#perfection kills creativity
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sagessge · 3 months ago
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Silent expectations
I feel the perishing world
On my shoulders
The moment I hear the voice
Of silent expectations
Yet the praise was never heard
I hate the sky,I say
When I look back and see a pack
Expecting me to open my wings
Their eyes acting as dumbles
Down fell I!
On the ground
With ever so many wounds
As I lie on the ground
I could not fall anymore!
The fear was gone!
And I hear them screaming
Birds are meant to fly!
But what I want to be here on the ground?
What if I want to feel the sun on my chest?
And watch the winter freeze me to death?
What if I want to just wait
For the demise to arrive?
What if without even living and flying
I wish to die?
So please,take the flashlight away!
Your silent expectations slay me
Again and again
Every one of yours
"Ofcourse,this was inevitable"
Causes me to seep into the ground
More and more
I gave it all
My blood,sweat and tears
'Tis not gifted
'Tis not inevitable
And I don't fly
What if I can't fly?
Why if I can't turn?
What if they all view
How big of a loser I am?
How afraid I am?
My eyes speak something my lips can't utter
Please! Please! Please!
For once in my life
Let me be mediocre
Let me be me without any expectations
And let me be content
And fly and rest on my own terms
Please,just for once
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tangramkey · 4 months ago
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i love my Basketbot Portal AU
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cent-scratchnsniff · 2 months ago
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doodle dump
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#lobotomy corp agent#lobotomy corp oc#pretty sure i have more i missed. just doodling since i cant get myself to make more than bare minimum effort rn#ocs as well so i dont need to think abt how to properly portray another. considering i literally made them up#personality wise anyways. took some creative liberties when it comes to actual gear and random generated agents anyways#maybe ill actually ramble abt them on the sideblog. Eden and Eliza mirrors to one another and picking specific aspects of humanity to cling#to. Eden deciding the subconscious and concepts of humanity brought to life is more ideal that humans themself. the more one loves of human#ity the less one begins to love of humans. Eliza becoming subservient and wanting to activly love humans and her kin even when they hold no#love for her in turn. Both needing to be rewarded or feel rewarded for their dedication. Idealizing each side. the idea of everyone is capa#ble of good and thus should be forgiven and unquestionable love and loyalty. Eden viewing people as senselessly killing oneanother in furth#er elaborate ways and rejects the idea of people all together and finds solance in the Concept than the Living#Angelina and Ryn with how one views time and survival. One hyperfocused on surviving of the current day and neglecting their own very self-#and desires while the other only looks towards the future and idealizes to the point where they dont even see the today. delusion to claw#through reality. Safety team w Brook Eliza Evgeni and Katya is a little harder to explain but the main concept with them as a Group being a#a jab at the happy workplace family that gets along. nuh uh#i guess another idea that is weaved into them is 'survival' and how one sees they can be fit to live or find a meaning to live. and the con#tradictions that arise from anothers perspective and how people 'ought to live'. a clash of either accepting or denying anothers way of#how one should survive. and the projection of a way to live. of 'i view this to be right and thus i will have you do this thing' saving an#aspect or person that they can see themself in to then essentally save themself.#will i be able to handle such ideas with finesse? likely not i dont have faith in myself to properly encapsulate such topics to a perfect#enough degree but it is interesting to explore
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compacflt · 2 years ago
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I’m sorry if my question has like a very obvious answer (that I obliviously failed to pick-up on, while reading your marvelous story), but what exactly did Pete mean when he said that Goose was his first?
its so funny you ask this cause I was just writing something about this yesterday. No there’s not really an obvious answer because i was trying to keep it intentionally vague. I feel like (tho i have my own thoughts) outright saying anything too bold about Mav & Gooses relationship is… idk it feels kind of morally questionable to commit to paper because of how it positions carole. Carole is already SUCH a tragic figure in both movies (and in the fic i wrote): she lost everything, she is to blame for the emotional turmoil of TGM, and yet she gets written out of the narrative (FRIDGED!!!) & is never given a chance to explain herself. She has no agency in the story anyway, she is literally just a scapegoat. So no matter whether Goose was the first man Mav ever slept with, or Goose was the first man Mav ever loved (both of which are 100% valid readings, and both of which would’ve still occurred during Goose & Carole’s relationship), it’s still CAROLE who’s getting fucked over here. AGAIN.
