#okay so i had a breakdown today
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Yes these have all already been posted, but 2023 Vettonso comp post for me because I'm going to have an emotional breakdown
#i dont want to sound like a maniac but. i manifested this JDKFLGLVLV#okay but understand. ive been vettonso posting for like 3 or so weeks now#have been drawing them like its my god damn career#have been squealing and screeching over them with everyone#and like oh hey! they're both gonna be at suzuka! and seb is having a bee event! maybe nando will go!#BUT THEN NO I DONT HAVE TO JUST LIVE WITH SCRAPS. I GOT A WHOLE FUCKING MEAL#I AM GOING TO SCREAM AND CRY AND ROLL AROUND THE FLOOR#*i say as if i haven't done all of those things in quick succession after seeing these#yknow very fortuitous time for my parents to have gone on a vacation. so they didnt have to be witness to the emotional breakdown i just had#i was making noises that have not been uttered by human beings before :)#BUT LIKE INWAS LITERALLT JUDT DRAWING VETTONSO FANART#AND I FINISHED IT AND SCHEDULED IT#and was all silly in the tags like 'haha wonder if we'll get any interaction'#and then i go to scroll tumblr one last time before slepeing and I RECEIVE THIS FUCKING 12 COURSE MEAL#i cannot actually describe the emotion i felt when i first saw the pic#like genuine fucking shock through my body like just was like 'is this actually happening'#i said to C today 'i will be happy if we even get a pic of them within eachother's vicinity'#and well wow. theyre certainly within each others vicinities rn#if we actually get any more pics i think i will keel over i think i will actually turn into dust and powder on the floor#UGHHHHHHH JUST THE TIMING!!!!!! THEY DID IT FOR ME 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺#sometimes manifesting does work. after you draw like 20 hours worth of art of them#im trying to be concise but i really cant#because its literally just animal screeching and whining noises in my head rn#HOW DO I SLEEP AFTER THIS???????????????#formula 1#sebastian vettel#fernando alonso#vettonso#2023 japanese gp#we do a little bit of f1
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It's my mental breakdown and I get to watch my comfort movie and hold a tiny version of my f/o <3
#my sister got picked up ealry from school so I had to turn it off but. I got to watch it for a little whilw lol#fun fact: veggietales in general is a Huge comfort media for me :]#anyway ummmm not watching the movie anymore but I am still holdingtiny Zooble so everything is okay 👍#andyeah sadly I must admit that I am Not doing okay at all today :[#I've been on the verge of a breakdown all day#dw I'm doing slightlt better now
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Not to be extreme but dear God hold onto hope.
Things will be better one day. People will sing and dance in colorful clothes under dazzling lights again. A parent will rock their child to sleep on a quiet night again. A grandparent will teach their grandchild to cook a family recipe again. People will laugh and cry and love and grieve in the most mundane of ways once more. This will happen no matter what you believe, but hoping and believing in such things will ease your heart and kindle your resolve to see it within your lifetime. Have hope, and you will give life to the world you hope to see.
#ra speaks#personal#current events#okay to reblog btw it’s easy to fall into despair with the news of late but do not surrender your hope#hey so like. had a kinda bad breakdown last night. for personal reasons and *gestures* my deep rooted sense of justice as an autistic human#and I saved the first line of this post as a draft while crying at 10 PM#and not much has changed today but. I am secure in my hope for a better world. my belief in justice for those wronged.#maybe not tonight. maybe not tomorrow. but soon - one day - I will see celebrations of life and love and home for a people torn asunder#I can’t do much. I want to do more than sit safe and cry out for those who have lost their voices to the violence#I’m angry. I’m grieving. but most importantly I’m imbued with hope and love. it’s the least I can do.#and most days it will be all I can do. and should the opportunity arise to do more I will take hold of it with both hands until it burns me#the very same way hope now burns in my heart with the complete conviction that there will be justice and reckoning for these crimes#anyways. my blood sugar is low I forgot to eat dinner. have hope and feed it with the anger and grief you cannot act on now.#vocational woes
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✨⚡️ Seven(ish) Sentence Sunday ⚡️✨
Tagged by @acountrygirlsfun (a couple times by now, though not actually this most recent time, but I figure it still counts!) Thank you, Caitlin <3 <3 <3
Helix took a deep breath in, counted four flashes of the desperate direct-@ lights coming in from his side chat panels, and breathed out. His voice came out steady, and miraculously casual. "We understand why you did it. You were trying to keep our brothers safe." He watched Harp's eyes go wide at the 'our' brothers. Like he hadn't expected the rest of them to claim the Corries. Because he'd been hiding from them just like from the longnecks, he had falsified his— Deep breath in. Two flashes, no time for longer, leave no silence for Harp to panic in. Breathe out. Keep going.
