#he used one of my short essays as the class example (which has never happened to me before!)

[soutsuji]

There's an English class on Golden Age detective fiction being offered next semester but the prerequisite for it is the intro to literary study class required for all English majors (which I haven't taken because I'm in a hard STEM major and don't have much time for electives, which means that I have to be really picky with my electives and only go for stuff I like AND doesn't have an awful workload) and also even if I did have that prereq, I wouldn't be able to take the class because it's at the same time as one of my major reqs. And also I'll be in two labs next semester and one of them is pure hell so like I literally don't have the time to take more than 13 credit hours (as tempting as it is to keep up my streak of taking 17-18 every semester even though it's been like really pretty bad for my social life and hobbies). Sigh. (Pressing my hand wistfully against the glass) maybe someday they'll offer the class again

[straycatboogie]

2023/02/17 English

BGM: Oasis - Married With Children

Today I worked late. It was a fine day so I thought what music suits the day like today. I tried to listen to Swing Out Sister's songs. It seemed that spring was certainly coming and my mind got excited in somewhere. I got nervous because something bad would happen... I thought that I wanted to read the rest part of Yoshikichi Furui's book but it didn't come into my mind, so I gave up and started Yoshio Kataoka's essay "Life of Words". This is how I spend the day of working late. Kataoka's writing was really interesting and I learned several funny things. Japanese language and society have unique facts or strange phenomenon... those are the things I sometimes can't find because I get used to the situation in Japan therefore forget to identify. I like thinking about languages so need to understand the real state of Japan with foreigner's eyes or senses like Kataoka.

If I got bored reading the book, I started the homework of the English conversation class. I did it with G. Love & Special Sauce's groovy music. I wrote about the memory that once I had been said "you're NICE MIDDLE (this means I'm a nice middle aged person)" on the internet. I forgot the time and enjoyed it. Although I wonder what I should write before I start writing, I just try to write with the movement of the "frixion pen" which I love to use. Then I certainly feel that various ideas flood from my mind more and more. Those ideas come up to the surface of my consciousness and start having their shape on a paper. I think that it must be the pleasure of "detox". I might have to do this kind of activity to "reset" my mind. I should do this as one of the activities of my daily life... or I should "find" the problem in my mind with writing like this.

I started working and entered the resting time. During work, I used my head very hardly so I couldn't think anything at the rest time. Listening to Mrs. Lauryn Hill, I just did "net surfing" with my smartphone. I read the interview with Kinichi Hagimoto, a Japanese legendary comedian, who is now enjoying his activity as a YouTuber. I learned that he had said "As my philosophy of the life, I never go against nature. Everything depends on luck". I felt that my eyes were opened exactly with that comment and thought following the nature can be a positive attitude of living life. Recently I felt the aging because my teeth chipped, so I should follow the fact of my aging I thought, I could never be younger than now anymore, so I have to accept the real and live toughly and neatly.

The comment that "everything depends on luck" has a really deep something. Me, the bad luck I had was the fact that I was born as an autistic person. But that autism becomes the reason why I could build the connection with the staff of my group home and also the members of the meeting. And also, the connection of the "danshu" meeting I met at the time I had wandered on the internet with drunken mind, and the connection with the members of the English conversation class through Shiso International Association work as the basis of my life. These facts tell me that I am basically a lucky person. I shouldn't seek for the things I can't touch (for example, a lot of money, status, meeting a beautiful woman, etc) but I commit the real things I can reach out. That products me a certain happiness... then, I am already happy since the time I can't see. Yes, it was like the story of Souseki Natsume's short story. I was already happy.

[parkerlearnstoread]

American Psycho

by Brett Easton Ellis

American Psycho was controversial before it was even released. In the months leading up to it hitting the shelves, author Brett Easton Ellis was sent not just hate mail, but death threats. On the surface I can understand why people would see just his writing of this book as completely immoral. A story of a man who manipulates, tortures, murders and rapes women without any motive other than pleasure. However; this book is more than the "powerful sigma-male" icon that modern day redditors praise it as.

First of all, this is a book ripe for readings. Covering broad bases; class, sex and feminist readings are all right there. When I was in my senior years of high school I would have love to read this just for how easy an essay would have been. Analysing just the character of Bateman would give you more paragraphs than you would ever need. My favourite aspect of Bateman is the absolute unreliability of his story telling. Early on we are greeted with this when he tells us that he mentions torture and the like casually at dinner. We can see this isn't really happening due to the lack of reaction (although this could be a comment on the lack of care the people Bateman interacts with have for anything). At times, whether he is lying, or he is just that unpredictable is unclear. His short confessions of murder amidst other ramblings are one example of this. Then the entirety of the chapter in which he shoots the saxophonist. The lack of consequence he faces for this despite the high speed chases and the helicopter incursion implies it never happened at all. Or perhaps it displays his privilege in this society. Regardless, we cannot be sure anything is as he states at all.

I am not a fan of gore, which makes this book seem a unique choice, and at times I also nearly gave up, but the writing style drew me back without hesitation. The way Ellis has Bateman list everything when he enters a new situation is a perfect way to demonstrate his superficiality and how his world is shaped by brands and value. This is extended in the sex scenes, the way Bateman's depicted to list endlessly the positions and acts, without any emotion at all. It distances him from everything and emphasises his control (or desire for it). Further on in the book it is exciting to see the lists gradually falter. Starting with Bateman admitting he is unsure of the brands worn, then leaving out items, moving to only noting the extraordinary until finally they're skipped all together. It is a subtle yet excellent way to demonstrate his faltering grip on reality, loss of comfort in the bourgeois setting and ultimately a lack of care to control his persona and stay as the calm, collected, wall-street banker, Patrick Bateman. Another small writing detail that illustrated his growing disassociation, that I found excellent, was in the aforementioned saxophone chapter where on the run the pronouns shift from the personal "I" to "he" and "Bateman". This demonstrated a disconnect between the man in the body and the way he portrays himself to everyone else.

I enjoyed this book for its writing and style, but struggled to work through the actual content of it. Ellis is an excellent writer and I wouldn't hesitate to read more from him.

[djmarinizelablog]

hi! read your last ask and you said that you took up creative writing classes so you might have a wider knowledge about this but i was wondering when u mentioned different writing styles (like minimalistic, hightened imagery, linear vilennete and all of that) could you maybe explain the difference and what they really mean and maybe examples in our own levihan nation and writers? this might be asking for too much but i was pretty lost and i'd like to know more about all that. however you are def free to ignore this too!

Did you just ask me to write a comprehensive poetics essay, Anon? (I love writing about writing lmao)

Super long post ahead, and I’ll be citing certain fanfics that I’ve read so far and those that I think somehow exemplifies all the different writing styles I mentioned in the previous post. 

First off, the ones I listed beforehand (minimalistic prose, heightened imagery, poetic language, linear narrative, non-linear vignettes) aren’t the only types of writing styles. There are more if you consider the variations of tone (humor/comedy, sentimental, macabre, noir etc), narration/perspective (first person, second person, third person omniscient/limited), and language (dialogue-heavy or action/scene-driven). And the nice thing is that you can actually use of one or two of them in your work---or all of them, if you’re feeling bold. 

As Hange always loves to do: “Let’s experiment!”

--------

I’ll start with minimalistic prose. It is what it is: short, clear, and concise. Think less is more. You have an economy with words where you disregard most adverbs and focus more on the context to make way for meaning, thus allowing the readers to create their own interpretations of your writing. I think the method here is to write your intended draft first, and then cut the unnecessary words to flesh out the scene even more.

Notice how @stereobone wrote this paragraph of Black Dog (an Eruri fic):

Isabel's voice wakes him, brother, brother, has him sitting upright in bed and grabbing for the knife under his mattress. He braces himself for the attack before he realizes there isn't one. There is nothing in the darkness but him and his heavy, panicked breathing. Levi's heart feels like it's trying to beat its way out of his chest. He drops the knife on the mattress and shuts his eyes and tries not to think about Farlan's bloody resigned face before he was eaten. He tries not to think about how he left them. How it's his fault.

It’s very simplistic in language; the paragraph lets you focus on Levi’s innermost thoughts while he deals with an external action (ie, having nightmares). The author hasn’t unraveled the rest of the plot yet, but you already know where the tension is coming from.

Next is heightened imagery. If you’re familiar with the different figures of speech (metaphor, simile, personification, hyperbole, etc), then this is where they all come into play. I think the challenge here is being able to balance it well with the text itself and make sure that the imagery actually clarifies the context of the paragraph instead of convoluting the intended meaning. 

Here’s an excerpt from A Dangerous Game by just_quintessentially_me:

Hanji watched Levi, standing there, head bent and bloodied handkerchief pressed against his arm, and was reminded, irrationally, of a night years ago. When her parents had taken her to the circus. [. . . .] Holding her parent’s hands, she’d gaped, head craned back as she watched the spectacle, a cacophonous mixture of sound and color. At the center of it all, she’d spied a boy. Among the twisting colors and tricks, he alone, was still. [. . . .] The boy was high above, balancing on a platform atop a long pole. In front of him, stretched an audaciously thin rope. Below, no net waited to catch him.

[. . . .]

When Levi looked up, his expression was set - like the boy before the tightrope. And she knew, with sinking certainty, he was going to take the step. Into thin air.

Gray eyes met her gaze and held it.

“Yeah. I’ll go.”

At the door, Kenny smiled.

See how the powerful imagery of the boy on the tightrope was able to fuel the tension in that moment among Levi, Hange, and Kenny? 

I think poetic language is akin to heightened imagery, except that the former is more focused on the actual language. It’s very lyrical, wherein you can actually hear the lulling song of the sentences in a rhythm. One of my favorite works that does this is Deep sea baby by @smallblip. Here she makes use of various setting and scenery to create this entire atmosphere of Levi and Hange’s relationship:

Hanji knows whatever life they've led, this is her favourite.

The one in which her and Levi see the sea for the first time together.

The one in which she’s the Commander, and him, her Captain. And between them, a river of words left unsaid threatening to break the banks.

One day they must cross the ocean, but today they visit the shores again, without the kids this time. And Levi learns why when he watches her peel at her clothes. Her harness comes off first, then her blouse, then everything else, like a little dance for an audience of one. Levi tries not to stare, but he’s already seen her by candlelight in the dead of the night. And yet she never fails to take his breath away.

She makes her way to where the white foams dredge the past up the shores of the present.

"Come on Levi! The water is warm!" she says, and he hears it like a call to come home- where the heavens collide with the sea.

He takes off his clothes and folds them in a neat pile beside Hanji's mess. He swims out to join her.

It’s hauntingly poetic, the way the author is able to connect the metaphor in “a river of words” to the actual body of water right in front of Levi and Hange. Good poetic language is able to tighten up the texts together while keeping the sentence structure flowing with apt figures of speech.

When it comes to narratives, it only comes down to linear or non-linear. See how @lostcauses-noregrets does her opening statement in Trains (also an Eruri fic):

Levi hates trains. To be fair, Levi hates all forms of public transport, but he reserves a particular loathing for trains. They’re dirty, noisy, smelly and worse, filled with people. People who, heaven forbid, might attempt to speak to Levi, engage him in conversation. Levi’s worst nightmare is being stuck on a train with some friendly fuck who wants to pass the time making small talk. Admittedly it’s not a problem he has to deal with too often, his general fuck off demeanour deters all but the most aggressively friendly and hopelessly inebriated. But that doesn’t stop Levi from hating trains.

It’s a short fic and it’s very dependent on the linearity of events happening. But with that banger of a first sentence, the beginning already gives you enough of an idea of Levi’s pet peeve in the story, which in this case, is trains.

Here’s another hot and steamy fic called keep him waiting by keobuns that shows a linear narrative: 

He’s sitting with them in the back of the lab, nursing a cup of tea — it’s still pretty full, and even cold now, for he was far too distracted listening to Hanji talk to properly drink — when he sees it. Hanji’s too preoccupied with overexplaining the same Titan experiment they’ve gone over a hundred times to notice his stare. They just continue on and on and on, gesturing with their hands, pointing with their fingers, flexing their wrists…

Ah. Levi has to bring his teacup to his lips to hide the way his lips tremble. Hanji has incredibly nice hands.

The entire story just revolves around Levi simping for Hange’s hands and how it all goes down from there. But you as a reader are kept wanting more with every paragraph and every sentence that the author constructs (and trust me, it’s not just the sexual tension between Levi and Hange that keeps us going).

Now, as much as I love the straightforwardness of linear prose, non-linear writing brings a different round of ideas onto the table. It can create recollections from flashbacks, heighten the perspective or interior turmoil of a character due to trauma or grief, or even just re-invent what-if scenes that the characters have imagined themselves. 

Gnossiene by @thatalmondgirl​ is one of my all-time favorite Rivetra fics. In this excerpt, you will see how she switches between the past and the present, and how it affects Petra’s POV as a conflicted character:

Contrary to popular belief (fuck Auruo) Petra actually didn’t cry easily.

Alright, she could admit that at some times, she was...emotional. It was far from a weakness, but even she could admit that they sometimes got in the way and walled off all rational thought. Anger, frustration, sadness, hell, even happiness. The only one she could easily compartmentalise away was fear, which probably stemmed from her military career. Even so. It was never easy to separate all the others from her actions, think from a clean slate like the Commander could do, like the captain. [. . . ] Petra groaned, splayed out across her bed. She drew her arm across her eyes, willing the tears to go away. She’d already blown through her tissue box.

“Petra, a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.” Mama sat on the end of her bed, with Petra on the floor between her legs. Even though Petra argued firmly that she was old enough to brush her own hair, Mama had insisted. Unfortunately, Petra wasn’t old enough - and probably never would be - to disagree with her mother.

“I know, Mama.” Petra grumbled.

“I don’t think you do. Else you wouldn’t be crying, would you?”

[. . . .]

“But a man shouldn’t complete you when you complete yourself. Maybe he’s an extension to your house. So you’ll be sad if the extension is compromised or burns down. But you still have the main house. And if it’s strong, the main house can still be standing even after the worst storm.”

Aside from Mama’s crazy metaphors that sometimes didn’t make sense, her message hit home. Even if it hit home years later.

See how it switched in between the before and after? 

An off-shoot of non-linear writing are vignettes (a layering of scenes separated by section breaks) wherein this writing style allows writers to curate scenes in terms of fragments, creating some kind of mosaic for the readers once they finally see the big picture. Nakimochiku’s I’m leaving, are you coming with me? stacks up scenes of interactions between Levi and Hange, enough to depict the kind of relationship that they have as young lovers in a school setting. You can string these fragments together, rearrange them in a different order, but in the end, you will still get the author's clear goal of highlighting how Levi and Hange’s relationship develops over time.

Those are the styles that I mentioned in my previous posts, but as I’ve told you, there’s more to writing than those, so I’ll give a short run-through of other methods in writing. 

Whether it’s dialogue-heavy works such as from my window to yours, or action-driven scenes like Carnivores (a Levi x Reader fic by CaptainDegenerate) that propel the story forward, we as readers should be able to follow through the actual storyline that the authors intend to take us. 

A third-person limited (we listen to Hange’s thoughts in Clockwork by @tundrainafrica) vis-à-vis an all-knowing/omniscient narration (the moon is dark by @sayonarasanity alternates the perspective of Levi and Hange) should be able to make us understand why the author chose this particular kind of point-of-view in order to tell the story. 

And lastly, having a solid and consistent tone throughout the work (the macabre of Even Humanity’s Strongest could make mistakes by Rimeko versus the sweet sentimentality of Flowers for You by @fanmoose12) should be able to set the atmosphere that the authors want us to imbibe as we read through their works. 

So there’s your crash course on writing and reading. Enjoy? :) 

[alexiessan]

Never alone - Chapter Seven - Soulmate AU

AO3

Previous - Here - Next

Master List

Hi guys! Here is chapter 7. I hope this time it will show up in the tag search because chapter 6 didn’t and a lot of you probably missed it. I’ve noticed that several chapters from authors I follow didn’t show up in the tags either so it wasn’t just me... I don’t know what’s wrong with tumblr but I hope they fix it because we’re probably missing some updates...

Anyway, here is chapter 7 for you guys :)

When Damian came back to the manor, he changed and took a shower as quickly as possible in the hope to catch Tim when he would come back from patrol. He also fed Titus and Alfred the cat on his way to the Batcave, giving both of them a light scratch.

“You’re back earlier than usual.” mused a voice that he recognized as Tim’s.

Damian looked up at his brother, standing up from where he was crouching petting his pets.

He didn’t expect his brother’s shocked look.

“Oh. Your eye. Is that your soulbond?”

The youngest Wayne raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, you didn’t know?”

Tim shook his head.

“No, you didn’t tell us and I assume you’ve been wearing contacts ever since the change.”

Damian nodded, silent.

“It suits you.”

The green-eyed teen just looked at his brother, silent.

Timothy rolled his eyes.

“Can’t you just take a compliment? I can be nice to my brother too, you know.”

Damian chose to ignore that.

“And why didn’t you tell me that Marinette would be shadowing you during her internship? She thinks it’s very strange that the co-CEO would go out of his way for a high school student to shadow him.”

Tim smirked, picking up Alfred the cat.

“Does it bother you?”

“I don’t want you to embarrass  myself.”

Tim laughed.

“No chance for now. She only knows you as Robin for now. She won’t associate me with you.”

Damian frowned.

“I won’t just be Robin forever.”

“I know. Stop worrying like a teen in his rebellious phase ashamed of his parents. I’m just going to show her the roots of business management.”

“It’s still weird for the co-CEO to do that. That kind of job goes to regular employees. Did you volunteer because she’s Ladybug?” he asked as he crossed his arms.

“I did. Ever since Bruce knew that Ladybug would be on the trip, he wanted to keep an eye on her. To be sure that she wasn’t overwhelmed by all her responsibilities, because according to her files, she had a lot of them. Ladybug and Chat Noir are just teens. Granted, we were too when we started being vigilantes too, but Bruce was with us, we weren’t left unsupervised. He’s worried that it’s too much for them.”

He smirked at his little brother.

“And the fact that she’s your soulmate is a bonus too.”

Damian ignored the jab, intent on having all his questions answered.

“What about the Agreste boy, then? Is he shadowing you too?”

“No, he’s with the PR team along with Miss. Césaire.”

“I would have thought that he would be shadowing someone in business management, what with his father’s company…”

“I would have thought that too, but the boy is also the image of the brand and constantly in the press. His father probably wants him to learn how to deal with the press and how to dispel rumors.”

It made sense, the model would probably learn business management later on, directly from his father.

Tim chuckled.

“Is that all? Or did you want to corner me for something else too?” he asked as he put the half-asleep cat down.

“Tch. Just don’t ruin things for me with Marinette.”

The older boy laughed, tapping the younger boy’s back.

“I’ll only have nice words for you. Well, as nice as it can be, you are quite a difficult one.”

He barely avoided Damian’s punch.

Marinette was nervous. So nervous that she had to take deep breaths to not panic.

Today was their first day of internship. For a whole week, they would work at Wayne Enterprises alongside an employee in their chose field.

Alya and Adrien would work with the Public Relationship branch. The reporter has been so excited about it. As a reporter, she would have to deal with PR teams in the future, and the knowledge would be good for her.

As for Adrien, well… It was no secret that it was his father’s wish that he shadowed them. The young Agreste has confided to his three friends that he had no idea what he wanted to do in the future. What he was sure, however, was that he didn’t want to continue being a model and he didn’t want to have anything to do with his father’s company.

With his lack of aspiration for the future, he was, just this once, happy to let his father choose which branch to intern in for him.

Nino, along with, surprisingly, Lila, would be shadowing the legal team of the company. While he still couldn’t choose between being a DJ or a movie maker, he wanted to be able to handle any legal issues if someone tried to claim his work as their own for example.

Copyrights were no joke after all.

As for why Lila wanted to do her internship in this branch, well… She didn’t know and she honestly wouldn’t go out of her way to know. The farthest away she was from Lila, the better.

Marinette was happy to have this opportunity to learn about business management. She wanted to start her own line of clothes later in life, but if she wanted to keep working for Jagged and doing graphic design for him, there were some things she had to do. Like, making all the paperwork to create her own business and thus, be an étudiante auto-entrepreneur. A student independent worker.

She hoped that her internship would help her do that, even if it was different in the USA than in France.

She was happy for this opportunity, but what made her nervous was that her internship was with the co-CEO, Timothy Drake-Wayne.

She didn’t understand how something like this could happen. An average French student like her didn’t what it took to work with a co-CEO. Especially not the CEO of an important company like Bruce Wayne’s.

She didn’t know, nor when, but Marinette was sure that she would ridicule herself one way or another.

Then, they would fire her, and she would be banned from the USA forever.

The whole class would mock her and she would become a pariah in Paris too and she would lose all her friends and her family!

“Aaaaaaaah!”

The scream that came out of her mouth was unintentional but it did its job in surprising everyone on the bus.

“Wow, girl. What was that for?”

Alya looked at her with an amused smile, used to the designer’s antics by now. She knew that the French-Chinese girl would panic eventually, the weight of “I will be shadowing the fucking CEO” too much for her.

Honestly, the reporter was surprised that she didn’t panic earlier. Sometimes, she wondered how Marinette was able to stay on her feet with all her responsibilities, and yet, would panic for the smallest of things.

That girl was a walking paradox.

“This is going to be a disaster, Alya! One way or another I’m going to ruin this internship, and then-”

“Okay, let me stop you right now. You’ve worked for Jagged Stone, and he still goes to you for graphic design. Have a little more confidence! You’re not going to ruin anything. Plus, you’re not here to work but to learn. You can’t fail anything in learning.”

The Ladyblogger put a hand on her friend’s shoulder.

“Everything is going to be alright. But if you don’t move right now, we’re going to be late.”

Marinette didn’t even notice that they were already there and that the others were currently getting off the bus.

She took a deep breath, trying her best in believing in her best friend’s words.

Everything would be alright.

Upon entering the Wayne Tower, they were welcomed by Bruce Wayne and his secretaries. They took an hour or so in touring the building, Mr. Wayne giving pieces of information about the history behind his business.

After that, they led them into a conference room where several employees were already sitting.

As they all took a seat, Mr. Wayne made his way on the small stage, giving everyone in the room a professional smile.

“I would like to thank the Collège Françoise Dupont for applying to our career program. It’s a pleasure for us, Wayne Enterprises, to help young minds like yours to find their goals and aspirations for the future. I hope you will enjoy your time with us.”

He paused as the class applauded.

“Thank you. Now, I would like us all to applaud Miss Dupain-Cheng and Miss Césaire for their incredible essay that won their class this trip.”

Once again everyone applauded. The two girls were slightly embarrassed at all this attention.

“Now, let’s not wait any further. All the employees that you will be shadowing are already here. When I call your name, please come up to the stage to be introduced to your mentor. Then, you will be free to go and start the day. Adrien Agreste!”

All too soon it was Marinette’s turn to be called. She was introduced to Timothy Drake-Wayne who didn’t seem that much older than them. He was obviously in his early twenties and probably should be a university student if he were anyone else.

As they left the room, Tim smiled at the short girl.

