#im aware my gender is something i define but i can also want others to perceive me as a guy too

[assmaster-8000]

why don't clothes fit me the way they do on a skinny cis guy (<- isn't a skinny cis guy)

[genderqueerdykes]

im seeing you post about transmasc lesbians and thinking now about that post i saw that was like "its kinda weird that top surgery scars are the trans lesbian stereotype and not any stereotypical transfem features" and like. yeah i do think there should be more mainstream transfem lesbians but also why do we gotta take the piss out of transmascs about it

agreed, they're two separate conversations that can be had at the same time

as someone who is a transfeminine dyke and has had a lot of transfem lesbian friends and partners, a lot of lesbian stereotypes that come to my mind are that of what you mentioned with transmascs, plus things such as femmes with flat chests wearing low cut shirts, breasforms, transfem butches binding after growing boobs from HRT, femmes with defined jawlines and deep voices, excitement from growing boobs, femmes with looooooong hair covering almost all the face, never transition transfem dykes, transfeminine butches who have proudly been telling people they were dykes as long as they can remember, dykes especially femmes with visible crotch bulge, there's a lot of transfeminine 'stereotypes' and things to lesbianism but there's no reason like you said to take the piss out of transmasculinity to point out lots of people just do not have experience with transfeminine lesbianism

a lot of people don't and it's fine and they shouldn't act like they do. i lived in a punk house for a few months and met a lot of transfem lesbians there got close to many. once you get exposed to transfem lesbians you become aware of "stereotypes" that are present in the community. it's 2 separate conversations when we we talk about stereotypes from more transfeminine and more transmasculine spaces in the community. they are lesbian experiences, but it is 2 separate conversations that can be held at the same exact time

part of the reason top surgery scars are so well represented in lesbianism is because afab bodies are treated like the norm, but also because a lot of lesbians struggle with gender and especially when that comes to the societal expectations placed on people with breasts. a lot of lesbians want to discuss their experiences with this and it's important. lesbians have rich and deep history of being gender variant people and it's important to let people celebrate top surgery scars. that's a separate conversation, however, it is closely linked to something else.

everyone on every side rejects transfemininity as belonging in lesbianism. everyone silently agrees afab bodies are the norm for lesbianism, so they shun any and all transfeminine experiences and prevent them from appearing in lesbian history. nobody wants to be the one to start romanticizing transfeminine features in the community for fear of backlash or getting silenced or mocked or talked over. we've made it nigh impossible to have the conversation about transfem lesbians, so people begin to fight with each other instead of recognizing that transfem and transmasc have very complex relationships with lesbianism and it's not right to try to silence one for the other

we have struggles that are common in a lot of ways. if we begin embracing what transfeminine lesbianism looks like, we can begin to have a more complete understanding of what the whole lesbian experience is. without putting transmascs down or trying to talk over transmasculine lesbians. we can talk about transfem and transmasc lesbians needing support at the same time. it's important that we do. we need to talk about how transmasc and transfem lesbians are here and that we need help in being accepted as part of the community

it's just wrong to throw any other queer person of the same group under the bus for the sake of trying to have a separate but very similar conversation. im with you. i hope we see less of this down the road. these are 2 very important conversations that we really need to have simultaneously. together at once.

[djuvlipen]

wait actually, same anon from earlier, i have another question please, hope this isnt a stupid one. how do you/what other opinions have you heard abt the incentives taken to educate roma kids? im particularly interested in this bc in romania both among us and the roma part of the issue w trafficking is that girls are uneducated and lack opportunities, and generally im all for education being done in small rural communities, and in the future id like to spend my time in communities trying to do anything at all to help w this mess. but. at the same time ive always felt theres something - i hate this word but oh well - problamatic about it? obviously roma kids deserve equal access to education, and i know specifically for roma girls this is often harder because at times they are expected to marry young - which happens w us too at times. but at the same time, there are many roma in romania who dont want to send their kids to school, even when the opportunity is presented and insentives are taken, and from what i get one of the reasons is that there are those who see it as an attempt at forced assimilation....is it systemic opression to use the state to get these kids to school? at times too i have gotten the sense that the education system is in a way trying to make the kids less roma, if that makes sense, and that i rly dont agree w or think its gonna help much

Hi anon! This is a really tough question

You identified the different issues at play here. On the one hand, it is true that education is very important as it leads to employment opportunities and as it lowers the rates of early child marriage, sex trafficking and prostitution, and sexism overall.

On the other hand, European countries (not just Romania) have all used their institutions (be it the healthcare system or the education system, for example) to persecute Roma, take Romani children and forcibly assimilate them into the white dominant culture by separating them from their families. That was the policy in my country in the 18th century and during WWII, for example. That's why many, many Roma distrust any State officials, including medical professionals and teachers. This relationship is even more complicated by the discrimination you can get at school for being Romani (bullying from classmates, discrimination from teachers, up to outright segregation in specific Romani classes).

And still today, many national or European-wide programs or organizations are still embedded in this rhetoric. I'd advise you to look up Angéla Koczé's book Gender, Ethnicity and Class (I have a link to it in my pinned post, it's available for free online), she's a Hungarian Romani academic who talked a lot about the colonial dimension of these programs. Here, "colonial" is defined as the exercise of a political and economic power by more powerful groups over weaker ones. You get a lot of pro-Romani orgs, like the Open Society Fundation, a very famous one that played a key role during the Decade of Roma Inclusion, that will back programs in support of Romani rights, but will do so in a paternalistic manner, using the rhetoric of "civilizing the Roma". These organizations are led by white people, with Roma rarely being in commands, and their Romani employees regularly experience racism from them. Grassroots Romani programs get sidelined, they often don't get invited to programs led by these big groups, which leads Koczé to qualify it as a silencing technique.

If many Roma don't want to send their kids to school, it's because the trust we put in the education system is very eroded, has been eroded by a history of persecution, and is still very flimsy nowadays. This, as well as misogyny, is then justified by "culture" ("we take our daughter out of school to get her married"), which is a good excuse to naturalize sexism, but also, to prevent us from being fully aware of the history of anti-Romani racism

Because it's not true that Roma don't want their kids to receive an education. I don't live in Romania but I work with an association that helps Romanian Romani immigrant children with school, their homework, etc. Romani parents are either enthusiastic, or are interested in the project but can't rely on it because they have other priorities. Once, a 6yo Romanian Romani girl I was helping didn't come because she had to help her parents earning money. This Romani family eventually dropped off the project because they were evicted from their home so they moved to another city to find a new place to live.

tl;dr, no I don't think it's systemic discrimination to use the State to get Romani kids to school. However the way it's being done right now is most often than not systemic discrimination, because Romani kids are often subjected to bullying at school, they are sometimes put in segregated classes, and lack of education is a reason that was/is still used to take Romani children away from their parents. It could be done differently, in a non oppressive way, but European countries all have a long history of anti-Romani racism that they are not addressing, and using the State to force Romani kids to school will not help build a relationship of trust between Roma and education professionals. Moreover, as long as European States don't fix their economic system, that has been marginalizing and impoverishing Roma for so long, no progress will be made, as poverty prevents children from receiving good quality education

Hope this helps!

[wonderr-skyy]

Just saw an announcement on a Discord group being ableist towards DID people.

I wanted to copy here what I wrote:

-

Disclaimer: i am not did but i have other disorders and was diagnosed late as autistic.

The problem with "trauma" is no one can define it. Some trauma are not seeable. Just like how until recently being a shut in wasnt seen as trauma, but just being lazy. Thankfully games like Omori show "normal" people that being a shut in isnt lazyness.

In addition some trauma only show up later in life. The rule of before 10 implies trauma is always "immediate" when psycheatrist know trauma isnt "instintanius".

Back to my autism: im sure you've heard the word "masking" very popular in the autism community. Many autistics learned to mask to hide who they really are until a breakdown.

Are did not allowed to pretend to be "normal" until their breaking point either? Or what if because of their trauma they only became aware of their did in their teens and weren't aware of it before then?

This announcement just felt extremely ableisting to neurodivergent people. Not everyone is the same, not everyone will present the same. Asking whose traumatic enought isnt fair.

Finally i'd like to end with a quote from an article I found very interesting:

"As we've pointed out before in the section on weighing trauma, we dig ourselves a deep hole the moment we start judging whose trauma is "worse" or "sufficient" or "more traumatizing" in terms of whether DID is "created" by trauma and whether or not the only authentic multiples are people who have gone through trauma.

And then singular spectators are jumping in and deliberately upping the ante. Punching down. Further oppressing plurality as a whole. By putting their weight behind "the only plural people are broken, sick, traumatized, and need therapy" they're oppressing us all. They're pushing back against healthy multiplicity as even an option. You're only OK if you're a disabled pitiful helpless plural. It's a big "Know your place" move. If you can't see this as plural oppression, as fighting healthy multiplicity, then open your eyes."

-

After some more thinking, I realized why this announcement bothered me so much and it's not just because i'm autistic, but also because I'm trans, and this reminded a lot of the "transtrenders" mentality thinking that people become trans as a trend. Becoming trans isn't a trend, however there are GNC (Gender Non Conforming) trans people who don't "look" like your stereotypical trans person, and an outsider will call them "fakers, transtrenders" without any real evidence. Just like how many cis people are being misgendered because of "we can always tell" mentality. You are not the judge of who is "really" and "isn't really" something.

Just like trans, becoming did is not a trend or a fake either, however not everyone reacts to abuse & trauma the same, and it might be "percieved" as " being fake" by outsiders who have not experienced it themselves, which is very harmful. You cannot judge people, certainly not anonymous people on the internet, as fakers when you have no idea who they are. Judging one person is "deemed passable enough for your standards" is harmful.

[ooglywooglies]

i went on a terf blocking spree again

and thinking about the gender separatists things and obviously most of the time terfs just hate trans men, think were gender traitors or misguided (but ultimately cringe lost causes) i barely ever see them talking about trans men so i dont REALLY know. i have to assume some of them dont have any issue being attracted to trans men, or maybe they even want to detrans us and ive just been sitting here wondering where the root of that attraction could possibly come from

im a gay man right im not attracted to women whatsoever that includes all trans women no matter how far they are in their transition, its like, the INKLING of the concept of womanhood is unappealing to me romantically/sexually, but obvs the opposite isnt inherently true for lesbians

obvs masculinity =/= manhood, i know terf lesbians are very pro GNC most of the time (i tried to ask them about their take on trans men being gay while still being masc bc that conflicts with their story about gay trans men just being straight woman gay fetishists imo, like why then would i want a beard and a deep voice if all i cared about was hot yaoiz)

so i guess the presentation doesnt bother them, obviously butch =/= man or even inherently masc, i know its KIND OF a gendery thing but its more about the absence of performed femininity than it is performed masculinity but imo as a trans man masculinity is sort of hard to perform bc its not as well defined as femininity. idk im not a lesbian, even if i wasnt a man i wouldnt be a lesbian so im not gonna say much on that front

so theres gotta be something else that appeals (i know everyone has their own tastes and not everyone is into butches in the first place, obviously) is it specifically the vagina? like the assumption that there must be one is enough to stir a feeling of attraction, what about when there isnt one, is that suddenly an issue?

i asked my non terf cis lesbian friend (shes a babybian) and she was like "yeah i think it would feel like a trans man, being socialized as a girl for most of their life would feel more relatable" and i went on reddit and saw sort of a similar sentiment

but yknow where im going with the problem with this right

its that trans men are aware of their female socialization and develop different kinds of complexes about it in relation to their true gender, ive seen a lot of straight/bi trans men (not saying im exempt - ive just mostly seen this in the context of pursuing women as a trans man) take on toxic masculinity and misogyny in order to assert their newfound position in society. some of them sort of have a feeling of "i went through misogyny but escaped it and now /i/ get to be the misogynist"

its like how abusive family situations happen usually when a parent feels powerless because of an outside situation like their job or their relationship with their own parents. it feels like a reclamation of power (this does also apply to any abusive situation obviously not just family)

and then we come back to

do terfs think that women cannot be misogynistic? women can be abusive (hi my mom is my abuser)

obviously "patriarchy" is the root of misogyny but women are JUST as common perpetrators of misogyny in society as men are, even if its in different (often more subtle) ways - this is more anecdotal but i feel like men are more preoccupied with keeping each other in line via homophobia than they are with keeping women in their place (outside of explicit domestic abuse situations) (not to suggest that those situations have no bearing on society)

i forgot if i made my point or not but i just got distracted and want to finish this post now

ok bye

[serendipitous-mage]

actually no you know what i am major league pissed at about 10 other irl things rn so you have Unlocked something congrats anon.

firstly: fuck you. you have zero right to try and tell me i am 'quite wrong' in knowing i would not be a suitable parent. you "know" that i supposedly am .... how? have you installed cameras inside everywhere i've ever been and listened in on private conversations and know the inner workings of my mind and disabilities even better than i do? because oh boy howdy—

i'm poor as shit, second of all. always have been probably always will be. we somehow never quite hit homelessness, but i had sleep for dinner many of my elementary/early school days, i was always the kid who thought disneyland was as much a fantasy as the worlds in the movies it was so out of our league, any field trips that werent cost covered were Extremely unlikely to happen, and i was always on either the free or reduced lunch programs when they were available. a few years, the collections that they do at schools for canned foods and things to donate, we were given one of those boxes. i would not ever want to bring a child into the world knowing they would grow up the same way (or worse, more than likely, considering the minimum wage-inflation bullshit and my jobs).

