#and then after forever make a post of like end of year status. late status

[cherubimcore]

golden bars, fragile hearts

pairing: caracalla x reader

author's note: i have been working on this fic for a while but lately everything i write i kind of hate, i'm editing this so much i'm getting insane (also college doesn't help) so i decided to finally post it or this fic would stay on my drafts forever 😭

this is part 1!

the sun blazed down on the colosseum, the bloodstained sand reflecting its golden light making

the day feel more heated than anticipated, you remembered hearing on your way to the amphitheater that this was one of the hottest days of the year, that statement felt quite right as you walked the busy streets, sweat dripping from your nose wishing you had drank a glass of water before leaving your house, but your thoughts were elsewhere completely when you stepped outside. you would think that the heat would be a hindrance for the festivities that the people of rome looked forward to, but somehow that didn’t mattered, it didn't mattered for the bloodthirsty emperors, caracalla and geta, the infamous twins, that loved violence and brutality more than the people they should rule and it also didn't mattered for the crowd, the thought of seeing a gladiator fight was worth passing out from heat stroke, apparently.

you could hear their roar, a mix of jeers and cheers that echoed off the stone walls, from your seat you stood frozen hearing their excitement, your heart pounding against your ribs waiting for the moment your father would step into the arena.

you had promised yourself you wouldn’t go, your father made you promise when the praetorian guards came at your door saying the emperors demanded that the man that had won his freedom many years ago would fight again one last time to prove his worth.

when they utter those words you were the one that wanted to fight, fight the guards, fight the emperors and protect the only family you had left, but before you could deliver any profanity, your father lowered his head and expressed how honorable he was to entertain the people of rome once again.

he looked back at you with teary eyes, taking in the simple yet comforting house he was living in even before you were born, the one he worked so hard to build after he bought his freedom killing others just like him, spoils of war, it was poetic really, he thought, his life began as a gladiator and would end as a gladiator, a little chuckle left his lips, the gods really did worked in mysterious ways.

while you tried to come to terms with his decision, your father kissed your forehead lovingly and made you promise you wouldn’t watch before being taken by the praetorian guards.

and you agreed.

but now you were going against your dad’s dying wish.

your jaw tightened as you stood among the roaring crowd, people chanting and cheering for the gladiators, cheers that were as empty as the promises of rome’s twin emperors.

caracalla and geta ruled not through love or respect, but through terror and empty entertainment. the streets of rome were restless, simmering with rebellion that never seemed to fade completely. just weeks ago, riots had broken out in the forum, citizens torching statues of the emperors while shouting for justice. but now, here they were, packed into the colosseum, their rage momentarily silenced by the lure for bloodshed.

‘panem et circenses’ you thought bitterly, watching how easily the crowd forgot their oppression, the chants growing louder as a gladiator fell to his knees ‘bread and circuses are all it takes to dull their anger for a few hours’

but when the games ended and the blood was washed from the sand, the discontent would return. the people would rebel again - you were sure of it - because no amount of free grain or violent spectacles could suppress the desperation in their hearts.

you hoped the emperors were afraid for their heads because sooner or later the act of depredating their statues won’t be enough.

rome was a city on the edge, and your father was about to become its next distraction.

that was the first thought that crossed your mind while you saw your father walk towards the middle of the coliseum.

his gait was uneven, his shoulders hunched - not from cowardice but from the toll of age. the once-celebrated gladiator, who had won his freedom fairly, was now back at being paraded as nothing more than a relic for the crowd’s amusement.

he held his sword steady while raising it to salute the emperor’s box, but you could see the way his hand trembled. your father’s movements were slower than they once had been, but his pride remained unbroken.

your heart clenched. this wasn’t a fight - it was a death sentence.

the announcer’s voice boomed across the arena “behold! a veteran of rome’s might, returning for one last dance with death! will he rise as a lion, or fall as prey?”

the gates on the opposite side of the arena open, and a younger, stronger gladiator stepped forward, his muscles gleaming with sweat, his expression cold and unyielding.

you couldn’t let this happen.

you ran from your seating, hearing people behind you screaming to take your place closer to the bloodshed, pushing past every guard that standed if front of you especially the guards who blocked the lower level of the arena, you ignored their shouts and protests, they couldn’t catch you, too surprised to see someone run towards the arena of the colosseum, instead of run from it. every step felt heavier than the last as your decision bore down on you.

but you didn’t stop.

the sand was hot under your feet and your clothes were sticking on your skin as you stumbled onto the arena floor, drawing the collective gasp of the audience.

your father dropped his sword as his head snapped toward you, his eyes wide with panic.

“get out of here!” he shouted.

but you didn’t listen. you ran to him, your heart hammering in your chest, and threw yourself in front of him, spreading your arms wide as a shield.

the younger gladiator paused mid-step, his brow furrowing in confusion.

the crowd erupted in chaos, excited with something they had never seen before, someone willing to protect a gladiator from their deathbed.

high above, the emperor’s box stirred. you felt their gazes on you, your breath quickening showing your nervousness for having the attention of the infamous rulers of rome on you, but you didn’t back down and stared right back at them in defiance.

caracalla, one of the twin emperors, rose from his seat, the ornate red fabric of his toga trailing behind him as he stepped to the edge of the balcony.

“what is the meaning of this?” he demanded, his voice sharp enough to cut through the noise.

you almost didn’t listen to his words because of your own heart pounding heavily on your rib cage making you nauseous, for a moment you were sure you would pass out.

you ignored the nausea building up and the tremors in your limbs, looking up to the emperors with a steady voice, despite the fear you were feeling, you managed to say “i’m here… to take his place!”

a murmur rippled through the crowd. your father grabbed your arm, his grip strong despite his weakened state. “what are you doing?” he hissed.

without turning to him, you said loud enough for everyone in the colosseum to hear. “i won’t let them kill you!”

caracalla’s piercing gaze locked onto yours seeing determination on them, his expression went from furious to amused in a matter of seconds. “this is… unexpected,” he said, his tone laced with mockery “tell me then, what makes you think you’re in a position to bargain with me?”

“i’m not here to bargain,” you said, raising your chin, your voice cracking a little when you heard your father behind you, pleading with the other gladiator to get you out of there “i’m here… to offer myself. you want a spectacle, don’t you? my father is an old man - he’s no longer fit to fight. there’s no honor in his death. but me?” you gestured to yourself, your voice rising. “i’m young, untrained and foolish enough to face whatever fate you decide, i’m sure that’s far more entertaining than this.”

emperor geta, seated beside caracalla, chuckled “they have a point, brother, he doesn’t look like the legend we heard so much about” his fingers tapped the rim of his wine cup. “besides… they have spirit. i’ll give them that”

caracalla’s eyes narrowed as he studied you, his expression unreadable. the silence stretched, the weight of his decision hanging over the arena, like a storm cloud.

“bring them to me,” he commanded.

the guards dragged you up the steps to the emperor’s box, their grip firm on your arms to the point of bruising. you stumbled to your knees before caracalla, his imposing frame over you as he stepped closer.

you had heard so much about both emperors, how cruel and unhinged they were, how their reign would be marked in history by decadence, cruelty and chaos, a spectacle of blood and tyranny.

geta was the one everyone thought about when the matter was diplomacy, for he had a talent for weaving words as deftly as a spider spins its web. his voice, always calm and measured, could diffuse tensions or spark them, depending on what suited his ambitions.

geta could be terrible, but to you caracalla was far worse.

a man consumed by his appetites - for control, for blood, for the fleeting thrill of domination. his wrath was as unpredictable as it was unrelenting, unlike his brother, caracalla acted impulsively, driven by bursts of rage, if he felt insulted in the slightest- the emperor would order a village razed.

or several.

you considered him a monster.

a beast.

and nothing could change that.

“you would trade your life for his?” caracalla asked, his voice low and dangerous.

“yes,” you said without hesitation, lifting your gaze to meet his. “my father has served rome for long enough, let him go and take me instead”

“and what makes you think your life is worth more than his?”

“it isn’t” you answered honestly “but i’m still young enough to be at your service, i’ll do anything if you leave him alone”

“anything, you say?” caracalla’s lips curled into a faint smirk “even entertaining me?”

you shivered with the implied meaning of his question, but remained silent.

geta leaned forward, his interest piqued.

“perhaps we should keep them, they're a bold one, brother”

caracalla regarded you for a moment longer, his cold calculating eyes searching yours. then with a sharp nod, he gestured to the guards.

“release the old man, you are going to stay”

your father’s protests echoed beneath you as he was dragged from the arena, but you didn’t look back.

“welcome to your new life,” caracalla said, his voice dripping with mockery. “let’s see if your spirit lasts as long as your courage.”

the emperor barely had finished his sentence when you felt the guard’s ironclad hands gripping your arms once again with a force that left no room for argument, you could feel caracalla’s cold eyes following your every move as you were dragged from the arena, his lips curving into a smirk as though he has claimed a prize rather than a person.

please leave a like or a comment about what you guys are thinking about this fic! i'm kind of insecure with this one :(

[hidden-1n-the-sand]

it’s over. oh thank fuck it’s over im going to sleep and not wake up forever bc i am so tired it’s over yipppppppeeeeeee

[piggyinthemiddle]

As I will probably not post another picture before NYE: Happy New Year from this big pile of lard. 🐷♥️

(Loved the new pic so much that I just HAD TO use it for another comparison, I'm sure you'll forgive me.)

I've been a little quiet, I know! But: Still working on that blob-status..

Below is my usual rambling / gaining experience, of course.

In 2024, my weight kept going back and forth around the 180kg mark, I lost and gained and lost and gained the pounds throughout the last few months and it bothered me alot. But in the end, after Christmas, I'm sitting at a very bloated, wobbly 192kg (423lbs).

So although I did not reach my yearly weight goal (200kg/440lbs) by the end of December due to unfortunate circumstances, 2024 was still my most fattening year yet.

The looks at Christmastime were golden. I'm really kind of struggling with chairs and normal-sized spaces now, and while I still am mobile and can do what I need to do, things have become a lot harder and I need lots of breaks in-between. I have ballooned a lot over the past months regardless of the struggles, the weight and size of my bellyhang makes simple tasks feel impossible tbh.

I bought new clothes as recent as late October but now, most of the shirts don't cover my underbelly, none of my jeans button anymore so I have resorted to stretchy sweat pants.

I'm totally addicted to packing all of my new space with fatty foods, the tightness all across my upper belly after a huge stuffing feels like a reward. Ain't no escaping the road to immobility for this porker.

I could go on forever but I plan on doing some more writing in 2025 so lemme save my words and eat another pizza instead lmao, okay have a good one and enjoy your NYE!!

And I'm totally not complaining if a few asks, some teasing or similar make their way into my inbox THANK YOU BYE 🐷♥️

[venerawrites]

I saw the post where the anon asked for relationship hdcs for before/after the war this morning and I wanted to ask for something similar but make it sort of a spin-off where they broke off bc of his toxic behavior pre-war and then they meet again after it? I hope the anon don't mind me LOLOL i just loved the idea

author's note: I love the exes-to-lovers trope and I was about to go with that at first, but then I decided it's better if I kind of leave it with more of an open ending x For anyone wondering the post anon is talking about, the headcanons this imagine is based on. Hope you enjoy! <3

Loving him was never meant to be easy.

In fact, you often felt like it is shameful. He was cold and cruel, with heart poisoned by hatred. His desire for revenge has become a scary obsession, one which was pushing him closer and closer toward the edge of his sanity every single day.

People were scared of him, you knew that. "The Demon with the Red Eyes", they called him. His name had become a forbidden curse, one that should never be mentioned out loud or it may summon his presence from the shadows. Parents hugged their children close when he walked down the dirty village roads and merchants lowered their heads, hoping he would pass by without a glance. He had became a legend of fear, a nightmare in the shape of a man.

Once upon a time the village you lived in was a peaceful haven - tucked away in the mountains, it was one of the few places where there were no ninjas. Instead of warriors, the people here were craftsmen - they were born and taught to create, not destruct. Blacksmiths forged fine blades from rare metals, making some of the highest-quality weaponry anyone can own. Weavers produced fabrics, so beautiful, every village and clan leader across the lands wanted their garments made from them to show their status and wealth. Over the years, these talents had secured not only peaceful relationships with other villages and nations, but also provided protection to the locals from the turmoil of the outside world.

Rogue ninjas rarely passed by and even when they did, they were not interested in attacking or stealing. They knew that destructing one of the main providers of materials to all the nations would bring only trouble, one that is not worth the headache if you are already a wanted criminal.

But nothing good can last forever and for your village the end of the peaceful times came in the form of Sasuke Uchiha.

It was a late summer night when you found him heavily bleeding on the forest ground near your house. Thinking back, you should've paid more attention to the small crest on the back of his shirt, before you dragged him back to your house. Because barely an hour passed before you found yourself pressed against the wall, the cold metal of his sword barely scraping the delicate skin of your neck.

"Give me one reason I should spare your life", he said calmly, yet his crimson red eyes narrowed as he stared you down. It was then the realisation of who you actually brought home hit you.

"Because I spared yours...", you breathed out, your voice barely above a whisper. Your answer seemed to amuse him and he let out a loud snort, his head leaning to one side. Not only you didn't beg for your life, but you also seemed to find the confidence to provide cheeky answers.

The boy didn't say anything else and you closed your eyes when you felt his blade pressing slightly harder against your skin, making a small cut. Before it can actually harm you, however it retreated completely. You stood there panting, one of your hands immediately moving toward your neck, wiping the small drop of blood that was slowly running down to your collarbone.

When you opened your eyes again, he was gone.

Months passed, yet the memory of that brief interaction haunted you like a ghost. There was something about him, something you couldn't really place your finger on, that allured you like a moth to a flame. Growing up hearing the rumours of a powerful Leaf Shinobi, who abandoned his home and his friends to seek power so he can kill his brother, you have always imagined him as big, scary, monster-like human. Someone who can justify the horror stories the people told about him.

The boy that you brought to your house, however, was too... perfect. His eyes glowed like rubies, making your breath hitch in awe, rather than fear. His skin, despite being covered with small scars and cuts, looked too soft to be one of a warrior. He was beautiful, no denial about that, but the aura of his presence was what mesmerized you. It was unlike anyone you've ever met before. It was powerful, demanding your whole attention and making you feel almost unsignificant in comparison.

Two seasons passed before you found him laying on your couch after you came back home from work, his white shirt painted red from the flowing blood from his abdomen. He didn't even bother to look at you when he heard you gasp and drop the bag with groceries on the floor, instead acknowledging your presence only with a few simple words:

"I need stiches."

Your mouth opened, intending to argue that you are not a healer, but before any sound could come out, your eyes met his and something inside of you broke. His gaze, as black as night, looked like he was silently pleading with you - something he had no guts to do out loud. Before you could think twice about the potential consequences of saving him a second time, you rushed to grab your medical box and sat on the floor before him, starting to delicately work on his skin. He guided you through the process with low voice, his rough fingers wrapping around yours when he noticed them shaking before scolding you for not keeping steady.

"If I knew you were so incompetent with simple tasks that even a child could do, I wouldn't have wasted my time coming here."

One thing about Sasuke is that he was not the type of man to spare your feelings. In fact, with time you noticed the he was taking extra minute before saying something, almost as if he carefully weighting and choosing the words that would sting the most. He seemed to find a certain dose of pleasure in it, his lips barely twitching upwards when you fire back insults at him, telling him he knows where the door is.

Yet time and time again, he found his way back to you. Of course, it was never accompanied by an apology for the way he treated you. He was not the type to apologize or admit fault. Instead, his visits were always paired with a demand. "Heal me", he would command you, before throwing his sword and shirt to the side; or "Let me stay for a while, I need to rest", before entering through the door uninvited. Your home has become a place of solitude, one where he could forget the pain, the lust for blood and the constant headache of having to deal with his old teammates from Konoha, even if it was for few days.

You were not one to hold back against his sharp tongue, matching his words with equal fire. "Ungrateful prick", you would say loud enough for him to hear after he sought your help once again after he was wounded, "This is the last time I am taking care of your stupid ass. Next time I am letting you bleed out on the front porch! I don't care!"

But you did care and it was never 'the last time', no matter how many times you repeated it. And the cycle continued: sharp words would be followed by mutual frustrations and him disappearing for a few weeks, before he found himself entering through the front door once again. You try to convince yourself you hated him, yet you kept leaving your home unlocked, a silent invitation for him to keep reappearing into your life.

It would've been easier to cut him out forever, if it wasn't for the rare glimpses of softness he showed you. The moments when his guard dropped, even if it was just for a bit, revealing that behind his cold exterior, he was just one broken boy. The way he would subtly press his cheek against the palm of your hand when you clean the wounds of his face, silently seeking your warmth and comfort. They way his eyes would soften while he listens to you ramble on and on about the rainy weather which makes it impossible for you to go and work out in your garden. The way he fixed random stuff in your house, after your complained you couldn't really work well with a hammer or that one of the chairs was wobbling, yet the local handyman was too busy to come and take a look.

These moments, so rare, yet significant to you, made it impossible to break this toxic circle you both found yourselves into. Slowly, he became such a constant in your life that it was impossible to even imagine not having him around. He had his own shelf in the wardrobe, where a few of his shirts were folded neatly, though he never explicitly asked you for a place to keep his things. His cup always sat turned upside down near the sink and he often brought "souvenirs" - random, odd trinkets - from his travels across the villages, carefully placing them on the small wooden rack next to the fireplace.

And in a weird way, you didn't mind. Instead, you found yourself doing small acts of care for him, things he never asked or expected you to do. You planted a small corner of your garden with tomato seeds, just for him, so he can have fresh food whenever he visited. You packed cooked meals for him and his teammates, despite never meeting them. You washed his clothes and folded them, so they were ready to be used next time he came. You adapted to his small habits like waking up at five o'clock every single morning and having jasmine tea for breakfast, so it was always ready by time he finishes his morning training.

The balance you managed to strike between the words of resentment and the gestures of gentleness was as delicate as a thread about to snap. You knew it cannot last forever, not when you were witnessing him falling deeper and deeper into the darkness of his own hatred. The closer he was to finding and killing Itachi, the further he drifted from the Sasuke you knew. But you clung to the hope it is not too late for him, that once he had this final battle he was preparing for so long, he would be free of the rage that consumed him and would see that the peace he so badly wanted, could not be achieved by spilling blood.

But that same battle turned out to be the beginning of the end. For both of the little sanity he had left and of the whatever bond you had between you.

When he came to your house that night, you almost did not recognize him. Not because he was covered in dirt and dried blood, because at this point you were used to seeing him like this, but because you have never seen tears in his eyes before. His battered body collapsed in your arms and for the first time, he opened the gates to his past and told you all about his family. In the past he has mentioned bits and pieces, but never the full story. Between shuddering breaths, he recounted memories from his childhood - the playful afternoons with his mother, the training sessions with his father and brother and memories of that one night that turned his whole life upside down.

"Everything I believed, it all turned to be a lie... I..", the words fell like broken whimpers from his mouth, not forming full sentences, yet you knew better than to answer. You just held him in your arms, letting him pour all his pain, frustration and guilt, hoping that this would ease the weight of the burdens he'd carried for so long.

But what you thought was a light in the end of the tunnel turned out to be flashing red warning of what was to come. The idea of revenge persisted, this time against his former home and its leaders. His words became sharper, his presence colder and there seemed to be a new fire of hatred burning inside of him, one brighter than before. The rare glimpses of care and protectiveness that he has shown to you before, now spiraled into unhealthy paranoia of someone coming after you.

"What exactly are you doing?", you asked one day when you came home only to find him pulling your clothes out of the wardrobe and putting them into a leather bag.

Sasuke didn't even spare you a glance, his jaw tight as he continued packing with swift, urgent moves. His hair was sticking in different directions and he had dark bags under his eyes, indicator of the many nights he spend laying in bed wide awake.

"You are coming with me."

These five words caused a shiver to run down your spine. Without thinking, you lunged forward, gripping his wrist mid-air as he was reaching to pull more of your belongings. His head turned sharply toward you, his eyes narrowing as a warning for you to back off.

"Sasuke, just stop!", you snap, retreating your hand but still standing your ground, "Tell me what is going on!"

The young Uchiha stared at you for a minute, his gaze boring into yours, before he let out a loud scoff and turned his attention back to packing. He was just about to reach for a pile of your shirts, when you slapped his wrist away, annoyed at how he seemed to ignore not only your words, but your whole presence.

"Sasuke, I said stop! I am not going anywhere!"

Your words hung in the air, firm and final. He turned toward you, making a small step in your direction so you were chest to chest. You could feel the heat radiating from him and for a moment the whole room felt too small, almost as if shrunk with the intensity of his inner fury.

"I am not asking you", he hissed through gritted teeth. Before you can reply, his fingers found their way to your jaw, gripping at as he held your gaze with his, "You are coming with me, whether you like it or not. It's not safe for you here."

The pressure of his grip made you wince, while your hands pressed against his chest, trying to push him away. But he was always bigger and stronger than you, and while you have spent countless nights admiring his physique, now you cursed his strength and size.

The darkness of his eyes transformed into glowing red, his silent way of showing that he meant what he was saying.

He was not about to leave you here, not when you belonged to him.

"Sasuke!", you cried out, pressing against his chest with more force, but he remained unmoving, "Stop! You're hurting me."

Your words seemed to fall on deaf ears, his grip on your jaw tightening. His thumb brushed against your bottom lip and you gulped at the feeling, your whole body tensing one he pressed his forehead against yours.

"Don't you understand?", he asked, frustrated at the way you pushed him away. His voice was laced with a mix of desperation and annoyance, the volume of it rising with each word he spoke.

"I'm doing this for you, for US", he stressed on the last word, his head moving just an inch away so he can look into your eyes again, "They will come for you! They will use you as leverage against me and I can't-"

"Freaking hell, who is they? What are you talking about?"

The questions seemed to annoy him and instead of loosing his hold on you, he fingers dug tighter, almost as if he was scared you may slip between them.

"Who is they?", he growled, shaking his head, "It's freaking everyone! All the villages, their leaders, every damn rogue ninja out there who is after the bounty on my head... they will all come after you! I can't let that happen! I WON'T let that happen."

With both hands gripping the front of his shirt, you finally relaxed in his grip and allowed yourself to actually look at him.

And then your heart clenched in fear. It wasn't because you were scared of his dark predictions or the possibility of any of his enemies getting to you. No. What you were scared of was that after seeing the way his body shook and heard how his voice trembled, you had to accept the one truth you tried to run from for a very long time.

That the the man you fell in love with was no longer there . The Demon with the Red Eyes was all that remained.

With one final, stronger push you managed to free yourself from his hold and you didn't waste even a second in putting some distance between you. Your hand moved to your face, rubbing the sore skin while you held your eyes glued to the floor.

Even the sight of him was too much to bear at this moment.

"Stop resisting and just listen to me-", he tried to reason with you, but his attempt did nothing more than make you sick in the stomach.

"Stop, just stop!"

"I am trying to protect you-"

"You can't protect me from yourself!"

The words felt like a slap to the face and he stumbled a step back, his face twisting into a hurt expression. It was a look you've seen only once, almost two months ago when he cried in your arms after killing Itachi, one that you thought you may never see again. It pained you too, seeing him so fragile and knowing you were the reason for his disappointment and distress.

But just as quickly it showed, it was gone and replaced with his usual mask of coldness.

"You think you need protection.. from me?", his tone was even, laced with irritation as he studied you from the opposite corner of the room. His fists clenched, the urge to just grab you and drag you with him getting stronger and stronger. He wasn't sure if he wanted to hear the answer to the question, not when he already knew the answer was a positive one.

"I thought...", you managed to say before closing your mouth again and moving your head to the side. The heaviness of his gaze felt like a unbearable weight on your shoulders, one which could crush you any second now.

"You thought what?", he pressed, his head tilting to the side, "What did you think, huh? That I would stay in this silly cottage in the middle of nowhere and garden vegetables all day long? That I would just forgive and forget the people who put not only me, but also my brother through hell? The people who took everything from me?"

You watched him walk closer, shortening the safe distance you've put between you just a few moments ago. Was this what you thought? Was this what you wanted? To be honest you didn't know... The fragile illusion of your domestic cozy life, accompanied by you falling in love with the idea of someone who you thought you knew, had shattered so quickly, that you didn't know what you thought. Or wanted.

Perhaps it was your fault. You invited a monster into your life and now the consequences of your actions finally caught to you. Was there really anyone to blame but yourself?

After a minute, you managed to gather your thoughts and you looked up at him, forcing your gaze to meet his despite the overwhelming desire to just turn around and run as far as possible from him.

"I thought that there may still be hope for you", you said, your head weakly shaking from side to side, "But I was wrong. You are too far gone... and I can't let you drag me with you."

Sasuke remained silent, his red eyes studying your face, searching for any signs of insecurity, any crack in your resolve. And when he found nothing, he couldn't help but clench his fists by his side. For a moment you thought he may lash out at you, but instead, he simply turned his back to you, walking toward the door with heavy steps.

"You've always been like this", he said flatly, stopping once his hand reached the doorknob, "Naive, stupid little thing... thinking the world is just flowers and goodness. Living in your little pink bubble and having no idea of how the real world works."

His voice sounded like a snake's hiss, low, yet venomous, each word dripping with disdain. He stood there for a few more seconds and you saw the muscles of his back tensing under his shirt. But when you thought he will turn around and say something else, you were met with nothing but his retreating figure, followed by the loud slam of the door.

He was gone. And this time, the cycle was broken.

.

7 years later, after the war...

.

Fate is a funny thing.

Growing up, you thought you would never leave your home village, let alone wander across unknown lands and dipping your toes into unknown cultures. After all, with so much cruelty and bloodshed happening, why would you leave your safe home?

Unlike many others, your village flourished during the war - the fine weapons the locals produced were in a high demand and the orders for them came one after the other. Business boomed, and what had once been a quiet place untouched by the chaos of the outside world, suddenly became a hub of activity. And while the people tried to continue their lives as normal, it was a fact that the village was now a central player on the global chessboard.