“It’s very nice to meet you, Miss Dupain-Cheng. I hope you will enjoy this week with us.”

The Eurasian girl felt a little uneasy. Tim smiled at her like he already knew her and it unnerved her a little.

“It’s very nice to meet you too, sir! Please, call me Marinette.”

The man smiled at her.

“Alright, as long as you don’t call me sir anymore, please. I’m only twenty-one.”

“Alright then… May I ask you a question?”

“Of course, ask away.”

“I was really surprised when I was told that I would be shadowing you. I was wondering why.”

Tim smiled softly, trying to appease the nervous girl.

“When you asked to shadow someone in the business management branch, you said that one day you wanted to have your own line of clothes and that in the meantime, you already had clients for graphic design and had to open a business as an independent worker for your work to be legal. While your office is your home, it’s still considered a business. Since you will be managing a business at such a young age, we thought it would be better to have someone as young as me to show you the ropes, you know?”

Marinette nodded. It made sense. She didn’t want someone to tell her that she was too young to own a business. Even if being an independent worker didn’t really feel like owning a business, there was still a lot of paperwork to do and she had to deal with all the taxes.

The small girl gave him a bright smile.

“Alright, then! I’m ready!”

Marinette, Tim observed, was a very bright child with a thirst to learn. She took notes of everything he said and asked questions every time she could think of one.

He told her how his grandparents built this business and what changes his adoptive father made.

Then they talked about her plans for the future in details and the co-CEO of Wayne Enterprises was surprised how thorough she was.

He couldn’t help but think that she would be a good match for his little brother.

He spent the whole morning talking business with her and teasing his little brother in texts. He knew that Damian and Bruce planned to have lunch together today. He thought how funny it would be if the demon spawn were to cross path with his soulmate without his Robin costume. The boy would do his best to avoid her.

Speaking of lunch…

“Oh, shit. Is it the time? I’m sorry Marinette, I didn’t notice.”

“Oh, it’s okay! I didn’t see the time pass either.”

Tim smiled.

“Do you want to keep talking and eat lunch here? I was thinking about ordering Chinese food, what do you think?”

The French girl beamed.

“I would love to!”

“Do you want something in particular?”

“Anything is fine, thank you!”

Dialing a number on his phone, he quickly ordered for the both of them.

He saw Marinette taking her wallet out.

“Now, put that away, it’s on me.” he smiled.

That would be the first time he paid lunch for his future sister in law and he was very happy to do so.

“But-”

“I insist.”

“Thank you very much!”

She was such a polite girl, he mused.

The food arrived quickly and they started a business plan together for a fictive company as a way to learn.

He noticed that the door opened and saw his father and little brother with lunch bags in hand.

He smirked as Damian froze and left as quickly as he came, his father mouthing an apology and following his son.

He forgot that he was supposed to have lunch with his father too.

He couldn’t help his laugh at his brother’s reaction though. His face screamed Nope.

“Is something the matter?” asked Marinette.

He stopped laughing, getting back to business.

“No, sorry. You were saying?”

Tag list:

@bigpicklebananatree @animegirlweeb @crazylittlemunchkin @northernbluetongue @cutechip @justafanwarrior @iloontjeboontje @resignedcatservant @maribat-is-lifeblood @i-like-fairytail-and-stuff @toodaloo-kangaroo @mikantsume @dast218 @amayakans​ @zestyzealot​ @lunarwolfspn​

[smartbutuncertified]

So. Today I read J.K. Rowling’s essay on trans people.

I could spend hours finding sources to debunk what she said. I could yell until my fingers are tired that trans women are women, trans men are men, and nonbinary people are valid. I could cry. I could leave it to others. It’s been a long few months. I’m tired.

But I’m a trans man. I can see how she’s weaponizing our existence against our trans sisters. I can’t let that pass.

A lot of the discussion around TERFs revolves around trans women, and for good reason. TERF’s hatefulness is primarily directed at AMAB trans people, especially transfem ones, because of the mistaken belief that they are men invading women’s spaces. All that they are doing is striving to be treated as who they are instead of who others say that they are.

Because of this, much of the pushback against TERFs comes from a place of support of and defense for trans women. This has led to the TERFs developing a tactic that I’m going to name “Dysphoric ‘women’ in distress.”

Persistently attacking a group without clearly defending someone is a great way to get panned for being unreasonable. TERFs don’t want to be seen as a hate movement, so they focus their vitriol on trans women, and attempt to sweep trans men and AFAB nonbinary people under their banner. They’re protecting all “females”, see? No bigotry here.

Here’s a few passages from Rowling’s essay about trans men, and about biological sex, in the order that they appear. The bolding is mine.

“Ironically, radical feminists aren’t even trans-exclusionary – they include trans men in their feminism, because they were born women.”

“The fourth is where things start to get truly personal. I’m concerned about the huge explosion in young women wishing to transition and also about the increasing numbers who seem to be detransitioning (returning to their original sex), because they regret taking steps that have, in some cases, altered their bodies irrevocably, and taken away their fertility.“

“The UK has experienced a 4400% increase in girls being referred for transitioning treatment. Autistic girls are hugely overrepresented in their numbers.“

“The writings of young trans men reveal a group of notably sensitive and clever people.  The more of their accounts of gender dysphoria I’ve read, with their insightful descriptions of anxiety, dissociation, eating disorders, self-harm and self-hatred, the more I’ve wondered whether, if I’d been born 30 years later, I too might have tried to transition. The allure of escaping womanhood would have been huge. “

“I’ve read all the arguments about femaleness not residing in the sexed body, and the assertions that biological women don’t have common experiences, and I find them, too, deeply misogynistic and regressive. It’s also clear that one of the objectives of denying the importance of sex is to erode what some seem to see as the cruelly segregationist idea of women having their own biological realities or – just as threatening – unifying realities that make them a cohesive political class. “

Trans men are not women. We are not girls. We are mostly AFAB, with some intersex and CAFAB men as well.

As an autistic trans man, autistic people may be more likely to transition, but that doesn’t mean that our transitions are less valid or more suspect. To say otherwise is both ableism and infantalization.

Lastly, the idea of womanhood being biological is as deeply offensive to us as it is to trans women. We share a lot of the health risks and need for reproductive rights and justice that cis women do, but this does not make us women. Trans women are women, not us.

Trans men are not delusional women to be protected from ourselves. We are not part of any “class” of women. This sickly sweet “compassion” because we “were born women” is not something that we support or want any part of. We are not and never will be women. The only people we’re in danger from are transphobes like Rowling.

This is not to say that trans men face the same things as trans women.

Trans women face a whole section of transphobia that transmasc people are exempt from, transmisogny. They are disproportionately targeted by TERFs and other transphobes.

Compare what she says about trans women to the statements about trans men. Again, the bolding is mine.

“Magdalen was an immensely brave young feminist and lesbian who was dying of an aggressive brain tumour. I followed her because I wanted to contact her directly, which I succeeded in doing. However, as Magdalen was a great believer in the importance of biological sex, and didn’t believe lesbians should be called bigots for not dating trans women with penises, dots were joined in the heads of twitter trans activists, and the level of social media abuse increased.“

“Examples of so-called TERFs range from the mother of a gay child who was afraid their child wanted to transition to escape homophobic bullying, to a hitherto totally unfeminist older lady who’s vowed never to visit Marks & Spencer again because they’re allowing any man who says they identify as a woman into the women’s changing rooms. “

“I happen to know a self-described transsexual woman who’s older than I am and wonderful. Although she’s open about her past as a gay man, I’ve always found it hard to think of her as anything other than a woman, and I believe (and certainly hope) she’s completely happy to have transitioned. Being older, though, she went through a long and rigorous process of evaluation, psychotherapy and staged transformation. The current explosion of trans activism is urging a removal of almost all the robust systems through which candidates for sex reassignment were once required to pass. A man who intends to have no surgery and take no hormones may now secure himself a Gender Recognition Certificate and be a woman in the sight of the law.”

“But, as many women have said before me, ‘woman’ is not a costume. ‘Woman’ is not an idea in a man’s head.”

“So I want trans women to be safe. At the same time, I do not want to make natal girls and women less safe. When you throw open the doors of bathrooms and changing rooms to any man who believes or feels he’s a woman – and, as I’ve said, gender confirmation certificates may now be granted without any need for surgery or hormones – then you open the door to any and all men who wish to come inside.”

“On Saturday morning, I read that the Scottish government is proceeding with its controversial gender recognition plans, which will in effect mean that all a man needs to ‘become a woman’ is to say he’s one. To use a very contemporary word, I was ‘triggered’. Ground down by the relentless attacks from trans activists on social media, when I was only there to give children feedback about pictures they’d drawn for my book under lockdown, I spent much of Saturday in a very dark place inside my head, as memories of a serious sexual assault I suffered in my twenties recurred on a loop. That assault happened at a time and in a space where I was vulnerable, and a man capitalised on an opportunity.  I couldn’t shut out those memories and I was finding it hard to contain my anger and disappointment about the way I believe my government is playing fast and loose with womens and girls’ safety.“

Things to note:

She was concerned about trans men undergoing voluntary hormones and surgeries because they “have, in some cases, altered their bodies irrevocably, and taken away their fertility.”, but is repeatedly horrified by the idea that trans women could be considered women without them.

She is consistently pitching the narrative that trans women’s interests are men’s interests and in conflict with women’s interests.

The misgendering is about equal in both sections, but in this one, the misgendering is intentionally framed as trans women being deceitful men, whereas trans men are framed as women and “girls” in distress. Notice that the trans women are always “men”, never “boys”, for maximum implicit threat.

“’woman’ is not a costume” is a huge red flag. Trans women aren’t wearing costumes, they’re living their lives as women.

The narrative she’s weaving is that trans men are misled women who need help and protection, and trans women are potentially predatory men. She leaves caveats, such as the “self-described transsexual woman”, but even she is referred to as a former man, and we don’t know how that trans woman feels about that. She’s being used as a prop, framed as an exception.

This is all transphobia, and heavily leans towards transmisogyny.

In short:

Trans men aren’t interested in you persecuting our sisters to “defend” us. Fuck off, Rowling.

[thehuns-bubble-tea]

So guess who finally wrote the SaiZon essay I promised months ago! @there-is-a-carrot-in-my-ear’s post was the last bit of encouragement I needed so thanks for that lol.

I am going to go episode by episode to talk about all the SaiZon scenes. I am using the official LineTV episodes and some of the translations are a bit weird so I will have to occasionally make assumptions with the dialogue, sorry in advance for that. If I happen to assume wrong or make stretch conclusions forgive me for I only have one brain cell and it’s currently bouncing around my head like a window’s screensaver. I am also going to mention some of the behind the scenes episodes so if you haven’t seen those you might be slightly confused, but I don’t have international links for them so I apologize! Also this ended up being 18 pages long- I AM SORRY.

So let’s start with part one of episode one shall we? The beginning starts off weird as hell, honestly I had forgotten how crack this show was after the last few episodes were so- normal? Anyway we are dropped off in Zon’s dream(???) where he sees Tutor and Fighter being cute, and then an absolute precious Saifah- except it is really weird to start off here. This dream doesn’t seem to belong at the beginning because nothing that sets up this dream has happened yet, which I only realized as I rewatched it. Zon doesn’t know about Tutor and Fighter’s relationship until episode 11 and he doesn’t actually know Saifah yet, so to have Zon have this dream as the literal introduction to the show is a bit of either foreshadowing or referencing the idea that this whole show is a dream/Zol’s novel which I think is quite interesting. I don’t have much else to say about this besides I am incredibly impressed with how well this scene garners interest- it’s like I’m watching for the first time again and I /need/ to understand what is going on. Also the animated Zon freaking out about Saifah getting too close? Mood.

There was no SaiZon part in part two so moving on to part three of episode one! This part starts off with Saifah playing the guitar surrounded by a bunch of girls and Zon walking up from behind, seeing him. As much as I would like to say “love at first sight” this is definitely not that- in fact Zon straight up tells the girls they don’t like each other. Which is fair honestly, these two at the beginning don’t seem to have anything in common. Saifah is an engineering student while Zon is a english(literature???) student so they wouldn’t be able to get close through classes and they don’t seem to share many face value interests (Sai with guitar and soccer, Zon with writing and generally “nerdy” stuff) so it would be easy for them both to write each other off. Definitely not a “I hate him” but more of a “I don’t know him and I don’t want to” kinda situation where unless outside forces brought them together they wouldn’t have even considered entering each other’s lives. So shout out to Tutor and Soda for being mvps! This part also gives us the iconic moment of Zon literally standing on a table to fight Saifah and like??? Hello??? The tension already here is so much- but here’s the thing! Why R U has set up their relationship to be that of “enemies” up to this point, so when you first watch it you’re like “hm Sai is trying to get a rise out of Zon because he thinks it is funny because they hate each other” but what Sai says isn’t necessarily mean. Yes Sai does tease Zon about being bad at everything, but after that he just flutters his eyelashes, calls himself cute, and does that cute little smile up at Zon. There is no real hurt behind his words, if that makes sense? It is very much a teasing jeer at Zon to get a reaction, and the second Zon stands on the table Sai smiles and seems to take pride at the action. He isn’t doing it out of hatred or evil, but more like the joy of seeing Zon riled up. Sai blames his actions on disliking Zon because of reasons they’re currently only alluding to but like- bro get over it? There’s no reason for Sai to act like that if that was his only motive so I call his bluff, he has to already be somewhat interested in Zon. Even if it’s not a crush yet he definitely enjoys Zon’s reactions enough to keep pressing buttons. 

Finally the end of episode one with part four.  Finally! The, also iconic, punch to kiss scene! Sai is smooching the girl Zon is pursuing, it’s upsetting for Zon and Sai is kinda rude about it- then WHAM. Zon, the absolute unit that he is, just fucking decks Saifah. When I tell you I screamed- This is especially important because the thing that finally makes Zon snap is Saifah’s “no one can like you” comment which is so hurtful and man he’s gonna eat his words you can just /feel/ it already. And the punch is completely valid because what Sai did was shitty and honestly Zon had every right to be mad so great moment 10/10. Then we have Sai try to retaliate and first off he misses like a huge dork and then he kinda trips into Zon which leads to them accidentally kissing. Logistically I don’t know how this happened, but who am I to complain? This is of course also Sai’s first experience with a  Zontm reaction and that I think is what causes the shift in Saifah’s head. After that huge exposition piece we have Zon dreaming about Saifah in his bed talking about them being together. All I’m gonna say is- is it gay to dream about your not bro wanting to kiss you? The answer is probably yes.

No SaiZon for parts one or two of episode two, but part three gives us a bit to cover!  First off- the elevator line scene where Saifah literally stares at Zon with the absolute best puppy eyes and lovesick smile is peak cuteness, like?? Hello??? This is the perfect example of what I mean when I say SaiZon were never enemies- like I can’t imagine hating someone and then letting them shoulder bump me with a “hi”. That’s not how enemies act, this is more of a “well we haven’t always gotten along but I’m willing to move on, here let’s try again” type of situation and it’s fucking adorable. Sai seems confident in his own teasing way and Zon is confused as heck, which is so valid. Mind you this is also several months after their accidental kiss so any hot blooded emotions surrounding them has definitely dissipated which means there is now room for them to grow and initiate a friendship, which is what I assume Sai is trying to do. This is also the first time we get “my Zon” and I swear everytime I hear it I astral project into another dimension, so there’s that. Also Sai fulling embracing the fact that these girls ship them is peak bi confidence (I read Saifah as a bi character don’t @ me lmao), that I can only wish to have. Like Sai seems to already genuinely like being around Zon, lightly teasing. I say this because nothing he said was a dig at Zon harshly but more like something I would say about my friends to get them to give me a funny reaction and he gets exactly that. Zon gives him a reaction and then as soon as he’s gone Sai has this very pleased smile on his face. It really feels like Saifah has already decided that he wants to have some sort of relationship with Zon, at this point I wouldn’t call it a crush yet but more like a casual friendship. Then we have Zon daydreaming about Sai asking him to be partners for the music competition thing and again I’m going to ask- is it gay to daydream about your not bro pouting and wanting to be partners? The answer is probably yes. 

Part four of episode two gave us no SaiZon so we move on to part one of episode three! We get a tiny bit of animated Sai talking about flirting with Zon, Zon freaking out you know- the usual. But then we get the stair scene that haunts me. Sai has committed to calling Zon “my Zon” already and I am here for it. His fucking smile after he says it too- boy is enjoying himself. The two fight over whether or not Zon will play with Sai or not and progressively lean into each other’s spaces as they bicker back and forth. Which is valid- Zon doesn’t even know how to play and then to be asked to play with someone he doesn’t really know or get along with, I’d say no too. Anyway Tutor breaks them up drags Sai to class, but not before Sai can say goodbye to “N’Zon” which just really threw me and Zon to be honest. I love that Sai is fully committed to these nicknames and I love how flustered Zon gets because of them- they’re already starting to fall into an ease with each other. Quick note here Saifah tells Tutor that he likes teasing Zon because it makes him happy, which is kinda cute? We see Sai play around with Tor and Day a bit but the way he is with them is vastly different then when he’s with Zon. Again I wouldn’t quite call it a crush yet- but we’re getting there. For now it seems more like an enamoured fascination with this dork of a human. (also real quick side note but I love Soda and would gladly let her step on me--)

Part two of episode three gives us yet another iconic scene- I have dubbed it the gay painc shower scene for obvious reasons. First of all, props to Zon for even grabbing Sai’s towel for him. Like they might not be close, and Sai might tease Zon relentlessly, but Zon is a genuinely good person and I really like that about his character. He doesn’t even hesitate to ask “which one” so he can do that for Sai. But of course Sai has to be a little brat and try to pull Zon into the shower stall with him, causing Zon’s first almost heart attack. Then he crowds Zon up against the wall with the most sensual look and teases him by attempting to remove his towel, giving Zon almost heart attack number two- Sai is seriously a brat and I love it. The funniest part is that this, from my experience at least, is common locker room teasing which Zon clearly wouldn’t know since he’s not in the soccer club-  so having Sai do this to him is clearly a point where Zon’s single working braincell goes into gay panic and just short circuits his system and once again that’s valid. Zon tells Sai no matter what he won’t play with him, man these two eat their own words a lot huh, and Sai tells him it’s really up to him. Also side note here I know Junior did this in hopes of getting Sai to convince Zon to do the talent show thingy but I fully head cannon that Junior realizes there’s /something/ going on between them and forced them into this position, do with that what you will. There is also behind the scene footage of this scene (I can’t find an international link to this specific one rip) but it shows Jimmy and Tommy fake biting each other’s fingers and it’s so cute and weird- anyway all this to say I think this is where we start to see a shift in Saifah’s attitude. He’s the one who mentions being partners, mentions kissing, and Zon being a shy Korean drama lead- he’s a huge romantic so this is where he steps up a bit more. Instead of being just a tease in the way Zon acts it is now a tease about them together, being together, testing waters almost. It’s a huge shift if you really think about it, the only thing that stays constant is Zon’s flustered reactions. 

Part three of episode three once again delivers with panic gay Zon being a fucking dork. This is where we get that ridiculous moment in the bathroom when Zon thinks two dude are doing the do in a stall and presses Saifah into a wall, you know casually. This scene is so weird and just ??? why??? Saifah takes in all in stride though, this kid is seriously getting whipped quick and I relate. Zon just has such chaotic energy that it’s hard not to play along, no matter how mortifyingly embarrassing he is. Also can we talk about how every time Zon leaves an interaction with Saifah, Sai gets the biggest smile? Like that is so precious I can’t handle it, boy is WHIPPED and doesn’t even know it yet!

Part four gives us a little bit of SaiZon.  Zon is distracted by his text conversation (this is not translated so I have no clue what’s being said or who he’s talking to rip) when Saifah comes up behind him. This looks so domestic- like you don’t just do that to someone you barely know, right? Also the fact that Sai can lean over Zon so far when Zon is just sitting is stressful to me. Who gave him the right to be /that/ tall? Anyway Zon goes to stand and Saifah scares him, causing him to trip backwards and have the first of many time where Sai holds Zon up and it’s romantic as heck- They both instantly know where to hold each other, and then gaze at each other’s faces I just ??? I’m short circuiting honestly. This is also the first indication to me that Sai is developing some form of feelings because he keeps looking at Zon’s eyes and lips, and that’s valid. Of course Zon ruins the mood by pushing him away but they both look hurt this time. Sai looks hurt even asking if Zon’s serious about not playing together and it’s the first time we see Sai be any bit vulnerable. He seems to genuinely hurt by the idea and it makes Zon shuffle a bit before leaving. Even when he’s gone Sai looks upset and even comments on how Zon falls easily- which is really cute. This is our first glimpse at the Saifah that seems a bit more like the hopeless romantic we get towards the end of the series, a stark contrast to the overly confident perfect boy persona he uses around the campus. 

No SaiZon in part four of episode three or part one of four so on to part two-  We get the music partner reveal! And to Zon’s credit he doesn’t immediately turn around and leave. Instead he is actually committed to this and Sai, to his credit, doesn’t make him feel weird. They take the fan page photos and they’re both clearly out of their element here, they’re shy and awkward and it’s precious. They’re both coming to this realization that they’re really doing this- being partners and committing to each other basically. They both seem determined but also terrified of what that means. I love it- because this isn’t about them just yet but more of their shared responsibility to Soda now that they both can’t back down. It’s a good foundation because right now they’re on equal footing, neither really has the upper hand. Soda, my queen, to her credit is trying to get them to see that their arguing isn’t going to help anyone here and it’s a fair point. They’re going to be stuck together for two months (why was I under the impression this whole time it was much longer?)  and they both agree to at least attempt. I love how genuinely awkward these scenes are because like I’ve said before they were never enemies but also never friends, they don’t know much about each other yet so it’s weird. What do they talk about, what are their boundaries, they don’t know and I love it. It is the perfect foundation for a fresh start for both of them to learn about each other and build a strong bond. We get a bit of Sai trying to teach Zon guitar strings and it’s a nice moment. They’re both getting comfortable with the other and then Sai plays the love song for Zon- you think Zon’s going to be set off by the moment but instead he teases Sai! He confidently both compliments Saifah and teases, it’s growth! Then Saifah settles to help Zon learn to strum, a moment where they’re very intimately pressed together and have an almost kiss. This is the first time they do the lip bite thing that I noticed they do when they think about kissing the other- and this is the first time that I think they realize their feelings aren’t just basic acquaintances. For Zon he feels something but he is also hung up on the idea that this is all Zol’s book. He is scared because he doesn’t know if these moments, these feelings are real or not. For Saifah I think he is really starting to understand how he feels for Zon, but thinks that Zon doesn’t and will not feel the same. But Sai isn’t the type to push so he just lets it go for now. Then we get the cute montage of them getting closer and teasing in more of a friendly way- again this is just solidifying in our minds and theirs that there is something growing between them. Right now it’s just a natural friendship, but is also hinting at more deep feelings. This is the part that I love the most about SaiZon- this was never a love at first sight relationship, it is one born out of something incredibly natural. They grow into each other and themselves. We start to see Saifah get more comfortable with his dorky side, and Zon gets more confident in himself because of their time together. It’s a breath of fresh air how easily they settle into the other’s presence. And of course we also get the gay pining bed scene and I, for the third time shall ask is it gay to daydream about your new bro laying in bed with you? The answer is probably yes. 

