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motorsportbarbie13 ¡ 1 day ago
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The Yapping Hour is Upon Us
In which Max decides that maybe doing interviews isn't such a bad thing.
Warnings: jos verstappen mention ew Pairing: Max Verstappen x Podcaster!Reader Word Count: 2.5k plus social media posts
TheYappingHour posted:
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349,219 likes liked by redbullracing, charlesleclerc, and others TheYappingHour Back at it this week with a very super top secret special guest. I simply can't wait to reveal who's on this weeks pod, you guys! You're going to DIE. (peep the clue in the second picture!) user928 her podcast set up is so aesthetic i can't user0928 RED BULL??? what does this meeeeeean??? >>>user1211 she hasn't done a ton of athletes in the past, maybe she got one of the Red Bull athletes!! user00291 DU DU DU DU MAX VERSTAPPEN. (shhh let me be delulu for a minute) >>>user221 as much as i'd love that, we all know how much Max hates interviews.
There was absolutely no reason why having Max Verstappen on your podcast should be making you this nervous. You’ve interviewed actual heads of state, a former president, and royalty for crying out loud and you’re losing your mind over Max fucking Verstappen? You supposed it came from the fact that you had spent most of your childhood traveling from track to track to watch your dad race in NASCAR, racing was in your blood and you knew how revered and idolized Max was. And how rabid his fans could get. You wanted to get this interview right. Needed to get this interview right. Motorsport were still a huge part of your life, even if you weren’t really outwardly an active fan. You never missed a NASCAR or F1 race and while you considered yourself a Ferrari girlie, Red Bull was most certainly your second team. 
“Everything ready?” Your assistant Shannon pokes her head in as you fluff the last throw pillow on the cream colored lounge chair. Scanning the room, everything looks to be in order. The two overstuffed chairs dominate the center of the small recording studio, each with a microphone set up on a small side table next to each chair. Instrumental versions of Taylor Swift songs floated out of small speakers tucked away and a few candles burned in the low light of the studio, creating the exact ambiance you were famous for. 
You’d been doing your podcast, The Yapping Hour, for nearly five years now and it was now one of the most popular podcasts being produced. You specialized in relaxed interviews of people that the general public don’t get to see relaxed very often. Your big break had come about 3 years ago when you had somehow managed to land an interview with Michelle Obama, her episode was still the most streamed episode of yours to date. Everyone had fallen in love with your interview style, how you got these normally highly media trained individuals to drop their guard down a little and be real for even just an hour. It gave people such a unique glimpse behind the curtain of fame and your fans ate up every bit of it. 
“I think so!” You nod, smoothing down the front of your boyfriend cut jeans even though the denim is perfectly ironed without a single wrinkle. 
“Good, because he just pulled in the parking lot.” Shannon smirks. She knows how nervous you are for this interview and is insisting it’s because you have a crush on the driver. Which would utterly unprofessional if it were true. But it wasn’t true. At all. “And he’s driving this matte black Aston Martin.” She closes her eyes as she bites her lip, smirk growing even wider. 
“Okay, let’s cool it on the hero worship.” You warn, following Shannon out into the lobby of the building. 
 Outside, it’s a dreary late April morning in the heart of downtown London. You had traveled from your home base in New York City just for this interview but had been surprised at how much you liked the ambiance and energy in the city. So much so that you had extended your stay a few extra weeks. The good thing about being your own boss of a podcast was that you could literally work from anywhere you had your laptop. 
Peering out into the parking lot, you’re surprised to see a lone figure in jeans and what looked to be a Red Bull windbreaker, hustling across the pavement towards the door. When he approaches the door, Shannons steps forward to open the door, a gust of wind whipping at your hair when Max comes bustling in through the doors. 
“Hello!” Max’s voice sends involuntary shivers down your spine, a feeling you fight hard to shove down. This is not the time to be a fan girl, you remind yourself. 
“Hi Max, thank you so much for joining us today! Can I get you some water or maybe some tea?” Shannons steps forward first, extending her hand. 
Max takes it and gives her a wide smile, his eyes crinkling at the edges. “Water is fine, thanks.” 
“Max, it’s such a pleasure to meet you.” You step forward then, the heels of your black Louboutain’s clicking on the hardwood floor as you approach him. It takes every ounce of focus you have not to react at what feels like a white hot spark flickering over your skin when his hand touches yours for the first time. 
“Pleasure is mine.” He murmurs, cat like smirk replacing the warm smile that had greeted Shannon. Your social media did you absolutely no justice and Max was finding it hard to keep his composure you were so pretty. 
