#personal development better yourself

[shimamitsu]

the thing about shima is that to become the "better person" he wants to be he'll have to learn to be kind to himself first!!!!!! he's not the sick and twisted guy he believes he is!!!!!!!! it's exactly as mitsumi said it, he's not aware of how his kindness saves people!!!!! to me the idea of "catching up" to mitsumi isn't that he has to become as good of a person as mitsumi is but that he has to have enough confidence in himself to allow himself to be by her side. not becoming a good person, believing in yourself enough to realize that you're trying your best at being good already. but we're getting there i think

[gayofthefae]

Queer ships are universally different and not comparable to straight ships in ship wars because without the ship/feelings/reciprocation all characters involved would still be queer because their queerness exists and is represented in them independently from specific romantic feelings and that queerness would still deeply affect their characters' relationships to themselves.

Queer ships are not the same as straight ships because queer ships are inherently indicative of something deeper in the individual that is affects their character arc to the core and straight ships are love stories.

Basically, the queer experience and the straight experience are not the same. I feel like people should know this, and I feel like people do, so I assume they just don't realize that that's what the conversation is. But I'm not fighting for the ship. I'm fighting for the characters to be queer. Your characters were already straight. You get what I'm begging for regardless. You think we'd have equal things - love stories - taken away but you're wrong.

If two people don't get together I don't have a love story to live vicariously through anymore. If two people aren't queer I'm not in the story anymore.

Hope this helps.

[silusvesuius]

this tree from my new drawing looking goated afffffff 👑👑

[unforth]

Saw a post where people in the notes were arguing that behavior is only manipulative if it's intentional and planned, and tried to "prove" it with, like, Baby's First Example Of Manipulation ("if you don't do xyz, I'm gonna do abc.") and it's been ten minutes and it's still giving me hives. They were literally like "do we need to take 'manipulative' away and put it on the shelf" because they don't understand what manipulative behavior is.

Look if you (generic) think manipulative behavior has to be conscious, intentional, and planned, you are absolutely clueless and ripe for being manipulated. People can be i.n.s.a.n.e.l.y. manipulative without realizing they're doing it, and not recognizing that is, frankly, dangerous.

Signed, someone who has been repeatedly abused by people who certainly thought they weren't manipulative BUT ABSOLUTELY WERE.

[adhderall]

well as you can see besides being ugly as all fuck I'm also extremely bitter so that doesn't help at all in making me appealing. but it also comes with the territory you see, being treated as a hideous freak of nature for your whole life kind of does things to your psyche.

also going into shit in the tags as an extreeeemely jaded individual who's been on every side of the discourse and KNOWS it all VERY PERSONALLY so I know many people will find all sorts of different reasons to hate me (if they want ig) because I'm ~politically homeless~ at this point because I'm sick and tired of everything but whatever

(also fuck I ran out of space in the tags so another post maybe idk. )

[bwobgames]

Where can a humble girl buy some background music

Not even full on orchestral I just need some yume nikki vibes

[liesmyth]

Do you have any recommendations for feminist theory books?

genuinely I'm not as well versed on it as I'd like to be! I mostly read, like "contemporary mainstream" books rather than academic lit — currently I am reading delusions of gender by Cordelia Fine which is very good but it's taking me literal months because I need to stop in between chapters and yell a bit. as one does.

anyway. speaking of more academic-ys stuff: this is a cool reading list I'm working my way through. my all-time favourite work of feminist theory I've read was sister outsider by audre lorde, which should also be on that list iirc, or at least some essays from it.

also copypasting the OP note from that reading list because I think this is a very important context note that people often forget when it comes to academic & historical feminist writing lmao. especially on this website

I urge you to be highly critical of all of these authors. Take notes. Write a rebuttal and reason why you are opposed to or concerned about the aspects of some theories. Compare one author to another. Write down key notes that you find profound or impactful on how you think about something, and reason why. Analyze key points and think about how they can be expanded on and applied to current events. Write down a list of further questions to research later.

[jacksprostate]

So what advice WOULD you have for people who might suspect themselves to be autistic, especially those who can’t get an official diagnosis? /gen

Yeah sure, under the cut!

My philosophy focuses around problem solving and improving circumstances rather than focusing on getting or following the path of a diagnosis. So the first thing I recommend if you feel you're struggling, is start actually writing down things you struggle with. Big or small. And then for each, start making a plan on how to mitigate or remove your struggles. Obviously, easier said than done. Lord knows it takes a lot of time, effort, and discipline. However, the biggest thing, is keeping a mindset where it is: you have struggles with x. But this is not a permanent thing, this is something you can work on. You may not be as naturally adept as some people, but this is a challenge and you can face it and improve how it affects your life. This is something that has to be done whether you follow the whole diagnosis route or not, because it's the requirement for living, lol.

I will give an example from my own life.

