#paul gets slammed down big style
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incorrecthatchetfield ¡ 9 months ago
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*After surviving the apotheosis*
Paul: Y'know, guys, Y'all have come a long way from office workers . I'm sorry I ever doubted that either of you. More than that I just wanted to ask-
Ted: Paul, go fuck that barista.
Paul: Alright. *turns and starts walking away*
Paul: I just wanted to say I never Meant Any harm! I was just looking out for you-
Bill: Go slam her down big style!
Paul: I'm very Submissive! I'm going to get slammed down Big Style!
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pointreyesjournal ¡ 1 year ago
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The Amnesiac : ep31
It's You Babe, A Blue Babe
There’s a new closeness between us as we ride north. River’s arms are wrapped around me tightly and she feels more like one of those plushy monkey backpacks that parents make their toddlers wear than a passenger. I feel the side of her helmet pushed firmly against the middle of my back between my shoulder blades. She’s clinging to me like a woman who has just fallen in love and she never wants to let me go. My torso tenses, subconsciously transmitting my masculine strength to reassure her that I’m a man worth following on this journey of life. As we ride I imagine making passionate love to her tonight, missionary position so I can gaze deeply into her eyes while our bodies are connected. I will cum inside of her tonight, unapologetically and quite deliberately. I imagine her holding me tightly against her body by the small of my back while I orgasm, the sweat from my brow dripping on her bare breasts. The birth control pill will prevent me from impregnating her tonight, but this will be a practice run for the type of lovemaking that will bear our children someday. We’re not going to have homely little doggy style babies. The kind of kids who will fail out of remedial english classes and smoke vape pens in the toilet. We’re going to have beautiful missionary position babies, who are conceived of love, and grow up to be intelligent and overachieving, like us.
My inner monologue about baby-making has given me an erection and I direct one of River’s hands down to my crotch to let her know that I’m thinking about her. She’s hip to my game and rather than stroking my cock obnoxiously while we ride, she simply dances her fingers along the shaft until she reaches the tip, then ever so gently makes little circular swirls right at the tip with her middle finger. It is subtle, yet intensely erotic.
I become rock hard and struggle to stay focused on the road as the coastal prairie gives way to a dense redwood forest. The road begins to sweep left to right, and our touring becomes more sporty and exhilarating. The road is twisty enough that River just wraps her arms around me and our little game of diddle the dong is suspended for the time being. Probably for the best because if she had kept at it, I was either going to make a mess in these jeans or crash into a tree … which would make an entirely different kind of mess in these jeans.
The road is gorgeous. It’s twisty and passes deeply through the redwood forest. The dark asphalt contrasts against the aged yellow center lines. Occasional patches of dampness in the road keeps our maximum speed to a reasonable (read non-lethal) level. The riding reminds me of our first ride together down the coast toward Big Sur. Just as I’m beginning to enter a mental flow-state, where the riding becomes like a video game on autopilot, I see something out of the corner of my eye that causes me to clamp on the brakes at full force. River’s body slams against mine and I struggle to keep a grip on the handlebars as the Ducati shutters to a complete stop right in the middle of the road.
I nearly collapse as my amnesia headache returns instantly and vengefully. I need to get the Ducati restarted and off of the road before we get rear-ended and killed. So I thumb the starter button, hastily find a gear and pull off of the road into the only parking lot we’ve seen in the twenty miles. River hops off of the motorcycle before I can get the kickstand down and she tears her helmet off.
“Dude what the fuck is that?!!!” she shouts at me in astonishment as I’m pulling my helmet off. 
“That my dear is a fifty foot tall statue of Paul Bunyan and Babe, his blue ox”
“Holy fuck Floody, he looks exactly like the sketch of me in the red flannel with the blue dog!”
I’m trying to respond to River verbally, but the amnesia headache is crippling and I take a knee. “Take my hand River! I need your energy” I cry. River rushes to my side. She tries to take my hand but we’re both wearing motorcycling gloves. I’m fading toward a loss of consciousness  from the pain as River tosses her gloves to the ground and begins violently tugging at the fingers of my gloves to get them off. The gloves fly off and she firmly takes my bare hand with her own. The light grenade behind my eyes explodes like the grand finale of a fireworks celebration and I begin to rise to my feet.
“Don’t let go River. Do. Not. Let. Go.”
“I’m here Floody. My energy is here for you.”
With our hands tightly clasped, standing in the parking lot of Trees of Mystery, I pull River to me. I run my free hand up the back of her neck into her sweaty hair, then with our eyes closed we share a deep tongue kiss. River’s energy quells the violent headache. With my eyes still closed I bury my face in her neck and begin to whisper into her ear the visions I’m seeing in my mind.
“I’m here in the parking lot. I see the giant statues. It’s Paul Bunyan and Babe. They’re watching over me. I see movement. It’s you! You’re here with me. You’re in the sweater and you’ve still got the camera. You come to me again, like our first encounter. It’s in passing. You’re saying something. You’re stepping backwards, away from me. You take a photo of me. Then we walk off together. That way, toward the building. You’re walking beside me.”
I open my eyes. With the memories extracted, I carefully end our embrace and let go of River’s hand. The headache is gone. I look around the parking lot, and indeed, the building I was seeing in my mind’s eye is there. I point to the building.
“River, we went that way together. That is our path. We must follow it.”
River is completely astonished by the clarity of my vision and also how closely the chalk drawings match our surroundings. We leave our helmets and jackets at the motorcycle and head toward the building hand-in-hand.
“I hope they have a bathroom.”
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monsterfuneral ¡ 4 years ago
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the vampiric pros and cons | the lost boys
Relationship: Poly!Lost Boys x Fem!Reader
Summary: One year anniversaries were always important, it was a mark of a year long commitment to one someone or something but what happens when your four someone’s seem to forget?
Warnings: Angst with a happy ending, the reader has a breakdown, the boys being dumb, fluff, swearing.
Words: 3.3k
Author’s Note: I hope you like this as much as I liked writing it, thank you very much anon for the request  <3 
Idk what is giving me this 3k word juice but I really enjoy it
REQUESTS OPEN 
(please read my “I do NOT write” section before sending in anything <3)
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---
There were pros and cons of being a human. One very important con being time perception, whether it be what time you had to be at work, what year it was, or even what special occasion fell on what day. Time was something your very undead boyfriends hadn’t had to deal with in decades, while they attempted to adjust to your much more human life it did come with difficulty, which today just proves how much. With your eyes flitting from the mirror to the clock on your nightstand and back to your reflection, you couldn’t help but let out a slow sigh. They were an hour late. 
While at first you assumed at least one of them- Dwayne- would be able to keep track, that thought now seemed futile. You knew that as a vampire you didn’t have to stress over something as trivial as time management, especially since they quite literally had forever to do something. But you couldn’t deny it hurt every time you watched the clock tick by without any signs of revving engines outside your apartment complex. You couldn’t deny that it stung when they seemed to have forgotten your one year anniversary. 
Your eyes locked back onto your reflection’s, looking over your outfit for probably the thirtieth time. While you weren’t wearing some fancy ball gown and your hair wasn’t perfectly styled, it was a lot more effort you put in your everyday appearance. You had switched out your worn leather jacket for a fancier, seemingly spotless one. You even put on your best pants, not a rip in sight, along with a pair of black combat boots that looked brand new. The effort probably wasn’t worth it knowing the boys would probably be dressed in their regular clothes, which you didn’t mind, but thinking about that now it made you feel slightly ridiculous for even caring so much.
With another glance at the clock on your nightstand you felt a harsh pang in your chest, 1:21am it read in big red blocky numbers, they were supposed to pick you up at twelve. You tried to keep the tears at bay but the more you stared at the clock the blurrier the numbers got. Was it stupid to have put hope in them in the first place? Could you really blame them? You knew what you were signing up for, so why were you getting so upset?
You brought your hands up to your face and sniffled, wiping the tears away rather harshly. 
“Fuck.” More tears slipped from your eyes in retaliation and you let out a groan, realizing just what you had to do. You walked over to the chair in the corner of your room, one that served more as a laundry hamper rather than something to sit on, and plucked your bag from top of the pile searching for your keys. 
If they weren’t going to come here then you were going to come to them, and you were not happy. 
---
You white-knuckled your steering wheel the whole drive to the bluff, music playing low on your radio yet still feeling all too loud. Even though they had forgotten you couldn’t help but feel like it was your fault. But that was ridiculous right? You had reminded them almost every night and they had seemed to be listening, did you just not try hard enough or did they really just not care?
The tears were pooling again, blurring the lines on the road before they morphed into dirt and you were finally parked at the rickety wooden stairs leading down to the cave. You shut the car off and just sat for a few seconds trying to level your breathing. You glanced at your wristwatch and it read 1:53am, you couldn’t suppress the growl that crawled up your throat. After everything you did for them, after all the times you reminded them, they fucking forgot. 
With that in mind you threw the rusty car door open and slammed it shut, your fists clenching beside your thighs before you drew your jacket closer to shield yourself from the ocean breeze. You stomp down the creaky stairs, angrily muttering to yourself before coming up to the gate entrance and slipping inside, careful not to snag your jacket like you’ve done many times before. 
You walked through the tunnel leading towards the flickering light coming from the candles and metal barrels. It usually warms you from the inside out but in this moment all you felt was cold. There was no smile growing on your face, no hands guiding you carefully so you didn't bust your ass on the way down, no whooping vampires flying overhead. It was silent inside the cave. Nobody was here. They must have been out feeding. That thought only served to enrage you even more.
Of course they had time to remember their own needs but not yours when it was your anniversary? You hadn’t even asked for much either, all you wanted was to go down to the beach and have a cute little night-time picnic with them, a bonfire lit off to the side and all of you having a great time, that’s all you wanted. 
You couldn’t help but once again feel like you were overreacting, was it really their fault for forgetting? While they certainly weren’t perfect when it came to remembering everything, at least they tried. But what stopped them from trying this time? Stop over thinking so much. Did they still care for you or did they lose interest? You’re being ridiculous. You felt tears begin to streak down your cheeks once again, the frustration building more and more. 
When you plopped down onto the couch a small puff of dust followed, clouding around your hips as you cradled your head pathetically and cried into the palms of your hands, very certain the makeup you had put on earlier in the night had been fully cried off. 
You weren’t sure how long you had been sitting on the couch after your last tear dropped, but it felt like hours. Your body felt vacant of all emotion, your eyes locking onto the flickering candle sat atop the fountain, it held all of your focus as it danced and swayed with the occasional breeze that would push itself inside the cave. The fluttering of wings sounded so much louder now too with it being so quiet, Marko’s pigeons flying back and forth every now and then. Your head didn’t even lift up when you heard the distant whoops of your vampiric partners. The anger was now completely washed away and was replaced with a cold nothingness, all emotions having been exhausted from your body when it had been racking with sobs. 
The fluttering of clothes sounded overhead when they finally flew inside, circling the top of the cave before finally realizing there was an unmoving figure sat upon their couch. David was the first to touch down, cold blue eyes staring at you with concern as you just continued to stare ahead at the flickering candle. His heavy steps echoed off the cave walls as he drew closer saying your name gently as if it would break you to say it louder. If you were being completely honest with yourself, it probably would have. 
David kneeled down in front of you and carefully placed a hand on your knee which you moved slowly away from. He raised a brow and looked back at the other three, Marko was chewing on his thumb nail, closely watching the scene in front of him unfold. 
“Kitten?” David’s voice was probably the softest you ever heard, his eyes locking with yours once you were finally jolted from your daze “Hey are you okay?” You almost felt guilty, he looked so worried even with how little he showed it on his face, it was in his eyes. 
“Babe what’s wrong? Did someone do somethin’ to you?” Paul chimed, stepping closer to the couch cautiously. You still didn’t speak, mind still in a thick fog. “Babe?” Paul sounded worried too and you couldn’t bring yourself to lift your head up to look at him.
“I think something’s wrong guys.” Marko said from where he stood behind David. 
Paul let out a scoff “Yeah no shit, man.” You could practically hear him roll his eyes. 
Finally your mouth opened, prying your chapped lips apart and muttered a raspy “You forgot.” It felt like the littlest bits of energy were finally sinking back into your skin, allowing you to lift your head and look at your four worried boyfriends. “You forgot about our anniversary.” 
Their eyes widened almost comically after hearing you say that. A groan coming from Marko as he threw his head back, fingers knitting through his perfect curls “I told you guys there was something wrong tonight! I knew we forgot something!” Paul let out a long sigh and leaned back against the couch, staring up at the ceiling. Dwayne finally got closer and kneeled himself down next to David. 
“Hey sweetheart…” He whispered, reaching out to gently take your hand in his colder one “We are so sorry. You gotta understand that we wouldn’t do this to you on purpose.” He squeezed your hand gently, looking back at the others. You knew that if you had any more tears left you would have probably started crying again. “We’re so sorry that we hurt you like this…” He brought his hand up to your chin and lifted your head up so he could look you in the eye standing up and bending over to bring his face closer to yours “Please let us make it up to you.” His hair was veiling over your face as he leaned in, almost shielding you from the outside world, his chilled lips met your cheek softly delivering the gentlest kiss you’ve probably ever received. 
“Yeah babe please let us make it up to you.” Paul practically begged. You turned your head stiffly to look at him, seeing how frantic he almost looked. 
“Would you like that?” Dwayne asked, voice soft as if he was telling you a secret. You couldn’t deny the tug on your heart when looking into his dazzling brown eyes, the desperation to earn your forgiveness all too evident. 
“Okay…” You whispered back, afraid to speak any louder.
---
The bonfire in front of you danced with the ocean breeze, a breeze that softly weaved through your hair and would have made you shiver if it wasn’t for the blanket David wordlessly wrapped around your shoulders. He sat next to you staring into the amber flames too, the yellows and oranges lighting his face up beautifully. The hollowness from your breakdown was finally beginning to melt away, a small smile creasing your lips before bitterly falling again.
“I’m sorry.” You muttered quietly, but not quietly enough as the rest of the group raised their heads and voiced their curiosity of what the hell you were apologizing for. “I was being a drama queen.” You chuckled humorlessly “You guys have told me so many times how hard it is to manage time as a vampire and I still got so worked up over something so stupid.” 
Marko was the first to shake his head and voice his opinion “Hell no, you’re not going to feel sorry for something that isn’t even your fault!” You looked at him from over the fire, his expression hardened “It’s us who should be sorry- who are sorry- not you. I’m not letting you blame yourself because you’re dating a set of dumbasses.” Paul nodded in agreement, not even trying to start some childish argument for being called a dumbass. 
“And it’s not stupid either. We’ve been together for a whole year, which is a long time to commit yourself to one person, let alone four vampires.” Dwayne chimed, soothing your remaining guilt. You gave him a grateful smile while David pulled you closer to him, arm slung around your shoulder and letting you lean against him.  
Silence had settled over the five of you again for a good ten seconds before you heard Paul yelp, making you jump. Marko had him pinned to the sand, their bodies both flailing as they wrestled. “Oh your ass is grass pipsqueak!” Paul threatened when Marko flew up into the air, Paul following closely, some sand falling back onto the ground below. David shook his head and chuckled as he watched the two rambunctious blondes play fight, growling and hissing at each other. 
“Children...” He muttered playfully smirking at you when you giggled. 
“Come on up guys!” Marko called a few feet above the fire, Paul pulling harshly on his hair making the shorter blonde let out a yelp of his own. 
“Yeah, how does it feel asshole!?” They pushed each other, flying in opposite directions before colliding again.
“Paul I will fucking dunk you in the ocean!” Marko threatened. 
David squeezed your side a little tighter “You wanna go for a ride princess?” He asked, eyes still locked on Paul and Marko. 
You felt yourself start to smile “Yeah I want some front row seats to this.” You shrugged the blanket from your shoulders and handed it to Dwayne who took it without a word. 
David gave you an encouraging squeeze before helping you stand up and kneeling down a little so you can jump onto his back. He tightened his grip on the backs of your thighs and told you to hold on tight, which you did. He slowly rose from the ground and you let out an excited giggle next to his ear, having gotten used to the heights of flying a long time ago. Marko and Paul’s petty argument got louder as you both got closer, they were punching and kicking and even clawing at each other like feral alley cats. 
“I’ll tie you to a tree and leave you there, fucking test me.” Paul seethed, you would have thought he was serious if you hadn’t known them, plus the wide smile on his face was an immediate giveaway. 
“Oh yeah?” 
“Yeah!” 
You squeezed your arms tighter around David’s neck and muttered next to his ear “I bet you ten vinyls Marko completely wastes Paul.” 
David let out a quiet snort and turned his eyes over to you “You’re on. If you lose you have to sleep over at the cave for a whole week.” You rolled your eyes at the counter before he continued “Let’s just say you won’t be getting much sleep if I win a kitten.” He winked at you and turned his head back just in time for Marko to grab a hold of Paul’s jacket harshly and began flying towards the ocean so fast you could barely see them. 
Paul screamed before hitting the water, not being able to catch himself as he was catapulted into the waves. He came to the surface with a string of colorful curses being thrown at Marko who was cackling loudly just above him, curling in on himself as he shook, looking as if he was laying down in midair. When Paul rose from the water you could practically see the steam rolling off of him as he grabbed Marko and brought him underwater. You were glad they were dead because Paul was literally forcing Marko to stay underwater while he laughed, traunting the curly haired blonde, watching as he thrashed the water around frantically. 
When Marko surfaced he let out a growl and was about to give Paul the same treatment but David calling out to them drew his attack short. “Come on boys! We don’t have time for your little drowning session, the sun’s gonna be up soon!” 
“You owe me ten records.” You pat David’s chest triumphantly and he hummed in response. 
“I guess I do.” He turned his head to the side and gave you a slow kiss, one that made your heart flutter in your chest and your cheeks heat up. 
Paul and Marko flew up slowly, Dwayne joining the four of you as well with your blanket still in his arms. The two blondes looked like wet dogs as they tried to shake the water from their hair, effectively spraying all of you with water. 
“Hey watch the jacket!” You half teased, wiping the droplets off onto David’s jacket which made him shake his head in slight annoyance. “You’ve had this jacket for years calm down.” 
---
The fly back to the cave wasn’t a long one, five minutes or less, but David knew you didn’t feel like walking all the way back and honestly neither did he. So the wind blew your hair from your face as he and the boys weaved playfully past each other, laughing and calling out into the night sky. You finally felt like yourself again, all the previous emotional exhaustion now replaced with a simmering happiness in your chest. You were still harboring a little anger at being so easily forgotten but that was a conversation for another night, right now you just wanted to enjoy yourself, flying through the sky without a care in the world before finally touching down on the cave floor next to the fountain. Most of the candles that were still lit before you all left had been blown out while you were gone. You looked around and watched as the boys all settled down, Marko lighting the barrels again and setting the torch inside to burn too. 
You settled yourself back down on the couch between Dwayne’s legs, his back against the arm of the sofa. He threw an arm over your chest and held you against him, settling a few soft kisses on your cheek. “You feeling like sleeping here tonight sweetheart?” noticing as you attempted to stifle a yawn. 
“Oh are we having a sleepover.” Paul teased with a wiggle of his brows. He leaned over the back of the sofa and tried to kiss you but a strand of his still wet hair smacked you in the face making you groan. 
“How are you still wet.” You chuckled, peeling the wet strand from your right cheek moving it behind his ear. 
“Blame it on that douchebag chihuahua.” He sent a playful glare in Marko’s direction who yelled out a defensive “Hey!” in response. 
You looked down at your watch and muttered a quiet ‘jesus christ’ at the time, 4:39am. You hadn’t even realized how late it had gotten, the night seemingly passing by in a haze while they were gone. 
Dwayne moved your hair over to your right shoulder “You can go ahead and sleep sweetheart.” His voice was soft in your ear, lips brushing against your neck as he kissed your neck softly. “I can take you to your nest, tuck you in and shit.” He chuckled, the sound vibrating against your back. You turned over on your side and snuggled closer to the tall vampire, your face buried in his neck.
The night may have had a much more than rocky start but in the end you were happy. You couldn’t stay mad at them, especially when they didn’t truly mean to hurt you. It was a mistake and they made up for it and will probably continue to do so for weeks. You knew what you were getting yourself into when they told you what they were, and you loved them even when the cons sometimes outweigh the pros, you were willing to go to the ends of the world for them and they were more than willing to do the same.  