“Are we waiting on anyone else or is it just you today?” You ask, eyes darting above his shoulder to see if there was anyone still in the parking lot. 
“Why? Will I be needing my body guard today?” He quips as he follows you towards the recording studio.  
You pray the dim lights in the studio hide the way you’ve gone pink. “Of course not! It’s just that normally the people I have on the show travel with an…entourage.” 
“I don’t like people.” He says, as if it’s the most obvious fact in the universe. “I prefer to travel solo. Besides, I’m no Queen of the Netherlands or Justin Trudeau, I don’t really need an entourage.” 
He casually drops two of your biggest interviews like it’s nothing and you feel the pink tinge of your cheeks heat to a crimson red. “You’ve listened to the show then?” 
He nods, taking the seat you offer him as Shannon and your AV guy Steve bustle around getting things set up. A bottle of water appears for each of you and you take out the pages of notes you’ve made even though you’ve got all the questions memorized. You like to be prepared and prefer your interviews to be more conversational, less question and answer. 
“I like to know what I’m getting myself into.” His eyes hold this glint of mischief that if you were less of a professional, would have you biting your lip and kicking your feet. Truth was, Max had spent an ungodly amount of time on your socials and wikipedia page, obsessing over you and your career. 
“And yet you still came.” You tease.
“I did.” He says simply and you can’t help but notice how his gaze briefly drops from your eyes down to your lips and quickly back up. It’s so quick that if you weren’t in the business of watching and observing people, you probably would have missed it. But those baby blue eyes of Max’s are so easy to read, all you can do is grin back at him. 
“Well, thank you for making the trek into London today. I do appreciate it.” 
You briefly explain how the interview is going to work, how Steve is going to make sure everything is set up and recording, how you’ll post audio and video versions and that he can have final say in anything that goes in or stays out of the interview. You’ve found that a lot of your guests appreciate that little clause and in the five years you’ve been doing the show only a handful of bits have been kept out. You like to think it’s because you’re good at what you do and get people to open up on a level that they feel comfortable with. 
Steve finally gives you the okay and you settle into the cozy lounge chair, Max sitting comfortably in the one opposite you. 
“Thank you again for joining me today, Max. I’ve got to admit, I was a little surprised when your manager said you’d agreed to come on the show. You don’t do a lot of lengthy interviews and I could only find a handful of podcast appearances over the years. So, why The Yapping Hour? Why now?” 
Max takes a sip of water before placing it on the table beside him. His shoulders are relaxed, his ankle sitting on his knee is a causal pose. You’ve become a veritable body language expert since starting the show and you can already tell this is going to be a good interview. 
“I like your style.” His blunt answer throws you off for a moment and your cheeks heat. Again. You make a mental note to make sure they edit your complexion in post production to take the blush out. “GP sent me the one you did with Dale Earnhardt Jr a few months ago and I was impressed at how authentic you were. Dale is a character but you got a lot of depth out of him. Your questions went beyond the typical ‘what’s your favorite race track.’” 
“Well, thank you. That is quite the compliment coming from you.” For the third time in a short time, you blush at the compliments this man is handing out left and right. 
Your eyes flicker above Max’s shoulder to where Shannon and Steve sit, their smug faces tell you that you’re not imagining him flirting with you. 
“I have to tell you, I went karting with a few friends in prep for this interview and oh my God, I’ve been sore ever since! I can't imagine how hard an F1 car is on your body. Talk to me a little bit about your training sch-…”
“You went karting as research?” He interrupts you, face a mask of disbelief. 
Now it’s your turn to smirk, “Of course, I like to know what I’m getting myself into.” You toss him a wink and enjoy the way your stomach flips when his ears go a bit pink. “My dad beat me by almost 20 seconds and I don’t think I’ll ever hear the end of it, but it was worth it. I can see why so many people get hooked, it was so fun.” 
“Karting with a NASCAR legend had to make it a little better though, yeah?” 
“You know my dad?” Your brows nearly hit your hairline, you’re so surprised at this. Your dad had been long retired before Max had come onto the racing scene and there wasn’t a huge overlap in fan bases between F1 and NASCAR. 
Max nods, “He was racing around the time Jos was in F1. I still remember that one Daytona 500 where he stole the win from Earnhardt Jr on the last lap after he’d led for the entire race.” 
You tilt your head back laughing and Max thinks it’s the prettiest thing he’s ever heard, fully entranced by the long column of your neck that’s suddenly exposed. “Oh God, dad is going to die when he hears you know about that race.” 
“Have either of you been to an F1 race yet?” A plan begins to form in Max’s head. 
