#pandemic aftermath

[ecrivainsolitaire]

I wonder if we'll ever get over that panicked moment when you google a media creator you used to follow to see what they're up to lately, see that they haven't posted in years, do some nervous mental maths and then frantically stalk them over all of social media to get over the chilling worry that they might have died tragically young.

[ruthfeiertag]

What are we supposed to do with this?

From "History Isn’t Entirely Repeating Itself in Covid’s Aftermath," NYT, March 11, 2025:

"Dora Vargha, a medical historian at the University of Exeter, noted that there had been no ongoing widespread effort to memorialize Covid deaths. Instead, with Covid, 'people disappeared into hospitals and never came out.'

"Now it is only their friends and families who remember.

"Dr. Vargha called that response understandable. People, she said, do not want to be 'dragged back' into memories of those Covid years.

"But some, like those suffering from long Covid, can’t forget. In that sense, she sees parallels with other pandemics that, unlike the 1918 flu, left a swath of people who were permanently affected.

"People who contracted paralytic polio in the 1950s described themselves to Dr. Vargha as 'the dinosaurs,' reminders of the time before the vaccine, when the virus was killing or paralyzing children.

"Every pandemic has its dinosaurs, she said. They are the Zika babies living with microcephaly. They are the people, often at the margins of society, who develop AIDS. They are the people who contract tuberculosis.

"But despite the pleas from those who cannot forget Covid and who seek more research, more empathy, more attention, the more pervasive attitude is, 'We don’t need to care anymore,' said Mary Fissell, a historian at Johns Hopkins University. "That sounds so callous, and yet, said Dr. Barron Lerner, a historian at NYU Langone Health, in the world of public health 'there are always people who are left behind — damaged or still at risk.'

“'It’s hurtful' for people to be shunted aside, Dr. Lerner said. 'Their lives are altered. The attention you feel their situation warrants is downplayed.'

But, he added, 'on a realistic basis, there are any number of things to study.' Resources are limited, he noted, adding, 'it can make sense to move on.'”

What are those of us who have been designated "dinosaurs" supposed to do with the shrugging declaration that "there are always people left behind," that "it can make sense to move on"? Is it now our duty to become extinct as quickly as possible so we don't continue to inconvenience others? If not, what accommodations are reasonable for us to ask of others in order for us to participate in society and live lives of some purpose, utility, meaning, and maybe even joy?

[aroaessidhe]

2024 reads / storygraph

Lacrimore

gothic fantasy

a medium travels to a mysterious island to do final rites for the aging scholar who lives in the sole crumbling mansion but finds him still alive

she decides to stay until he dies, hoping that the ritual will bring her the answers she’s been searching for since she lost her wife in the epidemic that swept the mainland

but the house’s few residents are unfriendly and the labyrinthine house itself is hiding dark secrets…

[stardust948]

Is anyone else going through typical teenage phases in their 20s, or is it just me?

[inkshine]

remember when in 2020 people were like “man this is going to have such devastating impacts on people’s mental health in the long term” and now that it’s 2024 no ones really talking about it anymore, despite the effects still being very much there.

[theaspirationsinstitute]

The COVID-19 pandemic left lasting mental health challenges, from anxiety and burnout to social disconnection. Learn how leaders can foster resilience in a post-pandemic world.

[greenthestral]

The Global Divide Widens: How the Pandemic Caused the First Rise in Between-Country Income Inequality in a Generation

The COVID-19 pandemic, an unprecedented global crisis, has left no corner of the world untouched. As nations struggled to combat the virus and its economic fallout, an alarming consequence emerged: the first rise in between-country income inequality in a generation. The pandemic's impact on economies has been uneven, leading to significant disparities in wealth and prosperity among nations. This article delves into the factors behind this growing global divide, its consequences, and the urgent need for collective action to address income inequality on an international scale.

The Global Economic Shock

When the pandemic struck, nations scrambled to implement restrictions, shutdowns, and social distancing measures to contain the spread. These actions disrupted supply chains, hampered production, and forced many businesses to close temporarily or permanently. Consequently, economies experienced severe contractions, leading to widespread job losses and reduced consumer spending.

However, not all countries were affected equally. Advanced economies with robust healthcare systems and strong fiscal policies managed to weather the storm better than developing or low-income nations. They were able to provide extensive stimulus packages to support businesses and citizens, preventing a complete economic collapse. On the other hand, many developing countries lacked the resources and capacity to respond effectively, exacerbating their economic struggles.

The K-Shaped Recovery

As the pandemic raged on, a phenomenon known as the "K-shaped recovery" emerged, where different segments of society experienced divergent economic trajectories. This concept extended to the global level as well, highlighting the varying degrees of impact on countries.

Some developed nations witnessed a swift recovery due to their ability to adapt to remote work and technology-based solutions. At the same time, several emerging economies faced prolonged recessions and setbacks, pushing them further behind. The disparity in economic growth between these two groups of countries widened, contributing to the rise in between-country income inequality.

Trade and Travel Disruptions

International trade and travel restrictions during the pandemic significantly affected economies' interconnectedness. Many nations rely heavily on trade partnerships and tourism for economic growth, but the restrictions disrupted these crucial income streams.

For countries heavily reliant on exports, reduced global demand and logistical challenges hampered their economic recovery. Similarly, nations dependent on tourism suffered greatly as travel restrictions kept tourists away, leading to an acute downturn in revenue and employment in the hospitality sector.

Vaccine Inequality and Economic Recovery

Another critical factor influencing the between-country income inequality was vaccine distribution. Access to vaccines played a vital role in determining a nation's ability to control the virus, reopen their economies, and regain economic stability.

While some wealthier nations procured vaccines in abundance and achieved high vaccination rates, many developing countries struggled to secure sufficient doses. The resulting delay in reaching herd immunity and reopening their economies further widened the gap between countries' economic recoveries.

Tech Advancements and Disparities

During the pandemic, technological advancements and digitalization took center stage as businesses and individuals shifted to remote operations and online services. Developed countries, equipped with robust digital infrastructure and skilled workforces, were able to adapt more effectively to the changing landscape.

In contrast, digital disparities in developing countries limited their ability to capitalize on technology's potential for economic growth. The lack of access to high-speed internet and digital skills hindered their participation in the global digital economy, perpetuating income inequality between nations.

Environmental and Social Impact

The pandemic's impact on income inequality goes beyond just economic measures. Environmental and social factors also played a role in exacerbating global disparities.

As the focus shifted to combatting the virus, several environmental initiatives and climate change efforts took a backseat. Developing countries, often bearing the brunt of environmental challenges, lacked the resources to prioritize sustainability during the crisis.

Moreover, vulnerable communities, already facing social inequalities, were disproportionately affected by the pandemic. The lack of adequate healthcare, education, and social safety nets in some nations exacerbated the divide between the rich and poor, both within and between countries.

Urgent Call for Global Solidarity

The rise in between-country income inequality during the pandemic highlights the urgent need for global solidarity and cooperation. Addressing this issue requires collective efforts and inclusive policies that prioritize equitable economic recovery.

International organizations, governments, and businesses must come together to ensure fair vaccine distribution, support sustainable development goals, and promote digital inclusivity. Efforts to reduce trade barriers and foster fair trade practices can also contribute to bridging the income gap.

Conclusion

The COVID-19 pandemic has been a catalyst for unprecedented changes on a global scale. While economies are slowly recovering, the rise in between-country income inequality remains a significant concern. The pandemic exposed existing fault lines and disparities, emphasizing the need for a more equitable and resilient approach to global economic growth.

As we navigate the aftermath of the pandemic, it is crucial to prioritize international cooperation and sustainable solutions. Only through collective action and shared commitment can we hope to address the challenges posed by income inequality and build a more inclusive world for all nations.

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute financial, medical, or legal advice. Please consult with a professional for personalized advice.

What's In It For Me? (WIIFM)

In this eye-opening blog article, you will gain a deeper understanding of the far-reaching consequences of the pandemic on global income inequality. Discover how the COVID-19 crisis has widened the gap between nations' economic prosperity, impacting both developed and developing countries. Learn about the factors behind this unprecedented rise in between-country income inequality and explore the urgent call for collective action to address this pressing issue. Whether you're concerned about the global economy, social justice, or sustainable development, this article will provide valuable insights that resonate with every global citizen.

Call to Action (CTA)

Ready to explore the impact of the pandemic on between-country income inequality? Click here to read the full blog article and be part of the conversation about building a more equitable and inclusive world. Together, we can drive change and work towards a brighter future for all nations.

