#because you’re scared? you’re embarrassed? you’re scared to admit that your logic and mode of ‘self preservation’ isnt infallible?

[notyixiangs]

big fan of characters who understand each other so well that they are able to use each other’s weaknesses against each other. characters who have been inseparable for so long (whether they like it or not) that they’ve witnessed each other’s crest and fall and studied each other’s dispositions like specimens beneath glass. as a result they’ve crawled into the cracks in each other’s skin & mapped out the soft underbelly hidden beneath all that confidence and pride. so now they’re calling out the other person’s most shameful flaws, sniping at the most sensitive bits of scar tissue they try so desperately to hide, digging out their most humiliating memories or those filled with grief.

if you’re lovers or close friends, then you’re forced to realize that yes, to be loved is to be known, but to be known is also to flay yourself open. you cannot declare yourself above the risk of having someone take advantage of your wounds & you cannot transcend the vulnerability that comes as love’s collateral damage

if you’re enemies… then all i can say is that the sweet respite of enduring coexistence for so long is that you know precisely how to take each other apart. you know how to play the other like putty beneath your fingertips by tugging at their pain points, and that in itself is a glorious thing—but equally so, the knowledge that they can enact the exact same thing on you is inordinately terrifying

[theimprobabledreamersworld]

Hmmm, shall I be predictable? I think I’ll be predictable. How about Uhh 78. “You weren’t supposed to hear that.” with Pintroverts? my evil scheme for more amazing fics from my friend is coming to fruition >:)

Hehehe, your scheme has been very effective! :D

Here you go! Classic Pintroverts story :) I’ve been a bit predictable in how I’ve written it, but it was still fun... and fluff overload as usual! :D

It’s on Ao3 too! Here’s the link https://archiveofourown.org/works/31277849

You weren’t supposed to hear that.

Thomas/Nico

College AU.

Thomas looked down at his phone, beaming at the message that just appeared from Nico. Ever since they were paired up together in science class, the two had become inseparable. It was a rare occurrence to see one without the other, but it always wasn’t long before they were joined at the hip again.

He shook his head to get out of daydreaming mode and looked the time, he gasped because he was nearly late to their tutoring session. It was a great excuse to spend more time with Nico, that and the fact that he needed help with biology, he couldn’t get his head around all of the different components. That’s where Nico strolls in like a knight in shining armour and offers to help him out. Thomas had been trying to fight off the notion for months now, but he couldn’t deny it any longer, he was hopelessly devoted to Nico now. There would have been a time where that thought would have scared him, but he always feels safe and comfortable with Nico. That was the most important thing.

He quickly stepped into the library bathroom, he could feel the blush radiating off his cheeks so he thought that he should cool down a bit. As he put on the tap and looked in the mirror, he noticed that his hair was rocking the whole ‘windswept and interesting’ look, he shook his head and tried to fix it as best as he could.

‘It was a good thing I did come here first. Imagine the embarrassment of walking up to the guy you’re crazy about looking like you’ve walked through a hedge backwards…’

Thomas decided that his hair was sorted and placed his hands under the tap to gather water. He shivered at how cold it was as he splashed it over his face. After looking at himself one more time, he took his phone out of his pocket to text Nico and say he was on the way. He frowned as he saw there were no new messages giving him a location. Does that mean Nico wasn’t here yet?

The library was more like a labyrinth, there were so many shelves and departments. You could literally hide away from the rest of the world sometimes. There were plenty of times where they snuck off to a secluded corner so they could talk without being told off. Thomas would have called it romantic, but there was no way Nico would agree. He’s too smart, kind, adorable and he’s the most beautiful man he’s ever seen. He would never think of Thomas in the same way.

‘No. This is not the time to go down that road. We’ve gotta find him. Now.’

He stared at the door leading into the fiction books department and had absolutely no clue where to start. So he’ll have to search the entire library to check. He sighed, this was going to take a while. The search began, he wandered up and down the rows of books. There was a slight stop in the romance section, but he managed to pull himself away and stayed on the task at hand. He moved onto the next section, maybe he was printing some things off?

As he walked up the stairs, he noticed immediately that the printer room was dark and silent, so it was clear that no one was in there. Or at least, he hoped no one was in there… There were many more sections he could look in, but the most logical place would be the non-fiction department. They were science students after all. He moved his bag onto the other shoulder because it was starting to dig into his skin and thudded down the stairs once again.

As he opened the door, he could have sworn he heard Nico’s voice and as Thomas rushed around trying to find him, he had to stop himself from walking into a trash can. He was not letting that happen in front of Nico again. He took a deep breath and walked more cautiously around while searching each row to find the voice that caused his heart to beat out of his chest. He reached the final row of books and saw him there. He looked perfect as usual; the jumper, jeans and vans combination was always absolutely flawless on him. Thomas couldn’t help but frown slightly though as he noticed he was talking to another guy. His heart started to hurt a little bit, does this mean he had a boyfriend? He hid around the corner looking at the ceiling trying to stop the tears from forming, and then he jumped. He could hear the conversation between the two, this would clear everything up.

“Oh come on, it’s so obvious! Literally everyone can see it! Admit it!” The other guy was being very insistent, Thomas couldn’t help but think, admit what?

“I can’t!” Nico hissed back, this must be serious for him to respond in that tone.

“Is it really that hard to admit that you like him? Just say it!” The guy responded in an exasperated tone.

“I told you, I can’t!” Thomas could feel the desperation in Nico’s voice. If he wasn’t spying on them right now, he would have run over and wrapped him up in a hug. Then the thought struck him… wait, who does Nico like then? His heart began to beat a little harder, could it be him? There was a moment of silence, before Nico spoke once again.

“How can I admit that I think about him all the time? That I care about him more than anyone? That… I don’t know what I would do if anything ever happened to him? The fact that I’ve never felt like this about anyone before, means I have so much more to lose. Thomas is this amazing, gorgeous, compassionate, talented guy. And I’m just… me! He’d never see me the way I do him. I care about Thomas with all of my heart, and I don’t want anything to come between us. He’s literally my world, and I-“ He could sense that Nico was trying to keep his cool which is why he paused, but at this point, Thomas was on cloud nine.

He couldn’t believe that Nico just admitted to liking him. There were fireworks going off in his mind and his heart was beating louder than a drum now. He couldn’t wait any longer. He stepped into the middle of the row and started to walk towards them. The other guy spotted him first, he smirked and coughed loudly and pointed at Thomas before running off leaving them to it. Nico was frozen in place, be it shock or embarrassment, Thomas still found it adorable. He slowly turned around but had his eyes fixed on the floor as he asked a very simple question.

“Soo… I going to assume you were here for that entire conversation…?” He fiddled with his hands, almost like a child waiting for their pancake dinner suggestion to be rejected.

“Yup… I pretty much heard every single word.” Thomas smiled as he was face to face with Nico now, he giggled slightly so Nico knew he was happy and he could see Nico’s shoulders relax as he leaned forward, letting his head fall on Thomas’ chest.

“You weren’t supposed to hear that.” His voice was muffled but Thomas still heard it. He placed one hand on Nico’s back and one hand ran though his hair. He took a deep breath and said the words he’s been desperate to say for months now.

“Well… the good news is that I feel exactly the same way about you. I care about you more than anyone on this Earth. You light up my world in every way, and I want to spend every minute of every day with you.” Nico removed his head from Thomas’ chest as he realised that his feelings were reciprocated, his eyes lit up and Thomas couldn’t help himself from smiling.

“Do you… maybe… want to skip this tutoring thing and get a coffee? My treat?” Thomas asked, knowing that the answer would be yes. They had a lot to talk about after all.

“Of course, I’m flattered that you want to pay for our first date!” Nico winked playfully and held out his hand for Thomas to take as they left the library.

It came as a surprise to both of them, but the library now contained their fondest memory.

