#self destruct mode

[sp00kysk3lly]

I can’t carry this anymore.

[hoofpeet]

Imaginary stoat voated most annoying animal in the world 2024

[annabelle--cane]

every month or so a poll goes around here that makes hundreds of adults who are actively on the dating scene blast an "I am in no way emotionally ready for a romantic relationship" bat signal into the sky

[mayabishopgold]

Maya Bishop | Station 19 - 3x15

He was... He was overbearing. He was controlling. He was...

If he was controlling, it was only because he loved you.

[tenderhooked]

... a number of sentences sunday!

from the touch-starved river dissertation i've been working on, ft. him and lamb slowly and painfully realizing they're Literally father and son:

“But—” The absolute jackass that decided to take a bullet meant for our boss. River’s ribs constrict, closing hard around his lungs. He keeps staring out through the windscreen. The pale smudge of blue sky. The sun already half-gone. He can’t look at Lamb. If he looks at Lamb, that’s it, it’s over, he’s done and finished and never coming back. Because if he looks at Lamb, he won’t be able to stop himself from breaking into a sob, and that’s the one thing he knows with absolute certainty that he mustn’t do. “Sir, I don’t understand—” “Don’t fucking sir me,” Lamb spits, and River stiffens. Spine straight. Eyes forward. Perfect little soldier. “Before you turned up on the doorstep, do you know how many agents I had to carpool from hospital, or—or, or, here’s a tricky one, how many of them bled out in the street alone because their colleague couldn’t get it through his thick skull that unless he’s behind a desk the rest of his days he’ll keep getting them killed? Zero, Cartwright. Fucking zero.”

[glittergroovy]

[birdaquiver]

big fan of characters who understand each other so well that they are able to use each other’s weaknesses against each other. characters who have been inseparable for so long (whether they like it or not) that they’ve witnessed each other’s crest and fall and studied each other’s dispositions like specimens beneath glass. as a result they’ve crawled into the cracks in each other’s skin & mapped out the soft underbelly hidden beneath all that confidence and pride. so now they’re calling out the other person’s most shameful flaws, sniping at the most sensitive bits of scar tissue they try so desperately to hide, digging out their most humiliating memories or those filled with grief.

if you’re lovers or close friends, then you’re forced to realize that yes, to be loved is to be known, but to be known is also to flay yourself open. you cannot declare yourself above the risk of having someone take advantage of your wounds & you cannot transcend the vulnerability that comes as love’s collateral damage

if you’re enemies… then all i can say is that the sweet respite of enduring coexistence for so long is that you know precisely how to take each other apart. you know how to play the other like putty beneath your fingertips by tugging at their pain points, and that in itself is a glorious thing—but equally so, the knowledge that they can enact the exact same thing on you is inordinately terrifying

[ask-a-bot]

Megatron... are you declining to take medicine because you believe you deserve to be sick...?

Uh, no. He's... he's scared of throwing up.

Prime!

What? Would you prefer to have everyone think you're in self-destruct mode?

Snf.

... Are you in self-destruct mode?

Snf.

Megatron?

[inanimationinsanitation]

watching the cobs stream is so weird, cause the bots despite their voices obviously have personalities and their own opinions that shine through even when theyre trying to supress them

and as soon as these quirks get on cobs nerves and he tries to get rid of them they start making excuses of why they cant do that, automatically rebeling against him until he forcefully destroys them

and its funny cause cobs said he stopped giving his creations emotions and they developed them anyways. like how bad are you when you start traumatizing "emotionless" robots

[pergaminaa]

Modern au:

One person Manon didn't think would impact her is Philippa.

Normally, in the Blackbeak manor, people who helped around the house did their job and nothing more than that. The Matron would fire anyone who looked away from their task and got nosey about anything that’s going on.

Even in the past, when Manon was little, any nanny who as much as suggested that the Matron shouldn't be too hard (her punishments were quite severe for the smallest mistakes) on the child had their contracts terminated immediately. Really, by the age of eight, Manon was like a piloted robot. Obeying every one of her grandmother's commands and not voicing any opinion at all lest she evokes her wrath.

Anyway, after moving in with Dorian, it took her a while to process how different things are. And the old housekeeper did not miss a thing.

Philippa was very vocal, voicing all of her concerns to Dorian because after a week of watching Manon chug at least four cups of coffee on an empty stomach while being on the phone with her grandmother, and then leaving soon after and only returning late at night, too tired to do anything aside from showering and trying to sleep (she's a terrible sleeper, she never sleeps through the night. She can stay down for 2-3 hours, then she'd be awake for 2-3 hours, and if she's lucky she can fall asleep for 1-2 hours after that).