Blog Excerpt

The COVID-19 pandemic has left an indelible mark on the world, and one of its most concerning consequences is the first rise in between-country income inequality in a generation. As economies faced unprecedented challenges, the disparity in economic growth between nations widened significantly. Developed economies with robust healthcare systems and fiscal policies seemed to fare better, while many developing countries struggled to respond effectively, exacerbating their economic struggles. This blog article delves deep into the factors contributing to this global divide, the K-shaped recovery phenomenon, and the impact of vaccine distribution. It emphasizes the urgent need for international cooperation and sustainable solutions to bridge the income gap and foster a more inclusive world.

Meta Description (320 characters)

Discover the first rise in between-country income inequality in a generation due to the pandemic. Learn about the impact, causes, and urgent call for collective action in this insightful blog article.

[makingqueerhistory]

Making Love with the Land

Joshua Whitehead 

A moving and deeply personal excavation of Indigenous beauty and passion in a suffering world

The novel Jonny Appleseed established Joshua Whitehead as one of the most exciting and important new literary voices on Turtle Island, winning both a Lambda Literary Award and Canada Reads 2021. In Making Love with the Land, his first nonfiction book, Whitehead explores the relationships between body, language, and land through creative essay, memoir, and confession.

In prose that is evocative and sensual, unabashedly queer and visceral, raw and autobiographical, Whitehead writes of an Indigenous body in pain, coping with trauma. Deeply rooted within, he reaches across the anguish to create a new form of storytelling he calls "biostory"--beyond genre, and entirely sovereign. Through this narrative perspective, Making Love with the Land recasts mental health struggles and our complex emotional landscapes from a nefarious parasite on his (and our) well-being to kin, even a relation, no matter what difficulties they present to us. Whitehead ruminates on loss and pain without shame or ridicule but rather highlights waypoints for personal transformation. Written in the aftermath of heartbreak, before and during the pandemic, Making Love with the Land illuminates this present moment in which both Indigenous and non-Indigenous people are rediscovering old ways and creating new ones about connection with and responsibility toward each other and the land.

Intellectually audacious and emotionally compelling, Whitehead shares his devotion to the world in which we live and brilliantly--even joyfully--maps his experience on the land that has shaped stories, histories, and bodies from time immemorial.

(Affiliate link above)

[bondboy8]

Could you imagine if a serf said this shit after the Black Death: "You can't do anything about feudalism. Blame your lord. Blame your lord's lord. Look them straight in the eye, tell them: "This is your fault" and prosecute them for it. Don't let them convince you feudalism is to blame."

I quit being a game dev to become a self employed streamer and somehow I have *more* job security now

[reasonandempathy]

Walz has served as Minnesota’s governor since 2019 after 12 years in the House of Representatives and now chairs the Democratic Governors Association. He has built a reputation as a folksy politician who can get things done, as Minnesota has adopted a number of progressive laws during his tenure. According to a poll conducted earlier this year, Walz enjoys an approval rating of 55% among Minnesotans. Since Minnesota Democrats achieved a legislative trifecta in the 2022 elections, Walz and his allies have used their power to push a slate of progressive policies. The governor has signed bills protecting abortion access, expanding background checks for prospective gun owners and legalizing recreational marijuana. “Right now, Minnesota is showing the country you don’t win elections to bank political capital,” Walz said last year. “You win elections to burn political capital and improve lives.” That philosophy has endeared him to progressives, who threw their support behind him as the veepstakes kicked into high gear over the past two weeks. They reshared clips of Walz lovingly mocking his daughter’s vegetarianism and tinkering with his car to paint him as the dad that America needs right now.

This is fucking awesome! Honestly, sincerely good news and a very promising pick for the potential Harris Administration. An aggressive, unabashed, popular, populist left-winger with a track record of enacting real, substantive help for people is capital-G Great.

What has he done, specifically?

Abortion rights

In a 1995 ruling, the Minnesota Supreme Court upheld abortion rights in Minnesota. In January 2023, Walz signed the PRO Act (Protect Reproductive Options Act) into law, making abortion a "fundamental right," as well as access to contraception, fertility treatments, sterilization and other reproductive health care.

The law made Minnesota the first state to codify abortion rights in the aftermath of the U.S. Supreme Court's 2022 ruling in the case of Dobbs v. Jackson Women's Health Organization, which nullified Roe. v. Wade after nearly 50 years of precedent. In April 2023, Walz signed the Reproductive Freedom Defense Act into law, shielding women and providers from any legal action originating from the patient's state.

Pro-LGBTQIA+ legislation

In March 2023, Walz signed an executive order to protect the right of residents to have access to gender-affirming health care. Weeks later, he signed the "Trans Refuge" bill, banning the enforcement of arrest warrants, extradition requests and out-of-state subpoenas for those who traveled to Minnesota for care.

"When someone else is given basic rights, others don't lose theirs," Walz said. "We aren't cutting a pie here. We're giving basic rights to every single Minnesotan."

Paid family, medical and sick leave

In May 2023, Walz signed a law creating a state-run program to provide paid family and medical leave for Minnesota workers, funded by a 0.7% payroll tax on employers, by 2026.

Legalization of recreational marijuana

In May 2023, Minnesota became the 23rd state in the nation to legalize recreational cannabis use. Three months later, people 21 and older could start to possess certain amounts of marijuana at home and on their person, in addition to legally growing up to eight plants at a time.

Restoration of voting rights for former felons

In March 2023, Walz signed a bill that restored the right to vote to more than 50,000 convicted felons who had already served their time.

Universal school meals

Amid the increase in food insecurity for many Minnesotans during the pandemic, and the subsequent strain on the state's food shelves that remains to this day, Walz signed a bill in March 2023 that ensures all K-12 students in the state have access to free breakfast and lunch on school days.

Do you know what makes this even better?

Fuck 'Em. I know negative partisanship is important and can help motivate right-wingers to vote, but they're going to vote anyway. And him being afraid of Walz is just a sign that he's a good pick, in policy and politics.

[odinsblog]

A humanitarian crisis is what happens after a natural disaster like a tsunami, or a hurricane, or an earthquake. A humanitarian crisis is when an unexpected accident happens. A humanitarian crisis is what happens to marginalized communities in a pandemic. Indiscriminately bombing a population of noncombatant civilians and then intentionally depriving them of food, water and medical access is a deliberate war crime, NOT some random act of nature. Words matter. Calling the aftermath of bombing civilians “a humanitarian crisis” is no different than using the passive voice to describe Israel’s war crimes without directly attributing them to Israel. Please do not let the well documented displacement, and the meticulously planned out ethnic cleansing and genocide of Palestinians… don’t allow that to be whitewashed and erased away into some kind of unfortunate “accident” of nature.

And don’t even get me started on the tired media trope of labeling non-white starving people, “looters” when they take food to feed their families…

[hxrtnett]

we're hanging on by threads — dr. rabinovitch

𖤓°⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ in which the aftermath of the pittfest tragedy brings you and robby back together for few hours

warning/contains. swearing, blood mention, death mention, anxiety, arguing. literally anything that occurs in the pitt. age gap between reader and robby (10 years), ex lovers, angst

pairing. dr rabinovitch x fem!reader

oh, gemini by role model works with the angst of this :)

part two (soon!)

today out of all the days was the one where robby missed you the most. he missed waking up beside you to your smile, groan, or gentle greeting. he remembered the way your eyes crinkled in a smile and the comfort your face brought him, without you on a day he lost someone close to him, it took a toll on him. the nearly fifty year old knew how to take care of himself, but you were his rock, without you he felt out of place. 

you, on the other hand, walked through the parking lot with a heavy heart. you knew what today was, you felt sad for robby, but he cut you out. you listened to your car beep as it was fully locked, and you made your way to the pediatrics wing. as you turned the corner of the lot, you were blinded by headlights, instinctively you lowered your head to avoid it. the car passed and you looked behind you, making you sigh, robby’s car. 

he watched you lower your head, in your purple scrubs and doctor's jacket slung over your arm. in a split second, he could see the new changes to your hair. he refocused on the road, parking and sitting in his car. it took everything in him to not chase you down. from what he heard from dana and jake, you had a new boyfriend anyway. in the span of a year of being split, you moved on. it was a reasonable amount of time, he was the one moping around. 

you walked into the facility with a smile, you smiled at the kids you passed, and entered the office area. “morning.” you greeted your crew, putting your stuff in your locker and putting on your jacket and ID. you went over today’s patients, ones who were checked in and out over the night shift. today wasn’t easy, it never was, but it was going to be a bit calmer than what you knew you’d face downstairs. you sometimes helped in the pitt, you knew robby hated it, or at least you believed he hated it. you only helped when you were needed, as you were qualified to work in a normal hospital setting, or the emergency room. you originally trained and worked in the pitt, but after six years, your stress started to mess with your heart and made you grow grey quicker- everyone told you to step back. so, you moved up to the pediatrics unit, dana encouraged it since you studied for it. you spent the next nine years working there. you didn’t start dating robby until 2019, you were there for everything.