The decision to leave such a place during a time of conflict was not an easy one - this was your home, the only security you had. But seeing the people you loved and cherished create weapons, used to further fuel the war happening beyond the village walls, has shifted something inside of you and the way you looked at the world. Maybe all this time, Sasuke was right, and you did indeed lived in your own pink bubble.

The times were unforgiving, the people as well. The Uchiha frequent visits did not go unnoticed by the locals, especially toward the end of your "relationship" when they were happening every few days. As expected, none of them was willing to show any sympathy toward him or you, for that matter. The reputation that preceded Sasuke has always been tainted by his past and soon that reputation threw its shadow onto you as well.

Within a few months after he left forever, you were no longer viewed with the same regard as you once had been. Whispers followed you in the streets, and eyes watched you with suspicion, but always behind your back. The once warm greetings were replaced with cold indifference, and the stall where you continued to sell your vegetables for a while turned from one of the most crowded places on the Sunday market into an abandoned wooden table covered with your fresh produce that nobody wanted.

It hurt. You were once a part of this community and some of the people felt like family. Like the baker Pow, who always made sure to add olive oil and some lemon juice to at least one of his breads, because he knew this was how you liked them. Or the shoemaker Nara, who always made the same model of shoes for your birthday since you were ten and at this point it was some sort of a joke between you two.

But now these people had cut you off, leaving you alone with nothing but memories of what it feels to belong to something. The people you had grown up with, shared meals with, confided in, had now become strangers.

Sasuke Uchiha shattered not only your heart, but your whole life.

And were left with no choice but to leave.

Ironically, that turned out one of the best things that ever happened to you. You met many people during your travels and picked up many different skills. Your knowledge about plants has landed you the opportunity to work under the supervision of well-known botanists, exposing you the real wonders of the world. Under their mentorship you grew as rapidly as a flower - you hungrily soaked knowledge and cultivated it, eager to one day have your name known alongside those experts who you looked up to.

New friendships were formed and new loves were experienced along the way. Life still had ups and downs, but you were more confident now, more resilient, and better equipped to handle whatever came your way. The future was full of surprises, ones that you often embraced with open arms. Every day was different and you were always eager to see what the next one would bring.

What you didn't expect, however, was for fate to meet you with the last Uchiha once again.

It happened when you least anticipated it, in the most ordinary of places. You traveled to a remote village to assist one of your mentors in delivering a lecture about herbs that can be used in medicine at the local academy. This was your life now: sharing your knowledge, working alongside brilliant minds and helping inspire young students to follow the same steps. And while you usually didn't pay attention to the faces in the crowd, too focused on delivering your presentation, the onyx eyes you used to love so much were impossible to miss.

Sasuke stood in the same corner throughout the whole session, not daring to approach you till the end, when it was only you and him left in the room.

"You are hard to find", he stated, the faintest ghost of a smile playing on his lips. He looked different - older, for sure, but also with calmer and more mature aura. He was dressed in all dark and his hair was longer, covering one of his eyes.

"But you still did", you stated blankly, turning your attention back to putting the jars of dried herbs in your bag.

"I've had to do my research."

The words hung between you, as he lingered behind you, silently watching you putting away your stuff. Just like him, you have changed. There was no trace of the fiery, yet insecure young farmer that had saved his life so many times years ago. Instead, now you stood proud and confident before him, a testament to all you’d endured and achieved since those days.

After a few minutes of silence, you finally turned around to face him.

"What are you doing here?"

His gaze held yours, his eyes softening just the tiniest bit as he followed the lines of your face. Gazing at the person he had dreamed about for so many years felt almost too good to be true ... and for a moment he needed to just take it in, make sure you were really there before him.

The man lifted his left arm to reach for his bag and this was the moment you noticed it was the only one he had. You tried not to stare, but your throat involuntarily stiffened at the sight. Sasuke Uchiha, the strongest man you've ever met, the inspiration that has inspired so many legends across the land, had suffered a loss just like many other during the war. Another reminded that he was just a human, like the rest of the world.

He must have noticed your staring, because the moment he pulled one of the books you co-written with another botanist, he adjusted his cloak and hid the front of his body from view.

"I've read your book", he placed the book on the desk between you. His eyes moved a few times between the cover and your face, trying to find the right words to express the storm of feelings that was brewing inside his chest after seeing you for so long. Funny how on the way here he thought about all the things he wanted to say if he actually find you, yet now he was now unable to mutter even a word more.

"Thank you?", you raised a brow, unsure how to respond.

Sasuke has always been a man of action rather than one of words. In the past, you learned how to read the smallest twitches and movements of his body in order to guess what he is thinking. But as you watched him now, all nervous and unable to hold your gaze for more than few seconds, you felt like you were looking at a stranger.

"I am sorry", his suddenly said and you felt your breath hitch. You blinked a few times in surprise, unsure if you had heard correctly.

He lifted his eyes to look at you, before clearing his throat:

"I am sorry I treated you the way I did. I am sorry I was so blinded by my anger and hate to actually listen to you. I am sorry I left", with each word you felt your chest getting tighter and heavier with all the emotions you had thought you buried long ago.

"The thing I am most sorry about is that I couldn't protect you... from me."

The wound you thought has healed a long time ago was wide open again and you had to grab the edge of the desk to keep yourself from collapsing before him. Never have you even hoped to see him again, let alone hear him apologize. It felt almost like a dream, and you had to blink a few times, just to make sure his appearance was not just a sick joke your mind has decided to play on you after a long day.

After waiting a few minutes for a response which never came, Sasuke let out a soft sigh, before making a few steps toward you. His fingers twitched, the need to reach out and touch you almost overwhelming, yet he held back.

"I am proud of you. You came far.."

The man offered you a small smile, one which you could not really return because of the state of shock you were still in. It all felt surreal, like a tsunami of unresolved feelings, memories and unsaid things hitting you all at once.

"You don't have to say anything", he said after noticing the struggle you faced in trying to convey your conflicted feelings into words, "I don't expect you to forgive me or to forget what I did to you. But I just... needed to see you. At least one last time."

He was just about to turn around, when your free hand reached for his arm and you wrapped your fingers around his wrist.

"Wait!"

He paused, turning his head to look at you. For a moment, you felt silly and vulnerable, unsure of why exactly did you stop him or what you should say to him.

"Don't go. Not yet. Just..."

Sasuke's expression shifted slightly and his features softened slightly as he gazed down at you. You could tell this was not the response he expected. Maybe deep down he hoped you were the same fiery person as before and that you would just throw a jar of dirt at his head for putting you through so much. Or that you would scream at him and just kick him out. Maybe that way it would be easier to actually cut the fragile thread of memories that still connected you. But you were not ready to do that yet.

"Would you help me pack the things back?", you nodded your head toward the bag of jars and pile of documents that were still sitting on the desk. As usual, your mentor decided to leave earlier, leaving all of the clearing up part to you.

"Maybe we can go to the local teahouse after. To catch up... for the old times' sake."

Your fingers withdrew from his arm and you took a step back, putting some distance between you. His one visible eye followed your figure and slowly he nodded his head.

Deep down you both knew that this may not be the best thing to do. You were both different people now, yet the memories of your shared time was bound to haunt both of you no matter how hard you tried to pretend it didn't happen. While you both grew and changed, he was not fully healed yet. And neither was you. You still had much to grow, to learn, to see.

Fate was indeed a funny thing. It intervened your paths before and for better or the worse, it was doing it again. And you couldn't really know if you should allow it, but who were you to get in its way? Perhaps this time it would be different. Or perhaps you would just go back in time, ending in the same position you found yourself seven years ago.

But as he stood next to you, silently organizing and packing the last few documents left on the desk, you knew you had to just allow life flow and embrace any change or challenge it threw in your way. Even if its name was Sasuke Uchiha.

cc artwork: Shan Yanan

[disneyprincemuke]

in another life * fem!driver au

"if not in this universe, do you think we're at least together in another?" "there has to be at least one where we're happy."

i HAVE SUCCUMBEDDD TO THE VOICEESSSSSS THE VOICESSSSSSS AHHHHHH

and my demons bc here we are :/

this is more smaus and shorter blurbs just because i don't wanna get too attached to logan and my literal fictional character being together huhuhuhu

could've been -> in which logan decided to make a move on her after her confession instead of ignoring his feelings and eventually getting over it

everything at 18, but nothing at 22 -> in which the drastic difference in their performance in their career seems to finally be catching up to them

they ask, “do you have a man?” -> in which everyone is curious why the grid princess is still single despite instagram posts from them seem to be giving out another narrative

is it just platonic? -> in which she and logan can’t help but flirt with each other in public, but it’s always disregarded as them being mega best friends

everybody talks too much -> in which he accidentally slips up during an interview and calls her his ‘girlfriend’ sending everyone into a frenzy

in the late night, in a disguise -> in which logan has to dress entirely differently to run some late-night errands with her in the uk

the grid princess x everyone -> in which everyone seems to ship her with everyone but her actual secret boyfriend

kiss all your tears away -> in which she and logan don't walk into the paddocks together for the first time all season and sends everyone speculating about the status of their relationship friendship

is it killing you like it's killing me? -> in which she and logan try to navigate the worst part about dating your literal coworker

tis the season for mistletoasters -> in which they invite a select few of their friends over for the holidays and a particular holiday decoration catches them off guard

there doesn't seem to be anyone around -> in which they're simply not discreet enough about sneaking around in the paddocks

the summer seemed to last forever -> in which they didn't want summer break to end because that meant having to sneak around again

baby, it's cold outside -> in which she always get seasonal depression at the same time of the year and he tries to make her feel better about it

i don't want you like a best friend -> in which their trip to the bahamas two years ago suddenly becomes a push and pull game that neither of them knew the rules to

the kind of book you can't put down -> in which the thought of settling down and being with her scares him more than anything in the world, but he can’t seem to steer away from the thought of ‘them’

you make everyday feel like it's christmas -> in which logan surprises her in the morning with a throughtful second present

in sickness and in health -> in which she's down with the flu and while she's locked herself away to contain the virus, her boyfriend simply refuses to stay away for too long

bad sushi and bad stomachs -> in which she completely overanalyses the situation when she wakes up puking from bad sushi, forcing her to have a conversation about potentially having kids

it's when we're in a crowded room -> in which they’ve got their own little ways to communicate their feelings for one another while they’re under watch of the crowd that’s not supposed to know of their relationship

god bless america -> in which it's everyone's favourite american's birthday and they can't help but take the piss out of him

i'm a monster on the hill -> in which insecurities suddenly strike up when she sees her boyfriend parading with williams’ star guest for the race weekend

[shtern-and-art]

Welcome to the little AU I like to think about, where Viktor and Jayce both live in Zaun, and Arcane is actually about class struggle and oppression. Let's start with Jayce's backstory (you can find Viktor's here).

First of all in this house we fully accept the theory that Jayce and his mother are not from Piltover. They moved there to live with Jayce's dad when Jayce was still a kid (most likely from Ixtal). We appreciate and dig deep into mixed immigrant kid Jayce Talis narrative (yes, there will be more posts exploring this theme in canon later). 

With that in mind, let's begin.

THE PILTOVER DREAM

- Let's imagine that house Talis was a bit further on the decline when Ximena and Jayce moved to Piltover. Couldn't keep up with the capitalist progress and the demands of high society anymore, losing even more of the status and wealth each passing day.

- They already downsized to owning only one factory somewhere in Zaun already. And eventually Jayce's dad had to sell it, too, to close the last debts.

A fun point to think about, because it was either leaving his grandchildren paying off the failed business expenses decades from now, or losing everything right now, and living in poverty, but without that shadow over the family. Let's not think too deeply about aggressive business takeovers and monopolies of Piltover, it'll get too sad and aggravating fast.

- Eventually, and rather fast in the grand scheme of things, Talis and his family moved to Zaun. Where he continued working as an engineer at the last Talis factory he had to sell. How about that turn of events, huh.

- Now imagine you and your mum escape poverty, get to the bigger, shinier city in another country to reunite with your dad... but end up spending only a year there at most, before you all have to move to the local poverty capital. And all the kids there look at you like "ew, you're one of those bourgeois bitches".

- So yeah, Jayce's formidable years were not as fun, not a lot of friends made between his autistic straightforwardness and the shadow of Piltover making up an imaginary chip on his shoulder.

- His dad had a nicer official job, too. Gained somewhat of a passable, if not overly friendly, reputation. Worked hard, and didn't complain or bring up any hazing. He needed this job and this reputation, after all.

"It's complicated" status on LinkedIn.

- He taught Jayce what he could in the late evenings, and let him rampage through the family's library before starting to slowly sell it off.

- Nice times didn't last long, though. Couple of years after the move to Zaun, Jayce's dad passed away at work, in a gruesome accident. Crushed to death while fixing up the broken machinery. The funding of the factory was dropping even more rapidly now, and it was not possible to keep up with all the safety protocols anymore.

- His family received a small compensation (he wasn't following the safety protocols, after all), and had to size down again, and move even deeper in the undercity.

- Ximena had to take on more work again, just like when Jayce was a (smaller) child. But now she couldn't take some of the finer, less stressful jobs, because of the missing fingers. This stuck with Jayce. This character will remember this from now on and forever.

But hey, at least there's no need to go into the mountains on the regular despite the weather conditions, right? Ha ha.

JAYCE (AND TALIS)

- Jayce stopped using or mentioning his last name even before his father's death. Though it stopped haunting him with biting remarks from the peers only after him and Ximena moved again.

- But Jayce still had his ambitions, his -dream-, his drive, the sleepless nights, and the remains of his father's library.

Never really leaving the bottom of the pit, ground 0, from the start, did make him even more passionate about harnessing magic and improving the lives of the workers.

- But let's be real here, he is kinda selfish about that. About his passion.

He could've gotten a job as an assistant in some repair shop or with a local mechanic. Be safer, have better chances of the job and salary growth. Of supporting his mother.

- And oh Jayce is all about that, that is also his big goal in life. He moved out and got a job (way too early) in his teens, to take some pressure off Ximena.

- But he got a job in the formerly Talis owned factory. The same one his dad died in.

- Because, you know. If Jayce wanted to make progress in his research, he needed access to the industrial forge and the finer quality equipment.

- So small repairs stayed as just a side gig, while teenage (maybe he was around 14 or something?) Jayce began the fast journey to permanently fucking up his back doing manual labor.

- And yes, his official position was linework, loading and/or (later in the timeline) smithing. Because they couldn't hire an engineer, no matter how promising, without papers confirming proper education. It was a proper Piltover factory, after all. They gotta do things the right and legal way.

- Instead of Kirammans, Jayce got the shift manager that lets him tinker with his own stuff at dead hours, because Jayce is a good boy who's ready to work two jobs, one under the table, all for under the table scraps pay.

- And when I say "moved out", I mean Jayce is living in prime real estate of a big industrial crate that got written off from the factory he works at. It's propped somewhere really close by to it, in the back alleyways that never see the sun.

Very practical of him, can catch more hours in the factory, and not worry about traveling back and forth, cutting down his research and work time.

- Only a few people in the factory know he's the kid of the Talis. Jayce puts a lot of effort into not bringing it up. No need to complicate things, and make more obstacles for his actual work and life goals.

- Jayce still signs every page of his research, though. But only with his last name. He thinks he's being bitter and conspiratorial about it. 

THE INCIDENT x1: THE CRASH

- But guess what. Nice times didn't last long, yes. After (at most) a year and a bit at the factory, the disaster struck.

Jayce was working his usual late hours all alone, fixing some heavy machinery that broke down for the third time that week, when some very out of date mechanisms gave out and very unfortunately crushed Jayce's leg way ahead of the schedule.

Oh, Jayce almost dying on company time, just like his father before him. And in an eerily similar fashion, too.

- He didn't die, though. He was brave, and (after waking up) put his bone back into its place, and (after waking up after -that-), asked the shift manager for his non-mandatory monthly couple of days leave. Like a champ.

- He was still young, and stubborn, and terrified by what happened, and of the look the shift manager gave him after dropping Jayce off at the crate.

So he laid there on the floor (no carpet in the crate) in a daze of pain and delusions, not thinking about how this injury may cost him this job and the chance of continuing his research. Like a champ. Until the night of his last day of leave.

- And when no new miracle came through, Jayce gathered all the scrapes he could reach to make a makeshift splinter and a crutch. Maybe even from the hammer prototype handle. And set out on the long trek to the local meat vendor guy.

People at the factory mentioned him sometimes as some sort of underground doctor that helps out factory workers that can't afford visiting a proper clinic. And asks a reasonable price, it seems.

- Neither gods nor Jayce know how he managed to get to this guy's place on his own, but it took a lot of hours.

- Imagine Jayce, already pumped full of not approved for humans painkillers slumped over the metal table, doing his best puppy dog eyes like "Can you do something quick? I have to make it to the morning shift, dowctor 👉👈"

And the local butcher shop surgeon going "Yeah, me too, boy".

-

Doctor: How did you get here, boy? Jayce: Hamner ✨✨✨✨✨*

His Best Friend.

*that's Jayce throwing up over the surgery table.

-

- Yes, Jayce's vague hopes of getting a really good splinter went out of the window real fast.

The doctor, looking at the cracked open leg with big signs of infection and pieces of bone all over the place: “Meh, not today. Not gonna perform a puzzle. You clearly won't be paying for the extra hours, and my slop coffee's getting cold.”

- Jokes aside, he did explain to Jayce that trying to fix his leg will take a long time and probably multiple surgeries, and even with all that it will never work properly again. He will not be able to get back to his previous work for a long while. Most likely – at all.

- And Jayce couldn't have that. So he swallowed his initial panic and agreed to the amputation. Because he may have a shorter recovery time, if he's lucky. Because he can start walking again in a shorter span of time. If he's lucky. Because, sure, he can't afford the prosthetic, but he can figure it out, he can make something himself, whatever, crank it, chop it off, boss.

THE FOLLOWUP

- And, well. Jayce did eventually figure it out.

He probably had to move back in with Ximena for a while, while he recovered, and build his new leg with some input from the back alley doctor. It was quite simple and basic, his first model.

- Jayce had to keep building new ones over the next few years, as he grew older and bigger.

- He did return to the factory as soon as he could (perhaps a bit too soon, even), and continued his research.

- Jayce tried to not draw attention to his missing leg. There were plenty of amputees on the job, but all of them got their work injuries way later in life, and had plenty of strength and experience backing them up. Jayce didn't have any of that yet, only the vague rumors that he's an outsider following him all his life. So he kept quiet, and to himself. A perfect cog in the machine.

- Meanwhile, his continued research of body augmentation and prosthetics got him into a new side gig.

As payment for his operation, the back alley surgeon got Jayce to work on prosthetics for his other clients.

As in, after their operations and/or amputations, the doctor would refer people to Jayce. For a reasonable fee, of course.

- The problem in Zaun lies not only in the low life expectancy and the amount of severe injuries in the workforce. Prosthetics can make life bearable for most. It's in the prices, too.

Can regular old uncle Fedya from the nail making factory get a pair of relatively ok working fingers to keep sorting nails 16/6 after he got his hand stuck while cleaning a press? Without going into lifelong debt? Much to think about.

- The market of prosthetics is monopolized by that sickly cat chem-baron that Sevika cut into pieces. But that will happen in the future, back then he was still very much alive and ready to absorb or eliminate any competition.

- So Jayce worked on the downlow, and never took money for his work.

- And even with that he eventually ended up on that baron's radar. The fact that he did his prosthetics for free made it even worse, actually. Hah.

- But Jayce's patients didn't rat him out. The earliest ones, at least. Maybe later the back alley doctor made the rule of blindfolding patients before Jayce will work with them. Just in case.

- Sometimes families of the people Jayce helps pay him back in food. Sometimes they bring supplies for the secret lab he definitely doesn't have, shhh. Such a bright gentleman can definitely find some use for all this toootally useless junk they had lying around. He takes it, or they throw it away, you know. Or whatever. 

THE OVERVIEW 

- I think it will be fun to have Jayce be a silent mechanic with no name.

The patients for prosthetics never see his face, or hear his voice much. Or at all. Jayce learned to work in silence. He never leaves signature markings on his prosthetics and machines. He learned to linger in the shadows and not draw attention to how he looks or moves. To who he is.

The need to fit in and being needed forced Jayce into another version of the same rigid mold.

- Jayce has unchecked social anxiety, and gets nervous and uncomfortable when too many people pay attention to him. Or just being around big groups of people for long periods of time. He, unlike the Arcane!Jayce, was not prolongedly trained to stomach it. Social events tire him 10 times faster.

- He doesn't ask many questions, he's just there. Slouching, to occupy less space with his (smaller and shorter than in Arcane, but still) giant frame, and also because of the back pain.

- And yes, almost 10 years of hard labor starting from teen years (with not much proper training, too!) got Jayce chronic lower back pain way earlier than his coworkers. It mostly bothers him at night though, so it's alright, hahah. Doesn't impact his work much. Still easy to hide, so it's basically neglectable. Ha ha.

- Jayce doesn't keep up with his appearance that much. Looks somewhat like a stray dog. Unkept, and sometimes grimy from work, but mostly clean. Hair reaching the chin, pulled into a half ponytail, Vander-style. It's only long enough for the layer of soot to protect from the fire and metals.

- He is mostly going by Jay in this timeline. At first, he did only at work, to have more distance from his family name. But then it just stuck.

Only his mum (and later Viktor) calls him Jayce.

- Sometimes Jayce traded various knick-knacks at Benzo's. He didn't always have the money to buy things, but Jayce can barter for stuff and do little repairs.

- And no, he's not gonna stay for a full-time job, thankyouverymuch. Jayce is -very- into 16-hour shifts and his damp crate in the alley. He's all good

- Yeah, put the box of discount parts near the door, Ekko. It's for the stray.

- The back alley doctor is a big, intimidating looking guy, who runs a meat selling or other kind of food shop. With the vibes of that food stand guy from Arcane.

(To the reader: if someone knows a character from the league that would fit the bill, then do tell. I will gladly adjust and implement more canon stuff).

--

NEXT UP:

Viktors bio / the story

[a-student-out-of-time]

The Post-Tragedy Horrors of Despair Time

Hello everyone, Mod Bubbles here!

This Halloween, I decided to do something a little different. Rather than a dedicated post or song parody, I've decided to share a worldbuilding analysis. A pretty fortuitous one, since we've recently completed Chapter 2 of Despair Time.

I'm sure it's no exaggeration to say that DT is a pretty dark fangan, especially within its own context. I wouldn't say it's as grimdark and nihilistic as some people are convinced it is, but there's some elements to it that I feel are worth analyzing going forward.

See, it's been established that DT is set within the Hope's Peak continuity. This would mean that the canon games sans V3 (and if you want to have fun with it, other fangans like the Another series) have all happened here.

According to a Q&A, DT is set around 70-80 years after the end of the Tragedy, so if you wanted to estimate based on in-universe dates (such as Makoto's Hope's Peak brochure saying 2010 in the earliest version of the game but 2014 in a re-release), that would put it sometime around 2080 to the mid-2090s. Veronika backs this up in Chapter 2, when she mentions the Tragedy happened "almost a century ago."

Why do I bring all this up? Because if you looked at DT, you'd probably never guess it was that deep in the future. I know I didn't at first. And this is all by design, but it goes beyond simple cosmetic details. Allow me to explain to you why this is probably the darkest timeline that could've happened after Class 78's victory over Ultimate Despair.

___________________________________________________

Modern Stagnancy

So if we look at the obvious, the world of DT looks pretty much identical to our own, which should be a good thing. When you consider that this is set after The Biggest, Most Awful, Most Tragic Event in Human History- an event that saw societal collapse, wars happen for the sake of destruction, massive pollution, rampant murder, and countless killing games- then it almost seems utopian.

Cities have long since been rebuilt, the skies are clear, there are functional trains, movies, celebrities, schools, music, art, Ted-Talks, the internet, all the trappings of normality. And that's really the problem.

Once the recovery efforts were underway, the goal of those in power was to rebuild things exactly as they used to be. Bear in mind, the world looks like our modern day, yet this is set deep into the late 21st century. In that context, the world almost seems stunted in its growth or even that it's regressed, given that CDs and DVDs are used rather than USBs or digital downloads.

Not only that, but this extends to societal attitudes as well. Nico was the victim of bullying over their status as an enby by everyone who knew, including their own father. It's almost the 22nd century and anti-LGBTQ bigotry like this still exists.

In that context, it feels less like the world is recovering and more that it's been stuck in its pre-Tragedy status quo, right down to continuing the Ultimates program that contributed to The Tragedy in the first place. And who would be motivated to do that?

2. Hope's Peak And Their Kin Are Stronger Than Ever

Probably one of the most contentious aspects of DR3's ending is that, after everything the people in charge of it were responsible for- exploiting their students, covering up crimes, human experimentation- Hope's Peak Academy was rebuilt by the survivors, now with Makoto as headmaster.

Now, one could make the argument that Makoto is a better example of hope and thus better suited to lead the school to follow its stated ideals than the Steering Committee ever was. That very well may be true, but as they also proved, nobody stays in charge forever. And now, because of his decision, Hope's Peak isn't contained to Japan.

There now exist Hope's Peak branches in every major country on Earth, with two in the United States. Teruko and co. are students of the East Coast Division's 27th class, meaning that one opened almost thirty years ago. This would also mean that Japan's Hope's Peak would have seen over 150 classes since its inception.

I bring all this up because, as has been made very clear by canon, Hope's Peak is a terrible place even in concept. When you remove the idyllic aspect of fostering talent and guaranteeing its students are set for life, the truth is that ultimates are stunted in their development. They're only encouraged to excel in their particular field, whether they really want to or not.

