#rambling for 12 hundred words

[roseofhybrids]

I can't recall if I ever went on a ramble about a MD head canon I have (I feel like I have, but maybe I've just thought about it so often that I've convinced myself I've made a post about it. Either way, let us endulge in the fixation)

it's about the worker drones' simultaneous crippling fear of the disassembly drones and general indifference to death.

Here's a cut because this ended up way longer than I thought it would-

Just about every worker drone is terrified of the murder drones (reasonably so, as they can peel one of them open like a mechanical orange) and yet in spite of this, they show a blatant disregard for safety once the sky demons are out of sight.

First two times we see something like this happen is when Khan lets Uzi go outside at night to "look at the door hydraulics" and later when the WDF guard corrects N on the name gin rummy instead of running for his life. Now, maybe Khan was too excited about Uzi showing an interest in doors to think about the potential danger, and maybe worker drones are big dumb dumbs most of the time.

But then you have situations like in the promening and cabin fever where groups of drones will initially show fear before quickly relaxing around the murder machines. They go from shaking in fear after watching one of their classmates being shot to offering friendship and poking one of them in the face in mere minutes.

So, why do they go from terrified to unbothered so fast.

Well, we know the drones on Copper 9 were mostly used for mining, a dangerous job that can have deadly accidents even when human safety standards are in place. So, JCJenson has to program these drones to dig up the ore, carry it to the surface, process it, et cetera. Building and repairing robots costs money, so ideally you'd want to minimize them getting damaged in the most cost-effective way possible. Safety measures decrease production and safety equipment costs money, so what are they to do?

My head canon/theory is that they programmed the drones to avoid situations that will damage themselves. Something to stop them from walking into pits and sticking their heads between moving gears. So if a drone sees another drone get broken by something, they're programmed to avoid the thing that lead to their buddy getting killed. See another drone get crushed by a rock? Avoid loose boulders. See another drone fall into a smelter? Avoid moving along the edge of the catwalk. And so on and so forth.

But you don't want them to be too careful. After all, if you program them with too much anxiety they'll be too scared to work, which will decrease production. So they also programmed them to proceed if they see that there's no immediate danger. Sure, three drones fell into a sinkhole in this area last month, but Steve's standing over there and not falling into the ground, so it must be safe. With this, also comes an explanation for their indifference to death, even when it happens to friends or family. If a drone grieves losing a coworker, then they won't work as well. So once the initial fear of seeing another being breaking passes, they move on and get back to setting off explosions (standing a few extra feet away this time).

Going back to the scenes from The Prommening and Cabin Fever-

The crowd is initially scared of V when she drops in. But when Lizzy explains that they're friends and insists that they "forgive and forget" they go right to clapping and cheering. As soon as the known threat proves to be safe, the fear switches off.

Cabin Fever is an even better example. They've all just watched V shoot another drone. N acts very friendly, but they remain afraid. That is, until Lizzy and Thad move to stand next to the two murder drones. They see the two not die by doing this, and immediately the entire group relaxes and are soon treating N and V as though they're just your run-of-the-mill drone. The worker teens only show fear again when they do something that could threaten them. Such as at the archery range when V points the bow at them.

They show similar behavior around Uzi that episode as well. When ever her presence is brought to their attention, there's visible fear. This makes sense with her past behavior in mind. Railgun exploding in class, taking over classmate's sentience, general violence. She's proven to be a potential danger, and so they're afraid when first seeing her. When she doesn't immediately do anything to harm another drone, they soon calm down to the point that they forget she even exists. She makes herself known when the bus arrives at camp Fear till their attention is drawn to the teacher and then the murder drones She shows up at the archery range and arrow into a flesh beast Fear until she runs away, name then forgotten She rips a drone's head off and pauses for dramatic effect In those few seconds of not killing her, Lizzy switches from afraid to criticizing her

It's like once the "threat" is resolved, their brains determine she isn't worth focusing on to the point of the drones forgetting her name. (In particular, Lizzy is really unbothered by almost getting killed in that episode. Possibly because she's been spending time with V? A sort of desensitization)

After all, if another drone isn't a danger, and they aren't working alongside them (not in the same mining team, not in the same clique) it isn't worth it to have info on them and tosses it to the recycling bin.

We see the solver drones and disassembly drones break this line of behavior. Along with Khan, Thad, and Lizzy to an extent. (Which, in all fairness, could just be main character privileges)

Khan of course shows to still care about Nori's death years after the fact, as well as concern about Uzi leaving at the end of the pilot. I think it's worth noting how the other WDF members in episode 2 react to him prioritizing Uzi over building a door. Calling the idea "cringe" and displaying general annoyance and sickness at the idea. Is it just because it's Khan and Uzi, or do drones just see anyone putting family over work as strange?

Thad isn't afraid of Uzi and doesn't have a negative view of her like the other teenage drones. Has he not witnessed her "shenanigans" or is he just braver and kinder than most drones? He isn't afraid of N in episode 2, but, as he says himself, N helped save his life. He also shows some concern for other drones dying when he mentions the disappearances to Uzi in Heartbeat.

Lizzy has also shown to be braver than most drones. Little fear around Uzi, was able to hang around with V long enough to set up the prom scheme, helped Doll set up said prom scheme despite Doll doing a bunch of murdering, willingness to just walk up to J and trying to punch her. Her being around V and Doll would suggest she doesn't have the same concern about other drones dying the way Thad does. But that could just be her putting up a front. Perhaps we'll get to see a little more in episode 8.

Hope anyone who read through all this found at least some enjoyment in doing so. I thought this would be, like, 3 short paragraphs tops, but now there's a little over 1200 words.

[hyukakisses]

-emo beomgyu as your jealous bestfriend to boyfriend!

parings: beomgyu x fem reader

plot: heavily inspired by eli goldsworthy’s manic episode in degrassi, (and very old post i had up on my old account)

warnings: cursing, mentally ill/lovesick oreo gyu, sweet reader who’s a pushover, smut, jealous gyu, bestfriend to lover troupe, beomgyu is a bit toxic, beomgyu corrupts reader, reader is also mentally ill with a low self esteem if you squint, sub reader & dom gyu

“so how do i look?” you’d spin in your outfit you had planned out for the night, making beomgyu’s head shot up from the manga he was reading titled nana

beomgyu’s breath hitches at the back of his throat. “you look pretty really pretty” his big brown eyes trail up and down your frame. “why are you wearing black though? i mean it looks good don’t get me wrong but it’s just so not you”

you’d roll your eyes playfully at his comment, internally squealing at how beomgyu knew you so well. “i know this is going to sound so dumb but the guy i’m going on a date with only really likes goth girls”

beomgyu’s heart dropped to the pit of his stomach at your admission, you’re going out on a date? with a guy? a guy who wasn’t him?

“a date with a guy who doesn’t even like who you are? seriously y/n?” beomgyu did knew you had low self esteem but he didn’t know it was this low—

you’d frown at the blunt response, “i know i know i sound so pathetic but if i don’t mirror the people i like then how can i ever get them to like me?”

the scowl on beomgyu’s face falls, his eyes softening with pity at your words. how could you not see that he was in love with you? the emo boy would literally die for you — no scratch that beomgyu would kill bare hand slaughter anyone who even thought about you in a negative light yet you’re seriously convinced you couldn’t pull anyone with your personality alone?

beomgyu was about to speak up until your phone rings, a message from the mystery man that was outside your house waiting to escort you to a date and this made the manic emo boy’s blood boil

how dare he takes you away from him? how was that fair?

beomgyu groans loudly after waving you goodbye, waiting patiently on your soft fluffy bed resisting the urge to spam your phone with hundreds of messages and phone calls. hating how you chose some stranger over him

was he not good enough? did the black attire scare you off?

the feeling of impulsiveness rushes through beomgyu’s already wrecked headspace, grabbing his cellphone in a hurry. not being able to stop himself from double— no triple texting you in a row.

miss you >:( 8:10 pm

are you having that much fun without me? it’s been two minutes and you haven’t respond telling me how much you miss me too 8:12 pm

beomgyu let’s out a sigh in frustration, contemplating on the back and forth idea of taking out his anger on your sanrio plushies but he breathes in excitement at the sound of his phone going off.

noooo im not having that much fun without you! i miss you too! 8:13 pm

>:( i hate when you leave me all alone you know 8:13 pm

im sorry ): i’ll make it up to you kay? stay up for me! mwah :3 8:14 pm

MWAH ^_^ <3!! 8:14 pm

WOAH WE KISSED! <3 >:D 8:14 pm

a little bit over a month passes since your night out, and you were currently sobbing on beomgyu’s shoulder. “i-i don’t know what happened i thought everything was going so well but he completely ghosted me when i bought up not wanting anything casual!”

“what’s wrong with me beomgyu? why doesn’t anyone seem to like me after the honeymoon phase? am i that terrible?” you went on a ramble squeezing onto your bestfriend for dear life.

beomgyu couldn’t ignore the slight song of guilt in his chest as he held you in his arms, knowing how much it would kill you if you found out the reason why you can’t keep a relationship to save your life was because of him. beomgyu’s overbearing clinginess this being a huge turn off to any guy you were talking to you.

and since you were super trusting of your friend you never really saw how beomgyu was responsible for your bad luck in dating. this cycle resulting in your low self esteem eventually, often leaving yourself to do a lot of self blaming. wondering, going back and forth with your yourself on why things with literally anyone who showed you any romantic interest always went to shit

am i not pretty enough? am i that boring?

“hey hey so what if the guy doesn’t want to take things to the next level with you? the guys a total loser anyway did you see how beat his car was? you’re telling me you want to settle for someone who’s broke?” beomgyu chuckles trying to use humor to lighten up your pitiful mood

you’d sniffle, “b-but did you see the way he looked at me? it felt nice to be liked and not lusted for” and this made beomgyu chuckle to himself, lazily stroking your hair in an attempt to console you.

if only you knew how much beomgyu liked you— no loved you

“and i’m sure there’s ton of guys out there who will like you instead of lusting over you baby” beomgyu grins looking down at your face was buried in his scrawny chest

“r-really?” your head shoots up from the emo boy’s warm embrace, your eyes glimmering hopeful “you really think so gyu? you think anyone could love me?” you always craved beomgyu’s validation and reassurance

another thing you longed for was beomgyu liking you back, but he’s beomgyu and you’re well you’re you—

beomgyu laughs at your cute question, shaking his head causing his shaggy hair to shake. “are you kidding? of course i think anyone could love you and if they don’t then they’re a total dumbass”

what beomgyu really wanted to say was how he loved you, but the idea of someone as sweet as you dating a total mess of a man like him made the oreo haired boy feel sorry for you

you’d let out a wince, at the feeling of your bestfriend above you stretching out your pink gummy insides. clinging onto the males shoulder blades for dear life. “beomgyu c-can you be more gentle?”

beomgyu softens his blissed out gaze on you, basking in at how tiny you look compared to him and how pretty you looked laid on your back. you reminded the man of a princess.

beomgyu whimpers a nod at your words, his pace slowing down to a gentle rhythm. leaning down to close the gap between you both pulling your soft lips into a sweet kiss savoring the way you tasted like strawberry lip balm.

“does that feel better princess? im not hurting you too much now right?” beomgyu bangs flopped down his eyes making you giggle at the action

“n-no it’s not hurting anymore i feel really good..” you moan sweetly, loving at how beomgyu was checking up on you. “thank you for making sure my first time was with someone who loves me even if it was just in a friend way” you’d smile up at the emo boy bringing him down to your face for a hug

beomgyu mentally face palms, stuffing his face in the crook of your neck. the oreo haired boy drowning into your strawberry pound cake scent, wanting to scream at you in frustration. what kind of virgin takes another virgin’s virginity just because they loved them as a friend? are you really that fucking dumb?

a few weeks by and you had another date with another mystery man, and beomgyu was not happy.

after all the comforting words he told you how could you not see that he was in love with you? how could you possibly throw yourself at any guy who paid you attention?

beomgyu was tired of being nice and patient with you, and without thinking he immediately gets in his car to blow off some steam. imagining the hands belonging to your date dragging its way to your figure, cringing at the idea of you underneath another man cumming around his cock and such

beomgyu was so lost in the idea of you abandoning him for this new guy he didn’t realize he was driving straight into a tree, his eyes widening before the world around him went dark

“you came” beomgyu weakly smiles waking up as he senses you grabbing onto his hand

you’d sniffle back a few tears, seeing your bestfriend in such horrible condition really made you feel guilty. maybe if you were at home with beomgyu he wouldn’t have felt so bored at the house and he wouldn’t have gotten into his car resulting in his accident

“of course i came, i came as soon as i heard” fat tears fall down your face in relief when you examine beomgyu’s cuts weren’t that severe. but the mere thought of beomgyu leaving you was too much

“im so sorry i should have never went out tonight— i should have just stayed indoors with you playing that stupid video game you like what what was it?” you cried trying to remember

“dead by daylight” beomgyu laughs at your crying state

“yes that! i’ve been so self absorbed i didn’t stop and realize that you need to come first im really sorry beomgyu” you’d rabble going into a fit of sobs, blaming yourself over and over again for this happening

“it’s okay seriously i just have a few cuts that’s all” beomgyu assures you, showing off the bandages around his body

“i know but i still feel so guilty..”

“don’t be”

you’d wipe your tears away with a dry laugh, “i don’t even know why i continue to go onto these dates when it’s you i want to be with” you’d admit blushing profoundly

“you what?”

“im sorry terrible timing i know but i almost lost you tonight so i might as well come clean” you’d laugh more genuine this time

“i like you too”

“you what?”

“you heard me, just shut up and help me home will you?”

a/n: this made me miss my ex.. enjoy enjoy

[sparkrls]

delayed proposal

MASTERLIST

Summary: in which Harry’s got a few secrets up his sleeve and Y/N just wants to know if he’s going to propose

Author’s Note: this is the blurb i was talking about with bandmates!harry x y/n. remember to like and reblog because i crave validation. love ya <3

Word Count: 1.1k

•••

“Are you going to propose soon?” Was the last question Harry expected to be uttered out of Y/N’s bright pink lips.

It was just another Sunday night, the couple trying to enjoy those last fleeting moments of weekend relaxation before Monday arrived with the usual burden and obligations of being working adults.

In little less than 12 hours, Y/N would be back to her 9-5 job being an assistant to a high-class executive of a finance company. Her boss had too much authority for being so irresponsible and more money than anyone would need in a lifetime. What a luxury it must be to have your dad pass down a company you didn’t know how to run down to you.

Her boss wasn’t a horrible person, he was quite respectful and kind when asking her to do tasks, he was just a very exploitative executive. He had learned from his father to be unbending and demanding.

Y/N’s work paid a good wage, enough for her to pay her bills and still have a bit left. She wasn’t one to buy luxuries, though, preferring to save money up so she could one day quit her 9-5. And then dedicate herself to the things she did every day after work: picked up her red electric guitar, adorned a black skirt that bordered on too short, and perform for (currently small) crowds of people who cheered her band on as they played.

There wasn’t anything Y/N loved quite as much as the rush of being on stage, the bass making the stage shake with each loud thrum, sticks clashing with plates of a drum and the velvet voice of an angel, Harry singing through the microphone and his eyes on her and her fingers moving over the fret of the guitar.

They played small clubs and rundown bars, getting payed a poor wage for the extrenous effort used to get four adults with full time jobs to align their schedules in order to rehearse. Sometimes all they got were free drinks, but they took what they could get and did it for the love of it.

That was how they got here, on Harry’s couch, his arm draped around her shoulders, and her head on his chest. They were watching Bluey, the way they did most nights they spent together. He would always roll his eyes when Y/N suggested it, pretending to hate it, but she knew it was his favorite show, and he always cried at the emotional episodes.

Their instruments lay forgotten on the table, his blue guitar next to her red one, as they’d spent most of the afternoon drinking beer and writing a new song.

It was a question that had been lingering in the back of Y/N’s mind, and she wasn’t quite sure why she chose that moment to blurt it out, but she did. “Are you going to propose soon?”

Harry’s gaze turned to her, eyebrows raised in light surprise, a small breath exhaled between his lips in a faint chuckle. “What?”

It was too late to take it back, so Y/N sat up and told him, “You’ve always talked about wanting to settle down and get married.” His features remained in small confusion. “We’ve been together for a while. Are you going to marry me?”

“Well, of course I’m going to marry you,” Harry said, like it were some scientific fact that everyone knew and was unchangeable. “You’re my forever, baby. I’ve written about a hundred songs about it.” His lips turned up in a smile. That smile he wore every time he told her he loved her, with a cocky and smug edge as if he were teasing her, laced with affection.

“I don’t mean we have to get married this instant, but I just, I guess we’ve never talked about if we were getting engaged or when and I-“

“Baby,” Harry cut off her nervous rambling, chuckling. He kissed her, soft lips with cracked edges from the cold and dry weather. “I already know what ring I’m going to buy. I’m just saving up for it.”

Y/N’s mind blanked for a moment. “You’re already thinking about rings?” Her lips parted in surprise.

Harry rolled his eyes. “Yes, silly girl. You’re not the only one thinking about marriage.” He smiled at her, reassuring her that he was just teasing. “In case you haven’t noticed yet, I’m hopelessly in love with you.”

“Oh,” Y/N said, still in shock. Here she was, getting all nervous and insecure about marriage and he had already been planning to propose. Her question now seemed a bit foolish. She looked up at him and said, “You know I don’t need some needlessly expensive ring, right? You could buy it on Aliexpress and I couldn’t care less.”

Harry looked at her with slight amusement. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah,” Y/N said with a small nod. “It’s stupid to spend money on a ring when it doesn’t make much of a difference.”

Harry sighed. “Baby, it’s not about the ring being expensive. It’s about the ring being a symbol for my devotion to you. And I want my devotion to be apparent in the beauty of it.” He tapped the finger on her left hand where the ring would lay. “No, I don’t have to spend money on an expensive ring. That’s why I’m not just getting a huge diamond. I’m getting something you’ll love.”

“But it’s expensive and it’s a waste of money on a simple ring-“

“Is it just a ring? Or is it a symbol of matrimony, of us being together forever?” Harry said gently, correcting her statement. “Not to mention you’re going to be wearing that ring every day ‘till you die.”