---
Paul getting absolutely fucking dunked was inspired by the amazing @tweedracer​
Links to their stories here, please read them they’re amazing: 
POLY! LOST BOYS x HIPPIE VIBES READER by Tweetracer
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flooficandii ¡ 3 years ago
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SO. i dont mean to tf2post BUT i was going through my notes and i found an old script for a comic i wanted to draw in the official art style (featuring my oc tech) but i never really had the time for it sooo yeah,,,,
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writing under the cut if you wanna read it :]
CONTEXT:
The events of Ring Of Fired. Miss Pauling assembles the mercs. One of them has gone off the radar for quite a while, but she knows exactly where to find him.
[scene: civilian's apartment. pauling steps out the car and takes the route up to the second floor.]
[pauling stands in front of the door and knocks. the door is shown from the inside, opened to reveal pauling standing with a clipboard in hand.]
old lady: well, hello there, sweetheart! i'm afraid i can't pay for the rent just yet.
pauling: oh, actually, i— i'm not here for that. i'm looking for an electrician? he used to work for me. i just want to get a word in, really quick.
[the old woman glances back into her apartment before opening the door all the way. the apartment is sunlit, windows wide open.]
old lady: he's in the living room, fixing up our tv. you'll know him when you see him. can i fix you a coffee?
[miss pauling pushes past her, eagerly pacing down the apartment]
pauling: no, ma'am, i have all i need.
[cut to the living room, pan to a big, bulky television set and a man in a blue jumpsuit hunched over it. he seems to be mumbling something about antennae.]
pauling: tech?
[the man turns his head, revealing tech with longer hair and grown-out facial hair.]
tech: oh, pauling! ciao.
pauling: what's that on your– why is–
tech: you like the new look? it's something i'm trying out; you know, ever since you fired me.
[tech stands up and gives the television a thunk. he puts his hands on his hips as the static barely phases out.]
pauling: well, that's the thing.. [she grips on her clipboard]
tech: —the electrician life isn't really as bad as i remember it!
tech: actually, i MISSED this. i missed the simplicity of life. la bellezza della semplicitĂ , as i call it.
tech: being jobless, it...it gave me an epiphany.
pauling [awkwardly]: tech,
[tech starts to pace back and forth the room, gesturing while depictions of him relaxing appear behind him]
tech: i FOUND myself. i found who i was meant to be. all my life, i always asked myself: was this really it?
tech: was i destined for more than working for my family? was i destined for more than fixing broken tvs? was killing people for money the most i was made for?
[pauling shuffles, scratching her head. she looks like she wants to interrupt, but tech keeps on talking anyway]
tech: now i'm back to my roots, to the business i made for myself. and i must say, pauling. it's not bad at all. i've finally found my zen.
pauling: we're getting the team back together, tech.
[tech stops and stares at her. he slams a fist down on the tv, blank-faced, which finally gets it to start. the old woman from earlier grins in sheer joy.]
tech: figlio di puttana.
[the old woman is shown off-screen, arm reaching to hand him money.]
[cut scene to pauling driving the car, tech squeezed in between pyro and soldier. his arms are crossed, his hair is tied back again, except he kept his beard. he looks very, comedically disappointed at the turn of events.]
bonus og post for more context lol
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readingwithlemons ¡ 4 years ago
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The Training Scene
 Edited 8-21-21
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Prompt Scene to the Series: Rising Sun
Description: Y/N and Jasper are in charge of training both the other Cullens and Uley Pack, how to fight an army of Newborns. Still on touchy ground, Paul realizes the cruel severity of his imprint previous life and the rest of the pack seem to gain more respect for the tiny leech.
Word count:1902
DISCLAIMER: I USED SOME OF THE DIALOGUE WRITTEN BY MEYER IN THIS PROMPT. I USED THEM AS A WAY TO FIX MY STORY IN WITH HER STORY MORE FLUIDLY.
Warnings: physical fighting, foul language, talk of death
a/n: Paul and the rest of the pack will be wolf form for most of this scene anything in Bold will be the conversation between the pack.
I avoided looking at anyone in the pack as they walked through the tree line. While my family gawked and stared at the large pack, I stood tensed, swallowing the pings and pangs of guilt I felt for not sharing this detail with my family. However this wasn't my information to give them.
Trying to refocus my thoughts towards helping Jasper with plans of training. It became hard to drift from the grey-silver wolf that held my shattered heart in his hands. Anger and Embarrassment still flooded through my system from our last conversation. I was hurt that he had thought so low of me and that he felt the need to scream at me in front of the whole pack.
I flinched as the memory of what I said popped back in my head. 
~
“Do you really think I wanted to be this monster?” I spun around to stare at him. Ignoring the eavesdropping teens behind me. Paul's face still held the ame disgust, as it did after Jacob told everyone of the newborn army.
“You honestly think that I asked to be this bloodsucking filth.” Paul's face flashed in shock at my phrasing.
" I had a life." I stressed the last word " A good life. With a doting husband, who I only recently found out, killed himself because he couldn't protect me." 
I never told Paul about Jonathan...or anything about my past because…Well he never seemed to care. Hell, Alice and Jasper are the only ones that even knew about Jonathan's suicide...maybe Edward but- \
Finally looking and registering the blank look that was Paul’s face now. I felt nothing but anger as I tried to bite my tongue from telling him anymore. He doesn't deserve to know about Jon. He doesn't get to use that against me like he uses everything else to attack me.
He just doesn't understand the fuckery that I've had to deal with. “ Did you know that one of the uhh-” I looked back at the ground “side efforts~” 
I almost laughed at my word choice. “Of being a leech is that you can’t kill yourself.” I could hear his heart skip a beat. “ Yeah... we can kill each other just not ourselves.”
A laugh escaped my throat, then another , then another. I shook my head, trying to pull myself back together. “And I know that because I tried every single method of the book."
“Even lighting myself on fire, did nothing but tickle me.”
"Y/n" I heard him breathe, then I felt the tiniest brush of a touch on the top of my shoulder. Jerking away from him, and looking back at his face. I saw the disgust that had laced in his expression and eyes were gone. In its place, was an expression of remorse. 
Full on laughing I tried to continue my speech, “It’s hilariously fucked up isn’t it” If I could cry I would be. I swallow the dry sob in the back of my throat. 
“Well my whole entire existence is fucked up actually.” I started to calm down. “ If it wasn’t, I would be 6 feet under right now.”  
“ Y/n” He started but I held up a hand to stop him, but he squeezed out “ It was a bad choice of word-.” 
"Of course!" I blew up. " Because you didn't know." I raised an eyebrow as he raised a hand to touch me again. He put it back down as when he saw the flames in my eyes. I continued "Because you never gave me the chance to explain to you what I went through. You just assumed that I asked for it ." 
"I'm done with having to defend myself, morally from you."   I turned and headed back to my vehicle, ignoring Paul's yells, as I slammed the car door. Bella would just have to get a ride from Jake. 
~
A wave of calmness hitting my system pulled me from the embarrassing memory. My eye shot up to Jasper, who was on the other side of her. He was still staring straight ahead. 
“Welcome” Carlisle spoke, I let my gaze settle on his relaxed stance out in the middle. My father has always amazed me with his calm appearance. 
"I know it must be a difficult thing for you to come." Then he went on to explain that Edward would be acting as a translator, so that way they don't have to phase if they don't want to.
“Thank you” Edward replied in a gruff tone. “We will only watch and listen, but no more. That is the most we can ask of our self-control.” I was thrilled more by that statement than I should be. I was hopeful that maybe I would be able to leave this place without a glance at a certain wolf.
“That is more than enough,” Carlisle smiled calmly. “My son Jasper” his right hand moved to gesture  “And daughter, Y/N '' his hand then shifting slightly to me, I nodded in acknowledgement to Carlisle gaze.
If I was still human, I would have had thousands of tiny goosebumps, up and down my arms right now. It felt like there were at least a thousand eyes on me.
"-have experience in this area. They will teach us how the newborns fight, and how they will be defeated. I’m sure you can apply this to your own hunting style." I heard a low rumble among the wolves 
“They are different from you?” asked Edward. Or Sam? This is getting confusing already. Carlisle smiled, “How about I let them explain.” again gesturing toward Jasper and me before stepping back to stand next to Esme. Jasper and I both walked up from the back to where Carlisle stood in the middle. 
I took a quick glance at Jasper and knowing, he would want to talk more than I did but I promised to speak mainly to the wolves if he explained more to our family. So that meant this question was for me to answer. 
Directing and keeping my attention to Sam, I tried to stay unfazed as I spoke “Yes, as they are still very new to this life. The Newborns will be full of frenzy driven by the brute strength given to them from the blood that still lingers in their system."  
"The newborns will fight amongst themselves. As of today we know that their numbers sit at 20. Ten for us and ten for you, with that it shouldn't be too difficult. but it's highly likely that their numbers will either lower farther or raise. ”  A rumble of excitement seems to run through them. 
“We are happy to take more than our share. If necessary” Edward translated, I notice the change in the tone. I smiled, “We will have to see.”
“ What makes you two more qualified on this matter than any of the others?” Edward spoke again. 
 There was a rustle next to me as Jasper took a step forward. Arms behind his back, his stance reminded me of my first meeting with him after I changed, posed and ready for a fight. 
“Y/N and I were forced into this life for the same reason as these newborns were forced. Except developed a conscience that our creator-" spoke with clear disgust in his tone. " -did not have control over." 
I heard a small gasp behind me and a small rustling of feet behind me. Clearly Bella did not know this strange detail. Jasper began to pace. I always picked on him when he did this. 'Your military is showing', I would say. But right now, it was nothing short of intimidating how he stood. 
“We know how to defeat them because we know what it's like to be them.” “Thank you” Edward quickly cut him off. “We will watch now.” Nodding Jasper turned to face back to our family. 
“There are 2 things you need to know, 1. Don’t let them get their arms around you; they will crush you instantly. 2.” He stopped turning back to face the wolves.
I flashed a look at Sam, the black wolf stood taller staring back at the ex-major. 
“ Don’t go for the obvious kill “ Jasper spoke clearly emphasizing each word wanting them to understand him. “ They will be expecting that. “ Jazz relaxed “ and you will lose. “ Sam let out a huff in response. 
“ Y/N and Emmett, you are up first.” I heard a mumble pass down the wolf line as everyone spread back leaving me and Emmett at different ends of the field.
“This should be good” Emmett spoke now, seeming to warm himself up, rubbing his hands together. 
“Emmett relies on his strength very much like the newborns.” Jasper said “ so he will be a good example for you.” He looked between Emmett and I. "Start whenever you are ready." I smiled at Em “Don’t hold back” cockily,  he let out a bearish laugh at ending it with a smirk. “Not in my nature” and he charged.
I felt the wind as he chucked me in the air, quickly catching myself in a landing spin charging back at him. It seemed not even a long second had passed before I had his large head smashed into the ground. 
“Again” Emmett growled. Smiling, I pushed away from him. I tried to ignore the huffs and snorts coming from the wolves' side.
“Don’t lose your focus” I told him “Following your emotions is only making your moves more predictable.” He nodded, standing up and heading over to his end of the field again. I nodded toward Jasper who agreed with my assessment, gesturing to continue with Emmett.
Taking my place again, Emmett charged and within the next minute he was already calling for another rematch. 
"Don't turn your back on your enemy." Jasper spoke with an eye roll. 
**Paul’s Pov**
"Y/n is kicking his ass." laughed Jared. Silently laughing with him I watched as Y/N jumped on top of the big Cullen twisting him mid-air and slamming him into the ground again. 
"That she is, " agreed Sam lightly chuckling.
Watching her first stand across the field from that large Cullen made my insides twist in worry; however, as I watched her pin him in no time flat, it seemed to bring a sense of pride in me. It only made me feel even more guilty. I shouldn't be happy to finally see her again. I didn't deserve it. Not after what I said about her.
"God, please just apologize to her already" spoke Leah, before I could reply Sam growled softly
" Leah," he warned.
"Shut up" I replied harshly. "I'll keep my thoughts to myself."
"What? I am only trying to help! Out of all of us. I'm the one who knows best how to handle the emotional range of a woman." Quick to defend herself, I realized Leah made sense.Before anyone could really respond to her statement. We watched as Gruff-man walked off the field. Leaving only Y/n on the field...undefeated. Edward stepped up, Jacob tensed as Edward's death flashed in his thoughts
"Jake" Sam barked
Watching all the Cullen's fight each other it was clear to anyone that both Y/N and Jasper were the only experienced ones. Either of them lost a fight with any of the others. It made me wonder…
"We're done for the day"
------
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prurientpuddlejumper ¡ 4 years ago
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You’re a Mean One, Mr. Kneef (Part 1)
Part 2 ->
For @thatesqcrush​​​’s Holiday Bingo! Filling the Grinch/Scrooge square
Bryan Kneef x Female Reader
Warnings: NSFW. No smut, just a... situation in which Bryan has zero sense of shame. Honestly it’s straight-up workplace sexual harassment. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
1,576 words
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Festive lights were strung around the offices of STR Laurie, but their merry glow added no holiday cheer to the hearts of all of those forced to come into work on Christmas Eve. Everyone was supposed to have the day off, or at least get a half-day. However, the sun was setting over the Chicago skyline, and at least a dozen paralegals were still frantically toiling over the enormous workload dumped on them last minute by one Bryan Kneef.
It didn’t seem like a particularly important case or a particularly critical motion, but according to Mr. Kneef, it was worthy of an all-hands-on-deck situation that would make as many employees as possible miss dinner with their families.
In fact, as you glared over the top of your monitor at his office—the curtains drawn and the lights dimmed within—you were pretty sure he wasn’t even working on this “important” case. He was probably fucking napping. This was all some sadistic Scrooge-like tactic to make everyone miserable just because he didn’t have anywhere to be tonight.
As the angled light streaming in through the window turned dusky orange with no end to the work in sight, you’d had enough. You stood up, marched across the office, and barged through Mr. Kneef’s door without knocking, certain you were going to catch him with his eyes closed on the couch.
Instead, you caught him behind his desk, furiously masturbating to porn.
He stopped, but unlike a decent human being who would yelp in surprise and frantically sputter apologies for being caught dick-in-hand, he wasn’t startled by your entrance and made no particular hurry to cover himself. He clicked a button on the keyboard, and the rhythmic sounds of moaning stopped.
His eyebrows raised at you impatiently as if you’d interrupted him on a phone call.
You slammed the door behind you—the rest of the office didn’t need to hear this.
“What the fuck, Mr. Kneef? This case is so important we have to work through fucking Christmas, and you’re in here jerking off?”
“Your point?”
“Fuck you!”
His lips pushed up into an excessive frown that made his beard bristle, and he raised his brows, not disagreeing and seemingly impressed with your audacity.
“Fine. Come here.” He patted his lap, smirking, legs spread wide in his leather chair. His semi-hard cock was still sitting naked and pink outside his deep navy dress pants.
Now he’d crossed the line into making your skin crawl.
“OK, I’m calling HR.”
He scoffed and tucked himself back into his pants. “You said fuck me.”
He wasn’t swayed by your threat to report him—what was important was that you had been the first to blink. You didn’t really look offended, anyway. If you had blushed like a nun and hidden your eyes when you walked in on him, he wouldn’t have been so provocative (he wasn’t a complete monster). If you had fucking knocked, you wouldn’t have walked in on anything. But you had the balls to barge in and dress down your superior. The number-one asshole of the firm was not about to let you challenge him and win.
You closed your eyes and tried to compose yourself, ignoring the flush of heat surging behind your ribs and pooling between your legs from his sleazy request. Ew—body, what? Don’t be gross.
“So. You have a problem with the work I’ve assigned you?” He set his elbow on the table and rested his beard in his hand. His voice was as casually mocking as ever, as if this whole situation was perfectly normal.
“Yeah. It’s bullshit. We’d all like to go home if this motion isn’t so vitally pressing it can’t wait until Monday.”
“I see.”
“Don’t you have anywhere to be?”
There was a twitch in his face at that. He tried to remain as callous and inscrutable as ever, but the question revealed a tension that wasn’t obvious before. Beside his computer was a bottle of Scotch and an almost-empty glass. Next to that was a small rectangular box, neatly wrapped with shiny silver paper and a gold bow. He glanced down at it, and he looked, for a brief instant, sad.
He wasn’t so intimidating when his cold eyes turned pitiful like that. Almost like he was human.
In contrast to his distasteful personality, his eyes were a beautiful, delicate green even in the dim light. It was enough to make you admit how handsome the lawyer was—the dark beard, the flecks of silver streaking through his flawlessly-styled hair. If he turned out to have actual human feelings beneath the swagger, you might even like him.
You sat down in the small chair opposite him at his desk. His eyes had already retaken their cold, mocking air, but you tried appealing to the hypothetical inner-human in him anyway. “Do you have any Christmas traditions? A family you want to see? You must at least remember being a kid—how special the holidays are at that age. Dana has two kids waiting at home, and this is the only time of year Paul gets to see his nephews.”
“You think I give a shit about sob stories? They have a job to do. If they don’t like it, they can quit.”
“Fine”—Screw playing nice—“How about this: I can call HR about the porn on your work computer.”
He glowered back at you, appraising the sincerity of your threat. “The whole HR department is eating turkey right now. So, you can file a complaint on Monday. Maybe I get a warning? Won’t help you tonight. Sorry, sweetheart. Finish the motion, you can go home.” His piercing eyes stared at you, waiting. “Will that be all?”
Instead of retreating in an indignant huff as he full-well expected you to do, you shoved aside a handful of papers and the Scotch bottle to clear a spot on his desk, and sat on it so you were looking down on him, thoroughly invading his personal space. “What do you want? Why are you doing this? Don’t pretend it isn’t out of spite. Let me guess… you didn’t want to spend another Christmas alone getting sad-drunk on expensive whisky, so you decided to do this instead of pick up a hooker?”
He glared harshly but otherwise didn’t react.
“How about this? I’ll take one for the team and go drinking with you—just tell everyone else they can go home, Ebenezer.”
He rolled his eyes contemptuously and explained in no uncertain terms that that was not going to happen. But maybe it was your flirtatious body language, or the stubborn way you refused to back down, or that you weren’t intimidated by him like every other subordinate around here. Maybe he was just lonely. But you were irritating in a way he liked. And just desperate enough to do him a favor.
“If we left together, we would not be going out drinking,” he growled.
You rightly mistook it for an invitation to bed—because he deliberately intoned it as such to rile you up, so when you spat, “Fuck you!” he could feign innocent victimhood.
“Don’t flatter yourself,” he said. “I do have somewhere to be tonight—a family dinner. If you are serious about wanting to get me out of here, that’s where we’d go.” Of course, if you’d jumped at the offer to fuck him, he would have accepted that, too.
Now you were just confused. “You want… to take me to meet your parents? Why…?”
He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, already kicking himself for what he was about to tell you. But fuck it. You would have to find out if you were going to help, and he could use you and your massive balls to solve his little dilemma. Ovaries? Yeah. Your big brass ovaries.
“My parents are expecting me to show up with my long-term girlfriend. They have been... annoyingly eager to meet her tonight, and she just fucking dumped me.”
“Oh. I’m so sorry.” Being dumped sucked. Not that you’d ever take it out on a dozen coworkers, but assholes grieve differently. “How long were you together?”
“Three months.”
You blinked. “Oh my god, that is not a long-term relationship. Jesus, what standard are you going by? One-night stands?”
He bristled at the question, and you had a distinct impression that—yeah—the comparison was one-night stands.
“Irrelevant. I don’t want to spend the entire night fielding questions about what happened, sitting through my dad’s relationship advice, and dodging pitying glances.”
“So you invented a work emergency. Classy. Never thought I’d see the great Bryan Kneef, lady killer, on his knees over someone he dated for three months.
“I am not broken up about it,” he snapped. “I just don’t want to deal with the bullshit from my family. So, you want to get out of here? Pretend to be my date for a few hours. You don’t have a problem lying, do you? We can break up after New Year’s. Deal?”
“You’ll let everyone else go home?”
He protested and made a counter-offer, but after much bargaining and negotiation, he finally gave in and agreed to your terms.
And that was how you saved Christmas and became the unsung hero of the entire office. None of your coworkers would know the sacrifice you made for them, the awkward dinner you had to endure, or all of the illuminating secrets you would learn that night about the biggest asshole at the firm.