“No!" You lean forward to swat at his arm playfullt. I’ve tried a few times but it’s always fallen through. I do watch most of the races though, as long as my schedule permits. Sometimes it’s easier when you guys are in Europe because the races are so early in New York, it’s easy to watch them from bed on Sunday mornings.”
The image of you wrapped up in a fluffy duvet wearing nothing but his t-shirt as you watch him race nearly sends Max into orbit. He blinks furiously, trying to get that vision out of his mind so he can pay attention to you. 
“Tell me this then, if you could pick any garage to watch the race which one would it be and why would it be Red Bull?" 
You can’t help that laugh that explodes from you then and Max preens under your attention, smile stretching wide across his handsome face. “You know, I could have sworn it was my name on the podcast Instagram page.” You tease, giving him a wink. “You keep asking me questions, I’m going to be out of a job, Verstappen.” 
“I can’t help it when the interviewer is much more interesting than I am.” He murmurs, taking another sip of water without taking his eyes off of you.
The rest of the interview continues on for the next two hours and you get so much content you feel a little dizzy at the thought of having to cut over half of the episode. For the first time in the podcast’s history, you may have to split this into two episodes. Max doesn’t mind one bit, finding that he’s not as nervous as he thought he’d be with how easy he finds it talking to you. 
You wrap up the interview over an hour past the time you had told Max’s press officer it would last but neither of you make any movement to get up, despite both Shannon and Steve beginning to wrap things up. 
“I’m so sorry I kept you this long, Max. I know you’re not a huge fan of lengthy interviews.” 
Max just shrugs, “If all interviews were like this, I probably would say yes to a lot more of them.” 
You grin over at him as you rise, realizing the sun is setting outside and your stomach is aching for food. Max follows suit, although he feels a clench in his stomach realizing that his time with you is coming to an end. 
“Can I ask you something?” He says when Shannon and Steve walk out of the studio, leaving the two of you alone. 
You look up at him and nod earnestly, “Of course!” 
“Why didn’t you ask me about my childhood? Usually it’s one of the first things people ask me, especially in these kinds of interviews.” 
You shrug, face heating at being found out. “Like you, I do my research and I figured you might not want to talk about that part of your life. I want my guests to feel comfortable when they come on the show, not immediately put on the defensive. I guess I thought there were other more important topics…” 
Your words hang in the air, heavy between you two. Something in Max’s chest aches at the simple kindness you’ve extended him. It’s true, he doesn’t like revisiting his childhood very often, especially when it’s recorded and will be put on the internet. His dad was very much still in his life, obviously, and while he had done a lot of work to move past his childhood, it was still painful to talk about.  
“Thats…wow. Thank you.” Is all he can manage, voice thick with emotion. 
“Of course.” You murmur, reaching out to touch his elbow in what you hope comes across as a comforting gesture. 
Max’s eyes drop to where your slender fingers rest on his bare arm before a smile stretches back across his face. “I know it’s kind of last minute but you were saying earlier you’d never been to a race. We’re in Miami next weekend and I’d love it if you were my guest…” 
You can’t help the flutter in your chest at how nervous he appears standing before you. Your eyes dart over to Shannon, the official keeper of your schedule and are delighted when she nods vigorously, phone in hand with your calendar already pulled up. You made a mental note to give that girl a raise ASAP. “I would love to, Max.” 
“Yeah?” He sounds almost shocked that you had agreed so quickly. 
“Yeah.” You say, a hint of a giggle at the edge of your voice. 
“How about I take you out to dinner tonight and we can work out the details.” 
“Why Max Verstappen, I had no idea you were this smooth.” 
TheYappingHour posted
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987,392 likes liked by maxverstappen1, redbullracing, susiewolff, and others TheYappingHour SURPRISE! Part one of my interview with none other than 3 time F1 world champion Max Verstappen is live on all socials RIGHT NOW. (yeah, I said part 1! We both yapped so much you're getting a part two next week!) user9382 the chemistry between these two was OFF THE CHARTS >>>user111 ikr? i felt like i was interrupting something the entire hour. MaxVerstappen1 it was a pleasure meeting you! can't wait to see you in Miami this weekend! >>>user2999 MAX WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HER IN MIAMI. >>>user999 stfu she is so coming to the Miami race?? MAX EMILIAN VERSTAPPEN. user3210 has she ever done a two parter before??? not even the Queen of the Netherlands got a two parter!! user9928 i don't think i've ever seen Max this relaxed during an interview EVER. >>>user222 seriously! He was like a little boy with a crush then entire time.
yourpersonalinsta posted
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234,100 likes liked by maxverstappen1, landonorris, michelle obama, and others yourpersonalinsta we yapped some more and stuffed our faces. til next time, maxie! (tagged: maxverstappen1) user999 not michelle obama herself in the likes maxverstappen1 you're going to be trouble in miami, aren't you? >>>yourpersonalinsta what do you think? ;) >>>user9932 oh my godddddd user028 this is the couple i didn't know i needed
tag list (some of you only requested to be on a series tag list but i am not organized enough for that. lmk if you want to be removed!! also fingers crossed this tag list works this time ffs. sorry!)