it was steady, even through the chaos of the pandemic, you guys were good.

but when he lost adamson, that’s when everything started to change. that’s when the relationship started fraying. you both were hanging on by threads, it was like he let go on his end, and you were struggling to keep holding on. 

and as the world started to get back to normal, you thought you both would too, but you were wrong. there were nights when you two sat on the couch after your late shifts, silence between you two as he stared at the tv and you stared at him over your book. or he’d start picking up shifts on the weekends he was supposed to be off, leaving you to be alone in the house. he had you move in once the pandemic hit hard, now it felt like you were a burden in the home that was supposed to be your future home, or you believed it would be due to the ring on your finger. 

you couldn’t help but wonder if he was still in love. if you mattered to him, if the ring was just a false promise. you never brought it up, you never had time to. you were working, he was always working. the weekends you spent alone consisted of you going to the gym with coworkers, taking up yoga, taking jake out on the plans you three made, and touring apartments. 

robby didn’t realize you bought an apartment until he noticed less and less of your belongings in the house. how did he notice? you couldn’t even come up with an idea, you were shocked he did. you two argued frequently before you finalized the deal on your place, the last argument you guys had made you leave. it was another saturday, robby was getting ready for work, you asked for him to call off.

“seriously y/n i’m making money for our wedding, let me go work.” he lied, making you get out of the bed and stand in the doorway of the connected bathroom, just looking at him. “our wedding? really? you haven’t been here to help me plan it. all we’ve done together is choose a day and venue.” you said, watching him brush his teeth. “one day with you is all i ask, it’s been months now of you constantly working, and when you don’t work, i am.” you spoke, your heart heavy. “maybe it’s for a reason.” he said, spitting the last of his toothpaste and wiping his mouth. your heart nearly shattered, “what is going on with you? did something recent happen? did i do something?” you asked, watching him as he walked past you. “micheal.” you tried again, getting silence. 

“is it adamson?” you asked, breaking the final nerve in robby’s body. 

looking back at this, he regretted it deeply, he didn’t know what took over him. he wished this never happened.

“everything is adamson these days, maybe i just want to work and be alone.” robby stated, looking at you. “it’s not fucking adamson, why would it be?” he asked, snapping. you were taken aback, frustrated now, “you take his passing anniversary off every year. you’re more quiet and stressed now. you don’t talk to me, you bail on jake and i. you’re not here! we got engaged months ago and suddenly you’re not here!” you stated, looking at him. “what if i don’t want to be here? with you? with this situation?” he questioned, “situation? are you referring to us as a situation?” you asked. his silence and stare answered you, his frustration over losing adamson, the guilt of it washed over him. if he wasn’t working in the emergency room, he was afraid he’d lose everyone else. he couldn’t be home with you, seeing the way you looked at him like he was glass. he felt so vulnerable, he wasn’t used to the overbearing care, so he fled. “it’s too much. i can’t be here while you look at me like i’m going to break.” he stated, turning back to his bag.

“i’m just worried micheal i want to be here for you-” “i don’t want you here! has that not clicked in your mind yet?!” he snapped. he watched you internally break but build yourself back up, guarding yourself. “i see.” was all you could muster, you nodded and walked past him. he continued packing his work bag but watched you, the annoyance didn’t fade, seeing you walk out into the living room. robby finished packing and walked to the kitchen, grabbing his lunch box and leaving. he didn’t hear the usual “i love you” which chipped a bit of his annoyance away, “i’ll see you later.” he called out to silence, then left.

he returned home later that night, wondering why your car wasn’t in the driveway. he entered the house and called your name, walking into the room to see your nightstand bare. dread hit him then, he walked to the bathroom, kitchen, living room, back to the shared closet. this time, there was nothing in the house that was yours. he returned to the kitchen with a pounding heart, spotting the house key and ring on the counter. there was no note, no goodbye, nothing. he called you, you never picked up, he texted you but they never went through.

he tried talking to you when you helped in the pitt. 

“y/n please just let me talk-” “dr. rabinovitch i have a patient needing a chest tube, get out of my way.”

you planned on working at the pitt tonight, knowing robby wasn’t, but seeing his car turned your ideas around. you couldn’t, especially today, the fourth year without adamson. so instead, you worked as much as you could in your wing. you had three codes, several operations, and four discharges. you lost a kid, helped many, and had more come in from the pitt. your breaks were short, you were on the go all day.

but, this was your job, you loved helping families and kids, this is what you signed up for. 

the shift moved quickly, and it was cut short when the news flooded through and any doctor possible was needed in the pitt. out of the several doctors in pediatrics, you and two others were turned to as you all trained in it. 

so here you were, walking downstairs to meet dana who asked for you specifically. “angel, thank you for coming down.” she hugged you tight, using the nickname everyone in the pitt referred to you with in unprofessional moments. you were named “the angel” for coming down frequently and taking some night hours to help, dr abbott coined it first, dana ran with it. “this is the norm, today just happens to be a shitty reason. your face? are you okay?” you asked, checking her out. “some asshole, today’s my last day.” she whispered the last part, your eyes widened and she waved you off, “we’ll catch up over coffee, my time is over here.” she spoke, handing you a gown. “i think you need to talk to robby.” she started. “dana for the last time-” “jake was there, we haven’t heard from him. that’s your kid as much as it is micheal’s and neither of you are jake’s biological parents. talk to micheal, for the love of god, just tonight.” dana stated.

fear came over you, you walked to robby and felt your peers’ eyes. you grabbed his arm and pulled him to where nobody could overhear unless they tried. “dana said jake was there, do you want me to call? does his mom know?” you haven’t said this many words to him since you left. “she knows, please try and get to him.” robby said, and you followed his order. robby watched as you found jake’s contact, called, and waited for him to pick up.

as you waited for the call, robby looked you over. you looked good, real good. you looked at peace despite the circumstances, barely any wrinkles despite the grey streaks you had due to stress, you had little to no makeup on, you still wore the simple ring jake and him bought you three years ago, and now you had a band beside it on your ring finger. robby’s heart dropped to his chest. 

“hey jake, please call mom, me, or micheal when you can, okay? we just want to know that you’re safe. please be safe, we love you so much honey. call us, please.” you left a voicemail, looking back at robby with worried eyes. “don’t think of the what-ifs, we’ve had these moments before with him not answering.” robby tried to soothe you, “this is different.” you said, making him nod, “i’m just trying not to think the worst, i’m so goddamn close to it.” he spoke. “he’ll get to us, he’ll find his way to us, he always does.” you spoke, trying to reassure yourself. 

you could see the fear in robby’s eyes, you most likely mirrored it. “i know you don’t want me to be, but im here for you if you need it. he’s our kid, in a way.” you said, your words stabbing his heart unknowingly. jake was the closest thing to you guys having a kid together, and he needed you there with him, he regretted saying he didn’t. “micheal.” you said, hand on his arm, trying to catch his eye.

he looked at you in the eyes, nodding, “yeah-yeah thank you.” he said softly, hand going above yours. the gesture was loving, you both felt it, but pulled apart.

“what’s the plan?” you asked robby, looking at the soon to be chaos around you guys.

for the next several hours, you worked alongside robby accidentally. both of you ended up on the same operation, working triage and any additional things. it was comforting to you, though you could never admit it. you never fully moved on, you were engaged to the man. your ex boyfriend after was even worse, so it was short lived. he never liked jake anyway, or your career, so you left him after he cheated. your family and career came first, relationships didn’t matter, you grew to be okay with being alone; robby made you learn how.

you both walked side by side, leading the way and telling the others what to do or give. robby looked at you, drilling in a bag to give blood, speaking with dr abbott on what you needed. you directed people perfectly, you were what the the pitt needed- a nicer, yet strong leader. the rest of them were cutthroat while you did things with a smile.

he got separated from you, helping others while you went to aid mel in a different wing. a part of him wanted to keep tabs on you as much as possible, as much tabs he was trying to keep on jake.

stepping outside, robby tried to get fresh air while handling the patients coming in at lightning speed. his heart pounded, and he swallowed back his anxiety, he was ready to get home, he needed peace.

a bit of peace came when you joined robby to help a few patients. “i’m dr l/n and this is dr robby, can you tell us your name?” you asked a patient, helping her into a wheelchair with robby. once she did, you felt a strong pulse and slapped on a color bracelet. you looked at robby, “breathe.” you said softly, walking away to get others.

robby watched you handle triage, barely flinching, directing people left to right. as he helped others, he followed your orders and calmed himself a bit. robby looked back up once you called him over, needing help with a patient. you both moved the man to a stretcher, you took pulse, checked for responsiveness, and gave him a certain color.

as you did all this, robby noticed you were doing the same thing he was doing, looking for jake. it made him feel even worse. you were supposed to be married by now, mr and mrs rabinovitch, with a new house and a guest room for the kid who loved to see you both. you were supposed to have nights where he could call you his, how he missed doing that.

it wasn’t supposed to be like this, you weren’t supposed to buy an apartment in silence and slowly move out, he wasn’t supposed to say those things to you, he wasn’t supposed to lose you. but this was his reality, just another harsh loss he had to face.