• ● • ━━━━━─ ••●•• ─━━━━━ • ● •
Tags: 
@beccabarba​ / @caked-crusader​ / @itsjustmyfantasyroom​ / @thatesqcrush​ / @dianilaws​ / @permanentlydizzy​ / @mrsrafaelbarba​ / @madamsnape921​ / @astrangegirlsmind​
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heretherebedork ¡ 5 years ago
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The Untamed: Great British Baking Show
WWX: Always fucks up the technical beyond recognition then just SLAMS the showstopper even when the judges don’t believe in him, gets kicked out early on for a ‘cheating’ scandal but it cleared and returns just before the finals to sweep the goddamn competition
LWJ: Best technicals, every time, showstopper is never big enough or flavorful enough but technically absolutely perfect because obviously, is the one who never seems nervous and very calm and put together and it drives WWX batty, is definitely in the final 
JC: Total wild horse, big flavors, station is a mess, always has a plan that goes off the rails, yells a lot at the oven and the ingredients and has been known to through the technical recipe at the ground and yell at it, tries to argue with Paul, does not make it far before he’s off
JYL: Very good baker but nerves get the better of her often, does her best and supports everyone else, actually ends up not finishing because she’s helping other people, never lets anyone be upset alone, always has extra timers and helps make sure everyone finishes, literally everyone cries when she has to leave
NHS: Constantly talks about giving up and how badly he’s doing and the more he says he doesn’t know the better he does at the end, good at technicals but gets bogged down in making the showstopper beautiful over what it actually tastes like, very much puts style first, when he gets kicked off everyone brings a fan to the next episode in his honor (or because he sneaks fans to all of them)
JZX: Always has the best ingredients, rare dishes and talks about everywhere he’s traveled in order to discover the food he’s cooking, not actually that great at cooking, in the reason JYL gets kicked off because she helped him after he burnt his biscuits, feels awful but can’t admit it, ends up dedicating a bake to her a few episodes later and loses
JGY: Does not belong on this show, cutthroat but hides it, rides the middle in everything deliberately, has memorized so many cookbooks, helps people in very specific situations and very carefully and knows everyone’s buttons by the third weekend, is the one that gets WWX kicked off and then gets kicked off for his return when it’s discovered and is never seen again
WN: Just not up for being on TV, honestly, does his best but it so nervous that he constantly drops things, forgets about his timer, adds salt instead of sugar once, ends up off pretty early and tbh he’s actually relieved
WQ: Baking Queen, great at precision but gets stuck in her own head sometimes, very passionate, yells at JC for yelling, very upset when her brother gets kicked off and ends up off the next episode but still an absolute fan favorite forever
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danwhobrowses ¡ 3 years ago
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WWE Summerslam 2021 - Initial Reaction and Review
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It's been a big week for wrestling in general, and now we have the Biggest Party of the Summer in the books, uncharacteristically airing on a Saturday.
It's been a while since I've run down a WWE PPV, time and apathy does have a bit to do with it, but since this is a big 4 and given what happened in Chicago there's definitely curiosity over how WWE would respond
Spoilers for Summerslam 2021 Below, I will be discussing the winners and moments so watch the PPV first
As usual I will indicate in the title who was the person I expected to win before the match started, but instead of Bold this time I'll put them in Italics with the whole match card being in bold
Kick-off
A long-ass kickoff was majority promo and interviews, not any contrarion drabble this time which was good. It was kinda sad to see Asuka on the packages but nowhere to be seen on the card.
I did like the sign guy of 'McAfee = Ratings' because he's kinda right, he has been great on commentary. I did not miss that dude in the Fiend Mask though, or the Lily Doll.
I will reiterate though that Sonya Deville is wasted right now, let her back in the goddamn ring, SD's Women's Division does need it and they make her look like a goof as Assistant GM.
Also apparently the Mysterios vs Usos aren't good enough for a promo package, not like it's a title match or anything... plus the disrespect still there, 'I wouldn't wanna work with my dad' they say like Rey isn't a multi time world champion with a huge wealth of experience.
The Miz and Morrison came in with a water truck to a mixed pop of cheers and boos, this moist gimmick ain't great but props for both guys being dedicated to it, it was short enough not to overstay its welcome too.
Ugh, Logan Paul is here...
Big E def. Baron Corbin (Pinfall via Big Ending) We had a new announcer from a Tiktok competition winner called Raine, and you know she was really good at it.
Corbin entered to boos hugging the MITB briefcase he stole, unable to afford entrance music it seems even though he's getting a PPV paycheck. To his credit he looks ultra disheveled, and when the ref had to pry the briefcase from him he looked super forlorn. I dunno why he's wrestling in a shirt though wouldn't that make it dirtier?
When the bell rings E does basically go right at Corbin, Corbin got a shoulder block in but then got caught in a belly to belly - despite protests - then a belly to backp. E missing the apron splash as Corbin senses a countout win, at 7 he leaves the ring to hit E against the ring post to try and eke out more time, demanding that the timekeeper keep the briefcase in his sights. E does return to the ring but his spear goes right is sidestepped into the ringpost, then thrown into them two more times, but only gets 2.
Corbin continues with some momentum with a sidewalk slam for 2, but his chokeslam is reversed into a rollup for 2 then a stretch muffler. He escapes and hits the Deep Six for 2, then 1.8, Corbin then stumbles to the briefcase, considering an exit before being hit with a lariat. E throws Corbin into the ring, but Corbin rolls right out, grabs the briefcase and tries to run around the ring only to be pounced into the barricade by Big E. The cat and mouse chase comes to an end, Corbin elbows E to get some room to roll to the other side of the ring but E catches him with that suicide spear he does, the briefcase is dropped and the straps are off: Big Ending for 3.
Shots of Logan Paul are hilariously met with huge boos as Big E finally reclaims his briefcase to a pop.
It was a nice little match, good palette cleanser and a nice and clean competition, Corbin had no chance in winning but it was a solid way to warm up the crowd for the main ppv.
Our final bit of the kick-off was discussing the UNI main event, though I feel like losing your job is a higher stake than winning your 17th world title. Also they had to force in the shucky ducky which was dumb.
Main Show
Raw Tag Team Championship: RK-Bro [Randy Orton & Riddle] def AJ Styles & Omos (c) [TITLE CHANGE] (Pinfall on Styles by Orton via RKO) Starting the night with some fun as Riddle comes out in a garish snake print outfit with a cerise pink lining, Orton didn't get the fashion memo thankfully but his hologram snake was cheesy. Riddle interacted with the crowd and had the multicoloured holo-doves while Orton mainly kept to himself. AJ and Omos came out together, though Omos had no theatrics, looking like a bouncer being invited to dinner still.
Orton and AJ started the match, Orton with the early advantage and tagging Riddle in for an assisted backflip for a 1 count, AJ rolls out the ring frustrated then tags in Omos, who just ragdolls Riddle; Shoulder Block, big clubbing blow then a delayed powerslam - an interesting glance over to Orton as well as they smile at each other, almost like Orton approved. Omos tries to deadlift Riddle with a wristlock but Riddle scrambles into a sleeper, but is flipped off then flattened in the corner. AJ tags in, platforming Omos for a Tornado DDT for 2, Riddle tries to fight out but runs into a backbreaker as AJ tells Orton 'you're next'.
During the rest hold, the crowd rallies Riddle back into the fight, AJ looks to have reclaimed an advantage and throws Riddle to his corner, but Riddle turns it into a dropkick on Omos, then dumps AJ out the ring. Riddle tries to tag Orton but AJ grabs him, enzugiri by Riddle allows Orton to make the hot tag. Clotheslines on AJ, a forearm to Omos - but it only stuns him, doesn't even fall to the floor, backdrop and another forearm to Omos that again fails to drop him. Clothesline to corner and a powerslam, this time Orton drops Omos out the ring by dropkicking the knees, draping DDT gets Orton feeling the RKO, but Omos drags AJ out the ring, then catches Riddle's dive to chokeslam him onto the apron. AJ stuns Orton with a jawbreaker on the ropes and gestures Omos to finish Riddle, but Riddle escapes the lawn dart and pushes Omos into the ring post. AJ though catches Riddle with his backflip reverse DDT on the outside, he misses the Phenomenal Forearm, but stands his ground against the RKO attempt, he rolls up for 2 and then lands into an RKO for 3.
It didn't last long but it was a fun opener, it was time for a title change and RK-Bro was a good choice. It's a shame Styles has to be the weak link but you can't be surprised that WWE continue to protect Omos.
Alexa Bliss (w/Lily) def. Eva Marie (w/ Doudrop) (Pinfall via DDT) The Lily hologram was fucking horrifying as Bliss carries the doll and puts it on the corner turnbuckle. Bliss weaves Eva effortlessly, she tries a waistlock but gets elbowed off. Eva gets a punch and a hair yank then...poses. She grabs Lily and starts slapping the doll, then slapping Alexa with the doll. Alexa then goes on the attack, clotheslines then a senton for 2, she puts Lily back as Eva argues with Doudrop. Alexa misses the Twisted Bliss and Eva gets 2 twice, a kick to the gut and a DDT finishes off Eva.
Post-match, Doudrop only looks smugly at Eva and grabs a microphone, announcing Eva as the loser, stealing her gown and walking away as Eva insists she made Doudrop.
This match didn't need to happen, in fact it could've just been a segment, but at least WWE were sensible in not having Eva Marie win against a former women's champion. They also didn't do any spooky shit and put the narrative mainly on Doudrop being free to hopefully be Piper Niven again, once again it didn't overstay its welcome.
Mario Lopez (who?) interviews RK-Bro on their title win, Orton cuts his normal promo but gets stumbled by trying to fit 'Bro' into his '3 most deadly letters in wrestling' catchphrase.
US Championship: Damian Priest def. Sheamus (c) [TITLE CHANGE] (Pinfall via Recknoning) Immediately after the interview Priest was already on the ramp, in blue gear with the USA and Puerto Rico flag on his tights, he did his archer pose to set off his tron. The Tron had a bit of an issue with Sheamus' opening, Sheamus wandered in with his face guard and coat. Sidebar, I still don't like the US Title design, it's better than the old one but not by much.
The two start by locking up, some solid chain wrestling shows that Sheamus has the power but Priest has the agility. After a pump kick, Priest hits a Falcon Arrow for 1, he has a bit of a nasty landing with his mid-rope flip senton out the ring, his heel clipped Sheamus' head but Priest's back had a hard landing on the floor, not easy to get distance when you step off the middle rope. Despite a flurry of kicks, Sheamus focuses on the back by throwing him into the ring post, belly to back and also an Irish Curse lead to a Camel Clutch, but Priest escapes that, Sheamus picks him up but Priest elbows out, so then he tries to powerbomb and Priest rana's out of that. Momentum is short though as Sheamus gets a powerslam for 2, a Dublin Smile and a Beats of the BodhrĂĄn but he cuts the count short to slight the crowd's chant. His timewasting is punished by a Tornado DDT from Priest, they trade blows and a lariat floors Sheamus, a spinning leg lariat from the top rope only gets him 2.
Priest sets up the Reckoning, but is picked up for a rolling fireman's carry slam, Sheamus slowly climbs the turnbuckle, giving Priest time to look for a chokeslam, but Sheamus shimmies along the ropes and gets a massive rope-assisted jawbreaker, top turnbuckle clothesline and an Alabama Slam only gets 2. Sheamus angrily talks shit at Priest, Priest slaps him but Sheamus headbutts him back. He sets up the Brogue Kick but Priest gets the Big Boot and the South of Heaven, but it only gets 2. Priest tries the Reckoning but his back won't handle the weight, he tries a Disaster Kick but runs into a knee to the face, it's only a 2. After being furious with the ref Sheamus tries the Cloverleaf, but gets rolled up for 2, he catches Priest in a heel hook in the middle of the ring, with no ropes to reach, Priest reaches for the face guard, ripping it off of Sheamus. Madness in his eyes, Priest unloads on Sheamus' face, causing Sheamus to cover up and release the hold, a flapjack into the top turnbuckle stuns Sheamus for another spinning Leg Lariat and then a Recknoning for 3.
A nice technical match, had some creative spots in there and Priest winning was nice to see after the Miz/Morrison feud lasted forever. I do dislike that they said it was his first title 'in WWE' though, because he was NA Champion in NXT, which is still WWE Cole. I don't think I liked that the face guard is what undid Sheamus, the dude who likes to fight shouldn't really lose to insecurity. But third time's the charm with the Reckoning.
Afterwards we had a promo for NXT TakeOver. We got a backstage talk between Rey and Dom, Dom apologizing to Rey for the SD incident and Rey forgiving it immediately, noting to stay focused on the match right now.
SD Tag Championship: The Usos (c) def. The Mysterios (Pinfall on Rey by Jey via Splash) Immediately after the promo they left the curtain to their entrance, the yellow, white and pink was...a choice, kinda miss the comic book attires. The Usos came out with the Leis and their regular gear.
Rey and Jimmy started lightning quick, Rey setting up a 619 with a rana but Jimmy rolling out of the ring, eating a basement dropkick. Jey's intervening is stopped by Dom who drops him sluggishly into his brother before he's tagged in, Rey hits the baseball slide splash and Dom the crossbody. In the ring Dom's second crossbody gets 2, three amigos by Dom but he shifted Jimmy too close to Jey, who managed to tag a leg, meaning that Jey throws Dom off the turnbuckle when he tries a Frog Splash. Jey taunts Dom after hitting him into the ring post (who has had a lot of mileage already), gesturing him to try and tag his father before cinching a headlock, Dom tries to fight back but is thrown to the other corner, Jimmy is tagged in and they hit a Backbreaker/Ax Handle combo. Jimmy taunts Dom the same way, diving headbutt for 2, the Usos spend too much time taunting Dom in their corner as the younger Mysterio staggers the twins with elbows, his rush for his father is cut off by a very nonchalant uppercut by Jey (McAfee literally yelling HADOUKEN was amazing). Jey continues to posture after suplexes and more taunting, they look for the third suplex but Dom hooks his leg, reversing it into a twisting neckbeaker.
Rey gets the hot tag as Jey tags Jimmy, planting the Uso with a tornado DDT for 2. Seated Senton and a forearm to Jey on the Apron leads to Rey walking into a Superkick for 2. Both Usos stalk Rey, looking to do a pop-up Powerbomb, but Rey ranas Jimmy out the ring, Jey gets him with a superkick to the gut, then a superkick to counter Rey's springboard crossbody, he hits the Splash but it only gets 2. Jey looks frustrated and tags Jimmy to set up the double splash, but Dom cuts Jey off, he tries to suplex Jey onto the apron but Jey drops him with a front-facing suplex instead. The delay is sufficient though since Rey rolls away from Jimmy's splash, headscissors setup, 619 for a big pop, he goes for the Frog Splash but Jimmy gets the knees up. Superkick by Jimmy, tags in Jey, double Superkick, splash by Jey and 3.
*sigh* Can Rey stop being pinned? It's not like Dom doesn't know how to take a pin. It's, it's sucky really, I've said it enough times but Rey deserves more than this given his popularity and past title wins, WWE would not do this to the likes of Edge or Cena, Angle or Goldberg, hell they wouldn't even do this to Eddie and yet Rey gets this treatment as thanks for being full time. Granted, it took like 3 finishers to down him but come on, compare the light pop this match got when everyone knew the Usos were winning with the pop Rey's hot tag and his 619 got, he still has it and they won over the crowd, with more time and narrative to their match it could've been a classic. I'm just sick of seeing one of my faves lose so much you know, if the story is Dom's inexperience then surely he would be the reason for defeat, rather than Rey being ganged up on.
Tiffany Haddish (who??) interviews Priest on his title win, apparently Priest hates bullies and he's happy...not as cool as his NA title win in the hot tub though. Summerslam could've fit in a hot tub
Rick Boogs then shreds the guitar as he welcomes King Nakamura. McAfee is dancing like a goof again on the table and Nakamura's crown falls off, but he makes up for it by playing the IC title like a guitar with Pat. He's disappeared after the Belair/Sasha package though...kinda confusing why that was there.
SD Women's Championship: Bianca BelAir (c) vs Sasha Banks CANCELLED As Bianca enters with SD Women's Title prints on her gear, the announcer says that Sasha is unable to compete, so Carmella is fighting in her stead. A shame but obviously not intended.
Bianca BelAir (c) vs Carmella INTERRUPTED Props to McAfee for noting the collective disappointment. BelAir looks disappointed too and tells Carmella that she's gonna dish out her frustration on Carmella. The title is aloft but then
Becky Lynch is here
Cameras are not showing enough of her on her return as Bianca buzzes, the crowd is on their feet. Becky's got a thicker mane than I remember, maybe it's the curls, a new shirt of 'The Man's back in Vegas' is worn by Becky too as she soaks in her pop. When the cameras stop long enough to focus on Becky she is looking extra lean. She attacks Carmella and dumps her out of the ring, she tells Bianca she'll be right back and throws Carmella into the steps, before standing off with Bianca. She grabs a microphone and asks for a title match, BelAir mulls it, but eventually accepts.
Becky Lynch def. Bianca BelAir (c) [TITLE CHANGE] (Pinfall via Manhandle Slam) Both women are amped up, Lynch offers a handshake but the moment they touch, she socks Bianca, Manhandle Slam and 3. Becky celebrates as BelAir looks stunned and a little shafted, Becky does gesture no hard feelings but, BelAir does have hard feelings.
It's a big pop for Becky's return, though I would've rather seen you know, a match. I love Becky, she's been one of my favourite women's wrestlers in WWE before she was even The Man, and I am psyched she's back, but BelAir vs Becky could've been a good match. we didn't need the Carmella stuff either just have BelAir call an open challenge in Sasha's absence. Also as thin as the SD Women's Division was Becky probably would've fit more for the Raw Women's Title situation, since we last saw her vacating it and that shit's on heavy life support, plus I was kinda hoping that Bianca could beat Sasha but Sasha would win later down the line so we could build Liv Morgan for a title win, I guess October's draft could still open it up. But yeah, happy to see Becky back.
Wrestling Olympic Gold Medalists Tamyra Mensah-Stock and Gable Stevenson come out next, I know WWE have been hot on Gable but after the scripts' comments on Simone Biles it feels forced. Tamyra was at least happy to be here.
Extreme Rules promo is next.
Drew McIntyre def. Jinder Mahal (Pinfall via Claymore) Jinder comes out first, Veer and Shanky only able to stand at the ramp and go to the back. Drew comes with his sword to summon...smoke? You can see how dull that sword is too.
Drew starts the match strong by throwing Jinder in the corner, kicks and chops followed by throws, he motions for Claymore but Jinder rolls out the ring, cutting him at the legs. Jinder's attempt to regain momentum is countered with a belly to belly, so next he tries to appeal to their past friendship but Drew isn't having it. He tries the Futureshock but Jinder kicks him in the face, stunning him for 2. Knee drops and knee chokes are followed by clubs to Drew's head and a choke, but Drew powers out and hits a Glasgow Kiss (which they called a Glaz-gao kiss, it's not that hard to say Glasgow), some more Belly to Bellies leads to a Futureshock and a kip up, 3, 2, 1, Claymore, 1, 2, 3.
McIntyre stepped over Jinder as he celebrated, Veer and Shanky tended to Jinder and then Drew grabbed his sword and started swinging...like the face he is trying to murder these dudes for tending to their boss.
Okay. Easy pop having squashed Jinder, did this need to be on PPV? Probably not, this and Bliss/Eva could've been done on Raw, rather than steal time from Usos/Mysterios and a potential Becky/BelAir banger. Nobody really got over or elevated with this.
Raw Women's Championship: Charlotte Flair def. Nikki A.S.H. (c) and Rhea Ripley [TITLE CHANGE] (Submission on Nikki by Charlotte via Figure Eight) Uncharacteristically, Nikki came out first to nothing, not a pop or a boo, it kinda sounded like fake crowd noises when we had one pop. Rhea got a mini pop next, but loud woos for Charlotte? Don't buy that especially given how she's meant to be the heel. She's in kinda Thanos gear too. The pops were louder for Rhea when her name was announced, Nikki's was mixed and Charlotte had some boos.