[yamithediaperdork]

From attack mode to big baby mode (YGO 5DS)

From attack mode to baby mode

The first thing Yusei noticed when he woke up was that he'd apparently been moved in his sleep. It was the only way to explain how his normal room had suddenly gotten a make over of having baby blue walls with a series of chibi duel monsters on the walls , Toss in the fact as he sat up he could see he was in a crib, not to mention there being a well stocked changing table against one wall with a diaper pail next to it and well, no shit he'd been moved. One worrying fact about the diaper pail though was that his name was on the thing. 'Last time I checked I don't wear huggies..that's more of a Luna and Leo thing.' He thought and went to stand up and forth as a loud crinkle was heard and there was a bulk between his legs. 'Then again..' A blush came to his face as he reached down and poked at the massive white diaper that had dragon type themed tapes and he realized he was in just his new found padding and a blue t-shirt with 'Lil stinker' on the front in white letters. He also realized as he poked his padding that he was one very soggy little guy. Oddly this didn't seem to bug him as much as it should, most of his discomfort came from the fact he wanted out of the wet diaper then he was in a nursery and dressed like a big baby. "Uh..Hello? anyone there?..I could er.. reallllly do with a diaper change." he called out looking around his apparently new room. there was a baby monitor on a dresser so he was sure someone would be in shortly, and he noticed a toy chest filled with stuffies that oddly were calling his attention. Taking in stock of his new bed, he noted the crib was about the size of a queen sized bed, with a very soft mattress and had more of the chibi duel monsters on the sheets and from the crinkle and crackle he guessed there was a rubber sheet on under the main one. there was a light pink fuzzy blanket that he'd been covered up with and a like wise pink pillow with more then a few wet spots from where he'd been drooling up a river in his sleep. there was also a stuffie of the ancient fairy dragon, looking a little worn but as he saw it a silly grin came over his face and with one hand on the sturdy wooden rail of his crib, he bent down to pick it up. As he did so he let out a HUGH fart though then had the curious feeling of a lot of hot mud filling up the back of his diaper as he tried to figure out what had just happened, looking puzzled and getting his stuffie and hugging it to his chest. 'Huh.. some kinda warm mud spell?' He thought at first then it ever so slowly dawned on him as the smell reached his nose what he'd done. 'I just..I just made ..In..My diaper..With..No control?' He thought, hugging the stuffie close and whimpering. Again oddly he wasn't as embarrassed as he should of been it was more he didn't like the warm squishy feeling or the smell and without any self control started to tear up then bawl. "I went poopie! Wahhh!" he sobbed like a big baby. The door to the nursery opened up and there was Luna, in a set of pink jammies and rushing over to the crib. "Shhh shhh it's ok Yusei, it's alright, big sister is here!" She coo'ed to the distract over sized baby and then she was lowering the bars. Her nose seemed to wrinkle at the smell but she didn't say anything about it, only muttering words of comfort as she helped him out of the crib. Leo followed her after about 20 seconds though he reacted as if he'd hit a wall as the stink hit him and held his nose. "whew! I told you that prune baby food was a bad idea!" He joked and grinned. "Leo! Not now! the baby is upset!" She scolded as she Helped Yusei up onto the changing table, his diaper squishing as he got on there and making him bawl louder. "Shhh it's ok Little Yusei. Big bro and sis are here, Just play with fairy dragon like a good little one and we'll get you alll cleaned up." Yusei had  a lot of questions, but none of them came out as he instead just sniffled and whimpered and then nodded. "Otay." He lisped.

One smelly diaper change later during which Yusei had at one point held the stuffie to his face and whined 'stinky') and he was feeling much better in a clean diaper. He'd had a red and pink paci popped into his mouth and forth himself nursing on it lots as Leo and Luna fought over how to dress him for the day. "you got to dress him yesterday, it's my turn to pick." Luna said, hands on her hips. "Yeah but I'm trying to protect my little bro! you're gonna dress him like a sissy again!" Leo huffed, arms crossed. "Don't be jealous just because he can pull off a dress and you can't." Luna teased and made Leo huff and blush. "Besides, Little Yusei loves his pretty dresses don't you?" she added, turning to him for a answer. Hugging his stuffie and in just one of the bulky dragon diapers, Yusei found himself nodding and grinning around his paci, though not sure why. "Fine! I give up! it's gonna be a house of girls!" Leo huffed and threw up his hands in mock frustration. "I guess it does help our little bro is SUCH a cute sissy though." he added and patting Yusei's head. the big baby coo'ed and giggled at the head pat while Luna went and picked out two outfits and held them up for Yusei to pick. The left outfit was a light pink top with a darker pink skirt, with a pair of light pink socks and a panty cover that was light pink with darker pink ruffles on the butt. The right outfit was a full on dress, Light blue with puffy shoulders and a longer skirt section, and came with a pair of white tights. "So Little one, which outfit do you wanna wear today? I know we're going to the park but it's ok if you get these dirty..It's Leo's turn to do the landry." Luna said with a impish grin. "Oh, REAL mature." Leo huffed and gave a playful light punch to his sisters shoulder. Yusei squirmed, looking back and forth at his choices and realizing that while never in a million years would of he normally of wore either of these, right now he was actually having a hard time picking which one he wanted! in the end the pink choice seemed like it's be easier for playing in (Somehow the idea of going  to the park like this less scared him and more had him happy and excited) and he pointed at it. "Oh good choice! you're going to be the cutest baby there!" Luna coo'ed. "pffft, like he would have any competition if he went in just his diapers. we've got the cutest baby bro!" Leo said. "heh, true!"

Getting the big baby all dressed up took some doing, Yusei honestly kept getting distracted by his stuffie and was making the twins do all the work. But soon he was looking at his reflection and grinning, letting the paci fall from his mouth (it had since been attached to a ribbon and a paci clip which was then clipped to his top) and he coo'ed at the baby gurl in the reflection. "Pwetty!" he giggled and wiggled his hips back and forth. He'd somehow gone from questioning all of this to more or less accepting his situation, though there was a small part of his mind (and getting smaller by the second) wondering just what the heck was going on. "yeah you are. very pretty." Leo said and came up and patted Yusei's ruffled butt. "I'm man enough to admit when I was wrong, this is a very cu- Eek!" Leo went from talking to yelping suddenly  as Luna tugged the back of his blue jammie bottoms open and looked down. "Good boy Leo! only some skid marks!" She praised and Yusei started to giggle. "Lunnnnnaaaaa! Not in front of little bro!" Leo huffed as she had him turn around and poked the front of his pants. "Hmm a little soggy, but much better then last week. somebodies almost ready for big boy undies!" She said. Leo went from beaming with pride to then scowling. "Hey! you said these WERE big boy undies cuz they're washable!" He huffed, hands on his hips. "Their still training pants Leo..but ok, I yield to your logic. go get a dry pair on, you know how you can get when your over excited." Luna said and then kissed his cheek and sent him on his way. '..Apparently she's the only fully potty trained on e in the house.. neat.' Yusei thought and giggled at just how silly the whole thing had been. "Come on Lil sis." Luna said and winked as Yusei giggled. "let's go get some num num's in you. don't want a attack from the grumpy monster just because your hungry." As she spoke she took Yusei's hand and lead him to the kitchen where a high chair was ready for him and got him seated and the tray in place with minimal fuss then got him a bowl of cheerios to munch on and a baby bottle of cold white milk. As he munched away Leo came in, having changed into his normal outfit but Yusei noticed the slight puff in the butt as he bent down to get a box of fruit loops out and pour himself a bowl. while the padded boys had their cereal Luna apparently preferred some Eggo's and the three apparently now siblings munched and mostly ate in silence, only broken when as Leo was drinking the last of his milk from his bowl some of it went down the front of his shirt. "I uh..guess I better go get changed huh?" he asked sheepishly. "Maybe you should start wearing one of Yusei's bibs." Luna teased but winked to let him know she was kidding. "nah, like you said, I'm doing landry today anyways. be back in a flash." Leo said and excused himself from the table. before he was totally out of the room Luna called after him. "Make sure you use the bathroom. I'm not packing extra training pants today!" "yeah yeah!" came his reply.

with herself and the big baby fed Luna had Yusei stay in his high chair while she went and got dressed, then coming back she let him out of the highchair and lead him back to the nursery as they started to pack a large pink diaper bag that read 'fairy princess Yusei' on the side. again this was something that SHOULD of had the young adult blushing but instead he just giggled and coo'ed. "Let's see, we're gonna be out for about 5 hours..so to be safe I'll bring five diapers. I know you don't potty THAT often Lil sis but better safe then sorry." Luna said and Yusei shrugged and popped his paci into his mouth and suckled. Luna grabbed the five diapers then paused and turned around. "Can you show big sis how many five is?" She asked, smiling. Yusei giggled and thought that was a silly question and went to hold up the right amount of fingers and beamed. "Oh so close! that's only three! but it's ok." Luna coo'ed and patted his head. the small tiny part of Yusei's mind was befuddled, how could of he made a mistake like that? the rest, just enjoyed the head pat and coo'ed.

to be continued

[nevertherose]

Speaking of religious commentary...

Having watched pretty much every reaction video I could find to DWIT, and having read many theories…I’ve noticed that nobody has really touched much on the whole “religious commentary” part of the episode. But the more I watch it, the more I start to feel it’s almost THE most important aspect of the whole dilemma.

The first time I watched, honestly, the notion of character Thomas as a “religious man” made me immediately uncomfortable. My own experience with religion has been a multi-decade roller coaster of spending high school as a gung-ho Christian, going to college, having a religious crisis, dabbling in everything from Wicca to Buddhism, and then marrying a guy who works in a church. My personal beliefs have settled into a comfortable agnosticism with a bit of practical witchcraft thrown in. It’s given me what I feel is a fair, impartial view of religion in general…but anytime someone starts referring to themselves as religious, or talking about God or their beliefs, my hackles immediately go up. Because I immediately get scared that their faith means they hold beliefs that are radically different from mine, beliefs that at best I no longer relate to, or at worst have actively rejected as harmful.