“you good?” he asked you when you stood alone for a second, looking around and leading people around by your hands. you looked at robby, “yeah i’m good, why is SWAT here?” you asked, looking at the SWAT team with him. “supposedly the shooter is coming here.” robby informed, making your eyes widen and you tense up. “why?” you asked. robby looked over at the older woman in the police car, you looked over at her. “that’s his mother. we’ve been trying to find him all day.” he informed.

robby watched everything run through your mind, your wide eyes glossy. “hey hey, cmon now. we got this, we’re going to be safe okay?” he assured, hands going to your arms. you looked at him and nodded, “i just can’t lose more kids today.” you said softly, seeing the teenagers around you get rushed in. robby’s face fell softly, and you looked at him, “go inside, they need you. i’m good to help out here.” you said.

he listened to you, he had a horrible feeling in his gut and wasn’t sure what was going on, but something in him was telling him to bring you inside. the feeling only worsened when SWAT ended up inside, protecting the doors or wherever they could. some doctors even asked for you, needing your assistance, robby had to get you inside.

he wanted you safe, he didn’t know what he’d do if the shooter came to you, if he lost you. he didn’t say it to anyone, and tried not to think about it, but he lost you once and didn’t want to completely lose you.

so he turned on his heel, walking out to triage at a quicker speed to find you. as he did so, he caught you bolting over to someone in a stretcher.

“oh my god! jake!”

[becausebuckley]

michelle's buddie fic recs: week 42!

another lovely reading week! i really need to sort through my marked for later list though, it just keeps growing... a task for next week, perhaps?

this is a mix of fics with all ratings, so some include NSFW content. please take a look at both the ratings and the fic tags before reading! note that unlike in previous weeks, this list contains some fics that are set during season 8, so be careful if you don't want spoilers!

if you come across something you like in this list, remember to show some love to the author by leaving kudos and a comment!

drench yourself in words unspoken | foxwatson/@eddiediazes | 26.2k | T

the one where everything in canon is the same, except eddie diaz is secretly a bestselling romance author, and nobody knows. Yet. romance writer eddie is brilliant, the vision!! and this is so well-written <3

lazy sunday (lay with me) | thelikesofus/@thelikesofus | 1.3k | G

Buck wakes up to sleepy morning couch cuddles with his second favorite Diaz boy AKA Eddie is clingy in the morning. clingy eddie is so special to me <3 this captures that soft moning atmosphere perfectly!

line | the_one_that_fell/@buckvalentina | 4.4k | E

Eddie and Buck cross a line in an El Paso motel. okay but this fic. THIS FIC. they absolutely would do the in person phone sex no touching thing. it's so them i'm obsessed

please, i've been on my knees | playinginthunderstorms/@playinginthunderstorms | 11.6k | E

Buck discovers he has a kink. this is the most recent addition to the list, i only read it this morning! and wow what a way to wake up... a good day to be me. it's sweet and funny and hot and i loved research!buck <3

pumpkin spice and everything nice | PretentiousSwanQueen/@hotcinnamonsunset | 4k | M

Buck tries to get Eddie to accept one pumpkin spiced flavored something in his life and eventually finds success (in love and edibles). no but this fic is so right buck would love pumpkin spice and eddie wouldn't!! such a fun read!

songs and poems and promises | lesbianrobin/@lesbianrobin | 4.9k | E

“Stubble’s kinda crazy,” Buck says, “And it actually kinda drives me crazy. I didn’t think I’d be into that, you know? But it’s cool. Like, he’s a man, you know?” [...] “It’s just like, you know, even though it doesn’t feel as good, there are still all these new things that I didn’t expect I’d like so much.” in just a few lines this captures the firefam dynamics so well!! and the buddie is also brilliant of course. i had a great time with this one <3

stop waking me up in the middle of the night | reincrimination/@reincrimination | 2.3k | G

“Do you not like sleeping with me, Diaz?” Buck hazards, taking a swig of his nearly-empty bottle. [...] “If you would stop waking me up in the middle of the night, I might like it more,” Eddie sighs, half-genuine in his annoyance. “Buck kicks like a racehorse.” pandemic era buddie bed sharing fics hit so hard <3 this is lovely!!

sweetheart (you look a little tired) | EiraLloyd | 14.6k | T

five times Buck tried to cheer up Eddie with baked goods, and one time Eddie tried to cheer up Buck with baked goods. i love baking and i love buddie so basically this is perfect for me <3 had a lovely time reading through this earlier this week!!

the kiss that lingers | greenbergsays/@greenbergsays | 10.7k | E

5 times Eddie kisses Buck's birthmark & 1 time he doesn't. birthmark kisses my absolute beloved <3 soft and sweet and so them!!

too often the power of touch is underestimated | xjustlikeyou/@xjustlikeyou | 15.3k | T

Five times a touch knocked Eddie off his feet, and the one time he got to return the favor. buddie and eddiekaren bestieism what else could i possibly want <3 so good!!

the sincerest form of flattery | canadadry | 1.7k | NR

in which Brad Torrence only almost passes out, and observes the aftermath. brad torrence is the gift that keeps on giving <3 i loved his inner dialogue here!!

touching me, touching you | rainbow_nerds/@rainbow-nerdss | 7.1k | E

Buck and Eddie wake up one morning able to feel each other's touch. They make the most of it. i love the premise of this fic so so much, it's so cool?? and executed so well <3

what's your love language? | songbvrd/@songbvrd | 18.3k | E

After finding out that Eddie doesn't know what his love language is, Buck sets about finding out for him. He begins a five week experiment, one for each love language, to figure out which will make Eddie feel the most loved. this fic makes me go !!!! inside. i love the way buck goes all out to make eddie feel loved while also thinking it's the most normal thing in the world. and that ending!

you bring me comfort | thewolvesof1998/@thewolvesof1998 | 4.2k | T

Eddie is touched starved and just needs a hug instead, instead he has his sweater. i've read this so many times by now, it's an absolute favourite!! i'm a big fan of giving eddie comfort in whatever way he wants or needs <3

[liver-f4ilure]

American Gun Laws & School Shootings (an essay)

WARNING! This essay is very old and is NOT at all my best work. Thank you and enjoy!

Gun laws in America have been one of the most controversial ideas in American history. The right to bear arms is engraved in the American Constitution as the second amendment in which the writer, James Madison back in 1791 concludes “A well-regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to bear arms shall not be infringed.” The original meaning has been speculated since some believe it was intended to be used for unprofessional citizens to defend against the British. However, the main controversy is if it meant individual rights to bear arms or only militia. In 2008 the DC v. Heller case concluded that in the state of Washington the amendment protected individual gun rights however the state can take away those rights if deemed dangerous by court. Americas history of school gun violence dates far back but the first major shooting to make headlines was back in April of 1999, when on April 20th of that year in Littleton Colorado teens Eric Harris (18) and Dylan Klebold (17) shot and killed 13 people at Columbine High School before killing themselves by gunshot in the school’s library. The pair had planned at least a year in advance making bombs and recording the days leading up to the shooting which is now coined the name ‘The Basement Tapes’. The guns were obtained from an illegal gun show where the two got their friend Robyn Anderson who was legally allowed to own. The shooting has sparked hundreds of shootings

since not all being schools. The aftermath also triggered the Youth Crime Gun Act of 1999 which prevents people to hold gun shows without informing the secretary of state at least 30 days in advance of location, time and duration as well as submitting all the vendors names and verifying their identities. The law also prohibits those dealers from dealing to those without license and keeping the firearms they sell from reaching the hands of minors or those unlicensed and lastly the law illegalizes the making of explosives like pipe bombs and Molotov cocktails.

The shooting was the first major school shooting the country had seen at the time.

