#shipping aro culture

[aro-culture-is]

Aro culture is liking shipping bc it is a game to me. I am playing with my dolls. They are kissing. I am told that is a thing people do. For some reason.

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[cosmicredcadet]

"This fandom is so queer friendly!" This fandom literally hates, bisexual, trans, nonbinary, and aspec people but ok.

[slothyykittee]

I hate when this happens I hate when this happens

Also posted on twitter!

[someoneshotacricketwitharocket]

BLeeM said another banger that perfectly articulated what I've been thinking for years in the last MisMag2 AP regarding fandom, (fan)fiction, and shipping culture.

Quote, analysis, and timestamp below the cut <3

Brennan: ... there's two things, which is that you want to celebrate romantic relationships, especially if those romantic relationships are representing underrepresented orientations or genders or anything like that, but there's a moment where also I'll sometimes see people read into things and they're like, "That's romantic!" And I'll be like, oh, if you saw me with any of my friends in real life.... But like the amount of physical interaction I have with my friends in my life is something that would be "read" into if it was a work of fiction.

Timestamp is 6:56-7:28 in Episode 11 of Misfits and Magic 2 Adventuring Party: The Casablanca of It All

TL;DR: The underrepresentation of romantic relationships involving minority identities needs to addressed, but at the same time non-romantic relationships deserve just as much care and attention. These ideas are often opposing, and both lead to and are the root of amatonormativity and individualism vs the community mindset.

That's Absolutely true, and as an aroacespec person that is something I struggle with both in my real world life and in fandom/shipping culture (albeit in different ways).

Like yes romantic relationships rock, especially for relationships that are in the minority - whether that be orientation, gender identity, relationship structure, etc. among others. On the flip side though, having strong platonic (and other non-romantic relationships like familial, sensual, queerplatonic, alterous, sexual, kinky, etc) can be just as valid and intricate and beautiful as romantic ones. Relationships of Any kind can be deep and intimate and wonderous, and there isn't some magical limit or cap put on how valid or acceptable or "good" a relationship is just because it isn't romantic.

And that kind of amatonormativity honestly can be really toxic for Everyone involved and I feel like it reflects the individualistic mindset found in society, especially Western society. Because the implications are that:

You need to find "The One" to be a complete person, as they will be your other half that will make you whole

This person will be a romantic (and probably sexual) partner whom you assumably will get married to and have kids with.

As soon as you establish that you have met "The One", it is fine or even expected to neglect your other relationships, as your needs are being met by this singular person.

These other relationships usually end up being friendships and non-romantic relationships as they are the ones that people "rely on" whilst not dating (I say in quotes because many people seem to use non-romantic relationships as a crutch or as something to tide them over until they are in a romantic relationship).

Instead of having your community and groups that fulfill different aspects of your needs and wants, these are all instead thrust upon a singular person, which can then lead to resentment and a feeling of neglect and failure when one person cannot keep up with the workload of multiple.

At the end of the day, amatonormativity pushes the individualistic "everyone-out-for-themselves" mindset, and works directly against the community mindset where it is okay to lean on people for different needs and be leaned upon when you are strong enough to support others.

It can be very upsetting when people, that you considered part of your community and close circles, suddenly leave or de-escalate the relationship for a romantic relationship. There's nothing inherently or morally bad about doing so (although it is often upsetting), but doing so without communicating that to the involved parties is what really gets me. Deciding to change the dynamics of a relationship - without even discussing it with the person/people involved - comes off as ignorant or careless. Maybe it is what is needed for the new relationship (especially new ones as they develop - although that does deserve some introspection into why if it becomes long-term)It can leave the other person feeling confused and conflicted, wondering if they were in the wrong somehow, or what they did to deserve the treatment they've been given.

And therein lies my confliction in fandom and shipping culture, because it feels like people can get into massive shipping wars even down to the type of relationship. And yes, there is homophobia in some of it (think: "Why can't two guys/girls be friends anymore? Everything just has to be gay now.") which absolutely needs to be addressed, but - ignoring the homophobia - there is a point in assuming that every close relationship has to be romantic. Yes, we need more representation of romantic pairings/relationships with minorities, but non-romantic versions have just as much potential.

TL;DR: The underrepresentation of romantic relationships involving minority identities needs to addressed, but at the same time non-romatnic relationships deserve just as much care and attention. These ideas are often opposing, and both lead to and are the root of why amatonormativity and individualism vs the community mindset.

[skelebratz]

hi guys, i’m vaugeposting again because i know better than to tag the actual fandom

[a-flaming-triple-a]

Shippers claim they aren't amatanormative/arophobic but then they make a post saying "there's no platonic explanation for this" and it'll be a photo of two characters hugging. Or smiling at each other. Or holding hands. Or sharing food. Or saying they love each other.

Sorry to break it to you, but none of those actions are inherently romantic. I do all of these with my friends. This proves nothing about the validity of your ship. Guess what, you can ship anything and it doesn't have to be supported by the text. Don't make it out like platonic interpretations are wrong just because you want validation from the text. There is always a platonic explanation, you're just cowards who believe romance is the only interesting dynamic between two people.

[polyam-aro-culture-is]

I keep seeing a lot of posts talking about how Aromantic characters are being shipped, and the most common response is “but some aromantics can date!”

That is true, however I know they aren’t seeing the full picture.

Hello! I’m someone who identifies as aromantic who is in a romantic relationship. I don’t speak for all of us but I know my aromanticism affects my romantic relationship.

