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twig-tea · 9 months ago

Note

With 23.5 finally coming out, the people are rejoicing at finally getting a high profile gl from GMMTV. But there have already been several gls airing this year, including my fav TsukuTabe, that have been flying under the radar with fandom, and in general there are more gls already out there than folks seem to think. I just know you have a list of all the gls we should be watching, please share with the class!

Thank you for the ask! How did you know I had a draft of GL recs to make at some point? [Trick question, I mentioned it to you.]

It may seem like I'm out here hating on GL because i've made a couple of negative reviews of recently airing series recently (Love Senior and Chaser Game W in case you're curious) but I actually have lots of GL that I love and that I wish were better known! Thanks for sending this ask so I am inspired to actually finish it! I've limited myself to series so that I could keep the list and this post to a reasonable length. Where possible I've listed where you can find each of these and included a link. And I've included an 'elevator pitch' summary but I am NOT in marketing for a reason, so please don't roast me too hard for my terrible comparisons. Alright, enough waffling!

Twig's GL Rec List

She Loves to Cook and She Loves to Eat S1 & 2 (Japan, 2022 & 2024, both seasons fansubbed by @furritsubs; if you need help accessing this show feel free to DM me!)

Elevator pitch: Our Dining Table with lesbians and an even slower burn. Watch for beautiful food, acespec rep, mental health and therapy rep

What might turn some off: Extremely low heat, and quite slow-moving; warning for a disordered eating and family trauma plot (v gently handled)

Let's start with the one you've already mentioned. This is a heartwarming slice-of-life slow burn in which an autismspec-coded woman who likes to eat is invited by her neighbour, a femme acespec woman who loves to cook, to come and eat her food. It starts from a very practical place (when you love making food you need someone to help eat it), but their relationship grows as they spend more time together. The story follows them as they both move towards self-actualization in several ways: as a lesbian, as asexual, at work, with their families, with their friends, with each other. This show is so careful to say the important words aloud. And there is so much delicious cooking! Each episode highlights a particular recipe, and the food porn is real. Do not watch while hungry, but definitely watch. The found famiy vibes in this one one are also immaculate.

She Makes My Heart Flutter (Korea, 2022, YouTube)

Elevator pitch: Younger lesbian friend group tries to help out (slightly) older lesbian bar owner with mixed success. I can't think of a good BL equivalent, The Moment Since feels the closest with its similar bartender/patron romance

What might turn some off: Comedic tone; short runtime; struggles with being closeted

This is a gem of a miniseries about a bar owner and an interior designer who smoulder at one another while an intrepid group of younger bar regulars (including the bar owner's neice) meddle. This series is really cute, solid, and full of sapphics! Once again found family vibes are immaculate (you may sense a theme in my faves). Run don't walk.

Fragrance of the First Flower (Taiwan, 2021, GagaOOLala)

Elevator pitch: Right-person-wrong-time/second chance romance; tonally is a little like We Best Love 2: Fighting Mr. 2nd but with an ambiguous ending.

What might turn you off: Medium heat, second chance romance means they break up once, internalized homophobia, adultery/cheating, at one point there's a creepy dude, child with autism (depicted well), ambiguous ending

At its core this is a story of a woman who can't stop getting in the way of her own happiness. This series is a little more sad than the rest of this rec list but I couldn't not include it because this relationship is so poignant. Plus there's a s2 that supposedly is to come out in 2024 so maybe we'll get our happy ending after all?

Love Greater Than or Equal to 70 Degrees C (Korea, 2019, YouTube)

Elevator pitch: Ingredients but with lesbians staring at one another over beautiful tea pairings! What more could you ask for?

What might turn you off: Low heat; short runtime; ambiguous ending; like Ingredients this is essentially a long ad for the café it's filmed at.

This is a Korean miniseries about passionate tea sommeliers making really fancy tea while staring at one another a LOT. Perfect sapphic representation, 10/10 no notes. This one packs a lot of the drama tropes into its short runtime, so even though it's short it's full of butterfly-inspiring moments.

Sleep With Me (Philippines, 2022, GagaOOLala/iWantTFC/Netflix w/VPN set to Philippines)

Elevator pitch: The Truth About Cats and Dogs but the self esteem issues are handled without catfishing. BL equivalent: Hmmm. Closest I can think of is Gaya Sa Pelikula.

What might turn you off: There's some ableism (treated as such) in this show; Open ending.

Stellar GL between a late night radio DJ and an insomniac who listens to her show. One of the main couple is a wheelchair user and the show tackles ablelism and navigating disability in relationship as well as feelings of inadequacy in a relationship and how that manifests as interpersonal conflict.

Our Relationship Ended Before it Began (Korea, 2022, YouTube)

Elevator Pitch: Along the lines of I Cannot Reach You; the show gives both perspectives and they are held back by queer angst.

What might turn you off: No kiss (but they make it very clear both want to kiss), internalized homophobia

Really sweet miniseries about having a crush and being afraid of being hurt so you don't actually make a move. I really like the way the girl who has not dated a girl before defaults to gender roles and it throws the more experienced lesbian lol I also really like the way this show makes clear that both of them are waiting for a kiss, and that if you get in your head about things, it can get in the way of your own happiness!

Pearl Next Door (Philippines, 2020, Youtube)

Elevator Pitch: Gameboys but with lesbian vloggers.

What might turn you off: Love triangle, lots of teasing but low heat in the end, a lot of (good) conversations about mental health issues, ambiguous ending

This is the GL spinoff to Gameboys, starring Pearl from Gameboys. Pearl ends up being fought over by the two gorgeous women in the gif, an old love and a new. I love the queer friendships in this story as much as the relationships. I will say it's an open ending (that felt a bit like the showrunners didn't want to decide between ships) and definitely the love triangle features prominently but even in the face of these aspects that would normally turn me off a series I had a good time. The characters and interpersonal conflicts feel very real, and are allowed to be complex even when the show tone is comedic.

Dear Uranus (Taiwan, 2021, YouTube)

Elevator Pitch: Schoolgirl ensemble GL; a little like My School President but without the singing.

What might turn you off: Short runtime; ambiguous ending; a little bit of bullying; very standard romance trope execution

The first Taiwanese GL miniseries, this series was produced by a Taiwanese lesbian couple (Rabbit & Wolf)! Lots of excellent drama tropes, and incredibly gorgeous women (I think the entire watching audience fell in love with Erol.

Lily Fever (Korea, 2015, YouTube)

Elevator pitch: Complete crack; YYY but with more kissing and frankly an even less coherent story.

What might turn you off: The lack of coherent plot; less a romance and more a very thirsty lesbian kissing everyone she can

This miniseries is utter chaos. Nothing really makes sense, it's all just random excuses to cause very suggestive moments (and kissing) to happen. I love so much how this series depicts women being so absolutely thirsty for one another (and yes that date isn't a typo, this series is ~9 years old). Not an "happy ever after" ending but it really isn't that kind of story.

Chasing Sunsets (Philippines, 2020, YouTube)

Elevator pitch: Ocean Likes Me with lesbians. Resort romance with a mental health twist.

What might turn you off: Some of the mental health stuff gets intense, this was filmed in 2020 so the pandemic features heavily; hopeful but slightly ambiguous ending.

A complex story from the Philippines covering mental health and finding yourself. A woman shows up to a resort and befriends one of the women running the resort. They get closer as they spend time together, and the resort owner realizes something is off. There's also a BL side couple in this series.

Show Me Love (Thai, 2023, YouTube)

Elevator pitch: A little like My Day the series with lesbians, in that they work together and fall in love and it's full of tropes

What might turn you off: The advertising for the Miss Grand competition, there is some bullying and cheating (though way less than I was expecting tbh), not a lot actually happens, the editing gets a bit wonky at the end

This is essentially a massive ad for the Miss Grand Thailand competition; this GL was produced by the same company that produces that competition, and the stars are mostly Miss Grand competitors. The main pairing were shipped in the actual competition, and the company decided to make a GL about them. It's very slow paced and low-stakes, and there are better kisses than I expected considering everything I just said about where this show came from. There are a lot of cute moments!

Girlfriend Project (Korea, 2022, YouTube)

Elevator Pitch: Love Class with lesbians

What might turn you off: One of the leads is kind of mean in that pgitail-pulling way? It ends abruptly (but happily)

This is a short miniseries about two girls paired in a class that are assigned to "date". The chemistry is chemistrying. And there is a kiss (a good kiss, and a tiptoes kiss at that!). This show also has one of my favourite tropes, in which someone who seems like a pushover stands up for themselves and their partner finds it very attractive. For the record, in this show they are watching another GL by the same company, Love Tech.

Lulu (Philippines, 2022, Vivamax/grey)

Elevator Pitch: Present Perfect with lesbians (but with a better ending).

What might turn you off: Depictions of panic attacks, brief depiction of drowning, pandemic lockdowns, illness, exes, waffling, happy but open ending (which I actually liked for this story)

Two women trying to move on from the garbage in their lives meet at the beach of a B&B (where one saves the other from drowning) and become one another's company during their escape and then something more. They both have baggage that seems determined to keep them apart even as they continue to be drawn together. In the end, they decide to stick it out and see where they end up, with no guarantee of happily ever after, which I found very sweet. Requires either a VivaMax account or searching the grey for it, but it's worth the effort (check MyDramaList comments for suggestions on where to find it). Plus one of the leads has a cactus as a pet.

Welcome to the Lesbian Bar (Korea, 2023, YouTube)

Elevator Pitch: A little like Fudanshi Bartender but without the fudanshi bartender and all of the bar patrons are lesbians lol

What might turn you off: Short, can get a little bit preachy, abrupt ending

Cute short series with different very stories every episode as different patrons visit the bar. The stories range from women who have been together for awhile, to people meeting from an online app for the first time, to someone visiting a lesbian bar for the first time; and yet the story all weaves together in a way that's satisfying though ends abruptly. Includes some solid marriage equality propaganda.

GAP the Series (Thai, 2022, YouTube)

Elevator Pitch: Kind of the vibes of Together with Me but lesbians and in an office instead of school. Angry boss falls for charming new intern and

What might turn you off: This one is the highest heat of all these recs; homophobia especially amongst family, brief depictions of death by car, brief mentions of suicide, cheating, bullying, abuse of power in the office.

A list would not be complete without this one! Honestly the plot is a bit wobbly but the show is a lot of fun. The girls are very cute, the feelings and tension builds really well between them, the friend group is excellent, and in the special we get a wedding.

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The rest of these have caveats of one kind or another, but i couldn't leave them off a rec list, so here are the side couples and censored stories that are still worth your time anyway (I might do a separate more detailed post for these, as well as for films, one day if there's interest):

Nevertheless (GL side; Korean, 2021, Netflix) Not sure it's worth watching a whole kdrama for side lesbians? Search soljiwan on youtube. They are great. Even the Netflix account stans them. I watched this (ngl, I watched the SolJiwan cut) as it aired and was constantly braced for it to let us down but it did not! A really good friends-to-lovers story.

Friend Zone 2: Dangerous Area (GL side; Thailand, 2019, YouTube): These sapphics are messy and I love them. Decent conversation about dating someone with mental health issues in this series, and they're one of the only couples in this ensemble to get a happy ending. If you're just watching the lesbian couple (which you can, their story is pretty self-contained) you don't need to have seen s1.

Six Survivors (GL side; Japan, 2022, Viki) This show is a horror comedy and it is SO MUCH FUN. Warning for zombies and blood, but way less than you might think. One of the eponymous 6 survivors is a lesbian who keeps trying to convert them to veganism lol. If you watched Chaser Game W you'll recognize one of the actresses in this, the lead actress is from Kamisama no Ekohiiki, and one of the guys is from the prequel series His as well as I Want to See Only You! And yes there is a kiss. Also a surprising number of Mallrats references. Not for people who can't handle gore or relationships being complicated/not a "true love" story/ambiguous ending.

Kamisama no Ekohiiki (complicated question of is it GL in parts, Japan, 2021, furritsubs once again coming through to save the day) This one is a bit complex because there's bodyswap, but the girl who falls for the bodyswapped boy-in-a-girl's-body is clear that she is only interested in the girl. One of the better bodyswap stories because the bodyswap is not a secret for very long, so instead there's a lot of introspection about what gender means and who/what they are attracted to. Feels wrong to call this GL, necessarily, but it's very queer.

Couple of Mirrors (Censored GL, China, 2021, Viki) Story of a rich girl and her assassin girlfriend. This production did an amazing job getting away with what they could, just don't watch the last five minutes and we've got essentially a happy lesbian family.

Legend of Yunze (Censored GL, China, 2021, @douqi7s) Very cute very low budget xianxia miniseries with two seasons and a special. The special is set in modern times in a future lifetime so if you want a cute censored-but-clearly-a-soulmate-love-story this is the one for you. Don't be thrown off by the weird cuts/abrupt episode endings, that's in line with cdramas in general.

Led Astray by Love (Censored GL, China, 2021, @douqi7s) A very fun and adorable isekai story in which a modern day girl is transported to a wuxia novel setting and has to figure out how to get home, and gets romanced by the princess along the way.

And a few additional links for people who even more content:

My Indian sapphic webseries rec list

My suggestions for content with toms (Thai category that's similar to but not exactly the same as butch lesbians) in response to this post.

This really good GL MyDramaList list (not made by me!) lists what seems to be everything I've mentioned and about 200 more. Even I haven't seen a few of these!

