#it was this: keep. talking. give as many details as humanly fucking possible. talk about policy. drop in words like safeguarding

[fingertipsmp3]

I feel like I’ve lived through at least a month just in the past 3 days. I checked the date just now and damn near had an out of body experience when I realised Monday was only two days ago

[ariapmdeol]

Ah, Oops, that's on me! It's painfully obvious, in hindsight, but the "playable character" part threw me off. My bad! That makes a whole lot more sense. Ough.

Record 5 has sent me through the five stages of grief in the span of that simple hour and I just have to wonder why this game is a hidden gem?? When it's this ridiculously good and expansive and thought out???? At least for English-speaking fans, unsure of the proper Japanese community. It's probably because of it not being officially translated, which is always a shame.

CoE gives you mental illnesses you thought you couldn't have <3 and I am determined to drag as many friends down with me as I humanly possibly can. If they'll allow me. I don't think I'm going to be successful, but I will certainly try!!

I will contact you tomorrow!! Ish!!! Thank you once again!

O u g h those songs are good and they fit. At this point I could make entirely separate playlists for characters and dynamics. It's filling up my brain at alarming speeds and I'm having so much fun doing it.

The best type of brainrot is the one that haunts you every step of the way from the moment you started the descent. CoE is no exception <3

I have also had some time to try and process and!! There's a detail I noticed??? And surely this have been noticed by most others but I feel like talking about it in case I made wrong connections or there's more about it others noticed.

It's the vague feeling that Atou mimics Hajime's "keep eyes closed unless making a specific expression" habit? I haven't gone back and checked on how often it happens, but it struck me and it's not quite leaving because it feels like it could make sense as to why for obvious reasons. I don't think anyone else but them actually keep their eyes closed like that as their neutral expression like those two do.

And on the subject of Hajime's expressions: his "are you fucking kidding me?" confused/irritated look every time Seodore does anything in Record 5 is absolutely golden.

- 8:11 anon

YOURE FINE DW!!

COE is such a hidden gem fr!! I Think it's in part that the youtube TL is so new (they only started uploading about 2 years ago) and the fact that there's no playable eng TL definitely does not help... I have been doing my part in the COE propagandizing o7 (have gotten several people to play it)

there is a substantial Korean community (there is a playable KR version) and i've seen a lot of Chinese fans as well! I've seen some Japanese fans too, and our little english corner is very close knit! . It's very interconnected, which is nice. Everyone talks to each other <3

COE has given me so much mental illness <3 it spreads very much through word of mouth, so YES PROPAGANDIZE!! I'll be around tomorrow so no worries :D

They talk about it a bit in the QNA, but yeah Atou started closing his eyes like that at some point, and he says there wasn't a particular reason for it (though hajime does wonder if it's because of something else). you should read the full qna! it's so cute, i cant believe i forgot to link it earlier.

Hajime's expressions are SO GOOD!!! He and Seodore are fascinating honestly congrats to seodore for winning worst dad in the polls... he really earned it SDAKLJADSLKJADS

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 316: We've Had One, Yes, But What About Second Explosion

Previously on BnHA: Deku was all “[powers up like whoa because it’s time to end the fight]”, and he saved Overhaul from getting not-shot, and then smashed up Nagant’s arm with the power of his new rechargeable super knees. Nagant was all “yoooo this kid is crazy strong whaaaat, it’s like he’s some kind of protagonist or something.” Deku was all “I AM A PROTAGONIST, ACTUALLY, DO YOU WANT TO JOIN FORCES AND FIGHT BAD GUYS WITH ME?” Nagant was all “ah shit why the hell no -- ” and then AFO was all “SURPRISE” and everyone was all “?!?!?!” and AFO was all “TIME TO EXPLODE NOW” and made Nagant explode because he’s an absolute fucking dick. And then Hawks showed up, because Horikoshi just wanted to stuff as many plot points as humanly possible into a single chapter I guess.

Today on BnHA: Hawks is all “good job giving motivational shounen redemption speeches Deku but I’ll take it from here” and screams very earnestly right in Nagant’s face until she finally wakes up. Nagant is all “oh hey it’s my successor, you seem surprisingly unfucked-up from your own HPSC tenure, how did you manage that?” Hawks is all “fandom is going to love hearing this one, but basically it’s because I’m very upbeat and also I had the world’s best role model Endeavor to look up to,” and I swear this man stirs the pot on purpose, but damn it I still love him so damn much. Overhaul is all “HELLO AGAIN, JUST A REMINDER THAT, THE BOSS!!” and Deku is all “MAYBE TAKE TWO SECONDS TO REFLECT ON HOW YOU TORTURED A LITTLE GIRL,” which, thank you, lol. Nagant is all “btw AFO’s hiding in a house in the woods”, and so Deku and the gang go to the house in the woods. Video recording!AFO is all “hi I’m AFO welcome to Jackass” and blows up the house. Sometimes I wonder if this manga is just a weird dream.

I am once again reading the Bean version because I think it was actually the best out of all three translations last week. and that is surprisingly including Viz’s. “faux” is not nearly as entertaining as “knockoff”, and also I have literally no idea why Caleb thought Deku was saying the Third’s lines lol

oh hey, Endeavor’s here too! not that you’d ever be able to tell from this first panel lmao

glad you received All Might’s call, mysterious unidentified glowing smudge

oh snap he says he’s weaker in the rain. is that why AFO told Nagant to attack then?? except that as we discussed the other day, I believe that AFO fully intended for Nagant to lose the fight, so him giving her info that would give her an advantage doesn’t really fit in with that. maybe he wanted Deku to be separated from Endeavor and the rest for maximum angst, though

btw Deku’s eyes are unsurprisingly back to the new normal here

alas, the angst continues. I say, pretending like I’m not totally eating it up each and every week and writing essay after essay about it lol

anyway so apparently Hawks can’t actually fly lmao. he was just yeeting himself with style

for some reason this is the funniest fucking thing I’ve ever seen omfg. wave to Hawks, kids! say “bye, Hawks!”

j/k of course Deku is catching them. -- except???

wow so he was just running on fumes there at the end. well, good to know there is actually a limit to his shenanigans, particularly regarding this new “knockoff” 100% OFA. it will definitely not alleviate any of the discourse, but it’s good for my own peace of mind because it’s solid confirmation that he still needs his pals in order to win this thing

anyway, but on to the rest of this conversation, which is basically Deku deducing what we all deduced last week -- AFO implanted some sort of trap into Nagant when he gave her Air Walk. though I’d still like to get the actual details from AFO and/or Horikoshi, because this was particularly wild even by quirk standards lol

omgggggg

she still has a face after all!! so it’s confirmed, Horikoshi has no idea what “blowing up” actually means. we might have guessed, based on what happened to Toga in the MVA arc, and also based on everything Katsuki does ever, but shhh

so now Hawks is all “NAGANT PLEASE WAKE UP, IF I SHOUT MY NAME AT YOU WILL THAT DO THE TRICK”

this is actually kind of touching though because even though we all know (or most of us acknowledge at any rate) that Hawks is a pretty caring person, it’s rare to see him actually panic over someone’s welfare like this

oh shit Horikoshi is really doubling down on it

I wonder how much Hawks knew about what really happened between Nagant and the HPSC. regardless, he probably sees her as a kindred spirit of sorts, and I’m more than happy for Deku to pass the redemption torch onto him now that he’s on the scene. like no offense Deku but they actually know each other and stuff lol

DAMMIT NAGANT CAN’T YOU SEE HOW LOUD HE IS YELLING

apparently being freed from his HPSC shackles has finally given Hawks the space to embrace his own inner shounen protagonist. is there anything more shounen than trying to motivationally scream someone awake when they’re lying in your arms inches from death?? 100% guaranteed to work

!!! IS THIS NAGANT’S POV OMG

SO SHE IS ALIVE. THANK GOD. Horikoshi doesn’t want to meet with my emotional distress lawyer today after all

love how she’s all “just gonna stir up the weekly Hawks Discourse pot here by implying that he probably committed a lot of Atrocities just like I did, so now people can get all hopped up about that, even though there’s no evidence he’s ever killed anyone aside from that one horrible ‘damned-if-you-do...’ situation with Twice.” no one asked for your provocative speculation young lady!! trust me Nagant, our rabbles don’t need the rousing lol

but nice save there with the “so how are your eyes so untainted” well you see it’s because even when he was following the HPSC’s orders he always went to great lengths never to go against his own moral compass. which just to be clear was incredibly difficult, and led to a ton of pain and suffering on his part, because the life of a spy is basically just one impossible situation after another. but in spite of that he never stopped trying to do his best to help people. I don’t really know where this tangent came from or is leading to, lol, but anyway p.s.a. I love Hawks a lot and he’s a good kid dammit

oh shit??!?

how is the League always able to swing all these fancy forest mansions. where do they find them. how many do they have

so Deku’s dropping them -- very roughly, not sure if he was reacting to finally getting AFO’s location, or if his energy really is giving out -- and now Nagant’s saying that AFO hired other villains as well. well of course he did. gotta keep chipping away at OFA’s ninth successor little by little

now Nagant is asking Hawks how he’s able to keep making “that” face. I assume she’s again talking about the fact that he somehow didn’t let the HPSC wear down his spirit

oh my god???

thanks for stuffing this chapter to the brim with good nutritional Hawks Feels, Horikoshi. what a good. he just keeps on trudging forward undeterred no matter what bullshit comes his way. what a steadfast little guy. I WILL PROTECT YOU FROM DISCOURSE MY SWEET SUNSHINE

lmaoooo

“SPOTTED THIS DUDE JUST CHILLING OUT THERE ON THE ROOF WITH NO ARMS, SEEMED PRETTY SUS” good job Endeavor

anyway so you don’t really need me to tell you that Overhaul is immediately starting in with the “BUT THE BOSS WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO TAKE ME TO THE BOSS YOU PROMISED YOU WOULD TAKE ME TO THE BOSS” stuff again. but I will go ahead and tell you anyway. so yeah. he’s doing that

OMG YOU GUYS LOOK AT DEKU’S “of all the fucking assholes to just randomly drop in on my life once again why did it have to be you” FACE THOUGH, OMG

fun fact, if you go back to chapters 124 through 160, there was an entire story arc where Overhaul imprisoned and tortured a little girl. yeah, I know!! suuuuuuuuper evil. anyways just an interesting little anecdote for you all that’s somewhat relevant to the current situation

OMG, YES. FUCK YES, DEKU

THEN WHAT ABOUT SPARING ONE FOR HER!!! YES!!! EXACTLY!!! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, SOMEONE GETS IT

HERE’S THE PANEL OF DEKU SAYING THE EXACT SAME THING I’M SAYING LOL

(ETA: so apparently there’s some discourse about this because some people are interpreting this as Deku saying “you should apologize to Eri”, which would obviously be a terrible idea even if Overhaul actually wanted to do that, because Eri shouldn’t ever have to see him again. however I just want to point out that there is a HUGE difference between saying “it would be nice if you could direct that feeling of regret/being sorry towards Eri as well”, vs saying “you should also apologize to her.” all Deku is doing is rightfully pointing out that Overhaul has hurt way more people than just his boss, and if he really is remorseful, then he should extend those feelings of remorse to Eri and the rest as well. it’s not a directive to take any specific action, and I’m 1000% sure no one at U.A. would let Overhaul within 100 miles of Eri ever again.

tl;dr “try feeling remorse sometime” =/= “do you want me to fly you over to U.A. right now to surprise the little girl you traumatized”, lol.)

[slings an arm around Deku’s shoulders] you’re a good kid. I like you. I don’t know if I tell you that enough, but it’s true

meanwhile here is Overhaul’s “spare... a thought... for Eri...???????” face sigh

the struggle is real y’all

(ETA: and that’s... the last we ever saw of Overhaul, I guess? well all right then. I assume Deku will make good on his promise, so we know he’ll get that little bit of closure before going back to jail or whatever, and I confess I’m more than fine with leaving the rest of it open-ended, especially given his character’s history. I think this was pretty generous all things considered.)

lmao holy shit

All Might what did you do to those tiki torch guys?? did you thrash them. did you give ‘em those hands. did you deliver their own asses to them complete with a sticker reminding them Amazon Prime Day is on June 21. we missed out goddammit

so Endeavor, who wasn’t the one he was asking, is telling him that they captured (well let’s be real, Deku captured, give the credit where it’s due) Nagant and Overhaul. and so I guess they’re going to take Nagant to the ER now

fire is no one’s weakness

-- oh my GOD I scrolled down and audibly gasped

[is politely but firmly approached and asked to remove my arm from Deku’s shoulder by the physical manifestation of all this Dekuangst] “we’re sorry, he’s not allowed to have visitors right now” oh shit, my bad. [goes to stand behind a police barricade]

lmao what. did you run out of room on the previous page

what an exaggerated fade to black lmao

-- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I actually can’t see what he’s reacting to so maybe I’m just seriously jumping the gun here lol, but THE HELL WITH IT. the next panel appears to be a cut to Haibori Forest, so I’m just gonna go ahead and declare that Deku ran off on his own all wounded to go have more Dekuangst, just like I manifested. now go call Katsuki goddammit

[scrolls three more inches down] oh

yeah so like I said, Deku is walking very slowly a few feet in front of Endeavor, who’s telling him to wait up. yep. we’ve all gotta be so careful to not just jump to conclusions. I know we’re excited but still

anyway, so! welcome back to Mt. Lady and Kamui Woods (ARE YOU GUYS DATING) and Edgeshot! have fun walking into this obvious trap lol

dammit Deku why are you so determined to tempt fate

[monkey puppet meme faces]

OH MY GOD THIS IS PURE GRADE-A CHEESY COMIC BOOK VILLAIN 101 SHIT AND I’M HERE FOR IT

that’s such a weird way of clapping who claps like that

unlike certain other people who shan’t be named, AFO doesn’t feel the need to inexplicably take his shirt off when recording sinister villain monologues. I think we’re all pretty grateful for that

high fives to everyone who called it!! yep yep

anyway so this whole scene has major booby-trap vibes, which I’m enjoying immensely even though I don’t think anything is really going to come of it lol. probably just another long-winded AFO Speech. but wouldn’t it be funny if like the ceiling started lowering down to try and squish Deku afterwards lol

(ETA: well the explosion was still pretty funny too ngl.)

ffff

[“Dekuangst is the trap” intensifies]

anyway so yeah. he’s just hitting up all of his usual villain talking points. we get it, you’re so smart and you see right through the thin veneers of society and people who don’t conform are left to fend for themselves and labeled as villains and history is written by the victors, and blah blah blah dude are you just jumping randomly from one soundbyte to another lol. literally what are you talking about. what does this have to do with you blowing up Nagant

-- holy shit??

[”Dekuangst is the trap” intensifies MORE?????]

LOL WHAT

BRO. WHAT IS WITH YOU. DON’T YOU KNOW HOW TO LAY ANY OTHER KIND OF FUCKING TRAP GOOD LORD

“YOU’RE NEXT” THE CALLBACK?? THE PARALLELS?? THOUGH WHEN ALL MIGHT POINTED HE MADE IT LOOK WAY COOLER. AFO’S POINTING JUST LOOKS LIKE SMOKEY THE BEAR

HAS ANYONE CHECKED IN ON KAMUI WOODS I HEAR HE IS WEAK TO FIRE?? THE ONLY ONE WHO IS, APPARENTLY

r.i.p. to this particular forest mansion. don’t worry they have a ton of backups

remember last week when I said maybe AFO thinks explosions are gauche. well never mind. he fucking loves explosions

anyway so that’s the end of BnHA, everyone. hope you enjoyed. it was a good ride while it lasted. see you all, good luck in your travels

[boldlyvoid]

the guy at the rock show

she/they reader x Spencer Reid

request for @boba-king-iroh ♥︎

summary: Y/N lost their parents when they were 17, finding a new home and solace in Penelope Garcia and taking the Garcia name. They're the top forensic specialist in D.C, in a band and they drive a motorcycle... not to mention they are madly in love with the cute doctor who works with their sister.

warnings: fluff, mutual pining, getting together, love confessions, friends to lovers, idiots in love, PDA, secret relationships

word count: 5666

a/n: there will be a smutty part 2 eventually because I can't not do that

THE PLAYLIST THAT GOES WITH THEIR SETLIST IF YOU WANT TO LISTEN WHILE YOU READ

Read on Ao3 here!

Taking Garcia’s last name wasn’t something they had to think hard about, Penelope basically raised them; she was like a sister, a best friend and a mother, even a bit of a fairy godmother to Y/N.

They met when Y/N was 17, they were sitting at a support group for dead parents in D.C. Right beside the lovely, overly cheerful, always helpful, Penelope Garcia. At first, Y/N couldn’t stand her, wondering how a person like that could be running a group for mourning people, it made her sick.

It wasn’t until she heard Penelope’s story for the first time, knowing how similar it sounded to her own and how, actually, you can take your grief and turn it into something beautiful. After the meeting, they pulled Penelope aside and gave her a big hug and a thank you.

It was the start of a lovely friendship, one Y/N didn’t know they needed until they were smothered in all the love you could possibly imagine.

The age gap between them wasn’t too big, Penelope was 10 years older than them which meant she was always one step ahead of Y/N and full of advice. Be it fashion, boys, girls and everything in between. They bonded in a way that was unbreakable, they were each other's family.

Penelope even helped her get into med school before she eventually switched to forensic science. Taking on the FBI academy, unlike Penelope, and joining the bureau officially. Penelope was there for her every single step of the way, making her career possible. She loved her dearly and wanted Y/N to succeed more than anyone in the world.

Getting to introduce herself to people as Agent Y/N Garcia, not to be confused with technical analyst Garcia, was one of the best feelings in the world.

Not many people ever mistook them, however, for whatever Penelope was, Y/N was the exact opposite.

Y/N preferred all black everything, she didn’t enjoy partying or close contact or the in-your-face-ness of Penelope’s way of life, she loved her band and motorcycle and being alone. They were quote-unquote edgy, not just for effect, but because it was how they felt the most comfortable, it was who they were and they liked it that way.

They were possibly the best Forensic Specialist the FBI had, keeping her in DC for all the most important cases. Helping her avoid Penelope and the BAU team as much as possible. They were great people, she didn’t hate them at all, it was just a lot of energy that they didn’t have to give to 7 other people all day long.

Spencer was the only one she could tolerate. Rather, he was the one she wanted to spend the most time with, even more than Penelope. He understood Y/N in a way others didn’t.

He was also quiet, like them, he didn’t pick on them or call them mini Garcia, baby-baby girl, or infant as some of them started to call her more recently.

He called them Y/N, he talked to them about star trek whenever he was visiting Penny, and he respected their pronouns. Using both she and they interchangeably, when he spoke of them, unlike most people who only used she and her because it made more sense in their small brains.

However, she wasn’t the only one who got teased. Spencer did as well, almost more because he was around the BAU team constantly. She hated hearing them bully him, he didn’t even count it as bullying but it’s basically what it was sometimes.

They put him down, they didn’t clue him in on things, they called out his stims and didn’t let him finish his sentences, especially when it had to do with his hyper-fixations. He was the brightest light in the room and they just picked his brain till he wasn’t useful anymore, before trying to turn out the light. It made Y/N furious.

They got called Mr and misses genius when they were on a scene together, remembering the first time she ever had a case with the BAU which was also the first time she snapped at someone for being mean to Spencer.

Someone asked Spencer a serious question, to which he did his fucking job and answered. Giving as much detail as humanly possible, being the absolute genius he is and should be praised for, only to have Emily poke him in the cheek and say; “wow, he’s so life-like?”

“Well yeah, cause he’s a fucking human who deserves respect from the people who use his brain all day,” Y/N cursed under their breath from the crime scene, just loud enough for everyone to hear.

Leaving the sweetest man on earth to find them later and give them a hug. Thanking them for all that they do, and appreciating what he has to offer. That’s when she realized she liked him, more than just the guy who sometimes sleeps on her couch because he’s friends with her sister.

It was difficult being surrounded by men unlike Spencer, specifically the older men in her field who didn’t understand anything outside of money, guns, and violence. The worst part of the job being the politics in the background; the hierarchy and ass-kissing all because she worked in the nation's capital.

They were sure it was probably better in a smaller facility, a local police station where no one knew her and they could finally have some peace and quiet.

But she’d miss Penelope, and Spencer too for that matter.

At first, they’d hide in their room when Penelope brought him over for movie nights or when he crashed on the couch after bringing her home drunk from the bar. In the early days, she worried that he was going to be her new boyfriend, taking all of Penelope’s free time and leaving Y/N with nothing.

But then he started coming over all the time just to hang out, sitting on the couch with nothing to say, being the third wheel while Y/N and Penelope spent time together. For the last 7 years.

Over that time they had many conversations alone, she learned that he was really smart, he was a lot younger than most of the team because he blew through high school by the time he was 13, and he was genuinely the sweetest man in the whole entire world.

One time, Penelope was running late when Spencer showed up at the door with chips and candy, ready to watch his weekly movie with his friend. Only she wasn’t going to make it home in time, and Y/N didn’t want him to have to go back to his apartment all alone.

“You can come in and watch it with me if you wanted to?” She offered, smiling softly. “What was it you picked for tonight?”

“It was Penelope’s night to choose, so you can pick instead if you want?” Spencer offered right back, walking in like he owned the place.

He was more confident now than he was in the beginning, but that was probably because he was 23 and she was 18.

Back then he’d barely look at her and sometimes he’d shake when they made eye contact or when she got drunk and hugged him goodbye after a long night with Penelope. He was like that with Penny in the early days of their friendship too, apparently, so she didn’t feel too bad about it.

He warmed up eventually, making her wait 7 years for him to do something about the growing feelings they both shared.

“You like Marvel movies right?” She bit the inside of her lip as she waited for his answer. Watching him walk around the kitchen for a bowl that he could put his snacks in.

“Yeah they’re great, I haven’t watched past the second Thor, I think the next one is another Captain America?” he’s all smiles as he joins her on the couch, closer than normal, as close as he’d sit with Penelope, but then again she was a cuddler and Y/N wasn’t.

Sometimes Y/N would come out of her room to find Spencer’s head on Penelope’s lap, resting on a pillow as she ran her fingers through his hair to soothe his perfect mind after a long day. A few times she’s walked in on him crying or even sound asleep in her arms. They had a friendship Y/N admired, they were each other's person.

They comforted each other in the exact way they needed it; Penelope giving him the physical touch he craved and he would often compliment her. He was always telling her she was the best and buying her gifts to show his appreciation, calling her the most beautiful and smartest person he knew. He knew that she needed to hear it, needed the reassurance that she was still a good person and he made her believe it.