@anilovessadbooks, @shelbyteller, @formulaal, @martygraciesversion381, @longhairkoo, @samantha-chicago, @stelena-klayley @dark-night-sky-99 @luckylampzonkland, @chlmtfilms , @inarabee @aykxz98 @forensicheart @cheer-bear-go-vroom @lieutenantchaos @willowsnook @sltwins @linnygirl09 @powerfulmess @technicallypleasanttree @meglouise00 @mixedstyles @strawberryy-kiwii @secret-agents-stole-my-bunnies @unknownmystery22 @mrosales16 @charlesgirl16 @leclercdream
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jamielovesmychem ¡ 17 hours ago
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My big mcr5 conspiracy thread guys
All composed from what I spammed my friends with
So mcr just announced a North American tour, however some people suspect that they might be going to release another album. I also believe this due to the odd cryptic nature of the things they’ve been posting, even after the tour was announced.
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For example, this picture of a dog captioned “good boy”, which was posted well after the tour was announced (16 hours ago)
There is also a new private/unlisted video on their YouTube channel which hasn’t gone public yet, just like the announcement. Unlisted videos show on the number of videos available on a channel. This just went up. It had gone up by 1 for a while before the announcement went public even when it was unlisted. (I learned this from someone in the mcr tumblr community but my screenshot doesn’t contain the account name and I can’t find it, if this is you please tell me and I’ll credit you)
On the topic of the announcement, it contained a lot of recurring characters from Gerard’s 2022 tour outfits. It is said on the promotion not that my chemical romance will be performing the black parade, but that the black parade themselves will perform. The concept of the album is that death comes for you in the form of your strongest memory, which in the patients case was a parade that was most likely ww1 propaganda, and the gap between the black parade and right now is close to the gap between ww1 and ww2. This has lead some people to believe that the band will be performing a new album set near ww2 as the black parade. The trailer shows a ww2-esque scene which would back this up.
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Plus, at the end of the video there is paper falling from the sky in front of a kingdom, which might allude to The Paper Kingdom, the original, scrapped 5th my chemical romance album.
This is also slightly backed up by the odd typography used throughout the promotional of the tour, like in this post captioned “if you could be anything, what would you be?
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This typography has been shown to spell out K, T and P in another script, rotated (Russian I think??) which is TPK backwards, or the paper kingdom (MCR5!!!!)
And it is not abnormal for them to spell things backwards, they’ve done that before so it’s not completely conspiracy level, like how they wrote my chemical romance backwards in the corner of the foundations of decay (their most recent single and the only thing they’ve released since the reunion).
Plus, the typography doesn’t really look like it spells mcr, suggesting they are alluding to something else.
Under an hour ago, they posted this with the caption containing “long live”.
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Some people think that the new album could be performed by the characters of the black parade and called long live. If this is true then the band could even be performing as these 4 characters depicted below (like in danger days!!). However, this could just be tour promotion.
Promoting an album also takes about 2-3 months and the tour lasts about 3 months (the perfect amount of time to promote an album in!) and contains ten shows. I have seen people saying that they could even tease a track per show!!
This is all speculation obviously, however I don’t believe mcr would have a reunion just to drop one song and go on a couple of tours. I think they will drop more new music sometime soon and I’m sooooo excited!!
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tideswept ¡ 2 months ago
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in the face of all that isn’t yet [e] → chapter 4
The glare of the city lights bores into Obi-Wan’s eyes. He’s been staring out the window, throat snarled with nerves, for too many hours. His shoulders hunch close to his bowed head, index fingers pressed over the bow of his mouth as if to pinch his lips shut against the barrage that might spill out if given the chance. He hasn’t slept yet. Unpacked yet. Hasn’t prepared a report for the Council. All he’s done since that damned chronometer slipped into his waiting palm is sit at the edge of his bed like a beaten creature.  He feels like a great, sodding fool.
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ohbo-ohno ¡ 1 year ago
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omg I’ve read that fic!!!! One of my favorites tbh 😋😋😋
Also I was referring to day 15 I think, the super intense Ghoap puppyplay one?
