#fandom aro culture

[aro-culture-is]

Aro culture is liking shipping bc it is a game to me. I am playing with my dolls. They are kissing. I am told that is a thing people do. For some reason.

.

[cosmicredcadet]

"This fandom is so queer friendly!" This fandom literally hates, bisexual, trans, nonbinary, and aspec people but ok.

[unrestrainedbalderdash]

Sex-repulsed asexuals and romance-repulsed aromantics deserve £100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 for everything

[slothyykittee]

I hate when this happens I hate when this happens

Also posted on twitter!

[someoneshotacricketwitharocket]

BLeeM said another banger that perfectly articulated what I've been thinking for years in the last MisMag2 AP regarding fandom, (fan)fiction, and shipping culture.

Quote, analysis, and timestamp below the cut <3

Brennan: ... there's two things, which is that you want to celebrate romantic relationships, especially if those romantic relationships are representing underrepresented orientations or genders or anything like that, but there's a moment where also I'll sometimes see people read into things and they're like, "That's romantic!" And I'll be like, oh, if you saw me with any of my friends in real life.... But like the amount of physical interaction I have with my friends in my life is something that would be "read" into if it was a work of fiction.

Timestamp is 6:56-7:28 in Episode 11 of Misfits and Magic 2 Adventuring Party: The Casablanca of It All

TL;DR: The underrepresentation of romantic relationships involving minority identities needs to addressed, but at the same time non-romantic relationships deserve just as much care and attention. These ideas are often opposing, and both lead to and are the root of amatonormativity and individualism vs the community mindset.

That's Absolutely true, and as an aroacespec person that is something I struggle with both in my real world life and in fandom/shipping culture (albeit in different ways).

Like yes romantic relationships rock, especially for relationships that are in the minority - whether that be orientation, gender identity, relationship structure, etc. among others. On the flip side though, having strong platonic (and other non-romantic relationships like familial, sensual, queerplatonic, alterous, sexual, kinky, etc) can be just as valid and intricate and beautiful as romantic ones. Relationships of Any kind can be deep and intimate and wonderous, and there isn't some magical limit or cap put on how valid or acceptable or "good" a relationship is just because it isn't romantic.

And that kind of amatonormativity honestly can be really toxic for Everyone involved and I feel like it reflects the individualistic mindset found in society, especially Western society. Because the implications are that:

You need to find "The One" to be a complete person, as they will be your other half that will make you whole

This person will be a romantic (and probably sexual) partner whom you assumably will get married to and have kids with.

As soon as you establish that you have met "The One", it is fine or even expected to neglect your other relationships, as your needs are being met by this singular person.

These other relationships usually end up being friendships and non-romantic relationships as they are the ones that people "rely on" whilst not dating (I say in quotes because many people seem to use non-romantic relationships as a crutch or as something to tide them over until they are in a romantic relationship).

Instead of having your community and groups that fulfill different aspects of your needs and wants, these are all instead thrust upon a singular person, which can then lead to resentment and a feeling of neglect and failure when one person cannot keep up with the workload of multiple.

At the end of the day, amatonormativity pushes the individualistic "everyone-out-for-themselves" mindset, and works directly against the community mindset where it is okay to lean on people for different needs and be leaned upon when you are strong enough to support others.

It can be very upsetting when people, that you considered part of your community and close circles, suddenly leave or de-escalate the relationship for a romantic relationship. There's nothing inherently or morally bad about doing so (although it is often upsetting), but doing so without communicating that to the involved parties is what really gets me. Deciding to change the dynamics of a relationship - without even discussing it with the person/people involved - comes off as ignorant or careless. Maybe it is what is needed for the new relationship (especially new ones as they develop - although that does deserve some introspection into why if it becomes long-term)It can leave the other person feeling confused and conflicted, wondering if they were in the wrong somehow, or what they did to deserve the treatment they've been given.

And therein lies my confliction in fandom and shipping culture, because it feels like people can get into massive shipping wars even down to the type of relationship. And yes, there is homophobia in some of it (think: "Why can't two guys/girls be friends anymore? Everything just has to be gay now.") which absolutely needs to be addressed, but - ignoring the homophobia - there is a point in assuming that every close relationship has to be romantic. Yes, we need more representation of romantic pairings/relationships with minorities, but non-romantic versions have just as much potential.