In addition, Hope's Peak has always quietly held this belief that only people with talent hold any worth; those without talent are just "ticks" who leech off the success of their betters. Characters like Byakuya and Nagito echo those very same sentiments, this extreme elitism that encourages people to view the "99%" as inherently inferior.

Even if you wanted to say Makoto managed to undo that idea, can we really say this divide would never come up again? No matter how many years pass or how many divisions of Hope's Peak are set up across the world? That seems really far-fetched to me.

Consider Min's bonus video. As she explains, she was never scouted by the school. Instead, America's Hope's Peak announced something called the Ultimate Contest for Eminent Students, where eligible high school students would be allowed to take a test, the best of whom would be admitted to the school when they graduated. The catch is that they had 12 years to prepare. Min, who was only 5 at the time, wasn't initially going to participate, but then the founder of a company called XF-Ture Tech approached her family- who was quite poor- and wanted to sponsor her in exchange for her participation.

She spent her entire life preparing for that test. And when she passed, she realized it was all really just an experiment to create their ideal version of the Ultimate Student. She even doubted that she was the best in terms of raw score, just that she met their desired expectations by cutting out everything else in her life for that test.

It also extends beyond just Hope's Peak itself. Those with power and influence now hold a strangle hold over the most vulnerable people out there, as we can see with the Lacroix family.

Rose wanted to help her family out of their financial limitations using her painting skills and her photographic memory, which lead to her becoming an art forger. However, at 15, she was found out and her family faced tens of millions in fines. This would've been the end, but then they were bailed out by a billionaire named Richard Spurling, founder of the Spurling Foundation. In exchange for clearing her charges, Rose had to sign a contract that meant she doesn't own the rights to anything she paints.

She hates what her life has become, where she can only ever really paint things at the whims of the Foundation because it was the only way her family could survive that mountain of debt. The exploitation there is undeniable.

No matter where you look, there's still exploitation and experiment abound with the school, corporations and the wealthy. And if you think the Spurling Foundation sounds bad here, they're implied to be responsible for something much worse.

Which is also brings us to Xander. See, there's a curious detail when we first meet him in the prologue:

And I agree. Xander being the Ultimate Rebel really doesn't fit him, as he's better described as the "Ultimate Revolutionary." Except there's no chance Hope's Peak would call him that, instead paying lip service to the idea in a digestible format to still support the status quo.

Xander is an activist who works to oppose corruption, but the ones who benefit from corruption wouldn't want him to flaunt that. It's a subtle but very clever detail that shows those in power still maintain a hold even over their beloved Ultimates.

They probably had no issue throwing the obviously corrupt under the bus to save their own hides, and raised Xander up with a quasi-supportive title. It gives them a chance to look like they're supporting what he's doing while still tying an element of a "rebellious child" to his image with the name.

Had Xander survived, he had a good reason to want to bring them down, especially the Spurlings.

3. Illness and Poverty

Xander's bonus video clued us in on what I believe is one of the most important parts of DT's continuity: the fate of the town of Chariton, implied to be where he lived. It seemed to be a small town, home to a couple hundred or a couple thousand people, where the only hospital for miles was "dinky, understaffed" and barely able to handle a minor flu outbreak. They were completely unprepared for what became known as the Chariton Incident.

When he was around 14, the town was hit by a disease that caused those infected to decay from the outside in; their limbs would stop working before their organs did, meaning they would just lay there and feel themselves slowly dying. So many died that nobody was left to move the bodies, so they were left where they fell, rotting in the summer heat.

The cause of this outbreak? A contaminated river that served as the town's water source. Chariton was an impoverished community, where people had no money to treat their water, get medicine from a nearby city or to even move out. It's also implied, based on Xander's anger, that Duke Spurling was partially responsible and that he got off the hook, which may be what drove Xander to become the Ultimate Rebel. Especially when you consider he's the only surviving member of his family.

Duke Spurling is, as the named implies and Dev has confirmed, the younger brother of Richard Spurling. The money and influence needed to get his brother off the hook is the very same that has the Lacroix family under his thumb.

So as we can see, Chariton was a major event in DT's canon. Not only does it showcase corruption, it also showcases understated but still prominent problems in the post-Tragedy U.S. If you pay attention, you'll also notice Teruko, Min, and Rose mention poverty playing a role in their lives.

As we can see, poverty plays a major role in their lives, and that extends beyond a personal level. Chariton's poverty is why the incident happened at all, and a big reason is because it's also an example of a medical desert.

"Medical desert" is a term used to describe regions whose population has inadequate access to healthcare. This can be all healthcare in general or in specialties such as dental care or pharmaceuticals. This is an especially prominent problem in rural areas, but it can affect urban ones too.

If that sounds implausible to you, today it's believed that around 30 million Americans- over 1% of the population- live over an hour from a hospital. Can you imagine how bad the problem is in a world after The Tragedy? All the damage to infrastructure, established institutions, the economy, and the population? I doubt Chariton was the first to see something this bad.

Ace's execution gives us more clues. In the Death By Illness section, there are several newspaper clippings on the wall, most of which are readable. One flashes on screen saying "Unexplained Illness Kills Thousands," which I believe is another reference to Chariton (why else would it flash on screen?), but there's more as well:

"More people are dying of cancer than ever before"

"Flu season claims thousands of lives"

"Falling rates of survival for hospitalized patients"

"Antibiotic-resistant infections a growing threat in this hospital"

One is harder to read, but I believe it mentions Chronic Kidney Disease being tied to an early death

Now, the interesting thing is that most of these are modern headlines, and they can be pretty misleading. The cancer one is actually based on the fact that more people are living longer lives, thus are reaching ages where they develop cancer due to their cell infrastructure breaking down naturally. It doesn't mean there's more cancer cases overall across all ages.

The only one that's not true is the falling rates one. Which suggests that not only was it Chariton, but healthcare infrastructure in general after the Tragedy seems to be a mess.

See, I was assuming that these articles are identical to what we see today. But it's also possible that the cancer one is now literally true, and it could be because The Tragedy was rife with this kind of horror. We know that terrorism, coups and wars happened for no reason other than to spread despair across the world.

Could you imagine how many nuclear, chemical, biological and radiological weapons were used? How many diseases and hazardous materials were seeded into the environment? If it's unsafe to drink tap water after a serious hurricane or earthquake, how bad is the problem when contamination is the goal?

And this doesn't even touch on how disturbingly easy it would be to spread long-term illnesses such as HIV or CJD in contaminated food and medical supplies. Some diseases have latency periods that last decades, meaning they could still be killing people even by the time DRDT is set.

Antibiotic resistance is also a very real and serious problem. Even today, some strains have become immune to even the strongest antibiotics available. This has given rise to Vancomycin-Resistant Enterococci or VREs, which are immune to basically every medication we can throw at them.

Now, it's still possible to deal with them, such as with naturally antimicrobial metals or experimental treatments such as CRISPR and Phage Therapy, but in a world that saw such a massive hit to everything? I'm certain antibiotic-resistance bacteria have become much more serious, potentially resulting in epidemics over the years.

And when these things happen, it's always the poor who suffer the most.

4. Lethal Repetition

Now we come to the most obvious example, something highlighted by the same reveal that DT is set nearly a century into the future:

Veronika, who provided us with information on the effects the Tragedy still has, apparently has never heard about The Killing School Life.

Now, it's important to keep in mind that most of the Killing Games in DR were pretty secluded and motivated. SDR2 was only broadcast to Future Foundation with the goal to allow Junko to escape into the real world, for example. However, DR1's Killing School Life was broadcast globally as a means to break humanity's hope by showing the Ultimates slaughtering each other. Instead, Makoto and co. managed to reinvigorate the world's hope and played a pivotal role in ending the Tragedy.

...And yet Veronika apparently hasn't heard any of it.

Now, there's two possibilities here, neither of which are good:

One is that the Mastermind has removed their knowledge of previous killing games, specifically. Now, I actually consider this an unlikely explanation because, not only does Teruko seem to vaguely remember the Killing School Life happened, but what's the goal in doing so for the participants?

The canon games all had solid reasons why the other masterminds erased the participants' memories: the revelation that they'd been killing their friends, the fact that their past identities were supposed to be undone to save them, even the fact that they weren't even who they were supposed to be in V3.

But what's the purpose of suppressing the memories of the Killing School Life in the participants themselves? Especially since this game is also apparently being broadcast to the outside world, although we only have MonoTV's word on that. Is it to undermine everything the survivors achieved or to get the participants not to consider the same strategies?

The other, more plausible explanation to me is that the mastermind isn't the one who erased their memories. The outside world did.

It's possible that, in the decades since the Tragedy and the drive to return things to the status quo, knowledge of the Killing School Life has been suppressed. It would be so easy to blame Makoto's decision to rebuild the school, but it's just as plausible that his attempts to genuinely reform the school were undone over the years.

Corporations and those that came after had a vested reason to improve their own reputations, and why would they allow their connection to the Tragedy to remain public knowledge? The entire thing began as a revolution of lower classes against the rich before it became a whirlwind of mindless violence.

So what does this mean for DT? This is more hypothesizing on my part, but I'd say this could tell us a lot about the potential motivations for this very killing game. Could it be someone trying to remind the world about this event and how we got here? Is it more retribution against the wealthy? Is it someone who was inspired by Junko to slaughter her friends? Or is it something else entirely? And what role does Teruko have if someone involved is so hellbent on trying to kill her?

For now, we can only speculate. But I can tell you that, based on what we've seen here, DT is probably the darkest future we could've gotten out of the canon series.

Happy Halloween, everyone!

[isleofair]

9 people you'd like to get to know better

I was tagged by @realmoftenderness: thank you so much! 😍🩷 Apparently this has evolved lately, and I love this new version 😁

3 non romantic duos

1 - Pao-Lin and Nathan

AKA the Tiger & Bunny Gender Team. Their dynamic is impeccable: Pao-Lin as the kid who's trying to work with a gender that doesn't fit quite right, and Nathan as the established queer adult who shows her, even just by being there, that the possibilities of who you can be are endless. And yet, not only do they have a peer-to-peer friendship and equal respect for each other as heroes; but when Nathan, who seems so strong and solid in who they are, is actually made vulnerable by all the hurt she's experienced because of her queerness, Pao-Lin is the one who saves her, by pointing out just how wonderful Nathan is because of their different, unique identity.

I have so many feelings about them, and I wish the show had let them interact with each other and explore their shared themes and experiences way more than it did. Luckily, as you can see above, we have Ueda and Yoshida's manga firmly on our side. 💛💖

2 - Data and Geordie

Data was possibly my first main Blorbo, decades before the word Blorbo came to be. And his friendship with Geordie, while being one of the main tenets of both their characters, still, IMO, never got all the credit it deserved; particularly in regard to Geordie's feelings about the many, many time we (almost and then not almost 😭) lose Data, when other people's reactions are often put more in the forefront. Part of that was due to Geordie's status as a more secondary character, sure; but in part it was, perhaps, by virtue of their relationship's own nature. Their frendship is already established; it is more obvious and natural than the laws of physics the Enterprise keeps bending on its adventures; it simply, well, is. The other characters had to learn to understand and love Data; Geordie, apparently, simply accepted him and loved him before the very start. (Insert heavy-handed symbolism here about the blind character easily seeing past someone's surface; the show sure never shied away from it.) And this meant... a lot to me. 💛

(I have not yet seen the last season of Picard, but a glimpse of a headline makes me think I might need to say: please, no spoilers?)

3 - The Doctor and Donna

(Spoilers for the 60th Anniversary specials here, turn away if you need to. They're only one year old, after all. 😅)

You know that post that says these two are the biggest win ever for fictional queerplatonic relationships? (This one, btw.) Yeah, all of that and then more. Donna doesn't give the Doctor heart-eyes, she does not follow him blindly; she yells at him, throws things at his head, and then runs not behind him, but right at his side, with her eyes firmly wide open. The Doctor calls her the most important woman in the whole wide universe, and he means it. At one point, they become one single being, and it is glorious. They would have gone on together forever; them having to lose each other broke me (and probably them) far more than all the other separations in the show could. 💔

Imagine, then, my utter, endless delight when, after almost fourteen years, the 60th Anniversary specials not only reunited these two, but actually gave them a fully happy ending in which the Doctor (well, Tennant's version, anyway) joins Donna's amazing family, parks his TARDIS in their backyard, and just hangs out with them forever and ever, amen (shut up, time is all just wibbly-wobbly stuff, in the end). 💖💖💖

A ship that might surprise others

I'll be honest: I sat here for literally hours trying to think of a ship of mine that might be surprising (and that wasn't, like, stuff from 20 or more years ago that is really too cringe for me to want to bring it up now). I usually like pretty obvious ships, with the gamut of my tastes mostly running along the incredibly wide spectrum of "fluffy friends to lovers" to "snarky friends to lovers". 😅

So in the end I decided to go with something that has actually caused surprise to several people before, not so much because of the ship, but because I even knew about the show at all: Ray/Fraser in Due South 😂 (Apparently Canadians think that only Canadians know this show? But a) Italian TV will air almost anything, and b) the language of classic slash shows is universal. 😁)

Okay, maybe you might be surprised to know that the answer to "but which Ray, though?!?" is actually "Both". I am not a veteran of the Ray Wars; I existed in my little safe corner of "I discovered this fandom a couple of years after the show finished airing, and I just chilled at the edges of it, watching bootleg VHS tapes and reading fic on LiveJournal".

(You can't tell me that Fraser wasn't madly in love with both of them, anyway. It's just fact, as far as I'm concerned.)

Last song: Nightingale by Demi Lovato.

Last film: Pretty sure it was Onward, which I watched with my siblings and enjoyed a fair bit (which was definitely helped by the fact that I did not see/recognize who was voicing Barley until the movie was over).

Currently reading: I just finished (re-)reading Kimi Ni Todoke and it's as utterly sweet and delightful as I remembered. (I do not think I got to chapter 63 on my original readthrough, though, because I did NOT remember it also shattering my heart like that. 😭)

Currently watching: The Ranma 1/2 remake.

Currently consuming: Nothing. I should probably have some dinner.

Currently craving: a lot of extra energy to work on my T&B Secret Santa and the Advent Calendar! 💪💚

I am tagging (with zero pressure, as always!) @nicoroni, @imaginatorofthings, @seaofolives, @youngerfrankenstein, @hearjessroar, @zimithrus, @saltedpin, @thekuraning, @horikoshi-secret-ao3-account, and anyone else who would like to play! 😁🩷

[boltsunder]

forever triumphant

Hey guys, I wanted to make a post with some important portrayal notes about Miss Merlin’s Claw and delve into a little bit of what will affect how I play her. More under the cut

Moon Rage: At the end of the story, it’s left very ambiguous on what the status of her Moon Rage is. After consuming the Lunar Embryo in the wake of Hoolay’s attack, she doesn’t really comment on feeling much different– other than her doubts have gone away. As a result, it’s very possible that it did … nothing. There’s also another possibility:  that it made it worse.  The Lunar Embryo originated in Borisin history from the Warhead Duran. When Hoolay has been bestowed the power of the Crimson Moon, which is passed down from warhead to warhead (by consumption, like what Feixiao did)-- the Borisin have an innate ability to have insane healing properties, as well as shapeshifting. Hoolay, however, was noted to have even greater traits in regards to this thanks to his possession of the Crimson Moon. This leads me to believe that when Feixiao consumes it to save the Skysplitter (and thus a good portion of the Xianzhou), it amplifies her powers… which in return would amplify the effects of her Moon Rage. Her Moon Rage has catastrophic effects not only on her mental state, but also her physical state. Shapeshifting is accompanied by intense hyperplasia of the bone and muscle structure, and this damaging deformation process is completely restored by the Borisin’s rapid healing ability. In Feixiao’s case, this is much worse for her because her body isn’t designed for this sort of treatment; even though she contains partial Borisin blood, she’s still closer to a Foxian than anything else– when she shapeshifts, it’s devastating. This is what’s shortening her life and leaving her with serious injuries. They’ll heal, but it’s not without a huge price to pay. Past: Feixiao’s original name is basically treated as a deadname at this point in her life. While she firmly acknowledges that all of her experiences are what has shaped her today, she also recognizes that “Saran” is not who she is anymore. Taking the name of “Feixiao” has enabled her to be fully free from her past as a slave, and it’s enabled her to begin her life anew in the company of General Yueyu. 

I headcanon that it was a huge adjustment for Feixiao to transition from living in Borisin captivity to moving to the Yaoqing. There was likely a language barrier, and I highly doubt that she had received any sort of formal education– reading, writing… it would’ve been irrelevant to someone who was just meant to be fodder. Yueyu is responsible for teaching her these things, and though it takes some effort, she’s a smart girl and can figure it out pretty quickly. Now, in the present, nobody could tell that she got a late start on the language and the ability to read and write. Not only that, but the concept of freedom is… so foreign. Her first taste of freedom is the one of the things that inspires her– and she wants everyone to be able to feel how open and wide the universe really is. Quelling the Borisin is one way to do that, enabling people to no longer suffer at the hands of these abominations that threaten peace. I’m sure, in a way, it’s also for them to atone for all of the lives they’ve affected over the years. 

With how much bloodshed and battle she’s seen, Feixiao absolutely has some form of PTSD. It’s even referenced in one of her character stories:  in the wake of Lan’s Lux Arrow, she sees the faces of people reaching for her to be saved, only to disappear into the blinding light that claimed so many lives. General Yueyu was gone, so many of her comrades were gone, and all that was left was a huge ravine with absolute silence lingering over it. She doesn’t want to experience that again, and she wants to save as many people as she can– she wants to outpace that shooting star, so another Lux Arrow doesn’t have to destroy everything in its path. If she can be faster, if she can be better… there won’t be any reason for it to be used. Temperament: Feixiao is definitely a brash individual, and she doesn’t mince her words. She’s straightforward, she’s blunt, and she’s honest– but it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t know how to play her cards right. As a tactician, her sharp mind is what has enabled her to win battles that would otherwise seem impossible to turn the tide of.

When she wants to be, she can be highly emotionally intelligent; but she may not always voice that. I think she’s a firm believer of the fact that people will talk when they want or need to– and as a result, she often just offers distraction or a quiet shoulder to cry on when it’s necessary. She can tell when people are off put or not themselves, but even she’s said herself that she’s not the best with words. She speaks with her actions– all her promises and oaths will be fulfilled on the battlefield. 

She’s quite lighthearted and jovial for the most part, and playful. She’ll be serious when the situation calls for it, buuuuuut… Live it up a little, and enjoy the peaceful times. They’ll be gone soon enough, and it’ll be back into the flames of war inevitably. Though she’s supportive and self-sacrificing, it’s rare that she’ll delve into her own emotions. As a General, of course she’s expected to be a strong pillar and a symbol of courage– she’ll swallow her sorrow and her grief for the chance to remain stoic for everyone around her… But there are a select few people that she can divulge her secrets to. It’s mentioned that Yukong is one of them, and I’d wager that Jiaoqiu and Moze know quite a bit as well. With Jiaoqiu, maybe she seeks silent reassurance– with Moze, dragging him out for a midnight jog seems like it would fit her well. 

She remembers everyone she’s lost. Everyone. There’s names burned into her memory, there’s faces that never leave. Each one is a mark on her heart, searing through her and pushing her forward with every battle and every step. 

Miscellaneous: It’s mentioned in official art that she can play the flute and sing! Whether her singing voice is good or not… we don’t know yet. Haaaha

There’s more for me to add here, but this is at least a start. 

[itsclydebitches]

The thing about that Winter thing, just to remind, from her POV she killed James. The last she saw of him was was her making him explode. From her perspective she is the one who killed that guy. And she is not very Brocken up about it.

Its amusing because they give Adam more sympathy then this. Blake literally broke down sobbing after killing him and even the triumphant song they released had a note about how sad Adam's story was and how this boy lost his way being consumed by hate and spite.

It was not alot, but like...its more then they give Jimmy LOL.

Pretty sure I got this ask when we all thought Winter was writing on Ironwood's grave, but regardless...

Yeeeah.

Something I've been thinking about lately is how Ironwood is the one villain who is still irrevocably against Salem and how that should have made such a difference, but didn't. Even Adam, whose story-line became 99% about his abusive relationship with Blake, was working with Cinder earlier on who, in turn, was working for Salem. Every major villain in the show (that I can think of off the top of my head, anyway) did something to forward Salem's agenda: Cinder, Watts, Tyrian, Hazel, Emerald, Raven, Adam, Roman. That consistency means that although I might often side-eye the heroes' inability to forgive (or hypocritically forgive on a dime) it at least makes sense that they would look at someone like Lionheart, someone who was helping Salem end the world, and dismiss any goodness within them.

Ironwood, in contrast, was working against Salem up until the moment he died.

Did the writers give him a senseless, fucked-up means of moving against Salem via a 'just bomb civilians' plan? Yes and I'll forever side-eye that too. However, I think if the heroes should have forgiveness/sympathy/mixed feelings/an emotional reaction to any villain, it should be the one whose villains acts were all in the name of stopping their shared enemy. In debating the ethical and practical merits of Ironwood's plans, I think many fans have lost sight of the larger picture. He's trying to get the Relics away from Salem, keep their last army of huntsmen in reserve to fight Salem later, get at least one city of people safely away from Salem. No matter how messed up, no matter how misguided and OOC there wasn't a single thing Ironwood did that wasn't guided by his attempts to keep Salem from ending the world. In a better written show, that would have meant something. Even if we still had to get cartoon villain Ironwood, the characters would at least acknowledge that he (from the show's POV) did all the wrong things for the right reasons. Winter in particular was set up to be that nuanced insight, given his mentor-esque status and her unfailing faith in 99% of the choices Ironwood made. That the show would have her (from her POV) kill him and then just sneer at how she waited too long to do it is insane. Please write these characters humanely! Even if you come to hate someone for what they've done, years worth of love for them doesn't just up and disappear!! That's the one (1) snow scene moment RWBY got completely right: of course Ozpin is still going to care for Lionheart despite his betrayal.

For me, intent will always matter. It might not excuse everything (or anything at all), but it opens the door for forgiveness in a way that few other things will. Which is why the intent of other characters, in contrast, makes Ironwood's writing so much worse. You have Qrow teaming up with Tyrian because he refuses to go see Ironwood in handcuffs and Emerald who is "redeemed" because she was literally just standing beside Oscar post-realization that Cinder doesn't love her. The show says, "You're forgiven for being so stubborn you'll deliberately help kill your friend" and the characters say "You're forgiven for trying to end the world/destroying a school and then stopping out of selfish self-interest." But there's no "You're forgiven for taking extreme measures in a no-win scenario in an effort to salvage some hope against an immortal enemy." That's messed up to me! Especially given that Ironwood is (presumably) dead. If there's ever a time to let characters extend compassion in a way they may not be able to with the person still there and potentially still enacting wrong, it's when they've died for those heroic beliefs. Ironwood is the one villain who, methods aside, was 100% fighting the right battle and he's simultaneously the one villain that characters and story alike refuse to give even a smidge of sympathy for. Wild.

[kylesvariouslistsandstuff]

Two Pixar veterans, Angus MacLane and Galyn Susman, are out at the Emeryville studio following layoffs that axed 73 other employees...

MacLane and Susman, most recently, directed and produced last year's LIGHTYEAR, respectively.

Susman's tenure goes way back, all the way back to the first TOY STORY. She is the very woman who, while working at home on maternity leave, kept a backup of *a version* of TOY STORY 2 after the files for the film at the studio had all accidentally gotten deleted. I say *a version* specifically, because this was for the TOY STORY 2 that we never saw. The one that was being developed as a direct-to-video sequel and done by a B-team, that Pixar heads ended up throwing out - deliberately - less than a year before the film's projected fall 1999 release. Even then... Talk about saving the day! In a studio that was, for many years, predominantly a "boys club", she was a prominent woman there and managed to have a long career within those walls: All four TOY STORY movies, MONSTERS INC., FINDING NEMO, RATATOUILLE, WALL-E, etc., she had a hand in.

And now she's no longer there...

MacLane, who helped make TOY STORY 2's epic Lightyear video game opening sequence, who went on to direct TOY STORY OF TERROR!, co-direct FINDING DORY, and direct LIGHTYEAR... Among many other endeavors... Now also gone...

Whatever the reasoning is for these layoffs, they're unfounded. But this is what happens in capitalism-land... A studio faces hardships, or is about to face hardships, they or their parent company land the hammer... And often times, it's the filmmakers and talents and creatives that get hit the hardest.

If you ask me, Susman and MacLane are not at all to blame for the failures of the people on top. Unless they were toxic people to work with for so very long, there - to me - is no good reason to axe them like this. No matter who ordered it, whether it was Bob Iger or Pete Docter. LIGHTYEAR might not have been considered a good movie by many, but it was no less a labor of love than the other movies made at Pixar. MacLane, Susman, the crew, give it their all and they all felt during its 5-year journey from idea to finished picture that they had something going. That they made the right choices, but the late screenwriter William Goldman will always be right about this kind of thing: In that, no one knows anything when a movie is being made, and if a picture hits it big at the box office, it was luck. A good guess. June 2022 was not the right time for LIGHTYEAR, and the world is an ever-changing place... How could the film crew behind LIGHTYEAR have known what 2022 was going to look like when beginning production on that movie circa 2018-2019? It failed to make much of a stir at the box office...The first two months of its existence... Its infancy, never mind that the movie will exist forever and that a movie's life merely begins at its original theatrical release. Nope, its status is defined by existing for two months in a building with big screens. Box office is often fun to predict and watch, but the deification of it... Especially post-COVID-outbreak, is all utterly silly and not really conducive to moviemaking.

This makes me worry about other directors and creatives at Pixar. Peter Sohn, whose new film ELEMENTAL is out in less than two weeks, made his feature directorial debut with THE GOOD DINOSAUR... Which was Pixar's first money-loser, and yet, he locked another picture. I fear, if ELEMENTAL doesn't do well for whatever reason, his long and impactful career at Pixar might be on ice as well... Which is why I don't get why many so-called animation and film lovers online, armchair experts they are, seem so gleeful about its possible floppage, much as they were with LIGHTYEAR last year. In a very condescending "that'll teach'em!" manner...