It made Y/N love him more seeing how much he cared for her sister.

“The winter soldier is the best!” She gushed, sitting close so they could share the chips as she waited for the movie to load up.

He was very quiet when he watched movies, smiling and laughing at the right parts but typically he paid so much attention it was like he was a statue. Y/N spent more time glancing at him than the actual movie.

“Is there something on my face?” Spencer asked, nervous when he noticed her glance at him for the 100th time that night.

“Oh, no you don’t,” she panicked lightly, swallowing quickly before looking away.

“What?”

“I don’t know, I just think you’re fascinating,” she whispered because then she didn’t really say it, and it didn’t really count.

“Oh,” he smiled softly, leaving it at that and forcing his attention back on the movie.

After a while, Spencer started to get even closer. He put the bowl on the coffee table and sat back almost on top of her, reaching an arm behind the couch so that Y/N was right against his side. He had done it with Penelope before, confident in this little living room, almost forgetting it was Y/N beside him.

Y/N rested her hand on his knee, rubbing her thumb over his jeans in a soft little circle as she pretended to watch the movie. More concerned with Spencer’s breathing and the feeling of his hand inching towards their shoulder than anything else.

Then they heard keys at the front door. Pulling away from each other quickly to curl up on opposite sides of the couch and pretend they weren’t just cuddling.

“Hey, you still came!” Penelope cheered, a little drunk from whatever she was doing before.

“I’d never miss a night with the Garcia’s,” Spencer smiled at her, looking calm and collected as ever while Y/N turned bright pink.

“Oh, I love Bucky! Oh my god let me go change and I’ll come watch too!”

That was just the first time they ended up cuddling, certainly not the last.

—

It wasn’t often that Penelope was too busy to spend time with Y/N, rather the contrary. Sometimes Y/N had to beg her to leave her be at certain events. Like when their band was playing at any of the local bars and Penny started inviting everyone she knew to come and watch her sister play.

It was embarrassing, to say the least, but Y/N loved her support.

When Y/N peaked her head out to see the crowd before a show, normally Penelope was sitting in the front with a drink and at least 4 friends, cheering and chanting their name, ready to rock out to their covers.

Tonight she didn’t see Penelope at all, she knew she wouldn’t, Penelope was in London visiting Emily with Derek for the second time in the past year, leaving no one to come to the monthly show Y/N’s band put on, or so she thought.

Spencer came all by himself.

He was sitting in the front, at a table with a bowl of pretzels and a ginger ale, not interested in the drinking or the socializing, just there to support Y/N. It made her feel giddy, like a schoolchild seeing their crush at recess.

It was so nice of him that it gave her butterflies, and normally that didn’t happen. They could go on and play a show in front of ten thousand people and feel nothing, but the second Spencer Reid was there to cheer them on, they were a mess.

“What song are we doing first again?” Y/N asked Evie, their lead singer and best friend outside of work.

“Who are they?”

Y/N was taken aback, “What?”

“You’ve never been nervous, who came to see you?” Evie clarified her question.

“No one, for fuck sake, I thought we left all the profilers at home tonight?” she sighed, shaking the nerves out of their body as they jumped up and down lightly.

They paced back and forth for a few minutes to wear down the nerves but only managing to make herself sweat to death and discard the leather jacket she always wore on stage. She walked in a circle aimlessly, remembering the setlist in their mind and how the spotlights typically made it so they couldn’t see the crowd anyway so it’s not like she could fuck up by making eye contact with him.

And it’s not like it was the first time he had seen her play, Spencer comes every month with Penelope, he liked a lot of the music they covered from when he was an emo teen in university. They’ve bonded over it before sharing albums and records back and forth, but she was still scared shitless at the prospect of him caring about her enough to come alone.

Especially when he hated being in situations like this in the first place.

It was their turn to go on, the manager of the bar gathering them and telling them to go on and so Y/N started walking towards the stage door, only to be pulled back harshly by Evie’s cold hands.

“Don’t forget your sticks, god who do you wanna fuck so bad it makes you this stupid?” She placed the drumsticks in Y/N’s hands, “get it together.”

“Sorry, it’s the guy in the sweater vest, front row,” they whispered in response, putting their head down and heading to the stage before she could tease them about it.

“The Forensic Lyricists are here once again folks!” The Manager introduced them to the crown, “get ready for them to dig up some classics!” Always the same dumb joke before every show.

Opening with crushcrushcrush by Paramore, thank god she remembered, it was an easy song to play as they warmed up and pushed the nerves away. They could play it in their sleep, with their eyes closed, and so that's what they did.

Eyes closed, mouthing the words as the adrenaline of the night took over the anxiety and made them go insane, like most nights. They didn’t need drinks or drugs to feel hyped at most shows, all she needed was a smile from penny and a good luck text from Spencer.

Playing by memory until she felt more confident and then getting into it. “They taped over your mouth, Scribbled out the truth with their lies, your little spies…”

“Crush, crush, crush, crush crush two, three, four!!” Y/N sung backup for each chorus, finally getting into it.

“Nothing compares to, a quiet evening alone! Just the one, two! of us who's counting on! That never happens, I guess I'm dreaming again.”

They tried their hardest to push the images of that night on the couch with Spencer out of their mind as they sang along, trying to harmonize and cover the backup for Evie as best as she could.

“Let’s be more than this now!”

She always took the bridge, as the drummer and the most passionate one, it only made sense. Y/N always got the crowd on their feet, roaring along as they jumped to the beat.

“Rock and roll, baby, Don't you know that we're all alone now? I need something to sing about. Rock and roll, hey! Don't you know, baby, we're all alone now? I need something to sing about! Rock and roll, hey! Don't you know, baby, we're all alone now? Give me something to sing about!”

“Nothing compares to, a quiet evening alone! Just the one, two! of us who's counting on! That never happens, I guess I'm dreaming again, let’s be more than, noOoo!”

She had a crush on Spencer fucking Reid and one now noticed as they tried their hardest to focus on the words when all that came to mind right now was his body heat and how good he smelled and how nice it was that he came to support them.

“Nothing compares to, a quiet evening alone! Just the one, two! of us who's counting on! That never happens, I guess I'm dreaming again, Let’s be more than this, more than thiiiiiis, oooooooh, mmmmmmhmmm,” she sang the ending of the song along with Evie, their harmony sounding more perfect than any performance before.

Critics always said the performance is better when you mean the words you’re singing. With that, they accepted their crush on Doctor Spencer Reid after 7 long years of knowing him. They pushed through nerves so that they could go and see him after and do something about it, now that Penelope wasn’t home to tease her for it.

Leading right into Dear Maria, Count Me In. Their bass player, Kat taking the lead for her favourite song. Being an all ‘girl’ punk band was her idea, and now they all enjoyed taking turns singing their favourite songs in front of mostly strangers, once a month.

Every single song made her think of Spencer in some way as she remembered the rest of the set, it had 5 songs in total and each one included at least one reference to something she knew about Spencer.

It was hard to not think about him while he stood at the edge of the stage with everyone and bopped his head along to the beat, a smile growing on his face as he also noticed the little references to them in the songs.

The Rock Show by Blink182 was going to hit a little too close to home as she sang the words all but to him, making eye contact with him as he moved to the best spot to see them play, much like Penelope would do every time.

She didn’t realize how much this song actually represented her life before tonight, starting to sing her song alone while Spencer watched. Deciding on the spot to dedicate it to him in the most fucking obvious way possible, taking her chances because he must have come for a reason.

“Hanging out behind the club on the weekends. Acting stupid, getting drunk with my best friends, I couldn't wait for the summer and the Warped Tour, I remember that it's the first time that I saw him there!”

Spencer was smiling then, noticing the lyric change as they made eye contact, nodding along as he watched. Genuinely enjoying himself and the show, it was lovely to see. She couldn’t help but smile against the mic as she sang and played. Wondering how his face will change with the next verse she watched him from the corner of her eye.

Her bandmates turning to see her as they played their guitars, nodding in agreement at the lyric change, they knew what she was up to. It wasn’t the first time they used the stage to bring someone home with them.

“He's getting kicked out of school cause he's failing. I’m kinda nervous, cause I’m sure all his friends hate me! He’s the one, he'll always be there, I took his hand and I’ll make it I swear,

“Because I fell in love with the guy at the rock show! He said what? and I told him that I didn't know. He's so cool, gonna sneak in through his window. Everything's better when he's around. Can’t wait until my parent goes out of town, I fell in love with the guy at the rock show!”

Spencer’s smile was priceless, it made them even more confident to sing all the words, wanting him with zero shame, it’s not like anyone who knew him would know about this.

“When we said we were gonna move to Vegas I remember the look your mother gave us 17 without a purpose or direction We don't owe anyone a fuckin’ explanation”

“Because I fell in love with the guy at the rock show! He said what? and I told him that I didn't know. He's so cool, gonna sneak in through his window. Everything's better when he's around. Can’t wait until my parent goes out of town, I fell in love with the guy at the rock show!” Making the softest eye contact with him, they moved their whole body to play to him.

“Black and white picture of him on my wall, I waited for his call, he always kept me waiting, and if I ever got another chance I'd still ask him to dance, because he kept me waiting!”

“I fell in love with the guy at the rock show! He said what? and I told him that I didn't know. He's so cool, gonna sneak in through his window. Everything's better when he's around. Can’t wait until my parent goes out of town,”

“I fell in love with the guy at the rock show!” She had never been this passionate while playing this song in all the years they had played it together.

Her bandmates taking the lead singing, “with the guy at the rock show!”

“I’ll never forget you,” she sang in the middle of their chants, “I’ll never forget you, I’ll never forget you, I’ll never forget tonight, I’ll never forget tonight…”

She shot a wink at him before turning back in her seat to face the drum set the best way. The last two songs were Evie’s and Kat’s, she covered the backup vocals, making the occasional glance towards Spence as she thought of him.

Counting down the minutes till she could go see him.

Come a little closer by cage the elephant, an obvious title with lyrics that would clearly bring every memory of brushed hands against lower backs as they slipped past each other in crowded rooms, lingering as long as possible before they were gone again. Goodnight hugs when Penelope was already asleep and he could hold her a big longer and tighter, resting his head on her shoulder while she rubbed his back and breathed him in. And that night on the couch, not to mention all the mornings she walked in on him sleeping peacefully, brushing the hair out of his face, softly, in the hopes he didn’t wake up.

“Come a little closer, then you'll see, Come on, come on, come on, Things aren't always what they seem to be… Do you understand the things you been seein' Come on, come on, come on! Do you understand the things that you've been dreaming… Come a little closer, then you'll see! Come a little closer, then you'll see!”

And even when he did she had a coffee ready for him when he sat up and smiled, giving them a few hours alone before Penelope would wake up. Talking all morning about star trek and dr. Who, smacking his knee as he made jokes that genuinely made them laugh while trying to keep her voice down so they didn’t wake Penelope.

Not many people made her feel like that in her life.

“Come a little closer, then you'll see! Come a little closer, then you'll see!” Staring at him, enticing him to do it the next time they had the chance.

The intro to I’d Do Anything by simple plan was one of her favourites to play, smiling wide as she began to drum as her best friends sang the words.

Waiting for the chorus to sing the words at Spencer, really sending the message, he wasn’t dumb, not in the slightest, he would get it. He had to, she had already been so obvious there was no turning back now.

“This could be the one last chance to make you understand,”

Her arms were starting to hurt as she played along with the most energy she has had in years, playing like a teenager whose parents just died and she needed to hit something, once again. It was freeing, playing with what she could only imagine was love in her chest instead of anger. It’s how she was supposed to play.

"I’d do anything Just to hold you in my arms To try to make you laugh Cuz somehow I can’t put you in the past I’d do anything Just to fall asleep with you Will you remember me? Cuz I know I won’t forget you,"

Focusing on the drumming and ignoring the lyrics as her bandmates covered the lyrics, letting her go hog fucking wild on the drum set, almost kicking the chair out from under herself as they kept going. Joining for the chorus again before beating the shit out of her drum set.

I close my eyes And all I see is you I close my eyes I try to sleep I can't forget you Na na na And I'd do anything for you Na na na Naaaaaaa

“I’d do anything!” She closed her eyes as she pushes the words past her vocal cords, again and again, passionately playing the drums as her hair flew all over the place, worried she might break the sticks as she played.

“Cause I know I won't forget yoooou!” She plays the end of the song, snapping the left drumstick in half before throwing the right one into the crowd, right into Spencer’s hand, sending him a wink before saying goodbye to the crowd.

Sweaty as hell from playing the drums, they brushed their long black hair back behind their ears and in a low ponytail so it would fit under her motorcycle helmet on the way home. Putting their leather jacket back on and heading into the main bar to find Spencer.

“Hey,” he smiled as she walked towards him, the drumstick now resting in his pocket as he approached her.

“I can’t believe you came here all by yourself?” Y/N laughed slightly before pulling him into a thank-you hug.

“I wouldn’t miss it, I’ve been coming for a year now, it’s always a great time,” his smile was perfect, his teeth were so white and straight and she wondered how they’d feel against her neck.

“It’s been that long?” She pretended that she didn’t notice, biting their lip as he ran the calculations in his mind.

He nodded with a soft, pressed-lipped smile, the Spencer classic. “Yep, it’s been exactly 14 months straight now.”

“I know you don’t like bars and loud noises and people you don’t know, or germs which makes this like a nightmare of yours I guess because of the close proximity of people and the germs being spread as everyone screams in a crowd,” she ranted before he was pulling her into another hug, “so this means a lot to me,” she finished her thought beside his ear for only him to hear.

“Anytime,” he whispered as he held her, his arm on her back and chin resting on her shoulder.

“Did you need a ride home?” She offered, thinking about how nice it would be for him to wrap his arms around their body as he sat behind her on Patsy, her motorcycle.

“Yeah, unless you wanted to go to your place and watch another movie? I wouldn’t want to keep you waiting,” he spoke just loud enough to be heard over the music.

“Yeah, I’d love that, it’s been lonely while Penny’s gone,” a smile erupting on her face as she got the reference, “come on then.”

She took his hand in hers, interlocking their fingers and dragging him backstage towards her locker. She had a space to keep her things for practice and other shows she did during the week, keeping an extra helmet and jacket in the locker for nights like this, however, normally it was a cute stranger. Not the man she’s been crushing on since she was a teenager.

“Oh, you brought Patsy,” Spencer’s face went white.

“Did you not want to ride her? Come on, everyone wants to ride her at least once,” Y/N teased him as she put the helmet in his free hand.

Her bandmates staring at her with proud smiles as she took the guy from the rock show home; the one in the sweater vest from the front, the one who was the most into the whole show, they both gave Y/N a wave and a smile as they slipped out the backstage door.

They walked out to the parking lot, still hand in hand with their helmets in the other. Stopping at her dark purple Suzuki GS650 GT, it was her most prized possession because it used to belong to her parents.

She put her hair in the right spot before putting the helmet on, sitting down and starting the engine, revving it for everyone in the lot to see as Spencer put his helmet on and threw a leg over the seat, nervous as ever.

He fit behind her perfectly, just enough room on the seat for his chest to press against her back as he placed his hands gingerly on her hips. It made her laugh.

“You’re going to want to hold on better than that pretty boy,” she teased him before revving the engine once more, kicking the kickstand up and speeding out of the parking lot.

Spencer gripped her tightly as she took off down the street, taking the longest route possible to her home. She didn’t hit a single red light for at least 5 blocks, zooming through traffic as Spencer squeezed the life out of her.

He felt amazing, his hands were so big as he fully wrapped around her, reaching around completely so his right hand was on her left hip and vice versa. He was so close she could feel his heartbeat against her back.

He was nervous, he flinched every time she turned and held on even tighter somehow.

So she did another lap of the block, around the park’s bend so she could lean the bike as far as possible as Spencer’s fingers dug into her hips fiercely. Breathing deep enough that she could hear him over the engine, but he wanted her to keep going. Not ready to let go of her yet, this is the closest they had ever been to each other.

When she finally pulled into the parking lot of their apartment complex, they bumped over the curb and his hand grazed Y/N’s boob, he pulled back so fast it was barely there, she just shook her head and laughed. Parking the bike and putting the kickstand back down.

Spencer let out a sigh, relaxing against her as he rested his chin on her shoulder again.

“Have fun?”

“Surprisingly, yes,” he laughed, his voice deep and dry from breathing with his mouth open, it was cute.

He got off first when his legs were finally able to work again, still vibrating from the rev of the engine he walked like Ariel when she got her legs. It was priceless, no one has reacted like that after getting a ride from them, not even Penelope.

She took her helmet off while still on the bike, shaking her hair out of the ponytail as provocatively as possible before getting off. Spencer’s jaw fell open once more as he watched, breathlessly, just as she expected.

Either he liked them before and never told them, or he was going to start now.

Either way, it excited Y/N to their core, taking his hand once more and leading him inside, this time they could be as close as they wanted to and no one was going to walk in on it. She stopped at her locked apartment door, looking at Spencer as softly as possible so he’d know her feelings were real.

“I know this will cause the teasing we already get to skyrocket, so if you wanted to keep it between us, I fully understand,” she whispered.

“Is that what you want?”

He was so sweet it made her heartache, never before had anyone made her feel like this; like she wasn’t in control of her body or mind, like an override in the system her brain and heart chose Spencer and there was no stopping them.

“I just told a whole bar of people that I’m in love with the guy at the rock show before taking you home in front of everyone,” she laughed, “I don’t care if people know, I just hate when they tease us, they belittle everything we do like we’re 17 forever, it’s not fun for me.”

“I hate it too,” he pressed his lips together awkwardly once more, “I’d like to keep you to myself for a while.”

She cupped his face in her hands and pulled in, pressing her lips against his as they both tried to repress their tightlipped smiles. Finally, finally kissing after all those years staring at each other's lips while they explained something, passionately as ever with the most attentive ears.

“Exactly, me too,” she smiled wider as she pulled back from him, unlocking the front door and pulling him inside for that movie he mentioned.

tag list: @shemarmooresfedora @spencers-dria @spookyspence @reidsfish @manuosorioh @mochionly @samuel-de-champagne-problems @jswessie187 (dm me if you want me to remove you)

[blackswan18]

Too Good To Be True - Ch. 13 | kth (m)

Summary: Kim Taehyung is a world famous idol in the hit K-pop group, BTS, and you are his personal stylist. Per your contract with BigHit, he is absolutely, 100% off-limits, and yet, you are completely and hopelessly in love with him. You’ve spent years trying to shove your feelings down, but it’s getting harder and harder to ignore and hide them, especially considering the way Tae always treats you. He’s affectionate and protective and sometimes outright flirtatious, but that’s how he is with everyone, right? Confused, frustrated, and lovesick, you find yourself wondering if it might finally be worth risking your career and your heart to find out.

pairing: Taehyung x reader

genre: Idol! au, fluff, angst, eventual smut, friends to lovers, slow burn

rating: 18+

word count: 1.9k

warnings: cursing

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Chapter 13: Steal Your Breath - Part 1

You spent all weekend trying to understand what had happened at the museum, but the more you thought about things, the less sense it all made. The events of the evening played through your mind on an endless loop, but each time the picture became a bit hazier as another once crystal clear detail began to fade. There were just so many questions that needed answering. 

Had it really been obvious that you’d tried to pull him in for a kiss or did you only think it was? Did he actually come closer at first or did you just imagine that? If he was upset with you about what happened, why did he wait for you at the stairs? If he wasn’t upset, why didn’t he say anything? And what the fuck did that little hand squeeze mean?

Over and over you pondered these questions, but you never seemed to get any closer to finding the answers. Thinking about everything only made you more confused and also more nervous for what would happen when you saw him next. By the time Monday rolled around, you were so anxious and on edge that you had to skip your morning coffee out of fear that you might have an actual heart attack. You walked in from the parking garage as slowly as humanly possible, trying your hardest to delay the inevitable.

You kept telling yourself to relax and breathe and remember that this was Tae. Your Tae. You two had been through so much together and you’d always been OK. Even after the fiasco the night of The Grammys, you’d been OK. You had forgiven him for that night and allowed you both to move on. Surely he could forgive you for this, right? 

When you finally reached the studio door you paused for a moment to take a deep breath and give yourself one last pep talk. After determining you were as ready as you were ever going to be, you then walked through and headed over to where he was already waiting in his chair. Once you got there you set your bag down on the counter and immediately began rummaging through it, keeping your back to him. You did this for a few minutes as you tried desperately to calm your racing heart. When you could no longer put it off, could no longer stand to float in the abyss of the unknown, you finally turned to face him.

The sight before you saw stole your breath: Tae, sitting there stiffly, staring intently down at this phone, gripping the side of the chair with his free hand like he was bracing himself for something. After three years of working closely with him, you could read his body language in an instant and what you saw was unmistakable. He was so uncomfortable right now. 

You broke the silence with a small ‘Hi’ to which he simply nodded in reply. When, after a few moments, he still had done nothing else to acknowledge your presence, you let out a long sigh and got to work.

The first time you touched him to start doing his hair, he flinched. Literally, physically, flinched, like your hands had burned him. He had been staring down at his phone when it happened and for that you were so grateful. Had he been looking at you at that moment he would have seen the absolute devastation flash across your face. Blinking back tears and choking back a sob, you forced yourself to act as if nothing was wrong and kept working. 

He didn’t look at you once the entire time, instead choosing to keep his gaze fixed on the device in his hand. Even when you did his makeup and his face was turned towards you he still didn’t really look at you. He simply looked through you, his eyes glazed and cold as they remained trained on some point in the distance behind you.

When you were finally done getting him ready and he wordlessly left for the interview they had scheduled, you excused yourself, went to the bathroom, and wept.