(Also? I have no idea if I’ve been reading this scene wrong this whole time, but the whole “Goose, even you could get laid in a place like this” / “I’d be happy to find a girl who’d talk dirty to me” feels… not good. Feels bad. And the $20 bet—are they both partaking in that? Isn’t that how bets work? Whoever gets an on-the-premises lay first gets $20? Or is he just betting MAV can’t get laid? Bet aside, I don’t know—the whole thing just makes me sad on Carole’s behalf. She is 100% the most tragic character in the franchise already, this casual “wish i were with a girl who’d talk dirty to me” just makes it worse)
But Goose was definitely Mav’s first SOMETHING. Even canon-goose knows mav isn’t straight (“of a lady this time”). I was kind of trying to insinuate that my Mav confessed he was in love with/at the very least LOVED Goose to Charlie, and that’s part of the reason she left (“Of course I loved him, of course” / “He didn’t know who he was and neither did she”) but yeah there’s no easy answer. Up to you. Do with all that info what you will.
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tantamounttoflirtation · 9 months ago
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If they announce a s4 I genuinely might have to log tf off. I don't even want to see what sort of dumpster fire it would be. Maybe I'm just being pessimistic, but I don't see much hope for it being good or worthwhile. I'm going to rant in the tags so if you disagree with my opinion thats cool you can just ignore me and continue scrolling :)
#h talks#I've said before yk maybe I'm wrong and there will be one and it'll be amazing but the chances are so so so so slim#what show can you think of thats been rebooted 9-10 years after it ended and been Good and didn't Fuck Everything Up?#cause I can't think of very many#reboots and remakes are the death of creativity and entertainment. some things need to be left alone as they are#like again if it was Perfect that would be great. but theres so much room for disappointment#to me there are very few plot points they could follow that would be Good#theres no point in having a plot about them being tracked down because they Shouldn't be caught. no one wants them in jail#and if they DO get caught? what was the fucking point . like it completely undermines the og ending#I don't see any reason to bring in Clarice. mostly because her character was blended with Will's a fair amount so they'd have to change her-#personality and canon plot a Whole bunch. which isn't bad per say but ... yk again whats the point of having her if she's not Her#so then ok maybe we focus on Will and Hannibal honeymooning together and killing and cannibalizing people and being on the run#Great Wonderful thats probably the best outcome. except.... its already been done so many times in fic that ppls expectations are HIGH#and do you Really expect something like that to air and not cause insane fucking discourse and then get cancelled?#do you WANT to invite an entire new group of even more annoying people into the fandom so we can rehash the same fucking debates about-#queerbaiting and age gaps and ethics? fuck no#ok end rant lol
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soutsuji · 28 days ago
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There's an English class on Golden Age detective fiction being offered next semester but the prerequisite for it is the intro to literary study class required for all English majors (which I haven't taken because I'm in a hard STEM major and don't have much time for electives, which means that I have to be really picky with my electives and only go for stuff I like AND doesn't have an awful workload) and also even if I did have that prereq, I wouldn't be able to take the class because it's at the same time as one of my major reqs. And also I'll be in two labs next semester and one of them is pure hell so like I literally don't have the time to take more than 13 credit hours (as tempting as it is to keep up my streak of taking 17-18 every semester even though it's been like really pretty bad for my social life and hobbies). Sigh. (Pressing my hand wistfully against the glass) maybe someday they'll offer the class again
#.txt#at least i had a blast in my sci-fi class this semester#i don't talk about sf on this blog because that's what my secret main is for but guys i LOVE sf you should read more sf#i'm currently sitting at an a+ in that class and my professor has been giving me SUCH good feedback on all my assignments#he used one of my short essays as the class example (which has never happened to me before!)#and also asked if he could use my creative writing midterm project as an example for future classes#and on the last day of class he quickly went through some powerpoint slides recapping the class#and on one of them he had a drawing i submitted as part of a different creative assignment :)#also we read a book from one of my all-time favorite authors in that class AND he visited our class too which was absolutely insane#won't mention the author's name because his books comprise like half the posts on my main. i'm insaaaaane i'm craaaazyyy#currently trying to figure out which topic to write my final paper on but i will definitely be writing about that book#english classes are actually such a morale boost#the only reason i'm not an english major is because that would actually for real kill me#i'm good at writing essays but the process is actually agonizing and i'm a ridiculous perfectionist when it comes to writing#so combining that with poorly medicated adhd means that i almost never turn essays in on time#and spend way too long suffering over each one to make sure they're as perfect as i can get them to be (unattainable standard)#and then they also always end up going way over the word count#for my crime fiction class in the spring i wrote a 19-page final paper about decagon house when i only needed a minimum of 8#and i honestly could have written even more but i had to stop myself because the paper was already like 2 or 3 days late#and i had been staying up until dawn every night trying to finish it#so basically i can hardly handle having ONE english class#having to take multiple and turn in so many essays on a regular basis is a literal death sentence#i'm taking 2 upper level classes for my other major (haven't declared it yet though) this semester#and i have to write final papers for both of them :') and the instructions are super vague and they're due in a WEEK#one of them is SLIGHTLY more clear because i just need to write about the results of my research project#however. i was unfortunately only given 3 weeks (one of which was thanksgiving so basically i was only given 2)#to design and execute this whole project#and i got a little too ambitious (as i tend to do) and even though i ended up cutting out a lot of the stuff i wanted to do from the projec#it'll still definitely take ages to finish (conducted my experiments yesterday and spent 11 hours in that building. hell on earth)#and that's on top of needing to study for and take 3 final exams...