Part three of episode four gives us the iconic guitar pick date (yes I understand I keep saying iconic but with SaiZon what isn’t?). This entire scene is just the cutest thing? They fall into each other so easily and they seem to have tons of fun goofing off. It reminds me of my friends and I going to shopping centers just to window shop and be together. It’s so incredibly natural and shows that they’re becoming so much closer then what they started out as. Nothing is over the top or unrealistic, instead it’s effortless and an absolute joy to witness. There’s even a deleted scene where two girls come up to ask for a photo (which is weird but whatever) and Zon gets so lost in his head about how close Saifah is- it really is a defining moment in my mind that Zon is torn. Torn between believing that his feelings are real and that this is all just being a dream from Zol’s novel. I kinda wish this scene hadn’t been deleted because it takes away from Zon’s internal struggle. When they have their little heart to heart and Zon admits that Sai is actually a good person my soul leaves my body. It is so cute and demonstrates that these two have started to grow past their initial judgements of each other and more into learning the intricacies of the other. Anyway it’s cute and I love them, moving on. 

Now on to part four of episode four. This gives us the scene that fully convinces me that Saifah is just a big softly. Sai walks into the practice room to see a mess and Zon is asleep on the floor. Instead of being a brat and waking him up, Sai quietly goes around and cleans everything up because he is peak soft boy he just won’t admit it. When he does accidentally wake Zon they’re both just absolute cuties- the way Sai’s face falls when Zon said he was just kidding about wanting to wait for him- my boy is WHIPPED. But here’s the thing, and I’ll come back to this point in a bit but, the way Sai never pushes Zon on anything. It’s clear that Sai is really starting to crush on Zon the way he treats him and acts but any time Zon pulls away Sai just lets him. That’s so refreshing, especially in contrast to the way TorFight act in parallel to SaiZon. There is never an expectation for Zon to meet Sai’s desires and Sai takes only what Zon is willing to offer, and I appreciate it so much. Anyway their little collective panic when Sai tries to take Zon to his room is hilarious they’re both on such different pages and they really are just dorks. And then we have the typical in the rain sequence- oh my gosh- I love some good classic tropes and this is one of them. Once again we see Saifah just be an absolute romantic, he doesn’t even hesitate to take off his jacket to cover Zon and himself. I just- that’s peak romance for me my dudes. Both me and Sai are whipped and that’s just facts. Then Zon (somehow??) forgets how to stand on two legs and trips yet again and we have another close contact scene, but this time there noses touch and Zon’s reaction isn’t nearly as visceral as it has been- it’s almost like he likes the attention up until his mind thinks it’s too close to a novel and he gets scared. 

On to episode five’s part one! Zon is finally in Sai’s room and we get the cute hair drying scene that Zon doesn’t appreciate as much as I do- anyway Zon is freaking out and Saifah doesn’t fully understand what he’s babbling on about but still gets his chance to tease. It is once again cute and effortless, I crave more of this (SaiZon special episode I’m looking at you). Sai is getting a bit more confident with his advances but always pulls back the moment Zon freaks, it’s completely them. And then we get them waking up in each other’s arms, the screaming, Zon being an absolute moron. This is why these two are /the/ couple for me. Like no one else could pull this scene off nearly as well as them, it’s great. Also Saifah pulling a 2Moons2 Kit and just yeeting Zon off the bed? Iconic, that’s it that’s the analysis. 

Part two of episode five has a moment that’s not a SaiZon scene but I do feel like it’s important in their relationship- Zol tells (well lies but Zon doesn’t know that-) about changing the story after their promise/wish/curse. This is the point where Zon can finally take what he has been experiencing and feeling in for the first time with a clear head. It’s no longer “possibly” influenced by supernatural forces because of Zol. This is when Zon decides “oh this is real, these feelings are real”, and you can tell that the way Zon acts around Saifah is considerably more calm and open to Saifah’s advantages to a point. Occasionally he still talks about it everything being similar to a fiction but he isn’t held back by it nearly as much. Then we get SaiZon practicing in the music room again and being interrupted by Natee and Junior, they kinda make Zon nervous about the show- until Saifah steps in. He confidently tells Zon he believes in him and that he will be there for him and I just- oh my god?? That’s so soft and I swear Saifah is the biggest soft boy ever who is willing to do anything to lift Zon up and that’s precious. They really are slowly starting to get on the same page. 

Moving on to episode six part two (this is where we start to see less SaiZon due to the pandemic limiting their filming time)! This episode gives us Zon asking Sai on a guitar buying date. And lemme tell you the way these two act? WHIPPED. They both get so shy and tease the other the perfect amount, they really have grown into each other in ways I don’t think any of us expected. The cute little happy dance they do when they agree and hang up? Boyfriends, just like ??? hello??? Mind you they agree to go the Saturday before the show so they have now spent almost the full two months together- I can’t even believe it. They have had this relationship grow for two months and we’ve only been able to see glimpses, just imagine what we don’t get to see! Anyway we see Saifah being peak baby all bundled up sharing headphones with Zon- which is like peak romance for me I won’t even apologize. And then the pure excitement Saifah has when Zon suggests he stays over at Saifah’s- WHIPPED. He even suggests that there might be something between them when Zon questions their closeness, but the moment Zon wants to change the subject Sai follows his lead, like I’ve mentioned before Sai is not one to ever push Zon for more because he respects Zon so much. 

Part three of episode six gives us the rooftop scene! The lingering looks! “The stars are beautiful.”, “It is beautiful-” as Saifah looks at Zon with those soft eyes! THE GAYS ARE PINING. And then them playing together. I am crying??? I can’t even form sentences, I can’t analyze, I just am going to sit here for a moment and think about how this romance is goals. That’s it. 

Part four is full of SaiZon just being huge teases. Saifah confidently pulls Zon into him, asking if Zon is afraid of falling in love with him and I just- the way Zon looks at Sai? He’s already in love, and no I don’t take criticism. That’s it, that’s the analysis. 

Part one of episode seven is the scene that made me want to write this essay- we have Zon and Saifah in the most intimate scene yet for them. It really is just a back and forth between them that is simple and wholly them. And then it shifts- Zon is looking at Saifah so softly, and is easily going along with what Saifah is doing with no hang ups. Saifah is looking up at Zon like he’s hung the stars and it’s the perfect moment. “You’re being so obedient, be like this more often. I like it”, “I like it too”, even the music is just perfect, but right at the last second Zon looks away. “I didn’t mean I like you.” and Saifah clearly looks disappointed, everything leading up to this was pointing in this direction and it didn’t happen. Saifah very clearly has feelings, he isn’t even trying to be subtle anymore, but not once does Saifah push for more. He backs off and settles down into a level that matches Zon’s comfort zone, because he cares about Zon’s comfort more than his own feelings. They have a moment for the comfort to level out once again and then they’re back to their usual selves. They’re back onto an equal field where they’re both just being themselves together- and they have another almost kiss that Sai does try to play off. Zon is still a bit spooked but it is still another testament to Saifah’s respect of Zon’s boundaries. This is where yet another deleted scene happens that I desperately wish they kept- it shows Zon fast asleep grab at Saifah until he’s completely draped over him. Saifah holds him, very similarly to a scene we will get to shortly, and the smile on Sai’s face? This boy is so in love but also so careful with Zon’s limitations, that just being able to hold Zon is enough to put him at ease. And we were ROBBED of it. Why R U editors turn on your location, I just wanna talk-

Part two of episode seven gives us the most cursed scene that, like Zon, I wish I could forget. There’s nothing inherently wrong with it but the second hand embarrassment is excruciating so for the sake of my sanity I’m gonna kinda gloss over it? Zon sees Sai’s boner, it causes Zon’s single brain cell to explode, that’s it- MOVING ON. On the bright side it also gives us SaiZon’s first public performance together. I assume this is to hype up the actual show, I don’t really care, all I care about is how earnest Saifah is with Zon. Zon is terrified of performing and Saifah is there to cheer him on. He is willing to let Zon leave if it means Zon will be more comfortable and he genuinely doesn’t want to push Zon into anything. Zon finally calms down enough to agree to stay and sing- and then Saifah starts rubbing his hands to give some comfort. The dialogue in this scene will forever go down as one of my favorite exchanges ever- “Are you okay with having me beside you?” SAIFAH HONEY. This one sentence holds everything in it. Is it okay that Saifah tried to kiss him? Is it okay that he got turned on? Is it okay that Saifah clearly has some sort of feelings for Zon? AND ZON SAYS YES. I just, I will never recover. It’s a very cute moment that they share, a sort of understanding that they share now that doesn’t really change what they have already, just gives some clarity to their current situation. And then the performance they give? It’s wonderful. What more can I say?

And now we’re getting to the good stuff- episode eight, part one. Sai is able to sneak read a bit of Zon’s writing, Sai trying to make himself look not suspicious is so funny, but the absolute angle Zon lets him get away with it. Then they have a cute back and forth about Sai wanting to sleep over at Zon’s place, it’s precious and shows that since the last time Zon seems a bit more comfortable with the obvious flirting and even does some himself. “Otherwise I’ll kiss you.” Saifah being bold as fuck and Zon not running away? That’s what we call growth! Then when Saifah is actually at Zon’s home and they’re telling his parents about the music show they are in full support, Zon’s mother and Saifah both teasing him about his name’s meaning. It’s light hearted and fun and I appreciate how cool Zon’s parents seem to be with their son’s and Saifah’s relationship (thus far). But them being so okay with his joining the music show compared to how unsupportive about his writing hurts, both me and Zon. When they’re in his room Zon is visibly upset with how his parents have handled his passions and Saifah is doing his best to cheer him up. Giving him some comfort, and this is where he admits to reading a few chapters of Zon’s fiction and Zon looks shattered. He is so afraid it’s bad because no one will support him, encourage him until Saifah tells him he actually liked it. That if he wants to keep writing he can count on Saifah to read it and it’s so touching because Zon finally has someone who believes in him. They have this really longing moment of just staring into each other’s eyes and it’s so soft and just full of pining. EXCEPT once again there’s a deleted scene we were ROBBED of. (Why R U’s editing team is out to hurt me apparently) In the deleted scene there was supposed to be a kiss to end the longing stares, this would be their first real kiss. And as much as I would have /loved/ that I can understand wanting the other scene being /the/ moment, but it doesn’t make me wish this scene hadn’t been cut any less. 

The next three parts of episode eight I’m going to talk about in one piece because it is basically one long scene that’s just cut into parts. (Part 2, Part 3, Part 4) We have finally gotten to /the/ moment they’ve been leading up to this entire show, the music performance. When we start Zon is asleep and Saifah has arrived with food, trying to wake him up and only successful when he manages to kinda kiss Zon. They bicker a bit in their normal way, Zon whines about wanting an egg and Saifah gives his up happily. It's freaking adorable and the quality content I signed up for. Soda puts them in their performance outfits. They have a weird little fashion show that just makes me love Tommy and Jimmy with all my heart, you know the usual. And then the time gets closer to their performance- Zon is, rightfully, nervous and is having a little breakdown in front of Saifah who is trying his absolute best to calm him down. It’s a touching scene because you can tell that Sai doesn’t really know what to do to help but is seriously trying, and then Zon asks for some encouragement. Saifah wrapping his arms around Zon and hugging him is a scene that I will never recover from. Saifah is so confident in Zon’s skills and very clearly wants to perform with Zon that he’s willing to just hold the nervous kid in his arms until he calms down. It’s really touching and romantic and just perfect. It does the trick and they’re able to perform without a hitch. (I would like to say at this point I have been working on this essay for two days and have decided to throw alcohol into the mix so if I start going off the rails- whoops?) The actual concert is super lovely, like Tommy can sing don’t even @ me because I could listen to these two sing and nothing else and I would be completely happy with that, and when they go to do their thank you speeches my heart swells. Hearing Zon heartfully thank Saifah for doing this with him and then to hear Saifah ask every one to cheer for “my zon” one more time, it’s the pinnacle of romance. I don’t even think that they know how it looks to an outside viewer because they’re so lost in their own world. To them this wasn’t about the concert anymore but them proving themselves to each other, something so meaningful to them because without this moment being the huge lead up they would never have been anything more than people who shared mutual friends and “hated” each other. Without this concert neither would have taken steps to bring them closer, to this peak. And that is exactly what the concert is, it’s their peak because it’s the tipping point for their relationship. Any hesitation from either at this point would break it all down. And so when the two of them head backstage and they have this magical moment- this is it. Zon is complaining about the strings hurting his fingers so Sai softly blows on them to soothe the pain, it’s simple, quiet, and breathtaking. “Why are you so nice to me?” It's such a simple question, Zon’s eyes are filled with stars and he might not thinking that he’s going to get a good answer. “Because you already have my heart.” That’s it. Nothing Saifah could have said would top this. It leaves no questions, this is it for Saifah- he is throwing in everything at this moment and Zon just stares at him. He doesn’t flinch at the kiss Saifah leaves on his forehead, instead he puts his hands on Saifah’s cheeks and pulls him closer so he can kiss his nose. It’s not words that either need now because they just understand. They’ve taken the chance and it’s real now. Them just brushing noses in comfort is enough, but then they go all out. They /finally/ have their first /real/ kiss and it’s a culmination of everything they’ve been through and felt up until this point. I’m sure everyone has seen the behind the scenes clip of the pd calling them out for not following the script. Supposedly it wasn’t supposed to be so passionate but more of a quick peck, but this- what they gave us was nothing short of perfection. This kiss is a solidifier for everyone, especially Zon who has struggled internally this whole time about whether this is real or not. This is a confirmation that Zon’s feelings, now I might be reading a bit too into it/self projecting onto Zon, are valid. Zon and Saifah, as far as we know (I haven’t read the novel either btw), are presumably perceived as straight hell they may have thought they were straight up until they developed feelings for each other. Saifah develops his feelings confidently, he isn’t ashamed or shy about them. Like everything else in his life he takes it and makes it his own and that is completely valid. But for Zon it is a struggle the whole way through. He’s scared and he overthinks, over analyzes everything, and shys away from Saifah’s advances until now- a common theme found in many unsure/closeted queer kids. And THAT is also valid. They’re both so completely different and yet they fit together in ways that I don’t even think they knew was possible. The way they play off each other, can read the other, knows what to do or say- it’s the perfect amount of them. 

Episode nine is purely TorFight and part one of episode ten gives us only crumbs of SaiZon, but they are crumbs I would die for. It’s a couple of minutes of a sleepy Zon being cuddled by Saifah. Nothing fancy, nothing overly sexual, just the domestic bliss of these two holding each other. Once again it’s a testament to how made they are for each other. In any other drama (and I say this with affection to all the other bls I have consumed) this wouldn’t fly- this slow progression isn’t the norm for these types of shows and that’s why it’s so damn refreshing. Saifah in all his suave bad boy persona, is truly just a hopeless romantic that wants to hold his boyfriend in his arms for as long as he wants. Zon for all his shy avoidance of anything romantic, just enjoys having Saifah by his side. There is no one party pushing for more, no one party aggressively making moves that are unwanted. It’s just these two content in taking it slow and basking in the warmth of it, 

Again for episode eleven we only get a little bit of SaiZon in part four, but that’s fine. It’s especially fine because it’s like every good sick fic I’ve ever read put into canon. Need I say more? It’s soft and cute, Saifah being a whiny sick baby while Zon takes care of them is peak devastation. I really have nothing to say here except thinking about this scene gives me a hundred and one fic ideas and melts my cold dead heart. Moving on. 

Episode twelve has a bit of SaiZon but outside of them being totally whipped and wearing matching outfits to the beach I don’t have anything to say? Like I could just scream about the fact that they’re cute but if you’ve made it this far I would hope you already know that, so I’m gonna carry on to episode thirteen- hope you don’t mind!

The finale- episode thirteen. Once again I’m going to just talk about it as a whole rather than split it up because this episode also follows like one central moment in time rather than having huge time breaks in between. (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4) Now we can get into the quintessential moments that define why I think SaiZon is one of the most superior relationships in media I’ve ever consumed. We are thirteen episodes in, we know these characters. They have grown into each other in front of us and this episode shows it in such a poetic way. When Sai and Zon get to their room at the hotel Sai is quick to tease Zon about his “duty” (for future reference if I ever hear someone say duty in reference to sex I might just cry) that night and of course in typical Zon fashion he gets a little antsy. But it doesn’t stop there like it would have earlier, instead Zon uses his nerves to turn the tables. He initiates a kiss with Saifah! Leaving both Saifah and I stunned in the process before teasing and dragging him out for their cute little beach date montage. Now mind you I am gay and love the beach so this shit hits hard for me. Like they’re being your typical love sick characters, Saifah stealing a few cheek kisses to Zon’s surprise, they goof off on a boat(?), they have those dumb couples clothes on- it’s really over the top cute like what else can I say. You want proof love exists? Here you go. Anyway they’re cute, it’s lovely, moving on. They have, I can only imagine this as a very strange double date, dinner with TorFight some bickering happens- again your typical drama moment it’s not too special. Until we get back to the bedroom. Now I have seen a lot of queer media in my life and with that comes your natural tropes (I say tropes fondly because I tend to like most tropes), and that’s what I was expecting. But no, I have never seen anything so purely born out of natural instinct and emotion in my life. Saifah sitting at the edge of the bed strumming a nameless song out of nerves, Zon trying to get his attention in the dorkiest way possible. Once again this is so totally and utterly /them/. I can’t picture anyone doing the way they did, selling that natural awkwardness that comes from your first time with someone you love? Fuck man. Saifah is finally all out of the confidence he normally has, instead he’s avoiding Zon and the prospect of the night by playing the guitar. It makes sense too because this is his first time doing this with someone that he loves, and his first time with a guy which is another added layer of nerves. It’s a lot for both of them, but Zon seems to be actually interested now- finally starting to make moves himself because he knows for a fact Sai isn’t going to push in fear of spooking Zon. And then we get the real moment that really changes everything, “You have music in your heart, don’t you want to have Zon in your heart?” This is it- this is the moment they’ve both been waiting for. Zon already has Saifah’s heart, he has for a while I believe, but this question is what tells Sai that Zon is ready too. They want the same thing, each other. Now we get one of the best build ups I have ever experienced. If you're watching just at face value it might seem a bit strange but every action is deliberate. @spookshowenilorac and I have this running theory that Zon doesn’t close his eyes during some kisses because he is afraid that if he does it will all disappear, it’ll be just a dream from Zol’s fiction (and anytime one of us mentions it I tear up). He’s been so afraid for so long and this moment does feel like it’s out of a dream, it’s overwhelming in passion and over thinking. But the moment Zon accepts it as real it progresses. Mind you, as I’m sure you already know, the tongue in these kisses was not scripted. This is purely Tommy and Jimmy giving this scene and these characters everything they had. It just feels right, after everything these two have been through, and to not have that level of intimacy would have left this scene hollow. The passion and dedication Mii2 gave SaiZon is unparalleled. But that’s not it is it? No, they take it even farther. The promises they make each other? “I promise that I will only have you.” “I’ll give in only to you.” The unscripted tears and voice crack? Nothing can or will top that. I’m sorry but that is /love/. This isn’t based on lust or desire or just purely passion, what Saifah and Zon have is so palpable you can almost feel it. I don’t think any words in our universe can explain the raw emotion that just envelopes this scene in particular. And to know half of it was unscripted and Mii2 just felt like this was what was needed, what the characters would have done is so validating? Just knowing that both Tommy and Jimmy see it too, how this scene needed to play out this way in order for Sai and Zon to have their story complete is unprecedented. Again I wish I had the words to describe it better but I just don’t, so I hope you can understand at least the surface level of what I’m trying to get at here. Anyway let’s move on before I combust by the pure emotions in the bed scene to the next bed scene! This is where Zon and Saifah wake up the morning after, and when I say this is yet again peak devastation I am not kidding. They’re so bright and loving with each other in their typical teasing manner. Saifah steals a cheeky kiss from Zon and demands a kiss on his cheek, of course Zon tries to mess around refusing, then kissing, then refusing when Sai asks for more. It’s light hearted and the emotional levity we all needed. Especially with the dazed look Zon has, I think here is when he fully understands and accepts that Saifah and this feeling isn’t a dream. This is real and his to keep. The passion between them hasn’t died down but their relationship isn’t solely based on it being so aggressive either. They excel in these in between moments, the give and take of both a teasing joke and a desire to be together. It’s not as primal as the love TorFight have, but that doesn’t make either any less valid. It’s the fact that they’re such vastly different relationships that makes me admire this show more. The contrast between the two really highlights that no two relationships are the same, just like no two people are the same and that’s a wonderful message. Moving on from that very domestic scene we get the beach kissing scene (yes I’m skipping a tiny bit because I have nothing to say about SaiZon walking in on TorFight besides gay solidarity baby!). First of all I wanna point out that their outfits are peak gay culture, like I can see @travelersmindpalace and I wearing the exact same outfits during our next beach date and it /hurts/. This is also where I point out that I have a weak spot for height differences and holy shit does SaiZon deliver. The way Zon has to kinda tippy toe to kiss Sai or have Saifah lean down a bit- I’m whipped. They also thank each other for coming into their lives and I had to pause for a good few minutes to have a nice little cry over that. Like??? How??? How are they so pure and sweet after everything- I really can’t fathom it. And they do that soft little nose bump thing before they kiss- my gay heart can really only take so much of this without crying over them. They truly are the pinnacle of relationship goals. I don’t know how else to say that? They really just are so encouraging of each other, the boundaries they set up are respected, there’s never a moment of an imbalance of power, they just have a healthy relationship that’s based on trust and understanding. I hope in the in the future we get more shows depicting a relationship like this.

This was a lot and I am sorry for the word dump?? If you made it this far I love you and I beg you to scream about SaiZon with me- and with that I’m done!

[the-cookie-of-doom]

Good morning! Whats your favorite show/movie? Who are your favorite characters? Why do you like them so much? Also!! Did you have a good sleep?

Okay so I was a film major for a while, and I have opinions. 

Penny Dreadful 

I love this show. Like, so much. I adore it. I can not get enough of that show. Just all of the imagery, and the fantastic writing and acting. The episode intro alone is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. Eva Green is a goddess and I love everything she’s been in. The take on classic horror stories is So Good, and it actually became the inspiration for my Gay Frankenstein story! (Started as a stitch AU, and then went completely OC after I had Ideas) but the show itself is so intimate? I think it’s largely that the period they’re in, everything was so repressed and restricted. So when the characters break out of those moments, it’s more meaningful. And the love-hate relationship between Ms. Ives and Malcolm in season one? Exquisite.  I could literally write essay’s about this show, but I’ll restrain myself and just say: it’s the best ensemble show I’ve ever seen. The characters come together, but they also each have their own distinct lives that sometimes intersect, but in s2 especially, are quite separate. They are constant with one another like ensemble shows usually portray. Also gothic horror and romance? My absolute favorite. 