  While it may be mental health in some cases, American gun laws should be stricter and more limited due to the fact of the childhood gun mortality rate in America and the estimated 338,000+ students who have experienced gun violence in schools since Columbine.

Data shows countries with much stricter gun laws including Canada, France, Germany, Japan, Italy and the UK have had 5 total school shootings, while America alone has 288 (2009-2018) America has already had 18 this year (2024) as of April 18th. America has seen an uprise with school shootings after the pandemic, in 2021 there were 73, in 2022 there were 79 and in 2023 there were 82 school shootings. In the past three years there have been a total of 234 school shootings. Many believe the number one cause of childhood mortality in America (0-19) is cancer or abortion. But this simply isn't true, in America the leading cause of child death is gun violence. In 2021 2,590 children lost their life to guns. While in Canada the leading cause is accidental injury. The NRA states gun laws don’t work and brings up strict cities have high crime rates. I personally find it interesting they ignore the gun aspect of it. The issue doesn’t lie within what the city or state does for real change its up to the federal government. The NRA says Chicago has strict gun laws but has high crimes, that doesn't have to do with guns. Take California, one of the strictest states with guns compared to Texas the state with some of the least strict laws. Californias gun mortality rate is 8.5 per 100,000 while Texas's’ is 14.2 per 100,000. In Texas’s’ history with gun laws after the Luby's shooting the state made it legal for open carry. In 2012 after the sandy Hook elementary shooting which killed 20 kids ages 6-7 in Connecticut, Texas made it legal for school staff to bear arms and after a church shooting the state made it legal to carry firearms in places of worship (mosques, churches etc.) All these laws passed that took restrictions off guns made the trend of mass gun violence to increase. States ran by democratic leaders were found more likely to pass laws in the state that restricts guns were found more effective at keeping mass shooting changes insignificant. However, the state with the highest gun violence is Mississippi. Comparing capita to the most restrictive state, California, the state that the NRA claims is the most violent, Illinois and the state with the highest gun violence, Mississippi. Out of the three California has the lowest with 9.0, Illinois with 16.1 and Mississippi with the highest of 33.9 per capita.  Comparing evidence, we can see that the common denominator is that stricter laws bring down gun deaths and will limit petty crimes and situations from becoming deadly when guns are involved. And you’d think the federal government would act on this and add restrictions to limit types of rifles, but they haven’t. The closest they’ve gotten was the red flag program bill passed after the Robb school

shooting in 2021 which left 21 children and staff dead due to the police waiting 77 minutes after arriving, armed with vests and shields, to do anything. In response president Joe Biden passed the bill to end gun background check loopholes instead of talking about the issue of the polices incapability.

Studies show 57% of students in America are scared to go to school due to the rise of school shootings. Over the years about 45% of schools have installed metal detectors and other security measurements. These detectors are more common in high minority schools; however students of minorities are more scared of the chance of school shootings. In arguments of school security being the solution, some often bring up giving teachers guns however many teachers state they would never want to put their students in those situations or have to take a life. 78% of republicans agree with this while only 24% of democrats agree. 81% democrats say that banning assault-style weapons would be effective and 35% republicans agree too, overall majority, including teachers, agree that arming teachers wouldn’t help. Some parents have bought bulletproof backpacks and inserts to keep their child safe, the backpacks cost as much as an AR-15. Leading to the next point that ‘good guys with guns stop bad guys with guns’ isn’t accurate, in fact in schools where security is armed during shootings they can’t stop the shooter. Personally, as a Canadian where gun laws are strict, I have never seen an armed security guard in a school or have seen metal detectors in my school. Now we have all been 6 years old and I, personally at that age I liked to feel safe at school.

The most common argument about Americas gun laws is the second amendment. It’s by far the most political amendment, as mentioned earlier the suspected original intent was against the British. The amendment says it shall not be infringed. However, over time the federal and state government have passed laws that limit guns however have not infringed the right to own.  So, who’s to say that they can’t limit more high capacity magazines, in sports of hunting who needs a gun that can shoot 60 bullets in a single minute?

Media like games, music and movies have all been blamed for school shootings. This is a common misconception. The most common motives for school shootings are bullying, which can be seen with the Thuston school shooting, and columbine copycats (AKA. Columbiners) which can be seen with the Weis market shooting. Although mental health is also common it doesn’t directly lead to shootings, mental health gives a person the mindset and guns give them the ability.

In conclusion guns should be stricter to reduce childhood death. A child deserves to feel safe in school and not fear becoming a victim to the myriads of kids shot and killed per year in America. I believe all these facts and statistics, like children being scared about their safety and the 388,000 kids who have heard gunshots at school, Americas answer is stricter gun laws. At what cost, how many children who haven’t reached 10 will have to die before America realizes the right to live till 19 is more important than the weapon used to take the right away?

[justmeinadaze]

Gunslinger (Eddie X Y/N)

A/N: So yeah this was my idea for Sam in Warfare but I didn't want to write for him just because he is a real person. Plus, I thought with Eddie there's more meat in his history. Idk but lol yeah kind of same elements in what happened to Sam happens to Eddie but this is more about the PTSD aspect of the aftermath. While writing I was listening to music and "Gunslinger" by Avenged Sevenfold came on which felt perfect for the story and the title <3

Warnings: Husband/Solider Eddie & Fem Wife Y/N, SMUT, light dirty talk, p in v, praise (good girl), aftercare always, FLUFF, these two definitely love each other and are high school sweethearts.

ANGST *plays angsty drums with angsty sticks in an angsty room*

This does primarily focus on PTSD, not just for a solider who got hurt but the partner of someone who has to experience the effects of a husband with PTSD. His injuries are mentioned but not delved into too deeply, he does have flashbacks, trouble sleeping, overstimulation with sound, etc. Reader does get the brunt of these, mentions of him accidentally choking her (brief), him trying to protect her while disassociating.

She talks about how much it hurts her to see him in pain.

They do talk about a letter he wrote to her if anything ever happened to him and he does read it to her. You will feel that because I felt it and I wrote the thing lol

My trauma isn't from the military but I utilized what I've experienced myself as well as from experience talking to friends who served. If you feel like this may trigger you I understand! Im angsty, I write angsty stuff. and sometimes I delve into certain angsty themes because it not only helps me to write it out but I know you guys experience things like this as well. You're not alone.

Please if you can, donate to any fundraisers that help vets like the Wounded Warrior Project. I worked for the VA for a few months when the pandemic started. You'd be surprised how long they wait for care.

Word Count: 4401

"Never let it show The pain I've grown to know 'Cause with all these things we do It don't matter when I'm coming home to you."

“What would you like for breakfast?”, you ask as you display both boxes of cereal you know he likes. 

“You ask me that like I won’t be eating either of those as breakfast, lunch, dinner, and the occasional snack.”, Eddie teases, his grin growing when you laugh and toss both boxes into the basket. 

When he got back from serving overseas, things had been incredibly rough. 

Hell, even before he got back, it was hard. His COs had called to tell you he was wounded in battle but wouldn’t tell you anything more. You begged for a flight to him as soon as possible and you were thankful they were able to get you to your husband without much resistance. 

He was in surgery when you landed and by the time you got to the hospital, he was asleep in a bed next to another passed out solider. 

You sobbed as you took in all the bandages and cuts along his body. 

The military didn’t tell you much, just that a bomb went off and Eddie got caught in the middle. They said he was a hero, trying to warn and push away as many of the others he could. 

Of course he did because that was Eddie Munson. 

 One of his friends who survived, told you the entire story about being held down in a house and a bomb going off. Your husband saw it coming when no one else did and warned his unit to run. 

When the smoke cleared, he was the one bleeding and screaming.

They said the only time he stopped was when he talked about you. 

“We told him everything would be ok and to hang on so we could have a chance to embarrass him in front of you.”, the man chuckles lightly. “He told us to give you this letter and if he didn’t make it for us to look after you.”

You never opened that letter telling yourself he made it even though you knew the real reason was it would kill you to hear what your husband believed his last words would be to you. 

After a month, the military discharged him from being overseas but allowed him later on to work as a mechanic for the cars and tanks on the military base. Once you were in the states, he became a part of a rigorous physical therapy routine, that got him back on his feet in no time even though now he moved a bit slower than before. 

The PTSD triggers were always different, more so how he reacted to them. 

The more time at passed the more jittery he became. You assumed that was because the more he got comfortable the less his guard was up. That didn’t remove the fact that for the first few months, his head was always on a swivel, checking for threats that weren’t there. 

You allowed him as much space and time to process that he needed but that never erased the effect it had on you. The nightmares that had him screaming left bruises on your skin when he would jump up and hit accidently hit your body. The night terrors that had him sleep walking into the living room holding an imaginary weapon as he murmured commands and “yes, sirs” to his team that were currently asleep within their own homes. 

