the written sentences are visible anymore, others simply get hidden.

The door creaks as it opens, broadcasting it’s old age to the world. I should probably replace it sometime before someone decides to break in. Not that there’s anything worth taking here, I am a student after all.

“Hey dea- Oh no you look horrible.” A slight gasp interrupts Daeun’s cheery greeting when she notices the birds nest that is my hair. After having acted out all my annoyance on the poor strands, they’ve taken to each other for comfort, gladly intertwining. To my dismay, of course.

“I feel horrible. Come in.” The chuckle meant to lighten the statement doesn’t do it’s job properly. Both don’t say anything more as they enter the tiny apartment I call home, but they might as well have been screaming ‘I feel sorry for you.’” If they won’t do it, their faces definitely will.

“I won’t let any of you chose a movie tonight, I’ve got way too many good ideas.” Mina drops the overfilled bags she was holding on the dinner table while she talks. From the few items that stick out it’s safe to deduce that they’re filled with snacks to the brim.

“Also I was thinking we could order some pizza for dinner. All on me, I just got payed.” Like she owns the place, Mina reaches for several bowls high up in the cupboards of the kitchen. “We’ll use these tonight..” She says it more so to herself than to anyone else, not bothering to ask me anything. Not that it was really needed, I would have given her permission anyway.

“How was your day?” Sitting down next to Daeun, who has made herself comfortable on the couch after walking in, I try to start a basic conversation. Even though I’m not particularly in the mood for anything, I decide it’s probably best to try before I ruin the fun.

“You shouldn’t have to pretend that everything is okay, you know.” My question is completely ignored, switched for a statement that sets a heavy atmosphere in the room. The little excitement I had for their visit disappears. Instead, irritation starts taking over.

“Look Daeun, I-”

“I know you don’t want to talk about it, but this is not the way to cope with whatever may be happening inside you right now.” The tone she uses tells me she isn’t about to back out anytime soon. I hate it, hate how she feels like she can tell me what’s best for me.

“If this is what you came here for then I think it’s best that you leave. I’m not playing around here.” I turn away from the both of them, showing my back instead. This was supposed to be a fun evening to get my mind off him. Turns out, it’s the exact opposite.

“She’s right y/n.” It didn’t sound like Mina initially wanted to talk about this. She has always been unsure of when and how to address things, usually rather staying silent. With the right help however, Mina too will spill her words.

“This will always be a part of your life now, no matter how hard you try to erase it, you can’t. I know you’re hurting, and you’re allowed to feel hurt, we just want to help you. We’ll distract you all you like later, but for now, just confide in us please?”

It’s the way I feel both of their eyes burning into my back, the way she isn’t exactly sure how to convey her thoughts, though has the best intentions, the way a gentle hand softly lands on my shoulder. Sooner or later the dam would have broken. Apparently that time has come.

“I gave up so much for that guy! I moved to a more expensive apartment closer to his so we could see each other more, I started working more hours so he wouldn’t need to pay every time we went out together,” I never really got the chance to complain about the negative side to the changes I made, always feeling like it should be worth it, since I did it for him.

“I studied late into the night just so I had time during the day to hang out with him, do you know how much sleep I lost? I couldn’t even go home to my parents regularly anymore, for the distance was too much.”

Not exactly having expected me to rant so much, the two girls seated next to me stare in surprise. Never have I expressed any discomfort with what I was doing, always plastering a smile on my face.

“I don’t even mind that he broke up with me, I mean I do, but he was so cold! I had done my best to keep things going between us and he just gives me an ‘oh I don’t like you anymore’ like it’s common sense. I didn’t even get a thank you for all those years or a sorry for breaking it off! I just wish he’d…”

I take in a deep breath after having forgotten to breathe for the past minute, all the tears I kept in finally making an appearance as my anger get replaced by the same sadness I felt all those days ago.

“I just wished he’d at least given me reassurance I hadn’t been a waste of his time.”

The volume in which I spoke had drastically lowered, coming out in an almost-whisper. All the objects in front of me blurred as a non-stop stream of tears made it’s way out, my cries just mere silent sobs.

The hand resting on my shoulder becomes an arm pulling me into her side, the rough material of her shirt revealing her identity. Daeun doesn’t say anything as her other hand strokes through the strands of my hair, detangling any knots on the way.

For a moment I feel guilty about the tears wetting her shirt. It’s when she pulls me against her a little tighter that the feeling disappears, giving me the opportunity to fully bask in her embrace.

“I’m so sorry sweetheart.” Feeling left out, Mina pats my thigh and breaks the silence. “You worked hard didn’t you? Because you loved him.” I can hear her clothes rustling first, before her arms too wrap around the space Daeun left.

“I still do.” No matter how much I try to forget about him, I can’t seem to do it. He has engraved himself into my mind, forever stuck. If he’d ever leave is a mystery, though for now, it seems impossible.

You know what? Fuck you Kim Taehyung.

“Dude, what do you want for your birthday?” It’s Jungkook who has slammed down my door and completely disturbed my peace.

“Huh? Nothing in particular really.” Despite the rude entrance, I don’t look up from my tv screen, having already gotten used to the lack of announcements before he comes in.

“Didn’t you ask me that already two days ago?” Once again ignoring any form of politeness, the younger one makes grabby hands towards the bag of potato chips laying next to me. I don’t make any move to stop him, knowing very well I can’t win from him in a fight, ever.

“Yeah because I thought maybe you changed your mind. Usually you’re so excited for your birthday, but you just seem so… Unenthusiastic?” There is almost no way to take him seriously when he’s scarfing down my dear food like it’s water. Surely when were out next time I’ll make him get me a new bag.

“Well yeah that’s because…” What exactly was I going to say?

Finally grabbing his full attention, Jungkook puts down the bag of chips and lets himself fall down next to me. “Because?”

There is no mistaking his smirk for a smile, although he does his damn best to hide it. He knows exactly what I was about to say, and I’m not about to admit anything.

“Because I realized it’s nothing to be overly excited about. That’s it.” Challenging Jungkook to prove me wrong I stare right back at him, not planning on chickening out any time soon. It seems to have worked, as he looks away first.

“Ah is that so? I’ll just see if I can find something you’ll like myself in that case.” The boy who has silently admitted defeat removes himself from the couch, moving to his room at the other side of our apartment. “Good luck buddy.”

No longer having to pay attention to him, I rewind the movie I was watching back. That muscle bunny just made me miss the absolute best part.

“So why exactly are you dragging me to town again?”

It’s not too busy today, which should have been a given as it’s a normal weekday. Everyone is either yawning behind a desk or running around in circles depending on their career choices. Compared to them, I’m making the worst possible choice by letting my best friend convince me to skip class for a reason I wasn’t even familiar with.

“I’m having none of this ‘I don’t care what you get me’ nonsense. We’re going to find something you like, and that’s why we’re here.” Jimin takes a pause from pulling me along by hand to put both of his on his waist like a proud toddler.

“So in other words, we’re here so I can choose my own birthday gift?” Slowly I begin to understand how much of a waste of my time this is. I could’ve been doing fine trying to understand whatever Mrs. Wilson wanted to go over today, but instead I’m going to be reminded of my ex all day. Great.

Well, if she was still here it wouldn’t have mattered whether I knew what I wanted or not, she always had something great for me, and I always looked forward to it. Once she jokingly told me how she felt pressured, having to live up to my expectations. Though honestly there was nothing for her to live up to, I liked her gifts because she gave them to me. Because she always managed to make each and every birthday a fun one.

“Any ideas yet? Jewellery, clothes, games… Wait, nothing too expensive, I’ll go broke!” Jimin’s sudden panic manages to bubble up a chuckle in me. He doesn’t really seem to appreciate it though, as he scowls at the sound. “What? Your taste is too expensive!”

He knows me well it seems. Not that it was ever a real secret. When the contents of your closet is worth more than someone’s rent several times anybody would want to show that off right? Well so do I.

We walk into several stores for inspiration. No real shopping haul, just a quick in and out with Jimin trying to get a reaction out of me by stuffing things he thinks I like into my face. So far no real success, my only reaction being something along the lines of ‘ah yes that looks nice’ at everything he proposes.

It’s not like I’m purposefully trying not to find something I truly like, but more that honestly nothing catches my interest. And I promise it’s not even the price, some of my most prized possessions are the cheapest things I own. This just isn’t doing it for me.

After having been pulled into the what feels like the hundredth store, my stomach decides to make the loudest noise known to mankind. “Can we like, maybe take a break?” There is no doubt that my face is bright red at this moment, instantly heating up when Jimin laughs equally as loud.