Anything by Guillermo del Toro

This man Owns My Entire Soul. I’m not even joking, everything he writes and directs is perfection. Crimson Peak is probably my favorite (I have a stitch AU for this too ;) ) because again, Gothic horror and romance. I’m a slut for that shit. Also Tom Hiddleston and Jessica Chastain? Delightful casting. I think it’s obvious by now that I love tragic relationships, so their dynamic is *chef’s kiss* amazing. they’re so damaged. And this quote right here is one of the BEST things I’ve ever read: 

“But the horror... The horror was for love. The things we do for love like this are ugly, mad, full of sweat and regret. This love burns you and maims you and twists you inside out. It is a monstrous love and it makes monsters of us all.”

Engrave that on my headstone, please?? I’ve got a sort-of Dorian Gray AU (it’s delightful) that’s basically built on this entire premise. Mitch makes the mistake of falling in love with Stiles, and does many terrible things because of it. Mostly to himself, at least. 

I think my love of Crimson Peak is very closely tied with The Shape of Water. another beautiful movie, I could wax poetic about this forever. it was beautifully written, and such an artistic movie. I love the way it was filmed, and the set design, and all of the subtle imagery. Such as Elisa’s apartment being cast in cooler tones, it always felt very damp and had evidence of water damage, compared to Giles’, a mirror image of her own, in more warm tones. This is another one I could (and have) write essays about. There is so much packed into this movie, from the themes on toxic masculinity and entitlement, to the conversation on queerness and race and disability, and how all the various relationships are portrayed. Like. there is so much to pick apart in this movie. 

Aside from that, ofc Hell Boy deserves an honorable mention because i grew up on those movies. I’m pretty sure the Golden Army especially is responsible for who I am today, given all the lore on the fae in that universe. Wow, that explains so much about me... Also one of my first WoW characters was an elf named Nuala xD I still have her, too, and it’s been like 12 years lol

Near-Future Sci-Fi

Sci-fi is one of my favorite genres, I am a huge nerd for theoretical and astrophysics. But my favorite kind of sci-fi is the stuff that still takes place on Earth, rather than epic battles in space. Ex Machina and Annihilation are at the top of that list. Alex Garland is another writer/director that I love. He has the same kind of approach as del Toro, where he puts a lot of fine details into his work. And I love that it’s very cerebral; there are so many layers to Ex Machina. My English 101 prof actually refused to analyze it in class when I suggested it to him, because he didn’t think my class could. Basically handle? Dissecting that movie? Because a lot of it comes across as very surface level, but in some cases when you look deeper, it’s actually suggesting the opposite of what you might think at first glance. (And he was right, my fellow students were awful. I miss that class though, it was one of my favorites T_T Mr. Ryder was an awesome dude and super chill.) 

Morgan is another good example. As you can see, I fucking love androids lol. Which brings me to another of my all time favorite movies: Cloud Atlas. I could literally watch this movie endlessly, I love it so much. The acting, the writing, the filming, all of it is top notch. And one thing they did in the movie that didn’t come across in the book, was reusing the same actors through the different eras in the book. That was just so neat, because it really encapsulates how connected these souls are, as we follow the threads of their story throughout time. If you haven’t seen the movie, I can’t recommend it enough.  

Another one I always think of alongside Cloud Atlas, even though they aren’t related at all, is Predestination. It’s a great movie that explores the idea of fate and free will in a really clever way, utilizes time travel in a very organized way that I think was neat (think Umbrella Academy. They even use briefcases! As you can see, I love sci-fi bureaucracy, it’s fun. In fact The Bureau is another movie I enjoyed) and the main character is actually, explicitly trans, which was cool. You basically get to see the entire story of their life, and I don’t want to spoil anything, but it’s just. So good. Mindfuckery galore. 

Shoot, and I almost forgot! Arrival! That is one of the best movies, and another one I could watch nonstop. It focuses on mathematics and linguistics and I swear to god, I almost altered my entire college course because of this movie. Amy Addams is brilliant, Jeremy Renner is so soft and nerdy, and again, it has an amazing take on time travel. I am very particular about how time is handled in Sci-fi, and this portrayal was one of my favorite. (Most of my physics studies have been dedicated to the theory of time, so like. Strong Opinions.) 

Fantasy

Stardust! It wasn’t until Good Omens can out that I realized Neil Gaiman is responsible for most of the stories I loved as a kid lol, and I had no idea he wrote stardust! But that is such a beautiful movie (I have a Stardust AU lol) and it’s definitely one of my comfort movies. Captain Shakespeare is one of the best characters ever, bless Robert de Niro. I would die for him. Fun fact, i had no idea Ipswitch was a real place until like. 2019. I 100% thought it was made up for the movie 😂

Alongside Stardust, I’ve always loved The Golden Compass. It’s fantasy, but also with that old-timey steampunk science feel, which is so fun and surprisingly difficult to find! 

Mortal Engines also has the same kind of feel, and it was such an epic movie in every sense of the word. I’m a little sad that after all the work that went into it, it didn’t get a dedicated following or fan base, because I feel there’s so much potential in it. But at the same time, fandom tends to gather around media that has plenty of flaws for us to repair with gold, and there wasn’t much room for that in Mortal Engines. 

I’m going to put Jupiter Ascending here even though it technically fits with the sci-fi, because that section is long as fuck and also this movie has such a fantastic feel. Mila Kunis? beautiful. The CGI? beautiful. Eddy Redmayne? One of the best villain portrayals i’ve ever seen. The whole oedipal vibe he had was immaculate, as was their portrayal of reincarnation, and just. The world building. GOD. I get so weak for through world building. Also the fkn intergalactic bureaucracy when they’re basically at the space DMV? One of my all time favorite scenes in movie history. 

Horror

I have very little room in my life for horror. As I said, I have strong movie opinions, especially when it comes to horror movies. I don’t like how most of them rely on cheap jump scares and overused gore and gratuitous rape scenes, instead of, y'know, actual good writing. 

Which is EXACTLY why I adore It: Chapter 1 & 2. It has none of those things, but still manages to be so terrifying. They are my favorite horror movies, and I’m saying this as someone who has genuine childhood trauma bc of the novel. Like. I couldn’t shower/take baths alone until I was almost 10 T_T When I was 6-7 and saw kids play by storm drains, I would run over screaming about how Pennywise was going to get them. Like, I had issues man. I was terrified to see the first one, and wouldn’t go until I could go with my best friend after she had already seen it, so she could warn me when something scary was about to happen 😂

And, one of my favorite aspects of the movie, and the thing that gave me Mad Respect for Any Muschietti? The way he filmed Bev and her father. They have a character who is literally being molested, but they never once have to show it. And yet their interactions are still so viscerally upsetting to watch. Sexploitation puts me off of most horror, and the fact that Muschietti doesn’t use it here, even when it would be actually somewhat justified? *chef’s kiss*. I love him. 

I love horror as a concept, I’m just really picky about it because I expect the writing to be good. I don’t like short cuts. But in a lot of cases, even if I don’t enjoy the movie itself, I love to watch analysis videos on youtube! I love to see the philosophy and symbolism in different horror movies, even if i don’t like to watch the movies themselves. It’s a fun hobby. 

Misc. 

Then in general, some other stuff I love in no particular order:

The Internship (Bless Dylan, Stuart is such a bitch and I love him) 

American Assassin (ofc. The writing itself is eh, but Mitch is my man) 

Dylan’s episode of Weird City. (I actually have a lot of feelings about this one. Jordan Peele is another amazing writer/director, I really need to catch up on his works.) 

Dorian Gray (*chef’s kiss*)

Rogue One (Makes me cry every time) 

WARCRAFT (Obviously this is a fav. It made me so happy, words cannot express.) 

Coraline and most other stop motion animation. I’ve always had a soft spot in my heart for that. 

Literally anything associated with Tim Burton. Fun fact, when I was 12 and in middle school, I planned to decorate my future house inspired by tim burton. Like, i had Plans. 

Most adaptations of Alice in Wonderland!

So! this got long as fuck! But you said you like that kind of thing lol 😂 I had kinda Eh sleep since I was up so late lmao, and I kept waking up (as usual, rip). And I’m so mad I go up for nothing! The dude I was supposed to show my listing to never showed, and is refusing to answer my calls >_> It’s been 2 hours now, and I still haven’t heard from him. But whatever, I already have a full price cash offer on the house so who cares. And that means I can play WoW all day, now! 

[nachohypno]

Nate and Dave Ch. 11

It’s been a while.

…Not a very long while, though. It was just a week ago or so when I lost my virginity to a werewolf. Who just happens to be my soulmate. And thus, has to obey everything I say.

Neat.

Getting up from my bed was always a hard task for me. And that sounded way sadder than I intended. Point is, school starts in like half an hour and I’m still not even up. I was, of course, doing this on purpose.

I’m not that eager to go to school, but it’s my responsibility and I respect that. I was just having a little experiment though.

The sound of an indistinguishable car parking in front of my house, some heavy footsteps later, a knock on my door. I had opened my window, so I could hear everything that went down as he opened the front door and ran up the stairs.

A few moments later, Dave the jock entered my room and closed the door behind him. “Why ya still in bed?”

Everything fell into place. “Bed gravity is killing me right now, barely want to move” I excused myself, but I did wonder if Dave knew that I was waiting for him to notice I didn’t answer his daily [Mornin, my love<3], and feigned being late to school to make him come over.

I mean, I didn’t intend on making him come over, I just wanted to see how he would react to it. Dave was usually pretty pending on what I’m doing, and wants to take part to make sure we spend lots of time together.

It’s cute and scary at the same time, things that happen when a werewolf just so happens to see you as their soulmate.

“Ditchin’ school? Is it just me or you suddenly become way more attractive?” He dropped his bag on the floor and pushed me against the wall to make room for himself, then climbed on the bed and lied down beside me.

“Wait, we’re not ditching school. I mean, it does sound good, but we still have to—” He interrupted me. Dave liked to do this when I’m about to bring something up that will probably ruin the moment, it was a good life-saver. He invaded my mouth with his tongue, while trying to remain as gentle as always.

I could tell that wasn’t an easy task for him, but he tried his best and it really showed.

Sadly, I had to pull him off. “Wait, we gotta head to class, I don’t want to be late and you’re doing great progress lately.”

“Huh, y’think so?” Dave mumbled, trying to get closer again but I gently pushed him back. I was tempted to just stay in bed and cuddle with him all morning, but if I wanted to help him become a better guy at the end, I should give the example too.

“I legit think Ms. Porter will cry with joy if you actually finish that book for her essay.” I replied, kissing his cheek before passing over him and leaving the bed.

I think I helped him a lot at school, not only with his shitty behavior but also with his studies. Dave wanted to be a good guy for me, because I didn’t trust him before with all his shitty hot-headed attitude.

…He still had it. But he tried to be nicer.

“Hmm… I’m up for it, that bitch’s made my last year a nightmare. Tryna make me do extra essays n’ stuff” I would let that slide, because everyone hated Ms. Porter. She did give everyone a lot of essays. I’m okay with it, I enjoy reading, but even those books aren’t that interesting.

Dave got up from my bed, and passed a hand over his hair. I noticed it was a bit brighter than usual. It wasn’t combed, but he seemed to have it stylized with gel to be a bit spikier, in contrast to his usually short, wavy and parted to the left style.

“Well… I didn’t even shower yet but—”

But the werewolf was already determined. “No shit, bro. We’re not going late, that’s what ya just said. C’mon, looking great already, as always” Dave grabbed my bag near my desk, placed it on my back before grabbing his own bag and my hand, pulling me out of my room.

“Hey, I can’t go to school in pajamas- Oh you know what, never mind, I’ve done this before.” I quickly changed my answer mid-speech. I sighed, ‘I’m supposed to be the one in control here and I’m being dragged out of my house. Let’s change that back’ I told myself.

“Dave, I order you to stop,” I said firmly, as we reached the living room. The jock obeyed without hesitation, freezing in place. I couldn’t see his face right now, but I assumed his eyes were a bit zoned out, like they always get when I order him something. “And let go of my hand, if you may.” He obeyed that too, his arms falling to his sides as the werewolf waited for more orders.

Alright, let’s see.

I grabbed a yoghurt cereal bar from the fridge, that would make a good breakfast. I used my reflection at the microwave’s glass door to fix my hair as best as I could, before I decided to walk upstairs and finish the deal brushing my teeth and washing my face.

I checked my clock, we still had quite some time. At least 17 minutes until the first class *actually* started.

I changed my tee into something less pajama-y and my pants for some jeans. Now I was looking appropriate for school, the last thing I needed was being sent to the counselor’s office for having a sudden “Lazy day”.

Believe me, it happened before and it could happen again.

Walking back downstairs while biting a big chunk of the cereal bar, Dave was still frozen in place. I could take a good look at him now, and I liked the view.

The big football player had, as I expected, zoned out eyes and a bit of a dumb smile. He wasn’t wearing the bowser collar I got him, which made sense because we were about to enter school.

A lumberjack buttoned shirt that seemed to cling pretty well to his muscular body, a tank top underneath, and some black joggers. I took a moment to unbutton the top button of his shirt, so his pecs would be a bit more visible. It gave him a cuter look, while also being like “Yo, I’m really muscled”. I chuckled at the little impersonation I just imagined.

“So, uh… you can wake up, I think?” I was still a bit unsure of how this all ‘I control your mind and body’ thing worked, but I was getting the hang of it pretty well!

The zoned out jock blinked a few times before starting to move again. “Oh, hey bro. When did you change clothes? You look stunning as always, huh.” He mumbled, before leaning in to give me a kiss and walking out of the house with a big smile.

He really didn’t care if I controlled him or anything, he would just roll with it. I was sure he actually enjoyed it, he always looks excited when I suggest he do something. Ordering him to do something may just trigger his puppy boy side to make sure I’m happy, maybe? It’s just a theory without any fundamentals.

It’s not like there’s a book about werewolves anyway. Not that I know of, I guess.

Beep! Beeeeeeep!

Dave was now using the car’s horn to make me hurry. I grabbed my bag again and walked out, joining him at his car and receiving yet another amazing kiss.

“I’m sorta sad when we have different classes,” He started, as he drove away from my house and towards the school. He was trying to hurry, but while maintaining the basic driving security measures. Guess the big guy wants to be a responsible driver, huh. “That means less time admiring your handsome face, my love”.

“Aaaand, more time to focus on your studies. You know that I get really proud when you study like a good puppy boy, don’t you?” I was about to caress the back of his ear, but that would have been dangerous. He shouldn’t zone out while driving.

“Yessuh, I’m a good puppy boy!” He beamed up, but remained focus on the road. A few minutes later, we were arriving at the almost-empty parking lot. Dave pulled over and turned off the engine, before pulling me in for one last kiss. This one was particularly longer than the former ones, I loved it.

“A lil’ present, don’t know how I’m gonna survive these shitty classes without you…” He leaned in towards my shoulder, laying on it. I did what I intended to before and caressed his good spot behind his ear. The big guy started panting, tongue lolling out.

“C’mon,” I said, checking my phone with my free hand and stopping the sweet moment. “We’ve got a few minutes left. Gotta go in, puppy boy.” His eyes seemed sad, but he nodded.

Dave grabbed his bag and left the car, and I followed suit.

We hurried to the main building, and I noticed that Dave seemed hesitant about something. His hand was almost touching mine as we walked, but he made sure it was several centimeters apart so nobody would suspect anything.

I always wondered if it was hard for him to keep himself apart from me. I definitely didn’t mind, but we still had things to work out if we wanted this to really end up well.

…Dave hates when I imply that we’re two guys in a relationship, when he’s the one that brought it up and asked me to be his boyfriend. He’s still pretty homophobic, yeah, but he works around it pretty well.

Still considering himself straight isn’t bad, I guess. I’m more worried about the other targets he used to torment. While he’s not a bully anymore, he also wouldn’t lift a finger to stop something from happening right in front of him, except if I’m the one in danger.

It’s not like I want him to be a superhero, and I do find his ‘mean jock’ attitude kind of attractive, (When it doesn’t terrify me, of course.)

“Just before we enter, let me remind ya that you’re the best guy in the universe, my soulmate…” He wanted to lean in for a kiss, but quickly got back on my feet and blushed.

“Good luck today, big guy” I tiptoed and planted a quick kiss on his cheek. “Love you too, by the way.”

Before he could react though and pull me in for a make out session at the school’s gates, I entered the building and headed to my locker. The disappointed but infatuated jock followed behind me, and went to his own locker.

Everyone seemed to be already going to their classes, so I guess I was still safe.

My first class was advanced math, and while it wasn’t that difficult, it wasn’t ideal either.

All the seats were taken already, except the one next to one of my two best friends. Sadly, Dick wasn’t in this class, and Sam didn’t seem happy to see me.

“Coming late to school? That’s a new thing.” He greeted me, as I sat down and took my stuff out of the bag.

“I like to think that I’m not late if the professor hasn’t arrived yet” Speaking of which, I noticed the guy was actually arriving late today. It was like 10 minutes past the class’ start. “Uh… did I miss a text or something? This one’s never late, huh.”

 “No no, don’t summon him just yet. We can fast-forward to a later meeting so we can all go home earlier. That sounds good, yeah” Poor guy, he’s speaking with himself now.

Sam had been elected last year as our council’s president, with a lot of effort and dealing with each of the “cliques” around school.

...And it seemed to be worse than he planned it out to be. You see, one of his promises to get the jocks’ votes was to increase the budget for the sports teams, which included the cheerleaders in the bandwagon.

That sounds cool, but in reality they already had more than enough budget dedicated to them, so we had to start raising funds for future events, or the sports team would eat it all.

Parents with their “bring and sell food for the school” events helped quite a lot, I’ve never been happier to see a random mother bring a plate full of nachos and hot dogs to sell at school.

“So, I’m supposed to ask the whole council about this, but I’d like to lay out my options first…” Sam took The Mighty Notebook from his bag and placed it on the middle of the table, pushing my things aside. ‘How rude!’ I thought, but didn’t give it too much importance.

“A sexy car wash is-” “Out of the question” I interrupted him “This isn’t a teen tv show. We can’t sexualize our football players.”

“Well, you can, you just don’t want to. Anyway… Cake sale?” My friend took a pen and crossed out the ‘sexy car wash’ option.

“People’ll get tired of it if we keep doing those. Parents already sell food at sports games and they’re not exactly rare to see, we have one almost every two weeks.” I hated being the party pooper, but if it helped him pick the right choices… “It can be done, but we can rehash that idea too many times. That’s what I mean.”

“Oooookay” He didn’t cross that one out, but instead added a big “(?)” next to it. “Last one I thought about, for now, was a winter’s ball kind of thing. Selling tickets for prom is apparently a great way to raise funds, but I’m not waiting until the end of the school year for that.”

“We’d need the principal’s permission for that but… you should discuss that one with the cheerleaders, they’ll love the idea. The more ‘prom nights’ there are, the merrier for them, huh?” This time, he made a tick next to the option, like it was validated for the meeting later.

“I wish we could do something like the drama club and just put up a lame production and sell overpriced tickets… Parents would pay anything to see their sons, right?”

“Uh, I guess so. They would probably be pretty mad if we fucked up the show, so let’s leave that one out.” Sam seemed a bit tired. I could maybe ask Dave for a little help with this whole thing, he would know what to do.

Hmm… or maybe, Dave’s ex-girlfriend?

“You should talk with Leslie.” I gave Sam a little tap on the shoulder and pointed at the girl a few rows at the back. She hadn’t noticed us, but she was really nice and tried her best to get to know me. We even sat together, like once! “Pretty sure she’d have some cool ideas that don’t sound taken from a bad movie.”

“You think so?” He took a moment to breath, relaxing on his chair. I honestly wanted to help, but I’ve never wanted to be his secretary because I’m not good with coming up with this kind of stuff. Pretty sure anybody could do a better job than me in that area. “I’ll try to catch her in the corridor. Just… don’t stare and be cool, right? I don’t wanna come off as a perv, geez. We also have this party tonight, so could I maybe approach her there? I dunno...”

The professor made his way in, with an angry look on his face. We straightened on our seats to avoid getting his attention, I don’t want to be called out by some asshole in a mood. To finish with our council chatter, I whispered to Sam a “I’m sure you’ll do fine, she’s not the devil, right?”

He chuckled a bit before answering “Don’t let Dick hear you, I kinda think he has a crush on one of those chicks.” I rolled my eyes, such a cheap gossip.

-------

If I told you that nothing else interesting happened during the day, I wouldn’t be lying. 

I barely got to see Dave, just had lunch with him at the yard’s lunch tables before being separated again. He ditched football practice, and I did the same with today’s council reunion because I had a headache.

I got into an argument with a professor, too. The first class in the day, but it wasn’t anything worth looking into. He thought he was right, and he was too mad to check he wasn’t right at all. Almost got sent to the principal’s office, but I dropped the subject just in time.

I did share a classroom with Dave for the second class but… we got separated by Sam’s need to plan out his next meeting. You see why I ditched the reunion today? I wanted to rest!

Lucky me, my savior was just a few tables away, and knew exactly what I needed.

He waited for me to put my stuff back at my locker after our last class ended, and took me to his car.

I first thought he was just driving me to my house, since we didn’t speak about him staying at all, but there were no questions asked apparently. The big guy decided to give me a good time, as he pulled over in front of my house, walked around the car and lifted me on his arms.

I felt like a little brat, but it also felt amazing. Having someone who cares about you on such a deep level, like Dave does… I love it. I love him. And he loves me.

The jock opened the door with one of his hands, kicked it shut and took me to my room.

There, he softly left me on my bed before putting a strip show in front of me. Or I wasn’t really sure what that was. He just threw his shirt and jeans over to my desk chair and started searching through his school bag.

The silence was a bit boring, but I felt like talking was unnecessary right now. I just wanted to know what he was planning for the evening. He pulled out the bowser collar, huh.

“Never leave the house without it, bruh” Dave said.  “What’ya waiting for? Get on your underwear, we’re doing some great cuddling t’night!”

“Uh, okay. I like where this is going...” I mumbled, before starting my own strip show. Sadly, Dave barely paid attention to me, he was trying to put on the collar by himself, but he was having some trouble.

Before dropping my pants, I walked over to him and clasped the buckle for him, tightening it enough so it wouldn’t fall off but also trying to make it comfortable for him to wear. “Hmm… Perfect, my love…” He whispered in a sexy voice, before planting a warm kiss on my lips. 

I thought we were starting already, but the big guy started to run towards my bed and lied down with his arms reaching out for me. “C’mooooon, can’t wait for youuuuuu!”

I rolled my eyes and dropped my pants. Still in my underwear, just like the werewolf jock, I walked over to my bed and got grabbed by my boyfriend there.

Laying down on bed as Dave pulled me closer to his warm, almost-smooth body.

The bowser dog collar around his neck wasn’t sharp enough to hurt me, so I didn’t worry about that and just let myself be grabbed by this hunk of a jock.

“Enjoyed your day, my love?” He asked, looking at me with adoring eyes. It wasn’t creepy, I liked it. He barely acts like this at school, so his change of ‘big meanie alpha bro’ to ‘lovesick puppy boy’ was amazing to see.

