#or do i wont tell you how to live your life

[ganondoodle]

actively fighting a full blown panic attack born out of sadness and anger after having to drive by yet another victim on the side of the road

it makes me livid how accepted it is to just let cats suffer and die disgustingly horrid deaths and live awful short lives just so what, for what?? so you dont have to play with them for an hour a day??? when i was little it was just kinda normal that they disappeared at some point, i didnt understand what it actually meant until our outdoor cat i loved dearly was found in the bushes near our house in a condition so horrible my dad has never told me and i have never dared to ask, she only made it to 6 and had horrible scars and infections before that i allowed my family to convince me to let my first own cat outside, we only had her for a year, she died at only 2 years old, i am still suffering from the guilt, it has never let me go, she went missing for a week and i walked the entire vilage up and down every day, yelling her name, wandering into the forest alone, talking to every stranger i met until one morning my mom told me that our neighbour who works for the city asked if we had a white cat with a very specific collar she had- he found her on a busy road crossing in the next bigger city, i never even got to bury her, its haunting me, the thought of her wandering lost and scared in the city for a week until meeting an awful end gives me headaches, the fact that i was the last one to see her alive, that i put her outside bc we were late for school and had to leave quickly, that she had come home with oil in her fur from crawling through maschines and cars before, that i was worried but still didnt act, that it is my fault, any time i am up to late its coming back, it will never let me go, if i had stood my ground and not allow her outside unless on a leash or similar shed still be alive today, any time i read a description at our local shelter it comes back, they still advocate for outside cats, all of them, even if they have only been an indoor one before, its madness my older sister had a cat, i dont even know how old he got but it wasnt long either, he got hit by a car in front of their house, she has two now again and the only reason she hasnt let them outside is because they havent shown much interest in it, i tried to warn her before and she didnt listen and shes still resistent, even after losing one too

i have seen so many on the side of the road, anywhere i drive i see them, i cannot forget a single one, we are surrounded by farm land and all its giant maschinery, its still common to poison rodents, why do people value them so little, you wouldnt let your dog just live outside in the woods and streets for half the day or more, you wouldnt just throw your guniea pigs on the road and tell them have fun, you wouldnt just let your bird roam outside, there probably assholes that do that too but you cannot tell me its as common as outside cats

i dont understand it, i dont, i wont, i never will, i will never forgive myself this poor little animal that was my responsibility having to pay the price of my ignorance, or my own weakness letting my family convince me despite the awful way we lost one before, it makes me want to explode it hurts my brain in grief and anger i can barely contain

cats deserve to live a safe and long life, i get only having them inside may feel like you are locking them up, but do you think that not doing so is worth having them die a painful death? being poisonend? on purpose even by disgusting people that hate them? abused and chased by other animals and dogs? hurt and lost? cutting their lifespan in half? if they even make it that far? the amount of wildlife that they kill unnecessarily so when all of that is already in a steep decline everywhere? and if they eat what they hunt get infected with diseases or again, poison? die somewhere in agony? if cared for they dont care about going outside, plenty can be leash trained or given a secure way to roam like those cat proof aviary like things, if you dont want to put effort into caring for a cat DONT GET ONE, ALL pets require adequate care, and if you think cats are the easiest bc you only have to feed them every now and then IF they come home? you suck, you are an asshole, i hate you and you do not care about them, if you just want to occasionalyl feed and pet an animal go to the petting zoo

(this is about pet cats of people who can absolutely afford to keep them healthily inside, i know feral cats and those in poor neighbourhoods are a thing, even if not here where i live, and thats a whole other but still similar problem and not the point of this post)

[safety-pin-punk]

I might be too naive to be punk. I want to trust all of my neighbors (except the gosh darn cops in this town, yuck) but trusting my neighbors is something my parents repeatedly tell me is ignorant and naive. That I shouldn't help the houseless people up the street, and that I shouldn't try to make a community garden because none of them can be trusted.

Apparently, one day I'm going to run into a criminal and trust them too much.

I don't know, can I still be punk?

Hmmm. I think your parents and I differ on a philisophical level. While I would never trust a stranger (or even a neighbor I only kinda know) enough to hop in a car and take a ride with them, I do believe in helping your community. And you don't even necessarily have to trust them to help them. But heres how I try to live my life:

If I help someone and they use my help to do something 'bad', that says a lot about that person. But if I see someone who seems like they need help and I just don't help them. Well that says a hell of a lot about me.