“If you were hungry you should’ve just said so. Let’s go find something to eat.” Is probably the only sentence he said today that I’ve fully agreed on.

It sounded so easy, just find somewhere to buy food. Unfortunately, getting our tummies filled wasn’t written in our future so soon. No matter where we look, everything is either closed or completely full with customers. Who knew so many other people were hungry at this moment. Not like it’s close to dinner time or anything.

Eventually, I manage to convince Jimin to eat at a small fancy restaurant down the street on my expense. Despite him agreeing after a few attempts, a set pout is still present on his face, which doesn’t seem to be leaving anytime soon. Together with some murmurs about how this isn’t fair, he makes himself look incredibly adorable.

Soon however, I would come to regret my decision. The fancy tablecloths and nicely plated food wouldn’t be looking so appealing anymore. Because even if I had convinced my mind of the truth my constant lies hold, there was simply no way for me to convince my heart too.

“Hey isn’t that y/n and… I don’t think I know him.”

The male opposite her had somehow won her over with that stupid perfect smile he wore, his eyes an annoyingly beautiful ocean deep blue and his blonde hair styled in an awfully neat way. Everything about the sight annoys the heck out of me, including the way she was smiling back at him. Why does she look so happy? When was the last time I saw her like that?

“Oh are they… I’m sorry Tae.”

I was the one who broke up with her. I was the one who walked out with a load haven fallen off of my shoulders. I was the one who ran even though she cried. There is no reason for me not to be completely fine.

“I don’t care, she can do whatever she wants now.”

So then why am I the one hurting this much?

It came sooner than expected, my birthday. Just sort of snuck up on me. After the restaurant incident Jimin himself magically decided to end the shopping trip and go home to eat. Nobody ever mentioned my birthday again in the following days.

It was pretty clear that someone had told the others about what happened, although none of them spoke about it. That someone obviously being Jimin.

“Soooo… any plans for the day?”

The question comes from Jungkook, who is fidgeting with the hem of his oversized hoodie. He stands quietly in the doorway to my room, waiting for an answer he already knows.

“Go to class and study after.”

“You’re not going out of the house? No party planned?” The suffocating nervosity radiates off of him in waves, displayed by the still ongoing fidgeting and his eyes that can’t seem to focus on one thing at a time.

“Nope, no other plans.” I sit up in bed, slowly coming to terms with the fact that I won’t be getting any more sleep. Despite him looking like he’s scared I’m going to get mad, he doesn’t actually give up, which isn’t appreciated on my part.

“Well the boys thought we could maybe go out together, get a few drinks.” On any other day besides my birthday I would’ve most likely agreed to the plan. Today however, I can’t help but relate every proposition to my birthday, which I, in case you hadn’t noticed yet, want to forget about as soon as possible.

I had already given him enough opportunities to stop. All it would take was leaving me alone. His constant persistence ends up getting to me, successfully causing me to snap at the younger boy. If he expected an outburst, he’s getting it.

“Why the fuck does everyone expect me to celebrate today? If my birthday is the day on which I can do whatever shit I want then let me do whatever I want!” It wasn’t meant to come out that way, and the guilt sets in the moment I realize it, but I don’t have time to apologize.

“Dude, you seriously need to do something about your feelings for y/n.” He sighs the words as he casually leans against the wall, his arms crossed. In an instant the awkward energy around him disappears, replaced by a very prominent eye roll. It’s not hard to guess that this has been on his mind for a while.

“Don’t mention her. This has nothing to do with her.”

“This has everything to do with her and you know it.”

I don’t have anything to say against that. We both know it’s the truth, though only one of us is trying to deny it. The dumb one.

“You know what I think? You spent your past 6 birthdays with the girl of your dreams and now that you pushed her away you have no idea what to do. Am I right?”

He is. I don’t say anything as my head lowers, slowly realizing there is no hiding anything from him. She’s still on my mind. I still wonder what she’s doing, where she is, if she’s safe. I still care. “You’re right.”

I broke up with who I considered my other half, convincing myself that I didn’t need her anymore. Who exactly was I trying to protect?

“I had to, I’ll hurt her.” I already did.

“And suddenly breaking up with her is supposed to make her happy?” I was hoping it would in the long run.

“You’re not the same as him.” Though I am. The same parents, the same group of friends growing up, the same sense of humour. We got along so well. What if we still do?

“He’s my brother Kook. We were so alike. You know he once too adored her.” We don’t talk anymore, I’m disappointed in him. He would’ve been too. I don’t understand what changed.

“He used her, nobody saw it coming. The signs were there, he just hid them too well.” Jungkook leaves his spot against to wall to comfort me, tucking my head into his neck.

“You’re not him and he isn’t you. The fact that you no longer want to be associated with him proves everything. He didn’t care about Hyeon.” So he can look straight at me, he pushes me away with his hands on my shoulders. The expression on his face tells me he’s serious.

“You love her, and you’ve got to fix this mess.”

I don’t like agreeing with him, but once again, he’s right.

As soon as I open the door I want to slam it right back into his face. Or I might want to run into his arms, I can’t decide yet. Regardless, I wasn’t expecting Taehyung to be standing on the other side when the doorbell went off.

“Umm… Hi?” All the words that have been building up in my personal dictionary seem to disappear the moment I lay my eyes on him. He still looks as good as the last time I saw him, even though the circumstances were heart-breaking.

“Hey, um I’m sorry I showed up unannounced. I didn’t really think this through…” Everything about him screams awkward. From the way his feet are pointed slightly more inwards than normally, to the way he doesn’t seem to be able to smile naturally. Instead there is this weird, tight expression on his face.

“Oh um… Would you like to come in though?” I don’t wait for an answer as I step aside, my memory helping me remind that nine out of ten times the answer to that question is ‘yes’. “Oh yeah, thank you.”

“Do you want anything to drink?” Not really having anything to say I cycle through the set few sentences I usually need when I have someone over. I’m not happy that he’s here, but I’m not the type to lash out at people.

“Ah no, I’m okay. Look I’m just going to get straight to the point, I messed up big time. I got insecure and closed myself off to everyone including you and I’m so fucking sorry that I did.”

My lack of reaction surprises me. Sure, my insides are doing somersaults, but I don’t feel the need to express any of it. Like an unused sheet of paper, my face stays blank. “And now you’re here to win me back I presume?”

Somewhere in between his statement and mine, the tables shifted. Slowly, I’m gaining the confidence he is losing.

“Well, not really, I mean yes, but-”

He catches himself rambling, shutting his mouth before any real nonsense can make it out. Taking a deep breath helps, the words coming out more fluently after. Not a great start, but it’s okay. I have patience. Sometimes.

“I just wanted to let you know that the words I shot at you that day weren’t true. I hurt you and I didn’t want those words to roam your mind not knowing they weren’t even close to what I was feeling.”

The deep breath he drew in earlier escapes in a deep sigh, followed by his mouth opening and closing a few times without any sounds making it out. “And?” It was meant as a way to encourage him to continue. Sadly, it came out rather rude.

“I do still care about you, damn I still love you more every day. If there is anything I can do to make it up to you please let me know, I don’t want to have to live in a world where my last words to you made you cry. Obviously I would want a second chance at being the proper lover you deserve, but you’re in charge here. If you want me to walk out the door I will.”

There’s a hopeful look in his eyes making my heart beat erratically. In the past I would’ve instantly dropped to my knees, making sure every wish of his came true. I am no longer that girl.

“Tae it’s been months, you can’t just suddenly drop by and tell me you’re sorry. I spent days wondering why you broke up with me, wailing over the fact that you suddenly just didn’t care anymore, and even now you’re not giving me an answer. Why did you suddenly turn your back on me? Why did you not talk to me about whatever was bothering you? Even now you’re making me feel like you couldn’t trust me. Fuck, you just left me there like I was a piece of trash!”

What was once a hopeful look in his eyes, turned into defeat. He won’t give me an answer.

“You can’t just come in here exclaiming to love me after I’ve worked so hard to get myself over you. You can’t just come in here trying to steal my heart when I’m learning to give it to somebody else.”

“The blonde haired dude?”

Perhaps I shouldn’t feel a sense of accomplishment at the clear jealousy in his voice. However, this man did break my heart in two for apparently no reason. Is it weird I would want to get back at him a little?

“His name is Yejun and he’s a great guy. Look, just leave please. I have nothing more to say or hear. We’re done.” Turning away from him I mark the end of this conversation. It takes a while before there is any movement behind me. Slow steps make their way to the front door before pausing.

“I hope he treats you well, but I’m not going to simply give up on you like that.”

And secretly, I was hoping he wouldn’t.