This is not seven sentences, but it's also largely not complete sentences anyway, and it is literally what I just seconds ago finished writing. Still counts!
No-pressure tagging uhhh @ialpiriel, @goingsparebutwithprecision, @anaclastic-azurite, anybody else who might want to play?
#tagged by#acountrygirlsfun#I should be taking a shower and going to sleep but this scene isn't clicking so rather than getting frustrated I'm posting it here#I will have to go back through in my rewrites later and make sure everyone doesn't have their breakdowns in the same way#I do a bit better when the characters are speaking out loud#but for internal thought processes I tend to end up with them all sounding suspiciously similar to my own. whoops#anyway this is more of the good data management AU! we've just learned that the Corrie Guards Are Not Okay#and now most everybody else is also Not Okay! we're having bad times today folks#in the story I mean. I had a fine day!#and though it is emotionally fraught and currently fighting me I am still very happy to be getting back to my beloved Guard#Harp's a medic OC and I adore him and he and the Guard he's trying so hard to take care of really deserve a break#and now their brothers are a little more aware (seriously they have only just nicked the tippest bit of iceberg) of how not okay they are#a break they shall shortly receive!!#(it's gonna come with a double helping of Bother so they won't be very grateful. but they will be better rested and that's what matters)
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epic win at old lady group today: the group leader was struggling with a tangled up loose skein of yarn, so i scampered over to the other end of the table where was sitting and offered to untangle it and wind it into a centre-pull yarn bal for her since I remembered how to do it from just the other day fjdkdl and she was very confused why i would WANT to do that but she let me :3
so i got to untangle yarn AND wind a yarn ball AND help someone i appreciate, three things i love doing - YIPPEE !!!
#also one of the ladies had never seen the way i do it before and she was so fascinated and impressed fjdkdl#every couple mins she'd be like ''wow! would ya look that!'' SBDJDKL it was so fun#also i finished as much of the hat i could work on while i was there a bit early#so i pulled out my sketchbook for the last half hour and doodled a little#and the remaining women all wanted to see fhfkdl so i got to show them a page of my art#and they were so impressed HDJFDKL#its so strange sharing my art w ppl bc like... i pretty much never do it irl#so im always like super nervous and unsure and ppl pretty much always go ''WOW !! you're an artist!!!''#and then i get MORE nervous and unsure bc idk how to react to compliments other than saying thank you gjfkdl#and its just a very silly mess of a time LOL#ANYWAYS !! good time there today as always fjfkl i almost had a panic attack at the grocery store after but i survived#idk why that happens sometimes fjdkdl my brain just decides its time to freak out#and i have to be like hey man. we're almost done here and then we'll be home soon. and we can have a breakdown once we get home okay?#and my brain kicks a rock and mutters a pouty ''okay'' and i push through the rest of the time fnfmdjdkl#anyhowdy that was A Lot and im very tired but it was good overall and I've got food again so HURRAY !!#and also i have a drawing im excited abt working on >:3#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
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everything will be ok :) https://www.tumblr.com/sonic-voices/164562137054/everythingll-be-okay?source=share
I am literally going to cry thank you tails
#Also thank you anon I really really really appreciate it#Took a shower. Am feeling marginally better.#Uhhhh kinda vent further on in the tags so warning for that#My room is kinda messy and it's such a stupid minor thing to have a breakdown about but I physically cannot#Clean it and I don't know why and the fact it's dirty is making everything worse#WHICH. isn't the only issue actually I have a lot of those rn but today was just really stressful and exhausting#And I feel bad and gross#The shower did help tho#AND. Positive note I guess. IT TOOK ME LIKE 3 HOURS BUT I FOLDED MY BASKET OF LAUNDRY#Laundry is horrid and it had been sitting there for like 2 weeks unfolded BUT I DID IT so I think I'm kinda proud of me now idk#Anyways thank guys this too will pass I'll be okay