Y/N made a sound of contradiction. “Unless we get a divorce.”

Harry stared at her blankly for a few moments. He deadpanned, “Not funny.”

“Kinda funny,” Y/N said with a small smile.

She waited for Harry’s stern gaze to soften with adoration the way it always did. It only took a few moments for his composure to crumble and he leaned in close to her. His nose grazed against hers as he muttered quietly, “You’re going to be the death of me.”

The way he said it sounded like a declaration of love. Everything he said to her did. Because his love could never be called in to doubt. It shone through every word he uttered, every song he wrote, every thing he did.

His lips locked onto hers once again, the tension in his muscles melting away as if all he needed to feel complete was to be pressed against her. To have every inch of skin surrounding her, the taste of beer still on her tongue, and the scent of spring enveloping his senses.

“I’m going to marry you,” Harry uttered, an oath murmured against her lips before placing a hand on the back of her neck, pulling her close once again.

[blogurlnotfound]

Drumming - Doctor Who x Reader

hiii this is my first fic in about 4 years probably :) this is obviously a new account, so yeah that's why there's nothing else here. um anyways, i definitely got incredibly carried away with this, did not have an idea going into it (still think it ended up great), 12 is probably out of character, and i somehow wrote it in under 3 hours??

anyway, I hope it's enjoyable! and please let me know your thoughts :)

12th Doctor x Reader

(really student/professor but can be romantic or platonic, whatever vibes you catch.)

Word Count: 2,600+

Summary: You have been hearing a drumming in your head. One, two, three, four. It's been affecting your mental state, and you haven't been to class in a while. Maybe your professor, The Doctor, is able to help figure this out?

Warnings: mentions of depression and suicidal thoughts. any gender reader, but makeup mentioned.

A drumming had been haunting you for months as you slept.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

It would sound non-stop until you couldn't bear it any longer, and woke up. Every time you would wake up the same: in a cold sweat, panting, with tear streaks running down your face.

Each day the drumming's effect on you grew. It was affecting your mental state immensely. You felt a deep pain and sadness hanging over you like a cloud most days. You wouldn't be able to get out of bed, much less go to classes. You weren't hungry often, and couldn't eat when you were. You avoided your friends and your schoolwork, occasionally texting your parents to keep them from worrying.

You weren't sure if your professors noticed your absences. They hadn't reached out to you in any way. It's not like they'd notice you in the sea of students. They must see hundreds a day anyways.

It's not like anybody would notice you anyway. At least that's what the drumming would whisper to you.

One, two, three, four.

You keep to yourself. Don't have any close friends in your classes, and not many close friends at school in general. Nobody really knew who you were. Your favorite color. Childhood pets. How long it takes you to sleep. How often you're awoken by the drumming.

One, two, three, four.

Nobody would notice if you're gone.

One, two, three, four.

They don't even notice when you're there.

One, two, three, four.

-+-

You wake up. In a cold sweat. Panting. You reach both your hands to your face and rub your palms on your cheeks. Tears were cleared from your face and now sat on your hands. You sit up and release a heavy sigh. It's like the sigh has been waiting to escape all night. Like your body was relieved to be released from the nightmare drumming.

You decide to get out of bed, an easier decision than previous day's had been. You stretch your limbs and yawn. You walk to the bathroom and face your reflection. Today was going to be okay.

Or will it be.

One, two, three, four.

"It will be. Today will be okay." You affirmed to yourself in the mirror. You let out another sigh, smiled at yourself softly, and began your morning routine.

You do your make-up while watching a video. You found that taking the time to do your make-up gave you time to relax, breathe, and be yourself. You felt better about your days when you take this extra time to yourself in the morning. So, whenever you manage to get out of bed, you try to manage doing make-up too.

The video you watched was just of some guy unnecessarily analyzing a TV show you liked. He went into extreme detail about small details from the show and created theories about why certain things happened and what might happen next. You enjoyed his content. He reminded you of one of your professors.

He was a very kind old man who you can tell cares deeply about everything he talks about. He has a Scottish accent that somehow grows stronger with excitement. He's enthusiastic and rambles, and never really has a set course of taking points. He just lets his mind and his heart lead him. Saying whatever he finds most awestrucking and veering off topic drastically. In fact, you weren't really sure what the class was meant to be about.

The course description when signing up simply said, "Discussion-based class, humanities topics." The syllabus was no extra help, practically said the same thing with all the extra school required information listed. But it fulfilled your humanities credit, and the first day was interesting enough, so you stayed in the class.

Thinking about the professor, The Doctor, just The Doctor, made you want to go to his class. You checked the time on your phone. It did start in a little over two hours. You finished getting ready and then waited.

You waited maybe fifteen minutes before getting bored. You quickly put your bag together and walked out your door, then your building, into the outside would. It had been at least thirty-two hours since you were last outside. The air felt cool against your skin, reviving your senses and making you softly smile to yourself. You could hear the wind rustle the branches of nearby trees that swayed. Somehow, these trees looked the same as ever, and more beautiful than ever.

You turn around in a full circle and take in the Earth around you. She really is beautiful. You don't sit with her enough.

With new energy in your body, the dark cloud caused by the drumming smaller than ever, you walk around your campus mindlessly. Every step you take grounds you to the Earth, reminding you that the drumming can't be real.

One, two, three, four.

It isn't real.

-+-

You take a seat in the auditorium where The Doctor's class is held. You gently place your bag on the floor next to you and wait as the seats pile up. Five minutes later the room is almost full, and the tall man with short grey hair walks in, greeting the class with a Scottish, "Hello!" as he places his bag down and immediately starts writing on the chalkboard.

"Music." is written on the board. He swiftly turns around on his heel. He stops and makes direct eye contact with you. He stares for a moment, a twinkle in his eye. He diverts his attention from you and begins speaking,

"So," he clasps his hands, "who wants to tell me the importance of music to humanity?"

Hands shoot up all around you. You had been missing a fun class.

-+-

The class ends and you have a beaming smile on your face. You hadn't realized truly how fun and entrancing The Doctor was. Every student was hooked on his every word, waiting for what insane piece of information would come flying out of his mouth next. Every student including you.

The class was packing their bags and leaving around you. You heard groups starting to chat. Friends laughing loudly.

You don't have friends like that here. Your smile falls.

One, two, three, four.

A tap on the wooden desk in front of you wakes you from your thoughts, a Scottish voice accompanying it, "Are you okay, y/n? I noticed you haven't been to class in a while."

You looked up at The Doctor, no doubt admiration for him and sadness from your thoughts filling your eyes. He could read your eyes. He could read the pain and the sadness. He's felt it before.

"You noticed?" You stifled out.

"Of course I noticed." His face softened, "All of my students are important to me."

"But there's so many of us?"

"So?"

You didn't have a response to that. You suppose he was right. You just looked down at your bag, grabbed it, and started to stand up.

"Would you like to come into my office?"

You looked at him, confused and shocked.

"Just for lunch and to discuss whatever is going on. If you'd like." You look at him, still confused. Your head cocks slightly to one side, and your mouth begins to open, but The Doctor beats you to it, "I lost a student not too long ago. Her name was Bill. Bill Potts. I miss her a lot, you see, she was more than just my student. She was also my friend. She made me better. I can see her in you, and I would hate to... " He pauses, "I'm just worried about how many classes you've missed. You may not be able to pass my course."

You're really confused now. The gears are turning in your head, processing his confession of loss turned into you not passing the class. The Doctor can see the gears turning on your face, in the way your eyebrows scrunch intensely and your pupils move back and forth. You close your eyes, relax your face, and look at him with a smile.

"I would like to go to your office, yeah. Thank you." Your eyes are sincere, and when you meet his, so are they.

You follow him a short ways through campus to his office. His steps and your steps opposite. Like the drumming.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

You try to ignore it. You try really hard but can't. You stop walking, and the drumming stops. You sigh in relief, The Doctor looks back at you with concern.

"Sorry," you say, catching up to him with a smile, "I thought I saw something."

"Like what?" He asks, curiosity filling his face.

"Oh, nothing." You weren't expecting him to ask. You didn't know what to say.

He hums in response, picking up pace until you're at his office. It's a huge room with a desk in the middle, you take a seat on one side of it while The Doctor sits opposite. He has many picture frames on his desk, and a mysterious blue police box in the corner you can't take your eyes off.

One, two, three, four.

"What's that?" you ask, pointing at the box before you can help yourself.

"A police box. It's from London in the 60's. I'm a bit of a collector of sorts."

He had this lie down pat. But you could tell he wasn't being truthful, you didn't know how, but you knew. You didn't press on about the box. You just nodded and smiled, "That's cool."

He nodded too. "Let's talk about why you've been missing class. Is everything okay back home? Anything I can do to help?"

One, two, three, four.

Something compelled you to be honest with him. Again, you didn't know what. He felt familiar. Of course you've known him the whole semester, but it felt more than that. You feel safe. You feel seen. You feel known. You knew when he lied to you just a second ago, but why?

One, two, three, four.

"Can I be honest?" you make eye contact with him, "Like, you won't lock me up in the looney bin for being crazy?" He's about to say something but you interrupt him, "And won't get me kicked out of the school or, or, I don't know, send me off to get government testing?"

He's confused now. But curious too. You can tell he's interested in what you're saying, he wants to know more. It doesn't feel like he's going to judge you. "Yes, you can be honest. You can trust me."

"Promise?" You hold out your pinky. Sure it's silly, but silly makes it more meaningful, more powerful, somehow.

He chuckles and interlocks your pinkies, "Promise."

"Okay." You stop to think.

One, two, three, four.

"So I have this noise in my head."

One, two, three, four.

"It's like drumming. One, two, three, four."

One, two, three, four.

The Doctor stiffens. "And it won't stop, Doctor." you continue. "And it's like it's affecting my thoughts. They're all negative and I'm depressed and it hurts. It really hurts, Doctor." Tears are streaming down your face. You weren't even aware talking about this would make you cry. And you didn't know why you told The Doctor about it.

After a moment of thinking, The Doctor moves from his chair and towards you. His movements are stiff. As if he's nervous. He knows something you don't. He leans down and wraps his arms around you, your head at his chest. You cry harder, and he pulls you closer in comfort.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

The drumming was louder than ever. In your head and in your ears. It's not scary anymore though. You move your head away from The Doctor to release you from the hug. The drumming stops. You reach out to his chest without asking, without thinking.

On your hand you feel two heartbeats.

One, two, three, four.

You put your other hand to your own heart. Only one heartbeat. One, two.

Why did he have two heartbeats. One, two, three, four. Why was his the drumming.

"Why-" you start, but need to close your eyes and breathe, "Why does your heart sound like the drumming. Why do you have two heartbeats?"

"Follow me." He walked to the blue police box, opened the door and went inside. You sat there for a moment stunned. Then you cleared your face from your tears and got up. You made your way towards the box, looking at the door before walking inside.

You looked around in amazement. You couldn't believe what you were seeing. Your face broke out into a huge grin. You ran outside and back inside. "This defies all laws of physics! How is it-? It's?" You looked at him expectantly.

"C'mon, I know you want to say it." He had an equally bright, shit-eating grin.

"It's bigger on the inside!"

He laughed with his whole chest and body. His laugh was contagious.

"This," he gestures around the room, "is my T.A.R.D.I.S. Time And Relative Dimension In Space. And I'm a Time-Lord from the planet Gallifrey. We have two hearts, hence the two heartbeats."

You look at him; confusion, amazement, admiration and more displayed on your face.

"Now I don't know why you're hearing my species' heartbeats in your head, but I'm going to figure it out." He looks at you and smiles, you can't help but smile back, "If you want to come with me?"

"With you where?" you ask.

"Anywhere! In the whole wide universe. Not really sure where to start to help you though. Or when for that matter?"

You've never been so confused so many times in the span of one day. "But I have other classes? And don't you too?" Something clicks in your brain, "And what about my parents? And I barely know you! No offense, Doctor. I can't go traveling with someone I don't know."

"If anyone can help you, y/n, it's me. There might not be anyone else in the whole universe." You look at him, desperate now after hearing his words. "And as for your other classes and your family- TARDIS, t," he said, dragging out the sound, "stands for time. She's a time machine. Can take you right back to this moment." He smiled confidently, and made his way towards the center of the room where some sort of console was. He puts his hands on a lever, and looks at you again.

"What?" You asked, awestruck.

"Let me show you." Mischief flashes across his face, but you can tell it's more childlike than malicious. Which is odd for a man who is likely in his sixties.

A whirring sound comes from the center. The door slams shut and the lights start fluctuating. You find it hard to steady yourself as the floor becomes unstable.

"Grab onto something!" The Doctor yells. You do, a railing a few feet away. You grab on tight and try to stand up right. The Doctor is laughing with joy.

One, two, three, four.

The drumming in your head is drowned out by the TARDIS whirring. The whirring sound would soon become a new comfort. And the TARDIS a new home. And The Doctor, he would soon become the most special and fantastic person in your life.

You knew today was going to be a good day. And there are thousands more to come. Thousands more with The Doctor.

He was going to stop the drumming in your head, no matter what he had to do.

[withacapitalp]

How to Rehabilitate a Jock in Four Months Part 12

We're back babey :DDDD Happy to announce hiatus is over fellowsssss but also TW for this one Steve has a panic attack. Also thanks as always to @stevethehairington for betaing and supporting and generally just being the best friend a person can ask forrrrr also @thefreakandthehair for listening to me ramble about this endlessly. When I say I was working on this for two months, legitimately for the entire two months I was working on this

Part One Part Eleven Part Thirteen Link to Ao3

Step Twelve: Watch Him Stumble

In terms of gigs, this probably had to be one of the best sets Eddie had ever played. The energy was off the charts, the crowd was in it with them at every step, and best of all, Steve had been smiling the whole time. Even the power going out had a certain panache to it. Like a final zinger to finish off the wicked guitar solo in Breathless that made Eddie’s heart race every single time he played it. 

Was it ideal to have to sit in the dark and wait for the lights to come back on? Not by a long shot, but there was no denying that the ending of the song had been one hundred percent bonafide metal. 

All in all, Eddie wasn’t that pressed about having the electricity cut out. It wasn’t the first time the power had died during one of their shows, and it wouldn’t be the last. The Hideout was a total dive, basically a shack at the edge of the woods with an electrical system that was shoddy, at best. The band’s equipment had blown a fuse so many times that it was practically routine for the owner to have to go downstairs and reset the box halfway through their set. 

“What’s going on, Dan?” Eddie asked as he saw the bartender’s flashlight start to come up from the basement. He was eager to get going again, unwilling to lose the killer vibe coming from the crowd. 

He also wanted to be able to see what a certain ex-jock thought about the song he had just played. But that was neither here nor there.

“Shows over, boys!” Bar owner Dan shouted, listening to the moans and groans from the patrons before sighing and walking over to the low stage. “Flipped the breakers twice, but nothing. Must’ve been somethin’ else that blew the power. We’re done for the night.”

“Damn it,” Eddie swore, scuffing his sneaker on the ground and strumming a discordant little note on his guitar for emphasis.

Of course this happened on the one night he was actually trying to impress someone. Of course. 

“You can leave whatever you want to here for the night,” Dan offered, waving his flashlight around, “It’ll be hard enough to find your way out of this place without trying to lug around all this equipment too.” 

Eddie didn’t care about the equipment. He cared about the fact that Steve’s first time seeing him play had just been totally wrecked by a stupid power outage. 

“Thanks, Dan,” Jeff said for all of them as Eddie continued to scowl, trying to push down his disappointment before it could grow into something impossible to manage. 

The bartender nodded once, turning and walking towards some of the patrons to give them the news, leaving the band to their own devices. 

“This blows,” Eddie groaned as soon as they were alone, mood still incredibly sour. 

“You’re just mad you didn’t get to show off for Steeeeeve,” Frank teased as the others started to pack up in the dark. Even if they were leaving their stuff there, they still wanted to leave it in a somewhat organized fashion. 

“Stones and glass houses, Frankie,” Eddie said warningly, turning to where he knew Frank was around and glaring. He was not above calling out the other boy’s very obvious crush on Janet at this moment, nothing was off the books when he was this annoyed. “No, I’m mad our set got slashed in half cause of a dumb power outage.” 

“Mhm, sure,” Gareth said, drawing out the word in a way that grated on every single nerve Eddie had. 

“Guys?” Janet’s voice floated over, stopping Eddie before he said something he regretted. Janet slowly came into view as she walked over to the stage, looking uncharacteristically uncomfortable. 

She was alone. 

Eddie’s anger vanished as a pit began to form in his stomach. 

“Where’s Rocky?” Frank asked, walking over to stand next to Eddie. 

“Where’s Steve?” Eddie emphasized before Janet could answer, looking around into the dark of the bar. It was hard to see anything but lumps bobbing and weaving about, but none of them seemed Steve-shaped. Still, there was no way Steve would just leave. 

Right?

“No clue,” Janet answered, rubbing her arm, “Steve was acting weird right before the power went out, and now we can’t find him. I sent Rocky to go look around.”

Weird? What did ‘weird’ mean? Weird was the kind of word that only made even more questions. Did Steve totally hate the music? Was he having a bad time? Had Eddie completely misinterpreted everything he had thought from before? 

But before Eddie could put any of these fears to words, Rocky’s silhouette came into view. 

“He’s not in the bathroom. I even peeked into the ladies just to be sure,” Rocky reported. Janet made a disgusted little sound, reaching over to smack the younger boy upside the head and give him a disappointed scowl. 

“Hey!” Rocky snapped, getting out of Janet’s line of fire, “Not cool. I’m just looking out for a fellow party member.”

“He’s not in our party,” Gareth muttered immediately, stepping around his drum kit to come stand with the rest of them. Eddie didn’t bother to fight with his best friend or even comment on his stupid little jab. He was too busy freaking the fuck out over the fact that the guy he definitely wasn’t crushing on had seemingly vanished into thin air. 

“What do you mean weird?” Eddie asked, hating the way his heart was starting to pound. 

“He was like really distracted? And looked kind of freaked out. Not just annoyed or uncomfortable, but scared,” Janet said, trailing off with a grimace on her face. She looked like she had more to say, but nothing else came, and an stilted silence fell over the group. 

