#reflection after therapy

[vizthedatum]

Maybe life's "tower moments"* and the "decapitation of one's various masks and egos"† don't all have to have such a destructive connotation. Perhaps change doesn't always have to be so tumultuous.

I just had my weekly therapy session. My goals for the week (and life) are to be more gentle with myself and gently (not violently) dismantle my old beliefs and limitations.

I have often told people, almost sheepishly and in a self-degrading (but annoyingly self-aware and knowing) way, that I'm aggressively trying to heal even when I know it's not a race or anything of the sort. But it is tough for me personally not to just *do the thing* when I've tried my whole life to reach benchmark after benchmark of various constructs of "success."

It's not that I always try to rush or impulsively try to change my life.

It's just that when I'm finally feeling somewhat settled in my way of life, I realize that there is something terribly wrong, and all of a sudden, everything crumbles. And later, I know it was meant to crumble, and I'm much better for it.

Life has always been such a series of enormous upheavals, and I crave peace, fun, joy, intimacy, and fulfillment.

--

I keep asking myself: how do I get there? Where am I even going? Why do I keep rebuilding the tower repeatedly, only for it to fall? Am I only using bricks that are comfortable - then where should I get the new bricks (no, really, where the fuck should I get the new bricks?! Out of my ass?!)

--

Lately, I've been hypervigilant, trying to prevent myself from getting to the point of crumbling - which I'm realizing is perhaps an even more violent way to approach my life. Because hypervigilance keeps me stagnant. Not surrendering to life's ebbs and flows keeps me stagnant, like an unmovable, stubborn rock. -- It's not that I have to be in control of everything and ALWAYS experience calamity to grow. Experiencing turbulence may be necessary if I remain... an unmovable, stubborn rock.

But what if I became a pebble?

A pebble that contains multitudes of lessons within it, takes action when necessary, but ultimately allows itself to be carried into whatever life has in store for it?

--

Footnotes: * referring to the "Tower" card in the Smith-Waite/Rider-Waite tarot deck, a card that looks violent (and it is violent) but is actually a sign of rebuilding your foundations (rebuilding your new "tower" so to speak) because the old one wasn't supporting your life anymore - it is a sign of growth † referring to the garland of heads that Kali Ma wears around her neck, which may symbolize (for some) the shedding of ego, masks, delusions, and constructs that we go through to emerge as our authentic selves (I love her so much: Jai Kali Ma)

[valtsv]

'why do you change your url so often' i literally got publicly humiliated so badly for posting cringe that i got traumatized into going into online witness protection

[ciderjacks]

therapy

[yawpyawp]

i just read the ASD report that the guy did and he literally misinterpreted 80% of what i said to him? some of the stuff in there (like medical history and background stuff) is fully FACTUALLY INCORRECT

anyway, i'm systematically going through the report pointing out what's inaccurate, which imho is a pretty autistic response, although i may also be a psychopath bc i have a compulsion to make this poor dude bend to my will

[thesnazzyjazzy]

A therapy session that is preluded by a round of DnD, with the therapist as GM, and they make thorough observations about how you play the game and how you interact with situations, and draw implications based on those, and make assessments about your mental state.

[burningcomputerpersona]

ahhhhhhhh guess who made the mistake of getting a haircut

[ruminate88]

Was it all for nothing? (Emotional abuse)

1/15/25 Accepting myself has been a journey

Waking up with this “longing” inside and idk what it is… I feel sad. I feel I pour out my soul trying to release the past and make the wrongs right inside my heart and head but then nothing seems to fix. I’ve come sooooo far though. In 2024, I made so many discoveries and overcame so many internal battles that NO ONE even knows about. I keep trying to set myself free with the harsh truths of emotional abuse but still there is times my brain wants to make up a nicer story in my head. My brain tirelessly tries to find any evidence that I was loved even in the slightest when I knooow it was never love but strictly abuse.

Doesn’t mean the abuse was on purpose. Maybe people are battling within their own selves and can’t help how they treat others. Idk I’m not making excuses but I do find myself trying to find something positive to it all. Trying to find any hope in the situation and get a solution. I know the past is long over and I feel so bad every time I still ruminate it or stress over it. Why though??? I’m trying to heal and get better. ❤️‍🩹 I don’t like beating myself up but everyone around me is so tough and seems to be looking at me like I’m so lazy 😢 I mean, no one seems to acknowledge how I put my self and life on hold alllll those years when I took care of others and didn’t take care of my own self now they expect me to function as nothing happened….

No one saw the abuse accept God. My mom knew I talked to people online and she always hated it…. When Jake posted my nudes all over Twitter, I was so ashamed of myself!!! Seriously, how could I talk to family about that??? That’s not something you wanna share or brag about. I was mortified and humiliated.