It was official: your relationship with him was irrevocably broken and so were you.

~~~

A couple weeks later you were at the staff Festa party taking place on the rooftop patio atop the Big Hit building. It was a relaxed and low-key event; people were just milling about and chatting as they enjoyed drinks from the little bar that had been set up in the corner. There was a makeshift dance floor set up in the middle of the patio and a few people were on it twirling around and having fun. Your ankle still was slightly tender, so dancing was out of the question, but even if it was healed you wouldn’t have been joining them. Dancing was a happy thing done by happy people and right now you were anything but happy.

Right now you were crushed, devastated, an empty shell of a human. Other than a few one word answers, Tae hadn’t really talked to you in weeks. He’d stopped flinching when you touched him, and did occasionally make eye contact, but it was still overtly clear that being around you made him incredibly uncomfortable. He had stopped coming by the studio in the afternoons too, but that didn’t surprise you one bit. Why would he choose to spend more time with someone he obviously couldn’t stand?

You had spent the early part of the evening mingling with some of the other staff, having the same meaningless conversation about the weather and the comeback and your summer plans over and over and over again, but when the guys showed up halfway through to say hello and thank you like they did every year, you quietly slipped away from the party to the far side of the roof. You didn’t want to see him, especially with how handsome he looked in the soft glow of the setting sun. After enduring his silence and blatant refusal to acknowledge your existence for weeks, your heart just couldn’t take any more. 

As you stood there, leaning on the railing, staring out over the Han River, you couldn’t help but wonder if this was the last time you would get to enjoy this view. Any day now you would probably be fired. Although you hadn’t technically violated your contract, the intent to do so had been there. As a result, Tae clearly no longer wanted anything to do with you and that would surely be enough to warrant your removal.

Just thinking about that had you on the verge of tears until you suddenly heard the sound of a familiar upbeat song drifting over from the party. Upon realizing it was Zico’s ‘Any Song’, you couldn’t help but smile. Not only was this one of your favorite songs, but it was also an integral part of one of your favorite memories from just a few months ago…

You were in the studio doing Tae’s hair one day while he played you TaeTae FM. You were just about to get to work with the straightener when suddenly ‘Any Song’ by Zico came on.

“Ahhh I love this song!” you shrieked like a giddy child. “Turn it up, turn it up!”

“I know that’s why I’m playing it,” he said with a laugh as he turned up the volume.

As the song began to play, you simply could not stop yourself from singing and dancing along. You and your sisters all loved Zico and the last time the three of you had all been home you had danced to this song in your kitchen like fools. Hearing it now brought you right back to that day and suddenly you didn’t care how awful you sounded or how silly you looked. In that moment, you just felt totally happy and carefree. 

After rocking out in your own little world for most of the song, you eventually looked up to see Tae watching you through the mirror wearing a small, shy grin. 

“What?” you asked, now feeling ever so slightly self-conscious.

“Nothing,” he said casually. “You’re just cute.”

You felt your face flush instantly as you bit your bottom lip and looked down at the straightener in your hand. He had never said anything like that to you before and you honestly had no idea how to respond. Red-faced and tongue-tied, you were extremely grateful that Mrs. Choi chose that moment to walk over.

“You two,” she said with a scowl. “Turn that down and stop disrupting everyone.”

“Sorry, Mrs. Choi,” Tae said, giving her an apologetic look as he turned the volume down a bit.

You muttered a half-hearted ‘sorry’ too before turning back towards Tae only to find him already looking back down at his phone, his face sporting that same small, shy grin as well as a light, pink tinge.

As you replayed his words over and over in your head, and peeked at him again to see his adorable blushing, you simply could not stop yourself from wondering if maybe, just maybe, all his sweet words and affectionate gestures over the years had actually meant something after all...

By the time you finished recounting the memory, you realized you had subconsciously begun to dance a bit. You were really just swaying, aimlessly shuffling back and forth, but it felt good. For the first time in weeks, you found you felt genuinely happy. 

A minute or so later you were still enjoying your stolen moment of happiness when you caught the sound of someone walking up behind you. 

“I thought I said no dancing,” you heard Tae say in a quiet, wistful voice.

You turned around to find him standing there with his hands in his pockets, a sad smile on his face.

Stunned, you just stood there staring at him, eyes wide in surprise. You couldn’t believe he was talking to you right now, let alone that he had actually sought you out to do so. Terrified that if you so much as blinked he might disappear, you continued to simply stand there, wordlessly gazing at him. 

Noticing your clearly shocked state, he took a small step forward and continued

“Could we maybe talk?” he asked hesitantly.

Still unable to form words, you nodded your head. At that he came over and stood beside you, but he left an awkwardly large amount of space between you two. Upon noticing that, your heart sank. He may have come here to talk, but he clearly still did not want to be anywhere near you, which could only mean one thing: he had finally come to say it. 

For a minute or so, he didn’t speak. He just looked out over the city and the river below. With every passing second, the dread inside you grew. You were not at all prepared for this conversation, you would never be prepared for it, honestly, but it was happening and there was nothing you could do to stop it. All you could do was brace yourself and wait for the love of your life to, in all likelihood, tell you that he never wanted to see you again. 

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[virtual-luvr]

Gala

☇Pairing: Jumin Han x Reader

☇Pronouns: male; he/him

☇Warning: none that i can think of <3

☇Description: Jumin wasn't planning on getting this emotional, especially at a gala.

☇Note: part two of couch nap for @luckymunchkin ! I got a lil emotional while writing that ending though-

------------------

Poor Jaehee, she had to see all of your guy's advances towards each other

Like right now too.

Jaehee currently stood in front of her boss and best friend, said best friend leaning on heR bosses desk and sending flirty remarks.

'OKAY WE GET IT YOUR G A Y AND IN LOVE', that's what she wished she could scream out right now.

But, alas, if she did she would get embarrassed by all her coworkers AND she knows you would just say

"Is someone jealous~"

And she is not about to deal with her bullshit.

Jumin sits there leaning out of his chair while conversation with you looking like he about to fall off it. Especially when you grazed your hand against his cheek to swipe a strand of his hair behind his ear.

You guys just wouldn't stop flIRTING.

Jaehee grunts as she holds on as tight as possible to the documents in her hands. Quite frustrated with the fact her boss stole her best friends attention from her and also now she has to deal with you flirting every two seconds.

You were still flabbergasted by his actions so you basically heard not even half of what he just said.

At this point people thought you worked for Jumin, i mean, you did spend a lot of time at his office now a days-

You and Jumin hurridly try to collect yourselves as you hear Jaehee give out a small coff.

"Jaehee yes, what is it you need?" Jumin says

You play and fidget with the things on Jumin desk as Jumin and Jaehee talk. Jumin tries his best not to get distracted by it but your excessive pen clicking was hurting his ears.

As Jaehee backs away to her desk Jumin lets out a grunt and puts his hand on top of yours.

"Stop that"

"Heyyy, i can't help it"

"Ill buy you something to fidget with just not my pen"

He always tried to buy you stuff, and even thought you knew he was rich RICH, you still didn't want to annoy him or something.

As you open your mouth to decline him he shushes you up, putting a finger to your lips and standing up from his chair he gives you a small glare

"Shush, also I need you for something"

"Hm?" You hum out and as you look up at him you're surprised with his face close to yours and his hands trapping you on the desk.

If i could accurately describe your thoughts right now im pretty sure it would be something along the lines of "&*$'.×$:_×€:(*€:*_:$*€:,*_€**€#,_*"

His stare is intense as he talks, "My father wants me to bring someone to a gala he's prepared. I don't have anyone, but im sure you might like the idea of a good evening or something"

He stands back from you, slightly adjusting his nicely done cuffs and waits for your answer.

You were not expecting that.

Giving out a small, "sure", and running off your face as hot as the sun and your breath shaky. In the small portion of time you had been obviously flirting he had NEVER done something like that.

------------

As you pick out your clothes Jaehee is screaming through the phone.

"(Y/N)...we are talking about a HAN gala, there is no way i can calm down. This has to be as perfect as can be"

"JAEHEE CALM DOWN" you yell out as you hurriedly put on your clothes.

"Ill tell Jumin to go easier on you okay, you've been working really hard. Take a break, everything is perfect already anyways Jaehee"

Her words elicit an ugly laugh out of you, never in a million years would you believe that, there's no way.

You hear Jaehee heavily sigh through the phone, "thank you..i know he'll listen to you. You have him wrapped around your finger, you know that right?"

"Its the truth!!"

"Whatever Jaehee, ill see you there" you lightly shake your head and hang up, doing any last details and shaking off any dust that might be on your clothes.

When you get there you're met with the beautiful sight of fairy lights and different colors.

As you walk out you meet Jumins eyes and he softly smiles at you. He usually doesn't do that but he's been doing it much more lately.

Giving your hand a kiss he pats the seat beside him, your blush does not go unnoticed and he lets out a light chuckle.

You grumble as he tells the driver to start the car, after a while you get more comfortable and you make conversation as you get to the gala.

Opening the door you're met with flashes and blinding light. You try to cover your eyes but you flinch as Jumins hand comes into contact with your back.

He ignores everyone around him except the corporates who gave out a wave and nice greetings, leading you to a less crowded area he tells you he has something important to do and now you sit there waiting for him to calm back.

He doesn't give out any reaction, he just slowly walks you through the crowd of people and leave you to the grand entrance.

Zen excitedly picks you up, your feet hover over the ground as you try to hug him as best as possible.

Damn you Jumin, im not good at this stuff.

Hearing an oh so familiar laugh you look all around you, trying to find the culprit as soon as possible.

As you walk around a corner you see familiar head of hair.

There he was!

Giving a light tap to his shoulder you smirk when Zen gives you a bright eyed smile

"Miss me?"

No matter what, damn this man is strong-

"He's here!"

All of you were having a good time until Jaehees breath hitches and she hurriedly gives you the champagne bottle she had in her hands just moments ago.

As you look beyond Zens shoulder you see Jaehee.

"Oh im so sorry, was I interrupting your conversation?" Oh god now you feel bad. You thought he was alone-

"No no, you were just the person i was looking for. We missed you"

You smile at Zen and Jaehee, giving Jaehee a quick hug and engaging in conversation. It was more of Zen flexing his acting and you and Jaehee both being amazed.

Both Jaehee and Zen turn a pale white. Zen stutters before giving you a, "peace out", and running away. Jaehee chasing him, right on his tail.

"Is everything okay-"

You were about to ask up until you felt a slight warmth behind you, looking behind your shoulder you're met with Jumins cold glare.

Damn, so that's how it is huh.

That hurt, thats hurt more then it should have. He doesn't even try to look at you in the eyes, he just keeps looking out at the scenery.

You chuckle nervously as you turn around to meet Jumins eyes

He notices your eyes piercing through him and he huffs, he turns away from you and walks through the crowd. You follow as best as you can, trying not to lose sight of him.

You reach a balcony and you see him resting on the railing, the wind made his hair flow beautifully.

But as much as you wanted to admire him, you knew you guys had to talk.

"Whats wrong?" You go and put your hand on his back like he did to you less than an hour ago but he only pushes it away

"Its fine"

"No its not, whats wro-"

"Can you leave me alone please? I don't want to talk to you or see you right now, its annoying"

It works a little but he knows he needs to go look for you now. Budging the door open he swiftly walks through the crowd once again and as he maps out the second floor of the mansion he knows you're not around here.

When Jumin hears the door to the balcony slam shut he knew he had fucked up.

He panics for a second, running his hand through his hair. Trying to calm his laboring breath and bad thoughts.

"Im sorry, i was jealous of your interactions with Zen. I know you're entitled to all your own emotions but seeing you with him makes my heart ache. I don't know what this feeling is, its so foreign. But i know i don't like seeing you so close to him, I thought we were close-" he chocked up while confessing to you, you grab onto the fabric of his vest as he cries into your shoulder

His shoes click each time he takes another step and he practically skips as many steps as he humanly can while walking down the staircase.

The gala was a big, and so was the crowd. But even so, he was able to pinpoint your head through the whole crowd and he runs after you. Not giving a single care about what everyone in the crowd thought.

He tries not to make a scene so with his long legs he goes up behind you and takes you into one of the spare bedrooms.

"Jumin let me go" you barely fight him off, you don't have any energy to. But you know he would obey what you had to say, and just as you thought he let you go.

He suddenly grabs onto you and hugs you close.

You run your hands through his hair. As much as his words hurt, you also know he would never be this emotional around others. So you know he's telling the truth

"Im sorry, please, I didn't mean that I swear. It just came out, I promise i wont do it again. Please don't leave, please-"

Well to him at least it did seem embarrassing, he was raised this way after all.

"Sh sh, i forgive you"

"You do?" He hiccups, his voice is groagy now, he hasn't cried like this in so long. It felt good but also so incredibly embarrassing to do it in front of the person he loved so much.

His hands were glued to the small of your back and his thumb rubbed soft and smooth traces against your skin.

You give his forehead a soft peck and the smile he had that evening finally came back.

He barely thought his actions through before he had you in a close embrace and his lips were against yours.

Your hands were still in his hair and a sigh slips past his lips as he presses his lips harder against yours.

You eyelashes flutter open as he pulls away, but when your eyes meet he closes the gap once again.

If you could stay like this forever you would.

You push away from just a little so you can look at his expression better, his expressions tells you everything. He truly is so, so happy in this moment.

After another passionate kiss he gives out soft pecks to your lips as you both smile, hearts content

"I've never been this happy"

And you wouldn't want it any other way. Seeing Jumin this happy made you just as happy.

You can't help but kiss him again as you see him smile and look at you with soft but loving eyes.

"Is this a good time to say I love you" you say as you chuckle

[1956 words; aug/25/2020]

[builder051]

some things never change

Chasing ghosts

Warnings for mentions of alcohol/drug use and SA

__________________

James wakes in the LaZBoy in the corner lf the living room, his head barely supported by the throw pillow jammed between the chair's arm and cushioned back. Light streams through the cheap blinds. James wonders what time it is. Then, vaguely, what day it its.

He rubs his eyes, which feel full of the haze of leftover burning smoke. His mouth tastes like smoke, too. Sort of like tobacco. A little like weed. He's evidentially been partying, even though that's not typically his thing. At least, not anymore.

James stretches and punches in the chair's footrest with his heels. It makes a popping sound, and that arouses a gran from the sofa across the rom.

"God, you're fucking loud," a small, hoarse voice complains.

"Tash?" James squints to distinguish her mop of red hair from the mound of quilts and afghans. There's a trash bin on ghe floor near what would appear to be Tasha's head. James assumes she's been partying too. Maybe she's the reason he's been partying in the first place.

"Hmph," the pile of blankets replies. James takes it as an affirmative.

"Ok." James pushes to his feet. Dizziness threatens to send him reeling for a moment, but he manages to shuffle into the kitchen and pour water into the coffeepot before his stomach bottoms out and he retches into the sink.

James's mouth and nose burn with bile, and he stifles a hacking cough.

"You ok?" Someone asks from behind James's shoulder.

James tries to keep his natural fight or flight response at bay whilst also stopping another dry retch before it finds its way into his throat. "Huh?" he says quickly. "I-- I'm--"

"Buck," Steve murmurs apologetically. "I'm sorry."

"It's ok," James chokes. He swallows hard and forces a smile.

Steve looks at him a little doubtfully. Then furrows his brows in an expression of real concern.

"What happened last night?" he asks in a low voice.

"I'm..." James swallows again, then turns back to the sink and spits. "Still trying to figure that out."

"You came home at two-thirty," Steve offers. "If that helps."

James shrugs. "My guess is that the supposed knight in shining armor wound up getting... pretty busted up."

"You're not all beat up, though," Steve says. "And you weren't that out of it. James is sure he's giving the mildest report humanly possible.

"I know I was high," James immediately admits, putting up his hands in honest innocence. "On what, I have practically no idea."

Regular cigarettes and pot can usually blur the edges for him a little, but it takes something heavier to drop him on his ass. Prescription grade, at least. Though he doesn't explicitly tell Steve that.

"Well," Steve says, glancing toward the living room to see Tasha's current grade of consciousness. "If you were high, she was fucking blitzed." Steve pauses. "And I don't know if it's, like, a thing, or something. I've never partied like that, but--"

"Just spit it out," James says with a sigh, taking the towel from the handle of the dishwasher to wipe his face.

"She didn't have any pants." Steve looks fairly mortified. "Like, you had her all covered with your jacket, like a dress, and all..." He trails off.

That partially explains why there are so many blankets on the sofa. Also why there are no sounds of the laundry machines tumbling all traces of last night out of Tasha's scant clothes.

"Meh." James shrugs. He puts the towel back. "Happens sometimes. Especially if there's something like... an unplanned interruption."

Steve takes a deep breath. "Wow." Then, "If you knew it was, well, that kind of party, why'd you let her go?"

"No question of letting her," James says, suddenly exhausted. "She's 18. She can make her own decisions."

"But, alcohol?" Steve ask. "Drugs? Guys?"

"She doesn't like guys," James says quickly, and with a snarky smile.

"But she was, obviously, well, you know--"

"Transactional," James says. "At least that's probably how it started." He looks into the living room to see if Tasha has stirred any more, which she hasn't. Drunken wakings are like that-- coming and going a bit before one knows what's really real. He hopes that's where Tasha is right now.

James glances at Steve, who still has the same curious look. "Do I really have to spell it out for you?"y

"No," Steve says, "But--?"

"Well, share your body and I'll share my drugs is one thing." It still brings a disgusted look to James's face. "But when you go in there to get her and she's naked and trying to break her own thumb to escape the handcuffs and the second guy's dropping his pants to take his turn..." James squeezes his eyes shut. He feels sick all over again, though he's already emptied the contents of his stomach.

"You want to take her in?" Steve suggests, his eyes wide. "Do a kit or something?"

"You can ask her when she gets up," James says doubtfully. "But if she's behaving anything like her regular self, she's gonna say she agreed to the first guy, and all he's guilty of is being rough. I'm pretty sure I punched the second guy out before he got on her.

"That's just..." Steve pauses..."Nuts. That you know this. That you aren't freaking out about this."

"Yeah, well, I learned pretty quickly that there better be specific relevant details when I first tried taking her to the ER after she turned 18. Hadn't moved out of the home yet, but was still trying to party like a college singleton."

"How'd you... take that?" Steve finally asks.

"Went with her when I could. Surveilled from a distance when she wouldn't let me. Only took her to the ER once after a rough one, and I found out real quick that statutory didn't apply anymore. Of course she agreed she'd consented, and I was the one who looked like a fool."

"What're you doing?" a miserable voice comes from the vicinity of the living room. "Are you talking about me?"

"Shit," James mutters. He wonders if she heard him talking about last night. He hopes not, lest she think he's broken some kind of unspoken sibling confidentiality rule of which they have yet to factor Steve into as something between boyfriend and brother-in-law. “Morning, Tash,” he says, giving Steve a glare that’s clearly meant to say their previous conversation is strictly under wraps.

“Hi.” Tasha slowly gets to her feet from her couch bed, still wearing the bottom blanket as a sort of toga dress over James’s backward hoodie. She stumbles a little, and James practically runs to keep her from falling, even though he’s not completely steady himself.

“Hey,” Tasha groans, grasping James’s arm as he pulls her into a hug. “I feel gross.” She pulls away, holding her hand an inch or so in front of her mouth.

“Yeah, I’m not all sunshine and daisies myself,” James admits.

“What were you rolling on?” Tasha asks skeptically. “Tylenol?”

“Tash, be serious, please.” James wants to roll his eyes, but he doesn’t want to exacerbate his current headache.

“Oxy?” Tasha tries again.

“Hey,” Steve snaps, suddenly up with the program.

“Don’t worry about it,” James tells him. “My privacy really isn’t the issue here.”

“So you were finally giving in to your cravings.” Tasha touches her tongue to her upper lip.

“So maybe I was.” James does his best not to let anger creep into his voice. He goes with cold, hard honesty instead. “I actually can’t remember what the fuck I took last night. Did. Drank.” James runs his hand through his hair.

“The sink says Guinness,” Steve supplies. “And your clothes say weed.”

James nods. It’s a fair enough assessment. He’s pretty sure pills were involved as well, lest it not be his type of party. The oxy makes sense. He probably rolled a little ecstasy with it, as he thinks he recalls lying on the couch in the house for some unknown period of time before reality set back in and he had to find Tasha.

Lying on the couch. That’s what Tasha ought to be doing right now. More drugs than what piped through James have probably hit her miniscule system. The fact that shey’s up, no matter how unsteady, seems to be a feat to be reckoned with.

“And what’re you on?” James asks, though he knows he’s unlikely to get an answer. At least an honest one.

“Same as you.” Tasha shrugs. “Maybe a little more. Maybe a little less.” She nudges the not exactly empty trash bin beside the couch with her foot. There isn’t much in it substance-wise, but the yellow bile at the bottom appears to be streaked with blood.

Broken capillaries at the back of the throat aren’t necessarily uncommon, James reminds himself, but the whole scene is a little unsettling. Sort of like the fact that she’s still wearing her temporary coat-and-blanket dress, making no move toward increased modesty. It’s as if the partying of the previous night has, for both of them, brought on exhaustion and an expulsion of cold, hard honesty. Something of the type James is more likely to spill; something mature that implies she’s out-aged the fun of the previous night.

It’s weird for Tasha, acting like the miniature grown-up that James knows she isn’t. But then he thinks back to the way he found her last night, and how he’s told her story to Steve without her express permission. Guilt fills James’s stomach, and he doesn’t feel beyond vomiting again. He just hopes Steve does have the sense not to let her know what he knows.

“Do you want to go to bed?” James asks Tasha, gesturing down the hall. “I don’t know what time it is, but it seems as good a time as any to crash.”

“Hm.” Tasha looks at him skeptically.

“I’ll get you some Tylenol. Gatorade, even.”

Tasha gives him a long, hard look that turns her skepticism into something else. James can nearly swear he sees tears at the corners of her eyes, but when he blinks, they’re gone.

“Can I bunk with you?” Tasha’s obvious attempt not to look teary gives her away, but now she seems congested as fuck, wiping her nose on the sleeve of James’s jacket.

“Yeah,” James replies, pulling two bottles of sports drink from the fridge, then putting his arm around Tasha. “Of course.”

“You do too much for me,” Tasha mutters into James’s shoulder. “I know you know it.”

James shrugs. He still feels a little on the toasted side himself, and, to be honest, his little sister’s warm comfort, no matter how binged or beaten, is a positive presence in his life. He wants her to be ok. It makes him ok. If one day she decides she’s not, they’ll handle it. Together. But for now, sleep is in order.

Tasha sandwiches herself between Steve and James in their not exactly spacious bed, stealing the covers and complaining of hot and cold in cycles as the drugs work their way out of her system. She clings to James, then to Steve for a while.

“She won’t freak out if she wakes up and I’m the one with her?” Steve asks conscientiously.

“No,” James replies with purpose. “You’re nice to her, and there’s nothing to be gained by banging you.” James smiles a bit to buffer the ragged truthfulness of the words, but Steve just sighs and nods.

“She’s never had an ‘older brother’s boyfriend,’ has she?” Steve asks.

James shakes his head

“I mean, like, some non-relative to take care of her.”