“Ugh… I almost fell asleep at Mr. Cal’s class. So glad it’s Friday again…” I mumbled my answer. I tried to avoid mentioning the argument with my professor, but I’m pretty sure my class mentioned it already. Dave was pretty straightforward though, so he would probably mention it if he wanted to.

I know that I could easily not be tired if I would go to bed earlier at night, but those monsters are not going to hunt themselves in Monster Hunter, right?

“Wouldn’t mind spending all weekend just hugging you here…” Dave whispered, before placing a gentle kiss on my head. His hand was moving towards my private area, but I wasn’t going to stop him. I liked how it felt. “Just taking care of my lovely soulmate…” Another kiss, this time moving closer to my mouth.

When it comes to sexy stuff… I suck. Like, not in the literal hot way, I’m lame at it. I don’t like bottoming much, because I’m a bit of a wimp and I’m afraid of being hurt, but having Dave as a top is such a wonderful thing (After you go past that little pain at the beginning, the rest of the thing goes in like nothing) probably because he focuses too much on me having the most pleasure out of it.

So, I usually let Dave take control of the situation and just guide me wherever he wants to go. It’s not like we fuck every day though; I’ve only had my first time like a week ago. My werewolf jock would be up for it if I ordered him to, not going to lie.

But like, if we did that, it would kind of lose the magic of the moment? Like, I know Dave loves sex but even if it feels good the two times we’ve done it so far, it’s not like it’s a game-changer or anything.

So… cuddling and foreplay was the best thing ever!

“That’s sweet but don’t you have a party tonight? Sam has been talking all week about a—” I got silenced, the kiss was now happening at my mouth, cool. That’s what I get for trying to ruin such a good moment, I’m glad Dave stopped me.

His hand slipped in my underwear as he took hold of my cock and slowly stroked it. Meanwhile, we made out without a care in the world.

My breath got heavier. I felt so good at the moment, and Dave seemed to want me to stay like that for a good while. He would slow down the pace of his strokes or pick it up at just the right times.

…I had an idea.

I passed my hand through his hair as we broke the kiss, and he just looked at me in bliss. “Who’s a good puppy boy? You are, don’t you?” I whispered the question, to get him in his puppy mood.

It worked like a charm. Dave’s strokes slowed down a bit, as he started caressing himself with my hand, like a dog would do. “Yeah, bruh… Imma good puppy boy”

I ruffled his hair a bit more. “And every good puppy boy needs a good owner to take care of them, right?”

Okay, it may seem like I’m trying to do something weird or kinky here, but I actually wanted to try and make him a bit less… self-centered? I already had full control of him, due to our soulmate bond, but maybe if he saw me as a superior… He wouldn’t be so careless about others? Like he’s not at the top of the pyramid anymore?

But it didn’t work as intended, or at least not as I expected. Dave shook his head, without losing his chilled and happy expression. “Good puppy boys take care of their owners, bruh. Wanna protect and serve mine to make ‘im happy.”

It definitely wasn’t what I wanted to say, but it worked pretty well. “Who’s the owner though, puppy boy?”

“Really need me to say it?” The werewolf jock seemed a bit embarrassed to give his answer, as his cheeks turned red and he stared at me very intently. I nodded, of course. I came this far already, what I’m going to say? ‘Oh, no, I was just messing with you hahahaha well good night!’ “You’re my owner, bruh. Didn’t ya know that already? I love doing as you say…”

He leaned in for a good kiss. “…And I love you, my lovely soulmate.” He finished. Now I was the one who blushed. After that, the jock lied down beside me and pulled me to cuddle together. “Now come here, I need to make my owner feel good”

It did feel good to hear that I’m his owner. Oh geez, do I have a domination kink? Uh… I think that kind of explains why I love seeing him wearing that bowser collar, beside that it makes fun of the fact that he’s a werewolf.

He’s my good puppy boy, after all. “So, how are you going to make your owner feel good, puppy boy?” I roamed his big chest with my hands as I waited for an answer. I don’t feel like I say this enough, but I’m lucky to have this guy as my soulmate.

Dave raised an eyebrow, and spoke with a confident tone, but still curious. “What does my owner want me to do? This puppy boy will take care of it, whatever it is, huhuh”

Ooookay, if my cock was hard before, then it was aching right now with how horny I was. “Truth is, been a while since we’ve had some… action?” Oh god, I felt so dumb saying something like that. I think Dave would have laughed at me, but he actually seemed turned on by what I was implying.

“Fuck, been wanting to hear you say those words in like a week.” He kneeled on top of the bed, after pulling his underwear off. His cock was hard, as usual. I wonder if he jerks off at his house or if he’s just eager like a big horny werewolf. Speaking of his cock, Dave placed himself in such a way that his cock would be right in front of me. “C’mon bruh, show me how those lips work-”

“I was actually expecting you to suck mine off… Never did this before” If I felt dumb before, imagine how I was now. Dave seemed to try and find a solution, though.

“So, uh… never 69’d before?” I shook my head, and he let out a little sigh, but never stopped smiling. He was just a soft marshmallow when we were alone, I liked that about him. “Let me show ya”

I remained lying down, as Dave did all the work. He crawled over to my cock, got on top of my body and moved until his cock was on my face and mine was near his. The jock licked the top, giving me a little jolt of pleasure, like a little preview of what was about to come.

“Just… relax, and open wide. Not everyone can take my snake during their first time, heh” It made me wonder how many times he did this before. Or how many times did he had sex before. 

I leaned forward and smelled his dong. It wasn’t bad, so I proceeded to take the piece of meat in my mouth. It didn’t taste bad at all, it was actually pleasant. I wiggled my tongue around the tip, and I could hear the big guy starting to pant already before he dove in for my cock.

‘Hell yeaaaaah’ I thought, before focusing on my own part of the job. It was a bit hard to do due to the position, but it was doable, at least. I wasn’t able to deep throat (Not that I’ve ever done that before, saw it in porn and uh… it would be nice to try out?) due to the position, too.

“You’re doing great, my love…” Dave pulled off for a second to say, before going back to the action. I felt compelled to order him something, just like the first time he gave me a blowjob. It was always so hot, looking at him doing as I said…

“Uh… hey Dave, could you take it all in and work around that?” I ordered him, way calmer than this morning. It still seemed to work, because he took my whole shaft in one go and I could feel the motion of his mouth going up and down, taking it all every time. It felt really good, but I had to return the favor.

I tried to pick up my pace too, to make him feel as good as I was. I know that I can’t possibly compete with a werewolf under the soulmate bond, he would definitely… uhhh. “I’m coming!” I warned him, but he didn’t move an inch.

The big guy took my whole load, and licked the rest of my shaft with his tongue to avoid letting a drop of my cum go to waste.

And now, it was my turn…

Dave had this order still on him. “You will cum only after I cum.” Not saying that he’s precocious but… he does seem to cum right after I’ve been pleased. Maybe he finds that hot already?

My train of thoughts was derailed by the sudden explosion of cum in my mouth. It activated my gag reflex, so I pulled off and just swallowed the one that was already in my mouth. Part of my mind found it hot, while the other found it a bit gross.

Dave was still at 69 position. I looked over at his face and he seemed to be back in obedient puppy mode. Tongue lolling out, and eyes glazed over. It was a hot sight.

“C’mon big guy, did a great job down there. Let’s just cuddle for a while, alright?” I told him, wanting to cover myself so badly. I felt a bit naked without a sheet over myself. Luckily, none of our loads fell in my bed, or I would have to change the sheets.

“Yeah, bruh…” He mumbled, before doing as I told him. He repositioned himself next to me, and lied down. His muscled body was an amazing sight, and I pulled him in for a hug.

“Who’s a good puppy boy?” I whispered, loving the feel of his warm skin against mine.

“I am, bruh. I’m a good puppy boy for my owner… huhuh…” A dopey smile appeared on his face, and I proceeded to plant a kiss on him. I wanted to write down today’s progressions or something, I still had that ‘study Dave’s behavior’ on my mind. But it seemed kind of clouded now that I was focused on taking a little break with him beside me.

It was always good to spend a good time with my lovely werewolf jock.

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Writing A Life Story Examples

Personal Narrative My Life I never really thought about where my life was going. I always believed life took me where I wanted to go, I never thought that I was the one who took myself were I wanted to go. Once I entered high school I changed the way I thought. This is why I chose to go to college. I believe that college will give me the keys to unlock the doors of life. This way I can choose for myself where I go instead of someone choosing for me. I have chosen to go to the local community college to get used to the college experience. College life can be an exciting time but at the same time it can be a challenge. I feel that starting out at the community college would be a better chose than 'jumping' into life at a…show more content… I know this is what I want to do with my life. I want to be a positive influence in the lives of children. I want to be able to stand up and show the children that it is okay to be yourself and stand up for what you believe in. I am a well round student. For nine years I was actively involved in a girls organization. This experience taught me many things. We were actively involved in community service activities, for which I received the Silver Award. ( The second highest award in the organization.) I learned about the value of friendship and patients with others. This organization first introduced me to my future career. I was also involved for three and a half years in a student government club on campus. In this club I learned many life lessons. One of which was the value of hard work. I was one of the few people that organized the Junior/Senior Prom of 2000. My responsibilities included planning corranation, buying and organizing decorations, planning the busing schedule, booking the photographers, fundraising, ect. This taught me about hard work. But the best part of it was going to Prom knowing I was one of the only reasons that it happened. As far as school goes, my schedule is very diverse. I am taking child development lab, which is a class where students from my high school can go to the local elementary schools and work one on one with the students. I have work in the elementary school for two and a half years. I

Writing A Life Story Template

Writing A Life Story Examples Paragraph

Writing A Life Story Examples Essay

Examples Of A Life Story

Your 3-Sentence Life Story. What to write: Try to summarize your life in two or three sentences. Think about your past. “But mostly think about who you are today and how you got that way,” says Roberta Temes, PhD, psychologist and author of How to Write a Memoir in 30 Days. “Maybe you want to focus on a certain relationship, maybe a certain theme.or maybe a feeling that has persisted for years.”. First Person Writing Examples From Literature. When authors use the first-person point of view in their writing, they use I, me and my to show that the narrator is a character in the story.The writer may also use the plural first person: we, us and our.The narrator may be the main character, an antagonist or a minor character observing the action.

A short life story can be an alternative to writing an obituary in advance. When the obituary is needed, all the facts of the life are already at hand.

A life story can be composed for oneself or a relative or friend. It only needs to be a couple of pages long. A life story has the advantage of being able to be reviewed by the person involved. This step is good for checking the accuracy of facts and for the tone as well. A life story also can be a way to trigger and consolidate memories of the older – and the not-so-older – members of the family.

As well, Grandma's or Grandpa's life story (while they are still living) can be presented as a memento to children and grandchildren.

The best way to start is to get started. Get ideas down on paper, and organize them either by timeline, theme, or both. Don't worry about style, it can always be improved later. Many events of any person's life will sound bland and ordinary, but need to be included.

A note here about personal diaries (or journals). A diary is written for the person writing it; a life story or memoir is written for other people. If a diary has been kept, this could be source material in preparing a short life story or a longer memoir. Also, if a diary has been kept: make sure there are instructions for after death to either have it passed down or destroyed.

Because a life story is written while the person is still living (and so of course does not wind up with funeral arrangements), the ending can be happy, and even oriented to the future. Whether the story is written chronologically or thematically, consider finishing the story with a positive theme in any case. Cast the final sentence so it ends with an upbeat or future-oriented word.

Look for a way to end like: 'Belonging to the coin collecting club has been a source of many good memories and continues to bring to his life much enjoyment.'

Or: 'She has participated in numerous running competitions over the years, and is preparing to enter the local senior's event next year.'

Or even: 'He has been greatly interested in the lives of his grandchildren, and looks forward to seeing them grow and change in the future.'

Alternatively, end with three words that sum up the person's life. (Or, think of six words; see the review Six Words To Describe A Life?)

A basic two-page life story also can be a start to a longer memoir. For more on this subject, see the article “Memoir Man” a Born Storyteller.

Of course, having already written the life story, when the time comes for the obituary, the facts, anecdotes, and themes of the life lived are already there.

Life Story Writing Tips

Usethis website. Look at the Obituary Template as a guidefor necessary information.

Getstarted. Themost important thing is to get started. Get your ideas down onpaper. Organize your ideas either by timeline, theme, or acombination. Worry about improvingthe style later. For on-going and current events, use the present tense.

Get allthe facts. While you are collecting ideas, include all the facts, forexample the complete birth dates of ancestors as well as children and grandchildren. This ismore detailed than an obituary needs to be, but can be very useful forposterity. Ideas for details that are often missed: streetaddresses where people lived, locations where deceased ancestors areburied.

Deal with diaries. Incorporate any information from them; confirm instructions for them after death.

End on a high note. Conclude with three words that sum up the life, or with anon-going theme or interest in theperson's life. Make the ending positive, even inspiring.

Read itto others. Read aloud a draft at a family gathering to check facts, togetfeedback on descriptions, and to generate more ideas. This process is away to not onlyconfirm, but also relive and revive old memories.

Edit. As with any writing, revising improvesthe final product. This process not only spots errors, but alsoimproves the style. An excellent way to improve any writingis to set it aside for a few days, then look at it with fresh eyes –your own or someone else's.

Proofread. Then proofread again.

Send itout. Distribute the completed life story as akeepsake to family members. It could even prompt the writing of storiesfor other familymembers.

Consider alonger memoir. A short life story can be the basis of a longer work.

Keep itAvailable. Use the life story as a handyresource for when the obituary is needed.

* * *

See Also: Memoir Writing: Ten Tips Six Words To Describe A Life? “Memoir Man” a Born Storyteller A Family History Writing Workshop Live Well, Do Good

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Not Quite What I Was Planning: Six-Word Memoirs

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Find the Good: Unexpected Life lessons From a Small-Town Obituary Writer

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Having the Last Say: Capturing Your Legacy in One Small Story

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Obit: Inspiring Stories of Ordinary People Who Led Extraordinary Lives

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[meta-squash]

Your ADHD procrastination post has really stroke a nerve with me. I've had the same issue for years, but thought it's normal for everyone. Since about a year or so, I've been wondering if I may have an undiagnosed ADHD along diagnosed conditions. If it's not too personal, how else ADHD manifests in you? I hope it's okay to ask. I love hearing women's stories about ADHD because they are much different than the stereotypical image of it...

It’s not too personal! (FYI I go by they/them pronouns, but I am afab; it’s all good though!) Also, this got VERY long, I’m sorry! I’m verbose and have a lot to say, apparently.

So I personally have a weird relationship with ADHD. I was diagnosed with it (or some sort of attention deficit thing) when I was in like 3rd or 4th grade. I was briefly medicated but I think I was on Ritalin (I forget) and my child body couldn’t handle it; I was a zombie during the day and then when it wore off at night I was Evil and freaked out and wanted to fight everything. So I went off it pretty quick and didn’t get medicated after, presumably because my parents thought my ADHD wasn’t bad enough.

The reason they probably thought that is because my brother has Really Bad ADHD. Like, all the classic stereotypical symptoms and characteristics to the extreme: never shuts the fuck up, really damn loud all the time, extremely high energy, can learn pretty much anything in about 5 seconds but can’t actually hang on to an interest really (now that he’s an adult he can, but not as a kid), can’t sit still or pay attention in class, doesn’t finish homework, etc etc. I was able to mask mine and function enough to get through school just riding pretty much on my humanities grades alone. It sucked a lot but I somehow did it. I had an IEP (Individual Education Plan, which is a US school thing for kids with learning disabilities and such that allows for accommodations and assistance in school) but it didn’t do much except I think give me extra time on math tests because of my dyscalculia (I was in Special Ed Math my whole grade school career). My mother is an OT but I also think that (as you said) ADHD in afab people often manifests differently than in amab people, so I guess my parents just didn’t know what to look for and that’s why I never really got the same help as my brother.

I like to jokingly categorize ADHD into two distinct but overlapping types: Fast ADHD and Mush Brain ADHD. Fast ADHD (in my opinion; this may vary from person to person) is the classic stereotype symptoms. Fast ADHD’s focus problem is too much happening all at once. Lots of thoughts and ideas flying by and you get distracted mid-thought with another thought, or your train of thought gets really crazy but is super fast so your reply to someone’s comment might not make much sense to anyone else because they weren’t privy to your brain’s journey, or you go down a focus worm-hole and sit and do One Thing all day and forget to surface for things like food/water/bathroom. Fast ADHD has more energy (though when paired with depression that usually manifests as restlessness or anxiety) and is quicker to pick up new things. Mush Brain ADHD is kind of the opposite. Thoughts take longer, or you think of something and then it almost immediately disappears (for example, scrolling a website, seeing something that you want to google, you scroll for like 5 more seconds and think “wait, I completely forget what I was going to look up”). With Mush Brain ADHD it’s harder to have conversations because thought-to-mouth time is slower, rather than (with Fast Brain) lots of stuff is going on up there. Mush Brain often feels like, well, mush and like you can’t really form thoughts very well if you want to do stuff. It’s like you’re trying to focus on thinking a thought but it just slides away. Another way I’d describe it is having thoughts but it’s like they’re on a blackboard and they’re being erased as you think them, so they end up mostly smears. Obviously, this is just based on my own experiences as a Mush Brain ADHD person while my brother has Fast Brain ADHD, so this might be different for other people.

Both have lots of overlaps: executive dysfunction (that’s the big one), insomnia, auditory processing problems, hyperfixation (which is not a bad thing! I love my hyperfixations! They’re fun!), absolutely crap organizational skills, constantly losing things, really bad perception of time, detachment from the world (like you drift off into your own daydream, or things feel distant, but not quite the same as depersonalization/dissociating),  difficulty making choices, sensory processing disorder, crap abilities with money, rejection sensitive dysphoria, and often comorbid mental illnesses like depression, OCD, anxiety, dyscalculia/dyslexia, etc.

 Oh, and a lot of ADHD characteristics also overlap with depression characteristics (and a lot of people with ADHD have comorbid depression, so it really doesn’t help).

But I can tell you about my own experiences with some of these.

The Big One which is basically what that schrodingers motivation post is about, is executive dysfunction. People also call it procrastination (it only kind of is) or inertia. Basically, executive dysfunction is where the difficulty lies in starting the task. You want to do something, but you just can’t get going to do it. You get sort of paralyzed. It even happens with things you like. For example, when I made that post, there was a short (just over 100 pgs) book I wanted to read before the end of the day. It’s a good book! It’s on my reading list! I want to read it! But I just sat on my computer and watched dumb youtube videos because that’s what I was already doing and executive dysfunction makes starting tasks really hard. This happens to me a lot. It can happen with reading a book, or getting up to go to the store and buy groceries, or making a meal, or watching a movie. The movie-watching one happens to me a lot. Basically it’s the brain struggling to switch tasks; you’re scrolling tumblr, and that’s what your brain is focused on, and it doesn’t know how to switch from doing that to doing your bio homework or folding the laundry or whatever the task may be. This happens with “bigger” or more complex tasks too, like starting an art project or starting a new book, because your brain has to figure out all the components of that task (I need these items for my project and this amount of time and I need to use them in this order) which is overwhelming, or it needs to comprehend how “big” the task is (how much time/concentration should I try and commit to in order to read this book) which is sometimes hard to gauge. Oh, also this can happen if you’re interrupted in the middle of a task, whether it’s to do another thing or just to answer a question or something; it’s hard to get back to it because it’s another kind of switching tasks. Aside from the blackboard-being-wiped-thoughts, this is my biggest ADHD problem. I can go more into how I dealt with executive dysfunction in college and now if you want!

Auditory processing issues is another thing that I deal with, although to a lesser extent than some people. It just means it’s harder for your brain to process sounds/talking. Part of this, for me, is because if someone is talking to me but there’s other noises (music, other conversations, general loudish ambiance) going on around us, my brain treats them all as equally important and I can’t focus in on the person talking. Another part for me is in my experience I seem to process conversation different from explanation. If I’m talking back and forth with someone about something and it’s not terribly important, I’m fine. If they’re trying to explain something to me, give me instructions, or read a passage of text to me, it just does not stick in my brain. If I’m helping my best friend with her grad school applications, I have to read the sentence she’s asking me check, I can’t have her read it to me. If she does read it to me, I’ve realized that I try to imagine the words as text in my head so I comprehend it better (it doesn’t always work). Auditory processing issues means that a lot of my conversations in public with people who are not my close friends (and therefore easier to pick out from the noise because familiar and/or easier to predict because familiar) are filled with a lot of me going “what?” Retail conversations with customers are slightly easier because there’s at least a mild “script” that they’ll stick to, usually.

Another one I experience is organizational problems. This one was bad enough that I actually went to a tutor-like thing to help me with it for most of grade school. Basically, I had no ability to organize tasks like doing homework or other activities, so things would get forgotten/lost/never even written in the calendar/etc. I couldn’t do projects because I couldn’t (and still kinda can’t) organize far enough into the future. I didn’t know how to break the project down across multiple days or weeks and make it manageable without totally forgetting pieces of it. I’d forget to write down homework when the teacher wrote it on the board, or I’d write it down but forget to do it. Or I’d do it but misplace it or leave it at home. My perception of time was also really crap; I couldn’t read an analogue clock until I was in maybe 6th grade? Even now I sometimes have trouble. It was hard to know how much time I had to allot to certain projects because I didn’t really have good perception of how hours fit in the day and how much time until homework is due and stuff. (Which meant lots of finishing things in class minutes before I had to turn it in and stuff. Once in uni I completely forgot to do an Entire Essay; luckily it wasn’t a class I needed to graduate.)

Along with this is losing EVERYTHING. I misplace things CONSTANTLY. I’ll put something that’s in my hand down to get a cup of tea or something, or even just to like, move a blanket, and I’ll forget where I put it. I’ve solved this problem with Important Things (wallet, phone, and keys always go next to my bed, for example, and rarely move from there if they’re not in my pocket. All important papers go in my Important Papers Folder as soon as soon as possible) but I lose regular stuff all the time. I’ll be working on an art project, I’ll put my glue stick down to reach for a piece of paper, and lose the glue stick in the time it takes to pull the paper towards me. The other day I was brushing my teeth and I put the toothbrush cover down to say hello to the cat and forgot where I had put it down once I had followed her to the next room. When things have a Place it’s easier, but I’ve learned to live with going “Where the FUCK did I put this thing? I had it a second ago!” at least once a day.

The “Mush” in “Mush Brain” is another big one for me. I don’t know if this has, like, a name? Or anything? It’s just what I call it. The best description for it would either be that blackboard description from above, or like you’re struggling to get to a thought through a lot of mud. Oftentimes I’ll have a sort of concept of a thought but not something full, and I know it’s there, but I can’t get to it. This is really apparent when I’m trying to remember a synonym for something, or trying to elaborate on certain concepts or pull ideas from texts. It doesn’t happen all the time. I was an English lit major in uni, so this affected me a lot back then. It’s sort of a similar feeling to reading the same sentence over and over and not registering the words, except it’s in your own brain instead. This kind of goes away for me when I’m writing/typing. Writing this out is easy (minus me forgetting the word executive dysfunction for like 5 minutes) but if you were asking me to explain this aloud I would struggle, probably. This is probably because I can stare at what I’ve written to see what’s missing or edit my thoughts, which I can’t do while I’m speaking, and also can’t do to other people’s interactions with me.