The bell rings as Charlotte shoves Nikki, telling her to get out the ring. Rhea shoves Charlotte but Nikki dumps Rhea out the ring, a Monkey Flip to Charlotte then a Rollup on Rhea for 1. Charlotte dumps Rhea as the two tussle, Nikki coming back to boot Charlotte off the apron as part of a bulldog on Rhea. Rhea keeps trying to keep a hold of Nikki but Nikki keeps rolling her up. Charlotte throws Nikki into Rhea like a spear then lariats Rhea and exploder's Nikki. Rhea and Charlotte trade advantages around the turnbuckle, Charlotte fights off a Nikki crossbody and powerslams Nikki onto Rhea, she tries the moonsault but Rhea gets her feet up, Nikki rolls her up but Rhea pulls her off, tries the Riptide but Nikki shifts her weight to splash her. Nikki headscissors Charlotte but is booted by Rhea, Charlotte then boots Rhea and taunts her, Rhea then starts finding energy, a Northern Lights for 1 but Charlotte then regains momentum, a huge big boot to dump Rhea out the ring, but Nikki then tornado DDTs Charlotte for 2. Basement Dropkick to Rhea gives Charlotte time to catch Nikki but Rhea german's them both, Missile Dropkick to Charlotte by Rhea only gets 2 as Charlotte flees to the outside. The two trade blows on the outside, to be flattened by Nikki's crossbody.
Pulling Charlotte in the ring, Charlotte resists the suplex, but Rhea comes in to double up on Charlotte, only for Charlotte to reverse it to a double DDT, Flair chops are suppressed but Charlotte still manages to fend off Nikki and Rhea, Corkscrew Moonsault on the outside takes the two out. She drags Rhea in but Rhea gets a boot, Nikki tries to roll up Rhea but only gets 2. Rhea's limping a bit but still kicks Nikki and cinches in her Inverted Cloverleaf, she dodges the Big Boot from Charlotte (perhaps inadvertently) and locks it into Charlotte, but she rolls through and gets the Figure 8, which is broken by Nikki's knee drop. Nikki hits a Purge but it's broken up by Rhea, she sets another Riptide but again Nikki counters this time with a Reverse Tornado DDT, dumping Rhea out the ring. Nikki sees Charlotte prone, setting up the Crossbody, but she misses, Charlotte locks the Figure 8 and taps.
Abrupt finish, it was a really well-worked match selling the chaos of the triple threat. But I never felt like Charlotte was in danger of losing, Nikki wasn't working because they rushed her new character without getting her over, so of course WWE were gonna fall back to ye olde Charlotte title win. The narrative didn't help either, she seemed like the babyface and again, didn't feel threatened, I never saw the opening for Charlotte to lose. In a vacuum it was a good match, as a whole though, since Rhea won the title at mania nobody's gotten over, they made an absolute hash of the Charlotte feud to the point where we didn't even feel invested in Rhea getting a win back, then we fast tracked a cash in. The only one who profited here was Charlotte, who got to add 2 more title reigns to her name on paper, had Becky came here to make it a 4-Way and won, it'd probably have been more hopeful because now, who is next? Asuka's AWOL, Shayna's buried, Alexa's on spooky shits, Rhea's broken, Nikki isn't getting over, who can Charlotte face at this point?
Edge def. Seth Rollins (Submission via Crossface) Dressed like some aristocrat, Seth entered first half smug half focused, it may've dragged on a bit long. Edge didn't come out to Metalingus, but instead he came out in the fires of the Brood, with the dark sunglasses, fire and the elevated platform to boot, but then Metalingus came out to give the people what they want.
The bell rings but there's a long pause to soak in the crowd investment. Edge has the early advantage with a swift punch, every time Seth tries to lock in on Edge he hits back, annoying Seth as he mulls outside the ring. He tries the Pedigree but is again dumped out the ring, this time Edge follows and throws him around the barriaces, Rollins returns to the ring but is knee'd out, but gets some advantage by dodging the Baseball Slide and driving Edge into ye olde Ring Post, then against the steps. Neckbreaker only gets 2 as he continues to focus on the neck with chokes, stomps and slingblades, another neckbreaker leads to another 2 as Seth taunts Edge about it.
A diving knee by Rollins gets 2 as Seth kicks around Edge, he tries another neckbreaker but Edge reverses into a backslide for 2, Flapjack and a tackle into the turnbuckle, Seth fends off Edge at the turnbuckle though and hits the Frog Splash for 2 but for the second time Edge rolls into the corner to avoid the stomp. Rollins pulls Edge to the turnbuckle, but Edge hits him with a top turnbuckle spinning neckbreaker, Flapjack onto the top rope, Edgecution for 2, Rollins stuns Edge by driving him into the Turnbuckle, but he misses his knee strike into an Head Yank for 2. Edge goes up top but Rollins turns it into his Superplex/Falcon Arrow combo for 2, he sets up the Stomp but misses, tries the Pedigree but Edge wriggles out, Glam Slam by Edge for 2, nice homage for Beth there. Seth gets back the momentum though, Jawbreaker on the ropes then a neckbreaker on the ropes, Edge dodges the stomp on the apron though and throws Seth into the ring post (not ye olde ringpost though it's a different one) and then a spear through the ropes into the outside. A bulldog into the apron LED only gets 2, but now Edge is setting up the spear, but Rollins counters into a Pedigree (Pat mustn't have watched Roman vs Seth before because he said he has never seen that counter) but it only gets 2.
Rollins climbs up top looking for the Phoenix Splash, he lands on his feet and rolls away but walks into a spear, 1, 2, No. Edge now looking for the Killswitch but Rollins clubs then kicks Edge in the back of the head, he tries the Stomp but Edge rolls and catches the boot, turning it into an Edgecator, Seth reaches for the ropes so Edge tries to pull him back, but in releasing the hold he gets rolled up for 2. Edge then tries the Crossface, rolling to the center of the ring, but Edge slams his head into the mat and reapplies it for the tapout.
A nicely worked match again that managed to showcase a lot of Edge's past bag of tricks. The second I was wrong about too, I expected Seth to get some momentum to try and challenge Roman like he had been teasing before this feud (on that note, where's Cesaro? Miss that dude), but it was definitely something for the fans to cheer about. The narrative of avoiding the Stomp was also good for the storytelling, Seth doesn't lose anything in defeat either, he's took 2 spears, 2 crossfaces, Edgecator and the Edgecution.
MITB 22 is announced on 4th July at the Allegiant Stadium, Vegas (the same venue as tonight). Expect there to be a Murica match in there. In addition attendance today is 51k. We scope back around to Miz and Morrison's kickoff thing, mostly getting a jobber entrance. The moist jokes were worst this time around as they marketed the 'Drip Stick 2000' which neither had. Who did have it? A very wet and long-haired Xavier Woods with a cocktail stick in their mouth and a 'New Day Order' shirt. Woods convinces the crowd to rally into shooting them with a water gun, though it didn't really get a pop in the act, dumb shit really but whatever Woods' new look is I dig it.
WWE Championship: Bobby Lashley (w/MVP) (c) def. Goldberg (via Ref Stoppage) Lashers out first...no sanctity it seems. He's walking into the ring with purpose, his pose has no pyro though, kinda a lukewarm smoke that'd make Revolution 2020's explosion smirk. Goldberg does his usual entrance, lots of quick camera switching again. Dude looks a bit top-heavy tbh, skipping those leg days. Lashley paces across Goldberg's periphery, it doesn't look like there'll be underestimation in this fight.
They lock up first, a bit of strength testing, Goldberg tanks a shoulder block, grounding Lashley with a flying shoulder block, then a body slam. Goldberg is keeping the advantage with corner attacks and clotheslines but Lashley clubs at the back. He sets up a Jackhammer for insult to injury, but Goldberg keeps his leg hooked, he tries to lift Lashley but can't follow through and gets hit with a flatliner. No sympathy from Lashley as he clubs at the back of the head before uncharacteristically going up top, which Goldberg punishes by throwing him down, Goldberg looks for the Spear but MVP yanks Lashley outside, only for Goldberg to spear him on the outside anyway.
Goldberg sets up a second spear, but as the ref focuses on Lashley rolling out the other side, MVP thwacks Goldberg's knee with his cane, distracting Goldberg long enough to be chop blocked. Chokeslam makes Lashley look for the Hurt Lock, but he can't connect the fingers, as Goldberg escapes though he gets chop blocked again, causing Goldberg to leave the ring. Lashley follows, lifting him up and charging him knee first into the ring post twice. Struggling to stand, the Ref throws the match.
The match is over but Lashley continues to attack the leg with a steel chair. Gage Goldberg attempts to jump but gets wrenched with a Hurt Lock. MVP tries to assure that Lashley wouldn't have known that he was attacking Goldberg's son but it means little, Goldberg insisting he's gonna kill Lashley, meaning this feud isn't over.
The heat was right, the delivery was wrong. We've seen people beat Goldberg clean, I don't see why Lashley, who has beaten people who have beaten Goldberg clean, couldn't do that himself? Needing MVP's help flattens the statement made.
Camera work got a bit wonky there when promoting the Main Event
Universal Championship: Roman Reigns (c) def. John Cena (Pinfall via Spear) Cena's the first to come out, sporting a Super Mario-esque shirt showing his 16 world title reigns, the reigns also shown on the tron, they actually mentioned Ric Flair this time. The Bronze Statue hologram for Roman is still tacky, but he comes out flanked with his cousins and Paul, smoke again instead of pyro - I wonder if they weren't allowed to pyro. Heyman whispers the Usos to leave Roman to walk the ramp. I spotted an 'Anyone but you Roman' sign in the crowd, before McAfee makes me smirk again by calling Roman an 'absolute stud'.
Roman's a little ginger about locking up with Cena, but is goaded into it, winning the shoulder block. A second lock up leads to a Cena roll up for 1, trying to call back to the go home smackdown, another schoolboy for 2 but Roman laughs it off. Roman doesn't lock up again, kicking and clubbing at Cena while mocking the crowd, a lariat is reversed into another rollup for 2 but gets him back with a reverse lariat (he used the back of his arm, like a chop lariat), a Suplex by Roman leads to a 2 count, then the rest hold. Cena tries to break but Roman smacks him, another suplex for 2 then he dumps Cena out the ring, Cena blocks the punch and tries to flurry back, but is whipped into the steel steps. After some posturing Roman smacks Cena headfirst into the steps again, then posing with the belt as he claims that the crowd needs him, he saunters to the ring but walks into another schoolboy for 2, leading to another punch.
Roman insists that Cena can't win like this, but in his gloating Cena almost lifts him for the AA, which Roman counters into a DDT for 2. Roman almost looks bored, telling the hard cam that he's not apologetic about hurting Cena, Cena once again tries the forearms but when he tries the flying shoulder block he runs into an uppercut. Roman mocks Cena for having only five moves, but again it's a rollup for 2, this time Roman counters with a sleeper, Cena tries to fight but Roman puts his body weight on him, he tries again and Roman uses his weight again, only this time Cena launches him into the corner and follows up with a clothesline. Then come the shoulder tackles, the twisting front drop, but as he tiredly goes for the 5 Knuckle Shuffle, Roman snaps in the Guillotine, Cena tries the Jackknife pin for 2, the hold is broken but this time it's a Superman Punch. Roman wastes too much time though and his spear is countered with a kick, this time the 5 Knuckle Shuffle hits, AA, 1, 2, No. Heyman's having heart palpitations ringside but Cena's locked in the STF, Roman makes the rope to break the hold and leaves the ring, but as Cena looks to follow he's hit by a Drive By.
Roman looks to put Cena away with a Spear on the outside, but Cena counters it with an AA through the Announcer's Table, he drags Roman back into the ring but only gets the 2. Cena goes up top, looking for a dropkick maybe, but he's caught into a powerbomb for 2. Roman seems to be prepping his Superman Punch, but Cena rolls for 2, picks up for the AA but can't lift him all the way, allowing Roman to hit the Superman Punch for another 2. Roman is getting irritated now, Cena's been in his head after all, he goes for the Spear but meets ye olde ring post. Cena pulls Roman up for the Avalanche AA, he lands it, 1, 2, No! Cena taunts Roman this time, quoting his entrance theme then mocking the Oooowaaah, the Spear is cut off though, instead they trade blows, one Superman Punch, two Superman Punch, Roman declares he is WWE and lands the Spear, 1, 2, 3.
Roman stands over the prone Cena, but then the noise is heard. Brock Lesnar is in the building, and he still has the hipster look. Cameras lose control again as Heyman finds a conflict in interest, dude is absolutely jacked though. He approaches Roman in a staredown, but Roman just leaves the ring to close the night. Apparently off-air Lesnar then attacked Cena.
You know what would've made this match better? If the conclusion wasn't so forgone after Smackdown. Did anyone actually think that WWE would let Roman quit? At least before Roman's career was at stake there was a 10% chance Cena could leave as the winner, which would've made the nearfalls much more believable.
As for Lesnar, well, Vince always wanted Roman/Brock to be the main level feud and he's always getting his way. It'll draw, but it only puts paper over the submarine window that is the problem.
Conclusion
A good PPV though. I don't think there was any match that was awful. And that's kinda saying something with Eva Marie involved. Some segments and matches were, legless perhaps, stuff you could've be done with or even just put on Raw which is a shame because that took time from matches, as I said I would've liked to actually see Becky and Bianca wrestle and the Mysterios get more time.
The returns were good, I suppose Chicago definitely had nothing to do with that. But I'm not gonna be sad about seeing Becky Lynch again.
My main problem is probably how despite the big card, there was no doubt, I mean I got all but a couple of matches right on this card and it was because the matches were all built so obviously, those two frankly I predicted because I expected a bit more swerve. Part of it could be the fatigue of all the good wrestling we've seen so far but compared to other PPVs where I've felt on the edge of my seat or shaking in my ribs I just felt cosy, like it was a casual watch.
It was certainly not bad, definitely a good outing with good wrestling, but there is room still to improve on the narrative, and camera work like seriously learn to linger, immediate snap cuts throw people off. New directions are ahead to fulfill that so hopefully WWE can find a course to get back on.
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jaceyneedsabetterusername ¡ 5 years ago
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Firsts and Lasts
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Pairings: Finn Shelby x Reader
Warnings: Prostitution (but no actual smut), talk of abuse
Summary: You grew up with Finn Shelby but after moving and losing contact with him, you find yourself in a desperate position to survive. 
A/N: I looked it up and Finn’s 21 and I’m trying to make the reader over 18 as well so please don’t come for me about underage stuff. I did say that she started working at 17 but that’s just cause realistically I can see that happening in this situation but there’s no actual depictions of underage stuff. 
A/N 2: It felt weird to write Linda as being excited about prostitution but this is set in season 4 episode... 3? (I think). Anyways, Linda is like canonically excited about it so yeah. Hope it's not too OOC the way I wrote it. I tried making her too exciting and bubbly about it cause I'd imagine she doesn't know how to act? Whatever, I'll shut up now 😂
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This room, your clothes, everything about this life you lived, you hated. This room that you sat in, decorated with lavish, indulgent red and purple fabrics, reminded you of the disgusting, lustful men that consumed your time and body. The dress you wore was cut provocatively short and the sleeve was torn from that disgusting drunk last night. Your eyeliner had run down your cheeks from the tears of the early morning. 
In all honesty, you weren’t sure why you even cried anymore. It had been like this since you were seventeen and Paul, the man who ran the brothel you worked in, had found you desperate for money and taken advantage of it, manipulating you into prostitution. His abuse quickly became apparent but you knew you didn’t have the means to make it on your own yet so you’d agonizingly decided to stick with it until you had enough money to get as far away from the streets as possible.
“You’ve got yourself a job, Y/N.” Paul announced when he walked into the room you were sitting in. Your eyes shot up, the nerves that always started bubbling in your stomach when you were called on beginning to act up. 
“Who is it?” You asked, standing as Paul walked towards you. The man may have looked respectable enough but it wasn’t hard to see past that slick exterior to the perverted, greedy man beneath. He was a pimp after all and as much as he would like to believe people saw him as a legitimate business man, everyone in town saw him as nothing more. 
He began to fidget with your hair that hung in loose messy curls around your face, most of them having fallen since curling them last night. Last night was Friday. That was the brothel’s busiest day of the week. “Don’t know exactly but it was a Shelby boy who called. Don’t know which. But he asked for the best of the best and that’s you today, love.” 
What a compliment. The best of the best today. Not that being the best of the best when you’re a prostitute was really a compliment anyways. As he ran a hand down your face, you tried your hardest not to flinch away from his touch, feeling nothing but his filth on your skin. When he’d first picked you up and hired you, you’d fallen for this trap before. This false gentle exterior. But you flinched when he’d gotten a little too close for comfort and before you knew it, his open palm blew across your face. You learned quickly. 
Suddenly, his hand moved from your face to twist your hair around his fist and yanked your head back. You gritted your teeth through the pain and tried to maintain eye contact with him as he spat, “Now, girl, these is the Shelby boys. You treat ‘em good. You treat ‘em right. You don’t say no to anything. If I hear anything went wrong, you’ll be gettin’ the drunks tonight, ya hear?” 
Trying your best not to step out of place, you nodded silently, even though all you wanted was shoot daggers through the man. You knew better than to step out of place, at least in this position. 
“What was that?” He questioned, pulling harder on your hair. 
“Yes sir.” You managed through grit teeth.
Finally, Paul’s grip on your hair loosened and he threw a piece of paper at you. You caught it clumsily and unravelled it, seeing an address written there. “Be there at noon, go through the back. And for the love of God, make yourself look presentable.” Paul sneered at you in disgust before walking out of the room, slamming the door behind him. 
Shit, the Shelby’s. This would be humiliating. You’d lived a few houses down from them for years and had even played with Finn growing up, him being the same age as you. The older brothers shipped out about the same time as your father. Over that time, your mother wasn’t able to afford the house anymore so you had to move and hadn’t seen any of the Shelby’s since. Maybe, if you were lucky, they wouldn’t remember you. 
You glanced at the ornate clock that hung on the wall, the one that Paul bought to try to impress clients. It was 11:20 already and you knew that the address you had to go to, Shelby Company Ltd., was a twenty minute walk. That gave you twenty minutes to try to look presentable. 
Making your way to the back room that was full of beds that all the other girls who worked in the brothel slept in, you sat on the sad excuse you called a bed and pulled a mirror from the small trunk under it. Your H/C hair stuck up in an unruly ghost of what was yesterday’s curls. Your makeup was smudged and barely there where it needed to be. Your lipstick had rubbed off to be just a faint tint on your lips, which maybe was better than it being fresh. It made less of a mess this way. You’d noticed you were still in the same clothes as last night, having worked into the early hours. The shoulder was ripped too. Things definitely needed to be changed. 
Quickly, you fixed up your makeup and hair and changed into a different dress, no less  provocative but much more intact. By 11:40, you were on your way to Shelby Company Ltd. and at noon sharp, you were knocking on the back door.
While you waited for the door to be answered, you silently wondered which of the Shelby boys had called for some company, for lack of a better word. You had a feeling it wasn’t Tommy. He didn’t frequent the whore-houses much anymore. Arthur and John were married but, honestly, you wouldn’t put it past either of them to seek out companionship elsewhere. Your heart raced with anxiety, not looking forward to having any form of sexual relation with any of the Shelby boys that you’d grown up with, especially since they were so much older. God, you prayed they wouldn’t remember you. 
Suddenly, the door swung open to reveal a blonde woman you didn’t recognize, a big giddy smile on her face, “You’re here! Oh my gosh!” She squealed excitedly. 
A woman? This would definitely be the first woman that had ever requested your services but money was money. But as she reached down, pulling you excitedly into the building, you noticed the gold cross hanging from her neck and immediately doubted your initial assumption but you could be wrong. 
“Oh! Um, hello Miss…. Shelby?” You guessed. 
She shrugged, “Please, call me Linda. Now you’re sort of a surprise for our boy Finn, here. He’s a virgin so be nice though.” She whispered the last part with a smile, leading you through the mostly empty building.
Oh my God, you thought. It was Finn. You were supposed to do things with Finn, the boy you played with as children. Please, you prayed, don’t let him recognize me.
“She’s here!” Linda squealed into a room, pulling you along before you could even see who she was speaking to. 
“Oh shut up, Linda, before the poor boy hears you!” Another woman responded, her voice sounding vaguely familiar. 
