#just pisses me off. ‘is there anything i could do to help you’ you could stop making me feel like absolute garbage for something my brain
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bleeding blue | apocalypse au
part twenty-two —other parts
pairing: Simon “Ghost” Riley x fem!reader words: 5.2k tags: death. blood. cannibalism mention. zombies of course. AFAB reader. single dad ghost. there will be sex but it isn’t here yet. slow burn!!! enemies to lovers. summary: After losing your companions, you run into a skull-masked man and his daughter. They are your last hope for survival. a/n: I'm sorry lmaooo nine months... hopefully we can finish this thing!
B
"Hold him close to your chest, or he'll jump out of your arms. Here—like this."
Blue gently cradles the rabbit, then carefully tucks him into Ari's arms, guiding his hands to scoop under Grim's fluffy rear. She can't help but find it amusing that the boy who had taken her riding on such a large animal yesterday looks so wary holding a harmless bunny. A giggle bubbles up, and she bites her lip to keep it in.
"He's so... squirmy."
Blue keeps her hand on Grim, reassuring both the rabbit and him. "He's just ready for his breakfast. Want to help me feed him?"
"Sure."
Blue leads Ari to the hutch where the other rabbits are. She explains her morning routine, showing him how to supply the rabbits with enough grass, leaves, and berries to keep them healthy and plump. Not long ago, she was explaining this to Twix—the very person she forgot to say good morning to in a rush to find Ari outside. This time around, she wonders if Ari is genuinely interested or just being polite. She finds herself stealing glances at his face, studying his expressions perhaps longer than she should. His almond-shaped eyes and dark pink lips catch her attention.
He's cute.
It's not the first time the thought has crossed her mind since these strangers appeared. Cute like the men in her magazines, though he's not quite a man. Not in the way Ghost is. But he's taller than her by a head and two years older, evident in the notch on his throat and the deeper timbre of his voice.
But it doesn't matter. They are only here for a few days.
Blue closes the hutch and rocks on the soles of her boots. "Well, that was probably boring, huh? We could, um, go hunting if you want. Or to the pond. It's fun to swim there. Or maybe—" She pauses, mentally sifting through the limited activities available, frustration creeping in as none of them seem particularly impressive.
"This wasn't boring. Now I know rabbits are just as friendly as horses." He smiles.
"They are... except when Grim gets mad. Then he can be a bit of a jerk. Like if you accidentally step on his tail."
"I'd be pretty pissed if someone stepped on my tail, too."
"You don't have a tail."
"It's just a joke."
"Oh..." she fidgets with a strand of hair. "Right."
"The pond sounds good. It is fucking hot." Ari blows out a breath and swipes at the back of his neck.
"I know. So hot. Hot as balls."
Ari raises an amused brow. "Yeah, uh, hot as balls. Are you allowed to go by yourself, or do we need to ask your dad?"
"I get to do what I want," she lies easily with a shrug. "Buuuuut, we can ask Twix to go with us."
As long as Twix is with her, she suspects she can get away with not asking Ghost, who luckily is hunting with his old captain. It's not that he seems distrusting with these people as he did those first few months with Twix. Rather—she isn't thrilled about him knowing every little thing she does. She's never had anything just to herself.
Twix is sitting on the porch, looking rather deep in thought as she skins a squirrel. Her hair is long, curtaining her face. When Blue asks if she wants to go to the pond, she agrees easily, claiming she has been meaning to cut her hair anyway with the encroaching warmth of summer. Nereida joins, too.
Even early, the air is sticky, and the pond is cool and inviting. Ari rips his shirt off and jumps in without even a second to waste. Blue usually swims in her underwear and shirt, but she hesitates with her thumb in the belt loops of her jeans. She didn't consider that he would see her in her underwear.
A soft touch to her shoulder. It's Twix. "Want me to grab you shorts real quick?"
"Um... yes. Yes please."
She changes into the shorts behind a tree. There is an odd pit in her stomach when she gets in the water. She doesn't quite know what it is, but it's similar to how she feels when she's scared sometimes. Ghost always tells her fear is a useless thing. It doesn't keep you alive. So she ignores it, shoves it down deep, and swims over to Ari with a purposeful splash that even wets Twix, who sits at the edge sharpening her knife.
"Damn. That's gonna cost you."
A splash is given in return, and then they are playing. High noon bounces shimmering light off the water as she tries to keep up with him, but at one point he sneaks up on her and she ends up with a mouthful. Nereida spends her time picking at some bunches of rosemary and Twix cuts her hair. But Blue doesn't notice any of that too much. When the water stills and they pause to catch their breath, Ari climbs onto a rock and shakes out his wet hair. She is quick to find a perch beside him. Absentmindedly, she pinches the bottom of her wet shirt to keep it from sticking to her chest.
"It's nice to have some place to swim so close by. Back at our old camp, there was lake but it was a few miles away, so my mom rarely let me go."
"I'm sorry, you know. About your mom. Mine is dead, too."
He half-smiles. "Thanks. I don't think about it too much anymore. My uncle and I have always been close so it helped to have him there." He nudges her shoulder. "You're damn lucky to have such a cool dad, huh?"
"Ghost?"
"Yeah, that guy is a beast. My uncle says they called him Ghost because no one could ever see him coming before suddenly, they were dead."
"Oh, yeah, he is super cool," she quickly agrees. "He has taught me a lot."
"Shit, really?"
Nibbling the inside of her cheek, she shrugs to feign indifference. "I know how to throw knives pretty well."
"I gotta see that." His smirk etches a light dimple into his cheek. Then, his eyes flash behind her. "So what's up with his girlfriend?"
"Huh?" A divot forms between her brows before she follows his gaze, landing on Twix, whose hair is now just past her shoulders. She is wetting it, running her fingers through the newly cut strands. "Oh—Twix. That is not his girlfriend. She is my friend."
"You mean they don't sleep together?"
"Like in the same bed?"
"That's usually where people fuck, yeah."
He seems ready to laugh. She frowns, head tilting as confusion hums in her chest. "You mean like sex?"
He nods. "You know what that is, right?"
"Yeah, of course. I know all about it."
"You know they're probably doing it, right?"
"Ghost and Twix? No—no," she forces a laugh. "I mean, sometimes I catch him staring at her all weird. But I don't think—I mean, they hardly like each other and she is my friend, really, not his. He used to make me stay away from her, even. But I mean, they do spend a lot of time together now. It's usually to practice fighting and defense. Not to have...sex."
"Don't they share a room?"
"Just right now, because you guys are here."
Ari chuckles. "You really think they aren't fucking in there? She's really pretty. There's no way they aren't."
Blue looks back at Twix. Blue's fingers curl into the soaked fabric of her top. Her eyes flick back to him. "She would've told me if they were."
"If you say so."
---
T
Your thumb throbs in rhythm with the steady pump of Kyle's arms. Despite pressing it into your palm to dull the pain, the ache persists. You had nicked it while sawing off your hair, and now the taste of blood lingers in your mouth. You were still lapping at the painful pulse when the three men arrived to the pond, carrying a neon orange inflatable raft. They want to test it out on the water before embarking on the 35-kilometer journey across the channel.
It is the third day of their presence and you can honestly say you've grown more comfortable, given that Kyle has gone hunting with you a few times now. He is easy to talk to, along with Nereida. Price—however—doesn't seem intrigued by you, or maybe you are insignificant in comparison to the rest that is on his mind. That's fair. You don't all need to be friends.
They've been spending most of their time gathering food. Ghost has been helping Price hunt deer to skin and dry into jerky they can take with them. Nereida showed you a patch of wild strawberries she found yesterday, boiling them down into jams before canning them. By having food with them, they will save time from having to hunt along the way. In perfect conditions, it would be a straight path, and they could make it to the Swiss mountains within a month or two. But it won't be a straight path, and obstacles are bound to hinder them.
Kyle audibly growls and straightens, wiping at his percolated brow. "This chamber just isn't inflating."
"It must have a hole somewhere. Check the seams," Price says.
Ghost flips the half-filled raft over with ease, running his fingers along the PVC. "Here." He taps what must be a minuscule puncture because you can't see it from where you sit.
They patch it up with the little adhesive they have. The unease is noticeable as Kyle keeps pumping in air; they only have enough to cover a few holes, if they come across more. Finally, the six-person raft is full and they toss it onto the pond. Just the sight gets you thinking of all the variables they have to think of on the open water: the weather, currents, temperature. You had a friend in high school who swam across it once. She didn't get even halfway but having to pulled out, vomiting, and near-hypothermia. Open seawater is different than a pool. Unpredictable and quick to change.
"It seems sturdy." Nereida winds an arm around her husband's waist, pressing a chaste kiss to the underside of his jaw. "Don't worry about it."
"As long as it stays sturdy."
"It will," she assures him.
The cut has crusted over by the time evening settles and you have to will yourself not to pick at it. You find yourself alone with the horse, watching the sun set behind the trees, as everyone else eats.
"You probably don't like being tied up here, huh? You'd rather be running around." The coarse mane engrosses your fingers. Cherry bobs her head and a wet muzzle brushes your elbow. It tickles and you smile softly. "I wonder what will happen to you once they leave," you whisper. "Horses can't fit in a raft, huh?"
"No, they can't."
A hand presses into her neck beside yours, the person's arm extending over your shoulder. You crane your neck at Kyle but his eyes are on the animal, thoughtful, brows lowered. You wet your lips and step to the side to bring more space between your bodies.
"Not hungry either?" you ask.
Finally he looks at you, lips quirked at the side. "Nah. I had a big lunch." He stops petting her and crosses his arms, chin tilting. "Ever ridden a horse before?"
"Once or twice. As a kid."
His eyes almost lean dark green in the cast of orange light, but it must be a mere illusion. "Care to go for a ride?"
His eyebrow rises expectantly. You glance back at the cabin and then at Cherry. "Why not?"
He instructs you how to get on. You grip the knob of the saddle and flex your core, hoisting yourself with more strength than you've had to use in a few days. Kyle sits behind you and grips the reins after untying her. The last time you were on a horse was for a friend's birthday party; you trekked through a ranch on a white pony. Cherry is much taller than that one was, or maybe you're not fond of being so high up. You thread your fingers through her mane.