Two, three four days, before I realize it it has been an entire week since I last saw him. Some part of me is scared, scared that he has decided otherwise and I will never hear from him again.

I had told myself getting over him would be easy when I finally accepted the help of my friends, and for a while it was. Or so I thought, because the moment he walked in here I was right back to square one.

I’m in the middle of working on a new project when the doorbell rings. Standing up, I go to open the door wondering who it could be. If he had come back for me after all. Too bad I would soon be disappointed, as the man standing in front of my door was just an ordinary mailman.

“Umm I didn’t order anything?” My eyes fall on almost gigantic package behind the man. If I ordered some furniture I would’ve surely remembered right?

“Are you not y/f/n y/l/n?”

“No I am.”

“It clearly has your name and address on it miss.”

The building up confusion hasn’t left my head yet, but knowing there is nothing else I can do I decide to accept the package. After thanking the courier I close the door and carefully carry the big box into my living room.

The moment I open the big thing up, a bunch of big balloons float up to my low ceiling. There’s a transparent one with little hearts bouncing around inside, one that’s just one big heart itself, another one has the words ‘I love you’ written on it in a neat font. If I hadn’t checked my calendar this morning I would’ve thought it was valentine’s day.

Diving deeper into the box I find a relatively big fluffy teddy bear, hugging what seems to be a letter in a white envelope.

‘When I was 16 a miracle happened, I met the most beautiful girl. Me not being able to contain myself I immediately introduced myself to her. She said he name was y/n. I think it was back then that I decided her voice was my favourite. I was too much of a coward to ask her out at the time. I eventually did, though looking back I wish I did so sooner. There was never a boring day with her by my side.’

That’s all there is. Just a few words on an otherwise empty piece of paper. No signature at the bottom, no name, and still I knew exactly who wrote it.

The next day another package came in. This time a different set of balloons, a different stuffed animal, but the exact same white envelope.

‘When I was 22 my brother and his fiancée broke it off. Just like the piece of shit I have to call my dad he betrayed his partner’s trust, cheating on her without a second thought. My mother heard about it and accused both of us as being just like our father. You know after a while, I really started believing her.’

Each day a new box would come in, always containing a present with a letter attached.

‘I was terrified of hurting you, terrified of you seeing me the way my mom did, so I hid everything from you. I should’ve known that I can’t hide anything, you know me too well. I panicked and left you, the biggest mistake I could ever make. One that made everything that was already happening so much worse. I tried telling myself I didn’t need you, but I just couldn’t.’

I believed him, believed in the words he wrote down.

‘I’m so fucking sorry for everything I put you through. It’s all my fault and I’ll spend forever owning up to my mistakes. I love you and I don’t want to live without you. Please just give me one more chance to prove myself to you. One is all I need.’

I’m sorry Yejun, I can’t forget about him after all.

Actually he should be the one who is nervous, and well maybe he is, but I’m the one standing on his front porch with my knees shaking and my heart beating right out of my chest. At one point I was even scared he would be able to hear me through the door.

Shaking my head I gather all the courage I can to knock on his door before I turn around and run back in the direction I came from. However, when I hear the sound of my fist on the hard wood I briefly still consider hiding somewhere.

Luckily I don’t get the chance to. While still going back and forth between the options staying or coming back some other time, the door creaks. I stiffly force my hands to stay still at my sides. The time it takes for the door to actually open seems like an entirety. If you were to count the passing seconds it would at most be like 5, which doesn’t sound like much, it feels like much.

“y/n?” His stance looks like a ‘what are you doing here?’, but his eyes give more of a ‘please say you’re here to forgive me’. Well, the latter would be right. “Can I come in?”

“Y-yeah of course.”

It’s not hard to notice that he is uncertain of his actions. It pleases me on one hand, as it gives me some sort of confirmation that he doesn’t want to make any more mistakes around me. On the other hand, I don’t like seeing him uptight around me. I wish he was more comfortable when I’m near.

“I received the letters you wrote.” He knows I received his letters, he was the one who wrote them and sent them out. Surprisingly though, he almost audibly swallows at the information like he did something bad.

“Why couldn’t you tell me in person?” It takes me back to the day he suddenly landed on my doorstep. Even when I explicitly asked for it, he gave me nothing.

“I was scared, I couldn’t get the words out. I wasn’t at all prepared.” He takes a pause before continuing. “It’s not that I don’t trust you, I just didn’t know what else to believe at that point.”

Carefully, I reach out my hand to place on top of his laying on his lap. I don’t touch his skin yet, patiently waiting for him to give me some sort of consent. It comes in the form of him softly raising his hand to meet mine.

“I know, we all have our insecure times. You’re not obligated to tell me anything. I can’t and shouldn’t force you to. I’m sorry I doubted you. I was only upset about the way you left.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I thought that if your last memory of me was a bad one you’d forget me faster.”

It didn’t work the way he wanted it to, but he already knows. Already having been hit with that fact multiple times, I decide to spare him. I don’t mention it again.

“Did you ever stop loving me?” At the time it seemed like he did. Like he wasn’t simply acting, like those harsh words were what he truly felt. “Be honest please.” I don’t want any more lies. I’ll accept whatever comes out, even if it throws me right back to where I started.

“I-I don’t know… I really thought my mother was right. That what I had for you wasn’t what it seemed to be.” His gaze briefly drifts to the ground, before focussing on our touching hands. Like magic, the uncomfortableness he was feeling seems to shift. “No matter what she or I tried to convince myself of, something was always missing. I couldn’t put a mask over my own hurting and guilt anymore.”

He spoke the truth. Well at least I think he did. And so I accepted it.

“Okay, thank you for telling me.”

This talk was long overdue. Something we both needed and completely missed. No screaming, no crying, no accusing. If only it went this way from the start. We’re not all perfect though. Even if someone out there is, I’m not, he isn’t. They must be laughing at us.

“Your letters were cheesy. The gifts too.” I’m not sure if this is me trying to lighten the mood, or if I’m just stating facts. Regardless, it makes the both of us smile.

“I know. But you love cheesy things, like the roses I buy you on special occasions.” When he looks back at me I have to resist the urge to jump on him. The smile he wears look good on him. It’s been a while since I’ve seen it. “You know me too well.”

“Well did they work?”

I had already made up my mind a few days back. While staring at the floating balloons occupying my living room I had decided for myself that he’s worth it. He is.

Tilting my head up like I’m still thinking, I make clear ‘hmm’ sound. I had thought that the answer is quite obvious, seeing as I came to him myself, but when doubt takes away his smile I drop the act. I’ve been through enough. We’ve both been through enough.

“Yeah, yeah it did.”

Unlike myself, he doesn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around me. Burying his head in the crook of my neck like he used to do, he lets out a few low ‘thank you’s’. It doesn’t take me long to return the hug, feeling just as safe with him as I used to.

“What about.. Ah I forgot his name.” It’s not hard to guess who he’s hinting at, the sourness in his voice giving him away. I understand, I wouldn’t like it either.

“I ended things.” His answer just comes in the for of a small nod. There is no need for anything more.

“I honestly thought you were going to reject me again.” He ends his sentence with a chuckle and completely relaxes in my hold. Now that the tension is gone, we can go back to where we left off, slowly rebuilding what was lost.

“I was just playing with you, I’m sorry. But no more being an asshole okay? I promise I will kick your ass.” My giggling might undermine the threat a little to others. Luckily, he knows I’m serious.

“I will give you full permission to, but you’ll never have to. I’m going to dump so much love on you that you’ll regret ever even thinking about taking me back. You’re stuck with me now though, so you better be prepared.”

Pulling himself back a little, he plants a gentle kiss on my lips. And then another one, a second one, three more, each kiss more passionate than the last. A fire spreads throughout my body, burning away the few doubts I had left with success. Eventually, to my dismay, I have to pull back for air. Damn humans for needing oxygen.

“Oh? I’d like to see you try.”

Just in case you were wondering, I never did regret it.

126 notes · View notes

a-monsters-love · 4 years ago

Text

The Air Between Us: Part 1

[Prologue] [Part 1] [Blurb 1] [Part 2] [Blurb 2] [Epilogue]

Zuko x A!Reader:

Genre: fluff

Warnings: mild swearing

Word count: 7742

Time line: Takes place when the Gaang goes to the Fire Lords beach house with Zuko on Ember Island. I changed it from them going to see the play about themselves and go to a circus instead; I extended the time they were on the island to fit everything.