You found yourself led to an open office where a man stood with his back to you. Linda knocked on the door and then ran off, leaving you standing there nervous and confused. The man turned around and immediately, you knew it wasn’t Tommy, John, or Arthur. This had to be Finn but he wasn’t the little boy you grew up down the street from. 
This Finn was tall now and his hair was cut in the trademark Peaky Blinder style, shaved close on the sides and longer on top. His skin was only slightly more freckled than you remembered from all those years ago. And even through this strange stoic attitude he now had, something you’d imagined was also learned through years of being raised by his brothers, you still saw an insecure boy in his eyes. 
 “Mr. Shelby?” You began, cautiously but still trying to sound seductive. This was always how you began house calls like this, with a ‘Mr.’ in front. Some men got angry when addressed by their first names by a “low-life whore” as you’d learned the hard way.
The man looked at you curiously, studying you in a way that most men didn’t. He wasn’t imagining you naked or trying to figure out the fastest way to get down to business. Judging by the way his brows furrowed slightly, he almost looked like he was trying to figure out who you were. “Yeah. Who are you? Did you have an appointment with Thomas?” He asked, hands in his pockets. He looked so official like this. 
Show time. You walked towards his desk, running your fingers gingerly along the chair as you made your way to him, “No… no… I actually would like to meet with you.” Your voice was sweet but thick, sexy eyes in full effect. 
Finn watched in a daze, his eyes following every sway of your hips, as you made your way around the desk and closer towards him. “What’re you doing?” He asked with no real momentum behind the question, totally trapped in your trance. 
You came up behind him, running your hands along his shoulders and down his biceps, “I’m just admiring the handsome powerful man in front of me.” You purred into his ear. His body shuddered slightly under your touch. As long as you could keep him under this spell, you were sure you could get in and out of here quickly and smoothly. 
Finn stiffened just slightly, “Wait, did Tommy send you? Are you a prostitute?” He looked over his shoulder at you and you could see the trance beginning to break. You could tell he was uncomfortable by this idea. 
“Oh, Mr. Shelby, don’t you worry. I’m just here to make you feel good. We won’t do anything you don’t want.” You snaked around to the front of his body, your breasts rubbing against his chest as you leaned up on your toes to whisper in his ear, “But we can do whatever you do want.” You leaned back biting your lip to find him with his eyes closed, leaning in to your every word. 
Slowly, you slid your hands down his chest and towards his pants, not going to undo them just yet but beginning to rub your hand skilledly over his growing bulge. His breathing hitched at the contact and you decided to start biting gently on his neck. A small breathy moan fell from his lips. 
Deciding he was ready, you pulled back and bit your lip, looking up at him through your lashes, “Any preference on how we do this?” You asked, keeping your smile and overall demeanor a little sweeter than you usually would. He was a virgin, after all. Be nice, Linda had said. Your fingers danced on his chest, choosing to tease him slightly.
But before he answered your question, he looked into your eyes and a look of sudden realization washed over his face. He grabbed your wrist and pulled it away from his chest. At first, you panicked, thinking you were about to get hit. It wouldn’t be the first time. Instead, though, he looked almost hurt, “Y/N L/N?” He asked, his entire demeanor shifting. “Is that you?” 
Your eyes widened and you were sure you looked like a deer caught in headlights. “No?” You tried your hardest to lie but the panic rising in your throat made the word come out more as a question. 
Finn let your wrist go when he saw your eyes flicker over to where his hand gripped your arm. “What’re you doing?” He asked, unable to comprehend that his childhood best friend could possibly be in this line of work. 
You didn’t know how to respond to the question. “I have to.” Your voice cracked when you spoke. Gosh, you hated how weak you sounded but there had been few times in your life when you’d felt this humiliated. You swore up and down since you started this at seventeen that you were only doing what was necessary to survive but you’d never had to face someone you actually knew while doing it. 
“No, no you don’t. Not if you don’t want to.” Finn insisted, looking down at you with worry filled eyes. 
You gave a sad laugh, looking away, “I do, though, Finn. But look, I’m not here looking for sympathy. I think those women out there called me to give you a good first lay. We can do this still if you want.” You straightened up, putting back on a sterner voice that you were sure wasn’t going to betray you. 
Finn shook his head, “I don’t want this. Not like this.” 
You nodded with pursed lips, secretly grateful that he didn’t want to continue. You weren’t sure if you could with him. “Alright then, I’ll be leaving. But, um, if you don’t mind… I know it’s lying but would you mind pretending like we did something. Anything, I don’t care what you say. I just need my employer to think that you were… satisfied.” 
Finn looked at you with sad confusion, “Wait!” He reached for you, when you went to leave, stopping you, “Wait, no, just, just wait a second.” You allowed him to pull you back into the room and push you gently to sit on the desk. His hands rested on your shoulders, his big brown eyes looking sincerely into yours. “What happened?” 
He knew the question was open but he wanted to know it all. You and he were best friends as children who did everything together. You were close with the Shelby family and were pretty much on track to join the company when you got older. But then you just disappeared one day without an explanation. 
You sighed, all the memories from the past that you tried to suppress coming back with a force, “Well, y’know that my dad got drafted about a year before your brothers. My mum couldn’t afford to keep the house after two years so we had to move. I didn’t know why we were moving back then and I didn’t even know we were leaving until the night before we did so I couldn't tell you. But we did. We moved to the far eastside of Birmingham.” 
Your voice began to crack, the part you tried your hardest to keep buried coming to light, “We got a letter saying that my dad was killed in the trenches right after we moved. Then my mum died of the Spanish Flu right after. I think I was about eleven. The police forced me into an orphanage but the older kids never got adopted so they ushered me out when I turned seventeen. I didn’t really have anywhere to go, no money, no home. I didn’t know anybody. And then this man Paul came up and told me he could help.” 
You didn’t need to elaborate any further for Finn to understand. “I’m sorry.” He said, unable to think of what else to say, “If we would’ve known, I’m sure we would’ve helped.” 
You shook your head, standing again, “Thank you but I don’t need your sympathy or pity. I didn’t come here for that. I’m fine.”
“Are you though? Cause it doesn’t look like it! You’ve been doing this for, what? Two, three years? Are you happy?” He asked. 
You scoffed, whatever pride you had left threatened by him. “I’m fine.” You repeated. 
Finn groaned, “That’s not what I asked. Are you happy? Do you like your life?” 
“No! Is that what you wanted? No! Of course, I’m not happy being treated like a fucking sex slave and forced to the will of whatever man makes a deal with Paul! But if this is what I have to do to survive, then I’ll fucking do it!” You were pointing harshly at him, using anger to mask every other unpleasant emotion.
“What if you didn’t have to do it anymore?” Finn suggested quietly, looking seriously at you. 
You rolled your eyes, “I don’t need your money, Finn.” 
“I don’t mean that. I mean a job. What if I could get you a real job here at Shelby Company Limited?” You scanned his face for any hint of a cruel joke but he looked at you with nothing but concerned sincerity. 
Could this be it? That opportunity that got you out of the sheets of violent drunks and into a real job? But just as that glimmer of hope began to shine, it faded away with the thoughts of reality, “I can’t. Paul… he’s beat girls for trying to leave before.” 
“He won’t touch you. You’ll be running with the Blinders. If he tries anything, we’ll fucking kill him.” Finn was serious, his eyebrows raised. 
He was right, you realized. If Paul found out that you were working with the Peaky Blinders, he’d never touch you. You could finally be safe from him. You looked up at Finn with tearfully grateful eyes and hugged him tightly, “Thank you, Finn.” 
Finn was taken off guard by your sudden affection, especially since you were yelling at him just moments prior, but relaxed and hugged you back, holding your body against his. Honestly, he knew he had no actual right to hire you or send out a hit on Paul without Tommy’s permission but that was beside the point right now. He’d find a way to keep you safe. 
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timeagainreviews ¡ 4 years ago
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My Series 10 Rewatch: Knock Knock
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Hello, my fantastic friends! I am sorry I have been so quiet. I got coronavirus in February and it really wiped out my energy. I am finally starting to bounce back and feel like leaving the house once more. This beautiful Scottish spring we’re having has definitely helped. I also lost my grandpa this week, so I've been all over the place, emotionally. Obviously, such a big pause in the middle of a series 10 rewatch is disruptive, so I would rather just dive back in if it's all the same. When last we were gathered, I was talking about "Thin Ice." Since then, the ice has thawed and I am now up to series 10 episode four- "Knock Knock," by one-time Doctor Who writer Mike Bartlett.
An aspect of Doctor Who which I love about Steven Moffat’s era is that the Doctor and his companions didn’t spend every waking moment of their lives together. Unlike companions of the past, who basically left behind their family lives to galavant across time and space, the companions of the Moffat era had home lives. Not only did this make for some humorous moments, such as the Doctor landing his TARDIS in Clara’s bedroom on date night, it also set up the characters for something of an actual life. "Knock Knock," uses this separation of worlds to establish one of its central themes- can you have a normal life with the Doctor? 
Being a poor student in London, Bill is forced to look for a flat with a group of people she only sort of knows. This is your typical group of students, eclectic and young. The biggest commonality they have is they can’t afford a place on their own. One of the ways in which this makes the episode suffer is that none of them has much chemistry together. However, it does enable Bartlett to explore deeper concepts, such as the fear of meeting new people. Our characters are forced to deal with a deadly situation with people who are basically strangers. 
The other commonality they have is Bill’s mate, Shireen. I got momentarily excited the first time I heard her name, but only because I thought it was going to be Rose’s best mate Shareen. Also, it would mean that Rose and Shareen had like a 10 year age difference, which would be weird. Shireen is a bubbly sort that seems gung-ho about everyone getting on. This doesn’t stop 90% of their interactions from being a total cringefest. Not one of these characters is particularly likeable. Pavel, the musician of the group, and the one character with maybe a bit of culture becomes a wall pretty early on, so it’s a bland time from there on out. But that’s getting a bit ahead of ourselves. 
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After a montage of disappointing flats ("Oh my god, the toilet is is what room?") the gang stands defeated. But like a beacon of light, comes a glimmer of hope in the form of John, a man who clearly prowls the streets for groups of youths. The gang is willing to overlook the obvious stranger danger about John because he has something they need- a giant house at a reasonable price. It’s another one of those deeper concepts being explored here that I think Doctor Who does so well. The show operates well when it preys upon basic fears. In this case, it’s the fear of the creepy landlord. The fear that your home life may be dictated by a creepy man who carries a tuning fork and forbids you to enter certain parts of the house like it’s Beauty and the Beast. 
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 Arriving as if to say "No, Bill, you can’t have a normal life," is the Doctor. After using his TARDIS to move her belongings, Bill is quick to send him off. She even foregoes the traditional six-pack of beer and pizza, the universal payment for friends helping one move house. Of course, the moment the Doctor enters the derelict abode, his Time Lord senses are pinging. The Doctor isn't just an embarrassing "grandfather," type, but also a threat to any semblance of a normal life Bill can hope to have. As I said, this is familiar territory in the Moffat era. A funny side effect of the Doctor's attempts at allowing his companions to live normal lives is it only adds to the sharp contrast between both existences. Perhaps this is immersion therapy on the Doctor's behalf. Letting his friend remember what the world is actually like so as to not disassociate her from her own time and place. Or perhaps it is the Doctor softening the blow of eventually losing his friend.
The Doctor leaves long enough for two things to happen. Firstly, Pavel is listening to some music and suddenly is eaten by the house. Nobody seems to notice. Secondly, the new housemates have a bit of a games night for their first night at 11 Cardinal Road. There's no cellphone reception and the house is nowhere near up to code. I applaud them for trying to build up these characters, but it never really gels. Their merriment is cut short after hearing a noise in the kitchen. Scooby-Doo style, Bill leads them to the pantry where she finds the Doctor never actually left. They decide to head to bed, but the Doctor decides he's going to stay up with Felicity and Harry and listen to music. He also reminds Bill to maybe check on Pavel who has not been seen all day.
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Now back in the sitting room, the gang is surprised to find John present. He addresses their problems with the amenities and waxes strange about having a daughter to look after. The Doctor asks John who the Prime Minister is, but he is unable to answer. Before they can ask more questions, John disappears down the hallway, but not before sounding his tuning fork against the wood. On her way to bed, Bill has the most cringe conversation with her new housemate, Paul. Paul fancies Bill. Bill fancies girls. I get that they may have wanted a scene where Bill flat out says to the audience that she's gay, but Paul comes off as super creepy. I wouldn't have an issue with this, but I feel like we're meant to find Paul endearing. It's hard for me to place what exactly they were going for in this scene. Paul, mate, you just met her. You just moved in together. Maybe let the paint dry first.
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Luckily, like a shot from the dark, the plot saves us from having to stand in the hallway of awkwardness. Paul, having gone to his room, screams. Thinking he's having a laugh, Bill and Shireen go knocking on his door, only to find the return knock sounding across the hallway wall. The house begins to creak and shudder while doors slam shut. It's like something from a haunted house movie. In many ways, it follows a familiar trope from Doctor Who. The house haunted by aliens. We've seen it in "Ghost Light," "Hide," or even Edward Grove from "The Chimes of Midnight." Though I would argue that here, there is less grist for the mill. "Knock Knock," is a more stripped back, simple story. And in that way, I find it begins to lose me as the mystery unravels. 
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As the housemates run through the house, trying to escape whatever is happening, they find Pavel in a state of flux. Something about the music on his record player skipping has kept him from being completely absorbed by the house. I will say, this is a great bit of body horror on the makeup department's behalf. Everything about Pavel looks like a guy getting eaten by a wall. As it turns out, the tuning fork and the music have more to do with what's going on as the Doctor discovers the house infested with alien lice known as "Dryads." Using his sonic screwdriver, the Doctor is momentarily able to draw the bugs out from the grain of the wood. The Dryad is not your common woodlouse, as it appears to move through wood like water. Even in my second viewing, I found myself wondering if this is kind of cool or kind of dumb. I vacillate between the two. 
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In many ways, this is both Doctor Who's greatest strength and its greatest weakness. The surreal nature of a time-travelling police box affords us things like sentient planets, talking chair frogs, and killer mannequins. On the other hand, it gives us farting aliens, gamma radiation in the form of lightning, and the Doctor screaming until a window smashes. I remember reading an Eighth Doctor book where horse people read books on their planet by licking them and tasting the story. Sometimes, Doctor Who is bloody brilliant, and other times, it's bloody embarrassing. But that's partly why I love it. This kind of freedom gives it freshness. One week we get a priest buzzing like a wasp as he talks, the next we get River Song and the Vashta Nerada.
Now, I'm not saying "Knock Knock," is bad, but it is a little dumb. I've already complained about the dopey kids nobody cares about, and the silly aliens that aren't that scary, but the end of this episode is where it really kind of evens itself out. As I said, I vacillate between this being a good and a bad story. We learn that the reason John doesn't want anyone up inside the tower of the house has nothing to do with safety, and everything to do with a dark secret. After discovering the unclaimed belongings of previous occupants over the span of decades, the housemates learn that they are just the latest in a long line of people being fed to the house.
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I found the motivation of the Dryads a little hard to understand. It seems weird to me that a woodlouse would want to eat people, but here we are. As it turns out, John has found a way to keep his "daughter," Eliza, alive using the Dryads. After noticing they respond to sonic vibrations, John has been using the tuning fork the make them do his bidding. It's a simple arrangement- he feeds students to the Dryads, the Dryads keep Eliza alive as a wooden woman, hidden away in the tower like some forgotten ghost. Once again, the makeup department has done its job. You genuinely believe Eliza is a woman made from wood. I especially like how they used papery twine for her hair.
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They do a good job giving reasons why the housemates can't call for help. No wifi, no reception. But it is hard to imagine that over the course of decades, nobody came looking at this giant house for clues of their missing loved ones. Maybe they did and the house ate them as well. All I know is that it's mighty convenient that not one prospective tenant said to their mum or dad "Hey, I'm moving into a giant house at 11 Cardinal Road." Hell, even the Doctor helped move Bill in. What was John's big plan for when the Doctor came around looking for his "granddaughter?"
By this point, several of the housemates have been eaten by the house. Honestly, I could care less about which ones. I think Paul got his, and of course poor wooden Pavel. Or would that be wooden panel? I can't stress how little I care about these characters. Am I cold? I don't think so. We never see them on the show again. They don't matter in the slightest. With the Dryads closing in, the Doctor and Bill have to think quick. Which is when they realise that the timelines don't match up. If John were Eliza's actual father, he would be long dead. Seeing as he is not also made of wood, they deduce that he is in fact not Eliza's father, but her son. Unable to say goodbye to his ailing mother, John has been preserving her. Eliza has been through so much trauma that she has completely forgotten this fact. It's all rather depressing if I'm honest.
Depressing is okay though. What's Doctor Who without the occasion trudge through misery? Of course, it's not all doom and gloom, as Eliza restores all of the young people, once again leaving me to question why they were eaten in the first place. Were they transmuted into energy and simply recombined? It's the best explanation we're going to get, which is fine. David Suchet gives a powerful performance as he begs his mother not to end their lives. His performance is, by far, one of the strongest elements of this episode. Eliza and John are both overtaken by the Dryads, who are off presumably forever. I suppose the threat of Dryads is no longer looming now that their puppet master is no longer pulling their strings.
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All in all, I find myself without much to say about this episode. It's not bad, but it's not a banger either. Even writing this review has been a bit of a slog. I find myself hard-pressed to really have any strong feelings one way or the other, and sometimes, that's just how it is. I will say it is the brownest episode of Doctor Who I’ve seen since the ‘70s. The BBC really knew how to dull down colour back then. Sigh... The best I can say about "Knock Knock," is that it's fine, really. There's nothing really wrong with it other than being kind of dull. I think if they'd have tried harder to make the characters more relatable it could have helped. Not every villain needs to be the new Daleks or Weeping Angels. Unlike some of the other episodes in my series ten rewatch, my opinion on this episode has changed very little. I would be as equally surprised to hear someone say this episode was terrible as I would be to hear it's their favourite. This is the kind of Doctor Who you can have on in the background. 
Much like we followed the lacklustre "The Unicorn and the Wasp," with the transcendent "Silence in the Library," I am very excited for the next episode in my rewatch- "Oxygen." Another anti-capitalist romp in the vein of "Smile," is just what I need right now. Now that I am back and feeling up to writing again, you should expect to see a bit more output. I wanted to cover the BBC's Youtube Dalek series, of which I have not watched a single frame. I've been putting it off because I wanted to talk about it on here. I have a few non-review articles in mind, but I don't like to promise too much. What I am saying is that you can expect more, soon! Take care!
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watusichris ¡ 4 years ago
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Betty Davis: They Say She’s Different
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It appears that everything anyone has written for the old Music Aficionado site has now disappeared from the web. A random Facebook post has prompted me to re-purpose this story, written in 2016, about my favorite funketress. **********
To this day, the name Betty Davis – Betty with a “y,” that is – remains best known to connoisseurs of Miles Davis minutiae and ‘70s funk obsessives. While it’s true that Betty played an important off-stage role in the career of the jazz trumpeter, to whom she was married for just a year, and she undoubtedly made some of the best hardcore funk records of her era, she deserves to be recognized beyond the relatively narrow provinces of the jazzbo and the crate-digger.
Uncompromising, intelligent, brazen, aggressive, and not incidentally gorgeous, sexually provocative, and a fashion plate always ahead of the curve, Betty was a prophetic figure. Spawned by the explosion of music, fashion, and alternative culture of the late ‘60s, and by concurrent leaps in black consciousness and feminism, she was a take-no-prisoners singer and writer who presented herself as something new, rich, and strange with her self-titled debut album in 1973.
There were some badass contemporaries working the soul and funk trenches– gutter-tongued diva Millie Jackson and one-time James Brown paramour Yvonne Fair leap to mind immediately – but they seemed to be adapting tropes previously worked by male singers in the genres. Betty still sounds like something new: a tough, smart, demanding woman who reveled in pleasure and insisted on satisfaction, unafraid to claim what she wanted.
Despite the fact that she was associated with some high-profile male musician friends and lovers – beyond Davis, the roll call included Hugh Masekela, Jimi Hendrix, Sly Stone, Mike Carabello, Eric Clapton, and Robert Palmer – she was no groupie or bed-hopping climber. Possessed of her own self-defining vision, she was producing her own records and leading a tight, flexible little band by the end of her brief run.
