#covid ptsd

[ecrivainsolitaire]

I wonder if we'll ever get over that panicked moment when you google a media creator you used to follow to see what they're up to lately, see that they haven't posted in years, do some nervous mental maths and then frantically stalk them over all of social media to get over the chilling worry that they might have died tragically young.

[knitruneatrepeat]

In two days it will be there years ago since I got COVID for the first of many times. I thought it was bad. Until I got Delta variant. And Omicron variant. And walking pneumonia from having COVID. And strep throat from COVID. And long term PTSD from COVID. And damaged lungs from COVID. And hair loss from COVID.

The list could go on. I’ve had COVID at least 10 times in the last 3 years.

In the last 4 days I’ve been exposed to over 20 people who have since tested positive to COVID. And so tonight, I bought my very first COVID test in over a year. And stress over every little sneeze and every little cough. Because with my immune system the odds are not in my favor. But I’m trying very hard to be optimistic. When all the little voices tell me here we go again…..

A number. That's all I am. A number that is part of a larger statistic brought on by a health situation made political.

I rarely post anything related to politics because it's private to me. But I don't care who I lose as my followers. Because of political decisions this has gotten to where it is.

And as a result, I am now one of the statistics.

#noreblog

[lets-all-calm-down-a-bit]

watched pcov last night. had some thoughts.

[catwouthats]

“How can this many people simply vote for Trump in the first place?”

✨Gaslighting✨

And

✨Teaching themselves apathy because they have been pushed to the brink and are only focused on their own survival and think that this guy will give it because he

gaslight themmmm✨

[acertifiedwitch]

Life is chill until I remember the Wattpad Account I had during Covid.

[cherryaire]

Can we please talk about those who can't mask anywhere near as often as they want to due to things like PTSD and/or severe sensory issues without acting like they're callous murderers for once, please?

I'm really tired of it all being seen in black and white. There are very valid reasons some people cannot mask as much as they want to. There are also people who don't mask because they're assholes, and I'd rather the CC community focus on them rather than those who just CAN'T.

[willowfey]

starting to think maybe waking up with an anxiety stomachache every single morning and then needing to spend the entire day trying to get rid of said anxiety just to maybe have a few minutes in the evening of feeling relaxed before going to bed is perhaps not normal

[damn-these-eyes]

the olden days of food shopping

[maintitle]

I watched DS9's It's Only A Paper Moon yesterday, and I want to talk about it because it wasn't until right now that I understood why it slapped me across the face so much, and why I think that episode is so important to me.

This may be triggering to people with disabilities, heart conditions, disabilities from COVID, or medical or military related trauma. Read ahead at your own risk.

I developed a heart condition at 18 from the H1N1 virus (which is why I tell all my friends to take preventive measures if they had COVID, because these kinds of new and unknown viruses can have long-lasting effects on you we don't know yet). While I had a lot of tests and missed a lot of school that year, the effects of that wouldn't be clear for years until at 24 I got a pacemaker/defibrillator put in in what we later found out was a life-saving surgery. The trauma of that event took a long time to catch up with me. While I'm still facing symptoms and limitations from that period of my life, the immediate danger has passed. But it took A LONG time for the fear of what happened to me, the PTSD of that event, to catch up with me. I've dealt with huge panic attacks and hyper-obsessive fears regarding my heart since around twenty-nine, fears I live with and fight through in therapy to this day.

As someone facing those issues, I hooked onto A Paper Moon this watch in a way I haven't before. The issue deals with the loss of Nog's leg in battle earlier in the season, a traumatic experience he had in the middle of a warzone only halfway through their defense. During his recovery, Julian begins to play recordings of I'll Be Seeing You, put together by Vic Fontaine, a semi-aware holodeck program that is really popular on DS9.

Nog returns from surgery at the beginning of the episode, and is walking with a cane. Multiple people on staff, including Julian himself, is concerned over the use of the cane because medically, he shouldn't have a need for it. He shouldn't even be in pain based off of what they know from the new leg and the nerves around it, but he's in pain and having trouble walking. A lot of the arguments in the early episode revolve around people talking behind Nog's back about how they can't understand why he has the cane or why he's in pain when there doesn't appear to be a medical reason for it.

The answer is actually incredibly simple: It's not the leg, it's the trauma from loosing the leg. Nog, who is still incredibly young in the episode, had somehow seen himself as invincible, a young cadet wanting to prove Ferengi can be incredible members of Starfleet, who had seen quite a bit of action and was cocksure, and in one moment he not only lost that bravado, but he also learned he was mortal in one horrifying singular moment.