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loderlied · 9 months ago
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will forever be obsessed with the concept of characters being each other’s archnemesis…. opposite in the sense that they are each other’s antithesis and there is no other path for them than absolute war simply because of who they are, destined to clash not in the mystical sense but destined in the way that a chemical reaction is destined to happen…. and then there is also that element of both sides having to be equally strong because otherwise they would not be each other’s antithesis….
yes this post is about the wild, the instinct of the apex predator (zeke) vs the all-conquering god-machine (gortash)
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talkorsomething · 6 months ago
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want to cut my hair again like you wouldn't believe. What are the possible consequences of going bald
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#actually i dont mean bald i just mean all one guard length#but hhhhh maybe i'm in an awkard stage maybe not i just CANNOT live like this#middle part is frustrating because it's not perfect in the way it sits side part is frustrating because i look like a girl#i feel like i could go all in with the 4 and then sorta texture a bit with the 2 guard HOWEVER having used the 4 previously. i know#how short that is. it might not look good so i worry#the bright side is it would grow out a bit by the time of the parade but augh i hate this#i'm currently a tightly wound ball of rage sorry. i didn't eat much of anything 2day#tried to call the hospital to get help with the letter/consulation thing preceding top surgery and they were NOT OPEN so idk if they will#be open tomorrow or not. the passage of time has gotten very vague all of a sudden#iiiiiii do not think i am doing well. lol. idk why though! god forbid any of it have a reason#i almost wish i'd relapse just so i could like. eat food again#idk i don't think it would solve it but i feel in my heart it might make things easier#buuuut because relapse is Bad For Me i guess i have to avoid it. well i want to anyways.#one bad day would not a reset make but my previous day happened this year already so...#i dunno it's been so long that i feel like it's not valid or whatever cause it was at an age where i can say it was a 'phase'#.............. i dunno what to do with that information. anyways.#i mean so what if i went all in on it again anyways? i kinda miss it lol. it's not like i could do any serious harm??#(potential infections aside.)#i just want to be creative and i CANT because my stupid brain will NOT think of anything#and the majority of what i have concretely written of this was written... get this .... right when i was trying to stay clean at first#correlation does not equal causation ........ sighs#i feel like i'm fighting a losing battle because i WANT IT to be that bad again#i've never really regretted it & it's never really been because of anything#i just started because i was curious about why someone would do that. that's all#i dont think i've EVER had any of the mental distress i see people in when theyre in these spaces#in one journal entry i made this big deal about wanting to kill myself but *i didn't want to*. i never did.#like sorry old me but it is REALLY hard to believe i've ever been depressed depressed#i just want things to be better and they never are :/ this should be everything i wanted and its just ... not#i'm not really sure how to ....... oh tag limit ok hold on
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thegreatyin · 1 year ago
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deeply despise how the internet has made "i dislike these few aspects of a work i otherwise really enjoy" feel equal to "i hate everything about this work and it's the worst thing ive ever seen". having media literacy and the fundamental ability to criticize your darlings is good actually we all should do it always
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myfanfictiongarden · 4 months ago
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Went to see Beetlejuice Beetlejuice (2024) in theaters! You know what? It was really fun!
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sagessge · 8 months ago
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I know that it's not only me,who's afraid,my mind just goes blank and I crave perfection so much,all the poems I write never seem enough to me,maybe it's cause I was never enough to others but it's hard,hard when I try to write and just cause of it,my mind goes blank,I want to write,I want to let it all out but I'm tied by this string of perfection,cause what am I if not perfect? Even if I've tried to be it,my whole life,I've never been..perfect.