Hearing Logan (embodiment of Logic) say, “You’re a religious man, are you not?” was like having a wall thrown up between me and these characters that I’ve come to love, and I did not like it. But once I got past that knee-jerk reaction (it took a few viewings, I’ll admit), I was blown away by how much more SENSE Thomas’ never-ending string of dilemmas made. Two separate Creativities, Virgil’s fear, Patton’s strictness and him not knowing what repression is, the Duke (a stinky bratty trash gremlin with the humor of a twelve year old) being scary, Deceit…I feel like literally all of it can be explained by the simple phrase: “Thomas’ Catholic upbringing”. 

I wasn’t brought up Catholic, but I was raised nominally Christian, and in high school I was heavily involved in a church youth group. I’ve been to a number of retreats and helped run a few of them. My husband finished seminary after we got married, and I read some of his textbooks. So when Logan says “thought is a precursor to action”, I know PRECISELY what he means. And even though he went on to talk about how five of the seven deadly sins are committed in your head, from what I’ve seen of the reaction videos and whatnot, I don’t think he made that point clearly enough.

Thought, in traditional Christian doctrine, is not JUST a precursor to action…it is EQUAL to action, and in some cases, MORE IMPORTANT.

What you do is not nearly as important as what you think/believe, because everybody sins (therefore your actions cannot save you). You can be the kindest, most generous, most compassionate person in the world, but according to traditional Christianity, if you don’t believe in Jesus, you are still hell-bound. On the other hand, a murderer can go to heaven if they merely really and truly “repent” and believe the right things with all their heart.

In other words, you can be divinely condemned for the things you think, regardless of whether or not you ever do them or even want to do them. (Although there’s actually some debate in doctrine over the importance of action vs thought is when it comes to salvation, but that’s another can of theological worms).

Growing up, I was quite familiar with verses like this:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart”

It’s very easy to see how a person would come away from a verse like that believing that thinking about something is exactly the same in God’s eyes as doing the thing. It’s no wonder, then, that character Thomas was so upset over his intrusive thoughts, so determined not to even think about or discuss them, and so upset when he learned that nothing he did would make them go away. It means he’s a sinner, a liar, and there’s nothing he can do about it. Remus, in that context, is pretty flipping scary: if Thomas wasn’t already a bad person, Remus wouldn’t exist...right??

In character Thomas’ mind, admitting to a bad thought is morally the same as admitting to a bad deed. He accepts this premise unconsciously, even as he tries to explain to his sides (and himself) that he’s not thinking these things on purpose, that he doesn’t like the thoughts, that he doesn’t want to do any of it. His Morality desperately wants him to somehow not be guilty, and his Anxiety is convinced he’s already guilty anyway. (Deceit really did nail their roles in his courtroom scenario).

“I can’t condone any more of that kind of thinking,” Patton says, because for him, the only morally acceptable solution to icky thoughts is to not think them. Anything else requires acknowledging said thoughts, and at that point, it’s too late…you have condemned yourself as thoroughly as if you had acted on them. Those thoughts can’t be Thomas, because Thomas does not want to be a bad person. (Remember “I’ll do whatever I can to make sure you’re not”?). I think Patton’s whole “THAT’S what repression is??” realization in his episode is so important, because he’s finally able to put a name to what he does in his pursuit of Making Sure Thomas Is Good, and is forced to confront the reality that this thing he does is, in fact, BAD for Thomas.

“You thought those thoughts, Thomas,” Virgil says, and it lands like a guilty verdict from a jury because that’s exactly what it is. Virgil is terrified of Remus because his presence must mean there’s something wrong with Thomas, because bad thoughts = bad actions = bad person, and this isn’t something Virgil’s vigilance can shield him from.

I’ve noticed that Virgil has what I’d called two different “Anxiety Modes”: Virgil Acting As Anxiety, and Virgil Being Anxiety. Virgil Acting As Anxiety is pretty much all we saw before we learned his name, when Virgil was still a villain. It’s the snarky, edgy, occasionally outright insulting, “I’m cynical and sarcastic and I don’t care” attitude. It’s the one we see now in those almost affectionate bursts of “okay, guess I’m gonna have to kick in here”, “ugh, I can’t believe I’m the one corralling you guys” “I’m listeniiiiiing”, finger guns, etc. This is Virgil behaving how he believes Anxiety is supposed to function. He’s just doing his job.

(I actually think it was this mode that got Thomas and the others out of Anxiety’s room. Virgil knows how anxiety works and uses this knowledge to help Thomas).

Virgil Being Anxiety is very different. This is Virgil when he’s actually scared or anxious or freaked out because of something that’s happening with Thomas. I feel like this is true Anxiety; this is character Thomas’ anxiety when he allows it to “get to him”…when instead of being able to realize what’s happening and respond with, “Virgil, stop it”, he and Virgil get into a feedback loop of “oh shit oh shit oh shit…” until one of the others (usually Logan) can break them out. We saw this in Moving On, when Virgil was silently freaking out in Patton’s room and then the whole scenario with the phone call. That’s when the Tempest Tongue comes out involuntarily. I feel like this is when Virgil himself is faced with his own vulnerabilities (like when Roman gets real quiet and serious after reigning in his ego or creativity, or Logan having to acknowledge a point someone else made, or Patton in DWIT realizing that he’s being too strict). I also think Virgil really, really hates to be faced with his own shortcomings as Anxiety, because he is reminded that Thomas used to hate him and repress him for (perhaps) good reason.

When Virgil is Acting As Anxiety, he is in control, he can choose to work with Thomas and be a helpful rather than a harmful presence. I think the whole Accepting Anxiety arc was about Virgil choosing to harness this particular side of his role, and I think we saw the culmination of that in Embarrassing Phases. “I still have the ability to be harmful, but I have chosen not to be.”

What I believe we’re starting to see now is Virgil feeling open and trusted enough in the group to come to terms with the fact that sometimes he IS anxiety, that he is vulnerable as anxiety, and that sometimes he can hurt Thomas despite all his good intentions simply because of what he is.

(I also think that’s why the others are so very, very careful to not call Virgil paranoid. Almost any other insult, he could brush off as “yeah, whatever, my job and all”, but “paranoid” (and to a lesser extend “defeatist”) hits a little too close to his heart and they know it. Those are things he sometimes is and can’t help, can’t stop, can’t protect against.)

What Virgil needs to internalize is that ANY side, “light” or “dark”, has the ability to hurt character Thomas just by doing what comes naturally to them. That’s why I think it was so important for Virgil to witness Logan gently taking Patton down a peg. Patton is almost literally the embodiment of all that is good and innocent within Thomas…for Virgil to see that even Patton can inadvertently go too far…for  Logan, the arguably most trustworthy character, to point out, “You are wrong, and that’s okay, and WE CAN TALK ABOUT IT”…that’s was the push that made him tell Thomas he was a dark side.

Character Thomas, of course, has a long way to go in breaking free of his black and white thinking, and Virgil’s confession will probably play a huge role in that. But to a lesser extent, I think character Thomas (and all the Sides) have been on a journey in learning to stop blaming themselves for things that aren’t their fault. And I think that tendency stems directly from being brought up in a belief system that claims God will absolutely condemn you for things that aren’t your fault (original sin, being gay, thinking bad things, etc). I honestly don’t think that’s what Christianity means to do, but it IS a common side effect and it DOES fuck with your head. For your own peace of mind, you have to break through that kind of thinking.

Thomas has anxiety and that’s okay. Thomas is allowed to feel sad, and discouraged, and unmotivated at times, and that’s okay. Thomas sometimes thinks icky thoughts and that’s okay. Patton can’t always be happy and that’s okay. Roman gets insecure and that’s okay. Logan gets impatient with feelings related things and that’s okay. Virgil can’t always control his anxiety and that’s okay. Virgil used to be a dark side and that’s okay.

As Logan said, “Everything is okay”.

[thearkhound]

X-Men: Children of the Atom class reunion (Famitsu interview)

I’m taking a break from the usual Konami-related interview translations to translate this interview from Famitsu.com by a so-called “Nishikawa-kun” with Capcom veterans Akira Yasuda (Akiman), Akira Nishitani and Takeshi Tezuka. This is technically a promotional interview for Blade Smash, an action game released for Android and iOS devices on September 2018, but the trio mostly end up talking about their past works with Capcom, with emphasis on their Marvel fighting games.

Source: https://www.famitsu.com/news/201809/28164931.html

I have no plans to translate the other parts of the interview, but I do have plans to translate other interviews related to Capcom and other companies in addition to all the Konami stuff.

A Capcom Class Reunion

Famitsu: Before we begin, can you tell us about your careers in the game industry up to this point?