So yeah, I'd fully support making a community garden. Cause that says a lot about you and how much you care about people. If someone goes and tries to ruin it, take all the food, etc etc etc, well that says a lot about them. And if you encounter these problems, you can come up with innovative ways around them!

So I think you can definitely still be punk, and you actually seem to already have punk tendencies. You just need to figure out how to start getting involved. Even if you just start with volunteer work. And remember, you are still young. Even if you have restrictions now, you wont forever.

[kotaka-kun]

am i crazy or. would erik absolutely love twilight. unironically. calls it a romance for the ages. owns maybe an unhealthy amount of merch at some point.

because like 1.) erik is a dracula fanboy, it wouldnt be a stretch to say that it could extend to all vampires, and thats how it gets on his radar to begin with 2.) he would absolutely identify with edwards whole "im a monster" vibe (not to mention the killer part) 3.) there is no universe in which he doesnt yearn to be wanted as much as bella wants edward. to be pursued, wanted, loved, despite what he is... what could he wish for more than that?

[autisticlee]

sometimes people who struggle like to make jokes or find positives about their condition that causes them to struggle so they can escape the constant negative and struggle. sometimes autistic people will say things like "the 'tism" or use the "autism creature" or say their autism helped them have a *positive trait* to feel better about their struggles. because living your life only focusing on the struggles and negatives is depressing and makes it hard to want to live, even if those struggle take up 100% of your life and you can't actually escape them. sometimes any little seemingly positive thing can help a lot.

but there's so many other autistic people that hate when we do that and call it "reducing autism to a cute trendy thing" and say it takes away from *their* struggles and is bad and shouldn't be used. maybe *you* want to only focus on your struggles, but some people can't live in constant negative and need some positive or to find ways to make their condition more positive so they can feel better about living with their struggles. life is hard. I take anything I can get.

I cant get jobs. I can't make and keep friends. I can't get help and support for doing "normal" things so sometimes I go weeks without being able to shower and without eating more than a bowl of cereal a day. most times can't even do things I like. struggle to communicate. have meltdowns. i'll never be able to live independently. I struggle a lot. but instead of sitting here always depressed and having no motivation to live, i'd rather try to joke about "my 'tism is acting up again" when i'm struggling (just an example. don't think I ever actually used the 'tism thing but i saw others use it) or say "i'm just being a creature" when I need to stay in my dark room because everything is too much and I personally find it cute to be a little creature meant in a positive way. i'm not actually downplaying mine or anyone else's struggles. I still acknowledge them and that silly jokes dont make them go away. i'm not trying to be trendy. i'm not doing any of the things people say we do by making silly little jokes. i'm using the silly little jokes to convince myself life can be a little more than pointless, painful garbage all the time.

(continue in tags)

[fleshdyk3]

god i fucking hate my dad

[hauntingblue]

"Would you like me to translate that? Or was it for me?" The show's thesis

[princessmyriad]

.

[timeisacephalopod]

I saw a post the other day that kinda pushed back on the way all coming of age movies are about sexuality and all high school stories basically center around who wants to fuck who and how that's like. Not really all coming of age and high school stories should offer since you know. Youth isn't about who you have a crush on and probably coming of age stories in particular should be far more diverse in subject matter than they are.

Honestly as someone who, when I was 'coming of age' age, hated coming of age stories and still do for the exact reason listed above (see the weird scene in It where we all sexualize a 13 year old girl because boys have crushes and surely there's no other way to portray this than feeling a child up with a camera to demonstrate boys have ~feelings~ Bev gets no equivalent scene because she's the object of affection rather than the subject feeling desire) I also wish there was diversity in those stories. And coming of age stories about adults- we don't stop going through huge life moments that change everything forever, but back to kids. When I was a kid I could have desperately used a coming of age story where the character has a sick and dying parent who does die by the end of the story and what happens after that. Granted I did just fine without it, but even without being asexual it's always irked me that coming of age stories don't seem to appreciate that kids have way larger problems and way better stories to tell then first crushes and first kisses for shit sake give kids who went through what I did as a kid some kind of story about what happens when your parent gets cancer and how complicated that is and stop assuming the biggest thing that happens around puberty is discovering sexuality that, if you were queer, you probably already noticed what you felt wasn't in a coming of age story anyway.