Scared? Steve? The words just didn’t seem to fit together. Eddie couldn’t imagine Steve being afraid of anything. He went headfirst into everything, confident to the point of nearly cocky, so sure of himself Eddie was sometimes jealous. 

“Maybe he just didn’t like the music?” Gareth offered, but his tone was weak. “Used the power outage as a way to slip out?”

“No,” Janet said firmly, shaking her head. “He… Something wasn’t right, guys.” 

Something wasn’t right. 

Eddie knew this feeling. It was that heart stop stomach drop moment. The deer hearing the first snap of the twig under a hunter’s boot, a rabbit sensing that a snare was nearby. It was the same way he felt when he was walking around town and saw a car full of douchebags tailing him, or he went to the woods to make a deal only to find no one sitting at the picnic table. 

There was something dangerous happening, something that instinctually made Eddie want to run for the hills. 

Something scary. Something that was a threat. 

He needed to find Steve. Now. 

“Maybe he’s just outside having a smoke or somethin’,” Eddie said, trying and failing to sound casual. “Let’s go look.”

Eddie carefully placed his guitar in its case and hopped down, walking towards the direction of the front door and hoping the others were following. He would go on his own if he had to, but he really, really, didn’t want to. 

Luckily he heard the pattern of footsteps following his own, and Jeff bumped his shoulder against Eddie’s as they approached the exit. Eddie took a millisecond to be grateful for his loyal batshit insane buds, then he was back on task. 

“Steve?” Eddie called as he walked out the door, mentally sending a prayer to whoever might be listening that Steve would be standing right there, waiting for them to come join him. 

No such luck. There were a few drunks milling about, a couple making out against the side of the building, but no sign of Steve’s pretty boy hair or his soft sweet smile. Eddie’s heart began to race impossibly faster. 

“Steve! You out here?!” Eddie shouted, hating the panic that was starting to enter his tone. He turned his head in every direction, but he couldn’t see any sign of Steve. 

“He’s long gone, Eds, can we go back inside now? It’s fucking freezing out here,” Gareth asked, rubbing at his bare arms and shivering as the frigid winter wind raced past them. Eddie could barely feel his own body, but he ignored both the cold and Gareth’s words, walking towards his van. 

Steve was there. He had to be. He had to be, or else Eddie was going to lose his mind worrying over what was probably nothing, and he might say something incredibly stupid when they actually found Steve, and that would ruin everything they had worked so hard to build. 

Luckily for Eddie’s increasingly fragile mind and heart, he spotted a shape sitting near the van. Eddie practically melted in relief, jogging around to the other side of his van, needing to see Steve’s face. 

“Well if you wanted to dine and dash so bad, Harrington, you should have-” 

Eddie cut off the idiotic quip he had been in the middle of saying, struck silent by the state he found Steve in. All of the relief he had been starting to feel instantly vanished, replaced by a bone deep dread that overtook Eddie’s entire being. 

Steve was on the ground, his knees pulled close to his chest and his eyes staring firmly at the gravel. He was still as a statue, barely even blinking, and his breathing was shallow and uneven. Eddie could see him shaking from where he stood, trembling like a leaf in the wind as he continued to just stare at nothing. 

Something was wrong. 

“Steve?” Eddie said softly, reaching out slowly as he edged closer to the other boy trying to get his attention. “Sweetheart? What’s going o-“

Steve’s hand darted out the second Eddie’s got close enough to reach, fingers latching onto Eddie’s wrist in an iron tight grip that instantly sent a dull ache racing up his arm. The physical sensation was uncomfortable, painful, but it was the look on Steve’s face that hurt the most. 

Steve’s eyes were boring holes into Eddie’s face, staring him down with a flat blank glare that looked completely wrong on his features. It was almost like he was looking through Eddie, not really seeing him, just dealing with the threat that was coming towards his body. 

It shouldn’t hurt. After all, Eddie was used to people in this town seeing him as a scary person. He didn’t really bat an eye anymore when people switched to the other side of the street as he walked past, and he didn’t care that much about the way mothers would grab their children’s hands if he started to approach. 

But something about the way Steve’s protective instincts had deemed him a danger just cut right to Eddie’s core. 

“Steve it’s-it’s just me,” Eddie stuttered out, trying subtly to pull away from Steve’s death grip. 

The combination of his quiet voice and tugging must have tripped something in Steve’s mind, because a hint of recognition flew across Steve’s face, and he instantly dropped Eddie’s wrist, going back to curling both of his hands in his hair and pulling, shaking silently as he let his gaze fall back to the pavement. 

“Eddie, back up,” Jeff ordered the second he was free, stepping forward. 

“Jeff-“

“Eddie, he’s having a panic attack,” Jeff said firmly, interrupting his friend before he could start trying to argue. “Back. Up.” 

A panic attack? 

Eddie had seen Jeff in the throes of a panic attack before, and it was nothing like this. Usually Jeff would hyperventilate, gasp for breath as his limbs moved almost uncontrollably. He would babble out anxiety fueled rambles until the moment passed, then usually retreat into the safety of solitude for a while as he tried to piece himself back together. 

Steve just looked… gone, lost somewhere none of them could reach him. 

But Jeff would be the expert on panic attacks, so if he said that was what this was, then Eddie just had to trust him and hope he could help Steve. Unwillingly Eddie took a single step back, falling into line with the rest of the group who had crept over at some point, and were now all staring at the scene with a mixture of horror and confusion. 

“Hey Steve, it’s Jeff, do you recognize me?” Jeff asked calmly, keeping his tone even and clear. He seemed completely zen, unphased by the very frightening moment. The only way Eddie could tell anything was amiss was the way Jeff’s fists were clenched tight at his sides, an easy tell that he was trying to keep his hands from shaking. 

Steve looked up when Jeff started speaking to him, giving one short nod after a prolonged pause. 

“That’s good. Can I come sit by you?” Jeff asked, starting to step closer. Instantly Steve seemed to be back on guard, stiffening up and pressing his back even harder against the van. Jeff took the shift in stride, taking a step back and holding his hands out.

“Alright, alright. I’ll stay right here. That’s better?”

Another pause. Another short nod. 

Jeff took a second to think, then slowly slid down so he was sitting across from Steve on the ground of the parking lot, crossing his legs and taking a long calming breath. 

“Do you know where you are right now?”

Yet another pause as Steve contemplated the question. Eddie watched as Steve’s blank look shifted first to confusion, then to fear as he shook his head. Steve’s lip started to wobble as his eyes turned glassy and filled with fright. 

“That’s okay,” Jeff said soothingly, clearly trying to get ahead of whatever was starting to grow inside Steve’s mind. “You’re at the Hideout in the parking lot with me, Jeff. Our other friends are here too. Eddie, Frank, Janet, Rocky, and Gareth. You came to listen to the band play tonight, do you remember that?” 

Steve nodded, letting out a long slow exhale, a bit of the tension in his shoulders dropping. His hands slowly slid out of his hair, fingers playing with the loose gravel of the parking lot. 

“I think you’re having a panic attack,” Jeff explained. His words were blunt, but his tone was still soft. “Have you had one before? Do you know what caused it?”

Steve’s jaw clenched up even tighter. Eddie found his mind starting to count the seconds, needing something to do in the moment in order to stop himself from speaking. 

He got up to thirty four before Steve finally opened his mouth. 

“The lights,” Steve whispered, sighing and reaching up to pinch at the bridge of his nose. “It was… it was the lights.”

“Lights? I don’t- It was… it was just a power outage, Sweetheart,” Eddie blurted out, unable to hold his words back. His mind was racing to try and fit the piece into the puzzle, but no matter how he thought about it, Eddie simply couldn’t comprehend how the lights of all things caused Steve to fall into such a panic. 

He looked back at the rest of the group, seeing if any of them had any clue what was going on, but they all had the same confused fright on their faces. 

“No. It wasn’t,” Steve stated immediately, his voice firm and set. His eyes were hard again, and he was staring at the ground with a mixture of hate and fear that made Eddie’s stomach clench up tightly. “It was not just a power outage, and I need to check on my kids.” 

“Steve-“

“I need to check on my kids,” Steve repeated, interrupting Jeff harshly. Now that the tension was broken, the words seemed to be coming easier, and Steve cleared his throat before continuing, “My bag has what I need, but the doors were locked. I got out here and then the doors...”

Steve trailed off, looking lost. 

“I’ll grab your bag,” Gareth offered, startling them all. He held his hand out for the keys, and Eddie gave him a look, raising a brow. If it was anyone else, Eddie wouldn’t even hesitate, but Gareth offering to do something for Steve of his own free will was like the devil offering to tie Jesus’s shoe. 

“It’s okay, I got it,” Gareth said, softening his voice, something far too close to pity in his eyes as his gaze flitted over to Steve, then back to Eddie, conveying without words that Eddie leaving Steve at this moment seemed like a bad idea

Despite the tension of the moment, a part of Eddie relaxed. Gareth was just being Gareth- the good Gareth that Eddie knew was hiding under bitchy mean Gareth that had cropped up out of nowhere. Eddie tossed him his keys and the rest walked to the other side of the van, talking in harsh low whispers that Eddie couldn’t quite make out. 

“This can’t be happening again,” Steve whispered when it was just the three of them, a breathy half laugh escaping alongside the words as he wrapped his arms around his knees and tucked his head down. “God, it’s really never gonna be fucking over, is it?”  

The question was obviously rhetorical, Steve probably wasn’t even really talking to them, but a physical pain started to grow in Eddie’s chest from the utter defeat radiating off of Steve in miserable waves. 

“I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m not going to ask,” Jeff stated, taking the risk to scoot closer and maneuvering himself so he was sitting next to Steve, his back flat against the van, “but, while we’re waiting for them to get what you need, do you want to try a grounding technique?”

“A what?” Steve asked, just barely raising his head. Jeff began to explain his favorite grounding technique, using short and easy to understand sentences to go over exactly what he was suggesting. Steve uncurled ever so slightly as Jeff was speaking, his full attention on the younger boy. Even Eddie was caught in the lull of Jeff’s tone, his heart starting to finally flow down. 

Then he heard his name. 

“Eddie.”

It was Gareth on the other side of the van, holding Steve’s bag up and giving Eddie a wide eyed look of horror. He gestured for Eddie to come over with a jerky handwave, and Eddie gave him a look. Wasn’t the whole point for Eddie to stay? Why was Gareth trying to pull him away just as they were starting to make progress. 

“Eddie. Now,” Frank whispered harshly, his head popping up next to Gareth’s. He also looked freaked the fuck out, still far too pale. 

“I’ve got him, Eds,” Jeff said in that same soothing tone pulling another deep breath and watching as Steve obediently copied the motion. “Go see what they need.” 

Eddie really wanted to just say fuck it and stay exactly where he was, but Steve was starting to get some color back in his cheeks, and if whatever was in that bag would help, then Eddie needed to get that for him. 

So, very reluctantly, Eddie walked around to the other side of the van, leaving Jeff and Steve alone. 

“What?!” Eddie snapped the second he was out of earshot of the two boys, throwing Gareth a harsh glare. If this was another trick or some weird tactic to fuck with Steve, then Eddie was going to seriously have to reconsider their friendship at this point. 

“Look,” Gareth hissed, shoving Steve’s bag into Eddie’s hands. 

Eddie peered in the bag, still annoyed and confused. It was all normal stuff. Well, a little weird. Steve’s car keys, a flashlight, a walkie-talkie… a first aid kit… and…

“Why does he have a knife?!” Gareth snarled, looking more terrified than angry. 

“Lots of people have knives,” Eddie said, trying to sound calm. The words came out strangled, falsely cool in a way that made it obvious to all of them that Eddie was just as uncomfortable as they were. 

“Okay, but why does he need that right now, Eddie?” Janet asked. It was a good question, but one that Eddie couldn’t possibly come up with an answer for. 

Why did Steve need a knife right now? Why would he even bring it with him tonight? 

“Eddie? What’s going on?” Jeff called from the other side of the van, still blissfully unaware of the latest update to their situation. Eddie shook his head roughly, dropping the knife back into the bag and zipping it up, holding it behind his back as he rounded the front of the van again. 

“What is it you need from your bag, Steve?” Eddie questioned, keeping his voice firm as he stared down at Steve. 

“My walkie-talkie?” Steve answered, a picture of innocence. He had one hand flat on the ground, and the other tangled up in Eddie’s necklace, his thumb worrying across the face of the guitar pick. Then Steve's words came back to him. 

I need to check on my kids. 

Hot shame flooded Eddie’s stomach as he remembered exactly what had led to all of them snooping in Steve’s stuff. Steve had just wanted to reach out to the kids, that was all. The knife wasn’t really that weird in retrospect, just another overprotective Steve thing. He wasn’t about to get stab happy on them, he just wanted a way to protect himself if it became necessary. 

Eddie could understand that. 

“Is it not there?” Steve wondered, some anxiety starting to leak into his tone the longer Eddie just stood there. “I’m sure I brought it, but-”

“No, I have it right here, sweetheart,” Eddie said, interrupting the thought before it could even form. He tugged the walkie-talkie out of the bag and handed it to Steve, sitting on the ground next to him and watching as Steve flipped it on and switched the channels, taking a deep breath before holding down the talk button.

“Guys?” 

He let go of the receiver, and immediately there was an explosion of voices as the kids all began to scream over each other, shouting Steve’s name and endless questions. It was impossible to make out exact words in the mayhem, but Eddie wasn’t interested in that. He was busy focusing on Steve. 

Despite the fact that he was still trembling, the pinched brow and nervous look in Steve’s eyes faded the second he heard the kid’s voices. He sighed, leaning his head back until it softly hit the van, letting the tension fall from his shoulders as his eyes slipped shut. 

“See? All okay,” Eddie murmured, needing to add extra reassurance now that he thought he could. Steve shot him a weary little smile, rubbing the guitar pick around his neck once more before pushing down the talk button once more. 

“What are we dealing with?” Steve asked, about to put the walkie-talkie back down before the sound of shoes on gravel caught his attention. As Gareth, Rocky, Frank, and Janet walked back around the van, Steve continued “and I’m not by myself right now, so don’t say any stupid shit.”

“Who are you with?” Lucas’s voice said from the walkie-talkie, sounding tinny and electronic. 

“And say over next time. Over,” Will added. 

“The fucking ‘over’ bullshit,” Steve said to himself with a roll of his eyes before picking it back up. “I’m at the Hideout with Eddie, now what are we dealing with?!” 

Silence. Eddie looked at Steve with a raised brow, and when Steve looked around in annoyance, Eddie caught his eye and mouthed the word ‘over’. 

“Jesus H,” Steve muttered, looking up at the sky as if begging God to help him. “OVER!”

“Well we don’t know that yet, Steve,” Dustin promptly responded the second Steve’s finger left the button, his tone dripping with far too much sass. "We were too busy looking for you! Over.”

“I’m gonna kill them,” Steve stated, rubbing at his temple, “I’m legitimately going to kill them.” 

“Everybody shut up,” A new voice barked. Eddie knew it from somewhere, but he couldn’t place it. She wasn’t one of the kids, Eddie knew that much, but he couldn’t figure it out. “Steve, Jonathan and I will be at the Hideout in five minutes. Do not move. Over and out.” 

After a few seconds of staticky silence, Steve groaned, pushing the antennae of the walkie-talkie down and turning it off. 

“Of course she’s coming here. Of course,” Steve whispered, unknowingly mirroring Eddie’s exact thought process right after the power outage. 

“Wait, wait, wait. Was that Nancy Wheeler?” Janet asked incredulously, her jaw hanging wide open. 

No. Nope. There was no way. 

“Yeah, it was,” Steve said with a sigh, forcing himself into a standing position and stretching his shoulders. 

He was completely nonchalant about it, like it was perfectly normal to have your ex on walkie-talkie speed dial, and it was only natural for her to come collect you like a haggard housewife the second she thought you might be in trouble. 

“Nancy Wheeler, your ex girlfriend,” Eddie said dumbly, just to be sure he wasn’t being punked.

“The one and only,” Steve said dryly, becoming more and more himself with every second. It was like hearing Nancy’s voice had flipped a switch, and the vulnerable nervous Steve that had been sitting on the ground by his van was gone in an instant, replaced by a flippant easy going boy that looked like nothing had ever happened to him at all. 

It was bizarre, uncanny in a disarmingly normal way. Eddie had always kind of admired Steve’s coolness, how nothing seemed to phase him.

Now it just felt… not disingenuous per say, but more layered than it was before. It wasn’t completely an act, but Steve was definitely hiding so much more than Eddie ever could have assumed. 

“Why is Nancy Wheeler coming here?” Eddie asked slowly as he stood up, watching Steve like a hawk and looking for any kind of micro change in his expression. He got nothing. Steve was a brick wall. 

“Even if I could tell you, you wouldn’t believe me,” Steve said with a wry smile that didn’t look much like a smile at all. Before he could say anything else, they all heard the sound of tires squealing nearby, and a pair of headlights peeled into the parking lot. Steve moved like a man possessed, jogging around the van and towards the car still speeding into the lot. 

“What the fuck was all that?” Rocky said, asking the question all of them were wondering. Eddie shrugged, following Steve’s path and watching as Nancy Wheeler jumped out of the passenger seat of the still parking car, ignoring Jonathan Byers' shouting at her from the driver’s side as she strode towards where Steve had stopped. 

“What the hell, Steve?!” She snapped the second she had pulled herself away from the car. “No one knew where you were. You didn’t tell anyone, or leave a note, or anything. What were you thinking?!” 

“What was I- Nancy, what are you talking about?” Steve said defensively, turning around to briefly give Eddie a ‘can you believe this’ look before turning back to his ex who was still fuming. 

Eddie didn’t really know anything about Nancy Wheeler, it wasn’t like they ran in the same circles whatsoever, but he certainly had never expected to see her like this. There was two high spots of red on her cheeks, and her eyes were flashing in a way that just screamed danger. 

“You can’t just disappear out of nowhere! Do you get how irresponsible that is?” Nancy asked rhetorically, not giving Steve a second to answer before she barreled forward, “Mike and the others wanted to make a search party and start riding around on their bikes looking for you. What are you even doing here?”

“I didn’t realize going out was a crime,” Steve said in a moody tone, crossing his arms over his chest and giving Nancy a cool glare. 