It is a silent ride at first as you try to ignore the sting on your butt, unused to firm leather seat. He must notice your discomfort because he tells you to relax and lean back. You do, until your spine brushes against his chest. It helps a little.
Cherry trots calmly through the trees, towards the circle of stumps that marks the east.
"Do you think she will be able to take care of herself?" you break the quiet.
"I'm sure she will be fine. Smart girl, huh, Cherry?"
The sun has disappeared but it isn't quite dark yet. "Are you scared?"
A breathy chuckle emits from behind you. He must realize what you are referring to—scared for the journey. "Yeah, always. I mean—I'm scared about Ari. He's the last family I got, and as old as he thinks he is, he's still young and naive. I still have to make choices for him."
"I was terrified of losing Joseph," you admit, and swallow. "He was so young and fragile. It felt like...like trying to keep an egg from cracking when your hands are made of stone. But at least I never had to take him to another country."
"That was your nephew? Joseph?"
You nod.
"Tell me about him."
You rack your brain. "Well, he was seven. And he..." You smile to yourself. "He was the pickiest eater in the world, even when we were all starving. I could not get him to eat meat unless I practically burned it. And he liked to look at bugs. I did, too, when I was young. I used to dig up worms when it rained to show him." He hums a gentle laugh behind you. You find yourself lost in the thought of it for a second. "Sometimes I...I think about how once I die, there will be no one left to remember those little things about him. Then, he will be completely gone, you know?"
You don't know why you're telling him this. You shake your head. "Sorry."
"Don't be. We gotta talk about shit like that or else we'll go crazy."
"I'm pretty sure I'm already crazy."
"Probably." A deer passes to the left and Cherry startles, but he is quick to soothe her with a flick of the reins and a stern—easy. She settles. "Are you scared?" he asks after a moment.
"Of what?"
"Of traveling so far."
"Well, I don't know if Ghost..." you trail off, absorbing the tone of his voice. You stiffen. "Wait, what do you mean?"
"I mean how we're all leaving in a month."
"Wait—stop." You grip his hand over the rein with more force than necessary, urging him to bring Cherry to a halt. You twist your spine and gape at him. "What are you talking about?"
He eyes you with a frown, and rubs his neck. "Shit. I thought he already told you."
"No, he didn't. Tell me," you demand.
He clears his throat. "He, uh, agreed to come this morning, but only if we take another month to prepare and shit. Get his daughter ready, sort things out."
You try not tremble in anger as his words sink in, clenching your hands as your breath picks up. "Take me back," you breathe out, brain racing. "I want to go back now."
The ride back is silent. You feel shaken. Your nail digs deep into the nick on your thumb unthinkingly until there is a smear of blood over your fingers. The others are getting ready for bed when the two of you return, moon bright. You bite your tongue until Ghost leaves to his room, then you follow him, closing the door as gently as you can behind you.
He is halfway through peeling off his socks and stuffing them in his boots when you approach. "What happened to being a man of your word?"
He looks up, resting his palms on his parted knees, looking far too relaxed for your liking.
When he doesn't respond, you add, "You were supposed to tell me. You said you fucking would."
Your voice is low but harsh.
He stands, a calm understanding washing through his eyes. "I was about to tell you."
You throw up your arms but try to stay quiet. "Bullshit. You're just saying that now. You've had all day to tell me."
"I was waiting for the right time."
"You think I can't handle it," you accuse, an ugly snarl on your face. "That I don't deserve to be apart of these conversations even after everything I have done for you, and for her. I saved her life! You get pissed at me for not telling you about stupid things, meanwhile you don't communicate something so important like we are leaving with them in a month to fucking Switzerland. Does Blue know? Or do you keep your own blood in the dark, too?"
He growls quietly and takes hold of your chin, tilting your gaze to his. His touch is firm but far from bruising. "I am not lying to you. I wanted to have a conversation right now, where it could just be us. And no—I haven't told her. How I explain this to my child is not your concern." There is a command in his voice that forces you to calm down some, but your breath is still warm through your nose. He moves his hand to gently thumb a strand of shortened hair off your forehead, staring at it for a second, before gripping your chin again. "There is nothing I think you cannot handle. Now, who told you about this?"
Blotches of red crawl over your cheeks. "It doesn't...it doesn't matter."
He is visibly unsatisfied. He taps his thumb against your chin. "Tell me."
"It was...Kyle," you concede in an exhale. "He assumed I already knew."
His eyes darken. "It wasn't his place to assume."
"He didn't mean to." You reach up to pry his hand off, and he relents, leaving your jaw feeling sore. You rub it. "Why a month?" You try to change the topic.
He takes a deep, steadying breath and looks away, jaw flexing. "She needs time. I want to prepare her for all possible outcomes. I still don't think she is ready, but that doesn't matter. There won't be another opportunity like this in the future. I have to make her ready." He sits down on the edge of the bed and sits his elbows on his thighs, collecting his thoughts before adding, "And the weather is a big factor. Just because we have means to get across the water doesn't mean it will happen safely. The current is most predictable in July and August. We will wait until then."
You mentally sort through everything he is saying, willing yourself not to linger on the fact that you are beyond scared. Scared to leave the place you have finally felt safe in. Scared to clearly be the odd one out again. A tag-along. Everyone else in this group has a loved one looking out for them. You have yourself. You don't know if you have Ghost, really—not when Blue is the one he loves. His allegiance can only go so far.
"Okay," you whisper, more to yourself than to him. "A month, then. What about shelter? The nights will be our most vulnerable."
"We'll look for the safest places for the night. There'd be seven of us, so plenty of eyes to keep watch."
"And what if we run into a horde?"
"Well, we have plenty of ammo now for that." He flicks his eyes up to yours. "Thanks to you."
You nibble your cheek, palming your chest as if to calm your heart.
"A month," he reminds you. "We will account for everything."
"Okay," you say again. There is a tinge of embarrassment over your outburst, but he doesn't seem fazed, as if you hadn't just barged in the room yelling at him. "Okay."
A click of his tongue. "Any more questions?"
"Not...not for now, I guess."
A few silent beats pass. The tension has left the room, leaving you with a wave of fatigue. Ghost must notice because he rises, gesturing to the bed. "Go on, then."
The bed is yours again. Too exhausted to question it, you slip under the quilt, curling into a fetal position by the slanted ceiling. It's best to enjoy the warmth before you're back on the move. A week journeying through the woods was the worst you'd ever endured, barely surviving. Now, it'll be months, or however long it takes to reach the goddamn Swiss mountains.
The light flicks off. There is a groan in the mattress and heady warmth spills over you. Your eyes fly open. "What are you doing?"
"Getting some sleep."
You turn around to see him lying beside you, flat on his back, with his arms crossed behind his head. "Together?"
"Clearly neither of us fancies the floor."
You flush, feeling his firm thigh brush against yours. "Just... keep to your side."
"I'll be a gentleman, if you're worried."
"I'm not," you mumble. "How do you even sleep in that thing, by the way?"
"Like a baby."
"Don't you think it's weird that Kyle has seen you without it and I haven't?"
"Jealousy doesn't suit you, Twix."
"And mental sanity doesn't suit you, Simon."
"Don't recall giving you permission to use that name."
"What, only your old captain gets to use it? How close were the two of you, exactly?"
Teasing him feels better than you're willing to admit.
He grunts. A pillow is thrashed against the side of your face. "Go to sleep."
"Yes, sir," you bite into the pillow.
Your instinct is to flinch closer to the edge, though it is difficult given the small size of the bed and the unnatural size of him. Your knees float off the mattress. Still, his sprawled-out position leaves points of connection. The bastard. Your back, his elbow. Your feet, his calf. Small touches that do a surprisingly good job at soothing the mess in your brain.
---
You awake. Warm and rested.
Safe.
Morning light streams in, turning the backs of your eyelids red. Your face nudges forward until your nose brushes against fabric—a shirt. Awareness settles in slowly. Your toes stretch and brush against another set of toes. You realize you’re curled close against someone.
He’s still on his back, his right arm draped across your waist, fingertips resting on your exposed hip. Your breath hitches, and you do your best not to flinch. Your face is nuzzled into his chest, close enough to discern ribs from muscle. His steady breathing and gentle rumbles indicate he’s still asleep. You’re ready to peel yourself away when you notice your leg is on top of his, practically trapping him.
Fuck.
You stay still, devising a plan to extricate yourself without him noticing the position you're in. Then, in one swift motion, you leap up, removing all contact, and breathe hard as if ripped from a nightmare.
His eyes open and he swears. "Jesus. What was that?"
"Just a dream," you lie. "Sorry for waking you."
You jump out of the bed and practically run out before he can say anything; before he can realize how odd it'd be for you to have a dream when you haven't had one since... since staying in his room.
You lock yourself in the bathroom and grip the counter, knuckles whitening in the attempt to erode the feel of his warmth that seems to linger. A lump is forced down your throat as you lean back against the wall and close your eyes for a moment. When they reopen, you look down and lift your shirt, only to find the indent of strong fingertips brandishing your plush hip. Jesus. Your stomach knots and unknots.
"You didn't like that," you whisper to yourself. You brush your thumb over the marks, gently at first, then palming them hard as if to erase them. You drop your shirt and look at the mirror. "You did not like that."
Before someone can stumble upon you talking to yourself, you comb your fingers through tousled strands and slip out. It seems most others are awake. How could you and Ghost have slept so long? Usually, the two of you are up with the sun.
"Hey. Morning," you greet when you spot Blue on the porch, belly down, as she plays checkers with Kyle's nephew. She glances over her shoulder. Something in her bright eyes seems...off, but you can't put your finger on it.
"Hi. Is Ghost up yet?"
"Hm? Oh, uh—not sure. I didn't check, really."
"Okay." She looks back at the game and says nothing else. You feel as though she saw right through you. Or maybe that boy has told her everything. Surely he knows about Ghost's plans? Kyle had to have told him. Maybe that is why Blue seems upset, but like he said, it isn't your place to say anything.
You are itching for a hunt.
It feels urgent, for some reason. Like you want to get out of here before Ghost can be up, too. You find Kyle and he suggests that the two of you take Cherry so you can get go further south where he claims there is a meadow to look for deer. It is difficult to ride with him behind you and a bow on your back, so he wears it for you. You can feel his eyes on the back of your head.