[bunnyb34r]

I love finding new hyper mobility things ab myself lmao like I can bend my thumb to touch the knuckle on my index finger. Thats not NORMAL sgsgdggdgdgdg

I can put my foot behind my head, touch my thumb to my wrist, bend my neck to touch my spine, and can move my shoulder joint down further than it should :)

Probably should have brought this up to my pain management dr today but sgdgdggd what would he do ab it besides say "don't do that." ?

[psalmsofpsychosis]

Yeah but the most hilarious thing a friend said about me was— I used to have a very dear friend who was hella intimidating to me, and i dont get easily intimidated. She was loud and outspoken and provocative, she loved a good fight and sought it, she was the only friend i had who i could happily challenge and provoke and get into her head because i knew she was absolutely secure in her own skin and rarely lost her ground, she loved being challenged. We were a formidable duo together, and there was this one time a guy jokingly asked her which one of us is scarier— she pointed to me without a second thought. It was so out of the blue and everyone, including me, turned around and was like ?????

because i assure you, i dont look scary, far from it in fact, and i can be loud, but it doesn't happen often. Most of my life i've been sitting in silence in a corner just listening. And i remember my friend laughing and saying that yes, she's loud and fiesty and she throws a fight and wrestles men every other Tuesday for the fuck of it, but really it's me people should be afraid of, because at the end of the day she plays along. She knows the rules, and she adapts to societal conventions, she works with people and she adheres to the implicit boundaries of different contexts (while screaming about how fucking stupid they are.) and sure, i dont look like much on the surface, and i'm mostly quiet and soft, but i don't negotiate. I dont play along and if i dont like something i'll flip the table on the game. She told the guy, "all things considered, i work with you and adapt one way or another; she doesn't adapt, she breaks through your thresholds."

And it's been 8 years and i still think about this remark. One of the most intimidating women i knew thought i'm the intimidating one because i'm a nonconformist, and so little has changed on that front. For the longest time she was resentful of me because she felt like i exist outside the rules and i think i'm exempt from them while she was stuck knee deep in societal conventions and "this is how things are done around here". I never really got it in my 20s, but now i think i do, which is to say; i pay my own price for willingly existing outside the thresholds of common protocols and societal codes of conduct, but that's just what i do. I never really learnt how to play along, and i guess i didn't want to, wasn't worth the effort. This isn't to say that i pick a fight with every single person i meet; quite the contrary, i dont respond to 98% of people i come in contact with, it's sort of a somewhat eternal state of "i dont care". I have very limited amount of energy, always did, so response is a privilege i only gift the people i absolutely love. The rest of the times i just leave, or if i decide to do something, i do it anyway, i throw myself into the thing without bothering to correct anyone or infouence their point of view.

But also, during the years i have met a select few people like me, and what always catches me offguard is, people dont tell you how much courage it takes to flip the table and go down the path everyone else is scared of. And i know this because i have met many cowards along the way too. People think that courage and bravery is the absence of fear. They think you must be so fearless in order to be an iconoclast, which is absolutely not the case; i have been afraid and vulnurable everyday of my life, i hear my bones rattle in my ears everytime i do the simplest tasks and i have always been thin-skinned, i get hurt very easily. And i always seem to pick up fights other people find impossible; it's not because i'm not terrified. Courage is not the absence of fear, it's the presence of purpose. You either have something that's important to you, something you want to accomplish, or you dont. Something either matters to you, or it doesn't, you cannot negotiate it. Everytime i flipped the table on things and said "i wont do that" "i will not become that" "this doesn't fucking sit with me" "i will not compromise" i was crying and i did it anyway, because my integrity as a person comes above societal conventions on any given day, and i dont fucking negotiate.

And the thing is, the older i get the less respect i have for cowards. I find value in fear, in uncertainty, in vulnurability, in grief, in pain, but nothing makes me lose faith in a person faster than "i want to do X, but i'm scared, so i'm not doing it." Lack of courage and resolve immediately makes me go "that's nice, good for you. You're lovely, and do take your time and go at your pace while you're detangling this yarn of yours, i know you got this, i believe in you even when you dont believe in yourself. But i dont have to be here while you do this, i dont have to exist besides people who choose their own manifactured comfortzone over change. " Because at the end of the day, i'm a noncomformist and i value change; not in pretty socially acceptable "oh i love change! let's have a discourse!" talks, but in action. Values are not pretty words, they're something that inherently translate into your behavior, you uphold them. And i think that's what makes me very scary to the average person; i dont talk about changing status quo, i bring it. And i dont care for standing besides people who dont really want anything to change after all because "that's scary and uncomfortable". Everything was scary and uncomfortable too when you were a toddler Jennifer, the difference was, back then you had courage.