I don't root for animated movies I dislike to fail, because it's a loss for a team that worked hard for years on, and honestly, we kind of all lose when this kind of thing happens. It hurts employees more than it forces a studio to make the kinds of movies you specifically want to see. Hell, LIGHTYEAR (and ELEMENTAL, knock on wood) flopping could have an adverse affect and make Pixar greenlight nothing but franchise movies and a slew of movies that are required to be something people don't like. They could very well turn around and say "let's make movies for 3-year-olds for here on out, and compete with Cocomelon!" Okay maybe that's an exaggeration, but you catch my drift, right?

I think, ultimately, MacLane and Susman will be fine. Their experience speaks for itself, and other studios would be silly to not hire them, and I wish them well in the endeavors they pursue...

But, this is very saddening news no doubt. Much like director jail, this is obtuse punishment, not at all a reflection on the real meat of the problem: The ever-changing zeitgeist, how Disney themselves handled the release of the film in question, how management up above messed around, how much money was spent...

I know people online like to cut to the chase and say "Well, they should've made a better movie!" THE SUPER MARIO BROS. MOVIE made over $1.3b at the worldwide box office, but most of its critical reception has been mixed to negative, and many have called it a subpar movie. That's all subjective, and box office doesn't validate or invalidate a picture. In another universe, movies like INTO THE SPIDER-VERSE or COCO or PUSS IN BOOTS: THE LAST WISH or ZOOTOPIA would've flopped hard. In another universe, the likes of LIGHTYEAR and GOOD DINOSAUR and STRANGE WORLD and TURBO and RISE OF THE GUARDIANS would've been blockbusters.

You see how silly this all is? Strip away the recognizable IP, pretend this is a world where the Mario franchise never happened: How would THE SUPER MARIO BROS. MOVIE had done at the box office? As an original weirdo-cutesy isekai adventure picture about two plumbers and a fantasy world with little mushroom guys and funny turtle bad guys? That could've been a massive flop. Heck, Mario itself literally exists because Nintendo couldn't get the license to adapt Popeye into an arcade game circa 1980, so Shigeru Miyamoto and crew chose a similar concept - a man who uses powerups, a woman to rescue, and a big brute bully - to make a marketable project. Because, what Nintendo games before DONKEY KONG do lots of people know? Is there any pop cultural footprint that RADAR SCOPE left? Or SHERIFF? I thought so... And little did they know what this simple concept-turned-game would metamorphose into some four years later...

No one knows what'll work, and in the world we live in? You gotta make an impression, or else. It's a brutal game, like these big works of art enter an arena and have to survival the initial brawl.

[coralinehecc]

Corals Monthly Update #3

HOHOHO!! FIRST BLOG POST OF 2023 AND I’M NEARLY 2 WEEKS LATE!!! Super sorry about the long wait! I’ve had tests recently and only got off of school like a few days ago haha! So! Welcome back to my monthly update on what I get up to in my life! Now, before we get into January, I, for the final time, have to tap back into the previous month. Curse past me for thinking the 21st was a good day to start doing these!!! ANYHOW! The rest of December and early January were a BLAST! But lemmie talk about what happened after I made the last update. CHRISTMAS!! I had a great time with my family and I got a bunch of fluffy things cuz that’s apparently the easiest thing to get me now. We also had dinner on Christmas day with my Grandparents like every year. Over-all that day was very fun! I even got drunk playing Minecraft which was funny for everyone in VC. The next few days weren’t anything exciting, however my brother Finn had a bunch of his friends over for his birthday which was chaotic. But the excitement picks back up on the 28th! BECAUSE SKYE AND VI CAME OVER FOR NEW YEARS!! We’ve been planning this since like, June, so it was awesome seeing them again! We did all kinds of stuff from shopping to playing some awesome games! (I am now chronically addicted to Ultra Kill thanks guys)

We even did some baking! Here is our glorious creation I dubbed, “The Jimothy”. 

Overall the rest of December was awesome! I’m glad I got to celebrate New Years with my besties! Overall, I’ll give it a 10/10! Best way to end 2022 >:D Here’s a few more misc photos hehehhehe

NOW! FOR JANUARY!! January started off still vibing with the guys. However they would then go home on the 4th which sucks. But before that, both Skye and I spent a lot of money on consoles that are almost as old as ourselves. They bought a fucking PS Vita and I got a motherfucking Wii. We both had fun with em and I even helped Skye homebrew their Vita since I wanted to put PebbleCD on it (I failed but shut uuup) But yea, sadly the guys had to go and it sucked! But I still had a great time. There’s a bit of a gap here right up until the 12th, where finally, the big event happened. CAREY IN THE HOUSE WENT LIVE!! I had finished it a few days prior but figured I’d build up hype by posting it on that Friday. AND IT SURE WORKED! The video blew up faster than any of my videos before it! I am so happy the response has been overwhelmingly positive. I also love how the only main complaint that was common amongst people was that Careys exaggerated accent was annoying which, yea can’t argue against. For anyone wishing for more CITH content, I did a behind the scenes mega thread over on my twitter if you wanna have a deeper look into the production! I’ll even link it here:  https://twitter.com/Carey_Black_/status/1619731723352444928 Now, to move onto why it took me forever to make an update. My mock exams.. BUT BEFORE THAT!! THERE’S ALSO THE FACT THAT MR WULF AND I WERE ABLE TO ARCHIVE THE ORIGINAL EDDSWORLD BANG BOOM SPLAT PROJECT FILE!!

This all started because Wulf wanted to edit the credits for his arcade BBS build since I was helping him out and since I said SWF modding is hard he just casually asked Psycosis and after seeing his WIP cabinet, gave Wulf the FLA! So a current “BBS arcade version” is in the works by yours truly thanks to both the generosity of Psycosis and the fact that Mr Wulf is a fucking mad man who could stop global warming in a month if he wanted to LOL! Here’s Wulfs finished Cabinet btw!:  https://twitter.com/MrWulfOfficial/status/1622295302685315073 But yea, for real. My mock exams were a pain! For those outside of Ireland or have a different name for em, Mock exams are, well, exams that act like a practice run for your finals. They’re always harder than the actual finals and are usually graded stricter too! Why? Who knows! The Irish education system is a joke. I feel like I did somewhat ok in them anyway? Some were definitely worse than others but overall it was more of an inconvenience. I did get this really cool art piece out of it however.

Exams would later spill over into February and like I said at the start, I finished and got off school a few days ago. Overall, this month was about a 7/10. It was pretty good, especially in the Eddsworld department, but mocks and other personal tid bits I didn’t mention here dragged it down for me. Since February seems to be mostly me being off school, I hope this month will be better haha! Only time will tell! Thank you for reading! And I hope to see you next month!! (Hopefully on time too haha!) 

[dari-ede]

In the Middle of the Night: Chapter 18 (M)

Chapter 18: "Loving Me Might be Dangerous"

Chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23 - 24 - 25 - 26 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30

MASTERLIST

Summary: As Bangtan prepares for a new chapter in their lives, they head to their private property in the forest for a songwriting workshop. As a songwriter and producer they have worked with for years, I’m asked to tag along. I was ready for the heavy workload and small amount of sleep during the workshop week. However, I wasn’t ready for the storm that came that changed my friendship with Namjoon forever.

Pairing: Idol!RM/Namjoon x OFC

Genre: Friends to Lovers, Fluff and Smut

Trigger warning/spoilers: talk of trauma, implied abusive/toxic relationship, implied sexual abuse/assault

Rating: M (explicit language, scenes)

Status: COMPLETE

AN: Sorry for the later-than-usual post (once again). As I was editing this week, the first half of this chapter went through a HUGE revision. The chapter was already done but as I did my final edit, I noticed it needed a whole rewrite. The closer we get to the end of this story, the more I need to go back to revise some things. We are closer to the end than we are to the beginning, everyone. Thank you so much for staying with me!

Warning/spoilers: oral sex, swallowing, breast play, multiple orgasms

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-Weeks Later-

Overnight bag in hand, I arrived at Namjoon’s front door, knocking excitedly late at night.

The door flung open no more than a couple of seconds later, deep dimples welcoming me.

Once inside, Namjoon took the bag from me and pulled me in for an open-mouth kiss.

I kicked off my shoes as the door shut behind us. My tongue welcomed the intrusion as I let out a deep moan.

The tension between the two of us the entire day had been intense. Due to the online concert taking place tomorrow, all week long, we hadn’t seen much of each other. The most we had seen of one another was today at rehearsal. But because of the dozens of eyes and cameras surrounding us, we were forced to keep a distance. We stole a few glances at each other but ensured we didn’t get too close. For hours we were around each other but had not touched or spoken much. Suffice it to say, the spark between us continued to ignite and felt like it would explode at any moment.

At the chance I had to leave the stadium, I did Namjoon’s text came no more than a minute after I announced I was leaving.

MONI: Be at my house in two hours. If I don’t answer, use the code. No nightwear. Just you.

I must have read it at least dozens of times, imagining his deep, demanding tone in my ear. My pussy had been wet ever since.

I hadn’t fully listened to his instructions, though. I did bring an overnight bag with me that contained any necessities I would need. I didn’t intend to come back home before the concert, so I would be getting ready at Namjoon’s place tomorrow. However, I did listen to him and brought no nightwear. I fully believed him that there would be no need for clothes tonight.

Namjoon began to walk us toward his room. I wasn’t good at walking backward, so I held onto his shoulders and jumped onto his chest. I had climbed on him enough by now that his body had learned to catch me nicely.

Our lips did not detach the entire walk to his room. He set my bag down somewhere and softly set me down on the bed. It was much smoother than the first time he had placed me on his mattress weeks ago.

“What’s so funny?” he asked between kisses.

Damn, I hadn’t realized I was laughing. “Nothing,” I lied. “Just keep kissing me,” I pleaded, not wanting to ruin the magic. We had gone so long without touching; I didn’t want this to stop.

“Did you get a nap in?” he asked, his hands taking hold of my shirt and pulling.

I knew what he was implying. “Don’t worry. Your cock is a good source of dopamine,” I said as I pulled his pants, my hand making its way to his thickness.

He let out a grunt as he pulled off my pants and panties at the same time. His long fingers took a handful of my ass and squeezed. “Your mouth has gotten filthier.” He pushed us further into the bed, making me settle in the middle with him between my legs.

I let go of his cock and felt it move on its own, pleading for me for attention. I pushed up against his chest to sit up. “You complaining about my mouth?” I questioned as my mouth took hold of that space between his neck and ear. The spot I learned drove him nuts.

He let out a groan, a hand of his reaching up to take hold of my tit to squeeze. “Only because it’s not around my cock right now.” He dived in and took a mouthful of me. His tongue darted out to run circles around my nipple.

I let out a squeak, scratching at his back when I felt his teeth lightly graze my skin.

Namjoon wasn’t much of a dirty talker with me. Around his guy friends, I would overhear him and make nasty jokes, but around girls, he was always mindful. He had loosened up around me in the last couple of years, but since we had become an item his language was getting dirtier. It was definitely a turn-on.

He was in the middle of worshiping my breast when I surprised him and rolled him off me. I settled myself on his lap, his cock standing straight up.

I reached between us, taking his member and navigating it to where I needed it. “I’ll do it once it tastes like us.” I descended on him before he could ask what I meant. My pussy stretched and slightly burned at the sensation. His cock was still too big for my pussy to take without foreplay.

His hands came to my hips, helping me take and gripping me tightly. “You’re tight.”

Maybe I should have stimulated myself before taking him in or at least used lube, but it was too late for that, he was already inside. And while I felt slight discomfort, the sting felt also incredible. I took a breath, looking down at the glorious creature underneath me. The dragon eyes were staring up at me, the sweat dripping off his body felt too delicious to be coming off a normal human, and the grip holding me felt more like claws. This was the kind of sex that got me off the most; the kind that I tended to prefer when I was in deep need of release: the wild kind. And judging by the look of pure ecstasy coming from Namjoon’s face, he needed to tap into that wilder part of himself.

His hands came to the swell of my breasts and traveled down to my nipples. He took each of them into his fingers and rolled the buds, sending quivers right into my pussy.

I used my knees to move, going slow at first. My body needed to get used to him before I could go at my preferred pace, which tended to be rough and fast. Thankfully, the discomfort quickly faded and all I could feel was pleasure. I quickened my movements.

Namjoon’s hands were still on my hips, supporting me more than controlling me. “You look damn good riding me, girl.”

My movements only became more erratic with his praise, feeling my orgasm approaching.

He sat up, his mouth coming to my tit again. He slurped and feasted on it like a starved man. I had no milk to give, but I believed if he continued the way he did, some would appear.

His hips came up to meet mine, his thighs slamming into mine. I could see a vein appear across his neck. He was getting close, but I didn’t want him to.

“Not yet,” I said breathlessly, my fingers scratching at his chest. “Me first.”

He took a deep breath to still himself. Then moved one of his hands between us. His thumb touched my clit, pushing me to the brink. I let out a cry as blackness came over.

As my orgasm took over, Namjoon’s thrusts continued, but at a slower pace.

“Close,” his husky voice let out once my body had settled against his.

I pulled out of him, quickly, and made my way down his cock. My lips engulfed his thickness, and I could see his eyes roll back once he was in my mouth.

The taste of my tangy sweetness combined with his salty, sour goodness was enough to make me want to cum again. I controlled myself and focused on bringing him to his peak. Keeping eye contact with him, I pulled back, pulling his cock out of my mouth with a pop. “We taste fucking good,” I mumbled and went back to dining on his gorgeous cock.

He let out a moan, the vein in his neck coming back. “Shit. I can’t hold it.”

I took him in both my hands and pumped him. “I want to drink you,” I said desperately.

He looked ready to lose it. I stroked him faster and reached underneath him to squeeze his jewels. He let out a grunt and pushed into my throat, his stomach hitting my nose. I let out a gagging sound and the noise seemed to do it for him. A warm, fuzzy liquid jetted down my throat. I drank as much as I could.

Namjoon let out a grunt, pulled back, and pushed in a little at my mouth once more before falling back onto the bed. His massive cock exited my mouth and a copious amount of my spit mixed with some of his milky cum pulled out as well. The string of spit connected his dick to my mouth. I used the mix of liquids to stroke his cock. He twitched a bit at the overstimulation.

“You’re gonna kill me,” he let out, taking deep breaths in trying to calm himself.

I giggled and crawled my way up his body, my body craving cuddles.

Usually, after sex, we shared a calm moment before starting up again, but Namjoon’s kisses and caresses were bluntly telling me he was ready for round two.

He was needing to blow off steam. It wasn’t just about needing my body or the stress of the online concert, but something else was bothering him. I wasn’t shy about sex and used it plenty of times myself as a stress reliever. I didn’t mind him using my body to release some of my pent-up emotions. Especially when he made sure I was always left me plenty satisfied.

His palms took hold of the back of my thighs, bending them until they reached my shoulders. My legs were spread before him, allowing my pussy to be in full display for him. His mouth came down on my cunt and ate me like a starved man.

This was going to be a long night. And I was going to fucking enjoy every moment of it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The woodsy scent in the air was the first thing I caught on to as I woke up. The scent was too powerful so I knew I wasn’t in my own home. I had slept in this room a handful of times already to know I was in Namjoon’s bedroom. Last night had gone for hours. It had taken a few hours for Namjoon to have quenched his thirst. While I was fully taken over desire along with him, in the back of my mind, I knew Namjoon was dealing with something—news he must have gotten after I had left.

As I opened my eyes, I found Namjoon was not in bed with me. This came as no surprise. Artists rarely got a full night’s rest right before a show.

I rolled out of the bed, my body feeling a little sore from the night’s events. I walked towards the full-length mirror to witness the aftermath. Even with the poor light, I could easily detect small bruising along my thighs and hips. My breasts were slightly red and a bit swollen.

There was nothing about last night that I hadn’t enjoyed, but I knew this was going to be a heavy topic this morning. I mindfully got myself ready.

I went over to my overnight bag and pulled out a fresh pair of panties and then looked around to see what I could put on since I hadn’t brought any nightwear. I found one of Namjoon’s many Fear of God tees and slipped it on.

Once clothed, I made my way out of the room in search of him.

I spotted him in his dining room, sitting in his reading chair which was surrounded by dozens of books. He was deep in thought reading when I found him, not hearing me come in. He was hunched over, elbows laid on his legs, reading a heavy book. He was sporting his thick, reading glasses that made him look the perfect combination of adorable and hot.

I wanted to just stand there and absorb him, but when he began to roll his neck around and stretch out his neck, I instinctively walked over. His neck and shoulder problems would always be an issue for him but he would never want to make a big deal out of it.

It wasn’t until he felt my hands on his shoulders that he noticed me.

He jumped, startled, but quickly settled. “Ah, you scared me.”

“Sorry,” I said, continuing my massage. “How long have you been up?”

Namjoon closed his book and settled on the chair, giving in to my touch. “Too long.”

I found a nasty knot. The moment I applied the right amount of pressure on him, he let out a grunt. Yeah, something was definitely up. “Want to talk about it?”

“What do you mean?” he asked with some hesitation.

He needed honesty. “Your body is a bundle of stress. We hardly spoke last night. Not to mention, while I enjoyed every bit of it, you were a little rougher than usual.”

At this Namjoon’s entire body snapped towards me, his eyes frantically searching my body.

I had slight regret in admitting this but knew that if I wanted Namjoon to be honest with me, I needed to be as well. There was no way he was going to let me in unless I gave a little.

“I’m fine,” I said once he spotted a large bruise right below the hem of the t-shirt. When he didn’t turn away and looked to be remorseful, I took his chin in my hand and forced him to look up at me. “You did nothing I didn’t enjoy.”

He opened his mouth and looked to say two words I really didn’t want him to.

I stopped it with a gentle kiss. “If you want to make it up to me, you can talk to me about what’s going on.”

He let out a sigh and settled back onto his seat.

I let go of his hand and walked over to the armchair adjacent to it, one closer to the kitchen.

“We’re doing a few shows in Vegas in April,” he said.

Immediately, I felt thrilled about the news. It was something the company had been aiming for, some of the guys had shared the possibility of it some weeks ago with me. They had been excited about it, so I was puzzled as to why Namjoon didn’t look over the moon.

I didn’t say a word, however, allowing Namjoon plenty of time to voice his thoughts to me. After a moment, he seemed to be ready. “We have four shows here in Seoul, but I wanted to do more. Maybe some in Busan, but higher-ups want to wait until after Seoul to see if regulations were to lighten up. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy we’ll be going to Vegas, but….” He stopped himself, looking guilty.

I finished it for him, “But it’s not home. You want more shows here.”

There was a small and shameful nod. “Am I being ungrateful?”

“No,” I said instantly. “I think it’s normal to have conflicting emotions about everything. There’s the excitement of shows, but also the disappointment that things aren’t speeding up the way you need them to. You can feel multiple things at once.”

He gave a nod, but his eyes told me there was something more. His shoulders were still sagging from carrying a heavy load he didn’t want on him.

“What else?” I pushed a little.

He let out a restless sigh. “There’s something I haven’t yet told you.”

“What?”

He avoided my eyes. “The seven of us have decided to make a deal with each other. We’ve been talking about it all summer long and it’s honestly one of the reasons why we’re letting go of the dorms. It’s not so much that we’re needing space—which definitely is part of it—but it has more to do with what we’re planning for the future.”

I held my breath, my heart hammering hard against my chest. In the pit of my stomach, I knew what this was in regard to. Every time I thought about this, I got sick to my stomach.

Namjoon’s eyes moved up to meet mine. The beautiful irises that could make me to mush and could turn up my desire were now tearing at my heartstrings. He looked so defeated. “We’re giving it until the summer for the government to figure out what they want to do about our enlistment. If things are still up in the air, Jin-hyung wants to just be done with it and enlist by the end of summer. He’s done waiting—done making noona feel like she’s walking on a tightrope. And the rest of us want to follow him.”

There it was, my heart sinking and getting stomped on. I felt the tears appear, but seeing Namjoon already crying, I held it together. There could only be one of us in shambles at the moment. Two being fully emotional did no one any good.

“Would it be the same time as Jin?” I asked, my voice slightly shaking.

He shook his head slightly. “We would leave in less than a year of him.”

I nodded, inclining I understood. An image flashed in my mind of going an entire day without communicating with Namjoon. The simple thought made me feel like vomiting. I couldn’t remember the last time I went longer than 24 hours without hearing from Namjoon. Especially since we had gotten together. We didn’t go more than 24 hours from seeing each other. To have to go longer? It seriously made me sick to my stomach.

And as bad as I felt on the inside, Namjoon looked much worse on the outside.

My best friend was someone who was fully in touch with his emotions, never allowing himself to be closed off. It was one of the many things I adored about him. How he could feel so much all at once and hold no shame or guilt or shyness for it was admirable.

“I know we just started out,” he let out, his voice shaking but still in control. “But it just makes me angry. And I then feel ashamed for feeling angry.”

I went over to him, crouching in front of him and taking his face into my hands. “We got plenty of time.”

He shook his head but allowed himself to fall into my touch. “I think last night that’s all I kept thinking about. Not being with you. And I guess my body just took over.”

It made sense. If I knew my days were numbered before my freedom was taken away for eighteen months, I would have craved to do it as much as possible. I would want to make every experience count.

“I’m sorry for hurting you,” he said, his eyes watering with guilt.

I stood myself up and settled on his lap. The chair was wide and fit us both, but only with my legs right above his own. “I have zero complaints about last night.”

His hands were on my back instantly.

I leaned in, claiming his lips. “Please believe me when I say you didn’t hurt me.”

“You sure?” he asked, his emotions settling.

I nodded. “I’d kick your ass if you ever did something I didn’t like,” I said half-jokingly.

It got him to at least smile a little.

“And as we’ve said before, we’re taking it slow. There’s no need to rush. Whatever happens, happens in due time,” I said gently, my hands stroking his cheeks. “We have plenty of time.”

“You’re leaving next month,” he said almost bluntly, a hint of sourness in his tone.

“Only for two months; I’ll be back by the end of January.”

He pulled me closer, taking a deep breath as if to take my essence into his scent. “Promise?”

I held up my pinky. He brought up his large hand and used his own slender pinky to wrap around my much smaller one.

He let out a giggle and scrunched up his face at seeing my tiny pinky. “Cute!” He maneuvered his thumb to press against mine, locking the promise.

Normally, I would argue against his description of me, but seeing his scrunched-up face made me act out in cute aggression myself. I took his cheeks into my hands and pinched them. “You look so good. I could eat you!”

I dived in and took his lips in mine.

At that moment, there was an odd sound that seemed to come from my stomach. Simultaneously, we both moved our heads toward the sound with a look of confusion.

My stomach churned again, and this time it was followed by an ache.

Namjoon let out a chuckle. “Sadly, it’s not enough to quench your hunger. Let’s get something in that stomach of yours.” He moved a little, tapping my thigh so I could move off.

A big part of me wanted to continue staying where we were, but now that I was aware of my hunger for food, I couldn’t ignore it.

“I could order something for us,” Namjoon offered.

“How about I just cook,” I offered. “I’ve been wanting to since you made us dinner on our first date.” I looked up at him with hopeful eyes.

“Good luck finding something in there,” he warned.

I lifted off him. “Shower first?”

He gave me a suggestive smile. “Together?” He came closer to me.

I pulled away from temptation. “We’re gonna end up in the same situation as last night if I join you and we gotta leave in a few hours,” I reminded him, keeping my eyes on his face.

“You make a good point.” He turned away and headed to his bedroom. “I could take the guest shower if you want to take mine.”

I agreed, simply because I was used to his already.

I was about to step away so I could start my shower, but Namjoon's hands on my tee made me stop. He had a look on his face as he stared down at me.

"What?" I asked, looking down to see what it was that had him looking aroused. All I saw were my bare legs.

"I like you in my clothes," he mumbled. His hands made their way under the material, his slender fingers feeling like hot coal against my skin. "Put this back on after you shower." He turned and left before I could answer.

A smile appeared on my face at the knowledge that I learned something else that Nmajoon found attractive.

We met in the kitchen not too long after, both feeling refreshed. As per Namjoon's instructions, I put his t-shirt back on.

Namjoon entered the kitchen and let out a small groan as he came behind me. He rubbed my backside as he asked what he could help with. I fought back a smile as I gave him instructions. I scrambled the eggs as he chopped the onions next to me. I could see he was dicing them, even though I had asked him to slice them. I smiled but didn’t correct him.

“What are you humming?” he asked as diced away.

I hadn’t realized I was singing the melody in my head out loud. “It’s been stuck in my head these last couple of days. Can’t seem to shake it off.” I took the eggs off the heat and stirred.

A loud clunk came from where Namjoon was. “Aghhh.”

I immediately turned and went towards him. “What happened?”

He was holding his finger as he had a look of pain on his face. “I think it’s a splinter.”

But he had been cutting onions, how in the hell did he end up with a splinter? I looked down and took notice of the knife handle. It was wood. I let out a sigh. Only Namjoon would have the bad luck of getting a splinter from a knife handle. “Can you see the splinter?”

“I think so,” he said, examining his finger. He wheezed as he seemed to push on it.

“Ok. Please, don’t do anything. Let me go get some tweezers.” I rushed out of the room, hoping he would listen.

I was back at his side in less than a minute and the look on his face told me he was more than uncomfortable. Thankfully, he had listened and hadn’t touched anything.

I maneuvered us closer to the window for better light. Using my tweezers, I was able to pull it all out in one go. “How does it feel?” I asked, looking up at him.

“Stings a little,” he said with a face. “But it feels like you got it all.”

I brought his finger to my lips and kissed it. “Now?” I asked with a smile.

He let out a chuckle. “Much better. Here I thought I was going to need a painkiller, but that cured it easily.”