In 1976, after completing four splendid albums (only three of which were released at the time), she disappeared, not only from the music business but from the public eye entirely. What happened? It’s an old story that many women in the industry will recognize: Her record company didn’t know what to do with her, and wanted her to tone down her act. Betty Davis wasn’t having any of that, thank you, and she hit the damn road.
She was born Betty Mabry in Durham, NC, in 1945. She grew up country, and was exposed to down-home, get-down music early. On the title track of her second album, They Say I’m Different, she runs down the artists who served as inspirations: Big Mama Thornton, John Lee Hooker, Lightnin’ Hopkins, Howlin’ Wolf, Albert King, Chuck Berry. The blues, in one form or another, is the backbone of her style.
Her family relocated to Pittsburgh when she was young, but at 16 she left home for the Fashion Institute of Technology in New York. There she was hurtled into the roiling cultural vortex of the Village. She took up modeling, working for the toney Wilhelmina agency, and began running with a posse of similarly disposed, equally beautiful women who called themselves the “Electric Ladies.” Sound familiar? One of her closest cohorts was Devon Wilson, for many years a notorious consort of Jimi Hendrix known for her freewheeling, outré sex- and drug-saturated lifestyle.
Mabry began to try her hand at singing, and cut a few self-penned singles. They were in an old-school mold in terms of structure, but her very first 45 hints at things to come. “Get Ready For Betty,” a 1964 track released by Don Costa (discoverer of Paul Anka and Trini Lopez and a key arranger for Frank Sinatra), is stodgy early-‘60s NYC R&B to its core, but its message is pointed: “Get out my way, girl, ‘cause I’m comin’ to take your man.”
She also made a stolid romantic duet ballad with singer Roy Arlington and, produced by cult soul man Lou Courtney, a homage to the Cellar, the New York club where she DJed. But she didn’t start reaching the upper echelon of the music biz until one of her songs, a hymn to Harlem called “Uptown,” was cut by the Chambers Brothers for their smash 1968 album The Time Has Come, which also included the psychedelic soul workout “Time Has Come Today.”
The Chambers association probably secured a singles deal for her at Columbia Records, and her first session for the major label was produced by her former live-in boyfriend, South African trumpeter Masekela, in October 1968. By that time, she had split with him: A month earlier, she had married a far more famous horn player, Miles Davis, whom she had met in 1967. Davis and his regular producer Teo Macero would head her second session for Columbia in May 1969.
Those two dates were released for the first time as The Columbia Years 1968-1969 earlier this month by Light in the Attic, the independent label that has restored Betty’s entire catalog to print over the last decade. While devoted fans can be grateful that the work is finally seeing the light of day, it does not make for easy listening, for it was clearly made by people groping in the dark.
Betty’s artistic persona was at that point completely unformed, and so her male Svengalis did their best to mold the clay in their hands, with feeble results. Masekela evidently completed just three tracks, two of which, “It’s My Life” and “Live, Love, Learn,” were issued as a flop single. The homiletic song titles give the game away; the music, straight-up commercial soul backed by a large group (which included Wilton Felder and Wayne Henderson of the Jazz Crusaders and Masekela), has nothing original to say.
The date with Miles is a bigger waste, if a more spectacular one. The personnel couldn’t have been more glittering: Hendrix sidemen Billy Cox and Mitch Mitchell; ex-Detroit Wheels guitarist Jim McCarty; bassist Harvey Brooks, studio familiar of Bob Dylan and former member of the Electric Flag; and Davis’ then-current or future band mates Herbie Hancock, Wayne Shorter, John McLaughlin, and Larry Young.
But nothing jells. The material is either weak (Betty’s directionless original “Hangin’ Out” is the best of a bad lot) or incongruous (lumbering covers of Cream’s “Politician” and Creedence’s “Born On the Bayou”). Worse, the jazzers are unable to lay down anything resembling a solid soul-rock foundation, and even reliable timekeeper Mitchell blows the groove on more than one occasion. Miles gets impatient with his spouse at one point, rasping over the talk-back, “Sing it just like that, with the gum in your mouth and all, bitch.”
Apparently intended as demos, the failed tracks were consigned to the tape library. By late ’69, Miles and Betty’s marriage was history. She left her mark on his music: She appeared on the cover of his cover of his 1968 album Filles de Kilimanjaro and inspired its extended track “Mademoiselle Mabry�� (based on the chords that opens Hendrix’s “The Wind Cries Mary”) and “Back Seat Betty” from his 1981 comeback album The Man With the Horn.
Moreover, she moved him toward the flash style that would dominate his music through the mid-‘70s, by exposing him to the slamming music of Hendrix and Sly and exchanging his continental suits for psychedelic pimp togs. Would we know Bitches Brew, On the Corner, and Agharta without Betty Davis? Maybe, maybe not.
For her part, Betty remained in the wings for a while. She collaborated on demos for the Commodores; in London, she modeled, worked on songs for Marc Bolan of T. Rex, and declined a production offer from her then-paramour Clapton. Drifting back to New York, she met Santana percussionist Carabello. They became involved romantically, and in 1972 she relocated to the San Francisco Bay area, where Carabello’s local connections led to the formation of a stellar band to back her on a debut album.
One reads the credits for Betty Davis in awe. The rhythm section was the Family Stone’s dissident, puissant rhythm section, bassist Larry Graham and drummer Greg Errico (who also produced). Original Santana guitarist Neal Schon, future Mandrill axe man Doug Rodrigues, founding Graham Central Station organist Hershall Kennedy, and keyboardist and ace Jerry Garcia collaborator Merl Saunders filled out the instrumentation. The Pointer Sisters, Sylvester, and Kathi McDonald were among a large platoon of backup vocalists.
Issued in 1973 by Just Sunshine Records, an independent label owned by Woodstock Festival promoter Michael Lang (who also released a set by another unique woman, folk singer-guitarist Karen Dalton), Betty Davis was one hell of a coming-out party. Since her abortive Columbia dates, she had developed a unique vocal attack that could leap from a velvety croon to a Tina Turner-like shriek in a nanosecond. The stomping funk of the studio band backed her up to the hilt.
Like Turner, she was one Bold Soul Sister. The lust-filled opening invitation “If I’m in Luck I Might Get Picked Up” announces that a new game was afoot. The statement of romantic/sexual independence “Anti Love Song,” the lovers’ chess match “Your Man My Man,” and the self-explanatory “Game is My Middle Name” offer up a startling, hard-edged new model of a hard-funking female vocalist.
The album’s most affecting track may be “Steppin in Her I. Miller Shoes,” Davis’ level-headed elegy for her sybaritic friend Devon Wilson, who sailed out a window at the Chelsea Hotel in 1971. “She coulda been anything that she wanted…Instead she chose to be nothing,” Davis sings, implying that route wouldn’t be one she would take herself.
“If I’m in Luck” grazed the lower reaches of the R&B singles chart and the album failed to reach the LP rolls at all, but Davis was undaunted. For 1974’s They Say I’m Different, she took the producer’s reins, which she would hold for the rest of her career. While the backup lineup is less glitzy (though Saunders, Pete Escovedo, and Buddy Miles, on guitar no less, appear), the support is still sizzling; crackling drums and burbling clavinet put over a set of songs that may have been even stronger than those heard on her debut.
No one who hears “He Was a Big Freak” is likely to ever forget it; it’s a startling dissection of a masochistic relationship -- inspired by Jimi Hendrix, and not, as many have assumed, by Miles Davis (“Everyone knows that Miles is a sadist,” Betty remarked later). Almost as notable are “Don’t Call Her No Tramp,” a prescient condemnation of what we now call slut-shaming, and the autobiographical title track, with slicing slide guitar work by Cordell Dudley.
Different and its attendant singles tanked, but Betty managed to maintain her profile with live gigs noteworthy for their uninhibited bawdiness, on-stage abandon, and the star’s Egyptian-princess-from-outer-space wardrobe sense. By early 1974 she had assembled a hot, lean road band that included her cousins Nickey Neal and Larry Johnson on drums and bass, respectively, plus keyboardist Fred Mills and guitarist Carlos Morales. This lineup would back her on her last two albums.
The end of Just Sunshine’s distribution deal liberated Davis, who, at the suggestion of then-boyfriend Robert Palmer, inked with Palmer’s label Island Records. The company released Nasty Gal in 1975, and it may be Davis’ best-executed work. The pared-down backing lets the songs shine, and there are good ones here: The shameless title song, the vituperative blast at the critics “Dedicated to the Press,” and the out-front ultimatum for sexual satisfaction “Feelins” get right up in the listener’s face. The most surprising track is the ballad “You and I,” an unexpected songwriting reunion with Miles, orchestrated by the trumpeter’s famed arranger Gil Evans.
It’s a tremendous album, and Betty supported it with live shows that ate the funk competition alive. A bootleg of an especially out-there set recorded at a festival on the French Riviera in 1976 literally climaxes with Nasty Gal’s “The Lone Ranger,” an in-the-saddle heavy breather that Davis wraps up by feigning a loud orgasm.
One should remember that at this particular juncture, Madonna was studying dance at the University of Michigan.
But Nasty Gal faded with hardly a trace, and Davis’ relationship with Island swiftly became fractious. It’s easy to see why the label declined to issue her final album, originally called Crashin’ From Passion and ultimately released, after years as a bootleg, by Light in the Attic in 2009 as Is It Love or Desire. The collection, which leans heavily on songs about sex, doping, and heavy drinking, includes “Stars Starve, You Know,” an outright condemnation of the games record companies play:
They said if I wanted to make some money
I’d have to change my style
Put a paper bag over my face
Sing soft and wear tight fitting gowns
 They don’t like the way I’m lookin’
So it’s hard for my agent to get me bookin’s
Unless I cover up my legs and drop my pen
And commit one of those commercial sins…
 Oh hey hey Island
And that was all she wrote. Until writers began to seek her out in the new millennium as her records became available again, Betty Davis was an invisible woman, one who had blazed a trail that other talents, such as Prince and Madonna, would blaze more profitably after her. She was definitively ahead of her time.
Asked by one writer what she had done since leaving music, Davis, who turns 71 on July 26, responded with the most tragic thing one can imagine any artist saying: “Nothing really.”
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allie1804-fan ¡ 4 years ago
Text
The Middle of the Road (Chapter 14)
Chapter 1,  2,  3,  4,  5,  6,  7,  8 , 9, 10, 11 , 12,  13
Warnings Explicit content 
On their return from what had turned out to be a momentous picnic, Emily grabbed a cold drink at the kitchen sink. Keanu wrapped his arms around her from behind
“I think it’s hot tub time” he whispered in her ear.
She turned in his arms and kissed him.
“Sounds good, champagne?”
“you’re on – we should celebrate our forthcoming nuptials!”
Keanu found champagne flutes in the cupboard and grabbed a bottle they had brought with them.
He set the bottle and glasses on the shelf on the outer side of the tub and turned on the jets. Back inside the cabin, they stripped naked then went out to the terrace and climbed in, giggling at the naughtiness of being naked outside and grateful of the privacy offered by the trees and the distance to the next cabin.
He popped the champagne cork and handed her a glass.
“So, we’re getting married”  he grinned
“Cheers” they said in unison, full, delighted grins on each of their faces.
They leaned across to clink glasses and share a kiss before leaning back.
“Did you have,  you know any daydreams as a teen or younger woman about your wedding?” he asked “mmm that’s a good vintage huh?” he added after taking a sip.
“mmmm” she agreed “depends on when you’re talking about. But it’s always had a British vibe. As a younger teen, it was Four Weddings style and then as I got to uni I probably had more of the simplicity of a wedding in a Thomas Hardy novel in mind, you know, riding in a horse drawn cart, wild flowers in my hair and maypole dancing! Later as a mature woman, it would just be, you know, the two of us, me and the love of my life in mind a la Jayne Eyre or Anne Elliot in Persuasion – didn’t matter about the wedding trappings”
“and what about now?”
“Oh definitely simplicity, no Four Weddings grandeur, no meringue dress but maybe some nods to the county wedding – but I don’t need to, you know, fly out to England and go to ‘Wessex!’. What about you? I kind of imagine you never thinking about it, what with your parents divorce and then your mom marrying again, what was it, 3 times?”
“yeah, none of them lasted very long apart from Jack and that was after I left home. Definitely not much of a template to learn from. I think I thought more about it in my 30s and 40s, especially when I did a film with a love theme like ‘A Walk in the Clouds’ or ‘The Lake House’”
“ahhhh, ‘Paul Sutton you are the most honourable man I have ever known - soooo dreamy”
Keanu giggled, putting his hand over his mouth.
“I forgot how much you love that film”
“I was a very impressionable 12 year old, remember”
“God, shhhh I feel ancient when you say things like that!”
“you shhhh,  age doesn’t matter – anyway, shouldn’t we be taking advantage of this hot tub situation?”
Emily slid round to his side of the tub and straddled him.  She could feel him, already hardening beneath her as she kissed him lovingly, pressing herself against him until she could feel he was ready. Then she held onto his shoulders and lifted up to enable him to line up with her entrance before she sank down gently and started riding him.
Holding onto her hips, he changed his angle seeking the best position for her pleasure.
“Let me know when ...”
“Oh god there it is keep it there!”
He had been going to say “when I hit the spot” but she interrupted him and he let out a low growl.
“God I love it when you use me like your human sex toy!”
“It’s your destiny Reeves!”
Emily’s breath caught as she  used the edge of the tub for leverage so she could pull up almost to the point where they’d lose connection then push back down hard. She didn’t increase the pace, just savoured the rhythmic sawing of his cock against her g spot.
With each slamming together of their hips, Emily cried out and the water in the tub sploshed making them giggle, wondering if they might be overheard but not really caring as the glorious, shared moment of orgasm took them both over the edge. She pressed her forehead against his, sighing.
“thankyou”
“thank you, now let’s hope no-one’s hiding round the corner with a cell phone and quit while we’re ahead and go inside!”
Back in the cabin they dried off then got into bath robes  - there was no need to get properly dressed. They snuggled together for a while before assembling a dinner of various tapas style foods – cold meats, stuffed mini peppers, olives, cheeses, crackers, a cold Spanish omelette Emily had made at home and a full bodied red wine.
They played music in the background and discussed their plans for the wedding which they’d likely do just at home in the garden with friends and family. As long as they had the right guests and a few wild flowers in her bouquet, Emily was happy. Keanu also suggested they have a big family dinner for Emily’s 41st birthday when they were back home. There had been no chance for a celebration for her 40th the prior year as she was 7 months pregnant with Hannah. They could use the gathering to announce their engagement.
On their second, and last morning at the cabin, Emily surprised Keanu with a request to be taken hard, noisily and vigorously from behind!
“I know it’s not exactly in keeping with the romance of our weekend but when do we ever get to just go for it and make a noise?”
“Whatever my lady wishes!”
He positioned her carefully on the bed and stood behind her. First he probed her pussy with his fingers to ensure she was ready - then he had an idea and dropped to his knees so he could dart his tongue up inside, swirling it round making her moan and cry out
“Oh good god!”
Then he stood and pushed in, taking it slow as she stretched around his stiff cock. He was very hard,  the sight of her ass enkindling him. At first he leaned over her and fondled her dangling breasts, his strokes slow. She relished the slow pace, feeling every ridge as he stretched her. A long low moan escaped her lips as she started to quiver around him.
It was then that his pace increased and he raised up, grabbed onto her hips and started slamming into her over and over, his muscles taught and trembling with effort.
“Oh Jesus Christ I’m gonna come” she gasped, her face falling into the duvet, biting it, the habit of keeping quiet as she peeked returning.
“No don’t,  I want to hear it, shout out for me”
“Oh god, oh god!”
For the next few moments, the room was filled with their cries of unbridled sexual release  and then exhausted heavy breathing as they settled back to normal. They felt renewed and ready to embrace life back at home.
@penwieldingdreamer @fortheloveoffanfic @kindainlovewithkeanu @ladyreapermc @witty-wallflower @gatsbynouvel @bitchyslut99 @keanureevesisbae @omg-imagine @iworshipkeanureeves @fics-not-tragedies @ficsnroses @kindainlovewithkeanu @paperplanesandwallflowers
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mirkwoodshewolf ¡ 5 years ago
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Lost one sibling, gained four more; Queen x teen reader pt.2
*Author’s note*
Okay so here we go w/pt.2 now here is where we get to majority of the angst towards the middle and the end of the story. So I hope you all got your handkerchiefs out cause you’ll need them for this part. I’m sorry in advance for any heartbreak that I’ll cause but it ends with fluff, don’t worry. Enjoy my lovelies
Taglist:
@psychosupernatural
@plethora-of-things
@ixchel-9275
@waddles03
@geek-and-proud
@platawnic
@queendeakyy
@coolcxt
_________________________________________________________
"(Y/n). (Y/n)~ wake up sleeping beauty." I moaned and groggily opened my eyes to see Deacy smiling down at me. I felt his hand stroking my hair and I let out a soft yawn.
"Are we there yet?"
"We're just about to turn into the driveway right now." I heard Roger say. I got off Deacy's shoulder and as we finally arrived up at the studio I was surprised to see it was more like a barn than a recording studio. "This is it?" Roger asked.
"This is it boys and girl. Welcome to your new home for the next several weeks." Our driver parked the car and we all got out. I raised my arms stretching them out trying to wake myself up and all around me I saw nothing but miles of greenery, some animals out and about like cattle and chickens.
"It's pleasant. I think it'll do good." I said to myself.
"Oi intern! Make yourself useful and grab some of these bags." I heard Paul's nastily voice snap at me.
"Watch it Prenter. Less you wanna be thrown over the barn." Roger threatened him.
We were then given our rooms. Freddie of course got the biggest one, Rog's was quite comfortable looking, Brian had the rickety old bed, poor John was shoved down the basement in probably the smallest room in the whole house, then just before Paul could stick me down in the middle of the living room, Roger came down and said.
"Hang on, there's a spare room jointed with Freddie's. I think (y/n) should take that room."
"That won't do any good Roger, I've already called that room." Paul said.
"You sure you want that room Prenter? Because I just went in it and I saw this big, nasty, hairy spider about the size of a dinner plate. Not to mention the rat burrows I found in the drawers." At hearing Roger's tale, Paul's eyes widened and he said.
"Better yet, why don't you take that room lass?"
"Thanks you for understanding Prenter." Said Rog as he came over and wrapped an arm around me and brought me back upstairs.
"Please tell me there's no spider or rats." I whispered to him.
"Of course there's not. I just said that to jerk him off. You didn't really think I'd let you sleep in a room like that, did you?" He then opened the door to my room and it was fairly big in itself.
A beautiful wooden wardrobe with carvings of horses designed along the frame, a Victorian style dresser, a pretty big bed maybe a queen sized mattress and a joint bathroom.
"Plus I figured you deserve your own bathroom than having to share it amongst us men. Leave the fighting to us, no need to drag you into our morning squabbles of who gets the first morning shower." I set my stuff down and said.
"Thanks Rog."
"No need to thank me at all love, just hope you can handle Fred as a roommate."
"I managed while we were in Japan, didn't I?"
"That you did, well I'll leave you to unpack your things. Breakfast will be made in about an hour. Deacy's cooking today." I moaned already thinking of the delicious meal Deacy was going to prep for us. After unpacking my stuff, I lay down on the bed to test it and already I felt like I was on a heavenly cloud.
"Oh my god this bed is so comfortable." I turned towards the window and looked out to the green paradise that reached our far beyond the horizon. "God Kay, you should really see this view." I then grabbed my journal and did a quick sketch of the outside. The sky, clouds and even rays of sunlight peeking out. As I kept working, I soon heard Deacy's voice proclaim.
"Breakfast is ready!" I smiled and set my journal down and raced downstairs. "Well first one down, first one to be served. And also given something a little extra."
"Thanks Deacy." I thanked as he gave me extra cheese on toast and eggs.
"How come she gets extras?" exclaimed Paul. Deacy and I turned towards him and he said.
"I only give extras to first arrivals. And (y/n) here deserves every ounce of extra food because she alone appreciates my cooking."
"What are you talking about I appreciate your cooking Deacy darling!" Freddie proclaimed.
"Just last week you said my toast was too crispy for your liking."
"I was recovering from a hangover and I needed flavor, not dried up ash."
"Exactly my point Fred. Now everyone else come make your plate." We all then gathered around the table with me sitting between Brian and Freddie and Roger sitting across from me.