Various people consistently made me feel stupid and I felt everyone hated me. Where’s all the love, man??? Everyone is so cold to me ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹🌹 then I get cold too cuz I’m angry at the world for mistreating me but yet, I do have family and friends who care about me. I’ve tried to accept this cold world since I was little in school when teachers are making me feel stupid too. Well, daily I’m working to accept myself 🌹❤️‍🩹 NO ONE can take it away from me either!! Choosing peace and hope over everything. Choose to believe people were wrong about me ❤️‍🩹🌹 The abuse can’t have been for nothing. It’s part of my story and it’s sad, yes but SOMETHING good has to come out of it at some point. I keep waiting and longing for something to happen. Some kind of miracle 🌹🌹🌹 I’m NOT crazy! There is beauty even in the things that hurt us. Don’t give up 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[modest-moon]

it’s a wild thing to be dealing with mental illness!!! recovery is truly not linear…crazy how u can lose ur absolute mind one week and after a month you are having just the best time

[i-like-anything-water]

chlonette fic where an akuma is an akumatized egg that's responsible for taking over the whole world according to Bunnix and in order to prevent it, Ladybug must make sure whatever hatches does not fall into the wrong hands. everything is set into plan, they retrieve the egg, make sure they have everything they need for baby sitting and luckily, Ladybug is good with kids and evil eggs.

Except, Chloé isn't. And by some luck the egg likes her.

It's crack, it's chlonette begrudging co parenting, it's a surprise on whatever the heck hatches and it's good for Chloe's exploration with trauma from both parents. It also has an evil egg.

[i-am-simply-here]

When I'm trying to remember when all this pain and stuff started, I read my old diary from middle and high school (there are several from after as well, I still add entries once or twice a year). its always interesting to see how it plays out. My biggest concern when I wrote was my mental health (ya girl was a train wreck), but you start seeing physical health pop up every few entries, then almost every entry. I never describe what's wrong. I usually just say "I'm sick again. I don't know what's wrong" or something like that. And I had a habit of going back to previous entries and adding notes. saw one next to an entry like that that just said "you're always sick' . you also start to see me talk about being exhausted all the time, too tired and struggling to make it through the day.

When it starts to get real bad, and my anxiety takes over, there's a lot of notes of me refusing to tell anyone, to ask for help, and saying the pain is normal and I'm just overreacting, calling myself weak. Things like that :/

There's an entry that says "I had to apologize to my body today. I don't know what I did to it to feel this way" 🙁

After that it seems like I start actually telling people, but I'm frustrated no one believes me or takes me seriously. and I start describing it more as pain and what the pain is and where it hurts.

The entries that hurts me the most though. Are the ones that says

"I still feel sick but I'm sure I'll be fine soon"

And

"I hope I feel better soon. I don't want to feel this way much longer. I don't know if I can make it"

Because I know its not true.

[dangerclaw]

I wholeheartedly believe Percy wasn’t romantically interested in Rachel because she was a rich red head when they first met, like Nancy (the Yancy bully)

Except Rachel’s chill, so they became friends

[hidden-1n-the-sand]

it’s over. oh thank fuck it’s over im going to sleep and not wake up forever bc i am so tired it’s over yipppppppeeeeeee

[stardustedknuckles]

It just hit me that the reason I hate "therapy speak" (specifically the edge approaching business speak) as opposed to just saying what you mean is that it feels exactly like how I used to have to carefully craft how I felt about things to avoid putting blame on my mother lest she come at me. It's the same feeling of "I'm having to repackage what I actually want to say in a way that satisfies the questions demanded of me without getting me in more trouble." I despise it and especially when people use it on me, because I automatically interpret it as them trying to be careful around me when I haven't done anything to give them a reason to be so careful the way I had to be. Alternatively, I'm being told something awful but it's a nesting doll level of meaning to soften the blow. Intellectually I realize that's not generally the case and obviously it's rarely about me, but it flares my annoyance HARD when someone starts doing it to me. Say what you mean. I can take it. And it's also permission for me to say what I mean. If someone starts couching their feelings in 19 degrees of removal, I'm not going to feel comfortable being direct lest it come off mean by comparison. In essence, it signals the opposite of safety. It's a sign that a social dance has begun and I must play to be taken in good faith, and it drives me crazy.

[snekdood]

i honestly just think gen z and gen alpha have an issue with communication in general and thats causing a lot of fucking issues.

[girlwithrituals]

GLOW UP GUIDE FOR 2025⠀

READ: On average, it takes more than 2 months before a new behavior becomes automatic — 66 days to be exact. And considering that 2025 is precisely these many days away, why not start with our glow up plan already?

Physical Glow Up-

BODY

— 5-10K steps a day.

— 7-8 hours of sleep.

— workout everyday for 1 hr atleast- yoga/stretching/pilates/cardio/lifting weights. a workout may take one hour, but your mood will be boosted for the next 12 hours.

— posture training.

— sunlight exposure after waking up for at least 10 minutes.

NUTRITION

— 2-3 liters of water every day.

— limit your caffeine intake.

— avoid sugars as much as you can.

— high protein diet, pre and probiotics.

— more fruits and veggies (+ green smoothies if you like).

