#and i love it when too comfortable people perceive me as a threat to their established rotten status quo

[psalmsofpsychosis]

Yeah but the most hilarious thing a friend said about me was— I used to have a very dear friend who was hella intimidating to me, and i dont get easily intimidated. She was loud and outspoken and provocative, she loved a good fight and sought it, she was the only friend i had who i could happily challenge and provoke and get into her head because i knew she was absolutely secure in her own skin and rarely lost her ground, she loved being challenged. We were a formidable duo together, and there was this one time a guy jokingly asked her which one of us is scarier— she pointed to me without a second thought. It was so out of the blue and everyone, including me, turned around and was like ?????

because i assure you, i dont look scary, far from it in fact, and i can be loud, but it doesn't happen often. Most of my life i've been sitting in silence in a corner just listening. And i remember my friend laughing and saying that yes, she's loud and fiesty and she throws a fight and wrestles men every other Tuesday for the fuck of it, but really it's me people should be afraid of, because at the end of the day she plays along. She knows the rules, and she adapts to societal conventions, she works with people and she adheres to the implicit boundaries of different contexts (while screaming about how fucking stupid they are.) and sure, i dont look like much on the surface, and i'm mostly quiet and soft, but i don't negotiate. I dont play along and if i dont like something i'll flip the table on the game. She told the guy, "all things considered, i work with you and adapt one way or another; she doesn't adapt, she breaks through your thresholds."

And it's been 8 years and i still think about this remark. One of the most intimidating women i knew thought i'm the intimidating one because i'm a nonconformist, and so little has changed on that front. For the longest time she was resentful of me because she felt like i exist outside the rules and i think i'm exempt from them while she was stuck knee deep in societal conventions and "this is how things are done around here". I never really got it in my 20s, but now i think i do, which is to say; i pay my own price for willingly existing outside the thresholds of common protocols and societal codes of conduct, but that's just what i do. I never really learnt how to play along, and i guess i didn't want to, wasn't worth the effort. This isn't to say that i pick a fight with every single person i meet; quite the contrary, i dont respond to 98% of people i come in contact with, it's sort of a somewhat eternal state of "i dont care". I have very limited amount of energy, always did, so response is a privilege i only gift the people i absolutely love. The rest of the times i just leave, or if i decide to do something, i do it anyway, i throw myself into the thing without bothering to correct anyone or infouence their point of view.

But also, during the years i have met a select few people like me, and what always catches me offguard is, people dont tell you how much courage it takes to flip the table and go down the path everyone else is scared of. And i know this because i have met many cowards along the way too. People think that courage and bravery is the absence of fear. They think you must be so fearless in order to be an iconoclast, which is absolutely not the case; i have been afraid and vulnurable everyday of my life, i hear my bones rattle in my ears everytime i do the simplest tasks and i have always been thin-skinned, i get hurt very easily. And i always seem to pick up fights other people find impossible; it's not because i'm not terrified. Courage is not the absence of fear, it's the presence of purpose. You either have something that's important to you, something you want to accomplish, or you dont. Something either matters to you, or it doesn't, you cannot negotiate it. Everytime i flipped the table on things and said "i wont do that" "i will not become that" "this doesn't fucking sit with me" "i will not compromise" i was crying and i did it anyway, because my integrity as a person comes above societal conventions on any given day, and i dont fucking negotiate.

And the thing is, the older i get the less respect i have for cowards. I find value in fear, in uncertainty, in vulnurability, in grief, in pain, but nothing makes me lose faith in a person faster than "i want to do X, but i'm scared, so i'm not doing it." Lack of courage and resolve immediately makes me go "that's nice, good for you. You're lovely, and do take your time and go at your pace while you're detangling this yarn of yours, i know you got this, i believe in you even when you dont believe in yourself. But i dont have to be here while you do this, i dont have to exist besides people who choose their own manifactured comfortzone over change. " Because at the end of the day, i'm a noncomformist and i value change; not in pretty socially acceptable "oh i love change! let's have a discourse!" talks, but in action. Values are not pretty words, they're something that inherently translate into your behavior, you uphold them. And i think that's what makes me very scary to the average person; i dont talk about changing status quo, i bring it. And i dont care for standing besides people who dont really want anything to change after all because "that's scary and uncomfortable". Everything was scary and uncomfortable too when you were a toddler Jennifer, the difference was, back then you had courage.

[zaczenemiji]

absolutely no rush if you're occupied with other asks :D!! I love your writing so so much your descriptions and dialogue are so good 😭💓 could I possibly request a scenario where the reader (working alongside kenji as ultraman/on the sidelines as a civilian, whatever you desire!!) unexpectedly throws herself in front of kenji and takes a hit for him (bonus points of they had unresolved tension before [argument, interrupted confession, one character was sick and rejecting help etc etc; no pressure at all and pls write whatever you'd like i'm just throwing out random suggestions!!]) + the hurt/comfort to follow after? thank you so much! ☺️ i wish you the best!

In the Heart of Danger

Kenji Sato x Reader

Synopsis: As tensions between Kenji and the KDF rise, you become entangled in the conflict, leading to a dangerous confrontation that puts your life at risk.

Word Count: 2,710

Genre/Warning: Action, Angst, Drama, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Sacrifice, Violence

Author’s Note: Slight mention of themes from Too Good, Too True

MASTERLIST

For many years, Ultraman and the Kaiju Defense Force worked in harmony. But as KDF evolved under different leadership, so did its philosophy. Their arsenal grew more lethal, their strategies more aggressive. Dr. Onda's vision was clear: the complete eradication of all kaiju was the only path to true safety.

Ultraman held a different perspective. Those magnificent creatures had their own place in the natural order. He believed in protecting life; only fending them off to prevent destruction, not to annihilate them.

KDF’s methods became increasingly ruthless. Where Ultraman sought balance, KDF saw only the necessity of total elimination. The final straw came when KDF started viewing Ultraman's reluctance to kill as a liability, a hindrance to their ultimate goal of eradication.

Thus, the Kaiju Defense Force turned their attention to identifying Ultraman's human form, intent on neutralizing this perceived threat.

"Kenji, you can't keep dismissing this," you said, frustration lacing your voice. "The KDF is closing in on you. They know something's up, and they're not going to stop until they confirm you're Ultraman."

The evening air was thick with tension as you and Kenji sat across from each other in his house. It started with a simple disagreement but it had escalated so quickly.

Kenji ran a hand through his hair, his expression one of exasperation. "I know the risks, (y/n),” he replied. “But I can handle it. I've been doing this for a while now."

"Handling it?" you echoed, incredulous. "You've barely been able to stay one step ahead of them. They've got advanced technology, Kenji. They're not just going to give up."

You remember the incidents with Gigantron, how KDF was willing to get rid of Ultraman, so as to obtain Emi. And for what reasons? To use a frikking baby to lead them to Kaiju Island—to massacre, for the mass murder of those misunderstood creatures.

Kenji sighed heavily, his eyes meeting yours with a mix of determination and fatigue. "I can't stop,” he said. “If I don't transform, people will die."

"I'm not asking you to stop," you said, your voice softening. "I'm asking you to be more careful—to consider the danger you're putting yourself in."

Kenji's jaw tightened and he looked away, the weight of your words settling heavily on his shoulders, “I know you're worried about me. But I can't just sit back and do nothing."

"Then let me help," you pleaded, reaching out to touch his arm. "We're a team, remember? You don't have to do this alone."

"I can't put you in danger, too,” he pulled away slightly, his expression hardening. “It's bad enough that I have to deal with this. I don't want you getting hurt because of me."

"Kenji," you said, your voice firm. "I'm already involved. Whether you like it or not, I'm in this with you. And I'm not just going to stand by and watch you risk your life without doing anything."

He shook his head, his frustration evident. "You don't understand,” he said. “If something happened to you... I wouldn't be able to live with myself."

"And what about me?" You shot back, your eyes filling with tears. "Do you think I could live with myself if something happened to you, and I did nothing to stop it?"

There came a long silence.

He never asked for any of this—you know that firsthand. You didn’t want this either. Only a fool would want to throw away the peaceful life they had in LA, away from the chaos, the danger, and the constant fear of losing their beloved.

But when Emi came and when Kenji reconnected with his dad, you both understood. Ultraman is a vital element, the pinnacle of balance, the one that would keep the world in its equilibrium.

He who holds the scale holds the lives of many. He who carries the burden also carries fear. And with it, the sacrifices to ensure the collective safety of humanity.

Your tears spilled over, and you wiped them away angrily. "You're an idiot, Kenji,” you said. “A noble, self-sacrificing idiot. But I'm not going to let you do this alone. Whether you like it or not, I'm going to help you. And you're just going to have to deal with that."

"No. You don't get it,” Kenji's expression hardened again. “This isn't about what you want. It's about keeping you safe."

"And what if I don't want to be safe?” You demanded, your voice breaking. “What if I want to be there for you?"

"That's not your choice to make!" Kenji shouted, his frustration boiling over. "I can't lose you, (y/n)!”

"And I can't lose you either!" you screamed back. "Why can't you see that?"

Kenji's eyes flashed with anger. "You should have just stayed in LA!" he snapped, his voice cutting through the night. "You're becoming too nosy, and it's dangerous. I can't have you getting involved in this.”

You stared at him, stunned. Kenji never hurt you in any way, especially not physically. But the weight of his words hit you like a punch to the gut.

Without another word, you turned and stormed off, your heart pounding in your chest. You didn't look back, even as the tears blurred your vision.

Kenji stood to follow. But with the way you ran away, he knew you didn’t need him at the moment. Still, he worried for your safety. Quickly, he rode his motorcycle and followed you quietly from a distance to ensure you reached home safely.

Everything that unfolded hurt Kenji as much as it did you, if not more. This was the time he finally truly understood his father—why he let them move to LA, why he had to endure the pain of being separated—all because he wanted them safe.