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I feel like I’ve lived through at least a month just in the past 3 days. I checked the date just now and damn near had an out of body experience when I realised Monday was only two days ago
#bro the absolute sodding emotional rollercoaster i have been through this past week should be studied by scientists#thursday: unsuccessful job interview. friday: found out that the job interview was unsuccessful. but one of the interviewers (actually a#former colleague of mine lol) gave me a piece of feedback that made me feel like i’d cracked the code for all future interviews#it was this: keep. talking. give as many details as humanly fucking possible. talk about policy. drop in words like safeguarding#list as many examples of stuff as you can. tell stories. bamboozle them#OH i forgot to even fucking mention we had builders at our house until friday. friday was the last day they woke me up with a cacophony#so the weekend was uneventful aside from there was a skip in the driveway and scaffolding all down the side of the house but zero men#monday: successful interview. found out it was successful 5 hours later. got off the phone having accepted the job…… and found a text from#my old boss (the boss i had at the job i really enjoyed. that old boss) inviting me to come back this summer#i had a bit of a mental breakdown but eventually decided to stick with the job i’d just got because it’s a permanent contract and they will#let me sit down#yesterday: found out that the foster doggy i applied for and really wanted is going to her forever home on thursday (which is now tomorrow)#obviously i love this for her but i was like ‘damn. okay’#today: the foster co-ordinator was like ‘hey do you want to foster this rambunctious 3 year old unneutered terrier?’#i was like ‘sure yeah what the fuck. that might as well happen’#(they are neutering him beforehand. and he looks really cute. he’s not aggressive he’s just a young terrier with like 3 brain cells)#unless something finally kills me in the meantime i’m picking him up on monday. i cancelled therapy in order to do this. yes i’m well aware#that there’s a metaphor somewhere in there but it’s fine. i rescheduled therapy#i also have realised i do not know how and when i’m going to get my ssri prescription renewed… i know the pharmacy will call me in a couple#of weeks to make sure i haven’t died. but i think i was supposed to get a prescription renewal at therapy#the therapy i won’t be going to until like 5 days after my prescription runs out. that therapy. foook#honestly withdrawal symptoms would probably just spice up the situation at this point. they’d just make things interesting#i swear to god everything always gets crazy and stupid right before my birthday… remember when i turned 26 and couldn’t drink because i#was on antibiotics for a kidney infection. and when i turned 27 and one of my wisdom teeth tried to emerge#this is like that except with dogs and jobs. at least the skip and the scaffolding are gone now#i AM trying to sell a sofa on facebook marketplace so wish me luck with that ig#personal
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why must january be so insane
#ur telling me i’ve done So Much shit and it’s still not over???????#ur telling me in the same Month i ****** *** ****** AND got into a car accident AND painted almost an entire living room by myself#there were other things this month but those three r the most wild cause they’re Very different from each other#too much man#i feel insane#too many different Things in january#okay to be fair i feel insane cause the car accident was Today😭#THATS BESUDE TGE POINTT#i’ve had too many breakdowns in 2024 already for it to me january still#🐀
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godddddd wasting time and energy on things that don't fucking matter has got to be THE worst feeling