— no junk/processed food/trans fat.

— no eating after 8 pm.

SKINCARE

— be clear on your skin type (oily, dry, combination, sensitive).

— once you're clear, use these accordingly- cleanser, toner, targeted serum, eye cream, moisturizer, sunscreen (≥50 spf).

— keep your bedding clean as well.

— no picking of skin on your lips, cuticle etc.

— gua sha to help improve blood circulation and lessen toxins.

— cold therapy may take three to five minutes of being uncomfortable, but your energy levels will be boosted for the rest of the day.

— remove makeup before you go to bed.

BODY CARE

— shower every day.

— exfoliate 2x a week.

— use body lotion (shea butter/aloe vera gel/coconut oil).

HAIR CARE

— wash hair 2-3x a week

— oil your scalp 2x a week, at least 3 hours before shampoo.

— hair mask 1x per week.

— never brush wet hair.

— use silk pillow case.

HYGIENE

— brush your teeth 2x a day, clean tongue and the roof of the mouth daily.

— floss daily.

— cut your nails 1x a week, never remove the cuticles.

— glycolic acid under arm for odor and discoloration.

— never use soap on your coochie.

Mental Glow Up-

MINDSET

— set clear goals- define and breakdown your aspirations.

— start your mornings with positive affirmations.

— surround yourself with uplifting content and people.

— be shamelessly selfish to your career and mental health, remove anyone or anything that doesn't align with your priorities and wellbeing.

— boost your brain health by these 4 neuroscience tools:

difficult first: start your day with the most difficult task (cortisol and dopamine are high in the body meaning that your body/mind is primed to work).

rest your eyes: introduce a micro-pause after learning by resting/closing your eyes - will help retain information better.

tomorrow's worries: write tomorrow's to-do list before bed as it is proven to be effective in helping you fall asleep.

find time to play: engage in low-stake play. can be anything you find fun but where the outcome doesn't matter (induces neuroplasticity + reduces stress).

MIND

— meditation might take as low as ten minutes, but your focus will be improved for the rest of the day.

— no social media after waking up and at least an hour before bed.

— keep aside 1 hr of time to read daily! reading a new book may take five hours, but you will keep the knowledge forever.

— journaling, gratitude.

— digital detox once a week or for 12 hours.

— limit unnecessary screentime, unfollow or cut off people you don't want to see.

JOURNALING

— choose a regular time each day to journal, making it a part of your routine.

— find a quiet, comfortable place free from distractions. light a candle if you want.

— allow your thoughts to flow without censoring or editing.

— write about your feelings and emotions to understand them better. write about things you are thankful for to boost your mood. write about your short-term and long-term goals. identify what triggers certain emotions or reactions

— set a timer for 5-10 minutes and write continuously during that time.

— reflect on both positive experiences and challenges.

— make lists, journal your thoughts on these questions.

— journal at night to clear your mind before bedtime, because emotions and thoughts lose their power once we acknowledge them.

— a gratitude practice may take five minutes, but your mindset will be shifted for the rest of the day.

AFFIRMATIONS

— customise affirmations to your needs.

Personal Life-

WEEKLY TASKS

— initiate small changes: begin with small, manageable tasks such as making your bed or cleaning your room every sunday.

— celebrate your success: reward yourself when you achieve your goals or have a consistently productive week. consider treats like buying flowers for yourself or watching your favorite show.

DAILY WORK

— set achievable goals: establish realistic goals for the day, week, or month ahead.

— track your progress.

— organise your work space, declutter your shelves etc.

— embrace the power of lists: keep a list of tasks to be done and their deadlines. this way, you start each day with a clear plan. to make it visually appealing and motivating, consider using productivity apps like evernote, habit tracker, or notion.

PRODUCTIVITY TIPS

— wake up early.

— plan ahead everything, do scheduling. you can use:

google calendar / notion / tasks .

— if the task takes less than 2 minutes to finish, do it immediately.

— countdown rule, if you are procrastinating, count 1-2-3-4-5 and jump.

— start slow, don't rush and try to do everything at one time.

— follow a proper routine, use app locks based on screentime.

— pomodoro technique, 25 min work, and 5 min break.

— schedule longer break times as well e.g 30 min nap.

[dragon-in-a-fez]

okay so I have this idea for a new therapy thing. basically the idea is after an abusive relationship or a combat deployment or anything that might conceivably leave you with PTSD and a loss of ability to reasonably gauge how bad the shit that happened to you actually was, you sit there with a mental health professional for like, a solid 30 to 60 minutes, you tell them short vignettes of your experiences and they respond ONLY by rating how fucked up each one was on a scale from 1 to 10 and then you move on. the objective isn't to reflect deeply on specific experiences but to get a sustained series of reassurances that what you went through was, in fact, That Bad and gradually rebuild your trust in your own present and future ability to judge when what you're going through isn't okay.

currently calling it Rapid Fire Affirmation and Recalibration Therapy (RAP-FART). working title, open to feedback.