Things were quickly devolving between the two of them, and as much as Eddie wanted to intervene, he hung back and observed. That was the thing most people didn’t realize about him. Eddie could be quiet and listen when it benefitted him. 

“It is if you don’t tell me where you are!” Nancy exploded, throwing her hands up as she did. “Especially if it’s because you’re hiding that you’re doing something dangerous.”  

With those words she poignantly turned her glare towards Eddie, as if he personally was holding Steve hostage. Steve’s face screwed into a dark scowl and he stepped so he was back directly in Nancy’s view line, blocking her from the others. 

Protecting Eddie from her. 

That shouldn’t have made him feel as warm as it did. 

“Nancy. I don’t know how you forgot, but let me remind you- We. Broke. Up,” Steve said, each word punching directly out of his chest and exposing just how raw that still fresh wound was. “You’re dating Jonathan now, so what I do, and who I’m friends with, and how I spend my time isn’t your problem anymore.” 

“Nance,” Jonathan said, trying to grab Nancy’s arm. She pulled away from his grip, stepping close to Steve. 

“Yes, it is my problem! You are still my problem!” She shouted. 

Eddie would’ve chalked it all up to crazy ex-girlfriend disease and dragged Steve away from the fight, but something strange was developing. The anger was quickly draining away from Nancy’s features and all that was left was a painful grief, the kind that made Eddie want to turn his head and find anything else to look at. This wasn’t just a jealousy thing, or psycho ex behavior. 

This was something more. 

“Look, I know we broke up, and I know that’s my fault, but first the lights flickered, then power went out, and none of us could find you,” Nancy said, looking down at the ground as her voice began to waver and her features inevitably turned towards tears. “You weren’t at your house. It was empty, and it was just the pool, and no one there, and I thought- I thought-”

Eddie would never know what Nancy had been trying to say, because Steve enveloped her in his arms at that moment, holding her gently against his chest as he shielded her from the rest of the world. 

There was a momentary flare of jealousy that ignited in Eddie’s chest, a second where he felt a blinding, irrational hatred for Nancy Wheeler and everything she was. But then Steve was holding out his other arm to Jonathan, who hesitated for a second and looked extremely uncomfortable, but came closer nonetheless, all three of them sharing an exhausted hug. Jonathan and Nancy put Steve between the two of them, joining their hands between his shoulder blades as they held him close. 

Whatever was going on here, it wasn’t romantic. No need to be jealous. 

Not that Eddie had any right to be jealous in the first place. It shouldn’t matter that Steve seemed to have some sort of weird magnanimous relationship with his ex and her new boyfriend. It didn’t matter. It wasn’t his concern. 

It mattered. It mattered so much. 

“I’m fine, see? Right here,” Steve said, slightly muffled by the two people still holding him like he was the most precious object in the universe. 

“You can’t do that,” Nancy managed to gasp out, clearly in tears given how thick her voice had gotten, even if Eddie couldn't see them. “I can’t lose you too.” 

Too? Who had Nancy lost? 

The questions were only continuing to mount, and Eddie wondered if you could get a panic attack just by standing close to someone who had just had one. It was certainly getting harder to breathe the longer he looked at the three of them. 

“You’re not losing me,” Steve said firmly, as if he was writing it into law just by saying it out loud, “we aren’t losing anyone again.”

“You can’t know that,” Nancy said, her voice so soft Eddie almost missed it. As she did Jonathan looked up, hooking his chin on Steve’s shoulder as he made eye contact with Eddie. 

“Guys,” Jonathan called, reluctantly pulling away and nodding his head towards the rest of Hellfire who were all still standing there. Nancy quickly wiped at her eyes and Steve stepped back, putting distance between him and the couple again. 

“Hopper went to the lab,” Nancy said, picking her words slowly and carefully. “He dropped um… her off at my house with the rest of the kids.” 

Her?

“How is she?” Steve asked. Well, he knew, but Eddie was still in the dark. Who could ‘her’ be? Nancy had a little sister, didn’t she? Maybe she had a tendency to run off or something. 

“She’s freaked out. She passed out when the power outage happened, but we don’t know why yet,” Jonathan answered, wrapping his arms around his stomach. 

Steve sighed, swiping a hand across his face and turning around. He jogged over to grab his bag, slinging it over one shoulder as he walked back over. 

“Let’s just go. I don’t want to leave the kids alone right now,” Steve said, slipping back into his role as babysitter as easy as breathing. Jonathan and Nancy both nodded, waiting until Steve was in line with them before starting to walk to the car. 

It hurt almost, being forgotten, dismissed. It was like they had never even existed, like nothing else that had happened tonight mattered. 

It wasn’t like Eddie didn’t know he and the others weren’t Steve’s first choice of friends, but having it so blatantly thrown in his face didn’t feel all that great. There was an extra sting when Eddie considered exactly who those first choice friends were. 

Steve would apparently rather spend time with his ex and her new boyfriend over Eddie and his friends. 

Whatever. No problem. Eddie shoved the feeling down in his chest, deep where it would bother him all night long, but where it wouldn’t come out in mean lashing words towards anyone else.

But, as he spun on his heel and went to go stomping back towards his van, a shout behind his back stopped Eddie in his tracks. 

“Eddie!” 

Steve was running over to them, the back passenger door of Jonathan’s car still wide open. He slid to a stop right in front of Eddie, panting just a bit as he reached up towards Eddie’s neck. 

“I totally forgot,” Steve said apologetically, expertly unclasping the necklace and reaching over. Eddie shivered, sucking a sharp breath in as Steve’s arms wrapped around his neck, fingers just barely grazing Eddie’s skin as he returned the necklace to its rightful owner. 

“I had a really nice time tonight,” Steve murmured, looking up at Eddie with those big cow eyes and a bashful little smile. 

“Really?” Eddie said, thrilled but unable to believe it. Steve was probably just being nice, that was all. 

“Well, before,” Steve amended, his cheeks turning a soft red as he took one step back, futzing with Eddie’s necklace so it sat perfectly in the center of his chest. “I really liked your band.” 

“I’m glad,” Eddie managed to stammer out, both hating and loving the way his entire brain was turning to mush the longer Steve had his hand on his chest. Steve had liked the band, he liked the music. 

That didn’t mean he liked Eddie, but there was no denying the thrill that was shooting up Eddie’s spine. 

“Seriously. Thank you,” Steve said, patting Eddie right above his heart once more before mercifully pulling away. “It was nice to just get to be a little… normal.” 

“Anytime, Sweetheart,” Eddie replied, biting his tongue before he could do something stupid like promise that Steve could be normal with him whenever he wanted. 

“By the way you guys are all invited to my place for a Christmas Eve Eve party! It’s on Friday,” Steve said, turning to address all six of them. “I was going to mention it on the ride home but well- Anyway, we’re doing a yankee swap, so bring a present. Oh, and invite Kaiden too.” 

“A what?” Frank asked. Eddie also wasn’t sure what ‘Yankee Swap’ meant, but he was never going to turn down an invite to a party. Especially a party at Steve’s. The Harrington house hadn’t been the subject of a rager in quite a while, but if this was going to be anything like those parties, then it was not one to be missed. 

Plus it meant more time with Steve. 

“Dude!” Jonathan shouted from his car. 

“Coming!” Steve called back. He gave Eddie a quick flash of a smile before starting to run towards the car, waving a hand behind him as he did. 

“It starts at seven. See you then, Babydoll!” 

And then he was gone, disappearing into the car and driving away before any of them could give him a proper answer. 

Tag List: @paopaupaus @zerokrox-blog @surferboyzaza @whatever-is-a-good-name @minjintea @addelyin @5ammi90 @hagbaby420 @shinekocreator @bornonthesavage @starxlark @electrick-marionnett @resident-gay-bitch @ash-a-confused-enby @classicdinosaurdeathpose @valon-whomsttf @rotten-lil-goblin @thereindeerlady @love-ya-kash @kerlypride @sparkle-fiend @thefreakandthehair @flowercrowngods @milf-harrington @sadcanadianwinter @gothbat99 @hotcocoaharrington @henderdads @lightwoodbanethings @colorful565 @h0n3y-dw @craterbbox @sourw0lfs @lesliiieeeee @bidisastersworld @tinynebula @ravnlinn @bonescaro @mexmatch @cottagecoredreams @joruni @hellykelly @maegan1116 @farewell-wanderlvst @desertfern @due-to-the-fact-that-im-a-slut @anythingforourmoonyedits @eerielake @fandemonium-takes-its-toll @sidekick-hero

[justjams2003]

Fast Pace- 13

Am I being mean by releasing the last 3 chapters week for week? Maybe just a bit 🤭

Summary: You're a hard-working Chef in Paris and after a freak accident run-in with Carlos Sainz, your life makes a 180. Let's just say with a certain agreement, you get your bills paid and in return stand in as Carlos' girlfriend for the press. But will you be able to handle the pressure and ensure the lines don't blur?

Pairing: Sugar Daddy!Carlos Sainz x Sugar Baby!Reader

Warnings: I've aged up Carlos, he is 33 in this fic. Smoking, smut, sexual themes, age difference, manipulation, control, slight obsession, the word 'daddy', nudity, a garbage family, family trauma, disowning, tell me if I missed any

Taglist: @httpjeonlicious, @f1lov3r, @messersandmesses, @hollie911, @oriconde08 @thehufflepuffavenger1 @fanboyluvr @thatgirlmj @whyamireadingthis @oriconde08 @depressedriches @roseseraj @skepvids @sain55wifey @distinguishedvoidlady @amatswimming @sachaa-ff @lightdragonrayne @lazybot @formula1mount @fangirl-dot-com @saintslewis @carlossainzwho @lordpercevalcharles @topguncultleader @kitixie @serp3ns0rtiae @hangmandruigandmav @therealone4r @keii134 @dark-night-sky-99 @jax-the-oregonian @hachrinnen

Word count: 3,2k

Masterlist

Part 12 ~Part 14 (coming soon)

“Elle dort profondément, la journée a été longue.” Y/N’s brother and parents both look up at me in shock. I can’t help but laugh at their expressions. We’ve been here three days and if it weren’t for her family, it would be idyllic.

We’ve gone hiking in the beautiful mountains, she’s shown me all around her hometown. She has so many memories here, a lot of them good, but when I hear the things her mother says to her, I can’t but wonder if she’s sugar coating some of it.  

“What? You didn’t think that me, a million-dollar man who travels the world every day, with a French teammate, wouldn’t speak French? Not even a little?” I can only sigh at their foolishness; I see now why my sweet girl is so easy to...shape. Luckily for her, she has me and no one would dare hurt her with me around. Her family, however, after what I’ve seen they don’t get the same lenience.  

 I sit down on the table, “Tell me, how much do you want?” If I was some old-timey villain I would take out my checkbook and write some obscure numbers with lots of zeros. Her brother furrows his brows, “How much of what?”

I chuckle, I thought at least he would be smarter, I guess not. “Money. How much do you want to never speak to Y/N ever again?” Her mother scoffs and begins rambling about just how important she is to her.  

“Look, you’re a terrible influence on my precious girl. You make her feel terrible about herself after I spent all that time convincing her otherwise. Now, we can do as normal families do and only see each other on the holidays. Even then, it’s going be exhausting for her. So, why don’t we just take a short cut? How much money for you to kick her out of your life, permanently?” Her brother looks appalled and disgusted.  

His fist goes to find my jaw, but I catch his hand before he even comes close. “Be serious, you might be a rough and tough city farm boy, but I’ve spent years of my life practising my reflexes.” I take him by his shoulders and shove him back down in his chair. “How much will it be, mom, dad? Fifty thousand, a hundred thousand, or shall we go into the millions?” Everyone goes quiet at the numbers I’m talking of.  

“See? That wasn’t so hard? Now, Cash or Card?”  

“They’re so unbelievable! You know what, no, I’m glad that they did this. She’s been nothing but a cruel bitch all my life. Now that I’m happy, she hates it.” She screams into the phone, she’s standing next to the bathroom trying to get some distance from other people.

“No, I don’t care if they’re my family, who says that to someone?” She scoffs, likely she’s talking to Jasmine and Ilsa, I know Alex and Kika would defend me.  

She’s angry, a wrinkle in a brow and I just want to make it all go away. Maybe even, I’ll have to get rid of those two friends as well. They’re not good for her either. “I know I’ve only known him for a month and a half, but it’s been the best few weeks of my life! It’s been better than anything I’ve had with that fucked family of mine. And the fact that you two can’t see that, really shows me something about you two.”  

Her footsteps are loud on the floor of the plane. She throws her phone on the seat and plops herself down in my lap. Instantly her head finds the crook of my neck and her small hand takes fists full of my shirt. She pulls me as close as possible to me and wrap my arms around her. This is where she belongs, nowhere else but in my arms.  

 Her whole-body shakes as sobs make its way through her. “No te preocupes, mi dulce niña. Estoy aquí para ti. No importan, sólo estamos tú y yo. Just you and me. You have me now, you don’t need them.” I soothe her cries, rubbing circles on her back as she mumbles on about how awful they are and how evil they’re being.

I know it’s better for her in the long run, but it hurts my heart to see her like this. Hurting. At the same time, having her cling to me as if I am her lifeline is a feeling I can’t help but savour.  

“Carlos, where are we going?” A sigh escapes me. “Singapore, for the next race. But I have to talk to you about it.” She raises her head; she has these big doe eyes that has this melting effect on me. Yet at the same time, it makes the khaki’s I’m wearing tighter than I’d like it to be. “This is going to be the hardest race of the year. For the rest of the week until at least Friday, I’m going to be very busy with very hard training.”  

I know for a fact that this is the worst time possible to leave her alone. Right now, I need to be with her every moment. She has to be with me and no one else otherwise my whole plan will be for nothing. I have to be the only one comforting her, if not she’ll think that she can rely on others. My sweet thing whines at the realisation and goes to hide her face again but I stop her before she does.  

“I know, I’m sorry. But, I really don’t want to leave mi dulce niña alone, no?” She shakes her head, wiping her tears with the same hoodie I’d given her at the very beginning. I might have blasted the AC, just to see her wear it again. I know it gives her comfort and she just looks like a doll with it on. So small and so cute, I feel as if the love is oozing from my heart.  

“Now, we have one of two options. It’s not too late, we can still turn this plane around. Get you a nice, big apartment somewhere in France.” She stops me before I can even continues.

“No, I don’t ever want to see that damn country ever again. What if I see one of them again? I’d much rather live on the streets.” I can’t help but smirk, taking her small hands into mine.  

“I thought so. What about somewhere in Madrid? Why don’t you move in with me?” Her eyes go even bigger and bites down on that puffy lower lip of hers. I adjust her to sit on my other leg, the friction between us making me rock hard. Soon after, her eyes avoid mine. Her eyebrows pull together and I can’t help but reach up and smooth the crinkle in her forehead. 

So much seems to be running through her mind, and it shouldn’t be. Things should be easy for her, look pretty and be my pet. That should be the end of it. But this world can be so heartless and make the important people in our lives hurt. “Tell me, mi niña bonita, what’s going on in that pretty head of yours?”  

She sighs and then gives me those big doe eyes again. This time they’re all puffy from crying, and she looks just as beautiful as the day I met her. “Daddy, I don’t want to leave your side.”

Her words are like lava through my body. I take her chin and give her a kiss on her cheek. “I know, baby, but what other option is there? Follow me everywhere I go? You’ll get bored, I’m sure.” She doesn’t hesitate and shakes her head.  

“No, no, I promise. I’ll be good.” This would be more perfect than any other option. Having her by my side for the whole world to see. “I don’t know, cosas dulce,” it’s mostly just an act, I want her to beg. “Please Daddy, please?” She jumps ever so slightly on my lap and I can’t help but holding her waist to keep her still, not knowing how much longer I can hold out. Especially when she’s like this.  

Y/N takes her small hands and hold my face. Then she places a kiss on my cheek, then the other. I take her petite hands in mind. “Oh, alright, but no whining missy.” I hold out my hand, showing how stern I am. But she wraps her fingers around mine and gives me the biggest brightest smile. “You know I can’t say no to you.”  

“Carlos?” I had just finished pretty extensive training for the race. The whole gym room’s heat is all the way up to 30 Degrees Celsius, sweat is dripping off me. My hair is wet, luckily my girl gave me one of her headbands to keep my hair out of my face.

I could see her eyeing me the whole time. I couldn’t bare the heat much long, and just had to take my shirt of. Or maybe it was tactical to get her attention, nobody will ever know.  

“Yes, mi querido?” She gets up from her seat, discarding her phone which she had been so engulfed in before. Her hips sway, she too is sweating and is wearing the smallest little shorts I’ve seen in a while. It entrances me, every time she walks, the way her legs move. The way those tiny shorts sits a way below her naval. Showing off what all the boys are missing out on.  

Y/N makes her way over to me, her fingers dancing on my shoulder. “No, mi cosa bonita, you don’t want to touch me. I’m sweaty and smelly.” She scoffs and wraps her arms around my neck. “You’re saying that like I care.” I can’t help but chuckle at her attitude. Yes, last week changed her, but so far it’s for the better. My hands find her hips, “You’ve been looking so good lately, cosas dulce.”  

Her laugh alights my whole body. “You’ve been using that one a lot lately, I’ll have to google it,” I pretend to wince at her words. “No, cosas dulce, I might get in trouble.” Now she really does laugh, throwing her head back like she does when she’s comfortable. “Why do you laugh?” She shakes her head, “You, Mister Sainz, could never get in trouble with me. You’ve been nothing but perfect.”  

I pull her closer to me, our hips touching the other. “Is that so? I’ll have to hold you up to that.” I can’t help but place kisses all over her bare neck. “Except right now.” My heart rises and I’m just glad the monitors aren’t on.

Has she found out? No, no it can’t be. If she did, she’d be a lot more upset. Or would she? Would she be happy that I did it? Relief to get rid of them and have them well cared for at the same time. She doesn’t look happy now, but she doesn’t look to upset.  

“I’m scrolling through Instagram, right, only to see an edit about you. Guess my surprise that I found out through an Instagram reel that I missed your birthday!” Oh yes, that, is that really all? I can’t help but laugh at how serious she is. “You didn’t miss it; we did celebrate it.” Her eyebrows furrow, “What do you mean?” I love the way her long hair sways to the side when she’s confused.  