My YouTube playlist of sapphic content: This includes anything I stumble across or find in my searches, a lot of music videos and random shorts as well as some microseries and miniseries that I don't consider GL but are WLW/sapphic in addition to true "GL" content. For serialized content, I add just the first ep. A complete mess, but you can trawl through to find stuff to watch, like Hetero!

SOONOTSUE: The same producers of She Makes My Heart Flutter have other short series on their channel worth checking out; if you liked that one, try Out of Breath!

Shakeshoulder: Thai YouTube producers of very pulpy (read: low budget and dramatic plots) shorts

FuFuKnows: This YouTube channel is owned by a gay Taiwanese couple that produces shorts every week, including some with GL mains and sides. These are very low budget but cover a whole swath of queer themes.

@douqi7s is a godsend providing subtitles for all kinds of content, including sapphic shorts and more series than I've listed here. Check their tumblr for links to all of their content; A Practical Guide to Being a Superstar's Assistant has one of the best setups to giving us great moments in the guise of something else so that they get past censorship I've ever seen; I also recommend The Vampires if you're into genre fiction, as well as Legend of Yunqian if you enjoyed the xianxia parts of Legend of Yunze. @wlwcatalogue did an excellent summary of many of the non-wuxia options here.

Quick pitch for the streaming platform GagaOOLala; it's affordable, has a ton of content, including a whack of GLs (originals, license series, and a ton of shorts), and is run by queer people out of Taiwan who care about good quality queer content being made and having an audience, and using the soft power from those successful series to support social change. And if you can't afford a subscription it's worth checking out what they have for free, they open up temporary free access to some things for various events throughout the year.

In searching for gifs for this post I found fellow tumblr user @drowningparty 's WLW compendium list; they've listed more series and films so check it out if you still need more content!

*wipes sweat off brow* that should be enough to be getting on with, but it's really just the tip of the iceberg! If there's something specific you want to see with sapphics let me know and I can tell you if I know it exists. Anyway, I hope this gives you and everyone else a taste of what all is out there! I of course always want more, I am serious about being a sapphic dragon hoarding every crumb i can get my lizardy hands on, but I do think what we have should also be appreciated more. If I missed one of your faves, please tell me!

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thatwritterbeach · 4 months ago

Text

So About that Alley .3

Jason Todd x fmc

DC masterlist ALL OTHER PARTS FOUND HERE

Unedited***Also I swear Tumblr is messing up my spelling on purpose cuz everytime I re-read something I know I fixed it's wrong again

Alex: short, curvy, red hair, green eyes, redheads go through pain meds way faster than normal people to the point I personally don't even take them, it's a joke, they last 30 min at best

Summary: Alex finds out her bf is red hood, after she spills some not so great secrets to the masked man while stitching him up.

Warnings: Vaginismus* angst, sexual assault, self-harm, depression, drug use by Alex, violence, cursing, NSFW, smut, thigh riding, vaginal fingering, guided masturbation?, p in v (not overly described), pain during s*x, hiding said pain, hickeys?, self-hate, insecurities, eating disorder, weight loss

A/N: I do not own dc booho

"Hey, Jay," she asked in a totally calm totally cool manner the next morning, completely numb thanks to the nice little combo she'd whipped up. Not floating or un-present but not in pain, even where the arm of the couch was digging into her side as Jason squished into her, laying fully on top of her.

"Yes, my beloved?"

"Don't make me take away your books you little dork. I was just wondering if your family knows about you...you know, not being dead?"

"Uh, yeah, why?"

"Just if I happened to run into them I wouldn't wanna be like 'oh I'm dating Jason' and they'd be all 'wtf is wrong with this chick, he's dead' you know."

"I guess. Alex," he said grabbing her hand and pulling it to his mouth," I'm gonna introduce you, I'm not ashamed of you or whatever the hell else your mind is trying to say. My family is...overwhelming for most and I didn't want to scare you off."

"I get it dude, and since I just recently placed you as Robin you would have had to hire a family, or spill you deepest secrets to me. Lucky for you, I am the most understanding woman on the planet."

"I'd argue, but you're right. I'll text Alfred, the leader of the gang, and see when we can come for dinner. Be warned though, it could be tonight, they've been trying to get me to come home for a while now."

It was in fact that night. Alex scurried around for a clean pair of jeans, then after a glance in the mirror at her too large reflection she ripped them off and tossed them to the floor. A dress? No, that one has a tear. This skirt? No, it's too short. Jean short, they're clean but who the fuck wear jeans shorts to a mansion. Business slacks, no that says trying too hard. Ah ha, a superman t-shirt, and black leggings, then top it off with one of Jason's zip up hoodies.

"Is that what you're wearing," he asked with a laugh as he came into the room. In fact the laugh became a full blown fit and he doubled over nearly to the ground clutching his stomach and wheezing. With each second she got more and more self-conscious. Of course she couldn't wear what was basically pajamas to a fancy place, what was wrong with her. With a sigh she took off her boots and slid out of the leggings and switched them for her jeans, that she hated but whatever. Searching in vain for something that wasn't a graphic tee, or a business blouse she was half way through her closet when Jason recovered enough to notice what she was doing.

"No, put it back on, it's great, doll, I wasn't laughing at you, I was laughing with you."

"I wasn't laughing," she said without emotion.

"Hey, come 'er." Much to her wiggling protest he pulled her tight against him and placed several loud kisses along her scalp.

"Everyone else will be in pj's I solemnly swear, in fact I was just about to change into my matching flannel set, someone amazing bought it for me, but I can't remember who," he said tapping his chin with mock thought.

"Really?"

"Cross my heart," he said, though his fingers were crossed behind his back.

"Ok," she conceded trying to get free. He held on for another minute before spinning her out away from himself and winking when she fell back onto the bed. Matching pj's in hand he headed to the bathroom, not for privacy but to send an urgant group chat explicity stating lounge clothes were to be worn.

See masterlist for more

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sarahowritesostucky · 10 months ago

Text

📖"Temporary Custody"

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Steve x ofc x Bucky; Steve x Bucky

Word Count: 3658

Tags: Dom/sub, bdsm au, dom Bucky, sub reader, hurt/comfort, enemies to lovers, gay sex'n'stuff, straight sex'n'stuff, Steve being a literal Golden Retriever, mental health issues, dub-con, forced submission, bakery au, m/f/m, gentle domination, total power exchange

Summary: The stigma and shame of being a submissive has kept Mary unfulfilled and in the closet her whole life, until an inciting incident leads to Bucky and Steve taking her in and giving her everything she was always too afraid to ask for.

Trigger warnings: This story contains background themes of eating disordered behavior, body image issues, self-harm, and alcohol abuse.

Wait! I haven't read an earlier chapter of this fic! Story Masterpost

3. Cream filled Sponge Cakes (with chemicals)

Bucky

They plan out what they’re going to do when they get to the hospital on the car ride over.

“I think it’s best if you wait outside at first,” Bucky says, glancing away from the road for a second to try and gauge Steve’s reaction to this. He looks neutral. “Just because she’s already pissed,” he adds. “And it’ll probably be overwhelming having one person telling her they’re taking custody, let alone two.”

“Yeah,” Steve agrees. “That makes sense.”

Bucky holds his hand out over the center console, waiting for Steve to take it. He does, and Bucky grips his hand tight. “I’ll get the initial stuff out of the way. I’m sure there’s gonna be a ton of paperwork.”

“What if she refuses?” Steve worries. “She can, right?”

Bucky sighs. “Yeah. I don’t have any legal hold on her. Yet. I’ll just have to try and talk sense into her, get her to see that we’re better than the alternative.”

Steve gives his hand a squeeze back. “You can do it.”

Bucky sighs. “I hope so. I really do.” Inside though, he’s already not so sure.

They get to the hospital about forty-five minutes after Bucky’d hung up from the phone call with the police officer. He spots a cruiser parked outside when they approach the emergency room, and it rankles his nerves to think of Mary being forcibly shoved into the back seat of said car.

He goes to the check in desk with Steve and asks for Officer Santiago. “I got a call about an involuntary hold. My submissive,” he says.

The woman at the desk does a double take at that, looking up and down Bucky where he stands like she’s just realized he’s a different species. “Oh,” she says. “You're one of those?”

Bucky ignores it, but he can sense Steve tensing up by his side, indignant on his behalf. “Yes,” he says. “I am.” He’s not going to waste time getting on his spiel about mental illness and stigmatization. They’ve got bigger problems right now. “I’m going to need her records,” he says, injecting authority into his tone. “And any paperwork for transfer of custody. The cops brought her in. Name’s Mary.” He shoves his hands in his pockets and tries to look self-assured while he waits, because he doesn’t know what he’ll do if the woman demands a last name.

It takes her several minutes to gather everything up for Bucky. She hands it all over to him and says, “That’s the paperwork for custody. The attending physician should be able to provide you with her medical workup.” She points to a set of double doors. “You go down that hallway and to the left. Bed number four.”

Bucky nods and thanks her, then turns to Steve.

“I know,” Steve says, putting on a brave smile. “I’ll wait here.”

“Baby.” Bucky steps close, pulling him into his arms. Steve’s physically just a little bigger than him, and Bucky has always liked the novelty of that. He kisses him gently and then rests their foreheads together for a moment, letting Steve feel their connection. “I love you,” he says quietly. “You’re the best thing I could ever hope for, you know that?”

Steve’s smile is more natural, now. “Yeah I know it.” He gives Bucky another kiss and stands back. “Hey, what about this?” He knocks on Bucky’s shoulder—the metal one. “She know about that?”

Bucky realizes that he’s not wearing his glove, and tries to remember if he’d had it on at the café. He frowns. “Oh well. I don’t think that’s going to be her main focus, not after I explain everything to her.”

“Yeah.” Steve gives him a light push. “I Love you. Now on and get the hard part over with. I’ll be here when you need me.”

Bucky nods. He knows he will. He goes back to the check in desk, one last question on his mind. “Is there a food court or something around here?”

Mary

Mary’s taken a break from saying pissy things to the cop who’s guarding her. She’s been so angry, she’s felt like her skin’s boiling. But now she’s starting to get tired, too. She hadn’t slept last night, just stayed up and gabbed on the phone to that crisis counselor.

She grits her teeth as she fumes about that, feeling betrayed all over again. That bitch had called the cops on her!

“You can tell me anything you want to. I’m here to listen, remember?”

Liar!

“I hope you know I don’t have insurance,” Mary snaps at the officer. He’s sitting in a chair in her little curtained off area. He regards her coolly, saying nothing, and she jerks her head to indicate the emergency room. “And I’m not paying a single red cent for any of this.” So far, they’ve taken her blood, her pulse, an EKG, and sent in nurses, a resident, and several shrinks. They’d tried to put an IV in her but she’d ripped it out as soon as nobody was looking. “I’m suing the hospital,” she adds. “And you. I’m suing the whole police department.”

“Okay,” Santiago says, annoyingly calm.

Mary growls, rattling her hand where it’s cuffed to the bed rail. “This is unconstitutional!”

There’s the sound of a throat clearing, and then the curtain to their area is being pulled aside. Mary’s eyes go wide when she sees who it is. “You?!”

Bucky smiles politely at her. “Me.” He steps into the curtained room, a little snack bag in his hand. He holds it up to show her, and she sees the Hostess logo. It’s a bag of little … sponge cake pastries. “Best I could do on such short notice. They’re for you, if you behave,” he says, talking to her like a pet being offered a treat.

Mary wrinkles her nose. “Pass. D’you even know all the chemicals they put in those things?”

Bucky shrugs and turns to offer them to officer Santiago, who more than happily accepts. Mary pouts as she watches him rip open the bag and stuff one in his mouth.

“How are you doing, Mary?”

She turns her attention to Bucky and scowls at the way he uses her name like he knows her. “Awful,” she says. She jerks her head at Santiago. “Officer Dickwad over here won’t let me have my phone.”

“Language,” Santiago says dispassionately, through a mouthful of cake.

“Shut up and eat your fucking donut, Rent’a’cop.”

Bucky

He puts his foot down once she starts flinging curses and insults at the officer. As a paramedic, Steve is always in and out of emergency rooms, often working in coordination with law enforcement to deal with uncooperative patients. So Bucky knows just how much drama and belligerence these guys have to deal with on the regular.

“Hey,” he says sternly. “Don’t disrespect him. He’s just doing his job.” He’s not mean about it, but it’s verging on what Steve likes to call his “Dom” voice, and Bucky can see how it affects Mary. She freezes up, all of her focus on him. For a few seconds, she even forgets to be angry. Bucky takes the opportunity to step close to the bed. He eyes where she’s cuffed to the rail. “Mary,” he says gently. “I know you don’t want to be here. I know you’re angry.”

“You’re damn right I am,” she growls. “They just showed up and threw me in a cop car! Didn’t even give me a choice!”

Bucky reaches out and places his hand atop her cuffed wrist. It’s his metal hand. Her eyes widen when she sees it, but she doesn’t pull away. “I know,” Bucky says. “And I’m sorry it happened that way. But do you understand why people were concerned for your safety?”

Her face tenses up as she tries to hold back some emotion (something tells Bucky it isn’t anger, this time). “They called the cops,” she pouts. “They lied to me.”

“They did,” Bucky agrees, wanting to placate her. “But you were hurting yourself, honey. And you were talking about doing worse, weren’t you?”