Just because I’m dating someone and I’m romance favorable, doesn’t mean that I am allo romantic in this relationship. The bond between my partner and I is romantic, platonic, and queerplatonic all mixed into one.

Me entering a romantic relationship does not change my identity at all. Even growing up when I thought I was straight, my aromanticism was affecting how I got crushes. 

Just because aromantics can date doesn’t mean that the romance is going to be a typical one.

And, I feel like when people are just shipping aromantic characters they don’t do a dive into how being aromantic might influence that relationship.

Anyway I can only speak on my own experiences, but I’m sure for a lot of aromantics in relationships that they label as a romantic one, their aromanticism affects it somehow.

Also, this is not me saying that aromantic characters can never be shipped. But there are nuances to all relationships and identities.

Do some research, talk to aromantics, but remember no one person speaks for the whole community.

[feelingthedisaster]

something that annoys me a lot in fanfiction as an aromantic is when people dont tag important platonic/familial relationships but tag random romantic stuff

i remember this fic in which there were platonic relationships that were almost as important as the main romantic ship, yet they werent tagged. but a romantic relationship that didnt even had a full scene was tagged.

there are millions of fics that do this. why only tagging romantic stuff? you have non romantic relationships in your fic that are just as important. tagging them would actually help the fic to get more readers (the ones looking for fics with gen relationships) but no, the romantic couple that had ¼ of chapter (of a multichapter fic) was a more relevant tag. wonder why

[our-arospec-experience]

Uhhh when ur aro and in the Fandom and you love the ships and all (romance-ambivalent) but then sometimes its like. Bro. Can we talk about this other thing too.

absolutely

[aro-culture-is]

Fandom aro culture is fighting the urge to scream because no one wants to acknowledge the FRIENDS part in the friends to lovers ship even though it is!!! LITERALLY RIGHT THERE!!!!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEEEE can we appreciate fictional friendships for being friendships even after they become romantic too 😭

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[heartless-aro]

“Aros can still date!”

Yes, they can. But do you actually make an effort to learn about the experiences of partnering and romance favorable aros, or do you just use them as a gotcha whenever people explain how your words and actions contribute to aromantic erasure? When you write romance involving aromantic characters, are you actually making an effort to acknowledge how their aromanticism might affect the way they would approach a romantic relationship, or are you writing them as an alloromantic character while tacking on the disclaimer that “it’s okay, because some aros date!”?

Are you shipping those aromantic characters because you’re interested in reading and/or writing stories about those aromantic characters navigating romantic relationships that may involve little to no romantic attraction? Are you interested in seeing those characters explore how their aromanticism affects what romance means to them and what their boundaries are in a romantic relationship? Or are you going to ignore their aromanticism altogether and reimagine aromantic characters in a way that conforms to amatonormative and allonormative notions of what a person’s life and relationships should look like?

The problem with shipping aromantic characters isn’t just that it’s often done with characters who are pretty heavily implied to be romance averse. It isn’t just that some people who ship aromantic characters are treating the characters’ aromanticism as an nothing more than an obstacle to their ships rather than treating aromantic representation as something worth celebrating in its own right. It’s also the fact that a lot of people in fandom spaces treat partnering and romance favorable aromantics as being “basically alloromantic” instead of actually respecting the identities and experiences of romance favorable and partnering aros.

[ilovedthestars]

bit of a vent but I’m so frustrated about how even in circles that are nominally accepting of aro people, critical of amatonormativity, etc, it really does sometimes feel like friendship can still never be enough.

instead of shipping those characters, let’s put them in a qpr! they’re not friends or lovers, they’re a secret third thing! These characters care about each other, they’re gonna move in together and live in domestic bliss forever!

like yeah those things can overlap with friendship but it feels like “regular” friendship is never enough. I mean, I imagine that for a lot of people the majority of their relationships are fairly casual friendships, right? and don’t get me wrong I love the concept of deep platonic devotion but also what about like, your circle of five friends from school who you get together with every few months to hang out and laugh and talk about your lives. Is that not a relationship that deeply enriches your life?

I just don’t think we’ve escaped the idea that you have to find one person to be your everything. that someone doesn’t matter to you unless they MATTER to you and you’d lay down your life for them in an instant or whatever. idk like. let people be friends. let friends be valuable without slotting neatly into the space normally occupied by romance.

(I know I’m not making it very clear whether I’m talking about fictional or real life relationships here. That’s because I feel like the way people talk about fictional relationships has really seeped into my own brain and affected how I think about my own friends and I really don’t like that.)

[curlyhairedintrovertsworld]

what if i ship these people as friends, then what fuckers. what if i ship them as enemies because i made up a scenario in my head, then what? you gonna be a coward about it??? what if i ship these people as this person loves romantically, and this person loves in this is my forever friend with tax benefits??? what if i ship these people in they live together because they just seem like they would be the good roommates??? what if i shipped them in the most unromantic unspecified multilayered queer way possible??? what if what if what if what if- i'll fucking do it

[juliamccartney]

you know how it can be fun to interpret a fictional relationship as romantic even if everything kind of points in the opposite direction? well it's also really fun to do it the other way round! i'll force-friendship these characters even if it's the last thing i do!!!!!

[cherrytea556]

Being an aromantic shipper for me is me shipping characters that aren't in a romantic sense or don't care for the romance half the time, I just care either their character dynamics that overall make them compatible/cute together or their funny.

[aceonice]

Love when a piece of media is all about how different kinds of relationships exist and can be just as, if not more, important than romantic ones, but the fandom only cares about romance