"Awfully quiet this morning. Penny for your thoughts?"
"I talked to him," is what you give. "Last night."
"Ah. How'd that go?"
"It was fine. I mean, I am getting used to the idea."
"That's good. It'll be worth it, you know. Once we get there. Finally get to have a semblance of a normal life."
A normal life. You almost snort at the thought.
The morning grows longer, and not even the haircut can save you from the sweat that gathers. You make it to the meadow after an hour of horseback that leaves your thighs bristling. He helps you down and ties Cherry to a tree. You wade through tall, bright grasses that sway in the humid breeze. It looks vaguely familiar, stirring something in your gut that has your boots frozen for a moment.
Kyle looks back at you, noticing that you've stopped following. "Good?"
"I just—I think I've been here once before. When I was on my own. I came this way." Your eyes scan the surrounding trees, where the meadow feeds into the forest, and an a gnarly oak with distinctive branches catches your eye. "I definitely have been here. I slept in that tree."
You push into the meadow, shaking off the memory. Staying close to Kyle, you listen as he lightly shares memories from the military, careful not to startle any potential deer. He talks about his time in Afghanistan, mentioning that his brother was also there, but at a different base. Kyle didn't even know his brother had died until weeks later because he was out in the field.
"After Afghanistan is when I met Ghost the first time."
"Oh?"
He nods. "He was my lieutenant when I went to Russia. I was scared shitless of him at first. I mean, he had a bit of a reputation and I was only 22."
"He was good at what he did," you say.
"More than that. People said he was up to some shit outside of what he did, but that was just rumors."
You think you spot a streak of gold through the grass, but it is just a stalk of wild wheat. You look back at him. "What do you mean?"
"May have heard a thing or two about him killing a guy off-duty. Of course, unconfirmed, otherwise he wouldn't have been enlisted again."
He killed someone? Like actual murder? You're about to ask more, your mind flashing back to your face pressed against him an hour earlier. Then you spot a deer. Kyle sees it too and motions for you to stay quiet. Your boots are nearly silent as you draw an arrow, squinting to see clearer. There are three deer: an adult female and two fawns. You draw the string and aim for the adult, the easier target.
"I'll get the doe," you whisper.
"Gotcha."
The beady black eyes turn your way, and you hesitate for a moment. There's movement, a flash of grey, and the doe snaps her eyes in another direction. What is she looking at? Your brows furrow, arrow following her gaze, when the answer appears: a Grey launching toward the deer. The three deer run off, and you release the arrow, aiming for the Grey's head instead.
"Motherfucker. Ruined the kill," Kyle mutters.
You weave toward the corpse, surprised to see such a fast one alone, indicating a new infection. The stench is pungent, enveloping you in a thick cloud. You shudder. The Grey writhes, your arrow lodged in its neck instead of its brain. You draw another arrow and aim when a hand suddenly grips your shoulder.
"Twix," Kyle breathes in your ear.
"What?"
You look away from the Grey and follow Kyle's gaze, your eyes widening in horror as you realize the terrible smell isn't from this single creature. It's hundreds. A dark, grey mist that unfurls through the trees. A growing chorus of agony as their tattered bodies collide—some limping, others hurtling forward in a grotesque dance, but all converging on the meadow.
#simon ghost riley x you#simon ghost riley#simon riley x reader#ghost#simon ghost riley x reader#cod#zombie apocolypse au
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His way of apologizing
n/a: In which, he made you upset and feels really bad:( so he tries to make it up to you! By eating your pussy like a starved man!
a/n: I feel like he would be a MUNCH he is definitely a MUNCH. Thank you, your honor. ENJOY! |
REQUESTS ARE OPEN BTW..... SO REQUEST PLEASe
C/w: oral (f receiving), dirty talk, soft Dom Daisuke, kinda mean reader in beginning, fingering, AFAB reader, use of the word panties.. Ik I'm sorry. lmk if I forgot anything!
Not proofread
"C'mon dude! Why won't you just forgive me!" Your desperate bf pleaded, he was practically on his knees, you both were sitting in the lounge on the couch, the screen with the bright ass sun in your face wasn't helping with your frustration, neither was your boyfriend.
"First of all, I'm not your "dude" and second of all, quit apologizing becuz you don't even know what you did! " you couldn't help but raise your voice, you were angry, I mean, how could he? You were embarrassed, ashamed, and overall pissed!
So what did Daisuke do exactly. Well, poor baby got so excited when you guys first had sex he had to tell someone, he wanted to tell curly but he was always busy, Jimmy? No.... What about Anya! Hmm.. No.. That'd be awkward since she wasn't a guy- Swansea! Sooo.. He told Swansea, he told him about how amazing you felt and he even showed off the scratches you left on his back, he was so proud of himself and Swansea gave him a big pat on the back.. But jimmy overheard... Then he told curly.... Then curly blurted it out to Anya during a conversation sooo everyone knows.. What if they think you're a whore...Anyways! You were all in the mess hall, eating dinner when jimmy brought it up.
"You guys sure are two active bunnies, huh? " he said as he he took a bite of his soup
"Huh? What does that mean? " you asked so innocently, I mean, you really didn't have any idea what he was talking about
"I think he means the fact that you guys fuck alot. " Swansea then said.
what.
Oh my god oh my god- his fucking quarter walls were made out of steel so no fucking way someone could've heard them- daisuke had to have told them!
"Oh. And why are we bringing up our... Private habits? "
"Well Daisuke told everyone.. " Anya said quietly
What.
How could he? He knew that you wanted to keep your bedroom life private and he went against that and you were furious.
"Oh." Was all you said, everyone went on about their day like they hadn't just humiliated you, Daisuke didn't see anything wrong with it, goddamn ray of sunshine doesn't even see what he did wrong
Which brings us back to here. You sitting on the couch and him right next to you, his hands clasped together as he pleaded with you
"Look! I'm sorry for whatever I did! I just don't want you to be mad at me, love! "
"Well I'm mad! "
"But why? "
"You told everyone about our sex life! They fucking humiliated me at dinner tonight! And you didn't even do anything! You know I hate being put on blast and being put in the spot yet you said nothing! So pardon me if I'm upset! "
You crossed your arms as you raised your voice. Oh. That's why you were upset, god did he feel dumb. He just wanted to die, he didn't even realize how much he hurt you...
"Ah.. I-im sorry.. I uh.. I really didn't think you would mind! I should've talked to you about it.. And I'm sorry for not standing up and saying something I rea-
"Forget it, Daisuke! Honestly just fucking forget it! " you got up and speed walked to your quarters, you were so pissed you didn't even wanna hear about it.
Daisuke decided to just leave you alone for now. He felt dumb, he felt so awful, he never meant to make you feel that way, he sat on the couch thinking about ways to make it up to you and.. Bingo! This was perfect! He hopped up off the couch and went to your quarters, he gently knocked on the door, it's not like it was locked but he didn't wanna barge in.
"What do you want? " you said softly, you felt kinda bad for yelling at him
He opened the door and shut it behind him as he walked in. He walked to your bed, and toppled over you, his lips crashing into yours. Your eyes widened
"What the fuck- what the hell are you- " he interrupted you by kissing you again, it's not like you didn't want it you were just caught off guard
"Im *peck* sorry *peck* "
He kissed down your neck and stopped at the collar of your shirt
"Let me make it up to you, please? "
"Make it up to me how- AH! "
You gasped loudly as he basically ripped your pajama pants down and lifted up your legs to get them off of you, he threw them on the floor
"Jesus! What the-
"Hush.. Let me apologize to you.. " he opened your legs and positioned himself, like his whole body between them, his torso hunched over your lower belly as he placed small kisses over your neck
"Okay okay.. Fine.. "
He smiled against your neck, sucking softly on your supple skin, leaving a light pink mark, lifting up his head slightly and smiling at the mark he had left. He then tugged at your shirt and made you lift up your arms so he could take it off.
"You're so beautiful.. I.. God you're so perfect" he said as he stares lovingly into your eyes before dipping his head down to devour your breasts. He nipped at your sensitive nipples which were already hard from the cold air
It felt like an eternity passed while he was leaving light pink marks on your chest, he ran his tongue along your stomach and he moves his body down, his face just above the waistband of your panties, hooking his finger under.
"C-can I? " he looked up at you and you nodded.. "I wanna hear you say it.. Use your words please..? "
"Yeah.. G-go ahead.. " you nodded and be didn't have to be told twice, he tore your favorite panties off but, poor baby was just excited :((
He spread your legs further as he dipped his face between your legs, kitten licking your folds before turning his head to the side to kiss your inner thighs, leaving some marks before diving back into your pussy, immediately going in with his tongue. He flicked his tongue out and lemme tell you.. His tongue is sooooo long like.. Genocider Jill long..
As his tongue flicked out to go inside of you his teeth grazed your clit and you arched your back a little
"A-ah! Teeth- teeth Daisuke! " he didn't listen, more like he didnt hear you but can you blame him? He felt bad and was focused on making you feel better. It was only when he lifted his head up when you tugged on his hair. "Are you okay, love? " he looked up at you.. Your slick dripping down his chin, jeez.. Were you that wet?
"Y-your teeth.. "
"Oh shoot! I'm sorry! " thats all he said before he dipped his head back down, continuing to eat you, he brought his fingers up and pulled his head away for a couple of seconds and almost immediately inserted 2 fingers in you, thumb circling your clit as he pulled his head back in and continued.
The combination of his fingers and his tongue had you close, you grabbed his hair and that was his breaking point, he added a THIRD finger and curled them inside the part of you that needed him most.
"D-dai.. I'm close.. I-im gonna cum.. "
He nodded his head as if telling you to let go, you pulled his hair as you came undone all over his face, you know the walls are soundproof but if they weren't the whole ship would be awake
He pulled away after he lapped up all of your cum and slick, he pulled his fingers out, leaving you feeling empty. He put them up to his mouth and licked them clean before wiping them on his shirt. Then he wrapped his arms around you, his head resting on your lower belly.
.....
"Do you forgive m-
"Shut up, I forgive you.. "
"Yay! Awesome!! "
.....
"I love you"
"I love you too, Daisuke.. "
I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS.