A/N: If your reading this I hope it lives up to any expectations, the prologue got so much more love than I thought it would. This is my first fan fic, the reader was originally written as my DnD OC so I apologize if she’s written wonky. I hope I wrote Zuko’s character well, I was worried I wrote him too OOC but I’ve read so much Zuko x Reader fanfics that I felt like it wasn’t that bad lmao. I am my own proof reader so please message me if I messed something up. Also I don’t know how to write Sokka or Suki’s character, I’ve never met anyone like Sokka and Suki has so little dialogue in the show that I feel like she’s just happy to be there.

(Y/N) = Your name (S/C) = Skin color (H/C) = Hair color (E/C) = Eye color

————

“SSHHUUUUUUU.” A loud, terrifying, growl hissed through the Fire Lords vacation home. Echoing into an almost animalistic growl.

“Ah.” Shu looks over to Katara, ”Sounds like (Y/N) is awake.” Probably also waking up everything else in the greater vicinity. Based on the ferocity in your voice they decide it’s probably best to rush over to the room you’re now resting in.

You’re alone, in a hastily cleaned dust covered room. You don’t know where you are. You aren’t aware of how you got here or what day it is. You’re sticky, you reek of herbs, and everything HURTS. These are facts you listed as you woke up. You hear the softest knocking on the door, “If you are not my brother or with him I will rip you to shreds.” You snarl at the door, it’s been a long time since you’ve been this mad, you can hear the hand that was on the door knob let go and take a step back, not going much further than that. Exhaustion starts taking over but you were determined to stay awake until you received your answers. You hear large familiar foot steps run over to the room you’ve been placed in. When the door finally opens you see your twin brother, Shu with Katara, and a very nervous looking Zuko up against the wall behind them. You determined he was the one you threatened. Your (E/C) eyes flick from the nervous fire bender to your brother, “You’re late and I have questions, little brother.” You hissed menacingly.

——

It’s been less than 24 hours since you passed out. In that time, you’ve managed to win over the Gaang and somehow sort out the choices your brother made for the both of you. Neither of which you disagreed with however you barely remember anything that happened after the end of the fight at the circus. You blacked out, this wasn’t a first, but it was a first from blood loss. Katara has been working on healing your wounds every 4-6 hours, letting the salve do its job before cleaning you as best she could through the fear that you might not have made it otherwise. She looks exhausted.

The night prior, when Zuko escorted you to the evacuation area, the Gaang had received the full disclosure on your wounds, your history, and your goals. During your first healing session you were face-in-lap of the Fire Prince, as he received endless teasing. Katara, all though giving him the ‘all knowing’ look the entire time, was the only person to have his back. You lost so much blood you needed to stay as warm as possible until your body regulated, and what’s a better hot water bottle than a fire bender?

——

“Hey Sifu Hot Water Bottle!” Toph hollered down the hall, Zuko groaned. Knowing he will never be able to live this down, but was it worth having you nuzzle into his lap like a sick turtle duck? Absolutely.

“What, Toph.” He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms at the tiny earth bender.

“Shu and Katara are getting herbs so you should keep your princess company~” Toph grinned from ear to ear, knowing his reaction, even if she couldn’t feel it through the hardwood flooring.

Zuko’s cheeks flushed brightly at the comment, letting out a forced ‘groan’ in an attempt to get the better of the girl. He, however, quite liked the idea and rolled around options in his head to see if he could do anything for you without needing healer expertise. He decides to prepare tea. He remembered a recipe for a pain killer tea that his uncle had made for him, it tastes like crap but he knew it could help.

Walking up to your door, no problem, walking in? That’s another story. You were passed out, why is he suddenly so nervous? Then he heard it, well he heard you. He’s never heard such a terrifying savage sound escape someone, let alone a person of your stature. He lightly knocked on the door as not to surprise you but received a threat regardless, this was new. “WHAT DID YOU DO??” Toph whisper yells from down the hall, Zuko not wanting to give up his spot, while not disturbing you he throws his hands in front of his chest indicating ‘I don’t fucking know’ quickly remembering she’s blind.

As if saved by the bell, Shu and Katara rushed up the hall to your room, “I didn’t wake her, I got here after the roar.” Zuko whispers before they open the door. He sees your bandaged body and has the desire to help but decides it’s best to stay out of the way. His gold eyes meet your own (E/C) eyes, causing him to remember the night prior, a blush dusts his face and he looks down.

Shu and Katara enter the room, leaving Zuko in the hall. “In or out, princeling.” You state dryly. He decides to walk in and sit against the wall, opposite to your brother and the water tribe girl. Setting down the tea pot he prepared. You can feel warmth radiating from him, Fire bending perks, you noted. “Someone help me into an upright position…please.” Your tone changes, almost begging for help. You’re tired and in pain and in need of answers. Zuko and Shu both gently help you lift yourself from laying on your chest to sitting upright. Zuko grateful for the bandages looks into his hands after letting go of you. Katara hands you a cup of tea. You look between the healer and Shu, “So… I barely remember anything after the battle at the circus, please fill me in..” You take a sip of tea without even flinching at the taste, to Zuko’s surprise.

“What?? What’s the last thing you remember?” Katara seems mind blown by the idea and Zuko looks as if he’s the one who lost too much blood.

You sip your tea slowly and tilting your head back and fourth trying to stitch together the memories. “Well, we trapped all the Fire Nation soldiers, Shu and I high-fived and that’s when things started getting hazy,” You stopped and tried to pull pieces to your mind, “I had said.. something to you guys and then my legs went weak and Zuko caught me.” You pointed at him, your ears turned red at the thought. “After that, nothing. Last time I blacked out that bad was in Omashu, like 2 years ago, and that was a party.” You ramble on, still a bit delirious from blood loss and medication.

Katara watches you, thinking over your condition. “Well, you did lose a lot of blood, if we knew sooner then maybe we could’ve done something.” She shakes her head and looks between the two boys before explaining the context of the night prior. She then comments that neither you or Shu gave goodbyes to anyone before you left, which she found weird.

You and Shu exchange looks, and erupt in laughter. To the shock of both Katara and Zuko, who found himself confused but smiling seeing you laugh. You groaned and held you sides, laughing hurt. “We’re circus kids, don’t worry about ‘goodbyes’ we have our means. Since we left them that means Auntie and Uncle are probably retiring.” You move your attention to your brother, “Did Uncle give you anything?” You finished your tea putting the cup down for a refill. You let a small shiver consume you.

“He gave me a box and told me to open it when your up and-or well,” He rolls his eyes. “Whatever that means.” He leans over and refills your glass.

“We’ll need that in the up coming war, so don’t lose it,” You seem back to you matter-a-fact like self. Looking back to Katara, “What’s the status on my wounds?” You ask, picking up your cup for another sip.

She sighs, “It should only take a couple more sessions for it to not hurt so bad and to get you up again” She looks at the ground almost in an ashamed way, she glances at Zuko briefly while choosing her words. “I wasn’t able to prevent the scarring, you will forever have a large scar that stretches from the middle of your back up your neck and down your shoulders to both your hands.”

The room is quiet from Katara statement, you can feel the tension from her words. Noting the look she sent the scarred prince but keeping a calm face you nod, “Well, that’ll look badass.” Taking another sip of tea, “I wonder if it’ll be a problem with Aangs training, Air Bending masters get tattoos, right?” You start thinking aloud. You shrug at the thought, “Well, either way, when can we get to the next healing session? Because I’m cold and everything hurts and I’m hungry, this tea is helping but I can’t eat in this condition.”

Katara smiles brightly at your quick resolve and ushers the boys out to start the healing session. Zuko was replaying how quickly you came to a resolve about your scar in his head not noticing Katara trying to get his attention. “Hey.” You snap your fingers close to his face, causing a small breeze. “Are you gonna watch or are you gonna leave? I have to strip for this.” Zuko’s face was immediately red at the thought of what you just said and stumble-ran out of your room. And so, your first session while awake starts. Followed by every curse word and obscenity you can imagine escaping your mouth. This isn’t healing, this is assault!

Due to the depth of the wounds and the concern of Katara, you had multiple ‘healing sessions’ throughout that day. The day following you were up and running again, for the most part. You found yourself mostly watching Zuko and Aang train, much to Zuko’s dismay but he took note of the a light blush that dusted your face and he redness of your ears when he took his shirt off. He started taking it off earlier in his matches with Aang to see if he can get a reading out of you. Your angelic poker face is not something he could win against. That small smile is constantly plastered on your face.(*1)

However much you enjoyed seeing him with his shirt off, you enjoyed studying their sparring session more than anything. Both Zuko and Aang had multiple different influences in their bending, there are time Zuko’s moves look like that of a water bender. You have never seen anything like it, however you’ve only ever practiced with Shu, an earth bender, so you weren’t one to talk. You asked Aang the occasional question about air bending basics. Things to practice so you can find the middle ground you needed to have control of your bending better. You sit on the patio while they trained practicing your control, letting Aang correct you when needed.