[radiotorn]

having to restrain from saying anything when my dad dares to say that men get paid LESS than women. in what world. are you out of your fucking mind old man.

[hecksupremechips]

Shinjiro Aragaki 🤝 Rebecca Gales

Mom friends who constantly try telling others how they should live their lives and believe they know what’s best for everyone else who would explode and die if anyone did the same to them

[wispeth]

(doppelganger Merlin au. Arthur is looking at two Merlin's, who both have all of Merlin's memories, except the imposter doesn't have magic. which is perfect, because the real Merlin lied so flawlessly to Arthur that imposter Merlin would have a real chance to take over Merlin's life. oh and, uh, Merlin was drugged w a truth serum. so he can't lie about the magic if it comes up. The imposter is able to pretend to be Merlin better than Merlin can bc ofc the magic comes up.)

Arthur: What's the first thing you ever said to me?

Imposter Merlin, confidently: Hey, that's enough. You've had your fun my friend.

Real Merlin, dazed, looking over at the imposter in horror as he realizes that the imposter has all of his memories, and that the imposter is actually capable of lying rn unlike himself, which means Real Merlin can't even keep up his own facade, but the imposter can: (says exactly the same thing in perfect unison with the imposter, but looks a lot more lost and shaken about it)

Arthur, narrowing his eyes at them both: What is your favorite tunic to dress me in?

Imposter Merlin: The red one. (It was a fair enough assumption. It was the one that Merlin picked out for Arthur to wear more than any of the others.)

Real Merlin, unable to believe he's about to admit this, but he has truth potion in his system: Your nightshirt, when you decide to wear it... It is--you look the happiest, in that one. (gay sweatdrop)

Arthur, kind of floored by the vulnerability: (was honestly expecting Merlin to say the red one, but now he wasn't so sure because that also sounded like something girlish that Melrin might say) Alright... How many times have you saved my life?

Imposter Merlin, gleeful on the inside because he finally has a chance to play Merlin's part while Merlin can't even maintain his own web of lies because of the truth potion: (to this imposter's credit, he is very good at pretending to be merlin. he starts mumbling to himself and counting on his fingers, just as Arthur thought Merlin might have done.) Let's see, there was the dagger, the poison, the... (proceededs to ramble off most every single one that Arthur himself is aware of) ... so that's about, a dozen? I'd say?

also Imposter Merlin: (places his hands on his hips in Merlin's sassy way) I'm starting to think you owe me a day off.

Real Merlin, voice shaky, because they are getting nearer and nearer to the topic of magic: Twice a fortnite for as long as I've lived in Camelot... That's got to be in the hundreds by now.

Arthur, suddenly remembering all the creatures of the week that suddenly disappeared before they became a problem. He knew of about one every month or two, but he started reconsidering if his guardian angel had been taking care of threats that he perhaps DIDN'T know about: Erm... (still can't tell who the real Merlin is, because one of them is giving all the answers he's looking for and is acting exactly like he would expect Merlin to, but the other Merlin is being so damn earnest right now, as Merlin was wont to do in times of crisis) What is--what's an honest truth that you've told me that I have mistaken for a lie?

Imposter Merlin, knowing that he's being quizzed on the memories of their shared history, without missing a beat: Valiant's shield. It was enchanted with those snakes. You got into a world of trouble for confronting him about it in front of the entire court. (aka exactly the answer that Arthur was expecting from the real Merlin)

Real Merlin, with a knot in his throat and tears in his eyes because he knows he's doomed: (the first instance that came to mind was that time he saved Gwen's father from sickness using magic and Gwen got thrown in the dungeons for being an alleged sorceress--and of course that was his first thought, he is very very paranoid about the magic so it's all he's thinking about--he has to say the first one for the sake thought for the sake of honesty, even though it's damning) Gwen's not the s-sorcerer... I am. (is also making exactly the same face that he was making the day that he told Arthur about Valiant's shield, the face where he is pleading for Arthur to believe him. The imposter only has access to Merlin's memories through Merlin's eyes, so the imposter wasn't able to see what Merlin's face did that day, so he wouldn't have known)

Arthur, now even more unsure, just gapes for a moment because how fucking stupid does someone have to be to confess to sorcery in Camelot? Twice?! And it was worse yet that he still couldn't tell for sure which Merlin was the real Merlin because he'd never had to combine the image of Merlin with magic before and gods damn it all he needed a moment to process: (decided to start asking Merlin questions about himself instead of quizzing him on information that Arthur already knows) Who was your first love? (fully expecting to hear Gwen's name, although, Merlin was quite flamboyant....)