. The ending whas kinda rushed..
REQUESTS OPEN 👿
#mouthwashing smut#mouthwashing#daisuke mouthwashing#daisuke smut#smut#idk what to put here#uhhhhrequestsopen#please request#ty ty
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#there's literally so many ways AI and machine learning could be genuinely useful like this#i wish mega corpos weren't giving it such a bad name with generative AI because AI that can recognize patterns could be game changing#now whenever people hear 'AI in healthcare' they think they're gonna like. replace doctors with chatGPT#but AI that can learn from giant databases of medical scans to identify abnormalities#or AI like this that can monitor vital signs continuously and alert doctors of any concerning changes#or AI that could even be used in medical studies to recognize links between certain symptoms and conditions#are all ways machine learning technology can be used to help humans do their job. because AI is a tool and can never be a replacement.#it also pisses me off because companies don't understand how it could actually save them money if they use it as a tool#but they still have to pay humans to do that and they can't just use AI and nothing else#but if they let humans use it in a way that is useful it could actually save time and money and prevent serious mistakes#but you can't use the same tool for every job. pattern recognition can only take you so far. that's just one aspect of a job that has many.#you can't use purely pattern recognition AI to replace a doctor or make a finished animation or compose a song or anything like that#but a human can use it to supplement their own pattern recognition. for example with doctors#who sometimes miss things because they make a mistake or are tired and their job is tedious#so if you use AI to notice those mistakes then yes it can be genuinely useful and even a major innovation#i personally think AI doesn't have much use in art because generally you don't make art with the goal of repeating a pattern#because a heavily derivative artwork or story or song tends to be pretty boring and AI can only be derivative. so what's the point.#but i could see it being useful for like. miscellaneous background animation or other minor tedious things in specific circumstances#but once again even if you're asking it to do something basic you need to have a human there to interpret the results and tweak it#I don't think AI can make GOOD art. but as long as a corporation isn't trying to use it to replace humans so they can lay them off#then I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with it morally even if I don't see the point of it.#but my main point is that people are trying to use AI for the completely wrong industries.#why are we using it in entertainment when we can use it for doctors or weather tracking or smart vehicles or etc.#entertainment is supposed to be what humans do for fun. the whole point is that we automate the boring stuff so we can do the fun stuff
"When Ellen Kaphamtengo felt a sharp pain in her lower abdomen, she thought she might be in labour. It was the ninth month of her first pregnancy and she wasn’t taking any chances. With the help of her mother, the 18-year-old climbed on to a motorcycle taxi and rushed to a hospital in Malawi’s capital, Lilongwe, a 20-minute ride away.
At the Area 25 health centre, they told her it was a false alarm and took her to the maternity ward. But things escalated quickly when a routine ultrasound revealed that her baby was much smaller than expected for her pregnancy stage, which can cause asphyxia – a condition that limits blood flow and oxygen to the baby.
In Malawi, about 19 out of 1,000 babies die during delivery or in the first month of life. Birth asphyxia is a leading cause of neonatal mortality in the country, and can mean newborns suffering brain damage, with long-term effects including developmental delays and cerebral palsy.
Doctors reclassified Kaphamtengo, who had been anticipating a normal delivery, as a high-risk patient. Using AI-enabled foetal monitoring software, further testing found that the baby’s heart rate was dropping. A stress test showed that the baby would not survive labour.
The hospital’s head of maternal care, Chikondi Chiweza, knew she had less than 30 minutes to deliver Kaphamtengo’s baby by caesarean section. Having delivered thousands of babies at some of the busiest public hospitals in the city, she was familiar with how quickly a baby’s odds of survival can change during labour.
Chiweza, who delivered Kaphamtengo’s baby in good health, says the foetal monitoring programme has been a gamechanger for deliveries at the hospital.
“[In Kaphamtengo’s case], we would have only discovered what we did either later on, or with the baby as a stillbirth,” she says.
The software, donated by the childbirth safety technology company PeriGen through a partnership with Malawi’s health ministry and Texas children’s hospital, tracks the baby’s vital signs during labour, giving clinicians early warning of any abnormalities. Since they began using it three years ago, the number of stillbirths and neonatal deaths at the centre has fallen by 82%. It is the only hospital in the country using the technology.
“The time around delivery is the most dangerous for mother and baby,” says Jeffrey Wilkinson, an obstetrician with Texas children’s hospital, who is leading the programme. “You can prevent most deaths by making sure the baby is safe during the delivery process.”
The AI monitoring system needs less time, equipment and fewer skilled staff than traditional foetal monitoring methods, which is critical in hospitals in low-income countries such as Malawi, which face severe shortages of health workers. Regular foetal observation often relies on doctors performing periodic checks, meaning that critical information can be missed during intervals, while AI-supported programs do continuous, real-time monitoring. Traditional checks also require physicians to interpret raw data from various devices, which can be time consuming and subject to error.
Area 25’s maternity ward handles about 8,000 deliveries a year with a team of around 80 midwives and doctors. While only about 10% are trained to perform traditional electronic monitoring, most can use the AI software to detect anomalies, so doctors are aware of any riskier or more complex births. Hospital staff also say that using AI has standardised important aspects of maternity care at the clinic, such as interpretations on foetal wellbeing and decisions on when to intervene.
Kaphamtengo, who is excited to be a new mother, believes the doctor’s interventions may have saved her baby’s life. “They were able to discover that my baby was distressed early enough to act,” she says, holding her son, Justice.
Doctors at the hospital hope to see the technology introduced in other hospitals in Malawi, and across Africa.
“AI technology is being used in many fields, and saving babies’ lives should not be an exception,” says Chiweza. “It can really bridge the gap in the quality of care that underserved populations can access.”"
-via The Guardian, December 26, 2024
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A Message for our Dearest Friends ✨
[[ Before anything, I do give a TRIGGER WARNING for those who may not want to read about anymore of Nirmal's escapades, and also who may not want to look into discussions of z!on!sm, harrassment of children, and just general nasty ass behavior from Karen Supreme over here. If you do read though, I very much thank you! ]]
So y'know unfortunately I was not added to The List™. Really sad, might just piss and die from it all. HOWEVER, I care about this fandom and I'm always for being petty, so I guess I'll take the bait and send a nice little message to our dearest friend @gordontheengineswifenirmal and her little bestie boo @drackara for trying to fuck with MY friends!! 😁
FIRST OFF, I am not nor will I ever take shit from some bitch who named herself after that fugly ass grey cat from Garfield, so no I am not scared of you and actually I'm SO happy you chose a fandom I happen to be in to try and be a little prick to so I can go into some of the shit you've done!! Like omg thank you SO much for this opportunity, girl! 😊✨
SECOND, you are old enough to be the parent to about 60% of this fandom yet lack the simple maturity basics that even a 5 year old has, so like idk but maybe you should look into going back to school and doing something with your life, since it's obvious you're just rotting in your friend's basement and don't have any sort of diploma or certificate to your name teehee!! 😘
THIRD, going on with how grossly uneducated you are at your crusty dusty ass age, let me remind you that nobody, I mean NOBODY- Actually, here, lemme add the definition so you can get it:
NOBODY [pronoun] / ˈnoʊ.bɑː.di / : not anyone
(SOURCE: Cambridge Dictionary)
Yeah, so that? Yeah, nobody owes you shit over actual families who are going through one of the worst mass humanitarian disasters we've seen in modern history! There's this other thing called "independence", yeah, and THAT means that we ALLL get to choose where our money goes! Isn't that so great? Yeah so that means… People get to choose if they want to monetarily support you!!! 🥳 Isn't that just so lovely?
And y'know, maybe it's just me, but I dunno if people would want to use their independence over their money to send it to a random 42 year old over helping people escape literal genocide. Doesn't sound so great does it? Yeah, maybe it's kinda like people have hearts and understand that genocide is far worse than some random 42 year old who spews z!onist rhetoric, disrespects sex work, and demands monetary gain from literal kids who she not only calls slurs but also actively exposes to NSFW content on her little confessions blog!
Y'know… maybe THAAAT'S why people don't send you money! Yeahhh it's cuz you're a basement-dwelling prehistoric z!onist toad who actively threatens the safety of literal children in online spaces!! I got it figured out!! And y'know, I got you figured all out too, darlin', because I sure as hell know this ain't your first rodeo and this post sure as hell ain't mine!
And y'know I could just keep going on and on, but considering you're probably red in the face and sobbing like the infant-minded subhuman creature you are over lil ol me simply going over just one single little atrocity you've committed on this fandom, I think I'll spare you from holding you to the mirror for ALL that!
Anyways, I do hope this all finds you just SO well, and maybe you can understand just a teensy bit why people y'know… Don't like you! Yeah, so uh hope your holidays go great, hope the new year treats you better than how you've treated ANY of us, and I do hope that poor single braincell gets some friends in the incoming year because he sure is real lonely in that hollow head of your's! Anyways buh-bye hon, hope you have a fantastic day 🥰
#rennys trainrot#<- except this bitch is actually rotting my brain#imagine being 42 and bullying kids like??#get a job lmao#tw z!o mention#also tw for some ugly ass hag bullying children#tldr do NOT fuck with my friends
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its so funny when people see an inclusionist who is part of like, every possible oppressed minority within oppressed minority groups, and then they say something inclusionist that They Specifically are against and they go like "what the hell. i thought u were better than this. i expected you to not have empathy for The Bad People." its ridiculous anyway thanks for being so chill and always open minded ur blog makes me feel safe
it makes me want to bite a chunk out of my desk
i've had this happen to me so many times over xyz thing and it baffles me. i don't get why people think that just because they like my vibe that it means that i'll agree with everything they have to say. and i really don't like it when someone struts into my ask box acting like they have pity for me, or are "scared" for me for "not knowing better". it actually pisses me the fuck off that people think they know what's best for me.
i do not understand why people look at how inclusive i am and go. i bet equinox hates (marginalized group). on what planet? i'm intersex. i'm trans. i'm bisexual. i'm biracial. i'm disabled. i'm neurodivergent. i'm mentally ill. i'm poor. i've been chronically homeless. like i could keep going. why do people think that i harbor hatred in my heart like this? i don't. i don't want anything to do with your hatred and looking down on people
i don't look down on people. i think that's what irritates me the most is when someone projects how they look down on others on to me. keep that to yourself. i'm not in the business of looking down on people who haven't harmed anyone. people really have to learn that something irritating them isn't harming them. getting annoyed is not the same as being harmed.