Just a general inability to focus is also one I struggle with. It goes with the “mush brain” to an extent but I think it’s different. It’s more like my brain doesn’t want to, well, focus on anything. If I’m just messing around on my laptop, that means I end up clicking back and forth between tabs endlessly because nothing is holding my interest. If I’m trying to read or do anything “intellectual” or “academic” it means I just can’t get myself to read or I can’t keep my thoughts on what I’m trying to write no matter how hard I try. Nothing holds my interest for long enough, it’s like brain restlessness. I try and concentrate on doing something, watching something, reading something, and my brain just slides away from it.

Rejection sensitive dysphoria is something I experience on a more minor level. It’s something that also overlaps with anxiety and depression. Basically, it’s a really intense emotional reaction to (perceived) rejection. For example, if my best friend says something to me with a certain tone or gets mad at me for doing something minor, my brain just goes “She hates you! She doesn’t want to be friends with you! You should isolate in your room and never speak to anyone again because you’re so annoying and terrible!” I know that’s mostly incorrect (although I also know I’m quite annoying and that’s another ADHD characteristic; knowing you’re annoying someone in some way and having no idea how to stop) so I can fight it but sometimes I do end up holing up in my room for a little bit. Things like criticism (whether towards you or towards, like, an essay or something) can also trigger this reaction. So can things like having an expectation that you’ll be good at something, and then failing at it or just not being as good as you’d hoped. (I developed a sort of defense mechanism for this one of never expecting to be good at things and never expect higher than a C in a class.) It also can come with a sense of feeling inferior around people doing similar things. It happens to me a lot here on tumblr, actually, because I’ll write a meta about something, and then read someone else’s good meta on the same thing, and feel like I’m an idiot and they’re really smart and nothing that I wrote was insightful or good. It happened to me in uni a lot too. It also happens to me kind of...secondhand, now. What I mean is, my best friend/roommate is extremely smart. Like genuinely one of the smartest people I know and an incredible thinker, straight A’s at uni in a degree she created, etc. She still gets imposter syndrome herself and feels like she’s not smart, and when she says she’s not smart, I feel bad for her but I also feel really terrible about myself, because if she thinks she’s stupid, then what am I? But again, it’s an overreaction to perceived rejection. It still sucks though.

There’s some evidence that ADHD comes with a whacked out sleep schedule. And not just insomnia (although that too, I know this because it’s 7am and I haven’t slept yet lol), but also Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder. Which basically means that most people’s circadian rhythms start slowing down so they’ll go to sleep around like 11pm-1am-ish, give or take. ADHD circadian rhythms are shifted so often we start getting tired around 3am or even 4 or 5am. (This is different from insomnia, btw, with DSPD you can fall asleep fairly easily, you just get tired later in the night; with insomnia it’s an inability to or difficulty in falling asleep quickly.) I always thought I’d just gotten my dad’s night owl genes, but it’s more likely that it’s the ADHD. I also have at least mild insomnia and it takes me a million years to fall asleep a lot of the time.

Hyperfixations are the Fun part of having ADHD (in my opinion). They can get in the way sometimes but they’re also really comforting and nice. Hyperfixations happen when you find an interest and it’s basically all you want to think or talk about, and you relate to the world through it, and you want to learn everything about it. It’s also a characteristic of autism. I’m not autistic, so I don’t know if there are major differences between ADHD hyperfixation experiences and autism ones. Anyway, often hyperfixations stick with you for a good amount of time, depending on the strength, and then you might find something else to focus on. Some of my hyperfixations have lasted a few months, some up to 4 years. A lot of ADHD people rotate through the same or similar ones. For example, a hyperfixation I had back in 2011-2014/15ish was Les Miserables. I then found a different thing to hyperfixate on. This past year I have returned to Les Mis. Hyperfixations are usually pretty cool, because it’s usually something you really like and enjoy learning about or doing and it’s kind of like the thing your brain would rather be doing/focusing on.

Personally, I’ve lived so long without ADHD medication that I’m fairly functional without it just due to coming up with personal adaptations and stuff. The thing that I have the hardest time with/that upsets me the most is the Mush Brain part, which also gets worse when my depression gets worse. I really would love to have clear, quick thoughts whenever I want. It’s frustrating to hold a conversation or try to write creatively and quickly when it takes forever for thoughts to fully crystallize in my brain and then come out my mouth or fingers. Right now I don’t have very good health insurance (all blame to covid layoffs) so I can’t really do the meds thing but I often wish I could. My ADHD is definitely not as intense or severe as some people’s. I have friends, and also my brother, who struggle a lot more than I do, and with different things

Holy hell this was so long. Feel free to message me if you have any questions! Or if you want me to elaborate on some of the things I do to deal with stuff.

[owenshire]

Robert Muhlbock (virtually) Inducts Nine Inch Nails into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame 2020

Nine Inch Nails. One band, and often one man, with a computer (and guitar) against the world. Oh yes, Nine Inch Nails have added members for live performances and gained members (well, a member) for studio compositions, but from this “band-like-musical-entity’s” earliest days, it was just one person—one person who combined pop-hooks with industrial whirs, and harrowing rage with uncomfortable vulnerability. And his name is Trent Reznor.  

No one should claim that Nine Inch Nails invented a genre. They didn’t. But they sure as hell popularized and perfected it. Electronic, Industrial, ‘Disco Death Metal’—whatever you want to call it, the labels don’t really matter.  In fact, I think the genre should just be called “sounds like Nine Inch Nails” which is compliment enough on its own, right?  

Nine Inch Nails are one of the most important, vital, inspirational, talented, and unique of musical artists. I love them. And now I’m going to tell you why…in a lengthy video essay, so settle in.  And if you don’t have the fandom or attention span for what I’m about to say, go back to consuming shitty tweets and dumbfuck Instagram posts because you’re not wanted here anyway.

                            _______________________________

My first introduction to NIN began like so many others: by catching the iconic video for “Head Like A Hole” on MTV—the band rocking out amidst electrical wires and magnetic tape, until it seemed like the entire writhing mess would consume them whole.  It’s an image as potent today as it was some 30 years ago.

However, my real introduction to NIN was originally steeped in urban legend. I was in grade 10 and I heard Pretty Hate Machine played on my school bus on the way home. The owner of this cassette tape, a “cool girl” who shall remain nameless, told me that the album was “out of print” and “unavailable.” In short, she assured me that I would never be able to find a copy, but, guess what, I did.

In a trade with former MMA coach Shawn Tompkins—and in my grade 10 art class no less—I swapped two ninja stars for a box of his old cassette tapes, and Pretty Hate Machine was one of them. This was my own NINJA moment, if you will—does anyone get that reference—anyway, upon witnessing said trade some random guy in my art class immediately offered me $25 for the Pretty Hate Machine cassette tape—a king’s ransom in 1990—but of course I wouldn’t sell. I knew it was valuable—and in more than one way. Instead I played the hell out of the cassette in my Walkman. I was 14 years old. “Terrible Lie” was my favourite song from the album. And it still is.

And then—poof—like that, NIN dropped out of my life. Where’d they go? Well, I guess they were making a name for themselves during Lollapalooza 1991, white chalk dust and all. Not that I knew any of this. Pre-internet I had no idea what was going on.  In fact, I wouldn’t hear any new NIN music until almost a full year later when one of my friends with a penchant for industrial music introduced me to the Broken EP. As he handed me his CD for borrowing, he warned me that it was “pretty extreme.” And he was right. The Broken EP is why album warning stickers were invented: it was a fist to the face, a kick to the face—it was even an ass to the face.

Anyway, the Broken EP was my real introduction to the seemingly bottomless rage of NIN. When I heard Broken I was just starting to get into so-called “heavy” music, but nothing could have prepared me for the lyrical and musical brutality of “Wish.” While Reznor’s litany of profanity was extreme—at least to my sheltered 16 year old ears—what truly staggered me was the song’s main riff (you know the one I mean) the one that is so distorted, so disturbing, that it sounds like a guitar being burned alive while flailing in a wind tunnel.

I’d never heard anything like it before—it wasn’t cock-rock; it wasn’t fake satanic rage done for laughs, theatre or to impress--no. Instead it was the audio embodiment of complete destruction and utter despair. And 30 years later, it’s lost none of its power.

                          __________________________________

These same sentiments must be applied to The Downward Spiral, Nine Inch Nail’s career defining work that launched the band into mainstream success. Too often discussions of the record get bogged down by emphasis on “Hurt” or “Closer,” or, to some extent, “Heresy.”

Yes, “Hurt” is the perfect album closer and expression of pleading vulnerability, and, yes, “Closer” and “Heresy’s” choruses were brutally raw and shocking in 1994 (and, it should be said, still above average shocking  in 2020), but I feel the album is best presented as a whole. This was the beginning of NIN’s discovery that (to paraphrase one rock critic) just as much tension can be generated with a whisper as with a scream.

Dynamics have always been a huge part of NIN’s’ sound, and The Downward Spiral stands as a defining moment.  The album, as all of you know, begins with “Mr. Self Destruct” (well, that’s not entirely true—the album actually begins with the audio of what appears to be a man being beaten to death while submerged underwater)—but anyway, “Mr. Self Destruct” was as sonically astonishing to me as “Wish” was two years prior. As I listened to the verses of “Mr. Self Destruct” I kept asking myself “Is it supposed to sound like this? I can’t hear what he’s saying”—it was such a cacophony of meticulously detailed and layered noises, but of course not without substance or a melody: its quiet refrain of “And I control you” buried so deep in the mix, it mirrored the subconscious itself.  

“Mr. Self Destruct” gives way to “Piggy”—again a haunting track that’s almost tender and such a shock in sequence given the song that preceded it. Again. Dynamics. Surprise. Making the atypical typical in the best non-traditional way. Does that make any sense? Anyway, I felt the same way about the mini-piano solo/ lyric pairing of “now doesn’t it make you feel better” before the dramatic pause in “March Of The Pigs”—I don’t think any of us saw THAT coming. I was literally shocked when that phrasing appeared out of no where, emerging like a tiny ironic rainbow out of the whirlwind of thrashing drums, crazy guitars, and “stains like blood on your teeth” screams the preceded it.  

Speaking of screams, the title-track of The Downward Spiral still stands as a monument to vulnerability, despair, and pure abject horror. It’s the only song I’ve ever heard that I am afraid to listen to. When I listen to The Downward Spiral, I wait for the song the way a child hides behind a blanket awaiting glimpses of a film monster: I know it’s coming, and I know it’s going to be horrifying…and it always is. So why do I subject myself to it?

                                     ______________________

That’s a fair question. Let’s be frank here: Nine Inch Nails isn’t for everyone. It takes a certain personality to fully appreciate the band’s complete package of black, blue, and bleeding, “but you can dance to it!” Still, NIN is more than mere nihilism and hopelessness. Those who label the band in such ways, kind of miss the point. To me, NIN has always been—lyrically at least—about catharsis: I suppose ALL music functions as such—a tool of understanding, and a mechanism for coping. Trent Reznor once commented on the vulnerability of his lyrics, saying in an interview with NPR that his topic of choice was less about vanity than it was about delivering a performance with honesty and integrity. The only topic that mattered—his emotional struggle—was the only subject he could speak about with authority and with conviction.

However, it just so happens to be a struggle that millions of other people share. When Trent Reznor sings “Now you know/ this is what it feels like” on The Fragile’s “The Wretched,” he is inviting his audience to share in his pain. Whether he intended it this way or not, his is a gesture borne or isolation but ending in comradery: many of us certainly know what “this” “feels like.” And many, many more of us can certainly relate to the words “Dear World, I can hardly recognize you anymore.”

In short, Trent Reznor’s lyrics, as personal as they are, speak for us: his fans. He speaks for me. He still does.

Interestingly, themes consistent in NIN’s best work offer a type of almost emotional ambivalence: caring, but not caring; wanting to be helped, yet rejecting help; and most importantly, wanting to be alone, yet desperately wishing to connect with others. The songs “We’re In This Together” and “The Fragile” perfectly illustrate these sentiments.   To me, it is no coincidence they are sequenced side by side on the “some-critics-didn’t-like-it-at-the-time-but-have-since-come-to-their-senses-album” The Fragile.

                                      _________________

Musically, however, NIN is best known for three distinct styles of music: computer chaos, groovy beats, and symphonic soundscapes. I’ve touched on the first—and will return to it—but for now, let’s discuss the second. I’m not a huge fan of the term “death-disco”; however, NIN’s long list of ass-shaking beats, should not be overlooked. What began on Pretty Hate Machine with “Sin” and “The Only Time,” pleasantly resurface on “Into The Void” only to be perfected on “The Hand That Feeds,” “Only” “Capital G,” and “Discipline” not to mention a large portion of Hesitation Marks.

But back to computer chaos—or maybe just chaos in general. I can think of no better example to illustrate my point than the final coda to the song “The Great Destroyer” on the fabulous dystopian opus Year Zero—one of my favourite albums of all time: the sound of things falling apart—wires frayed, systems destroyed, screens cracked: static humming and ‘please stand by’ messages flicking forever. The Eater of Dreams. “All we ever were—just zeros and ones.”  

                                           ____________________

The final cornerstone of NIN’s musical contribution is soundscapes and instrumentals, and what a can of worms THAT is given all that’s transpired since 2011.  Anyway, when The Fragile was released in 1999, more than a few fans bemoaned its inclusion of no less than 7 instrumentals, and yet these contributions have always been a signature addition to NIN’s body of work: from “pinion,” “help me I am in hell,” “a warm place,” the deeply personal “La Mer,” to Ghosts I through VI, NIN’s experiments with sound have always been integral to their songwriting process—a willingness to experiment and a love of discovery which surprisingly, yet somewhat inevitably, lead to NIN’s work in soundtracks. Beginning somewhat inadvertently with Tony Scott’s Man On Fire (look it up), and then deliberately on the video game Quake, this creative direction eventually resulted in (as we all know) various Oscar and Emmy nominations and wins for Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross, and yeah, while technically not “Nine Inch Nails” releases, I think we can all agree it’s hard to separate the two sometimes because as we all know, the line begins to blur, amiright?  

The point is this: Nine Inch Nails were and are no strangers to pushing boundaries musically, visually, and artistically. Some defining unconventional moments in the band’s career to me are as follows:

·  The 97 one-second tracks on the Broken EP before its final two songs; the infamous Broken film itself—a movie I found on a bootlegged VHS tape and rented for a mere 1 dollar at the time—and then proceeded to wish that I never did.

·  Moving on, there is of course the band’s seminal 1994 Woodstock performance, where the musicians arrived on stage in a foggy haze, caked head to toe in mud, and bringing the apocalypse with them;

·  Next we have the Alternate Reality Game developed around the release of Year Zero,

·  There was the free download of The Slip; and the free downloads of Ghosts V and VI some years later

·  Who could also forget about the NINREMIX website where fans were invited to remix the band’s songs and post them for all to enjoy, and copyright be damned.

·  Um, there was also that time they said “a heartfelt fuck you” to the Grammy’s.  

·   And finally we have Nine Inch Nail’s unexpected live appearance on the rather toned down Austin City Limits.

And the list goes on. Trent Reznor once explained such actions in the most self-aware terms possible: he likes pushing himself (as well as his fans) out of comfort zones, to flirt with mainstream conventions but to approach and execute them as only Nine Inch Nails can: with integrity and—to borrow Trent’s appraisal of the late David Bowie—“uncompromising vision.”      

                               _______________________________

Speaking of integrity and uncompromising vision, NIN’s humility is one of the band’s most inspiring and endearing characteristics. In Reznor’s case, we’re talking about an accomplished artist who admitted publically that he still feels he has so much to learn about his craft—that he’s barely scratched the surface regarding his mastery of sound and songwriting; a man that mocked his own starry eyed expression upon receiving an Oscar by pairing it with the caption “I see unicorns” and inviting fans to provide similar self-deprecating taglines.  A man who speaks in measured tones about his opportunities and successes in his life—and does so, repeatedly I might add, quietly, humbly, and gratefully.  

Such self-awareness is extremely rare in show-business let alone by a band that’s achieved as much as Nine Inch Nails.

And guess what? Here’s the thing. I think there’s no stopping them. With Nine Inch Nails—particularly, Trent and Atticus no matter what they call themselves and until they are inducted into the IHOR as solo artists, anything’s possible:  

·  Scoring a children’s movie? The upcoming Pixar film Soul? Why not? Let’s have some more. Give me a children’s album!

·  Creating a vintage jazz ballad (the unparalleled “The Way It Used to Be”) in a week and making it indistinguishable from other songs of the era? Of course!

·  Winning a Tony Award to become part of the EGOT club—I say sure. In fact, prediction: before the end of the world (so basically, in about 30 years) Nine Inch Nails will get an EGOT.  There. Prove me wrong.

                                       ______________________

In 1997 Spin Magazine once hailed Trent Reznor as “the most vital artist in music today,” while in that same year Trent Reznor appeared on Time Magazine’s list of the top 25 most influential Americans.

These accolades were well earned; however, I prefer a statement made by some music magazine critic whose name escapes me in their review of a Nine Inch Nails album whose name also escapes me: they said, “we can only hope something else pisses him off,” sentiments which I’m sure are echoed by many, and to which I reply…there seems to be no worry about that.

                                      ____________________          

Nine Inch Nails encompass a facet of popular art that is as necessary as it is compulsory: they remind us that the world is not pleasant; tragedy is inevitable; the game is rigged; faith is a lie; and everyone you know will abandon or disappoint you.

But guess what? If you’re lucky, the way out is through, motherfuckers.

I am honoured to induct Nine Inch Nails into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.  

[onedaystudy]

READING THE REPUBLIC

Why does every teacher from an introductory philosophy class to one about political theory seem to be obsessed with assigning Plato’s Republic? If you glance thought the text, it seems to be better suited to a drama class, written as it is as a dialogue instead of the more traditional academic essay or treatise. However the Republic acts a good introductory text to so many subjects precisely because the characters of the text, through the course of their conversation, ask many of the same questions that subsequent thinkers will continue to ask and try to answer, questions that are the central inquiry of Western thought.

The Republic touches on questions regarding justice, what it means to be happy and lead a good life, the role of education in a society, what the ideal form of political government is, to what it means to have knowledge of something versus simply having an opinion. Plato was an educator and a philosopher, and reading the text can help teach the reader how philosophical inquiry can be embarked on, simply through having a conversation with your peers and asking questions about the world, and seeking an answer to them to with the goal of finding the truth.

What readers have taken from the text is myriad. By some, Plato has been read as providing an outline to a political society where power was given through individual merit, while others claim that the political society that Plato outlines is a totalitarian one, similar to Hitler’s Germany or Stalin’s Russia. This shows the importance the role you, the reader, have. How you interpret the text and the arguments of the characters gives the text its meaning.

As a result, the Republic can, in some ways, be analyzed as a drama or a novel. In some accounts it is said that Plato once did have aspirations of becoming a poet. According to those accounts, when Plato showed Socrates some of his works, Socrates asked him questions about every line of the text, and as a result Plato burned all his works and never wrote again. In reading the text as students then, we should channel Socrates’ annoying inquisitive spirit, and carefully read the text line by line.

HISTORICAL BACKGROUND

Plato has a reputation of being an ambiguous author, especially to the modern reader, who is not familiar with the historical events and characters present in the text in the same way that Plato’s contemporary readers would have been. To navigate these ambiguities it is important to have a bit of a background of the historical settings that the Republic was written in.

Plato was born in 427 BC (that’s around 2500 years ago!) to an influential aristocratic family at the end of the Golden Age of Athens, an age of Athenian domination and prosperity which had begun in the early fifth century with Athens’ defeat of Persia. This Golden Age would come to an end with the commencement of the Peloponnesian War between Athens and Sparta. Plato was born during the Peloponnesian War, and was around five years old when Athens entered into a truce with Sparta in 423 BC, called the Peace of Nicias. For some hopeful Athenians, this was a chance for Athens to rebuild its former empire and influence, free of the drain of warfare.

Unfortunately, that was not the case. Only eight years later in 415 BC, Athens’ decided to send a fleet of ships to Sicily, refered to as the Sicilian Expedition. As a result, the unthinkable happened. Athens’ fleet, which had made it a dominant naval power, was destroyed at Syracuse in 413 BC. By this point in Plato’s short lifetime (he was fourteen when the news of the failure of the Sicilian expedition broke), Athen’s had gone from being a dominant power to receiving a crippling blow in a an international conflict that it had entered into in a dominant position. Ten years later, when Plato was around twenty-four, the Peloponnesian War ended with Athen’s surrender.

The decline of Athens would have had a great part in molding Plato’s political concerns, and thoughts of reforming Athen’s to its former glory would have been heavy on his mind. While Plato was influenced by other philosophers, it is of course Socrates that had one of the greatest influences in his thinking. When Plato was twenty he started to join the other young aristocrats who hung around Socrates in the marketplace.

Some of his family members were already part of Socrate’s group, such as his uncle Charmides and his mother’s cousin Critias. These were the same relative’s of Plato who, at the end of the Peloponnesian War in 404 BC, would lead a group of conservatives to overthrow Athen’s democracy to rule as members of the Thirty Tyrants for nine corrupt and bloody months. Another infamous member of Socrates group was Alcibiades, who was the one to convince Athen’s to embark on the disastrous Sicilian Expedition, which lead to the destruction of Athen’s fleet.

So while, to Plato, Socrates represented the image of a philosopher who asked questions in the search for the truth, to the citizens of Athens Socrate’s probing questions, which he claimed to have no answer to, served only to undermine the city by questioning its traditions and established order. The democratic government which took power after the Thirty Tyrants was the one to sentence Socrates to death on the charge of corrupting the youth and, disbelieving in the gods of the city, introducing new gods into Athens. Socrates was sentenced to death and drank the hemlock in 399 BC, when Plato was twenty-eight years old.

Plato lived to be about eighty years old, but the first thirty years of his life were the most formative. The rest of his life would be spent doing what he admired most in Socrates – searching for knowledge. He became an educator in his own right, and founded the Academy, remembered historically as the first university.

This important period – the Peloponnesian War, the rise of the Thirty, their downfall to the democracy, which would execute Socrates – casts a shadow on the dialogue of the Republic through its characters, whose fates were embroiled in its events. The dialogue was set during the Peace of Nicias, meaning that many of the events that lead to the decline of Athens had not yet come to pass, and neither had the Thirty come into power – but they would have been fresh on the minds of Plato’s readers, who knew the future that was to come.

Many of the characters would be dead by the time the Republic was written. Socrates was sentenced to death for the same philosophizing he characterized in the Republic, Cephalus (the old man who opened his home to the visitors) would have his family fortune seized by the Thirty, who were relatives of the brothers Glaucon and Adeimantus. Polemarchus would also be executed by the Thirty, and his brother Lysias and father Cephalus would be sent into exile in the Piraeus, which during the time of the Thirty acted as the center of democratic opposition, and would be recognizable to us as the setting of the Republic.