The doctors told you not to wake him but when Eddie began shouting about a threat in the house, you couldn’t help yourself when your palm touched his shoulder and he grabbed your wrist to spin you around, smacking your back to the ground with his hands around your throat. 

You managed to get him awake and he sobbed on the floor beside you as he apologized repeatedly. 

The ramp up to a break down was always the hardest, not just because of how he was with you but how he was with himself. He would glare into a void while you talked during dinner or were watching a movie together in the living room. 

“And my mom mentioned that house again down the street from her. I told her we’re fine where we are but…”, you trail off as he absently nods. “Eddie? Are you ok?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”, he snaps as he throws his fork down onto the table. 

“I…you just…seemed distant…”

“I heard you, Y/N. Your mom for a ten thousandth time brought up how you should move closer to her because she thinks she’s being subtle about the fact that she thinks I can’t fucking take care of you!”

“Edward Munson, that’s not what I said and neither did she.”

“Oh please! Your mom has never fucking liked me and now that I’m fucking crazy she thinks she can finally convince you to—”

“You’re not crazy—”

“DON’T INTERRUPT ME WHEN I’M FUCKING—” He sees you jump causing him to blink as if realizing where he was and who he was talking to. “Sweetheart, I’m…fuck…I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean—”

“I know…I know, Eddie.”

Reaching for your arms, he guides you onto his lap and wraps his strong, muscular arms around you. 

“I’m sorry. I just…I’ve been in my own head these past few days, you know? I love you so much.”

His eyes follow the sway of your hips as you step forward and search for the next item on your list while he pushes the cart after you. 

The first time he met you in high school, he was mesmerized by those hips and never hid how sexy he thought you were. The more you both hung out the more he learned that your beautiful personality matched your gorgeous exterior and he knew fairly quickly that he would marry you one day. 

A year after you did tie the knot, he signed up for service and 6 months after was deployed. You tried to push away the pain of knowing he was leaving soon by having as much fun with him as possible. 

“Ok…are you sure about this?”

“No.”, he sighed playfully as he stared at himself into the mirror.

“Oh, come on, Munson, don’t be a baby!”, Steve shouts as he takes a sip from the bottle in his hand. 

“Fuck off, Harrington! Let’s see you cut off all your hair.” All your friends in the room laugh and Eddie exhales as he closes his eyes. “Ok, baby, do it.”

Everyone cheered after the first buzz of his hair was removed and by the time you were done, he had come to accept it, rising to his feet and raising his arms in victory as the younger kids in his friend group jumped up to give him a hug. 

That last night you were together was one of the hardest nights of your life, not just for you but for him. Eddie held you tightly in his embrace as his thumb continuously caressed your arm and his nose would occasionally inhale your smell, committing it to memory to take with him. 

“I don’t think we’ve slept alone in almost three years and before that you used to sneak into my trailer, remember?”, he smiles when you giggle. “I would hold you like this and kiss your skin… asking myself ‘Damn…what the fuck is this perfect angel doing with me?’”

“Eddie. Don’t talk about yourself like that.”, you lightly scold. “To me, you were perfect to. Except maybe the smoking…and the weed…and your sense of humor—”

“Ok, ok, calm down. Those are some of the TOP reasons you fell in love with me.” Rolling on to your back, your eyes take in his face before his lips gently press to yours. “I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you to, Eddie. Make sure to come back to me, ok? Don’t you dare leave me here to live my life without you.”

“I promise, pretty girl. I’ll do everything I can to come back to you.”

As you stop to stare at the cans in front of you, your husband comes around the cart and circles his arms around your waist from behind you. You can’t help but smile as you lean back against him and your arm circles his neck to run your fingers through the small bit of curls that had finally come through. 

“You are so fucking sexy when you stare at a can of peas.”

Your cackle makes him laugh as he hugs you tighter. 

“Thank you. I’ve been working on this new look called ‘domesticity’ and…”

Eddie chuckles harder as he lifts you off your feet and spins you around before dipping you so he could kiss your lips.

“I love you.”

“I love you to, freak.”

Another quick peck, another laugh. 

You enjoy these soft moments…why does chaos always seem to follow?

A loud bang echoes through the store, most likely a clerk dropping a box or someone knocking something heavy over. 

To Eddie though, it was like a bomb going off and without hesitation he shielded you with his body as he pushed you both to the ground. 

Your eyes assessed everything around you.

Your husband was crouching down on one knee with one arm secured around you and the other gripping the shelf in front of him with his head tucked down. 

“Eddie, baby—”

“Shhhh…shhhh…have to be quiet…”, he whispered, his eyes closed tight. “Can’t let them find us.”

“Sweetheart, everything’s ok—”

His large palm roughly clamped down on your mouth as he pulled you to his chest. 

“You have to be fucking quiet!”, he hisses. 

A stranger appears and places her palm delicately on his shoulder. 

“It’s ok, son. The threat is over. Can you confirm?”

With that command, his eyes snap open as he looks around him and even you can see he’s still on the battlefield mentally. 

“C-Confirmed. Hostiles no longer engaging. We need evac now.”

“For who, solider?”

“For…um…” 

You watch as he blinks, slowly taking in the situation as his chest heaves in panic. 

“For who, solider? I need to know who needs help.”, the woman repeats as her eyes comfortingly flick your way as she mouths the words it’s ok.

“Um…I think…my wife…I need to make sure she’s safe.”

“Ok, and if I may ask, when did your wife enlist?”

“She didn’t!”, Eddie snaps as if she just asked him a stupid question. 

“Ok, solider, then again if I may ask, how can I get her evac when she’s not there?”

You saw the momentary doubt flash through his irises before the softness returned and he looked down to realize how he was holding you. 

“Fuck, sweetheart, I’m…I’m so sorry. Are you ok? Did I hurt you?”, he asks as he helps you to your feet.

“Thank you for what you just did.”, you say as you extend your hand out to the older woman who helps him off the ground. 

“Not a problem. My husband and I went to therapy for years and even now sometimes he still has to use what we learned to pull me out of the war.”

“Thank you, ma’am.”, Eddie murmurs as he uses both his hands to encapsulate and shake hers as well. 

“Not a problem at all. You have a beautiful wife who loves you very much.”

“Yeah…I’ve known her since we were kids. I carried her with me while I was there.”, he relayed without prompting as he pulled out his wallet and showed her the now wrinkled with time photo of you he always kept within. 

“Aw, look at you.”, she coos. “And you haven’t aged a day. I bet your kids look as gorgeous as their mother.”

“Oh, uh, no ma’am. No kids yet.”

“Hm.”, she nods knowingly as she shifts her gaze back to you. “Well, there’s still time. It’ll never be easy but definitely worth it should you decide to go down that route.”

#############

Eddie’s sigh filled the room before he firmly walked towards the tv in your bedroom to turn it off and placed himself in front of where you were on the mattress. 

“Everything alright?” Silently, he pushed a folded-up piece of paper in your hand. “What is this?”

“My letter I wrote to you. Before they moved us anywhere, I always wrote something to you just in case something happened to me.” Nodding, you smile in a thin line as you continue to hold it in your palm. “Read it.”

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

“Because I can’t, Eddie.”

“Fine. Then I can read it to you.”

“Edward—“, you growl as you start to try to stand but he pushes you back down and clings to your wrist. 

“I have it memorized. I read and reread it sometimes to make sure I was always conveying how I felt. I learned pretty quickly there weren’t enough words to fully express how much I love you.”

You jaw clenched as you tried to keep your emotions in check.

“Sweetheart, 

Tonight, they are sending us to a little town outside of hostile territory. I’m terrified but my Captain said nothing should go down. If it does and something happens to me, pretty girl, just know I love you with all my heart.” 

“Eddie…stop, ok? You don’t have to do this.”, you grumble as you try to get up again but his hand doesn’t budge. “Let me go, please.”

“From the moment I met you, baby, you changed my life. You never looked at me like I was trailer trash or ever once made me feel like a burden or a problem.”

As he spoke, you kept pulling trying to get free to no avail finally settling on punching and pushing at his chest. His voice never faltered as he continued. 

“You were (are) so beautiful with that tight leather skirt and Dio shirt that had me pushing Steve’s arm telling him ‘That’s the girl I’m gonna marry!’ During band practice, you would sit on my lap and run your fingers through my hair…I would lay my head on your chest and just smell your perfume. Whenever I think of home, that’s the first thing that comes to mind.

If you’re reading this, I’m probably gone…”

The fight in you stops and his hands cup your cheeks as you sob.

