#shipping aro culture

[aro-culture-is]

Fandom aro culture is fighting the urge to scream because no one wants to acknowledge the FRIENDS part in the friends to lovers ship even though it is!!! LITERALLY RIGHT THERE!!!!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEEEE can we appreciate fictional friendships for being friendships even after they become romantic too 😭

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[heartless-aro]

The thing is, I don’t care that much about the actual act of someone shipping aromantic characters nearly as much as I care about the biases and amatanormative beliefs that underlie so many people’s decision to do so. The problem isn’t that individual people ship aromantic characters sometimes. It’s the fact that shipping aromantic characters or expressing disappointment that a character is aromantic and thus “can’t be shipped” almost seems to be the default in fandom spaces. Aromantic representation, especially nonpartnering aromantic representation, is treated as something that will “ruin people’s fun” (see: the Hazbin Hotel creator explaining why she won’t say whether or not Alastor is aromantic).

And yes, SOME aromantic people can still date or have non-romantic partners. But the fact that some people are so vehemently against the idea of fictional characters being nonpartnering is still something to be questioned.

Because, really, that’s the crux of the issue. It’s perfectly fine if people like the idea of an aromantic character being partnering or romance favorable. In fact, it would be wonderful to see more characters written as partnering and/or romance favorable aromantics. But when someone ONLY shows interest in characters being partnering or favorable aros in response to those same characters being interpreted as nonpartnering, it often comes across less as a desire to have representation for partnering and favorable aros and more as an opposition to having representation for nonpartnering aros.

[cosmicredcadet]

"This fandom is so queer friendly!" This fandom literally hates, bisexual, trans, nonbinary, and aspec people but ok.

[slothyykittee]

I hate when this happens I hate when this happens

Also posted on twitter!

[polyam-aro-culture-is]

I keep seeing a lot of posts talking about how Aromantic characters are being shipped, and the most common response is “but some aromantics can date!”

That is true, however I know they aren’t seeing the full picture.

Hello! I’m someone who identifies as aromantic who is in a romantic relationship. I don’t speak for all of us but I know my aromanticism affects my romantic relationship.

Just because I’m dating someone and I’m romance favorable, doesn’t mean that I am allo romantic in this relationship. The bond between my partner and I is romantic, platonic, and queerplatonic all mixed into one.

Me entering a romantic relationship does not change my identity at all. Even growing up when I thought I was straight, my aromanticism was affecting how I got crushes. 

Just because aromantics can date doesn’t mean that the romance is going to be a typical one.

And, I feel like when people are just shipping aromantic characters they don’t do a dive into how being aromantic might influence that relationship.

Anyway I can only speak on my own experiences, but I’m sure for a lot of aromantics in relationships that they label as a romantic one, their aromanticism affects it somehow.

Also, this is not me saying that aromantic characters can never be shipped. But there are nuances to all relationships and identities.

Do some research, talk to aromantics, but remember no one person speaks for the whole community.

[feelingthedisaster]

something that annoys me a lot in fanfiction as an aromantic is when people dont tag important platonic/familial relationships but tag random romantic stuff

i remember this fic in which there were platonic relationships that were almost as important as the main romantic ship, yet they werent tagged. but a romantic relationship that didnt even had a full scene was tagged.

there are millions of fics that do this. why only tagging romantic stuff? you have non romantic relationships in your fic that are just as important. tagging them would actually help the fic to get more readers (the ones looking for fics with gen relationships) but no, the romantic couple that had ¼ of chapter (of a multichapter fic) was a more relevant tag. wonder why

[our-arospec-experience]

Uhhh when ur aro and in the Fandom and you love the ships and all (romance-ambivalent) but then sometimes its like. Bro. Can we talk about this other thing too.

absolutely

[a-flaming-triple-a]

Shippers claim they aren't amatanormative/arophobic but then they make a post saying "there's no platonic explanation for this" and it'll be a photo of two characters hugging. Or smiling at each other. Or holding hands. Or sharing food. Or saying they love each other.

Sorry to break it to you, but none of those actions are inherently romantic. I do all of these with my friends. This proves nothing about the validity of your ship. Guess what, you can ship anything and it doesn't have to be supported by the text. Don't make it out like platonic interpretations are wrong just because you want validation from the text. There is always a platonic explanation, you're just cowards who believe romance is the only interesting dynamic between two people.