“Your fashion show, after the shopping trip. It was more than enough of a present for me. Not to mention you got the sunglasses, with our initials on them.” She scoffs and rolls her eyes.

“You keep calling me hardheaded, but you can be even more dense than me.” I laugh, she can be so complex. Switching from soft and needing to be held one moment, to sassy and chatty the next. I love every moment.  

A hum escapes me, “Aren’t you brave, talking to me like that, cosas dulce?” She ignores my words and carries on. “It doesn’t count as a birthday gift, if I didn’t even know it’s your birthday.” I sigh, seeing now that she’s going to be persistent on this. “That’s why I love it so much. You gave me a gift without even knowing. Call it something poetic, like our souls just knowing, or something simple. Like the kindness you give me that no one else does.”  

She pushes out her bottom lips and her eyes go all big again. “Carlos, that’s really beautiful.” She pulls me down by the neck and gives me a kiss on the cheek. Oh, how I cherish those. I remember each and every one. “But, at least allow me to make you dinner tonight.” I don’t want her going through all the trouble, or making too much of a fuss.  

“Don’t bother, cosas dulce. There’s no point in celebrating. 34 Years and I spent most of them racing, to no avail. A team that fucks me over, another year with no win and still no championship behind my name. And the rookies are getting younger and younger, and better and better. I’m sure I’ll lose my seat in a year or two and after that, it’s retirement for me.”

I didn’t mean to spill out all my thoughts just like that. But when she looks at me with those eyes, I wan’t to tell her everything.  

She cooes and pulls me tight in her arms. “Don’t talk like that. I’m sure you want our kids to see you race at least once.” What? She surprises me again and again. This is good, very good. She’s seeing what I see. Our goals are aligning. Before long I’ll have her all to myself. “You mean it?” Her smile lights up the room and my life.  

“Of course, now give me your card. Brutis, Otis and I are going grocery shopping.” That’s my girl. No longer afraid to ask. “You know where it is, cosas dulce.”  

I can hear music blasting through the hotel room, along with my girl screaming the lyrics at the top of her lungs, like always. She’s dancing and swaying to the music. Her hips move in ways that entice. But the most attractive thing about her, is that she looks as happy as can be. Pure joy radiates off her like the sun’s rays. Nothing is as beautiful as her delight and I just need to be a part of it.  

I scoop her up in my arms and place her on the first open space on the counter. She breaks out in giggles, “Aren’t I glad you’re feeling better,” she mutters between laughs as I make marks all over her neck and shoulders.

“How can I not with such a beauty in my arms?” She blushes and still giggles as my scruff tickles her. But soon she gently pushes me away, not far, by the chest. Her hands there is like fuel to my engine. Sparking my whole body to keep her here, trapped.

“You’re just in time,” she smiles jumping off and plating the food she had made. “I made Fideuà.” At just the mention, memories of my childhood come rushing back. Big Christmas family dinners, with lots of people. Kids running around, screaming with delight, as people laugh and drink lots of wine. “Ah, mi amor, now you are bringing back some good memories, no?”  

Y/N’s smile is big as she hands me the plate and pours some white wine. The first bite is perfect, the taste of fish explodes in my mouth. After it’s the texture of the pasta and the hint of Saffron.

“Wow, I must say, mi amor, this is as good as Mama’s.” This makes her smile as wide as ever. “Really, you mean it? You’re not lying?” There are some slight differences, but it’s incredibly hard to notice. I shake my head no.  

“It’s almost identical.” She blooms with joy and her cheeks are just so faintly red. “Caco sent me the recipe from your mom.” I should have known. “My, my, already in kahoots with my family.” I pull her into my lap as we both enjoy our dinners. “Speaking of, mi amor, I want you to meet my family. And I know you still feel unsure about moving in with me. But if you meet my parents and see the city...”  

Her gaze is stuck on her dinner as she just moves the shrimp around. “I’ll meet your parents, but I won’t promise you anything.” That’s good enough. That’s more than good enough.  

Xxxx  

There is a blazing heat through the paddock. Everyone is sweating and I can only imagine Carlos must be so uncomfortable in his racing suit. Boiling hot, you can see his hair is sweating but you know he won’t wear his headband in public.

It’s a maybe five minutes until they play the national anthem. Yet still through the flurry of everything and everyone he still makes his way towards where you stand with Caco in the garage.  

He hands you his drink, with the weird tube and everything, clearly given to him by Rupert. “Here, it’s very hot, remember to drink a lot of water.” You sigh and take him by the race suit.

“Carlos. Your race starts in twenty mintues, you shouldn’t be bothering yourself with me.” He clicks his tongue. “Siempre tan testarudo,” you sigh, you’ve googled it before and he says it so much that you know he’s calling you hardheaded.  

“Carlos!” The people call out his name, they could get a penatly if he misses the song. “I’m coming! Caco, asegúrate de que bebe mucha agua.” He speaks to his cousin, who agrees. He goes to leave but you grab him by his suit and pull him back. His lips fit perfectly onto yours. He pulls you close by the waist, his other hand rake deep into your hair.  

He kisses you back with such passion. Like a fire lighting between you two. Your soul finally finds rest. You’ve been wanting this for weeks and now you’re finally taking it for yourself. And you can tell by the way he holds you and pulls you closer that this is what he’s wanted. He’s been yearning for it just as much as you have.  

Finally, when there is no air left in your lungs you’re forced to break apart. “I’ll move in with you.” His whole body comes alive with joy. “Really?” His smile is wider than I’ve ever seen before. “Yes really, now go before Ferrari fine me themselves!”  

Hollywood Life 

“Y/N Y/S/N’s content quality and quality raises, could she have gotten herself a full PR team?” 

Glamour 

“Fans are going crazy as the boost in Y/N Y/S/N’s conent shows new insight on her and her boyfriend Carlos Sainz’s life that’s never been seen before.”  

Page Six 

“Carlos Sainz and his girlfriend seem to be attached at the hip.”  

Us Weekly 

“People are freaking out over Carlos Sainz’s post race interview:  ‘The first non-Red Bull win of the season. What would you like to say?’  ‘I’d like to thank my girlfriend. She’s the reason for this trophy. I know I should be thanking the team, but I know they’d much rather have Charles win this. So, this is for her.’ 

E!News 

“Carlos Sainz and his girlfriend seen celebrating in a club with Lando Norris as the DJ.” 

People Magazine 

“Fans are swooning after a video of Carlos Sainz winking to his girlfriend on the first place podium surfaces.”  

My taglist is open, just ask! :)

[williamrikers]

Some Personal Favorite BL Moments of 2023

this is inspired by @lurkingshan's post, thank you for that 😊

Best Show

be my favorite, hands down. this show hooked me right from the very beginning, and each week it kept outdoing itself. the kindest, most compassionate storytelling mixed with some absolutely amazing character journeys and a strong message at its heart, bmf will stay with me forever (and not only because i managed to snatch one of the utterly gorgeous box sets for my collection). 12/10 puffball music boxes

Best Scene

alan and wen pre- and post-breakup at the start of episode 5 of moonlight chicken. i've rewatched these nine minutes more times than i can count. both first and mix do some incredible acting here, and it's such an utter joy to watch. 5/5 crying firsts sliding down a wall

The Scene That Came For My Life The Most

look, i've talked about only friends episode 6 [4/4] before. you all already know that i desire mew carnally for what he did with that audio tape. i have also rewatched this scene an embarrassing amount of times. 96/69 illicit sex tapes

Most Rewatchable Show and Best Main Couple

this one goes to a boss and a babe. i have already rewatched this show twice this year, and i love it more on every single rewatch. i regularly lose my mind about how much i love this silly little show and start waxing poetic about how much this love story means to me, how much i adore gun and cher's weirdness, their communication, their commitment, their gentleness, their mutual respect, the way they help each other and heal each other, the way they make each other feel safe and loved, which my friends from the bl besties server can attest to. maybe one day, i'll put all of my ramblings into a coherent format, but for now please trust that this show is absolutely wonderful and extremely special to me. 1000/10 gaymer friends sleepovers

Best Premise (That Was Utterly Ruined By The Show)

i've got to say dangerous romance, although step by step comes in at a close second. after the second episode of dr, i was out here writing hundreds of words worth of meta, and then... well, then the show became what it unfortunately is, now. i still want to see the show that i was promised (a thriller about two poor brothers who get into hot water because of money issues and end up having to turn to crime to survive, all while the younger brother slowly falls in love with the biggest bully at school, and over the course of the show the bully needs to learn to become a better person and help sailom overcome the trust issues he should have had from growing up constantly threatened and sometimes physically abused by members of the mafia.) -20/10 stupid fucking windmills for ruining something that could have been amazing

Best Side Couple

tiwpor, you will always be famous to me. my school president itself might just have given us crumbs, but i licked those tiny crumbs right off the floor with delight, and when our skyy 2 made it canon, i lost my entire mind. i could not have asked for more. 2/2 couples t-shirts

Best Date

yang and phumjai on their practice date in episode 4 of love in translation was probably the sweetest thing that happened on any bl in 2023. in the later episodes, they had many more beautiful moments together as well as some incredibly amazing physical intimacy (plus, in the extended iqiyi cut, one hell of a foreplay scene), but their sweet date before they had even confessed their feelings has stayed with me. 11/10 slices of pandan

Best Beach Scene(s)

never let me go wins this one. no other show was as devoted to showing off their beautiful beach locations as nlmg this year. watching this show made me yearn for the sea. 1/1 tattoo of your boyfriend's name

Best Rooftop Scene

despite the stiff competition in the form of bmf and cherry magic thailand, last twilight has this one in the bag. the pain, the pining, the heartbreak, the complicated feelings, the desperate kiss... they even lampshaded this trope in the dialogue. stellar scene. 12/10 sunflowers

Best Sensuality

we've had a lot of high heat bls this year, some of them still ongoing, and since billy infamously said "a lot and deeply", i feel like the next episode of the sign might just blow all of our minds. i'm not awarding a best sex scene here so i won't have to eat my words in a few days—however, i feel confident in saying that when it comes to raw sensuality, no one is going to beat ray and sand in only friends this year, no matter how hard the characters on pit babe, playboyy and the sign might be trying. truly, nobody embodies sensual attraction like first and khaotung do. 69/10 sausages that represent blowjobs

Best Minor Character That Stole The Show

gotta agree with the masses here and say nawin laws of attraction. what a guy. every day i miss him. ∞/10 unhinged ex boyfriends

Best Viewing Experience

this is not bl, but it might as well be: midnight museum still feels like a fever dream, i have no idea what the plot even was, i understood maybe 10% of what was happening at any given moment, and i've never had more fun watching anything. this truly is the show of all time. 5/3 roles played by gun atthaphan

Wildest GMMTV Moment

also not a bl, but the piploy pissing in the car scene as an act of revenge in wednesday club would go down in history, if, you know, people had actually watched this show. what can i even say. 3/3 gratuitous pissing scenes

Most Anticipated Show Of 2024

i just had to find a way to mention my golden blood in this post. i am yearning for this show with an intensity i cannot describe. i literally need to see joss bridal carrying gawin as much as possible, it is on the baseline of my hierarchy of needs. no matter whether this turns out to be trashy fun, high camp, an actually serious show, or all three, i win. gmmtv could not have given me anything better to look forward to next year 💖

[blogurlnotfoundwhoops]

Doctor Who x Reader

PLEASE READ HERE :)

hiii this is my first fic in about 4 years probably :) this is obviously a new account, so yeah that's why there's nothing else here. um anyways, i definitely got incredibly carried away with this, did not have an idea going into it (still think it ended up great), 12 is probably out of character, and i somehow wrote it in under 3 hours??

anyway, I hope it's enjoyable! and please let me know your thoughts :)

12th Doctor x Reader

(really student/professor but can be romantic or platonic, whatever vibes you catch.)

Word Count: 2,600+

Summary: You have been hearing a drumming in your head. One, two, three, four. It's been affecting your mental state, and you haven't been to class in a while. Maybe your professor, The Doctor, is able to help figure this out?

Warnings: mentions of depression and suicidal thoughts.

A drumming had been haunting you for months as you slept.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

It would sound non-stop until you couldn't bear it any longer, and woke up. Every time you would wake up the same: in a cold sweat, panting, with tear streaks running down your face.

Each day the drumming's effect on you grew. It was affecting your mental state immensely. You felt a deep pain and sadness hanging over you like a cloud most days. You wouldn't be able to get out of bed, much less go to classes. You weren't hungry often, and couldn't eat when you were. You avoided your friends and your schoolwork, occasionally texting your parents to keep them from worrying.

You weren't sure if your professors noticed your absences. They hadn't reached out to you in any way. It's not like they'd notice you in the sea of students. They must see hundreds a day anyways.

It's not like anybody would notice you anyway. At least that's what the drumming would whisper to you.

One, two, three, four.

You keep to yourself. Don't have any close friends in your classes, and not many close friends at school in general. Nobody really knew who you were. Your favorite color. Childhood pets. How long it takes you to sleep. How often you're awoken by the drumming.

One, two, three, four.

Nobody would notice if you're gone.

One, two, three, four.

They don't even notice when you're there.

One, two, three, four.

-+-

You wake up. In a cold sweat. Panting. You reach both your hands to your face and rub your palms on your cheeks. Tears were cleared from your face and now sat on your hands. You sit up and release a heavy sigh. It's like the sigh has been waiting to escape all night. Like your body was relieved to be released from the nightmare drumming.

You decide to get out of bed, an easier decision than previous day's had been. You stretch your limbs and yawn. You walk to the bathroom and face your reflection. Today was going to be okay.

Or will it be.

One, two, three, four.

"It will be. Today will be okay." You affirmed to yourself in the mirror. You let out another sigh, smiled at yourself softly, and began your morning routine.

You do your make-up while watching a video. You found that taking the time to do your make-up gave you time to relax, breathe, and be yourself. You felt better about your days when you take this extra time to yourself in the morning. So, whenever you manage to get out of bed, you try to manage doing make-up too.

The video you watched was just of some guy unnecessarily analyzing a TV show you liked. He went into extreme detail about small details from the show and created theories about why certain things happened and what might happen next. You enjoyed his content. He reminded you of one of your professors.

He was a very kind old man who you can tell cares deeply about everything he talks about. He has a Scottish accent that somehow grows stronger with excitement. He's enthusiastic and rambles, and never really has a set course of taking points. He just lets his mind and his heart lead him. Saying whatever he finds most awestrucking and veering off topic drastically. In fact, you weren't really sure what the class was meant to be about.

The course description when signing up simply said, "Discussion-based class, humanities topics." The syllabus was no extra help, practically said the same thing with all the extra school required information listed. But it fulfilled your humanities credit, and the first day was interesting enough, so you stayed in the class.

Thinking about the professor, The Doctor, just The Doctor, made you want to go to his class. You checked the time on your phone. It did start in a little over two hours. You finished getting ready and then waited.

You waited maybe fifteen minutes before getting bored. You quickly put your bag together and walked out your door, then your building, into the outside would. It had been at least thirty-two hours since you were last outside. The air felt cool against your skin, reviving your senses and making you softly smile to yourself. You could hear the wind rustle the branches of nearby trees that swayed. Somehow, these trees looked the same as ever, and more beautiful than ever.

You turn around in a full circle and take in the Earth around you. She really is beautiful. You don't sit with her enough.

With new energy in your body, the dark cloud caused by the drumming smaller than ever, you walk around your campus mindlessly. Every step you take grounds you to the Earth, reminding you that the drumming can't be real.

One, two, three, four.

It isn't real.

-+-

You take a seat in the auditorium where The Doctor's class is held. You gently place your bag on the floor next to you and wait as the seats pile up. Five minutes later the room is almost full, and the tall man with short grey hair walks in, greeting the class with a Scottish, "Hello!" as he places his bag down and immediately starts writing on the chalkboard.

"Music." is written on the board. He swiftly turns around on his heel. He stops and makes direct eye contact with you. He stares for a moment, a twinkle in his eye. He diverts his attention from you and begins speaking,

"So," he clasps his hands, "who wants to tell me the importance of music to humanity?"

Hands shoot up all around you. You had been missing a fun class.

-+-

The class ends and you have a beaming smile on your face. You hadn't realized truly how fun and entrancing The Doctor was. Every student was hooked on his every word, waiting for what insane piece of information would come flying out of his mouth next. Every student including you.

The class was packing their bags and leaving around you. You heard groups starting to chat. Friends laughing loudly.

You don't have friends like that here. Your smile falls.

One, two, three, four.

A tap on the wooden desk in front of you wakes you from your thoughts, a Scottish voice accompanying it, "Are you okay, y/n? I noticed you haven't been to class in a while."

You looked up at The Doctor, no doubt admiration for him and sadness from your thoughts filling your eyes. He could read your eyes. He could read the pain and the sadness. He's felt it before.

"You noticed?" You stifled out.

"Of course I noticed." His face softened, "All of my students are important to me."

"But there's so many of us?"

"So?"

You didn't have a response to that. You suppose he was right. You just looked down at your bag, grabbed it, and started to stand up.

"Would you like to come into my office?"

You looked at him, confused and shocked.

"Just for lunch and to discuss whatever is going on. If you'd like." You look at him, still confused. Your head cocks slightly to one side, and your mouth begins to open, but The Doctor beats you to it, "I lost a student not too long ago. Her name was Bill. Bill Potts. I miss her a lot, you see, she was more than just my student. She was also my friend. She made me better. I can see her in you, and I would hate to... " He pauses, "I'm just worried about how many classes you've missed. You may not be able to pass my course."

You're really confused now. The gears are turning in your head, processing his confession of loss turned into you not passing the class. The Doctor can see the gears turning on your face, in the way your eyebrows scrunch intensely and your pupils move back and forth. You close your eyes, relax your face, and look at him with a smile.

"I would like to go to your office, yeah. Thank you." Your eyes are sincere, and when you meet his, so are they.

You follow him a short ways through campus to his office. His steps and your steps opposite. Like the drumming.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

You try to ignore it. You try really hard but can't. You stop walking, and the drumming stops. You sigh in relief, The Doctor looks back at you with concern.

"Sorry," you say, catching up to him with a smile, "I thought I saw something."

"Like what?" He asks, curiosity filling his face.

"Oh, nothing." You weren't expecting him to ask. You didn't know what to say.