“…and I’m so sorry…so fucking sorry for breaking my promise. I said I’d come home to you but I want you to know I’m always with you, honey. In the music we listened to on our road trips to different places. In the wind when you sleep with the window open because you love the smell of the flowers outside. In my clothes I know you’ll wear because even now I bet you’re sleeping in my Hellfire t-shirt! 

I’ll even be there when you find someone new, maybe later down the line, and start a family.

That will be my only regret, pretty girl. Never having a family with you. I know you’ll be a wonderful mom. 

You were the perfect wife to a freak like me.”

Eddie tilts your forehead against his as he grabs your thighs and lifts you till your straddling his lap with your arms circling his neck. 

“Please know you’re always on my mind…even in those last moments…your face will be what I see. 

I love you,

Eddie.”

“I don’t like picturing you in pain…or thinking of my life without you. I hate that your mind takes you back there.”, you whimper as your thumb caresses his cheek. 

“I try to control it. Some days are a lot better than others.”

“I know, baby.”

“Are you afraid of me?”

“No, Eddie—”

“I wish I could fully explain it…how my brain SEES…everything when it’s happening…”

“Eddie—”

“There was that loud pop and I could swear I was back on the street but instead of me bleeding it was you.” Silence befalls you both as you let him continue. “It doesn’t make rational sense for you to be there but…it does…nothing is rational when gun fire and explosions are happening around you… That woman touched me but it felt just my captain when he lets us know he’s there…right behind. She was talking but all I heard was radio chatter…

It was loud, Y/N, and it gets so overwhelming…all your senses are overloaded… Which is kind of odd because when—when it happened, I couldn’t really hear anything. All I could do was feel the pain…”

“They, while you were in surgery, told me they distracted you by trying to talk about me.”

Eddie chuckled then as his chocolate eyes meet yours. 

“Yeah, I remember that. I think I told them I would be pissed if your tattoo was gone.”

Grinning, you carefully lifted up his shirt and tossed it aside as your fingers traced over your name in ink along his chest along with the quote from the song he performed for you at the school talent show. 

“Y/N Y/L/N Munson

When I see you smile, I can face the world.”

Because of his injury, part of the LD in world was lighter than the rest.

His eyes close as you tilt down and allow your lips to tenderly kiss along his skin down his scar that trailed along his side to his stomach. Falling flat against the bed, he happily sighs as he pets your head.

“I’m not afraid of you, baby. I know you’re trying and working hard with your doctor. I know you don’t mean to… Eddie, I know you would never consciously hurt me.”

His stomach deflates underneath your mouth while your fingers gradually reach up to unbuckle his belt and lower his pants with his boxers. Your palm rubs along his thighs as the pads of your fingers bump along the darker scars and indents of the numerous incisions the surgeons sewed into him to save his life. 

“And you’re still as handsome as ever…with your muscles, tattoos, and the cute little pudge on your stomach—“, you tease as you poke his tummy, making him laugh before tugging you to his side and rolling on top of you. 

“Ooooookay, jerk. That’s what happens when your wife is a good cook.”, he jokes back as he softly kisses your lips. “How about, um, we give you some pudge?”

“Hey, I eat my food to.”, you giggle, lightly punching his arm. 

“No, I meant like filling your belly with something more than food.” It takes you a while to catch on but when you do you can’t help but blink at him as your eyebrows furrow together. “I mean, we don’t have to have a baby right now. I know with everything going on—”

Your lips cut him off as your take hold of the back of his neck to bring him to you. After flipping him onto his back, he yanks off your oversized shirt you had worn to bed and promptly attaches to your nipple as you hug his head to your chest. 

“Fuck, baby.”, you moan, grinding your hips against his while his palms glides down your back. 

Your husband’s expert tongue swirled around the bud as he made out with your breast and your eyes rolled as his cock pressed deliciously against the cotton blocking your core. 

“Eddie, please.”

Pushing up into a sitting position, he kissed you feverishly as his fingers pulled at the waistband of your panties making him grunt in frustration before deciding to just tear them so he could slide them off you without you having to let him go. 

“I’ll buy you more. Shit—come here, baby.”

You bit your bottom lip to contain the giddy giggle as he spun you around till you were underneath him once more. His arm twists between you both and the two of you mewled as he ran his mushroom tip between your folds. 

“Eddie, please…I need you.”

“You need me, sweetheart?”, he panted out, kissing your cheek when you vigorously nod. “Say it again, honey.”

“I need you, Eddie. I need to feel you inside me.”

As he guides his length into your entrance, you feel his tongue run along your neck as he sucks a hickey into your skin and your pussy clenches around him. 

“Fuuuuck…that’s my good girl. Always takes my dick so well.”

He finds a steady pace allowing skin to smack against skin as your legs and arms hold him as close to you as possible. 

Sex was never dull with Eddie, granted you had no one to compare it to since he was your first but he was continuously careful with you, praising you and making you feel loved. When he came back home, it took a while for you both to even be intimate again and when you were he was bit rougher than he had been. 

It took him a few months to notice but when he did it killed him. 

“Are you ok? Why are you grabbing your…did I hurt you?”

“It’s…it’s ok, baby.”

Eddie glared into the void before powerwalking to the freezer and coming back with an ice pack that he placed between your legs. 

“Did I hurt you? Tell me the truth, Y/N.”

“You…you’ve been a bit more aggressive with me than you used to be…”

“Fuck—”

“Eddie, it’s ok—”

“It’s not ok! Listen, we’re going to come up with a safe word. That way you can get my attention and I can immediately stop. I wish you had said something…”

“I didn’t want to hurt you or make you feel bad.”

“No, sweetheart, you could never…just…promise me that you’ll be more open about…everything. I’m still kind of figuring it all out again…life, you know?”

It took some time but you finally found your rhythm again. He was able to walk that line of soft and firm while making your eyes roll till you came screaming his name. 

“Just like that, Eddie, fuck.”

You whimper with need, glancing beside you to notice his fist grip the sheets as he rolls his hips pushing his cock deeper into you till you practically feel him in your stomach. 

“Cum, baby.”, he grunts into your ear. “Mmph—M’not gonna last much longer. You feel too good. S-So fucking tight.”

Your nails softly trail up his neck to the back of his head making him shudder in pleasure as his pant warms your skin. 

“Cum inside me.”

Your head turns toward him as his eyes shoot open and his pace falters for a moment. 

“Are you…are you sure?”

“More than ever, Eddie, please. Cum for me. Cum WITH me.”

You feel his face scrunch as he whines and his arms slide between you and the mattress to hold you close as his release paints your walls. Never feeling this from him before your pussy fluttered around him and his hooded eyes watched as the coil snapped within you. 

His hips were still lazily thrusting, giving you all he had as you both tried desperately to catch your breaths. 

“Are you ok?”, he whispered as you exhaustedly nodded. “I’ve never cum inside you before. It…it felt like heaven. Everything about you is heaven.”

It took him a moment but it was then he realized that you were trying to hold back tears. 

“Hey, hey, hey. What…what’s wrong? Fuck, I was too rough again, wasn’t I? I told you to tell me!”

As he starts to push up off your body, your limbs promptly hold him still. 

“No, you weren’t…weren’t too rough. I’m sorry I just…I love you so much.”, you cry. “I know you worry about how…how all this affects me but, baby, I hate how it affects you.”

You don’t see it but his eyes close as he sighs and his heart breaks. 

He hates seeing you in pain. 

He saw it when your parents scolded you for dating “the town freak” or when you were let go from your job in town because they needed to downsize. He saw it in your eyes when he told you he signed up for service and when he finally had to let you go to get on the plane to fly to what would be his new home overseas. 

He heard it in your voice when you two would talk over the computer and it would crack when you told him how much you missed him. He read it in your writing when you would send letters begging him to stay safe and reminding him how much you loved him. 

Eddie felt it when his fingers twitched, feeling something sweaty in his palm before opening his eyes to realize he was in the hospital with you clinging to his hand by his side. When you watched every wince during his physical therapy and afterward helped him with his stretches so his muscles would reawaken. 

When he had his night terrors and his hands flew to your throat… a new regret he could never take back…

Silently, your husband made sure you were secure around him as he lifted you up and carried you to the bathroom, whispering soft comforts in your ear as he pet your hair and started a bath. 

Once the porcelain was full, he tapped your shoulder and you let him go as you climbed in before he did the same placing himself behind you. Calloused palms rub your arms and shoulders as he leaves gentle kisses along your skin. 

“On Monday, I’ll talk to my doctor about what happened and about some other recommendations he may have when it comes to those triggers. I also want to talk to Wayne…tell him he’s going to be a grandpa soon.” 