——

“What about bending? When can I start fully practicing that?” You ask Katara while making a fresh pot of jasmine tea, it’s one of your many favorites.

Katara hums at the question, “You should be okay for now. BUT!” She looks you in they eyes. “No heavy lifting, and no going past your limits. If you start feeling sore or exhausted you must take a break.” You almost spat at the statement but stifled your laughter, you’re an air bender. Is air heavy? You jokingly thought, knowing how hilarious that sounds.

“Awesome,” You cough to hide your ongoing laughter. “Can you help me then? I want to change to practice.”

Katara agreed and followed you to your room. She had tied your (H/C) hair back, neater than you’ve ever tied it. You’re still in full bandage but you have a halter top exposing your bandaged midriff, and your most comfortable short harem pants, you liked the way they hugged your hips and sat comfortably at your knees. You walk out barefoot to the training grounds to Toph, who almost hit you with a boulder. “Hey, lightfoot! At least make sure you have a presence for me, you could’ve been back in bed!” She scowled in your general direction, “Katara would’ve blamed me!” She huffed.

You make sure both feet are flat to the ground and walk to the girl, “Could you help me with something?” At Aangs references and Sokka’s bad memories you try to describe the Airball court and the type of game that was played in it. “If we make one out of stone you can ‘watch’ me and Aang play and it’ll give me good practice to handle my air bending without creating an actual tornado or by using my fans.” Toph rolled the idea around in her head, “If we get a fire proof ball we can get Zuko in on the game?” You further suggest.

Almost like a light bulb goes off in Toph’s head she lights up, “(Y/N)! You’re a genius!” She runs off to look for the ideal location.

You go find Aang, catching him before he starts his sparing session, “Hey, Aang!”

Aang sees you calling and perks up, “Hey (Y/N), what up?” The young nomad asks, meeting you halfway.

“Okay, so,” You clap your hands together holding them in front of your chin. “Can Airball be played with 3 goals or does it have to be 2?” Your (E/C) eyes are almost glowing at the question throwing the boy for a loop, you’re finally acting more like yourself again.

“Well, since Air Nomads are traditionally pacifists I’d say only 2 goals to avoid having 2 teams ganging up on 1 team.” He smiles remember the times he played back in the Southern Air Temple, then his brow knit. “Why do you ask?” (*2)

You smile putting your hand on his small shoulders, “I’m having Toph use her bending to build an Airball court so I can practice my bending and I thought it could give you and Zuko a different type of field to spar on.” That last part you made up on the spot but it is a valid option. Aangs face lights up, “Do you want to grab Zuko and show me the ropes?”

You both grab Zuko, and a random empty metal box from the vacation house. He begrudgingly follows, being pulled hand in hand by two Air Benders, what has my life come to? He thought to himself while not shaking off either hand so he can keep holding yours. Aang explains the game rules and how it’s played on the way.

You follow the noises of the court being built by Toph and you hear her call, “(Y/N)! What were you thinking to use for the ball??” You can see she had stone and river rock options behind her however you didn’t want to risk the damage to you or Zuko. (*3)

“How ‘bout this?” You hand her the metal box, “If you metal bent it to the shape of a ball we can leave it hollow so it’ll be easier to move for me as an ‘inexperienced’ air bender and for Zuko who will have to use his flames to actually propel it.”

You can see Toph physically frown, “Hey, I’m not an earth bender, and as much as I wouldn’t mind taking responsibility if he got hurt, throwing boulders at him is not in my job description.” You both laugh and Toph agrees. You suggest Aang and Zuko use the court first for training then you can get to the game.

Toph has lifted a platform to the height of the court, “You’re pretty good at staying balanced on moving boulders.” She comments.

“Yeah, well, having a giant but strong Earth Bender for a twin your whole life does wonders for your balance.” You joke, pushing your elbow into Toph who is trying to stifle a smile at the mention of Shu.

While watching the boys jump around so gracefully reminds you a lot of the circus. You feel a bit sad at the thought and Toph picks up on it. “What’s wrong, lightfoot?”

You don’t hate the new nickname as much as the others seem to hate theirs, you lean back a bit on the platform holding your knees to keep your balance. “I was trained in all sorts of circus and show performances, piano, guitar, gymnastics, acrobatics, juggling, tight rope walking, and contortionism-“

Toph would have spat out her drink if she had one, “YOU’RE A CONTORTIONIST?” She gaps at you causing Zuko to blush, losing his balance and Aang to give him a big stupid grin.

“Ah-well-“ You stammer, blushing hard because no one outside of the circus ever seemed to be interested in the things you trained in. “Ye-yeah I was trained in all sorts of things-“ You look down at your knees to avoid making eye contact with the boys and not wanting to look at Toph, regardless of her being blind. “Watching them dance around reminds me of home.” You chuckle sadly.

Toph talks your head off with all sorts of questions about the circus and what you can do, once your embarrassment subsides you find yourself passionately talking about it. Before you realize it, the boys are done sparring and Aang asks if you’re ready.

You nod and hop to the court, trading places with Zuko. You accidentally bump your shoulder with his arm causing him to grab your hand in case you slipped, sending a hot sensation up your arm from where he held you. You smile softly and embarrassed “Sorry.” You rub the the back of your neck and squeeze his hand.

He lets go quickly. “Ah, yeah.” He stammers, “It’s fine, (Y/N).” Shooting a subtly smile back. You blush loudly, realizing this is the first time he’s said your name to you. You scurry to get to the center of the court.

“S-sorry if this isn’t as great as the courts you had at home. My instructions were vague.” You tell Aang, he shakes his head with a smile, he doesn’t care he’s just excited to play. You practice spinning the make shift ball in a web of air. Before throwing the ball at Aangs hoop.

——

The game starts between (Y/N) and Aang, and Zuko can’t take his eyes off of you. You don’t look like someone who can’t control their bending. Just watching you spin, flip and dance around from post to post is like a choreographed show. Even when you throw or kick the ‘ball’ consumed by air. “So, when are you gonna ask her out, Sifu hot water bottle?” Toph snickers, getting a general idea of the game, enjoying it none the less.

“What? What are you talking about?” Zuko scowls at the girl who just sarcastically snaps her neck in his direction.

“Really? Dude, your attention is on her every move and reaction.” Toph cheers loudly for you, making you a bit embarrassed missing your footing. You slip off the beam you aimed for but you push off the side of it just to hop on the top of another, Aang claps saying you’re a natural. “See, your heart rate just spiked at a little slip. Just ask her out, the worst she can say is no right?” Toph shrugs suggestively, “Maybe she likes you back.”

Zuko scoff at these comments before actually thinking about them. “Shut up.” Toph laughed and punched him in the arm. “What was that for!”

Toph smiles, “Thats how I show affection.” Her face beamed as she moved to the ledge of where they sat and waved at the on coming footsteps.

——

Aang has 3 points on you and you haven’t even scored yet, to anyone else you’d say it’s fine, it’s the first time you’ve played. You on the other hand are fairly competitive, and according to Aang you seem to have the rules down. You have the ball in your hand now and decide to throw all cation to the wind, literally in this case. You air bend something close to a funnel weaving around the posts and throwing the ball into it. Your hand twirling lightly to keep it moving. This does not work as planned, as the funnel created so much momentum that the metal make shift ball flattens to the stone hoop. You gasp putting your hands on your temples, “Oh spirits!”

Aang laughs a little too hard, Toph laughs while grumbling about ‘all her hard work.’ Zuko lets out a chuckle, this embarrassed you but your glad he seems to be having fun watching the mess you call a match end. “That was great (Y/N)! I’ve never seen you have that much control with your bending!” You hear Shu say, you didn’t even realize the rest of the Gaang had made their way to watch.

“I was trying so hard to be delicate, agh why don’t I know how to be delicate!” You groan, “I couldn’t even make one shot!” Ruffling you’re hands in your hair.

“There’s the competitive little sister I know,” Shu snorts, you made a tiny ball of air at the tip or your finger and shot it at him, hitting him in the center of his forehead. You laugh anyway.

“I can control little things and big things with my bending, the in between is where it gets hard.” You stretch letting out a barely audible whimper from your burn wounds.

“Hey, that was a lot better than I remember from first time Aang made me and Katara play,” Sokka snorts.