He hums in response, picking up pace until you're at his office. It's a huge room with a desk in the middle, you take a seat on one side of it while The Doctor sits opposite. He has many picture frames on his desk, and a mysterious blue police box in the corner you can't take your eyes off.

One, two, three, four.

"What's that?" you ask, pointing at the box before you can help yourself.

"A police box. It's from London in the 60's. I'm a bit of a collector of sorts."

He had this lie down pat. But you could tell he wasn't being truthful, you didn't know how, but you knew. You didn't press on about the box. You just nodded and smiled, "That's cool."

He nodded too. "Let's talk about why you've been missing class. Is everything okay back home? Anything I can do to help?"

One, two, three, four.

Something compelled you to be honest with him. Again, you didn't know what. He felt familiar. Of course you've known him the whole semester, but it felt more than that. You feel safe. You feel seen. You feel known. You knew when he lied to you just a second ago, but why?

One, two, three, four.

"Can I be honest?" you make eye contact with him, "Like, you won't lock me up in the looney bin for being crazy?" He's about to say something but you interrupt him, "And won't get me kicked out of the school or, or, I don't know, send me off to get government testing?"

He's confused now. But curious too. You can tell he's interested in what you're saying, he wants to know more. It doesn't feel like he's going to judge you. "Yes, you can be honest. You can trust me."

"Promise?" You hold out your pinky. Sure it's silly, but silly makes it more meaningful, more powerful, somehow.

He chuckles and interlocks your pinkies, "Promise."

"Okay." You stop to think.

One, two, three, four.

"So I have this noise in my head."

One, two, three, four.

"It's like drumming. One, two, three, four."

One, two, three, four.

The Doctor stiffens. "And it won't stop, Doctor." you continue. "And it's like it's affecting my thoughts. They're all negative and I'm depressed and it hurts. It really hurts, Doctor." Tears are streaming down your face. You weren't even aware talking about this would make you cry. And you didn't know why you told The Doctor about it.

After a moment of thinking, The Doctor moves from his chair and towards you. His movements are stiff. As if he's nervous. He knows something you don't. He leans down and wraps his arms around you, your head at his chest. You cry harder, and he pulls you closer in comfort.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

The drumming was louder than ever. In your head and in your ears. It's not scary anymore though. You move your head away from The Doctor to release you from the hug. The drumming stops. You reach out to his chest without asking, without thinking.

On your hand you feel two heartbeats.

One, two, three, four.

You put your other hand to your own heart. Only one heartbeat. One, two.

Why did he have two heartbeats. One, two, three, four. Why was his the drumming.

"Why-" you start, but need to close your eyes and breathe, "Why does your heart sound like the drumming. Why do you have two heartbeats?"

"Follow me." He walked to the blue police box, opened the door and went inside. You sat there for a moment stunned. Then you cleared your face from your tears and got up. You made your way towards the box, looking at the door before walking inside.

You looked around in amazement. You couldn't believe what you were seeing. Your face broke out into a huge grin. You ran outside and back inside. "This defies all laws of physics! How is it-? It's?" You looked at him expectantly.

"C'mon, I know you want to say it." He had an equally bright, shit-eating grin.

"It's bigger on the inside!"

He laughed with his whole chest and body. His laugh was contagious.

"This," he gestures around the room, "is my T.A.R.D.I.S. Time And Relative Dimension In Space. And I'm a Time-Lord from the planet Gallifrey. We have two hearts, hence the two heartbeats."

You look at him; confusion, amazement, admiration and more displayed on your face.

"Now I don't know why you're hearing my species' heartbeats in your head, but I'm going to figure it out." He looks at you and smiles, you can't help but smile back, "If you want to come with me?"

"With you where?" you ask.

"Anywhere! In the whole wide universe. Not really sure where to start to help you though. Or when for that matter?"

You've never been so confused so many times in the span of one day. "But I have other classes? And don't you too?" Something clicks in your brain, "And what about my parents? And I barely know you! No offense, Doctor. I can't go traveling with someone I don't know."

"If anyone can help you, y/n, it's me. There might not be anyone else in the whole universe." You look at him, desperate now after hearing his words. "And as for your other classes and your family- TARDIS, t," he said, dragging out the sound, "stands for time. She's a time machine. Can take you right back to this moment." He smiled confidently, and made his way towards the center of the room where some sort of console was. He puts his hands on a lever, and looks at you again.

"What?" You asked, awestruck.

"Let me show you." Mischief flashes across his face, but you can tell it's more childlike than malicious. Which is odd for a man who is likely in his sixties.

A whirring sound comes from the center. The door slams shut and the lights start fluctuating. You find it hard to steady yourself as the floor becomes unstable.

"Grab onto something!" The Doctor yells. You do, a railing a few feet away. You grab on tight and try to stand up right. The Doctor is laughing with joy.

One, two, three, four.

The drumming in your head is drowned out by the TARDIS whirring. The whirring sound would soon become a new comfort. And the TARDIS a new home. And The Doctor, he would soon become the most special and fantastic person in your life.

You knew today was going to be a good day. And there are thousands more to come. Thousands more with The Doctor.

He was going to stop the drumming in your head, no matter what he had to do.

[zootzbootz]

ykw fuck it. putting my mudkip ramble here rrghhhhh

cw for murder (fictional) also spoilers for typomaniac and rare candy below the cut

starting off with his speech around the beginning of typomaniac. or inner monologue rather.

"Motivation. There's that word I've come to love so much during my existence. And a word I probably don't even understand. Look at this guy. Trying to sympathize me with his life story. What will motivate me to care? Key words, connections? I dunno. I'm not even sure why I'm here in the first place. But it'll never get a word out of me. Not to talk is not the smartest thing to do, they could jump to conclusions, and then haul me off to prison. Or send me to the chair! Whatever, I don't mind. What motivates me not to talk? I don't know, what motivates the Pokemon around me to talk? I'm not listening to him, HE even knows that. What motivates everyone here to try to get an answer?! But, what really motivates someone not to do anything at all? Is it the food they eat? The crap they watch? The job they work? The life condition they're in? Sometimes, that's not even the case, if you ask them yourself, they probably won't even know the answer! Hey, I don't even know what motivates me to do what I do. You see, I'm a scientist. I dissect Pokemon to see how their bodies work. Is it the fascination I get to see how everything is put together? Or is it the thrill killing these Pokemon, because they're usually mostly the ones I hate. It's okay, it's all for the research!

Look at this, got this guy's element of power! The power we aren't even allowed to FRICKEN use because it's against the law! What motivates one to follow the law? You can get away with it, if you're smart enough, like me. But like I said, I don't even know why I'm here. It isn't about the hundreds of Pokemon I dismembered. NOPE. What, do you think I'm lying to you? What would motivate me to lie to you?! come up with your OWN conclusions! But what would motivate you to care? You don't know me personally. Motivation is just a part of our lives. It helps us to do stuff, and it helps us to NOT to do stuff. Looking around me, I can see a lot of Pokemon lack motivation.

Except for one... Which is the reason why I bring up these sort of questions, and it's the reason why I bring up this story”

during this monologue he claims not to know what motivates him to do what he did- to kill those pokemon. but typomaniac *SHOWS* us his motivation. and rare candy further confirms it.

see, mudkip only has one friend. *one* , and he doesn't have parents either. he's around 12-13 and living completely on his own.

that one friend in question, being chespin. and it's incredibly obvious that chespin is somebody mudkip cares DEEPLY about. and possibly admires. as chespin is an incredibly positive and GENUINELY kind person. he *seems* annoying and clueless but it's shown multiple times as well as outright stated (by MUDKIP no less) that chespin is probably more intelligent and observant than most of them are.

meanwhile, mudkip himself seems to be.. rather pessimistic. he's typically quiet. doesn't tend to talk a lot outside of situations he deems necessary or when he's alone with chespin.

when fennekin comes into the picture- mudkip is INCREDIBLY jealous right off the bat. at first, I thought it was because he was afraid of his ONLY friend being taken away. finding someone better than him. but I firmly believe that's not the case. I feel like, honestly ... mudkip would have been just fine with fennekin being friends with chespin. or even being friends with fennekin himself had he managed to push past the jealousy. but that's not the reason he wanted her out of the picture. the REAL REASON was a fear he had- which was fennekin *hurting* chespin. physically, emotionally, mentally- it didn't matter. he's seen his best friend get BULLIED RELENTLESSLY by the majority of the other students at their school. save for a small select people. he's seen him get treated horribly. so of course his automatic assumption would be that he's getting used.

now.. skipping ahead a bit to rare candy. when mudkip is in prison. they're trying to make him talk- to get him to demonstrate how he's able to remove pokemon's elements while keeping them alive. dr. sylveon ends up threatening chespins life right in front of him- and keeping chespins life on the line becomes his ONLY motivation to give them the demonstration

and now.. here in lies mudkips exact motivation.

chespin was ALWAYS his motive.

he was the entire time.

even before mudkip was caught. it was always chespin. making sure he was safe, or at least alive- he was the only person mudkip feeled cared about him and the only person mudkip probably really cared about.

because even after learning mudkip was a killer. he STILL remained friends with him. he still visited him regularly in prison. he still showed him genuine kindness and compassion.

and I firmly believe him dissecting the pokemon was just something that came along with it. perhaps out of curiosity. or to give himself a more "interesting" or deeper motivation than just... trying to protect a friend.

he tried so HARD to keep chespin from getting hurt.

but it was mudkip himself who ended up hurting chespin more than anybody else did. (aside from Dr sylveon but like. tbh I'd argue what happened with chespin and mudkip would have hurt chespin MORE since they were FRIENDS.

and then after it's revealed chespin was the one who turned mudkip in. this fucking destroys him. his ONE friend. betraying him like this, especially since going to prison was his number one fear. the act in his eyes was unforgivable enough for him to outright tell dr. sylveon to make sure chespin sees him dying while being granted "freedom"

.

.

.

I'm normal about this series (lie)

[seventeenlovesthree]

@izumikoushiroweek: Day 2 - What are your Koushirou headcanons?

I probably have way too many headcanons for him to count, so I thought I'd be talking about 12, relating to each of the other Chosen Children and his Digimon partner.

Tentomon: As implied in this art, Tentomon has to remind Koushirou to not only use his PC set-up for work at times, but to get in touch with the outside world as well, including calling his parents. They maintain having a very loving bond and Koushirou actually enjoys talking to his family, even if he has that tendency to get lost in Chosen Children duty, thus pulling way too many allnighters in his office. Tentomon helps practicing to "talk about feelings" and such and since he was always integrated in almost all of Koushirou's activities as emotional support or "personal assistant" (aside from occasionally getting back into the server realm or Digital World to "recharge"), their bond has never vanished. (Practicing also includes hugs. Tentomon loves them dearly. Koushirou does too.)

Taichi: I probably have a million different headcanons when it comes to their bond, but I think one of the things I am particularly fond of is the idea that Taichi easily picked up on Koushirou's quirks and habits over the years - and that's why he notices stuff others don't realize that quickly. He is very particular about what exact brands of oolong tea Koushirou likes, that he cannot stand coffee or doesn't take alcohol very well. They also have tons of insiders and catchphrases other people just give them weird looks over. They're basically on each other's speed dial, especially considering they're working together as adults. And, last but not least, I think Taichi would be the very first human friend who learns about Koushirou's adoption history, being incredibly supportive about it. (One time, Yuuko probably said something along the lines of "If I could, I would already have adopted Koushirou-kun into our family" and Taichi almost flipped because of the wording, but Koushirou told him it was fine, since he knew she meant it well. They both get along with each other's moms very well by the way.)

Yamato: After they returned from the Digital World for the first time, Yamato actually fulfilled his (PSP game only) promise and showed Koushirou how to cook a few easy recipes (besides how to boil the perfect egg). While Koushirou will probably never be a master cook and prefers stuff that is easy to make/get and eat - and while working -, food is actually something they occasionally bond over. They may not be as passionate about it as Mimi and Daisuke, but they'd absolutely surprise the others with their very own curry creations.

Sora: I've probably mentioned this a million times already, but in my mind, they're destined to become "fashion (and texting) buddies". Takeru - as well as Mimi or Miyako - may be a hundred times more comfortable in being experimental, but these two definitely have to figure themselves out first and foremost, breaking some gender stereotypes in the meantime and would 100% be there for each other (while moping and bonding over Taichi's and Yamato's antics). Let Sora help Koushirou to find his own personal wardrobe while he would support her in getting her designs going digitally - once the time is right.

Mimi: Since Mimi slowly but steadily becomes more acquainted with technology through the years, it shouldn't be surprising that they're becoming "calling buddies". Mimi always preferred calling over typing and since Koushirou is helping her to set up her online business, they also end up chatting for hours without end about literally everything - and they absolutely suck at ending their calls. Mimi keeps telling Koushirou to rest, but she's terrible at just saying "Bye then!". Time zone differences make this even more of an issue and it often happens that one of them just falls asleep while the other rambles.

Jyou: Gomamon and Tentomon forced them to become "coffee shop buddies". I'm not kidding. They were so fed up with them burying themselves in uni/regular work that they ended up making them have "Go outside for a change, let's grab something to eat!!!" meetings once a month (at minimum, since Gomamon was done with cooking and wanted to get treats too and Tentomon loved the idea; occasionally they pull Sora and/or Taichi with them too). Since Jyou never felt intimidated by Koushirou's intellect but knows his struggles with "keeping his mental health together", they have an easy time blowing off some steam.

Takeru: Koushirou and Takeru actually grew closer with each other during "transition years" between middle and high school. With Taichi, Yamato and Sora facing high school entrance exams and eventually leaving middle school, Koushirou was more likely to spend time after school with "the 02 squad" for a while (and the two of them and Hikari would definitely have study sessions together at this point in time). Takeru is also among those who's more skilled with computers, which is why he's easily third admin of the Chosen Children network (with Miyako being second), but also likes to ask Koushirou for advice - who happily rambles along (and they're also "meme buddies", sending each other random stuff in the middle of the night they came across and thought the other would find interesting). Takeru will also be among the first who gets to hear about his adoption history in more detail and he'll absolutely feel more attached to Koushirou because of it.

Hikari: Aside from me being convinced that he is archiving all the photos she's been taking in the Digital World for years (while also helping her to set up her own digital photobooks), one of my favourite headcanons is that Hikari's the main reason why Koushirou turned out to be "a cat person"; he has been around the Yagami residence way too many times in his life and probably thought he couldn't really "get along" with cats in general. But Miko, after having been reluctant at first, warmed up to him rather quickly after Hikari kept her around in the same room as them. So the cat would just end up resting next to him while he was typing away on his laptop. (Sometimes he watches Tentomon curling into a ball when falling asleep next to him and Koushirou cannot help but feel reminded of a cat as well and he finds it adorable.)

Daisuke: Despite Ken being the closest person to him overall, Daisuke has had a hard time talking to Koushirou for YEARS, still having a tendency of wanting to appear extra smart in front of him. It was a lot easier when Taichi, Ken or Mimi were around, he could talk normally then, but even worse when Takeru was there too, because he felt double-intimidated. Koushirou noted that behaviour, didn't get it though, so Taichi had to explain it to him in a sense of "Imagine being the new kid in football club that thinks he can't kick a ball if the ace striker is watching him", to which Koushirou just nodded. They absolutely met for a football match a few days later - and that's how Koushirou ended up in goal, Daisuke, who scored numerous goals against him, started to act a lot less tense afterwards.

Ken: Imagining a scenario in which Menoa gets redeemed (and maybe after they find a way to get their partners back), I could see Koushirou and Ken being very keen to make her realize that she should also rather invest her intellect in improving the infrastructure between the worlds instead of harbouring feelings of vengeance and bitterness... They're all smart muffins with bug babies after all. (And Koushirou would definitely be interested in figuring out why both Ken and Menoa were so prone to "getting corrupted" while he himself was mostly spared... They're not exactly prone to trauma dumping, Ken in particular struggles with it a lot, but that's another case of "once he knows Koushirou's back story, it gets easier to open up.")

Miyako: Miyako pretends that she's bothered by Chosen Children Network duty a lot, and it maaaay be a bit bothersome at times, but the truth is that she felt intimidated by all the effort Koushirou put into it. Aside from Iori, she always looked up to him as senpai the most and didn't want to appear incapable in comparison. If Koushirou didn't know he could entrust it to her, he would have given it to Takeru first, but despite her spunky, sometimes unpredictable nature, he trusted in her judgement and communicative skills from the start without a doubt.

Iori: By the start of his uni life, Iori really values the privacy of Koushirou's office to use it as study space - especially because he's getting resources there for law school he wouldn't easily get access to without spending horrendous amounts of money. And because they just enjoy each other's company, being a lot more grounded than the rest of their friends. Just like in middle school, they end up having study sessions, often joined by Takeru, but also occasionally by Ken, going through several of their study subjects - sometimes they even go for outside activities (because Koushirou is most likely not used to those anymore and needs to keep up on physical training too - when they get the opportunity, they take Jyou with them too).