i don't entertain people like that because i do not owe someone i disagree with validation. i am not humoring people who think it's okay to be an asshole. if i'm well known for not being an asshole, what the hell makes people think i'll change just for them? get real. i'm not going to start excluding random groups of people from communities they rightfully occupy. maybe i just have too much lived experience, but i'm not narrow minded, and my goal in life isn't to make people feel like shit. my goal in life is to help people. hating a marginalized group will never be helping anyone
thank you for this message, genuinely, because the amount of people who have crawled into my ask box lately with the most bullshit exclusionist takes thinking that for some reason, i'll bend to pat them, in specific, on the back, has been staggering. idk why people think that i inherently agree with them just because they agree with me. i'm not your weird little yes man to pat you on the back and give you validation. i'm a person with my own thoughts.
take care of yourself, thank you so much for the kind words! i appreciate it more than i could ever express
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Sometimes I think about the Voice and Vessel ships that aren't their respective pairs. So I'm gonna ramble about the ones I really like
Hero and Thorn: I like to think that out of all the vessels, Hero would resonate with Thorn the most. Both of them start off as soft individuals who end up hurting each other after things go south and becoming hostile and cautious. But they eventually reach a point where they are so tired of all the pain and mistrust. Even so, they still want to believe they can make things right and leave together peacefully. Hero always believed in doing the right thing. His compassion is enough to let Thorn know that he truly wants to help her and she can trust him. She's scared of being hurt again and so is he. Now that they understand each other and the pain they've been through, they want to reassure each other that things will be ok between them now. And that's just very sweet to me.
Wraith and Opportunist OR Wraith and Cheated: Ok I might be cheating here since I choose two different voices to pair with Wraith. But I like them both for different reasons! The dynamic between Wraith and Opportunist is just so hilarious (Scary villainess and her loyal bumbling henchman LOL). I love how he tries to butter up to her and she isn't having it at first, but then she starts finding him amusing. And if you let her out, she's genuinely endeared by his support. It's a funny interaction and probably the one nice thing Oppy has ever done for a princess. It also makes sense too since they both have abandonment issues and will do anything it takes to not be hurt again, even if it means they have to hurt others. As for Wraith and Cheated, both are pissed off by the unfair circumstances that they are each placed in (Wraith being cruelly slain as a trapped prisoner and Cheated taking on the role as a slayer with a terrible reward). They take out their anger on each other because they both think that the other made things worse for them. But even so, I like to think this shared feeling might offer both of them to connect somehow. Even if these two aren't willing to empathize with each other, they both know that whatever game they're playing in is "rigged against them". So perhaps, if they were to put their hatred aside and work together, they can both fight for the freedom they've been longing for so long. It may never happen, but ideally it would be an endearing dynamic.
[The next few ships include Pristine Cut Spoilers]
Paranoid and Happily Ever After: We know that Paranoid is usually afraid of the princess, always expecting the worst possible thing she could do to her. But what happens when she meets a princess who just wants to make her happy and is clearly miserable because of it? Despite her initial caution, Paranoid realizes that HEA is just as trapped as she is and urges her to be honest so that the both of them can be free. Sure enough, that urge is what encourages HEA to finally speak up for herself. Perhaps she knows how anxious Paranoid is but still wants her to feel comfortable around her. So she tries to build trust with the voice by being patient and caring towards her. Thanks to this, Paranoid slowly feels less afraid of HEA. Both of these fragile souls know how much it hurts to have their will and freedom taken away, but they can seek comfort in each other now that they are finally free.
Cold and Fury: I really love how out of all the vessels, Cold is clearly amused by Fury (if you get him from Adversary). As a voice who claims to "feel nothing", it would be expected for him to be drawn to someone filled with raw emotion. (WHO'S READY FOR BURNED BRIDGES 2.0 BABYYYYYYYYYY) But then it turns out that he shares something in common with her. Both of them are desperate to feel something, anything. And for Fury in particular, she wants to feel the spark she once had so bad but can't anymore. Once she's taken out all of her anger, once she's done with her agonizing torment, she's left in a sad, lost, and empty state. But Cold is still there. Despite everything, he was able to withstand all the pain. And he too wants to feel something; he just didn't want to do the same thing over and over with Fury. Even if they have both have grown numb to their own feelings, they can still build something together. It's not too late for either of them.
Skeptic and Eye of the Needle: So this is mostly based on the updated ending for EOTN when you free her with Skeptic. Once she's finally out, she is left in a state of confusion. Violence is the only thing she ever cared about and everything outside of that is so new to her. She feels so lost and scared, as if she had long forgotten something important. And that's when Skeptic comes in. He'd be the best one to help her come to terms with her identity crisis. He also knows what it's like to feel lost with so many unanswered questions and he's sure EOTN has a lot of them. So he's willing to guide her towards the answers she is looking for, no violence required. And EOTN would be grateful for this...although this probably won't stop her from wanting to fight him too. (She'd still think he’s a weakling who needs to toughen up and be her equal.) The spark she once had isn't lost yet; she just needs a different approach.
#wysty's thoughts#wysty's headcanons#slay the princess#stp pristine cut#stp thorn#stp wraith#stp hea#stp happily ever after#stp fury#stp eotn#stp eye of the needle#voice of the hero#voice of the opportunist#voice of the cheated#voice of the paranoid#voice of the cold#voice of the skeptic
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Secret Artist Au
Adam has always been artistic, if it were music, baking, even if he wasn't good at it and drawing.
Making art was just in his veins.
So when he came to the hotel as a fallen angel and told to get a job he scoffed at the idea. Him? The Adam get a job? As if.
But apparently things cost a lot of money down here and he had none. If anyone found out who he really was they would never hire him at best, at worst they would kill him on sight.
So he drew and posted some art on this Hell site called tumblr and turns out people actually liked his art down here. Well of course they did he's fucking Adam, they would be stupid if they didn't like what he did. He was perfect.
That's when he got a message asking if he did commissions and he had a light bulb moment.
This was how he could make money! Art!
So he even set up a patron so he could post and draw whatever he wanted and people would pay for it. Some of it backgrounds, plants, and animals.
Others and his heavy hitters were his smutty drawings and explicit art pieces of his two oc's either being romantic or having sex. One of them...... May or may not look like himself a little bit and the other miiiiiiight look like a certain King of Hell.
He'll never tell. And no one will know it's him.
Adam couldn’t help but admire the new drawing tablet he bought with all the money he made from his commissions. He could now do a lot more with it. That was when he got a message from duck_fan666.
Adam internally: I know that’s you Luci, even if 666 is Satan’s number I know you like to use it just to piss him off.
Adam decided to go ahead and see what he wanted out of boredom.
@ngelic_@rtist69: Hello, have you come to get a commission?
duck_fan666: Yes, I was looking at your art and I love it. ☺️
@ngelic_@rtist69: Thank you, is there anything in particular you would like to request?
duck_fan666: Yes. I am sure you know what Adam the first man looks like?
@ngelic_@rtist69: Yes.
duck_fan666: Perfect, I would like for you to draw a picture of him in dress that I am going to send a picture of to you and have him surrounded by ducklings. Very fluffy yellow ducklings.
Lucifer then sent the picture of the dress.
This wasn’t going to be some extremely sexual picture, but this was the first time he was asked to draw himself. Though no one had guessed it was him.
@ngelic_@rtist69: I hope you don’t mind me asking why you want me to draw that?
duck_fan666: I think it would be really cute. 🥹
@ngelic_@rtist69: Why not, it sounds interesting and cute like you said.
duck_fan666: Thank you. 😄
Adam internally: I don’t know why I agreed to this.
@things-arent-what-they-seem66
#hazbin hotel#adam#hazbin hotel adam#lucifer#lucifer morningstar#hazbin hotel lucifer#adamsapple#guitarduck#adam/lucifer#minors dni
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as a stanley girl, there is SO MUCH MORE ford content. and it's 100% because he is "more handsome" (read it as the journal 3 passage where he writes "what is a silver fox??? people are calling me that......"
I also have another take: I think it also has to do with their body type. ford doesn't have a protuding belly and looks slimmer, while stan has a big belly, doesn't hide it, and when he does, he explicitly tells it's a girdle. cowards. afraid of this old man's delicious stomach 🫦🫦🫦
This is actually a really interesting point that I hadn't considered before.
I'm going to use this as a chance to analyse because I think it's quite interesting and I can't shut up about these old fuckers. Sorry.
And by the way, Ford repeatedly being referred to as being 'hot' always made me laugh because they're literally twins and it would piss me tf off if I was Stan.
(I am also speaking in big, broad brush strokes about the way in which they're received by the audience and portrayed in the show here, by the way. Very generally.)
The main difference between them I think is that Stan is portrayed as someone who 'didn't take care of himself' because he smoked heavily, drank, and was generally portrayed as quite 'grimy'.
But I would hasten to add that being homeless and having a rough life will make you like that to some extent, and that's not an effect of 'not taking care of yourself' so much as it is one of having to survive in any shape you can.
To be clear, I'm not saying you're bad or 'grimy' if you are/have been those things, I'm saying people often portray or view you as such when you've really just had to adapt and be like that to survive. You'll develop certain ways of being because of the people you're around (who usually tend to be hardened themselves) or even the people that you're not around, in the sense of social isolation. You'll probably drink or smoke or do drugs to cope, and all of those things age you dramatically. As does stress and trauma. You don't have anywhere to shower or stay clean. You don't have anywhere to get healthcare. You don't have anything. You lose access to so much that most people take for granted.
In terms of physicality:
Ford had to work out and try to take of himself to an extent because he needed to stay on the run and was moving around a lot. I hold this hc that interdimensional travel takes a HUGE toll on the human body and, like an astronaut would, it was imperative for him to stay in good shape or else he physically wouldn't be able to go on. He also had the astronomical intelligence level to craft food sources or find alternatives, and would have help from other beings along the way. I don't for a second think he survived entirely on his own and we do know that's true because he tells us so in the journal.
