#reflection and self reflection is hard

[moonlitcoyote]

Snippet of my current marker WIP.

I’m working on casting out some Art Demons left over from Art School regarding my own art and medium choices.

Yes, I’m 14 years on since graduating, but man some things are hard to unpack and you don’t realize you’ve internalized the bad toxic thought process until it’s too late. Young artist, so desperately wanting to be successful- wanting to learn from people who KNEW things! Impressionable? Yep that was me.

Picking up markers again? Whooo boy, did that quickly make the Art Demons loud. I’m older and wiser now, so it’s time to mentally curb stomp the little buggers into dust. The healing part will be hard, but I’ll get there. Perhaps it’s just what I need to get out of burn out.

[nenelonomh]

you have to fall in love with the process. that's literally what life is! learning! growing! you will waste your whole existence if you continue to drag yourself to this non-existent finish line. the only real finish line is the end of life. that's not to say to stop having goals, but to not let them be the be all and end all. you are so much more than that!

[star-struck09]

I wish I could tell you half the things I think about.

[rystiel]

stanford has beef with his 17 year old self (he just got over his 40 year grudge this year)

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Get Their Ass.

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[rookisaknight]

Lrb relevant something about the way each brother is constantly reiterating their trauma in an attempt to subdue it.

Jacob, most direct and long-term recipient of their father's abuse, surrounds himself with people he's conditioned to become violent at the drop of a hat.

But its ok, because he controls the trigger this time.

Joseph, left abandoned by the splitting of their family, creates conditions for his new Family that are so untenable it's only a matter of time before any given member tries to leave him.

But it's ok, because being forced to constantly negotiate, gaslight, and threaten people into sticking with him makes him feel like he has power over his isolation this time.

John reliving his childhood torture every goddamn day, carving himself up when he can't carve up others and having his fear of damnation dangled over his head by his brother god. Constantly repenting, constantly atoning, never forgiven.

But it's ok, because he holds the knife this time. When you hold the knife, you get to say when it stops, and you get to extract sin from others rather than have it extracted from you.

[ask-the-colony-tree-siblings]

Hunter, what’s the meanest thing Artificer’s ever done to you?

(Okay so this is pre-Hunter-getting-beat-up-by-Arti, and I sorta changed it to just a mean thing she did when they were growing up lol, sorry!)

Hunter: She did a lot of mean things when we were kids, it’s hard to pick. But I guess there was one time that did hurt more than usual.

After I got the scar on my eye, I was… pretty insecure about it I guess. And she was really mean about how ugly I looked. 

Considering what her face looks like now, she’s lucky I’m not out for revenge.

(Hunter gets to throw a little shade. As a treat.)

[good-to-drive]

My favorite comments on How Do You Sleep

[ramblingsfromthytruly]

kinda happy that i'm not as chronically online as i used to be. i've been focusing on my studies, hobbies, etc and it makes me feel so much better. ofc i still have a long way to go but a phrase that is constantly running in my mind is one day or day one... like if i wanna be a certain kind of person and become better i should actually DO stuff that makes me better instead of thinking about that one day where i will magically get everything i want. that doesn't happen, i have to work for it. believing in myself is the first half which i have accomplished, the other half is working hard (with balance ofc). i doomscroll much less, and if i do i gain awareness of it very quickly and it doesn't surpass an hour. i don't turn on my laptop first thing after waking, i only turn it on when i i actually have some work or i want to listen to music. sometimes i relapse. but the point is that i've never tried more harder than i am rn and i am proud of myself for it. i am feeling seeing my progress. i intend to constantly heal and succeed and make mistakes and learn from them and never ever stop trying.

if i can do it you can too <3

[inchidentally]

"you're really onto him today aren't you" "ahhh my turn!"

our man Lando really says it's "his turn" to give Oscar a hard time when in this interview alone he a)interrupted Oscar all the time b)took issue with Oscar's answers or didn't listen to them c)accused Oscar of being a serial killer just bc of how he looks d)told Oscar to dump his gf bc she's pescatarian and e)Lando gives Oscar a hard time in every single joint interview bc Oscar just smiles and takes it