C: even if i had plenty of money to be certain i could support a child via having a living space large enough, heat and hot water and electricity, consistently having plenty of food and basic care products, transportation, and—because fuck you 'surviving' is not the bare minimum existence should be—toys and treats and clothes and trips and fun things ... i can't even take care of myself well rn. i've been in a rollercoaster spiral of ptsd and anxiety/depression among who knows what else for over a decade now, and due to a myriad of personal reasons, thats not changing any time soon. i am perpetually exhaused and cannot get enough sleep as it is, and having helped raise infants before im well aware of just how much less i would be getting with one around. i am not in a mental or emotional space to raise a child, and more people need to think about that before diving in just because It's Expected and they want a little human who is bound to them for 18 years and cant up and leave when they pull bullshit that would end any other relationship.

fourth: i have the unfortunate privilege of living in the united states. you probably arent aware, anon, but we have ... an INSANE gun problem. i would be TERRIFIED to have a child and then send them off to school knowing there is a decent chance their building will get shot up by a little white boy who has a military grade weapon because the people in power here value dead/fictional people more than the living breathing ones in front of them. i have lost too many people i care about to go asking for another like that.

#5: pregnancy is traumatizing. assume firstly that i a) am not asexual, b) have someone that would be a possibility to do that with, c) have someone i Trust and would Want to raise a child with—because i would not ever want one with someone i wasnt 100% sure would help provide a safe, secure, and loving environment for them to grow up in, which again is something more people need to think about before getting frisky—and d) am physically capable of carrying to term ... ow. no thanks. nor do i want to risk getting whatever health issues the other party has. i also have personal trauma that going through the whole parenting thing would be wildly triggering on a number of reasons so, no fuckin thanks.

also brotato chip. famalicious. cuddling anyone you care about can release oxytocin.

also??? don't try to suggest our parental relationships are fucked just because of skin contact. they're fucked because:

rampant lack of sex education and disdain/shaming of sex work and sexual tendencies in individuals despite it being one of THE defining nonsenses behind gender norms/societal roles makes it harder or impossible for young people to know their limits, know their boundaries, feel like they CAN say no,

extreme misogyny/racism/homophobia/etc bigotry forcing people to not be able to consider being with individuals who would make them happy and instead having to conform to the "normal" nuclear family, and causing immense fear and extra stress/medical bills/early deaths in families that do

pressure from everything from billboards and tv shows to the toys we grew up with as kids and every adult we ever met is grooming and leading us to think that it Has to be this way. living life is: school, college or entry jobs, work, kids, family, and retirement. we are human beings, there is no cookie cutter way of living that can tell us the steps of our lives and there never should be. none of those steps are actual requirements, any or all of them can be important to certain people, or be the farthest from desired to others

consistent country or worldwide Events are keeping everyone in survival mode and scared and it does not help tempers or decision making

the state of wages and living costs are obscene right now, making it harder to live which makes it harder to live happily

it is still a debate whether or not climate change is real

it is still a debate whether drumpf is a horrible human being

it is still a debate if poc, and queers, and jews, and muslims, are people exactly the same as we are or if they are evil and lesser

it is still a debate whether wearing slutty clothes means you deserved it

it is still a debate whether abuse from a spouse is acceptable if you were 'crazy' enough or the abusing party is popular enough

it is still a debate if i should be legally allowed to abort a fetus that is already dead

it is still a debate if i would deserve food stamps or monetary help to raise a child if i was unemployed or injured

it is still a debate if my body is my own property

i could go on, anon. i could do this all day. because unfortunately with the way the world and this country in particular are, there is no shortage of reasons to not want to raise a child, even in general terms. (all the power to people who want and have them, i hope you have better luck than i would ever expect for mine, but any one of these reasons would be enough for me to be able to tell that: no, i would not be a suitable parent)

maybe get off your high horse about it and check your opinions against what's actually happening to the human beings around you

Do you know that new mothers secrete oxytocin when they are cuddling their newborn skin-to-skin? And even more so when they breastfeed? That creates the nurturing bond. We are mammals, after all. So saying that you know you would not be a suitable parent is quite wrong, since you have no idea how your body would adapt to such a primal bond. Most people do not put their newborns directly to their skin and 90% of mothers in western societies do not breastfeed their babies, therefore never establishing that bond in the first place. No wonder we as a society are so disconnected from our kids / parents.

you could buy me dinner first

[binunus]

college bf!eunwoo

a/n I LOVE HIM !! I WOULD LITERALLY RISK IT ALL FOR HIM !! also rip to the disappointing hookup experience I had that made an appearance in this headcanon...yes I’m still angry about it.

→ pairing: eunwoo x f!reader

→ genre: smut, fluff, fwb to lovers

→ tw: hookup culture, mentions of drinking and drug use, implied almost SA, this is a bit heavy compared to the other ones like please be a cautious a little when you’re reading this

→ word count: 5.6k

_______________________________

here we go ladies and gents

i had something completely different planned for this

and it was super angsty and dramatic

but i had a monumental experience last night so I’m changing this up

and okay okay

i usually try to write all my stuff gender neutral but bc of the idea I have for some of this plot, it’s gonna be a female reader

im sorry to all my male identifying loves :(

and back to our regularly scheduled program

cha motherfuckin eunwoo

lee fuckin dongmin

he doesn’t go by dongmin, he prefers to go by eunwoo, only his family calls him dongmin

as soon as he stepped foot into the university, everyone knew him

and I mean everyone

he’s so attractive

but don’t get it twisted, eunwoo’s the humblest, sweetest bean

he gets very embarrassed when people compliment him for his looks

applied for random roommates his first year and got paired up with swimmer!bin

he and bin become besties and end up rooming together their entire college career

major: music performance, specialty in piano

most people (besides those in the music department or astro) would have never thought eunwoo was a music major, especially since he was incredibly smart and athletic too???

usually gets mistaken for a STEM major

often helps the boys (especially rocky and sanha) with their studies

and oof when he tries out for–and makes it into–the basketball team

everyone ???? floored

eunwoo has game on the court...now with dating??? eh not so much

(at least not sober shh)

he’s tried dating before, at least in the first year or so

the basketball team kept trying to set him up with people

but it never got anywhere substantial and eunwoo always trusted astro to really give the vibe check and no one ever passed

and so he settled for hookup culture every now and then

his emotions are guarded :’(

yes he’s very easy to talk to and always so nice and well mannered

but he’s only himself with astro

now, where do you come into this???

you’re a cheerleader

you and eunwoo know each other by association

you cheer for his home games, you’ve been in a couple of classes together, you’ve seen each other at parties

but would you call yourselves friends?? not really

now you know it’s highly unlikely for you to have a lasting boyfriend in college, especially with your affiliation as a cheerleader, so you also opt for hookup culture

less messy feelings, less drama, less commitment, all that fun

so the first time your paths really intertwine with eunwoo is at a party

the basketball team won a big game and they were out celebrating yuh

and ofc since it’s his team, eunwoo popped out

he only really attends parties hosted by the basketball team bc he feels a bit obligated to go LOL but he always brings swimmer!bin for support 

and it’s chill bc bin is also an athlete–yes it’s exclusive like that

but this time, bin couldn’t go so it’s just eunwoo hanging with his team

and yes, you can guess it, you and him get partnered up to play beer pong together!

that’s so cliche omg

but ah ha you hear your opponent, one of eunwoo’s teammates say to one of your fellow cheerleaders: don’t worry baby, I’ll carry you through this game

and you cringed a little ugh men

eunwoo turns to you like: ah sorry if we lose, it’s all luck with me. The guys usually pick to play me bc I’ll probably lose. I’ll drink the cups for you though if you want me to.

you get a little fired up, like aw why do they pick on him that’s not fair

you: well I’m not horrible at pong, so let’s try to crush em

he played pretty well ok! you both got balls back twice in a row right in the beginning

your team was on a roll

you and eunwoo won three games back to back

you were feeling a bit bloated and hazy from the beer that you and him had to drink, but you were still pretty self aware

and you and eunwoo were just chilling after playing the games, you two were on a pretty good wavelength and you wanted to continue it after joking around in between plays

alright now obviously you don’t go into these parties just strictly looking for a hookup, you go to have fun and let loose

but if the person and situation arises??? you wouldn’t necessarily turn it down, especially if that person was cha eunwoo

and yeah, eunwoo was entertaining the idea too, it’s been a while since he vibed with someone like he has with you

basically by the end of the night, you brought him back to your place–you’d rather eat shit than hook up at the basketball house, it was messy and musty and just nope

your place was closer than his

and ~yuh~

it was pretty damn good

he didn’t stay the night, bc well this was a hookup, so after you both had your fill it was a casual alright see you around!

oh lord the fuss your cheerleading team gave you at the next practice asking how your hookup with eunwoo was

the news spread like wildfire

eunwoo didn’t hook up very often so every time he did, it was like breaking news

which is honestly a bit fucked up, but seriously this is how college is

alright so your sex drive skyrocketed after fucking eunwoo 

you hook up with another guy at one of the following parties

but it didn’t compare to eunwoo rip so you were pretty disappointed

and you were sorta wondering like hm? should you hit him up? but decided against it 

and then! you saw him at the gym working out with literally all of astro

bin probably forced the other 4 to come with him and eunwoo sksksksk

and you were like shit why does he look so good

not gonna lie, just in case he was looking over, you tried to make your ass and tits pop out a bit more, you know squats and shit

unfortunately, it caught the attention of other guys at the gym and not eunwoo grrr

and you were literally just planning to stop being a coward and go up and talk to him, but a guy blocked your path

and he was lowkey being very creepy and way too close for your liking

but you weren’t having it, hell no you ain’t a damsel in distress

being a cheerleader taught you how to defend yourself against predatory men

so you were basically telling him to fuck off and leave you alone, but he was being really damn persistent about it

and just as the guy was about to put a hand on you, eunwoo steps in and he’s like: dude, she’s clearly not interested, fuck off.

after a bit of a stare off, the guy leaves and wow you’re face to face with eunwoo again hehehe

his eyes switch from a glare to a soft worried look and he’s like, hey are you okay?

and you’re like a little giddy, maybe also a little bit turned on bc he’s still like fresh from a workout, his hair was brushed back revealing his forehead, his arm muscles were really defined right now, and just he’s so hot? 