Tezuka: I’ve joined Capcom in 1990, where I made nothing but arcade games. When Docomo started their i-Mode service in 1999 (an online service that provide video games and manga to feature phones), I began making games for them. Since then, I been working on nothing but mobile games as the head of their mobile games division. I went back to Capcom in 2014 and has since a started a new company called Mugen Combo.

Akiman: I’ve joined Capcom in 1985, where I mainly did artwork. After I quit Capcom in 2003, I began working as a freelance artist. I’ve worked as a designer and illustrators on many games since then, but it was during my time at Capcom when I did artwork for development purposes too. Final Fight and Street Fighter II: The World Warrior both have a special place in my heart.

Nishitani: I joined in 1986. I was recruited by Mr. Yoshiki Okamoto (Capcom’s head of development at the time) and was assigned on projects such as Street Fighter II and Final Fight. We (Nishitani, Akiman and Okamoto) look like three disconnected people, but we worked together quite a few many times. Because that, I was able to train Tezuka-kun.

Tezuka: That’s right. From now on, I will call myself “Mr. Nishitani’s disciple.”

Akiman: This is the first time I’ve seen someone admit that they were educated for real. (laughs)

Nishitani: I worked together with Akiman-sensei on many projects such as Forgotten Worlds, Final Fight and Street Fighter II. He used to draw anything I would ask him out of my own self-indulgence. I made him redo quite a few stuff a lot, so I was truly sorry for him back then.

Akiman: That’s alright.

Nishitani: I’ve never seen the process of someone actually drawing until I’ve joined Capcom. When I saw Akiman’s work, I thought “so this is how you draw”. At the time I was what you would call “pure” and didn’t know the difficulty of actually illustrating. I would have opinions like “since this is for a game, not doing this would be a bad idea“, without considering factors such as time and skill, and Akiman-sensei would do it all. In retrospect, I was pretty selfish back then.

Akiman: At the time I thought Nishitani-san was truly a genius. He joined Capcom as soon as he graduated high school at the age of 18. If Okamoto-san was like Emperor Liu Bei (TL’s note: a historical character from China’s three kingdoms period), then Nishitani-san is like Zhuge Liang, a person who quickly rose to the ranks of game development. I was 21 at the time and I was taking orders from a newcomer who was three years younger than me. (laughs) But because he was pleasant to work with, I never really felt offended taking orders from him. Among all the developers within Capcom, he’s the one who could be said was the first person who actually knew anything about video games.

Tezuka: As soon as I’ve joined Capcom, Okamoto-san told me “Nishitani knows all the answers to game development, so ask him if you’re ever in doubt”.

Akiman: That’s because he’s a genius. He’s a God. Personally I think Okamoto-san was the one brought the logic of videogames to Capcom, but it was Nishitani-san who perfected it. It’s true. Whenever we had doubts, he always answered all of our questions. He would always come up with an answer as soon as you would ask him.

Tezuka: I though Nishitani-san’s planning document for Street Fighter II was truly amazing. After development ended, everything came out exactly as it was documented on the plan.

Nishitani: I’m too embarrassed to just retired. (laughs) That’s why I formed my current company, Arika after leaving Capcom.

The Development Environment At The Time

Famitsu: When did Tezuka-san and Nishitani-san started working together?

Nishitani: It was during Marvel Super Heroes. Although it was developed a bit later, we started planning it around the same time we were working on X-Men: Children of the Atom. Although the development team was different, working with Tezuka-kun almost identical to working with the X-Men COTA team.

Tezuka: Before that I met Nishitani-san right after joining the company, just before he started working on Street Fighter II. Since Nishitani-san is a genius, he often listens to other people’s stories. At the time he was making Street Fighter II, I was working on another game titled 3 Wonders on the same floor. Since Nishitani-san’s desk was next to mine, I would often overhear him talking with the other staff members. I thought “that was amazing”, I could just ask them for advice. I would immediately evaluate the advice from the staff members and simply reply it with a “that’s ok”. It created the impression that people who wanted games to be interesting were somehow greedy.

Nishitani: Do you remember the discussions we had about the buttons in Street Fighter II?

Tezuka: I remember. It was shortly after I’ve joined the company. During the development of Street Fighter II, I saw it wasn’t using the same punching pads that the first Street Fighter uses. I told Nishitani-san “why aren’t you using punching pads like in SF1? I really liked those.” (laughs) In retrospect, Street Fighter II wouldn’t had been possible with such punching pads, but at the time Nishitani-san would have still consider such a viewpoint from a foolish newcomer.

Famitsu: Changing the subject to Marvel Super Heroes, Marvel characters are pretty popular now thanks to the Marvel Cinematic Universe, but back then most of their characters were still relatively obscure. Who was it that came up with the idea of making a Marvel fighting game?

Nishitani: Indeed, who was it?

Akiman: I think it was Akitomo-kun.

Tezuka: It was Akitomo-kun’s fault.

Nishitani: Ah, Akitomo-kun...

Famitsu: Who is Akitomo-kun?

Nishita: He was an employee at the time, Katsuya Akitomo. He now works as a translator and a writer for model kits.

Akiman: He is an expert in American comic books and is pretty fluent in English. I think he actually translates comic books now. Prior to making X-Men COTA, Capcom made an arcade game based on The Punisher, another Marvel property. Around that period, Akitomo-kun began proselytizing to the development team about how the X-Men were interesting.

Tezuka: We’ve even assembled a study group on the subject of the X-Men.

Akiman: Because of that, there was feeling in the air at Capcom that we needed to make an X-Men game.

Famitsu: I see. Akiman-san, what is the most impressive memories of working together with Tezuka-san?

Akiman: The dancing during karaoke.

Nishitani: The karaoke was pretty impressive.

Akiman: That was the most impressive thing outside work. (laughs)

Tezuka: Ah! There was that time when the three of us shaved our heads.

Akiman: Yeah. Did something bad happened to us back then?

Tezuka: Not really. I was talking to Nishitani-san and he told me that he was in the mood for shaving his head for once in his life, and you (Akiman-san) were there working on your day off, so we decided to shave our heads together.

Akiman: Now I remember. (laughs)

Nishitani: I was pretty angry at the time. I just shaved my head and suddenly I had to do many interviews for Street Fighter II.

Tezuka: I was also angry that I got Nishitani-san involved with the whole head-shaving business. But you were indifferent to it.

Famitsu: That was pretty embarrassing. Nishitani-san, what was your biggest memory of working with Tezuka-san?

Nishitani: Since I’ve joined Capcom at the age of 18, everyone who joined afterwards was older than me at first. But it was the year when Tezuka-kun joined the company that I was able to handle the other staff members in a frank matter. My seniors became scared of me because of that. (wry smile)

Secret Stories Behind the Development of Capcom/Marvel Games

Famitsu: The three of you have been involved in making fighting games for a long time. What is the most important point to keep in mind when making a game?

Nishitani: I’ve talked a lot about this with Tezuka-kun, but I’m more on a theoretical side. I think about making games starting with a theory. While that’s important, l also think that factors such as a sense of excitement, coolness and fun are also important when it comes to arcade games. I’m the type who completely ignores those sort of things. Akiman-san would often say “I want to play as this kind of character because he seems cool” and I did not understand why at first. Strength is more important than coolness. I come from a place where appearance was of secondary importance, so I thought it wasn’t important to take that into consideration.

Akiman: Zangief’s design for example, was initially a lot more slimmer.

Nishitani: That’s right. Since I wanted to emphasize his strength, I thought Zangief should be a lot harder and more musclebound. So I asked Akiman-san to make him bigger.

Tezuka: With the Juggernaut, he was ridiculously big.

Nishitani: He really was big. We overdid it and the people at Marvel got mad at us.

Akiman: Even I thought we overdid it back then.

Nishitani: Originally the Juggernaut was just like how he appeared in the comics, but then we thought he needed to be bigger! (laughs)

Famitsu: Akiman-san, did you ever have any issues and such with your own work?

Akiman: I used to be a fan of martial arts manga such as Fist of the North Star or Karate Baka Ichidai. I was designing under the mentality of bringing such characters to a video game. Of course, if you simply copy them, you only end up with a shallow imitation. So I was incorporating my favorite essences from all sorts of manga bit by bit and then I would emphasize the freshness. Older games were, to be honest, not very refreshing. You could have a sensible premise, but it’s not really refreshing if all you’re doing is simply attacking the bad guys here and there. Wouldn’t it be more fun to fully obliterate the enemies instead? I was thinking more about how to bring out a sense of exhilaration when moving rather than simply thinking about the gameplay. In other words, I wonder if I caused any trouble in that regard.

Nishitani: It’s the same story for me. Players might be looking for cool graphics, but there won’t be any exhilaration if the gameplay is bad.