For me this knowledge makes the dialogue that much more poignant. It is almost as if Plato is saying “Look, pay attention! What may seem like an idle conversation to pass the time, asking grand questions about justice and the good life, will lead to the death of these men.” It is a warning to those that think these questions aren’t important, and what should happen if we decide to stop the pursuit of knowledge regarding the truth. It is my belief that it is this message that the Republic has preserved through its study by generations of students.

BOOK I

Cephalus (328b-331d)

The Question is Introduced – What is Justice?

Techne (332e) Types of human government (338d) Violence of tyrants (344b-c) The burden/difficulty of rule (345e-346a) Comparison between the city and the individual (352a) Proper task of things (352d-353a)

Polemarchus (331d-336a)

Thrasymachus (336b-354b)

The old order, introduction of Cephalus

The first definition of justice to be introduced is through an old man named Cephalus, who is the father of Polemarchus. In ancient Greek, Cephalus means “head”, which he could be named because he is the head of the family. He is happy to see Socrates, and partly insults him by saying to him that, due to his old age, his desire for conversation has grown so he wishes that Socrates would visit him more often to talk. Either intentionally or not, Cephalus has thus regaling the philosophical conversations to which Socrates has devoted his life to idle talk to pass the time in old age.

Cephalus is a “metic” meaning is not a citizen of Athens, despite his monetary wealth. It is here, where they sit down with Cephalus that the rest of the dialogue of the Republic is going to be held.

Cephalus begins the conversation by looking back on his life, and states that while old age has given him freedom from the sex and money that ruled his younger years, in his old age he has also began to wonder if he lived a just life. Cephalus wonders, if when he dies, he will go to the afterlife peacefully. It is Cephalus who poses the question of justice, due to the fact that he is approaching the end of his life and is worried about the judgement of the gods.

We can think of justice loosely as “acting in a right way” – for an example in a way that the gods would approve of in the afterlife. The English word “justice” is how the word “dikaiosune” found in the original Greek text is translated. Dikaiosune refers to behaviour that is regular and predictable, such as law-abiding behaviour, in contexts that involve behaviour towards other people. This stands in opposition to virtues like courage and honesty, which can exist in the absence of other people.

Pause here, my dear reader, to think about what justice would look like to you. How should we treat other people?

Say you think that justice is acting towards others as you would like to be treated. If this is your conception of justice, then are there circumstances where acting according to justice is made easier? What about harder?

Think about your conception of justice and argue against it. Some standards you should see if your conception of justice can meet are (1) if it is universal, meaning you should ask if it guides everyone’s actions in the same way, no matter the circumstances (2) if it can be taught, and if so, how.  

He then continues to say that the money he has is now good because he can offer sacrifices to the gods and pay back his debts to those he owns them to, and does not have to commit injustices because of a lack of money.

From this statement, Socrates asks him if that is what he thinks justice is “speaking the truth and paying back what one has borrowed” (331d).

Socrates has an argument against this definition of justice. He asks – what about if you borrowed a weapon from a friend that was not mentally sane? Under this definition of justice, which says that you must pay your debts and return what you have borrowed, you must give the weapon to this friend, even if he could hurt himself or someone else with it. This cannot be justice.

Here, Socrates has pointed out that Cephalus’ definition is deficient because it only describes an instance of what actions can be seen as just, without really telling us what justice is. There’s a famous story that once, Plato defined man to be “a featherless biped”, only to have the philosopher Diogenes run into his villa holding a plucked chicken, exclaiming “Behold, a man!”. Socrates has done much the same to Cephalus, and through his counter example made the point that merely describing what actions are just, does not explain why they are just.

Cephalus’ definition also does not give much guidance to those, like the sword lender in Socrates example, who do not have the ability to act according to it. Cephalus’ definition is one that is very much tailored to the position in life Cephalus is in, as an older person with money and few temptations, and has little to offer to those who are not in the same position. As Socrates says, it is a definition that outlines actions that are “sometimes just, sometimes unjust” (331c).

Cephalus agrees with Socrates, and admits that Socrates had made a good point against his definition of justice, but before he can hear Socrates’s argument he leaves the conversation, tasking his heir Polemarchus with continuing the debate on his behalf. With the exit of Cephalus, who will not return, tradition and the old order has left the conversation. This leaves the remaining characters – Socrates, Glaucon, Polemarchus, Thrasymichus and Adeimantus – to converse over a new definition of justice.

This is the primary topic of dialogue for the rest of Book I of the Republic. Similar to the conversation with Cephalus, a character tries to give a definition of justice, only to have Socrates come up with examples and arguments that show inconsistencies in the definition, such as how it is applied (as he did with Cephalus) or lead to a conclusion that is extreme (as he will later do with Thrasymichus).

Polemarchus, a dead man talking

Polemarchus is the next character to give a definition of justice. Polemarchus is a name that means “war lord”. Polemarchus is concerned with honor, and to him justice is a type of loyalty to your friends, to those that you identify as belonging to the same community as you. This is a very “us versus them” view, making it a view of justice that lends itself very well to international relations.

Prompted by Socrates, Polemarchus states that, like the art of medicine is to give “drugs, food and drink to bodies” and the art of cooking is to give “seasoning to meat”, the art of justice is “the one that gives benefits and harms to friends and enemies” or in other words “Justice is doing good to friends and harm to enemies” (332d).

This is a definition that is more general than the one Cephalus had provided, and therefore harder to disprove with just a simple counter example. To argue against it, Socrates will show that if this is truly the definition of justice, it will lead to unacceptable conclusions if applied.

Remember, to say something about justice is to say something about how we should treat other people, so in saying that we “should give others what they are due”, Polemarchus is saying that to act justly is to fulfill our social obligations to the people in our community and those outside of it.

If you were Socrates, how would you argue against this definition of justice? Keep in mind what acting according to Polemarchus’ definition would entail. In 332c, the word “craft” is a translation of the Greek word techne, which to those of Plato’s time would have the same connotations as the word “science” would have to us.

So when Socrates asks “what the craft we call justice gives”, he is asking what type of knowledge is needed in order to fulfill our social obligations to those in our community and those outside of it. By treating justice as a techne, Socrates requires that Polemarchus’ definition of justice require knowledge. Look back on Polemarchus’ definition – what type of knowledge is required to “do good to friends, and bad to enemies”?  

Much of the diffuculty that Polemarchus’ definition faces is that Socrates treats the type of knowledge required by justice as a techne, or a skill. This sets justice to the same standard of knowledge as the skills that the term techne encompassed in Plato’s time, such as that of a medicine or navigation. These skills usually made up a persons occupation (such as doctor or ship captain), and therefore not only require abstract, theoretical knowledge but a way to apply that knowledge, and subsequently, teach it to others.

If we are to say we have knowledge of justice, of how we should treat others, then Socrates and Plato maintain this is the standard we must aim for in our search for justice. By having Polemarchus agree that justice is a skill or a craft, Socrates traps Polemarchus into having to show that there is a specific subject that is the sole domain of justice, in the same way that we have a defined view of the purpose of medicine or navigation. So if justice is something that guides the activity of “doing good to friends and bad to enemies” is there a specific field of knowledge that belongs to justice?

Socrates argument is to show that, if we are to follow Polemarchus’ definition of justice, that no, there is not. This is because the skill to do good or bad to someone is already accounted for by other crafts. If, as Polemarchus claims, the domain of justice is in matters of war’s and alliances (332e) and in peace-time, that of contracts,

Socrates asks Polemarchus how a person can determine who their friends are. People make mistakes, so can’t a person then think someone who is their friend, whom they consider to be good, be in fact their enemy? Since this is obviously the case, and people often mistake their enemy for their friend, Polemarchus’ definition of justice can mean that it is just to treat good men unjustly. This seems like a bad definition of justice.

In response to this, Polemarchus amends his definition of justice to state that “it is just to do good to the friend, if he is good, and harm to the enemy, if he is bad” (335a). Socrates is quick in his rebuttal, and asks if it is ever just for a just man to harm anyone? When you harm a horse or a dog they become worse. So therefore, cannot it also be said that the same is true of a human being, and in respect to human virtue a person would become worse? If human virtue must be a part of justice, just as “musicians cannot make men unmusical through music”, it does not make sense that a just man can make others unjust through justice. That is the work of his opposite, an unjust man.

Through these arguments Socrates has silenced Polemarchus, but we shall see later on that his definition of justice will make a reappearance. The best city is one that is peaceful, but that might not be so between the relations of states, meaning that a warrior force that protects the polis will be needed. The fact that this definition makes a reappearance is not a surprise, since is not a sense of community central to the citizenship that makes up political life? Can a political society even survive without a sense of what it is, and what it is not?

Thrasymachus, Socrates’s evil twin

The next to take up the challenge of giving a definition of justice is Thrasymachus, who has been sitting eagerly through Socrates’s conversation with Polemarchus, barely restrained by those around him from speaking. He is describes “hunched up like a wild beast” and once Socrates finishes his conversation with Polemarchus, he flings himself at Socrates and demands that he give a definition of justice himself instead of just refuting the definitions of others. This outburst startles Socrates so much that he thinks to himself that “he was frightened when he heard [Thrasymachus], and, looking at him, he was frightened” (336d).

But Socrates had noticed Thrasymachus’ agitation while he was speaking to Polemarchus and was ready to answer him. Socrates says that if he is making any mistake, it is not intentionally, since he would not stand in the way of someone looking for something as valuable as justice. At this response Thrasymachus exclaims in humor, and accuses Socrates of engaging in his “habitual irony” in not giving an answer. Thrasymachus is a sophist, who in ancient Greece would teach rhetoric for a fee. Philosophy was defined in contrast to sophistry, which was characterized by skepticism and a reputation for making anything look like the truth, while philosophy was the search for what was true and objective.

Thrasymachus gives his definition of justice, stating “the just is nothing but the advantage of the stronger” (338c). In other words, might is right.

Thrasymachus points out that every polity makes a distinction between the rulers and the ruled, and each ruling group, no matter the form of government, sets down the laws. “A democracy sets down democratic laws; a tyranny, tyrannical laws” (338e) for their own advantage and declare these laws to be what is just for the ruled, and punish their breaking as injustice. Justice is the rules of the ruling class, which they set to their benefit.

Socrates challenges Thrasymachus in a similar way to his challenge to Polemarchus. He asks Thrasymachus is if rulers can make mistakes, and therefore make laws that are disadvantageous and harmful to them. If it is so, which Thrasymachus agrees to be true, then the ruled are made to follow rules that are a disadvantage of the stronger. This shows a flaw in Thrasymachus’s thinking. Thrasymachus’s response to this challenge is that those who make mistakes are not true rulers, since they are not the stronger in having made their mistake. The true ruler acts on their own interest, as well as knowing what is in their own interest.

Socrates argues that an art is not made for the benefit of the practitioner but for the advantage of its use. Medicine does not consider the advantage of medicine, but of the body, and horsemanship does not consider the advantage of horsemanship, but of horses. Therefore, Socrates concludes, a ruler, in practicing the craft of ruling, considers not their own advantage but, instead, that of which is ruled (342e). Thrasymachus blows up again, and insults Socrates. He says that the relationship between the rulers and the ruled is like that of a shepherd and their sheep. The shepherd does not raise the sheep looking for the good, but for their own self-interest.

The value of Injustice

In giving his speech about shepherds and sheep, Thrasymacus makes some bold statements about the value of living a just life. He says that “the just man everywhere has less than the unjust man” and injustice is to one’s benefit if it is done on a larger scale, as a ruler, since no one will call it injustice. After all “for it is not because they fear doing unjust deeds, but because they fear suffering them, that those who blame injustice do so” (344c). The just is then what is profitable for the stronger, and the unjust is what is profitable and advantageous for oneself. Here, Thrasymachus has changed the topic of debate from the question of what justice is, to if a life lived according to justice is the best one.

Thrasymachus is claiming that perfect injustice is more profitable than perfect justice (348b). In response to this Socrates asks him if he thinks if justice is a virtue, and injustice is a vice. Thrasymacus agrees that justice is a virtue and injustice a vice, but adds that injustice is more profitable, and is good and prudent. Prompted by Socrates’s questions, Thrasymachus is also made to agree that the just man will be willing to only get the better of the unjust man, while the unjust man is willing to get the better of both those that are just and unjust. Put plainly, Socrates is making the point that the unjust are the sort of people who would take advantage of other people, both those who are just and unjust,

If, as Thrasymachus is also made to agree, those that are learned are not willing to get the better of those that are like them, but the unlearned are willing to get the better of both the learned and the unlearned, the just have been revealed themselves to be good and wise, while the unjust are unlearned and bad. It is at this point that Thrasymachus is made to blush, for he realizes that instead of defending justice as a virtue, he has been defending the unjust life, and those people who would take advantage of others.

Socrates’ second point is that even those that are involved in some unjust enterprise, such as thieves, would have to act justly towards one another in order to accomplish anything. It is injustice that produces factions and fighting among those factions, and justice that produces peace and friendship (351d). If the gods are just, the unjust man will also be an enemy of the gods.

But despite all this conversation, Socrates proclaims, the importance of this discussion is to determine the question of how one should live. The point of disagreement between Socrates and Thrasymachus is not only on what justice is, but if the just life is the best life (in being the most profitable).

Socrates goes on to say that each thing has a virtue in the work that it does. For example the purpose of an eye is to see, but if instead of being governed by virtue it was ruled by its vice, that is blindness, then its work would be done poorly. The same can be said of living, which is the work of the soul, so that a soul ruled by vice does not live well. Since justice is the virtue of the soul and injustice its vice, the just soul and the just man will live a good life, and the unjust one a bad one (353e). The just man will therefore be happy, which is profitable, while the unjust one will be wretched, which is not.

This conclusion seems to be an unsatisfactory one. It seems like Socrates did not really disprove Thrasymachus’s argument, more that Thrasymachus got frustrated and gave up. Glaucon and Adeimantus agree, and are not satisfied with this conclusion, as we will see in Book II.

The main point to take away from the debate around Thrasymachus’s definition of justice is that it hinges on what type of knowledge is necessary to rule. The central concession that Thrasymachus makes to Socrates is in saying that one needs knowledge in order to determine what is in ones self-interest. So if justice is self-interest, then justice requires knowledge. If the true ruler will act unjustly in order to pursue their own interests, justice, like all knowledge, is for the purpose of self-interest. By Thrasymachus’s view the strong are better of disregarding justice, and pursuing their own self-interests directly.

Why do we read Book I?

Having been introduced to the question of justice, and having been given three diverse accounts of how to define justice, we are left at the end of Book I with little answered. This leads many frustrated students to ask why we even need to read Book I? We will move on to Book II only to have Glaucon pose the same questions, mainly (1) what is justice, and (2) is the just life the good life – questions which, unlike in Book I, Socrates actually attempts to give an answer to.

This leaves many students tempted to skip Book I, but while tempting, I would not recommend it. The reason that Book I is still read in teaching the Republic is because it introduces many of the themes of the book, and in my opinion functions as a good primer to those who are unfamiliar with the Socratic method of philosophizing, asking questions and arguing. Plus, Book I sets important groundwork in the common ways that one may approach asking the question of what justice is, and the problems that those approaches will face.

While frustrating (which is in part the point, the search for the truth is not an easy thing!) the work of Book I is rewarding. As you will see, it is likely that you will return to Book I in your essay on the Republic in order to trace Socrates’ line of argument, since after Book I Socrates does not face much opposition in laying out his definition of justice.

[mystic-kitten-writer]

You’re so sweet for being so reassuring and not minding at all how I ramble about astrology 🧡 I’m very flattered with how you said how observant I am, thank you for that! But oh my gosh, please, there’s nothing to be jealous about. I personally feel like I get bogged down by details that at times I get too caught up and the bigger picture gets overlooked. (1/9)

And Zuko really is the poster child of a Mars man, you summed it up perfectly!! I am far from being an expert, but I love the validation you shower me with 🥰 Though I actually would love to reach a level where I can offer chart readings to anyone interested and have it be some kind of little side job one day. But ahh, there’s still so much I have to learn, from traditional to modern, it’s a discipline really worth getting into. (2/9)

I’ve never really thought about Azula’s nor Mai’s sign. Now I really want to think + look into it! It would be fun to analyze how that affected their dynamic with Zuko. I’ve been meaning to do a rewatch of the entire series due to quarantine, but even with staying home, there’s still school. And I find myself more stressed and not in the proper headspace to do a whole rewatch + be able to appreciate it properly. Idk if that made any sense, but hopefully I get over it soon. (3/9)

I’m hypothesizing that Azula has strong Leo/Scorpio to her, though she shows the negative qualities. She’s very loud, loud as in she makes people take notice of her + seeks praise/basks in any praise given to her, feeling entitled to all of it. Though I have to give it to her, she has this compelling vibe to her, so her entitlement is valid. She’s also cunning + manipulative and is a master at being so. Though none of that is her fault, she just really didn’t know any better. (4/9)

I would associate Mai’s no bull-shit attitude with Capricorn/Aquarius. I actually haven’t read the comics but her no bull-shit persona shines in the series and it’s fantastic! She’s not upfront with her feelings, but blunt with everything else. At the same time, she didn’t have a problem with stepping up when needed, such as stepping up to Azula. All of which fit into the archetypes of Cap/Aqua. And I agree communication between her and Zuko would be crucial for understanding between them. (5/9)

Those are my best guesses, I’ll get back to you more on how their signs played into their interactions with Zuko when I get to rewatching the series later! Yue’s gentleness comes from her Venus energy, and it’s wonderful how it allows Zuko’s inner Cancer to be visible. I also just realized Yue’s Libra energy and Zuko’s Aries energy play a part as to why they’re so appealing to each other too. They are opposites that just absolutely complement each other! (6/9)

Oh, I’m a Taurus + Libra moon + Sagittarius ascendant! Thanks for being curious ☺️ Going back to how you said you’re a Scorpio and your sister is a Taurus, I can relate. My mom is a Scorpio, and similarly, it took growing up for me to understand where my mom is coming from because we used to disagree on a bunch of things. I don’t have a proper explanation for it tbh. Other than the fact that Taurus and Scorpio are naturally opposites, so misunderstandings can easily arise. (7/9)

Though funny enough, I have a lot of people in my life that have Scorpio in their chart, and I’ve read a few times that if signs that naturally oppose each other make the effort to connect, then the connection is extraordinary. And as a Taurus, the people who positively affected me most are people with Scorpio energy, so I guess it’s the universe’s way of bringing balance. (8/9)

Omg, all of my asks basically make up a whole essay on astrology, and I really can’t believe I typed all that out. But thank you for sharing my enthusiasm for it 💓 I promise I can talk about things other than astrology though, aha. The next time I send you a message it’ll be on a different topic for sure! Also, I have no idea if any parts duplicated/are missing because Tumblr made me wait an hour before I could send everything. So I hope everything shows up properly! (9/9) - 🌻

I don’t know if it’s just me – but it makes my DAY getting long asks.

I love reading people’s words because you can tell how much effort and joy the person has while writing something (whatever the topic is). Like high-key, I wait for your asks because they’re always so long and in-depth, and as someone who suffers from word vomit – I can appreciate the passion and overall love. So, you better not send me short asks – I will hold it against you 😂 LOOL I need an essay buddy~! 😉

I AM CLAIMING DIBS ON BEING YOUR FIRST CUSTOMER. You can read my whole soul damnit because while I totally agree with you that Astrology is a broad discipline with much material to learn and cover, you have a vast knowledge on the topic already. I can totally see you doing it! You explain things very well, and as I read, I find myself learning stuff, and as someone who loves learning – your attention to detail and how clear you are is much appreciated.

Trust me, I get that feeling of stress. Like even though I finished school, and I can relax for the summer because my summer classes got cancelled, being stuck at home is starting to get to me. I’m very much an ambivert (leaning towards introverted), and usually, being alone is my fav zone. Still, I do enjoy going for walks and staying active (even if it's solo activities #Idontdoteamworkandusuallyendedupplayingsoloevents). But the weather has been poor, and I think all my family and friends are starting to get cabin fever 😅. Are you done your classes for the semester yet, or do you still have time to go?

OUUU, I see that mix of Leo Scorpio. Gosh, you're so good at this stuff. I can ask you questions all day LOOL. Like that manipulative aspect is, no doubt in my mind, a Scorpio thing 🙈. Like I’m a Scorpio, and even I can admit it – we’re master manipulators (for better or worse). But I’m surprised by the Mai one! Not because I don’t agree, but because I couldn’t pin one down for her, but I think you nailed it. I’m excited to see if you change your opinions once you watch the show. Because something I notice that happens naturally as you age, is certain traits of the zodiac signs become more prominent or disappear. Because, unsurprisingly, first episode Zuko to comic books Zuko are pretty much two completely different characters. He went from ‘don’t touch me’ to starting every single hug in the comic books with Aang and Sokka, etc. (Soft Zuko does things to me 🤭).

SO, QUESTION – how does Yue’s Venus influence Zuko’s cancer, and how does Yue’s Libra’s energy influence Zuko’s Aries? Like I know, they influence each other, but I’m trying to find the right words, or examples, of it happening. Or ways to describe how they affect each other. I’m sorry if I’m not making any sense. I just – there’s so much to learn, and I want to know more and more 🤯

HANDS DOWN, I would not label you as a Taurus!

I was going to label you as a Libra (so I’m happy I got that one right, kind of), but I’m so shooketh about the Taurus. But I can’t agree with you more on the fact that while Taurus/Scorpio’s are opposites, if they put effort into the relationship, it's incredible. Because I think a lot of it stems from miscommunication. Like I believe communication is vital in any given relationship, obliviously, but certain signs need an extra sprinkle of it to work.

My sister just had a second baby, and her first baby is a Libra/Scorpio cusp, and the second girl is Scorpio, and her husband is also a Libra/Scorpio cusp. I had to laugh and say good luck raising two mini-mes! She’s like I shot myself in the foot LOOL 😂😂😂

And don’t worry about it, hunny! If I ever miss a part, I’ll send a post right away in search of your missing ones because I need your words 😉

[whats-the-story-tc]

13th of March, 2020

"The One with V's Sister"

[REALLY LONG ONE. I got her back for a day, you best believe I'm savouring every single goddamn second.]

Shenanigans below the cut:

Another day, another ponytail. :-)

I dreamt with her again the night before. We were at this school event and I introduced her to my Dad. As they shook hands, Dad was wondering where he'd heard her name, then asked me if she was the one I always kept talking about. V just chuckled and said that I am her best student, but I never tell her stuff like that. Dream-me was probably blushing profusely.

Right. So. Morning. Bandana Friend and I were at the secretary's office to ask for something and lo and behold, there's V in her usual seat turned towards the door, hands glued to her phone, hair pulled back. I got really excited. I had two whole classes to drink in the sight, and I simply couldn't wait. "Whoop, there she is!" Bandana Friend told me. "Yeah, I saw her. And her hair is up!" We got excited, then remembered we said it loud enough that she could've heard. A laugh was had.