I’m a little curious, what kinds of clothes do Ghoap let Reader wear, if any at all? Do they let her pick out her outfits, or do they give her dresses and skirts and cute tops for easy access? Are clothes a reward for being good for them??? Honestly I love love LOVE the idea of like basic amenities being ‘rewards’ for the Reader. Eating on your own without them hand feeding you? Walking upright? Wearing clothes? Sorry, you gotta earn it, princess.
~🦋
the INTENSE AF made me think it was probably about day 15 but then it occurred to me that all the noncon is pretty intense too lmfao
this is another ask i answered forever ago, but i think they keep reader naked almost all of the time! i think johnny kinda love to dress reader up like his doll in pretty dresses and bows, and he definitely loves to see her in his shirt. but ghost likes to keep his pets naked <3 johnny's naked in the apartment most of the time because that's just what he likes and what makes him comfortable, but reader feels vulnerable and exposed when she's stripped down like that - just how ghost wants her
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rev-velvet ¡ 4 months ago
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Alright now that Summer Nights is over its time to lock in and be on guard cause Nintendo could announce FinalFest literally at any moment. The World's End splatfest was obviously suspicious as fuck and that’s usually the trigger for a FinalFest announcement. So for everything to go on as normal this time means some actual world ending shit might happen. Im betting on IdolFest happening or another popular idea where it's the three poisons each Deep Cut member represents. More rambling under the read more Im just talking out my ass at this point.
Tbh at first I thought the FinalFest would be another race war with Salmoninds as the third option due to their increasing presence in both cities. But that immediately didn't make sense since A) Lore wise it would be ridiculous for there to even be Inklings vs Octolings and B) Nintendo might be cooking something bigger with the Salmoninds if Big Big Run was anything to go by. Im doing all this yappin just to say and Idol Theme splatfest is the most likely outcome my mindless rambling knows no bounds.
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the-clay-quarters ¡ 6 months ago
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if you're still taking these--🎲 for theodore and grace (or anyone of your choice >:3)
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29. A kiss to the back of the hand. Tfw one of the people in Twitch's circle is? surprisingly polite? and put together? They hang out in pubs with zailor lunatics Where did they find this guy (The sentiment is mutual)
[Ask game]
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rosicheeks ¡ 4 months ago
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#think I need to delete TikTok#been on the bad side and been getting pro life debaters on my fyp#finally decided to go up and say something cause I was getting so annoyed and upset#OH BOY that was a bad decision#never ever doing that again#and this is why I can’t go out and be around normal people#I can’t even talk to a stranger online#I’m literally shaking and bawling right now#it’s 5:43am and I meant to go to bed like 3 hours ago#wanted to post on TikTok and see if I could get any $$ cause I’m desperate#but nah that ain’t gonna happen cause people suck and I hate everyone and anything I make would be shit#and I can’t do anything right#basically I was trying to explain that mental health comes into play too… that abortion isn’t just black and white#I should have known before I even tried that first of all he’s a male and he wasn’t listening to anyone talk#I just have so many things I want to say but no one to say them#and it was a smaller live so I was like why not and fuck that fuck that fuck that nope#too mentally ill for that 🙃#gonna try and go to bed and calm down my heart#sorry I haven’t been posting or on much…. been struggling more than words could ever express#php helped and I felt a glimmer of hope for a day and a half and ever since it’s just been a downward nonstop spiral#love you all and hope you guys are doing okay 🫶#just needed to vent lol and since I have no friends y’all get to hear it 👌#shut up rosie
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greetingsfromuranus ¡ 3 months ago
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Man nobody told me the comedown from a manic episode lasts like a year
Makes sense now I guess lmao
#1st month or 2 of ed edd n eddy obsession was pure mania btw lol#im at the uhhhh coming back up from the bottom of the mariana trench part of that whole process#you shoulda seen me in january it was bad lol#well i suppose yall did its not like i went anywhere#idk#too much info? idk maybe#well it was either that shit from december that lastes 2 or 3 months or a few weeks ago#i think a few weeks ago was something different tho idk#too much info#fuck it whatevr#i always send these posts 2 the drafts#too much shit happened between then and now jeez#you shouldve seen me when i was first going on my deviantart crusades#i was at the height of my entire fuckin life for the 1st few hours and then id find out about some sort of eene lost fan-media#and i would just BREAK down#and i did this over and over until something in me just broke#idk it was weird for a minute#ill take it aw a win though because my art improved a SHIT ton from that#gotta get back on that rapid improvement thing that was crazy#i think ive gotta start actually leatning stuff now lol#my ass has just now realized i can do thumbnail sketches#ive literally been publishing my first pass on all my ideas up till now#like maybe. i should try using effort....... waow#i need to go to ART CLASSES fuck#man you have to be an arts major to take any of the art classes its totally lame#STEM AND ARTS GO TOGETHER INHERENTLY!!!!!!!! STOP GATEKEEPING CREATIVITY ILL KILL YOU sorry#mildly hyperbolic here#graghhhrrr#i hate being employed theyre using up my entire brain#better not frizzle out before i finally get the chance to make cartoons