but you smile nonchalantly, you genuinely could have just slapped the shit out of the guy or kicked him right in the baby factory, but eunwoo stepping in was also a pleasant surprise, you weren’t complaining

you: yeah. I could have handled it, but thanks for helping

and he just grins, your confidence?? attractive

the two of you just like look at each other for a couple seconds and you’re yelling at yourself in your head like don’t cop out this is what you were waiting for !!

you: so...you’re here with your friends?

eunwoo: yeah, me and my roommate forced them to come work out with us haha. did you come by yourself?

you: yeah, I usually work out with my teammates, but I decided to come alone today

eunwoo nods and you see him like look at your neck and you immediately get a bit shy bc you knew there was a hickey there from your last (very disappointing) hookup: you’ve been having fun recently?

your face flushes: the last one was embarrassing really, so honest to god no

eunwoo: why was it embarrassing? if...you don’t mind me asking

you immediately facepalm: no, yeah I don’t mind telling you...ugh, eunwoo I was literally catfished. this guy really talked mad game about his dick and then when I agreed to hook up, he asked me to suck him off and it literally only took him less than ten minutes. and after he came, he just pulled up his pants and said “damn you give really good head” like the fuck? he didn’t even offer to return the favor or anything, and when I asked him “wait, are we gonna fuck?” he just said “maybe next time.” maYbE neXt tiMe?? I was played so hard, you have no idea how pissed I was, eunwoo. and now I have to wait for his dumb fucking hickey to heal so that I can literally just repress that hookup even happened.

his jaw literally dropped: he didn’t give you anything?

you shook your head, you were getting pissed again 

eunwoo couldn’t believe his ears, he glances back at astro for a second and then he clears his throat: well...what are you doing after the gym?

you: nothing, just going home and taking a shower. My roommate’s not gonna be home tonight so I’m probably gonna wallow in my sorrows about that hookup again

he laughs: well sounds like you have a fun night planned, but if you want some company?? I’d be more than happy to come over and help you forget about the sad disrespect of that hookup.

who said eunwoo couldn’t flirt ???

and he was thinking about hitting you up again too before but he didn’t wanna seem like a fuckboy or anything

but seeing you defend yourself against the guy?? lowkey was a bit of turn on for him

obviously you agreed hello

eunwoo going up to astro: so uh...imma head out first...I’ll see you guys later. :)

sanha: hyung so scandalous *O*

you and eunwoo fuck again

and after this time, the two of you have a little bit of pillow talk

basically you tell him that fucking him ruined all other guys for you bc he was just that good

and eunwoo usually gets shy from compliments, but his ego with this one??? he felt a bit proud ohohoho

and he’s like: honestly, you’re the only person I’ve fucked in six months, but I gotta agree that our sexual chemistry is pretty good

so where do you two go from there?

friends with benefits baby, full on fuck buddies

you both talk and agree that you two weren’t looking for relationships at the moment, but the sex was good

i’m gonna get into specifics later, but for now a little more plot

obviously, you and eunwoo talk a lot more now that you two were basically fucking each other at least once a week

the guys notice that he’s so much more?? carefree?? less stressed out?? ever since you and him started your little agreement

and they’re already scheming by themselves, like eunwoo would not get into a situation like this unless he trusted you as a person

and at first it was really just, call each other over, have sex, stay for a little bit longer, then leave

neither of you ever stayed the night bc that’s just an unspoken rule

until there was this one party, a group of people were in one of the rooms at the basketball house and they told you to come join them and ~do drugs~

don’t dabble kids, I’m serious

and you were chilling with eunwoo and bin for a bit until they called you over and you were like: wanna try too?

eunwoo and bin didn’t do it obviously, but you were curious so you went and told them you would be back in a bit

eunwoo was worried about you, bin could see it from a mile away

he kept glancing back at the room and one by one people started to come out, but none of them were you

bin nudging eunwoo: go check up on her

eunwoo opens the door to see you being like pinned down on the bed and he turns livid

he pulls the guy off you and punches him right in the face like: what the fuck do you think you’re doing? what did you give her?

you’re noticeably out of it, sobriety? not there

the guy basically laced something in the drug he gave you, omg you were roofied??

bin comes in and he literally has to hold eunwoo back from beating the shit out of the other guy

the two take you back to their apartment and were making sure that you didn’t die or something shit

literally cannot believe the first time you slept over at eunwoo’s place was when you were drugged up

you wake up the next morning, nauseous, body weak, and confused

eunwoo also wakes up because of your movement: hey y/n, are you okay?

you: eunwoo...what...what happened last night??

he sits up and gives you a recount of the party and you just like hug your body tightly when he brings up the drugs and start crying

he’s a bit shocked when he sees your tears, but he just pulls you in for a hug to try and comfort you, obviously that must have been a bit traumatic

eunwoo: hey...it’s okay...I’m just glad I checked up on you before something worse happened

you: I’m such a fucking idiot...I can’t believe I let myself get put in that situation again...no wonder people think I’m a just a dumb whore.

~trauma~

you and him spill your deepest darkest most traumatizing secrets that morning and you just feel more connected to him

you: I honestly never really told anyone...thanks eunwoo, you’re a good friend.

he feels more protective of you after that??

you start hanging around with him and astro more

and the guys really like having you around !!

you’re very easy to get along with, you also joke and tease eunwoo with them, they love you !

you even become really friendly with the other guys’ partners

about half a year into your fuck buddy relationship with eunwoo

everyone: why aren’t you dating y/n yet?

eunwoo: what do you mean?? we’re just friends...with benefits??

before you even know it, you’re spending literally all your time (when you’re not training or practicing or at class) with eunwoo and his friends

you sleep more at eunwoo’s than you do at your own apartment

honestly you two are already acting like a couple

except for the fact that you only kiss each other when you’re fucking, or you don’t hold hands in public, or you don’t say the L word to each other obviously

but the cuddles? the jokes? the hanging out? if you two are seen together there’s still a little form of physical touch––like a hand on the waist, or resting his elbow on your shoulder––something that tells other people that you two are a bit exclusive to each other

and maybe it’s because both of your emotional capacities when it comes to relationships are akin to a pubescent thirteen year old, but you and eunwoo?? don’t really realize that you’re both basically in love with each other

and it’s also the fact that catching feelings in a friends with benefits?? forbidden

but what if both people catch feelings?

you don’t realize you like eunwoo until a year of fucking each other

damn a year?? y’all really suppressed those romantic feelings hard

you and him were hanging out, per usual, but in the piano rooms of the music building

eunwoo had to practice his repertoire for an upcoming performance and you were free so you decided to come along and keep him company

you knew he was a music major and that he played piano, but you never actually heard him play

you were just chilling by the window, scrolling through your phone, and then he just starts playing and your jaw?? literally dropped

it was so intricate and fluid and elegant, you looked over to the keys and his hands just moved so expertly over them

you were put in a trance, it was so beautiful??

and then you look up and his concentration? seriousness? he has honestly never looked more attractive to you than in that moment

and then eunwoo meets your eyes and he smiles a little: is it bad?

you: no, you’re amazing actually...

and your stomach does a triple somersault and your cheeks start heating up, like why is your heart going haywire???

you start spacing out and obviously he notices

eunwoo calls your name and pats the space next to him on the piano bench

eunwoo: what are you thinking of, hm?

you: n-nothing. keep playing, I wanna hear more

and so he does and your heart just won’t chill out, especially now that you’re literally sitting mere centimeters apart from him

he’s still playing and you just can’t stop thinking about how much you want to kiss him–and not in a sexual way

and that honestly scared you, so you panicked and put your hand near his crotch

eunwoo jolts in surprise, but he doesn’t say anything, he just chuckles and continues playing

do you have sex in the piano room to try and distract yourself from whatever you were feeling? yeah

you hide your feelings for a little bit, but the more time you spent with him, the stronger they got, and you honestly didn’t know what to do

so you tried distancing yourself, you gave eunwoo the excuse that cheerleading competitions were coming up–which they were, so it wasn’t a complete lie–and you needed to focus and have time to yourself

it was so weird for you not seeing him and astro all the time, you barely responded to his text messages or calls, and when you saw him around campus, you would immediately try to avoid him, and it hurt but you were ~scared~

eunwoo’s a smart boy, he knew something was off with you

but after a week of trying to contact you, he didn’t wanna seem annoying or a bother, so he tried not to

even though all he wanted was to see you or talk to you, like it was beyond sex at this point

he missed you, he thought he was going to go insane

he didn’t realize his feelings for you until he saw you talking to a guy in the athletic building

he had basketball practice, and you just finished your cheerleading practice

you were talking to this one guy from your philosophy class, basically joking around and talking shit about your professor

and eunwoo saw you smile at something the guy said and he just felt jealous

his fists clenched, he hated seeing you smile and laugh with the guy like how you used to do with him

and it also didn’t help that you and him haven’t really talked in two or three weeks and he just missed you so much :(

he tried not to think about it during his practice, but it didn’t work, he was off his game for this one, even his teammates and coach noticed it

he went back to his place after practice and called over the boys and basically vented his frustrations

jin: eunwoo. you like y/n

eunwoo: I know...fuck what do I do

bin: tell her, obviously

eunwoo: and risk our?? friendship??

myungjun: you’re a fucking idiot if you don’t see that she likes you back

rocky: yeah...I mean why else do you think noona started distancing herself from you?

eunwoo: maybe I’m just feeling like this because we haven’t met up in a while and I saw her talking to that guy and I don’t know? I’m horny?

sanha: hyung...you sound indenial and jealous.

bin: you like her. we’re surprised you didn’t realize this earlier.

anyway, the day of the competition comes, and the guys and their partners decide to pop out and support you

and seeing them actually made you feel so warm, you wave at them brightly and you meet eyes with eunwoo and you smile at him even though the butterflies are back and at full force

the group is so proud watching you and your team compete, their cheers are debatably the loudest and you literally have to stop yourself from laughing in the middle of your routine

your school places first yuh

and after talking with your team and discussing celebration plans, you go to the group

you were having such an adrenaline rush, you immediately run up to eunwoo in a crushing hug and you kiss him

eunwoo doesn’t even hesitate to kiss you back

astro and them: ohohoho hey

you: I’m so happy you all came! I can’t believe we actually won!

you were going to celebrate with your team bc you knew they were throwing a party, but celebrating with eunwoo and astro/their partners seemed way more appealing to you

you all go out to dinner and drink a little bit casually and it’s all such good vibes

you missed hanging around with them all and it just felt so right

eunwoo rested his hand on your thigh the whole time throughout dinner, he missed you alright, and just seeing you so happy with all his friends? he was hooked

when the group parts ways, it’s just you and eunwoo heading back to his place bc bin is spending the night at his partner’s apartment

and honestly the tension is so thick between you two

you barely make it past the door before you’re both latched onto each other, making out and all that steamy stuff

after you have sex, the two of you are having that post-sex cuddle in his bed and your heart is pounding so loud

you: hey...I’m sorry if it was weird that I kissed you earlier at the venue, I don’t really know what came over me, I was just so glad to see you guys

eunwoo: you don’t have to apologize for that y/n...I missed you

you roll around so that your back is to him bc you do not have the strength to look at him in the eyes right now

eunwoo hugs your waist and pulls you in his chest, he’s spooning you and he has no plans on letting you go any time soon

you: uh...eunwoo, I-we-uh maybe we should stop this...thing from going any further

he literally freezes: ...did I do something wrong?

you: no! it’s...I...fuck I don’t know how to say this...I know we’ve been hooking up for a year but just recently I...think I have feelings for you...and it’s not fair for either of us to continue this if we’re not on the same page.

eunwoo: y/n, I–

you’re rambling now, you’re scared of what he has to say: and honestly you’ve become someone I really don’t wanna lose in my life. You’re an amazing person and friend, and I don’t wanna fuck that up by having feelings for you, especially since you probably don’t feel the same. I just...can’t have casual sex with you anymore...I’m sorry, it would break me.