[aroanthy]

kiryuu sibling stasis post-32 is so interesting to me. nanami tries to leave and is (temporarily but also, crucially, violently) prevented from doing so by touga and akio. after this experience she puts distance between herself and them: she leaves touga’s phone in the car, she resigns from the student council (though she dons her old uniform still), she repeatedly dismisses and undermines the authority of the rose code, of end of the world, of akio, of touga. but she’s still in ohtori, isn’t she? uncomfortable with the idea of leaving, uncertain if it’s really possible. she tried before, and it hurt her. deeply. it’s so interesting to me, nanami’s agency and how she limits her exertion of it after 32, when she realises it for what it is. contrast that with touga, who accepts this weird stalemate between them, who is, really, uninterested in having any relationship of any kind with nanami if he can’t gain something from her. he’s very passive with her after 32, compared to the passivity he’d always feigned towards her before in order to stoke reactions from her and then exploit them. i was thinking about how touga has always been able to sever his relationship with nanami, but chosen not to; first out of a sense of obligation (‘we should live to help each other’) then a realisation of how that could be exploited. i was thinking about how nanami has never realised her ability to leave, in part because it is limited by touga and the harm he does her. i was thinking about the desperation and confusion akio calls out to anthy with as she leaves. i was thinking about how different that is to the kiryuus’ strange semi-breakdown; touga doesn’t want or need nanami, and nanami might love her brother but she cannot trust him or feel safe around him, doesn’t want to see him anymore; she’s itching to leave, and just a little scared (you know, because last time she tried that her brother assaulted her), and he’s not doing anything because ignoring her means he doesn’t have to deal with the emotions of her leaving or staying. something something gendered power dynamics something something tragic siblings

[crypticscarecrow]

Something I absolutely ADORE from the vinyl designs of undertale's soundtrack is:

These aren't THE cleanest work, but they are still so damn gorgeous

Like look at the shading!! It isnt completely touching the sides, some of the pineart is overlapping, some just aren't touching at all, theres even occasional gaps in the colors showing how these were meticulously painted in by (digital) hand!!

The fluff!! It isn't perfect, but its style is SO damn good!! And when you take a step back the whole picture isn't focused on those little things, but it helps pull the entire piece together with its coloring and composition nonetheless!!

Every time I think 'oh my works aren't clean enough, people will not like it as well' i will slap these jaw dropping works in my face as a personal fuck off and appreciate the work put in and DO IT ANYWAYS!!

Sometimes it looks better this way anyways,, and its so inspirational,,

If you guys made it to the bottom of this post, then I want to give my biggest thanks to @pikacraft17 for getting me this beautiful set 🥺❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

If anyone thought of getting it, it is definitely worth the artwork, and the soundtrack sounds amazing on a little victrola,,

[nenelonomh]

taking care of yourself is harder than it seems. but it is always worth it. remember that.

[star-struck09]

I wish I could hold my younger self in my arms for even just a moment and tell her it will get better.

[virgoitgirl-blog]

A reminder to myself and all of you 💌

Since we’re entering the new year in a few weeks id like to mention one thing (out of a lot of other things) I should start doing in 2025 is celebrating my small wins and allowing myself to see that’s I’m working hard.

How? I should start doing weekly self reflections to remind my myself of all the effort I’ve put in and all the challenges I’ve overcome and more importantly to remind myself that all that effort is always valid which will hopefully allow me to stop thinking that “maybe I wasn’t good enough”.

Why am I doing this? This year I struggled a lot with feeling like I’m not making enough effort although I was working really hard…I might have slacked off a bit (and this was when I needed a break) which got me feeling bad about that and had me working harder to make up for the rest that I took. There was no balance I either work extremely hard or I do nothing and feel bad about it…

Goal? To start balancing between rest and hard work. Personally I want to at least aim for 20% rest and 80% hard work.

I’m so grateful to have identified something that contributes to my self growth, giving me the opportunity to slowly work on improving it.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Assisting Acquaintance Acquired.

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