Kenji loves you more than anything, more than you ever knew. He loved you enough to have the resolve to let you go if you finally wanted to be out of all this. You deserved the best, better than a complicated life with him.

When he had seen to it that you’re home safely, he stayed in front of your house a little longer, wanting to be there in case you needed him.

You knew what he was doing. You knew that he was following you. And you were grateful, truly grateful, that he didn’t let you be out here alone. He understood the space you needed and he respected it. This was just one of the infinite reasons you love him so much.

When you arrived home, you sat by the door, leaning on it as you let your tears flow freely down your cheeks. Kenji is a hero, and heroes need saving, too. You wanted to be the one to do that.

Little did you know, you were already doing so. You didn’t know how much you were saving him by being there for him. You have been doing so since day one—since meeting you in LA, losing his mom, coming back to Japan, raising Emi, and fully accepting his role as Ultraman.

Your eyelids became so heavy from all the tears that you didn’t notice that you’d drifted off to a nap. You were awakened by the sound of Kenji’s motorcycle engine as he started it.

You stood to take a peek through your window, careful not to let him see you. He looked your way one last time before driving off into the night.

When he was out of sight, you decided to head on over to your bed but before you could do so, you heard the mechanical sounds of drones.

Your eyes widened as you quickly looked back to see KDF’s drones heading in the direction Kenji went to. With a gasp, you hurriedly slammed the door open and ran out, forgetting about the identical watch you had with Kenji that was repeatedly beeping with an alert of a kaiju attack.

You ran as fast as you could, following the drones as you were sure that they were after Kenji. Suddenly, you heard familiar screams in the distance as the neighborhood awoke to a mundane scene of a kaiju attack.

You looked to your hand only to see an empty wrist. You groaned to yourself, of all the times you could forget it, why now?

Despite being unaware of what was happening or which kaiju was it this time, still you followed the drones. Upon turning the corner, you saw Kenji parking his motorcycle aside so he could transform.

However, this time, KDF came prepared. A squadron of heavily armed soldiers arrived, their weapons calibrated to disrupt his transformation sequence.

As the soldiers closed in on Kenji, one of them set up a cannon, aiming it directly at him. Realizing the gravity of the situation, you sprinted toward the scene, your heart pounding in your chest.

The targeting system locked onto Kenji's energy signature, and the barrel began to glow with a blue hue, signaling the impending shot. Just as the operator pulled the trigger, you threw yourself in front of Kenji.

The concentrated beam of energy hit you with full force, sending a searing pain through your body. You screamed as it disrupted your bio-energy field, causing immediate paralysis and intense agony. You collapsed to the ground, feeling your strength drain away.

The soldiers, momentarily stunned by your intervention, hesitated as Kenji caught you in his arms. "No, (y/n)!" Kenji's voice was filled with anguish as he held you close.

The effects of the cannon had taken their toll on you, but your selfless act had given Kenji the precious seconds he needed. He transformed into Ultraman with a flash of light, creating a barrier to protect you from further harm.

With the kaiju approaching the city, Ultraman's form loomed large, and the soldiers were forced to retreat, their weapons ineffective against his fully transformed state.

Although hesitant he had to make a heart-wrenching decision to choose between being your lover and being Ultraman.

He carried you as gently as he could. In the palm of his hand, your fragile body lay unconscious. He quickly ran back home where Mina awaited him.

Upon arriving, he carefully placed you in the bed Mina took out of the house. “Mina! Emergency analysis, please!” He begged. “Call my dad, do everything to save her! I’ll be back as soon as I can!”

With that, he dashed off to the scene of the kaiju attack. His mind was a mess as he fended it off as quickly as he could, even if it meant hurting it unintentionally, and even if it caused more infrastructural damage.

Ultraman’s heart pounded as he rushed home, the streets blurring past him in a haze of worry and exhaustion. As he reached the familiar door, he transformed back to his human form.

Kenji burst into the house. The scene before him made his heart ache even more. You lay unconscious on the couch, pale and still, with Mina and his father sitting beside you, their faces etched with concern.

Hayao looked up as his son entered. "Kenji," he said, his voice a mix of relief and sorrow. "You're back."

Kenji dropped to his knees beside you, his hand gently brushing a strand of hair from your face. "What happened? How is she?" he asked, his voice breaking.

Mina spoke up. “KDF used a new weapon, something we haven't seen before,” she started. “It emits a high-frequency pulse that disrupts the transformation process. When (y/n) threw herself in front of you, she took the full brunt of the attack."

Hayao nodded solemnly. "It's designed to incapacitate Ultraman before he can fully transform,” he said. “But on a human... it's much more dangerous. It's a miracle she's still alive."

Kenji's hands trembled as he held yours, his eyes never leaving your face. "Is there anything we can do?” He asked, tears racing their way out of his eyes. “Anything at all?"

"We've done what we can for now," Mina said softly. "She needs rest and time to recover. We'll monitor her closely. But Kenji... it's serious. The weapon has caused significant internal damage."

Hayao placed a reassuring hand on Kenji’s shoulder. "You did what you had to do, son. You saved countless lives tonight,” he said. “But we need to be prepared for what comes next. The KDF won't stop now that they know you're Ultraman."

Kenji nodded, his resolve hardening. "I'll protect her. I'll protect all of us,” he said through small sobs. “But right now... I need her to wake up. I need to know she's okay.”

As the night wore on, Kenji stayed by your side, holding your hand and whispering words of encouragement. He thought about all the times you had supported him, how you had insisted on helping despite the danger. The argument from earlier seemed trivial now, overshadowed by the reality of your sacrifice.

"Please wake up," Kenji murmured, his voice thick with emotion. "I'm so sorry. I should've listened to you. I should've protected you better."

The room was filled with the soft hum of medical equipment and Kenji’s quiet sobs that refused to give up on the person he cared about the most.

As the first light of dawn began to filter through the windows, Kenji felt a slight movement in your hand. His heart leaped, and he leaned closer, his eyes searching your face for any sign of awakening.

"(Y/n)?" he whispered, his voice trembling with hope. "Can you hear me?"

Your eyelids fluttered, and a faint groan escaped your lips. Slowly, you opened your eyes, blinking against the light. When you saw Kenji's worried face, a weak smile crossed your lips.

"Kenji..." you murmured, your voice barely audible. "You're okay..."

Kenji's eyes once again filled with tears as he nodded, his grip on your hand tightening, "Yeah, I'm okay. Thanks to you. You saved me, (y/n)."

You tried to sit up, but pain shot through your body, and you winced. “What... what happened?” You asked.

Mina quickly intervened, gently pushing you back down with mechanical hands that protruded out of her spherical body. "Don't try to move too much,” she said. “You were hit by a weapon KDF used. It was meant for Ultraman, but you took the hit instead."

Hayao added, "You were incredibly brave, (y/n). You saved Kenji's life."

You looked at Kenji, your eyes filled with concern. "I couldn't let them hurt you,” you said softly. “I had to do something."

Kenji leaned down, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead. "And I promise, I'll never let anything happen to you again,” he said, his tears falling down on your face.

The days that followed were a blur of pain, recovery, and quiet moments shared between you and Kenji. True to his word, he never left your side, his worry and guilt evident in every action he took to ensure your comfort and healing.

Each morning, you woke to the smell of freshly brewed tea and the sight of Kenji bustling around the kitchen, preparing breakfast. Despite his own exhaustion, he insisted on doing everything himself.

"Good morning," he greeted softly one morning, bringing a tray of food to your bedside. "How are you feeling today?"

You offered a weak smile, propping yourself up on the pillows. "A little better, I think,” you answered. “Thanks, Kenji."

He set the tray down carefully. "You need to eat,” he said. “You've got to get your strength back."

In the afternoons, when you felt strong enough, Kenji would help you sit up and move around. He'd guide you outside to the lawn, where the sun's warmth and the gentle breeze seemed to hasten your healing. He'd support you with a gentle but firm grip.

"I don't want you to overdo it," he'd say, worry etched on his brow. "Just take it slow."

As the days turned into weeks, your strength gradually returned. The pain lessened, and the color began to return to your cheeks.

The days of your recovery were not just about healing physically but also about rebuilding and strengthening the trust and love between you and Kenji.

You had faced danger and come out stronger, more united. With each passing day, you became more sure than ever that together, your love could overcome anything.

Taglist is open! Comment if u wanna be tagged on future Kenji oneshots

@eternallyvenus @puppyminnnie @wattpadsuckssohard @sakura-onesan @reggies-eyeliner @buggs-1 @miffysoo @spencerrxids @stupidbutsmart @marimargirlies @mixvchelle @lannnu @lailuv21 @christiinee @abracarabbit @youngbananamilkshake @flutterfly365 @o-schist @brazilsho @arrozyfrijoles23 @finestflora @mmeerraa @mianbaobaoo @skyeliteratures @themourningfox @despacito-uwu16 @crimson-mage-02 @vinegarjello @btszn

[egglain]

Go Ahead & Cry (I’d Wipe Away All Your Tears)

incl.: nanami, choso, toji, gojo, geto, sukuna

summary: for a group of men who kill for a living, they’re awfully sweet… most of the time. AKA: how the jjk men comfort you

a/n: ngl i’m writing this bc i’m finally processing the US election results & i just… can’t deal. my heart goes out to all of you. pls take care of yourselves & enjoy the drabbles 🫶

Nanami

Nanami would be the first to notice something is off.

Whether you’re both at home and you’re just a bit too quiet, or he hasn’t heard from you by his lunch break while at work, something is distinctly off.

He wouldn’t be the nosy type, or the type to press. He’d bring home a sweet treat and a sentimental good (a potted flower, a stuffed animal, something that reminded him of you) without a word.

He wouldn’t pity you; far from it. And he’d never want to make you feel like that. So he’d leave the gifts on the coffee table and greet you with a kiss to the forehead, like always.

He’d sit in silence with you as if nothing was awry— allow you to feel your emotions. He’d put on a movie you like, something mindless and upbeat, without asking. Drag you to his chest and hold you there, keeping you warm and grounded in his touch.