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girlcrushau ¡ 8 months ago
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#me? about to use tumblr as a diary again? in 2024? unfortunately:/#but here have a waterfall i saw on a hike last week as payment#i am sO tired and exhausted emotionally after dating#there's this guy that i fr thought was going to last and be around for a long time. we spent like every moment together that we could for 2#months straight and if we werent physicaly together we were texting or calling or on ft . just every part of our day had the other in it#not once did i ever feel unwanted undesired or uncared for. not once did i feel that i wasnt sure of his intentions. i felt safer with him#in those 2 months than i ever did with any one else i could think to compare to.#until one day he just didnt think it important to communicate any more. after 3 days of nearly nothing .. hardly any talking . i asked if#he was ok if we were ok. what was going on in his head. he said some ive just been with my buddies and family and havent been on my phone#and just. immediately thats heartbreak yanno. thats :// thats what they say when theres a new girl. but there'd never been a reason to think#there was another girl so i was like ok we're gonna trust bc this dude has been So good in every way. so i said imy but i understand. enjoy#your time with your buddies and with your fam -- i cant wait to hear about it (and hold you)#and i havent heard from him in the 3 weeks since. just randomly#so last night#i send the dreaded 'i miss you' text.#i dont expect to hear back and i accept the hurt that will come with that and the confusion that i've felt settles deeper into my heart#until this afternoon i hop on ig and see a hard launch that was posted an hour after my text was sent#that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real#did she see my message? i know it. bc i know him and i know that he wouldnt hide anything from the person he's giving his heart#and his softness to. i can almost imagine how he showed her and promised her theres nothing to worry about#and there really isnt anything to worry about because he genuinely is the type to give his all to the relationship he's in#which feels silly to say after what happened w us. like no there wasnt a title ever#it sucks to call it a situationship because a month ago we were laughing in bed together about how we could never bc we were all in.#just the timing of the hard launch makes me giggle. did my text push them to have a conversation about what they are. was she really the#reason that he went away on me.#im trying not to blame myself . trying not to think about the phone calls i didnt answer. about what i could have done differently. trying#not to think about where we would be if i didnt let my anxieties hold me back. if i wasnt scared about what he'd think of the parts of me#that i keep hidden just a little bit longer than the rest.#and at the same time im trying not to put him on a pedestal. but that pedestal is just where i wholeheartedly believe he belongs#he set the bar for me. he set the standard. i was never too much. i was never too little. he made me feel perfect just as i am
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thethingything ¡ 5 months ago
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I keep randomly remembering that the reason our brain is especially fucked and a bunch of our symptoms are worse right now is because of like, an avoidable external thing that's chemically affected our nervous system instead of either our symptoms flaring up on their own or some specific stressful event triggering it, and for some reason that keeps making us feel especially bad about it.
like our mental health being bad because of stressful stuff going on and our mental illnesses randomly flaring up both suck, but I can handle our brain just doing its own thing and/or reacting to what's going on around us.
but something about it being a medication that someone else prescribed that's changed the way our brain functions is significantly more distressing in a way I can't put into words properly. a lot of the symptoms we've got (apathy, brain fog, alexithymia, memory problems, etc) are very typical depression and dissociation symptoms, but they're like a weird version of them that feels very different to how we normally experience them.
the only way I can describe the difference in feeling is that it feels more "artificial" but I can't even really describe what I mean by that. if normal brain fog is looking out the window on a foggy day, this is looking out of a window that's been covered with those frosted vinyl sheets. you can't see shit either way, but the feeling is very different.
I just desperately want it to go away. I'm finding it hard to be enthusiastic about things I'm normally excited about no matter how bad our depression gets, and our usual coping mechanisms for getting our brain to register positive things aren't really working because it's not the same underlying mechanism.