#personal#i felt super embarrassed in my korean lesson today#because I didn't have a lot of time the last couple of weeks and I was trying to resolve the situation w the other tutor#when i should have just cut my losses and bailed#and look i know i'm learning there's literally no reason to be embarrassed etc but i am insane so that's not an option LOL#i should have somehow already known the contents of the lesson and therefore not needed the lesson hope this helps#but actually it was like i spent what little time i had preparing for the other lesson that was stupid and pointless rather than this one#and that just made me feel :( you know#in fairness to me my mental health was circling the drain literally until 2 days ago#so the last couple of days have just been like *sweeps up the carnage of various mental breakdowns and other insane behavior* LOL#but idk just generally feeling frustrated with myself even tho that's not super helpful#also frustrated that stupid bullshit has been taking up way too much of my time and energy lately#and it seems like the more i try to get the stupid bs out of the way the more it just dominates my life somehow#also super helpful that my brain's natural response to this state of being is 'well maybe you can't do anything right and should die :)'#like okay ty for your input LOL#despite how this sounds actually my korean lesson was REALLY good LOL#it was so good I just like got upset about wasting time on other bs you know??#anyway ty for coming to my nightly overshare i actually feel better now#love to shout into the void#exciting korean learning tag
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dewey in scream 5: i've been stabbed nine times, i've got permanent nerve damage, and a fun little limp. me, a hotch girl:
#i had a breakdown earlier today so i watched a bunch of movies and i feel... not better but okay#taking a quick time out from crimmy minds to watch scary movies#but still haunted by it nonetheless#.doc#anyway someone give hotch a fun little limp or by god i'll do it myself
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so what you are telling me is its that bad.
#hi (explosions)#turns out my fear of being disliked and/or hated by authority figures is much much worse than i thought#(<-he had to ask permission to go to the bathroom and had a panic attack because his teacher was a tiny bit rude to him in a subject that/#/was not about him at all and was a misunderstanding + the teacher even apologized later)#ahem anyway. i did not know i could cry as silently as i did today#im better now. i'll be fine in approximately ten minutes now that im home#its our english teacher she had a tiny misunderstanding of a situation and said something like ''its a terrible feeling when you feel/#/betrayed by a person you saw as an equal and cared a lot about'' (me) and after seeing me breakdown so quickly she realised that wasnt/#/what happened.#still! terrifying#do not mind how normally im talking about it here i was very much so trembling. on the other hand i am perfectly fine and everythings okay#not as unrelatedly as i'd like it to be i got peer-reviewed for bpd by a friend today. great#♚ — vent !#i guess?
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there are bad days and then there are days so ordinarily good brought upon by nothing else but nice coworkers. and post
#the striking disparity between the utter shit breakdown last night to me tonight humming songs and smiling at the thought of my day..#it wasn’t even Great. it was so totally ordinary but i fully enjoyed work today bc everyone was so Nice!#my fav coworker bought me a coke from the vending machine bc i ‘hadn’t had my daily coke yet.’ and he also had 50 cents#and another got me a new label for my name tag with little hearts beside my name and our newest manager (he’s british. this is a#distinction) asked me if i was doing okay today which i was but he said it so earnestly i almost cried#it could have been the collective craze of knowing an Important Person was coming in today but they were all so good! sometimes your day is#made by your coworkers and i think there it beauty in that. peace and love and all that#someone shut her (liv) up!