James raises his brows, but Steve quickly cuts in with a “you know what I mean.”

“Yeah, one that she’s not screwing or getting drugs from, or getting drugs for… There’s a reason so many of them in gangs, you know?” James says.

“You mean,” Steve starts. “She was—“

“Let’s pretend I didn’t bring that up.” James feels warm and sweaty, and Tasha’s unconscious body lies between them, lips subtly parted and hair draped wildly across the pillow.

“Ok,” Steve nods solemnly.

“Home life was tough. College seems like it’s maybe just as bad. Could be a little worse…” James shakes his head.

“And, well, you’re both better at picking at flaws on the other one,” Steve quietly points out

“Yeah,” James sighs. “That’s… probably the truest thing I’ve heard all night.”

“Hate to break it to you,” Steve says with a grin, “But it’s definitely morning. Maybe even noon by now.”

“Fucker…” James reaches over Tasha’s sleeping form to grasp Steve’s upper arm.

Steve shrugs. “Maybe. But I do suggest getting some sleep.” He nods down to Tasha’s curled, heavy-breathing frame.

“You’re kind of full of it, aren’t you?” James smiles. “Finding ways to take care of us?”

“Well, I have to somehow. And if it’s by throwing blankets on the couch and washing puke out of the sink, I’m here for it, I guess.”

“You’re—“

“Helpful?” Steve suggests, grinning. “Kind? Loving? Necessary?”

“Sure.” James reaches carefully over Tasha to give Steve a kiss on the cheek.

“Now,” Steve says, nuzzling James’s forehead as Tasha’s hair comes up to tickle his chin, “We get our well-deserved rest.”

[electricbluebutterflies]

Could you do an 'I didn't know I was pregnant prompt' where somehow Abby, who's a doctor and won't ever live it down, doesn't realize that she's pregnant until she's in labor. Possibly with it being conveniently when she's alone bar delinquents, and someone has to go track down Kane and inform him of what's going on.

Canon-divergent from early s3 ish. Also featuring Raven being awesome and Clarke trying not to have a breakdown, so hopefully I wrote those two darlings okay. Content warning for vague / non-graphic and questionably medically accurate descriptions of childbirth. PG13ish for that and also swear words. Also on ao3.

The thing about quiet is it doesn’t last. She should’ve knownbetter.

It’s been a year, maybe a little more than that. Time flowsdifferently here, but one of the kids – and Abby knows they are not that anymore,most of them are so much more capable than her, but in her mind they are stillso small – is pretty sure they saw a snowflake yesterday. So, bit more than ayear. And about a year since she broke down and let herself be reckless and…

All of this hits her in the worst way as she realizes whather body is doing. This pain is not cramps, but she can’t blame herself forgetting confused, it’s been a while since she’s had her normal cycle and-

Yeah. This is what she gets for ignoring her own body aswell as she does. Dammit.

The worst part is, Abby thinks as she paces across herworkspace because so help her she is not letting this nor anything else stopher, she justified everything. Her last implant had expired shortly after shewas widowed, and she’d passed on getting another one because she was on theedge of forty and had zero plans to ever let anyone else touch her and she didn’twant to waste resources like that, and she’d just… forgotten about that detaila year and a half later when she’d gone and taken a new lover anyways. With orwithout the implant, her cycles were always erratic and she stopped trying topredict that ages ago. Nausea got justified when she wasn’t the only person whoate bad meat (turns out mutant might’ve-descended-from-a-raccoon needs to be cookedlonger than that attempt was); a little weight gain because she iseating more, because that’s a possibility now. Said weight pooling in herabdomen is normal enough for a woman her age, right?

She justified everything, she was wrong, and now she is-

Fuck.

Okay, so right now pants are a mistake. They’re soakedthrough anyways, and somehow the idea of someone wandering in and seeing hernaked from the hips down is one of the less embarrassing details of this wholedisaster. Normal people have seven or eight months to process imminent parenthoodbefore it comes. She won’t even have that many hours. Supposedly births getquicker the more a person has had, and given her track record there…

Another wave of pain hits and she grabs the edge of the tablefor support. At least she’s having this crisis – she is trying to use everyword for it but what it is, and she will go through the guilt spiral later – inmedical. Ideal place for this nightmare. If she has to give birth on herown, as is looking more and more likely, at least she is doing so in a safeplace. That’s about the only thing going right here.

There is, after all, the small issue of her partner havingno damn clue about any of this.

Last she checked – and she tries not to hover, she is notthat kind of woman and their more recent trust in each other has eliminatedsome of her tendencies – Marcus is out on a hunting / scavenging daytrip. Whichmeans he may or may not be back before this is over. Either way, explaining howshe managed to be oblivious for close to nine months about something so significantis not going to be a good time and she is more than a little nervous about thatand-

Abby hears the door open behind her. Great. Now thenightmare is complete.

“Are you…” Raven, thank goodness, at least the intruder issomeone who occasionally has common sense. “Screw that, you’re not okay.”

“How willing are you to believe things right now?” Abbyasks, turning her head to look at her friend. Group bonding across generationsis rough, but she sees a different kind of potential in the younger woman thanmost people do. Like this one, if she doesn’t accidentally kill herself beforeshe turns thirty, has some serious untapped leadership potential. And moreimportantly right now, Raven is extremely well-connected and has a highertolerance for crazy than most people. So, again, ideal person.

“From you, pretty cooperative,” Raven shrugs. “What happenedslash who do I need to electrocute?”

“I somehow managed to ignore being pregnant and… it’scoming.” And saying it out loud sounds even more damning than realizing it herselfhalf an hour ago, dragging another person into this mess with her and puttingthat weight on someone who doesn’t need it. “Feel free to judge me.”

“Nah. Not sure what you need me to do but…”

“Get someone. Anyone. Nothing against you as a person but Ido not trust you to-“

Another contraction hits before Abby can sufficientlyexplain why she’d rather not have someone who interacts with technology betterthan people as her backup here. Great. If she factors in the number of timesthis has happened that she really did think were cramps, and how long it’s beensince closing her legs felt like a good idea… shit. Yeah no. There will be noexplaining this to her partner before it’s too late.

“What I’m hearing is radio your idiot and tell him to gethis ass back here as soon as humanly possible but do not tell him whybecause that’ll break him, grab the first person I can find who I’d trust tocatch something and send them in here to help you, and go through the storageroom and hope there’s still baby clothes in that one box I found some in lastmonth. Anything I’m missing?”

If Abby were more mobile, and/or felt less like her body wasabout to explode, she would hug Raven right now. “Yes. I… yes. Thank you.”

“And try to keep this on a need-to-know basis. Far as anyoneelse is concerned, you figured out you were incubating at a normal enough timebut you decided to keep quiet about it because you hate attention. That work?”

“I’m not sure that’s going to be believable when-“

“It’s believable if you’re a couple weeks before your duedate and you can pass that particular dramatic shitshow off as being more aboutthe timing.”

“I’m not sure if you’re an angel or an evil genius.”

“I’d like to think I’m both,” Raven laughs. “Now, if youthink you have enough time here for me to do that, I’m gonna go.”

Abby assesses herself quickly. Unless something somehow goeseven more wrong, she’s got at least half an hour here. “I’ll be alright.”

And again she is alone, she thinks as the door closes behindher. This is… not an absolute worst-case scenario, but pretty damn close. At best,she’s got a lot of explaining to do when it’s all over. At worst…

Describing this as an accident is a serious understatement. Therehas been no conversation about whether or not to have kids together. It neverseemed necessary. They’re older enough that the risk seemed so low, and therearen’t restrictions on that here, and she didn’t think…

She didn’t think. That’s what this all comes down to. A temporaryvacation from her normal instincts and look what that got her. No time tomentally prepare for a tiny vulnerable creature, no time to think about theimplications for her relationship, no time to even find out if her partnerwants this enough to stick around for it, no time to-

Getting closer. She is not attempting to measure herself butshe can feel the process. Timing-wise, she probably is a few weeks earlyhere, in that comfortable space where that won’t mean any problems for thelittle creature and a normal person’s biggest concern would be not being quitedone with their preparations. Whereas she has done no preparations, whatlittle of her fate isn’t in her own hands right now has been entrusted to atwenty-one-year-old who has even less of a baseline for this, and-

It’s all too much, and Abby starts crying. Most confusedemotional release she’s ever had, not sure if it’s stress or fear or pain oranticipation or probably all of those at once. Overload enough that the nextcontraction feels muted by comparison, overload enough to overlook how uncomfortablethis all is.

It’s just a little ironic that this started bent over atable and it may well end that way too, at the rate she’s going. That’ll be funny,in a couple months when any of this can be, maybe.

She hears the door open again and this time multiplefootsteps, this time she is too exhausted to even turn her head, this time-

“Mom? What the hell?”

Limited options, Abby reminds herself. Limited options ofpeople she would trust to be her backup here, and her own – possibly soon to beolder? – daughter is one of them.

“Clarke, I can-“

“Raven filled me in,” Clarke mutters, sounding so familiarlydisapproving. Abby’s always thought her daughter takes much more after her latehusband, but sometimes there are familiar flickers in there. “You basicallyneed me to catch it.”

“Basically, yes. There should be some towels in-“

“I know where things are. Learned my organization systemfrom you.”

“And I can grab stuff,” Raven adds. That would be the secondset of feet, the bright-red jacket Abby can see in her peripheral vision. “Iwould rather not see the nightmare fuel here but I can hold things or whatever.”

“Any luck with-“

Abby swears she can somehow hear Raven roll her eyes. “Wrongperson picked up, but we tried. The group at least knows something is goingdown here and hopefully I yelled enough to-“

The next pain is strong enough to blur Abby’s vision. “Nextone is it.” She’s amazed she can even talk clearly right now, but her presenceis not going away just because she’s in a crisis. She’s gotten through worse. Rarelybeen on this end of it, rarely felt so helpless, but she will not let anythingstop her. “Be ready.”

Around her, the girls attempt as much prep as they can. Abbydoes not know what they’re doing, does not think about it. There is only this. Thereis her, and the little creature that is about to exit her body, and her olderchild who is surprisingly calm about all of this, and another member of theirfamily who is at least trying to do the same, and a black hole where herpartner should be and-

She screams.

She lets it be a blur. She does not want to remember thesefew moments.

She knows one of the girls is hovering under her with alarge towel in hand, and the other one is yelling, and she doesn’t know whichis which and she doesn’t care. She knows that this is at least a familiar pain,and the first part is the worst, and the little creature – now officially hersecond child, she will let herself process that later – is slick andcooperative and how the child of two such stubborn people is so easy to dealwith in its first moments she does not know but-

“I have a little sister,” Clarke says somewhere in thebackground.

Abby wants to collapse. Wants to sleep for a very long time.She focuses on her body, on all the things she knows. There is still pain, waitingfor the afterbirth to come out. She suspects she’s torn but not as badly as itcould’ve been, and her breasts ache and at some point soon that too will beuseful, and-

She fades out. Exhaustion is a wonderful thing. She knowsher body will do what it needs to, and she trusts the girls enough, and… shecan’t do this anymore.

When she wakes up, she’s somehow been moved to the cot –which means someone else has seen her questionable condition, great, just whatshe doesn’t need – and she’s in a clean shirt and someone has placed cold clothbetween her legs to help the hurting and-

“You really didn’t know?”

She’s not awake enough for this shit.

Abby turns her head and yep, there is her partner (but howmuch longer can she call him that, she wonders) in a chair someone must’vebrought in, looking at her like he does not know where to start but he has alot of questions. It’s been a while since she’s had to interpret that look, andshe is concerned.

“I didn’t know,” she repeats. “You’ve known me since we werechildren, you know I can justify anything, I thought-“

“Alright.” And now for the scary-calm. That particularversion has evolved over the past year and a half or so, as Marcus has learned howto be more of a person, but she still knows it too well. He’s harder to readthis way, and more dangerous to those around him. “When I found out… I thought…”

“Do you really think I would’ve hidden this from you if I’dknown?”

“I had to ask.”

“I wouldn’t… I just went through hell,” she hisses. “Involuntarily.Again. And I wouldn’t have had to if I’d paid more attention to myself but youknow I don’t-“

“I believe you.”

She’s not sure she believes him right now, but she isstill too exhausted to move so that fight can wait a day or two. “Where is…” Shedoesn’t know the right word. My daughter? Ours? Which of those will hold longer?

“Raven’s looking after her. You needed to rest, and… I canlook after you here, Raven can keep the baby in her workshop except when sheneeds to feed.”

Abby rolls her eyes. Yeah, keep a newborn in the mostdangerous place in the settlement, great idea. On the other hand, Raven’sspace is at least warm. “And you’re…”

“Still processing,” Marcus finishes. “Someone tried to radious but we were a few miles out, and when we got back I didn’t have time tothink before someone shoved what looked like a bundle of towels in my arms and…”

“It is yours. If that was going to be your next question.”

“It wasn’t. But good to know.”

“I just… I ignored everything, and I…”

He reaches out for her hand, and even that feels like toomuch physical contact right now but it’s a nice gesture anyways. “I’m notblaming you.”

“Well that’s new,” she mutters. He’s been decent for a year,she should have more faith, but… “Are you going to stay?”

And now for the look of stunned horror, the wide eyes and haltedbreaths and for a moment she’s broken him. “Am I… how is that a question?!”

“You are aware how many bad choices I’ve made here…”

“You’ve always been a little impulsive,” he counters. “And stubborn.And usually right. And I don’t know why you think this kind of innocent mistakewould push me away.”

“It’s a screaming liability of a mistake?”

“It’s ours. And I want… if you want…”

“Yeah. You’ve never done this before. You do not realize thehell you’ve just volunteered for.”

“I’m with you. How bad could it be.”

He leans down and kisses her forehead, and the scratch ofhis beard is way too much, and… yeah. They’ll be okay.

[snarktheater]

Ready Player Two — Opening Cutscene & Chapter 0

Hello again.

It’s been a while. I haven’t been active on this blog since, fittingly enough, Ready Player One. I was going to do this sooner—even had an alarm set up and everything—but then, it turns out, I’m feeling so much negativity about the world in general that a book just pales in comparison.

Seriously, I had to scrap this post’s entire intro because it’s not even 2020 anymore as I write this. And you know, maybe that’s for the best. I’m not really in the mood for doom and gloom and bitching anymore. I uninstalled Twitter from my phone a while back, I’ve been doing good at my daily writing sprints, my biggest fanfic project concluded on a positive note from people I didn’t even realize had been following it for years.

So I don’t know what this is going to be like. My commentary, I mean; I’ve heard echoes of what the book is like, so I’m not expecting a surprise there.

The book opens right after the end of Ready Player One, in a “Cutscene” where Wade recounts to us what happened after he won Halliday’s contest. It also assumes you remember exactly who the main characters of the book are, which is a bold move for a sequel that came out almost a decade after the original.

Technically, I could just look up the details I’m fuzzy about. But also, I think it’s more authentic if I don’t. I trust my memory enough that if I’m wrong, it’ll be in subtle enough ways that it’ll almost be a private jokes between all of us. An “if you know, you know” sort of error system. And I don’t think there’s anything more true to the spirit of this book than that.

Shoto had flown back home to Japan to take over operations at GSS’s Hokkaido division.

So Wade starts his tenure with nepotism. Wasn’t Shoto really young? Why is he qualified to run anything?

Aech was enjoying an extended vacation in Senegal, a country she’d dreamed of visiting her whole life, because her ancestors had come from there.

You know what, I’m not touching “send the token black character back to Africa.” This isn’t my lane.

And Samantha had flown back to Vancouver to pack up her belongings and say goodbye to her grandmother, Evelyn.

Why is she saying goodbye? Why, she’s moving to Columbus to be with Wade, of course! It’s not like there was anything else in her life. Was there? And why isn’t she referred to as Art3mis? I’m pretty sure Wade found out all of their offline names in the last book, and the inconsistency mildly bothers me.

These three sentences are back to back, by the way. Someone—I forget who—once described Ready Player One as a book that’s fun to write a wiki about, because it’s got fun concepts to summarize about until you realize that all the emotional connective tissue you need to turn a list of things into a story is missing, and that’s roughly how this first page feels.

Hell, the first line of the book is Wade telling us he remained offline for nine whole days after winning the contest, but by the end of the second paragraph we’re already to him logging back into the OASIS to "distract himself from [his and Samantha’s] reunion.

I’ll give Ernest Cline one thing: it feels like he wrote this opening nine days after the first book and did about as much maturing as a teenage boy would do between the two books.

Way more time is spent describing Wade’s OASIS rig, or the in-game planet where the climax of the last book happened, than anything else in this introduction. He is immediately greeted by a crowd of adoring fans who have been waiting over a week for him to come back in the game, because they’re all grateful that our protagonist and his friends restored their avatars after they were annihilated by the Sixers.

You’d think the adoring fans would serve some kind of purpose, or that something would happen, but no. Wade immediately goes “ew, people” and teleports away, since he essentially has ultimate powers within the game. With a caveat: the powers are actually coming from the Robes of Anorak he’s wearing, and I’m mentioning that in the hopes that it will pay off sometime in the book’s future, assuming Cline at least learned to do that. But still, let’s not skip too fast the fact that we introduced that crowd of adoring fans for no other purpose than to tell us they’re out there, because it fits right in with the last book’s attempts at saying as little as humanly possible in as many words as possible.

Anyway, Wade went back into Anorak’s study, where he arbitrarily checks out the Easter Egg he got at the end of the last book, and finds an inscription on it. I was dreading another riddle, but no, it’s just straight-up instructions to a vault in the GSS archives, so Wade logs off and goes to check it out.

Of course Halliday had put [the archives] [on the 13th floor]. In one of his favorite TV shows, Max Headroom, Network 23’s hidden research-and-development lab was located on the thirteenth floor. And The Thirteenth Floor was also the title of an old sci-fi film about virtual reality, released in 1999, right on the heels of both The Matrix and eXistenZ.

I’m equally shocked that it took two whole pages (on my ereader) to get to the first slew of references, and that one of these references is from 1999. I didn’t know we were allowed to think of anything that isn’t the 80s. Speaking of which, I’ll spare you the whole paragraph, but the book does feel the need to explain why it’s vault 42.

Inside the vault, there’s another egg containing a super-fancy and advanced OASIS headset. The egg also has a video monitor that plays a video message from James Halliday shortly before his death.

But despite his condition, he hadn’t used his OASIS avatar to record this message like he had with Anorak’s Invitation. For some reason, he’d chosen to appear in the flesh this time, under the brutal, unforgiving light of reality.

That oh-so-important message? An infodump about the headset’s working. He called it an OASIS Neural Interface, ONI for short. It basically lets you experience the OASIS through all your senses with sensory input just like the real thing, you know, that thing Wade had to get a fancy suit and massive rig to do in the first book. And yes, Wade does spend a paragraph or two comparing it to other works of science fiction. Of course he does.

More importantly, it also records all the sensory input into a separate file, which can then be replayed over to re-experience said sensations, or live someone else’s experiences. Halliday tries to frame it as a tool to generate communication and empathy, seemingly all without acknowledging the potential creepiness of that. But hey. Who knows. Maybe that’s because this is the setup stage, and it’ll pay off eventually.

I also wondered about the name Halliday had chosen for his invention. I’d seen enough anime to know that oni was also a Japanese word for a giant horned demon from the pits of hell.

Add “reducing Japan to anime” to the list of things the book has failed to improve upon. By the way, the narration insisted on spelling out ONI letter by letter earlier, so it’s weird to make that link now. It’s also just kind of inelegant to just tell us “this is the symbolism behind the name”, but that’s just the sort of thing I’ve come to expect from this book.

Anyway, the reason Halliday kept this for his successor to find is he wants Wade to test out the technology and decide if humanity is ready for it. Why Halliday thinks the most glorified pop culture trivia / video game competition qualifies you for such a decision should be a problem, but sadly, a lot of billionaires have said and done a lot of dumb and eerily similar things in the past few years since I read Ready Player One, so actually, I can’t fault the book for that one. Tragically, our fates really are in the hands of people who should rightfully be cartoon villains.

To his credit, Wade does question Halliday’s motives in keeping this under wraps at all rather than releasing it himself. So hey, maybe it really is setting something up.

Wade goes back to his office with the ONI, and we’re treated with this lovely piece of narration:

I was grateful that Samantha wasn’t there. I didn’t want to give her the opportunity to talk me out of testing the ONI. Because I was worried she might try to, and if she did, she would’ve succeeded. (I’d recently discovered that when you’re madly in love with someone they can persuade you to do pretty much anything.)

There’s a lot to unpack about the implications this has for their relationship, but it’s way too early in the book for me to editorialize when one character hasn’t even been on the page yet. So I’ll just leave it here for the record. Hopefully you see the problem without me needing to point it out anyway. If not, feel free to hit my inbox.

So Wade, confident in the fact that Halliday would have warned him if there were any risks to using the ONI, decides to try it out. Even though he immediately follows up that statement with this:

According to the ONI documentation, forcibly removing the headset while it was in operation could severely damage the wearer’s brain and/or leave them in a permanent coma. So the titanium-reinforced safety bands made certain this couldn’t happen. I found this little detail comforting instead of unsettling. Riding in an automobile was risky, too, if you didn’t wear your seatbelt…

Wade. My dude. What the fuck is this simile. And why don’t you see that maybe a machine where you’re forcibly trapping yourself inside a virtual reality might be dangerous? Hell, when I said this was setting something up, I was expecting something vaguely interesting about the potential breach of privacy, or how you don’t need to literally walk in someone’s shoes to feel empathy for them, or anything substantial, but now I’m worried it’ll just end up as “man, sometimes science fiction machines will scramble your brain, isn’t that weird”?

Like, I don’t know, to me “it will put you in a coma” sounds like a good reason for Halliday not to release the ONI. Maybe we can still make it into a commentary on how corporations will sell stuff they know is directly harmful if it can make them a profit. Who knows.

The book waffles on about more risks, and the mechanics of how the ONI activates, and the warning disclaimer when it does turn on. Specifically, there’s a time limit of twelve consecutive hours, after which you’ll be automatically logged out, because yes, using the thing for too long can also cause brain damage.

Gregarious Simulation Systems will not be held responsible for any injuries caused by improper use of the OASIS Neural Interface.

See, now there’s the sort of thing that could be a source for commentary, but no, instead it’s thrown in there like it’s nothing and Wade glosses over the entire warning, and instead keep wondering why Halliday didn’t just release the ONI if even the safety disclaimers were in place.

By the way: this whole system has apparently gone through several independent human trials already, so I’m finding it hard to imagine that it’s actually a secret Halliday took to the grave as Wade says. Unless he also had everyone involved in those trials killed afterwards. Or maybe they all ended up with brain damage which rendered them incapable of talking about it.

And before you think I’m being unfair and maybe we’re supposed to understand that ourselves even if the protagonist doesn’t, I’ll remind you that the book didn’t trust its reader to know what the number 42 is a reference to, or what an oni is, even though I don’t think anyone in the target audience wouldn’t know about these two things.