After that encounter, I was informed that we were to write a pretty important test in V's class that I didn't even know about. I tied my hair back as well, and spent the whole of my History class rather anxiously cramming anything and everything Grammar-related. Class ended, and my classmates were pleading with me to try and convince V to postpone the test a little, because she likes me. (It's not worth much, though. They say that about every teacher.) I told them that even though she does, she wouldn't listen to me, either. "There's no getting a plan out of that woman's head," I said.

Turns out, I was once again boo boo the fool. V decided to axe the test and have us write it a week later. I could've kissed her. I actually went: "MISS!" out loud from the surprise, hands thrown up in the air. And not only did she axe the test, she told us exactly what to expect and what we need to know, when we eventually DO write it. And, even though we'd previously discussed everything she mentioned, she took the time to go through everything once again, explain every important thing one by one. And she spoke English again! Okay, it was one word, when she brought up euphony, and said how everyone says German is a violent, angry language because of its phonetics, and brought up the classic "butterfly/Schmetterling" example I'm sure most of you are familiar with.

As she was talking about stylistic value, and how it can differ depending on the context, she brought up the very word she called me the last time we shared a walk, the one I translated as 'babydoll'. I immediately started smiling. Pleasant memories. And, as she went on, now talking paradoxes, she brought up the epigram I associate with her. Odi et amo. I looked away from her with a bittersweet smile. I couldn't believe this was actually happening. But the rest of the time, I couldn't keep my eyes away when I wasn't writing. There was always something to look at. Her hair, her eyes, her smile, her coffee mug necklace, her outfit and body (*cough* low-cut T-shirt *cough*) and basically everything. Cynical Twat (who no longer sits behind me) had his eyes on me for a while, while I was looking at her like she hung the stars. I think he's onto my ass. Fuck.

We also spoke about the other class in our year, as they came up. I asked V if they were ahead of us, as she said she keeps mixing up what she discussed with us and them, and she told me we were basically even at the moment. Then came the obvious question from Blond Boy in the Back: who does she like more? V was very reluctant to answer that, not wanting to generate tension between us, and only wound up saying that we were a lot more disciplined while the other bunch act more freely, and that she likes them and they'll mature someday. She also mentioned she has class with them in really unfortunate time slots and that not even the best class would want anything to do with her or her subject in 7th/8th period. I was about to protest, but I remembered it would be best not to. It's not like she'd respond, anyway.

Towards the end of class, we practised recognising different types of symbolism in poetry. There was this one about tree branches throwing black bouquets on the ground. I wondered what it meant — exactly until the very moment V asked us what it meant. That's when I realised it referred to shadows, and said it immediately. V didn't look at me, just pointed at me as she repeated my answer. She didn't have to reach far — she was standing right next to me. It was quite the common occurence in that very class, as she kind of alternated between standing at the board and by my side. Brb, gotta go get my tinfoil hat.

I also remember the two of us (ft. Comparison Boy I think, but mostly just V and me) having a short debate about whether or not this one famous poem was picture poetry or not. We were so persistent that V ended up telling us something along the lines of "Okay, it can be viewed as such, but technically, it isn't." Ha! Success :)

At the end of class, just to get a proper conversation out of her, I trotted up to her to ask if the definitions of metonymy and synecdoche I jotted down for myself after a bit of extra research were passable. She said that she'd word them a little differently, but technically, they were passable. Cool. End of story.

...at least I thought so. But more on that later.

She gave us back our earlier tests, one Grammar I fucked up here (I only got a B for it, my perfectionist ass can't take it), and the Literature one from here. A+. Huh. And, for once in her life, V actually signed a test! (I'm not exaggerating when I say I've never seen her signature in the past, nearly 2 years.) But what was best, is that when we looked at Debate Friend's test, couldn't finish her essay and barely wrote anything, under it stood, in red V-cursive: "I know you ran out of time." You guys, she gave her maximum points for it! We were full-on gushing when we saw it. Angels walk among us, I tell you.

Later, I had a splitting headache in (foreign) English, and told Curly Friend that I probably would suffer through my upcoming last class of the day if it wasn't going to be with V. I think I told her I always go to V's classes to catch a break. Not because they're easy, but because I can relax and listen to things I love hearing about, from a woman I love listening to. He told me that V was feeling pretty poorly, too (he had double class with her after she was with us), which surprised me. Aside from one story she told us about her dad (she mentioned both her parents today which she doesn't usually do), she was rather very smiley and energised from the very start of class with us. The only time I saw her be more serious was when I spoke to her after class. There was something about her eyes I noticed, but didn't think much into it. The usual sharp-cold fox eyes (I thought it through, they're more fox-like than cat-like), piercing right through the soul upon first glance. Now I realise how tired she must have been.

7th period Literature, aka where things genuinely started getting crazy. Whew. Here we go. Just before we actually got started, my homeroom teacher showed up and called V outside for a minute. You'll later see why. Then, class proceeded as usual. V set up everything, then put on a video about romanticism era here, at home. But, as per usual, V couldn't stop herself from making notes on the board and pausing the video to add her own commentary. Most of the time, she was crouching beside her laptop, with a complete disregard to me looking at her instead of the video whenever she did that. Once the video was over, she explained some things, her back against the board. She realised she got a whole person's name wrong, and, upon noticing she smudged the writing a little, she remarked "I hope I wiped the board with my hair again," and reached for her ponytail. I was laughing to myself. What do you mean again, love? My dearest, the train wreck.

Second video, about this play based on a queen's assassination in the medieval times. V said it was a tragedy, and asked us what a tragedy was. As I was trying to lace my thoughts together, I did notice that quick look she stole at me that basically said "Come on, Specs, you're the drama expert, say something or this is gonna get really awkward." Me and this other boy did manage to answer, though. After that, it was video time. V took a seat on an empty desk at the other side of the classroom, so she wouldn't block the view. Coincidentally, I had perfect view of both the screen and her. And that's where everything started getting mad.

She noticed. As I was watching her reactions, she turned to me and looked me in the eye before turning back to the video. And after that, though I didn't dare to look at her as much, most, if not all my gazes were returned. When the title character eventually stabbed the queen, she let out this extremely ridiculous scream straight out of a cartoon (well, they WERE cartoon silhouettes after all). I look at V, she looks back at me with this smile of "yeah, I know". Thing is, even in the next 'scene' with a trial, taking place presumably days later, the queen's body was still on the ground. I couldn't help myself, and asked "And they just left the queen there?" V burst into a grin as she looked at me to say "No!". This time last year, I used to get very Done™ looks for this kind of joke, and no verbal response at all. We're getting somewhere, ladies and gentlemen and enby people.

After the video ended, I actually raised my hand this once, to point something out. V was about to start speaking, but said "Yeah?" when she saw my hand up, dropping that train of thought immediately. I talked about how ironic it was that only the queen and her brother's silhouettes were black, and the rest of them were white. As I thought, it symbolised who were meant to be the good guys and the bad guys. I also brought up chess, which V agreed to, and I could see she was glad that there's someone who actively pays attention to detail.

I said it was mad before? Whoo, boy, then it's about to get insane.

Class ends, and V is packing. I was standing there anyway, so I thought I'd help a teensy bit, putting the projector cable away for her so she only had to deal with her laptop. I got a "Many thanks" for it when she noticed. And then. Oh, then. I'm standing beside her desk, not saying a goddamn word, and she, completely unprompted, starts talking to me about the play in depth. She didn't even call my name to get my attention, because she knew I'd be listening. (Been there, done that.) She told me that she finds the plot interesting, and as an adult, she can appreciate it, but the whole thing is written in such a dry and complicated way (she frowned saying this), that she can't help but have mixed opinions about it.

These are all things she mentioned in class before and needn't have repeated, but I was kinda glad she did. I let her talk, adding my own opinion whenever I felt like it, drinking in the fact that she wanted to talk to me specifically about it. I told her that as an actress, I find the characters interesting and I'd love to do this play because the plot really does sound interesting. The look she gave me... she looked me in the eyes, not a word said. It wasn't the fox eyes, it felt more like she was focused on me. There was a depth to it, a silent intensity. I have no idea what she could've been thinking, but I think she might have tried to imagine it. "We'll continue this on Tuesday." she told me, as the bell was about to ring. Lmao, as if.

But it didn't end there, oh, no. Sorry, you have to read a little longer. When she left the classroom, I realised: "Hold on there, V, I'm not done with you yet" and immediately went after her. She walked over to Art Friend, who was writing a test outside, at a nearby table, to check up on how she's doing. Me being me, as they finished talking, and more of my friends started to gather around, I decided to check up on how V's doing. And — you guys aren't going to believe this —, for once, she didn't ignore me asking her how she was! She said that even though she wasn't a hundred percent well, she was doing fine. She didn't plan on not being at school on Tuesday, but life got in the way. (She even explained how, we goin' personal in here.) She didn't say anything when I told her to take care of herself, but I didn't really expect her to.

(From here, our topics might not be in chronological order, because I literally don't remember how it happened.)

There we were, on opposite sides of that table, facing each other directly. "Is the weather changing again, Miss? Is that why my head is splitting apart?" I asked her, thinking adults always know about the weather anyway. "Maybe. Or you're just sick and we're all going to die." she told me as she was putting stuff into her laptop bag. "Oh, great. Bright future you're predicting for me, Miss, thank you." I responded, somewhere along the lines of this. I don't remember the exact thing. "We're all going to die one day, aren't we?" "Well, yeah..." "Just think about all the times we could've died as children..." Bright and optimistic topic in the middle of a goddamn pandemic, courtesy of our very own Miss V. But me and Debate Friend chimed right in with our stories anyway. If there are two people who are ride-or-die with V's weird shit, it's us.

I remembered what happened the previous day, Comparison Boy calling me by her name. "[Art Friend], should I tell her about [Comparison Boy and co.]?" I asked my friend out loud, because I know V absolutely hates not knowing stuff. "Oh, Lord, what happened?" V asked immediately, both elbows on the table, watching curiously. See? This is why I adore teasing her. It's the reaction. "Long story short, they don't call me by my name anymore." I said, not daring to look up at her, no matter how coy I was being. Inside, I was still afraid of what she'd say to being compared to me. "Whose, then?" No going back. "Well, yours, Miss." I admitted. Immediately, I heard a "No." of disbelief, and there we were, both of us grinning at the accusations and me talking about how different we are on the inside. "[Curly Friend] found me with his theory, too." V told me, and now I was the one not believing her. I couldn't believe he told her! "What theory?" Art Friend asked. V seemed to have a hard time putting it into words so I helped out. "That she is me 10 years into the future." Yup. That's an actual theory he has. V looked a little... not withdrawn, even though she was leaning away from the table, but... awkward? But to be honest, we both were. "[Curly Friend] is nice, I like him, but if only he had this much creativity for studying..." V said, to close the topic off. Bwahaha.

At some point, my homeroom teacher came over to us when she saw us chatting, giving V's shoulder a little stroke as she walked past behind her to get next to her. I saw V crack a smile, this little, but very pleased one. Theirs is an unlikely friendship, but I stan it so much. She asked V about how Blond Boy in the Back was doing, as he was quite pale, and V said she noticed (she even asked him if he was alright) but nothing really extreme happened. After all the times he'd disrespected her, it's amazing how much V still cares about him. Then, my homeroom teacher mentioned a potential new teacher who might be coming soon (not anymore I guess lmao) and I burst into a fed-up "Again?". We all know what happened last time, after all. V grinned and muttered a half-impressed, half-unbelieving "She says 'Again?'..." to herself.

Art Friend brought up a British actor, but didn't know his name. (I couldn't guess she was talking about James McAvoy until she said His Dark Materials.) She said she was handsome, and V immediately said "I think I know who you're thinking about, and he's not that handsome." I was fully hollering. It was a shorter-lived convo bit, but V mentioned that she cries at every little thing. Now, that's an exaggeration right there, Miss. Also, I'm not entirely sure it was at this point, but sometime during the conversation, I nearly reached out and took her hand as a comforting gesture after something that was said, but stopped myself as soon as my hand moved. I couldn't do that. I had to know my place.

You know what I'm going to miss most about seeing V face-to-face? Her incredibly telling eyes, that speak for her every given minute. This whole conversation through, she was looking at us with this soft, crinkled-up-to-the-point-they're-half-closed eyes, the look a mixture of bliss and calmness... maybe even pride at a push. She looked like there genuinely wasn't anything she'd rather do in that very moment, but talk to us. She is an angel, let me tell you. I don't deserve her.

When she eventually got going, Debate Friend ran ahead (I gave her a Done™ look for a joke and she just bolted off), while V and I walked together. "Are [Curly Friend] and [Debate Friend] related by any chance?" she asked me. "Same hair, same smile, similar personality..." "Well, if we can be compared, so can they." I smiled back. Then something happened I didn't and couldn't account for. Debate Friend shot back, though I don't exactly remember how she worded it, that V and I could be related as well. And I mentally took a deep breath, fully aware of the risk I was taking, and exclaimed, grinning:

"I have an older sister! I've always wanted a sister!"

I can't possibly begin to comprehend that smile. She didn't say anything, but she closed her eyes and her lips pulled up into this really bright smile, something like this emoji: 😊, discount the blush. It went through my mind later that she did it because she was annoyed with me or thought me stupid and she was trying to mask it, then I remembered... it's V. She wouldn't do that, couldn't pretend if she tried. So that leaves us with one explanation: she was glad I said that. She actually liked me saying that and didn't mind being called my sister. I still don't believe it. It was the same smile as the one she said that "Oh, come on!" with on Wednesday, so she might even have been... flattered? Impossible.

Once she called out Debate Friend for addressing a teacher by her last name only, no honorific, she walked away and out of sight, smiling and waving goodbye to us. And that was the last time I saw her in the flesh — possibly for a very long time.

Later that day, I mentioned her and how much she helped me to my psychologist, who used to work in my school a while back. Last time I was there and I spoke about her, she didn't remember V, but now she was fully aware who I was talking about, if a bit surprised. "I never would've thought she is so... sentimental," she said. Me neither, doc. Honestly, me neither. But here we are. She was glad I found someone who helps me this much and I wholeheartedly agreed. How could I not?

It's been a little over a week since all this happened. Online school is kicking my ass, but I'll be fine. I have her. Still... I miss school a lot. I miss hugging my friends and doodling in classes and the thrill of scanning the corridors for a glimpse of a certain Miss V walking past. Here's to hoping it gets better soon. Until then, all of you take care, stay safe and stay home.

~ S ♡

[Every story I share here, no matter how specific I get with my wording, depicts actual events from my own life.]

[joonsneptune]

Philosophical Thoughts ✧ KTH

(Taehyung x Reader)

Tags: philosophy discussion, college au, v x reader, genderless Word Count: 2k

Masterlist

A bladder discomfort was what woke you up, forcing you out of the comfort of your bed at 3:43 in the morning. You knew that finishing a bottle of water before bed would not be a good idea, even if it was at the perfect temperature, and it was a good excuse for you to get away from studies for the ethics exam that would happen in a few hours.

With your eyes more closed than open, the path to your shared bathroom seemed to be twice as long as normal, almost a marathon until you sat on the cold toilet in the dark bathroom. Obviously the light had not been turned on, your almost bursting bladder was more important at the moment. Sleep and the late hours forced you to be silent, moving your arms in slow motion, since no one should be awake at this time and you didn't want that to change. The bathroom door is only closed so that the tap noise does not reach the rooms.

With clean hands and empty bladder, your toes prepare for the marathon back to the comfort of your bed, but the open door of Taehyung, one of the boys you shared the apartment with, kept you from making any move, standing there holding your breath so he wouldn't notice you. And suddenly you were more awake than ever, admiring the beauty of the boy who stirred your heart.

Taehyung - or as he begged you to call him, Tae - was also a philosophy student, only a few classes ahead you, and had a brilliant mind, always getting high grades and receiving compliments from the teachers. Constantly you found yourself asking for help on subjects you already knew just to see his bright, enthusiastic eyes as he talked about the most varied philosophical subjects. You also cannot deny that because of it, your grades were above average.

His body sitting on the windowsill was in his pyjamas and bare feet, the strands of dark hair fell over his dimly lit face, and because his head was tilted to the sky, his eyes shone. A book was laying on his legs, there were many notes coming out of the pages and it was already at the end, with very few pages left to finish. You could film as his chest slowly rose and fell, his eyes blinking after a long time, demonstrating that he was focused on what was going on in his head. Or take a picture of that moment to put in a frame on your bedside table next to your bed. He looked like a work of art.

Taehyung sighs heavily, causing your body to tremble in a fright, and his legs come up off the window, his toe touching the floor. "My favorite time of day is at dawn." His words sound low and his face turns toward you. At the same time, you can feel your face burn, pointing it to the ground with shame. How long should he be waiting for you to go back to your room and leave him alone? "Especially in summer, when it's hot and dark, and you can relax or focus on your studies effortlessly. How about you?"

The words escape from your mind, all running away with the shame you felt at that moment. He must think you were crazy, a psycho starring at him in the dark. His mouth opens but still nothing comes out, your hands begin to sweat and then, the worst. You remember you were wearing the most ridiculous pyjamas in the world, blue bears covering your body, not to mention that you didn't have the same body from eight years ago. The pyjamas your grandmother gave you badly covered your body, the shorts just above the thighs covering only your parts, and the shirt was tighter than the ones the girls wore at frat parties. Your luck was that it was dark, because your face looked so red, just like a tomato.

Receiving no response from you, Taehyung pats the empty space beside him, calling you to sit there. Maybe he was already used to your weird personality. Reluctantly, you enter his room with slow steps, holding back not to look around. The decor there was beautiful, and you were obsessed with his bookshelf, which occupied an entire wall. Trying to hide as much of your body as you could with your both arms, you sit next to him, seeing how starry the sky was today. It was really a privilege to study and live far from the big city.

“What kept you up till this hour?” His eyes travel from the sky to your, which were down, toward the book he held. Modern philosophy, your favorite subject.

“I have an exam today.” It wasn't a lie, but to say that you wanted to pee it would be very embarrassing. With a lot of effort, you raise your gaze to him. “It's the last ethics exam of the semester.” Taehyung's head shakes, he'd already been through it, and he knew the feeling.

“And what is it about? It was my turn about Adam Smith's theory of moral feelings.” You agree with him, yours exams would be the same. “I almost didn't pass this exam, it was very difficult. Mr. Brown was very critical of the correction.” Although his words sounded true, you doubted very much what he said. No one was as smart as Taehyung. "But I'm sure you'll make it." A small smile breaks out on his lips, making you smile along. “Want help somewhere? I don't remember everything, but I sure know the basics.”

"I don't know… The only part that is making me nervous is the third." Without realizing it, you pinch the edge of your lips between your teeth as you relay the information from the seven parts of the book into your mind. “The difference between love and praise. Mr. Brown was very clear that he wanted their own vision, not the book's.”

"Ah, what's the matter with that?" Taehyung's face frowns. Being able to demonstrate your opinion and view of things around you was what every student of philosophy wanted most. So would you, if it wasn't about love.

In your head, you were sure that as soon as the next sentence came out of your mouth, the boy in front of you would laugh so loudly that it would wake everyone living in the building. All the courage that existed within your body needs to be gathered. "I don't believe love exists." However, he doesn't laugh. His hands meet his chin and his gaze rises back to the sky behind you, and then he takes a long moment to blink. He was reflecting. Your cheeks burn right away, courage has evaporated from your mere existence, and once again, you face the ground near your feet.

“Elaborate it.” The inside of your body rolls, as if you were on a roller coaster, along with a strange chill. Despite the high grades you got when he helped you, you hated it when he asked it you to. He did not accept a weak elaboration, it had to be a long essay with logical reflections. Maybe that was why he was the best student in his class.

Since his eyes were still on the sky, you take a few seconds for yourself, trying to organize your thoughts in a coherent line of reasoning. The words you had used in the debate earlier appear in your mind, at least at that time people had agreed with you, maybe Taehyung would agree too. Looking smart in front of him would not be a bad idea.

“When you love, do you love the person or the feelings it brings you?” It wasn't a question directed at him, so you continue to explain yourself, still not taking your eyes to him. “Loving a person concerns everything that is involved with her. From the mistakes she makes to the points where you disagree with and go against. And if you love only part of the person, you don't love her, right?” Taehyung shakes his head, causing his dark brown strands to sway along. Your shoulders relax, he had agreed, so what you were talking about wasn't that crazy. You can't help but notice how your heart was beating faster now that your eyes were connected with the boy. “And if we are unable to love, love does not exist. You can't believe something that is unreachable.”

"And how would you explain a child's love for his parents, for example?" You didn't expect him to ask a question, not now. Would that be a good sign?

“As Smith says, there is a difference between love and praise. Love-” now that you have already declared love to be nonexistent, your fingers soar to quote the word, correcting yourself. A smile spread across his lips as Taehyung lets out a low laugh, laughing the way you had corrected yourself. “A son's love for his parents would be praise.”

It was a funny situation, both of you in your pyjamas laughing about the nonexistence of love in the middle of the night, sitting at the window with a whole sky behind you. It's like in a movie, in your head, you two end this discussion with a kiss and a declaration of love. Oh, if he only knew how much you wanted that moment to never end. He would give you a chance out of pity.

“And society has a role in that too!” Your mouth could tear at any moment, with every laugh Tae let out.

“Damn capitalist society.” It's your turn to laugh, which you soon try to stifle with your hands. “But I understand what you mean. Children grow up with a vision that one must love their parents, which has always been imposed by society.” His fingers go up to the air in quick quotes. “The child loves parents because of the feelings they bring to them. Affection, attention…” He counts on his fingers, giving an answer to the question he had asked minutes ago.

"Exactly. Just as society dictates how we should dress, for example, it also dictates what we should feel. It's sad to think so, but we don't love our parents for simply loving, we love because we have this view that one should love them forever no matter what happens.” Your words complement Tae's thinking, which he listens to very carefully, leaving your eyes locked on yours.

"Can you two stop flirting and go to sleep?" Your cheeks soon warm at the boy's words. The voice of Namjoon, the boy who studied sociology, sounds loud, scaring you and Taehyung. Your laughs probably woke him up. "I have a test today.” You both mutter apologies, your voices low, and the blond boy returns to his room.

"He is right. You also have a test today and need to rest.” Taehyung gets up, throwing the book that was once on his lap onto the bed. Your heart breaks into several pieces, realizing that your moment was over. “How about I pick you up after your exam so we can finish this conversation? We can have some coffee together.” His hand extends toward yours, offering help to get up.

All the pieces of your heart come together, beating hard again in your chest. He was calling you on a date. The love of your life was calling you to a date where you would discuss about philosophy. Together for a coffee. That was a date, right? Of course, your cheeks turned hot and red. And of course, it felt like a dream. But fortunately, it was real. And Tae's hand in the air, waiting for yours, was just a confirmation. Of course, you join your hand with his.

“I'd love to.” At least your voice comes out soft as his fingers touch yours. Because your legs tremble when you force yourself to make your way out to your room. “I'll send you a message when it's over.” His smile was as big as yours when he said good night, watching you leave the room, his hands hidden in his pants pocket. His hands were sweating as much as yours were.

You might not realize it, but he was just as excited as you to hear you speak of the philosophy of love with glowing eyes, full of enthusiasm.