“I’m your personal painkiller,” I said teasingly as I began to clean his area. “Are you still up to cutting the onion and kimchi?” I asked.

He nodded and went back to chopping with a new cutting board, knife, and onion in hand. After a while, he started humming my melody. “You’re my painkiller,” he sang.

It sent me into laughter. I turned on the stove, ready to finally start cooking. Namjoon continued to create lyrics to the melody I had come up with. It wasn’t long before I started making up lyrics alongside him. He sang off-key but kept with the beat.

We continued cooking our breakfast as we created this song together. At one point, Namjoon took out his phone and recorded us singing. The songwriter in him was always alert.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hours before the concert, I found myself sitting in my dressing room for the concert. Since I was a guest and the only female, I had my own room. Hair and makeup had finished with me and had left to assist the dancers. I wasn’t fully dressed yet since my part in the concert was come late in the show.

The guys had finished soundcheck and getting ready themselves. Bored by being alone, I sent a message to the guys to see their whereabouts. Tae immediately answered.

WEIRDO: Namjoon-hyung and I are in a dressing room together. I was about to head to the green room. You can have your privacy…. 😉

ME: Thank you 😏

MONI: thanks, bro

GLOSS: Be sure to lock that door….

I made it to the dressing room in record time, knocking on the door without waiting.

The door opened and I was greeted by Taehyung and one of the makeup artists. He gave me a knowing grin. “Hi, noona. What are you doing here?”

I wanted to kick him, but the makeup artist was looking at me as well. He was lucky I was quick on my feet. “I need to discuss one of the tracks for the new album with Namjoon.”

Taehyung rose his eyebrows, looking impressed with my quick response. “Lucky for you, we’re heading out.” He and the makeup artist made their way out, Tae limping while doing so.

I suddenly remembered what occurred during rehearsal. “Tae, how are you feeling?”

“It’s a sprain. Can’t do any choreo.” Taehyung gave a sad shrug, his mouth turned downside.

I closed the distance between us and gave him a warm hug. He leaned heavily in as I rubbed his back. “I know you’re disappointed. I’m sorry, jagi.”

He gave a nod, hugged me tight once more, and pulled away. “Thank you, I’ll see you in a bit.” He and the makeup artist made their way out.

My heart squeezed as I watched my friend leave. It was going to be a tough performance for him, but he would be fine. His health had to come first.

I pushed the door closed and turned back around. There, in front of me stood a tall, gorgeous man. “You look handsome,” I said as I walked over to him.

He frowned and looked down at himself. “I’m in a t-shirt. I haven’t even started hair or makeup.”

“And?” I reached for a kiss.

He leaned the rest of the way and after our peck, he took hold of my hand and walked us to his chair.

Once he sat down, we were almost at eye level. I reached over and traced my fingers across the shaved strips on his head. “Do you think you’re going to keep the look?”

His arms wrapped around me, pulling me closer. “No. It’s mostly for promotion,” he answered. “Why? Do you like it on me?”

I placed my forearms on his shoulders, steadying myself. “I like every look on you.”

“Liar.” He laughed. “You didn’t like the mullet,” he teased.

“How much alone time do we have? You’re going to have to meet up with the guys, right?” I asked, trying to sway the conversation elsewhere.

“Plenty,” he said as his large fingers traveled to my backside. He had a look in his eyes.

“Namjoon-ssi,” I warned, but my body still melted against his touch.

“I missed you at lunch.” His voice was low as he pulled me in, his lips coming to my neck.

I let out a moan. I had missed him, too. “Will you be able to spend the night?” I asked without thinking. We had already reached our weekly limit of sleepovers.

He let out a grunt. “I would love to but my parents—”

Before he could finish his sentence, there was a knock at the door.

I immediately pushed off Namjoon. Stupid me hadn’t locked the door.

“Yeah?” Namjoon called out as he straightened up in his chair.

“Jooni, it’s us,” came a deep kind voice from the other side of the door.

I knew the voice well and it only hiked my anxiety.

“Come in. The door is open.”

I put some more distance between us and took a breath to calm myself. The door opened and a good-looking older couple walked into the room, bright smiles on their faces.

I greeted them in a polite form. While I had gotten close to Namjoon’s parents in my time living here, I always acted in my best behavior around them. “Hello, eomeonim, abeonim.”

Eomeonim greeted me with a warm embrace. “Maiwa, where have you been? We haven’t seen you in so long.”

Abeonim’s embrace was a shorter one. “Is Jooni keeping you all to himself?” He turned over to Namjoon and gave his son a playful smile.

Namjoon made his way over to his parents. “Shouldn’t I get hugged first?”

Eomeonim wrapped her arms around her son. “We saw you several days ago. We haven’t seen Maiwi in months. When are you going to bring her around?”

Namjoon took a breath. “Eomma, we’ve been busy.”

“You can’t spare us two hours? We would like to have dinner with the two of you.” Eomeonim reached out for my hand and gave it a squeeze. “A celebration to your relationship. When Namjoonie told us, I was ecstatic! I’ve been rooting for the two of you—”

“Yeobo, let the girl breathe,” Abeonim said as he rubbed his wife’s shoulders, trying to calm her. “Jooni has asked for space. Let’s honor his wishes.”

I was grateful for Abeonim. I was starting to get slightly embarrassed.

“Eomma, we’re taking it slow. Plus, we’re both booked back-to-back until the Los Angeles concert. I don’t get to see her as much anymore.” Namjoon’s voice was respectful but stern. I knew he didn’t want to disregard his mother but seemed to be creating boundaries.

Eomeonim let out a breath. “Alright. I get it.” She turned to me with a sweet smile. “I miss having you over. You haven’t been around in months now.”

I felt a pinch of guilt. “My apologies. I’ll message you. I promise. It might not be until after the Los Angeles concert that we don’t get to hang out. I’ve been talking to Sissy on the phone and we’re already making plans to shop around while the guys are in LA. Want to join us?”

“Oh yes! That will be wonderful!”

With Eomeonim settled, I made some excuse of needing to leave to get ready.

I gave them each a hug before I headed out and gave Namjoon a small smile. I adored his parents, but I was feeling my nerves tipping close to the edge. I wanted to make sure the next time we spoke, I had enough time to mentally prepare myself. They had sprung at us a little too soon for my liking.

I made my way toward the green room, where the rest of the guys were. It was a good walk in the sense that it was enough time to allow me to calm myself.

The closer I got to the room; I heard the amount of noise coming from the inside. I made my way in and noticed most of the guys were there.

Yoongi was on his chair staying perfectly still, phone in hand while being handled by hair and makeup. Jin sat a few feet in a similar position. Jimin and Jungkook, on the other hand, were being loud and rowdy while their poor makeup artists tried to get them ready.

Taehyung was the one to immediately notice me, “Where’s Namjoonie?”

“With his parents,” I said simply, making my way over to a deserted seat, which was close to Jimin and Jungkook.

Behind me, I could hear Yoongi giggling.

I turned, feeling as if I knew what he was thinking about.

“What’s with the laugh?” Jin asked, sure instigating.

“Oh, I left my phone unlocked. I had some private things I wanted to keep hidden. Has that happened to you lately, Maiwa? Have you left your phone unlocked and someone walks in to find some compromising things?” Yoongi held complete eye contact with me.

“Maiwa has a tendency of never locking things, so I imagine people walking in and finding some stuff on her phone,” Jin added. He had the same sadistic humor as the old man sitting next to him.

Thankfully, it didn’t seem as if any of the staff was picking up on their Morse Code. When I knew none of the staff was looking, I sent the two oldest members of the group the finger.

As Yoongi and Jin shared a laugh, Jungkook and Jimin began to do vocal warmups. Jungkook invited me, which I did.

Their warmups differed from the ones I used but we tried each other’s techniques. It had been a while since performing on stage and I mentioned to the guys how I had started to take vocal lessons to prepare for the show.

“Did you really take vocal lessons for this?” Jimin asked me, looking surprised.

I nodded. “My voice needed work. It was a bad idea to stop the lessons in the first place.”

“But your voice is great,” Jimin said, not understanding.

I wasn’t going to deny it or pretend to be humble about it. I was proud of my vocal abilities. I struggled with many things in my career, but the one thing that came naturally was singing.

“Not as great as it is when I take vocal lessons,” I said.

“Jungkook doesn’t really take them,” Jimin said, motioning to his teammate next to him.

Jungkook turned away from us and to his phone.

It was a disagreement Jungkook and I typically had: how often to take vocal lessons. I decided to give Jimin my point of view. “I get and respect Jungkook’s opinion on why he doesn’t take too many vocal lessons. I know he wants to be as authentic as he can with his voice and create a tone and style that is completely his own. However, in my opinion, going without a vocal coach can be detrimental to your chords in the long run. Even Celine Dion, who is one of the best vocalists, takes vocal lessons regularly. I think it depends on the vocalist.”

Jungkook nodded in agreement to my last statement.

Jimin gave a short nod and looked to consider my words.

I knew Jimin struggled with his voice and wasn’t satisfied with it. He had past baggage with his voice. Those who cared about him were sensitive around him about it. I wasn’t sure if it was my place to give my opinion to so many people around us, so I kept my mouth shut. I reached over to my water and took a long gulp.

Jimin looked around at seeing me drinking. “I’m thirsty, too,” he mumbled as he spun around the room, trying to find his own bottle.

Jungkook was in the middle of sipping his own water, his lips not touching the rim of it. Wordlessly, Jungkook extended his bottle to Jimin.

Jimin took it, placed it directly on his lips, and drank the water quickly. “Thanks,” he said as he offered the bottle back to Jungkook.

But Jungkook didn’t move to retrieve it. “Did you put your mouth right on the bottle?” His face looked slightly appalled.

Jimin let out a nervous laugh, recognizing his mistake. “Sorry.”

All the guys were cautious when it came to their drinks. They hardly sipped from the rim of bottles. To them, it kept things sanitized and each other safe, just in case.

However, I never understood this practice with them. “What does it matter if you two swap spit?” I asked.

Jungkook looked at me in disbelief. “I don’t want his germs.”

“You guys share lip balms,” I pointed out. “You feed each other constantly—meaning your chopsticks touch someone else’s lips or your fingers go into someone else’s mouth.”

“That’s different,” came a voice.

We turned and found Namjoon walking over to us. His lips twitched as he looked at me. He wanted to get a rise out of me.

And like an idiot, I took his bait. “How is it different?” I challenged.

“The amount of saliva that comes out when you’re drinking out of water is substantially more than when you share lip balms,” he countered.

“It’s still spitting, is it not?” I demanded. “So if one of you is sick, whether it’s a lip balm or water, you got each other’s germs regardless.”

“But it’s also that some of that water makes it inside of your mouth and then back into the bottle. Some of that liquid has swirled all over your mouth. It would be like kissing each other,” he tried to rationalize.

“You guys share food,” I pointed out. “You put your mouth into that food to take a bite, do you not? Wouldn’t that be the same as kissing?”

“But the food doesn’t make it past the teeth because I would bite it off. It’s still not that much saliva that would be shared. Now, when it comes to liquids, some of it makes it past the teeth and deeper into the mouth.” His eyes twinkled as he said this, clearly knowing he was making a stretch.

I called him out on it. “You are so full of shit.”

The room filled with laughter.

But he refused to accept defeat. For the next few minutes, we went back and forth. Namjoon coming up with bullshit counterpoints and excuses about the whole water bottle thing. His answers became so ridiculous that I couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity. He couldn’t hold it together himself either and eventually laughed at his own reasons.

The guys went back and forth between prepping for the show and goofing off. Before we knew it, it was time for the guys to head to the stage.

All seven of them, along with their team and me, made their way. Right before stepping out, the guys gathered together, did their huddle, and walked up the stage. Namjoon was the last to disperse and took a look back as he did so, catching my eyes. He sent me a blink-and-you-will-miss-it wink and hurried out.

How did that man make me into a puddle of mush when no more than an hour ago, I wanted to wring his neck?

I watched them backstage, admiring how great they performed but at the same time anxious for my time to join them.

My tia Jia sent me several messages of encouragement. And on the few times that I felt myself starting to psych myself out, I would reread them. I had been on stage more times than I could remember, but I could never get rid of the butterflies right before I went on. And the closer I got to perform, the sicker I felt.

A warm hand pressed on my side. Eomeonim appeared next to me, a smile on her face that was striking to Namjoon’s—minus the dimples. My anxiety stilled a little. “All of you singers are the same. Always so nervous right before going on stage.”

I gave her a nod. “Yeah.”

“There’s no point in telling you that everything is going to be alright. It doesn’t help does it?”

“Sometimes,” I lied, not wanting to hurt her feelings.

She gave me a look that told me she didn’t believe me. I instantly felt a heat on my cheeks. I had never felt so uneasy around Namjoon’s mother. But things were different now. However, her warm smile came back. The one that always put me at ease. “I meant it when I said I’m happy about the two of you. You’re a great friend to him. He’s always in such good spirits when he talks about you. He says you understand him in ways he can’t understand himself.” A brightness came to her eyes and I was certain there was a tear in there.

It made me worry. “Eomeonim, what’s wrong?”

“He’s been having a rough time. And he won’t tell me why.” She gave me a look that silently asked me a question.

I looked down, not able to answer her. It wasn’t my place to tell her about Namjoon’s stress. I wasn't sure what he had shared with her. I made a mental note to talk to him about this. I didn't want to accidentally spill something he didn't want his mother to know. They had a good and trusting relationship, but I knew Namjoon at times kept some things from his parents until he was ready to share. He liked to think things through first.

Eomeonim accepted my silence. “Can you be sure to look after him? I know you already are, but can you take extra care of him?”

I nodded. “Of course.”

“Thank you,” she said softly, clutching my hand.

“Maya-ssi?” someone called out to me.

I turned and found a staff member looking at me. “You’re almost up.”

Eomeonim and I shared a hug and I made my way out to the stage.

Even though it was an online concert, the fact that millions of people were watching still made me nervous.

I got into position, waiting for my cue. As soon as I was given it, all my nerves left me on that stage.

---------

MASTERLIST

Chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23 - 24 - 25 - 26 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30

[disturbedbydesign]

A Night At The Museum

Pairing: Loki x Reader

Length: 4K

Summary: Your job as a museum tour guide was growing tiresome until a mysterious stranger showed up to claim what was his.

Warnings: Dubcon (slight mind control), Violence (mild), Light Bondage, Explicit Sex (oral, vaginal). 18+ only, no minors.

_____________________________________________________________

Your last tour of the day was about to start and all you could think about was getting off work and meeting up with your sister for drinks. You had always dreamed of one day working at the British Museum, but having been a tour guide there for the past year—doing the same thing, so many times a day, every single day—you found yourself growing tired of it and anxious to move on. Much as you loved art history (you did go to school for it, after all), you had grown thoroughly bored with your job. You wanted some excitement in your life. You needed it.

When you first started, you had been one of the museum’s most enthusiastic guides, always trying to engage all the members of your groups and fielding even the strangest of questions with grace and ease. These days, you were just going through the motions, especially for tours this late in the day. Over the course of the year, you had become adept at instantly identifying the one or two people in any given group who actually cared about the subject matter, and you found it simpler to focus on them and ignore everyone else.

As you performed your perfunctory scan of the last group of the day, you saw the usual suspects: a group of unruly children with intentionally oblivious parents; a travel group of obnoxious middle-aged Americans; an older gentleman, alone, who looked like he could be a professor of some sort (he was the one to pay attention to); and a young couple, clearly on one of their first few dates, who would have eyes only for each other.

And then you saw him.

You were immediately taken aback, struck by the fact that, for the first time in a long time, you couldn’t get a read on someone. The man was tall—really tall—with long, black hair slicked back. His skin was almost inhumanly pale and smooth, like he was sculpted of the same marble as the statues surrounding you. Despite the summer heat, the mysterious man wore a black suit and tie, a white dress shirt, and a long black coat with a scarf. He carried an ornately crafted cane, which seemed more an accessory than a walking aid. Compared to the rest of your tour group, he seemed a man out of time.

And then you saw his eyes—his impossibly green eyes. You could see them from across the room, almost glowing and staring at you, unblinking. your breath caught in your throat and all of a sudden you felt very, very cold.

As the hour-long tour progressed, you went through your practiced speeches about each artifact, moving across the room in the pre-established order and fielding questions here and there. As anticipated, the older gentleman was very engaged in the tour and asked intelligent questions, which you happily answered. Also unsurprisingly, one of the loudest Americans (probably trying to impress his friends) kept asking questions that he thought would make him sound smart and cultured but which, in reality, had the opposite effect. After one particularly ridiculous question, you had to turn your head away, pretending to be thinking about the answer but really trying not to laugh. That’s when you got caught in the emerald stare of the mysterious man with the cane.

He hadn’t taken his eyes off of you the entire tour—hadn’t so much as glanced at any of the art that he was ostensibly there to see—and up until then you had done your best to avoid meeting his gaze. Something about him absolutely terrified you, although you couldn’t pinpoint what exactly you were frightened of. He was standing completely still at the back of the group, but he was so tall that he towered over everyone and you could see his face as clear as if he were right in front of you.

His piercing eyes were locked onto you; they moved where you moved. His gaze was intense and menacing, but it was more than that: you could physically feel his eyes on you, penetrating you all over, making you feel naked. You wanted to look away but you felt like some strange power was holding your eyes onto to his. You stood dumbfounded and locked in a silent stare with the dark-haired stranger until the loud American spoke up, demanding an answer to his previous inquiry. You had never in your life been so happy to answer a stupid question.

You managed to make it through the rest of the tour without meeting eyes with the man with the cane, although there wasn’t one second that went by when you didn’t feel his presence in the room. You even went so far as to forgo asking if anyone had any final questions at the end that they wanted to stay after and discuss with you. You ducked out of the exhibit hall as fast as you could, feeling the man’s gaze boring into your backside as you exited the room, and headed for the staff room to gather your things. You didn’t notice until you got to the employee lounge that you had been holding your breath the whole time.

The museum was officially closed for the day, and as you left the staff area you couldn’t help but notice that the usual security guards posted around the building were nowhere to be found. In fact, there was no one around at all. The main lights were dimmed and the place was impossibly silent; the only sound you could hear was the echo of your own footsteps as you quickly made your way across the building to the exit. You were rounding a darkened corner when you felt an ice-cold hand reach around from behind and clamp over your mouth.

“Don’t be afraid,” hissed a smooth voice in the darkness. “You’re going to like what comes next.”

Before you could think to cry out, you were spun around and face to face with the dark-haired man. He wore the devil’s grin as he leaned down to you, his face barely an inch from your own. One hand still clamped firmly across your mouth, he brought his cane up with the other and traced a gentle line down from your temple to your chin. He let the tip rest under your jaw, pressing in on your throat just a little too hard. He put his lips to your ear and whispered, “Come with me, my pet.”

In one swift motion, he swung you up and over his shoulder and held you there with one arm, the other arm brandishing the cane, which clicked rhythmically against the marble floor, keeping time with his long strides. You were still dazed and breathless from the force of the cane’s tip on your throat and before you knew it, you found yourself in some dark recess of the museum basement, on the floor of a room you hadn’t even known existed. It was filled with strange artifacts the likes of which you had never seen in your extensive studies. There were no lights on but the room was bathed in an eerie shade of blue, which seemed to emanate from the relics themselves. You managed to mumble out a few words.

“Where am I?”

You saw the cane flip once in his hand as he strode toward you and then felt only searing pain as it came crashing across the side of your face.

“Did I say you could speak?” he asked.

You brought your hand to your cheek where he’d struck you, expecting to feel a bloodied gash, but when you took your hand away and looked there was nothing. The blow had left no physical mark, only an icy hot streak of pain. He reached down and traced the line of his blow with a long delicate finger, and suddenly the pain was gone and replaced with a pleasurable tingle.

“As you see, I can inflict both pain and pleasure,” he said, his voice like honey. “What happens next is entirely up to you.”

You should have been terrified, screaming, looking for some outlet or escape, but you found yourself completely paralyzed by his gaze. Going against every survival instinct screaming inside of you, you dared speak again.

“Please… please just tell me who you are and what you want.”

You closed your eyes and braced yourself for another blow but it did not come. You glanced up to see him looking at you inquisitively from the corner of the room, resting his long, lean frame on the tip of his cane.

“You are a bold one, I see. Deserving of my punishment, yes, but also worthy of the pleasure I can give you. I am going to ask you three questions and you are going to answer them honestly. If you lie, I will know, and you will suffer for it. Now tell me, do I frighten you?”

“Yes.”

“Do I excite you?”

“Yes.”

“Do you want to leave? And before you answer this last and most important question, know this: If you say yes, I will let you go. I will not harm you. I will not follow you. You will never see me again. But you will also never know who I am or what I am here for, the memory of this night will haunt your dreams forever, and no one will ever believe your story. Within a week, you will go mad wondering whether I was a dream or reality.”

In one seamless motion, he crossed the room and yanked you to your feet by your shoulders, holding you an inch from his face, which seemed to glow with its own light.

“Now answer the question. Do you want to leave?”

The final answer flew from your lips before you even knew what you were saying. “No,” you whispered, and he eased his harsh grip on your shoulders, a sly smile spreading across his lips.

You stared at him, motionless and feeling almost paralyzed as you waited for permission to speak.

“Well,” he began, “I suppose it’s only fair that I offer you the same courtesy you have allowed me, so you may ask me three questions and I will answer them honestly. Choose your words carefully, because you get only three.”

He released his grip on you and returned to the corner, watching you and waiting.

“Who… who are you?” you stammered.

“Ah, a good question and excellently phrased. Had you asked just my name, that is all you would have received. But who I am is much more complicated.”

He sauntered toward you and lifted his cane, pointing it in a sweeping circle around the room.

“You see these things here? I am not so different—I was just another stolen relic from another world, locked away until someone might have use of me. But I have broken free of my shackles, and I have come to claim what is mine. You as who I am? I am a God. I am your God.”

You should have thought him completely mad, but you believed him. For whatever reason, you believed him.

“What do you want?” you asked.

He shook his head and chuckled low. “That’s far too vague a question, my pet, for I want many things. I could tell you simply that I want a glass of water, and I would not be lying. But since you are such an exquisite creature and so well behaved, I will answer the question you meant to ask, which is what is my purpose here.”

Something was happening to you, something strange and terrifying and wonderful. You were mesmerized by the way he spoke and the way his long, cold fingers brushed your cheek when he had called you exquisite. You hung on his every word and could not take your eyes off of him.

“I am Loki of Asgard and I have come to reclaim what was stolen from me. This room holds all that I need to take my rightful place as your master and overlord—to claim humanity as my own and rule the people of Earth as your king.”

You searched your racing mind for the words needed to get the answer you so desperately wanted, but your brain would not cooperate.

“One last question, my pet. And don’t keep me waiting.”

Finally, the words come to you in the correct order. “Why have you chosen me?”

Loki smiled lasciviously down at you. “I could tell just by looking at you that you crave subjugation,” he said, his voice smooth and so deep you felt it everywhere. “You were made to be ruled, and you will be the first to kneel for me.”

In a flash he was on you, grabbing your hair hard and pulling you into a deep kiss. His lips felt ice cold but his breath was hot and moist as his tongue twined around yours. You raised your hands to run them through his hair when he abruptly pulled back and caught you by the wrists. He spun you around and bound your arms behind your back with his scarf, pushing you to your knees once he had secured you.

“I told you to kneel,” he growled.

He was behind you and you could hear his ragged breathing, the rustling of clothes, and the soft thump of fabric hitting the floor. When he spun you back around, he was completely naked and you drank in the sight of his pale skin and lean, powerful body. His cock was enormous and rock hard.

“Pleasure me, my pet. I know this is what you crave.”

He grabbed you by the hair and shoved the whole length of his shaft down your throat repeatedly, fucking your face until you almost passed out for lack of air. When you thought you could take no more, he yanked you off of him, tilting your head back and looking down at you with glowing green eyes.

“Very good, my pet. Now slower. Worship it as you will worship me.”

He grabbed the base of his cock, holding it at an angle above your face and willing you to lick it. You complied, running your tongue slowly from the base to the tip, feeling his blood throbbing in the veins that ran the length of his massive shaft; the blood was hot but the flesh was icy cold—a very strange sensation, but one that fascinated you. He let out a series of short, carnal grunts as you swirled the tip of your tongue around his head. You took just the tip into your mouth and began to massage it gently with your lips as he ran his hand lightly up and down his shaft. You could taste his leaking juices as you tongued the slit, and the taste of him was like nothing you’d ever experienced before—it was delicious, addictive even, and it made you insatiable and impossibly wet. You moaned onto his cock as you let it drip down your throat, sending vibrations of pleasure running through his entire godly frame and causing him to groan in ecstasy.

Before you knew it, you were on your feet and your wrists were freed from the scarf that bound them. Holding the scarf between gritted teeth, he ripped your blouse open and straight off your body. He cupped and squeezed your breasts in his icy hands, and your already hard nipples became almost unbearably erect against the lace fabric of your bra. He unclasped it and let it fall to the floor next to you as he yanked your skirt down around your ankles. One hand cradled the back of your neck and he let the other trace a line in between your breasts and down your stomach. When he reached the top of your thong, just above your mound, he stopped.

Your breath caught in your throat and you looked at him. He took the scarf from between his teeth.

“Turn around,” Loki commanded.

You did as you were told and he brought the scarf around your head, blindfolding you. You felt his strong arms lift you up and moments later you were bent over a cold metal table, facedown and arms over your head, gripping the steel. You felt his breath on your pebbled skin as he ripped your thong off your body with his teeth, and he pushed your legs wider apart with his knee as he traced down the length of your spine with two fingers. When he found your entrance, you were already soaked for him—an almost unnatural level of wetness that you’d never felt before in your entire life—and he plunged two long fingers deep inside you without ceremony. You cried out your pleasure as he moved them furiously in and out of you before he slowed and found your sweet spot with his middle finger, working it violently until he started to feel your walls tighten around him and your cries faded to jagged breaths. He stopped just before you found release and you whined loudly.