Akiman: Now I remember. There was something I wanted to put in a game and at the time I consulted Nishitani-san, asking him “I made something like this, but I wonder how the gameplay will turn out”, and he replied “there’s nothing I cannot modify in some form.”

Nishitani: Perhaps I exaggerated a bit at the time. Tezuka-kun said earlier that I would often listen to other people’s opinions, but I really listened to everything. In an environment where anything can be asked, designers like Akiman-san can hone their skills and the game will improve tremendously. Otherwise, all the bad aspects of gameplay and such will come to me.

Tezuka: When it comes to adjustments, Nishitani-san was truly a risk-taker. He would say “it’s alright, I could adjust any game.”

Akiman: That’s why he’s amazing. When it comes to game development, it is no exaggeration to say that working with Nishitani-san was something else.

Famitsu: What about you, Tezuka-san?

Tezuka: Unlike the other two, I’m not very skilled at videogames. Because of that, I wanted to make games with the concept that even unskilled players can enjoy. A Marvel fighting game like X-Men COTA isn’t about coming up with an elaborate strategy like a typical Street Fighter, but it’s more about having that feeling of exhilaration. If you only make a game about challenging an opponent in a rather stoic matter, I think it will gradually have less people playing. Our continuing conviction is to make a game that is fun to touch and play.

Famitsu: By the way, how was the character roster was determined in those Marvel games at the time?

Nishitani: Basically we had discussions with Marvel. If there was someone we wanted to use, we would negotiate with them for their approval.

Tezuka: The rest was trying to fit the characters into the play mechanics we wanted to create. But because Marvel was one of the largest comic book company, we naturally wanted to use their most recognizable characters. However, if you can’t tell a character’s nature from their appearance, then you wouldn’t know what kind of technique they would use if you put them into a game. Therefore, the appearance of a character is pretty important.

Akiman: Back then I was in charge of drawing the standing poses and animation, but since the number of animation frames we were capable of outputting increased during that period, rivalries broke out within the company.

Famitsu: What do you mean?

Akiman: We began competing over how many frames we could use for a character’s standing animation. (laughs). There was a character created by a certain staff member whose standing pose was so amazingly animated, even his fingers moved. When everyone saw that, everyone, including myself, increased the number of frames in the standing poses they were working on so they wouldn’t lose to this particular staff member. (laughs)

Tezuka: The presentation also became flashier and flashier. Since it’s a game about a battle between superpowered beings, we had no choice but to make it flashy.

Akiman: For us, X-Men and its sequels felt like they were the legitimate successors of Street Fighter II.

Tezuka: Didn’t Nishitani-san originally said that he had to decide between working Street Fighter III or X-Men?

Nishitani: I really didn’t had any desire to make a Street Fighter III. I think the game would’ve been too similar to II if I was the one who ended up making it. But with a fighting game starring superbeings like the ones in X-Men, you can expand your frame of ideas and I think anything can be possible. Ultimately, Ryu and Ken ended up fighting like superbeings themselves in the Marvel vs. Capcom series, but I don’t think a battle like the ones in X-Men would’ve been possible with the mentality of those days.

Tezuka: I was pretty shocked when I saw the supermoves for the first time. Since the screen was full of projectiles, I thought it was impossible to avoid them. (laughs)

Blade Smash: A Game For Action Novices

Famitsu: The plan for interview was derived from Blade Smash, a smartphone game developed by Tezuka-san. Since you played Blade Smash in advance, can you give us your honest impressions?

Nishitani: The controls were pretty easy to use. When I was looking at the game at first, I thought the tempo could’ve been improved, but I no longer felt that after actually playing it. It felt pretty good to move such energetic characters. You could play a match without having to worry about unnecessary things like special move commands.

Tezuka: Thanks! Since Blade Smash is a smartphone game, I designed it so that people who aren’t skilled at action games could enjoy it. There are plans to add more technical-focused characters in the future, so I think the more skilled players can sense the response if they used those.

Akiman: The movement and effects are pretty good. It’s a good game that you play competitively in a very straightfoward sense.

Famitsu: One of the characters appearing Blade Smash named Kiwame was designed by Akiman-san. I wonder what was the process of coming up with her design.

Tezuka: I simply asked Akiman-san directly and he complied with my request.

Akiman: Since it was a request from Tezuka-kun, I felt like I had to listen to him.

Tezuka: Even during the days of Power Stone, you would always do my requests.

Akiman: It felt good to have a job. (laughs) Every time I talked to Tezuka-kun about the past, flowers blossoming comes to my mind and when we’re done talking, it gives me the urge to work again and say “I might do it.”

Famitsu: What kind of character did you intend Kiwame to be when you were coming up with her design?

Akiman: Since he requested for a karate girl, I imagined someone who would be the daughter of Mas Oyama, wearing a karate gi. Didn’t Mas Oyama used to seclude himself in the mountains to train in karate. If he secluded himself in a mountain, then his hair must’ve been very unkempt. Therefore, I decided that Kiwame-chan must also have unkempt hair. However, because she was originally a beautiful girl, she has sparkling eyes.

Tezuka: Since Akiman-san was the person who came up with Chun-Li, I thought he would make another Chinese kung-fu girl at first, but then we decided for a karate girl instead for something different.

Famitsu: I see. I would like to ask more details about the making of Blade Smash. How long did the game took to be made since development started.

Tezuka: Around three years ago. We’re still undergoing development.

Famitsu: The vs. genre has been spreading on smartphones lately, but there weren’t that many games in that genre for smartphone three years ago, wasn’t there?

Tezuka: That’s right Back then there many games that were simply about touching the screen, but I thought games that would require skill would end up being more prevalent. I wanted to create a fun game that is easy to control, but when it comes to serious competitive fighting games are not very compatible with smartphones. Therefore, the development of the game started under the idea of lowering the threshold of fighting games.

Famitsu: Are there any aspects that gave you trouble during development.

Tezuka: Definitely the communication portion of the circuity. Since this is a game primarily developed for wireless multiplayer, we had to adjust it accordingly in order to reduce lag as much as possible. It was pretty difficulty to make it work with all the different smartphone model.

Famitsu: What was the reason for releasing this game on smartphones?

Tezuka: As someone who used to make arcade games, old arcade games were pretty easy to try out. You could just go to the arcade, insert the coin and play the game a bit to try it out. The environment has since changed. Now it’s easy to just download a game for free on a smartphone and try it out for yourself, isn’t it? Therefore, the smartphone platform has created an environment which makes it easy to create casual games.

Nishitani: The mobile and arcade markets really resemble each other. For starters, if you don’t think a game looks interesting, you’re unlikely to try it out. And let’s say you do try it out. If the game doesn’t hold your attention after your first play, chances are you wouldn’t bother with it again. If it’s an app, you would likely delete it. However, Tezuka-kun has the technology and know-how that makes him come up with something interesting.

Akiman:  The match I’ve played was pretty fun, so I think I might download it once it’s released.

Nishitani: Indeed. Once the game is released, I wish everyone will try it out . You will feel something that will make you think “ah!”.

Famitsu: Nishitani-san, Akiman-san! Please tell us what you thought of today’s discussion?

Nishitani: It was fun to had this reunion after such a long time. (laughs)

Akiman: I thought it was good to talk about the past. Since I’m not the type who goes outside very often, I thought it was fun to talk with everyone after not seeing them for such a while.

Tezuka:Everyone has since drifted apart, so I rarely get any chance to meet up with them. I want to gather the other staff members and do an X-Men reunion.

Nishitani: By all mean, we should meet more often in the future. (laughs)

Famitsu: Thanks!

From left to right: Akira “Akiman” Yasuda, Takeshi Tezuka and Akira Nishitani.

[apologieslogan]

Untitled

The prompt was someone collapses and my brain took this and ran. Anyways here’s my first fic ever god I'm so scared. All constructive criticism welcome!

tw: illness, vomiting, passing out, crying, insecurities

Logan knew he was on the path towards falling ill. When he woke up, everything felt fuzzy and muted, like someone had turned the intensity down on all of his senses. Ignoring the feeling, Logan got off the couch he fell asleep on the previous night and made his way to the bathroom, jumping in the shower. The warm steam seemed to wake him up, and he felt almost normal.

He sat down to eat breakfast with the other sides, trying to school his expression of light discomfort into something more neutral. He was the first one to the table, aside from Patton, who was busy preparing breakfast, so he had a few minutes of silence to himself.

“Greetings, Patton. Pocket Protector.” Roman said with his usual enthusiasm.

“Good morning, kiddo!” Patton replied. “Sleep well?”

“Of course! A prince has got to get his beauty sleep.” Roman said.