If the waterworks start up, he’d rub your back with a large hand and press kisses to the part of your hair.

“That’s it. Get it out. I know.”

Choso

Choso is either too emotionally in-tune or completely clueless until the tears start.

But when he knows you’re upset, he feels it too.

He gets it wrong a lot of the time, at the beginning— tries to pry the cause out of you so he can minimize it. In his defence, he does it with good intentions; tries to help you see that the perceived threat is small in the greater scheme of things, that everything will work out.

But when the tears start welling, he knows he’s fucked up.

And god, is he so sweet trying to fix things.

“So sorry—“

He’d kiss the salty tears off your cheeks without hesitation.

“How do I make it stop?”

His bleeding heart is his biggest weakness and his greatest strength.

You wouldn’t have to lift a finger for the rest of the day, as he tries to make things up to you. Cooking (though he burns the bottom of the pan), cleaning (though he spills the food and has to clean again), and cuddles would be the itinerary.

Though he loves to be little spoon, he’d let you rest in his arms as long as you need it. And once you find a spot in his arms, he wouldn’t dare move.

Toji

Toji is not great with words. Or gifts. Or quality time, really.

Despite his best intentions, he always manages to fuck it up somehow. Usually by minimizing your feelings with a “what now?” or a “‘s not a big deal.” or a “nothin’ to cry over.”

It’s not his fault you cry over the little things & that you look so cute doing it. Those fat tears and reddened cheeks scratch the sadistic part of his brain so good.

That being said, he’s learned what you like over the years. Even stopped scoffing when he senses you’re feeling down.

No, he’s developed a plan.

At the first signs of distress (he’s gotten really good at recognizing these), he’s got you in his arms. If he’s at work, you better bet he’s speeding things up and hauling his ass back.

He wrestles you into his big clothes; don’t even think about fighting him on this. He wants you comfy and cozy. He’d be setting you up on the couch, dragging the comforter down from the bedroom to wrap you up. He’d sit there with you for hours, massaging your feet or calves and ordering food in. Your favourite fast food— and a whole lotta ice cream.

Don’t take advantage of his kindness though; he’s still Toji. Any snide comments, and he’d be quick to snap back.

“Shut up n’ let me take care of ya.”

Gojo

Gojo’s a little… misguided when cheering people up most of the time. That is, unless you find his goofy antics comforting.

He’s known for draping himself over shoulders obnoxiously, pinching and pulling cheeks, and light jabs that crack (only) him up.

When that doesn’t work, it’s a quick fix— thanks to the seemingly unending pit of his black card.

Gojo Satoru, at his core, is a gift giver.

Nothing pleases him more than sharing things with you that he thinks will bring you joy— whether that’s an expensive physical present or a luxurious vacation abroad.

He’s wrapped around your little fingers and a sniffle would have him buckling at the knees and fumbling for his wallet.

While this might look like a cop out— a way to get out of emotional intelligence duty— it’s just one part of his approach. The man is actually quite sensitive and understanding once you dig beneath the layers of persona. And he can be surprisingly mature— though he’d never want to show that side to most of the world.

He’d always listen to your yapping, validating your feelings— he’d take your side always. And he is a pro at shit-talking. At the end of it, you always come out feeling a little bit better. A little bit stronger.

You are the strongest together, after all.

Geto

Suguru is a problem-solver.

He’d sit and motion for you to lay your head on his thighs. Long elegant fingers would make gentle work of your roots and scalp, and the tension would be melting away. When you’re relaxed enough to breathe, he’d want to hear all the venting.

“Now do you want solutions or just my ear?”

He’s your rock; always puts things into perspective if you ask. He’s always got advice— though sometimes clouded by bias. Still, it’s nice to have someone to bounce ideas off of. Someone who actually listens.

Understands.

The flipside, however, is the darkness you find in him. He understands what to do because he’s hurt too. You can see it in the way he carries himself, in the bags under his eyes and the shake of his hands on the bad days.

But you care for him like he cares for you— braid his hair back, let him talk it out, gift whatever advice you can muster.

And as soon as you’re both feeling better, you’d be getting crêpes with the girls.

Sukuna

The King of Curses does not understand human sadness.

Perhaps he had empathy for it, centuries ago, before he became the Two-faced Spectre.

But now, seeing you upset, all he can think of is how pathetic tears look in reddened eyes.

He’d wipe them away with a big thumb, clicking his tongue.

“Unsightly, pathetic little thing.”

Yet, the way he speaks down to you holds a softness. A protective nature he rarely gives voice to.

He’d treat you like a porcelain doll; a prized possession. No measure was inconvenient when it came to appeasing you— though he’d be quick to reprimand entitlement. And vehemently deny any sort of feeling towards you.

When the tears come, he’d be signalling for Uraume to draw a bath and cook your favourite. You’d find your room tidied, trinkets left on the foot of your bed as if dragged in by a wild animal— an ornate dagger, gold jewellery, incense.

He wasn’t one to demonstrate affection— but he’d keep you close on the tough days. Whether it be making a seat for you on one of his hulking thighs or allowing you to sleep in his quarters, he’d allow you to do as you please.

[letmeoutofthebasementt]

Seonghwa Jealousy

Ateez Jealousy series pt. 1: (when they're in a serious relationship do they get jealous at all? What makes them jealous if they get jealous? How do they act in a relationship? What's their response/behavior when jealous? How do they handle it?)

He is very, very jealous. Him and jealousy go together bad. It’s giving that song that’s like:

Me and Mr. Wrong get along so good (so good)

Even though he breaks my heart so bad (so bad)

We got a special thing going on

Me and Mr. Wrong (mister wrong)

Even if I try, no, I never could

Give him up 'cause his loves like that

Ain't no way that I'm moving on

Oh, I love my Mr. Wrong

Yeah, that’s Seonghwa and his jealousy. It’s like a toxic lover you don’t even realize is toxic because you love them so much and they’re your first life and that’s all you know.

Seonghwa gets jealous very quickly and very easily. He’s a mix of jealous, territorial, and mildly possessive. Because of this, a wide range or thing flare that jealousy up within him. He acts quickly without giving himself time to even think through his actions. He just lets his instincts take over, and his instincts are…Something.

Probably gets violent when jealous. Like he’s swinging on whoever had the audacity to hit on his partner or touch too close to their ass for comfort with absolutely no shame. Because why would he have any? It’s HIS partner.

He will fulfill whatever he feels he needs to do when jealous till the end. So trust even if he’s being pulled off by multiple people he won’t stop swinging until he feels he’s done and anyone trying to interfere can get some. And he feels a certain accomplishment within himself when he’s done.

He also probably cusses whoever spiked the jealousy out. Probably also argues with his partner about it without getting physical, but may possibly throw things, not necessarily at them.

There’s a lot of internal conflict when he’s jealous. There’s the caring, nurturing part of him worried about how his partner feels about it all. And there’s the more prominent, outward side that basically always ends up winning that’s only focused on being on the attack.

Defending. Defending his feelings, what’s his, and making sure he has no apparent competition for what he deems to be his.

He wants unconditional love, regardless of his quirks. So, I definitely see he just thinks of this as one of his ‘quirks’ and not a genuine issue even if he’d think it was if seen in anyone else. So if his partner is mad about it he’s kind of just like… “Well it’s who I am.”

He also can’t really dive down deep into the immense emotion behind it all. Because his anger is only a mask.

When he’s jealous he may be more susceptible to outside poaching. Not that he’d go out of his way to find someone or be unfaithful, but the chances are higher for him to be swayed when he is jealous than if he isn’t. Because he’s blinded and emotional and instincts and adrenaline are running high.

At some point, once it’s all done, he’ll reel himself back in. He won’t quite apologize to his partner verbally, unless they’re the type who truly truly needs that verbal apology, and would instead express his apologies through acts of service and other things of that nature, because he realized how much distress it caused them.

Also the devil’s tango but let’s keep it PG-13.

But yeah, he gets very very jealous and he gets jealous very often. He gets jealous over pretty much anything perceived as a threat or anything encroaching on what’s supposed to be his.

[overleftdown]

saltburn and privilege; an investigative tangent

god, where to begin.

i've seen a lot of people discussing this moving and specifically using the word "privilege," along with power, dominance, desire, control, greed, etc. me included. these are all very essential aspects of this movie. what i want to focus on is emerald fennell's nuanced portrayal of how different types of privilege interact. which one trumps the other? which types of privilege are more visible, while others are more subtle? what differentiates different levels and layers of privilege?

when emerald fennell describes the core of this movie, her inspiration for this script, she talks about desire versus untouchability. she chose the most absurd type of wealth to represent untouchability: the british aristocracy. old wealth, generational wealth, so far removed from the majority of their ancestors' sins that they can arguably ignore that the money they're standing on is dirty. and they live in fucking castles. this is one of the most unbelievable, gaudy, visible types of privilege you can imagine. everyone is entirely aware and feels entirely justified to call attention to this type of privilege.

oliver, being the main character, might be considered the least privileged within this movie. i'd like to take a critical look at this. this movie is not a straightforward class commentary; there is no traditional "the poor eat the rich" dynamic. because although some people perceive oliver as the least privileged character in this movie, he is incredibly privileged. oliver comes from a comfortable upper-middle-class home in the suburbs. oliver has two loving parents and two sisters. oliver is white. oliver is a man. interestingly, from oliver's perspective, he's not privileged at all. he hates the cattons because they are more wealthy, more comfortable, more untouchable. this extends to venetia and farleigh, even though oliver has applicable layers of privilege stacked above even them. he knows he has a certain type of power over them... yet he still hates them because they have one type of power he doesn't have.