it feels like any control I did have over our symptoms and anything I could do to help with them has been stripped away and all I can do is wait it out and hope it fixes itself, and the whole "being given a drug that changes how your brain functions and takes away your control over what your brain is doing" is pretty much the exact phobia I was trying to learn to figure out how to deal with before we get dental work done, and for the dental work it'd be like... idk probably an hour at most, whereas now I'm just stuck dealing with experiencing it 24/7 for an undetermined amount of time
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#long post#posts made on pain meds#<- we took them like 4 hours ago so idk if it still counts#but anyway this is one of those things where I can't tell if it sounds unhinged#I can't word any of my thoughts correctly and it's really freaking me out#basically a lot of it is like... symptoms we'd normally get but a really weird version of them#like this isn't something our brain would naturally do. it's technically the same symptom but it never feels like this#the apathy we normally get is like ''I'm struggling to feel excited about this but when I go and engage with it I still feel something''#whereas this is ''I keep looking at things I love and adore and just feeling nothing and now I'm questioning my sense of self''#our normal symptoms suck but at least they're familiar and there are things I can do to help with them#whereas this feels like I can't access my own feelings and the emotions I can feel are weird and unfamiliar#and I can't seem to do anything about it and I'm scared it won't go away or that I'll start acting in ways that aren't like me#and some of that is probably just me freaking out and being paranoid#but it's been 3 and a half days and yeah the really bad stuff has calmed down but it's kind of plateaued now#I probably need to do some kind of grounding exercises or anything that would be identity affirming in any way#but I'm struggling to actually do that stuff because of y'know... the exact symptoms that are the reason I need to do it#I feel like I sound insane but here we are I guess#and after all this I still have to also worry about side effects from sedation when we get those teeth pulled#on top of all the fucking phobia shit but like I'm already experiencing that anyway so at this point it's just more of the same shit
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purplewhiteandgold ¡ 2 years ago
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In pain thinking about the fact that after things settled, Axel was probably forced to eventually connect the dots and realize that the reason he (and everyone else) forgot about Xion was because she and Roxas were once again forced to fight each other and she'd lost, and he wasn't there to stop it that time because he'd lost Roxas' trust and couldn't save her from that fate or save Roxas from being forced to do that
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icewindandboringhorror ¡ 1 month ago
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youtube
golf
#another case where I post something entirely random that has nothing to do with anything I've ever posted here#and seems very different from costumes and cat pictures or etc. but ghbhj..... I could spend hours having pointless conversations#with myself like this. briefly got fixated on making fake chats on this website for a period of like 3 days straight a few months ago#(its 'chat-simulator.com/simulator' I think..???) but I made a ton of them.. one with some random family bickering with each other. another#that was like a magic school group chat with like 8 differnet students helping each other with an assignment#and just talking about things. another was a fake text xonversation between a king's assistant#and someone who was working in the castle kitchens and they were trying to plan a time to meet up to exchange the stuff that the assistant#stole from the king so that the chef could sell the items on a black market or whatever. then this one with just some weird#group of friends trying to plan to meet up to play golf and etc. etc. etc.#Talking to myself has always been one of my favorite hobbies. for some reason it's so fun lol#just making up random discussions people might have#not even entertaining or interesting or funny ones but just like... anything.. it doesn't matter. It could be a 5 hour long discussion abou#cheese or something.#THOUGH maybe that is just an extension of having always been a writer like.......... isn't that basically just what writing is? making up#fake scenarios and conversations between fake people?? lol... But I guess Writing Writing usually has some sort of goal or story you're#trying to tell. Whereas stufff just like ''3 elves discuss their favorite bread toppings for 15 minutes'' has no purpose#and is not even that interesting or cool so there's no reason behind it and is more just silly fun I guess#Aside from the physical health problems and ocd over something bad happening to me or etc. I've often thought I would be good at one#of those 'get locked in a blank white room for 24 hours' type challenges. since I would probably just sit there and be like 'okey. :3#I shall have an elaborate group conversation about elven politics with myself.' and would just pace around the room acting as different#people arguing with each other for like 6 hours lol#ANYWAY.. ultimate recreational activity...#one tiny little glimpse here of the sorts of things that my computer is full of but that i never post lol#Its interesting how communication develops when you're just talking to yourself alone in a vacuum. Sort of like inside jokes between two#best friends that just seem nonsense to everyone else. My folders of things that probably just read as disconnected gibberish or something#but are just mildly amusing to me.#Though also I just realized this is so tiny on tumblr I can barely read it.. hrrm.