[bestworstcase]

Hello! You've mentioned being a NanoWrimo veteran, and I was wondering if you had any advice for planning out your writing for the month? I was going to do an outline beforehand to prepare, but I'm not sure if that's authentic to the NanoWrimo spirit.

i am i’ve been doing nano most years with wildly variable success since i was fourteen. my best advice is:

start writing now.

not your actual nanowrimo project necessarily and not the 1.6k and change daily you’d need to ‘win’ but start writing every day right now. if i’m going into november from a dry spell i like to start with a daily goal of minimum 100-200 words for a week and then at the end of the week, set a new goal of a few hundred more than daily average. rinse repeat until you’re in the habit of writing a decent chunk every day. THE POINT OF THIS is to avoid hitting the “”two week wall“” which is a thing that happens because writing 1.6k+ words in a day is pretty easy but writing 1.6k+ words per day every day for a month is really hard if you don’t, you know. train for it.

you will get the most value out of nanowrimo if you think about it as a writing marathon. it’s difficult because it takes a level of endurance and discipline that you probably do not have unless you’re already a prolific daily writer.

outlining is in the spirit of nanowrimo and has always been part of the culture; some people outline extensively (‘planners’) some don’t (‘pantsers,’ as in writing by the seat of your pants), many fall somewhere in the middle. the only hard rule if you want the, like, pure nanowrimo experience as it was originally conceived is: don’t start writing the actual story until 12:01 AM on november first. you can have anything from zero plan to minutely detailed scene-by-scene notes for the entire novel locked and loaded, but on day one you open a blank document and start writing.

another thing i’d really recommend is trying to write over that 1.6k daily baseline. an extra 340 words per day for five days will net you a free day and those are nice to have in case you hit a day where you can’t write for whatever reason. it’s a lot less stressful to bank up extra words ahead of time than to miss a day or two and have to catch up.

if you don’t already have a process for turning off your inner editor, start trying to figure one out now. the temptation to delete and rewrite a paragraph dozens of times will bite you if you indulge it. try things like hiding your text so you can’t read it (set font and page to the same color, or use wingdings), try sprinting apps like write or die, stuff like that. you are trying to complete a rough draft. it’s okay for it to be rough.

lastly, use the time between now and november to figure out warm ups that work for you. these are quick, simple writing exercises separate from your wip that you do before every writing session. here are some that i like:

set a timer for five minutes and write continuously, stream of conscious, without stopping until the time’s up.

set a timer for five minutes and write a loose synopsis or ramble about the scene you plan to write: what happens, who’s in it, what subplots is it advancing, what pieces of foreshadowing or set up do you need to work in, what’s the emotional tone, etc.

pick an object in the room. spend five minutes describing it in exhaustive but simple detail. think “this cup is a tall red cylinder. it’s made of glass. there’s about a half-inch of clear glass at the bottom. the red is bright and saturated, firetruck red. it’s sitting on my desk with sunlight falling through it, casting a red shadow. there’s water in it with three ice cubes. the cup is about six inches tall.” <- you want a stream-of-conscious list of observations, basically.

use a random [name/setting/plot] generator and write 2-4 paragraphs of something stupid based on the output. just the silliest or most overwrought or edgiest grimdark or saccharine bullshit you can spew out.

take the last five hundred or so words of your last writing session. read them over. open a blank document and transcribe them word-for-word (or nearly, if you can change a word here and there without breaking stride). the idea is not to edit, but to write out a decent chunk of words quickly, without thinking much about what those words are. (i like to do another warmup and then this one and then just keep going when i hit the end of the chunk i’m transcribing.)

the idea is to preempt writer’s block by giving yourself 10-15 minutes of no thoughts head empty rapid-fire word vomit to get your brain on track and ready to go. warming up before your writing sessions will dramatically reduce the frequency of sudden creative paralysis when you sit down to write.

[tartarusknight]

King of the Freaks | Part 8

Ao3 Link | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15

Eddie woke up to Wayne yelling at him. Not the best way to wake up. But he pushed himself out of his blankets and sleepily took the phone from his uncle. He leaned on his arms on the counter, “yeah?” He yawned and watched his uncle pour him a cup of coffee like Eddie wasn’t planning on going back to bed after this.

“Hey, um, it’s Steve?” Steve’s voice sounds nervous and Eddie’s hand slips. His face smacked the counter in surprise and he jumped up to act chill.

“Steve? Hey, what’s up?” Eddie says cheerily and glares at Wayne who snorts into his cup of coffee.

Eddie grabs the cup Wayne set down next to him and took a sip. “Uh, yeah, I was- well the kids I babysit were wanting to go shopping for Snowball, you know the dance? And my car can’t fit all of them. I was wondering if you wanted to join me. Or if I could just borrow the van. You don’t have to waste your day on me. I just- It’s not safe and I-” Steve rambled and Eddie wanted to wrap him up in a hug and tell him it was all okay.

“Slow down, sweetheart. Of course, I want to spend the day with you.” Eddie cuts in and Wayne raises an eyebrow over at him. It was just a slip, nothing big and it was just the once, it wasn’t important.

Steve clears his throat over the line, “right. Yeah, great. Uh, I can meet you at the trailer. Sorry it’s so early, they literally woke me up knocking on my door. They’re little shits,” he laughs and Eddie can hear how fake it is.

“No, problem, Stevie. I’ll have enough time by the time you get here to get ready.” He assures and Wayne snorts.

“You leavin’ the house? While it’s sunny out? This boy’s a good influence on ya,” Wayne teases and Eddie flips him off.

Eddie pointedly returns his focus to the call, “Yeah, Wayne told me to get out and get some sun so, sounds like a perfect thing to do. See ya soon, darling.” He hangs up and winces as the second term of endearment comes out. “Don’t say a word,” Eddie glares at Wayne before heading to get ready.

He manages to get himself ready quickly enough but as he’s looking for his wallet, there’s a knock on the door. Eddie glances out the window to see a group of a lot of kids on his front lawn. “I’m so close to being done,” Eddie calls just as he upends a basket of dirty laundry. Swearing under his breath as he struggles to find it even now. There’s a knock on his door, making his door swing open since it was broken and never actually stayed shut.

Steve looks tired and a little bored as he glances around his room and Eddie focuses on finding his wallet. “Sorry, I’m not finding my wallet. I think it’s in a pair of jeans or maybe a hundred different places. I’m not actually sure. Like I’ve tried going back from when I last remember having it but…” Eddie groans as another pair of jeans is empty.

Steve moves forwards, catching Eddie’s attention once again and Eddie needs to remind himself that they’re going to babysit kids all day. He doesn’t have Steve in his room for anything else. Steve clears his throat, “Can you not say anything about Billy?” He blurts out and he looks shocked at his own words.

Eddie pauses his search to truly look at Steve. He’s got bags under his eyes and wearing a soft yellow sweater. Eddie gives him a soft smile, “yeah, of course. I wouldn’t make you seem uncool or-”

Steve laughs and it’s the bitchy laugh Eddie remembers from when he was friends with Tommy and Carol. Except it’s not directed at Eddie but himself, “dude. Trust me when I say they don’t think I’m cool. They watched my ass get beat by Billy already. I just- I don’t need them to know that he’s still, you know?”

Eddie desperately wants to pull him into another hug. But he forced himself to keep his distance. Steve hadn’t said anything about the last hug but it’s not like he’s tried to hug Eddie. So maybe the hug was a little too far. “Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me,” Eddie promises.

However, then he spots his wallet in his backpack. Of course, his backpack. He hasn’t needed it yet since the weekend started. He leans close to Steve to grab it and hears a sharp inhale from Steve as he pulls back. “My backpack,” he grins and Steve glances back and nods sharply kind of like a bobblehead. Eddie looks at him and the flush on his face before he heads toward the door. He gives Wayne a two-finger salute before ducking out.

Two of the kids are trying to snoop around his van and he puffs his chest out a little. He knows better than to keep embarrassing shit in there. Not after befriending Gareth who is like a feral chihuahua sometimes. (Definitely didn’t clean it after befriending Steve just in case.) The kids turn in sync and Eddie finds them terrifying with their big innocent smiles, whether they’re actually innocent Eddie doubts. He glances over at Steve who places his hands on his hips like a tired mother. “Dipshits, meet Eddie,” he gestures toward him.

The lanky dark brown-haired one frowns “wow. I didn’t think you’d have non-preppy friends.” Eddie glances over at Steve to see if Steve was hurt by it.

Steve snaps his fingers and points at the kid, “Wheeler you’re on thin ice.” He states and glances over at Eddie with an apologetic face. “Eds meet Max, Dustin, Lucas, Mike, and the only nice one, Will.” Pointing them out for Eddie.

Eddie looks over them and realizes a few things about Steve right then and there. The kids he loves are the younger siblings of people who Steve had the right to hate. “Okay, so let me get this straight,” Eddie starts and glances over at Steve, then the kids, then back to Steve. “You babysit Nancy’s younger brother, Jonathan’s younger brother, and Billy’s younger-”

“Stepsister,” the red interrupts and Eddie nods to her. He’s not sure if it’s wrong of him to be happy that she sounds pissed off to be related to Billy but he is. He’ll feel guilty about it later… or never. But it makes more sense why Steve wouldn’t want to talk about Billy with the kids.

The curly-haired one, Dustin, who Steve’s talked the most about jumps up. “And Steve’s our friend, not just a babysitter,” He adds and Eddie can’t help but smile. It’s obvious how much the kid loves Steve. And the kid was jealous of Eddie for being friends with Steve.

Steve moves and ruffles Dustin’s hair, “course, Henderson.” Acting like an older brother so easily and Eddie likes to see the care written across Steve’s face. Steve never shows his love easily but the kids seem to be the exception.

Eddie nods and tosses the keys up into the air and catches them. “Well, little ones I believe it’s time to embark on our adventure.” He says in his DM voice and opens the back door with a flourish. They all tumble in and Steve hesitates for a moment before locking his car and sitting in shotgun. Eddie hops in and starts up the van that hopefully won’t fail him today cause that would be embarrassing.

Black Sabbath blares for a moment before Eddie turns it down quickly. In the back mirror, he watches the kids plus Steve all jump. “Right, yep,” Eddie gives Steve a small, embarrassed smile. “Uh, where to?”

However, it’s not Steve who answers but Dustin. Dustin’s head peaks out from the back, “we’re looking for stylish dance attire.”

Eddie glances at the kid with a smile of approval. “You know Dustin Henderson; I think you and I are going to be good friends.”

The ride shouldn’t have been entertaining. Honestly, it was just a quick one and Steve pointed out the thrift store to check out first, but it was highly entertaining. Eddie could watch Steve attempt to look calm while Eddie drives for hours. The way his hands jump to the door handle or the armrest before he forces himself to relax. The way Steve looks very close to demanding Eddie pull over and let him drive. Eddie knows he isn’t the best driver, he’s easily distracted and likes the thrill of it all.

But when he stops at the first place and Steve grabs the keys from him, he isn’t surprised. Just amused that he was able to push Steve until he did something about it. They head in and Steve with his hands on his hips tells them to stick in pairs. Steve lingered next to him like he wanted to say something but then the kids were pulling Eddie over to get his opinion since he didn’t dress like a ”preppy jock”. Eddie glanced over to make sure Steve didn’t look hurt but he was just rolling his eyes and turning to Lucas and Max.

Lucas and Max were talking quietly as they looked over the clothes. They stayed close to Steve and would sometimes say something to Steve that would make him snort and shake his head. Mike followed Eddie around and where Mike was, Will followed. But Dustin switched between pulling Steve over to look at something and pulling Eddie over to look at something.

He got the impression that Dustin was checking out the competition for Steve’s best friend. And well… Eddie knew he wasn’t Steve’s best friend. He didn’t know who Steve would call his best friend. Maybe Jeff? Honestly, Dustin had a better chance at it than Eddie did. Steve always seemed relaxed around Dustin except for the small moments when Steve looked like a mama bear. But around Eddie, there were small glances and awkward smiles…

“Why aren’t you looking at the dresses?” Mike snarked at Max who was looking at the sweaters without any real enthusiasm.

She glanced over at him, “I don’t like skirts.”

“But it’s a dance? Girls are supposed to-” Mike continued and Eddie wondered if the kid ever kept a thought to himself.

Steve stepped between them, “she doesn’t have to. Just because most girls wear skirts doesn’t mean all of them do.”

However, that didn’t seem to stop Mike. It didn’t even make the dude pause. “That’s like saying most guys don’t wear skirts but some do.” He crosses his arms like he has a point but Eddie could personally debunk the theory. But he wasn’t sure he was okay talking about trips to gay bars, so he kept quiet.

Steve was kind of frozen and he looks like his brain was working hard to think of what to say. His eyes flicker down in thought. Eddie panics, he should say something. He should jump in and help. But then Steve straightens, eyes staring Mike down. “They do just not in bumfuck Indiana. Now go find a suit Karen would approve of.” Steve’s got a nervous energy as he pulls Max away from the group. Max gives him a weird look but lets herself be directed.

Eddie claps, “Alright gentlemen. Times for the games to begin. Let’s see who can find their outfit the fastest. Whoever wins gets free ice cream from yours truly.” He decides and the kids look at him critically.

“Steve always buys us ice cream,” Will murmurs like he’s saying it to explain it to him.

Eddie hums and glances over at Steve, “whoever wins gets to pick the music on the way back.” The kids look at each other for a moment before scattering. He grins and bounces a little. He’s a natural.

He was not a natural. But Mike seemed to really like him along with Dustin. Will looked a little nervous but Eddie knew the kid had been through a lot, so he figured it might take a minute to warm up. Lucas seemed to like him enough but he followed Max around like a lost puppy. And Max just looked annoyed most of the time but she seemed to like Steve well enough. Honestly, she, Lucas, and Dustin looked at Steve with a little awe in their eye.

“So, why are you friends with Steve? I thought he was only friends with preppy jocks like himself.” Mike states when Eddie notices a Metallica shirt. He makes a confused hum and looks over at Mike with a raised eyebrow. “You two have nothing in common! Why are you friends?”

Eddie pauses and thinks because it’s not like he can say the real reason he and Steve got to know each other. “Well, Steve’s a part of my little group. Honestly, he’s friends with more freaks than jocks. I don’t think I’ve seen him talk to a single jock since Billy- uh since um,” he struggles to come up with something but all the kids get a solum look on their faces.

Eddie looks over at them and then Mike snorts, “but isn’t he like too jocky for you?” He questions and Eddie’s spine straightens.

He looks at the kid, trying to see what his end goal was. Did this kid talk to Steve like this? Like just because Steve liked sports, he was a douche? Shouldn’t think kid be thankful enough that Steve even tolerates him after Nancy and he broke up quite messily? “I think that’s a shitty way to think. Everyone has their own hobbies. Just because you don’t have everything in common with someone doesn’t mean you can’t be friends.” He states and glances over to Steve to see him watching Dustin with a fond smile as the kid talked loudly.

“Plus, sports aren’t too bad. Lots of people like sports. My uncle loves to watch baseball and basketball. I don’t but that doesn’t mean I don’t love him. Honestly, kid, you’re not gonna make any more friends if you think everyone needs to do everything that you do.” Eddie states then pauses. He didn’t want to be an asshole to an actual kid. “I just mean, like, uh, you need to accept that people like different things. Don’t you like Steve? I mean you went to him for help. Unless you’re just using him?”

Mike flounders a little but Will steps in to help, “No way. Steve’s really nice to us. He’s our babysitter but he doesn’t treat us like babies. He’s always been kind to us. Mike just-”

Mike huffs, “he dated my sister. It’s weird,” he states and Eddie can’t stop the small smirk from forming. “Whatever, he’s still douchy.” And he marches off before Eddie can say anything.

 @zerokrox-bloglog @cyranyxx @adaed5 @the-redthreadd @lifeisnotsobadonceyoustopcaringceyoustopcaring @idontgetpaidenoughforthisshitorthisshit @failedstarsandgoldencloudsds @bisexualdisastersworldd @deadlydodoss @anythingyouwanttobee @nburkhardtt @bestwifehaverr @thehumblefigtreee @megzdoodlee @swimmingbirdrunningrockk @mightbeasleepp @bxlthazarar @autumnal-dawnn @chillichatss @nonbinary-eddie-munsonon @the-daydreamer-in-the-cornerner @eddie-munson-is-my-wifewife @a-little-unsteddiedie @sharingisntkaren @a-huge-nerdy-nerd @0o-queendean-o0 @beckkthewreck @vi-an-te @vampireinthesun @newtstabber @dinosareawesome2137  @spicemallow @hellomynameismoo  @luthienstormblessed @briceslayed @angeldreamsoffanfic @dbquills @prideandsensibility @iwouldsail @ponfarrtimeatthevulcannightclub @spectrum-spectre @the-chilly-kat @yearningagain @loopsmd @starlight-archer @sleepy-time @goodolefashionedloverboi  @crazyshipper67  @sherrylyn628  @bidisastersworld  @v3lnys  @n0connections  cherixxx69  theotalksalot  tailsfromthecrypt  ledleaf  grimmfitzz  @pyrohonk

[hydrangeyes]

Cloud Meadow Rambles #2

shout out to @chess-blackmyre for giving my the Lab Dialogue from their play-through and feeding my obscene obsession!

(I swear at some point I'll eventually calm down, but for now this is what my brain decided to cling to rn)

Here are some notes I made through out the doc! Spoilers ahead duh

Please be aware that this is purely my own speculation and self world building! In no way do I believe or think what I am rambling about here will become canon or fact.

Giev: Too many. The Liberation was our greatest fight, it cost us our ability to leave this plane, but in exchange, the greatest extant threat to this world, and possibly all worlds was removed.

Me: This part is interesting. That wizards' can apparently move between planes but because of something they did during the war, they are no longer able too. so then where is Giev exactly when we visit him? But also the implication that there is more than one world, which duh other planets but idk the way it's worded after that statement has me thinking.

-------

Giev: No, I’ve made the best of it, but...The Firmament will never be my true home.]

Me: Is this a wizards are from somewhere else or is it a Giev specifically isn't from this world? or does he just mean this area?

--------

Protagonist: Naga..Dragon...but it’s much more squat and bipedal? What in the...

Me: I won't lie when I first saw them they logged like that frog in town just on steroids and feral.

----------

Personal Log Entry 12: A dozen egos crammed into a hall and given a problem, spending days debating a hundred solutions, testing, re-testing, it was...Magnificent. What stands out to me now is Makaris’s hypothesis. Makaris was like a singularity of genius through which esoteric ideas flowed. Makaris posited research into the Mirror World, a dimension that souls entered where they died. Their requests for resources to research further into it were denied. We had deemed the Mirror World too dangerous for further study...Well, save for Kuttler.

Me:

So clearly Makaris worked on this "Mirror world" Idea on the side. which could fall into my theory on him potentially taking over Tro's body or rather someone else taking his body from said place because the rift I am assuming has been opened if He could communicate with makaris despite him being dead. Kuttler could have been in on that as well

Personal Log Entry 12: They, Makaris, invariably suffered the same fate as any who had made forays into investigating the Mirror World. One day they went too far with their research and was...unmade. Was it pride that led them to disobey us, or were they driven by something else?

(Note idk if they is in a sense of Makaris' pronouns or the group that helped plus makaris. through out my notes I flipped between he/him and they/them pronouns for makaris)

Me: Yeah see here, they kept researching anyway. but what does unmade mean? It's clear Tro can say killed/died, but what does Unmade mean??? wait wait, what is this is why Garst doesn't recall who he was???? was reverted and unmade?