you’re like trying to get up and you tell him that you’re going to go to the party your team’s hosting but he just tightens his grip

eunwoo: don’t go...please

you: eunwoo, I can’t stay here–

eunwoo: you don’t even know what I feel, y/n...why are you so sure that I don’t feel the same way as you?? because I do...honest to god, y/n, I like you so fucking much. the month that you didn’t talk to me was like hell and I don’t ever wanna experience that again. I missed you so much I thought I was going crazy...please don’t go.

you roll around and face him again

you: y-you like me? you’re not just saying that because you want to keep having sex?

eunwoo: I’m not just saying that because of the sex...I promise

you: so...what does that make us now?

eunwoo: well would you do me the honors and be my girlfriend?

god finally you two are dating

you realize that not much really changes after the two of you make it official

the pda does increase though, you actually hold hands and kiss each other in public now

and you two are more cutesy with each other

yes astro pretends to gag whenever they see you act all coupley

petnames!! you call each other baby, sometimes you call him minnie!! as in dongminnie !! im screaming!!

a poster couple, the basketball player and the cheerleader

literally when you’re both wearing your uniforms and you kiss each other, it’s like one of those teen movies

lots of forehead kisses especially right before bed

eunwoo’s a clingy cuddly boy, especially now that you two are together

lots of study dates?? he is a scholar after all

you’re each other’s biggest supporters !! you always go to all of his recitals and basketball games, he always goes to your competitions

he’s very soft okay, will never stop showing you off or telling you how much you mean to him and how much he loves you

the first I love you came shortly in the relationship, and that’s because you’ve known each other a year prior and the feelings were really just building up since then

you were in the piano room again and he was just playing for fun, but you always loved hearing him ~tickle those ivories~

he was playing a song and singing along and you swear you had heart eyes for him, his voice was so soft and gentle and just wow

you’re sitting next to him and you just hug his waist while he’s playing

eunwoo’s smiling so wide and then he’s singing to you 

he doesn’t even get to finish the song, because you’re grabbing his face and kissing him 

he’s laughing in between kisses and you can’t help but laugh with him

grrr he’s so cute!

and then you two are just looking at each other

eunwoo: hm? 

you: I love you, minnie

he doesn’t miss a beat: I love you too, y/n

you and him have a lot of deep talks together, especially right before bed

it’s the time when he can just let out all the frustrations of the day and just be with you

he actually holds a lot of pressure and worries, but knowing that you’re by his side, comforts him a lot

the two of you have so many pictures together it’s so cute

eunwoo’s a bit possessive alright, not in the toxic way, but will he tighten his grip on your waist if a guy seems to be getting a little too friendly with you? yeah

not gonna lie, you get possessive too, it’s hard especially if your boyfriend is cha eunwoo, he’s the fucking perfect package god dammit

you both tell each other that you don’t have to worry about other people bc y’all are just both so whipped for each other

but it’s still cute when either of you are jealous

he’s actually pretty into couple items, but it has to be like minimalistic-style

like matching plain color hoodies or matching pajama sets

will not wear a “he’s mine, she’s mine” shirt or something

but it’s okay bc neither would you sksksk

will he wink at you if he makes a three pointer during his game? yeah.

literally loves when you wear his clothes or fuck, his jersey?? a turn on

and here we go !! I’ve been talking about sex so much but let’s get into it !!

in the beginning, like before you two started dating, when it was just your fuck buddy friendship, it was sexy

and not saying that it’s not sexy now that you two were in a relationship, but before it was just lust

eunwoo’s a freak alright, you can’t convince me otherwise

he’s a little kinky

definitely into food play, you two use whipped cream during foreplay a little too much...

100% into anal

you know how much he loves ass, has a very nice ass himself

and we already been knew, but yes he’s an ass guy

s p a n k i n g

eunwoo seeing you in your cheerleading skirt? immediate turn on

will literally fuck you while you’re wearing your skirt...just your skirt.

alright alright, you have a hand kink...was it awoken by watching eunwoo play piano all the time? yes

does eunwoo use that to his advantage? yes

the amount of times he’s fingered you??? vaginal and anal??? lord have mercy

very much into overstimulation, will keep fingering you until you squirt

and yes im bringing back my the choking kink

literally if his hands make any contact with your neck area, even when he’s just kissing, you will drench

but ugh you and eunwoo making out and you know how he like cups the back of the neck?? i know y’all have seen it from the true beauty kiss scenes, and then it gets heated and his grip just moves to the front and squeezes and when your mouth opens in a gasp, he shoves his tongue down your throat

that’s so sexy

do you like choking on his cock? probably more than you should

does he make you deep throat until tears are literally streaming down your face? most definitely

he loves marking you?? it’s just a tell tale way to show everyone you’re his

he’s a bit feisty...will he manhandle you during sex?? yeah

eunwoo is a dom. I am 100% convinced that he is a dom, you won’t be domming him honey

daddy and babygirl kink...I said it...

okay he’s a bit of an exhibitionist...would probably be down to have sex anywhere as long as you don’t get caught

piano room sex? locker room sex? library sex? movie theater sex? restaurant bathroom sex? yes you’ve done it all

will he finger you while you guys are having a movie night with the guys? yeah

eunwoo’s a tease, he’s a little shit, will tease you until you’re literally in tears begging for him to just do something

favorite position is doggy, it’s the view of the ass for him

although you two both do like experimenting different positions, especially if it has to do with “training your flexibility”

will pull your hair while he’s fucking you from behind, and will plug your asshole with his thumb–don’t knock it until you try it...it’s...a pretty good feeling

sometimes wakes you up by eating you out

very much a giver ugh king

the type to grip your thighs tighter when you try to push him away from overstimulation just to force another orgasm out of you

believe it or not, he’s a gasper/grunter/groaner

nothing is hotter than hearing eunwoo groan right when he’s about to cum oooof grrrr bark bark

okay but soft gentle sex with eunwoo is so passionate

all you feel is the love and sincerity, especially when he’s just looking in your eyes

the love making happens a lot more obviously when you start dating

he’s just so in love with you alright

gives the best and sweetest after care ugh

cleans you up, gives you massages especially if it was a rough session, cuddles you, draws you a bath, brings you water, everything

always makes sure to tell you he loves you after sex

i would risk it all for eunwoo like please ruin my life

anyway

ugh I just wanna put the idea of protective eunwoo during a party in your head

his hand is always on you. waist, thigh, shoulder, anywhere casually

you don’t fight?? but you do argue

arguing is healthy, and you both would rather let it out and bicker with each other in the moment than let it bottle in and build up into something worse

but when you do have a disagreement, no matter how big or small, you two always make sure to never go to bed angry with each other

communication is very important for the both of you

you’re his better half :’) all the things eunwoo struggles with, you help him with it and vice versa

he figured out you were the one for him during one of your deep late night pillow talks

he was worried about what he’d do in the future after graduating, like he was genuinely having a crisis about it

but you just talked so calmly to him: baby, no matter where you end up after graduation or what you end up doing, you’re going to be fine. You’re such a hard worker and I know that you’ll succeed...no matter what, I’ll be here for you minnie. I believe in you, you’re future is going to be great.

and he just kisses you so sweetly: will you be in my future, baby?

you’re smiling and you just giggle at him: if you want me to be...I’d love to be a part of it.

ugh y’all are so whipped for each other !!

astro always teasing you two, even when you’re all older

you and eunwoo are equally ticklish so basically y’all are fucked when they wanna mess with you

both of your families love you and him instantly

they push marriage immediately after you both graduate college

even astro’s like: we know you two are probably gonna tie the knot first...when’s the wedding?

not gonna lie, you and eunwoo probably get married probably 2-3 years after college, pretty young age

sidenote: eunwoo 100% cries at your wedding, especially when he sees you walking down the isle in your dress

and he has huge baby fever so you bet y’all had kids fairly young too

the best dad !! ugh he loves kids !! ugh so domestic

im just gonna say, y’all have beautiful children

trusts bin and jinjin to babysit your kids the most...he’s scared of the rest of the boys watching over his children

anyway eunwoo literally deserves the world and I just?? love him so much?? happy ending yay hehe

_________________________________________

2-21-21

[captain-kit-adventuress]

hi there! i apologize if this is weird or strange of me, but i saw you reblogging my post about lesbian men (im a mod on that blog, it wasnt a post from this blog), and thought your blog looked interesting so i clicked on it- and i'm really interested in hearing your perspective as an older queer person, what it used to be like in queer communities and if lesbian men used to be commonly accepted in queer spaces? of course i do not expect you to be an expert, i just always look to the voices and testimonies of older queer people about this stuff because listening to exclusionists can be so frustrating, and y'all are much more educated and understanding of the queer community, and i figured i'd ask for your perspective on inclusionism and exclusionism from a more experienced queer perspective? of course if you do not want to answer you don't have to, i just figured i'd reach out as i'm interested to know!

I am so sorry I haven't gotten back to you on this sooner. Life intervened in a pretty huge way, and I swear Tumblr ate this ask for awhile. This is going to be a long one, because I want to answer your question as completely as I possbly can, but I am not a succinct writer by any means.

I don't mind answering questions at all, and I don't think it's weird or strange to ask a question if you're unsure of something or want clarification or additional knowledge. However. I always put out the disclaimer that I came to queerness, at least out queerness, pretty recently, so even though I'm older, and old enough to remember at least some prominent US queer history as it happened, I was not as directly connected to it as others. That, in addition to it absolutely not being safe to come out in the area where I lived, and as the result there effectively being no queer community where I lived, I'm not as up-to-date as I would like to be. I also did the classic "overinvested ally doesn't realise" thing for a really, really long time.

That said, I'm still happy to answer as much as I can.

Exclusionism, in one way or another, has always existed, as I'm sure you're aware. Queer whites, on the whole, often were and are outrightly hostile and openly racist to all kinds of queer people of colour, fat queers, and plenty of intersections between those and other identities and circumstances. There's definitely been sexist behaviour towards others from both cis-binary genders. What I will say is that queer spaces, in general, have always been more welcoming in terms of actual identities than exclusionists want anyone to believe, and for far longer.

The word queer, since the time I first learnt it (from queer sources), has never, ever meant a specific set of identities. I do not remember the exact terms of how it was explained, but it was a word for people who did not have a word, or didn't want to use specifics. Didn't matter why they didn't have a word, just that they didn't. Everybody was welcome under the definition of queer if they thought they were queer, and while not everyone would have agreed with that as a concept at the time, it was absolutely crucial to my understanding of this community.

For people who defined queer that way, it is very possible that being a male lesbian wouldn't have been seen as a problem, and I have the feeling those who would have taken issue would have been exclusionists anyway, but that may not always have been true. It is sometimes hard to separate the damage lesbian separatism has done to the lesbian and sapphic communities, from what they looked like in general before that, especially to our understanding of feminism and womanhood. Plenty of it predates me, so I don't have as much first-hand context specifically related to male lesbianism as I would need to answer this question more fully. I wish I had more complete experiences, or at least knowledge, to give you.

Among those who truly supported the idea of queerness as I described it, being a male lesbian would have been just as valid as any other identity. How commonly accepted that was, I can't say without stepping outside the scope of my own experience. What I know is that there were a not-insignificant number of people who did embrace that degree of oppenness and acceptance of all queer identities as valid. Hell, I have memories of reading articles defining queerness in mainstream, widely-read teen magazines in the mid-'90s which matched my definition almost exactly.

I do feel like there was a much clearer idea that queerness does not rest on the language someone uses to identify themselves. Queerness, as I learnt it, was always about radical inclusivity. It was always about the community as a whole, no matter what the actual identity was. Everyone was welcome, and we did not have to personally understand to accept, and there was definitely--as I lived it, at least--a feeling that you were expected to accept others as they were, because our community was all we had.