Logan let the conversation continue around him, not feeling the need to contribute to such small matters. Either way, the fuzziness was coming back, alongside the beginnings of a headache. He definitely is going to need to do some research on his symptoms to see what the best course of action is regarding his illness. Perhaps simple rest and vitamin C would do the trick. Rest always helps, and he has gotten his fair share of scolding from the other sides from working himself into the ground before. The illness is most likely a side effect of-

“-ogan? Logan? You gucci, nerd?” Roman questioned, waving his hands in front of Logan’s face.

Logan blinked a few times, coming back to the conversation at hand.

“Ah, yes. I am gucci, as you so put it. I was thinking about the schedule for Thomas’s upcoming week, and seemed to have gotten lost in thought.”

“You sure, Lo? You look pretty tired this morning.” Patton said, his eyebrows knitting together.

Lovely Patton. Always worried about everyone’s well-being. Logan hoped to eradicate this illness before his Patton went into worried boyfriend mode. That was something nobody wanted.

“Yes, I admit, I did go to sleep at a later hour than intended,” Logan lied, looking at Virgil coming down the stairs, “so my tired disposition is likely due to that.”

“If you say so, kiddo!”

The interrogation ended with that, and Logan was able to continue about his day.

-

Logan lay in bed that night. As the day progressed, the illness went from slight nuisance to “giant thorn in his side”, as Princey so put it. In addition to his previous symptoms, there was now some serious sinus pressure as well as a harsh cough and alarming nausea. As much as Logan wished he could just fall asleep and rest, he doubted that would be the case, seeing as he can barely get a few minutes of peace before he is coughing up a storm or expelling his insides.

-

Logan lay on top of his bed, the room spinning before his eyes. He got little to no sleep last night, and at this point in time, he doubts that he can even stand up without assistance, let alone go downstairs and converse with the others. However, the absolute last thing he wanted was to cause suspicion, or worse, have them all ambush him in his room and demand to know what the issue is. It’s not that he doesn’t appreciate the concern of all his boyfriends, it just that they lack… tact.

Logan forced himself to his feet, eyes squeezing shut as the floor swayed beneath him. As he waited for the nausea to weaken, he decided that he was going to have to forgo showering today. He changed his clothes with a snap of his fingers and moved to brush his teeth before heading downstairs.

By the time Logan reached the kitchen he had a line of sweat beading on his upper lip, and his breaths were quivering in his chest. All the other sides were already at the table, distracted with conversation. He sat in his usual chair with absolutely no grace, alerting every one of his presence.

“...You okay, teach?” Virgil asked quietly,

Logan nodded, not trusting himself to open his mouth at that moment in time. His disheveled hair was enough to make the sides aware that Logan was lying. Poorly.

“Go ahead and eat your food, kiddo! I know how you’re always saying breakfast is the most important meal of the day!” Patton said, knowing full well that Logan, stubborn Logan, would try to eat, even though he clearly doesn’t want to.

Logan reached for his fork, stomach already rolling at the thought of having to consume anything. But he would do it for Patton. He can always excuse himself if the nausea comes to be too much. He lifted the fork to his mouth, hand trembling like mad. He opened his mouth to take a bite and-

“Oh, for god sakes, Logan!” Roman snapped.

Logan slowly turned his head towards his annoyed boyfriend.

“Yes, Roman?” he rasped. His voice was hoarse from all the coughing and vomiting that transpired last night. He winced.

“Why do you never tell us when you’re getting sick?”

“I am merely feeling a little under the weather, nothing to concern you all with.”

Roman scoffed, rolling his eyes at Logan. “I didn’t believe that for a single second, babe.”

“Yeah, teach, you look like shit. No offense.”

Logan always appreciated how blunt Virgil could be, but not at this exact moment.

“Lo, you know you aren’t bothering us when it comes to your health. Why do you always do this?” Patton whined.

Oh god. Did I hurt their feelings? Do they think I don’t trust them? I was just trying to do the right thing, I didn’t mean for this to happen!

Somewhere deep inside Logan, he knew he was making this into a bigger deal than it was, but to his illness-ridden mind, he fucked up, bad.

Logan stood up shakily, trying to make his departure. The prospect of hurting their feelings made him more upset than he cared to admit, and he was feel- experiencing symptoms of anxiety.

“I-I. I’m just g-going to go.” Logan started, turning around, walking quicker than he should, given his current condition. Black dots were sinking into his vision, and he knew he had to get to his room, quick.

“Logan, come back here baby, were not upset with you.”

Logan turned around slowly, eyes unfocused. “You’re not?” He whispered.

“Baby, no.We’re worried.” Patton said, his heart breaking at how vulnerable Logan looked right then.

Logan felt relief flow through him. He felt so relaxed. Almost like he could fall asleep right where he stood. Right here...in the kitchen. Was the floor always so close to his face? It so nice and cold down here. He’s so tired. Time to finally get some sleep.

-

“I honestly don’t get why he’s so fucking scared to talk to us when something’s wrong. He could have been seriously hurt!” Virgil exclaimed, his voice having the telltale distortion to it.

“Ugh, honestly. Did you hear the sound when his head hit the floor? I’m not going to be able to stop hearing that for weeks. He’s going to feel that for days.” Roman worried, twisting his sash in his hands.

“He could have a concussion and we won’t even know until he wakes up. If he even wakes up-”

“Okay, kiddos! Enough of that.” Patton interjects. “Logan is fine. Look, his eyes are opening right now. We can ask him how he feels.”

What the hell happened? All I remember is trying to go back to my room then feeling something smooth and cold on my cheek. Smooth like tile. Like the tile in the kitchen. Conclusion: I passed out. Shit.

Logan’s head was cradled in Patton’s lap. He was being held like something extremely fragile, and while normally Logan would protest to being coddled in such a way, it felt… nice.

“...Pat?” Logan rasped.

“Yes baby, Lo-lo I’m here sweetie. Are you okay? Does your head hurt? Do you want to try to sit up?”

Logan nodded yes for all the questions. He sat up, albeit way too quickly. His stomach rolled and he could feel everything in his stomach traveling up. Good thing everyone was looking at him so intensely, because Roman noticed right away and conjured a trash can for him to vomit in, tears running down his cheeks. Once he was done, Roman got rid of the trash can, conjuring up a wet cloth to wipe Logan’s face with. He collapsed back into Patton’s chest, looking at his hands fiddling in his lap, embarrassed at being so weak in front of the others.

“I’m sorry.” He whimpered, his emotions getting to him. The embarrassment on top of feeling overall not goodwas beginning to become too much for him. Tears threatened to burst from his eyes. He bit his lip to keep it from wobbling.

The other sides stared at Logan with shock. They had never seen Logan so emotional in… ever.

“Logan, it’s okay-”

“No! It’s not!” Logan interrupted, voice wobbly and emotional. “I’m sick, and dizzy, and I’m weak, and I don’t feel good, and I made a fool of myself in front of you guys-”

“Hey now. We don’t think any less of you because you’re ill.” Patton comforted.

“And now you all know how much of a cry baby I am and I’ve just been so stressed and that’s why I got sick in the first place and..and…” Logan’s breathing got more and more frantic as he spoke, trying to hold back the tears.

“Logan.” Roman said in his commanding voice. “Look at me.” Roman ordered, using his finger to lift Logan’s chin to meet him in the eyes.

Logan fell silent, trying hard to look Roman in the eyes, but feeling too ashamed to.

“It’s okay, Logan. We just want to take care of you and make sure you’re healthy and safe. You don’t need to be embarrassed. Understand?”

Logan understood, but his heart couldn’t accept it. He looked Roman in the eyes, lips wobbling still, and promptly burst into tears.

“Logan baby, what’s actually wrong?” Virgil whispered, gripping Logan’s hands in his own.

“I-I. I j-just want to be useful t-to you guys. A-and I can’t even t-take care of myself properly. I-I just want someone to take care of m-me and hold me and f-feed me but I can’t have that b-because it’s not logical! I know how to take care of myself so w-why even ask you guys to help? I’m just w-wasting your time!” Logan cried. He was so shocked at his own expression of emotions.

Logan heard talking going on around him but he was too caught up in his own mind to care. He felt himself being moved to a different place, a bed. It felt way too soft, so it was probably Roman’s. He felt someone’s hands in his hair, another on his back, and another wrapped around him.

“Wh-?”

“Shh, Lo-lo. You’ve had a rough few days haven’t you, baby?”

The tears were done by then, but the tone in Patton’s voice made some fall down his face unwillingly.

A cooing noise could be heard from his right. It was Roman, watching the new tears fall from his eyes. It was quiet.

“I’m sorry everyone for the scene I just made.” Logan apologized. “I never meant for this to happen. I suppose this is just the result of pent-up emotions.”

Everyone nodded in agreement.

“You don’t have to apologize for having feelings, Logan.” Patton whispered into his hair. “We’re all so sorry that you felt like you couldn’t, or shouldn’t talk to us about your feelings. We never wanted you to feel neglected.”