“You are ready,” he said—telling you not asking you. “Now we shall see where your loyalty lies.”

You were left wanting and stranded on the verge, and the absence of sight heightened all your other senses. Every inch of your body was buzzing and the sound of your own heart beating was deafening in the silent room. That’s when you heard the rhythmic clicking of the cane moving slowly toward you and then stop.

“Who is your God?” Loki asked, his voice cold and commanding.

“You,” you wailed. “You are my God.”

He brought the cane down across your bare ass with all the power of Asgard and you screamed out in delicious agony.

“I said, WHO IS YOUR GOD?”

You tried to answer but your mind could not form words. He brought the cane down on you again, three hard lashes in quick succession, and you made a noise that sounded inhuman in your own ears.

“I’ll ask you one more time: who is your God and your King?”

The sensations coursing through your body threatened to put you over the edge of consciousness, but somehow you managed to yell out to him through the haze of pain and pleasure.

“LOKI! Loki of Asgard is my God and my King!”

He laughed maniacally and you could hear the clatter of the cane dropping to the floor. You felt his magic fingers trace a line across the searing flesh of your ass and the white-hot agony turned instantly to a pleasure unlike any you had ever known. You almost achieved release just from his touch. He untied the blindfold and he rolled you over on your back, pulling you up to face him. His eyes seemed warmer as he leaned in and grazed your ear with his lips as he spoke.

“You have proven your loyalty to me, my pet. I know that you will worship me as I deserve. Now you will be rewarded.”

He stood between your legs and cupped your face in his hands as he kissed you slowly and deeply, more passionately than he had before. For the first time, when you went to touch him, he didn’t try to stop you. At last, your hands found his long black hair and you grabbed fistfuls of it as you pulled him down on top of you, the tip of his cock teasing your opening as you devoured each other. He pulled his face away and buried it in between your breasts as he massaged them, taking one nipple in his mouth and nibbling it lightly as he rubbed the other between two fingers. Every flick of his finger or tongue on your body dragged a sound out of you that you didn’t know you could make. You untangled one hand from his hair and found his massive cock, gripping it firmly and stroking it up and down as you rubbed it against your clit.

“Fuck me, my King. I beg you. Take me any way you want me.”

He lifted his mouth from your breast. “Not so fast, my pet. I must taste you first.”

He pulled you down to the edge of the table and threw your legs over his shoulders as he settled between your legs. He licked you slowly up and down a few times before latching onto your clit, holding your hips firm as he swirled the tip of his tongue around and around, faster and faster until you started to cry out and buck against him. He brought a hand down from your hip and teased your slick folds with one long finger as he continued to work your clit with his tongue and his lips. He brought another finger to your entrance, sliding the two fingers together from the top of your folds to the bottom, and when he plunged both fingers inside you, you came so hard you nearly fainted. His touch was godly, and you knew then he had ruined you for all mortal men.

You had barely recovered from your climax when he sat you up and took you all at once, shoving his cock inside you to the hilt, filling you with ice and fire. He grunted like an animal with each forceful thrust and you screamed with pleasure as you clawed at his back. Your hands found his muscular ass and you gripped it tightly as you screamed his name, keeping time with his rhythm.

“Loki… Loki… My God… My King...”

You brought your arms up around his neck as he lifted you off the table, his strong hands gripping your ass as he walked you over to the side of the room. You clung to him with your legs wrapped tightly around his waist and your arms at his neck as he fucked you senseless against the cold basement wall. The light of the otherworldly artifacts tinted his skin an inhuman shade of blue; it was beautiful, he was beautiful. He quickened his pace and then stopped, remaining motionless with the full length of him still throbbing inside of you.

“Such a good girl for me,” he whispered. “Such a good little pet. I think maybe I’ll keep you.”

He walked you back over to the table and laid himself down on it so that you were straddling him. You moved up and down on his cock slowly, almost teasingly, wanting to feel every inch of him inside of you. As you rocked up and down, he brought his cold thumb to your clit, circling it while you rode him and bringing you close to the edge again. He began to buck underneath you as you fucked him and you knew he was close, too. You leaned in and grabbed the hair at the back of his head as you continued to slam yourself onto on him.

The words fell from your lips—“Fill me with your God seed, my King, I want every last drop you have”—and even as you said them, you had no idea where they came from, almost as if they were planted there and forced from you.

That had Loki’s eyes rolling back in his head and he moaned deep as he sat up, grabbing your hips as you rocked back and forth on his lap. He tightened his grip on you and quickened his pace, pounding into you hard and fast. As the muscles of your tight walls rippled with pleasure and you cried out your reverence in his ear, Loki found his release. He held your squirming body tight against him, your muscles shaking uncontrollably as he came roaring into you. You felt his warmth spread inside of you—such a contrast to the chill of his flesh—and you stayed locked in his embrace, completely limp with exhaustion.

“Thank you, my King,” you whispered, and Loki brought his fingers to your face.

The last thing you remember is two cool fingertips pressed to your temple. When you awoke, you were naked and alone in the basement room. The artifacts that had filled the room were now gone and there was no sign of Loki but for a pile of clothing next to you on the table—new clothes to replace the ones he had destroyed in his lust—and a handwritten note that said only “Fit for a Queen.” You put them on, wondering if he would ever be back for you. You were nothing now without your king. You knew you were made to be ruled.

[popculturebuffet]

Go Team Venture! A Venture Bros Retrospective: Season 4A

Hello all you happy venturoos! I”m jake and I review comics and animation, and today we return to the world of guys in costumes, stuffed dead cats, batman obessed blond mop heads, super science shenanigans and naked men, as my Venture Bros retrospective makes it’s triumphant return!

For those of you who missed the looks at the first three seasons, which is fair the season 3 review was two months ago, here's some links

Season 1!

Season 2!

Season 3!

The short version: Since high school i’ve been a huge fan of the Venture Bros, but due to my watch queue being as bit as the posts linked above and this one your reading, I simply never got around to it. So late last year when I decided to continue the trend i’d started of starting a review of something I love dearly to the point it’s a part of my very soul, the choice was obvious and thus this look back at the series had began. Like with Scott Pilgrim I noticed tons of deeper things about the series I hadn’t before, re-evaluated episodes I once hated, got to enjoy ones I loved again and found some.. were just as crappy as always. Hello Fallen Arches, Love Bheits, Guess Whose Coming to State Dinner, and an episode we’ll get to shortly. I got to bask in the titular bros shenanigans, recoil in horror at just how low Doc could sink, and see the badassery and jerkassery of brock sampson and many many more in this stuffed to perfection cast. 

So with how well this was going you might wonder why I stopped. 

Okay I do have some but I coudln’t resist that gag. The first delay was because I got sick unexpedetly and had to push it back as it was the only review I could afford to. As for the second it’s ironically for the same reason this season got cut in half: Much like Jackson I was burnt out after stupidly overtaxing myself and thus delayed some things rather than half ass them. These reviews mean a lot and just like Jackson i’d rather things take longer than come out half assed and exausted. Thankfully a few days off last week, even with ANOTHER cold because I have Rusty’s luck without actually deserving any of it, did the trick and i’m primed and ready to jump into what is easily my favorite season, and I feel comfortable saying that both having only rewatched one half and having had to sit through Perchance to Dean again. By episode 4 the season is on full blast, taking everything that made the show work thus far from oddly specific references, to the gorgeous art direction, to the fatnastically lived in and well constructed world to the titular boys themselves, and took it to it’s peak. The first three seasons are good, especially seasons 2 and 3.. but season 4 is damn near perfect.

As usual before we get into the season itself we have to see how the sausage gets made. And the key part of this one’s development was burnout. Season 3 was the first season they had made that had the promise of another one. It’s WHY they upended the show: As Doc pulled it its’ no fun to do something like say, killing 24 or having brock quit, something that changes the shows dna.. and then just walking away. You don’t end on a cliffhanger unless your sure you’ll get to resolve it. It’s why Doc and Jackson were so determined to find some way to end things after season 7: having Hank leave possibly forever is not the note you end a series on, it’s the kind of note you play knowing it’s leading into another song. It also meant having to shelve an episode idea till next time was less frustrating: for all the ones the big status quo shifts would make unwritable, there were dozens more that would be just fine next time. 

The problem was, much like myself, Jackson overestimated just how much he could do and how long it would take. As such he expected to be ahead of schedule and fell horribly behind instead, something I again know all too well and something that according to Doc he does every year. It’s just this year he didn’t have the gap between seasons to recharge his creative batteries so they burst into flame on him. All but one of the episodes aren’t bad and the one that is isn’t because of burnout, so he didn’t let the work suffer but having put so much into it he was about ready to collapse and utterly behind when he got to what would become the season 6b premire “The Diving Bell Vs The Butter Glider” he had the ideas.. but he just coudln’t bring himself to make the script. 

Doc was fully supportive as like any sane person when he hears a person screaming I need a break his first inscint isn’t to crack the whip and increase the crunch like too many assholes out there in creative fields.. but to let Jackson slow the fuck down. Jackson went to the network and convinced them to let him split the season in half and add a few extra episodes: Adult Swim gets basically two seasons of it’s most popular show and Jackson gets a LITTLE rest. They didn’t really STOP or anything, they just didn’t have to go as hard and despite being exausted to hell in the second half we’ll get to next month, Jackson still was utterly proud of what he produced and never made the mistake to not have a decent gap between seasons again. And look most shows do come out at a once a year clip, but I can’t blame the guys for working at their own pace, epsecially having to do dvd stuff, promotion, all sorts of other things going on around each season. 

As for why keep the split it’s two reasons: the first is that i’ts simply less exausting to do two batches of 8 episodes versus one motherfucker big 16 episode giant, 17 really as Prom is double length. I have my limits and while these reviews are some of my faviorite work i’ve ever done they still take a LOT out of me. And that’s knowing one of the next shows i’m going to going to do full season reviews like this of has 24 eps a season. But said eps are 11 minutes, so it’s a bit easier to swallow compared to trying to cram down 15 half hours and one full our in the span of a month. How Totally Not Mark does WAY more than that every month, even without two other reviews in the week to consider, I have NO idea.  More than that it also just.. feels right to split the season. While on a nostalgic level it’s how I watched it both halves , while making a whole together, still FEEL like their own seasons with their own dedicated premires. More than that thanks to Brock’s absence 4a just has it’s own feel and even it’s own status quos for Gary and Hank that get shifted a bit next season. While hank is still a tad more rebellious and mature and gary still entirely badass while still very much gary, both shift in priortities with Hank having his absent surrogate dad back in his life, thus having no need to rebel against his other authority figures anymore, and Gary questioning the life he’s chosen. We’ll obviously get to those more next month, but you get my point: each part while making a whole together is it’s own thing, kinda like how the two halves of amphibia seasons 2 and 3 each feel very diffrent from each other while still flowing into one another. So it just makes the most sense to do each part on it’s own. So with that let’s begin this journey with the first part as Hatred moves in, brock moves out and 24 dosen’t really move on so much as talk to his halluciation of his best friends ghost.  

                                                Content Warning: 

This Review Contains mentions of Pedophilia as one of the main cast members at this point is a former pedophile, as it will sexual assault. Discretion is advised

                                        The Season(Piece) and Me

When making the intro I forgot to get into how I experienced the season way back when, or at least this part. And despite this review being a meaty boy that took several days, I still felt I needed to go back and add it. The whole reason i’m doing this project, and frankly do most of my projects, is it means something to me. Sure I take comissions and patreons and gladly, i’m getting paid to do what I love. I’d never walk that back and I do have to sign off on the thing i’m reviewing before I actually agree to take money. But one of the best joys of this job is just getting to jaw on about works I truly love, the good and the bad of them. And on rare occasions tearing apart things I truly hate, see you next month Quagmire’s Dad!, but my point is I do this retrospective out of love and the deep history I have with the show so not sharing it now we’re in the thick of me watching it one on one is just silly.

So by now I was hooked, having written my own utterly terrible fourth season during sophmore year of High School.. it’s thankfully lost to time. I loved this show so while I checked season 3 out casually this was the first season I went into hyped as hell and obviously it did not disapoint. This really was the golden era of my being a venture bros fan: the mantis eye experiment, a fansite that not only still exists but is where I get most of the screencaps for the episode guide, allowed me to talk about the episodes as my struggle to find people who share some of my werid intrests is eternal apparently, and it was just pure fun. I got to see things progress and change, the characters truly evolve and ooo and ahh as the show really hit it’s peak. It was a great time to be alive and to be a venture fan. 

                                   Seasonal Stylings

Starting us off is something I don’t feel i’ve gushed enough about in general but hits it’s stride here: the animation. The show has always had a gorgeous art direction, essentially being a filmation superhero show or a hannah barbera action show if it had the actual budget it deserved, and every season it’s improved from being slightly chonky but still lovely in season 1 to improving on that and helping it become more cinematic in season 2 to the HD upscale last season that reworked the character models to fit the shows art evolution. 

Now with Season 4 and most of the characters getting a redesign the art direction truly has hit it’s stride and it’ll keep, and sometimes up, this level of quality from here on out. Last season was the show upgrading to HD, wisely knowing that’s where things were headed. This year was the show taking that to it’s ultimate form. 

Said redesigns are also all cherry: Brock and co’s sphinx unfiorms should absolutley not work, being poo brown with some gold accents. But they look damn cool and the muted brown fits their off the books gone rogue approach to tackling super villany. LIkewise hank gets my faviorite look for him here, only rivaled by his seasons 6 and 7 rainbow jacket and hella good hair: the grown out hair and brock’s jacket, draped over the team uniform or his pjs depending on what time of day it is. We also get 21′s upgrade to buff as hell wolverine style badass. I also do love Team Venture’s new look, something I didn’t notice as a teen. Ala the fantastic four they now all have the same uniform, with Hank naturally adding his own touch with the jacket. We’ll get more into what that means story wise in a moment but It’s clear jackson and doc took the big changes as an excuse to really have some fun. In the past the characters generally stuck to their classic looks, with only Shelia getting a big change with the dr. mrs the monarch suit  but here everyone in the main cast gets changes great and small with only monarch keeping his classic outfit and SHielia sticking with her change up from last season which fits: both are in the most stable place they’ve been since season 1 so unlike everyone else, who is going thorugh a lot of upheavel, why WOULD they change. 

Change is the theme of the season. The first three seasons had a strong continuity and a mini arc here or there: Richard Impossible’s degrading marriage and sally leaving him, JJ slowly getting disllusioned with his big brother, the order of the triad trying to function as a team, dean’s crush on triana slowly progressing. Just some things on the outskirts. But as far as the main cast was concerned only the monarch had any lasting changes to his life: he had a messy entirely his fault breakup with his girlfriend, got framed by her ex, went to prison, adjusted poorly without her, won her back thanks to a combo of Dr. Henry Killinger (and his magical murder bag) and Shielia realizing why she left limb in the first place, succesfully wedding her despite Phantom Limbs attempted guild mutiny and bride abduction, and having to TRY to not arch venture before eventually finding his way back within the rules. While Malcom didn’t change a LOT as a character he still went through a lot and it effect his arching every time. 

In contrast team venture remained mostly the same. Hank and Dean did evolve as characters, with Hank going from a jock bully moron to an intensely weird, immensely loveable, and entirely specific weirdo who thinks he’s batman instead of barely qualifying for robin and is the only one in his group who enjoys this superhero crap like anyone else caught in this vortex, whlie Dean went from a put upon nerd to a proudly geeky in the 60′s style nerd who is unabashidely optimstic, naive and sweet, while Brock slowly grew to accept his roll as nanny before the stress of it lead to him noping out. Rusty remained pretty much the same asshole just marginally better every season

But their core deal was the same: Doc was a failing super scietnest resulting to increasingly shady side hustles to get by, Brock was his best friend, loyal body guard and constantly failing at his job because Doc won’t listen concisence who kills anything that dares threaten his found family, Hank batusi’s into danger despite having no buisness doing so and dean has a panic attack. together they get arched by a jackass in a butterfly suit (and for one season a recovering pedophile with a military gimmick) when their not on globetrotting adventures or dealing with the remains of rusty’s latest bad decision. The show never rested on it’s formula or anything but there was an inherent saftey in the core status quo. A combination of Brock Mothefucking Sampson and having survived far worse meant that while we knew rusty COULD die in the shit he kept getting thrown into, he probably woudln’t, while the boys not only had the brock saftey net but also the clone one. As long as they were arround, they were imortal. 

Season 3′ sending cleverly cut both safety nets to ribbons: Brock is not only gone but he’s replaced by Hatred. As Jackson put it Brock occasionally did badass herculean feats of strength, stuff no normal man could do and even some paranormal men would say “fuck that” to trying. Hatred is just a middle aged guy who wouldn’t be out of place at possum lodge who only has guns, army/osi/guild training, and inside baseball knowhow of the guild. He can protect his unit sure, but he’s just not the guaranteed instant win button. Meanwhile the clones are gone: they grow in real time and even if Doc COULD make more, The OSI is making sure he DOESN’T. The Boys are the last one he has. 

With the safety net gone and someone whose not even remotely like brock taking up his old duties... it cleverly changes things. The ventures are now bolted to the compound and doc has switched from get rich quick schemes aborad to simply renting out to whoever will take it. The old offsceen adventures are gone and what’s left is a family struggling to hold it together when their heart ripped himself out and walked away. And as a result the family is BARELY holdling it together in this part:  While Doc TRIES to be a parent it only works with dean, who he affectionately mentors. With Hank he’s just somehow even more of an ass to him than anyone he’s ever been an ass to (which given he reached one hundred on the “Rusty Sucks Suprising No One Count” last season is saying something), and Hatred just isn’t good like brock was at ballancing that out, with hank rejecting him most of the time and for understandable reasons (he replaced his dad and also tried to molest him. I can’t blame the kid) Meanwhile hank acts out more as a result of both loosing brock and his dad being a dick. Dean is really the only one whose got it together this season and that’s only by a hair. The family was always dysfunctional but now they’ve hit their lowest point and it will only get marginally better from here. 

It changes up the show.. and for the better. It shakes things up at just the right time: three seasons isn’t a bad amount ot keep a set status quo, getting fans used to the show.. and then shaking it to hell and back like Rusty probably did with the boys as babies. By changing everything the show was allowed to truly grow, having already slowly done so and hit it’s true peak. Anything could happen with Brock gone and it did: 21 became a badass, a new member joined the family, a longtime mainstay in triana exited, and things would only keep c-c-changing from here. And the show would only be better for it.  

                                                  Roll Call

As usual we start with Doc who is trying to be a parent for once, staying at home to try and keep the kids safe.. not that this makes a ton of sense given most of the boys deaths HAPPENED in the home but hey, rusty’s life never makes a ton of sense and the boys have become marginally less death prone, and it is a place where he can keep a better eye on them before they do something suicidally stupid. He’ll NEVER be able to control costumed jackasses attacking him but he can at least try. 

The problem is his efforts are so titled to one side i’m suprised Hank didn’t shoot off into the stratosphere. Doc IS geninely trying with dean, to guide him into doing actual science via giving him a lab (instead of growing experiments in the kitchen) and most heartwarmingly introducing him to his love of pro rock to inspire him. While he’ll be more of a pushy dickhead in later seasons toward dean following in his footsteps, here he’s gentle and when the guild invades his compound and you know, dosen’t realize how utterly horrible any of that would look to everyone inside, especially one fo their ex employees, Rusty not only gently helps his son with his panic vomiting , assuring him that’s half the reason to wear a speedsuit, he actually goes along with dean’s plans to confront them. It dosen’t go anywhere, but it’s heartwarming to see Doc REALLY trying for once, realizing that this is the last son he gets and now Dean CAN grow past being a teenager, it’s time to prepare him

The problem is while he’s being a good parent for once to Dean it’s ONLY Dean. While Hank IS acting out, refusing to accept Hatred as his new bodyguard and calling Doc insults , including my personal faviorite “A Honky”, both for the delivery on that line from Doc and the Monarch understandably snickering.. Doc predictably is being extra obnoxious about one of his sons finally defying his abusive ass. Over the course of the season he geneinly seem to consider not rescuing hank from the monarch (He actually does put in the effort to get him back but still), tries to bar him from using the bathroom, physically abuses him for the first time while blaming him for something he didn’t do and doesn’t really trace back to him, and snarks about Hank working in UPS as an adult. He is just awful to my boy all season and even putting me spiritually adopting hank aside, this is easily the worst i’ve seen rusty. We’ll get WHY he does this next time but it dosen’t make him any less awful for treating hank like this simply for acting out, especially since Rusty himself acted out plenty with his own dad in college. He’s also not great to Hatred.. to a point. His comparing him to brock constantly is just sad as it’s clear by the finale DOC is the reason Brock left the compound. Brock genuienly laments not being able to “tell the boys their safe” and misses them.. but while Doc will always be his close friend it’s clear he’s fed up with his crap and relishes getting to call him an ass. Doc had a good bodyguard by pure luck. Hatred is exactly what he deserves for his threat level and he just can’t accept he has to actually try now. That being said Hatred is also an ex pedophile who begged for the job, shows up naked in Doc’s room during an emergency, and unashamedly talks about how he was masturbating piror to being tranked. And look masturbation shouldn’t be stigmatized.. but Rusty is right Hatred dosen’t need to TELL him about it especially in an emergency. Just because you can and should be able to talk about masterbation dosen’t mean you HAVE to bring it up when you don’t have to. 

We also have Doc finally get some therapy.. only to chuck it deciding he’s better than everyone else in the group. Which.. he is to a point. He makes a good point how unlike the hardy boys by way of the mendez brothers, patton oswalt’s robin and action johnny he is better off.. but being better off than the REST of his group dosen’t mean he’s better. It’s honestly.. sad. Doc DOES need help, he does need to grow but because the Monarch can’t grow up for five minutes and accept Rusty can have one night a week he dosen’t get arched, he looses that and convinces himself he dosen’t need it back. Once again the adventure life has cost him peace of mind, but this time he just accepts it. He probably would be more pissed the Monarch was interfering with his life than that he actually caused his therapy to end. Rusty NEED help: he has decades of trauma, abuses his kids, and is a former addict. He NEEDS someone to help him through his issues so he can be better... but the thing about mental health is you NEED to want help or it’s not going to take. You need to WANT help. 

We’re also given the heartbreaking reason WHY he hasn’t gotten help: SHOCKINGLY Jonas gaslit his own son, playign therapist while really just bullying rusty for not wanting to have a grown man put an empty gun to his head and whisper “not today rusty”. Yeah even if Jonas isn’t playing the HUGE roll he did last season he still gets worse this season. So it’s easy to see why Rusty turned out this way and sad to see he can’t see the way to dig himself out of the hole his own poor decisions and his father's abuse buried him in. 

Now onto Hank who out of the two boys gets the most development this season and part of that is his dope outfit change. I’m not one to take the side door, i’ll go up front and knock: i’m not a fan of Hank’s classic outift. It’s not terrible and provides a nice color contrast to Deans and as Hank points out this season he can rock a kerchief but it never worked for me. So it’s probably not a coincidence teen me finally noticed just how awesome hank was the same time he got a sweet new outfit, getting his own team uniform while adding Brock’s Jacket to it and growing out his hair. It’s not supposed to be neat looking, it’s what a teenager is supposed to think is cool and past me can confirm but evne as an adult it just flows better and fits hanks insane personality better. It’s also part of why I feel the season splits into halves so well: Hank in part 1 is a different hank than hank in part 2 down to sadly shedding the hair cut and eventually the jacket.. though he keeps the speedsuit and gets some other fun outfits next season, so it still works out and he thankfully grows his hair back to an even better style during the new york era. I don’t hate shaved hank but I prefer him with some hair as it just looks better. 

Anyways, Hank has taken his only positive role model leaving him poorly and thus is changing the most. Dean loved him and misses him too.. but to Hank brock was everything: he was the one he tried to be a kid sidekick to, the mulleted ladies man badass who let him hang out in his room and quite honestly... his dad. Doc can barely be assed to be a parent so while Hank treats him like a dad.. Brock actually ACTED like one. He was tough but fair with him and actually bothered to spend time with hank and teach him stuff. And now he’s simply stuck with the bitter resentful jackass who clearly prefers his brother not going on adventures anymore. 

When you look at his changes... he’s TRYING to be brock since he can’t have brock: he’s wearing his jacket , growing out his hair and taking up Brock’s place of busting Doc’s balls. Granted part of that is also that hank needs someone to blame so he lashes out at the guy who replaced him and the guy who clearly drove him away in hanks eyes... which is part of it but not the ENTIRE reason Brock left, so fair enough. He just wants Brock back and is in denial that he’s gone. Well okay he’s on the same yard, but he’s not present. It makes two parts of the premire in paticular heartbreaking: The first is Brock’s full exit: while he did quit at the end of the season it’s clear no one on Team Venture bought he was really leaving.... until he does, running out to escape the OSI and leaving his watch behind. While both boys are devistated.. it’s Hanks face that’s the most hurt. Brock not only REALLY is leaving.. but he didn’t say goodbye. It’s why Hank retreats into blaming everyone else but Brock for leaving: because he can’t take the idea his mentor, his dad, REALLY thought so little of him as to leave and really didn’t care about him. He does of course and Brock really just left because he had no time to say goodbye and it hurt him to know he was close to his kids but coudln’t see them, but to Hank it’s just his favorite person in the world leaving. 