The only one who heard your whimper was Zuko, but that’s because you never lost his attention. Which annoyed him to no end when you were unconscious, but now? He just felt lighter having you around. He couldn’t pin down why, maybe it was the way your laugh was contagious, or that you always knew how to say the right thing? Even when it wasn’t directed at him. Somehow your flaws made you more wonderful to him. Competitive? Generally sarcastic while sounding like an Angel? Even when you’re cranky he wants to be around you. He just liked it, a lot more than he anticipated. He thought at first he wanted to be more like you, now maybe it’s not that.

He let the thoughts run around his head as the Shu and Toph earth bend the platforms everyone was sitting on back into the ground. You head back with Aang, Zuko and Toph, who was dragging Shu by his hand, talking about the game and how to improve the court. Aang laughed explaining that it’s great for training but Airball posts were general made of soft woods, you face palm at that lack of knowledge. Letting out another small whimper from your wound. Zuko hesitates but decides to put one of his hand gently over top the biggest part of the wound. With his generally high internal temperature he figured the heat might help. Your back stiffens in surprise and he starts to pull away, you grab his forearm gently indicating that it’s okay and look over towards him. You mouth the words ‘Thank you,’ your general angelic poker face now replaced by something more relaxed and dusted with blush, you look away hoping he doesn’t notice that your ears turning red. He does.

——

Later that evening everyone was heading to bed, you were more sore than you let on but you weren’t tired. You’re finally starting to feel some energy come back to you after ‘working out’ today. You couldn’t do your normal stuff but you weren’t upset, understanding the situation. Katara was the last person you said good night to after she helped you bathe, you had your healing session in the water. Now with a fresh pot of jasmine tea you sat on the porch staring at the scenery, less than a week ago you lived such a hodgepodge lifestyle with the circus. Albeit this is temporary, you couldn’t imagine your life any other way at this point. You hear soft foot steps come from behind you, you pay no mind until you hear them speak. “You know, you should probably have a blanket or something with you, it’s cold in the evenings here.” It’s Zuko, you smile up at him and offer him tea. Seemingly ignoring his comment about the weather you pat your hand at the space near you, suggesting he sits.

He sits down and pours himself a glass, jasmine. His favorite, he wonders if you knew. “Jasmine tea is one of my favorites,” You say.

“Really?” He sips the tea, and watches you. Your seemingly angelic demeanor is gone, you look like you’re in your own world now.

“Well, actually I haven’t met a tea I didn’t enjoy.” You chuckle and hold the glass in your hands to keep yourself warm, you were relishing in the cold but for some reason now you craved warmth. Maybe since he pointed it out? You don’t think too long on it, you focus on your breathing. Aang taught you a special breathing technique that all Air Benders use to regulate their body temperature. “There is an older gentleman who would visit my aunt and uncle when our travel schedules aligned, he made the best tea.” You smile into your cup, “He’s the one who actually taught me how to make tea.” You chuckle, knowing you’re not nearly as good as him. A shiver overcame you.

You made him think of his Uncle Iroh, he has a lot of regrets to work through regarding that matter. Zuko looks down and adjusts the teapot, scooting closer to you after noticing your small shivers.

“You remind me of myself in a lot of ways.” You said, still taking in your surroundings. Zuko didn’t understand the statement, that was clear on his face when you glanced over to him, not realizing you’re start to lean towards his warm arm. “For an assortment of reasons.” You start to explain. “You always come off as super grumpy and quiet, but you’ve never seemed grumpy to me. Earlier you were the only one to notice I was sore. It felt amazing and honestly I was just grateful you didn’t make a scene about it.” Zuko thinks on this for a bit, realizing that the angelic demeanor you have is a facade, this was (Y/N), and outside of maybe your brother it seems like he’s the only one you’ve shown your true self to. Regardless of the reason, Zuko smiles softly.

Now realizing your arm is leaning up against his. “Great Spirits you’re warm!” You cover your mouth realizing how loud that might’ve been. You chuckle.

Zuko laughed quietly and leaned back into your arm, “Fire Bending perks.” He said, he felt embarrassed touching you earlier but for you to say it felt amazing? He blushed hard thinking about it, grateful for the night sky.

“I knew it.” You murmur playfully as you sip your tea.

You pull back from Zuko’s warmth to stretch, groaning.

He hesitates to ask, “Does it hurt?” He wants to touch you, maybe this fire in him is good for something.

You sit back next to him, maybe a little closer than before. Trying to consume his extra heat, “Of course it hurts, but the pain isn’t something to be bitter over.” You bump his leg with your knee at the comment.

Hesitantly he moves the arm pressing against you and leans on it now close behind you. Your arm now touching the side of his abdomen and his arm touching your back, with his hand on the floor. He doesn’t respond. You lean into his side thinking, “Yes, it was a terrible thing that happened to me, but there’s no changing it and the pain is temporary. Why should I be bitter about it? That only makes the aggressor look powerful.” You know you both have terrible scars, yes yours is bigger but yours isn’t on your face. You thought to yourself. “Those who attack people smaller or weaker than themselves are nothing but cowards.” You mumble. Zuko leans his side into you, as a sort of silent response. You stayed like this for sometime before deciding his warmth is making you sleepy. “Has anyone ever told you, you make people sleepy?” You yawn at him.

A smirk raises to one side of his mouth, “Just once,” Remembering your face nuzzling into his lap the night you collapsed.

You raise an eyebrow but don’t question him, you smile though. “Well here’s a second, your natural warmth is cozy and I’m getting sleepy.” You got up to head to your room, when Zuko gently grabs your bandage covered fingers.

“I-uh, usually have a hard time sleeping,” He admits. “If you ever have a hard time sleeping you can come sit with me.” He was looking at your hands sadly, as if they received the worse kind of treatment.

You giggle, knowing you’re always out here before him. You squat down to his level from standing and give him a soft smile, “I naturally don’t sleep much so you can always come get me if you’re lonely.” You squeeze the hand that’s still holding your fingers before making your way to your room. Your skin is buzzing from where his heat once was. “You know where to find me.” You flick your hand up in a lazy peace sign.

——

At lunch the next day Toph and Sokka were trying to figure out who was the oldest twin. “Seriously, who’s the oldest.” You and Shu move in unison looking from each other to Sokka.

“Yeah! You keep calling each other older or younger! What’s the deal.” Toph pouted next to Shu, as she continued eating.

You twins laughed, “Ancient family secret.” You both said.

“Come on, Toph!” Sokka continues, “One of them has to be lying!” The two started to bicker. Suki and Aang can’t stop laughing from you and Shu doing and saying everything in unison, from blinking to eating. This was something the two of you had perfected at a very young age.

You and Shu glance at Aang, “You okay, Sifu Twinkle Toes?” You both go, the room erupted in laughter.

——

The days continued like this. Aang would give you something to practice, you started training with Toph or Katara. Shu and Toph started to trade training tips on metal and magma bending or would practice sand bending together on the beach. You had your healing sessions and a bath afterwards and once the sun was down and everyone was off to bed you started spending your evenings with Zuko.

You always seem to be waiting for him, you decided rather than staying awake in your room to just sit on the patio. Part of you didn’t want to wait to see if Zuko would actually come find you. You heard him walk up on cue, “Tonight’s tea is chamomile.” You say tilting your head towards him. He wore just a shirt and loose shorts, you imagine these are his pajamas.

He smiled and sat in the same position he had the night prior, arm around your back hand on the floor and the side of his abdomen pressing firmly against you. You poured him a cup this time. The two of you would talk for sometime before retiring to bed.

——

One night Zuko found his way to the patio and you weren’t there, he waited where he usually sat with you for some time before he realized the tea pot was gone. He walked to your room, lightly knocking before opening the door. You weren’t there. A sort of panic washed over him, he decided to look around for you before alerting anyone you were gone. Zuko walked down to the beach when he found foot prints, a sigh of relief left him when he found you sitting in the sand. Knees pulled to your chest, face down, cold tea pot and cup sitting next to you. He watched you for sometime before deciding to walk up. “So this is where you’ve been.”

A small sniffle comes out as you wipe your face, “Ah- Yeah.. Sorry..” You force an awkward chuckle. “I didn’t mean to worry you.” You didn’t look at him, he wasn’t sure you were looking at anything when you finished wiping your eyes.

Zuko sat down beside you, he wasn’t good at comforting people. He tried to think of something his uncle would say if he knew you. “My uncle told me once, that sometimes the best way to solve your own problems is to help someone else.” He spoke quietly, not really sure how to help. “I don’t really know how to comfort people but if there’s anything you need, you can ask..”