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it's an odd feeling when you realise you've actually been doing pretty well like there's been a couple hiccups but nothing drastic and it kinda feels like the other shoe really should be dropping
#i havent hurt myself deliberately in months#i havent had a panic attack in months#i have coping skills that are helpful and im getting better at recognising when i feel bad#depersonalisation is an issue but its not too bad most of the time#i let myself sleep in today because i was so tired and i woke up an hour later feeling awake and ready to shower#anyway i kinda feel like i should have a panic attack or a breakdown or something#just because that part of me is fading a little and it it spiteful and hurting and doesnt want to leave#thats okay lil guy i wont forget you#you dont have to hurt me to be a part of me
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Are you cold lol
hi anon!!!
yes!!! i am!!!
the lake effect is probably one of my least favorite things ever </3 i hate snow i hate ice i hate driving in snow and ice bestie it is so cold
#anon#lol i was really stressed about having to drive in the weather today and had a hashtag breakdown on tumblr dot com by reblogging that post#it's a Great time#like the drive was a bit freaky but it was completely fine haha just nervous to have to drive aGAIN in a couple of days now UGH#but it's whatever ig#also i just get anxious over pretty much everything ever so like that's fun lol#anxiety is high when i'm home therefore i freak out more than necessary at snow ojihugyfcghui#but like we were on a travel ban for a bit yesterday🫠#aNYWHO#i should. prolly try and sleep before i spiral lol <3 okay no i won't spiral now my brain is just wooo wooo woooooooooo right now#corey rambles:)
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some updates uhm. i finished up cody's valentine's day prompt!! i haven't started on bo's or carmina's but hopefully i cant get started on one of them tomorrow if the universe will permit it.
#archived mind of v: thoughts and opinions.#idk if i wanna post cody's tonight or not#today has. not been a good day.#i'm gonna get so serious right now so if you don't want to read that just stop looking at the tags but#things have been happening irl since last year that have made me#less than okay and today has really just#reminded me that i am not in the best situation and it's just#i write mostly as a coping mechanism more than anything else but#writing just seems so hard to do rn with everything going on#it makes me feel bad for finding comfort in it#so it might take a moment or two for me to like. work on bo's nd carmina's prompts#just give me a few days to recover#i already had one breakdown tonight so im trying to keep myself from having another#i'll try posting cody's prompt in the morning#sorry for continuously making promises and failing to come through on them#but thanks for being patient. i love you all
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Have we learned nothing. Have we truly learned nothing.
#back in march i had this epic breakdown#my mom was really worried about me. she was like ‘is there anything i could do to help you?’#i was like yeah. you could try to understand my issues or if you can’t understand them; at least respect that i have them#just stuff like i need reminders and i need some stuff to be spelled out to me fairly clearly otherwise i don’t remember how to do it#so tell me why today i was like ‘sorry just a sec i need to set a reminder on my phone to do laundry’ and she laughed at me??#‘what do you mean you need to set a reminder to do laundry?’ what’s not clicking. i said what i said#‘well don’t you see the full washing basket’ no i quite literally will not see it#anything i’ve seen more than like twice just becomes part of my background. i cease to notice it#i bought a new dvd player like 2 weeks ago and it’s still in its box next to the tv and i haven’t set it up yet because i genuinely do not#recall that it’s even there most of the time. and when i DO remember that it’s there there’s invariably something else i have to do first#and by the time i’ve completed THAT i’ve forgotten about the dvd player#‘how do you forget about something you can see with your eyes’ christ how should i know#i THINK. although i’m not certain. but i THINK it’s called being ambiguously neurodivergent. i’m not sure though!!!!#bear in mind here i’m not asking anyone else to come in and support me or do anything for me#i’m literally just asking not to be made fun of for the methods i set up to support MYSELF in doing these tasks#literally stuff like setting a reminder TO DO LAUNDRY or putting trash in a really inconvenient place#so i’ll trip over it and then go ‘oh yeah’ and take it out#i’m also asking for my issues to not be made fun of. especially when they’re harmless#it literally doesn’t affect anyone but me that i haven’t set up my dvd player yet. it doesn’t even affect me that muchd#just pisses me off. ‘is there anything i could do to help you’ you could stop making me feel like absolute garbage for something my brain#does & that i don’t want it to do. you could especially not make fun of me when i try to cope with it#she really said ‘okay’ to that and then. didn’t. lol#if you don’t understand just say that#personal
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