What the queer community of the time understood in a very visceral way was that our lives were at stake; most of us alive in that period knew someone who'd died of AIDS, or had cared for someone, or had some connection to it. Those who had the ability to afford exclusionism had some measure of insulation from that reality. That insulation has extended to more groups in the present, but there is a concerted effort now to strip it away, and it isn't just cishets who are leading the charge.

It is not an accident that the people least accepting of the word queer are the people who tend to hold the most exclusionary beliefs, no matter where they identify in the acronym. They're also the ones most likely to have survived the reactionary-led purge of the '70s, '80s, and early '90s. Their voices were always overrepresented, and that is now leaking into more mainstream acronym and queer spaces in a way that is dangerous to the queer community as a whole.

Take heart, though: it wasn't always like that, and we can make it that way again.

[wickedpact]

Do you think fandom tends to feminize Nicky? It's a problem in a lot of fandoms with gay couples when (mostly) straight women are writing/drawing the pairing, they (willfully or not) give one of the men female characterization.

which.. .i think both interpretations happen fairly often, neither is necessarily majority ‘fanon’, (so to answer your question, yeah)on~. youll see people say feral!nicky is fanon nicky, and youll see people say, uh --the term i always see used for this is ‘soft!nicky’ but i hate the misusage of the word soft-- but like... passive, delicate, feminized nicky, is fanon nicky.

which.. .i think both interpertations happen fairly often, neither is necessarily majority ‘fanon’, (so to answer your question, yeah)

however i also think discussing feminization is something of an interesting topic. of course its a bit shitty to apply heteronormative roles onto a non-het relationships. there is no ‘man’ in a f/f relationship, there is no ‘woman’ in a m/m relationship. assuming these roles must exist in a m/m relationship is rather homophobic & ignorant & even fetishistic in certain situations

(and of course thats not touching on situations where a man can be gay and feminine, or a woman can be gay and masculine-- and sometimes for individuals they feel those two things are connected and sometimes they arent. but we’re talking about how gay people are perceived [usually by straight people], not necessarily how they identify. and even if, say, a woman identifies as butch or identifies/presents as masculine, that doesnt make her ‘the man’ in a relationship. same goes for men.)

(and THATS not even touching on like... .what is 'femininity?' whenever i use the term i mean stereotypical femininity, the type of femininity women are often pressured into. delicate, gentle, emotional, passive, modest, etc)

but anyways that leads to the question: is nicky feminine in the movie? which.. no, in my opinion, not in the way he is sometimes portrayed within fic. but -this is only somewhat related- but i think theres something to be said for how tog kind of denies gender roles/tropes within action movies. the Role™ nicky has within the group --the nurturer, the comforter, the moral backbone-- is one usually taken on by The Sole Woman On The Team™ in other action movies. on the flip side, andy has a role --the world weary leader-- thats always taken on by a man. i talked about that (in the tags! it took forever for me to find this post) here.

i think thats great! its a great subversion of the usual boring tropes action movie fall into. but does nicky being emotionally aware make him feminine? no, in my opinion. does him being the little spoon -of all things- make him feminine? again, no. does him liking cooking make him feminine? no.

HOWEVER, i think its very easy for people to see those behaviors and --consciously or subconsciously-- fall into the thought pattern of ‘oh, hes the ~girl~ in the relationship!’ and we could discuss how that assumption does and doesnt fit into people’s portrayal of their sex life if we wanted, But I Dont Want To And You Couldnt Pay Me

so like.. nicky is a mom-friend type but that doesnt define his entire personality. he is, within the movie, neither demure nor shy nor innocent, which are traits i see him written as sometimes, for seemingly no given reason. ([im 27 vine voice] hes 900)

i feel like some people need to conceive him as one of the two. hes either a hyper violent Manly Man or hes a delicate little flower. and like.. hes neither, hes just nicky.

[yunasfav]

personal.

i wanted to share a poem i wrote for english class. please keep in mind, i’m not the best writer, im a highschool student in the 10th grade and my writing skills are, supposedly, as good as an average 10th grade honors english student, who writes in his free time and takes extra literature classes. and this is more of a personal post rather than a kpop related post, which when i made this blog, was not initially what i was intended to do with my blog. i intended on posting kpop related things and wanted to interact with other people who like the same groups as i do. but nevertheless, i feel confident just a bit in sharing this poem, since many of my peers from my literature class read it and i got really good feedback. really surprisingly good feedback, actually. sort of overwhelming for me since i hardly ever have any accomplishments where i feel like people actually enjoy my work or think that i perform my interests beyond just sufficient. but enough about that </3 for some background information, i wanted to write about the feeling of being misgendered by my own friends because i wrote this during a time when my mother wouldn’t let me dress masculine anymore and refused to let me get my hair cut again. my friends stopped using my preferred pronouns, preferred name, and kept referring to me as a girl. i had to write this without making it so obvious that it was about being misgendered. i wrote this in under 30 minutes in study hall because the struggle of feeling ever so more trapped in my body because of my friends, who are a group of people who are also apart of the lgbtq+ community, made it easier to have a way with words whilst writing this. and having them all stop caring about my preferences and comfort anymore, just because i was female passing and looked like my assigned gender at birth, was such a struggle to get over. with myself, gender identity, and dysphoria, and with these people. which i ended up leaving those friends, if you’re curious, because they aren’t good people and are definitely those types of people in our community who love to stereotype everything. they are very close minded and i’ve come across a lot of people in our community who think the way they do too when it comes to appearance and gender identity. they made me feel so invalid to the point where i started trying to enforce my assigned gender at birth onto myself and try to just accept that this was the way i was born. i convinced myself that i was just being ridiculous, if people of the lgbtq+ community, of which one of my friends were also ftm, didn’t think of me as the i was the way i came out to them as, even after all this time of acceptance and “love”, then maybe i’m really truly am a girl and need to get over this. i started to consider the fact that i was going through a “phase”. this was one of the lowest points of my life, having to lose my friends who i was once so grateful for since they made me feel the most comfortable in my own skin at some point, to completely losing that and my sense of self direction. i soon realized for myself something and hope that maybe certain members of our community too will realize that the way you look shouldn’t define your gender, nor pronouns, not anything truly. i really do hope that more people realize that and maybe my poem can open some people's minds a bit. sorry for such a long introduction for such a short poem, but it was a very much needed introduction for the whole purpose of spreading awareness on this topic. and with that, enjoy! (or not) in case anyone is dealing with something similar, maybe this poem can help in some way? don’t be afraid to comment or interact with me in any way, we can get through this together and i am more than willing to help <3

poem title: where did it go?

i was released from the wrath

a fellow feeling between my friends.

for there were people who understood me.

people who hurt the same way i do.

over some time, i flourished

living in my purest form.

until some factors changed

and i had to meet again with the way i was born.

a shell of a person

my hallowed out bones.

i’ve grown so tired of human nature

i just wanted it to be unknown.

for you, my friends, had unrecognized me for who i am.

you had me tied up with nature

instead of identifying my comfort.

after months of your embrace, where did it go?

when you told me i was valid

then fed my pain like you had forgotten it was full.

after months of your acceptance, where did it go?

told me “be who you are”

yet i’m still me but you recognize me for what i’m not.

when you called me by a name in my favor

where did it go?

for now, you call me by the other name. 

so intrinsic but so imprisoning.

where did it go?

where did i go?

where did that go?

how come you don’t recognize human natures pain?

for you’re just the same as me, but vain.

[the-scottish-costume-guy]

JK Rowling, transphobia and a hopefully helpful post.

A few days ago I posted on my Facebook (yes I have one sue me) debunking some of the things Rowling has been saying on twitter. Since she made a statement I felt the need to make another one... but this time Im sharing it here. Please note this is long, it is fairly opinionated in places but her statements have felt so insidious I want to share something in depth. If you are cis I implore you to read, but I understand this is long and a lot of people wont want to. No judgement. 

Jk Rowling’s latest statement is a mess of valid concerns and fear mongering. At this point there can be no claim she doesn’t know what shes talking about - she herself has said shes been researching this for years. She throws in token acknowledgements to “real” trans people while framing the rest of her statements as concern for confused teens.So first things first - and something that might not be popular with some of my trans friends. I agree that teenagers should not be able to medically transition. It is a choice that should be made when the brain is fully mature. Hormone blockers are something I trust - and that are reversible. I have seen enough detransitioned people hurting to feel like we do need to be careful - especially with children who are trying to find themselves. I dont know about other people but during my teens I was coming to the crushing realisation that I wasn’t special. I was learning that no matter how well I painted someone else did it better, no matter how badly I hurt someone had it worse - I was learning about the wonderful mediocrity of life, and having anything that made me stand out gave a brief reprieve from learning to be okay with all these things. For me to be fair it was dying my hair outrageous colours and dressing in black leather during 30 degree summer heat - but its still something we cant forget. I KNOW a lot of kids claiming to be trans are - and I dont want to keep that from them, however I dont want to cause harm to the kids that are wrong. Continuing on, I’d like to address her comments about TERFS. Terfs are Self Described Trans-exclusionary-radical-feminists and the term does get thrown around a little too liberally at times. Terf is not and never will be a slur. No more than “White” is. It is about a group of people who have taken it open themselves to segregate another group - and calling that what it is, is not a crime. The reason Terf and transphobe have become synonomic is because the ‘radical feminists’ that subscribe to this have lost focus on nearly all other issues of feminism and sit squarely on “dropping the T” from the lgbt community and “keeping men out of womens bathrooms.” Terfs are overwhelmingly women - this is sadly simply a fact. Terfs are reviled because of how much it feels like a betrayal to the community. A group that fights for rights - except ours. A group that wants equality - except for us. Its different to the conservatives who hate us all equally - with Terfs we are singled out. Terfs are not, as Rowling claims, inclusionary to Trans-men. I’ve been met with a combination of pity, loathing, mockery and revulsion by people within this group. I’ve been told that I shouldn’t let homophobia push me into transitioning - only for all correspondence to abruptly drop when I mention Im marrying another man. I’ve been told my old body was beautiful - only for stunned silence when I agree. I was beautiful - I was curvy, I was a dancer and had a body to match - but I wasn’t Me. When their usual arguments against me fail - I’m met with hate. Im called anti-woman, traitor, homophobic. I even have some such comments saved on my blog. I have yet to meet a Terf who was pro-trans-man. Rowling claims that had she had the ability, as a confused teen, she may have sought to transition. I hate to tell her but she did have the ability and trans people didn’t pop into existence in the twenty-first century. I’m actually looking to do my dissertation topic in my final year on lgbt presentation throughout history - and in my overeager way I’ve already started researching. James Barry has been becoming a common name for years - a transgender surgeon who died in 1865. If Barry was able to at least socially transition from 1790 to 1860, I am fairly sure Rowling could have in 1980 - over a century later. Rowling also claims that groups of friends in schools all suddenly identify as trans at the same time. Speaking from my school experience - the queer kids group together. We seek out others like us, and we take strength from each others bravery to come out - often around the same time. We almost get a rush of resolve when one of our group musters the courage and strength, and some of us use that rush to bite the bullet ourselves. Its one of the beautiful ways the lgbt community is here for one another - and the influx of people identifying as trans is partially a factor of more people knowing the name of their feelings. Survivor bias will ignore the trans people through history without the knowledge or means to transition - and will claim they were never trans at all. Her initial statements about charities worry me in particular. As I said last time - we know sex is real, we just dont really like to be defined by it. She is worried that we’re going to “rebrand medicine” and ignores that medications for years have had warnings in their leaflets about “If you are or become pregnant” regardless of if the person receiving it has a dick or a vagina. We dont advocate for ignoring the differences in how people respond to heart attacks - and I for one would like research to be done on how hormones effect that. I dont actually know if I would respond more like a cis gender woman or a cis gender man if I were to have a heart attack or a stroke. But where possible we do want to change the language around some of these things. I have had a double mastectomy, but some Cis-men have these as well. This is not a gendered term. Why should a period be called anything else? Why call it a “womens problem.” I and Im sure many other trans people, support the research into how different medical and mental issues affect different sexes. I just think that should be extended further - and we know it should, as some medical issues affect people of different ethnicities in different ways and we don’t know how. I am truly sorry that Rowling has experienced abuse and assault of any nature. I am truly sorry that she has felt unsafe. But her feelings do not invalidate others experiences. Of the trans people I know, a saddening number have been assaulted, have been abused and in particular have experienced these things domestically. There is much work to be done on this in the UK. There are nearly no mens shelters for sufferers of violence to my knowledge. I, a trans man who have experienced some of these things in my teen years, would Not want to be around cisgender women even if I could be. A cis woman was responsible for much of the pain I personally suffered - and in fact one of the acts of violence she carried out against me was directly after I came out as trans to her. Trans women, even if they could go to male shelters, should not have to be surrounded by a group that put them in danger - in a place that is detrimental to them physically and mentally and is frankly degrading. The belief that allowing trans women into shelters for those escaping abuse is dangerous is sad. To be so afraid is deserving of pity. To let fear blind you to the suffering of others - to think its better that a trans woman face homelessness or a return to an abusive household because you personally would sleep better at night is the kind of passive evil we should be aware of in this day and age. It comes from choosing to see the word “trans” before “person.” Its from choosing to see a persons genitals before their humanity. Trans people are not dangerous - and cause no greater risk than any other demographic.  Her claims that she can empathise with this fear are empty. A gender recognition certificate is not a ticket into womens bathrooms. Funnily enough you dont actually require a piece of paper to go almost anywhere. I do not have a gender recognition certificate and use male bathrooms, can enter male spaces as I please. All a gender recognition certificate does is change the letter on your birth certificate. It doesn’t even affect other forms of identification - my passport, my student id, my drivers license all already say male. I am not sure why so many people have chosen this as their hill to die on because its the least relevant thing to them on the planet. How often have any of you seen another persons birth certificate? Rowling says she and other ‘gender critical’ (a terf dogwhistle) people are concerned for trans youth. Well… she can take her condescending concern and direct it to matters that are relevant to her. Trans people want to be left alone. Its a simple request, and yet people endlessly seem to trip over the dirt level bar.