There’s also the fact that, since this book came out, a video game did release with a scene intentionally designed to cause seizures, and it had countless fans flocking to defend it over that fact. So you’ll have to excuse me if I’m not assuming this book’s stance on whether your video game console causes brain damage and possibly coma is actually a bad thing, or just an acceptable risk.

Wade certainly seems to think so, since he agrees to the terms of service.

As the timestamp faded away, it was replaced by a short message, just three words long—the last thing I would see before I left the real world and entered the virtual one. But they weren’t the three words I was used to seeing. I—like every other ONI user to come—was greeted by a new message Halliday had created, to welcome those visitors who had adopted his new technology: READY PLAYER TWO

Well now that’s just silly.

And that’s our opening cutscene. And while this post is already long enough, I feel like I have to go on to chapter 0, because it feels like barely anything has happened so far. We didn’t even introduce any new character motivation or conflict, or a mystery to set the plot into motion, unless I’m supposed to think “why didn’t Halliday release this?” counts.

So Wade is back into the OASIS, and tells us about how much more real it all feels thanks to the ONI. I especially have to question how he can smell or taste anything—both of which he tells us he can. Like, who coded that? Did Halliday implement every single smell and taste himself, without anyone noticing? I hope you don’t need me to tell you that’s not typically how features are added to a large-scale video game.

If it feels like I’m nitpicking at the logic of the book, even though I always say I’m not very interested in that and would rather talk themes, it’s because I am, because there isn’t much else to discuss so far. Wade is happy about tasting virtual fruit. That’s the scene.

He tests out if he can feel pain, but no, the ONI reduces pain (a gunshot is translated as “a hard pinch”). On one hand, good, it would be a nightmare otherwise. On the other hand, I sort of hope there’s a setting for that in there, because otherwise, you just lost an entire clientele of kinksters.

This was it—the final, inevitable step in the evolution of videogames and virtual reality. The simulation had now become indistinguishable from real life.

Ah, now we have some juicy themes. Because if you think this is the inevitable final step in the evolution of video games, I invite you to look at literally any other art form, and what happened to them once hyperrealism became easy. Hint: they didn’t stop evolving, because it turns out realism isn’t the only goal one can achieve with art.

The realism discussion is not a new one in video games, mind you. In case you’re out of the loop: most of the big-budget blockbuster games (“AAA” as they’re known) are aiming for hyperrealism nowadays, and it results in development teams being forced to work in horrible conditions (known with the equally horrible euphemism of “crunch”). And, because it turns out that 1) humans working themselves to the bones isn’t healthy and 2) racing for realism with little to no vision besides it makes for poor creativity, a lot of these games come out as disappointments. Oh, there are hordes of Gamers™ who will defend them to the bitter end, but inevitably, in the months following release, the defense cools off while the criticism keeps on going, because the defense was a knee-jerk reaction born of a mix of people hyping themselves up for a game they hadn’t seen that much of yet, then attaching a part of their identity to liking that thing.

Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that this throwaway line feels like it comes from someone who is so out of touch as to accidentally support a world view that has in fact resulted in the biggest part of the industry stagnating artistically while growing more toxic for the people working in it. All the while, more and more independent games come out every year, proving that that realism is nowhere near the most important thing to making a game good, and that you can achieve much better results with a small team.

What I’m trying to say is: watch Jim Sterling’s channel, they’ve been bleeding out subscribers since they came out as nonbinary and make much better commentary on this topic than I could, and play Hades.

Back to the book, which sadly hasn’t become any more interesting since I decided to go on a tangent. Wade tests the ONI functions some more, all the while musing on how he knows Samantha would disapprove but that he doesn’t care, because what loving relationship doesn’t consist of that?

Among the functions, he tries the ONI files, the aforementioned recordings of someone else’s experiences. Specifically, a woman, which Wade tells us by telling us he suddenly has breasts, I suppose because Ernest Cline saw that subreddit about men writing women and went “I want a piece of that”. Oh, and also, those sample files were recorded from real people, in the real world. And yes, this goes exactly where you think it does.

SEX-M-F.oni, SEX-F-F.oni, and SEX-Nonbinary.oni

Look, I actually started writing a complaint about the boobs thing, and I deleted it, but now Cline is doing it on purpose. So, here goes: I saw a quote from this book on Twitter that looked like Cline attempting to make up for Wade’s casual transphobia in the first book. It wasn’t good, but it at least sounded like he was trying. So to immediately get this is…a lot? Let’s go for a lot.

I can almost excuse the use of “M” and “F”. You gotta name your files and you could excuse a non-exhaustive list. But…nonbinary? On one hand, I want to know what Cline means. On the other hand, I don’t think he can come up with an answer I’ll find satisfactory.

We are thankfully spared from finding out because Wade has just lost his virginity to Samantha a few days ago and he’s 1) not ready for this and 2) pretty sure this counts as cheating. You could make a case that this is more like porn, but I can see that this is more of a personal distinction anyway, and I can respect that one. Plus, you know. I don’t want to find out.

Wade logs off, and he can’t tell the difference between the OASIS with the ONI, and decides this will change the world. And then it’s back to the “how did he do it and keep it a secret”, even though Wade now finds out in the documentation that this had been in development for twenty-five years, basically since the OASIS launched. So it’s not really that it’s a secret, so much as there are a lot of people under very strict NDAs out there. Or, again, they’re all dead and/or otherwise incapacitated.

The ONI is the product of the Accessibility Research Lab, and Wade tells us about other stuff that the lab has produced using similar technology, mostly for medical purposes.

GSS patented each of the Accessibility Research Lab’s inventions, but Halliday never made any effort to profit from them. Instead, he set up a program to give these neuroprosthetic implants away, to any OASIS users who could benefit from them. GSS even subsidized the cost of their implant surgery.

Look, it’s nice that you want Halliday to be the good guy through and through, but it’s kind of hard to take any social commentary seriously when you think this is how a billionaire is made. Hell, even when he shut down the lab and fired its entire staff, he gave them a big enough severance package to set them for life. You know. Capitalism!

Hey, remember when Samantha said she was going to end world hunger if she won the contest, a thing billionaires right now could be doing, but aren’t, and she is now the co-owner of GSS? Yeah, I kind of hope the book remembers that too.

Speaking of the co-owners, the book just completely skips over the debate that our four main characters have over whether or not to release the ONI to the world. All we know is that they voted, and the vote goes in favor of releasing it. I mean, why have characters who could have opinions and feelings that could create a discussion? That might make us care about them! And who wants to care about characters in a story?

We put them on sale at the lowest possible price, to make sure as many people as possible could experience the OASIS Neural Interface for themselves.

What exactly is “the lowest possible price” here? Your company literally owns money. Like, OASIS money is real money. There is literally nothing stopping you from giving them away, especially because what you’re giving away is access to the platform you’re already running for a profit.

It’s almost like, even trying to make “good billionaires” out of its protagonists, the book can’t stop and actually make them significantly good.

Oh, I should mention. If you thought my Ready Player One review was angry at capitalism, wait until you see what the past couple years have done to me.

Anyway, once they his 7,777,777 simultaneous ONI users, a new riddle shows up on Halliday’s website. Because yep: our plot is apparently not about the implications of releasing the ONI, or any of the potential ideological discussions associated with that, it’s another riddle. Oh boy, do I wish I’d known that.

Seek the Seven Shards of the Siren’s Soul On the seven worlds where the Siren once played a role For each fragment my heir must pay a toll To once again make the Siren whole

I cannot wait to have the book give me just not enough information to solve the riddle until it’s solved by the book itself. That was so much fun the other…what was it, five times? Six times? Something like that. Wade already tells us the Siren might be Kira Morrow, because her alias was named after one of the sirens of Greek myth, so I can’t wait for that plot point to stick around. It was so fun to hear all about this man pining for another man’s wife the first time!

So this is the “Shard Riddle”. People are apparently convinced it was made by Wade and his crew as a publicity stunt, but of course, they know that that isn’t the case, and they also don’t know what that riddle is supposed to lead to. So, that’s great. We have a puzzle, and we also don’t know what the stakes are. All we know is that Wade wants to solve the puzzle essentially because it’s a challenge.

We skip over a year, and Wade tells us about how IOI collapses and gets absorbed by GSS because of the ONI’s launch. Remember IOI? They were the bad guys, so I guess we have to cheer?

GSS absorbed IOI and all of its assets, transforming us into an unstoppable megacorporation with a global monopoly on the world’s most popular entertainment, education, and communications platform.To celebrate, we released all of IOI’s indentured servants and forgave their outstanding debts.

On one hand: good for the slave. On the other hand: not gonna cheer for a monopoly, you guys.

Another year’s skip, and now 99% of the OASIS users are using the ONI, and yes, that includes trading their experiences with one another too. And I guess we’re still hand-waving any possible problems associated with that technology, because the technology is made so that all recordings must be shared and played through the OASIS.

This allowed us to weed out unsavory or illegal recordings before they could be shared with other users.

How? Do you know any of the problems associated with content moderations on the current platforms? I don’t know if I want to point to Youtube’s extremely faulty algorithm, Twitter’s complete apathy towards its Nazis, or Facebook doing moderation by making underpaid staff watch all potentially problematic content, which resulted in serious psychological damage to said staff.

You can’t just say that as if it solved everything. The chapter later says this is handled by an AI called “CenSoft”, and as an AI engineer myself, let me tell you: this is not going to work. Again: Youtube is the way it is for a reason.

It also let us maintain our monopoly on what was rapidly becoming the most popular form of entertainment in the history of the world.

And again, monopolies are totally a good thing as long as it’s in the right hands!

When I’m implying that the book does not care for any of these potential problems, I mean it. These enormous ethical issues are sidestepped in cold narratin, and we just keep going on introducing new slang that I hate, but have to quote so help you keep up.

“Sims” were recordings made inside the OASIS, and “Recs” were ONI recordings made in reality. Except that most kids no longer referred to it as “reality.” They called it “the Earl.” (A term derived from the initialism IRL.) And “Ito” was slang for “in the OASIS.” So Recs were recorded in the Earl, and Sims were created Ito.

There. You have been infodumped.

In the midst of all this (still extremely dry) exposition about how this changed media, we also get this tidbit:

You could take any drug, eat any kind of food, and have any kind of sex, without worrying about addiction, calories, or consequences.

Now, I was going to rant about this, but then, a page later, this happens and spares me the trouble:

I’d struggled with OASIS addiction before the ONI was released. Now logging on to the simulation was like mainlining some sort of chemically engineered superheroin.

So, you are aware that addiction isn’t just possible, but extremely facilitated by this. But sure, no worries! It’s perfectly safe! Because our protagonists are good.

Also, remember how the last book ended on a weak attempt at having a moral that maybe the real world is good, actually? Yeah, Wade tells us the ONI helps poor people live enjoyable lives in the OASIS. So. Fuck that message, I guess. It only applies if you’re the literal wealthiest man on Earth.

And me? All my dreams had come true. I’d gotten stupidly rich and absurdly famous. I’d fallen in love with my dream girl and she had fallen in love with me. Surely I was happy, right? Not so much, as this account will show.

Aside from the aforementioned returning OASIS affiction, there’s the Shard riddle that Wade is now obsessed with, to the point of offering a billion-dollar reward to anyone with information about the riddle’s answer.

I announced this reward with a stylized short film that I modeled after Anorak’s Invitation. I hoped it would seem like a lighthearted play on Halliday’s contest instead of a desperate cry for help. It seemed to work.

On one hand: good, Wade finally has a character flaw that the book actually acknowledges as a character flaw. I can work with that. On the other hand: this is all told to me in such a dispassionate that I am dreading how the book will handle this character flaw. Which is to say, I’m not expecting it to be very good.

(For a brief time, some of the younger, more idealistic shard hunters referred to themselves as “shunters” to differentiate themselves from their elder counterparts. But when everyone began to call them “sharters” instead, they changed their minds and started to call themselves gunters too. The moniker still fit. The Seven Shards were Easter eggs hidden by Halliday, and we were all hunting for them.)

Especially when this is something the narration feels is more important to tell me about.

Anyway, skip another year, and a gunter finally leads Wade to the First Shard. Solved that riddle, I guess. And wait, wasn’t part of why IOI was ~evil~ in the first book that they were paying people to find the Easter Egg for them? How is this any different, Wade?

And when I picked it up, I set in motion a series of events that would drastically alter the fate of the human race. As one of the only eyewitnesses to these historic events, I feel obligated to give my own written account of what occurred. So that future generations—if there are any—will have all the facts at their disposal when they decide how to judge my actions.

And that is the end of our chapter 0. And can I just say: what a mess already. I don’t think my snark can properly convey how utterly devoid of emotion this book’s writing is, and that alone is honestly more of a turn-off than anything else in the book so far. Even, knowing that I railed about it in the first book, I still feel newly unprepared for it. And it’s not like this double-prologue is making me hopeful that the book will show an ounce more critical thinking—or decent fucking humanity towards marginalized groups—as its predecessor.

So, that’s a lot to look forward to! For the sake of my sanity and schedule, don’t expect me to do such big posts every time. I’ll probably do one chapter a week from now on, if that. We’re in for a long ride, but I hope it’s worth it, at least.

[strawberrycow-simp]

What’s your favorite candle?

Please have mercy on me, I am a simple person and these stories that are about to come out are due to a challenge created by my friend and I. ( @simpnation-jpeg ) therefore a series of stories will come out by us, every week. So I apologize in advance, you can stomp on me with stilettos if you hate it. Oh, also it’s shinsou x reader oneshot😳🕯

Summary: Shinsou has been ridiculously busy with hero work. Though he makes time for you.... he doesn’t make enough time for you in the bedroom. In a fit of neediness you decide to rile him up while he is doing work........

Warnings: candle play.

Everyone loves candles. There’s all kinds of different aromas and colors. You’ve got pink for flowers or yellow for lemon and even blue for ocean breeze! But you, oh, precious you, you loved lavender candles. The way the purple wax melts and the flame flicks it’s almost too enticing to watch. However, were your intentions pure with the candles? Yes. Yes the were, but Shinsou saw your obsession with candles differently. He’s always wanted to see you wither and whine under his gaze as he drips the warm wax over your breast, pinning you down with fuzzy cuffs, and overstimulating you with the candle and his touch. Shinsou was filthy, he felt filthy for thinking this way with your cute collection of candles. He wanted to try it too but never had a good reason to do so.... but with you acting like a little horny shit while he’s doing paper work, god you gave him so many reasons to punish you. Pray that your oh so sadistic boyfriend gives you the attention you crave and maybe a satisfying release, if you act like a good girl.

It’s Saturday night, close to nine, and your lovely boyfriend is pounding away.... but he’s not pounding you. Dearie no, he is pounding his goddamn keyboard for his paperwork that he has to fill out as a hero. You know it’s a little unreasonable to be puffy about some paper work but Shinsou has been so busy lately. You pout to yourself as you peak into Shinsou’s work area which is a semi-light room surrounded by bookshelves and a vintage couch in the corner with a nice desk in the middle of the room. Dressed with candles that you begged Shinsou to keep because “old leather smells funny.” Placed neatly on the desk is a computer, and Shinsou’s eyes are glued to it, not even noticing your small figure in his peripherals. You being a sweet and seductive person, you had put on one of his button ups and a loose black silk tie around it, waltzing up to him with nothing underneath and your hips swaying. Anyone would be drooling over you right now but you don’t want just anyone. You want your purple headed boyfriend to bend you over and have his way with you, to be fucked dumb. Is that too much to ask for?

“Babyyyyyy” you whine as you start to fiddle with his hair and stand behind the back of his chair. Shinsou sighs softly.

“Yes, baby?” He turns and looks at you briefly, then turns back to his work.

“When will you be done? I wanna hold youuuuu” you drag out your words.

“Soon, have patience, kitten.” He says absentmindedly and continues.

“I don’t want to wait,” you lean down near his ear and whisper absolute filth, “I want you to take me now and rearrange my insides please.”

“Don’t act like a spoiled brat (y/n)” Shinsou smirks slightly, “you can sit in my lap until I’m done.”

“I’m not a spoiled brat, thank you!” You grumble and crawl into his lap, straddling him, your bare cunt touching his clothed cock. You smile mischievously and bury your head in the crook of his neck, kissing his soft skin gently and grazing your teeth against his weak spot where the collarbone and neck meet. Grinding innocently against him for friction that you are starved from. Shinsou let’s you grind a few more second until he puts a firm and bruising grip on your hip, stopping you in your tracks. Squishing the tender flesh as he talks.

“(Y/n), what the hell do you think you are doing?”

“Nothing, why do you ask?” You say innocently. But Shinsou knows exactly what you are doing and as hard as he is working right now he really doesn’t need you as a distraction. He wants to finish. He wants to hold you close and love you like you need him too. He wants too so bad.... but he needs to complete his work. Shinsou is whining to himself on how he could just put it off. He doesn’t listen to the little incubus in his head.

“Kitten, if you can’t act right then you’ll have to be punished. You understand right?” He scowls in your ear and holds you closer with his left arm and you nod against his neck.

“Yes master.” You whine but deep down you knew you weren’t going to act like a sweet pillow princess. You know what you want and if it takes a punishment to get it then that’s what you’ll do.

Shinsou sighs and continues with his work, controlling his will to fuck you senseless. Forcing the sinful thoughts to the back of his head. You had other plans though. You trail your hands over his chest, slowing down to palm him. His limp cock slowly getting harder as you do. You grind faster on his thighs, letting out soft whimpers and your nipples start to perk under the shirt. His thighs allow delicious friction on your clit. Clinging to his shoulders and practically crying in his ear.

“Fuck.” Shinsou growls and grabs your waist with a bruising grip. His patience has snapped into two. Completely throwing away all sensible thoughts into the gutter and work can be done another night. He pulls you away and suddenly you are pinned to the desk. Shinsou gazes at you like he’s been starved and you’re his meal and with a frown. “You know kitten.... I told you to behave but you just had to go and act like a little slut on my lap. Tell me, did you feel good?”

“Yes master,” you nod pathetically in your horny haze “please, I just, I need it so bad, I need you so bad...” little tears spill over as you grind against nothing.

“Nuh uh, you know what the deal was. It’s punishment time...” Shinsou pulls the silk tie from your neck and ties your hands behind your back, watching you lean against his chest to hold you up. He unbuttons the front of your shirt leaving your bare breast exposed as he just stares, fucking you with his eyes. He grazes his hands against your slightly parted lips and pushes them in. He smirks a little as he feels your soft tongue against them. He pulls away and grabs your waist. Guiding you to the vintage couch, laying you on your back. Shinsou runs his fingers up and down your body, he then slams his lips against yours, forcing his tongue into your mouth. He tastes like coffee and you can’t help but whimper with the way he has your mouth filled. He pulls away and starts walking towards the desk, watching you quiver from the cold air touching your bare breasts.

“Kitten. What’s your favorite candle?” Shinsou picks up the lavender one, already knowing the answer. But you just look at him incredulously. Did he just say that? However, you play along.

“Hitoshiiiii, you know which one is my favorite” you roll your eyes but shinsou looks at you and carries the candle over to you. He stands over you holding the candle above you.

“Kitty~ you know why I have this, right?” He looks at the candle and back at you. Then you smile innocently. “No?”

“Well, I did say you needed a punishment,” shinsou leans down and kisses you softly, “now it’s time to pay up.”

Shinsou pours candle wax over your boobs. It runs down the curves and through the valley of them. The heat makes you squeal in shock but you like pain. It sends electricity to your cunt. Making you wetter than before as you arch your back.

“No moving.” He commands as he starts to pour it over your sensitive nipples. You whimper and whine like it hurts but you are so aroused.

“M-master, touch me please.” You stare at him with begging eyes. Shinsou loves you so much, it’s to the point he doesn’t even know how to contain it anymore and sometimes he wants to make just pure sweet vanilla love to you. This was not one of those times. Shinsou’s spreads your legs forcibly, softly circling your clit with just enough friction to get you going. He knows what you love, always observes you, and pays attention to your details. Like the curve of your thighs and the plush skin on your stomach. He adores every about you and loves the way to twitch away from the candle with every drop he spills on you. He has now moved to your inner thighs, pouring it all over them watching you try to close your legs but you can’t because of his rules. It’s almost amusing to him how much you struggle. You’re quivering now as Shinsou gets rougher with your clit. Practically abusing it as you’re grinding against his hand. Wanting to be full of him, stuffed to the brim with his thick cock. Unfortunately before you get a sweet release from the tight coils in you, he pulls away and you struggle to get out of the tie and touch. You want to feel him so bad that it pains you. Shinsou puts the candle on the side table next to the couch as he reaches behind you and unties the silk tie. Shinsou kisses you like there’s no tomorrow and you wrap your hands through his soft hair, tugging gently and you moan into his mouth. He pulls away, removing his shirt, pants, and boxers as fast as humanly possible.

“Princess, you’ve been such a good girl...” Shinsou whispers into your neck as he hovers over you, kissing it and biting it gently. He lines his cock up with your hole and bottoms out, all in one go. He wanted to do foreplay before fucking you but seeing you become unraveled on his cock was way more satisfying. The stretch for you is delicious instantly hitting that sweet spot in you that lets you finally cum. Tightening and quivering on his cock, moaning out slurred and incoherent words. It was a lovely view for Shinsou as you tousled his hair in your hands, clinging to him so close that your chest was against his. Shinsou honestly could’ve cum instantly, but he didn’t want to only last two seconds. He thrusts in and out slowly, your walls clinging to him, feeling sensitive from your last orgasm. Then Shinsou starts dirty talking to you like the kinky man that he is. Slowly building up his pace as his orgasm builds up. He starts to pound into you like he wants to break your spine. With a last few sloppy hard thrusts Shinsou cums right against your cervix as you cum with him. He pulls out and then kisses you gently along with the marks he made. Loving you sweetly during the aftercare. Proving this night to be a very interesting one.

Hey so. I’m sorry that was so short. If you want something in more detail or a request of some sort to ahead and leave me a message or a request! Thank you!!!!

[lannister-slings-and-arrows]

So i dont know if i've asked this before or if i'm just imagining stuff(fucking adhd) but if you still do the pedro headcanons, how do you think each of his characters would act on their wedding day/getting married?

You have not asked me this one before! Hmm. Ok, let’s think about this.

@pascalispretty and I have, of course, talked about this in excruciating detail lol. We think that Maxwell honestly wants everything to be as normal and as chill as humanly possible- he wants to go before a judge with a couple of witnesses and just do it, no fuss, no nothing.