She can’t meet his eyes, instead staring at where he’s holding her wrist. “I … I talked about a lot of things,” she mumbles. “It was just talk. I don't even remember half of it. I didn’t … I wasn’t really gonna do anything.”

“Can you show me where you hurt yourself?” Bucky asks, careful to keep his voice gentle. “I want to see how bad it is.”

Mary shivers, shaking her head sadly. Her hair is loose and hanging messy around her face, so Bucky reaches up to tuck it behind her ear. He hears her give a quiet, shaky inhale. “Come on now,” he coaxes. “Let me see.”

For a long moment, it seems like she won’t obey, but then her shoulders sink down and she takes a deep breath and lets it out, whispering a tiny little. “... kay,” as her hands creep down to take hold of the tee shirt she’s wearing. It’s extra large, going all the way to her knees, and it’s all she’s wearing. Bucky doesn’t know if the police brought her in that way, or if it’s something the hospital gave her to put on after being examined, but either way, he schools his expression as she edges the tee shirt up her leg, higher and higher, until it becomes apparent that she is wearing underwear, and she’s bared her hip to him.

Cutting, then.

Bucky looks her over, not as upset by the fresh cuts so much as the old ones. They litter the skin of her upper thigh and hip—some so old they’re scars, some still in various stages of healing. Bucky forces himself not to touch, even though his brain is screaming at him to fix fix fix! There’s nothing here that can be fixed easily—certainly not with a bandaid. Bucky takes a moment to calm himself down before he asks, “How long have you been doing this, honey?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she whispers. She shoves the tee shirt back down and meets his eyes. “Why are you here?”

Moment of truth, Bucky thinks. “The police called me. They got my number from your phone. They wanted to call your Dom to come get you.”

She frowns, looking confused. “But … you’re not—”

“Officer Santiago,” Bucky says quickly, cutting her off. “Could you give us a moment alone please?”

“Sure.” Santiago gets up and takes his bag of cakes with him. “Just a couple’a minutes,” he warns, then steps outside the curtain and pulls it shut. Bucky can see as his shoes walk away.

“You told them you were my Dom?!” Mary hisses.

Bucky looks at her sternly. “No. They assumed I was. You had me in your phone.”

“I … I did?”

Bucky’s mouth quirks. “Yeah, you did.”

“Well that doesn’t mean anything,” she huffs. “I’m not even submissive.”

“I think you know that’s not true,” Bucky says. He reaches up and gathers her hair back in one fist and pulls—gently, just enough to put the barest of pressure on her scalp—forcing her to raise her chin. She visibly reacts to it, softening into his grip, eyes slipping closed and features going slack. “You like that,” Bucky says, making it a statement rather than a question, because it’s obvious she does.

Her eyes open slowly. “S’nothing. It doesn’t mean anything.”

He releases her hair, cupping the back of her neck instead. He grips her firmly in his hand, and this time she nearly moans, lips parting and the sound coming out before she can fully stifle it. Bucky’s mouth curls and he hums. “And that? Is that ‘nothing’ too?”

“Please.” She’s having a hard time maintaining eye contact, which is typical. There’s a little pinch between her eyebrows that’s so sweet and needy, Bucky wants to kiss it. It makes her look like she might cry, and that thrills him too. “Please,” she whispers. “I just wanna go home.”

“You’re not going home, Honey,” he tells her, keeping the grip on her neck steady and petting at her hair with his other hand. She’s going down a little, likely so easily because of the alcohol in her system, because of how deprived she’s been until now. She whines a little at his words and he shushes her. “They won’t let you. You’re either gonna have to let me take you, or else stay here in the hospital, in the psych ward.”

Mary whimpers. “No.”

“Shhh,” he soothes. “I know. I don’t want that for you either, but you have to make the choice. If you want to leave here, then you have to sign the paperwork that gives me custody of you.” He tilts her chin up. “Look at me now, Honey.” She’s sluggish, so it takes a second, but her eyes come up as she obeys. They’re a little glossy, pupils blown wide, and Bucky gives her neck an encouraging squeeze. “Good girl,” he praises.

She practically melts at hearing that. “Please …” she says again.

Bucky would bet money that she doesn’t know what she’s asking for. He does, though. He knows down to the marrow of his bones what a ‘please’ like that means. “Don’t worry, Doll. I’ll take care of you. I will.” He bends and pecks a kiss to her forehead, then steps away. She makes a weak noise of protest and he shushes her.

“I’m just gonna go get officer Santiago back. … And my husband, Steve.”

She blinks at the word ‘husband’. “Steve?” she repeats, shoulders shrinking as she pulls into herself. “But—”

“It’s okay,” Bucky promises. “He’s a very nice man. You’ll like him.”

Mary looks unsure. Bucky’s glad she’s down, otherwise he’s fairly certain she’d be arguing by now, maybe even pitching a fit and cursing. Instead, what comes out of her mouth is a hesitant little, “... He’s like you?”

“No. No he’s not designated. He’s—”

“Normal.” She says it so sadly, sounds so demoralized. Bucky has to fight the urge to correct her, to give her a speech about how, ‘just because they’re designated, it doesn’t make them abnormal’. He bites his tongue. What’s more important right now is that she’s making progress in accepting the reality that she’s almost certainly submissive.

“Yeah,” he says. “Steve’s not like us. But I wanted him to come in here and meet you. Do you think you can do that for me, Sweetie?” The pet names come naturally, are a part of his dynamic as a Dom, and Bucky can tell that she responds favorably to them. “Hm? Answer me, Mary.”

(And of course, the use of her name gets instant attention and obedience.)

“Okay,” she says. “Yes.”

He smiles and gives her a heartfelt, “Good girl,” wanting to show her that he’s pleased, that she’s doing well. “I’m gonna go get him, okay? I’ll be right back.”

Steve

Steve is equal parts excited and nervous to meet the woman Bucky has found, the woman they’re going to be taking care of. … Maybe more, if things work out.

He holds Bucky’s hand as he’s led back to where the emergency room beds are. Bucky draws back the curtain and Steve sees the cop sitting there, looking bored, … and her.

“Oh,” he breathes. “Hey.”

She’s pretty—which is saying a lot, because that’s Steve’s first thought, despite the state of her. She’s got goo gobs of dark eye makeup that it looks like she put on once she was already drunk, and by now it’s been smeared to kingdom come by tears and her own hands. Her hair sits messy and unbrushed around her shoulders, and her eyes are glazed and tired from a high that’s probably going to wear off soon and leave her looking even more exhausted than she already does.

“Hey,” Steve says, eyes flicking up and down her body where she’s sitting on the bed. She’s wearing nothing but a big tee shirt, and Steve allows himself one glance down at her shapely legs, then resolutely keeps his eyes trained upwards. She’s a disheveled mess, but even like that, Steve can see how she drew Bucky’s attention, that day in the café.

“Hi,” Mary says.

Steve smiles hopefully. By his side, Bucky squeezes his hand in encouragement, and offers, “Mary, this is Steve, my husband.”

Steve watches her face, curious to know what she thinks of Bucky being married. He’s expecting displeasure maybe, imagining that a submissive would feel jealous or upset, if their prospective Dom was already attached to someone else.

But she seems to stay calm, sitting there and taking Steve in with slow blinks, even looking a little bit shy herself. “... You’re big,” she eventually says. “I thought you’d be smaller than him.”

Steve grins and he hears Bucky’s scoffed, “Size has nothing to do with our dynamic.”

Steve knows he’s got half an inch on Bucky, more muscle mass too, but he’s never felt bigger than his husband. Bucky’s personality, his dominance, is larger than Steve.

Mary’s still staring at him, a thoughtful little pinch between her eyebrows. Steve waits in expectation of a question, but none comes. “What?” he asks. He pulls up the room’s extra plastic chair and sits close to the bed, offering her his hand. He’s surprised when she takes it. Steve stares thoughtfully at his hand as she drags her fingers over his fingers, his palm, still not saying anything. He looks over at Bucky, concerned. “Did they give her drugs?”

Thankfully, Bucky chuckles and shakes his head. “She’s down,” he explains.

Oh. Okay. That’d explain her calm affect. Steve had come in here halfway expecting a screaming hellcat. He hadn’t expected this. He turns back to Mary, giving her a friendly look. “Did you have questions you wanted to ask me?”

She bites her lip, clearly working something out in her head. “Bucky said you two have a ‘dynamic’.”

“He did.”

“But he said you’re normal.”

Steve’s lips thin once he figures out what she means. “We’re all normal,” he scolds. “But no, I don’t have ‘Dominant or Submissive Personality Disorder’, if that’s what you mean.” He puts sarcastic quotes around words to clearly convey his distaste for the classification. He wants her to know how ridiculous he finds it.

“Babe,” Bucky warns quietly from behind. “We’re not getting political right now, okay? Just focus on her, on what we have to do.”

“Right, sorry.” He knows that Bucky’s right, so he tries again, telling Mary, “I’m ‘normal’, but Bucky and I still have a very intimate relationship together. We’re husbands. So yeah, we’ve developed our own dynamic. When I’m with him I tend to follow his lead, so to speak.” He smiles and shrugs. “It works for us.”

Mary looks like she’s thinking this new information over. There’s a slowness to her, a dreaminess in her expressions and her reactions.Steve figures it’s a combination of her being down, and not being sober. In fact, he can smell the vodka leaking out of her pores. It’s actually pretty horrible. “So does that make sense?” he prods her gently. “Mary?”

“… Yeah, I think so.” She eyes him up and down, looking back and forth between him and Bucky. “What will you do?” she asks Steve. She blushes a little from asking the question, so he deduces that she’s asking what he’ll do with her; what their dynamic together will be, outside of her and Bucky.

“I’ll take care of you,” he says, because that’s all he knows for sure, and he wants her to feel safe. Steve knows that it’s absolutely crucial for this woman to feel safe right now, if they’re going to take her home with them. “Bucky and I both will.” He holds her hand—the one that isn’t cuffed to the bed—enveloping it between his. “It’ll be much better than staying here,” he promises. “You’ll be so safe. And much happier.”

Mary’s body draws in, seems to actually get smaller as she pulls back into herself. “I’m never happy,” she says mournfully. It hurts Steve’s heart to see it, so he knows it must be killing Bucky, given his overly protective instincts. Steve glances over at him. “Babe?”

Bucky has a clipboard full of papers, which Steve knows must be the custody orders. “Here, Honey,” he tells Mary, handing her the clipboard and the pen. “This is what you have to sign to be able to come home with us.”

It kind of bothers Steve that Bucky doesn’t encourage her to read through the documents more thoroughly, but he doesn’t say anything because he knows they have only the best intentions for her. She’ll be safe with them. He watches as she signs her signature in the places Bucky points out, trying to scan some of the fine print as she goes. Anxiety is written across her face and she starts to bite at the chapped skin on her bottom lip. “But, um … what if I’m not what you think?” she worried, not looking at either of them.

Bucky pets her hair and reassures her. “You are, sweetheart. Trust me. And we’re gonna take you to a therapist anyway, to get an official diagnosis.”

Normally Steve would be scoffing at the word “diagnosis,” but he’s too busy watching the two of them together. There’s a strange feeling in his gut, at seeing his husband touch Mary like that, at hearing him call her pet names and calmly take control of her. Steve’s never seen Bucky dom another person before, and he … he kind of doesn’t hate it. In fact, it’s actually making him feel all the more attracted to Bucky, and curious about Mary. Like he wants to help, wants to get to know her.

She signs the rest of the documents without making a fuss, so Steve figures he’ll be getting that chance.

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brucewaynehater101 · 3 months ago

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I really like the Batfam time travel fanfic, and the future itself is not a straight line; like in the comics where we saw Batman!Tim as evil. So despite all the futures that the Batfamily has seen, they will never expect to have a good future where their family, despite adversity, is still united. The time traveler on this occasion would be Terry McGinnis who was on a mission that was more than it seemed and managed to take refuge with the Batfamily of the present. Let's say that misunderstandings happen, more because Terry can't reveal things from the future so maybe he says things halfway (he could have let them slip) that can be interpreted as the family being fragmented, that Damian became the demon head or that even Tim has gone crazy and has become the Joker (The incident of the return of the Joker happens as in the canon, the truth is Tim could have DID as you mentioned in some question; I have read that it is a treatable mental illness without a cure and they can live a normal life depending on the patient, why throwing him into Arkham without further ado would feel like they simply abandoned him)

So the bad guys on duty are creating their plan (Maybe a way to eradicate the bat clan from the roots? but now I would have to go where Terry is) And suddenly the batfamily of the future appears to the rescue, but they are not alone, members that they have never seen also appear (will new vigilantes appear over time? The children of the batkids/grandchildren/great-grandchildren of bruce/alfred from the future? who knows…) and then they get defeated and taken back to their time… the older generation stays behind for a while to see the new batman; the present batfam expects to see conflict and discord between them, especially from Tim and Damian (Tim for the aforementioned and Damian apparently wears the demon head clothes… actually let's just say Tim and Damian had a very… explosive brotherly bond… and he got to keep things) but in the end all is well they were just worried about their second youngest brother (Matt McGinnis was with them as Robin). You see these elderly Batkids are quite united with their own more than ever and their bonds are strong, their bodies filled with scars that they have never had or would have (Also to note that in the BB comics Dick lost his left eye) they looked like veteran soldiers… no… they looked like they were great warriors who have overcome all adversity. Maybe even some old relationships have become stronger… Timsteph

And they are grateful that one of their own was taken care of and they go back home…

Hi 👋 I was so excited when I saw Terry as the one doing the time traveling. Idk enough about him, but I still adore him. He's hilarious and witty and just the right touch of sardonic from what I've seen of his interactions with Joker!Tim.