The hardest one though is the end of the same episode when we catch up with real time.. and see Brock with Sphinx. Jackson’s performance is utterly heartbreaking. He hugs his missing father figure.. before asking some pretty soul crushing questions, sounding not like the fearless, reckless, endlessly confident doofus we love.. but a scared child wondering why his father left him. His “why did you leave me” just.. breaks me every time i’ve heard it, and the “Why didn’t you say goodbye right before” .. it’s just utterly heartsmashing to see hank break like this and you can tell Brock just wants to tell him but knows Sphinx needs to remain in the shadows both for it’s good and Hanks and asks to share him a while. He dosen’t even properly comfort the kid he has to go before that. It’s not one of brock’s better acts, basically asking hank to hide he was there, and thus any chance of finding him and to just accept he’s gone.. but the fact it’s not so simple, that Brock knows what he’s doing is hurting them both... it’s masterful writing. 

It’s just a half a season of a sad child wondering when his dad will come home while having a LOT of shit piled on him. And i’m not exagerating: in the span of 8 episodes he only gets to see brock for five seconds and gets no good reason why he left, gets kidnapped by a man trying to make him into his new sidekick instead of you know, get therapy while his dad only tries to rescue him because he has to, thinks he killed his brother, gets blamed for said brother’s deranged clone’s actions, gets kidnapped AGAIN this time by one of his only friends, has said friend block his view at the movies, then has to use himself as bait to help prevent his new bodyguard from having a spiral back into pedophilia. it was dressed up as his ex wife, to be clear, but it’s still no less fucked up. I didn’t even realize it till I rewatched this batch: hank goes through a lot and the fact he got through all of this his usual dopey self speaks to his resielnce. The kid has been through so much shit before and after this season and he just keeps going, happy as ever and as determined to be batman as ever. 

The season does compensate though by showing some real growth in hank:  While he’s still far more skilled in his head than in reality, he does show some flashes of actual skill: he has a robin style battle as wonder boy with 21 and the monarch and while both are going easy on him (21 ONLY punching him because he was being a little dick), and the monarch as he needs his hostage, he still dodges both fairly well and dosen’t get recaptured and for someone who used to get kidnapped every other week, that’s a win. He later manages to stall the bulk of the guild of the calamtous intent’s military simply by stonewalling them with the intercom. Granted again the opponent didn’t have killing intent, but not only did hank NOT know they didn’t and was willing to put his life on the line if they did, but their still highly trained, deadly strangers who still got outwitted by a 16-17 year old weirdo who did it by treating them like telemarketers. Hank is starting to go from someone who thinks he’s badass to the true badass he was destined to be.

He’s also grown emotionally. I mean he’s still hank.. we still get the whole conversation with hank where he asks if he has a “weird dingus” becauase he assumes gay people are transgender and somehow manages to be unwittingly trans and homophobic all at once.. but in the same sentence his response to being asked if he’s ashamed of his ignorance, even just a little?” “Constantly” it’s both hilarious but shows hank is’nt a malicious idiot, just one raised by Rusty who isn’t the most socially concious guy on a good day and he hasn’t had a good day in 20 years.

Hank first shows it in said captain sunshine episode. While he’s more than happy to basically be robin after a Kevin Conroy voiced combo of superman and batman kidnaps him without realizing he’s not an orphan (or that dean exists), to be his new ward, especially since for all his awkwardness, Sunshine isn’t a dick like his actual dad. It’s everything hank could possibly want, especially since we later learn that cap took over from his butler/dad desmond, meaning Hank would be a shoe in to basically become a rainbow combo of batman  and superman. But it just.. isn’t right and hank can see that. The Good Captain hasn’t moved on from loosing wonder boy, breaks down frequently, nearly beats a guy to death and in general just ISN’T ready to take on a surrogate son and is trying to make hank into someone he isn’t. Hank isn’t wonder boy and he sees Captain sunshine needs help not a young ward.. and givne he clearly gets one later it sadly didn’ take. But hank tried and it says a lot when the hank of a few seasons ago probably would’ve been a lot harder to convince to come home. but this hank, even if his home sucks.. it’s where he needs to be. 

His next big moment comes in “The Revenge Society”. IT’s not one of his finest hours to start as he preys on Hatred’s fear to try and steal his dad’s playboys and other shenanigans.. but Hatred is able to get through to his moral center by guilt tripping him without hank even realizing it. It shows that while Hank is willing to get into shenanigans when he realizes there is real stakes he’ll try and as we saw he didn’t do bad. And he eventually did find those playboys thanks to karma. So good for him

Finally we have The Better Man, which I didn’t expect to have choice Hank as I remembered everything else going on in that one more, but here we are. While Hank being the one to finally break it to dean he’s not in a relationship with Triana and it’s not headed that way, the fact he does so rather well and with minimum hank is what stuck out to me. I do say minimum as he opens his questions to dean with “Have you seen her naked”

But the rest are honest ways to get Dean to realize their relationship hasn’t gone anywhere past platonic: “Have you kissed her?” “have you held her hand?” “Have you gone shopping with her?” And is the last one a tad accidentally sexist... yes. It’s hank... but the fact they really HAVEN’T hung out in a coupley way is a fair point. And frankly given the fact Hank was raised by every woman’s nightmare and a serial womanizer i’m shocked his advice is not only entirely on the nose but functional. Granted his next move is to take Dean to the mall and literally throw him at girls after making him look like Rufio but he’s trying. He even gives Dean a well deserved “touche” when he tries to razz his brother for “falling in love with the first girl to live in your backyard”.. only to be reminded of his longstanding crush on the mail lady (”In my defense she had very attractive shorts”). Hank is just sweet here.. entirely out of his depth, he woudln’t be any good at this till season 6, and it’s nice to see the two really gelling as brothers despite the divide between them growing by the day. After half a season of Doc being said wedge, it’s nice to just see Hank try and help dean and the two really hang out again. Pity it won’t last but we still got a few moments with them to savor before we get to .. that one. But I got a few months before I have to dissect that trainwreck of a creative decision. Hank’s at his best. 

Dean also changes a bit this season piece, just not as dramatically as hank. He’ll get his turn in Season 5. For now he’s still the same loveable little goody two shoes whose anxious as hell about this life yet geninely seems to still want it on some level.. he just has the kind of pencil mustache most boys get as a teenager.

His progress though is neat: He tries super science for the first time and while Doc’s treatment of hank absolutely sucks, him mentoring dean is adorable and a this stage, while as we'll see next season half open to other careers he genuinely WANTS to try  science, and relishes getting his own lab for a bit. He also takes to prog rock which is a sweet bit of father and son sharing a hobby. It’s also neat to see the parallel with his own dad: both of them WANT to continue science like their father before them and seem to really enjoy it.... it’s just the costumed crap that comes with it really bothers them. Doc is numb to it but for Dean.. he just wants it to stop on some level. Dean actually having some enthuastic for science here is important as he tries to drive away from it: he can do it.. it’s a question of SHOULD he do it that will span the rest of the series and probably the movie. Still no word in the last 5 months dammit. 

The other bit is the beginning of the end for a series mainstay: Triana Orpheus leaves the cast this part and while she’ll return for Operation PROM, she’s gone from then on. And surprisingly her departure WASN’T doc’s breakup with her va or simply just not caring: She was intended to come back... it’s just they never found an opportunity and probably won’t with the movie. The reason was simple: She was growing up and at the age she’d leave the nest and the boys just wren’t there yet. This super science world just wasn’t her. She was fairly normal and thus had to move on. Granted she did so by going to train to be a sorcerer supreme like her dad because it pays more than art school would, but still it was her version of going on to college, something Dean himself would need a season and a half more to get to. 

And honestly while I do feel the character could have an awesome return down the line, I seriously doubt Jackson and Doc will stop entirely and now they don’t have the show they could continue in comics if they wanted, I do feel she just lost her place in the show: Dermott was working better as a link to the outside world, especially as he and dean slowly grew to tolerate each other, the rest of the order served as better non-doc foils to orpheus, and Dean really didn’t need a love interest especially if they had no intention of going anywhere with it. At the end of the day she was a very normal person in a very abnormal world who just had no place being there other than her dad happened to be part of it. IT made sense to ship her off so she’d become more part of it and she simply hasn’t drifted back yet because her dad, her primary link to the show, slowly drifted out of focus.. and while she could easily exist independent of him if she and dean patched it up as friends, which is plausible he did end things dickishly but she seems forgiving enough and Dean seems like he’d offer a hell of an apology for being a butt (We’ll get to that incident last time), but she needs that link to her dad to hook her back in to have anything to do with our cast of loveable assholes. 

So having Dean move on was what the show needed and how they do it is good: Hank gets him to see his relationship with triana while POSSIBLE hasn’t gone anywhere, and after again his brother lovingly shoved him into some teen girls, just talking to one and seeing where it goes (Nowhere as it turns out), taking Dermott’s advice allow shim to TRY to move on. Granted his trying to quickly backtrack when he “breaks up with triana’ shows he’s not over her and sadly.. as good as an ending as him “breaking it off” and her humoring him with both parting as friends WOULD’VE been.. this is the venture bros. Things often don’t end well fo rour heroes.. and it’s often their fault. And sadly it’ll be dean’s fault when we pick this thread up again next time. 

Next up we have our new and for better or worse pemenant addition to the family: Sgt. Hatred. His replacing Brock was far from a popular move, something Jackson and Doc knew would happen so the question is.. was adding him to the main cast a good idea?

I do think hatred isn’t a TERRIBLE character: replacing brock with a far less compitent, emotoinally open and loud replacement works comedically and it’s fun to see Doc be the sane one in a bodyguard super scientest relationship for a change, and as I said he can be competent in the right context. He also does have some genuinely great moments: his letting hank shoot him to gain his trust, while utterly insane, is also bizzarely touching: he just wants the kid to trust him and can’t get through to him. And the entire scene with him and doc in return to malice is pure magic: from him showing up basically naked to just.. casually admitting he was masturbating, it shoudln’t work but it does. 

The problem is the elephant in the room, something Jackson and Doc obviously shoudl’ve seen as a problem in promoting this character beyond supporting and of having him around long term but clearly didn’t: Sgt. Hatred was a pedophile. He is a reformed one: he takes medication (If an injection in the neck because of the show we’re in and whose giving him the drugs), geninely regrets what he did seeing it as being in a dark place, and it’s revealed part of why he kept it up for so long is the Guild saw this.. as an asset

So it’s not like they aren’t writing him as a guy TRYING to reform from being this monster in the past terribly. When he runs out of his drugs while at the last film in a fantasy trilogy with the boys, he well.. runs out and locks himself in the panic room, not wanting to harm any innocent children. He’s TRYING not to be a pedophile.

The issue is they just don’t handle the topic well. At all. Venture Bros deals with many issues with great nuance. Doc is a great example, being both utterly loathsome but also on some level pitable. You don’t forgive how he treats the boys.. but you get WHY he’s like this and thus can sympathize with him on occasoin without forgettnig what an ass he is. But with Hatred it just dosen’t work

As for why for starters they mostly use his pedophila as a punchline and wanting to sleep with children.. isn’t funny. It just isn’t. I never really found that shit funny and I find it even less funny now I have neices, nephews and niblings to worry about. Kids getting horribly scarred for life by being raped is not funny and it never will be. So having jokes about Hatred still having child porn on his computer aren’t funny. Him wanting to go to thailand to buy a child isn’t funny.  And worst of all him RAPING BILLY because he looks like a chlild isn’t funny. Yes they made one of the main cast a rapist. I only vaugley remember it happening and while they don’t outright say he did it, the implication is VERY clear. He’s naked, he’’s happya nd billy is horrified to find out he was clearly raped. It is easily the worst joke in the entire series thus far, and as good as the series is that is not an easy title. But just casually having one of your main cast rape a person for a joke is just.. holy shit. I didn’t think the show sunk this low. 

I could stop at “he raped billy” as reasons I no longer like the character, but the fact he tried to rape the boys, if offscreen, in season 2 DOES NOT HELP. He did and part of hank’s reluctance is that exact incident and they just kinda.. brush past it. And whlie brushing past horrible shit is usually the show’s bread and butter and usually works you just.. can’t casually walk off the fact the guy now in charge of the boys care once tried to rape them. You can’t. Having someone more pathetic as the new bodyguard was a good idea.. but adding hatred to the main cast was a VERY bad one and only made the character worse. And yes i’m focusing mostly on raping billy but it says to me that even WITH the drugs Sgt. Hatred would gladly resume raping if he could get away with it. He suffers ZERO consequences from this and it’s treated as a gag because “DUR IT’S A MAN”. And look on the whole the “men getting raped is acceptable trope” is fucking disgusting and needs to be burned, thrown off a cliff and into a pool of acid.  This one gag destroys any chance of me ever carring about this character again and i’m willing to double down on that. There’s nothing I remember in the rest of this season that really adds to him as a character enough, he never apologizes and next season thinks “giving him boobs” is funny which

But we’ll get to that. I get the sense Jackson really likes working with the character but he also says shit like “We don’t relaly go into that side of him” on his pedophilia.. and that it’s just a “sword of damocles hanging over his head”

And I do love Jackson and Doc but man oh man when they fuck up it tends to be dramatic and noticeable, like the moppets last season. Adding hatred to the main cast was one of the series biggest mistakes, something I realized more and more as I wrote this section. It’s a miracle this season is as good as it is despite ole hatred. 

Okay that was a lot of hatred in both senses of the word. Thankfully we’re on to the last of the clan venture, Brock. Brock left the family and while some shows would resolve this cliffhanger fast, Jackson and Doc wisely decided to keep brock away, and using his story as bookends for this part of the season was genius. Blood Of the Father, Heart of Steel, wisely dosen’t keep us waiting a whole season to see where Brock is now, which was also to prevent fans from hunting them down and burning them in a brock themed wicker man, but still it did it’s job of keeping us informed while still keeping the mystery up to the finale. We see brock escape (and the heartbreaking scene of the boys realizing he’s REALLY gone), go on a wilderness sabatical with steve summers and sasquatch, two characters I honestly DIDN’T think ever returned properly, and finally going after the people who screwed him over. It dosen’t qutie work out with mol, but he does find out what Hunter was up to.. and joins him.. likely as hunter planned. We then see him and shore leave at the top of the season and while on the surface the scene, him trying to get hank to calm down despite having every reason to you know.. apologize or anything, dosen’t paint him in the best light i’ts clear later why.

And that later is the finale. It was a MASSIVE gamble to get rid of Brock for so long, especially since we fans watching.. had no idea if he was coming back or not. I wrote embarrassing fan fiction between seasons, that I thankfully didn’t post online and I can tell you I just.. didn’t think he was coming back. didn’t replace him with anybody but I just wrote him off and went on with shipping dean and triana because I was a naive little idiot like dean so I glommed onto that relationship. 

But of course the guys always planned to bring him back as they knew the fans might accept brock being gone a few episodes, or half a season, but wouldn’t accept him leaving the main cast for too long. It’s why this season feels like two seasons really: brock is gone for this part, and next part his coming back and SPHINX! now being open with their presence on the compound changes things.

Speaking of which we have the shakeup with finding out just WHY Hunter went Rogue. As it turns out it wasn’t for no reason but simply because he had grown tired of how the OSI runs things. Easy to see why too: as we’ve seen now we know the orginzation better the most they do against the guild is try to do covert stuff with guys like doe and cardholder, they never vindicated brock and hunter for going after them despite not only learning one of their own was compromised, but that Phantom Limb was indeed working with the guild, and the entire operation with brock, while setup by hunter himself, was utterly bungled: they tried talking to him sure... but with a giant army on his doorstep. Of a guy who takes out giant armies on a regular basis. They didn’t try talking or doing any investigative work, they just went in guns a blazing and assumed he’d gone crazy or flipped to the guild despited neither making sense. So wanting to not only break from that but take out the guys the other orginzation are missing, i.e. super science nuts who plan world domination or dirty bombs, makes sense.. and it makes sense why Brock would join them despite hutner’s betrayal. He was probably still mad at him at first but after so long having to take it on the chin getting to go after the costumed set and co who step out of line.. it had to be cathartic. It was a chance ot do real good for the world instead of babysitting a garbage fire or doing the work of an orignzation who clearly hadn’t cared about him. Hutner did use him true... he could’ve just.. given brock a job offer and he woudl’ve considered it. Then again he woudln’t be hutner if he did. But I get why Brock took it: this is a chance for a fresh start away from the OSI

It’s not away from the family as it turns out he was on compound for months, and the pain of not being able to tell the boys they were safe was a lot. Noticably though he dosen’t seem to have missed doc much.. can’t say I blame him. And the second he gets a chacne as seen in the stinger, he reconnects and as we’ll see next time, makes it so the boys aren’t being mindwipped anymore. Partly for their good.. but it’s clear he misses them. They’ll never not be his family.. but you can’t blame him for hitting burnout and wanting to go back to doing cool superspy crap that for once feels like it has a real purpose. The guy he and Shore Leave take out on a mission had a geninely dangerous weapon and was a genine asshole. It also is clear from said mission Brock is HAPPY where he is. Hunter still isn’t the most ethical boss, trying to keep what’s going on with monstroso from brock, but frankly to be a spy master while you have to have SOME ethics, you can’t have a ton so fair on him. But he and Shore Leave go from two guys who hardly knew each other to best friends, and Brock seems far happier doing this than killing the monarch’s men. Before he was just slaughtering for a job. Now he has a purpose and he’s happy. And now he has the boys back he truly has everything.. or almost.. but we’ll get to her next time.  Also yeah lotta next times this review but that’s what happens when you review half a season and given i’ve put out THIS much for just half a season. .you can see why I cut it

Onto the Monarch and the Mrs who.. honestly haven’t changed much. And it makes sense to not really rock the boat with them: the two have had two seasons straight of upheavel from their breakup to adjusting to their marriage and a venture free life. It’s fine to let 21 be the one to really change and evolve this season and just let them do what they do: come up with elaborate schemes for a guy who coudln’t care less and try and talk their husband out of the dumber parts while supporting him best she can respecitvely. It’s just nice after their relationship was dead for almost all of season 2 and struggling a bit in season 3 to let them just be happy. 

The only real change is the Monarch does up his game. Clearly being away from Venture only made him think of new ways to torment him, starting with the geninely clever scheme of ransoming the boys, knowing Doc’s main weakness is his checkbook. He only even gets the money because Billy and White got startup money. His other schemes are more classic monarch from the scarionette canon, to preventing venture’s therapy because he’s a selfish prick, to his half assed plan with monstroso that nearly destroy shim. HE hasn’t really changed as a person but he is trying more than just the old game of cat and also cat with Venture and it’s fun to see. Shielia is also largely the same and I don’t really have anything to say about her. 

Now we have our main event, as 24′s death has utterly changed Gary, transforming him from an out of shape geek with no competence to a ripped geek whose vowed to not loose another henchman. He’s got cool wrist glove claws, is respected and feared by his fellow henchman, and even ignoring the brock factor is actually getting mortality rates down. It’s like Jackson and Doc outlined when talking about the finale in the art book: what happens to half a comedy duo when the other half dies? What was two friends throwing out a really dumb suggestion became one of the series most intresting arcs. No one , myself included, saw Gary turning into this but it was the right call, taking a stale double act and instead building it’s better half into one of the shows best characters.

And part of that is he’s still gary. He still has a chest of nerdy stuff, still pines for dr. girlfriend, botches water tourture and goes to a fantasy movie on an unexpected night off after dropping off a viper for his boss. What makes him so intresting is he’s STILL gary.. he’s just the best version of himself. or almost. I mean he still talks to his best friends ghost.. or what he thinks it is. And given his harsh reaction to the idea that he isn’t really a ghost it’s clear he may not even be that.. but that hard truth comes next time. For now it’s clear that while Gary has bettered himself and is close to his best self he’s also still torutured by 24′s death via said “ghost” chats and  hunting his killers, kidnaping the boys and later scraping with brock. This part of the arc isn’t over.

That said before we move on from him and to the last part of the cocoon his fight with brock is easily one of the best shows of character development i’ve seen: mimicking his earlier lightsaber debacle, Gary instead punches brock at the boo and when left bloody his response is “bring it”. He’s gone from a geek super running away to a geek who get sto be the fucking wolverine. While Gary of course looses, it is brock freaking sampson he got said brock freaking sampson’s respect. Gary. Of all characters GARY geninely earned one of the biggest badass’ respect and got to team up with him to finish the score, showing no fear as he faced the physical equal of the kingpin... or blockbuster. either way motherfucker big , strong and ready to beat his ass. Gary ends this half a hero.. and may just like the sound of that. 

Finally we have the Moppets and thank fucking god, Jackson and Doc listened to fans. Given how stubborn they can be on that, we’ll get to the kim thing again next time, it’s nice they relaized they didn’t work and their only apperances are getting dragged by their bosses: the monarch gets an UTTERLY awesome scene when they try to keep him from leaving his house. His response?

“I'm only gonna say this once. I don't like you two. And if you ever, ever try to give me an order again I will kill you both and feed your tiny, rotting bodies to the neighborhood dogs!! Now what were you saying?“

It shows that clearly the ONLY reaosn he put up with them for so long.. is that he wasn’t at the top of his game, still effed up from not getting to arch Venture. Once he can.. we finally get cathariss after a season of their shit. While it wasn’t say 21 getting one on them, that’s next season and it is also glorious, it was so damn good. Likewise is Dr. Mrs not only calling them out for tattling on 21 in the finale, but admitting she finds them creepy. It’s just nice to finally not have to seriously deal with them as characters.

Okay onto the supporting cast. The big one is Dr. Orpheous, who goes thorugh what’s sadly his last bout of character development. He does get two more episodes where he gets a lot of focus: “Assisted Suicide” and “A Very Venture Halloween”.. but this is the last time the show really feels like it cares about progressing him as a person, with him being absent from season 6 since they coudln’t squeeze him in and only returning for the morphic trilogy after, and only one of those eps focuses on him. It’s sad to see the era of his relevance end.. but easy to see why. While the magic stuff is fun, it just dosen’t mesh entirely with this weird world of costumes and super science. It fits in enough that Dr. O isn’t out of place or ever fully removed, but it’s not enough he can easily be brought into plots. He’s a magic guy in a super science and b-list costumed villian type show. He has a great cast, a great personality and is truly one of the shows greatest characters.. but ultimately he’s a relic from a time when the show threw everything at the wall to see what stuck and now the guild and super spy stuff is sticking in additoin to the usual venture hyjinks.. he just dosen’t work as a mainstay anymore. Supporting cast yes, it was a crime he was left out of season 6 as understandable as said crime was, but his time in the sun is over and i’ll miss it. 

That being said he does leave being in the main cast with one hell of an episode: The Better Man is truly excellent and works simply by bringing in Orpheus real nemisis: The Outrider aka his former apprentice or as Dr. O puts it “THE MAN WHO STOLE MY WIFFEEEE!” or in laymans terms the guy who made him a 

So he naturally does what Dr. O does: mad that the outrider also reached the second world he’s desperate to find out why... while even Triana can see he just desperatley wants to prove he’s better in the vain hope of getting back with his ex which naturally the master mocks him with by transforming into her. and so he can jumprope naked but hey he’s likely alone in that room for hours. He’s gotta find SOMETHING to do. But he makes a valid point: none of this is going to make him better than the outrider and he’s only pissed because the outrider once again beat him. Granted Dr. O, as usual with the master, didn’t take it right away and tries to find a portal... but despite his issues his true character does show when the outrider emerges from the portal. He sees that while this is still the bastard his wife cheated on him with, and is within his rights to resent the man.. at the end of the day... he’s not a terrible person. He did a bad thing.. but he also went ot hell and back to hlep torid. It backfired but he still did. So when given a chance to lie about his death and just leave him there comotase and truly win.. he dosen’t even consider it. He takes the man back to help him, finding out the Outrider cheated to get ahead dangerously putting a magical artifact in his brain via trepanning

And it isn ‘t as removing the thing he used for it with special brother of the order of the triad billy, they get stuck between worlds and only get out because Jefferson’s magic. That is a nice bit of character stuff itself (Don’t worry Al fans, he gets his next time). After once again feeling useless for being the team normal in a team of magic guys, Jefferson finds out he’s between worlds. It’s not exactly useful for every day but for one moment he’s their only way out and gets to enjoy it. 

Importantly for orpheous though.. he makes peace with the outrider. Even allowing him to take triana with him to her mothers. He realizes ultimately that while the Outrider did sleep with his wife, still never going to not downplay he slept with his masters wife, the marriage falling apart was due to his work.. he wasn’t a great husband or father... and he accepts it and treis to be better.

And that leads to Triana’s exit. While I covered most of it above, and it’s a great turn for her character, what’s most telling is that this is the tenth time the master has done this. Granted he does so by dickishly resembling dean’s worst possible future because he fucking sucks nad dosen’t get triana isn’t THAT intrested, I love the guy but he is the worst sometimes, but still he, and likely the audience expects orpheus will just mind wiper her again.. but instead he dose’nt. He clearly listens to her and let’s his daughter go. And while it truly hurts.. it’s also him accepting that just because his life has been rough because of his job.. dosen’t mean hers will. She can be better than him and it’s up to him to let her. As for why her mom and stepdad that’s easy: Orpheus likely knows he coudln’t teach her properly himself as he’d be holding himself back or trying to keep her safe, something her mother won’t do as much. She’ll keep her safe.. but she’ll also let her go. And so Dr. O let’s his daughter go and we let him go... he’ll still be around but... this is the end of his true relivance and it will be missed. 

We then have Billy and White. Their arc won’t come full circle till next time, but they have money now. So that’s a thing. The real notable thing about billy is that they up the abuse the poor guy takes: he has his money stolen, gets kidnapped twice for surgery, gets raped and gets mindwiped by an abusive asshole. The show just makes the poor guy into a punchline and it’s not funny.. especially the rape thing which yes I still haven’t let go. How the fuck have I not thought about how messed up this is more? Did I just block it out? 

Finally out of the notable side cast we have Shoreleave. HE dosen’t do much this half, just be awesome, but it is the start of his evolution from minor shipwreck from bibleman parody into proudly gay badass, expert marksman and all around great character. He’s only prominent in the last episode but boy does god damn does he make an entrance and he’ll only get better from here. 