Logan gave a small grin, eyelids drooping. The crying really tired him out. “Your apology is also not needed. Please don’t feel at fault for this.” A yawn escaped Logan’s lips. “There is no single party to blame here.”

“Promise you’ll tell us next time you feel like this?” Virgil asked, a small smile tugging at his lips. Logan was so adorable when he was sleepy.

“Mmhmm.” Logan hummed, snuggling into Patton’s chest. “M’tired. Don’t leave. Nap with me.” Logan mumbled, getting quieter by the word.

“Okay, Lo-lo, we aren’t going anywhere. Get some rest. We love you.” Patton whispered, not wanting to startle Logan out of his sleep.

“Love you too.” Logan murmured, almost incoherent. He focused on the feeling of Patton’s hands in his hair until he drifted into an undisturbed sleep, all three of his loves drifting off soon after.

[dr-tardis-who]

Angel of Music: Part Two

Harrison Osterfield x Reader

Summary: You meet Harrison, Tom, Jacob and Harry after playing a gig at a bar. You’ve been invited to bar hop with them.

Warnings: Swearing, awkward encounters and some sweetness

Tagging: @beardedsteveslut

You would have to admit that this would have to be the best night of your life, you were currently giggling uncontrollably as you stumbled down the empty street with Harry, Tom, Harrison and Jacob. Your friends had left earlier in a Uber that you had ordered because you knew they couldn’t handle much more, so now walking were walking God knows where with a group of men that you just met. You wouldn’t usually do this but they didn’t give you creepy or worrying vibes, in fact you felt rather safe with them. Harrison currently had his arm around you, because he couldn’t stand on his own.

“Hey Tom.’’ Harry slurred stopping in the middle of the street,

“You alright mate?” You ask going into your mum mode,

“I think I’m going to be sick.’’ Harry slurs quietly, you instantly guide him to the nearest bin, he slouches over it spilling his guts out.

“Feel better?” You ask once Harry’s finished, he only nods a little surprised that he didn’t get any vomit on his clothes.

“We’re not far from, come on Harry.’’ Tom says, helping his brother to stand. You offer a tired drunken smile, as Harrison uses you as a human walking stick, as you all trudge to Tom’s parents house to drop Harry off because he wanted to sleep in his own bed.

“Here we are, now we have to be really quiet.’’ Harry says seeming more sober due to throwing up most of his stomach, Jacob, Harrison and yourself nod giggling quietly. As you stumble inside the house as Tom caught you, the pair of you giggling like idiots.

“Right Harry, before you go to bed you’re having the biggest glass of water, you’ve ever had.’’ You say slightly slurred,

“Why’s that?” Harry asks tiredly,

“So you won’t be hungover in the morning.’’ You reply simply with a shrug grabbing your phone from your jacket pocket, seeing if you can get a lift back to your place, but your phone was completely. You curse under your breath.

“Seems legit.’’ Jacob says with a shrug,

“What’s wrong love?” Tom asks seeing your troubled expression, you bite your lip lightly.

“My phone’s died, do you have a charger I could borrow?” You ask shyly for the first time since you met the group of guys. Tom offers you a soft smile.

“Sure thing.’’ Tom says leading you to the kitchen with Harry and Harrison not far behind as Jacob wanted to get an Uber back to his hotel. You plug you’re phone in leaning against the icy bench top, that cools your burning skin due to the alcohol that you’ve consumed throughout the evening.

“So you’ll catch an Uber?” Tom asks handing you a glass of water as they all ended up taking your advice about a giant glass of water before bed.

“I guess.’’ You reply,

“Where are you staying?” Harrison asks,

“Storm, his place is.....’’ You pause realising you have no idea where the house is, you bury your face in your hands, how could you be so stupid?

“What’s wrong?” Harrison asks,

“I can’t remember where the house is.’’ You whisper looking at your hands in defeat,

“Don’t worry you can stay here, and call your friends in the morning.’’ Tom offers,

“No, it’s ok I’ll figure something out.’’ You admit running your fingers through your hair.

“We have plenty of space and Harrison is staying too.’’ Harry says,

“Thanks.’’ You murmur quietly,

“No problem, it’s not safe this hour. Plus you don’t know the area.’’ Tom says,

“This may sound strange, but can I give you a hug?” You ask softly, Tom chuckles lightly.

“I thought you were Team Cap?” Tom questions,

“I am, but you’ve saved my stupid ass.’’ You reply, with a chuckle Tom wraps his arms around your petite figure.

“It’s no problem at all love.’’ Tom says unwrapping his arms around you, you couldn’t see the look Harrison was giving Tom due to your back been to him, but Harry could. And couldn’t help but smirk a little.

“Has anyone told you that you give pretty good hugs?” You ask.

*****************************

The next morning you awoke from your spot on the couch, to light streaming into the room and a pair of arms wrapped around you. Panic begins to fill you as you don’t recognise the surroundings or the arms wrapped around you, so you do the only logical thing you can. You rip the arms off you, standing up you see that you had fallen asleep on the couch and on Harrison. He looks at you confused for a moment.

“You alright love?” He asks,

“I’m sorry, I forgot where I was. And for falling asleep on you.’’ You say in a rush, running your fingers through your hair adverting your gaze, to your shoes that were on the floor of the couch. Hastily you put them on.

“It’s alright love.’’ Harrison says sitting up, his shirt creased, hair sticking in an odd fashion, tired sleepy eyes. He did look quite adorable to you.

“I should get going, my friends will be worried.’’ You say feeling awkward about the whole situation.

“Oh, don’t you want to eat something at least?” Harrison asks wanting to spend a little more time with you, you were different from the other girls he had met since Tom’s fame took off. Most girls were stuck up, gold-diggers, just looking for a root (Aussie term for sex) or just wanted to use him. You were fun, strange and just you. You were real, and that was something rare for Harrison.

“Maybe a coffee would a good idea.’’ You say, craving the caffeine hit to wake up properly. Harrison smiles leading you to the kitchen where you presume are Tom and Harrison’s family are in the kitchen, with Tom sitting at the table looking a little worse for wear.

“Ah the couple have arisen, I hope there was no canoodling on my couch.’’ An older man says from the stove, looking at both you and Harrison, the comment makes you turn red.

“No, Dom.’’ Harrison says also feeling embarrassed,

“You’re phone’s here Y/n.’’ Harry says handing you your phone sensing that you wanted out of this situation before, you ran for your life.

“Cheers.’’ You say swiping your phone and almost printing out of the room to see the mountain of texts and calls from your friends about your whereabouts. You sigh calling Storm first, as it was him you were staying with.

*******************

Meanwhile in the kitchen:

Harrison had never felt so mortified in his life, as he watched you scurry out of the kitchen.

“So who’s the girl?” Sam asks,

“Y/n we met her last night, she’s in the band that was playing at the bar were at last night.’’ Harrison explains feeling like he’s been interrogated,

“Poor thing I think you scared her.’’ Nikki says to Dom,

“Probably, sorry Harrison I couldn’t help myself.’’ Dom says. 

“It’s ok I know you didn’t mean it.’’ Harrison says with a lopsided smile,

“So if you didn’t screw, why did she stay the night?” Sam asks genuinely curious,

“She’s an Aussie, this is her first time here and her phone died, and she couldn’t remember the address of wear she’s staying. So I let her crash here instead of been stranded and on her own.’’ Tom explains.

“I might go check on her.’’ Nikki says,

***********************

You were currently on the phone trying to calm Storm down.

“I know, I know. I won’t do it again I promise.’’ You say before hanging up the phone and running your fingers through your hair in a frustrated manner, letting out a tired groan.

“Everything ok love?” You hear a female voice ask behind you, spinning around the woman from the kitchen is standing before you with a kind smile, you can only presume that she’s Tom’s mother.

���Yeah, just getting a lecture.’’ You reply, she let’s out a chuckle.

“Trouble with your boyfriend?” She asks,

“No, I don’t have one or a girlfriend for that matter.’’ You say with a shrug,

“Oh well, no matter pretty girl like yourself. You might one here.’’ Nikki says, causing you to chuckle,

“You sound worse than my mum.’’ You joke feeling a little less awkward,

“Well I am a mum love.’’ She points out,

“True, and thanks for letting me stay here, even if you didn’t say it was ok. But thank you, and I’m rambling and I’m going to stop now.’’ You say more to yourself causing Nikki to giggle and you awkwardness.

“It’s no problem at all, Tom told us what happened and how you helped Harry.’’ She says, you smile a little.

