#sad and sober

[citrine-elephant]

Won't you help me sober up Growing up it made me numb And I want to feel something again

the s in leon s kennedy stands for "sad"

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

This isn't what it looks like.

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[laviejaguardia]

Thinking about kid Syd and kid Carmy spending an afternoon neither of them remember anymore playing under the tables of The Beef

[onetrueloveontheside]

And if you really wanted to be kind

You’d have forgiven them a long ass time ago

And if you really wanna know how kind you are

Just ask yourself why you’re lying in bed alone

[bludhavensbirdboy]

okay forgetting the whole you know lila/five thing cause i’m seeing that as one of the main complaints of s4 (completely valid cause wtaf??) but apart from that what im really disappointed in is how they just refused to give any of them character development especially klaus! i had hope watching the first episode of s4 seeing him sober and like caution and careful (a bit silly i admit but it still gave us klaus being insane which stuck to his character without using his fight with addiction as funny haha bit) but to just say fuck it and by ep2 make him a drug addict yet again idk i just think you could have done much more through out the show but especially with the characters and i think klaus out of them all deserves some sort of character development

[o-wild-west-wind]

tumblr algorithm stop feeding me takes that this show is just a silly goofy comedy that shouldn’t include death or that Izzy is the token disabled elder queer on the show where an actual disabled elder queer is literally the romantic lead or that Lucius and Pete being called “mateys” is diluting their gayness because it’s not “husbands” or that it’s sexist that Zheng lost her fleet and later prioritized her love for a man or that Ed is Izzy’s abuser because we conveniently forgot all of season 1 or that trauma is never followed through with because sometimes actions are used instead of words or that Ed learned nothing because the inn was apparently a whim as if he hasn’t been obsessing over retirement from day 1 I swear did we even watch the same show?? I literally feel like I’m in backwards land?

I have a really novel concept for y’all complaining about character’s arcs not being fully resolved or healed and that’s called there is supposed to be another season of this show

I also have another really novel concept as to why every single character did not have a one on one trauma apology session and so much time was spent on Ed and Stede and that is because this is literally the Ed and Stede show and also sometimes parallels are meant to be inferred and extrapolated because that is what efficient storytelling does instead of spoonfeeding you

And my most novel concept of all as to why some beloved characters had less screen time is because Max is a massive jerk and cut the budget

Y’all this wasn’t personal and maybe this show was never about Izzy maybe the show called our flag means death is actually about death maybe sad does not equal homophobic letdown maybe the brown gay character introduced as the love interest from day 1 gets to outlive the angry white guy that had a redemption arc after actively bullying and trying to break up every gay couple for a season I don’t know what to tell you just can you please let non-white people have this arc for once without assuming it’s an attack on you I’m BEGGING y’all

[mayashesfly]

RadioStatic or StaticMoth Hanahaki AU

But instead of reciprocal feelings being the cure for Hanahaki it's admitting your true feelings outloud to the person you feel for regardless of how they react or feel about you.

Stay silent about your true feelings and suffocate from the weight of your unsaid emotions or spill it all out and relieve the pain in your chest regardless of the consequences.

Which one is more terrifying

Which one is more bearable to an aching soul?

[mishalnasir]

upon the existence of a tree with yellow leaves

will Adam still not choose it over his liberation

because i see red cherries hanging

and the nectar dripping down like honey

[sonicismyboyfriend]

ngl pretty disappointed abt april apes and myles bullen going on fox news to give an interview on their "go back to rehab" tour

[exjunkiebaby]

Drug dreams

I miss drugs so fucking much. I have 10 months clean and everybody thinks I’m doing amazing. I am, but I’m not. I constantly miss drugs. I miss being high. I miss chasing the dragon. I miss doing hot rails. I miss fentanyl, heroin, meth, Xanax. It pains my heart that I will never feel high again. At least I can get high in my dreams.

Yesterday I dreamt that I had 3 fake pressed oxies (the ones cut with fent). In my head, I knew it was an awful decision to relapse, but I didn’t care. I thought, “Just this one time.” So I found some foil, broke a pen and made it into a tooter, and held a lighter. I was about to flick it but I woke up. I was relieved but also angry that I wasn’t able to get high. In the dream I also thought, “I have no tolerance. This shit could kill me. Oh well.”