Stan survived in a very different way. He did survive totally alone. He had no one at all. He was likely depressed and being homeless meant he had no money, so, for example, he would have lived on a shitty diet of whatever he could get his hands on. When you're dirt poor, calories matter. Like, a lot. He never would have known where his next meal was coming from. He'd have been packing on weight with dogshit food and he'd have had to do it fast, but then you grow into bad dietary habits and it becomes harder to shift off when you become stationary or more consistent in income.
So he would have gained weight and kept it on like a life preserve, but he also wouldn't have had much need to work out to get rid of it once he was more settled, plus depression in general can add to weight gain, too.
Both of them are portrayed as quite stocky guys, as well. They're very broad and chunky in general, so their body type is kind of inclined to hold weight like that too.
Personality wise, Ford has traits that are probably seen as more 'admirable' or attractive by a general audience, in the sense that he is intelligent (booksmart, at least) and driven, he's noble in his cause and he's successful. He's portrayed as being 'proper'.
Stan, however, is portrayed as having traits that are inherently negative such as that he's dumb (he's not, he's very street smart and that IS intelligence, don't let anyone tell you it isn't!), he's a criminal, he's rough around the edges and coarse, he's kind gross, he's a failure, etc. He's portrayed at large as a Loser. His redeeming quality is that eventually, he's considered loveable.
I think it's the combo of their looks/bodies and their personalities seals the deal for a lot of people. One is seen as slim and smart and successful, whereas the other is fat and 'grimy' and a cantankerous ass.
We don't have to like someone to fuck them, but generally we do need to be attracted physically to them to fuck them.
Ford is seen as unlikeable in personality, whereas Stan is seen as unlikeable in looks. Stan is just emotionally more redeemable because we see his redemption and more of his backstory. Ford is just considered by a lot of people as big and sad and fuckable lmao
I, personally, don't think that when you truly look at them both in the light, that you can boil them down to those few traits. They are very complicated and layered, and while they do retain those points, the above is kind of 'how do they seem at a passing glance' or 'how do they seem from an immediate attraction point of view'.
Anyway, I do agree that Stan's body type and personality is viewed less favourably to Ford's because he's put forward as being grotesque, and for one thing, fat is generally accepted as something that equals being gross.
That's not to say I'm waving a stick being like 'waaah this was done on purpose it's fatphobic that they made Stan like that', I think their designs are purposeful but that they're done like that to show to an audience that Stan has lived a sedentary life since he stopped being homeless whereas Ford has been in motion constantly for 30 years.
I have no idea about how character design works, I'm thinking about how they'd look if I were writing about them as my original characters and I needed to portray their personalities/lives to my audience without showing them too much of their backstories up front.
Anyways, I think they're both dreamboats. Fat or thin. Don't give a fuck. I need them.
#I have no idea if this makes sense the brain fog is really bad today#forgive me#stan asks#ford asks#asks#anon#anyway I'll feed the Stan fans too don't you worry#i got plans for youse
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Dating Jason Todd (Part Two)
fanfic type: angst, fluff, comfort (ongoing)
If you liked the Titans show but wish they handled Jason’s story line differently you might like this fic!
Hey so this is in fact my first time writing fanfiction (idk what my life has come to). Sorry if it’s cringy but also I would eat this up cause I LOVE some good angsty comfort fanfiction. I won’t write smut. I don’t think I’m gonna do requests but if you have any ideas feel free to let me know. Also of course I don’t own any DC characters this is purely fanfiction. Although I’ve had tumblr for a bit I’m not really used to posting stuff so sorry if I don’t format everything well. Thank you and I hope you enjoy. (I hope you like run-on sentences💀) (if you don’t like it don’t be rude just move on dude😃🧍♀️)
So story line, this doesn’t really take place in any specific universe but I’m gonna be pulling concepts from Titans, The Batman, Under the Red Hood, and whatever lore I remember from the CW shows cause I grew up watching those, then just my imagination of course. The beginning takes place when Jason is still Robin but he’s no longer apart of the titans. Reader is referred to as she/her btw.
Warnings: talking about death, suicide, depression, torture (it’s not graphic I hate gore it’s just sad)
Part Two: Fear and Love
You stood in Dick’s bedroom as he packed. “You can’t just leave me here,” you said.
“I have to go find Jason and you can’t come with me,” he says.
“You know I can help.”
“I also know joker is after you, if you came to Gotham we’d be giving joker exactly what he wants,” Dick says. “Come on I’ve gotta wake up the others before I leave to let them know Jason’s off to get himself killed.”
“Dick!” You say. He looks at you with that cold glare you’re oh so familiar with. “You need to promise me something,” you say seriously.
“I’m listening,” Dick says.
“And you can’t tell anyone I’m asking you to do this, especially not Jason,” you say. You and Dick were inches apart now, making eye contact so intense you could feel a shift in the energy of the room.
“What is it Y/N,” Dick says softly.
“I need you to protect Jason,” you begin saying.
“Y/N, you know him he’s impulsive and if he wants to do something nobody can-“ you cut him off.
Teary eyed you say, “I know, but if anything happens to him I won’t forgive myself…and I won’t forgive you. Just promise me you’ll do your best.”
“I promise Y/N” Dick says. His voice is cold yet soft, almost like he wants to say more but is stopping himself.
Dick woke everyone up and told the team Jason had gone to Gotham.
“Idiot,” Kori said.
“Literally took the words out of my mouth but unfortunately he’s my problem,” Dick glances at you, “Our problem.”
“Should anyone go with you?” Gar asks.
“No, I want you guys to stick together,” he says to Kori, Gar and Rachel. “And keep an eye on Y/N.” Dick adds.
That sentence pissed you off. He starts to leave and as he walks past you say, “I don’t need a fucking babysitter.” This was one of the times Dick realized why you got along with Jason so well. Dick leaves and you immediately head for Jason’s room.
You start searching for any note he might’ve left you. After you look in his room you go tear apart your own trying to find any message or hint Jason left you. Ten minutes later you find a folded piece of notebook paper under your pink baseball cap that says “Chicago”. Jason had bought the hat for you after you found out he was Robin.
Y/N, I’m sorry for leaving you alone but right now you being as far away from me and Gotham is the safest thing for you. Stay at the tower, even though it pains me to say it, I know Dick will keep you safe, and hell if he fails then pretty sure our friends with sunlight, darkness and animal transforming powers will be enough to protect you. Don’t come looking for me, I’d never forgive myself if anything happened to you. I’ll be back in no time.
With love -Jay
You called Jason…he didn’t answer. You called Dick…he answered.
“What’s up,” Dick said.
“I will stay at the tower on one condition,” you say.
“Let’s hear it,” Dick says.
“Call me with updates and if anything drastic happens don’t wait till everything’s fine to tell me, I don’t care if it’s bad news or good news I just can’t be in the dark,” you say.
“Of course,” Dick says.
It had been three hours, no calls from Dick, radio silence from Jason, Barbra had no news, even Alfred knew nothing. You had exhausted everyone you possibly could have asked when suddenly you remembered one more person. Jason’s best friend, not you, not Gar, Roy Harper. You didn’t have his number but you had his girlfriend Thea’s. Thea Queen also known as a close friend of yours who happens to be the sister of Oliver Queen, the arrow.
“Thea hey I’m kinda having a crisis,” you say.
“Oh? What’s going on?” She said with a mixture of valley girl and New York accent.
“Jokers been leaving threats against Jason and I around Gotham and he’s gone without me and nobody can find him…so I was wondering if Roy has heard anything?” You asked.
“Oh my god, I have no idea but here I’ll put him on the phone,” she said.
“Hello?” Roy says.
“Hey do you know Jason’s missing?” You say.
“I do now, what’s going on?” He says.
“Jokers been leaving notes around Gotham threatening Jason and I, Jason left last night to go by himself even though him and Dick were meant to go together. He doesn’t have a tracker but we’re positive he’s gone to Gotham to try and find joker alone.” “So he’s not called you or anything?”
“Wow…no this is the first I’m hearing any of this, so where are you now?” Roy asks.
“Titans tower in San Francisco,” you say.
“Okay I will try to get ahold of Jason and actually if he has the wallet I gave him there’s actually a tracker in there…I didn’t know it was there when I gave it to him, courtesy of Oliver’s failed attempt at tracking me but I’ll try to see if I can find him.”
“Okay thank you so much, call me back as soon as you can,” you say. Twenty minutes pass and you hear a knock on the door. You open it to see Rachel with a plate of food.
“Can I come in?” She asks.
“Course yeah,” you say.
“So how are you doing…sorry that’s a stupid question” Rachel says.
“No it’s okay, I’m doing umm…I mean I’ve been better,” you laugh nervously. “I just wish he accepted Dick’s help and didn’t go off by himself.”
“Yeah,” she says to let you know she’s listening.
“And I understand why he did it you know it’s not because he’s got anything against Dick or Bruce or titans despite what everyone thinks, he just wants to be good enough. I wish he understood getting help and working with others doesn’t mean you’re weak and incapable.” You say. Just as Rachel’s about to say something your phone rings. It’s Dick.
“What’s happened?” You say quickly.
“The cops are all here, we’re at that abandoned amusement park near the pier. Jason’s not here but we think he was. There’s blood, it’s not a concerning amount…we’re sending it over to the lab. We pretty much know it was him though cause said blood is on playing cards,” Dick says.
“Shit,” you say. “Okay wait so I called Roy and he said there’s a tracker in Jason’s wallet so if it’s on him and it still works he’s gonna call me,” you say.
“Okay call me when-“ Dick gets cut off when Roy calls you. You pick up quickly.
“The wallets at some random street in Gotham…” when Roy gives you the street name you immediately recognize it as where Poison Ivy kidnapped you a couple years ago.
“Okay thank you I’m gonna call Dick,” you say. You call Dick and put him on speaker.
“The wallets at 345 Ribbon St,” you say.
“We’re on our way,” Dick says.
I hope you guys liked part two🫡🩷 Please like the fic if you enjoyed it and want to see more cause I’ve got a whole storyline and backstory and many more ideas and want to know people are enjoying my writing.
Here’s my Masterlist so you can read the other parts.