Oberyn is calm, of course he is. He’s faced oncoming armies, charging battalions of horse, fuck, he’s fought the gods damned Mountain, this is a piece of cake. He’s excited though, happier than his brother has seen him in a while, excepting the births of his children. And the smile that stretches over his face when he sees Ellaria lead you to the sept is blinding; the sun that hovers over the deserts of Dorne pales in comparison.

Ezra is nervous. And that makes you nervous. Ezra is supposed to be the one that always has his head screwed on straight in this partnership, the one who gets you both out of scrapes and into good jobs with a few turns of phrase. He’s still talking- of course he is- but not a lot of it makes sense and he doesn’t finish most of his sentences. Well, if he isn’t going to be calm and in charge today, you guess that it’s your turn.

Tovar still isn’t totally sure how this happened. He’d never considered the possibility of marriage, and to be frank he still isn’t completely on board with the idea. But it seems to make you happy, and if your lives were going to go on in much the same fashion as before, what right did he really have to complain? It was a piece of paper, he supposes that he could tolerate the ceremony and the standing and the sitting and the, fuck no, that stupid ass was not spraying him in the face with water again, no that is where he drew the line.

In Din’s eyes the two of you have been married for months now, ever since he taught you that phrase in Mano’a. That one that it seemed so important to him that you repeat back perfectly. He never told you what the words meant exactly, just that it was a commitment ceremony of sorts, so while you watched him go about his business as if you weren’t getting ready to be married in a few hours, you latched on to that scene from a few month ago to try and soothe your nerves. You turn to Paz who was cleaning a blaster next to you and ask him what the words meant. He chokes. “You mean he didn’t tell you?” You shrug. “Not exactly, no.” Paz sets the gun down and repeats the phrase in their language with reverence. He then translates for you: “We are one whether we are together or apart, we share everything, we will raise our children as warriors.” And you understand now why this day wasn’t nearly as never wracking for Din. 

Max micro manages everything. Which honestly is cool with you because he’s good at making sure tiny details are taken care of promptly and accurately. It keeps him occupied and gives you one less thing to worry about. You have enough on your plate already, wondering if (because, technically speaking, Max was dead?????) this is entirely legal. Also maybe you should make an effort at not thinking of him as dead again, that’s kind of weird. You start to worry and meet his eyes across the the living room of your apartment. He grins at you, the same smile that you are sure helped many a sorority girl out of her panties back in college, and you are smiling back before you realize it. You kind of hate it when he uses his Manager Powers on you but you suppose you may need it this time so you’re willing to forgive him.

Dave is already married. Bigamy is both not cool and illegal.

Marcus is excited! He’s been waiting for this day since he asked you, planning everything, and leaving you with very little to do. He does ask every once in a while for your input but inevitably gets a little carried away and continues on his own. It’s hard to get mad at someone who so obviously can’t wait for this day. He’s practically vibrating that entire morning- you’ve seen junkies with less energy than this.

Javier is a little sullen. Bc he is incapable of dealing with his emotions and feelings like a big boy and instead of explaining that he is scared he might fuck up (again), he lashes out. Goooood thing you’re used to this and can just roll your eyes, pat his arm, and ignore it.

Catfish is Stressed and Nervous. He’s getting married, for fucks sake, of COURSE he is. And no, picturing everyone naked will not help, Ironhead, but thanks for being a dickhead as usual. Oh my god I forgot to get a sitter for the baby, what if- oh, right, thanks Pope, yeah I see her she’s right there and she’s fine and- wait, what if she isn’t though, should I just go check on her or, WHAT DO YOU MEAN I NEED TO CALM DOWN?!

Whiskey is cool as a cucumber. He’s a spy. He deals with much more stressful things than this- at least this doesn’t have the same kind of potential for bodily harm as most large gatherings he attends do. Plus. You’re wearing his hat as your something borrowed. And with that kind of distraction who has the brain capacity to think or worry about anything else.

[unforth]

So I have no idea what The Untamed is, but I keep seeing it show up on my dash. So I kinda want to check it out. Can you tell me if there's actual queer representation in it? Or is it more of a destiel kind of situation right now? (Love your fanfic btw)

ALRIGHT ANON I hope you’re ready to listen to me go the fuck off cause I’m so gonna because I fucking love this show!

Right off the bat, to answer the “is it more of a destiel kind of situation” the answer is absolutely fucking not, nor will it ever be, because The Untamed is 50 episodes long and complete, so where it is now is where it will always be. And where it is now...okay, so The Untamed is based on a novel called Modao Zushi (variously translated but the most commonly accepted is “Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation”). MDZS exists in five different versions - the original novel (complete), an animation (in progress), a comic (in progress), a radio drama (...actually I have no idea if it’s done...) and The Untamed (the live action TV show). 

What it is...it’s originally a Chinese BL danmei (a novel, in this case published serially on a subscription website) by an author who writes under the pseudonym Mo Xiang Tong Xiu. It’s xianxia, which is a genre of Chinese fantasy inspired by Chinese mythology, religion, martial arts, and all kinds of other stuff...as a Westerner coming in with no experience, it’s been a LOT to learn the genre tropes and I’m still getting the hang of it, but you don’t need to know anything to appreciate the show - I didn’t, and nor did many of my friends, and we’ve all loved it. It has a wonderful ensemble cast (...okay, well, full disclosure, it has a wonderful male ensemble cast, the women in the novel leave something to be desired, they’re much better fleshed out in The Untamed but I could still wish for more in that regard...) with tons of side shipping potential...like, my favorite character isn’t even one of the two in the main ship, and I’d honestly be hard pressed to even name a top five because I love them all so much, and there’s a side ship I love almost as much as the main ship, and is also so close to canon as makes no difference, at least imo. The plot is pretty well fleshed out (or at least the points that are nonsensical are surprisingly easy to ignore...if you’ve seen Jupiter Ascending it had some of the same feel in that regard, like “parts of this writing are a trash fire but I’m enjoying the overall effect so much that I don’t even care any more”). The sets and the costumes are absolutely fucking gorgeous and if the CGI for some of the monsters made me want to weep it was so bad...well, I was a fan of Hercules the Legendary Journeys in the 90s so I’m prepared to forgive a lot to watch hot guys kick some ass, and speaking of the hot guys...

The main ship is composed of this guy, Wei Wuxian...

He is a quintessential disaster bi and I love him and would die for him. The novel is told primarily from his PoV and even The Untamed tends to focus more on his angle than others.

His other half is this guy, Lan Wangji...

(okay the glasses are NOT canon but how am I supposed to resist that line??). He is rule-following, law-abiding, and I totally didn’t get him at first and now I adore him.

This is full enemies to lovers in the best possible way.

From a Destiel PoV, I basically write Wei Wuxian the same way I write Dean, and I basically write Lan Wangji the same way I write Castiel, and people tell me pretty often that they love my characterizations so...the personality parallels, they are strong.

Their ship is most commonly called WangXian. Are they canon? In the novel, yes. They are canon. They are literally married. They have actual explicit sex that you can read in all its glorious detail (actually I shouldn’t talk it up that much I didn’t personally enjoy the canon sex all that much but that’s a totally different topic). They are the most canon of canon, no holds barred, mano-a-mano, god I wish they’d use lube, I can tell you who canonically tops and bottoms and what their main kinks are, and they are so in love and there are ridiculous declarations at the worst possible moments and there’s a wedding...it’s canon. 

Now, China has some pretty crazy censorship laws that include making it an arrestable, punishable offense to make the queer explicit in the TV show. Thus, there is no explicit moment where, in The Untamed, they say, “yes we are a couple and we are in love.” However, the following things are canon:

-they are soulmates (link to gif set by @ohsesuns - the source for these two gifs, I hope you can forgive me just embedding them but someone asked me for a guide and I think just linking might not get the point across/require too much expectation of people clicking through...)

-they have their own theme song...which is called the portmanteau of their ship name (link to gif set by @wangxiians, with two used for demonstration purposes...again, my apologies for embedding them like this, I’ll pull them if you’d prefer) And mind you, in this scene, Lan Wangji just sang their song out loud while a montage played of important moments in their relationship with each other it is the gayest most amazing thing I’ve ever seen.

-THIS IS LITERALLY HOW THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER

-neither has a female love interest or any other romantic subplot or any kind of “fake out” and this is the way Lan Wangji looks every time Wei Wuxian is like, “you’re never gonna get a girlfriend with that attitude” (labeled as by someone named mabomanji on a website called tenor that I’ve never used before...)

-DID I MENTION THIS IS HOW THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER

-oh and they have a son...sort of...close enough...okay it’s way more complicated than that but whatevs I don’t want to spoil all the fun...

-OH MY GOD I ALMOST FORGOT TO MENTION THE HANDFASTING? Lan Wangji constantly lets Wei Wuxian touch the “sacred headband that only family members and loved ones can touch” and at one point to protect Wei Wuxian he wraps it around each of their wrists (source for this screen cap is a set on twitter by krayziewes)

I’m sure at least three people will look at this and be like HOW DID YOU LEAVE OUT THIS OTHER THING and all three things they name will be DIFFERENT because the show is just that fucking gay.

So you ask me, is it like Destiel?

With Supernatural, with Destiel, the show writers, producers, everyone, strings us along, giving us just enough to think we’ve got a chance. The only risk they face in making it canon would be a drop in rating and alienation of some of the fanbase and yet they refuse to do it. I do not believe and have never believed that Destiel will be canon, and my reaction is constant disappointment, because seriously, what would it cost them to show it? Absolutely fucking nothing, especially now that it’s ending now, but they won’t. (okay, that’s just my opinion, I guess the last few episodes will show...but I at least have zero hope.)

With The Untamed...with Wangxian...literally everyone involved in The Untamed risked being disappeared by the Chinese government and actual imprisonment to make the show as gay as humanly possible without quiiiiiiiiiiite crossing the line into explicit queerness. Behind the scenes footage makes it clear that the entire cast and production crew have read the novel. The crew jokingly refers to Wei Wuxian as Lan Wangji’s wife (yeah, sorry, there’s some splashes of misogyny especially in the novel) and the looks on any of the actors’ faces when they’re interviewed and asked about (female) love interests are honestly fucking priceless...but no one can say it out loud, no one can make it explicit in the purest sense, because they risk their livelihoods, their families, their futures, their lives, if they say in reply to that interviewer, “um are you a fucking moron didn’t you realize there WAS a romance in the show and it was between two men?” But everyone with a half a brain knows. It’s not subtle. It’s not a secret. My straight cis male friend who is watching keeps screaming at me about how gay it is and he’s only on like episode 10.

Would I kill for a canon kiss or an actual traditional love declaration?

Yes, of course, I’d love that. 

But do I think WangXian isn’t canon in The Untamed just because it isn’t shown in those most simplistic terms?

Oh my god it is so canon WangXian are husbands and they are in love and they live for each other and it’s amazing and I adore theeeeeeeeeeeem. 

Wangxian. Are. Canon.

[xxrainbow-princessxx]

Hidden Agenda (Beckett Harrington x Amelia Russell, Leo x Isabella N*FW, 🍋)

This fic is for Day 4 of the CFWC Kinktober Challenge

Day 4: Massage | Voyeurism | Worshipping

The words used in bold are included in this fanfic. Please only read if you are comfortable with the subject matter and also you are 18+. PSA completed.

TW: In this fic we will be discussing Voyeurism. I apologise now 😂

Tagging: @drakewalkerfantasy @itslaniquelove @kingliam2019 @kimmiedoo5 @mom2000aggie @lorirwritesfanfic @lorircreates @hopefulmoonobject @rafasgirl23415 @texaskitten30 @rainbowsinthestorm @desireepow-1986 @speedyoperarascalparty @liam-rhys @choicesficwriterscreations

Penderghast’s end of term summer ball was only around the corner and Beckett was still having a hard time adjusting to Katrina being a professor at the college. He kept his distance with her as much as possible but Katrina had a bit of a trick up her sleeve, “Beckett...” she called out to him, “Can I speak with you for a moment?” as he stood alongside the Pend Pals. Clutching onto his books just a little more tightly than normal, Griffin, Shreya, Zeph and Amelia leave him be to catch up with her. “Hi...” Katrina smiled warmly, “I hope today is going pretty well?” Beckett slowly raised his brow wondering what the hell was his sister babbling about, “I have a little present for you...” she handed him an wax sealed envelope, “I spoke with a former school friend of mine when I completed my MBA at Harvard... I know you are worried about dancing at the end of year ball and she has offered to help both you and Amelia with a few pointers...” Beckett looked down at the envelope, the embossed writing, the paper quality before turning it around and noticing the pattern of the seal. Katrina couldn’t contain her glee, “I heard Amelia talking about how she would love to be waltzed in one of my classes recently, so I reached out to one of my dearest unattuned friends who could help... everything you need is in there and she’s offered to do it this weekend...” Beckett began to tap the envelope, a small smile started to form across his face, “Thank you Katrina...” he quipped, “Amelia always does say she misses unattuned television, predominantly Dancing with the Stars, whatever the hell that means but thank you...”

Beckett waited until Katrina had left, ripping open the envelope that contained all the information he would need to know, his jaw lowered as he unfolded the paper, his steel grey eyes immediately widened when they locked onto the letterhead before stuffing it into his pocket. Katrina always had quite upstanding and well to do friends, but not to this caliber. “Hey cutie!” Amelia sneaked up behind him, kissing his cheek. Beckett still wasn’t used to her attention, the tips of his ears turned pink as he tried so hard not to smile, “Amelia...” he cooed, “I hope you don’t have plans this weekend...” she did. She planned to binge watch as many Friends episodes as humanly possible. “Why’s that...” Amelia questioned him, hoping that he didn’t want to have another date in the library. “Well...” he cleared his throat, “I have a little surprise for you... but only if you’re up for it... but it does mean we need to leave Penderghast for a few days and go back into the unattuned world...” it had been so long since Mia had been ‘home’ so to speak and without questioning anything further she threw her arms around him, giving Beckett a tight squeeze, “Yes... of course! But...” she looked at him puzzled, “Where are we going?” Beckett began to smirk as he reached into his blazer jacket removing the folded document, “Does any of this make sense to you?” Amelia’s glistening hazel green eyes widened as she looked at the page and then back to her boyfriend, “You know who this is?!” She tapped the page with her long nails, “How?! They are Royalty! And we?!” Beckett could only chuckle as Mia became so excited, “Yes... well we have been invited to visit, I really hope you like it...”

Walking around the Laurentian Royal estate, Amelia felt like she was in a fairytale, they both were waited on hand and foot until the Queen and King arrived back from their visit to Cordonia. The sun shine brightly down above them as they were escorted into the Palace and into the boutique to allow Amelia and Beckett to change into more suitable attire for her actual surprise. Beckett immediately blushed as he saw Mia return standing in front him in a crimson red fitted gown, “You look...” he swallowed hard, “beautiful...” Beckett was dressed in one of the finest navy Italian cut suits he had ever worn, the slim fit emphasised his broad, strong frame. “You don’t look too bad yourself Harrington...” Mia winked. Beckett bowed towards her, holding his arm out, “Shall we?” Following Javier, Isabella’s Head of the Royal Guard, he brought them to a hidden dance studio kept within the Palace. There were two conjoining rooms, side by side. The hallway was eerily quiet but as soon as Javier opened the door, the music began to seep into the corridor. He jutted his head to the left, indicating for them to move forward and standing in the room was the petite Queen smiling kindly towards them, “Amelia and Beckett... it’s so nice to finally meet you...” embracing them both warmly, “I can only apologise for our lateness... my husband... he can be a little reckless when it comes to our set schedule... but I believe...” her bright white smile calmed both Beckett and Amelia, who were in awe of her presence “...We are here to learn how to do a waltz...”

Mia’s eyes lit up as Beckett grinned, “Surprise...” he cooed as Isabella quickly separated them, teaching Mia and Beckett their associated steps. “Just remember to keep into that box formation and Beckett... you need to bend your knee, your rhythm is like a wave... bend the knee and slightly raise onto your toes...” Isabella’s dark chocolate brown eyes locked onto every detail, watching how they moved with one another. She folded her arms, tapping her finger along her lip noting the corrections mentally. “Ok...” she cooed in her thick accent, “Beckett...” she reached out to him, taking his hands into hers, “Posture...” she quipped, “and you need to hold onto your partner, not treating them like fine china...” putting his hand on her waist, “Better...” she grinned, “One and two... and three...” Mia’s eyes widened as the door opened behind the petite Queen and Beckett. The 6’3” King of Laurentia walked into the room in full military regalia. He raised his brow and commandingly spoke, “You look a little too comfortable holding my wife like that...” Beckett immediately froze, looking to his left towards the door at the devilishly handsome, well built, muscular King. He began to blush as Leo chuckle walking towards them, “But you have no better teacher...” Beckett stepped back immediately feeling rather intimidated. Leo set his mobile phone down beside the speaker before changing the music to something a little more fast paced. “May I cut in?” The blonde Cordonian grinned as he held out his hand to his petite wife.

Their bodies pressed against each other closely and with each intricate turn and spin, Isabella’s tea length floral dress spun along with her, both her and Leo looked so at ease with one another; it was flawless. Beckett was taken aback at how intense their expressions were to one another and whispering little nothings into each other’s ear, even when they came to a stop. Leo turned to their guests with a dazzling grin, “I hope you don’t mind if I borrow my wife momentarily?” Isabella smiled as Leo put his arm around her waist, “Beckett and Amelia... please practice before I get back. I shouldn’t be long, we’ll only be next door if you need something...” Isabella and Leo disappeared off, “Oh my God...” Amelia squealed, “That was amazing!!” but were interrupted by Leo’s phone calling, vibrating on the desk. Both of them stared as it stopped, but immediately rang again as they put the music back on. “Maybe I should...” Beckett picked up the phone, it was a picture of the Cordonian King flashing up, “I’ll bring it next door, it might be an emergency...” Amelia nodded quietly as Beckett confidently walked towards the second room. His eyes widened as he found the King and Queen in a risqué moment. Isabella was propped up on the barré attached to the side of the wall, her tea length halter neck dress was pulled up around her waist as the King was on his knees with his mouth lapping against her core. Beckett couldn’t help himself as Isabella grabbed Leo’s sandy blonde hair tightly with her eyes shut, quietly moaning “uh huh... that’s it... keep going...”. Beckett mumbled a quiet incantation making himself invisible. He stepped into the room and quietly closed the door behind him as Isabella and Leo unknowingly continued.

Beckett could feel his length straining against the suit trousers he was wearing as Leo untied Isabella’s halter neck tie, exposing her breasts. “Mmm” the Laurentian King groaned sucking on her ample heaving breasts, “You’re fucking irresistible kitten...” Ripping at the buttons of his double breasted military coat, Isabella squealed with a mischievous grin as her hands caressed Leo’s muscular torso. Beckett crept up, sliding the phone into Leo’s pocket but listening to the young twenty eight year old Queen’s breath hitching, Beckett couldn’t contain himself. When he held her waist moments before, he could smell her wild jasmine and bluebell perfume filling his sense. With his eyes closed and the Royal pairing otherwise engaged, Beckett unzipped his trousers and began to stroke himself as he watched the Laurentian Queen moan and quiver in her husbands arms. Biting down on his lip, he tried so hard not to cry out, gripping his cock harder. He sucked in his breath as Leo’s phone began to vibrate again inside his pocket, stepping away quickly so Leo wouldn’t notice. “Do you have to answer it?” Isabella pouted as Leo quickly checked. Rolling his eyes he saw he had four missed calls from Liam and again, Liam was calling. Leo answered as he slowed his thrusting much to Isabella’s annoyance, but have Beckett a chance to see how hung the Laurentian King was. His jaw dropped as he watched Leo’s hard, thick uncut cock slide in and out of the Queen. He didn’t know who’s one more jealous of at that moment in time. “Liam... can this wait? I’m a little busy right now...” Isabella rolled her eyes unimpressed as Leo continued, “What do you mean how am I busy?” Leo shook his head in disbelief, “I’m kinda balls deep in my wife here trying to make a baby... so you tell me if that’s not me being busy or?...” Isabella pouted as she reached for the phone, taking it from Leo she hung up on Liam and threw it onto the floor, “Oops...” she innocently giggled, putting her arms around the newly crowned King, “Now fuck me like you mean it...”

Leo wasted no time, thrusting as hard as he could, Isabella’s head kept kitting off of the concrete wall but she was too enthralled to care. Beckett couldn’t hold back any longer, he had to cum. With the quietest groan, he came into the closet thing he could find, a waste paper bin. As Isabella dug her nails into Leo’s back, her eyebrow rose slightly thinking she saw a flicker in the background but it disappeared nearly immediately when she blinked. Beckett pulled up his suit trousers and quietly sneaked out as the King and Queen groaned loudly as they came together in sync. Walking back to the other room, Beckett mumbled his way back to a viewable form, his face and ears were a blush pink returning to see Mia, standing there with her arms folded, “Where did you go to?!” She huffed, “We’re meant to be practicing...” Beckett nodded as he quietly took her hand swaying back and forth, “Wow...” Mia gasped, “How did you get a whole lot better in twenty minutes... you better not have cast any magic?” Forcing a smile, the young Harrington laughed it off, “No... nothing like that at all, maybe I just needed some time to reflect... Amelia...” Beckett sighed, “I...” his trail of thought disturbed as Isabella and Leo returned as if nothing ever happened, “Mi amor...” Isabella cooed, “Mira... so much better!” Beckett couldn’t look Isabella or Leo in the eye knowing what he had just done. He found himself sexually attracted to them both; he still couldn’t believe his luck that he walked in on them but if he could do it again, he would

[banashee]

Part 5 of my @badthingshappenbingo​ round 2

 With a bit of help

 Steve doesn’t run, but he very much wants to. His steps are wide and just quick enough so he can move as fast as humanly possible without making himself any more noticable. Walking quick won’t make him stand out in a busy street, but running would probably earn him some looks. It’s the last thing he wants right now.

 There is so much noise around here - chaotic traffic with honking cars and loud motors, people chatting, yelling, laughing. Somewhere, a toddler is crying. Phones are ringing left and right and people are shouting back into it.

 The noise on it’s own would be bad enough, but there are so many neon lights, and so many different smells - Steve wants to rip his own head off and bury it in cotton, so he doesn’t have to see or hear any more of it. It’s too much.

 Sometime, in the 70 years he was asleep in the ice, the world got really fucking loud. It’s close to unbearable, but how do you even begin to explain that?

 Luckily, it doesn’t take long for him to reach the SHIELD facility near Times Square. The street itself is one of his own personal nightmares. Steve isn’t sure if the reason for that is his less than pleasant awakening in the 21st century and the memories with this particular place, or if it is due to the fact that it is even brighter with flashing lights and video commercials here.  

 In any case, he is happy when he enters the sleek glass building. It’s busy, too, but not nearly as bad as outside.

 He smiles politely without really making eye contact at the people he crosses on the way back to his quarters. Once the door falls shut behind him, it’s like he deflates entirely. His hands are shaking, Steve notices, and he drops his bag onto the floor, next to his brand new, unused combat boots that they gave him. He didn’t have a mission yet - he’s itching for it, but at the same time isn’t sure what will be expected of him.

 With heavy limbs, feet dragging over the floor, Steve makes his way to the bed in the corner and collapses onto it.

 His ears are still ringing, his heart is still racing, and all he wants is just a moment of peace and quiet. Even the ticking of the clock sounds deafening to him, and he knows exactly what is happening in the rooms nearby.