Firstly, I have always very much struggled with food intake. Eating is something of a chore to me, a lot of food is repulsive (less so than before, thankfully), cooking is a lot of energy. Eating healthily is even more of an issue since you have to make and eat so much more of less calorically dense foods. Over the past 4 years, I've improved a lot though, though it has been trying at times. First, I catelogued my issues. My biggest issue is due to eating little, I wasn't getting enough calories, and I was always tired and weak. I was often sleepy, struggled to concentrate. I was on the verge of being underweight but considered not — yet, I had pretty life impacting symptoms. It was actually thought that I had more severe problems due to all the deficiencies I had. So, the first thing I did was seek out high calorie food that I could use to at least increase my energy. Preferably avoiding outright junk food, but basically, I started routinely trying to eat a meal with lots of carbs once a day. As my energy slowly increased, I started trying to fit in healthier snacks and whatnot, but ultimately (even now!) my goal, 100% is just making sure I get enough calories that I'm not tired tomorrow. It was difficult, especially since my appetite was so surpressed hunger didn't really come back until like 6 months in. Nowadays I do get hundry but still find it unfortunately easy to ignore, though I'm a lot better with it. Anyway, focused on high calorie foods. Once I had more energy, I worked on *cooking* high calorie meals. Literally, just like pasta. Noodles with poor man's pesto (garlic, basil, parm, salt). Ramen. I still eat that like once a day lol. My new challenge is shifting that a bit but it's a work in progress. Anyway, while I regressed some sometimes, I started regularly cooking a very very low effort meal once a day, and eating smth that made sure I had energy for the next day. A lot of my symptoms improved even though my diet was still essentially shit. Then, I also worked on taking a multivitamin. I am very bad at sticking with medications so frankly this is still on and off for me, but I'm planning on incorporating it into my morning routine before work and that should help. I did do this consistently for a while, and this helped. All this happened over 2-3 years. If I ever ate out, I made sure to get something with meat and vegetables since I knew I wasn't getting it at home. Now, my most recent success is I've started managing to meal prep and bring lucnhes to work. I do really simple air fryer chicken and rice/couscous, or fried rice (good for veggies). So far I've managed to consistently bring food, which is a goal I've never dreamed I'd be able to manage on my own! Super awesome. I also found 'drinking' my meals is easier sometimes, so I found smoothie mixes I can tolerate that have more nutritious things. And I do that sometimes. Anyway, I'm finally at the point where the struggle is less eating, and now more expanding my consistent cooking and making myself a better diet. But that is SIGNIFICANT success compared to where I was originally, when I wasn't cooking and I was barely eating and it was physically impacting my life in a way that made it much harder to claw my way out of. But, despite it taking a long time and having a lot of backsliding, I was able to significantly improve.

This sort of thing can be applied to mental health stuff, social stuff, etc. Basically, identify your issues, identify solutions — long term goals but also specific short term steps that will get you there. And then keep trying. Even when you fail. Even when you give up for a long while. Even when it feels like it isn't working. Keep trying. And eventually you'll have made progress even without realizing.

I also applied something similar to trying to work out how to socialize well. Which may be applicable for you. The best thing you can do in my experience is watch people, be confident, and try to pay attention and learn how to interpret people's comfort levels and what's common casual topics of conversation and what's not. Yes, it's hard, and it's usually not intuitive, and that's a big part of why you may feel you are autistic, because this seems entirely foreign in a way it's not to other people. But it is a skill you can learn. At this point, I can hold a conversation with my coworkers, even if we don't have much in common or if we have differing opinions or whatnot, I can have a good lunch conversation and come off as 'intense, but nice'. Which is a good thing to aim for. Like with the eating, I recommend a lot of reflection and efforts to catelogue and identify areas of struggle and how you can observe and practice improvement. The more you do all this, the more it will genuinely become less manual and more automatic, like driving a car. There's a lot you think about when you first start driving, that you aren't consciously thinking about 5 years later. It's the same way. And also, try not to take your fuckups too personally. And some people just won't like you. It is what it is. Just keep chugging.

I know, it is easy to sit here and be like "why should I have to figure out and stick with common topics of conversation? I'm not into those :/" Lord knows, I always felt dumb and out of place whenever people bonded over sports. But what these common topics are, their purpose is essentially like a little olive branch, a thing the person is offering to try and make it easier to chat by commiserating over a common thing, whether it's a issue, a thing yall like, or something else. I'll probably never manage to follow sports teams and I don't want to, but I will nod along as some guys talk and commiserate when they express feelings about wins or losses. The point is to bond. That's why the weather is such a huge topic. Small talk serves a huge purpose! The more you become familiar with how to casually hold a conversation with someone you don't know well over one of these topics, the easier it'll be, and most social stuff develops from that sort of thing. As you bond over the olive branch topics, you can flesh out anecdotes and experiences and personal stuff as you become better friends with people, rather than throwing it all at someone at once and hoping they catch and like you. It lets you sort of get a feel for people, and you can keep it at the small talk level instead of just not talking at all or immediately proceeding to best friends mode. It's a comfortable middle.

I also really recommend, for anyone, engaging and developing a fondness for the world around you, and practicing having appreciation for everything. It has helped my mindset and capability to keep trying. I really recommend learning to identify some category of things in nature in your area, because you'll feel more grounded in the world, you'll see more detail, and the world will feel less threatening.