[kirbyluvr63]

drag.

i watched Gay USA some days ago and there’s a bit where some women discuss drag and what they think about it juxtaposed with drag queens saying what drag means to them and it’s clear that there’s a lot of misunderstanding about it. it got me thinking.

a couple of the women said they felt like it was a mockery, but i don’t undersand. mockery of what, exactly? for one to think that drag is a mockery of femininity one must also believe in the sanctity of femininity to a certain degree - one can only mock something held in high regard. maybe what sets them off is that the men can take the dress and make up off and be free of femininity, while women are required to maintain it their whole lives, but i think this misses the point that men do not have an easier time being feminine than women.

the difficulties of a woman being feminine and a men being feminine aren’t the same. to us (in this im including cis/trans women and afab) femininity is a requirement that we didn’t have time to think about if it was something we truly wanted/liked or not, this inherent imposive nature make us feel trapped in it, miserable when we can’t meet it’s standards. to them (in this im including cis/trans men and amab) it’s something that other men rush to supress, to shame, it’s something that often times is unconscious and difficult to suppress. this is anedoctal, but i’ve heard of tales of gay men filming themselves walking and trying to “walk more like a men”, watch how they sit, how they talk, eliminating any trace of femininity. to them femininity is not a requirement, it’s something strictly forbidden, so for them to embrace it in it’s highest form - big hair, big makeup, flamboyant dresses, high pitched voices, etc - can be liberanting. something they’ve been taught to repress, out in the open.

femininity isn’t a bad thing, it isn’t a good thing either, it simply exists and the way we define it changes from time to time. femininity is a tool of expression - be it of gender or artistic intent. and the same thing is true for masculinity. this is also anedoctal, but there was a time in my life where i disavowed femininity completely and questioned my gender - thinking back, it probably had a lot to do with me figuring out i was a lesbian and wanting to distance myself from the male gaze -, during that time i still wan’t very happy, i just went from one extreme to the other and that bothered me. during that time i found what worked for me. i like dresses, i like skirts, funky jewelry, short heels, but i also don’t shave my legs or armpits, i don’t really use makeup, i keep my hair mostly short and i expanded what womenhood and being a woman means to me. i’m a woman because i am, not because i was asigned at birth and i’m happy about it. does my family bother me about not shaving? eh, mostly my mom sometimes, but they’d talk about me anyway, if not for that for the “being a lesbian” thing.

sure, that are some aspects of drag culture that are sexist, just like anything in our society, but it also has an important role in highlighting the absurdity of femininity, and for that i’m grateful, because it made me less afraid of being lighthearted and laugh about it.

i’m aware that i’ve not mentioned women (cis and trans) that do drag and that’s because they mostly go unmentioned when women criticize drag, at least the ones i’ve seen.

sometimes it’s just fun to dress up and be someone else

[monchesi]

jim is back w another one...... same goes same goes fr this special liddol muse o mine here... like if u wld like to plot or simply msg me on discord (jimb#4863) n we will get it poppin (pinterest) also frgive me this is gna be more of a blurb type intro than anything i cnt focus atm bt im trying to get something out there in a timely manner

* amanda campana, nonbinary + she/they  |  you know monserrat marchesi, right? they’re twenty, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, six years? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to underneath it all by no doubt like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole drunk walk home, low rise jeans, pounding headache that starts to feel good once you get used to it thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is december 11th, so they’re a sagittarius, which is unsurprising, all things considered.

mon has been alone fr as far back as she can remember (bt thts questionable now considering her memory has been gnawed down to the marrow by extensive and continuous use of ecstasy)

(tw abuse) wht she can briefly recollect is tht shes been on the streets since she was 16 n life before tht was desolate n sad. other than tht vague recap.... shes wiped her mind of being physically n verbally abused by her stepdad in a teeny tiny apartment in florida fr several yrs (since she was an infant) n all throughout it was never defended by her mom. in fact in her preteens her mom decided to jump in on it out of a warped jealousy she developed over the years in which she felt her husband was paying more attention to treating her daughter like garbage instead of her so she jst.... began including herself in the mistreatment mon was getting n basically verbally harassing her every day after school....... it worked in terms of forming a bond between her parents in a sick n worrying way bt was so so so crippling n horrible to mon

so wht really matters is whts in the present. dont even think abt learning much of her backstory because she cant recall any of her childhood except for those small granules tht lead to nowhere / provide no better understanding of who she is today n just send her spiraling since none of it makes any sense anymore. i think the one moment she will never b able to erase frm her mind however is when he (stepdad) smashed his cigarette into her mac n cheese n told her to eat it. she just sat and stared at it and cried

(tw homelessness) mon doesnt even remember running away. she mightve been dropped off fr all she knows.... cant pin any of her memories of going to school as a kid down even..... has kind of been an unidentifiable blip on the map since becoming homeless

tht being said... without a parent or guardian shes been fending fr herself n was a street rat fr such a long time. doesnt hav a drivers license or a ssn or even any form of ID. no credit card or debit card. knows her name n date of birth n buys flip phones frm the grocery store to keep in contact w people xx pays in all cash n coins xoxo

jump to now.... mon is technically homeless bt is content. lives on the beach n is more than happy with it. sometimes just sleeps on the sand bt has a trailer parked underneath a dock thts been getting threatened to be removed fr months now (she dsnt care). its decorated with all types of lights that shes found thrown out or at the thrift store n it glows so bright u can see the neon colors thru the boards of the dock above it. has lawn chairs in frnt of the door n a big cartoonish padlock on the door. she wears the key arnd her neck

(tw affair mention) personality wise shes vry naive n playful. part of this is the E bt a lot of it is wanting to feel like life is worth living even in the rough parts — shes found tht tht aspect of her can also be misconstrued as carefree n has gotten mingled with a handful (or three) of men tht take advantage of her untroubled nature to forget all of their responsibilities. at the moment she has an ongoing affair w a married man named hank who helps her stay on her feet by giving her money every month or two in an envelope with a big wax stamp on it. its nothing major bt it helps

(tw sexual content + drug use) mon kind of has a reputation bt i dont think shes aware of it. im sure a lot of locals bully her or pick on her fr it behind her back.... they kind of mistake her for a bit of a nymphomaniac bt she doesnt consider it tht way at all. things jst spun out of control the more n more she was using E (and other similar drugs) to get by n now being reliant on it she just gives in to urges n will sleep w just abt anyone. it turns out fine most of the time bt sometimes she just crashes on the way to their place n becomes this vacant girl tht doesnt speak or do much of anything. in one of these instances she n some dude were abt to hookup bt she crashed on the way to his apartment n he pulled ovr n pushed her out of the passengers seat onto the sidewalk. she jst laid there until the morning w her heels kicked off n scrapes all over her elbows n knees

so shes known fr many of these instances.... security guards finding her sprawled out on the asphalt of a parking lot or at the bottom of a staircase of a motel she doesnt know. its rly depressing

ANYWAY........ moving on from this sad sad sad stuff.... mon is notably a lovebug shes vry sweet n kind n she works shifts at fannies every two weeks or so / whenever ppl call out. she loves ppl she loves partying n dancing n she is fun. has no defined sexuality n questions gender a lot so considers herself nonbinary bt uses she/her/they/them. a bit odd and kind of unaware of wht is appropriate n what isnt (several instances of wearing bikinis n a pair of sneakers to shop for a loaf of bread n some lemonade) bt she means well

has a black kitten named shanks tht she litchrally considers her child. takes better care of him than she takes of herself n brings him places cradled in her arms like a baby

anywho..... i rly recommend checking out mons pinterest tht i linked up there i feel like mayb having visuals of the vibe will help piece together her personality xoxoxo

anyway..... give me ALL the plots ANY plot u cld ever want i will hand to u in a matter of seconds the writing will just manifest at my will..... i still have a lot of things to figure out with mon bt i love her n i hope u all will too

[cviperfan]

Okay so partially motivated by how many references there were in SPoP and largely bc it's been in my backlog for years and I remembered the whole thing got uploaded to youtube a while ago, I finally got around to watching Revolutionary Girl Utena for the first time so time for some hot takes

2 clarify I did see the movie about around 2000 which was my introduction to the series, and I did see like 1 episode back in anime club (over a decade ago now tbh) but for the most part I went into this with only a vague sense of the ending and offhand knowledge of a few of the weird comedy episodes so this was mostly a blind watch

Before getting into #spoilers I will say that this ended up being an easy Top 5 and that it's definitely still worth watching (fair warning for the very frequent rape and incest (and sometimes both)), especially if you've somehow also avoided most of the context of this show like me, and it really is one of the rare Nothing Else Like It kind of show (though it has roots in older shoujo like Rose of Versailles and modern stuff like Revue Starlight have picked up its lede)

Okay spoilers from here on

I really only kinda have vague memories of the more knightly take on Utena from the movie so Series!Utena having this powerful Dumb Jock Energy threw me

Like she's out here invoking the Air Bud Rule from minute one

This bit where Akio is going on about some Important Life Lesson thing and she's just fuckin

crab walking im

what a hero i love her

I have always kinda been more partial to shoujo than shounen bc the sense of like emotional urgency and the heightened exaggerated feelings are just more compelling to me narratively and what Utena does spectacularly is really drive that to fucking 11 and it permeates every aspect of the show

Like the melodrama of it all is so shameless and it's so committed to letting its visuals and music drive the mood and emotional intensity of its stakes that they kind of speak for themselves and demand to be taken on their own terms rather than having clear or rigid interpretations

Like it's kind of a situation of "yes most of what you're seeing ties into the show's bigger themes and characterization but also you can just vibe to the spectacle as well" like even when it's not on the Dueling Arena there's a theatricality underlying everything that pairs perfectly with the spirit of shoujo even as it... not necessarily contradicts it, but challenges it in some ways and also wants to coexist with it?