TL;DR: The underrepresentation of romantic relationships involving minority identities needs to addressed, but at the same time non-romatnic relationships deserve just as much care and attention. These ideas are often opposing, and both lead to and are the root of why amatonormativity and individualism vs the community mindset.

[normcdf]

[skelebratz]

hi guys, i’m vaugeposting again because i know better than to tag the actual fandom

[feelingthedisaster]

something that annoys me a lot in fanfiction as an aromantic is when people dont tag important platonic/familial relationships but tag random romantic stuff

i remember this fic in which there were platonic relationships that were almost as important as the main romantic ship, yet they werent tagged. but a romantic relationship that didnt even had a full scene was tagged.

there are millions of fics that do this. why only tagging romantic stuff? you have non romantic relationships in your fic that are just as important. tagging them would actually help the fic to get more readers (the ones looking for fics with gen relationships) but no, the romantic couple that had ¼ of chapter (of a multichapter fic) was a more relevant tag. wonder why

[our-arospec-experience]

Uhhh when ur aro and in the Fandom and you love the ships and all (romance-ambivalent) but then sometimes its like. Bro. Can we talk about this other thing too.

absolutely

[aro-culture-is]

aro culture is seeing shippers going "theres no platonic explanation for this 😝" and wanting to kill someone with knives. Like Hello what if i flipped it around and took an Insert Well-liked Canonically Dating Couple from Media and headcanoned them as friends. theyre pals, actually. That kiss scene was an act of indomitable platonic love. taste my wrath.

hell yeah, do it!

[thereallyreallylatebird]

No hate to this person specifically (I cropped out their username on purpose), but this is the exact thing that aromantic people are talking about when we say we don't feel welcome in a lot of fandom spaces.

Romantic shipping is VERY MUCH the norm, to the point where when a non-romantic dynamic gets popular, posts like this pop up, calling people "cowards" or--if the shipped couple is queer--homophobic.

Not to mention the sheer amatonormativity shown here--outright saying that romantic relationships are worth "more" than non-romantic ones. It's not welcoming or inclusive of aromantic people at all. Or of anyone who enjoys non-romantic dynamics, honestly.

[aceonice]

Love when a piece of media is all about how different kinds of relationships exist and can be just as, if not more, important than romantic ones, but the fandom only cares about romance

[officeobject]

Thinking about how I made an entire character to cope with the fact that characters he's based on, aren't mine in the friend/bestie way, and anyone close to those characters have wives or kids or jobs or whatever that they prefer and then bitch turned up in real life, like 😐 ... and like, this is SO fecking awkward - wait, Imma cope with my "possessive" feelings or whatever, by thinking about that character I have for this exact situation - and then "oh wait", and like, what do I do with my own abnormality?

[cosmicredcadet]

People who say "shipping isn't automaticall romantic" are willfully ignoring the context that surrounds the concept of shipping.

"ship is short for relationship! That means any relationship!!" and most people assume and mean romantic relationship. You cannot be this dense so I can only assume u are willfully ignoring this fact as a way to shut down conversation about aspec erasure and amatonormativity within shipping culture.

I can only assume you are not being genuine because anyone would tell you that if they say "I ship it" it means romantically. And no just becuz aspects use it differently won't mean everyone suddenly decides it doesn't automatically mean romance. Aspec ppl using it won't change the meaning because we haven't gotten to deconstruct the amatonormativity with the term and culture because people like YOU keep making poor faith arguments to shut us up.

[haveyoureadthisfanfic]

Tbh one of my gripes with the AFTG fandom is that at the end of the book everyone is paired up except these two girls, so the fandom tends to hook them up. Which is fine, that’s their prerogative, but I just don’t vibe with it or feel it. It’s a pair the spares ship at its core

Ah yes. Pair the spares. My favorite trope 🙃

[canonically47]

too many of you are like “hear me out on this ship” and then you just say “they judge people together” “they listen to the same music” “they breathe air” just let them be friends