A small smile made its way to your face, you were pretty sure he had no idea what that statement meant. “I just uh-“ You looked up at the sky, “I feel guilty. And shameful.” You mutter. You could tell he was confused by this statement but you didn’t say anything for sometime. “You heard my families history, Jesa had an excuse. Sure it wasn’t a good excuse but..” You trailed on. Your voice was getting louder and more shaken with every word. “I was always so ashamed of my bending because it put my family in danger. I was ashamed that my family didn’t fight to defend the air nomads!” The air started stirring aggressively around the two of you. Tears started bubbling up in your eyes again and you pushed yourself from the ground. Zuko grabbed at your hand. You roared at the ocean in front of you, tears streaming freely down your cheeks, bending so much force in frustration waves flew up high before crashing down as you fell on your knees in front of Zuko.

His eyes wide, jaw slacked at the raw power you possessed. He’s never seen Aang use his air bending in such an aggressive manner. You were squeezing his hand, this pulled his attention from what you had just done. He squeezed your hand back before gently pulling on it, coercing you to come closer. You did, you ended up in his lap. You were between his legs that wrapped around you, your knees pulled up, leaning your side and head against his chest. He wrapped both arms around your waist and rested his chin your head. Zuko hushed you until you calmed, and the air around you two had settled into the stale ocean breeze.

His warmth calmed you, he didn’t have to say anything. You’re frustrated with yourself, you didn’t realize you’d bottled up so much. You buried your face into Zuko’s chest, “I feel guilty for being..-“ You hesitated, “For being so happy. Knowing my people have been eradicated.” This stings Zuko’s heart and he just holds you tighter.

Zuko’s history plays through his head, finally understanding what you had meant the other night. ‘You remind me a lot of myself’ you told him. He tilted his head down, pressing his nose and mouth against the top of your head. “Maybe that’s why your family made it. Because of what-“ He thinks of how to put it, “the Fire Nation did to your people. So that you could be happy, so that you could be here and build your people up again when this horrible war ends.” He didn’t know, but you were quiet.

You moved and held onto his bicep that rested between your thighs and bust, you’re both tired and wide awake now. (Y/N) never thought about it that way. That maybe being here, after everything, was your destiny and not just a selfish desire. You squeeze his arm softly, “Thank you, Zuko.” You mumble.

Neither of you said anything for the rest of the night. Not when Zuko heated up the tea pot and your glass, not about you staying in his lap. You both had the nights events and words playing in your head. Zuko realized what his uncle told him was right. Zuko told you what he needed to hear.

——

Zuko was always the last to sleep and the first awake, these were old habits he couldn’t break. However he didn’t mind it so much since (Y/N) has been around, you’re like him. Last to sleep first to rise, at first it was a constant surprise as you’d daze around the kitchen making tea at dawn. Your pajamas leaving very little to the imagination. A short but loose fitting top and loose shorts. Your bandages helped him not look like a bigger fool than he felt he already was. You never teased him about it though, you always just offered a smile. This house was starting to feel like a home again. The early mornings and the evenings were becoming his favorite time, these were times when you were yourself and when you leaned on him. You did this more than he mentally prepared himself for, the first time you did it was when Zuko was preparing tea for the morning, you lazily made your way into the kitchen and poked around him realizing he was doing what you had planned to start. You ended up leaning against his back while holding on to the edge of his shirt and commenting about the warmth before moving to pour yourself a glass of tea. The mornings that followed that one he started to notice you’d seek him out in a tired stupor. Clinging onto him regardless of what he’s doing, warming yourself up for the day, before making yourself a glass of tea and walking off.

He’d watch your beautiful figure laze around with your tea until you found the patio and sat down. You always manage to look back at him with your bedroom eyes expectantly. This always causes him to blush but he makes his way over and sits with you. He’ll watch you from the corner of his eye as you start to wake up.

He missed your presence during his training sessions but was always able to catch a glimpse as you train with one of the girls. Your control over your bending was exceedingly better than it had been when you first met.

“So. Sifu ‘hot water bottle’” A voice says mockingly. Zuko scowls and tears his attention from you and turns around to see Shu. His expression quickly dropped, not wanting to get on your brothers bad side.

“Uh, hey Shu.” Zuko says nervously, “What’s up?” He starts rubbing the back of his neck trying to temporarily purge what happened at the beach from his mind, you letting him wrap you up in his arms and lap was engraved in him. Shu waves him over to follow him.

He follows him until they’re out of your line of sight, “If you like my sister you’re going to have to fight me first.” Shu states pointedly and crosses his arms.

“Wait-wait. What??” Zuko throws up his hands, “I don’t want to fight you, we’re uh,” He stops at the word but shakes his head. “We’re friends, sparring is one thing but I can’t just fight you.”

Your brother flares at him and slides his foot, bending just enough earth under Zuko to knock him down. “I’m not just going to hand my sister, whose like,” He throws his hands up. “An international secret! To someone who can’t protect her!” Shu hisses. This is fair.

His glare drops and he offers a hand to help Zuko up, confused at the quick demeanor change until he hears you talking to Katara and walk past the scene. “Think about it.” Shu quietly hisses before walking away. Zuko stood there dumbfounded for quite some time.

“Your healing session today will be the last for your arms,” Katara tell you. “Your back will take some time but unless the wound gets struck again you shouldn’t have to worry about it opening on its own.” This was the best news you’ve had in some time. You can start actually exercising again.

That night, Zuko was the first to the patio. You stared at him for a bit, something about the moonlight hitting him makes your stomach flop about. You finally walk towards him, realizing he looks uncomfortable. “You okay?” You ask as you sit down beside him.

He looks over at you, he doesn’t say anything but just stares. Examining the lack of bandages on your arms and the concern in your face before speaking. “I’m trying to take all the right steps to make right all the wrongs I’ve done.” He looks away.

You keep looking at him, the gaang has already told you about their history with Zuko when you and Shu asked them how Team Avatar came to be. Zuko hands you a cup of tea before continuing, “I did some- a lot.. of awful things that I can’t take back. I can’t even apologize to my uncle for betraying him.” This statement causes Zuko to put his face in his hands. “He probably hates me now.”

That statement stings you, you’ve only ever seen the Team Avatar version of Zuko. You hesitate but decide to put your hand on his back, running your hand up and down his spine, making shapes with your fingers. “That might be true,” He flinched at this comment. “However. If you can get a group of people you literally tried to kill, to actually like and appreciate you and to care about you. I doubt it’ll be too difficult to get someone who’s always loved you to forgive your actions.” You smile and lean your head on his shoulder still rubbing his back. “From what you’ve told me and what I’ve heard from the others I can imagine he’ll be so proud of you for doing the right thing.”

Zuko doesn’t reply for sometime, replaying the words in his head. Replaying what he told you at the beach. He did do the right thing, he has changed. But what if it’s too late, he wants to ask but he already feels foolish for his actions. He lifts his head and looks over at you before resting his cheek on your head. “You don’t think it’ll be too late to apologize?”

You straighten up and smile at him, and cup his face with your hands. “If you truly mean it when you apologize then it’ll never be too late.” You leave a small kiss on his cheek and then smile at him. Zuko pulls you into him, holding one hand firmly around your shoulders and one around your waist. This caused you to gasp but he doesn’t let go. He needs this, you think. Hugging him back with your arms around his neck and a hand brushing his hair with your fingers till he’s ready to let go.

As much as he needed a hug the second he hugged you he was extremely embarrassed. Embarrassed that he wanted to pull you into his lap again and not let go. Especially after you kissed his cheek. He feared letting go as you would see his blushing face. Not realizing you can feel his blush as his body temperature rose. It wasn’t until you held him back and pet his hair that he started to savor the moment, engraving it in his mind before letting go and looking at the sky. You watched him carefully, you wanted to kiss him more and find all the reasons as to why everything would be fine. “Your brother told me I have to fight him.” Your face snapped away from his, you knew what this meant, but why would Shu say that to Zuko? Why wouldn’t he talk to you first? Did he tell Zuko how you feel? You were panicking.

(Y/N)’s ear are red, Zuko noticed. She seems embarrassed. Was she embarrassed of Zuko? Was it her brother? Or something else? He couldn’t get a read from you, “D-Did he say anything, ah,” You started. “About me, uh, when he did..?” You couldn’t make eye contact with him.

His face turned bright red, yes the whole thing was about you! He’s thinks your embarrassed about your brothers actions. “Well, ah,” he stammers, “I kind of, uhm, brought it upon myself.” You both look away from each other. “He told me to think about it.”

You sigh putting your red face in your hands, “I am so sorry.” You groan. Embarrassed that you thought this was about you.

“No no it’s not your fault!” He stammers, “We should uh, we should head to bed.” You nod at him and take the hand he offers to get up.