Obviously, Nog is lucky enough to live in an era where it's possible to replace a lost limb, but that doesn't change the fact that for a horrifying unmentioned, maybe SEVERAL DAY period of time, he was left on a makeshift bed, listening to fighting outside, knowing that he could be attacked at any time, could die at any time from factors not even exterior to him. And now he just has to... go back to life after that horrifying dose of his own mortality.

The only thing that gets him by is that recording of I'll Be Seeing You by Vic Fontaine, because that's the only thing that he had to take him out of that horrifying situation while he laid on that makeshift gurney. The episode explores that idea by having him play it while trying to sleep, and eventually go to the holodeck and try to live in it with Vic after he was shamed for being in bed too long and for listening to said music for too long.

The funny thing is, Vic is the ONLY person, INCLUDING THE COUNSELOR ONBOARD DS9, who recognizes that his pain is valid. Vic, as a hologram, recognizes that his pain isn't crazy, it's as real as the injury he experienced, because Vic has a perspective that none of these hyper-worn-down Starfleet Officers or parental figures in his life has: His LIFE is a series of not-real instances of pain, of happiness, of dealing with other people he knows are holograms. Vic isn't like Moriarty in TNG, he's not like other semi-sentient Holodeck programs, he KNOWS he's a program but he also finds that life to be very real FOR HIM. The feelings of one of his bandmates are as real to him as the problems of Julian walking in to talk about one of the many women he simps for not feeling the same, because despite knowing they're not physically real, he CARES for them and takes their lives seriously.

Nog's feelings are real. His PAIN is real, even if a doctor can't understand why. Nog's in the middle of a long, extended panic attack where he's internalizing a near life-ending medical emergency and doesn't know how to DEAL with it. He loses himself in the program because it's the only place he can get past the trauma of the event, he's hostile to others who try and look at him with pity or as a hero because he doesn't want to be DEFINED by that pain. Vic knows this, and builds him up in other ways. Gives him a life to live, watches him slowly not need the cane and not even realize it, gives him tools and an environment to cope and generally is the only person that validates that trauma.

The episode is maybe one of the series best mental health episodes possible, and DS9 is generally REALLY good with these issues. As someone with medical trauma, I saw myself in Nog. I'm sure others who have experienced disabilities in the military see even more of themselves in him. We relate to it because we're constantly belittled or told our pain is in our heads, when the truth is we FEEL it. I feel it multiple times a month, when I lay down and go to bed and lay on my side just right that I can feel my heartbeat, and then I overanalyze it, and then that leads to a panic attack and me grabbing a pressure cuff or a fingertip pulse whatever it is to see if I'm okay, but by then I can't come down from the panic attack until it's done. I feel it when I'm helping someone move or if I'm on a casual walk and I feel my heartbeat spike, and my mind overreacts and wonders if this is normal exertion or a heart attack.

Not FEELS these things. It's real pain. And Vic doesn't invalidate it. It's as real as the injury itself, and it's not one that he'll ever truly conquer. But the episode gives him time, space and kindness to help him find coping mechanisms in order to continue with his life and dreams, and THAT'S Trek to me. A future where these things can be understood and worked through, without the constant shame that people with disabilities face when describing the trauma responses they suffer on a day-to-day basis.

In the end, Nog is heard. The main characters come to understand that what he felt is real. The episode gives him the time to work through complicated PTSD, and while he's not okay at the end, he's learning to live with it. And it's really fucking special to see this explored with a character we saw grow up into a man, on a show where the future is meant to be better than the present, written by writers in 1998 where they had no right to handle this as well as they did. This was an exceptionally special episode of television.

[poppy5991]

If you ever feel like whatever you’re going through is not bad enough to warrant therapy or it’s not serious enough compared to whatever people are going through, I’m here to inform you that your brain is lying and has probably tried to normalize a crazy situation as a coping mechanism. If you feel like you might need it, go get the therapy, fam.

I worked the entire pandemic from start to finish and around October 2020, I started to suspect I had PTSD. But also doubted myself. I was like ‘well it’s not bad! Especially compared to what other colleagues have been through. What if I’m faking it or just being dramatic?’

Then when I met the therapist she literally said “It amazes me that you are still functioning at this level. Most people would have had a breakdown by now.”

Anyway…recently my boss was reviewing numbers for a report and she said to me, “Did you know that in the single month of December 2020, you worked on over 300 COVID deaths?”

And I was like, well JFC no wonder I had PTSD…

[tomorrowusa]

^^^ Not necessarily. The country may currently have collective PTSD – ironically from the Trump years including the pandemic which was greatly worsened by Trump's botched handling of the early COVID-19 emergency.

So some voters idiotically think that the best cure for the national sour mood is to bring back the varmint who caused it in the first place.

Speaking of the pandemic, a reminder of how then President Trump reacted to the very first case of COVID-19 to appear in the US in late January of 2020.

The US political economic cycle...