And I think that's the interesting thing how it wants to tackle some of these arch concepts tied into the genre while also being deeply intertwined with it.  Like it really is a Product Of Its Time in so many ways but it also feels somehow timeless and transgressive in others even now?

Like part of me would be interested to see a remake that took into account 23 years of conversation about how much perceptions of gender and sexuality have changed but at the same time would it lose some essential part of itself in that transition?  idk potentially

Also lbr a hypothetical remake wouldn't even attempt to revise anything it would just redo it thus making it pointless

So I know this has been a thing that's been brought up before but seeing it play out dang RGU and NGE really are just companion pieces to each other huh

Subverting the themes and narrative arcs of their respective genres, mysterious quiet girl who's directly the key to everything, the ritual of action setpieces rendered as Actual Ritual in the story, banger OP, comphet ruining everyone's lives

Also they really don't have much in common comparatively but I'm definitely seeing pieces of Utena in Kill la Kill too?  Particularly how Mako's arc feels like a fleshing out and expansion from the archetype divergence Wakaba got in that one ep (I can't believe klk was the utena/wakaba au fanfic)

Speaking of which damn he is a sleazy bastard and a gross predator but ngl Akio can Get It he and Ragyo are basically the same character and I guess this is just my type apparently???? oops

Like I'm recognizing how like really awful he is but also you really can't blame Utena for crushing on him he is super hot and charming

aside i lost it at the audacity of "well even tho i am a man like twice your age (AT LEAST) and took advantage of the situation and also i am clearly not the type to take no for an answer since you didn't reject me you're basically just as bad as me" bruh

The Black Rose Arc is... interesting bc like it borders on superfluous with how it resolves and yet the introduction of a "monster of the week" type power rangers element specifically built to expand on the secondary cast is a pretty inspired choice

again my primary point of introduction to the series was the movie which is basically a remix of the Student Council arc so when I got to 12 I was like wth are they gonna fill the rest of this with? WELP

What I really like about it is that usually this kind of setup-- the 'character is faced with their dark inner thoughts they shy away from and they become a short-term enemy' deal-- ends with the char in question coming to terms with this and overcoming it to become a better person

but here it's just like... they lose and then they just gotta... sit with that, forever.  Like it doesn't really change the status quo of their relationships w/ utena or the others but it does just stick around for them and now the audience knows that about them too.  like sometimes you just can't take that shit back.

Utena's relationship to queerness, having heard about it tangentially for years but seeing it play out now is also interesting bc while in the grand scheme it doesn't feel necessarily any more ahead of its time than something like Cardcaptor Sakura there is a casualness to it that's distinct

Like for the most part it's either kind of the tangential fluff that even then was part of shoujo as a standard but then there's also stuff like the Akio/Touga or Touga/Saionji hinting or Kozue's casual pass at Anthy in addition to the maintext Juri/Shiori push-pull and ofc the subtext-but-maintext Utena/Anthy threads

I wanna take a moment to talk about Juri bc of how kind of in the spirit of the show itself it plays things both with and against the grain with her

Like she's a Tragic Lesbian which is nothing new but usually this character type (and Distinctively Lesbian characters in general) in anime/manga tend to be portrayed as being very predatory, invasive and either played for laughs or to repulse the audience, so the degree of empathy RGU shows her in 97 is rare to see even now.  

Like there is a "safeness" to her bc of how unattainable Shiori is (though their arc ends in a decidedly ambiguious way), but it doesn't really feel like she's getting the short end of the stick over the more straight-leaning characters bc arguably all of the relationships here are defined by an aspect of chasing the unattainable, echoing Utena's own quixotic search for her Prince, and her choosing to remain closeted feels realistic *especially because* of the surrounding context of how heteronormative the world she exists in is.  Like the character is aware of that and is navigating it in a way that feels honest

Speaking of which it's interesting how the reveal of Juri's pining for Shiori in Ep 7 echoes the bigger reveal of Utena/Anthy bc of how it plays up this heterocentric love triangle or at least it seems to be but then the cards are on the table and no that's really not what it is at all, and it feels significant that after spending most of the series naively oblivious to Juri’s feelings and what she wants out of a relationship with Shiori that Utena finally Gets It in Ep 37

Is it a coincidence Juri actually gets to be the one to point it out? No

Speaking of triangles big ups to the Ruka/Juri/Shiori one honestly bc of how hard it commits to the unknown third result of a LT where absolutely no one comes out happy and it actually works even with the handicap of Ruka basically coming out of nowhere just for these two episodes

Like all three of them want the one person who's absolutely never gonna love them back and that's just rough buddy and isn't that kinda the show in a nutshell

So the thing that struck me about Utena/Anthy and how it plays out is how subtle it really is.  And that does make sense bc while f/f teasing/subtext again was part of shoujo before it's quite a different thing for the heroine to ultimately reject her 2 male love interests and choose a life with her female best friend, esp in nineteen ninety seven

Like I think you can argue that Ep 12 feels like The Moment where What Their Relationship Is, Definitely shifts and that possibility is suddenly there, and then it doesn't come back in a big way until the ending but there are tiny glimpses throughout where you can see that working in the background if you’re really paying attention

Small things like Anthy's flashes of unspoken jealousy, Utena fretting over her even when she's in bed with Akio, and part of that is coming from going in with a knowledge of what the endgame is and keeping an eye out for it.  I can hardly imagine being a viewer during the og broadcast and then ep 34 comes and suddenly the intent is made clear and our understanding of the inciting incident gets all flipped turned upside down

And to a modern viewer I can get coming into this for the first time and being frustrated at just how close to the chest it gets played, but that's also kind of the only way it gets to happen at that point in time?  But I think it ultimately is effective and vital to their individual arcs and dovetails nicely with the themes of the show

Like I remember hearing that original manga creator Chiho Saito was pretty against their paired ending, but with a lot of convincing from Ikuhara ultimately came around to it, and it's hard to imagine the anime's ending working any other way and being nearly as impactful

And there is something really beautiful about the bucking against the established idea of yuri relationships being a childish concept that gets left behind in order to 'grow up' actually becoming the impetus of their own journeys into adulthood and eventually back to each other, and it’s hard not to feel a little disappointed that for this Bold Step and declaration for the future that RGU takes that while yuri is more common than ever it largely continues to exist within the realm of schoolgirls and something to be left behind in adolescence like for RGU’s faults and shortcomings it saw this world of possibility in moving forward, while the genre largely elected to stand still

And it really speaks to either the timelessness of the show or how much the queer experience has remained constant that even with a tragic ending, that hope, or rather the promise of their reunion, feels bold and defiant and genuinely uplifting even now

Like the moment where just before they reach out to each other one final time, and their voices as children speak out to each other, as if finally fulfilling a promise they barely remember, I really did just start ugly crying

Lastly some assorted closing thoughts--

-Touga?  Punk.  Guy really takes advantage of Utena's whole prince thing to manipulate her, ends up losing to her in the rematch and then fucks off to mope for like AN ENTIRE SEASON then pops back up "oh yea im in love with her literally nothing else about my behavior has changed tho" like lmao you tried i guess

-Also i know Touga's design is p stock standard bishounen ojou-sama type but god this is all i can think about when I see him

- Green Touga Saionji is a bitch-ass motherfucker but like he at least tried more than anyone else so uh that's something I guess?????

Like the guy clearly has some unresolved feelings about Touga so i'm inclined to be sympathetic bc wow poor choice my dude but also... bitch-ass motherfucker

-Nanami really went through this thing for me where it's like... she's a brat and a shitty person but it's also hard to really dislike her bc she does get what she deserves most of the time and also she gets kinkshamed more than most of the cast despite none of them really having a high ground over her lol

-Miki did nothing wrong (aside from like the implied incest but that's also like... half the relationships in this show uh)

sidenote I can completely see the notable excess of Incest Subtext/Maintext being intended as like... A Thing to comment on how common it is within shoujo and also tying in to like the bigger themes of Growing Up bc the idea that you’re chasing after your own damn siblings betrays some freudian inability to mature or whatever but tbqh it doesn’t always feel like the show knows the line between commenting on this and indulging in it and RGU is very indulgent by its own nature so I really can’t blame people put off by the show as a whole bc this is an area where RGU is largely indistinguishable from its genre peers

-Juri really did nothing wrong tho also props for having the best duels

-FUCK SHIORI THO for eel 

so obviously i have not seen the show up to now but I've been in yuri circles for a long time so I knew about Juri/Shiori and my perception of it had always been "oh it's one of those kinda messy with complicated feelings" kinda ships where the drama is a big part of the appeal and that's true but like

the actual nature of it I did not realize up to now and OH SHIORI'S REALLY THAT BITCH HUH

So not only does she date that one anonymous guy specifically to spite Juri unaware she doesn't actually like him BUT THEN WHEN THEY GET REUNITED SHE'S JUST LIKE LOL IT DIDNT MATTER BUT HEY WE COOL RIGHT *AND THEN* when she finds out about Juri's feelings she's like HELL YEA I CAN HANG THIS OVER HER HEAD FOREVER FUCK HER

***AND THEN*** when she gets some karma after Ruka dumps her ass she airs her dirty laundry out in front of EVERYBODY like Juri hasn't been dealing with this shit like an absolute champ the whole time like?????

Like ok i get that there's the sad longing drama there and usually that's my jam and the show itself seems to end on kind of an ambiguous note and the follow-up manga from this year seems to leave it as kind of a "maybe" but I'm sorry get Juri a better GF 2020 she deserves better

I saw some Juri/Wakaba going through the tumblr tag for the show and honestly that's some big brain shit I'm here for it

Also now knowing exactly how this dynamic operates it really makes that Jasper/Lapis reference pic one of the SU crew drew of them read very.... interestingly???????? (tho Lapis' design reads a lot closer to Kozue and that's probably a closer personality analogue too)

-I love that thing in ep 37 where the whole SC is just very casually like hey utena if the whole revolutionizing the world thing with anthy doesn't work out uhhh call me im free haha just kidding unless...? lmao

-I'm pretty uninclined to try to pin precise sexuality HCs to characters for series this old where the ambiguity is part of how its danced around like partly coming from my own experience I'm inclined to read Utena as bi but that really is just coming from me?

But on the other hand literally every time a guy is like "i love you utena come be happy with me and we can love each other forever" she's like "k" after having left them on read for a day and disconnects from them entirely so lesbian going through comphet is a pretty valid read i think lol

-Lastly I think it’s pretty interesting but validly frustrating how fast and loose the show’s relationship with dream logic and non-traditional storytelling really is like when the shadow girls show up I was like “oh this is a greek chorus thing and it’s meant to reflect on the themes of the episode” (or uh in the case of exactly Ep 29 to break from tradition and explicitly tell us what a characters deal is lmao) but then no actually turns out they’re actually real characters who exist within the show too fuck you

ANYWAY I really did love this show and felt like I got a lot out of it despite it being pretty infamously hard to decipher but the ways it's inscrutable appeal to me specifically so very happy with this I'm gonna be thinking about it for a while

[transinformed-blog]

Gay/Lesbian Nonbinary Transpeople (My Take On It)

I know this topic isn’t the main focus of gender/sexuality related tumblr discourse at the moment but this is something I wanted to talk about for quite some time now and I finally found the time to do so.

Before I actually share my opinion, I think it’s important to get some definitions straight:

+ A nonbinary transperson is someone who experiences atypical dysphoria and therefore identifies neither as man nor as woman

I know discussions about gay cispeople and their attraction towards transpeople of their own gender are a pretty hot take at the moment and also I’m aware that not everyone believes nonbinary transpeople exist, but please let’s push that aside for a minute and just focuss on the problem that occurs with calling nonbinary transpeople gay or lesbian.