Imposter Merlin: It was Will... (blushes a little, looking flustered and matter of factly at the same time, in that awkward way that mimics merlin perfectly) You met him, in Ealdor.

Real Merlin, sneering at the imposter in the way that he did Cedric when he was bitter about replaced by a possessed man in the Cornelius Sigan incident (a/n: even though the episode I mention in this line is a totally different one. I think I mix referenced a lot of episodes in this ramble actually): H-her name was Freya. You killed her.

Arthur, alarmed: Killed her? Wh--Merlin--not Merlin--Merlin? (stammers on how to address this Merlin, tosses his hands up after 0.5 seconds) I do not recall killing any village girls in Ealdor..!

Real Merlin, shaking his head: She was the bastet. It wasn't her fault, she was cursed by a sorceress to become a bastet at night. It wasn't your fault either, you did what you had to; I don't blame you for what happened.

Arthur, suddenly remembering that night, remembering how Merlin was reaching for the dangerous feline beast as if it were only a kitten, as if Merlin was going to pet it, or shield it from Arthur, or any other number of things that also seem so very Merlin. Arthur hadn't even considered it before, but now? Looking back? Merlin certainly had been remarkably upset in the passing days after that: (more confused than ever) Wh... Where did -- where were you, yesterday? (Gaius already told Arthur that Merlin was at the tavern)

Imposter Merlin: At the Rising Sun. Gwaine took me out for a round of drinks. Something about a lucky charm?

Arthur, nodding along: (it was true that Arthur has heard Lancelot and a few other knights call Merlin a lucky charm) Hm... (turns to look at the other Merlin)

Real Merlin, with a wobbling lip: (laughs weakly, rolling his teary eyes a bit) I told him to stop using that excuse... (refocuses) I was crawling out of the mirror, if you must know. I TOLD you I had a funny feeling about it. (motions to the imposter) (he has tears in his eyes and a smile on his face, and his voice sounds exactly the same as it did that one time when he said to Arthur 'you're certainly not' after Arthur told him that no man was worth his tears)

Arthur, now watching Real Merlin more closely than Imposter Merlin, searching: Who was your favorite guest to mock at the feasts and whatnot?

Imposter Merlin: (kind of stumped bc he wasn't expecting a question like this)

Real Merlin, who is actually able to answer first after some thought: ..... (snorts) Does-- (snorts again) Would the Lady Catrina count as a guest, d'you think? Or should I--no--I'll say it was the Lady Vivian. You get this, LOOK on your face every time she sits near you at the banquet table when she comes 'round.

Arthur, jaw dropped in mock offense: Because she is rather touchy! We've been over this..! (doesn't even realized that he just responded to Real Merlin as if he were for sure the real Merlin, and momentarily forgot that there were two convincing Merlins present)

Imposter Merlin: Are you mad? Arthur, the fake me said it himself that he crawled out of the mirror and practices sorcerery..! (looks so earnest, so genuine, but it's just... not quite how Merlin would say it)

Arthur: (narrows his eyes at the imposter with slight suspicion)

Imposter Merlin: (gives Arthur a flat look, exactly like the real Merlin would do when Arthur says something stupid) Arthur, I am not a sorcerer. You would know. (a/n: last episode style)

Arthur, who had never once suspected magic, but did always know that Merlin had been keeping a secret from him (he'd always assumed it was the alcoholism, but now....): You'd think so, wouldn't you.... (glances at the real Merlin, looking a little hurt)

Real Merlin, not denying the magic at all: I was born with it. I use it for you, Arthur.

Imposter Merlin: You can't honestly--

Arthur, looking deep into Real Merlin's eyes: Swear to me, right now, that you are telling me the truth. Prove it to me.