                                                Episode Guide:

40. Blood of the Father, Heart of Steel

Summary: In parallel stories showing where are heroes are post season 3-finale, Brock Of Ages goes on the run from the OSI, paints some terrible paintings, gets a gut, looses a gut and joins his old bosses rogue spy agency. Meanwhile Hank grows his hair out, Hatred moves in, Gary’s life savings are destroyed and Dean gets a dog that turns out to be hitler. So average tuesday for Team venture.  My Thoughts: I didn’t remember this episode all that well before rewatching it. It’s fair enough as a LOT’s going on and thus my brain gravitated to the bullet points: Brock starting up with SPHINX, nazis, dean having a boy and his dog plot but the dog has the reincarnated soul of hitler. You knkow the stuff you remember. That said rewatching it it’s a decent episode. I earlier had the take Jackson and Doc aren’t great at premires when really they have hit it out of the park at times with Shadowman 9, Hostile Makeover and Curse of the Haunted Problem... it’s just often these episodes aren’t AS good as what to come and this is the purest example of that. It’s not bad, and the stuff with hitler is some of the series funniest stuff from the casual (for him) way orpheus tells dean his dog is the “spawn of hell”, to dr. venture being fed up with nazi’s for being cliche rather than nazis, to his “Wait.. you guys are nazis” and of course the iconic line “I love hitler and hitler loves me!”. The brock stuf fis fine, including his shitty photo, but this ep is really just that. Fine. It has a neat gimmick but isn’t the best or the worst and if I ranked every episode which...

So yeah a solid middle tier episode that helps set everything up right and has some all time classic jokes, and the fact a mid range episode in this season has so much iconic stuff says something about the season as a whole.  Best Moment: “I”ll pay you ten bucks not to shoot your dad” ALMOST won, it was very close.. but I gotta give it to Doc’s “Wait.. you guys are Nazi’s! James deilveriy is just perfect.. just the right sorta “this again” baffled tone like they were a sitcom neighbor whose dog crapped in his yard again and not you know, The Fourth Reich.  Rusty Sucks Surprising No One: 102. Refusing to you know.. actually look up the Marvel Comic and then letting it get beat up by the kids. Though I will give him credit for not working with actual nazis.  Hanktastic:Hank’s confidence he can shoot a bullet off his dad’s belt buckle and have it ricochet. Again “I’ll pay you ten bucks not to shoot your dad” is an all time classic line. The wolf mask is also neat.  Deanarific: “I love hitler, and hitler loves me! He’s not all bad, Hitler just needs someone to belivie in him. can’t you just give hilter a chance?” part of it is for how delebertly out of context the episode stages it but it’s mainly just Mike’s through commitment to the bit.  Questions For Later: Gary being with a larp group and disappearing for some time will come up in a few episodes, while the Brock SPHINX mystery gets solved end of season.  First Appearance: Hitler Reincarnated as a Dog. I mean normally I save this only for characters who I know show up again, as to not clog it but some things only happen once in your career and you gotta take your shot. 

                                         41. Handsome Ransom

Summary: The Monarch what kidnaps the boys again but this time plans to ransom them to bankrupt his arch foe.. only for one of his utter arch foes to swoop in and take hank. So while Hank hangs out with a literal sunshine superman voiced by THE batman and gets creeped out a little, Doc scrambles to get the money and keep it and the monarch scrambles to get hank back before his scheme unravels.  My Thoughts: This episode.. wasn’t as good on rewatch. As Jackson himself admits the jokes, having batman come off as a pedophile (Though not actually be one in this case), comparisoins to micheal jackson and just general stuff. It drags the episode down slightly. That said.. it’s still not BAD. It’s just the main “He comes off like a pedophile joke” isn’t funny the first time they say it aand isn’t that funny by the time Monarch comes out and says that’s what it is. But the stuff around it is filled with great jokes: Hank having called Doc a honkey (and The Monarch naturally loving this fact), the constant treating of dean as half a person, something he takes in stride, tiny money hatred, “It’s chuck scarsdale, hide or we’ll be on the news!”, the sheer dumbassery of the monarch’s plan and the truly awesome freedom fighters pastiche. This episode is full of too much gold to be TOO bad. 

Though while the sunshine has a bit too many pedophile jokes, especialy in a season where they have an actual pedophile living with hank, it ends up not tanking entirley thanks to one man: Kevin Fucking Conroy. THE batman playing a parody of batman with a lot of superman in him. It’s Kevin’s being fully game to play this sad, desperate and untetionalyl creepy version of him that works. From the calling a sleepover to the PTSD laden shouts of WONDERBOYYYYY to his breakdown, kevin both gives the character perfect silver age comedic timing (doubled thanks to said things being said by THE post silver age batman. Love you keaton but... he’s the chosen one), and pathos: i’ts clear he’s a man who hasn’t moved on and needs help and sadly never gets it as we see later. He’s a tragic character, not reailizing how broken his cycle is or how he threw out his second wonder boy. I wish the character had come back to get developed more, but hey Kevin’s a busy man and sunshine dosen’t easily fit into the show, so I undrestand. Overall again not a top tier episode like I used to think but still a hell of a good time, as well as one i’d use to intro people to the show.  Best Moment: Hank having called Rusty a Honky, mostly for again James delivery. THe Monarch and Hank sniggering over it just completes it.  Rusty Sucks Surprising No One: 104. Insulting Dean for no reason, as funny as it is and outright threatning not to rescue hank.  Hanktastic: Again, calling his dad a Honky Deanarific: Just how he takes his dad treating him as just.. a casual object of little intrest is hilarious. He just dosen’t care. He’s just happy to be included.  Questions For Later: Desmond will be important next time.  First Appearance: Captain Sunshine and Desmond

42. Perchance to Dean (Pissed in God’s Eye Award Winner) 

Summary: Doc introduces Dean to the power of Prog rock, a cloned dean does this

Hank thinks he killed dean and Doc gets arrested and blames it on hank due to some wacky circumstances.  My Thoughts: Yeah not even a close race. Every other episode this halfa season is either a true classic or at least watchable. This one, while still loaded with some good jokes.. is neither of those. It’s not as bad as past season’s bombs but it still dosen’t work, something Jackson acknoledges. I feel Clone Dean is just too sad and horrific to really fit with the show’s tone well which does have unedning horror but threaded with laughs. But a sad teenager hunchback whose haunted by a hallucination of his dad urging him to kill.. I just want to give the poor kid a hug that dosen’t end in an explosion. It just dosen’t work. It also ups the hank abuse with hank getting grounded for.. some idiots thinking the compound is a cult.. whic his a fair assumption but isn’t fair to hank. The episode is dark and mean spirited in a way this show just usually isn’t.. dark yes, while the show isn’t over the top dark it’s pretty fucked up when you think about it. But it’s usually used for black comedy, like having a scooby doo group resembling famous serial killers or an orphan heart powered fantasy machine. The show can get dark.. but it usually either uses it for drama effectively or for a laugh.  An the show will do horror later iwth the morphic trilogy and worse stuff than this, but they just aren’t there yet.  Best Moment: “He’s in a floyd hole!” Just the way James delivers that line man three in a row so far. I swear this is the best season (or part of one but semantics) for James deliveries.  Rusty Sucks Surprising No One: Hanktastic: Hank’s response to dermott being suprised he didn’t know they weren’t using acid “What am I bill  nye the science guy? I don’t know what any of this stuff does. “  Rusty Sucks Suprising No One:... better strap in. Trying to BAN HANK FROM THE BATHROOM, insuiating both that he’ll work in package delivery and doing so as a classist as hell dig (Ironically he DOES end up as a delivery  boy but i’m not giving rusty any points for that. Most teens work food service), HITTING his son, and grounding him based on flimsy evidence when he has no reason to think hank did that especiallya fter he saw the clone explode. So that’s 5 for the supremely fucked up first one, 1 for the second, 10 for the hit (while verbal violence dosen’t > phsyical violence he still hit him repeadtely), and 5 for the last one. so 21 for a grand total of 125 Deanarific: Hard choice given, for all the episodes weaknesses we have a lot of good dean this episode, including the beautiful as hell prog rock sequences.. but I gotta give it to his weird belieif there’s a hair fairy.  Hatred Paedo Jokes: We start tracking these with Hatred telling the police not to check his computer. Yes he still keeps chlid porn around 1. Also yes I had to add another running thing and i’m sure given my track record, this won’t be the last. I already have one in mind for season 6.  Dermott is Spare Parts Bud: Claming he’s moved a lot, trying to burn off hank’s finger prints and in general thinking fleeing an accidental hit and run was in any way a good idea. 

                                           43. Return to Malice

Summary: 21 begins his hunt for 24′s killer, starting with the boys, leading the rest of the cast to try and to undo ths fiasco whlie the Monarch.. deals with a bad shelfish allergy. Would you belivie this is one of the best episodes of the series so far? My Thoughts: Yeah never thought i’d be typing that. I remembered not really liking this one but on rewatch? This is where the season goes from pretty good , even the tire fire, to truly excellent. As the season has been so far i’ts packed full of great jokes but what REALLY elevates it is the character stuff, something the other eps had but this one really digs in  with and what makes the show special. We see who 21 is now, how he got that way and that he talks to a skull a lot. It also dosen’t bother the monarch because he does the same thing with the greatest new character of all series; Mister Mostly Mittens. RIP. We also get some great character interactions: Dean gets to interact with 21 at length for the first time as he was geninely paired with 24 before his untimely demise, Rusty and SHelia have a genine conversation for the first time with Doc only hitting on her a little (Which for him is imporvement) and as I mentioned earlier the Monarch telling off the moppets was so damn cathartic. This is a hidden gem of an ep that’s worth a revisit.  Best Moment: Mister Mostly Mittens. Not only the full shot of the horrifying taxidermy cat, but how the Monarch seems to think this is remotely normal “He could catch a rubberband and bring it back to you. Just classic venture bros going off on some weird aside that has nothing to do with the plot but is still soaked in character.  Hanktastic: When 21 realizes in a way he killed 24, dean tries to comfort him with an “We all did” Hank.. dosen’t take it “Not me I didn’t!” Deanarific: Dean geneinly comforting gary and getting through to him. Best boy.  Hatred Paedo Jokes: Just outright mentioning it casually.. though it’s one of theo nlyt imes it works as it has Doc rightfully questioning hiring him. 2. ALso forgot to add 4 from previous seasons so 6. (The refrence to him trying to rape hank ins eason 2, his needing them awayin season 3 and his later mentionnig giving up the little boys and calling the chlidren sexy at the daycamp0 Questions For Later: First Appearance:

                                      44. The Revenge Society

Summary:

Phantom Limb makes his grand return, kidnapping Billy  and two of the council.. and making them into a two headed man because Jackson and Doc loved the idea of a two headed man, with intent of getting the ORB, so it’s up to david bowie, dean and doc to stop them while Hank and Hatred try to super runaway from hatred’s past. 

My Thoughts: Look i’ve talked quite at length about the hatred bit, and that was forgetting the book has a bit where Doc tries to say “nah nah see they just cuddled” which I geinely can’t tell if he’s in denail or trying to cover his ass as they did cut back on the pedophile jokes, but yeah it was utterly awful and drags this episode down slightly. Also that explination dosen’t help as billy “thinking” he got raped as a joke still isn’t funny and isn’t at all what you were going for.  The rest of the ep still shines as Phantom Limb returns half crazed and having an army of inanimate objects as his “Revenge Soceity” and Urabanik completely sells crazy limb while Jackson and Doc play off him great as mantle and dragoon. The two are easily one of the best additions the cast got over it’s long run. They were right on the money that making a double act that can’t phsycially get away from each other worked and the fact the two didn’t choose this but just have to deal with it makes for that much more comedy. The mileage they got out of a character simply being two bickering old men with one attached to the others shoulder is amazing. Bag Billy is also amazing aside from that stinger.  We also get great character stuff: Hank and Hatred’s bonding with Hank realizing he has to do the right thing and Dean and Doc’s even better bonding as Doc is geninely helpful.. it’s all great pieces. Add in some premium david bowie and you got it. I’m also fine the ORB thing ended with an anticlimax.. it’s a good swerve and i’m baffled so many people thought it should go somewhere. Even as a teen I thought it was a great swerve and as an adult it fits the show: something big super mcguffin turning out to just be a pile of broken parts no one checked because they were too busy killing anyone that did. It’s classic venture bros. 

Best Moment: Hard to choose.. which I know I keep saying some form of but these episodes are absolutely stuffed... but in the end i’ll go with what I picked for the picture: The reveal that Phantomas kidnapped richie valens and the big bopper.. just to have them play crappy music. And that this somehow is the secret origin of them becoming super villians. This show is fucking stupid and I love it. 

Hanktastic: As said in his section hank holding off the full brunt of the fucking guild.. with the hank equilvent of “dave’s not here man”. Good god I love this boy. 

Deanarific: Dean bravely deciding to take the fight to the guild and do reconcizne. 

Hatred Paedo Jokes: GUESS

Questions For Later: Just where Phantom Limb goes from here. While unsuprisingly it involves a jail cell , suprisingly it dosen’t end there. 

First Appearance:Red Mantle and Crimson Dragoon

                                           45. Self-Medication

Summary: Doc gets out of arching for therapy but when his therapist is killed by a snake themed coffee deathtrap, his therapy group takes on the mystery to find his killer... in theory. IN practice they get beat up at a strip club and get talked out of beating up an old man before he calls them all loosers. Meanwhile Hatred takes the boys to the movies and slowly breaks down over being out of meds. 

My Thoughts: Another spectacular episode this time with both a great premise for both plots and a throughly stacked guest cast. Huge fan of the show Patton Oswalt, VA and screen legend Seth Green and John Hodgeman all do a wonderful job. Jackson had wanted to do this one for a long time and it shows as the idea of getting all these washed up boy adventueres together works great from the menendez hardy boys, to robin if he never became nightwing to an unsettling version of astro boy, all anchored by our old friends rusty and captain johnny. It’s just comedy gold , especaily Johnny which is brendan small at his best in the roll as just about everything he says is hilaroius as it is messed up. It also shows just what Rusty might’ve been in diffrent cirucmstances, from strung out to killing his abusive dad to .. well probably not wonder boy. Add in some great stuff with dr. z and this plot works. 

THe Hatred plot is one of the few of his that work as the pedophile thing is treated as a horrible addiction he needs to face and he’s shown doing everything not to surrender to it and once he is in that state, he’s already locked himself away where he can’t hurt anyone or act on gary glitter’s tip. It has no real resolution, he apparently got diffrent drugs? I dunno, but it’s at least trying. Overall a classic, if not one of my favoirites. 

Best Moment:”You got a little herpe on your lip. You get it from your wife... after I put herpe in her?” This joke wouldnt’ work at all without Brendon’s delivery. 

Rusty Sucks Surprising No One: 126. Deciding he’s “Too good for therapy. 

Jonas Sucks Suprising No One: 36. Yes a whopping 20 points for pretending to be his own son’s therapist just to gaslight him. He may not be a point leader but he makes up for it. 

Hanktastic: HIs weird logic that somehow Gary and co’s wing sblocking him counts as an arching. Look I love hank but he hasn’t been as full tilt nuts this season. 

Deanarific: Dean showing his full strength and heart, encouraging hatred to fight his urges and refusing to let him out knowing he’ll do something unforgivable he’ll regret. Granted not letting a man buy an underaged sex slave off a tip from Gary Glitter is something any person should do, but the fact Dean figures Hatred can fight it and does his best is fantastic, as is , after realizing Hatred’s will isn’t strong enough, finding a way to take out his uncle so he’ll get help. Dean’s come a long way from being afraid of the coming of jesus last season. 

Hatred Paedo Jokes: The Subplot

This Didn’t Age Well: Mrs. Z’s voice. Good god no. 

                    46. The Better Man (Super Good Award Winner) 

Summary: It’s a three fer as Doctor Orpheus tries to one up the man who his wife left him for and ends up in hell, Triana discovers her destiny in her closet, and Dean tries to move on from her with the less than helpful advice of his twin and the suprisingly helpful advice of his half brother. 

My Thoughts: It was HARD picking the best ep this time, as most of this batch could qualify.. but in the end I gave it to this one for it’s character depth. I’ve gone into most of that above but each bit is brilliant and joke wise it’s stacked as this season has been, from Hank’s disasterous attempts to wingman for dean, his crush on the mail lady (”She had very attractive shorts”), to dean’s all time great roast on dermott, to all the drags on orpheus desperation at the start.. this ep is just stuffed with some of the best the series can offer. It’s why i’m being so breif: this episode is a fucking good, soulful, and hilarious ride and I’ve said most of what I need to say about it above. 

Best Moment: LOT of contenders, as usual, but this one especailly. I’m giving it to one of my faviorite scenes in the whole show: dermott advising dean on the girl he just met. It takes dermott from hank’s idiot sidekick to a fuller human being, a kid who may be VERY stupid and very egotistical, but isn’t all bad nor always an unhelpful pile of acne who thinks he’s steven segall and has the ego to match. The boys response is also fucking great with Hank geninely confused Dermott was helpful, clearly starting to see his friend for what he is and Dean having one of the best digs of the whole series “Better check the temprature in hell” 

Hanktastic: LOT to pick from, but I have to go with his crush on the mail lady “She had very attractive shorts”, as well as the fact he dosen’t back away or try to justify his crush, simply giving dean credit for poitning out he dosen’t have MUCh ground to stand on. 

Deanarific: Again a lot of choices , with “I look like rufio” coming very close. But in the end his smug as hell face when triana says she can’t keep him from all the ladies wins it. 

Questions For Later: Triana’s training and the outrider both come back in the season finale, Orpheus having a room free will be just as important as it brings a certain well loved paunchy gay man into the fold, and Dermott’s part time job will be a fixture from here on out. 

First Appearance: The Outrider 

                                        47. Pinstripes and Poltergeists

Summary: Brock returns and just in time as the Monarch’s latest ill thought out scheme puts both him and the venture compound in the clutches of Monstroso and it’s up to the unlikely dynamic duo of 21 and brock to take him out while Doc finds out about SPHINX

My Thoughts: One of the series best finales and as Jackson put it a good note to end on, giving us plenty of brock to make up for his absence and explain where he’ sbeen with the brilliant sphinx sequence, the asendency of shoreleave and some all time classic gags like Doc revealing shit to the boys pre mindwipe, “Cigar?” and that fight scene, a show of how far 21 has come. Add in a great ending, a great big bad for the season in monstroso, and you get an all time classic. If this dosen’t make my adjusted top 12 list I’ll be a little suprised and given teh quality of this season it just might not. This is the season rising even higher and i’ts only going to go up next time. 

Best Moment: The 21 and brock fight. It ALMOST lost to the rusty sucks suprising no one moment bellow, but in the end it’s just too iconic to the series to not give it and too damn awesome too. It’s breif but it’s so damn beautifully shot, well acted and cathartic, showing just how far 21′s come to the point he earned brock’s respect

Rusty Sucks Surprising No One: 132. A double pointer for the “Have I ever told you boys about your mother, or that your both clones?” and a single one for not keeping billy from being mindwiped, 2 for being put out at having to do something ood with the space with an additional one for not seeming to care brock was gone. And while 32 points in 8 episodes is a lot, most of that was from one episode. He’s been suprisingly less horrible this batch. 

Hanktastic: Hank’s reunion with brock. 

Questions For Later: Monstroso and what he and his investors mean for our heroes. The fight with 21 and brock will also lead to consequences for the big man down the line. 

First Appearance:

Monstroso

So that about wraps it up. This was one of the funnest times I had and it was great to get back to it after so long. Next time we get some of the best the series has ever done, again and finally get to my all time faviorite episode, something I don’t think my rewatches of seasons 5-7 is going to change. If you enjoyed this review consider joining my patreon to help me keep these thick boys going and for bonus content

You can find it here

And as an added bonus in a few days i’m doing a summer fun poll to pick a movie for me to review that’s summery this month. Me and my patreons have picked some true classics: UHF, Hot Fuzz, Batman 1989, Transformers the Movie and The Simpsons Movie are all on the ballet and it’s up to you to pick which one. So you lucky folks who read ALL this way get to vote early. 

Poll link is here, vote wisely

And i’ll see you all in a month though your free to stick around for more fun stuff. 

[haydewan]

So Ewan just mentioned a gay character from a Canadian series saying he wore the skirt better than him. Funny coincidence.😅

https://twitter.com/danlevythinker/status/1549486051122679808?t=bxuogDTOY8LClZxuOQ_1Dg&s=19

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Rose_(Schitt%27s_Creek)

Hi anon! Sorry for the late reply, I’ve been through some work-related life-changing stuff this past week, but it all worked out eventually so I can throw myself back into this relationship research, yay!😆

First of all, thank you for trusting me with your thoughts and theories, I’m truly, deeply honoured. I understand it can be tough and scary to share these things among the fandom cuz you can easily offend someone, so I’m replying to this post only as per your request to minimize the controversy. I’m too, forever torn between the mindsets of “they’re just good friends, it’s disrespectful to assume” and “it’s just thoughts, it can’t hurt anyone”. But hey, as long as we keep it to ourselves and away from their lives, do whatever makes you happy, theories, fanfics, drawings, etc. At the end of the day, it’s really just a multiverse in our head isn’t it?

Okay, back to the theories.

The Schitt's Creek character

A Canadian sitcom, hmmm…not something I imagine he’d watch. And it’s been around for quite a few years, I guess he either got into it early on or binged it during the Covid lockdown?? Anyway, I wonder if they had any discussion about the show since it was filmed mainly in the Toronto area, got any Canadian jokes maybe?? Oh and no one wears a skirt better than Ewan himself, it’s his Scottish birthright🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

The Fallon Tonight interview

Now that you mentioned it, it’s kinda obvious here🤔It seemed he was twisting the ring with his pinky and then adjusting it. I went through my archive and found out he did this in a couple more interviews, basically the solo ones, his hands were mostly out of the frame in others. He’s got restless hands during press, I think he was doing it pretty unconsciously, probably still getting used to the feel of the ring around the finger consider he hadn’t had one for quite a few years. Honestly I’m more than reluctant to talk about his recent marriage, it hurts my brain to even think about it and has me go “ugh” & roll my eyes every time I see a pic of them together🙄Sorry I just have so much empathy with his daughters especially I’m the same age as Clara.

The GQ interview

This one is so interesting on so many levels. I didn’t know it was edited tho, the one I read was already the second version. As for the “homoerotic Obi-Wan/Hayden fan art” - WOW, I mean WoW, Obi-Wan/Hayden huh? Can’t even tell fiction from reality now can you McGregor?😌And for the record, this was not the first time he mixed it up. In this interview at 1:59, when asked about whether the show explores the shift in dynamic of Obi-Wan always viewed Anakin as a brother and Anakin always looked at Obi-Wan like a father, he answered: “He’s my padawan and I’m his master, he’s my student if you like, that is very much the dynamic. But I feel we’re very close, I mean me and Hayden are, so I feel Obi-Wan and Anakin are.” Personally I haven’t quite figured out his logic here yet, what’s the causality of him and Hayden being close leads to Obi/Ani being close, and didn’t the closeness of Obi/Ani come on script way before him and Hayden even met??? If anything, it should be the other way around. I gave up on this after a while, it’s just easier to assume he didn’t think it through, otherwise I’m gonna lose my mind someday lol. I know some people interpret his reaction to the homoerotic fan art as “he thinks it’s gross”, well I call it BS. This is the man who enjoys kissing boys, never shies away from getting naked in front of camera and still willing to play gay characters in his 50s, that was him getting caught off guard by the sudden reveal of something he thought was a photo, shocked, not disgusted. And btw, here’s a little (and maybe the only) Obi-Wan/Hayden fanfic for you much thanks to Ewan McGregor, creator of this ship, cutest piece I’ve read in a while!😏

The LADbible interview

T H I S. I could write a 50k word thesis and have a 3-day seminar on this interview alone. Where to begin, the lighting, the atmosphere, the vibe…This is truly the closest thing we get to see them on a date, the Brits really know how to pull off a good interview (Idk if you noticed, but the best interviews of this press tour were done in UK). Then there is the chemistry. I know Hayden pretty much looks at everyone the same way, but with Ewan it’s just different, he’s like becoming 19 again, I can literally see the electricity and sparkles shooting out of his heart eyes. I mean look at these comments:

THEY COMPLETE EACH OTHER

And most importantly, the memories. I was constantly amazed by how Hayden remembers every single minute details from 22 years ago: their first meeting, the lightsaber guy Thomas, getting drunk and playing a game of pool at the local bar, watching comedy specials at Ewan’s home laughing till the early hours of the morning, his first ride on a bike with Ewan…I don’t mean to quote Taylor Swift but he really remembers it all too fking well (on the other hand it seems Ewan had forgotten a lot😅).

The PR possibility

Oh GOD I hope not! My guess is he wouldn’t have such a crucial part in the Ahsoka series like he did in the Kenobi show so he wouldn’t even do much press. Plus, Rosario has already been paired with Natasha Liu Bordizzo for a lot of interviews at the celebration and SDCC, I think it’ll remain this way during the actual press next year. However, one thing I know for sure is the awkward photos of them hugging and staring intensely into each other’s eyes at the 19th Annual IFP Independent Spirit Awards in 2004 are gonna float around the internet again.😒

Closing thoughts

Deborah was right, they do share a very personal relationship. Like Ewan said in the Vanity Fair interview about their first encounter in 12 years at the signing event: "It was difficult to know how to sum up. So much had happened to us in our lives, and it was difficult to know…I realized this is an important person in front of me, an important person in my life.” That’s what’s so fascinating and intriguing about these two, there was so much history, but so little was documented and so much of it got lost in time. Like what more happened in Sydney and London??? It burns me to think that we’re probably never gonna know, all we can do is piece together whatever info we can find and hope to have a little peek behind the curtains. Still, the fun part of uncovering the truth is the searching, the digging, the cross-referencing, that’s why I enjoy it so much.