 SHIELD barracks have paper thin walls, and his enchanted senses don’t help. In the room next to him, somebody is playing a video game. The gunshots and explosions are fake and Steve knows it, but he can’t help but flinch at the noise every time. It’s too much.

 Another room over, someone is having a heated but one sided argument - over the telephone, probably, if he had to guess.

 Across from him, it sounds like there are two people and - oh. Oh hell no. He really doesn’t want to listen to that, it would be incredibly rude.

 In an act of desperation, Steve crawls out of bed again and makes himself a pair of makeshift ear plugs out of toilet paper, then he buries his head under the pillow.

 He is shaking violently by now, wishing the world would be just a little bit calmer. It’s still so new, and he feels incredibly stupid, but he is absolutely overwhelmed with everything.

     There is a name for it, he learns later. Sensory Overload.

 That’s what he gets from typing “Why am I overwhelmed from noise, people and lights?” into the Google Thingy, and it makes a lot of sense. Unlucky for him, the only suggestion he can really find is to remove himself from the stressful environment, which is not always possible. Besides, he highly doubts that the articles he has been reading have taken a guy from the 40s who woke up in 2012 just a few weeks ago into account. His case is, admittedly, quite unique.

 “Quite Unique”, he knows, also means that getting help for The Thing is hard.

 Steve makes do with whatever he can, but it’s draining. Oftentimes, he’ll find himself collapsing into bed after a day around people, unable to stop shaking. The thing they gave him for alerts keeps beeping sometimes, even after hours, and he barely resists the urge to “accidentally” step on it one of these days.

 Then, aliens attack New York, and his life changes once again. He’s got a team now, even though their start was admittedly messy and his own attitude not the best.

 He has a chat with Stark, later, and they shake hands. Steve is not sure he’d call him or the others  “friends” at this point, but “friendly” for sure, and he trusts every single one of them. This has to be enough for now.

 Steve leaves the point of departure with a bag full of clothes on the back of his motorcycle and a mobile phone with a few numbers programmed into it. He isn’t sure if he’ll use it, but he figures it might be useful. Besides, they tell him that phone booths aren’t really a thing anymore, so better not rely on them.

 Steve intends to go see the country for a bit, drive wherever he sees fit at the moment.

 His plan to see the cities largely fails - much like New York, there is too much stress, too much noise. Steve can’t relax in any of those places, so he gives up and makes his way into much more rural areas.

 Back in the day, when he was with the army, he traveled the world, but he never managed to enjoy the sights, for obvious reasons. Now, he’s got all the time in the world to go watch the stars in a field where no light pollutes the air. He walks on a beach for the first time in ages, letting the feeling of water and sand around his feet wash over him.

 Luckily, he manages to grab a small, portable photo camera in a tourist shop. It’s a cheap, easy to use thing which he can deal with. There is a camera on his telephone, Stark said, but that doesn’t really seem necessary to him. He didn’t use the phone, but he keeps it charged - just in case.

 Two weeks after he left New York, his phone rings. The damn thing makes him jump and almost crash his motorcycle into a tree.

 Cursing, he pulls over to the side and fumbles it to answer. The sound of it ringing grinds his gears, and it takes every ounce of self control not to snap at whoever is at the other end.

 “Hello?”

 “Steve, hi. This is Natasha. Where are you right now?”

 “Oh, hey. I’m in Georgia right now - why? Am I needed back?”

 “We have a situation - sorry to interrupt your road trip. Can you please keep your phone on and wait at the nearest point accessible for the jet? We’ll pick you up on the way.”

 “Yes, of course. You will be able to find me?”

 “Already did.” it sounds like she’s smiling. “See you in about two hours, possibly sooner”

 When the jet sets down on an empty space of land, the ramp extends and Steve drives up there. The door closes behind him, and he is greeted by his team, already suited up. Thankfully, they brought his gear and his shield.

 The situation is messy and so is the fight they have to take part in, but all of them return to New York in one piece - small favors.

 When the jet settles down on the roof of the tower, it does so with little grace. A string of very colorful curses emerges from the cockpit, where Barton is ranting about shitty robots shooting at them and wheels that spontaneously fall off in the middle of landing, but other than that, they’re  fine.

 Internally, Steve has to agree with him, but externally, he keeps on a brave face. He refuses to lose it over this, although he very much would like to join in on banging his head against hard surfaces. Unfortunately, it’s just a bad look on a leader, so he remains calm.

 As soon as he steps out of the jet, the noises of the city drill into his brain, and it takes a lot of self control not to cringe at it. He’d gotten used to the peace and quiet of the countrysides, and even though he’d known it wouldn’t last forever, he already finds himself missing it.

 Thankfully, the inside of the tower is a lot more bearable. The walls must be thick and at least somewhat soundproof. It makes it easier to relax, and although the debrief takes a lot out of them all, they’re glad to be back.

 Before they shuffle off into different rooms to sleep off the last mission, Tony stops him on the way.

 “Oh hey, before you walk off - let me know if you’ll need anything specific, the apartments are in planning.”

 Steve blinks. “Apartments?”

 “Yeah. Here, for everyone. Didn’t I tell you?”

 “Uh, no?”

 “Oh. Here you go, then. We’ll move everyone in here and I need to know if you have any specific preferences. Layout, accommodations, furniture whatever. You can tell JARVIS, too, if you’d rather.”

 Before he can ask anything else or even say “thank you”, Tony has disappeared, leaving Steve standing there like he just got rolled over by a train. To be fair, this is the kinda feeling that most people have after talking to Tony when they’re not used to him, and Steve has been away for a while.

 He mulls over this on his way to a guest room. JARVIS is kind enough to explain the plans in more detail, which helps a lot because “Hey so, you’ll move in here for free, let me know if you want any stuff” is not what he expected to hear once he got back.

 Truth be told, it feels kind of weird and overwhelming, so he decides to shower, sleep and think about anything else later.

 As it turns out, the walls are soundproof in here - Steve falls asleep and wakes up in total silence, and he sighs in relief. Maybe, moving here wouldn’t be such a bad idea, especially since the tower is a lot more private and convenient than SHIELD barracks.

 When he makes his way to the kitchen for breakfast, there are voices and the clattering of plates, sizzling from the stove and gurgling off the coffee machine. His ears can pick up every single noise, but unlike the traffic on the streets or neighbours back at SHIELD, it’s not uncomfortable now that he is well rested and, most of all, got a break.

 Maybe, living here isn’t a bad idea. It’s an opportunity to get closer to the team, especially since everyone else will be around as well. So, Steve enters the kitchen to share breakfast with the other Avengers.

 He’ll figure out the rest.

*+~

Square 5/25: Sensory Overload

[chyrstis]

OTP Questions Meme

Tagged by @faithchel​​​​ and @shelliechen​​​​! You’re both awesome, and thank you! I’d also like to apologize for taking an eternity to think this over and fill it out, because that probably means I overthought every last question that popped up. XD The worst part is that I’m probably going to come back to this list later for a few other pairs, but that’s neither here nor there.

Tagging: @sharky-broshaw​​​ (I kind of want to subtly peer-pressure you into doing this for Audrey/Troy, by the way) @amistrio​​ @shallow-gravy​ @ma-sulevin​​​​ @geronimo-11​ @guileandgall​​​​ @teamhawkeye​​​ @jackalopestride​​​ @honesthearts​​ ​ @risenlucifer​​​ @fromathelastoveritaserum​​​ @raisinghellinotherworlds​​​ and @naromoreau​​ ! But no obligation’s ever intended (and since this is a long one, doubly so this time around), and anyone else that’s interested you can totally snag this as a free tag. <3

It’s always tough to figure out which ship to focus on, but I’m going to have to focus on Hana/Sharky here. :D

Art by the lovely @nihildep​!

DISAGREEMENTS

Who is more likely to raise their voice? Sharky’s naturally a loud talker, but it’s more likely to be Hana here.

Who threatens to leave but never actually does? Neither. Sharky’s got a person that actually seems to actively want him around, and Hana’s got someone determined to have her back no matter what, and for either of these two, they’d never try to threaten that. Even if annoyances ever reached a peak, Hana would head off to cool her head, and Sharky would do the same – while probably setting off a controlled fire if he's able to get away with it.

Who actually keeps their word and leaves? Neither!

Who trashes the house? They’re both accidental house trashers, with Sharky’s tendency to call her over to show off something cool really a 50/50 shot that disaster’s about to strike.

Do either of them get physical? Absolutely not. There’s a playful swat to the shoulder at times, and Hana’ll poke a finger in his chest, but never to harm.

How often do they argue/disagree? It’s pretty uncommon, with most spats having to do with concern over being separated (this is a pretty big sticking point with Sharky), and the dangers of the cult. Then it’s minor stuff that’s almost petty, like practical safety, needing a fire extinguisher whenever fire’s involved, and someone deciding not to wear a seatbelt.

Who is the first to apologize? Sharky. It’s a knee-jerk reflex for him, unfortunately, and Hana works like hell to make sure he doesn’t try to shoulder that responsibility every time.

(additional questions under the cut, but the sexy(?) ones are first if anyone wants to dodge them)

SEX

Who is on top? Neither are very picky, so while Hana may end up on top, they switch pretty frequently, and she loves having him up and over her too.

Who is on the bottom? See above!

Who has the strangest desires? I honestly want to say they’re both pretty run of the mill here, but aside from a particular *coughs* item of Sharky’s that’s about it.

Any kinks? Nothing too out there, really. And that’s the extent of detail I feel like going into at this moment. XD

Who’s dominant in bed? Sharky’s all too glad to let Hana have the reins if she wants them.

Is head ever in the equation? Absolutely.

If so, who is better at performing it? *waggles eyebrows* Let’s just say that Hana’s happy Sharky’s comments proved to be pretty legit. And the fact that he’s all too eager and glad to doesn’t hurt one bit.

Ever had sex in public? Not intentionally...? Sneaking around the bunker’s the worst they get up to, along with trying to see how discrete they can be in a tent. The answer? Not very. And there might’ve been a time up at Moonflower where a night spent watching the stars got a little friskier than intended. Neither complained much, though.

Who moans the most? Both, because they’re awful.

Who leaves the most marks? Sharky’ll leave plenty without thinking twice about it.

Who is the more experienced of the two? They’re fairly equal, but Hana might edge him out here by a sliver.

Do they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’? Make love. They’re total saps, so no matter what there’ll always be a soft edge to any fucking taking place.

Rough or soft? Mostly soft, but sometimes quick and rough’s just what the doctor ordered.

How long do they usually last? It comes down to how long they have, where they’re at, and how desperate they’re feeling, so it’ll vary plenty. But when they want it to last, they try their hardest to.

Is protection used? Hana’s got an implant to cover their bases, but they try to use condoms whenever they can find them.

Does it ever get boring? No, Sharky’s up for anything as long as she’s happy, and Hana’s determined to make him feel good in as many ways as humanly possible, so it’s on.

Where is the strangest place they’d have sex? I actually thought for a long time it would be the damn boathouse at John’s ranch, because the singing bass being there amused me too much not to (and that’s entirely where the boathouse idea for I won’t ask for much came from), but they may just surprise me yet. 

FAMILY

Do they plan on having children/or have children? Hana was on the fence about it for a while, worrying if she would even be a good influence to any kid she’d have (and always felt guilty that she gave her mother too much hell). But she grew more comfortable with the idea once she volunteered to babysit Carmina a couple of times, and after she and Sharky discussed it properly, making sure that nervous as they were, it was something they were actually on board with.

Sharky was much warmer to it at the start, but never knew if it’d be in the cards for him, and didn’t give it much thought until he caught Hana being adorable with Carmina too. But it stuck with him for a while until they sat down to talk it out.

If so, how many children do they want/have? They end up with a little girl that loves working in the explosives lab with her dad, named Gabby. Xena was their first pick, but Hana talked Sharky into going with Gabrielle instead, b/c she’s also a badass, and Xena Boshaw/Voy’s a little over the top. I’m actually thinking they might have a little boy as well, which was a bit of an epiphany the other night, but we’ll see where that leads!

(there’s also one another theoretical kid, but that involves Sir-Not-Appearing-In-This-Questionnaire, and maybe if I’m feeling ambitious later on, I’ll tackle this again for the three of them)

AFFECTION

Who likes to cuddle? Both! They’re constantly on the verge of cuddling before making it official, so the minute it happens, it’s an absolute free-for-all, taking all the comfort they can from having the other wrapped around them.

Who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places? Sharky.

Who struggles to keep their hands to themself? Sharky.

How long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable? It takes a lot for either to want to move, but Hana’s probably the first to say uncle, because after a while it’s like spooning an oven.

Who gives the most kisses? This might be pretty even as well, but Sharky loves giving her a small peck (and a bigger one if he can get away with it) whenever he’s coming and going, and it’s no surprise to Hana at all to be 100% focused on working only to have Sharky stop by and press a kiss to her hair.

What is their favourite non-sexual activity? Talking, and curling up for a movie marathon. They could seriously do that for hours on end, and if they can pull together a bunch for a theme, even better.

Where is their favourite place to cuddle? The room’s Hana’s renting out above the Eagle is likely the safest bet. Other than that, any place that’s able to give them more than five minutes of peace at a time.

How often do they get time to themselves? Not much as events keep on progressing, and things really amp up. But the moments that they can slip away, they always try to make count.

SLEEPING

Who snores? Sharky. Hana might a little from time to time, but it’s not common.

If both do, who snores the loudest? Sharky.

Do they share a bed or sleep separately? They totally share a bed.  They’ll share a sleeping bag, the floor, damn near anything.

If they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart? While it might not always start off that way at first, they’re magnets, with one or the other curled up close before the night’s out.

What do they wear to bed? Before they’re together, just regular things, but together, it’ll vary wildly depending on safety level. If they had their way, nothing much at all.

Are either of them insomniacs? Once things kick off, Hana’s sleeping patterns come dangerously close to this, keeping her up later and later as time goes on. With Sharky close however, it’s easier to relax and ease off of the thoughts that keep her up and they’ll often try to talk as much as possible, easing any nerves he’s feeling too. If he notices her shifting around and struggling to nod off, he’ll hold her close and rub her back, her shoulders, anything until he’s sure she’s managed to fall asleep. And even if she isn’t, he’ll try to stay awake with her as long as possible.

Can sleeping pills be found by the bedside? Nope! Hana would probably consider taking them if she had a prescription, though. Or if she could find any, but medicine’s pretty damn scarce.

Do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side? Someone’s getting wrapped up in the other, guaranteed.

Who wakes up with bed hair? Hana wins this, because she’s got more for one, and it’s infamously messy upon waking if she doesn’t tie it back.

Who wakes up first? It’s a toss up, but usually Hana, and it’ll be to check the radio or go over the maps she’s set on marking up.  

Who prepares breakfast in bed for the other? ‘Breakfast’ is oftentimes a pack of jerky or a snack bar, but Hana will try to surprise Sharky with them as soon as he’s awake, while he’ll try to hunt her down some coffee.

What is their favourite sleeping position? They’ll curl up next to each other, only to become a tangle as the night goes on. Or until someone’s got an arm or leg that’s fallen asleep.

Do they set an alarm each night? If they have a clock nearby, Hana will try and set one, and tries to limit smacking the snooze button to once or twice.

Can a television be found in their bedroom? In the bunker when they’re able to borrow one, they do. There’s nothing like being able to kick back with a movie, only to either fall asleep or get a little frisky during it.

Who has nightmares? Hana. They’re not persistent, but there’s a period of time where she’s unable to sleep through the night only to have that waiting for her.  

Who has ridiculous dreams? Both, but Sharky wins this one.

Who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed? Both, but Sharky’s actually pushed her out of bed while resting before, and much as she’s teased him about it, he did warn her.  

Who makes the bed? …Neither.

What time is bed time? Anytime they’re too dead on their feet to do anything else.

Any routines/rituals before bed? Nothing fancy, though if they have access to a shower, they’ll definitely try and use that to unwind.

Who’s the grumpiest when they wake up? Hana, because leaving a warm cozy bed, with an even warmer, cozier person in it’s not easy at all.

WORK

Who is the busiest? Hana.

Who rakes in the highest income? Hana.

Are any of them unemployed? Sharky’s got spells where he is, but tries to find work when he can and when people will take him.

Who takes the most sick days? Sharky doesn’t get sick days with most of the jobs he takes, and Hana tries not to use hers a bunch, so that would probably go to her by default?

Who is more likely to turn up late to work? Sharky, probably due to accidentally sleeping through any alarm he’d set.

Who sucks up to their boss? …Hana. Not that she’s trying, but she really doesn’t want to make a bad impression on Whitehorse, and the moment he tells her to relax and ease off a little because she’s doing fine, she’s more than a little mortified.

What are their jobs? Junior Deputy and unofficially Local Pyro/Fire Enthusiast.

Who stresses the most? They both downplay the things that are stressing them, Sharky more so than her which isn’t great, but I think Hana’s more overt about it.  

Do they enjoy or despise their careers/occupations? Sharky’s pretty enthusiastic about what he loves, and Hana’s happy enough to see what it’s like in her mother’s shoes, but it’s a lot to live up to, and she’s trying.

Are they financially stable? What with their current situation being as it is, they’re doing pretty okay for themselves.

HOME

Who does the washing? It’s a switch off! Though Hana takes point, and wonders how the hell Sharky always seems to run out of underwear so fast.

Who takes out the trash? They do it pretty regularly, but only after drawing straws for it.

Who does the ironing? *laughs* Hana hasn’t seen an iron since her last hotel stay, and any iron Sharky has has likely been repurposed for any of a number of his extracurricular activities.

Who does the cooking? They switch off even though they’re both pretty rowdy in the kitchen, but Sharky’s actually pretty good at cooking over fires, and she’s decent enough at reading the instructions on stuff before nuking them in the microwave, so it’s not a total disaster.

Who is more likely to burn the house down just trying? Sharky, Sharky, Sharky. Hana’s had some fun times with unattended cigarettes too, but she’s trying to do better, darn it.

Who is messier? It’s close, but Sharky.

Who leaves the toilet roll empty? Sharky. (Hana: :-/)

Who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor? Both of them are equally guilty.

Who forgets to flush the toilet? Let’s be real, Sharky would, but it’s a work in progress.

Who is the prankster around the house? Sharky gets the edge up on her, but Hana’s also a decent contender here.

Who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere? Hana. She’ll feel for every pocket, thinking it’s the right one only to realize she’d left them in the very spot she swore she’d never forget. One time Sharky did have them, however, and sticking her hand in his pocket to check while he was teasing her about losing them shut him up pretty quickly.

Who mows the lawn? Honestly, neither. But if he did, she’d get in more than a little watching during it.

Who answers the telephone? Hana.

Who does the vacuuming? Either if they remember to do it.

Who does the groceries? It would’ve been Hana, mostly because while she could eat her weight in pizza, snack cakes, and burgers, it’d probably send her straight to an early grave if she wasn’t careful.

Who takes the longest to shower? Hana, and if she gets a hold of him, they’ll stay in there until the hot water runs out, easy.

MISCELLANEOUS

Is money a problem? No, not with the direction things end up heading.

How many cars do they own? Ideally Hana would have a motorcycle (she sold hers to help make the move easier), and possibly a car to go with that. Sharky would also have a very ancient and beat up sedan, but the poor thing didn’t survive the cult’s nonsense. Hell, it barely survived him.

Do they own their home or do they rent? I’m not sure if Sharky officially owns his house or just rents from Adelaide, but once they’re able to head out of the bunker, it’s all free real estate. Hana had an apartment, but that went up pretty quickly once things went south.

Do they live in the city or in the country? Country. Hana misses the city, but the change was sorely needed.

Do they enjoy their surroundings? Sharky’s lived there his whole life, and likes it well enough. Hana’s trying to get used to the quiet, and the smaller numbers of people she runs into, but it’s a needed change. The city was getting to her for a while, and having time and space to think and breathe was the way to go even if she did do it on impulse.

What’s their song? There’s definitely more than a few! And this isn’t all of them either.

The Trammps - Disco Inferno (I can’t not include this) Journey - Any Way You Want It Queens of the Stone Age - Make It Wit Chu Queen - Don’t Stop Me Now

What do they do when they’re away from each other? Miss the other terribly. Hana checks calls to see where there’s an area that might need her, and tries to stay busy just so her brain won’t go into overdrive. Sharky talks to Hurk and Adelaide (and Nick over at 8-bit), sneaks back up to Moonflower every now and then, tinkers with his flamethrower, and makes a boatload of explosives. There might be more than a little joyriding involved, but that’s entirely to go on a…testing run. He’s got to see if what he’s making actually works, right?

Where did they first meet? Right at Moonflower when Hana charged on in only to wonder what on earth this guy was doing, lighting everything in sight on fire with a smile a mile wide.

Who spends the most money when out shopping? Sharky, probably would’ve. Mostly because he’ll impulse shop like no one’s business, and grabs beer, handfuls of chips, jerky, lighter fluid, matches, etc.

Who’s more likely to flash their assets? Sharky. Mostly on accident because he’ll strip down at a second’s notice. Not that she’s complaining.

Who finds it amusing when the other trips over themselves? Hana loves the moments when he gets tongue-tied, and he gets an equal shot in whenever he aims a compliment at her. Now, Hana’s a bit more danger-prone in terms of actual mishaps (she’s fallen out of a window, almost driven off of a cliff, sprinted down a ravine, etc), but once it’s determined that everything’s fine, they both get in a solid laugh.

Any mental issues? Anxiety, depression, varying levels of ADHD, and a few others I haven’t nailed down directly.

Who’s terrified of bugs? Hana’s a bit, but it all comes down to which kind.

Who kills the spiders around the house? Hana would prefer Sharky did at times, but he’s got...’methods’ of doing so that might not be the best. Hairspray and a lighter, included.

Their favourite place? Watching the stars up at Moonflower, and the room above the Spread Eagle.

Who pays the bills? Hana’s got a more stable income, so she would’ve front-loaded it, and also remembered the deadlines, but Sharky would pony up the cash as soon as he has it.

Do they have any fears for their future? They both mainly live in the present, but much as she’d like to deny it, Hana’s terrified of Joseph being right. Of the end, of being wrong and being the one to doom them.

Sharky’s main fear that he tries to keep buried deep is being abandoned. Of losing his family and Hana during any point of this, and being the only one left on keep on going.

Who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner? Define fancy. Because Sharky’s ambushed her on the road with a bottle of home-brewed liquor, three packs of jerky, and a couple of snack cakes before, and Hana hardly gave him a chance to say something before she’d tackled him and kissed him all over.

But in all seriousness, Sharky would attempt it, and pair it with a movie he’s 99% sure she’s already seen and would be fine with watching again for the fiftieth time, and she’d love every second of it.

Who’s the tallest? Sharky.

Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other? A little of H, and a little of S. They both love taking the chance when it’s possible. Even if Sharky’s shower has no business having two people in it.

Who wanders around in their underwear? Both, the only difference is that Hana tends to limit that to the times where it’s just the two of them one-on-one. Sharky’s nowhere near as restrained or self-conscious.

Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio? Sharky beats her out by a sliver, but it’s always a joint effort, and Hana loves it.

What do they tease each other about? Anything’s really fair game between them since it never gets mean. He loves ragging on her about her cold hands (and holding them) and her driving. She loves poking at him about his need to boogie (and waits a solid minute before trying to join in), and how he can’t whisper to save his life. But the one time he joked about revoking her ‘Brian’ card due to drifting them straight into a ditch, she was not having. :’)

Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times? Hana, though it’s mostly to get him wearing anything other than his hoodie of choice some days. 1) it needs to be washed, and 2) it’ll fall apart at the rate he wearing it (and the things he’s dodging)

Who crushed first? Sharky. It took him very little time, but was one of those ‘Man, I think you’re neat, but we’re friends, and I’m not into you unless you’d be cool with me being into you. But...would you totally be cool with me being into you, because I’d love if it if you were’ type moments, and this was just his internal narrative for a long while.. He also strikes me as the kind of person that easily gets friend-crushes, so the flirting’s easy enough to downplay until someone actually shows interest and he fumbles through it even harder. Hurk’s also cornered him more than once on this subject and given him the talk, but not a single one’s been successful.

Hana is equally guilty of friend crushes, except she’s more than willing to cram herself into the denial corner for as long as possible, which leads to this simmering for an absurd amount of time.

Any alcohol or substance related problems? They both drink, Sharky more than her by far, but it’s still within semi-reasonable levels.

Who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am? Both of them together. It’s a joint effort, because no good round of karaoke’s possible without it!

Who swears the most? Sharky. It’s just flows right out of him without even trying.

[badbookreviewclub]

Empress Theresa, Chapter 1

(This is a direct transcription of my tweets, so I apologize if it gets choppy at times) DISCLAIMER: Please read the preface before you continue on!  PAGE 1   This is a terrible start to the book. There's nothing here to gain the interest of the reader nor is there anything that could potentially give you a clue to who Theresa is. You get who her parents are, but nothing about her parents (e.g. If they're important people) "I was the Princess in the Sullivan clan of Framingham, Massachusetts because besides being cute I was a whiz in school and had a good disposition." This sentence makes me die inside every time I re-read it. What does it even mean to have a 'good disposition'? This is the first time I've ever read someone describing themselves as having a 'good disposition'. "All the relatives expected great things from me." And then not even a paragraph later it says; "Nobody could have dreamed of what I would do a few years later, and nobody would have believed it if they'd been told." This is a conflicting message here, Theresa. Did they expect great things from you or did nobody expect you to do anything big? "Prime Minister Blair said I'd still be remembered in a million years." Okay, so we know that you're doing something big now, but you just introduced a character who we don't know. At all. What's the context behind all of this? What kind of person is Prime Minister Blair? "Did you catch that?" Yes, I fucking caught that. You literally just said it. "Churchill, Hitler, and Lincoln..." I don't like the way that these are ordered. It's alphabetical, but going in historical context would sound nicer in my opinion. "Lincoln, Hitler, Churchill..." That's not even counting that she just compared herself to being greater than Hitler. There are so many other people who are better that could have been brought up here and not someone who committed mass genocide and traumatized humanity. Directly after that, Charles Martel is brought up in a long paragraph that sounds like someone who just watched a documentary and is eager to share everything they just learned with their friends who could not give less of a shit. It's pointless to have it there and adds nothing. "...but Prime Minister Blair said I'd be remembered for a million years." You said that not even a paragraph ago. I didn't forget, I promise. I may have the attention span of a peanut, but my short-term memory isn't completely dead. Though my last few brain cells may be dead after I finish all 465 pages of this monster. "I was the last person you'd expect to earn this accolade." Contradicting to what you said earlier of all your relatives expecting big things of you. Not to mention, I don't know who you or anyone else is yet Theresa. I can't fucking say if you would be the last person expected "When this story began I was a little girl who didn't have much of a clue about anything." Why not start the story here? It's far better than that big ramble you just had. This is far more interesting than "I'm Theresa, the younger daughter of blah blah blah." "My job as a kid was to figure out what the heck was going on and what to do about it. It's not easy when you're young and everything is brand new." No shit honey. Except the thing is, life is so much easier when you're younger. you don't have to worry about taxes. Or your employer forgetting to mail you your W-2. Or if your employer does mail you your W-2 but your mail-lady delivers it to the wrong house so some random person has your W-2 and social security number now. You don't have to worry about that as a kid. Life as a kid is easy. ide note: The text in this book is fucking huge. Like it was written so children could easily read it. PAGE 2 The way the first paragraph on this page starts out is jarring and throws the reader out of any flow that may have been there before (There wasn't one there before, but I digress). It then is quickly followed by her father making a comment to her about being the captain of her ship, without actually being a quote from him. It would have been more interesting if it was a direct quote from her father rather than just a passive memory with how she phrases it. What is says is, "He said I had to be the captain of my ship, but sometimes the seas would be rough." Which is poor phrasing in my opinion. There are far better ways to phrase this that give some more character and depth to the relationship between Theresa and her father. A better way to phrase it would be; "He said 'You have to be the captain of your own ship. Sometimes the seas will be rough, but you need to keep pushing through it until you find smooth seas again.'" However, it's not phrased like this or anything remotely close to this. It's then followed very quickly by saying "I had to learn all I could about the world." How does this relate to what your father told you in any way shape or form? I am so confused and feel like what your father told you was completely disregarded or misinterpreted. "I wondered why should I be worrying about it in the fourth grade? I'd soon find out." My Grammarly is kicking in and telling me that 'worrying' is used wrong here. This is a direct quote from the book, and I have to agree. Once again, this relates nothing to what was just said. I want to scratch this entire page out so far, but I've refrained from doing so. Then we come to the first paragraph I have completely scribbled out. I hate it so much. It is a shit paragraph in every way humanly possible. It relates nothing to the first sentence and could completely be ignored and taken out of the book without changing anything. “Everybody has pressures. There are two kinds. One is threats to your life and health. I had more than my share of that with a thousand assassins wanting to get me. The other kind is bearing responsibility for other people's lives and welfare. That's really tough if you care...  ...about them. I set new world records in that department. People were sure I'd crack under the pressure, but I didn't. It will take smarter heads than mine to figure out why not." There is so much I want to say about this paragraph that I can't express in words, just guttural, angry screams. I scribbled it out for a reason and that reason still stands true. It is complete and utter shit. Side note: "It will take smarter heads than mine to figure out why not." Thank you for the reassurance that you're a dumb shit, Theresa. I needed it. "I'll be telling my own story which is a good thing because nobody knows it as well as me." We are already all well aware this is an 'autobiography' at this point, Theresa. There's no need for you to tell us that. The fucking point of an autobiography is to tell your own story. More scribbled out sentences about her saying that there's stuff she can't know because she wasn't there. Then she comments on a conversation between Prime Minister Blair (who we still know nothing about) and President Stinson (a new character who we also know nothing about) and how they were talking to each other on the phone. Theresa then assumes that P.M. Blair and President Stinson were talking about how they would stop her if she got out of control. How pig-headed can she get? Not everything is about you. The entire world doesn't revolve around you, bitch. Except, oh wait, in this book, it does! Another scribbled out section I scribbled out so horribly I can barely read it. I will do my best to write it down here so you can suffer with me. "But remember you'll learn things in the same sequence I did. Somebody else telling my story could only say what I did... ... in the world. They couldn't get in my head like you will. You'll see what a horrible, worldwide mess I had to deal with." Ah. I remember why I scribbled it out so badly now. Because it's garbage. Even more so than the first paragraph that I tried to destroy. She's just repeating the fact that this is a fucking autobiography. I've read good autobiographies, where you actually get into the author's mind. So far, this shit isn't it. "My story began quietly with no hint of what was coming." All of that before was pointless. And I will tell you now, most of the details that come after are pointless. This book refuses to be clear and concise, which is a good thing a good majority of the time. The book started terribly and wrote the whole tone for the first few pages, and so far, I'm more upset than when I started. Sidenote #2: After this I'll try to do Chapters in these tweet chains, mentioning (for the most part) the stuff that stands out the most to me. Unless I run into a page that is truly the worst thing ever. The Rest of Chapter 1  Starting on page 3 Starting off strong, I scribbled out the entire first paragraph because it's all terrible. It's Theresa describing her older sister who has absolutely no importance to the story whatsoever and then stroking her own ego by boasting about how... ...she's a whiz in school and her sister isn't. "She's thinking of going to one of the many trade schools in Boston after high school Mom and Dad said I should go to college." These two really don't share any correlation to each other besides being education after highschool. Not to mention, I think Norman, the author, is strongly trying to suggest that trade school isn't nearly as good as university or college when that couldn't be less true. Trade school is just as valid as a university or a college. You gain new skills and can enter a career far... ...quicker than you could at a 4-year university and then some if you're going for a Masters or P.H.d. in your chosen field. Also, I really hate Twitter's character limit. It's fucking stupid and makes these reviews hard as hell to write out. Theresa drags things out more, shares a story that seems currently irrelevant about her mother seeing a fox that came and sat in front of her six months before she was born. (Keep this in mind. Six months before Theresa was born). Theresa even says that this strange... ...event seemed unimportant and that her parents forgot about it for 18 years. Fuck, if something like that happened to me, I'd forget about it too. I certainly wouldn't remember it 18 years later. I can barely remember what I had for breakfast last week. And then more than halfway down the page, Norman finally starts the fucking story. Theresa's doing some summer reading for school when she sees a fox walking along the edge of the woods. The fox ducks into the woods before walking back out, which is completely... ... irrelevant and yet for some reason, Norman felt it was important to include despite the fact it adds nothing and just feels like lazy writing and editing. Speaking of editing, I am dead convinced that Norman didn't have an editor for this book or even look over a chapter... ...after he wrote it. "In an instant, faster than you could blink an eye, a softball sized white light emerged from the fox and went straight into my stomach." Besides being poorly written, keep in mind the fact that she just said it was in the blink of an eye. Theresa goes inside and has a pointless as fuck conversation with her older sister about seeing the fox. Rather than like any rational person who might glance outside to look because apparently seeing "Foxes in the daylight never happens" as Norman puts it, she just says that... ... the fox won't hurt her before going back to the living room never to be mentioned again for another 12 pages or so. Theresa assumes that because she hasn't eaten yet she's hallucinating or having a vivid daydream, so she goes to eat and we get an unnecessary description of... ..what she makes. We also get this gem of a line; "At age ten I was already conscious of my weight and tried to stay skinny." There is so much wrong with this that I can't even put it into words. So. So. So much. Specifically the 'at age ten' part too. More weird phrasing and poor writing later and Theresa determines that yes, it must have been that she hadn't eaten anything because after eating she feels less worried about it. Then there's a HUGE fucking heat spike according to Norman. Enough so that the firemen have to get involved to see what the fuck is up. Theresa somehow has this meta-knowledge that this has to do with the white light that jumped into her stomach. Long story short, someone called the firemen because the heat spiked up so massively and they thought it might be a fire without going outside or looking around to see if it actually was a fire. We get an absurdly long and very dull section about how the firemen started poking around trying to figure out if it was underground or not, which is completely unnecessary and adds nothing to the story in my opinion. I have scribbled it all out because it's all shit. Then we get another fucking gem that Norman uses a total of one time and never brings up ever again. It gave me an idea that would have made this book far more interesting than it ended up being, but it's never mentioned again. Its sole purpose for existing was to give Norman... ... an excuse as to why Theresa didn't talk to anyone. "My Cousin Mary was diagnosed a schizophrenic and the whole Sullivan clan was biting their nails waiting for the gene to show up in some other family member. It wasn't going to be me! I resolved to never tell anybody... ... Not even my parents would know. They'd think I was ill like Cousin Mary. I didn't need it." This alone caused me so much anger I put down the book and didn't pick it up again for a good couple of hours. I honestly don't feel like I need to explain why this is so terrible. But as for the idea it gave me, the book could be far better if it turned out that Theresa was schizophrenic. That this was all a hallucination. It would explain a lot of her actions later on in the book, especially when she experiences extreme paranoia. Well, Norman doesn't call it paranoia. It's just Theresa being 'super smart and know just what's up'. We learn shortly after that there are government officials who turned up to watch 'someone' (spoilers: It's Theresa). Somehow everyone knows they're officials despite... ... never approaching them and instead trusting the word of a neighbor who said the police approached them, were shown badges by these officials, and then the police left them alone afterward. Theresa somehow knows that these people are here to watch her and for some reason... ... she calls the operator to see if they're spying on her or have her phones tapped. I guess this is just supposed to be common knowledge that if you call the operator and ask them for a number and if there's a delay they then you're being spied on? After all, it's not like the operator is human and they take time to look up numbers and whatnot. But this time around there's not a delay so Theresa concludes that they aren't listening to her. Not sure how this makes sense, but okay. Theresa and her mom decide to go shopping and Theresa spends the entire time thinking that men are following her everywhere. Despite the fact that it's a public space and they're different men. The first instance is at the parking garage, where someone parked close to them... ... and then followed them to the surface. Then they go to a very popular and big brand book store, Barnes and Noble, and Theresa sees a different man who she thinks is watching her as well. She goes to the second floor by herself because I guess her mom is okay with that. When I was ten, my mom wouldn't let me wander over to the next aisle to look at stuff no matter how much I insisted. So you know, not judging her mother's parenting skills, but I'm lowkey judging her mother's parenting skills. After that they go to McDonalds and another man gets in line behind them and leaves around the same time they do. Theresa thinks that this man is also following her. And then, a man who was on the corner started walking in their direction. For some reason, Theresa thinks all... ... these people are spying on her. Which is total bullshit in all honesty and is incredibly paranoid behavior. However, Norman doesn't write it that way and instead writes it as Theresa just knowing what the fuck is up. When she gets home, Theresa calls the operator again and this time, instead of taking half a minute to get the number, the operator takes a minute. Please tell me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty certain that doesn't mean that someone has tapped your phone. Aside from that, I've also started to realize just how much Norman really likes to be as precise as he can be with his numbers and it's super fucking annoying to read and I wish that I didn't have to read it. But I am. Blah, Blah, Blah, more boring stuff and then Theresa goes to a movie story with her mom. She gets 2001: A Space Odyssey and apparently that's super, super fucking important because that's how the officials know that Theresa has an alien inside of her. I don't see the... ... correlation but you know what, maybe it's just me who's a dumb shit and Norman was right all along. Besides that, the movie is also super important because Theresa names that white ball of light that flew into her that she dismissed because she thought she was hungry. However, that's just something Norman seems to have conveniently forgotten right now and Theresa has just accepted the fact that it really did happen. "Mom did most of the grocery shopping on Saturday and I usually went with her because Catherine wandered off with her friends." Someone, please tell me how the first part really relates to the second part because I can't make sense of how your sister not going... ... to hang out with her friends would keep you from going with your mom to go grocery shopping. Especially when there's a seven-year difference between you two. One of the gov't officials approaches Theresa when she's alone in the cereal aisle (once again, judging her mother's skills as a parent), and tells her to call her when she's alone. That seems vaguely pedophilic to me, but that might just be me. Either way, Theresa somehow knows that this woman is working for the officials who are watching her. We get another paragraph of a line; "The woman knew that I knew about my watchers. I had often stared at them. So this woman also knew I had to think she was one of them and I... ... had to be curious enough to talk to her." This is so convoluted and overthought. I hate it in every way shape and form. It's so damn repetitive and gets repeated several times throughout the next few paragraphs. But I digress. Theresa goes home and goes to her room and pulls out her cellphone and calls the woman. We found out her name is Jan and we get the most boring conversation in the history of conversations. Yet for some reason, Norman has the audacity to say that... ... it is the most important interview since Moses came down from the mountains. I don't read the Bible, but as far as I'm aware, Moses was never interviewed after he came down with the 10 commandments. Correct me if I'm wrong. Theresa describes the white ball of light in so much detail that you realize, there's no fucking way she could have been able to see all of it if it was "faster the blink of an eye." So I guess Norman conveniently overlooked that part.1 Theresa says she named the white ball of light HAL from the movie. I don't see why, but she did. More boring as fuck conversation giving us the information we already know. We know that the woman's name is Jan now. Jan tells Theresa that they're always watching and listening... ... to her. After reading this I am under the belief that Jan should never ever be allowed to handle any cases dealing with children ever again because she uses so many fear tactics that would absolutely terrify a child. Jan also tells Theresa that she can't talk to anybody or tell anyone about HAL. I don't know about you all, but when I was younger, and someone told me not to tell anybody about something that involved me, I really wanted to tell someone about that thing. More boring as shit exposition that's poorly written and then we jump forward a few days. This is where my suspicions about Norman loving being super precise with numbers were confirmed. He also goes into way too much detail about gardening and weed pulling. Anyways, this is where we learn that Theresa has an aimbot basically. She woke up with a small orange dot in the center of her vision and automatically assumed it had something to with HAL. But she learns it's an aimbot because she can throw rocks and hit a watering can no... ...matter how far away she is from it. She then says it has no use, but I think Norman means that it has no practical use. It has plenty of uses, just not many can be applied to everyday life. Pretty quickly after Theresa finds out she has an aimbot she wants to play baseball with a neighbor boy so she goes to his house and talks to his mom asking to play with him. Except Norman doesn't write 'his mom', no, Norman writes 'The mother.' The Mother. The one true mother of all mothers. The queen of mothers. The mother that all mothers descended from. She is THE Mother. Aside from calling her 'The Mother' over and over again, Theresa tosses the baseball back and forth and doesn't miss no matter what. She comments constantly on how bad Tommy (the neighbor kid) is at this. Eventually Tommy's dad (referred to as 'The dad')... The Dad. The one true dad. The one Dad to rule them all. The Dad that all Dad's descend from. He is the ultimate Dad. He is THE Dad. ... comes out and takes over for Tommy, playing baseball with Theresa. I don't know why, but this came off the wrong way when I was reading it and just didn't seem right. Norman becomes even more repetitive in his writing, "This was August and it was very hot. "Let's call it quits, Theresa" the father said. "It's getting hot."" More shit I scribbled out because it's fucking horrible. Basically so you don't have to live through the same hell I did, I'll summarize even more. Theresa gets super strength because of HAL. She knows this because she broke a steak sauce bottle white trying to open it... ... because she was eating a steak for lunch. Because ten-year-olds can cook steaks for lunch. When I was ten I could barely fucking cook macaroni and cheese for myself. This is all boring as shit but the super-strength makes Theresa want to go and talk to her priest. Father Richard, who is also referred to as Father Donoughty later on (which make me think of the name Father Dick Doughnut ngl). Anyways, Theresa doesn't think her mother could just ask Father Richard about what she didn't want to talk to her about, thinking that priests... ... are bound to secrecy. I don't think they are but I'm not religious so how the fuck would I know. Anyways, Theresa shows she has super strength and blatantly states that the priest probably thought she was possessed by a demon but after going out to talk to Jan he believes... ... otherwise. And with that conversation between Father Dick Doughnut, we get the worst dialogue of all time. So you can suffer with me this time, I'm typing it all out. "These men don't know everything. Only I do. What did Theresa say?" (Jan) "I'm not at liberty to say." (Father Dick) "It's not the usual stuff?" "It isn't." "It's critical you can tell no one. Theresa will be the first to suffer. People will come after her. They'll kidnap her, kill her, or worse." "Who are you?" "I work for the American government" "How many of you are there?" "Hundreds" "That's a lot of people." "Do you understand how important this is?" “I'm beginning to." First of all, boring as fuck. Second, what is worse than being killed? You're fucking dead. I don't think much can actually top that. Third, I don't know if he's asking how many are watching Theresa or how many are working for the gov't. Either way, stupid question. After that absolutely immersive conversation, Father Dick Doughnut says he needs to call the cardinal to have them come watch Theresa. This seems really extreme in my opinion. As far as I was aware, a cardinal has far more to take care of than one little girl... ...at one church in a town that I don't think is that big. Even a bishop probably wouldn't spend their time focusing on that and they're two steps down from a cardinal. But no, Theresa is just too fucking important. Why not just have the Pope get involved now? Or is that... ...too much for you to handle Norman? Ugh. This entire chapter just fucking sucks and it's only the first chapter. Blah, Blah, Blah, Theresa's story about an alien being inside of her is confirmed because Jan said so and she works for the 'government'. Then we get a huge fucking jump over her fifth-grade year where Theresa gets to jump from fifth grade to seventh grade because her hair started to grow in thick thanks to HAL. Apparently, this is a sign of her 'emotional maturity'. I don't see the correlation. At all. At the very end of the chapter Theresa makes the claim that there are "four hundred" people watching her and that's how many people it takes to watch someone 24/7 without being caught. That seems like bullshit to me. In fact, that seems like the fastest way to get caught. It takes maybe 4 to 8 people at most in my opinion to watch someone day and night. But no. Theresa is just too fucking important for only 4-8 people. She needs 400. I forgot to mention earlier, but only the high ranking officials know about why Theresa is being watched. As far as I'm aware, there are only about 20 high ranking officials who know why Theresa is being watched. That leaves 380 people who have no fucking clue just what the hell is going on or why they're watching an 11-year-old girl. That's absolutely absurd. Something I forgot to mention earlier is that Jan claims something came from space 7 years ago and they lost track of it. She assumes that thing is HAL. Keep that in mind 7 years ago. But the fox that Theresa's mother saw was almost 11 years ago. And the fox is what gave... ... Theresa that ball of light. Norman loves to be precise with numbers, but he can't even keep his own fucking storyline straight. This book is hell. But I will keep reading because I apparently love to torture myself.