For nonbinary transpeople - as well as for binary transpeople and everyone else - it’s pretty important to know that their gender identity gets respected. “Gay” and “Lesbian” are binary terms. So I ask you: how can binary terms validate the identity of nonbinary people? My biggest issue is the term “nonbinary lesbian”. While I don’t want to dig too deep into this topic, I have to mention that I consider this term especially harmful, to lesbians as well as to nonbinary transgender people. I see “nonbinary lesbian” becoming an equivalent to “butch” and therefore pretending (gay) gender-nonconforming women shoudn’t even be considered women anymore. While “lesbian” strictly refers to women who are exclusively attracted to other women, “gay” - even if mostly used for homosexual men - can be used for both binary genders.

So could you say gay nonbinary transpeople - using it only for those individuals who are nonbinary and are attracted to other nonbinary transpeople exclusively - are a real thing? In my opinion: No. No matter how hard you try, erasing the fact that nonbinary transpeople are either assigned male or female at birth won’t work. There is no such thing as a generally nonbinary body. If you’re gay you might have a certain preference for this or that type of men, but you will be attracted to a male body, including male genitals. Same goes for lesbians with being attracted to female bodies and female genitals. Yes some people are able to deal with genitals of the opposite sex if dating a transperson of their own gender, but that’s not the norm. But again, I ask you: what does exclusive attraction to nonbinary transpeople look like, if there is nothing to break a nonbinary body down to in the first place. You can rage about the fact that it’s “not all about the body/genitalia” and you’re right with that. But it’s still a huge thing when it comes to our sexuality. We can’t just ignore our bodies and our preferences when it comes to other peoples genitalia just because someone decides it’s “transphobic” or whatever.

Let’s try to get back on track. The atypical dysporia of nonbinary transpeople leads to them wishing for a physical appereance that doesn’t fit the binary. They might want to have no sexual characteristics at all, they might want all of them at once, they might wish to have an unusual combination in between both extremes - depending on their certain kind of dysphoria. Because there are so many different possibilities, you can’t pin it down to being exclusively attracted to nonbinary transpeople.

But what if you’re nonbinary and exclusively attracted to men/women? Does it make you straight no matter what? No, I don’t think so either. Straight is also a binary term, and to use it for nonbinary individuals is about as wrong as calling them gay.

So, which terms did tumblr/people in general come up with describing the sexual orientations of nonbinary transpeople?

Trixic instead of Lesbian: While some people mention that trixic doesn’t has to be used to describe nonbinary transpeople who are exclusively attracted to women it’s generally used as a term for those who are nblw only. Toric instead of Gay: As well as trixic, some state it’s not an exclusive term, but it’s mostly used as such and describes those who are nblm only. Orbisian: Another term for trixic Quadrisian: Another term for toric Feminamoric: Another term for trixic, especially those who are romantically attracted to women exclusively Viramoric: Another term for toric, especially those who are attracted to men exclusively

I also found the terms “gai” and “strayt”, defined as “experiencing their attraction as gay/straight but in a nonbinary way”. Both terms to me don’t really make sense, since as mentioned above, nonbinary transpeople can’t really be gay in a first place. As for straight/strayt I could somewhat get myself to accept this term but it wouldn’t be really telling because a straight nonbinary person could either be:

nblw (trixic)

nblm (toric)

and maybe also nblm + nblw (I personally would prefer not to use “strayt” to describe this kind of people since they’re bisexual in my opinion but then again I doubt that I’d use “straight” in the first place, so i won’t dig into this one too deep either)

Therefore I’d ignore both terms all together because it’d lead to too much confusion.

But yes, this is my take on gay/lesbian nonbinary transpeople. I know it’s far from perfect, I surely made lots of grammar mistakes and I’m aware that this isn’t the best thing anyone came ever up with related to this topic, but I really wanted to share my opinion to find out more about yours and to learn from this because it’s saver for someone like me (a newbie to discourse + not a native speaker of the english language) to start with smaller topics before I jump right into the extremly heated up discourses. So thanks four reading and I look foward to hear everyones opinions on this topic!

[homestucky]

ok ok this is like not anything new but still since i havent been on here i havent fully ranted about this yet. big long rant incoming

re the epilogue (spoilers etc)

ok. i have onl y read meat. but fucking? dirk? dirk? ok? dirk??

no.

i am aware of what happens in candy. i know he dies.

i also know in the version i read, in meat, he becomes his ultimate self, all versions of dirk. as many people have said, this includes AR, this includes bro, this includes even to some degree, LE. its an interesting idea ill give you that. but its also.... shitty and not backed enough by well, anything?

so heres my personal rant about the shitty things in Meat.

when i first finished it i couldnt help but think. was the dirk narrative even necessary? on the one hand it was meant to be the MAIN PLOT and it defined the narration etc, but.... it honestly didnt seem to have any importance. i know it was likely  a set up to imply future stuff like making the next sburb or whatever but like

who CARES? why on earth would that be interesting or important? maybe im crazy but like, the ‘b plot’ which was mostly about character relationships and jobs in earth c, was compelling and enjoyable. the narrative with john ‘not important and not the main character anymore’ egbert had details and conclusions ACTUALLY RELATING TO HOMESTUCK, THE COMIC I LIKE AND WANTED TO READ AN EPILOGUE FOR. it was tragic and frankly very upsetting! im not saying i liked it!! but the tragedy felt compelling and significant. 

i appreciate that dirk as narrator IS BIASED so him saying that these narratives are less important is inherently like. not to be trusted but. just. i cant help but feel like you could have cut the whole ‘main dirk reality affecting’ narrative OUT 

and that seems to me maybe like... not good? if such a central part of your narrative has almost no bearing on homestuck or anything anyone cares about?

but im sure there are other people who found it compelling and necessary. thats fair. cant relate but you do you. there are other issues. 

me saying that the dirk narrative felt weirdly isolated and insignificant sounds pretty weird given that it put jade into a coma, manipulated kanayas mind, effectively killed rose and destroyed rosemary right? WELL that brings me on to the next thing. people have noted that meat barely passes the bechdel test. and hey, sometimes things like that can just be a coincidence or unlucky. but the repeated erasure of the female characters minds, motives, identities and autonomy was????  a little too consistent to dismiss. like ok terezi was still her dope self in a lot of ways. jane kinda did some stuff (under dirks direction, and only shitty stuff but . whatever). 

(sidebar: ofc it doesnt make sense to talk about calliope and roxy in the context of the female characters in Meat but either way they were very in the background. like cool an all, and i always love roxy. and i respect they were mostly just minding their own businesses??? which is fair)

 i just. urgh. homestuck has such a genuinely good track record of giving female characters genuine motivations and powerful abilities etc. the fact that almost ALL the female characters involved were working for or manipulated by DIRK. DIRK of all people. is like... is this even based off the real comic? idgi????

roses loss of autonomy.... rose is such an important character. and she goes along with everything dirk says because dirk is suddenly all OP and ‘theyre basically the same person anyway’ like i get that there was some magic bullshit going on or whatever but at the end of the day rose was still written as weak and passive. dirk as strong and skilled and decisive. i get the undertones.. hes a prince of heart. a destroyer of souls, and identities. he messed with kanayas identity , destroyed roses, repeatedly ignored roxys and calliopes, and god i wont even get started on jake yet. but that doesnt make it satisfying to read. or even really feasible.

so theres a possibility im missing something. but im confused about WHY dirk is allowed this power. in the narrative its waved off as a kind of ‘i guess because im like a prince of heart or whatever and im just super good at managing identities and being a strong boy’ like ok if theres some implication somewhere that that is MEANT to be a bogus explanation id be interested to know because it sounds pretty goddamn bogus. why would this happen to dirk? why? literally? one reason? one that makes sense? because there arent any i can think of. why, in the new universe, would dirk, a prince of heart, manifest into a narrative controlling supergod. and fucking WHEN has dirk showed any actual capabilities in this area before?? he KINDA sucked at it in the game. dirks an idiot! hes smart and capable in like, some ways but. its like

why is dirk so powerful suddenly -> its because hes become super ultimate dirk -> ... ok why -> uh because like. hes just so naturally inclined towards being a great manipulator yknow..... canonically.... uhhhh

it just. canon dirk to epilogue dirk is the most ridiculous leap character wise, skill wise, arc wise, personality wise, with minimal reasonable explanation. 

which brings me on to the next thing. so i roasted dirk and said he wasnt strong enough to be able to manipulate things this well. well, obviously through some other means dirk HAS been afforded this power. but what about his personality? its obviously gonna be warped with self importance and knowing how things ‘have to be’. but hes heartless, cruel and hateful. in some ways it seems like canon dirk levels of ruthlessness, especially when it shows that he is actually doing something dumb and petty like his treatment of jake. that shows that he STILL has emotional connection to people as dirk. he also seems to care about some people, like dave and roxy, and cracks jokes and wants to have ‘fun’. this makes the ways in which hes so warped and cruel seem even worse. maybe on the one hand im giving dirk too much credit, everyone knows he has the potential to be a real bastard. but i dont think that was the trajectory he was on when we last saw him. and if this is truly due to him just.. becoming other versions of himself too including LE and bro and stuff..like. i dont see how it could have gotten that bad without say, roxy or dave noticing. 

‘oh they didnt notice because hes just so good at hiding’ why on earth would i believe that!! dave especially this is kinda insulting for. dave is shown to have an almost supernatural ability to detect danger. partially this might be timeline stuff, knight stuff, but also notably im sure his upbringing is involved too. he was trained to be hypervigilant. who was he trained to be hypervigilant for? bro. bros manipulation and traps. near the end of the epilogue we show that dave IS capable of detecting the mindfuckery thats happening. how would that not set off 1 million alarm bells? theres literally apparently a twisted dirk-bro mutant INSIDE HIS HEAD telling him what to do. i just. know that scene was played for comedy and romance but at the very least thats gotta like???? mess with u if ur traumatised? and thats like , why i think dave should have had an inkling abt what was going on!! this is exactly the thing he hates and fears and was traumatised by! and it just going under his nose n him not even knowing , and still pretty recently being all buddy buddy with dirk seems just stupid and infeasible to me. maybe this is me being naive or kind of a stretch but i just feel like daves danger instincts would have been kicking up a whole assed ruckus that whole time. 

also kind of unrelated but i associate sunglasses with strider style toxic masculinity and hiding things so like. ok transitioning or changing gender presentation is one thing but roxy apparently permanently wearing sunglasses makes me NERVOUS

and ill probably wrap up this mighty rant soon but i wanna also say jake was done so fucking dirty. i know he was like, meant to be, because for some reason god dirk just hated him? like ok petty much. but. urgh jake is such an interesting character with a lot of potential and while i appreciate that him being manipulated by someone who may reasonably have a problem with him may make him do stupid and embarrassing stuff, all the narrative seems to have taken a backward step in how hes represented. jake isnt stupid, dirk clearly knew this in canon and he maybe was the only one even including jake. and there was some acknowledgement of this near the beginning of the epilogue. but then for some reason it goes back on itself. everyone still thinks jake is just completely stupid, including the embittered superdirk. so yeah i guess hes upset with jake or whatever but. its still dissatisfying to be like oh yeah jake isnt stupid he actually has a complex set of motivations and potential etc BUT over the X number of yrs on earth c no one else has realised this yet?? hmm. then his narrative is just gonna end up with him being a total joke and essentially becomes as stupid and incompetent as his worst critics say he is. feasible given the mind control ? yeah. enjoyable to read or having any kind of satisfying bearing on anything? nope!

so anyway. i feel like any criticism i have could be argued back with ‘but oh it has to be this way’ or ‘mind control!!’ or ‘not everything has to be nice and happy !!’ but like. dude. there are flaws. many of them. and seeing characters just get shat on is never gonna be good writing.