that brings me to my next point. the existence of one type of privilege does not negate the effects of another, entirely different, type of privilege (or marginalization) [quote]. this is what venetia and farleigh's characters draw attention to. venetia experiences some of the same struggles as many women; she is ignored in her own household, perpetually existing within her brother's shadow (rosamund pike once lovingly pointed out that venetia does not have a single conversation with elspeth in this movie). she's insecure about her body and her worth, so she takes what little opportunity she has to use felix's friends as a form of self-fulfillment. farleigh is not only half black, but he's also queer, non-immediate family, and unaccustomed to english culture (specifically this type of english culture). farleigh is, in some ways, more financially unstable than oliver's family because his mom was too sheltered to understand money and his dad is, apparently, "a lunatic." (that's not to say farleigh isn't economically privileged because oh boy, he absolutely is).

this movie doesn't intend to incite pity from the viewers for any of these characters, and it generally doesn't. oliver is pathetically greedy, ungrateful, and desperate for a chance to lick the boots (or bathtubs) of those above him. venetia is pathetically bored of the privilege she does have yet is still so entrenched in emotional turmoil due to other areas in which she is marginalized. farleigh is pathetically attached to uninterrupted comfort and arbitrary white-centric expectations, constantly running from or attacking any threat of struggle. none of these people understand, comparatively, what the less fortunate experience. they are so ignorant to the bubble they exist in and just how grateful they should be for what monumental privileges they do have. but... felix.

felix is the epitome of privilege. oliver is specifically obsessed with felix. just like oliver, felix is a white man. but felix is more wealthy, more comfortable, more untouchable than oliver. oliver isn't as infatuated with farleigh and venetia because he's fully aware of the privilege they lack. he's fully aware of the privilege he holds above them, and he enthusiastically uses this power he has against them. to be in the position of oliver is to be consumed by jealousy and greed so bottomless that you will assert your dominance over any group that you're able to. felix doesn't need to do this. he's been handed every privilege under the sun and therefor welcomes the less fortunate with childlike interest and an equally childlike attention span. there's an aspect of farleigh and venetia's marginalization that is so invisible, so quiet and unassuming, that felix doesn't even notice it. he can't possibly be confronted by it. to be in the position of oliver is to understand what power you hold over others, because there is always more power to have.

racism, sexism, wealth, power, control, desire. there are so many facets of this movie that come into play. it may seem overwhelming, but this is... how things work. commentary on wealth is, and should be, equally a commentary on other areas of privilege. to be black and wealthy means different things than to be white and wealthy. to be a wealthy woman means different things than to be a wealthy man. to be rich to some also means you're much less rich than others, unless you're the richest person in the world. and, as this movie so beautifully portrays, to be richer than most doesn't make you less messy. the catton family is an ugly one, but also a complexly human one. each catton (or start) is jealous of someone else for another reason. each catton is emotionally damaged or incompetent for another reason. each catton has a different layer of privilege over the other. and each catton loves everyone in saltburn, because this is still a family, albeit a terrible one.

[dent-de-leon]

Thinking again about...how Lucien was always so insecure about his blood hunter scars, how he tried to hide them when he saw his sister again for the first time in years. Ashamed of the things he'd done just to survive, to earn enough coin just to have a chance at a future with his family again. The scars are a constant reminder of everything he's sacrificed, the pain he puts himself in again and again, desperate to prove himself "worthy."

For as much love as Lucien still holds for Aldreda, his very presence on her doorstep is perceived as a threat to the tenuous peace and life of comforts she's fought so hard for. "Who knows what kind of danger you've brought to our doorstep just by coming!" Aldreda's own brother is utterly unrecognizable to her, another awful reminder of the tragic past they shared--one she's desperate to forget.

"It's too late, Lucien. It's too late. Maybe years ago, I don't know...I can't think properly. Just looking at you stirs up such evil feelings in me. It isn't fair, I know, but it's true. I look at you and I smell smoke, I hear distant screams, I see again our brother's face leering, bloated with unnatural life."

Lucien is the last remnant of their life in Shadycreek, a bad memory she wants to burn away. He joined the Claret Orders as a means to provide for himself and his sister, to get by. He even romanticized the Orders at first, fancying the life of a heroic monster slayer--finally having the power to kill the hag that preyed on their family, that nearly carved him out into a hollow puppet. It's tragic, because everything he's ever done as the Nonagon, it was all out of desperate hope to one day bring his family back.

And even before that he was spiraling, digging himself deeper into his own grave, pushing away everyone he ever loved because it was the only way he knew to keep them safe.

Lucien's blood hunter past also made him painfully aware of the fact that people will always see him as an outsider--the Claret Orders carry a threat of danger, violence, fear--every horrible thing Lucien ever tried to escape. When he's so taken by the Solstryce Academy, lost in daydreams--"It was a sight to take even the most jaded boy's breath away"--his fantasy of studying magic is utterly shattered by the pain of his scars. For him, magic is only ever pain, it's all it's been all his life. And there's no escaping it.

Most heartbreaking of all, when Lucien finally has just a moment to reach out to his infant niece--so gentle with her, so very careful and full of so much love for this child he's only just met--all it takes is one look at his scars, and Aldreda tears away from him. "I don't even know you." For all he's sacrificed, Lucien is cast out by his own family. All that's left is the pain he carries.

And for as cavalier as Molly is, despite how quick he is to brush off the nein’s questions and curiosity with a joke, it’s clear he’s just as unsettled by his own power. When he accidentally activates his Rite of the Dawn for the first time in Alfield, Taliesin describes him as sitting along with a drink and, “having a mild nervous breakdown” afterwards.

And the very first time Molly ever used a blood hunter ability? He was so scared, so terrified of letting anyone else find out. The one person he confides in is Lestera, and it’s only with her reassurance and gentle coaxing that he is willing to open up to Gustav.

Just thinking about…Molly looking so anxious and scared, how even trusting Gustav with this is nerve-wracking for him. How Molly said part of the appeal of a traveling circus was staying on the move, avoiding scrutiny. “A lot of this was in the hopes that maybe it would never happen—keep moving, keep quiet.” Spinning story after story and lie after lie to bury any trace of Lucien.

Molly activating his blood powers for the first time and mourning the charmed little happy circus life he has—living in fear of that haunting past he’s so desperate to escape. “Maybe it’s from…before? I haven’t noticed it until now. I don’t…I don’t want it to complicate things.”

And just…little moments when the Nein see through Molly’s carefree facade and try to chip away at the cracks. Caleb asking if Molly has been with the circus all his life, casually acknowledging that he knows it’s all a lie—“You have a lot of scars.” Caleb, who always hides his own scars and never stops running from the past. Caleb who takes one look at Molly and can tell at a glance that they’re more like than they seem, that Molly is also someone who knows pain and loss and regret so deeply. He can tell right away what Molly is, that they’re one and the same—shattered souls aching for a new start.

Thinking of how Lucien stood on Aldreda’s doorstop with his heart in his hand, begging her to give him a second chance. How she cuts him off and shuts him out of her life forever, looks him in the eye and tells him he’s too much of a danger.

How Molly is forced to tell the Nein everything, wholeheartedly believing they’ll abandon him as well. But even when everything is dragged out in the open, the Nein don’t abandon him. And Caleb, as much as he struggles with trust, with breaking down walls and letting anyone else in—he offers Molly the very salvation and hope for a second chance that Caleb himself has always longed for.

“I am a little concerned about, you know, loose ends…However—I believe in second starts, and that’s enough for me. I am satisfied, Mollymauk Tealeaf.”

“This is not how I expected this to go…Thank you—”

[reverieparacosm]

Yandere Gamer Boyfriend Headcanons

GN!Reader x Male Yandere!OC

Warnings: Yandere, possessive behaviors, manipulation, mentioned cyberbullying, stalking, A LOT OF FLUFF

Note: It's essential to remember that the concept of a "Yandere" character is based on unhealthy and toxic behavior. These headcanons are meant to explore a fictional scenario and should not be considered as a healthy or ideal relationship dynamic in any way. Ngl, I felt a bit lonely playing video games and then this OC came up xD

Your Yandere Gamer Boyfriend is extremely possessive and protective of you

He becomes intensely jealous and paranoid whenever you spend time with other people, especially if they're male

Gaming is a major part of his life, and he expects you to share that passion

When he perceives a threat to your relationship, he's willing to go to extreme lengths to eliminate it. This can range from cyberbullying and hacking your rivals' accounts to more dangerous actions like stalking or even physical harm

"I'll always be here to protect you, my darling. No one else can have you but me."

Your boyfriend is more comfortable expressing his love and affection online rather than in person. He might shower you with extravagant gifts in games or write lengthy love letters through text messages and social media

Your boyfriend is not exactly a romantic kind of guy

However, he knows exactly what you like and love

One day, you come home, and the entire room is covered in red hearts. There's also a giant bouquet of roses waiting for you. Your boyfriend had prepared a romantic dinner for two, complete with your favorite dessert. His goal was to show you how important you are to him, and he did just that

He closely monitors your every move, both online and offline. He keeps track of your social media activities, checks your messages, and might even install tracking apps on your phone. He wants to know everything you do and everyone you interact with, just to ensure that you're not betraying him

He loves to keep you under his desk and pets you while his game loads

He often plays video games, but he'll stop and set aside his controller whenever you want to spend time with him

He's the kind of boyfriend who constantly talks to himself out loud as he plays games. You find it endearing, and it makes you feel closer to him

Your Yandere Gamer Boyfriend is incredibly passionate about gaming setups and technology. He spends hours researching and planning the perfect gaming setup for himself and you

Whenever your boyfriend loses a game, he gets so frustrated that he can't focus on anything else. That's when you come in. You sit beside him, gently placing a hand on his shoulder and giving him a comforting smile. His anger slowly melts away, replaced with a sense of peace and calm. And, of course, you're ready to play the next round with him

"No matter how many games I lose, I'll always have you. And that's a victory in my book."