Masterlist
#jason todd x y/n#jason todd x you#jason todd comfort#jason todd imagine#jason todd fluff#jason todd x reader#jason todd x oc#jason todd angst#jason todd fanfiction#jason todd fic#jason todd#redhood x you#redhood x reader#red hood#arkham knight#arkham knight x reader#arkham knight x you#dick grayson x reader#dick grayson fanfiction#dick grayson#nightwing#titans fanfiction#dc titans#dc fanfiction#angst#hurt/comfort
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Home for the Holidays
Jason Todd & Dick Grayson & Tim Drake All Chapters Ao3
December 21, Salt Lake City, UT
They made it to Salt Lake City by sunrise, Jason having pushed the pedal til the car was practically begging for gas, where they stopped for breakfast. Dick bought them breakfast with ten of the thirty dollars they had, while the rest went toward the car.
When Jason returned from the gas station he sat in the booth next to Tim where he began to take his designated hashbrown and sausage biscuit.
“Jesus Christ, this is good! I think I might spend the rest of the money on another biscuit,” Jason said with his mouth full. That caught Dick’s attention and he ordered Jason to show him the money. Once Jason threw two twenties on the table, far more than they had before, he demanded to know how he got it. “Relax, I didn’t steal it. What do you think I am?”
“Just be careful, Jason, we can’t be screwing around,” Dick said in a low tone, taking the money.
Tim knew that was a bad idea, and it was only confirmed when Jason reached across the table to grab Dick’s arm. People in the restaurant turned to look at the two of them, which made Dick easily give up the money.
“Fuck you,” Jason seethed before getting up, grabbing the money and Tim’s sausage biscuit before walking off.
“Asshole,” The youngest boy called after, leaning over to take Dick’s food. “Consider this payment for acting up.”
“Shut up,” Dick said, looking around at the people now watching them. It made him antsy, and, if Bruce were here, he’d be getting a look for not having better control over the situation. “Give me half, at least.”
“No, you shouldn’t have pissed him off,” Tim said, holding the biscuit close.
“He shouldn’t have stolen that money,” Dick whispered-yelled back.
“Did you hear what he said? He didn’t steal anything. Money-wise.”
“And you believe him?”
“What if I do?”
Dick reached over and took a sip of his soda. “Then, how about you go join him in the car.”
Tim looked out the window next to the booth to see the back of Jason’s head through the truck’s back window. He was mid-sip of a soda before he turned it to look toward the busy road, and, after staring for a few seconds, Tim began to slide out of the booth.
Dick was shocked his little brother actually followed through with the suggestion and watched as he walked across the parking lot, hugging himself as he did, before hopping into the car.
With a grumble, Dick went through his pocket for the five bucks he had hidden away to buy himself another sausage biscuit.
***
Jason hadn’t expected Tim to suddenly hop into the car with him, say nothing, and start munching away on food. He tried to act like the boy wasn’t there, but couldn’t help but to glance at him every few minutes or so. The air between them felt awkward considering their history.
“Rockin’ around the Christmas tree, at the Christmas party hop,” The radio played.
Tim groaned before harshly beginning to change the radio station. “I fucking hate Christmas.”
Jason wanted to say he was surprised by that, but with the black clothes Tim was sporting it was obvious. The kid, while not overtly edgy, did have a sort of angsty teen phase going on. Jay would have related to it if he hadn’t died at fifteen. Suddenly, a rock band was blasting through the car speakers before Tim slowly turned the volume down.
“So, you hate Christmas…why?”
The kid sat back and shrugged, picking at his food. “I wouldn’t say I hate it. The holidays always felt like a chore– My parents wanted to get Christmas over with, so I never really got to have the fun parts.”
“Oh,” Was all Jason could say.
“Don’t get all emotional on me now,” Tim joked. “Don’t want it to end up like last time, ya know?”
Jason wanted to be angry, but he had to admit it was a bit funny–He even let out a little snicker before offering Tim half of the sausage biscuit. There was hesitance, but eventually, it was slid across the seat and onto the dashboard to save for later. After a minute or two of silently eating, Tim finally asked about the money.
“There’s a senior living home right around the corner, I told them I’d clear their walkway of snow in under an hour for twenty bucks. Did it, but then an old lady asked me to help change her tire. She gave me the money even though I said no,” Jason said like it was just another day for him.
“Why didn’t you just tell Dick that,” Tim quietly asked.
Jason shrugged before telling him it wouldn’t have changed Dick’s mind about anything. Tim stared down at the road in front of him as he thought. He recalled Bruce telling him that Jason died because he was reckless and angry– The opposite of what a Robin should have been. Robins were meant to be obedient. Loyal. Even Dick had mentioned that Tim’s predecessor didn’t have the same control he did, and his disobedience cost him his life–sounding a little too much like Bruce rather than the kind, funny brother he usually was.
Tim’s first impression of Jason had been exactly what he expected. The man who showed up at Titans tower a few years ago was angry, and he had become an outlet for Bruce’s neglect. Jason had quietly and awkwardly apologized, but that didn’t erase the memory for Tim. Even Jason had admitted he knew that.
“Maybe you should mention it to him,” Tim said as he noticed a snowflake fall onto the windshield. “He won’t be on your ass as much.”
Just like the Devil’s name was spoken, Dick had appeared at the passenger side window. Opening the door, he leaned in to see if anything was amiss before snatching the biscuit off the dashboard.
“Hey!”
“Move over,” He said, mouth full, and pushed Tim toward Jason.
“Wait, wait, wait,” Jay said. “You’re driving. I want a nap.”
Dick groaned before switching places. Starting the engine, they pulled back out onto the highway.
They hardly got a mile down the road before Dick mumbled under his breath, “The hell is playing?” And promptly changed the station to Christmas tunes again.
#jason todd#bruce wayne#red hood#batfamily#dick grayson#clark kent#nightwing#dc robin#dcu#batman#batfmaily#tim drake#red robin#family#brothers#christmas#angst#brotherly bonding#brotherly love
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pls give us some blurb😔 I'm so sad today😔😔😔
Here is my revised preview for the next part!
B
"Hold him close to your chest, or he'll jump out of your arms. Here—like this."
Blue gently cradles the rabbit against her chest, then carefully tucks him into Ari's arms, guiding his hands to scoop under Grim's fluffy rear. She can't help but find it amusing that the boy who had taken her riding on such a large animal yesterday looks so wary holding a harmless bunny. A giggle bubbles up, and she bites her lip to keep it in.
"He's so... squirmy."
Blue keeps her hand on Grim, reassuring both the rabbit and him. "He's just ready for his breakfast. Want to help me feed him?"
"Sure."
Blue leads Ari to the hutch where the other rabbits are. She explains her morning routine, showing him how to supply the rabbits with enough grass, leaves, and berries to keep them healthy and plump. Not long ago, she was explaining this to Twix—the very person she forgot to say good morning to in a rush to find Ari outside. This time around, she wonders if Ari is genuinely interested or just being polite. She finds herself stealing glances at his face, studying his expressions perhaps longer than she should. His almond-shaped eyes and dark pink lips catch her attention.
He's cute.
It's not the first time the thought has crossed her mind since these strangers appeared. Cute like the men in her magazines, though he's not quite a man. Not in the way Ghost is. But he's taller than her by a head and two years older, evident in the notch on his throat and the deeper timbre of his voice.
But it doesn't matter. They are only here for a few days.
Blue closes the hutch and rocks on the soles of her boots. "Well, that was probably boring, huh? We could, um, go hunting if you want. Or to the pond. It's fun to swim there. Or maybe—" She pauses, mentally sifting through the limited activities available, frustration creeping in as none of them seem particularly impressive.
"This wasn't boring," Ari says with a chuckle. "Now I know rabbits are just as friendly as horses."
"They are... except when Grim gets mad. Then he can be a bit of a jerk. Like if you accidentally step on his tail."
"I'd be pretty pissed if someone stepped on my tail, too."
"You don't have a tail."
"It's just a joke."
"Oh..." she fidgets with a strand of hair. "Right."
"The pond sounds good. It is fucking hot." Ari blows out a breath and swipes at the back of his neck.
"I know. So hot. Hot as balls."
Ari raises an amused brow. "Yeah, uh, hot as balls. Are you allowed to go by yourself, or do we need to ask your dad?"
"I get to do what I want," she lies easily with a shrug. "Buuuuut, we can ask Twix to go with us."
As long as Twix is with her, she suspects she can get away with not asking Ghost, who luckily is hunting with his old captain. It's not that he seems distrusting with these people as he did those first few months with Twix. Rather—she isn't thrilled about him knowing every little thing she does. She's never had anything just to herself.
Twix is sitting on the porch, looking rather deep in thought as she skins a squirrel. Her hair is long, curtaining her face. When Blue asks if she wants to go to the pond, she agrees easily, claiming she has been meaning to cut her hair anyway with the encroaching warmth of summer. Nereida joins, too.
The pond water is cool to the touch. Ari rips his shirt off and jumps in without even a second to waste. Blue usually swims in her underwear and shirt, but she hesitates with her thumb in the belt loops of her jeans. She didn't consider that he would see her in her underwear.
A soft touch to her shoulder. It's Twix. "Want me to grab you shorts real quick?"
"Um... yes. Yes please."
She changes into the shorts behind a tree. There is an odd pit in her stomach when she gets in the water. She doesn't quite know what it is, but it's similar to how she feels when she's scared sometimes. Ghost always tells her fear is a useless thing. It doesn't keep you alive. So she ignores it, shoves it down deep, and swims over to Ari with a purposeful splash that even wets Twix, who sits at the edge sharpening her knife.
"Damn. That's gonna cost you."
A splash is given in return, and then they are playing. High noon bounces shimmering light off the water as she tries to keep up with him, but at one point he sneaks up on her and she ends up with a mouthful. Nereida spends her time picking at some bunches of rosemary and Twix cuts her hair. But Blue doesn't notice any of that too much. When the water stills and they pause to catch their breath, Ari climbs onto a rock and shakes out his wet curls. She is quick to find a perch beside him. Absentmindedly, she pinches the bottom of her wet shirt to keep it from sticking to her chest.
"It's nice to have some place to swim so close by. Back at our old camp, there was lake but it was a few miles away, so my mom rarely let me go."
"I'm sorry, you know. About your mom. Mine is dead, too."