Real Merlin: (grabs the hidden dagger out of the imposters hands, who had apparently been gearing up to attack Arthur, which is confusing enough all on its own because it made it difficult to tell which one of them was truly intent on attacking Arthur with it, and then charges Arthur)

Arthur, who normally has keen warrior reflexes but not when his enemies wear Merlin's face: (freezes up, and then watches in shock as the dagger clashes against the thin air about an inch in front of Arthur's chest, cast aside by some glowing shield that fades after a second)

Real Merlin: Why do you think it takes me three hours to polish your armor? Do you have any idea how long it takes to enchant the space between every link of chainmail? (drops the dagger at Arthur's feet so he knows it was just a demonstration and not a genuine attack, similar to the way that Arthur always aims just to the left of Merlin when he's throwing blunt objects such as goblets because he never wishes any actual harm on Merlin)

Arthur, blinking dazedly: (can't help but think of that one time that Merlin spontaneously became talented at juggling. it's such a strange thing to remember, and completely unrelated to the current happenings, but Merlin's smile was small and smug just like it had been that day, and it just--clicked)

also Arthur, looking slightly more sure of himself now: (needs one final test to make absolutely certain, but he thinks he knows just what to ask) What would you have me do, if I cannot tell you apart?

Real Merlin, without missing a beat: Arrest us both. (shrugs casually) I am a sorcerer after all. Better safe than sorry.

(And that's just it, isn't it. It was just like Merlin, to sacrifice himself like that. It was just so, unmistakenly Merlin.)

Arthur, smirking in mock offense: Better safe than--excuse you, I could take you apart with one blow!

Merlin *cough*hearteyes*cough* "Emrys" Hunithson™, the one and only: I could take you apart with less than that

(In the end, Merlin walks himself to the dungeons as the imposter is arrested, just to give Arthur peace of mind so there's no pressure to second guess his decision since even if Arthur chose wrong, there is no assassin Merlin imposter on the loose. Merlin and the imposter both spend 3 days in their respective cells before the imposter finally does some decidedly out of character shit and Arthur can have him executed with full confidence that it's not Merlin... since the guy really was very good at mimicking Merlin. Arthur didn't even realize that he'd needed it at the time, but looking back, he probably would have had a panic attack as the imposter was marched to be hanged. He probably would have doubted himself at the last second and wondered if he really did believe the right Merlin those few days ago. But thankfully, Merlin thinks ahead sometimes and is actually quite thoughtful and wise on these such rare occasions.)

[mrfoox]

Oliver freaking tf out when im crying as we talk is an favorite thing

[seokmn]

pairing: husband!seungcheol x f!reader

wc: 0.7k words

warnings: pet names

lua’s note: i just love seungcheol’s girls dad agenda

“crap…” seungcheol muttered to himself, biting his lower lip in frustration. he made his way to the kitchen, where you were peeling some apples, and hugged you from behind. “i have some bad news, love”

you instantly dropped the knife and turned around to face him with a worried expression, “oh lord, what happened now?”

the man sighed and gave you a weak smile, “it’s gonna rain tomorrow, a huge storm… sorry”

“what?!” you frowned, “didnt you check the weather before?”

“i did! a couple days ago.. or maybe a week ago,” he scratched the back of his neck, “im really sorry, babe”

“how are we going to tell the girls we wont go camping anymore..?” you sighed, but immediately froze as you heard a small voice, “we wont camp anymore? why? you promised we would camp!” one of your daughters said, the frustration and sadness in her voice.

“sweetie…” seungcheol was interrupted by your daughter, who started crying and ran to her bedroom, probably going to tell her sister and seek for comfort from her. soon enough, you were able to hear not only your elder daughter crying, but the younger one as well.

“i screwed up, didnt i?” seungcheol looked at you with hurt in his eyes. his worst nightmare is disappointing the women of his life, aka you and his daughters, so knowing that his careless action made his daughters cry was like being stabbed in the heart a hundred times.

you smiled and caressed his cheek, knowing how upset he was at himself, “theyre gonna forgive you, you know that” he nodded, “i know.. but im the reason theyre crying, i hate this”

he sat on the chair and rested his forehead against the table, groaning in frustration and anger, “i gotta fix this. i have to fix this” he kept the position for a few minutes before lifting his head abruptly, his eyes shining with hope. “love, i need you to leave with the kids now”

“what?” you looked at him confused, “cheol, whys that?”

“just trust me. i need you and the girls out of the house for a couple hours, take them anywhere. please” he pouted, knowing that you never refuse something if he pouts. “fine,” you groaned and tried to hide a smile, “i hate this stupid pout” you said with a hint of joke in it

seungcheol smiled and made his way to you, “thank you, youre the best.. and i know you love my pout” he kissed you before watching you make your way to the girls’ room.