Whenever you have a bad day, he'll drop everything he's doing to come over and comfort you. He'll listen to you vent, make you some hot chocolate

He'll often tell you about game lore and theories that he's read online or heard from his gaming buddies. You don't mind because you love the sound of his voice and the way he gets excited when he explains things

Even though he can be a bit needy and demanding at times, he's always supportive of your hobbies and interests. He'll even try out new things just so you can spend time together

"Sometimes I can get a bit carried away with my video games, but you always remind me of what's really important in life. Thank you for being there for me."

Your boyfriend loves to tease you, often in the form of playful insults. But you know that it's just his way of showing his affection. One day, he takes it too far, making you feel insecure about yourself. You tell him how much his words hurt you, and he immediately realizes his mistake. He takes you in his arms, kisses your forehead, and says, "I never meant to hurt you. You deserve the best in life, and I'll make sure you always feel that way."

[f1crecs]

'Megaverse Monday - Week Eight

if your fic is on this list and you don’t want it to be, please let us know and we will remove it immediately, no questions asked. we have contacted most of the authors on this list, but sometimes people fall through the gaps - just pop us a message🤍

have a pairing you want us to do next? please read the faqs and then head to the inbox.

don’t forget to give the authors featured on this list some love in the form of kudos, bookmarks, and comments

did you know that this fandom has one of the highest percentages of a/b/o content? join us as we celebrate the fandom’s incredible omegaverse works every ’megaverse monday. 🤍

Charles/George/Max

nsfw: Let Me Go Home by anonymous | E | 23.5k

Charles wakes up in a different reality where everyone has a scent and he is something called an omega. Why I liked it: This fic is a perfect description of what I would imagine it being like to wake up in the omegaverse. Charles is understandably confused and seeing it all through his eyes is hilarious at the start but quickly turns more concering when diving in to the struggles Charles faces as the only omega in F1. The relationship between Lewis and Charles, with Lewis acting as the unofficial guide to omegaverse, is very sweet and it is impressive to see the author take a rare pair like charles/max/george and actually make it work.

“Look, I don’t know what Alex or George did to get you this upset, but I’m sure whatever it was, they didn’t really mean it. You know how alphas can get.” “ Alphas?! ” Charles yelled and Lando winced. “No, seriously, did you hit your head? What’s going on, Charles? Do you need me to call Pierre? Lewis? I can call Carlos or, or Yuki too if you need–” “Why would I need you to call any of them!?” Charles snapped, feeling himself start to panic. Why were they all acting like this? Why were George and Alex called alphas and he was called an omega? Why did the idea of that rankle at his nerves? Why did the thought of Lando calling any of those people actually bring him comfort? “Charles– I think– maybe you should sit down–” Lando said, a worried look on his face. “No! I’m fine! Don’t call anyone, just… just be quiet!” Charles yelled and ran his fingers through his hair, scratching at the base of his neck irritably. Lando stayed silent, though his phone was still in his hand, almost like a threat. Okay , Charles thought, this was real, and this was not a prank.

Logan/Oscar

nsfw: I'm talking opposite of soft (I'm talking wild, wild thoughts) by @madlovve | E | 2.1k

Logan is a newly signed alpha F1 driver with money to burn. Oscar is an OnlyFans streamer, omega and dom, who critiques and humilates alpha dick pics in a bored drawl. Logan discovers he really likes being humiliated by Oscar. Oscar's characterisation, at least his online persona as perceived by Logan, is so spot on here. He sounds almost bored as he makes his way through the freely submitted photos, and is far too creative to pick on their size. That understated way Oscar has of expressing himself is perfect for this sort of story.

“Everyone’s favorite, the January dick humiliation stream is also on Friday, and my submissions for it open tonight. For the low, low cost of €150, you can hear me tell you what you already know; That your dick isn’t satisfying and that your knot would leave me looking for someone better.” Oscar’s final pronouncement got Logan’s attention immediately.

Charles/Max

nsfw: we have to keep trying by @drivestraight | E | 12.6k

Max has been taking suppressants for years, to the point where it's become dangerous for him and he must experience a rut. Charles notices and takes care of him. Over the course of the narrative, partially told in flashbacks, we learn the reason why Max has been suppressing his ruts for so long. The mutual respect and affection between Charles and Max, even though they have not been a couple for years, is a shining example of how to write exes. Max is especially miserable, but he always respected Charles's decision and gave him his space. The reason for Charles's decision is revealed late in the story, and the entire perspective shifts. This story really benefits from repeat readings (as I just discovered when I re-read it for this review).

“You were the only one who knew that I was an omega,” Charles says, running a hand through his hair, screwing his eyes shut. “If I was to—get over you. I couldn’t let you have that. I just couldn’t. And the alphas I dated. I couldn’t let you be the only one who— I had to—I had to get over you somehow.”

Esteban/Fernando

nsfw: Ambiramus by @estiebestieban | E | 91.5k (wip)

AU, historical fantasy setting. Omega Esteban's father has sent him off to be married to an alpha he has never met (Max Verstappen). His escort on the long journey is an alpha named Fernando Alonso. What I liked about it: This fic hits a lot of my favourite romance tropes including bodyguard trope, and it also really interrogates the social position of omegas, especially high society ones like Esteban and the stifling constraints on their freedom, including reproductive freedom. The supporting cast of other drivers is fantastic, including secondary pairings Yuki/Pierre and Valtteri/Guanyu (that last pairing has turned out to be a runaway favourite among fans of the fic.

The liquid inside these is coloured green. Green, like the shade of moss in autumn. It does not bubble when Yuki shakes them, but the light hitting them through the cracks of the carriage makes it seem as if the potion inside is crafted from jewels themselves. “What purpose have these?” Esteban asks, and he takes them from Yuki’s hands with a soft smile. Yuki once more stares out of the window, as if he is done with the conversation, as if he has no more words to speak between the pair of them. “They are made for Omegas to take, especially Omegas such as yourself. A sip before you lay with any Alpha, just a sip, do not be greedy, and you will not fall pregnant with his pup.” Yuki said. There’s a smile which seems to tug on the corners of Yuki's mouth, even when his eyes are still fixated on the world passing them by. “What you would ask for is strength, but you do not need such a thing, for you have that enough. What you need is the ability to control your own faith. Even the most powerful witch cannot re-write the stars, but this should suffice for you.” Esteban is silent. Stunned as he looks at the vials in his hands one final time before he tucks them away in the satchel he had borrowed from Fernando. “Thank you.” he whispers finally, taking no note of the breaking of his own voice. Yuki shrugs, a mischievous smile now blooming on his features. “It was what you needed, and that is exactly what I provided.”

thank you to @lydia-petze and @frickinsweet for compiling this week's list 🤍

[glass--beach]

Prev anon here btw, I ran out of tasks to do at work so I thought I'd give you more insight, again hopefully not unwelcome

Before being diagnosed with DID I conceptualized myself as plural because-

I recognized there was a part of me that cared deeply about my appearance and how I am perceived, and this was very different from..

The part of me that wants to watch cartoons, and express myself in a childish way, and play games with friends, which was very different from...

The part of me that just wanted to be physically comfortable, who likes good food and comfortable bedding and the feeling of being freshly showered, which was very different from...

The part of me that loves to learn, and absorb as much information as possible about the universe, and build skills, which was very different from...

The part of me that was angry at how I'd been treated in the past, and wanted to keep me safe and isolated and fight off any threat.

Many people experience the same thing. Some of those people have a CDD and some don't. But this is the concept of plurality as my therapist described it. Everyone has parts like I described above - but some people's parts have their own names and identities because they are more separate from each other than other people's parts are.

Don't worry too much about hitting the criteria. Remember the DSM is written based on how symptoms are expressed OUTWARDLY and it's written to describe PROBLEMS. If you don't feel like your plurality is a problem for you, chances are it won't be in the DSM because it wasn't written with people like you in mind.

You're just as real as anyone else, if that's what you're worried about. Psychology is a fascinating field but psychologists don't decide how your brain works, they just observe it and make predictions. You know, science. If you don't fit the description, that doesn't mean you aren't real enough, it just means they haven't accounted for people like you when they were writing their papers.

thanks for all this. trust me i’m not worried about fitting the DSM criteria i’m pretty antipsych lol… the DSM matters as much as it’s useful and it has helped a bit with identifying psychosis but i don’t really care what diagnosis i fit into. the thing is simply full of some weird diagnoses and presupposes an idea of normality that i am not interested in upholding. i’m the the type of person where i like to do things on my own terms and don’t like to fit into others’ boxes. appreciate your perspective on this a lot! you’ve given me some stuff to think about.

[esssteee]

Fics Masterpost

GRISHAVERSE

PORTFOLIO M ― WIP, E, Aleksander/Nikolai, Book/TV series Modern AU.

Summer 1999. Promised freedom, change and exploration. The house to himself and the world finally his―and plenty of time to work on a brand new project―Nikolai finds himself suddenly burdened by the arrival of a complete stranger, invited to stay over for the estival session.

we are the wild youth chasing visions of our future ― WIP, E, Aleksander/Alina, Book/TV series post-S01 Canon AU.

What started in dreams and tethered connections could very well lead to something grander than anyone has ever imagined. Though the road ahead may be paved with good wishes and desires, no future can ever be secure on a journey fraught with doubt and shame. Or where one last attempt at communication reaches an ultimate promise and other unimaginable conclusions.

do not deny ― E, Aleksander/Juris, Book Pre-Canon, 13k.

Aleksander learns how good human contact can be. Juris just gorges himself like the dragon that he is.

fugue ― E, Fedyor/Nikolai, TV series Post-Canon, 4k.

Two wounded men, at the end of their rope, coming together for meshed moments of hurried peace and relief. A parallel, to both their peoples, after battle and war have already cost too high a price.

rage against the dying of the light ― T, Aleksander/Luda, TV series Pre-Canon, 3k.

One fateful encounter between two strangers, both fleeing the threat of widespreaded hate and violence. From this meeting will create a new path, a new future―and a ripple, unbeknownst to those at its heart, leading to the heresy which shall leave its indelible mark upon the world.

of monsters and men series ― E, Aleksander/Nikolai, Book/TV series Canon AU, 100k.