Anyways, you are absolutely correct that Tim should feel abandoned if his family just sticks him in Arkham after the JJ incident. Whether or not Tim does have DID or a related disorder (and friendly reminder that these disorders often get incorrect/inadequate/harmful characterizations so I refrain from detailing anyone as such. Also, no diagnosis can make someone "good" or "bad" [particularly indicating APSD, NPD, or other villainized conditions]), his struggles could represent someone with DID or related disorders. I say he may not have it due to the chip or whatever injecting him with Joker's personality. Since it's not natural, I'm not sure it qualifies even if it functionally affects him like such.

Regardless, him being shucked off to Arkham would feel like being abandoned. Although every single situation is different, I imagine Tim would have the energy and mental capacity to work with his affliction to lead a relatively independent life (and this is no shade to anyone who doesn't have this capacity and may require long-term hospitalization).

I got side tracked. Let's continue! I would love AUs where Damian becomes the Demon Head but still maintains a friendly relationship with his family (particularly if he reforms the LoA to focus more on their OG goals over world domination/murder).

For the scenario you're describing, let me make sure I'm understanding correctly:

Terry goes back into the past to strengthen family bonds w/o telling them

During a major battle, more future batfam travel to the past

Due to Terry's interfering, this batfam is closer than Terry's was

There are also a lot more of them due to batkids starting their own families

Damian and Tim in particular are vastly different and concerned about each other

The different Bats chat with each other for comparison's sake

Terry goes home with these Bats

I'm curious if Terry's memories get rewritten or get additional memories to account for how much has changed when he goes back

#thank you for the ask!!!!#terry mcginnis #dc au #tim drake #joker jr

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ask-the-rag-dolly · 4 months ago

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Genuine question, how does one deal with someone being so insistent on their lack of (self-)worth? Not to vent too much, but I grew up with someone who was at least as bad, if not worse than Ragatha. I developed similar habits (this comic is a painful reminder of that) and my friends also tend to struggle with these feelings. But I never know how to deal with these issues, and it just leaves me feeling helpless.

I believe you‘re not a psychologist and it‘s fine if you don‘t want to answer this. But if you do have some advice or resources on this topic, I‘d love to know about it.

hi !

you're right , i am Not a psychologist ! my only credential is pretty much having it as my special interest of many years , so ... ! obligatory ' take this with a grain of salt ' disclaimer

i'm only answering this ask because i do like talking about these kinds of stuff ( in fact i'm in the middle of writing another psychology infographic with ragatha because of Course i am , ) and it's Relevant right now ... but for the most part i am literally just a stranger on the internet and thus i'll only be giving out general advice !! any specifics of the situation are stuff you'll need to figure out yourself

number one thing is that you should Always Take Care Of Yourself . it may be hard to admit , but these types of people can actually be Emotionally Draining - and i'm saying that as someone who had to deal with those people myself . and well you don't want to accidentally say things that make them feel worse

second thing is that a lot of it is ... really the other person's effort . all you can do is be supportive and gently encourage them . what took me so long to accept is that no amount of words or compliments will lift someone's self-esteem up - while it helps , it really has to come from Within , and that's something that'll take months or Years to build up . you can't force someone to start loving themself - and that's a hard pill to swallow

and the third thing is that ... well . there's a possibility that it could be a symptom of a mental disorder and thus you should encourage them to seek professional help . i am aware that the option is not available for everyone though , but i think recognizing that it might be a mental problem might take the burden off of you a little - as they're not really things a non-professional should handle .

as for resources , this article was extensive about this topic , including recognizing where the low self-esteem comes from , what Not to say to someone with low self-esteem , and tips that'll help the person ! very wonderful to read .

this article is for partners but i think it applies to people you're close with in general . what i like about it is how it Encourages open communication and listening . something you'll realize is that it's Different for everybody and it's good to learn more about the problem than jumping to a hasty solution or making assumptions . also it encourages them to talk more about their Feelings and talking about your feelings is what Very Cool And Hot People Do !

oh God sorry for the long post this should be enough to give me a diagnosis -

#[ ooc ]#[ ESSAY WARNING ]

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wishful-thinking64 · 3 months ago

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One Hell of an Unpopular Opinion #07

I think how the Seven Deadly Sins are respected should vary depending on how sinful they are. _________

I'm going to be completely honest here. I think the Hellaverse's version of the Seven Deadly Sins are jokes due to how far off they are from their Demonolgy & Theology counterparts. With that being said, something the Hellaverse did get right is how Lust and Gluttony are often considered to be the two weakest sins out of the seven.

Lust is depicted as the weakest of the Sins because it's TYPICALLY the least malicious. As when people hear about a crime related to lust the majority will think of an infidelity having been committed. Does infidelity suck? Absolutely, you were cheated on by your partner with someone who either knew of the situation or with someone who’s in the same boat as you and didn’t know until it was too late. However, I would hope that most of us would rather hear/learn about one of our friends or family members having a partner who cheated on them over other lust filled crimes.

As for why Gluttony is seen as the second weakest out of the Sins would probably be how common it is to commit it and, again, it’s less malicious especially compared to sins like Wrath, Envy, and Pride. Think about it, you probably know at least one person in your family with a really bad habit related to overindulgence whether it be a raging alcoholic, a chainsmoker, a drug addict, or someone with Binge Eating Disorder aka BED (yes, Binge Eating Disorder is an actual diagnosis that many people have and struggle with in their day to day lives as it can cause them to eat excessive amounts of food even when they’re not hungry.) The point is, you likely know someone who has some kind of bad habit that they need to break and should get help so that they don’t end up digging themselves an early grave.

Now, back to my original point, having the Seven Deadly Sins be respected by least sinful to most sinful would make it to where we can not only get a good idea of what the Sins are like before we meet them but more importantly it establishes order and coherent world building which is what the Hellaverse’s hierarchy lacks the most. If I were to order and rewrite the Hellaverse’s Seven Deadly Sins it would be Asmodeus, Beelzebub, Belphegor, Mammon, Satan, Leviathan, and Lucifer.

That way lower class demons could be shown being less tense around Ozzie and Bee as they’re more approachable and sociable compared to other Sins like Satan and Leviathan. From the one image we’ve seen from the Hellaverse’s Satan, I can only assume he’s a tough bastard who would rather settle things in a good old fashioned brawl compared to negotiation.

As for why I think a lot of demons would fear Leviathan more so than Satan is because of most how religious texts describe him as being some kind of giant sea monster (depending on the religion some say he’s a hydra, water dragon, or a water serpent) that could only be slain by God as there used to be several Leviathans but when God realized how destructive they were, he killed all of them except one. If God hadn’t interfered, the many Leviathans would’ve destroyed all of creation.

So why did I place Leviathan lower than Lucifer when he sounds more evil than he does? Well, the answer lies within their intended purpose. Leviathan’s intended purpose was to destroy all who cross his path whereas SAMAEL’S intended purpose was to HELP not to HINDER. Leviathan was released into the ocean and was told, “Annihilate anything and everything.” Meanwhile, Samael was created and lived in Heaven as an Archangel who was instructed to assist God’s creations by watching over them, teaching them, disciplining them, and protecting them. That’s all he had to do but he threw away his title, his dignity, and LITERAL HEAVEN by letting his own hubris get the better of him. Truly, pride goeth before a fall (and apparently before a future name change.) _________

I thought that it'd only be fitting for my 7th opinion to be about the Hellaverse's Seven Deadly Sins. Also I don't hate the Hellaverse's canon Lucifer but I do think his character is a massive disappointment. There are ways to make a dastardly character likable without infantilizing or woobifiying them.

#vivziepop criticism #vivziepop critique #hellaverse critical #hellaverse criticism #hellaverse critique #spindlehorse criticism #spindlehorse critique #hazbin hotel criticism #helluva boss critical #hazbin hotel critical #helluva boss criticism #helluva boss critique #anti vivziepop

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cripplecharacters · 3 months ago

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oh yeah another question abt intellectual disability: what do people with moderate id speak like? i assume they wouldnt be perfectly articulate but i know making them talk like cavemen would be bad too. i do want it to be clear that they have language difficulties, but im not sure how to do that realistically. so what kinds of grammar errors are actually common? would it make sense to have them mix up words with similar pronunciation, or have difficulty discerning the differences in implications between words with similar meanings (like "pretty" vs "attractive")? do people with id ever 'imagine context' the way people(well, me) do when half-asleep where the brain mishears a statement as something completely unrelated? would spatial and situational awareness be impaired? also this is kind of a different question but if you can give advice on what to do with game mechanics for an id character in an rpg, that would be nice! i already have the stats figured out for every character and theres no stat that i think would be strongly affected by id but in terms of depicted fighting style and other mechanics maybe thered be some stuff informed by it (i cant do anything too complex though, im using rpg maker vx ace). idk! im spitballing here. main thing i need to know is how to write dialogue for a character with id ^_^

Hi! We have a post somewhat about this that you might find useful, I'll try to go over the other questions below!

Keep in mind my ID is mild (and on the milder side of that) so my answer will be all second-hand knowledge from talking to people with moderate ID in my SPED years.

A lot of it will depend on what condition causes they have. People with Williams syndrome have very “normal” verbal skills majority of the time and you can't really tell in my experience. On the other hand if they're autistic you can potentially guess from the tone of the voice e.g. they speak in a very loud and monotone way. People with Down syndrome are very likely to have a speech disorder, someone with cerebral palsy might slur their words, etc.

A lot of people with ID might be less talkative than your average person (there's definitely exceptions). So your character could use shorter sentences, simple sentences (in the grammar sense), prefer to use other forms of communication for things that don't require speech (e.g., nodding instead of saying “Yes, I agree”, or doing a thumbs up, etc.), or have to be prompted to actually answer/take part in the conversation.

I personally don't recall ever hearing the “mixing words with similar pronunciation” in someone's actual speech, maybe unless they learned the language from reading rather than hearing it? If that's the case, then ID could affect their speech more than if they didn't have it, otherwise I'd assume that the character might have brain damage or is maybe hard of hearing and simply mixes them up because they can't recognize/hear the difference between them.

Mixing words based on specific meaning makes much more sense in my opinion (probably because I do that myself lol). Synonyms or words that might make sense in one context but not the other are the worst. Your example here is great! When someone has ID they might take away the wrong meaning out of a word and use it incorrectly because of that. E.g., their parents used to take them camping to a forest with lots of bugs, they don't like bugs, they can later call something “foresty” to mean “with lots of bugs” even if it doesn't have much to do with an actual forest. This might make more sense for a character with more severe ID (or if they're just young) but using “attractive” when you'd normally say “pretty” makes sense for someone with moderate ID in my opinion.

Something that can also affect speech of someone with ID is word repetition. Not really in the echolalia sense (though it can be that too) but just using stock phrases that get repetitive over time. I try to edit it out from my posts but you can still kinda see it. For some people it will be ending most sentences with the same word, for someone else it will be starting two paragraphs with the same three words without realizing even though they're right next to each other or overusing “maybe” and “if” to start sentences.

As for the “imagining context” while mishearing something, I'm not sure if I know what you mean by it so I'm going to go out on a limb and say that I don't do it lol

Situational awareness is definitely impacted for all people with ID but to different degrees. I don't know if it's part of the diagnostic criteria but it might as well be. When the person's ID is mild it might look like someone who's just kinda unaware of what goes around them, maybe don't recognize that they're doing something that could end up badly. The more severe the intellectual disability the more obvious it is, the person might elope (wander off) and not be able to find their way back, not be able to use cooking utensils safely because they don't recognize the risks in real time (not really in the “not realizing that the knife is sharp” way if they have moderate ID, more like “not realizing that you need to be careful when putting things on hot oil or you can get burned”), assuming that people are automatically safe to be around, things like that.

Spatial awareness doesn't affect everyone, but one of the biggest comorbidities of ID is dyspraxia, which does affect it a lot. There are people with mild ID with severe dyspraxia, and severely ID people with no dyspraxia. It varies.

Unfortunately I have never played any RPGS and I'm not really familiar with the mechanics. Here's an old ask about intellectually disabled characters engaged in combat, hopefully it's useful?

If you want some real-life resources for hearing how intellectually disabled people talk, I really recommend this playlist. It's a bunch of interviews with people with Down syndrome and you can see that they're all very different from each other despite having the same disability.

I hope this helps! mod Sasza

#mod sasza #anonymous #intellectual disability representation

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5a-alf · 2 months ago

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I have been obsessing over this perfect court!AU and have literally like one irl friend to talk about it with. So.

The thing about Riko is that he never ever ever could have been anything different. He has at least one but probably two personality disorders (narcisism and antisocial i'd argue), which are the result of the abuse he endured. From a young age he was only an object, a spare, or the embodiment of an idea.

Others are redeemable because they are people, but he never really was a person in his own right. So he got worse and worse and worse, and we all know what he did.

I wanted a story where he could have something different, for i feel there is no universe in which he ends in a different way: everything he has is a childish dream, and that would have failed at some point anyway. And with failure comes death. I think his brother would have killed him even without the whole clusterfuck of the last game, just because without Kengo the main line was now only one adult and the 'branch' one was 2, which is one too many. Between Riko and Testuji, killing Riko made the most sense because Testuji had no interest in power, he just liked his dolls; also he was already an expert at his job, while Riko would have to learn/train to fill that role. And obviously age is also a factor, Riko is young, Testuji is middle-aged: for ichirou, a young man, the second is less threatening.