Eddie smiles when he hears you giggle. 

“Y/N…thank you…for everything you do. I know you didn’t sign up for all this but, Jesus, I don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t here. I love you so much to.”

Craning your neck, you kiss his lips as his arms pull you back against his chest. 

“I signed up a life with you, Eddie, and no matter what happens I’ll always be here for you…freak.”

You smile wide as he snorts out a laugh and playfully tickles your side. 

These were the moments you hung on to, the moments he was at peace and happy. Anything that follows, you’d handle together because he deserved that…to live his best life with his wife and future little family. 

#################

[agoldenblackbird]

Ranty Bitch Vol. 4: Buck and Eddie's Friendship

started my own post instead of adding on bc WOW this got long, but seeing sadieb798 's addition to this post reminded me that YEAH, buck HAS bent over backwards for eddie and chris. like friendships aren't transactional or they shouldn't be but if you tally things up its very uneven and that's a glaring red flag.

buck has:

-given up endless days off to babysit christopher so eddie could go out on dates, work without buck, go out with other friends, and cheat on his girlfriend!

-he also got voluntold to babysit when carla wasn't available when he was recovering from the embolism and severely depressed! eddie said buck being off work - the thing he was so depressed about he literally wasn't getting out of bed - was CONVENIENT for EDDIE.

at the time it was supposed to be a joke i'm sure. but looking back through all of canon it's like...really? oh so you only do care about what he can do for you, you even said the quiet part loud.

-he saved eddie's life

-he saved chris' life

-he brought carla into their lives and solved eddie's childcare issues after eddie had been floundering for months already [math: couple weeks-1 month at the 118 (or could be much longer, bc maddie went through all of dispatcher training between 2x01 and 2x02, time is fake on this show) plus 5 months for the academy plus however long he was in LA before that. a long time to be without consistent organized childcare and relying solely on favors from women in your family who have their own lives and in pepa's case a full time job!] it's implied by the vague 'programs' and how applying for one can disqualify you from others that carla was able to also help him get funding from the state for chris' care, so this solved a serious financial issue for eddie as well.

-he grovelled for forgiveness for not being there for EDDIE after buck had suffered the extensive trauma of 3 near-death-experiences in a row and had to fight to get his job back when he was unfairly and illegally constructively dismissed because of personal bias on the part of his boss

-he forgave eddie for screaming at him in a grocery store and calling him exhausting and selfish even though eddie never apologised

-he put eddie up during the pandemic in his NO BEDROOM LOFT APARTMENT ffs, and considering eddie still had to pay rent on his own house buck probably did that for free

-he's cooked dinner for them (i think we only see this happen onscreen twice but there's indications it's a fairly regular thing, and that's labor and time intensive and also not cheap considering the price of groceries)

-he organized firefam christmas at the station when eddie was upset about letting down chris on their first christmas without shannon by having to work

-he ran to eddie's rescue in the middle of the night after his breakdown AND took over the running of the diaz household in the aftermath so eddie could focus on therapy and his own recovery, including helping clean up not just the metaphorical but the LITERAL mess eddie had made, complete with patching the holes in his walls

-gently intervened with worry for eddie's well being and mental health when eddie was cheating on his girlfriend with his dead wife's clone

-puts off his own life/wants/priorities and drops everything to deal with eddie's problems - the most glaring examples coming to mind would be all but moving into eddie's after eddie's breakdown and ignoring his newly-moved-in girlfriend, and rescheduling a date with tommy at the last minute after finding out about kim, but i'm sure there are others if i felt like an 8-season rewatch (reader, i do NOT)

-gave up his home - probably paying a penalty for breaking his OWN lease - to sublet from eddie so eddie could afford to move to texas

-and then functioned as his DAILY life coach/cheerleader/ersatz therapist when eddie, having impulsively quit his job and moved to el paso without talking about it with chris and bought a 'fixer-upper' aka money pit, had no job and was broke and floundering

-continued to coach him through staying and reconnecting with chris instead of giving up despite that meaning buck would get what he wanted - his partner and friend back. if he was actually as selfish as eddie likes to accuse him of being he could have said 'welp you tried, you're right it's time to move back'

-did not once say anything along the lines of 'i told you this was a bad idea' or 'hm what's going on with chris' health insurance now that you no longer have a firefighter job pretty sure uber doesn't have a benefits package' or anything else pointing out how eddie keeps on causing his own problems with impulsive bad choices and not learning anything from it (i would not have been able to resist! buck is way too nice!)

-and then there's the part where buck is always happy to step in and do the emotional labor w/ chris that eddie doesn't want to do or maybe doesn't have the ability to do, which is why i side-eye eddie being praised for being the best father EVAR. some examples:

-->when chris was upset about being lied to and how he was not like other kids/couldn't do everything after the skateboard incident, came up with a way chris Could Skateboard, Actually

-->it's said he often took chris to the zoo without eddie, to the point that they 'have the place memorized,' so he's involved in seeking out and scheduling these sorts of activities and probably also paying for them

-->buck is the one making cookies with chris for the pta bakesale, and he also helps with homework

-->and most importantly, buck has taken over difficult conversations with chris MULTIPLE times over a span of years including

------>struggling with people leaving/his father dating again

------>telling chris his father was shot

------>comforting/explaining to chris after his father had a breakdown and smashed up his bedroom with a baseball bat and scared the shit out of chris

------>not two-timing girls, which then turned into a conversation about his dead mom that eddie, despite listening in, continued to let buck handle for him

------>a second conversation about two-timing and how it's apparently fine when eddie does it, in order to convince chris not to LEAVE THE STATE. eddie really said 'hey i'm tagging you in, do your thing' instead of talking to his own kid after arguably the biggest parenting screwup made by a main on the show.

some of these buck just happened to be the person who was there or chris sought him out specifically, but at least twice eddie assigned him that task and it's implied in how he says it 'do what you ALWAYS do' that it's a regular thing.

on the other hand, eddie:

-helped save his life after he was struck by lightning (he gets half points for this because it was a group effort)

-took him to a poker game once to spend time together as friends that does not involve buck doing something for eddie (although it was arguably just to abuse his math skills for eddie's entertainment/gain)

-hosted one (1) dinner for buck and taylor that he actually cooked himself which i'm sure was a HUUUUUGE sacrifice in eddie's mind considering how terrible a cook he was and how much he hated her...

-sometimes throws his child at buck when buck is depressed or upset (i'm only listing this bc eddie probably thinks of it as something he has 'done for buck.' EYE don't think using your child as a combination of meat shield/inspiration porn (christopher never feels sorry for himself) and essentially putting the burden on chris of making buck feel better instead of eddie himself saying 'hey i'm worried about you, do you need to talk about it' and then listening to him, or saying 'hey, that was shitty of me to pick a fight with you and say all those mean things, i didn't mean it and i'm sorry' - y'know, being a FRIEND - is something he should be praised for)

-was very supportive when buck was angry and spiralling about his parents' bullshit (this was legit a very lovely friendship moment! back when eddie's character had potential and i had hope! oh, those halcyon days)

-gave buck refuge from maddie's micromanaging post-lightning strike, asked how he was, listened to the answer, and gave advice/encouragement/support from his own NDE experience (genuinely, no sarcasm, this was A+ good friendship and a standout moment. unfortunately it doesn't make up for *gestures vaguely at canon*)

-forgave buck for spraining his ankle/said through the proxy of tommy that he felt bad for excluding buck. it was an Everyone Sucks Here situation because Eddie was being thoughtless but that doesn't give buck the right to bodycheck him bc he's jealous. (people get hurt playing sportsball yes, so it's debatable if it was really on purpose although buck himself alludes to it not being completely accidental in the convo with maddie). it was still kind of eddie to understand where buck was coming from without needing it spelled out or going but whatabout meeeeeee. i'm just salty because clearly he's CAPABLE of seeing things from buck's perspective and being understanding and fair, and most of the time he'd just rather use buck as an emotional punching bag and accuse him of 'making everything about himself.' the time when buck arguably WAS making things about himself that weren't - ie eddie making a new friend - eddie doesn't say that. but when buck is having emotions in a way eddie doesn't like or finds inconvenient, suddenly the verbal knives are out.

-wasn't a homophobe when buck came out to him, although that's kinda bare minimum for being a Non-Awful Human plus he managed to insult him twice in that 10 minute conversation soooo... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

-and gave buck custody of his son if/when he dies which is arguably actually for chris's sake and for eddie's own peace of mind, considering that eddie's not dead yet, but he already has a habit of outsourcing the parts of parenting he doesn't want to do to buck!