A series about what could have been if one Lantsov prince and one Darkling had developed a personal history before the canonical events of the Grishaverse storyline.

winding and unwinding ― E, Aleksander/Nikolai, Book/TV series Post-Canon AU, 10k.

A mistake brings unexpected consequences when Aleksander starts to suffer from strange side effects after a routine check-up on the Little Palace's latest experiments. Shenanigans (and a not so negligible amount of self-discovery) inevitably ensue. Too bad the first symptoms happen to befall him when he is right in the middle of a council meeting.

Me and the Devil ― E, Aleksander/Alina, Book/TV series Post-Canon, 5k.

Thirty years after the Border War and the Fold’s destruction, forgotten by all, Alina lives on. But on the dead hour of a winter night, the past remembers her.

underneath the skies we are still humans ― T, Aleksander/Alina, Book/TV series Post-Canon AU, 3k.

A short moment in time where Aleksander Morozova reflects on life and lets himself flow along its current, leading him beyond the golden fields.

Entering the Fold, Once Again ― T, Gen, Book Canon AU, 3k.

When it is time again for Alina to come home, there is one logical place for her to go. Despite its barren nature, the Fold may have more to offer than what the eyes can first perceive.

CASTLEVANIA

all i know of love is hunger ― E, Mizrak/Olrox, TV Series Canon, 10k.

Let’s do this again, somewhere more comfortable. And Mizrak can only obey, hounding the shadow that has befallen him, peeling one excuse after another until there is nothing left but the damning truth.

[crystallinestars]

Yeah English isn't my mother tongue so thank you for the compliment 🥰 Honestly I saw the way you write (it's scrumptious) and the Argenti header and thought "damn I need to be on my best behaviour!" haha

Also never apologize for going off on a rant, I truly love your input!

Oh I do agree that it must be a mix of multiple things and that virtue signalling is definitely part of it! And the point you make about people creating a safe bubble for themselves and others really does make a lot of sense! I'd even be so bold as to say that this initial sentiment has unfortunately spiralled into having kneejerk reactions against any kind of perceived threat (for their identity, etc.). While I understand the need to be careful about who you let into your circle, it's a shame that instead of meaningful conversations (I'd imagine something like "I enjoy X thing in this story", "oh that's great, I have a different hc / interpretation but I'd love to hear your reasoning!") we're having a lot of passive aggressiveness or even full on pissing contests within the communities.

And if I had to sum up why I dislike, let's say between 60% to 90% of 'fandom culture' depending on whether or not it's a good day, I'd say that it's because of how often I have to see the utter glee and contempt this subsection of the fandom radiates whenever they feel like they've won their one-sided arguments / they can lord a win over someone's head for the dumbest things. It just boggles my mind. What happened to basic courtesy? I feel like people have grown so accustomed to living their 'bad bitch' fantasies on the internet without having to shoulder any responsibility for it (because of anonymity) that they've started to become waaay too comfortable coming into your space and being rude at best.

This is a bit of a digression, but for the sources, an example that comes to mind is a post I saw a while ago about the maple leaves associated with Dan Heng and (no shade to the person, it was an interesting read). However, they presented their argument in such a way that you just KNEW it wasn't just about Dan Hend, but about Blade too. They gave a list of symbolism for maple leaves, and the last point (the one highlighted by the structure) was "they also symbolise lovers!". It's in cases like this one I'd love for the OP to provide a source for their analysis, because the uni student in me just cannot accept claims on specific fields without credible evidence. Like is your analysis based on a discussion you had with a native? A paragrapgh you found on a blog named "sakurasdreamygarden.com"? A book you've read? Please, I'm not here to troll, I want to educate myself 😭 In this case it was also worth noting that someone in the comment added that 'maple leaves' is the literal meaning of Dan Feng's name (丹枫), in which case (this is just me adding my two cents) you could also argue that the maple leaves, specifically on Dan Heng's splash art, could symbolise the shadow of a past he cannot completely get rid of.

I was feeling like sticking my head in a lion's mouth when I wrote the 4th point 😂 And since I still do, I will just say that Mihoyo's pandering extends to hetero relationships too. Remember how I said these games remind me of Kpop? What I meant by that is that what they do is basically "All for the glitter and the aesthetic with zero commitment to the bit". So far in Genshin and HSR, they seem to focus especially on giving players shiny little toys to play with (attractive playable characters). And I say that their pandering extends to hetero relationships because as of now the only playable character with a semi-canon relationship is Welt, who's a Honkai Impact character (at least that's what I've heard, I don't know anything about Honkai Impact). I'm thinking especially about Yukong when I say this, because when she became playable in 1.1 I think, they wasted no time to clarify in 1.2 that actually Qingni is her ADOPTED daughter, which is basically like telling players "don't worry, Yukong hasn't been tainted by any man and is just as much of a shiny little toy freshly out of the box as the others!" Like, what am I supposed to believe with that? That for HSR the censorship this part of the fandom loves to bring up was magically extended to the heteros?

Also, I know nothing about Hi3 but since I love semantics, identify as a relationship fiend and still feel like getting shot by the fandom today, I'd also like to ask people to please explain to me how a kiss (yes, even on the lips) is objectively an undeniable act of romance. I'd argue that it's a sign of intimacy because it involves letting someone else get super close to you in a vulnerable moment, but that does not make it inherently romantic. Truthfully I'm just being facetious here but my sentiment is genuine: I would be eternally grateful if we stopped taking certain things for granted "because it's obvious" or whatever, and if we truly started to take the argument that many things in relationships are social constructs seriously. (PS: I mean "intimacy" here as "the state of having a close personal relationship with somebody", based on the first definition given by the online version of the Oxford Advanced Learner's Dictionary)

Oh yes, Childe. I had heard of him before I started playing Genshin and when I arrived in Liyue I was like: "really? Is this the little guy you've decided to call daddy??" Childe's case hurts me less than Aventurine's solely because I decided recently that I would get Arlecchino and then uninstall the game for a while but I also really feel you! For HSR I'm here mostly for the lore and the Aeons and it really doesn't help that while I don't particularly mind shipping, it's something I indulge in sporadically, when a pairing scratches my brain just right. So I'm sitting here on the outskirts of the fandom watching people get mad at fictional corpos (the IPC, especially Topaz) but then jumping through so many hoops and getting up in arms to protect Mihoyo, or acting like the social justice police 😐

Oh and the fanarts you're talking about. I've been lucky enough not to see anything like that but like. Out of all the characters they could rough up they chose Aventurine?? Now it's reminding me of that one slave owner fanfic and I just have to wonder what it is about characters like him that always attracts the most unhinged fans.

They complain about Paimon hogging the spotlight in Genshin but then are taken by surprise whenever they fail to pick up hints, it's lowkey disheartening to see.

Honestly for Kaveh I feel like people had massacred Alhaitham's character even before Kaveh was introduced, to make it fit into any sexual fantasy trope. I just remembered this but whenever I hear about haikaveh or any shoe-horned ship for that matter, I start hearing this post:

https://www.tumblr.com/what-even-is-thiss/739539118572371969/sometimes-someone-just-isnt-into-you?source=share

The answers trying to make the character played by OP admit they've got hidden feelings is really how people with shipping lenses glued to their heads behave 😭

I'm also glad to see people focusing on characters individually and picking up interesting things about them! And I'm going to be honest: I mean this as disrespectfully as I can but if someone is surprised by reveals like that in a story like that, I'm just assuming they've never read anything else in their lives. Like, if your first reaction to anything in a story is to neatly categorize it as a trope (especially a romance trope) I genuinely need for this person to start educating themselves and engage with other media because there's just no way 💀 I can understand making assumptions / theories and then be proven wrong but this just on another level.

I hope I was coherent enough with all of this, and that you have a great day, evening or night too!

🪻

I’m so happy you like my writing 😭💚 I believe you can write amazing things as well. You’re really good at expressing your thoughts. The Argenti header is there because I like him and think there’s not enough of him in fandom haha.

The gleeful attitude some people have when their bullying succeeds is honestly repulsive. I only saw a bit of it, but it’s nasty how they act as if they accomplished a good deed. I daresay they even purposely go after people with differing opinions just to bully them into submission and feel good about it. As you pointed out, basic courtesy went out the window a long time ago due to anonymity of the internet.

Haha the Dan Heng maple leaf bit is proving my point! While people do try to be informative about symbolism and whatnot in character design, it’s also a means of validating their headcanons/ship. If Dan Feng’s name means maple leaves, then it makes perfect sense why maple leaves are a big part of Dan Heng’s design. Not everything about characters is linked to a ship, and I would love for more neutral discussions regarding the symbolism and culture behind their designs 😔

About Welt. I actually played Honkai Impact 3rd and read some of their comics (I was on the hunt for Su and Sumeru lore in preparation for Sumeru’s release). HI3 has a lot of canonical NL and GL pairings. Welt’s love is Frederica Nikola Tesla. There are more moments between them in the comic than the game, but it’s very obvious they’re in love with each other.

But of course, when he was introduced as a playable character in HSR, that part of him was buried. You can see Tesla in his splashart, but that’s about it. Same with Yukong. I was surprised they made her a mother since that’s a very bold move for a gacha game, so I knew there had to be a catch. And sure enough, she’s just an adoptive mother.

Gacha games are notorious for marking their characters single. If playable characters have a confirmed relationship, a lot of players would get very angry and jealous, and the company would lose profit. For example, I heard that back in 1.1 or so, Mihoyo wanted to release a lore book about Zhongli and Guizhong. I haven’t read it, so I can’t say if there was any romantic implication between them in the book, but Zhongli fans threw a fit, so Mihoyo scrapped it. Similarly, before Inazuma released, a leaker falsely said that Thoma was Ayaka’s fiancé, and again, the community got angry and cursed Thoma to hell. Ironically, it seems like players are far more accepting of same-sex relationship between characters than of opposite-sex ones 😅

I think kissing is strongly associated with romance because we have been conditioned to perceive it as such. Movies and other media make kissing a big deal between characters, there’s a lot of emphasis put on it as a turning point in their relationship. It also doesn’t help that practically every aspect of physical intimacy gets relegated to romantic relationships (hand-holding, cuddling, etc).