“It’s ok, we’ve all been there before.’’ You say with a shrug,

“True.’’ Nikki says,

“By the way what’s this address, my friend’s going to pick me up?” You ask

[indurarinks]

the mardi gras conundrum

( 4. ) “I've wanted to do that all night.” Time stood still. Only the sound of lips reconnecting, hungrily consuming each other echoed in the dead of night. The air surrounding them sizzled with charged chemistry, and bound power that longed to be released. His hands possessed her body with fervent need that she was not accustomed to, her fingers plunged themselves with an air of desperation that defied logic. In the stillness of darkness where Apollo, the god of sun, was banished from, their embrace could easily be considered as public indecency. Something out of a Hollywood film. Bonnie tasted delicious sin, addictive fervor and a dash of regal arrogance in his lips. But for a moment in time, the young witch held onto the quiet suffering she hid from the world. Even her friends knew nothing of it. Similarly, Kyrian savoured untamed passion, a raging sea of power rolling its waves against soothing touch and the telltale bitterness of trepidation. In her, he found a mirror of his own missing soul. Cuts and bruises covered their hearts, the work of art of cruel hands out to maim unmarred flesh. Injecting space that brought the separation of their lips, Kyrian's thumbs brushed the chocolate au lait hued skin on a path from the corner of her eye to her temple. The midnight skies of his eyes probed hers with a tenderness that brought weakness to her knees. “Forgive me if I overstepped my boundaries.” He paused to watch her again. In a methodical study of the subtle changes to her expression. “I just—” In a move rather uncharacteristic for her due to the impulsive nature of it, Bonnie hushed him with a finger against the softness of his lips. The only part of his anatomy that was soft to the touch. The rest of him was made of sinewy steel. “Shut up.” The interjection curving her lips in a rare smile that reached her eyes, combusting the dullness of green into flames of vibrancy that breathed life again. “You talk too much, Kyrian No Last Name.” A practitioner of the oldest language in the book himself, Kyrian tumbled right into her web of charms with a killer grin plastered to his mouth. “I thought I had redeemed myself with the activity we just indulged in.” Noble features contrasted with the irreverence bleeding from his shit-eating grin. “Come on. We should head back before you get yourself in trouble again.” His fingers practically within reach of hers, Bonnie sucked in a sharp breath before denying him the touch of her with a brusque tug of hand. “Excuse me?! I got myself in trouble? Funny. Unless I was deep into a dream-state, I just remember going after your pompous ass because Mr. Badass decided to throw a children's tantrum. Good night, asshole.” Her temper ablaze, her steps echoed down the street as she strutted without delay. Drenched in utmost disbelief, he stood gaping after her. No woman had dared to talk back to the same extent as Bonnie just had. Thoroughly amused by the fire in her veins, Kyrian's gaze trained on her retreating backside. Under the unseen attack of a desire he hadn't tasted in over two thousand years, he stood rooted to the pavement whilst admiring the sensual gait of hers. Her curves, highlighted by tight jeans and revealing top, extinguished the existence of humidity in his throat until a temperature, of the likes of which had been felt in the wasted lands of Sahara's desert, tormented him. Her name tingled his tongue, taunting him. “Bonnie! Wait. I—” Rudely interrupted by his ringing phone, he silently cursed his luck before lifting the index finger in her direction. “Hold that thought.” “Give her all she wants to know. Keep an eye on her while she chooses to stay. And for the love of God, don't piss her off.” Acheron's rumbling voice rang in his ears with its commanding tone the second Kyrian took the call. In all the years he'd known the man, he still found his boss' antics bizarre, even for their kin. Never had he gotten used to Ash's omnipresence and power that made a mockery of his. “Are you certain of this? Is she even capable of dealing with the truth?” The concern for her didn't surprise him but the speed in which it burst free to raise a red flag carved lines of contemplation upon the surface of his forehead. A rare occurrence for him who courted danger on a nightly basis. “Ease your mind, Commander. She'll be fine. You've seen it yourself, she's a fighter and capable of handling a lot more than we may assume. Besides, she's not entirely uninitiated in the supernatural matters. And she needs all the knowledge we can offer if she's going to stand with us.” “Alright. Your wish is ever my command, o Great Lord of the barbarian horde that roams the night.” “Tame your sarcasm, Greek. It won't be of much help to you near the spitfire you pursue.” With taunting laughter, he hung up.

A set of green eyes burned him alive, demanding him to speak but words were lost to him as Acheron's parting words resounded loud and clear in the valleys of his mind. Was he referring to his current predicament as he chased after her or the unsettling emotions she stirred deep within him whenever she stood a little too close to him? “So?” Bonnie's impatience tangible, he advanced toward her after shoving his phone back into the pocket of his dark jeans. Extending an arm, his fingers coiled about hers. This time, she welcomed the touch without protest. The seething beast had been tamed for now. “Come on.” “Where are we going?” The tilt of her head wrung another grin from his lips. Her suspicion and unwillingness to trust another was rather endearing to his eyes. “My place. It won't be long til the sun is up now. Have I mentioned that Ash just gave you the green light? Congratulations, Bonita. You're about to venture into a darker world.” His suggestion ignited an odd sense of excitement that she thought she had long lost. Embarrassed by the ridiculous speed of her heart, a wave of heat warmed the apples of her cheeks. —What is this sorcery? The lack of trepidation in her bones scared her the most. Logic had been a great ally to her in the past, especially where all things supernatural stood. Yet, with him, she kissed it goodbye. Instead, her mind opened its gates to welcome the truth of a world that hid in the thicker shadows of mystified rumours and legends. “You're scaring me, Kyrian. . .” That smirk of his returned with renewed vengeance. It merely existed to provoke her, she swore. “No, you're not.” They had been walking for a few minutes when St. Louis Cathedral came into view. Bonnie took a moment to admire the church's architecture that rose from the ground in all its splendor in the form of an echo that traveled all way back into the great Renaissance era. Like a bucket of cold water being poured over her head, she trained her gaze on him with a hint of censure swirling in it. “What? How do you do that?” She laughed when her mind offered her an explanation that defied even her magic. “Don't tell me you can read minds...” The seriousness reflected upon those midnight depths silenced her. “Seriously?” “Seriously.” He nodded. “That's not creepy or anything...” Bonnie mumbled under her breath, successfully stroking his massive ego. When he halted beside a ridiculously expensive Lamborghini Diablo, her eyes bulged. And her steps grew uncertain. “It won't bite, you know?” “Do you actually own this?” “No, I'm stealing it with the keys in my hand.” The tone of mockery awakening the demon that breathed fire within, he gestured her to get in. Nodding in semi-automatic mode, Bonnie slid into the passenger's seat in disbelief. “You must be loaded! Holy...” “You'd be amazed in how much you can save for two thousand years.” The causality of his words impressed her but the number prompted a more dramatic reaction. She sucked in a breath. “You're joking...” She stated, half expecting him to laugh and admit his intention to fool her. He didn't. “Two thousand one hundred and ninety-seven years old, to be precise. But who's counting?” Involuntarily, she chewed on her lip while letting her gaze to drink in the beauty of his body. “For an old man, you don't look bad. I wouldn't have put you a day over two hundred myself.” His laughter warmed her. “You know what they say about men who drive cars like this fine automobile. That they're merely compensating for. . .” Against her better judgement, her lust-filled gaze fell on the bulge in his jeans. She couldn't help teasing him. The temptation was too great. Without a word, his fingers locked around her wrist before pressing her hand against his swollen groin. The bastard. . . With a dip of his head, his lips brushed the skin of her ear when he whispered. “Let me know if you need further convincing.” Nope. No compensating there. Bonnie felt her breath vacating her lungs as raw desire bit her viciously, her hand still intimately pressed against him. Thankfully, she caught herself right before the escape of a moan. But smugness had already taken over his features. He knew. She lifted her chin defiantly and unashamedly, and a grin mauled by ungodly mischief tugged at her lips. Then, she shifted the direction of her nails, burying them into the fabric of his jeans in hopes to unshackle a degree of chaos and misery as the sharpness of her nails bit into his groin. And the hiss that followed did wonders to her mood. “Next time you invade my thoughts, it will be much worse, buster.” Kindly offering him a reprieve of her attack, she let her gaze wander beyond the window of his car. “And here I thought you might want to keep my package safe from harm.” He said whilst pressing the heel of his hand against his erection. She murmured, playful exasperation still drenching her words. “You thought wrong.” “Mmm.” A heartbeat later, the beast of a car purred back into life. While he drove them to his home, she took the moment of silence to reflect on the little she already knew. She licked her lips, a mountain of unanswered question plaguing her mind. Despite her mercurial behaviour and bite of her tongue, he couldn't resist her. Like an eternal flame, she burned bright even during the coldest nights. It took him a few minutes to reach the Garden District, even less to open the iron gates that welcomed him into his antebellum mansion. Right then, Bonnie felt the sting of a figurative slap from her consciousness. What was she doing? Persuaded by a complete stranger to go to his house. This reeked of danger and recklessness but fear still refused to make an appearance. Again, she found it disturbing. As if under a spell, her gaze found his. The atmosphere thickened with electric chemistry in the same beat of the heart. And her voice faltered when she finally asked the question scalding her tongue since the moment they've met. “What are you?”