He half-smiles. "Thanks. I don't think about it too much anymore. My uncle and I have always been close so it helped to have him there." He nudges her shoulder. "You're damn lucky to have such a cool dad, huh?"
"Ghost?"
"Yeah, that guy is a beast. My uncle says they called him Ghost because no one could ever see him coming before suddenly, they were dead."
"Oh, yeah, he is super cool," she quickly agrees. "He has taught me a lot."
"Shit, really?"
Nibbling the inside of her cheek, she nods. "I know... I know how to throw knives pretty well."
"I gotta see that." His eyes flash behind her. "So what's up with his girlfriend?"
"Huh?" A divot forms between her brows before she follows his gaze, landing on Twix, whose hair is now just past her shoulders. She is wetting it, running her fingers through the newly cut strands. "Oh—Twix. That is not his girlfriend. She is my friend."
"You mean they don't sleep together?"
"Like in the same bed?"
"That's usually where people fuck, yeah."
He seems ready to laugh. She frowns, head tilting as confusion hums in her chest. "You mean like sex?"
He nods. "You know what that is, right?"
She quickly recovers. "Yeah, of course. Ghost told me all about it."
"You know they're probably doing it, right?"
"Ghost and Twix? No—no," she forces a laugh. "I mean, sometimes I catch him staring at her all weird. But I don't think—I mean, they hardly like each other and she is my friend, really, not his. He used to make me stay away from her, even. But I mean, they do spend a lot of time together now. It's usually to practice fighting and defense. Not to have...sex."
"Don't they share a room?"
"Just right now, because you guys are here."
Ari chuckles. "You really think they aren't doing it in there? She's really pretty. There's no way they aren't."
Blue looks back at Twix. She is pretty. And she has actual boobs. Blue's fingers curl into the soaked fabric of her top.
Her eyes flick back to him. "She would've told me if they were."
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((Charlie's really regretting it now 😂))
Adam moaned as he rode Lucifer, his cock hitting his prostate dead on.
He felt his release building, and Lucifer's grip on his hips get tighter.
Adam: Y-You close, baby~?
Lucifer moaned as Adam rocked himself, sending shockwaves of pleasure through him.
Lucifer: Fuck~! Y-You know it baby~.
Adam: Good, cause I don't think I'm going to last much longer.
Lucifer laughed as Adam lifted and lowered himself down, gasping as his orgasm suddenly ripped through him. But Lucifer's laugh was cut short as Adam's clenching made him cum deep inside Adam.
Adam: F-Fuck~. I'll never get used to that~.
Lucifer pulled Adam into a kiss, moving his hands from Adam's hips, to cupping his face.
Lucifer: And I'll never get used to you~.
Adam: Good. That way, I don't have to keep surprising you~.
Lucifer chuckled and moved so Adam's resting on the bed.
Adam: You managed to stay in this time, old man. Not bad.
Lucifer moaned as Adam clenched around him.
Lucifer: S-Stop it.
Adam laughed, and wrapped his hands around Lucifer's neck.
Lucifer: ... That angel didn't cause you nay issues today, did he?
Adam: Pft. No. Just pissed me off more than anything... he knew about Charlie. Said we could work something out. Heaven would leave us alone for three months if we give her to them.
Lucifer: Seriously? Three months? ...that's not a worth wile deal.
Adam: That's what I said! But I said it a bit differently.
Lucifer: Let me guess, you axed him first?
Adam smirked: Damn right. Got to go a little god mode of him, to.
Lucifer chuckled and held Adam close: You protected her.
Adam: ...Yeah, well... she's a kid. Literally. I do t even remember being her age... of someone helped me back then... I don't know, maybe I would have been a little normal... so, I just thought she deserved a shot. Heaven is bigger than... anything. She's scared. I know she doesn't show it, but I can see it.
Lucifer: That's an amazing thing you did, Ad. Sweet, to.
Adam laughed: Duh, I'm basically fucking, sugar, baby~.
I miss our God!Adam Au
Sequel 👀
In Canada Eh! Lmao
CANADA FOREVER
Yes plsss! I miss our stupid, power-hungry boy 😫😫
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daily whistlebreeze until spo becomes PoV day 1398
I like seeing how different I can make gray cats by throwing Whis at them; anyways, Spotfur's been on my mind tonight
#warrior cats#whistlebreeze#spotfur#windclan#medicine cat#warrior#mostly thinking about all the potential she has that was never really used#how Spotfur's rebellion flopped so badly by being Like That#and how she literally stopped existing in ASC#woman has a COMPLICATED relation with having children because her mate died#next arc she's just a generic queen#goddamn these books piss me off sometimes with how neglectful they are about their characters#and it's not like this surprises me. Let's remember I am DAILY WHISTLEBREEZE#I have been drawing a random nobody for nearly four years now and you can still barely give anything Specific about Whis from the books#yeah FrostWhistle. Whis is kind and helpful and they saved each other and it's cool#yeah Ivypool's heart is a thing#but does it really characterise Whis in any interesting way whatsoever?#in my opinion not really no#I've searched fro every instance of Whis appearing on screen and it's mostly Whis being thrown around by the plot or the other cats#or by a fucking rabbit#a few cool things you can say is how Determined Whis was to save Leafkit. that's something#and you could also say that Whis prioritising helping Frost above obeying The Code is something too#but you have to Extrapolate all of this#the books don't give you any insight on what's going on in Whis' mind#and they won't#and that's what they do to most cats in their books#and we all know it and we all just see canon happen and then take the bits that interest us and make it Better#and yeah Spotfur is one of those cats that would really enjoy that treatment#Spotfur has drama on both a political level and interpersonal one (Bris Stem her kits and even her siblings just fucking off n stuff)#and they made her such a weak character by giving us Spotfur's rebellion
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you ever just. become overwhelmed by a sudden out-of-nowhere wave of tenderness and affection and longing for reconnection directed towards someone to whom you no longer speak for Very Good Reasons
#‘out of nowhere’ she says like she hasn’t been doing a lot of reading/thinking recently about various tragic messy breakups#and the later regrets of the parties involved#anyway. tell me not to text her#it’s been over two years since the last time we talked… absolutely no reason to break that streak now. lord give me strength#she was really fucking mean to me! like objectively intentionally unwarrantedly cruel! it ruined an entire year of my life#and fundamentally changed me as a person on a deep level! there’s a lot of things i used to like about myself that i don’t think i’m ever#going to get back#and yet every once in a while we have to do the whole ‘maybe i could make things right’ song and dance 😔#the thing is most of the time i’m not even really angry with her anymore like enough time has passed since all the shit went down that#really i just sort of look at her behavior and feel sad. both because of the impact on me but also because of the ‘that’s really how you#felt you needed to act towards someone who cared about you? you couldn’t have just expressed your feelings in an honest and productive way#instead of just lashing out in the cruelest possible way and ruining the entire relationship beyond hope of repair?’#and i feel bad and sorry that it went that way and honestly i kind of pity her and hope she’s gotten some of her shit worked out#so i’m not like. actively pissed off at her anymore. but also i can’t think about her without thinking about the worst year of my life so 🙃#i don’t actually feel that trying to reopen that door would be very healthy for me at least#we did try a Reconciliation of sorts a couple of months after the initial falling-out and while it was kind of helpful for me in that she#like. apologized lmao. and affirmed that i wasn’t crazy and she did in fact On Purpose say the most hurtful things she possibly could have#said to me given the information she had at her disposal. and that i really had not done anything to her that could warrant that. etc.#it also left a sour enough taste in my mouth that i just don’t see a future where the two of us spending time together is enjoyable for me#and yet… the regret will always live inside me i think. maybe if i were a stronger person…#caseyposting
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And now a special thanks to our unexpected MVP in tackling The Horrors, let's give it up for SUBSTANCES!!! WOOO-
#vent#mom i love you more than anything but QUIT FUCKING DOOMSCROLLING#“but usually when the news says-” the world is not what you think it is. not anymore. at least someone is telling you that directly#it isnt helping your stress (by your own admission). it sure as FUVK doesnt help mine (do you even realize that?). why are we doing this?#while there are definitely exceptions; i do not fuck with what-ifs anymore. they damn near killed me and did a fine job ruining my life#like. im not mad AT her despite how this sounds. im frustrated by the situation were in. i know what shes feeling and i feel it too#idk wtf well do and that pissed me off in the face of the horrors#im angry we live in a world that casually fucking hates us. call it a victim complex idc. im already crazy.#ill be there for her if she needs it. i really will. but if she could just not make me burn through my edibles so fast thatd be great#personal#chronic illness
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Looks like I just lost another close friend to guy who isn't worth a pile of dog shit. 😊
#my best friend no less#i cried about this shit practically all afternoon but i'm all out of tears and now i'm just pissed off.#this shit has been going on for a long ass time but i've finally reached my breaking point with it#i love her#but she is delusional#and it kills me to say that#but that whole “relationship” (if you even want to call it that) is fake. all he cares about is money not her#the worst part is that she knows it too#oh but she “loves him” and “wants to give him one last chance” girl what the fuck?#oh but better yet he dumped her once 2 years ago already and i've hated his punk ass since#never should've gotten back tother after that and i told her as much even back then#all he does is make her cry#not do anything arount their town house#and sit on his ass and watch tv or sleep when he's not working#that's the tame stuff too i could say sooo much worse but i'm actually not trying to air her dirty laundry out her#i'm just pissed off#but suddenly IM the bad guy when tell her i won't support her or this “relationship” when she told me they were getting back together today#this is after i helped her and her parents ans brother move all her stuff out of the town house last Monday and back to her parents place#after she told me they were done for good#but IM the bad guy for bringing up all of fhe reasons listed above and all of the REALLY bad things about the relationship#when i tell her i won't be supporting her any longer and that i'll be walking away if she goes back to him#best part is her family agrees with me and they tell her all the things i say about him and then some#but when i go out on the line and put my heart down on the table for her and all i get back is a text saying:#“i don't really like how you're texting right now so we'll talk about this later.”#girl#i don't know whether or not i want to cry harder or strangle her#i think it's both#so yeah i think i just lost my best friend to a guy who doesn't remotly deserve her and everything kicks rocks rn#it's just like my other friend all over again#why do my friend have such dog shit taste in men
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