As the day went on, the boys went immediately to work after breakfast and tested out the recording studio across from the main house. They were all scattered around currently trying to come up with song ideas.
I was walking along outside to get some fresh air when I saw Roger bothering some of the chickens.
"I thought you were supposed to be working? Not bothering the livestock." He jolted before turning towards me and he said.
"I am working. In fact I've poured my heart and soul into this song."
"Oh really? And what song have you poured your very being into?"
"Come into the studio with me and I'll show you." He then guided me to the studio and went over to his drumkit and began playing his song to which he named "I'm in love with my car."
After he played it, I'll admit I was intrigued. It definitely had a good drum feel to it, because this was a song where the drums really got to shine and I haven't heard a song do that yet.
"How was that?" he asked me.
"It's......" I tried to find the right words on how I really felt.
"Please tell me you don't hate it. Cause I swear if you do I'll lock you in here till you say you love it."
"No, no Rog I don't hate it. I love the fact that it has a good drum feel to it. They really shine more than anything I've ever heard of from any rock and roller. It's just the lyrics.....Please tell me you don't actually want to have—"
"No! It's a metaphor (n/n). In fact Johnathan is inspiration to this."
"Wait Johnathan Harris, one of the roadies?"
"Yeah. He says that the current love of his life is his Triumph F4. So as appreciate for what he's done for us on the road, this song is for him."
"Ahh I see."
"So you—do like the song?" he asked almost insecurely. He stared at me with nervous baby blue eyes that made him look like a nervous puppy about to go to the vet. How could one say no to his face?
"I like it." A proud smile spread wide across his face as he came up and picked me up and spun me around.
"Oh thank you lovie. Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you!"
The next morning I woke up to the sound of an argument downstairs. I stood up and walked down the stairs to see Roger throw a few strips of bacon right at Brian.
"Is that strong enough?!" he then cleared the entire counter. Food, plates, the vase with some flowers and water all slammed right on the ground and broke into a million pieces. "What about that!?" he then reached for the coffee machine and was ready to smash it when Brian and Deacy exclaimed.
"NOT THE COFFEE MACHINE!!!"
"What is going on here!?" I snapped. The three of them turned towards me and that's when they all began talking over each other. I rubbed my fingers to my temples immediately regretting even saying anything. "SHUT IT!!!" at that point they all went quiet.
"(Y/n), please tell me you didn't actually agree to a song like 'I'm in love with my car'." Brian pleaded with me.
"I did. I think the song has some potential. I mean yeah the lyrics are a little iffy but it's catchy." At that point John and Brian groaned out while Roger gave me a wink and a thumbs up.
"And to think I was gonna make you Veronica's special apple pie. But now I take that back." Deacy said.
"I thought you had good taste in music (y/n)."
"And she does. At least it's better than calling someone sweet like they're cheese."
As the day went on, we were now recording Freddie's song to which he's titled "Bohemian Rhapsody." I'll admit the lyrics made absolutely no sense whatsoever, but Freddie had a vision for the song and just hearing him sing and play the piano of how he wanted this song to be, made me begin to really like this song.
Right now Brian who had just had an idea for a guitar solo for this song, was in the studio recording what he had in mind. I'll admit it this'll probably be the first time a guitar solo is sung, and when people finally get a taste of this song, they'll probably be singing this for decades to come.
Weeks continued to pass by and we were still focused on Fred's song. But what was really going through my mind was that I hadn't heard from my mum since the second day we came here. I know I've been busy with the guys but I would've thought Paul being the message keeper, he would've at least told me if my mum had called.
But then again you should never trust a snake with secrets.
It was currently 2:30am when I kept tossing and turning in my sleep. I kept whimpering out as my breathing went ragged and heavy.
"No. No.....no Kay don't.....don't leave me."
"(Y/n). (Y/n) dear. Darling wake up!" I suddenly opened my eyes someone reached for my lamp and when the light came on, Freddie stood hovering over me. "It's okay, it's okay darling, you're okay."
"Freddie wha—what time is it?"
"2:30 darling, I could hear you whimpering from my room."
"Ahh shit I'm so sorry Fred I—I didn't mean to wake you up."
"No, no it's fine dear. Are you okay? It sounded like a pretty bad dream." He said as he stroked some hair out of my face. I sighed heavily.
"It's been over 3 weeks since I've talked to my mum. And just the last few times that I have called I got no answer from the house phone. Freddie I'm—I'm worried something's happened to Kay. What if—what if she's....."
"Hey, hey, hey no don't think like that darling. Come here." He sat down beside me and pulled me close so that my ear was pressed over his heart. "Don't automatically assume the worst dear."
"Then why haven't I gotten word from my mum yet?"
"I'll sort it out with Paul in the morning. For now try to get back to sleep, yeah?" I sniffled and nodded. I lowered myself back into bed and Freddie helped tucked me back in. "There we go darling. Snug as a cute bug in a rug." I hummed a chuckle and he smiled at me. "Stay here for a minute."
He then left my room for half a second before finally coming back in with a candle in one hand and his lighter in another. He set the candle by the nightstand and flicked his lighter on before lighting it up. He turned my light off, letting the candle be my only source of light.
"What is this Fred?"
"Something I used to do with Kash when she was a little girl before I went off to boarding school. While this candle is a light, they are the eyes that a brother leaves behind to guard his sister while she dreams at night. No nightmares would dare enter while this candle is lite."
"You promise?"
"I swear it." He smiled and brushed my bangs out of the way before placing a gentle and loving kiss at the center of my forehead. "Goodnight my little kitten."
"Night Freddie." He smiled and gave me one final kiss to each of my cheeks before walking out smiling softly and shutting the door. I kept my eyes on the candle as it flickered on an invisible breeze. I soon felt my eyes grow heavy as I fell back asleep.
Early the next morning, we were starting the Operatic section of Bohemian Rhapsody. Roger being the high range singer that he is, recorded his bits for the Galileo parts.
"How was that?" he asked.
"Freddie?" Deacy spoke trying to get Fred's attention as he stared at the meters.
"Higher." Freddie said. Roy rewind the tape as Deacy said to Roger.
"Can you go a bit higher?"
"If I go any higher, only dogs will hear me."
"Try." Said Fred.
"Freddie's note, sorry." Said Deacy.
"Go on, roll the tape." Sighed Roger. Then on take 24 Rog tried the Galileo's again, this time they were higher as he did grand arm gestures to help make his voice go higher. "How was that? Better?"
"Higher." Freddie bluntly demanded. Brian pointed up to the sky with his pen and Roger growled out.
"Jesus, how many more Galileo's do you want?"
"Freddie wants to do a few more overdubs." Deacy stated.
"Do we even have any tape left?" asked Roger.
"I do have to say the tape is wearing out. It can't take much more."
"Yeah we can't afford much more. What are we three weeks overscheduled?" questioned Brian as he wrote down some notes while I was drawing Roger in the studio.
Soon enough one more take turned into 9-10 takes before Fred was finally satisfied. The operatic session continued with the next line, Freddie who was pacing around said with a grin.
"That's it." After Roger was done singing Freddie continued, "It's beautiful. Love it!" with a clap of his hands, they continued on.
Now all four of them were in the booth going back and forth from the low ranges to the high for the Bismillah section.
The guys got into it so much especially at the final vocalization that by the time the rock out section came on, they were all bouncing up and down so much that they actually made the flats collapse backwards, barely missing some of their stuff.
Freddie and John came falling to the ground, while Rog and Bri were the ones responsible for knocking the two flats behind them down. I couldn't help but laugh myself as I knew this song was gonna change Queen's life forever.
"How was it (y/n) darling?" asked Freddie.
"I love it guys. It's perfect! This is gonna change the world forever." I said into the microphone and the guys all cheered.
Whoo what a rush! I thought we'd never get the song done. Guess being a perfectionist finally paid off, because as I've said repeatedly I truly believe "Bohemian Rhapsody" is gonna change the way of music forever.
Now with the song finally done and the guys taking a break for a bit, I decided to try and call my mum again to see how Kaylee is doing.
I typed in my home phone number and I heard it ring three times before my mum's voice said.
'Hello?'
"Hey mummy."
'(Y/n)?'
"Yeah who'd you think it was Debbie Reynolds? I've......"
'(Y/n) I've been trying to call you repeatedly for weeks hadn't you gotten any of my messages?' her voice was frantic and cracking with sorrow.
"Whoa, whoa mum slow down. What's happened?"
'I've been calling you repeatedly nonstop. This man who answered said he'd relay my messages to you. But you never called me back, why didn't you call me back?!' Paul. Goddamn you Prenter!
"Mum I didn't get any messages. What's happened?"
'(Y/n)......it's Kaylee.'
"What about Kaylee is she alright?!"
'Oh sweetheart I'm so sorry......it just happened so suddenly, the doctors tried so hard to revive her but she—she died a week ago.' At this point I just froze.
No she—she couldn't have. Not Kaylee, not my best friend. She can't be dead, she can't be!
"(Y/n) dear! Come on out and party with us! We—darling?" I saw all four of the guys come in from outside and they must've seen the horrified shock on my face.
I could hear the faint sounds of my mum trying to get my attention but all I did was drop the phone and race upstairs. I slammed the door shut and leaned up against it.
My chest felt like it was being squished by a car as I could barely get a breath of air out. Then I guess I must've blacked out because all I could faintly hear was the sound of crashing, the faint feeling of my fist beating against a wall and just screaming. I don't know how long I was doing this but it wasn't until I felt the familiar arms of Roger wrap around me trying to get me to stop.
I ended up crying and screaming as I just collapsed into Roger's lap and wept hard and long.
I was now back in London ready to bid a final farewell to my sister at her funeral. I only just wish I could've said goodbye to her before she passed away. Since it was an open casket, my mum and I stood side by side of each other as we stared down at Kaylee before we would bury her.
"She loved you (y/n). I hope you realize that." Said my mum.
"I wish I got to say goodbye to her though."
"I know." She wrapped an arm around me and kissed the top of my head and rubbed my arm and back. She then left me alone with my sister. I stared down at her and it was like she was asleep, like our favorite Disney Princess Aurora. However I knew that not even true love's kiss would wake her up, because unlike Aurora my sister is actually dead and no spell can reverse it to make it a sleeping curse.
I didn't even know what to say. My throat was choking up as it felt dry, my stomach was in tight knots, and I felt like crying but my tears were all spent. I felt sick and just wanted to curl up and disappear, maybe even die myself so that I could be reunited with my sister. I leaned down and pressed my forehead against hers and whispered.
"Goodbye Kay." I kissed her forehead and began to realize just how cold she was. I backed away from her casket and lowered my head as I felt sobs coming out of me once more. I felt a presence behind me and that's when I heard Roger's voice say.
"We're so sorry (y/n)." I whimpered and immediately nuzzled myself into his chest as my voice trembled.
"Thank you Queen." Roger wrapped his arms around me and placed his head on top of mine and kept hugging me.
It was surprising that the boys wanted to come to the funeral to pay their respects to Kaylee, and it was also surprising that from some of the profit they've already made from their previous records, as well as payment for this album to help pay for this whole funeral.
I soon was passed over to Brian who gave me a soft but assuring bear hug.
"We're truly sorry for your loss (y/n). Kaylee didn't deserve to be taken away so young. But she'll always watching over you from the stars."
"And we're always here for you precious darling." Freddie stated. He came over and cupped each side of my face and he said as he wiped away my tears, "Paul's out. After finding out he kept these messages from you, we fired him. We wish we had found out sooner, you know we'd stop the recording and drive you back home to say a final goodbye. You know that right?" I nodded and I felt him kiss a tear away.
Deacy soon came up and he held his arms out for me. I instantly went to him and clung onto him. And even when he refused to say a word, this was the best comfort I could ask for.
I didn't need all this sympathy talk, or the repetitive 'she's always watching over you' or 'she's never really gone. She's up in heaven with the Lord watching over you.' Or whatever religious BS people have to say.
He just held me and pet my hair, and that's all I needed.
After that I—I couldn't go back to work for the guys. I had no motivation anymore, just due to the fact that I needed to be with my mother now. She had just lost her first born child and I can't imagine what she's going through right now. I need to be there for her, no matter what to let her know I'm still her. Even if it means letting go of my dreams.
2 years later; I was working a 9-5 shift at a shopping center. I basically did what Mary used to do at Biba. Along with that, my mum's forced us to go to therapy sessions to try and talk about our feelings after Kaylee's death.
Since I was now done with work, I had to go to my independent weekly session. I was sitting on the couch with my therapist Dr. Lockwood sitting at his desk.
"So how have you been handling all this so far?"
"I mean—I get by day by day. Some days are hard, some are easy." I answered.
"Have you entered into Ealing art college yet? You said you wanted to be an artist."
"I decided not to go. So I just work at the shopping center a few miles away from here. Sorta near Biba."
"Why did you decide to give up your dream? I thought being an artist was your dream?"
"Yeah well dreams change." I sneered.
"Okay, okay I can understand that. So do you like this job better than your old one?" I remained silent. "Your mother said that you worked alongside Queen. They've got good music, my daughter's bought every one of their records."
"Yeah they're.....they're talented guys." I muttered.
"So about your previous job? Was it better than your current one?"
"I mean.....I don't have as much fun as I used to but....." I trailed off and couldn't bring myself to answer.
"Do you think your sister would've wanted you to give up your job with them?" I turned to look at him and I snapped.
"Why must you assume what my sister would want of me!? You're not her! You don't know what it's like to lose your best friend! You're just trying to make me feel guilty, that's all you've ever done!"
"I'm not making you feel guilty. Your mum told me that your sister was thrilled that you were working with both of yours favorite band. She knew you were special and just what Queen needed."
"I just......"
"(Y/n), I bet the boys of Queen miss you just as much as you miss them. I know why you had to leave, it was your way of handling your grief, and to be there for your mum. But the boys had helped you throughout your internship, as well as during the funeral. No rock band would do that willingly." I leaned back against the couch and sighed heavily. "I believe your sister wouldn't want you to push them away as you have been."
"They—well Roger mostly has tried to reach out a few times for the past couple months. I never did call him back though."
"I think you should go see them. Aren't they going to perform in Houston in a couple days?"
"What if they don't want to see me since I've been avoiding them?"
"If they truly loved you, I doubt they would turn you aside."
So I took Dr. Lockwood's advice and got a ticket and went on the next flight to Houston, Texas for their concert. As usual the boys performed magnificently on stage, especially with their new album News of the World out. I also took notice that Rog, Freddie and Deacy had shorter hair than I last remembered.
But they still were awesome up there, hell I thought they looked even better with the shorter hair. They continued to work the audience with each song and seeing the crowd react bigger and more energetic than ever before it made me happy to know the guys were finally reaching the popularity they always wanted to have.
When the show was over, I stayed behind and somehow managed to sneak backstage. I walked along the underground hallways that lead to the dressing rooms when I was stopped by a security guard.
"Excuse me do you have a backstage pass miss?"
"No but I know the band."
"Uh-huh you and every other young teenage girl that pulls this move." He stated as he gripped hold of my arms and began to take me outside.
"No, no let go I'm not kidding! I used to be their lawyer's assistant!"
"Young lady I gave you fair warning, now please leave or else I'll have you arrested."
"What is going on out—(y/n)?" I turned and gaped.
"Phoebe?" It was Freddie's assistant Peter or as Freddie like to call him, Phoebe.
"Oh my god you—you actually came." He said with a wide smile.
"Yeah I—I was hoping to also maybe......talk to the guys."
"Yes of course ohh you have no idea how happy they'll be to see you again."
"But....." the security guard tried to butt in and that's when Phoebe slammed him.
"Oi back off pal, this young lady here is Queen's personal assistant. She's just been on personal leave for a while. So if you don't let her through, you'll have to face the wrath of the four Queens." With no other words from the security guard, he let me go and Phoebe extended his arm out towards me and I followed behind him. As we walked along the corridors he asked me, "So how have things been for you (y/n)?"
"It's.....been rough."
"I know what you mean. When my mum died I didn't know what to do."
"Are—are they upset with me?" I asked nervously.
"Of course not darling. Not once have they talked about you in anger or resentment. If anyone did, Roger and Fred were the first to pop those bastards in the face." I nodded. Soon we reached the dressing room and he said, "here we are love. They should be decent by now. Go on in."
"Thanks Peter." He smiled and patted my shoulder before leaving to check out to see if the roadies had finally cleared the stage and packed everything up. I stared at the door and took a deep breath in before exhaling softly and slowly opened up the door.
"He threw my best fucking pair of maracas away the first day. Great sounding maracas and I mean....it took me hours to steal them." I softly smiled as I heard Roger's voice for the first time in 2 years. I could hear the sounds of laughter before Freddie spoke up.
"Now they know I'm gonna throw those things...."
"And he just goes..."
"Actually they were wonderful I must say, I'm sorry."
"One in a million maracas and I'm never gonna get them back." Roger whined. I slowly stepped further in the dressing room to see Fred sitting down in his green and gold robe getting unwind from the performance while Roger continued to pace around muttering about his maracas while Brian and John were adjusting the sleeves on their normal clothes.
Freddie continued to talk about the maracas and that's when I picked up on Brian saying.
"You can throw me in the audience." Freddie stood up and he said.
"You don't...you don't rattle as good." That's when he looked over and he must've seen me because his eyes went wide briefly and his face turned solemn. Brian then turned around and he saw me as well hiding in the corner.
"(Y/n)?" everyone soon turned their attention towards me.
"Hey guys, long—time no see, ehh?". Knowing of my story, the assistants, makeup people and roadies all left the dressing room leaving me alone with Queen.
The four men stood before me and neither of us spoke until I finally broke the ice.
"I—I'm really sorry I just left guys I.....I was stupid, selfish, and you guys didn't deserve me at all. I just—I was lost and I know that's no excuse but—you guys didn't deserve to have a broken girl hanging off you just as you were finally about to rise to fame. And now look at you all, famous on pretty much every country, our own home country finally recognizing your talents. If I had stayed I would've just dragged you four down and—" I trailed off as Deacy was the first to stand before me.
Mr. King of the one liners, I've witnessed firsthand of him breaking people with just one phrase or sentence. I could only imagine what he was going to say to me after all this time. You get on John Deacon's bad side and he'll make you know it, for life.
But I was shocked when he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a comforting hug. I was frozen but it wasn't until I heard him say.
"You are anything but what you just called yourself poppet." I slowly began to relax as I buried my face into Deacy's chest and wrap my arms around him. I felt him pet down my head much like he did at the funeral and allowed me to let out a couple of tears.
"We understand you needed to process your grief (y/n). We're not mad at you for leaving us." Said Brian. I looked up towards the spaceman guitarist and that's when Roger spoke up.
"But we are disappointed of the way you shut us out for two years." His tone wasn't anger filled or upset, but it did have that disappointing tonality. I lowered my head in shame and I muttered.
"I know."
"We were willing to be there for you in any way you needed. Even if it was just to sit there in silence. We wouldn't have hounded you darling because you didn't need that. It would've been nice to hear your voice again, just to see that you were okay." Said Freddie.
"I'm really sorry guys. I—I came to ask if you'd forgive me." They remained silent and deliberated with each other just by looking at each other and that's when Brian came up and cupped each side of my face.
"There's nothing to forgive love." I felt my lip tremble and I choked out a sob. Soon enough I was once again for the first time in two years, in the middle of a Queen group hug.
I'm glad I chose to come here. I guess in a way it was my sister telling me that even though she was gone, she knew that I would be looked after by four amazing and loving big brothers to look after me for the rest of my days until the day comes when I pass on and be reunited with my best friend once again.
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mclennonlover ¡ 5 years ago
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IS IT TRUE LOVE?
CHAPTER 1
A/N: omg i’m so proud to show you my creation what i call ‘is it true love’! i really have to thank @39-badgers for giving me the idea of doing this after all! have fun reading this!
pairing: john lennon x fem!timetravel!reader
words: 1,2k+
summary: after a conflict with her parents, YN falls asleep in her room and awakes in 1962. throughout her journey through time, she meets young john lennon and his band ‘the beatles’. for all the years that will come, she’ll have to ask herself one question.
yln - your last name
YN`s POV
Another boring day at college. As usual. But this time, it was different. Not better, but worse. I got detention for nothing, well…because I got distracted.  And I couldn`t even argue with the teacher. Oh well, all I had to do was to write down some rules on how to behave during class. I`d better listen to one of my most favorite bands…The Beatles.