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binders-and-beanies ¡ 2 months ago
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Fucking loses my job for the second time in a month I guess
#got asked to join a zoom to discuss a ‘policy change’. turns out my old therapist who works at my practice got a promotion#in which she’ll have a more significant training role making it harder to avoid dual relationship w me#so im not allowed to work there next semester. Im allowed to either stay this whole semester or try to find smth year round#idk how im gonna find something at all though so idk how long im gonna be here!! it was hard enough to find this#and it was the only option my school could find that would work for my scholarship#the scholarship I very much Need in order to stay in school. and hasn’t been disbursed yet so I can lose it bc of losing this job#and they explained it as being for my protection which i understand. it gets drilled into our heads in school and in practice#but I need protection from exactly this kind of situation!! I need protection from constant life changes and threats to my wellbeing#and I Just went thru this. I Just had to wait suspensefully to find out what a supervisor wants to tell me#I Just went thru my entire world changing after one phone call dropped a bomb on me#I still haven’t recovered from that. and now again.#I hadn’t adjusted to what my life was going to look like at this job. I haven’t even seen a client yet!#I won’t be able to stay w any clients for longer than like 3 months max how does that help them!#I don’t know what I’m going to do. again. I’m tired of the universe going ‘oh btw here’s another major life ruiner’#while im just trying to do my homework. I’m so tired. I don’t trust anything anymore bc everything can change at any moment#and now I have to do this 3 hour ‘practicum retreat’ that revolves around a job I just found out I’m losing. 10 minutes ago.#it’s literally hit after hit dude I don’t know how I’m gonna get through it again#again!!!#mine#txt#personal#vent post
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scyaxe ¡ 5 months ago
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man living on your own is expensive lol
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iwannarunawayandbeapirate ¡ 10 months ago
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[muttering to myself] unions and strikes are important and i support them even when they impact my own life. unions and strikes are important and i support them even when they impact my own life. unions and strikes are important and i support them even when they impact my own life. unions and strikes are important and i
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artfulstar ¡ 3 months ago
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Woah woah woah. Twitter is shutting down in Brasil? I'm thankful for your mental health but what?
Yep.
TLDR: Elon fired everyone in the Brazilian offices of twitter but legally Twitter can't continue existing in Brazil WITHOUT a legal representative. So now our Federal Supreme Court subpoened him to apoint a new representative or the website is getting shut down in the country
The long version with the context about the fight:
It all started when the supreme court started to shut down in the country profiles of brazilian people who had commited crimes using the website (an example is Monark, a dude who literally used his profile to say we should give n*zis and racists unlimited freedom of speech [he fled to the US to escape prison btw]).
Elon caught wind of this and decided to threaten our constitution and said that he would get the profiles back on because he wouldn't accept a government restricting "freedom of speech" on his platform. The supreme court issued a statement that if he did that, he would face a fee everyday for every account reactivated. It was money so he didn't do that (or maybe turns out he couldn't do it anyway and he was just lying for his lil fanboys).
This was all back at the start of the year but suddenly almost two weeks ago it was reported he fired every single employee in the offices of brazil, including the legal representative.
Then tonight, around two hours ago the official profile of STF replied and tagged elon with the doc of the subpoena because since they didn't have a legal representative, they couldn't do it in the proper way. The subpoena says that Elon has 24 hours to appoint a new guy for the job or the social is getting shut down in brazilian territory.
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So we have 3 options for whats gonna happen in the next 24 hours:
Alexandre de Moraes (The guy who Elon started a one-sided beef with) backs down and doesnt shut down the website (highly unlikely)
Elon backs down and appoints a new guy so he doesnt lose the 4th biggest public of his site
Twitter gets shut down until Elon's manchild's ego gives in
thats all <3
Edit:
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This was Elon's reply to the tweet. YES he is pathetic like that
Edit 2: it's currently 17:38 brasilia time of 30/08 and Twitter is bound to get disconnected soon, the order has been given by Moraes. People who use a VPN to access Twitter will get fined 50k reais (almost 9k dollars).
Yesterday a note was posted lying about Brazil being a dictatorship and saying that one of the people being censored is a 16yr old girl. The truth is that it's a grown ass man that use his daughters account to promote attacks on delegates, ministers, judges and other politicians. They also call orders to ban n*zi accounts "illegal orders" (WHICH ARE VERY LEGAL UNDER THE CONSTITUTION OF BRAZIL). They also say "we don't want every other country to have the freedom of speech laws the US has" meanwhile they've been trying to impose them in a sovereign state.
I would say what I want to say to Elon but unfortunately my mother taught me to keep those kinds of thoughts inside. Just know they're three letters <3
edit 3: twitter was officially unavailable on brazilian territory by the time it struck midnight of the 31st
Edit 4:
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Translation: 🚨 NOW: Elon Musk is looking for executives to represent Twitter/X in Brazil, to negotiate the platform's RETURN in the country, reports Correio Braziliense.
he's going to do what cellbit said kkkmk he purposely let them suspend it, then after a few days he'll come out and be the savior of the brazilian people and say he only did it for us
Don't let elon fool you. He doesn't care and is probably only doing it because his investors are threatening him with money
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