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arc-archernar · 1 year ago
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#vent#it feels awful#not knowing what the fuck to do#i WANT like a fucking gluttonous beast#i wanna be good at everything#i wanna be good at art and singing and worldbuilding and writing and editing and animating and academics#and i never feel satisfied#and no ones forcing me to do any of this#i just fucking want to for some reason and its destroying me#i just end up being not good at anything. im shit at studying and sleeping and keeping to deadlines#i want there to be enough time for me to explore everything#for me to learn everything at my own pace and perfect my skills#but it just feels like i have no time for myself anymore#everything i have i must dedicate to studying for a levels and its so tiring. i wanna draw and be creative too but theres so much course#content that its killing me. i want my free time back#and im forever thankful to my parents for moving with me all the way to the uk so i can learn about things that actually interest me but#even that doesnt really mean anything anymore thanks to the standardization of education and especially exams and exam boards#so my parents spent all that effort and money for nothing and i really just want to break down and cry and say sorry#but that would just hurt them even more and even i dont have the heart to do that so im stuck with this and im so goddamn tired#and of course by spreading my attention and efforts so thin everything i do is lackluster so of course my grades are shit#and i get sick often so my attendence record is also shit#it just feels like im a burden for existing like a malignant tumour#and i have to relearn how to cry. imagine that. a grown adult not knowing how to cry#i never knew there was supposed to be emotional relief when crying sometimes because whenever i cry when im overwhelmed...or anytime really#i get told to stop immediately so i got trained to hold everything in.and i get that its easy for the adults to deal with a not-crying child#but i kinda feel cheated#i want that emotional catharsis that comes with crying your feelings out and i have to teach myself how to do it#how pathetic is that#had to get this out there its just too much for me#arc 3am logs
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sonknuxadow · 2 years ago
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i think some people are setting their expectations wayyyy too high for what shadow will be written like now. "the mandates are COMPLETELY gone shadow is fixed now guys!!" no theyre not literally all they said is that the rules have changed a little. like dont get me wrong thats good news too but a lot of people are exaggerating and setting themselves up for disappointment in my opinion
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theheadlessgroom · 8 months ago
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@beatingheart-bride
Damnit, she remembers the strawberry preserves incident! Randall blushed with a little grin, recalling him telling her the story long, long ago, just as his mother had recounted it to him with great fondness and amusement: How he managed to somehow get his hands on some freshly-made preserves his mother had just jarred and downed the whole thing, getting himself plenty sticky and smeared with strawberry in the process.
"Oh, it was plenty of fun!" June snorted, shaking her head as she thought back to that sunny spring day-she leaves the room for two minutes, and her son makes an absolute mess of himself and the kitchen counter. "I just remember him sitting there on the counter, all big-eyed, with strawberry...everywhere! His clothes, his hair, the countertop, oh, it was a mess!"
"And he'd just had a bath too!" Wilhelm added, as he looked to his son-who was looking a bit like a strawberry now, given the way he was blushing. "Junie and I had given him a bath after breakfast, I went out to grab something from the corner market, and when I come back, she's got our boy back in the tub!"
He was deeply bewildered by that: He looked at his son, peering out at him over the side of the tub, and then to June, who was dropping a set of red-stained clothes into the hamper, commenting with a hollow laugh, "You won't believe what your son did!"
As Wilhelm continued to regale Emily with some of Randall's other misadventures, June couldn't help but wonder if there was a way to give Emily back that taste of her favorite berry. She had to drink blood to survive, but would it still be possible for her to enjoy what she used to love, all those years ago? Could there be a best of both worlds, she wondered?
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maretriarch · 2 years ago
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sometimes i wish i liked cooler shit but liking really annoying dumb shit but like in the least obnoxious way i can is a close second
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fluidnet · 1 year ago
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I just changed my icon (for reference it’s the illustration of Sisyphus inside an Ouroboros) and it got me thinking about futility and the Sisyphus myth.
Everyone always talks about the climb, how it’s endless, how there is no peak, there is no end, it’s an eternity of pushing. But if I’m remembering correctly, that’s not entirely true.
Sisyphus does get to the top. He gets to rest, if only for a moment. He can stop and wait and admire how far he’s come, before the boulder rolls down again. He gets to walk down the mountain unburdened.
The punishment is because he avoided death against the gods’ will. He wanted to prove that he was more than death, that he would endure. And he won, a few times even, until death finally came for him and he had to submit.
But he didn’t really die, did he? His legend lives on, his story, his memory. He’s so ingrained in the west’s cultural narrative that he’s become a symbol of futility, of trying to achieve something that cannot be done, doing it over and over and over despite knowing the result won’t change.
Do you think, every time he’s at the peak of his mountain, watching his boulder roll down to the valley, a rock face he knows intimately well by now, he smiles? Do you think during his moment’s rest at the top, he thinks about how he did it? He isn’t trying over and over, he’s winning over and over. Each time he makes it to the top is another piece of evidence that he can.
I hope so. I hope his memory continues to live. I hope he takes a moment to appreciate the view from the top.
And I hope his stroll downward is pleasant
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