[gaytobymeres]

this will not be articulated well but i dont think the 'im not like other girls' phenomenon can always simply be attributed to internalised misogyny like for me i was different to other girls and they let me know that (albeit quite subtly). idk i think simply attributing it to internalised misogyny overlooks the fact that some girls are excluded by girls their age because they are different in some way. they are made to feel like they are not like other girls, its not just some imagined feeling.

[visionboardachrivess]

put yourself first 💎

[countthelions]

I wonder if being a stage manager has rewritten my brain a lil bit

[keystocompanionship]

Personal Development: Enhancing Your Relationship By Being a Better Partner

Developing oneself personally can greatly contribute to being the best partner in a relationship. To achieve this, it's essential to focus on various aspects of personal growth that can positively impact your role as a loving and supportive partner. Here are six key areas that, when honed, can help you become a better partner for your significant other:

1. Effective Communication:

Effective communication serves as the cornerstone of a healthy and thriving relationship. Improving your communication skills involves not only expressing yourself clearly but also actively listening to your partner. Additionally, it entails understanding non-verbal cues and learning to communicate in a manner that fosters openness and understanding between you and your partner.

2. Emotional Intelligence:

Enhancing emotional intelligence allows you to better understand and manage your own emotions while also being attuned to your partner's feelings. Developing this skill involves recognizing and articulating emotions, empathizing with your partner's experiences, and navigating conflicts with emotional maturity and empathy.

3. Self-awareness:

Self-awareness is the foundation upon which personal growth is built. It involves understanding your own strengths, weaknesses, and thought patterns. Through self-reflection, you can gain a deeper understanding of how your actions and emotions impact your relationship, enabling you to make conscious decisions that positively influence your partnership.

4. Empathy and Compassion:

Cultivating empathy and compassion enables you to connect with your partner on a deeper level. By actively demonstrating empathy and showing genuine concern for your partner's well-being, you create an environment characterized by mutual support and understanding, ultimately strengthening the emotional bond in your relationship.

5. Continuous Personal Growth:

Committing to ongoing personal growth and development not only benefits you as an individual but also enriches your relationship. Whether it involves pursuing personal interests, setting and achieving goals, or overcoming challenges, continuous personal growth demonstrates your commitment to self-improvement, inspiring and motivating your partner to do the same.

6. Patience and Understanding:

In any relationship, patience and understanding play a vital role in sustaining harmony and mutual respect. Practicing patience allows for the natural progression of the relationship, while understanding fosters empathy and acceptance. These qualities create a nurturing environment where both you and your partner feel valued and supported.

In summary, focusing on personal development plays a pivotal role in becoming the best partner you can be for your loved one. By prioritizing enhanced communication, emotional intelligence, self-awareness, empathy, personal growth, patience, and understanding, you can strengthen the foundation of your relationship and nurture a deeper, more meaningful connection with your partner. Remember that personal growth is an ongoing journey—one that, when pursued, enhances not only your own life but also the bond you share with your significant other.

Thank you for reading!! Get more out your relationships with these other blog posts on my profile here. Enjoy your day!

[anonymous-tals]

[g1rlonl1ne]

if you’re newly getting into any sort of art: learn everything in the worst way possible im so serious. i think tbis is so important creatively

you have to do things wrong and figure things out that way. do not get too focused on doing everything “correctly” just learn the absolute basics (or don’t even do that if you don’t need to) and take that and run with it. firm believer in this method of creating

[llycaons]

I know I’m beating a dead horse but fics that recognize that jyl is chronically ill or disabled and take that into account and treat her with respect/as a person are always so much better than the shallow ‘how dare you look down on me I can take care of myself’ content that implies that she’s worthy of respect only because she's physically powerful and can fight. I love women who fight I do but it’s so ugly to act like her canon self is inferior or worthless just because she doesn’t fight or cultivate and try to ~improve~ her by making her able-bodied

[cruelsister-moved2]

this is the weirdest transandro.phobia strawman ive ever seen like comparing the fact that ablebodied people will say disabled people’s bodies are triggering and something people need to be protected from to women who have some form of discomfort with men due to genuine trauma they have experienced. literally NO one is out here claiming men shouldn’t be allowed to exist in public or something, it’s genuinely just an excuse to be uncharitable towards traumatised people also the classic truther rhetoric of drawing in instances of gender conforming women saying masc women r scary/white women saying black men are scary etc in order to legitimise their claim that men r oppressed or “masculinity is oppressed” while ignoring the fact it’s actually specifically how these groups are failing at cis white male masculinity that gets them in trouble. honestly treating ‘people finding you scary’ as a consequence of oppression is silly as hell when being perceived as intimidating simultaneously allows privileged men to get away with sexual assault + gets black men killed by police. again white men designed the patriarchy on purpose to be beneficial to them, being found intimidating is a feature not a bug!! the fact its designed to be able to deploy the accusation of posing a threat against marginalised people in order to victimise them (whether or not they are men, btw, since black, trans, and masc women suffer worse from this whilst simultaneously having even less power to actually make it so) does not then mean marginalised people are actually the Real Oppressors for having legitimate feelings of discomfort and hesitation around their oppressors