[curlyhairedintrovertsworld]

what if i ship these people as friends, then what fuckers. what if i ship them as enemies because i made up a scenario in my head, then what? you gonna be a coward about it??? what if i ship these people as this person loves romantically, and this person loves in this is my forever friend with tax benefits??? what if i ship these people in they live together because they just seem like they would be the good roommates??? what if i shipped them in the most unromantic unspecified multilayered queer way possible??? what if what if what if what if- i'll fucking do it

[strawberrus0da]

I like my ships in a perpetual state of pre-relationship and nebulous pining ok

[aro-culture-is]

Shipping aro culture is shipping characters for the aesthetic and/or comedic potential they have

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[heartless-aro]

“Aros can still date!”

Yes, they can. But do you actually make an effort to learn about the experiences of partnering and romance favorable aros, or do you just use them as a gotcha whenever people explain how your words and actions contribute to aromantic erasure? When you write romance involving aromantic characters, are you actually making an effort to acknowledge how their aromanticism might affect the way they would approach a romantic relationship, or are you writing them as an alloromantic character while tacking on the disclaimer that “it’s okay, because some aros date!”?

Are you shipping those aromantic characters because you’re interested in reading and/or writing stories about those aromantic characters navigating romantic relationships that may involve little to no romantic attraction? Are you interested in seeing those characters explore how their aromanticism affects what romance means to them and what their boundaries are in a romantic relationship? Or are you going to ignore their aromanticism altogether and reimagine aromantic characters in a way that conforms to amatonormative and allonormative notions of what a person’s life and relationships should look like?

The problem with shipping aromantic characters isn’t just that it’s often done with characters who are pretty heavily implied to be romance averse. It isn’t just that some people who ship aromantic characters are treating the characters’ aromanticism as an nothing more than an obstacle to their ships rather than treating aromantic representation as something worth celebrating in its own right. It’s also the fact that a lot of people in fandom spaces treat partnering and romance favorable aromantics as being “basically alloromantic” instead of actually respecting the identities and experiences of romance favorable and partnering aros.

[ilovedthestars]

bit of a vent but I’m so frustrated about how even in circles that are nominally accepting of aro people, critical of amatonormativity, etc, it really does sometimes feel like friendship can still never be enough.

instead of shipping those characters, let’s put them in a qpr! they’re not friends or lovers, they’re a secret third thing! These characters care about each other, they’re gonna move in together and live in domestic bliss forever!

like yeah those things can overlap with friendship but it feels like “regular” friendship is never enough. I mean, I imagine that for a lot of people the majority of their relationships are fairly casual friendships, right? and don’t get me wrong I love the concept of deep platonic devotion but also what about like, your circle of five friends from school who you get together with every few months to hang out and laugh and talk about your lives. Is that not a relationship that deeply enriches your life?

I just don’t think we’ve escaped the idea that you have to find one person to be your everything. that someone doesn’t matter to you unless they MATTER to you and you’d lay down your life for them in an instant or whatever. idk like. let people be friends. let friends be valuable without slotting neatly into the space normally occupied by romance.

(I know I’m not making it very clear whether I’m talking about fictional or real life relationships here. That’s because I feel like the way people talk about fictional relationships has really seeped into my own brain and affected how I think about my own friends and I really don’t like that.)

[gobstoppr]

hey guys am i allowed to say on main that i dont like metadad . am i gonna get beaten up for saying this.

guys i think we all took the term found family too literally and now everythings flattened into a boring nuclear family. guys can we stop. hello . is anybody there

[dengswei]

y'all have really got to stop undermining platonic relationships

[aroace-people-are-lgtbq]

Reasons I sometimes explore shipping fics/tags with aro characters

I want to explore their dynamic with another character

I headcanon them as being arospec

I hc them as in a qpr

I don't have enough content for the character

I don't understand romantic attraction so it can seem platonic to me

I'm very good at skipping kissing/sex scenes and pretending they didn't happen

Sometimes all of these things at the same time

Point is, there's some nuance to the discussion and I'm not going to pretend I'm perfect when it comes to this

But also, is it too much to ask for people, especially alloromantic people, to acknowledge and respect the very little aromantic, representation there is?