Back at home, Mom and Dad were already angry. „Do you have any idea why you got detention?“, my mother spoke up first. „Because the teacher is an idiot and he said that `I got distracted`!“, I replied harshly and a big argument between me and my parents rose up. „ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS THESE STUPID BUGS!“, my father snapped at me. „Your dad is right, YN! You’re 21 years old already! You should really think about your future!“, Mom supported my dad. I got so angry at them, I snapped. „WHY SHOULD YOU CARE?! SURE, I’M 21 AND I CAN DO WHAT I WANT! I DON’T CARE ABOUT STUPID COLLEGE! AND DAD, HOW MANY TIMES I HAVE TOLD YOU, THEY’RE CALLED `THE BEATLES´!“, after I said these words, I stomped all the way to my room and slammed the door shut.
My room. It is decorated with all kinds of Beatles stuff. From posters to drawings of their years working together. Sgt. Pepper’s, Revolver…Magical Mystery Tour…and so on. I fell on my bed and…I sobbed. I started to cry and I kept crying and crying….and I did not know why. After a while, I felt pretty heard and I could swear I have heard a sweet and a bit raspy voice telling me „You need some rest…“ which most likely made my drift off to a peaceful slumber..
______________________
YN`s POV
Something around me feels oddly…familiar. I could hear screams which mostly felt like a crowd of fans screaming. At any moment I could be deaf..whatever. But there I catched it. Out from somewhere, I had heard music playing, a pretty nice and catchy tune. But where have I heard it before? Why does it feel so familiar?
`She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah
She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah
She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah…..`
Why can’t I remember this song? What even is this feeling?! And right then and there, I had heard a faint voice calling my name. „YN…? YN. YN!!!“, the voice keeps screaming for my name. Another voice greeted my ears, but I could not immediately recognize it. „Mr. Lennon!“, the other voice said and then…five gunshots were heard. They were so loud, they could have definitely rip my eardrums. And so, I finally got what was happening. I could only scream. Scream as loud as I could. „JOHN!!!“ This name came out of my mouth right after the gunshots.
My eyes opened with such speed, they could not process yet what was to come. My body sat up on the bed, with my eyes slowly adapting to the situation. I realized this was not my room. My eyes studied the walls, which had a red, white and yellow stripe pattern while to the right of the bed stood a bedside drawer and on top of it were standing a small radio box and a bright yellow telephone with a rotary dial, it seemed it`s something out of the 1960’s. „Well, this seems pretty interesting..“, I have thought to myself. As I finally encouraged myself to turn on the radio, a voice blasted through it. „Good morning, Liverpool!Today is 22nd August, 1962! We are currently at 8:30 a.m., so here is our morning programme.“ I decide not to give much attention to the radio, but when I have heard that the year is 1962, I have fallen out of the bed. „1962?! H-How is that possible?This has to be a dream…wait. 22nd August? Liverpool? Today, The Beatles should be performing tonight at the Cavern Club! I have to be there!“, as I said that aloud to myself, I got up properly and decided to get ready for the day. The concert at the Cavern was only at 8 p.m. So, there I am. A 21-year old girl who somehow, under some ‘magical circumstances‘ travelled back in time, to the 1960’s.
__________________________
John’s POV
22nd August 1962.
Dear Diary,
one of the bigger days has finally come. We’re playin‘ at the Cavern. ‘S nuthin‘ new, actually, but it’s live for sum Granada television or somethin‘.  Also, the new guy, his name’s Richard..he not too bad for a drummer. Not the same as Pete, but we’ll see how this lad’ll do. He keeps wearing rings. Maybe I should call ‘im Ringo, eh? Richard ‘Ringo‘ …Starkey? ‘S not right, innit? Maybe call ‘im „Starr“? Jus‘ imagine. Ringo Starr. Sounds nice. …yeh’re the only one I can talk to..about some things..Mimi won’t get me anyway and me mam’s dead and I don’t want to worry the lads, I jus‘ want for them to stay as tha „bad boy“.  He he. Well, Paul’s callin‘ meh to rehearse for the show tonight. Talk to yeh later.                                                                                                                                                                                                                          -John.
Paul’s POV
John often gets stuck in his own world called ‘his diary‘. Just always wearing those thick-framed Buddy Holly styled glasses. As long somebody sees him wearing them, he immediately takes them off. „I’m not wearing them in public, feeling too embarrassed..“, that’s what he would always say. Let’s see how you’ll feel embarrassed if you would see someone charming in the audience..
_______________________
YN’s POV
Once I got outside after closing the door to apparently my own house now, I started to think about if it’s all real or just a big dream. „Why would I scream for John? Why was he screaming my name? Did he know me? Why did that song feel so familiar yet so strange?“, so many questions were running through my head, I wasn’t even noticing where I was walking and so I suddenly have stopped walking as I fell on my bottom. I have realized I bumped into somebody. „O-Oh, I’m very s-sorry!“, I had said quickly, not even looking at the person. „‘S alrigh‘, luv. I can get used to it sometimes.“, the person next to me replied with a sweet and raspy voice. I swear I know it, which also made think to myself: „John..i-it’s you! You’re so young…“ As he got up, he lends a hand. „Need help? Ye won’t look god if you’ll stay like this.“, he asks politely. I took his offer and he helped me getting up. Hes’s actually known for being the „bad guy“ in his youth, but I have never ever seen or heard about him being so kind. „I-I…suppose you’re John, right?“, I asked shyly as I wiped off the dust and dirt from my clothes.
„Well, yeh’re right, luv. And who’re yeh?“, he had asked me in his scouse accent. „I’m..YN. YN YLN.“, I reply. Before our conversation could really start, a voice called for John. „JOHN! Where are yeh, yeh liverpudlian bastard?!“, I could definitely recognize it was Paul’s voice.  „Well, I have to go now. Or else somebody’ll have me head. Goodbye, YN!“, and with that, John rushed off in Paul’s direction. „Bye, John…“, that was the last thing I could say before John was gone. He’s probably thinking I don’t know him. Oh god…what have I gotten myself into? I just talked to John Lennon himself.
______________________
taglist: @maccachild
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milkchu ¡ 6 years ago
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❝anyway the wind blows❞ five.
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Summary: (Y/N) Mercury’s journey of love, fame, and pain, alongside what would become one of the most legendary bands ever, Queen.
Pairing: Borhap!Queen x Reader, eventual Brian May x Reader
A/N: sorry i haven’t been posting !!! this chapter was kind of a pain to write so i apologize if it does seem kinda bad heuheuhsudh. happy reading! 💓
Warnings: Mentions of drinking and smoking, suggestive themes
{previous chapter} {next chapter}
“Do you really think she’ll sing this?” Roger asked, holding onto a piece of paper, while looking at Brian, confused.
Brian shrugged, “It’s worth a try.”
“I do kind of like the song,” Roger said, “But, it’s literally about girls’ arses, Brian, she’ll never sing this!”
“Sing what?”
Brian, Roger, and John all jumped at your sudden appearance, letting out breaths when they see it was just you, sipping on a juice box.
Brian then cleared his throat, and stammered, “Oh, uh, it’s noth-”
“Brian wrote a song,” Roger interrupted, immediately handing over the piece of paper over to you.
The curly-haired guitarist then smacked his blond friend’s arm in annoyance before he started to tap on his chin in nervousness, cheeks warming up, while watching you read the lyrics.
Roger expected a sour look to appear on your face while you read the paper, but then got a smile slowly growing on your face instead.
“It’s alright if you don’t want to sing it,” Brian sighed, “I was stupid to ask-”
“Fuck yeah, I’ll sing it.”
I've been singing with my band
Across the wire, across the land
I seen every blue eyed floozy on the way, hey
But their beauty and their style
Went kind of smooth after a while
Take me to them dirty ladies every time
You couldn’t decide whether you loved America or not. It was definitely your kind of place but, some people can be such a drag.
Like last night, all four of you were out in a random pub and this stocky man kept flirting with you but luckily, your three favorite lads were there to protect you.
All of them were pissed off by it, especially Brian. You didn’t think that it would still irk him until the next day.
Maybe he was just was protective of his friend?
All of the bus trips to different parts of America mostly consisted of you sleeping, drinking, smoking, destroying the lads in Scrabble, and, Roger, sometimes Brian and John, picking up a few girls here and there.
It was a quite annoying and it bothered you a lot, but that was the new lifestyle, I guess.
C'mon!
Oh, won't you take me home tonight?
Oh, down beside your red firelight
“We love you, Cleveland!”
“We love you, Houston!”
Oh, and you give it all you got
“We love you, Denver! Very happy to be here!”
Fat bottomed girls, you make the rockin' world go 'round
Fat bottomed girls, you make the rockin' world go 'round
“And are the crowds big?” Matthew asked through the phone.
“Well, we’re selling out every night. I just wish you were here to see it, they really love us.” You replied, leaning against the payphone.
“We love you, Portland!”
Hey, listen here!
Now I got mortgages on homes
You can’t help but playfully tap Brian’s arse, “He’s got a big arse, too!”
I got stiffness in my bones
“We love you, New Orleans!”
Ain't no beauty queens in this locality, I tell you
“We love you, Atlanta!”
Oh, but I still get my pleasure
Still got my greatest treasure
You called over the blond drummer to the front, “Rog! Come down here and say hello!”
“We love you, Pittsburgh!”
“Roger!”
Heap big woman, you done made a big man of me
“I’m good, I just miss you,” Matthew said, feeling a bit lonely in your shared flat.
“What are you doing? You can’t possibly be having any fun without me.” You replied, playfully.
He chuckled, “Nothing as exciting as America.”
As he was saying this, you noticed a familiar man pass by you, you didn’t realize you were staring until he, himself, stared back and had a little smug smile on his face.
He continued to walk towards the bathroom, your eyes not leaving him.
“Say hi to the boys for me,” Matthew’s voice snapped you back to reality, before you stammered, “I will, I love you.”
“Bye, (Y/N), I love you.” Matthew breathed, before ending the call to go to work.
As the man opened the bathroom door, he looked back toward you once more with a suggestive smirk and went inside.
You put the phone back and leaned against the wall, getting a view of his black t-shirt that had your band’s logo on the back above the word, ���crew.’
Get on your bikes and ride
Ooh yeah, oh yeah, them fat bottomed girls
Fat bottomed girls
Yeah yeah yeah
Alright, ride 'em, c'mon
Fat bottomed girls, yes yes
 Looking at the closed door with a sigh, you began to reflect on all the times you had felt this way, or had this kind of moment.
 You felt. . . somewhat unhappy or empty. But, what more could you ask for? You and your band were literally rockstars at this point. 
You still couldn’t quite figure it out yet but luckily, the amazing shows and its crowds were there to distract you from it.
 After you had all returned home from the tour, a meeting was set up between the band and Ray Foster.
 It was way past the agreed meeting time and Ray Foster’s office was currently in complete utter silence, except for the occasional tongue-clicking and sighs, as everyone including Reid, Paul and, Jim Beach all waited for you.
The silence was suddenly interrupted with the door slamming open, “Hello,” You greeted, walking in with an outfit that clearly contrasted everyone else’s.
“You’re late,” Foster said with a somewhat annoyed tone, as you made your way to the empty seat, “Am I?”
As you passed by, your bandmates’ eyes couldn’t help but follow your ‘figure’ that Brian definitely did not write that song about, wearing the shortest shorts they’ve ever seen.
Paul smiled, before gesturing towards the empty seat, “Saved you a seat.”
“Lovely,” You said, before sitting down, immediately grabbing a cigarette from your jacket pocket.
“Okay, so, now that we’re all here, Jim, this is Ray Foster, Ray, this is the band’s lawyer, Jim Beach,” Reid introduced them.
“Oh, you must stop calling him that,” You said, as you lit up your cigarette.
Reid sighed, “That’s his name.”
“No, we cannot keep calling him ‘Jim Beach’. No, that’s absurd, not to mention, unspeakably boring.” You counter, before taking a drag.
“Miami,” You announced, Brian letting out a chuckle, “From now on, I dub thee, Miami Beach!” You grinned, as you pointed towards him.
 Jim chuckled, “The sun always sets behind you, doesn’t it? On. . . Miami Beach.”
You shot him a smile in amusement, “Hm.”
“Right. Now that everybody’s got an acceptable name, let’s get to it,” Foster began, “Look, we just really need something special. More hits, like Killer Queen. . . only bigger.”
You grabbed a record from the bag beside your chair and stood up, walking towards the record player by Foster’s desk.
“It’s not bloody widgets we’re making,” Roger chided, “We can’t just reproduce Killer Queen.”
Replacing the record with the one that you brought, “No,” You set down the tone arm onto the record, “We can do better.”
As music started to play, you looked towards your bandmates with a knowing smile before taking a drag out of your cigarette.
Brian looked at you in amusement as you started to sway around behind Foster, “It’s opera,” Foster said with a deadpan tone.
“Opera!” Reid nodded, before Paul joined in too, “Opera!”
Your bandmates nodded in enjoyment as John says, “Yeah, there seems to be an echo in here!”
Swaying along with the music, your bandmates join along as well, while Foster just looked at you in bewilderment.
As the louder part of the song came, your hand moved along with it, ending literally with a bang on Foster’s desk.
You and your bandmates began to shake, trying hard not to laugh out loud at Foster’s reaction.
Afterwards, you slowly swayed your way back to the record player, before turning down the volume.
“See, we don’t want to repeat ourselves, the same formula, over and over,” Brian explained.
“Formulas are a complete and utter waste of time,” You continued, as Brian nodded in agreement.
“Formulas work. Let’s stick with the formulas, I like formulas,” Foster said, a smile growing on his face.
Completely ignoring what he just said, “We’ll call the album. . .” You looked over towards your bandmates, “A Night at the Opera.”
Foster sighed, “Are you aware that no one actually likes opera?”
“I like opera,” Miami chimed, “Do you?” Foster looked over to him before Reid chimed in as well, “I do.”
“No, don’t misunderstand, darling. It’s a rock and roll record. . . with the scale of opera, the pathos of Greek tragedy, the wit of Shakespeare, the. . . unbridled joy of musical theater,” You grinned.
Your bandmates nodded in agreement, before you continued, “It’s a musical experience, rather than just another record.”
“Something for everyone. . . something. . .” You looked over towards your bandmates, “Something that will make people feel belongs to them.”
“We’ll mix genres, we’ll cross boundaries, we’ll. . . we’ll speak in bloody tongues if we want to!” You chuckled.
“There’s no musical ghetto that can contain us!” Roger argued.
“That’s it,” You pointed towards him.
“No one knows what Queen means because it doesn’t mean one thing!” John added.
Foster sighed, before looking over towards Reid, “What do you think, John?”
“I. . . agree with the band,” Reid gestured towards you all before Foster replied, “Of course you do. How about you, uh. . .”
“Miami,” Jim answered, as you look at him with a grin, “Fortune favors the bold.”
You turned towards Foster, placing both your hands on his desk, “Surely, a man of your. . . unique taste isn’t afraid of a little risk?”
Foster then shook his head at you, “Please don’t make me regret this.”
You grinned as you pointed towards him,
“You’re fun.”
atwb taglist; @yoonlatte // @alexfayer // @everything-you-dont-wanna-be // @itsametaphorbriansblog // @marequeenii // @killer-queen-xo // @jedi-dreea // @achernarsaa // @nevaeh-potter15 // @banana-tree-freddiemercury // @rogertaylorssunglasses // @pyrotechnic789 // @mirkwoodshewolf // @stuff-exists // @toger-raylor // @langdonzvoid // @imamazzellhoe // @tbird20165
others; @icantgetnorelief // @b-hardys // @spideyyypeter // @hunterswearingplaid
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fishdavidson ¡ 6 years ago
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Dream Journal 2019-06-24: Guardian Sunshine Force
Man, life has been BUSY these past few weeks. Dream output has been relatively low, caused mostly by poor sleep choices and chaotic work schedules. Inclement weather last night made it difficult to sleep, but paradoxically it made the dreams that I had much more lucid. But enough preamble! Let’s get dreaming!
Dream Fragments
While staring at the fire escape of a building at night, I had the realization that there is a non-zero chance that a car could suddenly appear on the fire escape and drive down it. As if encouraged by fate, a blue sedan screeched down one set of steps on the fire escape and somehow climbed right back up a wall and into the apartment building it emerged from. That is a thing that happened.
I learned how to use a traditional tool of a people known as “the Mongolian Apache,” and this tool was a long wooden pole with a hinged clawlike hand on the end. The claw portion would get slammed into the soft earth so the wielder could pole vault through mountainous terrain.
I created a mobile game called Vampire Office that had hundreds of randomly-generated NPCs running around a 2D office building. The goal was to feed on the office workers while remaining undetected, but I included a weird feature that would let the random office workers talk with little speech bubbles that contained snippets of actual conversations from your inbox. I was particularly proud of that feature, privacy concerns be damned!
On a dock near deep water, I pulled up the spindly tail of a creature called a bullet shrimp. The tail was a telescoping metal tube that would make painful and hard-to-see hooks appear that were somehow magnetically attracted to flesh. The bullet shrimp hunts by hooking itself into the skin of its prey and then devouring it while it can’t get away.
My office got relocated to a tiny cubicle up at the top of an unsafe maze of stairs with no railing. The good news was that someone had decorated my cubicle with a bunch of cool pirate memorabilia and no one would bother us because the office was in such a hard-to-reach location.
Sunshine Guardian Force
I was friends with a group of placeholder people and we invented lots of extreme sports. I wasn’t as athletic as the rest of the group, but I had a good cinematography skills and a decent camera so naturally I ended up becoming the group’s cameraperson. At the start of this dream, our group had several videos blow up on YouTube and now advertisers were literally paying us to make up more games and goof off.
Our group was known as the Sunshine Guardian Force. I have no idea where the name came from, but we thought it was appropriate and had all the watermarks and logos made, so you know it was legit.
There was an older guy who looked like Bobby from Sons of Anarchy, and he was our manager once we hit it big. He came on board after our “Tarp Football” video. No, I don’t know what Tarp Football is, because the only thing I remember about it was that we got a bunch of college football players and a big blue tarp and everybody just chanted “Tarp! Tarp! Tarp!” while they wrestled.
Anyway, everybody called our manager Uncle Mike, though nobody was ever certain if his name was actually Mike. He was really good at making sure our future videos went viral, and he convinced us to make our most epic video yet.
We would climb a mountain and start a triathlon from its peak. Except this wasn’t the standard swimming/cycling/running triathlon. Our triathlon was designed to fit into a 10-ish minute video and it started by hang gliding off the mountaintop. After soaring for a minute or so, the racers would come to a cliff overlooking a deep lake.
The next portion of the race involved jumping off the cliff and into the water a hundred feet below. Several inflatable pool floats were lazing around the lake, and the diver had to swim over to one of the floats and paddle it to a river at the far end of the lake.
The final portion was basically a whitewater rafting ride, and the racers had to make it to the finish line with their chosen pool float to be considered a winner. Of course, the rocks and frothy water made that a difficult proposition.
Once the video got uploaded, the views started pouring in and we got even more famous. More advertiser money followed, and our group diversified into other media platforms. This is where the dream starts getting really lucid.
I suggested that we create a humorous video game, then BAM! It exists. The game was structured as what I can only call a “collectible racer.” That is, there is a bunch of randomly-generated loot you can collect like in Borderlands, but you’re racing a hang-gliding bicycle down a mountain against a bunch of other people. The stuff you collect helps you race better and it seemed to be pretty fun.
But you know what we need to promote this game? AN EQUALLY-VIRAL MARKETING CAMPAIGN!
We need a video in the style of the Borderlands commercials with lots of humor and a cool song and over-the-top exploding bits of gameplay. The song we ended up going with was similar to that metal song “I’m A Dog And I Like Socks” and my unconscious brain ended up writing the lyrics to the song in the dream.
This is the point where I was at maximum lucidity because I was able to rhyme like a boss (or at least a sleepy boss). Here are the lyrics I can remember:
Time to fly around; Stick your enemies in the ground There’s loot to be found And secrets abound
So turn that frown Upside down And go to town!
Not gonna lie: I’m pretty proud of being able to make a bunch of rhymes while asleep.
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Header image by Paul Kamen.
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