-

you and the girls were at the park. you were sat on the bench watching the girls play with the other kids, completely distracted and looking like they weren’t even crying an hour ago.

you lost track of time quite easily, watching over your children and playing with them when they asked you to, so you got surprised when seungcheol texted you asking to get back home, thinking he was too fast at doing whatever he decided to do.

you called the girls out to leave and waited for them to say goodbye to the kids they were playing with.

the ride was quick, but quite loud with the girls singing and telling you how much they were curious and excited to see what their dad did for them.

once you get to your house, the girls jump out of the car and run towards the door. you laughed to yourself and opened the door, revealing a huge tent in the middle of the living room and seungcheol inside it, smiling ear to ear and with open arms. “ta-da!”

the girls gasped and shouted “daddy!” before running to hug him, making him fall back. he wrapped his arms around the girls and give a kiss on top of each girl’s head. “im sorry for ruining our weekend. i know you two were excited to go camping, but at least we can do an indoor camping!”

the girls giggled and nodded to him as you watched the heartwarming scene. he prepared everything he could for an indoor camping, just to not see his children disappointed at him. you already had no doubts that you married the right guy, but everytime he showed that his family is everything to him you couldnt help but be more confident about your decision.

he lifted his head and looked at you, “love, what are you waiting for? come in! there’s always space for you” you chuckled and got into the tent.

indoor camping was definitely not the way you thought you and your family would spend the weekend, but you couldn’t be more grateful for that. you couldn’t be more grateful for having seungcheol as your husband and as the dad of your kids.

[chestersturniolo]

“Do you think I want this? To keep you hidden like some dirty secret?”

Chris Sturniolo x fem!reader

based on this request

- angsty angsty angst, resolved!

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Chris sat across from you, his eyes down, his fingers nervously picking at the edge of his hoodie sleeve. You could tell from the way his jaw clenched that he wasn’t taking what you said well.

“Chris, I just… I want us to be normal-” you said softly, trying to ease into it. You leaned forward, your elbows on your knees. “-we’ve been together for over a year now. It feels like I’m hiding from your life, I just want to be part of it”

He shook his head “You know why we can’t do that-” he said firmly “-It’s not that I don’t want to. I do. But you’ve seen what happens when anyone even thinks we might be dating someone. The rumors, the hate… the threats”

Your chest tightened. You had seen it, firsthand. Some of the girls in their circle had faced vile messages just for being friends with Chris or his brothers. It was toxic, vicious. But you weren’t some random girl from the internet or just a casual friend. You were his girlfriend, the person he loved. Didn’t that matter more?

“But we can’t keep doing this, Chris-” you pressed, your voice rising with frustration. “-I love you, and I know you love me. But this… sneaking around, hiding from the world? I don’t know how much longer I can do it…”

Chris’s eyes flashed with concern, but then the stubbornness took over. “Y/N, I care about you. The minute we go public, you’ll be a target. They’ll tear you apart, and I can’t stop that-” He ran a hand through his hair “-so i wont let it start”

“Well I don’t want to hide anymore!” you exclaim, louder than you meant to, but you were at your breaking point. “I want to go out on dates like a normal couple! Dinner at actual restaurants, walks in the park, watching movies at the movie theatre—in public, not just on your couch, hoping no one’s watching your house!”

Chris stood up, starting to pace the living room. “Do you really think it’s that easy? You don’t know what you’re asking for!-” His voice was louder now, echoing through the space. “-once it’s out there, we can’t take it back. There’s no turning it off. I just… I’m trying to protect you”

Your heart ached at his words, but you couldn’t shake the hurt that was building inside you. That had been building inside of you for months and months. “You’re not protecting me, Chris. You’re suffocating me”

The silence after those words felt suffocating in itself. His pacing stopped, and for a long moment, the two of you just stared at eachother.

Chris’s pacing picked back up, his frustration more apparent with every step. “Do you think I want this? To keep you hidden like some dirty secret?-” His voice cracked, and you could see the pain in his eyes. “-You think I don’t dream about being out there with you, showing everyone how lucky I am? But I’ve seen what they do. You’ve seen it! It’s not fair, but it’s real”

You clenched your fists, trying to steady your voice, but it came out shakier than you wanted. “I know it’s real, Chris. But I’m not some fragile thing you need to protect from the world. I can handle the hate. I can handle the rumors. What I can’t handle is pretending I’m not with you—like what we have doesn’t even exist outside of these four walls!”