I could go on for hours guys im not even joking

For him to have a different future, he is not even the only thing that needs to change. If he was a good person, he'd have been dead earlier. If he was an okay person too. Maybe as morally gray he'd have the same exact life with a little less enemies.

What needs to change with him is the people he has around, his safety net. He has zero people on his side in canon (And he shouldn't have them, mind, he's horrid. But still, out of every bad person in aftg he is the only one who no one loves), he only has followers and pawns. So for an AU to work, he would need to change in a way that would affect the people he surrounds himself with enough to once again reach the show down with Ichirou and "win" against Testuji.

To do that, i think he needs Neil on his side. Kevin is great dont get me wrong, but he doesnt get it the way neil does. Neil gets the mafia, its way of thinking, its deals and the way power moves. Neil know how to be vicious and how to read people and how to push just enough.

To have a 'good' relationship with neil something needs to go differently during the selling, so that his mom doesnt run away with him. But he'd also need to have a good relationship with kevin first. For him to have a different relationship woth kevin i dont think he'd necessarily need to be better morally, he'd just need to be a better manipulator. In canon he controls people with fear/violence/money, but the best way to control people is actually through love/favors. To train a dog, you better give it treats than beat it. I think this way they would end up with a better relationship but also, the better relationship would in turn make him a better person, and the two things would continue to feed each other.

Neil comes in now. He is 10, Riko and Kevin are 12. The thing with Neil (aside from all i've already said) is that Riko would quite literally own him at this point, the same way he then owns Jean. The main difference between the two situations i think would be 1) their personalities 2) their age. At 16 (Jean 14) Riko is already off the deep end. Waay too deep. But at 12? Different story.

For the first point, mostly i'd say that Neil grew up in an abusive household like jean did, but he knew his father as the butcher, as a mafioso, and he was taught how to use knives ecc as a kid. He knew the drill, he knew the life. Jean was completely uprooted, brought into a different country, told to play a game i dont think he knew anything about. Much more jarring. Neil already loved Exy, he wanted to play it all the time; the sport itself would be a good motivator for good behaviour. Jean was just angry angry angry (fair.) and alone in a different country. So. Not the same. I think Raven!Neil would be the one person on the team not afraid to tell Riko off, but also not afraid of his violence (much more restricted in this au guys), and riko is also not scared of Neil's violence (a bit more than in canon, he grew at castle evermore; he is nathaniel) so they find solace in each other. He'd know when to listen and when to mouth off [Riko saying "nathaniel" vs "neil" and things like that]

Second point is their age, because at 12 riko is more susceptible to change than he is at 16, so building a rapport with neil would prove more beneficial, for all i've said in point one.

Jean would be a harder case. Bringing him to heel is much more complicated, because riko doesnt have anything to leverage against him nor offer him, the guy has nothing to lose anymore and now is not enough of a person to desire anything (well. Anything obtainable. He'd like to be free for sure). I think again a lot of the work would be done by neil (and kevin too obv, but neil mostly, as his partner) because they are the same age, play the same role, are partners. Neil would be a centainty. And this better riko wouldnt be violent to destroy his spirit, he'd be "forgiving" (when useful) and bandage his wounds when the Master beats him, and be generally kind to a kid who is so starved for kindness he'd kill himself to at least get the touch of death. That + group mentality and i think jean would be on board too.

Andrew also factors in all of this, but i'll go on later this has gotten SO LONG and i wont even reread it gosh i hope it makes sense.

Basically this whole thing ends up in: take the insanity that is andreil as a couple but that somehow is the sanest couple out there but extend it to the perfect court 5.

#riko moriyama #aftg #neil josten #kevin day #jean moreau #andrew minyard #all for the game #tetsuji moriyama #ichirou moriyama #i hope no one misreads this post as a “riko is actually redeemable” on the piss on the poor website

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rubberduckyrye · 4 months ago

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xDDD

Yeah we love to hate Kenzo in this house.

Actually, I got a little flak at first when I posted my idea that Kokichi was "diagnosed" to have BPD as a child--but they didn't quite understand that it was meant to be a intentional misdiagnosis for Kenzo to have more power over Kokichi. Not meant to be Kokichi getting a proper diagnosis at such a young age, but to further invalidate him and give Kenzo all that control. Kokichi screaming about his father abusing him all the time lead to him being called a liar, which ironically made Kokichi into a compulsive liar.

Total side note: I've actually made a point to make sure I don't give Kenzo any specific diagnosis for mental illnesses aside from C-PTSD, as his abuse towards the twins and Umeko stems from his own childhood abuse. I know he's a villain and an abuser, but that's specifically why I avoid giving him the "bad" disorders or something. Like nope I am not playing into those stigmas you can rip my integrity from my cold dead hands. He's just an abuser with C-PTSD.

Rambling aside, I had no idea ADHDers were prone to it--but that makes a lot of sense, too. People still misunderstand ADHD and even when your diagnosed at a young age you can still be abused (Hi Hello I was diagnosed when I was like 7 or 8 and my parents still were horrible asshats to me!!! In fact I wonder if they got Worse. My mom used to (unintentionally or not) drug me with too high of a dose for my ADHD meds, giving me a flat affect/going monotone and feeling like a fucking zombie. But I was a good little kid so I was forced to take that insanely high dose. Worse yet is that I have a gene that makes me more prone to side effects to my medicine so THAT'S fun.)

I actually live in a very progressive state so I'm able to get doctors to take me... mostly seriously and get me medications and what not. That's why I put my diagnoses on record, because I need them to be in order for me to have a chance at getting on Disability Income. (The only problem I have with doctors ironically enough is like. Fatphobia. Argh.) But I totally understand if you live in an unsafe area why you wouldn't want to get diagnosed. I still don't feel safe admitting to my therapist (or any doctor) that I have OSDD. I kind of like my alters too so I'm not in a hurry to get rid of them or "merge" fndjkfnsjfnks

Niiiice, fellow OSDD system~! I also do Soulbonding, but it was more unintentionally, and then they became actual fictives who can and will front fndjkgfnls Wrenn I'm Talking about You.

I'll definitely take a look at that blog you recommended! I also recommend my followers who are interested in learning about ASPD for themselves to too, ofc.

Sorry for the open-ended question LMAO!!! Here, let me ask a few more specific ones:

Are there any symptoms of ASPD people miss due to the stigmas? What are they?

I'm very curious as to why you think Rantaro has ASPD--or is that just a projection headcanon? (I totally get this--like while I see Kokichi having ADHD and hints of it I do project he has it mostly because it's Me and I Want To) If not, please tell us what makes you think he has the Signs

What are some common misconceptions about ASPD to watch out for? Any microaggressions to keep in mind?

@kindlyre

Okay I'm VERY curious as to what mental illness you're writing Rantaro to have because it seems to be one of those stigmatized ones and I'm v curious???

#I'm sorry you had to deal with so much ableism tho orz #I feel that #I tried to correct someone about why someone might not want to get a DID/OSDD diagnosis and they just #flat out ignored me in the group server and started talking about a fake claim for DID they heard #and proceeded to insist that they were faking it because ''you can't control your mental illnesses you can't talk to your alters and make--#--them behave'' and I was like BRO.#First of all what do you think therapy is FOR it's to help you control your mental illnesses and live your best life #second of all: YOU REALLY SAYING THAT ABOUT THE DISORDER WHERE MORE THAN ONE PERSON SHARES A BODY ARE YOU FR???#Anyway top ten reasons why I got burned out of the Genshin fandom ngl

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justanothersyscourse · 7 months ago

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I think this blog is blocked by fewer people that have heard the rumors and lies going around. I hope you'll read this. There are three sides to every story-- yours, theirs, and the truth.

I deserve to get my side out there so people can make informed decisions about who to follow or block, or whatever it is you need to do. It's okay not to support me, but do it for the right reasons.

I also run sysmedsaresexist, and I'm currently being accused of harassing a minor and sending random ass asks left, right and center.

Listen, if you got an ask where the person didn't say, "this is SAS," it's not from me. I HATE asks. On the rare occasion that I send them, I always tell people who I am. I am well aware that I'm a controversial figure. I want people to know who they're interacting with when I talk to them. I am old. It's important that I'm honest with the people I interact with. A lot of people really stepped up to support me, but I would like people to stop. Unfortunately, it's doing more harm than good.

With every one of these messages people send in support of me, the rumors get worse.

I want to defend myself, but I don't know how.

Send a vent to a vent blog that just actively lied about me? They won't post it. (They didn't, I just checked)

So I'll post it myself. You can make your own decision. All posts I've made on the topic are linked here (it's 5, compared to the DOZENS AEV has posted)

This will be my last post on the topic, and I hope that the people spreading these rumors will leave me alone. You've done more damage and harm to me than you know, and without any remorse or apology.

Ask sent to @anti-endo-haven :

I'm SAS and I'm so hurt.

I have not sent ANY anons to AEV, at all, at any point. I have not ASKED anyone to help me in this,

I made 5 posts. They have made about 50 at this point, all cruel.

The first was to AEV on their first post, which was NOT as rude as people say. I said, look webmd and mayo clinic isn't going to hold up to some of the articles that endos are throwing at us. Try some of these. I said, look, you're going to get really tired of hearing the same endo arguments. Here's some points you can throw back at them.

NOT TO MENTION THE MISINFORMATION IN THE POST. Dissociation is only trauma based? Incorrect. Maybe you should reconsider whether you're ready to be in these conversations.

That response was hidden.

The second post, I was correcting an endo that DID wasn't a trauma disorder. I tagged AEV and said, "see, you can be nice about corrections, and these are the kind of sources you should use."

I was blocked.

THIS IS WHEN I CHANGED LABELS. I was so disappointed in the community that I said fuck that, that's not what I want to be, I don't support this behavior. That's another person that AEV turned pro endo. Good job.

Then I saw the anon saying I was an endo. I used my other blog to POLITELY say, "This isn't true, please stop posting about me like this." This post is still on JAS, I didn't delete it like people are claiming

The fourth post was me making my own public post saying, "this child is throwing a tantrum over corrections. Now l'm pissed and I have to make my own public post so people don't believe those lies." This was the first rude post. I called AEV a blemish, and here's why.

I just made a MASSIVE post about dissociation that is actively being spread within the endo community now. All because I changed my label. I don't care if you all want to block me, but don't pretend that you're all doing anything to help by making bad resources for an audience that already believes the same stuff (all these new antis). Now all the new ones are spreading the same bad sources that don't hold up, and we all (yes, you, me, them, the next CDD system in line) look bad for it.

AEV couldn't provide a single source that said DID WAS trauma based, only "usually" trauma based. AEV actually made antis TURN PRO ENDO, because they used so many sources that said "usually". I offered him sources that said it WAS trauma based.

I'm not kidding, you can find the people that changed sides on sophieinwonderland's blog. This is what happened. I don't need to be polite as pie to people inadvertently harming the CDD community, but I certainly wasn't rude about it

My final post, the fifth post, on the subject was the sad one. "My main was leaked." There are people that stalk my blogs. They send me threats and long asks about the things they'd do to me if they found me. When sophie first came to tumblr, I'd get asks about what people wanted ghost to do to me. In the past, every time a new doxxer comes out of their gross hole, I start getting doxxing threats. l've had people get close to my area.

My main being released means those people are one step closer to actually finding me. It means I'm now getting these kinds of messages in my only safe space.

And the anon who sent my main admitted it was done maliciously. We had a falling out like two years ago, because their asks were getting creepy. When I APOLOGIZED TO THEM for ever hurting them because of my own avoidance issues, and told them that on this post, their response was, "well I enjoyed sending them so fuck you." If I ever find that post deleted, I've got a screenshot. You were NOT a minor at the time, you're an adult.

... Nice, really mature. You're definitely safe for minors.

Hey, also, minors, if an adult you just met online calls you "my kiddo", don't respond with an ovo face. Run.

Adults, if you call a minor your kiddo and they're like, owo really, I'm your kiddo? Fucking run.

Anyways.

I haven't said anything since. What can say. My main is out and I'm getting threats on it. Currently. Not "in the future," like the person said. It's happening NOW.

What do all you people want from me? I AM trying to leave you all alone. Stop saying such terrible things about me, godDAMN. I am not harassing minors. I don't want to harass anyone.

WHAT DID I ACTUALLY DO WRONG? I don't understand.

You're not the good guys you think you all are.

Not anymore.

I don't know that you ever were.

#syscourse #anti endo #anti endogenic #endos dni #<<< all for reach #sysmedsaresexist #adults being creepy to minors and it's not me

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deathofacupid · 11 months ago

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weighing scale

tw: eating disorder (purging, not eating), bodyshaming, ed shaming

btw, if it's requested, i can turn drabbles into full oneshots!!!!!!!!!!!!!

you guys are beautiful the way you are, and nothing anybody ever says or does will ever change that. remember that gaining weight is totally normal, and you can always lose weight, too, but please, do it in a healthy way. if you ever need anyone to talk to, and this isn't just for eds, i'm here, and you can reach out. if not, there are people who care about you and love you.

you're amazing you beautiful mfs

(also i'm sorry if this might not be correct for you, everyone has different experiences with eds)

(also, also, i did 1st person ... and this is just the way i thought when i was going thru this so i kinda made it relate w/ me??)