Your fingers touch his as he walks you to your room, “Uhm. Good night Zuko.” You smile and whisper to him as you separate, he watches you as you disappear behind your door. He wants to follow you in, realizing what you mean to him.

When he got to his room he closed and slid down the door. “Good night, (Y/N).” He sighed, “What am I going to do.”

——

A/N: Holy smokes, guys! We made it through Part 1! If you’d like to be tagged in this series please feel free to message me or comment on this post! Here are my starred notes: (*1) Imagine that customer service face we all have, you know the one (*2) When I wrote this line for Aang it ended up destroying my whole plan for the rest of this scene because I was like “Shit Aang would actually say something like that” (*3) Did you know river rocks explode when they get too hot?

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isthisthingeven0n · 4 years ago

Text

restraint : d.d

brief summary: you decide to teach david a little lesson after his statement that you aren’t dominant in bed

word count: 1.5k requested: yessss and okay i hope this is what you wanted! i gave it my best go angel warnings: okay so it’s a bit steamy (i tried my friends as i know you’ve been wanting this for like two years lmao)

* masterlistin’ / masterlistin’ 2.0

(everything on my blog is my own writing. if it is shared on another page or website know it hasn’t been approved me unless specified. all rights reserved. - i have to start doing this as I had some shit on my other blog with plagiarism)

DO NOT STEAL MY WORK - IT IS ALL MY OWN WRITING

It started off fairly innocently. You were just lying in bed with David, panting lightly as a sheen of sweat covered your forehead.

“Would you ever want to try anything?” You turn on your side, facing your boyfriend as a light laugh leaves his lips, causing you to frown as his laughter subsides as his eyes focus on you.

“You’re being serious?” David questions back as you slowly nod in response, tugging on the covers to hide away. “Oh, baby I didn’t mean it as a bad thing.” David coos, pulling the covers from your body as he moves closer toward you, your chest pressing against his.

“So what?” You look up at his big brown eyes, searching them for any uncertainty. “If you don’t want to it’s okay, I don’t wanna pressure you.” You mumble, feeling David’s fingers glide across your cheek to move your damp hair away from your face.

David shakes his head, now leaning his head in his hand as he props his elbow up against a pillow. “It’s not that, I just,” He stutters over his words as you raise an eyebrow, watching him closely. “you’re just not dominant, like at all.” He states.

“Oh,” You mumble, leaning back and lie on your back, staring up at the ceiling.

“It’s not a bad thing though, I love you regardless.” David quickly adds, watching as a thousand thoughts cloud your mind.

“I get it.” You tell him, glancing to see concern lying heavy in his eyes and you half-heartedly smile. “I’m gonna have a shower, okay?” You lean over, pecking his lips before walking to the bathroom before he can say anything else.

Sighing to himself, David buries his head in his hands. “You’re such a dick.” He mutters under his breath, unaware of you in the bathroom planning away.

“I’ll show him who’s dominant.” You tell your reflection as the steam rises in the room, fogging the smirk crossing your lips.

It had been a few days since David made that comment about you in bed, and he’d completely forgotten about it entirely. You on the other hand definitely hadn’t.

“Do you think this will be good?” You ask, holding up the handcuffs in front of Carly and Erin whose eyes widen at the sight.

“It’ll send a message that’s for sure,” Erin remarks as she covers her shocked smile.

“Okay.” You nod, walking up to the counter to pay for them and eye up other items along the way.

“Why the sudden change?” Carly questions, running her fingers over the feather boa.

Taking the bag, you slip it into your handbag before exiting the store with your friends. “Just felt like teaching David a lesson.” You shrug a shoulder, not realising the look the girls shared as you walk on. “What?” You chuckle, turning back to see they’ve both stopped.

“He’s going to be your bitch tonight, isn’t he?” Erin laughs as you nod, the three of you carrying on about your day whilst the events of tonight carry on being planned mentally.

Arriving back at David’s, you knew everyone else had planned to go out tonight.

“Hey baby,” David calls out from the sofa, still working away at some footage from the previous week.

Natalie wanders through in a red dress as Todd follows behind her. “Have fun you guys,” You say with a bright smile, waving the pair off as they walk out of the house holding hands. “so, just us tonight I guess?” You speak up, David now giving you his full attention as he saves his work and shuts his laptop.

Jumping from the sofa, David runs over to you, taking you in his arms as you laugh. “Let’s not waste a single moment then.” He winks, taking you toward the bedroom.

“Wait,” You pipe up, and David lowers you back to the ground as his hands rest on your waist softly. “I just need to get something.” You tell him, slowly backing away as he wanders into his bedroom, starting to undress.

A smile rises across your lips as you take the handcuffs out from your bag, slowly walking back into the bedroom.

“What’ve you got there?” David nods toward your hands being held behind your back, a smirk growing on your face.

Standing in the doorway, you can’t help but admire him in the sunset as the light streams through the windows. He drops his hoodie to the ground, wandering closer toward you, yet you push him away.

“Get on the bed.” You state, tracing closer as he backs away.

David’s eyes widen momentarily, seeing a darkness cloud your vision. “What’re you doing?” He speaks up, but you place your index finger on his lips, shushing him before leaning closer, your lips ghosting his earlobe.

“Quiet, it’ll make sense soon.” You nibble his ear, hearing a quiet moan escape his lips as you straddle his waist, revealing the handcuffs as you lock on onto his right wrist. “That too tight?” You ask softly, watching as David shakes his head. “Perfect.” He licks his lips as you tighten it slightly before attaching the other cuff to the bed frame. David watches as you start to grind against him in his jeans.

Lifting your top up, you look down to see his hands rising, wanting nothing more than to wander over your body. “Fuck.” He mutters as he watches you take off your bra, his lips attacking your breasts as he hears you moan whilst you continue to grind against him, feeling his hard on through the denim.

“What do you want me to do, baby?” You ask him as you push his hair out from his eyes, seeing him shut them tightly as you lean closer, kissing him passionately.

Breathing deeply, David sighs. “I want you.” He tells you, and with that, you rise to your feet. “What’re you doing?” His voice softens as his eyes widen.

“Have patience, Dave.” You remind him as you kneel on the edge of the bed, undoing his belt before tugging his jeans off.

Resting your hand on his bulge in his boxers, you listen as he moans your name, causing you to smile. “You want more?” You question, tilting your head as he bites his lower lip. “You gotta answer me, David.” You remind him, watching as he whips his head back to focus on you.

“I want you to suck my dick.” He demands and you chuckle, pulling his boxers away as his erection springs free.

You run your hand over his hard on, beginning to pump him up and down as his moans rise. “Just like that?” You tease and as he opens his mouth to answer, you run your tongue on his shaft, sucking the tip before spitting over his length and taking it all.

Chocking lightly, you pull your mouth away, making sure to focus on his eyes as he becomes undone. “I, I need you.” He groans as you wipe your lips, seeing him tensing as he grips the bedding.

“Isn’t that sweet.” You comment, removing your skirt as he remains naked on the bed, lying down as he moans for you.

“Baby, please,” David pleads, watching as you remove your panties and run your finger along your slit, moaning to yourself. “I need you, so fucking bad.”

Stepping closer toward him, you run your hands along his thighs, feeling him twitch as you grab his balls. “You’re not allowed to cum until I tell you, okay baby?” You focus on his eyes as he nods.

You line yourself up before sitting down onto him, David moaning at the tight feeling around him. “Fuck, just like that.” He tells you, wanting nothing more than to grab your neck and pull you closer, but you’re in control and he can’t do anything about that.

“You close baby?” You ask him as you bounce up and down, your breasts a sight for sore eyes as David scrunches the bedding in his fingers. “Come on, tell me, babe.” You moan, feeling the ball in your stomach tighten.

“Yes, yes I’m gonna,” David stutters, and immediately you pull out leaving him panting and confused. “wait, what?” He mumbles, sitting upright as you’re stood in front of him, tucking your hair behind your ears.

“Who’s dominant now then?” You raise an eyebrow, seeing him before you all sweaty, desperate for you and your pussy.

David sighs, wishing he could move closer toward you as he tugs on the handcuff bound to the bed. “You, you are.” He gives in and you chuckle, nodding.

“Maybe this’ll teach you a lesson then.” You sit on the bed beside him, kissing his cheek before walking away.

Except in all of this, you made one fateful mistake.

Never underestimate David’s strength when he’s on the verge of an orgasm and wanting you.

He tugs forcefully on the handcuff, feeling the weak metal break and runs over to you.

With a swift motion, he pins you against the doorframe, knocking the wind out of you as his hands are resting either side of your head.

“Now you’ll see who’s dominant, baby.” He whispers into your ear, knowing the evening was only just getting started.

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