Republicans fuck the economy.

Republicans then lose power and Democrats make decent progress fixing it.

Republicans vociferously complain that Democrats aren't cleaning up the GOP mess fast enough.

The lesson: We'll do a lot better reminding voters how Republicans screwed things up in the first place than pointing out the progress we're making now.

[oodlesodoodles]

poking thru and reading bits of aftermath again so i might just...... -squeezes inkpen and sweats

[phd-mama]

So Friday I left work and I was like, I AM PRACTICING SELF-CARE AND LEAVING MY LAPTOP HERE!!!

Sunday I got sick, but I could work from home via my personal laptop for the most part.

Today I tested positive for Covid. *sigh*

[phoenixtakaramono]

Hi, I just wanna say I LOVE Truce ❤️❤️, your writing(l'm amazed sometimes because it's just too good) and can't wait for the new chapter. Can I ask when are you gonna update?

This Ask is regarding the status of this PWP on AO3:

Hi! I’m just gonna combine these two anon Asks because they’re asking the same thing, haha. Firstly, thank you. Muah muah. 😘 💞

Secondly, hopefully this year. I dunno exactly when yet but hopefully it’s possible with my work schedule and any irl setbacks. I can’t give an exact date as of right now because I don’t like making false promises. Nothing takes the wind outta my sails than setting a deadline—and failing to meet it; it will give me writer’s block, haha. You can read my reply to an anon Ask here; it’s asking about two different fics of mine but my answer remains the same: I don’t like sacrificing quality for quantity. I prefer taking a longer time than rushing out a subpar update. A chapter will be ready when it’s ready. In the interim, I will post sneak peeks, update the status bar, and only give an ETA the week before it’s ready to be posted. I recommend my readers to turn on their Subscribe notifs so they’ll be notified when it’s ready.

Technically I can split ch3 into two chapters like I did for ch2, but that means the upcoming update is just 90% set-up. Billy and Homelander don’t physically interact yet in the set-up. Neither do they share a dialogue exchange. And I think that’s boring, no? I’d rather y’all read ch3 for its full intended effect, with the set-up and foreshadowing leading to the payoff. It is, after all, the chapter with their 🔞 First Time. A lot of exciting things happen this chapter after the set-up. Homelander flying Billy outerspace “as a date,” their first Team Up, kitchen sex (their first), Billy’s debut as a superhero + vice captain role in The Seven with Billy’s “bloody” birthday present to Homelander. It’s my favorite chapter outta the bunch because of the exhilarating rollercoaster ride it is—and I don’t want to take that away from y’all.

Also in the interim, you can read my butchlander threadfics here on tumblr and definitely on my Twitter thread here. They’re my humble peace offerings whilst I am working on Truce. :)

———

So this part isn’t particularly directed at you, Anon(s), but a pet peeve of mine are readers demanding updates, readers who assume I’ve discontinued/ abandoned a story, and readers who keep pushing for an update even though I’ve already nicely informed them of when to realistically expect an update from me and why it’s taking a long time. There’s one reader on one of my stories whom, for a good part of this year, has sent maybe over 99+ comments on AO3 trying to psychologically pressure/ guilt trip me into updating a certain fic. Like, their words are very kind and I’m happy they adore my fic to bits, and I’m sure they have good intentions, but it doesn’t make me, the writer, comfortable seeing someone say things like “I’m obsessed with this fic; I check for updates everyday; I think and breathe this fic; if you don’t update, I’m going to die; when are you going to update? Please, this story is too good to be abandoned/discontinued, I don’t want that to happen to [insert fic] like all the other abandoned stories in this fandom. All I think about is this fic; I read this story every day. I can’t breathe if I don’t see any update.” Or the alternative: “[insert compliment] but I just know this story is abandoned/discontinued, and that’s such a shame.”

Y’all, this ain’t the motivation or encouragement you think it is. It’s incredibly demotivating and making me want to take even longer outta spite :/, especially if I’d taken time to reply to the reader’s Comment reiterating essentially what I said above in bullet point #2. Asking the writer again and again for an update a hundred times in a row is not going to change their mind. It’s a lil disconcerting.

[thefriedbird]

Imma start decking people in the face at work because they won’t wear their FUCKING mask ESPECIALLY when one of them has the fucking FLU or COVID!

That’s the thing about the lifted mask mandates that I DESPISE about. Now everyone thinks that just because Covid is “gone”, which you fellow spoonies know that it really fucking isn’t. They don’t care to show up to work even when sick DESPITE HAVING A WHOLE PANDEMIC ON WHY YOU SHOULDNT GO TO PLACES SICK.

…Guys if I get the flu or Covid this year I might flip my rocker and several people will be injured with my cane.

[softnoodlesdoodles]

Brain fog