100.

98.

96.

she watched as the numbers went down, satisfied despite the fact that it was only one pound less yesterday.

90.

88.

even if it meant that she'd always be cold, or that her hair would fall out. it was a small price to pay to be beautiful. to be skinny. to be like all the other girls that peter liked.

y/n kept telling herself that. and it was enough to keep her going.

{four weeks prior}

(first person)

they had little packets for us to take home, like forms. something along the lines of "annual health check-up." the form was just... well, it wasn't a form, really, but more of an opt-out. the paper said they'd just check weight, height, and some other things, like make sure you didn't have scoliosis.

honestly?

i was just happy to be missing a good chunk of math.

everyone got called down to the gym by period, and mine was 5th period, right before lunch.

our class was waiting for them to call us down, so mr. callen just let us do whatever until then. i glanced over to see liz, kayla, and chloe in the corner of the classroom, giggling and pointing towards some of the boys, and eventually, mr. callen.

he was one of the youngest members on faculty, fresh out of college. and i'll admit, he's not bad looking. in fact, he's hotter than most of the guys. and if it wasn't peter that had my heart, maybe i'd think about someone else.

not that the whole peter thing was going great anyways, he seemed interested in liz. so maybe that was my hint to move on. but i don't know. i've just liked him forever, it'd feel wrong to stop now.

i'm just really loyal, i guess.

or maybe this is some weird first love/crush thing, because no matter what, i keep finding myself coming back to him.

it took me second to realize that i'd been staring at the same spot for a while now, so i probably looked funny. i re-adjusted my position and looked at the clock, noting there there was just a few minutes until we'd have to go down.

i looked by at the girls, then at the teacher. did they not realize that he had an engagement ring on? or where they just dense?

because honestly, i'm having a hard time figuring out which one it is.

liz pushed chloe over to the desk, giggling like a manic.

chloe bit her lip, trying to hold in laughter. "hiiii, cal. you know, like, cupid's day is coming?"

me, personally, i didn't really believe in the whole dumb blonde thing, but chloe was changing my aspect on this.

cupid's day was on valentine's day, and you could pay a dollar to have a rose delivered to someone. normally, the freshmen girls did most of the planning. freshmen girls were annoying. they were always together, and i didn't remember a time i'd seen one alone.

i didn't get any on my first year here. last year i got three. but it didn't really count, because mj got me one and betty did. i was hoping that i'd figure out who the third person was, but three weeks into that investigation, i kinda gave up. if they hadn't revealed themselves to me at that point, i'd figured that they probably wouldn't.

maybe junior year will go better.

if you were popular popular, you got at least seven, so it was kind of embarrasing to only get one. and it was probably even more embarrasing to only have, like, one friend. which was betty. but she hadn't hung around me that often since she started dating ned.

mj was an observer, and i knew that much. it was probably the only reason she got me a rose, because she felt bad. but then again, anyone could see how pathetic it was.

peter and i used to be pretty close, but then he met ned, so the attention he gave me got halved.

i would have tried to be friends with ned, because i know he's really nice, but i stressed out too much about it for some reason and gave up. social anxiety, perhaps? it didn't matter, it was too late to do anything about it now.

after that, peter started hanging around liz and some of the other popular kids, and entirely forgot about me.

did forget about ned, though. maybe beacuse i was a girl, and so peter got called "gay" a lot for that. i didn't have much of a chance compared to liz, so i just admired him from afar. it's not that we didn't talk, because we did sometimes, but... actually, i don't know what.

if peter wanted to, he would have.

and it's fairly obvious, but i'm delusional and chose to ignore that.

the intercom snapped me out of whatever zoning out i'd gone back to, "block d, block d. i-is this on? oh, it is? i- yes, block d down to the gym."

everyone got up and pushed their way out the door, i didn't have that type of energy, so i just waited for everyone to get their butts outta the way and then went myself. i followed them down to the hall, staying behind a little. when i finally got over there, i ended up last, right behind chloe, kayla, then liz.

for the most part, it only took a minute or two for each person, so the line didn't take that long.

well, i suppose that's subjective.

it took 15 minutes, but whatever.

when liz was inside, she didn't take care to close the door all the way, leaving it a couple inches open. that's on her.

that's on her for being irresponsible, so it's not really my fault if i accidently hear. i leaned in a little, suddenly very interested in the wall, with all it's cracks... and... paint, and...

"and step on the scale, please... that is," she paused, and you could hear scribbling of a pen.

"121.3 pounds. perfectly healthy. that's actually the average weight for girls your age," another pause, "make sure to give this form to your parents. have a nice day."

liz said something in return and i stepped back, done admiring the wall. "next!" the lady called in.

i stepped inside the room, and it smelt strongly of hand-sanitizer. "okay, honey, step up against the wall... height is... alrightly. now the scale, please."

i did as she asked, keeping my eyes trained on the numbers.

149.7 pounds. basically 150. that was more than liz's, right?

"149, okay, you're good to go-"

"is that around average weight?" i asked, and it was impulsive, i didn't even think.

"well, it's somewhere around that. you're perfectly healthy."

the intercom came on again, signaling my time was over, and the lady thought the same thing, because she ushered me out.

as i walked back to the classroom, i couldn't help but think;

149? no, 150? around average? so basically, i was above average. 30 pounds heavier than liz? no wonder peter likes liz better.

god, that's disgusting. i'm disgusting.

i trudged back to class, unable to stop thinking about it. and suddenly, an idea popped into my mind; why not lose weight? if i lost a little, maybe peter would care about me again.

that's genius. god, i'm a genius.

yeah. i lose a little weight.

when i got back, he'd already started the lesson, not that i cared. i spent the rest of that class figuring out the kinks, like how many calories i'm allowed to eat per day.

i settled on 800.

it seemed like a decent number if i wanted to actually make an impact with weight loss.

stupid kale smoothies weren't gonna get me anywhere, nor idiotic influencer workout routines.

before i knew it, the bell rung and kids were hustling through the hallways. i was kind of on autopilot as i walked to lunch, not really watching where i was going. i'd by mistake shouldered some people, and they gave me dirty looks. i shot them right back.

i couldn't help but silently, in my mind, judge everyone's body that i saw. and not just their body, but other physical features, too. it was automatic, i didn't even mean to. but i couldn't help it.

she's really fat. the gym exists for a reason.

how is she so skinny? i know she's anorexic.

and it just went on and on.

i didn't know what was going on. why this mattered to me all of a sudden.

it was like i didn't notice these things before, i wasn't looking for them, but now that i knew they were there, i couldn't help it.

i couldn't help a lot of things.

when i walked into the lunchroom, i saw peter sitting by himself, writing on some piece of paper, and if i knew him, he wasn't doing the homework due tomorrow.

he was doing yesterday's.

it didn't seem like i'd be bothering him if i went to go talk to him, so that's what i did. i figured since we hadn't talked in while, it would be great to now.

and it'd be a great distraction, too.

i sat down across from him, "hi, peter."

he looked up slowly, a smile rising on his face. "uh, hey, y/n/n," peter paused, "what, um, what did you need?"

"huh? oh, i didn't need anything. just thought i'd come by and annoy the hell out of you."

"just like old times," peter snorted.

"math homework?"

"yep. i have math-"

"-next period," i realized my mistake after i made it. "um, 'cause i see you when i'm walking to class."

in repsonse, he nodded like he was considering it.

i didn't notice i was hungry until my stomach growled, but something inside of me made the thought of getting food and eating it repulsive. i hesitated before grabbing on of peter's fries and popping it in my mouth. he didn't say anything, or really even care, and i didn't know if i liked that or not.

"okay. you have chem next, yeah?"

i blushed at the fact he knew.

"uh, yep," i snagged some more fries, feeling myself loosen up.

and then i realized, that's what this was; i was just in need of some time with actual people who weren't my parents.

i liked this. i liked talking to peter. it was easy. this was easy.

we laughed about some other things, like flash's new donkey haircut.

and i stole more fries. ned, betty, and mj (who normally sat two seats away) came over. the topic of cupid's day came up.

"how many do you think you'll get?" betty asked.

i looked up, "roses?"

"uh-huh."

ned spoke up, "you won't need to worry, bet, i'll get you a whole bouquet." he looked proud of himself.

"i'm not worried," she giggled, like the lovesick fool she was. it was gross. and yes i admit, it was slightly because i was jealous, but whatever. betty didn't have to act so idiotic and desperate.

betty's skinny, too.

"what about you, y/n?" peter said, locking eyes with me.

"i dunno. i never really get any."

something changed in peter's expression, but as soon as it was there, it was gone.

i took another fry. they were really good, for some reason.

"fattie," peter laughed, pulling his lunch tray back, "and then you complain about not getting roses!"

that caused a round of laughs in the small group, but my heart dropped to my feet.

i was right. i was overweight. even peter noticed.

freaking peter noticed.

god, i was ugly and fat, and even peter saw that.

of course he liked liz. he'd be crazy not to. she was curvy and skinny and petite and pretty and skinny.

she was skinny.

i didn't have her hourglass figure.

never did i ever want out of my own skin more.

"y/n?" pete frowned. "i-i'm sorry, it was a joke, i didn't-"

"no, no, not that. i, uh, i... forgot i was supposed to meet with a teacher. sorry. i have to go."

i didn't go to any teachers.

i did go to the bathroom.

and i hid in the handicapped stall. i didn't cry, or sob, or weep or whatever it was stupid girls did in hallmark movies or stuff.

i stood in front of the mirror and picked out everything i hated, making a mental list in my head.

i didn't finish that list, not even after 30 minutes when the bell rung.

the rest of the day flew by rather quickly, it seemed. i felt like i was trapped in a warm haze, but not the fuzzy, happy warmth. i didn't like the way i was thinking. it's like i wanted my brain to turn off, these intruding, ugly thoughts were taking up too much room.

i felt icky.

when i got home, i didn't have my normal after-school snack like i usually did. i went straight upstairs and did homework.

i finished two essays (one that wasn't due until two weeks, and one that was due two days from now), my math homework and studied for my math test, started my science project, and did my french flashcards (and studied them a bit).

i must have been locked in my room for hours, because by the time i got up, it was dark outside.

i wasn't a studious person, and the only reason i did any of this was to forget for a little while. to snap out of it. and for a while, it worked.

"y/n, honey!" my mom screamed from downstairs, and as i glanced at the clock, i realized it was time to have dinner.

but i wasn't hungry.

well, i was.

let me rephrase that; i didn't want to eat.

however, i didn't want my mother yelling at me, so i went down anyways. not that i was planning to eat.

"mom?"

"oh, hey. i already set the table, you seemed like you were working hard and i didn't wanna bother you. dad's working late. go sit down-"

"not hungry."

she frowned. "well, you have to eat something."

"but i'm not hungry," i said, hating how sharply it came out.

my mom gave me warning look. "look, i've had a long day, so don't start with me."

"mommmm," i whined.

"sit."

so i did. i felt bad about bothering her.

i ate. small, tentative bites, forcing it all down. we didn't talk.

silently, i put my dish in the sink, before heading upstairs. the food sat at the bottom of my stomach, like a pile of heavy rocks. i wanted them out.

so i turned on the shower and locked the bathroom door, kneeling in front of the toilet. i pressed my fingers to the back of my throat and kept them there for a second. at first, all i got was bile.

but then i threw up.

peter and i started talking more again. i think he got in a fight with liz.

i asked him if they were dating, and he said no.

i think he started hanging out with me again because i got skinny. i know for a fact that i'm skinnier than liz. i weigh less then her now.

the numbers told me that.

but i didn't listen.

i didn't stop, and how could i? when i'd gotten this far?

we got in a fight. not the yelling kind, though. well, kind of. i yelled a bit.

i thought he was complimenting me. he said i looked skinny, so i thanked him.

"no... i-" he paused, trying to get his thoughts together, "you look skinny, yes, but not in a good way."

"what? what do you mean? like, there's only a good way," i laughed, slightly nervous.

peter ingnored that. "have you been eating enough, angel?" his voice was soft, but there was worry in it. why was he worried? this is the best i've ever been.

"do you ask liz that, too?"

"i- what?"

"liz is skinny. you don't ask her that."

"that- that is different. y-you haven't been eating, have you? is-"

"god, parker! stop! it's none of your business!" maybe if i hadn't been so flustered, i'd have come up with a better comeback.

i was hunched over the toilet, but nothing was coming out. everything hurt.

my head. my stomach.

my throat was scratchy and raw.

i didn't hear the knocking on the door.

i don't really remember peter coming in. i thought i locked it. what was he doing at my house? i couldn't remember.

i wanted to sleep.

i think i was crying. i don't know. i only vaguely remember the hot tears.

i slightly remember him pulling me away from the toilet and into his arms. there were lots of holes in my memory for that day.

he stayed with me, though. one thing i'm sure about is that peter never left my side. i can recall bright lights. tubes. i was laying on something. white walls. white sheets.

what was engraved into my head was peter whispering "i love you" over and over again. in the bathroom. in the car. was it a car? as they hooked me up to cables.

all that mattered, though, was that i was skinny now. just the thought made me feel light and airy.

to think that all it took was a little motivation and a weighing scale.

#reader discretion advised #tw ed #tom holland x reader #spiderman #tom holland #peter parker #peter parker x you

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nova-streyart · 1 year ago

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The Thing about Belos Nobody Mentions

There's an aspect of Belos I haven't seen anyone talk about yet: him potentially being on the schizophrenia spectrum, or schizospec for short, and everything that means. Before you say anything, I am a schizoaffective person. This is my interpretation. This is based off my own experiences with this disorder, and my own research.