He rolled his eyes in frustration “And what if you can’t handle it? What if they come after you, after your family, your friends? They don’t just stop with hate comments, you know that. They’ll dig into your life, they’ll twist everything. I don’t think you really get how far this can go y/n!”

Your frustration surged, the bubbling anger finally spilling over. “Of course, I get it, Chris! I’m not naïve. I see the way people talk about you guys, but I love you, and I’m willing to take that risk. I’m sick of feeling like an outsider in your life!”

“You’re not an outsider!-” Chris snapped, stopping his pacing again to look at you, his voice desperate. “-You’re my whole life, and that’s why I can’t let you get hurt like this. I can’t do it”

“You’re not letting me choose, Chris!” You stand from the couch, stepping towards him. “This isn’t just about you. It’s my life too. I should get a say in how we live it!”

He froze, his jaw tight. He took a deep breathe, before lowering his voice. “I’m trying to protect you..why can’t you see that?” he says, dragging his hand over his face.

Tears of frustration welled up in your eyes as you fought to keep your composure. “Because it doesn’t feel like protection—it feels like control. I want to stand next to you in public, and if that comes with hate, then so be it. I’m not afraid of them. I’m afraid of losing you because we’re hiding something that should be real”

For a second, it looked like Chris was about to respond, but he just stood there, defeated, staring at you like he didn’t know what to say.

“Maybe you’re right” you said softly, grabbing your bag off the couch. “Maybe I don’t understand how hard this will be. But I know I can’t keep living like this”

Chris reached for you, his eyes pleading

“Y/N wait , don’t go, please. Let’s figure this out”

But you couldn’t. Not now. Not when you felt like you were drowning in this fear he refused to let go of. You needed air, space, time to think. Without another word, you left, the door closing behind you far too loudly, sealing the argument inside.

~~~

Days passed without a word from Chris. Each night felt heavier than the last as you lay in bed, staring at your phone, waiting for a text that never came. You missed him. Despite the fight, despite everything, you missed him.

By the time a week had passed, the silence between you was unbearable.

It was a surprise when you heard the knock on your door that night. When you opened it, there was Chris, looking as disheveled as you felt. His eyes were red-rimmed, like he hadn’t been sleeping much either.

“Hey…” he said, almost inaudiible

“Hey….” you echoed, stepping aside to let him in.

For a moment, neither of you spoke. You stood there, facing each other in the middle of your living room, the weight of the past week like a fuck off elephant in the room.

“I..I’m sorry-” Chris finally said, “-I hate that we fought. I hate that you felt like you had to leave. But… I’ve been thinking about what you said”

You crossed your arms, unsure if you were ready for what he was about to say.

“I know I’ve been too protective-” he continued, running a hand through his hair in frustration. “-I just… the thought of something happening to you because of me? Because of who I am? It messes with my head ma, n I couldn’t live with myself if you got hurt because of this. Because of us”

Tears stung your eyes, but you blinked them away. “Chris… I know you’re scared. I get it. But I’m scared too. I just… I want to be with you-” you trail off , the tears you tried to blink back now rolling down your cheeks “-i want to go public chris” you whisper.

He nodded slowly, his expression softening. “I know. And you’re right. We’ve been together long enough to deserve that. If this is what you want, we’ll do it. But… we have to be careful. I don’t want to rush into it and then regret it later”

Relief washed over you as you stepped closer to him. Chris pulled you into his arms, holding you tight. “I don’t want to lose you. And if going public is what you need… then we’ll make it work. I just need you to know it won’t be easy”

You rested your head against his chest, taking a small shaky breath. “I know it won’t be easy. But I’d rather face it together than keep pretending like we don’t exist”

He sighed, his hand running through your hair. “Then we’ll do it. But… let’s be smart about it- slow, one step at a time, m’kay?”

you nod against his chest “We’ll be okay”

Chris pressed a kiss to the top of your head, squeezing you close,

“We’ll be okay”

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a/n; thankyou sm for the request! loveddd writing this!!

also chat i think im suffering with a small case of writers block, so im sorry for the lack of posts fic wise but im tryna push through, love you all

- 𝑺𝒂𝒈𝒆 ♡

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