In our modern era, a lot of people feel isolated. Physical intimacy between an individual and their friends and family is rarer, so they think that if they get a significant other, they’ll receive the physical intimacy (and not only physical) that they crave. It’s a social construct for sure, but it’s very wide-spread and hard to break out of. At any rate, this is all just my conjecture.

Aventurine is a tragic case. I’m glad the amount of abusive fanarts of him has died down, though Childe doesn’t have that luxury 😔 I suppose the fuckboy type makes people think the character is up on a high horse, so they want to knock him down a peg. Some also perceive the trope to be inherently masochistic for whatever reason. I doubt we’ll ever know.

Lmao that post you linked! So true! That’s exactly how they behave! Gaslighting everyone, even the author, to convince them there’s romantic feelings between the characters when there are none. Characters used to be interpreted as friends, enemies, family, etc, but nowadays every character relationship gets seen as romantic. I miss the days when characters could be just friends or found family.

And I agree, Alhaitham was already butchered since the Sumeru Archon quest. People see a hot, muscular guy and focus only on how sexy he looks, and how hot it would be if he was dominant or aggressive, despite it not being his character at all. I get that people are free to imagine whatever they want for the sake of fun, but with how widespread some of those interpretations become, the character gets quickly reduced to tropes, and people forget what they’re actually like in canon.

To this day, there are still people surprised that Alhaitham is actually very nice and kind, even to children. He took in a broke man he didn’t particularly get along with and hasn’t seen in years, so if that isn’t a big fat hint that he’s a nice person, then I don’t know what is. As we have both agreed, a lot of people don’t pick up on the nuance of character writing 😔

Thank you for stopping by 🪻anon! I also hope you have a great day, and take care 💚

[ccaptain]

IT'S TIME TO PAY THE PRICE. IT'S TIME

Spoilers under the read more related to the plot of the 2.2 H:SR patch:

BIGGEST SIGH EVER. So like. Hoyo, stop making my imaginary H:SR Kaeya fatherless. This is the second game already-

Look at what Gallagher says here:

When I started with his verse, I headcanoned that Enigmata ''beings'' identities were essentially lost in time due to their occupation as History Fictionologists. Just like how history unravels back up again once the fog surrounding it has dissipated, thus nullifying their work, their identities unravel and unfog once exposed, making their existence null and void. Being of the Enigmata means, indeed, being enigmatic, and once you cease to be a mystery, you are essentially yeeted out of Enigmata priviledges.

So for this verse specifically, I'm going to go with the hypotesis that Gallagher's teaching to turn Kaeya into a ''being'' made him essentially unfoggable.

Stay with me here: Gallagher took him as his pupil, and of course he cares abut his strays not vanishing upon being discovered. He used the loophole of turning someone into a ''being'' to further shroud his identity in mystery- both for his sake and his old, destroyed planet's. Fogging ''Kaeya'' also means reorganizing the history of the Great Catastrophe and the end of his homeplanet, thus giving him an already good jump-start for the mission that will accompany him for the entirety of his life.

''Kaeya'' is no longer the lone survivor of a cataclismic disaster that happened when the Aeons set their gazes on their abuse of knowledge. That identity of his has long since died, and his work has been done so excellently that nobody knows of any survivor from said destruction.

Anyone who perceives him as ''Kaeya Alberich'' upon introducing himself, and keeps him in their mind as ''Kaeya'', contributes to further muddle his real identity. His acquaintances perceiving him as ''Kaeya Alberich'' make them unknowing accomplishes in shrouding his real identity in mystery. If we wanna go in a much tender part of this, his friends are keeping him in existance. It's a little heartwarming bit that we deserve.

''Emanator of Enigmata'' is not his real identity either- it's a simple title, and while he does respond to it, by now he's much more complex than that. There's a personality that has grown behind this identity too- there's a will to be kind and help people and to preserve the cosmos as it is, along with every inhabitant of it. ''Kaeya'' has grown his self, thus not making anything react to this title.

''One of Gallagher's strays''. ''An History Fictionologist'', ''a threat'', ''the man with cobalt hair'', ''Kae'', ''A sweetheart of a person, that's what he is'', ''such a kind young man'', and any nickname his friends might give to him are not his identities either, despite being a part of him.

In truth... Gallagher possibly went through many loophopes to make sure that ''Kaeya'' would never cease existing. Once he successfully taught ''Kaeya'' how to be a ''being'', half of the work was already done- for ''beings'' of the Enigmata are in the fogged uncertainty of a lost existence, made of mystery themselves. 

''Kaeya'' being perceived as ''Kaeya Alberich'' goes further from the truth while inching a bit closer to it, but not quite: because Kaeya Alberich was another man entirely with an entirely different mannerism and personality, having long since perished. He acts nothing like the old Kaeya Alberich despite donning his skin, his eyes, his hair. It's a comfortable suit to mask himself in.

You cannot say that, after going through so many hurdles to keep him alive, Gallagher doesn't care about him. There's the emptiness and melancholy that comes from being an entity in a crowd of real people- but this is a thought that disappears once ''Kaeya'' is with friends, the people who made him feel more human, loved, and perceived without it being a dangerous thing.

[hunter-sylvester]

Do you think Eddie Munson and Hunter would be friends? I’ve seen some people say yes, and some say no. I feel like Hunter would lowkey hate Eddie at first, then (very) slowly warm up to him.

I mean, yeah. I think they would, and I agree that it would take Hunter a while to warm up to Eddie. That’s basically how I wrote the progression of their friendship in Does it get better?

In DIGB it's a situation that's created by a few unfortunate social mishaps. (Eddie asking about something Hunter feels embarrassed about & making a slightly mean joke that just hits Hunter like a truck because of factors Eddie doesn't know about.)

Aside: There might be a fair bit of referencing to DIGB in this. I wrote a 27k word crossover fic of Metal Lords and Stranger Things, so a lot of my thoughts about their possible dynamic have ended up in that.

I do think that regardless of circumstance, Hunter just needs a bit of time to warm up to people in general. We kind of see that with Emily in the film. It's also something I've discussed when I was asked if I thought Hunter would get along with Ema & Spoon from Harlan Coben's Shelter.

I said he might see Ema as a threat in that previous answer. And I do think Hunter is someone that just easily feels threatened. He never feels safe. He's just like me fr And I could definitely see Hunter initially perceiving Eddie as a threat too. He's loud, he's cool, he's older.

We know Eddie's a nice guy but he's somewhat intimidating by design. For the same reason Hunter wants to be but I think there's more truth behind it with Eddie. Partially because of the time-period his canon takes place in, Eddie has just lived a much harsher life than Hunter. At the very least harsh in a different way.

And I do think that comes across in his general energy. I mean we see it in the show too, like he's a scaredy cat but when pushed into a corner he will defend himself. I think with more success than Hunter. Where Eddie flees or fights, Hunter freezes. Think of the way Hunter just 'lets' Skip drag him around at Clay's party. Not trying to victim blame, I think it's a panic response. But he has the survival instincts of a spoiled housecat. Eddie is more of an alley cat in this analogy.

I think Hunter would also just find Eddie a bit overwhelming initially. But because of how little introspection he has, he would somehow make that an "Eddie sucks" thing. And he'd lash out and/or hedgehog* in response.

*hedgehog moments or 'hedgehogging' is basically when someone feels threatened so they metaphorically curl up and stick their spines out in a reflexive attack to keep themselves safe. (I don't know if it's a term anybody but me and my friends use but it makes sense in my head)

As for Eddie's side of things I feel like he might initially think Hunter is just a bit of a brat (in the spoiled kid way not the other way this time). I mean one of the reasons Eddie thought Steve would be a douche was his parents being rich. It makes sense that might contribute to the same perception being applied to Hunter.

It's also arguably more true for Hunter. He IS a financially spoiled little fucker. The only way his dad knows how to try to make him happy is to buy him things. Broken his leg on stage? New guitar.

He doesn't know how to "comfort" him any other way. (and it's a piss-poor way of "comforting" your child btw) Aside: I also think Alan might have felt guilty for dropping Hunter in rehab just cause he didn't know what to do with him. So then having him get hurt right after would've only exacerbated that hence the $3.3k guitar as a "sorry, promise I probably love you, son"

But I do think that once the two come to more of an understanding and actually get to know each other properly they could be a chaos factory and a half. (I have a few WIP fics on the backburner that delve into that actually.) I mean Eddie does like Mike, who is a bit of a dick so he might also not have too much of a problem with Hunter being a dick. In any case, I think most of the "needing time" would be from Hunter's side.

Aside: I think especially a bit of maturing will help Hunter go a long way. Being seventeen ain't easy. I just think Hunter will start to become a lot more comfortable within himself in his twenties.

But in any case, I do think Hunter & Eddie would like each other after overcoming those hurdles. Which I also ultimately think they would overcome.

And I'm actually very attached to the idea that Hunter & Eddie would develop a sort of pseudo mentor/older brother dynamic. Which I think Hunter would actually really benefit from. As extensively established, his parents suck. (so do Eddie's tbf)

So I think having someone there to kind of fill a role adjacent to guidance would really help him. And having that be another metalhead is kind of important. Since Hunter's special interest is obviously metal and it's the framework he uses to make sense of the world. It really needs to be someone that speaks his language.

Aside: I'm always working within the concept that Eddie and Hunter are roughly as far apart in age as they are in their respective canon. As in: Eddie is 19/20 in canon, Hunter is 17 in canon. So if Hunter is aged up to 20, then Eddie is in his mid twenties. I'm not talking about this in a "Eddie was alive in the 80's and is now 50-something" kind of way.