Analysis and rant under the cut:

=ANALYSIS=

So this all started when I learned that one of the color design pieces had Caleb and the grimwalkers labelled "Golden Guard Illusion". Artists credited in the image itself.

It's weird to me that they're labeled as illusions and not hallucinations, because the latter is what the ghosts actually are. Illusions are images your brain distorts based off something that's there, while hallucinations are images your brain creates from nothing. The fact that these ghosts are actually hallucinations of Belos and not real ghosts doesn't say a whole lot about Belos on its own, because anyone can hallucinate if they experience intense enough negative emotions. But you'll see why I think there's something more to this.

Following this lead, I rewatched the scene where Papa Titan talks to Luz in the In-Between realm in the series finale. After Luz asks him whether her motivation to save her friends and family makes her just as bad as Belos, she tells her:

"Well, you assume Belos' goal comes from a genuine place. But that man doesn't care about anything but his need to be the hero in his own delusion."

Let me give you a short lesson about delusions in the context of schizospec disorders: Delusions are firmly held beliefs that the person experiencing can't be convinced aren't true. This can be extremely serious and life-threatening, such as as believing all your food's been poisoned. But it can also be harmless; it really depends on the delusion. The type of delusion referenced here would be a delusion of grandeur, which is a real thing in schizospec disorders. Such delusions can be serious, like believing you're the second coming of god, or more harmless, like believing you're better than others.

Taking both the hallucinations and the delusion into mind, it's very possible that Belos has some kind of schizospec disorder.

=RANT=

Let's talk about that scene where Belos goes to the grimwalker cave. Notice how the hallucinations are played for laughs? That's problematic. Hallucinations are not something you can just tell to "shut up" and they'll go away. Hallucinations are not things you can interact with. There's already other media with this problem, such as A Beautiful Mind, but the fact that it's in a show that's supposed to be celebrating neurodivergence is hypocritical.

Let's briefly go back to that Papa Titan quote. See how he used the word "delusion" to describe Belos' motivation?Yeah, that's really problematic in the schizospec community. As mentioned before, delusions can be life threatening, so tossing that word around like it's nothing is really frustrating and insulting. The show should have used a word like "fantasy" to get its point across more effectively if it was implying that Belos has a hero complex.

Continuing this train of thought, it gets worse when you consider how Papa Titan- and in essence the narrative- is essentially ridiculing Belos for experiencing a very intense delusion. Delusions are not something a schizospec person can control. I've already seen the fandom mocking Belos for this quality. It was one of those awful memes with the caption "schizophrenia," and had audio of markiplier doing a bit where he was bantering with an "inner voice". Such memes are awful because they're not real experiences schizospec people go through. They're assumptions about our experiences non-schizospec people make about us.

That would be the worst of it, but no, it gets far worse when you consider a few things:

Belos is the main antagonist. That would be annoying enough, considering the plethora of mentally ill villains in media, but nope. The narrative also treats him as this purely evil being who is incapable of any good whatsoever. Which, OK. It's possible for a schizospec person to be a monster. But the fact that the only schizospec representation we have is either of us as helpless victims, or as irredeemable monsters, is infuriating.

Belos is clearly meant to be a foil to Luz. Which, congrats to the show for having a neurodivergent lead, but let me tell you about some of the hardships schizospec people face: In real life, schizospec people are cast out of mental health advocacy groups. Schizospec people are treated as subhuman by doctors and psychiatrists. Schizospec people are demonized and vilified by society. Schizospec people are denied jobs and housing. With all this in mind the fact the narrative chooses to glorify a character with the "right," the "acceptable," kind of neurodivergence while berating a character with the "scary," the "monstrous," kind of neurodivergence is absolutely disgusting.

=CONCLUSION=

I feel like it has to be said that I am not condoning Belos' actions, or trying to woobify him. Belos, as a person, was terrible. No amount of mental illness tacked onto him will excuse any of his actions.

I'm also not trying to imply that schizospec characters can't be evil. I'm just saying that it's extremely tiresome that the only representation we get is either us as victims or as villains.

To conclude all of this, please, do your research before adding something like this into your story.

#long post #rant post #toh critical #toh criticism #belos #toh belos #emperor belos #philip wittebane #toh philip wittebane

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thatwritterbeach · 3 months ago

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About that alley .7

jason Todd x ofc Alex

dc masterlist

Unedited***Also I swear Tumblr is messing up my spelling on purpose cuz everytime I re-read something I know I fixed it's wrong again

Alex: short, curvy, red hair, green eyes, redheads go through pain meds way faster than normal people to the point I personally don't even take them, it's a joke, they last 30 min at best

Summary: Alex finds out her bf is red hood, after she spills some not so great secrets to the masked man while stitching him up.

Warnings: Vaginismus* angst, sexual assault, self-harm, depression, drug use by Alex, violence, cursing, NSFW, self-hate, insecurities, eating disorder, weight loss, smut smuttety smut, oral fem rec', face sitting, over stimulation, Jason being a horny bastard, Jason is the best at oral get in line to fight me on that. This part writter with a little bluetooth keyboard so sorry for typos

A/N: I do not own dc booho

not my gif^^

"Babe!"

"Yeah?"

"Can I please go out," Alex shouted down the long hallway of their hideout.

"No," Jason called back.

"I'll let you eat me out!"

"You'll fucking what," He shouted excitedly appearing in front of her.

"Well you keep saying-"

"That I don't care if you can't pleasure me but it would be an honor to have my face between your thighs for eternity?"

"That and-"

"That I would do anything you asked if you sat on my face or rode my thigh."

"Yes, so if you let me go out, or go out with me, cuz I'm bored, I will let you eat me out, in a position of your choice."

"Really, any position," he all but squealed doing a little happy dance.

"well-"

"No take backs."

"When we get back, not before," she said, holding out her pinkie which he looped with his. She'd been in this cave like safe house for two full weeks, and she'd read every book in the place plus the ones he'd brought back for her, but she was going a little stir crazy. The food was ok, the bed wasn't hard, she was safe, she knew she shouldn't complain, but come on, did he really think the bats would take her again. Alex rolled her eyes at Jason practically skipping away to get ready to go out, she followed behind a bit slower to get dressed.

Jay took her out to eat, to the bookstore, a small clothing shop, then dragged her into a toy shop with an evil gleam in his eye. She'd perused the shelves with light interest but was content to let him pick out a few things. He found a dark red bullet vibe, a light pink butterfly vibe, and much to her amusement a fuzzy pair of cuffs.

"For me," he said with a wink while they were being scanned. They took the long way back so she could stretch her legs but far too soon they were back in the boringness and she sighed while he plugged in the new toys.

"I'm gonna shower, do you want me to shave or..."

"Nope, want ya just the way ya are, princess."

She used her good sugar scrub, and vanilla scented lotion then tied her hair into a braid with shaky hands. Knowing it would be off in seconds she didn't bother to pick out anything pretty, just threw one of his shirts on with nothing underneath. Deep breath in, and out, in, and out. Head up, shoulders back and walk. Jason was sitting on the bed in his boxers scrolling on his phone but he looked up with a loving smile when she entered.

"Can I request the shirt stay," she asked looking anywhere but him.

"If it'll make you more comfortable," he said tossing his phone to the side and reaching out to pull her to him. He buried his face in her stomach just breathing her in for a moment.

"How do you-I mean where should I..."

"I would love for you to sit on my face but we can work up to that, just lay on your back, sweets," he said into her shirt. She combed her fingers through his hair then grabbed the strands to pull him back a bit, careful not to hurt him. She kissed his forehead and stepped away to climb on the bed. He smirked at her when she adjusted the shirt for modesty as she got situated but when she started to say something he lowered himself over her to capture her mouth in a slow loving kiss. Her brain gave a heavy, dreamy sigh, and all worry left. One strong arm was holding him up while the other was holding her, gentle but firm and so Jason that she melted into the sheets. When she couldn't breathe anymore she broke away panting but he had far more lung power than her and he hardly sucked in a breath before he was peppering her in kisses, her cheeks, he nose, her lips, her throat. Everywhere he could reach without shifting weight or removing the shirt she wanted on. He was intent on foreplay, teasing her with his eyes and his mouth until she was wet without being touched.

"Love you," he said into her skin trailing a hand down her curves to rub her thigh.

"Love you too," she whispered, letting her hands fall from him as he slid down her body. he was huge, she always forgot how big until he was over her, her entire body able to fit in his torso area so when he settled between her legs her hips twinged at the stretch. The mans shoulders were insane and when he looped his arms under her ass to hold her open and against him she felt like a mouse caught by a wolf.

"So pretty," he cooed, nudging the shirt up out of his way. She was working on her breathing while he took her in like a fine painting. One soft slow lick and she jerked away from him, well tried, he had a good grip.

"Easy tiger, haven't even started yet."

A whine forced it's way from the back of her throat. He raised a brow in a silent ' are you sure about this' but she nodded with a shaky smile so he winked and licked again. She didn't jerk this time, but fuck, she'd never felt so good and he'd done almost nothing.

"Hope you drank enough water, gonna keep ya here all day pretty." He punctuated this by spreading her folds and sealing his lips around her clit sucking with enough pressure to make her see stars. Breathing through his nose he kept her bud between his teeth sucking and flicking it with his tongue for at least five minutes until he felt her slick coating his chin.

"Jason," she whined.

"That's my name," he said smoothly. His tongue moved to dip inside her the shallow penetration just starting to hurt and he felt the muscles tense against him so he moved back to her clit. She was giving him the tiniest little moans and he felt on top of the world. With a quick re-adjust he slid his arms out from under her so he could use them to better access her sweet sounds. Using his fingers he spread her folds and moved the hood so her clit was fully exposed and he blew on it.

"Fuck, what the fuck," she whimpered jerking back away from him.

"Never taken the armor off the solider," he asked with a laugh.

"No." He did it again and she gasped. Then he licked and her heart stopped. He laughed again and used one hand to keep her open and the other to tap, tap, tap, slow stroke, swirl, tap.

"F-fuck, why does-Ah!" she interrupted herself when he pinched and rolled. He kept at it, rolling her clit until she was whimpering, begging. She could feel the pressure building, that delicious burn creeping through her.

Right as she was about to cum, the knowledge enough to make her shed a tear it stopped. Jason had doubled his efforts intent on making her orgasm, but it wasn't enough. It was like her body got close and just shut down acting like it didn't feel a thing.

"Sorry, nothing," she told him unable to look him in the eye.

"It's ok, we'll get there." But she knew better, she'd been trying all her life to 'get there' and she was ready to give up.

Some time after they showered and had gotten into comfy clothes Jason opened his mouth to ask her something but closed it when she tilted her head at him.

"What?"

"Why did you fake it before?"

"Fake, what my orgasms?"

"Yeah, I mean I slightly understand why you had sex with me, still not over that, but why fake the o's why not just tell me you struggle with that at least?"

"Jay, I can't do it anyway and on pain killers I lose most of the feeling so there would be no way to get me off, I didn't want you to feel...unmanly, when you couldn't do it."

"I'm not fragile," he snorted in disbelief.

"I'm not saying that, I'm saying...remember when I made those oatmeal cookies cuz you said you wanted to eat cleaner? The recipe was shit, but since I don't eat oatmeal I never tried them and it took me two-ish months to catch your face when you bit into one. You looked pained to be eating it, but you never said a word. Then the cookies magically turned into chocolate chip from then on."

"I don't follow?"

"My orgasm is the cookie and you're the baker, but the cookies are never gonna taste right."

"That's a weird comparison." She shrugged and snuggled her face into his neck.

"Are we gonna be out of here soon?"

"Only if you promise to come to me next time," he said, tapping a spot on her ribs. Shit.

"How'd you know," she asked, lifting her shirt to assure him they weren't infected.

"When I got back the other day you looked like you were about to tell me you were cheating on me. Since I knew that wasn't it the next jump was this." He ran a finger over the scabbed over marks, so gentle, so soft she could have cried.

"I cleaned them," she said like it made it better.

"I know. Need to see what you use, love." Her heart beat skipped.

"Why. It's clean."

"Baby, I know I can't stop you, and I would feel better knwoing what you use than picturing you with shards of glass." She was shaking her head, wiggling away from him and off the bed hands yanking the shirt back down.

"It's just a pocket knife. It's clean and sharp, and-and-" She couldn't breathe again damn it. He couldn't know. She couldn't tell him.

"Alright, it's ok," he whispered sitting up on the bed and not making another move towards her. He assumed she was freaking out because he might take it from her but he was off, way off. She didn't want him knowing she used the knife he gifted her what kind of weirdo does that? It had started out as more of an oops I don't have my other blade, this will have to do for now, but it was a damn good knife, solid handle, razor sharp, the best she'd ever owned and it was on her at all times so she just kept using it until it was the only thing that touched her skin and now... fuck he would blame himself, she knew he would and she couldn't let that happpen. but she didn't have the old blade she used to use, never carried it anymore, she didn't have anything in the hide out but that one. Even if she lied and said she'd only ued it the one time he would 1. feel like shit anyway, and 2. know she was lying because all her marks matched, made by the same blade matched and he was a damn good detective.

"I'm not gonna take it from ya, don't want you to feel like you have to use your finger nails or something,' he tried to use dark humor knowing she prefered it.