------------

Personal Log, Entry Unknown: P-Personal log, entry...I don’t know, look. I heard them today. Makaris. They...They’re dead! I watched them get unmade in the heat of battle, using a blasted Mirror World Equalizer! There’s no way to recover from that, it’s the same sort of technology we used to ensure the Tyrants’ egos were WIPED from this world…

Me: This… these seems like a case of teleportation issue. rather Makaris actually managed what he was seeking, to access the mirror world, but it ended up dragging him into it as well?? Does this perhaps mean that the Tyrant's egos are there rather than dead?

--------------

Personal Log, Entry Unknown: If their research allowed them even an inkling of ego to exist beyond death, and even to contact me...What if...What if I could undo that wrong while also keeping the world from suffering the Tyrant’s return? A thought for later, I’m going to rest my mind for now, log end.

Me: The use of ego here in substitute of spirit/ghost, is giving proxy vibes. Like I wonder if it's the same type of ego situation as with the Tyrant's egos? and what does that imply?

-----------

[Protagonist: What’s DNA? Giev: Shh! Wizard business!]

Me: This QUESTION. Gods there are a lot of moments where it feels like the protagonist while supposedly the top of their class, doesn't even know the foundations of most topics. Primarily in science and geography to be honest. It also feels interesting Giev's response to this. How does someone who breeds creatures for a living not know what DNA is??????

---------------------

Personal Log, Entry 111: Breakthrough! While I was observing my newest patient, by the by I’ve taken to calling it Atlas, I made an amazing discovery! I took a small sample of its blood to see if it would need any particular nutrients, and while studying it, I witnessed a mutation!

Me: Atlas, the alien/creature thing that we release? (Me finding out their name lmao)

--------

Personal Log, Entry 111: I tried a few more experiments with it, and decided that I could take this small risk, with great success! There are a few errors with this new strand of DNA, but nothing I can’t repair with some ingenuity. Makaris is even here with me now. They’re phantasmal, perhaps composed of some form of psycho-kinetic energy? It’s clear that their experiments were a success too!

Me: so again does that mean the TYRANT'S aren't dead????? since assuming this Makaris that they two can think of using whatever method he is using?

----------

The capsule of fluid lightly bubbles around a strange, humanoid creature. Your gaze snaps down to the flickering display which activates as you lean closer. The symbols on the screen force your eyes to strain, and through beads of tears, you can somehow glean meaning from the arcane runes…

Me: WHAT IS ATLAS? I mean I would it it's an ego or tyrant variant but wouldn't Tro have mention the similarities. However it WAS with it's DNA that helped further Tro's experiment to the next step.

Edit: On the first not, what are. There are several instances where we could somewhat read apparently ancient or obscure runes/languages.

---------

The sound of the creature’s body crashing against the ground betrays a density you were not expecting. The creature stirs, pulling itself up as though it were weightless. As you get a clear look at it, it’s featureless face seems to peer through you.

Me: so looking at the image.. I won't lie it does lowkey looking like Tro….. just a smudge...

--------

Scientific Log, Entry 45: It can within-- ...inject – and transform the wearer into a Saurian! --nly that, but ther is potential for more config—ations! I have – Atlas Strain into three different -ules. Currently the on-- one I have on-hand is the Saurian configuration, but I-- on utilizing the other later. I will store the b-prints in here for –er use!

Me: idk why but feel as tho there are implications of different types of egos/servants. wait- is it egos or servants? is it like a hierarchy, tyrants egos, then servants?

---------

Personal Log, Entry 153: It has also come to my realization that the Genodrive is too resource-intensive to mass-produce...but there is appeal in having several specialists. Obvious military use aside, imagine the data we could gather from having someone, even if in body, perfectly replicate a species and its powers!

Me: sooo similar to what we are doing with our own farm creatures? the whole cross breeding to get better or worse stats?

--------

Personal Log, Entry 153: I think I’m almost ready to start presenting my research to my peers. I’ll start with Giev, winning them over will--

Me: Throughout reading this I love the implications that in comparison to every other supposed wizard, Giev is actually a softy?

-------

Giev: Both...they failed because they believed that the Servants were anything but the creation of their Masters...and succeeded because they brought them back.]

Me: Again. Are Egos servants? or vice versa, we already know tyrants are at the top of the food chain but still. as from this servants are made by the tyrants aka their masters (?) while egos tried to make themselves into beings better FOR the tyrant's.

------

Giev: Blast...careful Lilith, it takes a great strength to kill a Wizard. Leaving is advisable.

Me: hmmmm, I do wonder about that

-----

Last Log: It...It took *cough cough*. Everything I had to put them down. But still it wasn’t enough. I know you came to find your dinnerware set, but I am afraid that it was a lie, much like the small cakes I also promised. A ruse, to further my work. Please, collect my research, preserve it.

Me: "But it still wasn't enough." is this implying that some may have gotten out?????!!!

-----

Last Log: We made a mistake in rendering them extinct...But I still believe we can reverse that error...someone else, with a more sober mind than I should be able to do something...to see where I failed and not make the same mistakes. I think...I think I can hear Makaris again...strange...he sounds different than when we…

Me: and so comes the area that makes me wonder if Makaris was even talking to him to being with or, rather if someone else swooped in before makaris could guide him the the mirror world with them.

-----

And there you have it!!! lol long read but fuck it we ball.

There are other dialogue aspects I wanna closely examine as the player's past has me just as curious, but that's for another time~

Again, this is all speculation on my end using the dialogue from the lab quest! I'm gonna wait speculation on the ,main plot tho as it has yet be fully release, tho I am curious about the whole why an apparent high end boss is collecting so much essence (ugh) and what not.

[bananathebookworm]

TLOVM Season 2 Eps 10-12 Ramblings

EP. 10

- Kevdak is going to be the most satisfying victory this season

- Kaylie returns! I like how much of the story they’ve managed to get in such a small number of episodes.

- Travis’ sounds this season are fucking brutual good god...

- “Where does your strength come from?” Hell yes, the return of one of my favourite moments in the campaign

- “I. WOULD LIKE. TO. RAAAGE.” Hell. Yes. Kinda figured that’d lead to him getting his full strength back, but damn if it isn’t satisfying as hell to see.

- Seeing the rest of the party show up on the rooftop all badass... I love it so much.

- “Vox Machina! Fuck. Shit. Up!” And the battle cry to end all battle cries. Let’s fucking go.

- Scanlan’s backing music here is incredible and I love the fight scene animations so much in this show. 

- I love that the animations when Vex uses the necklace are basically the same as Pokéball animations.

- I was right. Most satisfying death of the season. Fuck you Kevdak.

- Vax. Good grief. Get your shit together. 

- And here’s the music battle between Scanlan and Kaylie.

- “At dawn, we plan!” I love how many of these little one-liners they manage to sneak in.

- “I’M DADDY!?” I mean, that’s one way to end an episode...

EP. 11

- For half a second I thought they changed the Scanlan and Sybil story. But no. 

- The threads of fate and Vax’s bond to the Raven queen are really interesting to see. So many little moments that they couldn’t do in campaign but really enhance the story in the series.

- Of all things Scanlan could’ve said, why puppy?

- And Percy continues to be a fucking nerd.

- This whole Raven Queen scene is beautiful. Love the colours and composition so much.

- Yes, inside the dragon. This’ll go well.

- Two-part dragon fight! 

EP. 12

- What... flash forward instead of flash back? No, just a dream. Of course.

- This whole fight is making me really appreciate the animators even more. I can’t imagine the nightmare of animating a fight sequence on a flying enemy.

- Again, it’s impressive how much of the original fight they kept, even if they made some slight tweaks to make it more cohesive.

- Vax got his wings! I’m only sad it wasn’t from Gilmore pushing him off a cliff like it was in the campaign... but I guess this is his “Where does your strength come from.” moment.

- Kevdak’s death was the most satisfying death this season. Ripley’s will be the most satisfying next season. 

- Raishan... All I ask is we get some kind of reference to Larkin next season. That’s all.

- One dragon down, three to go. I can’t wait for next season.

GENERAL

- I love that this season showcased many of the cast’s individual skills. Travis and his battle noises, Liam and his ability to convey so much emotion with so few words, Sam and his singing, and of course Matt popping up everywhere in the world as various NPCs. 

- I always wonder how they’re going to condense hundreds of hours of gameplay down to only a few without seeming rushed, but I was really impressed just how much they managed to cover this season. The feywild, Kevdak, the Slayer’s Take, the sphinxes, hunting vesitiges, slaying dragons. Dozens of hours of game time condensed into a nice cohesive story.

[zombolouge]

twenty questions for fic writers

tagged by the incomparable and enchanting @icescrabblerjerky , and you caught me while I'm already comparing writing stats for other things so this fits in well with that task ;)

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 19 baybeee

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 2,319,545. I am. Verbose.

3. What fandoms do you write for? Dragon Age, Mass Effect, Legend of Zelda, Ace Attorney, Mystic Messenger, and then I wrote the novelization of the song 6969 by Ninja Sex Party and a Caduceus character study for CR.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Indefensible (Ace Attorney) has 1,234 (HA!)

As Bright as the Stars (Mystic Messenger) has 1111 (ALSO HA)

Tearing Down the Heavens (Dragon Age: Inquisition) has 730

Hundred Years in the Making (LoZ: Breath of the Wild) has 627

We Are Ferelden (Dragon Age: Origins) has 271

Genuinely really surprised none of the Mass Effect fics are in this category, I'm so proud of those XD

5. Do you respond to comments? Absolutely always, whenever possible. lol I will also ramble at anyone that asks me questions.

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Probably The Traveler, which I warn you from the very start has a sad ending. It's Dragon Age fic retelling the stories Solas tells of his time dreaming in the Fade, with the trappings of a Doctor Who theme in which he travels through the fade with a series of companions.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Uhhhhhhh I think probably We Are Ferelden comes closes to a happy ending? Eventually I will give my DA series an actual happy ending though. Most of them end either bittersweet in some way or as a sort of non-ending ending because I know the story continues.

8. Do you get hate on fics? I've gotten a wee bit of hate on the Zelda fic, Hundred Years in the Making, but it was fairly mild. I don't really respond to it much though because it's hard for a stranger to say something that will actually hurt my fee fees XD

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Oh yeah, sure. Most my fics contain smut of some kind. I don't really write smut without plot, though, it's gotta be a natural part of the narrative or I just lose interest.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? I have not. I just haven't thought of one that caught my attention enough to want to write it down.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I'm aware of. I have had some lines and suggestions used, but usually that's with credit. lol now I HAVE had jokes and things I've said stolen but that's a bit different.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope! I'd prob be open to it but I'd deffo want credited as the OG author.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes! I think it's been orphaned now though lol

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship? I CAN'T CHOOSE THIS. But prob Shakarian.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will? I will finish all my WIPs, how dare you doubt me. (The Traveler would have been my choice for this but I FINISHED IT NOW MOTHERFUCKER)

16. What are your writing strengths? Words....go many. Big words. lmao honestly I don't ever really know. I think I'm good at characterization.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Brevity.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? I do it sometimes, but usually make an author's note that it's done with shitty translation software so it will not be Authentic. (if I were putting it in a novel I'd prob pay to have someone look it over, but fic is free and thus my resources put into it are limited lol)

19. First fandom you wrote for? I'm gonna assume the AU crossover I wrote for Pokemon/Dragonriders of Pern/Zelda/Narnia when I was 9 does not count. lol it was Dragon Age tho

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written? My Mass Effect series, I think. I love different things about all my fics, usually because I was doing different things in all of them, but A Name for the Stars trilogy is something that I'm most proud of. Almost every scene in that serves a plot purpose and I wove a LOT of different things together to create one cohesive thing, and I think if you can get through all of it, it has the biggest bang for the buck. Also I burned that realllll slow XD

I will tag @jusbeinkt and @kesla and @literarypeachtea and @tinkeringteacup (do it if you feel like it, no pressure here frens lol)

[aith-art]

Falloutober 2023 - Day 12

"Rust"

@falloutober

Word Count - 1373

The room must have been spacious at some point. But with all the technology there, it felt more cramped and busy. Lights flicked and flashed. Something was beeping. Faraday was pattering around, looking at the equipment and doing some kind of checks. Chase watched me with an unbroken glare. She didn’t like me being around. One of very few none synths that had ever entered Arcadia, and someone who’d helped take down countless Coursers. But I ment them no harm. 

DiMA and Nick were at the otherside of the old telescope, sharing what I hoped were amicable discussion. Dana had sat against the wall, her head laid back and her eyes closed. It had been a long week and hadn’t been easy on her. She needed the nap, I just wished she’d found a comfier place to sleep cause she’d reget sleeping like that when she awoke. But for now, she was calm and safe. 

Leaning against the door, I continued to contemplate what we had to do. Going into the Nucleus was almost suicidal. If the crazy cult didn’t catch on to our plans then the radiation that’s said to be within the Nucleus would be fatal. The Children of Atom had changed so much in the century since I’d left Megaton. From a simple and slightly weird religion that stood around an old bomb, to borderline crazed killers who knew no mercy. 

I forced my mind to wander, thinking about the job wouldn’t help my mind, I thought about Nick and DiMA. Brothers, even if they cannot accept it, that had been reunited and had experiences no one else cound understand. Not an uncommon narrative in my travels, both myself and Dana had our fair share of experiences with siblings that we could not agree with. But there was something about Nick and DiMA I just couldn’t shake. They’d been around for nearly a hundred years if either one is to be believed. Though their exterior was predominantly some kind of polymer, they both had large amounts of exposed metal. 

As my mind continued to wander down this path of questions, my feet began to move and I found myself leaning against the railing near where Nick and DiMA were sat. 

“I still don’t feel proud of taking it as bad as I did. Maybe we could start over?” I stayed quiet as Nick and DiMA conversed. Nick had been colder to DiMA than I could have expected on first arrival. I supposed finding out you had a sibling after decades of believing you were alone isn’t easy, it hadn’t been for me. 

“I’d like that.” DiMA’s voice was always so measured. A calm voice that could passify the masses. It was almost disconcerting. As if he wasn’t always mentally there. Looking at things through an oblique angle. But there was also strain in it. Like it hurt for him to talk, like his vocal box had been damaged slightly over the years. “Its been good to talk to you, Nick.” 

The conversation lulled. Nick stood up and walked over to young Dana. He just hovered around her. Keeping her safe. DiMA looked at me. Though he couldn’t really emote, it was clear he was studying me. Calculating what I wanted to say. It felt weird to ask my question after such a heart warming moment, but it seemed DiMA wanted to know what I had to ask. 

“Hey, DiMA. I’ve got a… Well it might be a weird question but it’s been bugging me since I met Nick and then you…” I was talking faster than I intended to. Technology had always been something I was passionate about, and I always found myself rambling at speed when I got to bring it up. “It’s just well…” I took a breath, trying to slow myself down. “Do you and Nick rust?” 

DiMA said nothing for a moment. I felt myself shrink back slightly. I was a kid again, asking my mother about the eyebots and the mechanics of her project. “Oh…” I bit my lip, feeling more embarrassed by not just my question but my outburst of energy. “I hadn’t expected you to ask about that.” He caught me off guard. 

“What had you expected me to ask about?” I enquired. 

“How Arcadia works and interacts with the locals? how we sustain ourselves? Potentially how all the technology in this very room works.” 

It was my turn to be stumped. “Huh, I mean. I can’t say I haven’t been curious about that. But I guess a lot of that I’ve been observing. Other than the tech in here. Which if I was ever allowed to properly look at I could probably work out how to use it easy enough.” 

“Yes. You have a bright mind that quickly adapts too and can interpret situations. And you are certain you are not a synth?” 

“We can keep having these conversations, no. I’m not a synth. I have a blank space in my memory due to an enclave experiment but I’m most definitely human. Not that theres a problem being a synth. It’s just, some of my…” I had started ranting again, stopped thinking as fast. I hadn’t really spoken about the brains in Big Mt since I’d left. I left a pause as I chose the right words. “Former aquaintances would have known.” It was a weak half truth at best. DiMA could tell I believed for a fact I wasn’t a synth he didn’t know that I’d had concrete evidence of my lack of synth-hood. And I wasn’t about to admit to it here. 

“I have no doubt you believe that, whole heartedly.” I bit my tongue. I didn’t need to explain why talking to one's own brain was the best evidence in existence for not being a synth. “But back to your initial question. Do we rust?” 

My mind clicked back into the conversation I had come over here to have. “Yeah. I know your exterior is some kind of polymer, but your joint-work, and the vacuum tubes up your back. The connects for all those must get exposed to water every now and then. Are they made of some kind of rust resistant material. Cause that wouldn’t make sense, give the Institute was buit underground and you were never ment to be exposed to things like the rain.” The filter between my brain and my mouth faded away as I kept trying to connect the dots that had been there in my mind the entire time. “Or is it like the robots out in the wastes where you require constant maintenance and have to keep yourself dry all the time. Cause that can’t be easy on an island like this. Then again your safe from the fog up here which is where most of the damp on the island comes from.” As I kept talking, DiMA listened and Faraday came round the corner, standing over DiMA shoulder. I almost didn’t notice his appearance. “Cause things like Mr Handy’s and the old Enclave Eyebots require constant maintenance to prevent rusting. Though most Mr Handy’s like Codsworth have the ability to maintain themselves or have a rust resistant coating on them…” My voice mutter into a silence as the two men looked at me. 

Faraday spoke up first. “You’ve really thought about this, haven’t you?” 

I laughed a little. “Yeah. It’s not every day you get to learn about new science and technology. So I like to let my mind think about these kind of things a lot.” 

“You’ve the mind of a true scientist.” DiMA commented. 

“I’m sure he’s likely to agree with you.” I muttered back without thinking. My face tense with reget the moment I finished saying it. I sounded crazy. 

“Yes,” He wasn’t going to bring it up. “To answer your question, I have developed a form of water resistant coating that prevents me from rusting. Faraday and myself have a system. As for Nick, I don’t know. You likely know more than myself.” 

“But you do rust?”

“Yes, we do rust.” 

“Huh. Interesting.” 

“Is that all you had wanted to find out.” 

“Pretty much.” I stood up from the railing, giving him a smile, “Thank you, DiMA.”