Also a D&D game ran by Eddie with Hunter as a player would be fucking wild. If he can keep the friendly fire to a minimum I think they might enjoy playing D&D together a lot. Then again, Eddie's campaign was referred to as "sadistic" by Dustin, so maybe he wouldn't even mind the friendly fire lmao

I feel like this one is a little disjointed, I'm kind of all over the place mentally but I hope you still got something out of it, Blue Anon ^-^🤘

And as always, thank you for asking 🖤

[revoleotion]

Tell me about 6 and 14 (and then 1 for personal reference)

WILL DO!! 💞 [rubs hands]

6. What nasty/evil/maladjusted character traits do you enjoy exploring in your little meow-meows?

I have a few favorites but the ones I find myself exploring the most probably are:

loss of self/identity and how the characters are grasping for any hints of their "old self" still in reach (ignoring those around them in the process)

the desire to feel safe slowly spiraling into paranoia where they start lashing out at anything they perceive to be a (possible) threat

being willing to sacrifice the world/reality/universe for That One Person (or to avenge their death)

characters claiming they are not worth the same as those around them, either because they are worth less ("I'm just a tool") or because they should be held to higher standards (because they're supernatural beings/have powers etc). bonus points for when it's a weird mix of both that leads to the most frustrating double standards

... looking at those and my current/past blorbos of the month, really have a type.

14. What's your favourite way to emotionally destroy your favourite character?

Okay. Heh. That's a fun one. So here's the recipe for disaster: You make them feel a certain emotion/have a certain thought. And then you make it so that they can't ever say it out loud, having to suffer with it alone. Either because they don't want to burden anyone, don't want people to be involved or hurt or simply because they want to seem more put together than they actually are. It's fun!!

Or you can like. Kill someone they love and watch them as they realize that they do not get to die and have to live with that loss now. Heh.

I just think characters with this very heavy, horrible, unspeakable weight on their shoulders are neat.

1. Have you written scenes (sex or otherwise) that actually made you feel uncomfortable, and how did you deal?

I have!!! For the most part, I stopped writing and when it was something I was not doing for myself (like a request I could just drop), I never returned to the wip afterwards. It took me a long time to be comfortable both reading and writing NSFW(ish) scenes in the first place, and I still reach moments where I'm like "okay! I thought I was ready for this but this is actually horrible, let's leave!"

... and then I leave.

But this mostly applies to things I was already unsure about in the first place, so let me think about scenes that I actually wanted to write and did write that made me really uncomfortable...

I do remember a text written from Barbatos Obey Me's pov where I detailed how he ends up in a relationship with MC against his will. I think back then I was very mad about how some people in the fandom had takes like "It's a dating sim so the fact that Barbatos isn't super romantic and doesn't prioritize my MC over the man in his life who is the most important to him is actually a personal attack towards me", so this is what I did to cope with that frustration.

The setup wasn't too uncomfortable, although I did have some problems with writing a nuanced portrayal of MC where I make it clear that their desires aren't a problem in itself but it's not what Barbatos wants. I dislike few things more than character bashing where a character is turned into a predator to show how ~horrible~ they are. If you can't show that a character is flawed without making them look 2-dimensional and cartoonishly evil... maybe you're just bad at writing.

The real discomfort started when I wrote that Barbatos starts lying to MC about his discomfort. I actually used lines from the game itself to make it clear how Out Of Character the fanservice dialog seemed to me, and how the character had turned into this twisted, unrecognizable version of himself, simply to satisfy fans (using MC as a stand-in). I really had to force myself through the scene where MC uses Barbatos' physical response to their advances as proof that he has to like them romantically too (and while Barbatos doesn't agree with that, he doesn't dare to disagree either).

Also, the scene afterwards where the other characters congratulate Barbatos and tell him he's basically won in life, all while Barbatos sits there and stops talking and just lets it all happen to him in order to please MC, feeling like his own comfort doesn't matter. And after all that, I sort of... made it better by giving him a little moment of being noticed? By Asmo? Even if they don't talk about it (yet).

I think what really helps with scenes that just fuck you over is sprinkle in some hope to change the atmosphere from unbearable to more... melancholic? And easier to handle.

[starvingpenguin]

1 and 18 for Caitlyn and Baccus.

omg hi tabby :3

I ended up going a little nuts so I'm putting this under a read-more

Caitlyn:

What was the first element of your OC that you remember considering (name, appearance, backstory, etc.)? 

I don’t even really remember designing Caitlyn, since she’s been around since I first started playing Skylanders as a kid. For certain her name was set in stone immediately, as I don’t usually go back and forth with names, except in very rare cases, but her design and backstory have changed pretty significantly over the years.

The original version of the Big Fic I wanted to do for Skylanders was a very typical story for the time: 10 possible Portal Masters from Earth are summoned to Skylands and have magic high school drama, but Caitlyn was meant to be the one closest Eon as a sort of “chief apprentice”/the 11th Portal Master and - shock horror - was an enormous late-stage villain. I hated this draft (even as a child!) because I just didn’t like most of the characters I was making, but as I’ve gotten older I realize that the source of Caitlyn’s motive in that first draft was a lot more compelling if she was played as a hero. 

But her name was always consistent. 

What is the most recent thing you’ve discovered about your OC?

Caitlyn’s greatest strength and weakness is identical: her unwavering faith in the innate goodness of people. Sometimes, this is a great thing and she’ll find an ally in strange packaging, but other times it’ll get her into a serious amount of trouble that she may not be able to escape on her own.

That being said, I’ve had Caitlyn as an OC for so long that I don’t really have big breakthroughs with her anymore. The most I’ll get these days is parallels she has to other, newer OCs and Skylanders. 

Bacchus:

What was the first element of your OC that you remember considering (name, appearance, backstory, etc.)?

Bacchus was originally supposed to be a stock standard self-insert I could play with, so I remember making the conscious choices of leaving his backstory blank, aligning him with Fire (because apparently I’m allergic to writing a self-insert without bringing Fire into it), giving him my ideal body, and slapping my name on him because at the time I was still testing the waters with being called Sam. 

But then I drew that goddamn picture of him and Caitlyn together, then made the realization that he was going to outgrow what was originally just supposed to be a fun doodle. In some way too, seeing him with Caitlyn, a character I made as an unhappy girl trying to connect with whatever shred of femininity I could love, made me realize that I have grown up.

So his appearance has stayed the same, but his purpose has changed significantly.

What is the most recent thing you’ve discovered about your OC?

Bacchus is a very straightforward character with very little left to discover about him, but one of the last things I did settle with was his sense of justice and purpose, which are rather important parts of a person’s self-concept. He knows he is a criminal, so when he is caught, he has no qualms about being punished. That’s who he is, and that’s how society will punish him. But when he discovers his portal magic, suddenly nothing goes to plan, and he’s stuck between two very different states of being. 

Being (perceived) a threat is comfortable to him, being (perceived) a symbol of hope is so deeply unsettling that he resists any change like a wild animal. 

[sailing-ever-west]

WRIT200 Blog Post #3 - The Enforcement of Secular Femininity in Christian Circles

A while ago I (Christian) was talking with my dad (also Christian) about the double standards I experience as a woman as far as how I'm supposed to dress. I explained how comfortable and utilitarian clothing like loose shirts, sweatpants, and cargo shorts seemed to be considered gender-neutral or masculine, and if I wanted to be seen as feminine I would often have to give up comfort or practicality. I don't personally feel the need to be seen as feminine all the time–people can see me how they like and that doesn't mean it's the truth–but it's especially difficult in Christian circles where adherence to the traditional gender binary is seen as a sign of orthodox faith, and divergence from it is seen as inching into sin. The problem is that the gender standards being enforced are often not Biblical but cultural, which makes them fallible to going against other values of the Faith such as modesty or even simple mercy (if you don't understand the latter, know that I once did a full stage play in heels that I had to run in at one point and a dress that didn't allow me to lift my arms above my head or easily expand my middle to breathe).

I think the rest of the conversation I had with my father illuminates my point rather well. When I complained that many useful and comfortable things weren't seen as feminine, he pointed out that you can get feminine cuts of many different clothing items without having to be seen as masculine or remove them entirely from your wardrobe. This is true, but then I asked him to think about what makes something a feminine cut. At that, he understood. 

With the exception of some long skirts which don't need a feminine cut since they are seen as feminine inherently, a feminine cut is almost always one that simply shows more of someone's body. Pants that are skinnier to show the shape of a leg, shirts that taper in at the waist, lower necklines, shorter shorts, thinner material, see-through lace. 

And people in the church, bless their hearts, see this simultaneously as fundamentally feminine (certainly a man couldn't wear them) and as immodest, creating both a deep association between the two things and a nearly impossible standard for women to reach. Show off too much of your body, and you're asking for men's attention. Show off too little of your body, and you're trying to be a man. Unless you dress like a 19th century prairie woman (and even then, watch the cleavage), you are constantly on the edge of being perceived as sinful. 

The most interesting part is that most people enforcing these standards don't even realize that they're still telling women to dress for the pleasure of men; in fact, saying that phrase would often go directly against their professed beliefs. "Women should dress to honor God," they would say. But when did God ask us to adhere to the ever-changing standards of fashion? And what if those standards are set by people with non-Christian and furthermore dehumanizing values?

People seem willing enough to recognize this when it comes to significantly revealing outfits or fashions associated with the LGBTQIA+ community, but mainstream feminine fashion is treated as though it's somehow inherent to womanly nature. It leaves women with a narrow range of options and the constant threat of being shamed. If we as Christians claim to love women and men equally, we need to have the humility to understand that our subjective cultural standards for gender were not directly dictated by God, and that we can and will be wrong about them.

So, fellow Christ-followers, the next time you see a woman in baggy cargo shorts or anything else you instinctively deem unfeminine, consider why you label it that way, and whether you actually believe that femininity is dependent on the standard you are drawing from.