The drug dreams plague me almost every night. Sometimes crystal calls to me, sometimes benzos, and often fent. I hate them but I love them because it allows me to be reacquainted with an old lover. I’m doing so good with my sobriety, but I can’t help but grieve.

I recently made amends to my parents and my sister. I told them I was sorry for being a junkie piece of shit liar manipulator evil little demon. As a “sorry” to them I promised I would stay sober. I can’t break this promise. They all believe in me. I’m so close to one year - I can fucking taste it.

So I will stay sober, despite my woes, because the people who love me deserve a sober me. I refuse to hurt my loved ones over and over again. I’ve put so much effort and work into my sobriety and I can’t fail now. I think in the future I might pick up weed again, or shrooms, but we shall see.

If you’ve read this and you’re in recovery, wow. You are fucking amazing. If you’re still using, you’re cool too and I understand why. Giving up drugs is like losing your best friend. The solution to your problems is gone. The comfort and aid your soulmate once provided you has vanished. I don’t know how to deal with that feeling, but I vow not to pick up.

[goldenpoet1]

These past few days, I've been sober. I left my emotions dormant. Drinking demons to fix the leaking pipes like duck taped wrapped around a water hose. The problem wasn't addiction; no, it was the feeling of not feeling. Not feeling the pain, tiredness, depression, anxieties, alone, problems, not hearing the voices, and the brokenness. It was the novicane to the pain like a toothache. Addiction is the feeling that it gives you; the comfort of not being alone. Not alone from the outside world but in your head. That dark place you get trapped at sometimes. Now I feel everything, overwhelmed and overflowed of feelings that I thought I would hide. I thought it was dormant, but it just became more torment. Yet, these past few days, I've been sober.

[babysniff333]

i want to sniff again

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

I feel like psychoactive substances don’t work on me like they do on most people because my normal state of mind makes me feel like I’m trippy and stoned 24/7 as it is.

[doggerell]

its crazy to think abt the alcoholism stuff I put my partner through and Im so happy to be out of that. they really got to see me at my absolute lowest with no way to help and that makes me so sad :( they were so good and gentle with me and tried their best to find what was right for me the whole time and I really really appreciate it…

[studentbyday]

week 4 / small commitments challenge

I read a tumblr post talking about how our experiences in young adulthood are so varied that while we aren't alone in those experiences, we are actually so alone...Maybe that's why I sometimes find myself thinking of the future more than the present because surely by that stage, I won't be so alone in that sense anymore. I felt that way in high school about university and I feel that way now in undergrad about whatever lies ahead. But what if I just took time to enjoy what there is to enjoy in my current category of experience? Stopped thinking happiness and belonging of that type lies never now but at some future destination? Perhaps I will stop feeling so behind in life because I've stopped thinking there is only one right path to follow to live a life that is satisfying to me. Perhaps I will feel less alone.

🪴 tomato garden (50/10): M: no timer today bc it's annoying to keep pausing and unpausing whenever smth happens irl that doesn't neatly fit the timer T: better to get as much sh*t done as i can than to have the pressure of a timer (never enough time 😭) burning a hole in the back of my mind 😪 W: 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅+(1/2 🍅) (felt better today, hence the "tomato planting") Th: 🍅🍅🍅+(1/2 🍅) F: 🍅🍅🍅🍅 I also studied on Saturday (😭) and tried and failed to on Sunday (couldn't bring myself to focus...felt so drained 😪😭) but saw no point in tracking my time. I get things done when I get them done regardless. Sometimes a timer is just discouraging.

😎 side quests: 🐸 yoga: 🧘🏻‍♀️🧘🏻‍♀️🧘🏻‍♀️🧘🏻‍♀️ (fell off the bandwagon with this, but oh well) 📝 journalling: 🖋️🖋️🖋️🖋️🖋️🖋️🖋️(this REALLY saves my gears from spinning too much late into the night when i'm anxious. also serves as my main and important form of catharsis during the struggle towards semester's end ❤️‍🩹 i can't wait to feel alive again)

[sleepii247]

UGHHH I FORGOT MY LIGHTER AT HOME I'M SO PISSED AT MYSELF