"later, when we get back to my place," she assured with a huffed out laugh, a forced laugh.

"I can live with that. ya got any other spots?" Shit, yeah, she'd been bored and alone and her thoughts had run wild when he was gone on patrol, she had at least fifty.

"umm, a few." She didn't alaberate, sure as hell wasn't going to show him and he wasn't pushing, not for now at least. he looked like he was about to ask about them so she did the only thing she could think of and blurted out something reiculous.

"maybe if you used the helmet!"

"uh what?"

"I've always had a mask and helmet kink, and obvi a biker kink so maybe if you fingered me with the mask on, or bent me over your bike, or if I rode your thigh while you were in gear," she rambled, more so to distract him but none of it was a lie.

"You want Redhood to fuck you?" He wasn't aposed, especially if it got her off, hell he'd dress up as santa clause if it helped.

"yeah," she feigned a shy look, well she hoped it looked like she was flustered not like she was about to puke from nerves. he sucked in a breath and fidgeted with his pants for a moment.

"In gear?"

"yeah, sometimes i dream about you coming back from patrol, all sweaty and pissed off, tearing off my pj's and making me ride each of your thighs until I'm begging-" She stopped at the sound he made, the half groan half growl that should have sounded like a threat was like pure molten hottness to her ears and she worried he would make good on that dream here and now.

"You can't tell me things like that. I know you're just trying to distract me."

"thought about being on the front of your bike with one of your arms around me to pin me to you and your other hand in my pants. thought about you bending me ovr the batrhoom sink and watching in the mirror. You spreading me out on the table and eating me for breakfast. Having you inside me all night-" There was that sound again but this time it was accomponied by him flying off the bed to pin her to the nearest wall, her legs around his waste and arms above her head before she blink. If avoiding touchy subject was a sport she would have the gold.

"I dream about my issue not being there so I can have you inside me all the time. Want to sleep with you in me, sit on the couch and watch movies in your lap with you inside me. Straddle you in your big chair with my legs wrapped around you just like this my head on your shoulder while you read your books and act like I'm not whinning for you to move and fuck me senseless."

"Playing a dangerous game here sweets."

"You won't hurt me," she said kissing his nose. " i trust you. Please make me cum?" The request and the 'i trust you' had his head spinning and his mouth watering.

See masterlist for more

#angst #batfam #batman #bruce wayne #dc comics #dc universe #dcu #dick grayson #jason todd #jason todd x oc #vaginismus #jason todd x you #jason todd x ofc #dc jason todd #jason todd x reader

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mochatune · 1 year ago

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Hey! So I've fixated on a vague headcannon of a Y/N with dissociative identity disorder. They're a system with different alters, and each feels differently about Peter (each could be a reference to the different routes in the game - the romantic route, the friendship route, the abusive route, etc.) And well, Peter loves all of you - so he tries to get every single alter to fall for him. I love your HCs, could you write a Peter x Y/N with DID one?

Hey so sorry about this being as late as it is, I’m just now getting back on tumblr. Anyone else with an ask i promise it’s a priority.

In advance I have no real idea on how DID really is and am going off what I’ve been told, if this comes off as offensive then I apologize.

—

Peter x darling with DID

—

- honestly he wouldn’t pick up on it at all in the beginning, which is weird considering his favorite hobby is literally stalking you. He knew you took some sort of medication but upon further snooping he found it was Prozac, a common depression med.

- when you keep changing how you feel about him it gets him angry, he genuinely thinks you’re just giving him mixed signals. This could lead him on to take you even faster than originally in the game.

- you go from calling him asking when you guys are meeting up again to telling him to stay the fuck away from you and blocking his number. He doesn’t appreciate the inconsistency, don’t be surprised when he’s banging at your door screaming demanding an explanation. He’s patient but enough of this will start to piss him off and leave him feeling paranoid.

- it’s not until you both are having a at home date when he realizes what’s happening here, the switch is gradual and almost seemless but as your biggest fan he picks it up.

- one second your cuddling him and now you’re just staring at him with this gross look in your eyes.

- after this incident it’s clear he doesn’t know as much as he thought he did about you. if you felt watched before then you definitely did now, not only is he keeping a strict eye on you trying to figure out what’s going on with you but he’s also snooping through your place a lot more consistently.

- he eventually finds your hospital records in a dusty old box and it all starts to click, of course you were acting so ‘weird’.

- this determines him further to win the love over every ‘you’, though don’t be surprised if you find this also motivates him to take you faster. Now that he has an actual reason to believe you need him he won’t release his grip.

- it starts with him coming over more often and Texting you more, being more attentive basically. He also starts noticing the switches more.

- as soon as he found out about your diagnosis he did so much research, like an insane amount. Knows pretty much the ins and outs of what DID is.

- when you switch it’s like he switches, more so switching his approach in how he talks to you.

- when you’re lovey he doesn’t do much, he likes this side of you best and is ultimately determined to get all these sides of you to be like that with him.

- when you’re angry or more so scared of him he gives you space and comforts you as much as possible, it’s a little antagonizing to admit but he treats you like a child when you get like this.

- it’s sort of a running game, this personality is incredibly stubborn and doesn’t want anything to do with him. His best bet is to more gently force himself on you until you can eventually tolerate his presence and hopefully soon his love.

- all in all he just becomes more attentive. There’s not much to say considering he’s not as mentally there either.

- you end up kidnapped in his home much earlier than expected from even himself where he basically locks you inside and treats you like a helpless animal.

- its fucked up but he drugs you into being complacent when you switch and you start freaking out about the current situation.

- if the drugging doesn’t work then it’s the constant manipulation that does, you’re other personality will never really love him but it is numb to his touch at this point.

- he’s really just putting a bandaid over a bullet wound with the way he’s treating you.

- when you behave he’s all over you and treating you like a goddess but when you have these freak outs he just doesn’t know what to do, despite being so well versed in your disorder he’s still a very toxic person who wants all of you.

- he won’t even take you to therapy because of how possessive he is, he expects you to treat him as your therapist and you can only imagine how that would blow over.

- you’re always ensured your meds and a warm body to stay next to but that’s about as much as you get because Peter is not as emotionally available as he makes you believe he is.

—

#yandere #yb your boyfriend #yb game #yb peter #peter your boyfriend #your boyfriend game #your boyfriend visual novel #your boyfriend x reader #your boyfriend visual game #your boyfriend

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the-real-treasure · 4 months ago

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Wish Wish! One Shot #1

A Picture Says A Thousand Words.

Main Masterlist: Here

Drabble Masterlist: Here

Read on AO3: Here

Zeff discovers something about one of the kids that he had been stranded with after they all get off the rock.

(One-shot #1) [Baratie Age 8] Zeff's POV Trigger Warnings: Mention of starvation, residual trauma from starvation, issues with eating, possible eating disorder Word Count: 1493

"What letter is that?"

Zeff looked up from the delivery slip that had just landed in front of him. The Baratie was still under construction and bills were coming in left right and centre for every little thing. He didn't much care, the gold he had kept, the sack of treasure that he had feigned as food, was more than enough to pay for all of it, as well as get those kids some new clothes that actually fit and shit while things were still being worked on. They had all lost a lot of weight over those eighty-five days, and while he and the little eggplant were slowly but surely returning to a healthy standard, he worried a lot about the other one.

The vicious freak of a thing was little more than a slip of flesh, any and all clothes hanging loose and limp over bone and sinew that he couldn't get coated in fat no matter what he feed them. Even now, a bit under a month off the rock, they still refused to eat until both he and Sanji had started their plates. They were like a feral kitten, screaming and yowling and scratching those first few days on board the ship that rescued them, stalking the little blonde boy and almost force feeding him if he did so much as offer them a crumb of bread before he began, their ringed eyes of gold and aqua swirling with unrestrained panic every time.

He breathed out a sigh. There wasn't much to be done about that but keep up the food. One of these days the kid would realise the rest of them wouldn't die if they took a bite whenever they were hungry. Instead of continuing to worry, he instead stood up from the desk and peeked his head around the corner.

Where he had set up camp in the still to be fully fitted kitchen, the two kids had made themselves at home in what will be the dining hall, in the shadow of the twin staircases that hug the opposite wall and curve with it. He could see them squatting next to the new sign, the light filled letters dull for now until they get hung outside. They really weren't meant to have arrived for another month or two, but the guys knew Zeff by name and hurried the job along to get themselves away from the, still notorious, pirate. Y/n was staring at the first one in extreme consternation.

"...B...?"

"Yeah, told you you'd get it!" Sanji gave their joined hands a shake, pointing to the second one that was propped up against the wall, the large capital 'R' wrapped in plastic but the shape still visible. "Next one!"

"What are you two doing ever there?" He watched as the two of you leapt away from each other like you were being burnt, your h/c haired figure, long messy mop pulled into a ponytail that fell down their back before looping back up to be held in place by the same tie, spinning on him with a glare as you leaped between him and Sanji, the little eggplant snarling at him as well.

"Mind your own business, you nasty old pile of fish food!" The wee boy shouted from behind you, and he squinted down at the pair of you, hobble extra pronounced due to his still new peg leg as he walked out to meet yous.

"Little eggplant, honestly, just swear like a normal person."

"Least I don't use so much oregano I could kill a person." He snarked and Zeff presses his eyes and mouth closed and blows a sigh out his nose. He is a scared little boy trying to act brave, not a disrespectful crewmember. He doesn't need hit. Opening his eyes again, he finds your eyes burning into his skull, searching his eyes for an intention to harm. You wouldn't find it.

"I'm gonna ask again." You drop your eyes away from his, "What are you doing out here?"

"I said, mind-!"

"-Practicing."

"Eh?" Their eyes dart from his feet to theirs, scuffing the toe of their shiny new boots on the tiles floor.

"I was... practicing my letters." His eyes flick over to Sanji, the boy already glaring heatedly at him, hand clasped in theirs squeezing so tightly that their claw like nails dug into his skin.

"You haven't been able to read this whole time." Their shoulders scrunched up to their ears, head ducked down further and Sanji pulled them into him. "Fffffff-" The kid doesn't swear, Zeff, let's keep it like that. "-Fflip sake, could'a told me. Would've got you books or something." Your eyes snap up to him, and even Sanji glare fades to confusion.

"...What?" He rests his curled fists on his waist as he looked down at the pair.

"You think I would want you running about taking orders and counting stock not knowing how to read or spell? Thought you were smarter than this, come on." He turns back to the kitchen, not knowing if you would both follow, but there was no use standing and letting you struggle, just the pair of you.

"To do what?" He can hear your boots on the tile behind him and can picture you dragging a stumbling Sanji behind you.

"To learn, you little donkey. I don't have any books but I have notes and stock lists so we can start with actual words instead of fumbling with random letters."

He pushes open the doors to the kitchen and lets the pair of you pass, hands still grasping each other, with you leading the boy into the kitchen, the few counters already installed littered with papers.

"Come over here, you can show me what you can make out so far. That'll let me know what we're working with."

"What about me?" The blonde boy chirped up beside you, still not parting your intwined hands.

"Either help, or stay out of the way. It's not hard little eggplant." As you pulled a small stool up to the counter to sit alongside his chair, Sanji inserted himself between them, inspecting the papers. Zeff tugged off his overcoat, draping it over the arm as he settled into the chair and handed you a small order slip over Sanji's head. "Start with that, read it out loud and we'll go from there. I'll see about getting a couple of books ordered for yous to practise with properly. These'll have to work for now."

Your voice, which had spent the evening stuttering and stumbling over the names of different companies and construction costs, had fallen silent. Zeff was finishing up filling a few more receipts in the dying light cascading through the kitchen when he looked over to the pair of you.

Sanji's head was flat on the table, his grey-blue eyes, normally covered by the long floppy fringe, were shut and he could make out the curl on his other eyebrow with the slant of the hair. His bones and new wooden peg leg creaked as he stood, stiff from sitting for so long. Pulling the fabric at his arm up with him, he opened it and settled the warm fabric over his charge's shoulders before his eyes met yours, aqua and gold light illuminating the scene as you peered at him. In the growing darkness that crept its fingers up the walls of the room, the sight in front of him was spooky.

It reminded him of being on that rock, the light from your eyes piercing the cloying darkness at him over the ridge of rock separating you all. Now, instead of a barren expanse of rock creating distance between your eyes and his, the only thing that stood between you was a sleeping boy that had hollowed a space out of Zeff's heart for himself and completely encompassed yours.

"He knew I was embarrassed." Your voice was a whisper, not wanting to break the quiet that had fallen over the room. "The ones on the Orbit made fun of me for not reading. I can count fine, but letters and words are... hard."

"I get that." His voice is as hushed as yours, "We'll work on it. The three of us, we look after each other from now on, yeah?"

"Until we go to find the All Blue?" A smile quirked Zeff's face at your misty glowing eyes and whispers of the shared dream.

"Nah. I'll still be keeping an eye on yous even when you head out." He reached over you and ruffled your carefully tied up hair and you whacked his hand with more ferocity than he expected. "For now we'll just worry about getting your reading up to scratch." He smiled as your nose rolled up, and you followed him as he lifted Sanji into his arms and moved towards the stairs to your little loft rooms.

"You can work on chasing dreams later."

#wish wish!#one piece #one piece oc #one piece original character #aqua oc #one piece sanji #one piece zeff #sanji x reader #sanji x oc #cross posted on ao3 #one shot #one piece oneshots

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