For a long time, Manon didn’t really move in with Dorian because her grandmother would never allow for this kind of thing. She is against Manon being with Dorian, she wants something other than a Havilliard to be with Manon (it’s what she says, but in reality she wants to pick the man herself because she is insane to the point where she wants to control every aspect of Manon’s life). So anyway, Manon would stay with Dorian during her grandmother’s travels (when she’s not accompanying her) and those days are the days she can actually relax and not have that kind of pressure applied on her.

Dorian tries to spend those days with Manon unless urgent meetings require his attention. He knows that something is up with the Blackbeak Matron, he doesn’t trust her and he knows something is off.

It’s the small things really; Manon is meticulous to the point where she has everything down to a T. The slightest change sends her into panic. She needs to make sure that everything is going smoothly with no last moment changes. And the one thing Dorian hates the most (makes his blood boil @ her grandmother) is how Manon needs to ask him for confirmation about everything. She needs to know if it’s okay to do something before she does it, down to the smallest thing. It’s definitely a result of her harsh upbringing.

And the bruises. From time to time, he’d spot the purple lines on Manon’s neck or wrist (and other less detectable spots). She’s very elusive and doesn’t say anything to answer his questions, but he doesn’t need her to tell him anything because he is no fool.

Back to Philippa. When Dorian is attending those urgent work meetings, she got to notice some of these things herself. It doesn’t help that Dorian entrusts her with the woman he loves, because Philippa takes this very seriously. Before leaving, he always tells the old woman to “look after her while I’m gone,” and she does. Or try to, at least.

There isn’t much Philippa can do when Manon is not taking the time to relax. Honestly, it’s a team effort between Dorian and Philippa, and they can’t do much when Manon is not… allowing them to do much.

Dorian would often tell Philippa that Manon didn’t get much sleep at night, so if Philippa can get her to get some sleep at some point it would be great. It doesn’t really work though because Manon is already high strung. Her grandmother always calls and these phone calls can last for a while. A few cups of coffee later, Manon is rushing out because she needs to do something that keeps her out for the entire day.

Philippa doesn’t like it. She sees how for days, Manon follows the same routine and she feels like she needs to do something about it. Manon is literally running on no food all day. Even in the evening, she doesn’t really eat much because she’s very tired, and she also says that her stomach is giving her issues so she doesn’t really eat that much. Honestly, Philippa believes it’s a cycle; Manon’s stomach hurts because she doesn’t eat and drinks a lot of coffee, plus she doesn’t sleep much. Philippa is certain that once she sleeps and eats well, these issues will clear up.

But Manon doesn’t really change because it’s not only the food— her anxiety and stress are also a main contributor to all of this. She just has a lot to deal with and can’t do much about her grandmother. Because perfection is not good enough and Manon is killing herself trying to get a single word of acknowledgment or praise from the old woman.

This is why Philippa has reached a compromise with herself. She will look after Manon to the best of her ability while she’s staying with Dorian. Although, she admits, it’s no easy watching Dorian’s lover revert back to her old self when she returns after spending a few weeks under the same roof as her grandmother.

Alas, Philippa doesn’t let it stop her. She might not be able to do much, but she can at least try to help Manon relax for a bit. When she isn’t needed outside, Philippa tries to get her to rest.

Dorian can’t help an amused grin when Philippa texts, instructing him to enter the apartment extremely quietly, or better yet, to not come back at all for a while. These texts are a clear warning for him, but he never complains because of what this means; Manon is sleeping at last, and Philippa will not be accepting of any disturbance that might wake her up.

[sp00kysk3lly]

I’m in self destruct mode.

I don’t care about anyone apart from me.

Drinking vodka, cutting. My business not yours.

I don’t give a flying fuck anymore!

[thewomanwithmissingfingers]

i thought that moving out would feel better than this why is everything a scam !

[waugh-bao]

“But it was Beatrice, Patti’s mum, who was the key to my acceptance. She was always for me, and I had great times with her later on.”

Keith Richards, Life (2010)

[thebeeastdoesart]

Tw; vent art

This is a very messy vent I made earlier this year, with my mental illnesses spiking it’s just as relevant as it was back then and I don’t completely hate how it turned out.

They / It pronouns

[brown-little-robin]

yeag

[fortycds]

i often forget i am a whole person